Monday Morning Podcast - Walking Pneumonia, Rhode Island, Knicks | Monday Morning Podcast 6-15-26

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Bill rambles about walking pneumonia, Rhode Island, and the championship Knicks.Quo: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURRCashApp: New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code FAMILY10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 daysPolicyGenius: Head to http://www.policygenius.com/BILLBURR to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. That's http://www.policygenius.com/BILLBURR JackArcher: Go to Jack Archer dot com, and use promo code GETJACK for 15% off your first order, and see why thousands of people have given the Jetsetter Tech pant five stars.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 15th, 2020. Six, six, six. What's going on? How are you? How's it going, everybody?

Oh, guess what? You know this fucking thing that I, this cold I've had for like a month that then I just self-diagnosed? I must have picked up some sort of fucking virus. Do I get COVID? Do I need to go, yeah, it turns out I have walking pneumonia. I got the walking pneumonia and the boogie, boogie. Um, so it's a little bit of that.

I'm an antibiotic. And I'm contagious, evidently. So I've been masking it up. You know, were you a fucking snowflake? You know what's funny about this? We just want to think it can't get any more bro-y, ignorant, or overtly racist. It just goes to another fucking level. It just goes to another level.

It's just such fucking cringy. I can't, I don't even, it's just fucking so fucking stupid. It's the dumbest shit ever. All these white guys excited that, you know, they've retaken the country that they never lost. Yeah, bro. Yeah.

It's even infiltrated the arts, which you can't, I just cannot believe. We used to be like the fucking good guys, right? The guys used to fucking make fun of everything, you know, rather than picking a side. Anyway, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? You know, it's all God's fault.

God makes us in his image. And evidently, he is a fucking tortured, fucked up individual. Anyway, yeah, so I got the walk in pneumonia in the boogie-wuggy flu. so I'm on an antibiotic and then there's all this other fucking shit I'm supposed to be taken most of this over-the-counter kind of stuff so I'm just crushing the waters

I want to thank everybody that came out to Paw Tucket this is going to be a short podcast because I'm not going to fucking sit here hacking in your goddamn ears I did Paw Tucket played a soccer stadium there that's the first time they had

and I want to thank everybody for coming out I apologize for the logistics of it and the parking and all that. That was the first time they ever did something like that. So, you know, they're working the bugs out of it. But it was so fun to be back there, man. I stayed in the North End like I always do in North End of Boston. And I just have so many fucking memories that come flooding back when I'm there. You know, first off in Rhode Island, you know, John Perrata, what's going on, brother?

He fucking came out to the show. He used to book me, as I mentioned, Perry Winkles in, I think it was Cranston, Rhode Island. I can't remember. But he was the first booker that I meant that wasn't a scumbag. He was the first guy that I met, you know, that was booking new comedians that was actually a straight shooter. He told you what time the show was. He told you how much you were making.

And he said he was going to feed you. And all three of those things happened. And he was just a fucking solid dude. You know, it gave you hope. It's like, all right, man. There's some good people here. You know, as opposed to, you know, one more time I did this show at the Comedy Connection

in Providence. And I middled, right? the rest of the country calls it featuring but in uh in boston they called it middling right you're a middle act right so i fucking went up the host goes up he does his thing okay so the host gets paid such and such money the middle makes

a little more than the host and then the headliner makes headliner money so I do my gig or whatever and I get the check and they gave me host money so I called this dude up who later got busted for stealing from the club, this fucking scumbag. And I called him and I was like, dude, hey, you know,

I was the middle act on that. He gave me, he gave me host money. He goes, oh, no, no, no, no. He goes, you co-hosted. Like he invented a term. I go, what I mean I co-hosted? I didn't co-host. Co-hosts would have indicated that I went up there with the host and we did like a comedy team. He hosted, he warmed up the show, and then I went up and I did 20 minutes and then brought him

back up and that's called middling. You owe me that money. And I think he fucked me out of that money. The fat fuck. Remember two, he used to, he was a fat fuck and he used to put his eyebrows down and he's trying to like fucking, you know, it was funny. You tried to chest up with you, but his stomach would get there first. Stupid. Joe Pessie, Joe Pessie, Suitsy. you used to wear. That's not easy to say. Joe Pesci suit. Joe Pesci suit.

