Monday Morning Podcast - Windows, Evolution, the Boroughs | Monday Morning Podcast 10-13-25

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

Bill rambles about windows, evolution, and the boroughs.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 13th, 2000, 25. What's going on? How are you? Oh, geez. I'm doing my podcast here. I guess I could close these windows on my buddy's front porch.

The fucking traffic going by. It was quiet as hell two seconds ago. I'm getting to be that age I'm getting to be that age where I talk about the traffic I gotta close the goddamn windows there's too much goddamn traffic out there we go that's a little better

anyway start of a new week there we go that didn't fucking do anything isn't that how life is there's a problem you get up you try and solve it for half a second you go there it's better and then you're like wait a minute no it isn't

no it isn't um and that's called going to the gym uh i gotta get my ass back in the gym i'm not been in the gym in like fucking two weeks i fell out of it i fell out of favor with the gym um just haven't been going i got to go i've been stretching like the old fucking man i am Um, but I just, I don't know, I stopped going and then I got into other shit and then the back of my head's like, Bill, you're at an age, you have to go to the gym. It's not a, you have to go to the gym or you have to eat like a bird or you're going to be a fat fuck. And, uh, I chose to ignore that voice. I didn't argue with it. I was like, I know, I know, you're right. You're right. You're right. Um, so it's, it's, starts today. Billy's back. Billy's back and he's gonna be in trouble. Hey ya.

Hey ya. Beebe's fat. Yeah, I'm gonna get back into that, but I don't know. It took the last couple fucking weeks off. Finally got a chance to watch some football. Sucked watching the Wolverines lose to the Trojans.

But running back went down early. Fucked us. So congratulations to them. Still, I got to tell you, I hope they never make USC a new football stadium. You got to keep. That's like one of the most iconic stadiums. Well, that thing's filled up. And the fact that it actually wasn't completely full, like you could get some ticket.

I mean, it's a fucking huge place. But it always reminds me of the first two NFL, AFL championship games that were laid to rename the Super Bowl. That's pretty sick. The first two Super Bowls were played in that stadium. I haven't been there in a minute. But I think last time I went there, I saw a Rams game. So it's been a while.

But I'd always think that every time I went in there, like Vince Lombardi, Hank Stram. I think were the coaches. Hank lost that one. And then he came back and won Super Bowl four. Oh, Jesus, here comes the Super Bowl. Bowl Rain Man. Bart Starr.

That was my trivia question with Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes. Last quarterback to win the Super Bowl to win number 15 before Patrick Mahomes. And to even name a quarterback that wore 15. I had to go back to like Neil Lomax, but it was Bart Starr. Super Bowl 1 and 2. There you go. See? Now you can get on with your week.

Now you're on your way. Dude, my buddy's got a nice fucking house. This is like a borderline breezeway. No, it's not a breezeway. It's a porch. Porch is on the front of the house. A breezeway was either at the end of a house. You know?

The classic was it was just on the end of the house. like you pulled your giant 70s gas guzzler into the garage you got out of the garage you opened the door you were in the kitchen dining room living room there then there was bathrooms either upstairs or downstairs depending on the layout and then if you continued on down the hall there'd be just like an open like breezeway and you had like screens on it in the summertime and in the wintertime you replaced it with the storm window is what they were called and all of that shit would be in the fucking garage and your wife would be like you gotta get those windows out there there's a storm coming

alright alright Mary I'm gonna fucking do it I told what did I talk to you about the swearing in the house or we had a breezeway in a house I was growing up in when I was

really young and it went garage breezeway and then you were into the dining room living room to the right kitchen straight ahead some of the entries that was a split entry house split entry for squarely people what do i want to do do i want to go upstairs and deal with my marriage or i just want to go downstairs to the family room whoever built the split entry realized that a relationship is a fucking wild animal um that's what i fucking i don't know dude that's what i always tell my my friends that i get married or whatever they're in it's like

it's fucking it is not stagnant it is fucking forever moving um you got to keep an eye on it you got to keep an eye on it. It'll fucking come over and bite you in the ass. Anyway, yeah, my whole neighborhood, when I was growing up, that's what it was. It was mid-century moderns, but we basically still were in mid-century. It was 1970, so no one was saying mid-century at that point in the fucking houses were only 10, 15 years old. We used to call them Brady Bunch houses. And mid-century moderns, and then there was split entries, which were the fucking worst split entries like your bedroom window downstairs was at like ground level so if you had

any sort of water issues it would come in on the wall-to-wall cap it and uh also i remember getting like you know the big punishment was go to bed you had to go to bed early so my friends would be outside playing and they would be looking in my window like knocking on the window laughing at me putting their faces up trying to see in and I'd be all embarrassed under the covers Look at Billy, he's got his pajamas on He's already in bed, a little fucking baby The level that kids curse to

