Monday Morning Podcast - Vancouver, Eddie Murphy, Being Clean | Monday Morning Podcast 11-17-25

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Bill rambles about Vancouver, the Eddie Murphy documentary, and being clean. Squarespace:  Check out www.squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Cornbread Hemp:  Right now, Monday Morning Podcast listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to www.cornbreadhemp.com/BURR and use code BURR at checkout.  Hims:  To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.Hims.com/BURR 

Give it up for Chicago. Sebastian Manuscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st. 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos? Complete nerd. Bezos now, ripped the shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming! Sebastian Manuscalco, It Ain't Right.

Premiers November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday. November 60th, 2025. What's going on?

Oh, why? How's it going? Ah, geez. Oh, Billy's back in L.A. Go fuck yourselves. I did my last acting gig of the year. I'm fucking psyched dude I was up in fucking Vancouver

I was in Vancouver for a couple of weeks up there oh jeez very expensive city you know it's like if you took Seattle and you gave it like a sense of purpose that's what Vancouver is no I'm kidding um

Vancouver was Seattle but like it definitely looks like a little bit like a Godzilla movie you know what I mean? There's a big Asian population there and I think that it influenced the architecture in a good way but I've been watching a lot of Godzilla movies lately because my son got a Godzilla action figure thing

and he didn't know what it was he thought it was like a dinosaur I'm like dude it's not a dinosaur Godzilla is Godzilla like Lenny Bruce is like I'm not a comedian I'm Lenny Bruce like Godzilla's like I'm not a dinosaur I'm Godzilla like that's what I'm saying right out of the gate a fucking minute into this podcast what I said it I'll say it again you know people think they they've disrupting everything um that's right fucking Godzilla's not a dinosaur come at me bro and all this other dumb shit that people people say on the internet. I can't come at you. I don't know who you are. I don't know where you are. Maybe that's the joke, right?

Is that what the joke is? People are acting like they're being tough, even though they're hiding. Bill, maybe you could just read the comment and laugh and not be so fucking literal. Aren't you a comedian, you fucking freckled cunt? So we've been watching, yeah. So, you know, he goes to look at Godzilla,

and it's the modern shit. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. no no we're not doing this modern godzilla shit fucking cg i it's not even there a bunch of actors staring at tennis balls going oh oh godzilla no fuck that fuck that i want original godzilla a five foot six japanese guy in a fucking barney the dinosaur suit stomping on a little city that's what the fuck we're starting with. And we did. It was the one where it was robot Godzilla. We watched it last night. Robot Godzilla versus this robot Godzilla that only worked if they killed this woman and turned

her into a robot. And then somehow she's also still a person because she can cry in the end, which she did. I got to give it up to her. She got there. You know, it was a great acting performer. I did not expect that level of acting in a Godzilla movie. There's also a dude in there that's sort of a nod to Albert Einstein, I felt. And then there's one guy, he's wearing this gray three-piece suit with this killer black and white tie. And I just kept saying, De Nia, we had movie night last night. I kept going, look at that fucking suit. He had the Jack Lord Hawaii 5-0 haircut. All the guys in the thing had that. So anyway, we watched that Godzilla. And then there was also another sort of dinosaur-looking thing. The thing was weird. It was like

talk all this shit, and then when Godzilla would come to it, it would turn its back on Godzilla and, like, add this extra thing with its tail, like a sail, and it would start, like, fucking basically twerking sideways, which would create such like a, it was like the butterfly flapping its wings, except it was a dinosaur, and Godzilla would, like, roll away. It was fucking fantastic. And I used to watch all of those movies, Godzilla versus Gamera, Godzilla versus the smog monster. They used to have this thing on WLVI, TV 56 in Boston, Massachusetts, great of Boston, too. And it was called Creature Feature on Saturdays.