Yeah, you come walking up. What's the problem? You go to fucking problem? He's the kind of guy you beat with food. You know, like a big thing of hard salami. Just for the irony of it. But I had no power, so I had to just take the money.

And I remember what happened. You know, word got out. Word got out that he was fucking the middle act. So he would call you. The guy, the audacity called me back. What are you doing on June 21st? And I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm booked. And everybody just kept saying they were booked

and no one was taking the gig. So then he got fucking wise to that. So then he goes, what are your avails? He goes, what are your avails for Providence, Rhode Island? And I go, why? What do you got me down there co-hosting for a Twinkie? and he's like, oh, and then I didn't say anything. And then it's like all fucking cunts.

He tries to turn it around. He goes, oh, was it like that? Like what, dude? I didn't do anything. I went down there in middle. Do you pay me host money? I didn't create this situation. You did.

And I was just to the point, I remember I was doing Dick Dordy. Dick Dordy's rooms up and fucking drink it. I got a new room in Methuen. You got to go up there with Justin McKin. And all these guys that I fucking started out with. That's going to make me cough. I used to love with Dick Doherty would get mad. This voice went gone.

He would get all the way up there. You're fucking 20 minutes late. I pain you shit. Oh, sorry. That was a nice fucking 10-minute coughing fit. Had hit pause there. But Doherty was a good guy. He was a good guy.

but it was always like, you know, for one moment to the next, he was volatile, so you didn't know, you didn't know where it was going to go. It could have been something you did. It could have been somebody else you did something, and you were just fucking standing there. He was one of those guys. He was a character, though. Anyway, so I was just thinking of all of those gigs that I did down there.

And I remember when I first started doing the gigs down there, what I was thinking about, because I started in the 90s. I've always gone down to fucking Rhode Island. It just had memories, right? So when I used to go down there as a young comic and go down there to do stand-up, I would be thinking back to the 80s how I used to go down there to the Providence Civic Center.

You know? And I would see all these fucking metal shows. That was the first time I ever saw somebody do cocaine. Remember, I pulled up in my 83 Ford Ranger, you know, said like a 12-pack like I was a lightweight you know I was sitting there with my buddy

and we were pulling up and I still remember this guy he had like blonde hair almost like a bowl cut but it was like he got like a perm he was like growing it out but it was just a little bit below his ears and I pulled up

and he was already fucking gacked out of his mind and he came up to my window like a fucking bear I just remember that He was like, hey, she, Jason, I just remember being so thankful that I had a bench seat because I could, you know, if needed me, we both could have gone out the side door.

You know, the drugs that they had in the 80s, like you fucking punch somebody, they didn't feel anything. You know, everybody was fucking up, man. It was an up time. Woo! You know, fucking Rick Flair, Motley crew. Greed is good. It was just, everybody was just like, yeah!

That was the fucking vibes. And I kind of, you know, it's like, I'm not matching your fight. Like, nowadays, I would have matched his fucking energy, you know, on some level. Or I would have given them a look like, you know. You know that look? It's like, I'm not going to fight you, but if I have to, that look, because I don't want to escalate it, but like, you know, I was fucking little Billy Burr there. I was just like, golly, gee, I'm going to go to a rock and roll show. Like, I just, I did not have the vibe. I, you know, my face was as smooth as a baby's ass.

Like, I was, you know, so this fucking guy comes up with all this goddamn, my parents never hugged me issues and he's fucking, ah, and then I remember he got it. So this fucking, he looked like Sammy Hagar's fucking bastard child. He gets back in his car. And I remember, just like the fucking movies, they had like a little mirror, like a compact. And I saw him doing blow. And then I was like, oh, that's what that is. Because I had never, you know, I'd never seen it. So I'd never been around anybody. And, uh, I don't know what it was. I just thought it was like, this guy's fucking crazy. Um, like, fucking bite your face, Hannibal Lecter vibes. So, like, it was funny. So, like, the first 10 minutes, I'm in the,

the parking lot. Like, you know, we're sitting there with the windows up drinking our beers going like, dude, what the fuck, you know? So he goes in the car and he starts doing blow. So then that was my opportunity to get out. You know what I mean? I mean, I was never good. I mean, squaring off, I would lose a fight.