Sweared, swore That's what it was It was called swearing when I was a kid He swared at me Um Yeah that Kids with foul mouths and parents their level of drinking.

I do remember that. And all of those parents, when I look back, so many of them, they were like, by the time they were at my age, they had a fucking foot in the grave. Like, people used to drop all the time, late 50s, early 60s. Like, that was it. They just, I don't know,

shit happened to them as a kid. Then they started drinking and smoking and they just didn't stop until their heart did. And that was the 70s, ladies and gentlemen. And that's when I first started watching My New England Patriots. All right, when they had Jim Plunkett, Sam Cunningham, Randy Vitaha, Mike Patrick, John Smith, John Hanna, Tony McGee, Julius Adams. These are the classic names.

Darryl Stingley, Russ Francis. Who the hell was that coach? Chuck Fairbanks. Dude, Chuck Fairbanks is arguably the best coach in the fucking AFC a year later. Dude, fuck that cock sucker.

Right up until this weekend, watch my New England Patriots. I was worried that there was going to be a hangover game playing the Saints. Who I don't know. I kind of love that team because I love that city, and that's one of my favorite stadiums. I think it's kind of the best stadium, low-key, the best stadium in the league. The Superdome.

That's where they used to have all the Super Bowls when I was growing up, and they redid it perfectly. They updated it, but they still kept it. It's the fucking sickest-looking thing ever. I'm a big fan of the architecture when there was that whole idea where we were sort of ignoring that there was no breathable atmosphere in outer space and there was really this belief that we were going to go into space we were going to be traveling around we were going to be meeting other people we're going to be living out there and just the whole idea of it spawned this flying saucer looking fucking architecture like uh like you go to lax where the original tower was

now it's a restaurant or some shit i don't know what it is but that's like right out of the Jetsons, the Super Dome, just shit like that. A lot of stuff in Seattle. A lot of the architecture in Seattle has that hole. No, man, we're going to do it. All of that. They told all of us that

in the 70s, we were going to live, there would be people living on the moon by the year 2000 and there was going to be underwater cities like it. I can't say Atlantis. Atlantis was not an underwater city. That was a city that got swallowed up by the ocean. Correct? Am I correct in assuming that? Anyway, I'm getting off track here. So I was worried that the Patriots were going to have like the hangover game. And I got to tell you, man, Mike Vrable has this team where

optimistically, me and my friends were going like, hey man, you know, that we keep going this direction, the end of October, we're going to be that 500 team. No one wants to play. We just got a reel in the turnovers, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, we can win, whatever. Six, seven, eight games this year. He's got him there already. Like, that game against the Saints yesterday was a game. Two weeks ago, we would have lost it because we would have had like two, three

turnovers and like 100 yards and penalties. You know, we still had some penalties on a couple of big plays. But, I don't know. I always look at that, like, you know, they had a penalty. they called back a fucking touchdown. It's like, well, did you ever think that maybe if we weren't fucking cheating on that play, we wouldn't have scored? Especially if it's a run.

If there's a guy like holding, and the guy goes right by the dude holding the dude, and they're like, oh, he called back a fucking touchdown. It's like, well, he got the touchdown because the guy was holding on to him. I don't know. I don't pretend to understand most of the the decisions.

Once again, people, two-point conversion. Just because it's two points doesn't mean you don't have to score another touchdown. Okay? You understand that? It just took your four downs. You went forward on fourth down and you scored a touchdown. It took you four attempts

to fucking do that. And now it's the two-point conversioner because it's only two points you're thinking like it's something easy. No, you have to score another touchdown to only get two points. And then you don't get it. And then you come down.