Saturdays, and I saw all, you know, the 50 foot, attack of the 50 foot man or whatever. Creature from the Black Lagoon, all of that shit. Frankenstein, Dracula movie. werewolf movies and then they were really popular and then creature feature became creature double feature creature creature double feature on a sad day so i would watch cartoons all morning um and then in the afternoon you i would i would watch one of those creature feature movies um and they always have like a host do they have a host i can't remember i got to look that's like some shit you know when you're feeling like nostalgic

you just look it up and somebody somehow taped it and fucking posted it and you just think like who who taped that and there's no way the person who actually well i watched it but i didn't have the ability to tape is whoever taped it had to at least be 20 years old 50 years ago they're probably dead and some kid went through their VHSS tapes and just posted all of it it's amazing um anyway so i was up there i got to give a shout out some to some places where um i went and i got coffee all right these were the three best places and they all treated me great and all of their coffee was fucking delicious over there let me get them okay there was uh nepotism um there was revolver was fantastic i went to uh

Timberlin oh hang on a second and then the last one the last one was O-I-D-E which interestingly enough is high in Japanese and they just were not fucking around they had like two things on the menu and espresso and then like espresso with coffee like and just like it was just no bullshit they built their own furniture. There was a couple of quescents, but other than that, they just did coffee, and that was amazing. And I have to tell you, on Hastings and the greater area of Hastings, all of those fucking junkies, everybody doing, what are they called, the Feddy fold, the Fentanyl fold, that was fucking heartbreaking to see all of that stuff. I just kept thinking like that's somebody's daughter, that's somebody's son or brother, father, mother or whatever. It's a fucking epidemic, man. A lot of people, a lot of people in pain doing that shit to their body.

Fuck. And it was like raining the whole week and these fucking people are outside. Dude, there was a guy nodding off in the middle of the street. Like we had red light and he was trying to make his way across the street and he didn't get there. And then people started driving. I had to put the window down.

I said, hey, buddy, you're in the street. Get on the sidewalk. Fucking. Shit was fucking bananas. But I will tell you this, though. When we got outside of that, I saw a little bit of the little Italy area. I went down, I guess, the peninsula south of the main downtown area.

I went over there when I went to that coffee shop, that O-I-D-E coffee shop, and then the first day when I did the fitting and all of that to see, you know, what clothes you're going to wear, what costume you're going to have for your shoot. I was in the north of the city, that one, went over the bridge and everything, but what a beautiful goddamn city and great people. And I hope all those people get off drugs, or I hope they do something to help these people get off drugs because, dude, it was fucking bananas.

Like, it had me looking up, like, how to fuck can you stay in that position? Like, how come your legs don't give out, too? And it wasn't like a heroin, the heroin lean. You know, heroin lean was always sort of like bend at the knees and start to go down and then you would always go come back up again. This is just folded over at the fucking waist. um like the beginning of yoga class i mean i i don't know i've never seen anything uh like that and that includes downtown l a i mean this shit was like miles and miles and miles of this shit um

but having said that it's also a really expensive city to live in and um the food was fucking fantastic the coffee was great and the people were great i went to a diner that i liked up there too called um templeman i remembered that because that was the same name of the producer on the van halen records early on ted templman templeman diner which was hilarious um i went there a couple times and um the second time i went there I was across the street because I wasn't quite sure where it was. I got the hiccups again.

I eat too fast. Anyway, and I looked, and I didn't realize that it's right next to an adult video store and it has this sign in the window you know, like since 1975, 50 years, the number one adult video shop in Vancouver. It was, it was pretty amazing. I was kind of like, well, you guys must, so that you've gone through, like, from

peep shows to VHS tapes to contemplating laser disc. Like, is it going to, is this the way we go? Then to DVD. And then to, like, digital to, like, I don't know what they're, I don't know what they're renting now. To sort of all of that stuff for, like, the, uh, The hipster in-cell. It likes to consume their porn. I have to be honest with you, the fucking in-cell thing,

I mean, just call yourselves what you are. Just call yourselves quitters. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. You're just going to tap out? You're going to tap out and blame pussy? How are you going to blame pussy when you don't even have it in your fucking life? What the, what the, I actually think some of the shit that they say as misogynistic as some of the shit that I've said on stage, like it's like the in-cells, like how they view women. Like if there was a comedian version of that before I went on stage, I would be in the back of the club pacing going, I can't follow this.

I mean, I make fun of women, but at the end of the day, I fucking love them. So I like to think that that's underneath the bullshit that I'm saying. Or you understand that the issue has nothing to do with them. It's really me, just projecting my bullshit onto them. But their shit, my God. I would even say the people of Saudi Arabia would be like, hey, man, fucking take it easy a little. That's what I've learned.