Forget about me getting out of a car. Getting jackhammered by Sammy Davis Jr., Jr. No, Sammy Hagar, Jr., Jr., right? Wrong concert. So I fucking get out. And then I got out, and I was sort of like his size. And he was like a fucking burnout. And you know those fucking kids.

It's all fucking, it's just all, I don't know what the fuck it was. But, you know, they, you know, their legs were like pencils or whatever. And then my buddy was, and he was. He wasn't Jack, but he was kind of fat. So I felt all right. I'm like, okay. I think we're okay. So we kind of just went around and we just sort of, you know, stood on the other side

of the truck and kind of drank our beers there. And I communicated him across the bed. And I just kept my energy like medium so he would feel fucking. It's like, dude, I'm not going, you know, I'm not going three octaves up, wherever the fuck you. I just like, it's one of those things, you know, it's like, dude, I just want to go see a fucking show. This is my favorite band of all time. Okay, can I just do this without getting the shit kicked out of me? Would that be okay with you and your fucking eight ball? Most of which is probably some sort of baby laxative. Sorry. Anyways, but let's get to the fucking

the show at hand here. Uh, hang on. Your fucking New York City knickerbockers, the New York Knicks. Something I didn't know if I was ever going to say in my lifetime are the 2025, 2025, 2026 NBA champions. And I got to tell you, man, that was one of the most fun fucking things I've watched in sports in a while. It's one of my favorite fucking things to see in sports.

sports, even if, you know, I don't like necessarily like the team. But I like, I've always liked the Knicks and I've always liked their fans. And I like that arena. You know, when I look at that arena, I think of the early 70s Knicks. I think about Muhammad Ali and I think about the fucking 94 Rangers, which was the first time I saw a fucking curse bro. which was 54 years, 1940 to 1994. And I just remember everybody holding up signs. I can die now and all of this shit.

And that iconic, let's go Rangers. That was so fucking iconic, everybody. It changed how people chanted for their teams. I've said that shit before. It used to be, here we go, Bruins, here we go. And they were, let's go Rangers. Now people go, let's go Bruins. It was just everybody was watching it

And fucking Mark Messier Was like He was like fucking John Wayne We're gonna win tonight I guarantee it You know Guy was He was like fucking Clint Eastwood

And then he goes And they do win And he scores the goal It was just it was amazing Um Obviously the Red Sox doing it Uh Seeing the Cubs win one

White Sox wasn't as big a deal. I don't know why. I thought like they should have got more, you know, some reason they didn't get the love, I felt like they deserve. But whatever, like, and there's nothing, too. Like, as a Patriots fans, like, I don't like the Jets, but it's not like intense.

You know, it was intense when Bill Parcells was there. It was intense when Rex Ryan was there. When the Jets are good, man, it's like, it is a good rivalry. But, like, dude, I'm, The day they win a fucking Super Bowl, I'm going to be so happy for those fans. I just think it's such a cunty thing to do to want people to stay in their misery. And, you know, not for nothing.

A lot of those Knicks fans are Yankee fans, and they used to be Chet in 1918 and all of us Red Sox fans and rubbing our face in it. And there's sports karma for that. I believe that shit. So anyway, to see them finally win it, like I've been having like the best time looking at fan reactions like die i saw this guy fucking sitting there watching the end like crying this guy probably my age and he's fucking wearing an allen houston you know nick's jersey just to fucking die hard uh i love that shit man so congratulations to them they were clearly the uh the best team in the league And also congratulations to the San Antonio Spurs.

They were a super young team, and now they got one of the best educations you can ever get, which is being that close and losing. And that fucking bitter taste, you know? I saw Spike Lee saying how, you know, the Spurs are a great team. They haven't been through the fire yet. Well, now they have. And the fire is your fucking... that abruptness when it's fucking over

and you don't have a game the next day and you were that fucking close and now you have to start all over again. You know, I feel like the Knicks learned that last year losing to the pace or so. Whatever, I just, I really enjoyed that. And I also looked up, do you know how long Spike Lee's had fucking season tickets?

You want to talk about a diehard? That guy got season tickets in 1985. Dude, that was a year before I saw ACDC on the Who Made Who Tour and saw that dude doing blow for the first time. Just think about how fucking long ago that was. Spike Lee had already had season tickets for a year. And as his career went up, his seats moved up.

And eventually he got, you know, at first he was like in the upper deck. First of all, I just have to say as a sports fan, the envy that I have of that, that this guy has basically seen all the great players of the last 40 years. I mean, when he got season tickets, Michael Jordan still had hair. He had hair and no rings.

That's how long ago that guy had tickets. So, I don't know. It was fucking awesome. And of course, my best friend in the whole world, Paul Verzi, I still haven't talked to him. He's so fucking was like, I think he fucking probably would, went out for the whole night, you know.

I think he went to the game, the clincher, and I don't know. It's, it's, I was, it was, I love that shit about sports. I really do. Or if somebody gets shit all the time and they're like, oh, they can't win the big one. You know, they're like a great player. They can't, you know, all the fat sport writers like to get on them. Like when Elway got a Super Bowl and then he got another one. You got two back to back to end his career.

Like, yeah, shut the fuck up. I love that. Any of those types of things. So anyway, oh my God, how great does it got a feel to be a Knicks fan right now? That's fucking awesome. And moving on to hockey, the NHL. Congratulations to the Carolina Hurricanes and the Vegas Knights. An incredible series.

I don't know. And Rod Brindamore. I don't know if they just figured him out. I never know exactly what they do. I was traveling a lot, so I caught highlights, but I got to catch the end of the game last night, and that's Cup number two for the Hartford Whalers slash Carolina Hurricanes. So congratulations of them and everybody on that team.

And this year's NHL playoffs, you know, I always watch the East Side. That's what I always watch, you know. And it's some of the best hockey I've seen in a while. The series were all great. Watching Montreal come, you know, rise back up again and become a force, win a couple of playoff series, get all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals. Winning game one, you're like, oh, my God, is this like fucking 1993 again?

Are they just going to keep winning all of these heart attack games? only to see Carolina show their poise and their superiority and win the next four like that is a legit fucking championship team and as always. I will say the cup presentation, can we dial it down a little bit? It's getting a little ice capades.

Jesus Christ, when the fucking dude picks up the cup and we got sparklers, hooray! I was expecting Dorothy Hamill to come out. That's still the best trophy, just because it's the same one, you know? And I don't know. Carolina's on it twice now. And you stay on the cup for 50 years.

I learned that from Joe Bartnick, because Joe Bartnick hates the Philadelphia, the Penguins fan. He hates the Flyers so much that he said every 50 years, you know, you stay on the cup for 50 years, you become part of that lower band, then they replaced the lower band or whatever, and then they put a new one on. And the flyers, there's officially no flyers on the Stanley Cup as of either this year or last year,

because the last one they won was 75, 74, 75, 50 fucking years. It's crazy. I don't know, what do you guys think about a 50-year drought? I mean, it's bad, but you got to, now that there's like 32 fucking teams, I feel like if you win one now once every 30 years, 32 years, that's average. That's literally what your odds are. You have a 1 in 32 chance or 30 chance of winning it. I think when I was coming up, there was only like 25 teams, 26 teams.

You know, that's why, you know, I feel like a lot of these teams that won a crazy amount of championships back in the day when there was like half the amount of teams. and not to mention like half the amount of playoff games. Like back in the day, like the World Series, like winning the pennant, all it was, it was the American League and the National League, and at the end of playing 159 games, whatever they played back then, whoever had the best record in both league,

if you had the best record in the American League, that was winning the pennant. And you just went to the World Series. So there was one playoff series. At the end of the regular season, the best in the National League, played the best in the American League. So the most you would play is an extra seven games in the playoffs. Now, even if you have the best record in the league, you still have to play three rounds,

potentially 21 fucking games. So I think it's way harder to win. Maybe that's why they've changed the rules of like what a dynasty is, you know, or it used to be you had to win three in a row. Then it became, you know, three and four years or whatever the fuck. I don't understand it. All the way to the point where I saw like the Chiefs, the Chiefs went to this amount of like AFC championship games in Super Bowls.