Now you've got to go again because you could have kicked the extra point. Two extra points is two points. And now you've got to go. Now you start chasing it. I don't know. But whatever. That Kishon, booty, Bouté, however you say it, was a,

was definitely a force. And a bunch of catches at all that. Sorry. Oh, fuck. The kids, man. The kids, they'll wear you out. So I watched the game while every few seconds my son was going, Dad, will you play with me?

And I always have to say yes. I say yes every fucking time. And most of what it does is it involves me watching him play or being a little person that he has, like, one of his dinosaurs eat because he's obsessed with Jurassic Park in Jurassic World. Because we go to sit down and go, hey, you're going to want to watch Jurassic Park? He's like, it's Jurassic World.

And it's kind of interesting. My daughter doesn't like to watch violent shit, but my son loves it. Like, he's been watching Kojak with me forever. And then he'll be watching, like, Jurassic World. And he's all like, look, look, Dad, the dinosaur's going to eat him. The dinosaurs are going to eat him. He loves it. So I think, you know, the world makes a lot more sense when you have a girl and a boy.

It's like, yeah, we're kind of drawn to, like he builds cities, and then he just like rips them down. I go, what do you like better? I go, do you like building the city or destroying it? And he goes, uh, destroying it. I don't know what it is. I think, uh, I think everything that's happening is supposed to be happening. Is that what it is?

Does God get bored with what he creates? So he just sort of has like, you know, there's that bacteria? Oh, shit. How long did it cut out for? Why does it announce that there's a fucking low battery? It announces that there's a low battery and then stops everything that you're recording. Why does it do that? Whatever.

You missed an episode. I don't know where it stopped. I was saying Does God create things And then get bored of it So he has sort of this flaw in it So it sort of destroys itself And then he's like

All right, that was cool And then he just makes something else You know Like he made the dinosaurs And he's like, it's cool man Look at that big fucking thing Running after the Oh, he ate it.

Oh, you know He's kind of a weird guy, no? God just the animal world this eats this and that eats that and this fucking stinks this and this doesn't this fucking eats grass and it just stands there hoping it can run

faster than the other things that eat grass so it doesn't get eaten this is what God does this is that's the animal world and I think he got bored with dinosaurs And he went, ah, fuck this. I feel like God's a lefty.

Just, you know, I don't feel like he's got the heat that a right-hander needs, like the 100-mile-per-hour fastball. I think he's just throwing junk at about 85, a little off-speed shit, throws a fucking meteor, kills off of them, kills off the fucking dinosaurs. Then what did he have? According to religion, he made two white people that then created all the people, which doesn't make sense. But then if you go the other way, scientists say we're all from Africa, so we should all look African, right?

But no, we all went north and our bodies, I don't know, because we weren't in the sun. And then you got somebody else goes, no, we came from the trees. It gets to the point. It's like, you know, dude, it's okay to say you don't, you know. That's a certain level of maturity that some people. will never get to. And I think if you're a really smart person, I don't know if you ever get there. But if you're of average intelligence, a great day in your life is the day where you could just be like, you know what? I don't know. Can't answer that. I, you know what? I have

no fucking idea. I have no idea the answer to that question. And you know what? And I'm okay with that. And I'm not even going to pretend like I do. My kids ask me questions sometimes. What is it? I'd be like, I don't know. I have no idea. They're like, Dad, because they're at that age. My daughter's coming out of it where she thinks I know everything.

Now she's really starting to look at me like for who I am. She starts to be like, oh, wait a minute. Maybe I need to read a few more books if that's what's fucking leading the charge over there. No, I kind of find I don't know There's a lot of shit Obviously you don't know the answer to And there's a lot of shit you don't want to know the answer to

And that's why we have sports And video games And fast food You just have a bunch of distractions Because if you really saw what the fuck was going on You know what? What happened? You'd tell your friends about it

And then they wouldn't believe you so then that's it and then you just standing outside of Dave and Busters and you have to make a choice do I walk away like Bill Bixby or do I go in there and just join it do I just fucking join it

anyway I took my Hallie in to get fucking serviced um I can ride that son of a bitch now you know I'm not gonna act like I I'm a master of it

but uh I somehow I became one with that thing, you know, and what sucked was I've had the bike for a year and I kept getting gigs where they say don't ride it. Can't ride a motorcycle, you can't fly, yada, yada, all that type of shit. So I have an embarrassingly low amount of miles. So in the last month, you know, I've doubled the miles that I've put on the thing and just have a lot more of faith in my abilities. I've actually come up with like some like exercises and stuff.