I will never forget that lesson that I learned in 2025. Sell them missiles. Do not tell them jokes. You will be just fine. You will have no problem with the people that care. Anyway, I'm finally. passed my uh phantom limb here with the uh with the no baseball take me out to the ball game take me out to the crowd bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth game seven of the fucking world series how did

you not score he couldn't get out of his fucking glove and then he threw it home a little off the plate but the guy got his spike on the fucking plate before you scored I just pictured Joe Carter watching that game going, Why don't you just hit a fucking home run and end this thing? If somebody just hit a fucking home run, then no one would be whining about the fucking, the third base coach or the guy on third. Why was his fucking lead social?

Because it's fucking game seven. And you don't want to get picked off a third base. You don't want to get caught in a rundown. You don't want to make the final fucking out. You don't want to do that shit. Because the third base coach. and all those other cunts couldn't hit a fucking home run

and they didn't. Dude, you know what I would have done? You know what I would have done after that ninth inning if I was a blue jay in the bottom of the 10th? I just would have hit a fucking home run. We were shooting at one point in this, that's what they say in the business.

When we were on set, we were walking by, we were shooting on a college campus and there was this music room. These kids were jamming down there, you know, kid on drums, guitar, and, you know, every other instrument you could think of. And then, like, the last day I was there, they had this juggling class. I would fucking do that in a second.

First of all, learn how to juggle bowling pins, but then to do it with, like, somebody else to learn how to do that shit, that's good for your brain. Like, if I was, like, running some halfway house for fucking recovered, like, fentifold old people, you know? who had no back muscles whatsoever, but the most flexible hamstrings in the business, I would, like, let's get some of you, let's get your brains back here, all right? We're all going to go up to the plate.

We're going to bat left-handed, and then we're going to learn out of juggle. That's what we're doing today. I don't want to. Yeah, you want to go back on the street and fold in half like a fucking lawn chair? I didn't think so. Pick up your bowling piss!

It's like he was helping them, but it was also abusive. So it was kind of, you know, I don't know. Some days I used to leave work thinking, like, I think with Bill was a little hard on those fentyfold old people. You know, there was the greatest generation. Will this be like the most wasted generation? I don't know. Sorry, bad joke. It's a bad joke.

What do you want for me? The Pats win again. Patriots eight in a row. Boston Bruins fucking eight in a row. I don't know what we did with that last game. It's a good time. It's a good time, you know. Jason Tatum out for the year. Whatever. What am I going to complain? Yes. What am I going to bitch? Of course.

What am I going to bring somebody down with my negative attitude? Absolutely. It's what I do. It's what I do. It's why I'm here. You know, and that's such like an uplifting. It's a powerful moment when you realize what your destiny is. I'm here to ruin your brunch with my comments. That's why God made me. God looked down on the earth, and he anticipated brunch coming.

Because when I was born, Bado, bado, bado, boo, back in 1960s, um, there was no, I don't think there was any brunch. I don't think brunch existed. you know what they just remind me of i watched that eddie murphy documentary last night that guy is so fucking ridiculously talented okay not only like you know oscar level actor one of the greatest comedians of all time one of the greatest

impressionists of all time and when he does voices it's like mel blank well you don't he comments he goes you don't hear my voice in it at all and there's this thing towards he's playing like blues guitar and like he's singing in this voice he sounds like john lee hooker like somewhere around that like range and it doesn't sound like him at all he sounds fucking incredible um it was just it was an incredible documentary because I've seen his whole career. I think I kind of missed 1980. I was only 12 when he got on S&L. So I wasn't up that late, but I remember I was, I started buying comedy albums. And I had bought like the Richard Pryor ones. Then I went to

George Carlin. And then Eddie Murphy had this album that came out. It had two different album covers. I had it on vinyl. And on the vinyl one, he was smiling he had a rose behind his ear and then like i feel like they re-released it after he blew up it might have been recorded at the comic strip too i'm not sure i forget um i got that album still somewhere somewhere around here um so whenever that was and i remember being in seventh grade, like in 1982 or something like that, and being in my math class, I still remember this, and I remember I had memorized

because I listened to it so many times. He was doing, he did a bit about, you know, somebody getting hit by a car in Brooklyn and some, you know, crazy homeless guy who didn't see it but pretended like he saw the whole thing. Oh shit, God, I seat it. I seen it. I seen the whole thing. I remember I saw it. I remember I had the whole fucking bit down and I was doing it and making this kid laugh his ass off. I was just telling him the bit. And yeah, I told you guys that. I used to fucking do my paper route in the morning. And I would be doing the routines out loud on my bike, pretending I was in front of my whole school on stage. and for some reason I still wasn't able to be like

hey Bill maybe that means you want to be a comedian but it didn't seem possible it's not like you guys with your goddamn camera phones and your video and all of that shit it was just like you know

the only person that had a camera was like your dad or your mom you know and they broke it out like twice a year like once on your birthday and once on Christmas and maybe I don't know

if you had like a fucking a barbecue or some shit they would take it very, oh, your grandparents came to town. All right, everybody, let's gather around, take a picture. The film would sit in the camera for like a year and a half, and then finally you'd get through the roll, then they'd get it developed,

and then you'd have to take out a projector, put this, let's do slide, like one of those little machines. And you press the button and go, and it'd come like a fucking viewmaster. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is I'm fucking old. So to sit down and watch that, thing and have them slowly go through like his his childhood and then take you through his whole career

was really amazing and uh of course you know one of my favorite parts was when he talks about charlie even though i thought i wanted them to talk longer about it but um just seeing charlie and watching him telling those stories that guy was so goddamn funny and so much of what made charlie murphy funny was him just being charlie murphy like he wasn't so many times i remember he would tell me something and he was telling it to me sincerely and i would just be on the ground laughing and then he would then he would laugh he would sort of think about what he's like the way i was laughing it would kind of make him think about what he just said but um I am so thankful for that

that Dave and Neil got me on Chappelle's show and then I met him and then Donnell came up with that idea for the Rich Bitch Tour for us all to go out and that's how I became friends with him and out of all this shit in my career all the fucking people I've met

Charlie Murphy is at the top of the list as far as just like like one of the coolest, most interesting, just like characters I've ever met in my life. And I still miss that guy. Anyway, so it was great to see him in that and Eddie talking about him and all that, even though it was like, you know, sad hearing him say that he missed his brother, obviously. But it was just cool to just to hear his voice and hear him telling those stories.

I have like that was another thing too is you guys you know you got the the the the Charlie Murphy true Hollywood stories like I I have six other ones that they never that I can still remember that he told me um you know that there's obviously his story so I'm not going to tell them but like we would be like you know in the car riding to the gig and he would just start telling these fucking stories and I would just start telling these fucking stories and I would just it was so fucking surreal and I was just like that wasn't one of the most surreal times of my life where I had done the show and I came on in the second season so it was just starting right before it blew up the Chappelle show and I remember walking down the street and I was in the first time

I heard people quoting the show and I was walking behind them and they were quoting something that I was on set and saw Dave say like six months earlier, and then it came out, and then they were doing it. Oh, I told you that. I was at Bonnaroo in Tennessee. We were doing stand-up there. Oh, my God, that gig fucking sucked. I mean, it was good money and everything,

but, like, they had stand-up in this air-conditioned tent. It was the only thing that was air-conditioning, and it was fucking hot as hell. You know, all these kids had party too much, took too much of this. or whatever, smoked too much of that. And so many of them went into the air-conditioned tent to just recover. So the place was like packed, but nobody was fucking listening.

People like sunstroke or whatever the fuck they smoked or did. And you just be in there. It was me. Voss was hosting. And, oh, God, just eating your fucking balls. So anyways, later on that night. I went to go see this band Praxis or something like that. I had Bernie Ruel, rest of soul, was on keys.

Brain was on drums, and I forget who else was there. I just wanted to see this band. And I'm waiting, okay? And when this giant tent at night, and the fucking lights go down and, you know, people anticipating that the band's going to come. and I just hear this somebody yelled out what

and then somebody else on the other side goes yeah and then the last person somebody else goes okay and I literally got chills I was I can't fucking believe this

this is crazy so anyway so fast forward then the show blows up then we go to do the tour giving you guy the whole history here and um you know obviously the rick james sketch was immediately legendary and as people were reacting to that we were on tour and i would be in the car with charlie and he would tell another crazy story from the 80s back when eddie was doing whatever like

the golden child or trading places or uh beverly hills cop was fucking it was amazing because nobody knew who the fuck I was at all. Like I remember when I was on that tour, people used to always come up to me. Hey, good said, I, you know, are you from Atlanta, you know, or are you a writer on the show? They had no idea who the fuck I was. So I kind of felt like the whole time I was on that tour or on that show, I kind of felt like I had won like some like radio content.