This one was like, that's a dynasty. It's like, yeah, but dude, they were losing. You know? They lost like three fucking Super Bowls, didn't they? Two or three? I don't fucking know. I don't know how the fuck you lose. I don't know, everybody has like their own takes.

Because someone was trying to rank as far as the Knicks winning. Not winning. Oh, the tipping in game four as far as like the greatest. And I love conversations like this, the greatest moment in New York sports. So they were asking Larry David. He said, I would put that up with like Bucky Dent. That was a great reference. Then he said Aaron Boone.

I didn't agree with that one, but I'm not a New York sports fan. Maybe he just hates the Red Sox that much, but it was like, yeah, but you didn't win the World Series that year. You lost to the Marlins, and then, I don't know, the Aaron Boone home run doesn't bother. It bothered me when it happened, but then the next year we won it, so it didn't get a chance to get into your soul. You know? I'm not going to lie to you. It turned me into a zombie for 12 months, but then, you know, we beat the Yankees the next year. So it was like, that was like, that was like, that was.

was a paper cut where Bucky Dent and Bill Buckner. Oh my, they may sat in there for fucking decades. Those were borderline terminal. But if I was going to say the greatest ones that I saw in New York, okay, that game four tip in and then Nick's winning it,

the giants beating the undefeated Patriots, as much as that hurt me, that was one of the great fucking moments. The Jets. And I would say Mark, Mark Messier, and them winning the cup. That was a great one. And I just have too tortured a perspective on the 86 Mets to say that that was great.

I imagine they thought it was fucking, like, whoever it was that ran across the plate for the Mets to win it, that game six, and he was like holding his head. Like he couldn't believe. I feel like that's how all Mets fans felt. Anyways, and I know Yankee fans were like really fucking excited that that happened to Red Sox fans. And that's that fucking karma, dude. That's that karma. Next thing you know, you got to wait fucking 53 years with the Knicks.

So anyways, congratulations to the Knicks. Congratulations to the Carolina Hurricanes. And, you know, just as a sports fan went out of a dog in the fight, you know, it's really enjoyable sports to watch. So I don't have to watch all this fucking ugliness. that's going on around the world and in our country. What the fuck are we doing? We're supposed to be improving his people. Don't get it.

I don't get it. All right, I'm going to do, I'm going to do some reads here, and I'm going to fucking then answer your guys' questions. Go as long as I can. Here, with the fucking walking pneumonia. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's quo.

You know, whenever, you know, I'm just going to do these advertisements. And then I'm going to call it a day. I apologize, but I just, this is how I get sick, is I just keep fucking working. That was a joke I was doing in my act Friday night when I was at that place in Pawtucket. I apologize to the crowd.

I told my head, walking pneumonia. And I said, if you don't know what that, walking pneumonia is what happens when somebody raised German, Irish gets pneumonia. They just keep working. walk around with pneumonia. It's not really true. It's like, it's the core's light of pneumonia. All right, quote, you know when everyone on your team thinks someone else handled it? The call, the text, the follow up, it's like that Spider-Man meme where they're all pointing at

each other. Meanwhile, the customer's just sitting there like, uh, hello, that's how you quietly lose business. So yeah, at a certain point, it's like, let's fucking quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled QUO, the business communication system built so you never miss a, there's no word there. Now, your entire team can handle calls and texts for one shared number so no more messages or drop conversation. Everyone sees the full thread replies are faster and customers actually feel taken care of. Calls, text, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all in one clean view so your team always had the full picture and can show up for every customer conversation. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Try Quo. Quo for free.

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Congratulations to the Knicks. Congratulations to the Carolina Hurricanes. And now it's Take Me Out to the Ball Game. I'm going to watch a little baseball. The football's right around the corner. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. And I'll check in on you on Thursday.