I just ride it around the airport, you know, trying to do tighter and tighter circles at like slower and slower speeds, you know. And I always do it in a place where I have plenty of room to like ride out of it. Just roll on the throttle and bring it back up again. But it's fun as hell. So I brought it over to the dealership. I used to always get intimidated looking at all those fucking Harleys. Now, I've been riding one of those bigger ones,

so it's just like everyone that I look at, I was like, you know, I think I could handle riding that. I don't know, I know. You guys are like, Bill, what the fuck are you getting into this? I don't know why. You know why? Because it clears my fucking head. Because my brain never shuts off.

All right. One of these days, you know what, I'm going to just do one of those fucking hero doses. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do one of those creepy fucking guided mushroom trips. You know, where you just meet somebody and you just put all this faith in them that they're a fucking good person. You know, that is one of my favorite characters is the toxic spiritual person. You know, the person that will berate you while they're burning incense.

kind of person that beats their kids with a yoga mat, you know, there's a fucking, there's a lot of that. Back when I used to be on Instagram, there was a lot of toxic spirituality. You know, remember that kid, rest of soul, used to do humble brag. I feel like if he was still alive, that would be another thing, like the sort of the toxic spiritual person. Well, you just see them acting like they're trying to help you when you know it's just clearly about them. Anyway, so, oh, how about the NHL season is started? And my Boston Bruins, who had an absolute abysmal season last year,

are three and oh. I saw some of the highlights from the Buffalo Sabres, the Buffalo Sabres game. I have yet to watch a game, but Jesus Christ, did we need that? Coming out of the gate. You know, swayman, you know, contracts are right, so he didn't hold out, so I feel like he's up to game speed.

It's still just so goddamn weird. I'm still, like, in denial that Marchand is gone. I feel like I just wanted him to just have signed one of those six-week contracts just to get the Panthers through the playoffs and then all right now he's coming back right he's coming back nope um but i i understand the business aspect of why we had to make that move it's because the team was in shambles and i think marshawn's like 36 so he was going to ask for that last big contract which if we had the pieces in place it would have made sense to pay him

but if we have to go out and go start all over again we're going to sink all this money into this guy to have an absolutely shitty team and then you know people up top are thinking and meanwhile we're all going to lose our jobs because we're not winning games so he became the sacrificial lamb and then immediately proved his worth

you know we just didn't have the pieces around him yeah that was a tough one that that was the uh there's been some tough ones tom brady to the buccaneers was i don't know if i've still gotten over that bradmarshion to the panthers there you go you want to write in something how about that watching and i don't mean like dude and by the way by the way look at this Tom Brady goes to the Buccaneers, that season they win the Super Bowl. Brad Marchand goes to the Panthers, that season they win the fucking Stanley Cup. So it's not like, it wasn't like, you know, when Emmett Smith went to the Arizona Cardinals

and then he just played that one last year. Even that sucked. But I felt like that was more on the player than it was on the – that was on the – that was. on the ownership. I get like at the end, like I understand like the Packers when they're like, do we want you to retire as a Packer? You know, and Brett Farve just keeps playing and he, you know, he just can't call it quits. They have to move on at some point. So I get that. I don't know what happened with Aaron Rogers. But all I know is that guy still seems to have plenty left in the tank.

I think there was something going on. He didn't like the ownership. They didn't like him. I don't know what the fuck happened. But all I do know is it's a shame when he went to the Jets he got hurt like literally the third play.

The Jets are so fucking bad like I don't even consider them in my division anymore as a fan. You know, I can actually separate the fact that they're in my division. I don't take any joy in what's going on down there. Just sit there going like, Jesus, you know, like you ever see like, all right, back in the day, you go to a house party, your friend gets into a fight, you're rooting for your friend, of course, he kicks the shit out of the person, and then he keeps kicking. There's a point where you're like,

all right, all right, all right. And you go in and you break it up. Enough. Enough. That's like where the jets are. Like, enough. Just, you know, Jesus Christ. And this is a thing, too.