like the fifth, you know, the fifth collar is going to get to ride to the gig with some of the guys from the Chappelle show. Like, that's, that's literally what it felt like. But anyway, it's on Netflix. If you guys get a chance to watch it, I mean, he's truly, you know, like a, I can't even say once every 50 years because he's in his 60s and there's still yet to be another Eddie Murray. like that level of all of those gifts in one guy I would say the closest I would say would be Jamie Fox like Jamie's musical ability and his fucking impressions are just like like you ever just click on a video that guy doing the people that he can imitate like he imitates people nobody imitates and he it's dead fucking on um

Anyway. All right, I got to read some advertising here for the podcast. Where are we? Oh, Jesus. I am in airplane mode. Am I in airplane mode? People, don't you hate it when you need to read your fucking shit and you're in airplane mode? All right. Here, what are we got here? The live reads. And you're not going to load, are you? You're not going to load because I'm in airplane mode and then I'm going to take airplane mode off and then somebody's going to call me, then it's going to fuck the podcast. All right, here we go. Look who it is, everybody. Oh, Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything

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Safety information. Give it up for Chicago. Sebastian Manuscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st. 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos? Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped the shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming. Sebastian Manascalco, it ain't right. Premiers November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Terms apply. All right. With that, I have to hit pause here, because I got to go do some business shit, and then I'll fucking finish. It doesn't matter to you guys, because I'm just going to edit it together. And it's all going to be good. It's all going to be good. It's all good, as the kids say. Maybe I can answer one question.

We'll do one question. Should we do one question? Hey, man, how about one question? Where are the questions? Where are the questions? Oh, fuck. I'm the worst. I had it, and then I closed it,

and now I have to reopen it. There it is. Okay, what do we got here? Response to Thursday podcast. Dear Billy Belugahead. The old white whale Moby Dick Dick, Dick, Dick

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-da-wa-da-wa-a-wa-a-wa-a- I'm writing in response to when you asked what groups need to go in the vans here are my top three. All right, so this is my thing. Donald Trump with his ice vans. It's not a bad idea. He just needs to put the right people in it.

So I'm asking you guys, if you had Donald Trump's power If you had a fleet of vans All right I want you to get into your patriotic self Like what do you think would make the day to day better for this country Who would you put in the vans

All right this is a good one All right this person starts So number one The coworker who complains about you Not doing enough to your boss Despite being a lazy piece of shit Themself Oh the brown noser

I like this brown vans for the brown noses the type of co-worker who always thinks they're doing more than everyone else and uses that to justify being lazy exactly they spend most of their time fucking telling on people that's what you got to say to him and just be hey fuck hey fuck face that's how you talk to somebody who doesn't fucking respect

you at all you go fuck face ass face anything insulting with face you know like I can't even see you as a person douche face a cuntie you know maybe if you if you worked as hard at your job as you do as telling on people you fucking brown noser oh my god brown nosers wow that would fucking that would ease traffic in the morning if every brown noser was stuck in a van and taking the fucking alligator alcatraz um

even the alligators would just be looking at them like shaking the heads that's that's one of the most shameful one of the most shameful you know what's funny to you but i i do appreciate a kiss ass that just owns up to it as long as they're not fucking you you know bad mouth in you that's like a hard person to make fun of the person you're like dude you're such a fucking brown nose and piece of shit oh absolutely i'm the worst and then they smile and laugh and they run on the joke too and then like it's like now what do i do You're laughing at yourself.

All right, number two, people who believe in new age spirituality, but not all of them. Only the ones that preach compassion but are still actual selfish ass hats. That's one of my favorite characters out there, the toxic spiritual person. There's a bunch of fucking whores on the social medias that are doing that. You guys, just try to remember, you know, and they're holding the camera above them and showing off their fucking ass. and their fucking, you know, yoga pants up their fucking twats. It's like, this has nothing to do with you trying to make sure I have a better day. This is about you fucking showing me how beautiful and hot you are.

And you're also just like in tune with the world and fucking shut up with your repurposed advice. Anyway, only the ones that preach compassion but are still actual selfish ass hats. The type that acts like they've achieved enlightenment when really all. All they've done is discovered that other people have feelings, too. Finance executives, need I say more? No, you don't. Love your work. Keep it up.

And that bald head oiled. I love my bald head. You know what's great about having a shaved head? You're always ready to go. You know what I mean? All you got to do is just throw on a fucking nice clean shirt. some pants, brush your teeth, and then just start active listening. And you're right out the door.

All of these fucking people, they're flying all the way to Turkey. I get flying to Turkey to experience the culture. Maybe go to the Istanbul Symbol factory. Maybe have some of the best coffee in the fucking world. I get all of that. But to go over there and to have your hair vacuumed out of the back of your head and then restapled onto your head and then restapled onto your head and then fly the entire way back to the U.S., looking like you just fought in the fucking civil war.

You ever seen those pictures? They're all fucking bandaged up and shit on the flight back. It's unreal. I've heard this like women fly. They fly back from fucking Brazil after getting a butt lift, and they have to sit backwards on their fucking knees. Just do some squats, do the best you can, you know? Like, I don't understand. Like, there was somebody got caught because they fucking, they killed somebody.

And then they threw them in like the chemicals, the big vat of chemicals, like on Breaking Bad. And their whole body dissolved, but they had fake tits and the fucking, the fake tit bags were still floating in there. And there was a barcode on there. Think about that for a second. They threw you, they throw your body into a fucking, an oil drum of chemicals that dissolves your whole body, including your bones and your skull. but that fucking fake titty bag and the serial number still survived and you can still read the fucking number. You're going to put that in your body? Jesus Christ, people.

All right? There's nothing wrong with little titties. I'll tell you what, there is a problem, though, we're putting a bag of chemicals. Don't they just vacuum fat out of your ass now? Oh, my God. Like, what if you have too flat of ass, you can't get the fucking titties?

They don't have enough fat in there. Then what do they do? You know? I don't know. It's a fucking crazy thing. That was me. I had like a little bit of alopecia in the back of my head because I lived in fight or flight my whole fucking life.

I was a lunatic. The first 30 years of my life, I was just fucking waiting for the other shoe to drop. So even if I wanted to get hair plugs, I couldn't. Because the donors were all gone. It was a fucking barren wasteland. I'm the male version of a chick with the flat ass that wants to take her ass.

ass fat and put it into her fucking titties. It's just like, you just don't have any. How's that for being spiritual? All right, I've got to handle this shit, and then I'll finish this podcast. All right, here we go. Look at the, look at the, oh, would you look at the next one? Speak of the Devil.

Vancouver, drug history. Hey, Billy, brushless. I don't know what that means. Does that mean I don't own a brush because I'm bald? that's fucking funny all right hey billy brushless the brushless wonder uh here's a quick bit of history on how vancouver got that way with drugs or at least one of the main factors my source is a woman i dated briefly whose dad is in prison for life and was a relatively

high-level dealer she said that years ago the vancouver police basically put the word out that as long as the dealers stayed in East Vancouver, right around Chinatown, they pretty much let them operate freely, just as long as they stayed out of the other neighborhoods to keep property values up. It, air quote, worked. The nice neighborhoods stayed nice. The poorest neighborhoods got overrun, and that was before fentanyl hit, and put the whole thing on fast forward. It's similar to what happened sorry I didn't bring my glasses it's similar to what happened in a lot of cities but according to her they were way more explicit about the policy she told me some wild

stories about her dad and god damn that's a scary man uh we didn't go out again after she mentioned that sometimes he'd have her followed on dates in order to keep tabs on her from prison thanks for the podcast and go paradiddle yourself Dude, I felt like you just started to get into the history of it. It's really fascinating, but it's heartbreaking to see. And I also, you know, our country, my country has the same issues. And I just can't imagine what kind of pain you're in that you would do drugs that do that type of stuff to your body, man. I mean, it was like, it was just the positions that they were, like, knotted off in where it was painful to look at.

Anyway, but everybody's on the wheel. Everybody's running on the wheel and they don't have fucking time to stop. That's the thing about running on the wheels. If you stop, the way the game is set up is, do you stop to pull somebody up that fell down? You just get run over two, it feels. Um, or maybe that's the perception. Who knows? Anyway, ex-wife bought kid phone to spite me. Oh, man. Yeah, that's, that's a really, uh, bad place to be emotionally when you use your kid to get back at your kid's other parent. That's not, never a good thing. Hey, Billy Ballbag, big fan. I caught you a few years back at a casino

in San Diego. Don't know if you have ever been in the bar after one of your shows, but it's a trip. One of your degenerate fans on one side of the bar would yell zip, and from the other end of the bar, people would respond, Recruiter! Classic. Oh, that's cool. I had no idea. All right. Anyhow, about a decade ago, I split from my ex-wife. She was injured and became hooked on pain pills. I did everything I could to get my two daughters, but it's California, so fuck me. About five years ago, so you got shared custody. About five years ago, she announced she was moving to Austin with them. Again, California, so fuck me. This sucked because I am a super involved father. Weekend campouts, coach little league, the whole nine yards. My oldest, 14, had a phone for a while

now, which makes communication easier, but she's totally addicted to it. About a year ago, I got a call from a random number that I didn't pick up. Turns out it was my eight-year-old. My cunt ex-mother-in-law is a Disneyland grandma who buys them shit in place of creating memories. No conversation, no thought of what that will do to her brain, no guardrails in place. My ex uses the phone like a fucking nanny. Yeah, well, she's doing drugs, yeah. She's also a total narcissist, so any conversation about this would have ended in her screaming into the phone in front of my kids and communication being shut down. Yeah, it's fucking impossible.

If I told you how many people I know that are married to or just got divorced from a fucking narcissist and then like, no matter what, no matter what, they'll, no matter how much the math is against them, they will figure out a way where they are the victim, always. It's like that Charlie Kirk shit. it was literally a white dude killed a white dude that was fucking in-house and somehow they were like we are going to figure out a fucking way to blame non-white people and by the end of it white people down on the beach one of those fucking racist beach towns in california here that everybody thinks it's so fucking liberal they were on the fucking the beach town chanting white man fight back

that was their protest about a white guy killed a white guy fight back against what other white people like it was just like the level of fucking hate you have to have for non-white people to somehow still blame a non-white person when a white person killed another white person

is fucking beyond me anyways this person says I'm big into analog shit I live in the redwoods and we fish and hike in our outdoors a lot I had to take their phones at night because they would air quote go to bed and then play on them until three in the morning. To be fair, I'd probably be doing the same thing at their age.

When they are here for Christmas in the summer, my wife and I set boundaries and limit time. What do you think, Billy Boy, do I try to talk to my ex about this or let sleeping dogs lie? Love to you and the fam and go fuck yourself. Lobster Britches. P.S. Go Celtics. It's a narcissist, dude.

There's nothing you can do. It would be hard enough if you were living with her. The fact that she's not, you guys aren't together, more and she lives half a country away. There's really nothing you can do. And if I've learned anything about a narcissist, if you want them to go right, tell them to go left. I mean, I'm not saying to tell them to, they need to use their phones more, which probably would work. She would probably take them away, but that's too much of a gamble with your kids' brains. I would think with shared custody, you get them half the time. Half the time, you just teach them the other way.

and, you know, I don't know, that's heartbreaking shit. It's bad enough. The kids went through a divorce, but they have the narcissist. But I really do believe that in the end, the kids figure out, you know, who's the human being and who is just the mentally ill person in the relationship. and then you can kind of fucking, you know, move on from there, I guess. Oh, God. Yeah, dude, that is just the worst case scenario. And there's so many people in that situation where it's like they have shared custody

and the other parent is just wildly irresponsible. And the level that the court system kind of seems to be not able to help in those situations, especially if it's a female that is doing something wrong. I just feel that. I just feel that like the guy is an easy belief. Like he's drinking too much. He's violent. He has a temper bubble.

They're going to buy all of that. But the other, oh, she's a narcissist and is buying them phones just to spite me and is using the phone as a baby. None of it. They're not going to care because I think that we're all sort of getting. pigs with the internet phones and screen time and all of that shit and i really feel like the same way people are folded over at the waist you know doing that that drug shit like eventually um somewhere on the addiction spectrum and as far as like this is bad for your health your

quality of life and the duration of your life will be the level of screen time um and what it's doing to your brain and like the cognitive disease and shit. I know it's not doing anything good for your brain. Can't be. All right. Rats and friends. Hey, Billy the cheese whisperer. How you doing, man?

I'm writing this because I'm losing my damn mind and apparently my office is too. So here's the deal. I started this office with a bunch of filmmaking buddies. Great bunch of guys and girls, super passionate, big dreams, all that. But apparently they all think that we are living in the deleted scene. from train spotting. These dudes treat the place like a crime scene. Use cups, plates, snack wrappers.

It's disgusting. Now, I'll admit that I'm kind of a neat freak, but come on, I'm not asking from us. Just basic civilization. Water the plants, throw your cups, maybe flush, you know, the fundamentals. Dude, now, you have Stockholm syndrome if you think there's the fact that you're not a neat freak,

you're a fucking adult. The guy goes on to say, anyway, I got sick of this mess and hired a maid to clean the place. She does an amazing job, but she just took a two-week leave, and suddenly it's like the apocalypse. The office went from creative workspace to abandon subway platform. I told everyone on a group check, let's take turns cleaning up. They all go, yeah, totally.

Then nobody does. Not a dish, not a wipe, nothing. And then because karma's got a sense of humor, we discovered that there's a rat in the balcony. Oh, like the fucking departed. where the fuck am i here i just lost my place because this guy was backing up i thought he's gonna back into the front of my car here um but blah blah blah blah blah blah next morning okay one rat i thought i set up a glue trap with some poison bait next morning six six rats it's like they invited their cousin over for a farewell party now here's where i lose it nobody wants to throw out the trap

everyone's suddenly squeamish. No, I can't. That's disgusting. Oh, really? You can leave your coffee cup in the sink for a week, but a dead rat is where you draw the line. So now on the person who cleans, sets traps, deals with rotters and still gets labeled the uptight one. What do I do, Bill? How do I make these people take some damn responsibility without turning into the office dictator? I just want them to act like adults, not roommates from a frat movie. Anyway, love the podcast. Thanks for being my emotional janitor. I would tell him what you just said. It's just say, you guys, I've asked you nicely a bunch of times, I'm picking up after you. I'm not your, your mother. And then we have rats in here because you're not throwing out your shit, and then none of you guys throw out the fucking dead rats. Okay, forgive me, but I feel like you're taking advantage of me. I don't want to be the office hard ass, and you guys are all saying that I'm fucking up tight. Here's one for you.

You guys are a bunch of fucking animals. See, I would lose my shit. after a while. I'm cleaning up after you and you're fucking acting like there's something wrong with me. Yeah, I remember that shit. I remember that shit. In the 90s, they called it anal retentive. Your anal retentive.

No, no, no, no, I'm an adult. I don't wipe food off onto the floor and then leave it there and then come home to a bunch of fucking roaches looking like they're at Coachella. I would say the usual. Just say what you have to say and don't lose your fucking temper. As always, it's one of the hardest things about actually,

one of the hardest things about being right is having to explain to the person that's wrong and hoping that they're somehow going to retain the information. Not only do you have to deal with their bullshit, you now have to figure out a way, take time out of your fucking day to figure out.

how to convey the information to this other person that is fucking you over, convey the information in a way that won't be upsetting to them. You know, you actually have to consider them while they have no consideration for you. I mean, that's, that's really at the end of the day, you know, what takes years off the fucking odometer anyway I got to go into this meeting thank you guys for listening

thank you for the acting work that I just got up in Vancouver thank you to everybody in Vancouver I had a great time everybody down there on Skid Row I hope you clean up get your fucking life back thanks for all the food

and the cups of coffee I had probably the best time I've had on any acting gig and I've had a great time over the years So I'll let you guys know whenever that project is completed and whenever it comes out. And with that, old Billy Freckles is, no more road dates. Well, I mean, I got one up in Bakersfield, but that's up and done. No biggie.

But anyway, it's been another great year and did a bunch of acting this year. And now I'm ready to get back into stand-up. I'm doing the fucking whiskey go-go on sunset. that I've never played there. I've seen a bunch of shows there. Last time I was there, I saw Def Leopard do their warm-up gig before they were going either back out

or starting out on that baseball tour that they did with Joan Jet Poison and Motley Crew. And I love their show. And they just have a great vibe. Like they, you know, no dumb stuff. No spinal tap shit. They're up there, it's business. You know what I mean?

They're having a good time. they know you paid to see a show and they're going to give you one and everybody is in shape and dialed in and they fucking murdered they fucking murdered and uh i remember i saw them in like 1988 in reynolds coliseum on the hysteria tour uh with tesla opening up i believe on that leg and uh i hadn't seen him since you know i broke a few years after that i got in to stand up and I went from seeing concerts all the time to very rarely seeing them because I was working on Friday and Saturday nights, you know?

And I was also afraid to take a night off that, you know, I could have my big break but I went out to go see fucking, you know, whoever, right? So anyway, it's an honor to go down there. Another time I went down there, I saw Stephen Adler's band. I've seen a bunch of people down there. It's just, it's a fucking legendary place. And I'm going to go down there

and shake the rust off. Going down there with fucking Dean Del Rey, baby. We're going to have a good time. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check it on you on Thursday.