That's the side of New York City that they never show you. That they don't want to show you. All right? Everything from fucking the New York Yankees, all right, Frank Sinatra, even the apartment on Friends, all of that shit. I know everybody's always talked about how gigantic those. They don't want to show the losers. They want to show you Mariah Carey and her fucking 48,000 foot duplex laying around in evening gowns. That's what they show you, what they don't want to show you.

They don't want to show you queens right outside of Shea Stadium, wherever the fuck they play. They don't want to show you Mets fans. They don't want to show your Jets fans. They don't want to show your off-track betting. They don't want to show you 42nd Street the way it used to be. And the way it kind of still is. like i don't know if you guys know this but like 42nd street is like this it divides the bloods and crips out there cops always told me this i never saw it but there's like the level of shit that's

going on the three different worlds there's gang activity tourists and new yorkers all passing by one another on that fucking street and in that area um but anyway that that's the new york they don't want to show you. They don't want to show people that lose. That's why I liked, you know, King of Queens. You know, he was a UPS driver, who was a working class guy, Archie Bunker. I guess they've shown it.

You know, whenever they go to Queens, it's never like, people are not winning in Queens. I don't know why. But they make it seem like that's like the, you know, if you're the knock-around guy who can't catch a break, you're like you live in Queens. And then if you're like, ridiculously rich all the shit that they show that's Manhattan and then I just feel like

Brooklyn is just the coolest place on the planet even though my people have come in there and really fucked it up really fucked it up bad like we really you know and you know what I blame black people for that you just gave it one too many shoutouts on the hip-hop albums and you made my people curious and then we went in there and And we fucked it all up. And in defense of my people, Whitey! You know, when they gentrify it,

you're not getting the cool versions of us. You're getting the fucking, the richy, the finance guys. Anyway, I actually, yesterday I was trying to find a good breakfast burrito, so I googled a place. And I should have known by this stupid,

fucking name. And I ended up going down there. And it was in this Latino neighborhood. But it was like this brand new place. Like there was like a legit Mexican grocery store across the street. And then a bodega, you know, right next to it, you know, across the street from that. And then this place was like the brand new, like ridiculous square footage. We have coffee. We have pastries. We make breakfast burritos and da da da da da da da and so i was texting nea because it was sort of a spur of the moment thing and i and a breakfast burrito was really good i'm not going to lie to you but um i told her uh she goes where did you go i said i tried a new place and it's like it turns out i'm like at the fucking this dushy uh you know that gentr like gentrification is coming place so i'm not going to go there again

I'm going to stay in my white neighborhood. I'm going to know my place. Anyway, but I have actually been trying to... I've got to get a good recipe. I made a breakfast burrito the other day that I actually really enjoyed. But I still need the potatoes, because at the end of the day, I am Irish, so it's going to be German-Irish. It is going to be a little...

I have to white it up for my bland sensibilities. um anyway so billy's going back to the gym i have one more cigar and then i'm back on another hundred day thing i kind of like this shit you know the excitement of coming off a hundred days and my daughter gives me five so then it it actually becomes a really special thing so i have one more person that i want to smoke with and then that's it i go back under cover And I don't come back up again until, like, I won't smoke again until like probably, I don't know, January, February. But this last time I went like 250, I went from January all the way to the end of September. So I kind of fake, like, with my addictive personality, like, this is how I have to do it.

Because I really wish I could be that person that just sort of occasionally. I think I'm just going to have like coffee is going to be. my own addiction, my only addiction, I should say. Other than that, like, I have nothing, and that's a good thing. Because going back, like I said, the age I'm at, you know, people fucking drop. So I'm an old dad or whatever. This is getting too fucking dark. But I do have to take that into consideration.

All right, well, that's the podcast, everybody. I'm going to go spend some time with my lovely wife. And thank you for listening. Go, Pat's. here we go Bruins here we go what else Celtics are coming up I watched a little bit of their

their preseason I didn't realize it was preseason I was like Jesus Christ I know Tatum's hurt but where the fuck is the rest of that I didn't realize they were still in like the preseason but I'm very thankful

to have a bunch of time off here as far as my nights are off and my stand-up act is in shambles because I haven't been doing a lot of stand-up I've been staying home with the kids trying to make up for all that time I was away doing the play that's what I got going on

All right, that's it everybody Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday