Monday Morning Podcast - Y:The Last Man, Rubberneckers, Popcorn | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-25

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

Bill rambles about Y: The Last Man, Rubberneckers, and making popcorn. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (27:53) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 8-14-17 - Bill rambles about luxury apartments, the Jersey Shore, and being a hypocrite. Thursday Afternoon Interlude: INXS - Disappear  Dupe: Just type D-U-P-E dot com forward slash before any product url in your browser and BOOM - it instantly finds you less expensive alternatives.  MeUndies: Right now as a listener of my show, you can score sizzling summer deals like up to 50% off at https://www.MeUndies.com/burr and enter promo code BURR.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Oh, Billy, driving around today. This is like the old school, for those of you who were listening, like 17, 18, whatever it is, fucking years ago when I first started. This is what I used to do. He used to drive around on my old flip phone. The old flip phone, Walking around, fucking airports, making fun of the less fortunate, meaning fat people. You know, are they considered less fortunate because their thighs rubbed together? I don't know. Is that a first world problem?

I don't think it is. I think it's a fucking food supply problem. What do you guys think of those new Volkswagen minibuses that they brought back? It looks like it's right out of cars. I think they're fucking adorable. Oh, isn't it adorable? Wait, why would you make a van that's adorable when everybody knows that pedophiles lead towards vans?

That is their car a choice, their vehicle a choice. They make it adorable? I mean, that thing was so cute I'd get in it. You have candy? 57. Get kidnapped. Anyway. plowing ahead here. Yeah, this is like

the old days, the old days. So anyway, the lunatic. The lunatic is still being a lunatic out there. And I've got to tell you, you know what I mean? I think that lunatic he's going after the right people. Is there any reason why you're not going to deport the fucking people that turned our food supply into poison?

But instead, you're going to try to round up 10 guys at a Home Depot that are trying to put up a sunsail for you for an incredible, competitive price why don't they go off to the people that did that that that uh fucking poisoned their own people

for their profit they came up with synthetic heroin why don't they deport those people oh I know why because they're what and they give money to the politicians that's it there you go that's the difference

You know what separates that guy at Home Depot from being in the country and not being in the country, being able to afford a commercial on CNN or Fox News? Being able to pay a judge or a fucking politician, blue or red. If you can fucking do that, you are in this country. But if you can't, if you can't, they're kicking you out and then they're demonizing you. Where are all the people that were eating the dogs? Where are all the ones that were eating the dogs? There's been one dog eater. They're eating the dogs.

Where are they? I want footage. I want to see somebody flossing with the dog collar and go, hey, we got you. You motherfucker, get out of this country. How dare you eat a Cocker Spaniel? Bad enough if it was your own. Forget about your neighbors.

I mean, that's what I was told during the election. They're eating the dogs. They're not. They're hanging out and homestown. Depot, waiting to build an addition on your house for fucking $3 an hour? Anyway, oh, Billy Redface. Oh, Billy Redface. He's got a meeting.

Ooh, what do you think you're important, Bill? You go into a meeting? What are you going to meet about, Bill? Oh, Bill's been fucking reading. I've been watching the Red Sox and I've been reading. And did I mean, I think I mentioned this before. I've been reading that, the last man, I think it's called. I'm on my third installment of that.

And the whole premise of it is that there was a giant plague, and it killed all the men, all the males. Everybody died, except for one dude and his male monkey. No, this is not the AIDS origin story. This is a different story. What am I reading? Anyway, that was the story they told us. They told us somebody fucked a monkey. Somebody fucked a monkey, and then a stewardess, a steward on like the fucking Concord.

He got it, and then that was it. They blamed it on a gay guy in France because he hooked up with a dude that banged a monkey. That's what they told us. okay and nobody ever refuted it so we're sticking with it that's what happens and when you lose a tooth the tooth fairy flies in and somehow you know could carry quarters and shit like that that weighed more than she did I mean just what I know now with a pilot's license you know there's no way you're getting off the ground with that weight and balance but it's also magic right

and I think you're magic sorry this is what happens when you do a podcast and you lose your train of thought as you're driving. Jesus Christ. What the fuck was I talking about? Oh, yeah, the people that they are deporting. You know? Not one fucking dog eater. Oh, shit.

The line is fucking moving. I had the typical traffic today where it was like just a ridiculous slowdown, and you're like, this has to be an accident. And it was. It was somebody teaboned another car, and they was sitting there, and there was a tow truck. But what kills me is it was on the, it wasn't even on our highway. It was a highway going past another highway, and everybody's slowing down to look at it. It's like, just go home. Somebody has like the actual accident. And they'll post it. Just look it up and you can just, you can watch it. Instead of slowing the fuck down and causing, you know, 10 miles of creep and crawl in there.

I mean, what are you going to do next? Not release the Epstein thing, but deport people hanging out at a Home Depot? Is that the next move? By the way, I love how people think there's a fucking list. It doesn't even make any sense. Why would there be a list? What does it the point of assassinating Epstein and then there's a aha right that doesn't make any sense did I go the wrong fucking way oh my god I probably did you know what are you going to do what the fuck are you going to do did I go the wrong fucking way I think I did because I'm going up all right I got to hit pause on this thing son of a bitch why do I I do these things to myself.

Okay, I did not go the wrong way. I did not go the wrong way. I just am not familiar with this area. Hey, speaking something I wasn't familiar with, I can't believe this album came out in 1988, so ahead of its time. There's a band called Talk Talk, and the album is Spirit of Eden.

never heard of it. It is absolutely an incredible, incredible ahead of its time album. There's a few of those. I don't know a lot of them from the 80s, but right in the late 80s, like the amount of stuff that was really changing, like take like that, or maybe mid-80s, like that ministry album from like 86, Jane's Addiction, nothing shocking from right around there, and this spirit of Eden, talk, talk. And MTV, all they were doing was playing the hair metal bands, and I was all about it. I couldn't get enough of it. I was just watching, was watching the countdown. I mean, this is like right around when this album came out was when all the W bands came out, right? It was right around then. Like White Snake had been around, but they

finally hit within the still of the night. Right? And then White Lion. There was that Vito guy on guitar who was incredible. It's like, oh, my God, there's another Eddie Van Halen. And then there were Warren. And then there was the, she's only 17. 17. Right?

What was that band called? That was a winger. All of that shit was coming out. And at the same time, Talk, Talk Made Spirit of Eden. I love shit like that. Do you love shit like that? I do. I do.

How much do you love it, Bill? Enough to bring it up. But yeah, I was listening to all that mainstream shit, and I missed out on a bunch of good music in the 80s. Not saying that, you know, my warrant winger, I don't have any white lion. I don't have any regrets over that, you know? If I had to do it all over again, I'm not turning in my acid-washed jeans.

You know, Billy Tanktop, walking around a warehouse, huh? A little fucking knife on my belt, break open the boxes, shipping and receiving. I got a position. Anyway, I watched my Red Sox last night. We at least got like the tying run to the plate in ninth inning. lost the series to the Houston Astros, but, you know, it's a fun goddamn team to be watching. And then that kid, May, the red-headed kid with the mullet, right?

My illegitimate son, he struck out like nine, gave us seven strong innings. That was good. His debut wasn't that good, so it was good to see him get a good start there. And I don't know. Now we're off to, I think we have today off, Wednesday off. And they were commenting on that, the rare Wednesday off. in baseball. Moto GP is back. I'm not even doing a podcast anymore, everybody. I'm just telling you what's happening. What's happening? I also, I went to the premiere of Bob Odenkirk, my former

castmate on Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. I went to go see Nobody Part 2, and it is just one of the most fun movies that I've seen in a long time. Everybody killed it. Sharon Stone is in it. Playing the evil kingpin. She crushed it. Bob, of course, crushed it. And who else? Colin Hanks is in it. It was just like, if you liked 80s action movies, it was exactly that. And it was not making fun of 80s auction movies. It wasn't being ironic. It just, was an 80s action movie, and I grew up on those things, and I absolutely loved it. It was so much fun. I went there with my lovely wife, and yeah, it was just, it was great.

It was fantastic, and that's the fun news. And then the sad news that I have, the bad news, speaking of what's happening, is Danielle Spencer, who played Child Star, played this character D on what's happening, passed away, unfortunately. Super young, only, I think, 60. It really made me sad. Her character was so freaking awesome, if you ever watched that back in the day.

I just loved how her older brother, Roger, was afraid of her, and how she was sort of like, I don't know. She just was like another parent, and he couldn't get away with anything if she found out and all of that. And I just was watching clips and everything. And just like her poise that she had as like a 12-year-old, just crushing it on a hit sitcom. I've always been amazed. I would have been 12 years old. If I got a laugh, my face would have turned red with embarrassment. You know, like, oh my God, did I do that? And she just would absolutely destroy. every episode that she was in.

And that was such a fun show. And I think the only actors left are the guys that play Roger and Dwayne. Everybody else is gone. I used to see Shirley Hemp Hill down the Laugh Factory, russed her soul way back in the day. But that was a lot of sad ones, man. It's part of getting older. Just all this stuff that you loved.

with people on it, you know? From Ozzy to Danielle Spencer, my God. I mean, that's a huge portion of my childhood. Anyway, rest and peace to her. She had an amazing life, went on to become a veterinarian, and just seemed like a tremendous person. So, of course, what does God do always takes the tremendous people. Did I tell you that theory that I have?

He always takes the good ones, right? I feel like God like delays meeting his mistakes so they live forever even if they're eating McDonald's every day he's going to live to be like 90s I mean it's

fucking amazing that guy's genetics are incredible he has been eating off the slaughterhouse floor his for fucking eight decades and he's just walking, he's just walking around, still swinging a sword. I mean, you got, at least you can respect that. Anyway, all right, well, it's time for the reeds, man. Okay, here we go. Doop. Have you ever fallen in love with a couch, lamp, or rug online, and then your soul leaves your body when you see

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And I made a bunch of popcorn, and I said to my kids, I go, now, don't eat all of that. We'll have some, you know, because usually they'll eat like half of it. And then we have some stuff left over, makes it for good snacks or whatever. What is my popcorn technique? I melt a ridiculous amount of butter because popcorn can take it. And I let it all pop. And then I push it to one side. I butter the bottom third, push it to the other side.

It's like it's almost like three thirds on the bottom. That all gets buttered. And then I do the same thing on the top. And then I remove it to the side again. And then I salt the bottom third. And then I salt the top, you know, the bottom two. What am I trying? Three slices.

And then the top three slices. And then I give it a nice shake. You got to go butter first. So there's something for the salt to attach to. So it just doesn't end up down the bottom. So anyway, I'm talking. doing that and ended up getting a phone call and I'm on the phone

something I had to handle and I come back like freaking 10 minutes later and all the popcorn's gone and I'm like guys well what what happened with the popcorn? I told you you know I go you guys ate up all the popcorn and my daughter just goes yeah that that's the point of it It's like, what do you say to that?

It's like, you make popcorn eat it. That's the point of it. It was just such a great comeback that I didn't have the, in the moment, I didn't have the wherewithal to be like, yeah, but I told you not to eat all of it. I was just so amazed in cracking up with that response. Like I talked to my daughter one time, right? And I was talking about, you know, I always tell her like when I have stressful gigs because, you know, kids need to know that adults like they get like freaked out and stuff and they don't know how things are going to go when you get nervous, but you do it anyway, you know, because they look at you, oh, you're an adult, like you got it all figured out.

So I was telling her, I say, you know, I go, I got this gig tonight. I got to play drums. I'm nervous and blah, blah, blah, blah. She's like, oh, yeah, I go, you know, it's kind of like you when you have to do, like, you know, every year they have like the, around Christmas time, the holidays, they have like the kids, each class goes up and sings a song and they do like a dance. And they do like a dance. And I do like, you know, I'm like, oh, so how do you do that? Because I don't like when I have to do that Christmas thing, I always end up having to do a dance and I feel stupid. And I go, yeah, but you know what's great? When you go on stage and you feel stupid, but you do it anyways, and you're able to do something that makes you feel stupid in front of a whole room, of people, it makes you stronger. And then it makes it easier for you to be who you really are. And then my daughter, without missing a beat, just goes, yeah, well, that's not who I am. Just like, God, Lee, all right, okay. I mean, I don't know what to do with that. That's just a, okay, look what I'm doing. I'm projecting my own insecurities I had as a kid. I didn't know who I was evidently you know who you are so i'm not getting in the way of that i'm not a lie to you guys like i i had like this week as a dad like i i really thought i was making some good points that my

kids just it was like i was lobbing it over the net they just fucking smashed it back at me i mean you know sometimes you just got to take the l as a parent i mean if they make a good point what are you going to do die on the hill just because Your ego can't handle losing to an eight-year-old. I mean, I guess I didn't look at it that way in the moment. That is pretty brutal, huh? Anyways, this is just such a nice fucking street with the sequoias driving through one of the canyons

and you come out and he's beautiful. This is such a great city, even though it shouldn't be here. The amount of people that have never been here, never lived here, or got their fucking dick stepped on when they came out here, and then they blame the city. The city's fine.

It's the business. The business is bad. But I can tell you this. You're going to go back to your home state. And whatever business, whatever business you get into, there's guys out there with big shoes going to step on your dick out there, too. So you might as well be in a business you like.

Huh? Boy, what are you going to work in a pet center? I like working with animals. You think that's not corporate? They're everywhere. They're everywhere. Trying to make their billion dollars so they can have a helicopter on the back of a boat

while you live underneath a fucking bridge. And then they blame Mexicans hanging out at a Home Depot trying to help you put up a sunsail. And that's how you make it better. That's how you make it great again. All right, I'm off my soapbox here. Anyway, what do I got left on this podcast before I have to go into my appointment there?

Oh, Jesus. You don't even know your... password, do your own phone there. All right, I got to hit pause because I'm driving and it's becoming that time when I have to read the air. Ooh, look at their fire engine. Look at their fire station. You guys got money out here.

Wow. Was that a fire station or was that some sort of comment on a fire station? Well, what a fire station could look like in the future. Jesus Christ. I bet 90% of their calls is fucking rushing over to a high. house because somebody's fucking blown out poodle

just got snatched by a fucking coyote dude those things are they just they have not been fucking around lately they've been coming down in like groups of like six you was funny is I'm not

afraid of coyotes at all but like if it's a dopamine pincher or like a Rottweiler or like a pit bull or something like that and it's coming at me I would be more nervous about dogs than I am coyotes. Coyotes don't give a fuck. They just look at you like,

I'm down here to get a sandwich, you're too big to eat, growl at me, take a step at me, I'm just going to keep it moving. I don't give a fuck. But like those people that have dogs, you know, aggressive dogs, those fucking things, when they look at you,

like, I don't know what their deal is. Like, I feel like those dogs, They're, like, bad, like, security where they just escalate the situation. I'm not coming down on breeds here. I'm just saying dogs that, you know, that are jacked, that look like they have a gold's gym membership, you know? Those things frighten me. It's not really them. It's their owners.

It's not the breed. It's the owner. Can I make a fucking right? Can I go straight here? I can go straight. All right. Isn't that nice when that works out? All right.

I got to jump off the phone here. I don't go. We don't give a shit. I'm suffering and the struggle to be free. It can't ever be denied and never really know. But when I see you call me, I can take it all. You're so fine. Lose my mind.

And the world since you disappeared, all the problems, all the feet, and the world since disappear Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 14th, 2017. What's going on? How are you? How's it going?

Oh, my God. Paul Verzi fucking destroyed last night on his stand-up special in Terrytown, New York. And I want to thank everyone. everybody that came out for the for the two shows that we had there and we just I don't know it just went as good as it could have gone I felt and I was really proud of them you know that first one's always you know you got to figure out how to go up there and try and be relaxed as you're like holy shit I'm shooting a special look at those TV cameras look at the jib cameras swinging by my damn face you know you got to block all of that know that the crowd's going to be looking

shit you know you learn that they have to turn off the fucking air conditioning because most of those old venues the AC so friggin' loud it messes with the audio so you're then going to go out there under hot lights with HD makeup on with no AC and progressively through your set it's going to get hotter so he learned all of that and you know something god damn it he saw the fire and he fucking walked through it and um he just I don't know. It just couldn't have gone any better. And there you go.

So, we're going to edit that thing down and hopefully sell it to one of the goddamn networks. That's the goal. So congratulations to Paul Verzi. That's it. He put him to bed. I told him that before he went out there. It was just like, dude, just look at it this way, okay?

You're putting all these jokes to bed. This is it. go out there and give them the send-off they deserve because the second your special comes out everybody's seen that material then you can't do it again and everybody will be like dude you already did that you did that on your last fucking special you know your last special called chuckle hut

what the fuck is wrong with my goddamn computer I've been having oh my god I have been having like the worst technology experiences what is going on Why is the screen just all black? Then I go to touch it. And it does that. What does that mean?

Can I hit Escape? Can I hear Escape? Why, don't they have an escape button for your life? Oh, it worked. It worked. The old escape button. You know, somebody could turn that into a literally like turning into a movie, a big-time Hollywood movie.

You know, the Escape Button movie. You go in there, you could pitch it. Hey, you know that escape button on your keyboard on your, on your laptop? They'd be like, yeah, yeah, uh-huh. Ah, just a minute, his guy, he fucking, he, he pushes it, you know, and he disappears. And all of a sudden his wife is like, wait a minute, I thought I told you go to the store, where did he go? And then whenever he fucking comes to, he's always, uh, let's flush this, let's flush out this fucking awful movie. He was always in some place better at first.

But then there's, you know, he goes to a baseball game. He's like, this is amazing. And then, you know, no one believes that it's true except for his dumb, fat, best friend. You know, they hit escape again. Then they're at a steakhouse, you know, and they just keep hitting escape. And then eventually they're some fucking, I don't know, where the hell did they go? They had escape and they end up in fucking Syria or North Korea. That's where you get a note from the industry.

Can it not be North Korea? Could it be like Canada? Like Winnipeg. What if they went to Winnipeg? That's funny, right? I just feel like with today's political climate to say North Korea, I just think that, you know, then they're starving. And we like the fat friend. Fat is funny.

Fat is non-threatening. I don't know. You guys can finish the rest of the fucking movie. Anyways. So I was very proud of Poland and all that type of stuff. And I'm going to try to keep the podcast light, despite all that fucking, just horrible shit that happened down in Charlottesville. It's just fucking, I don't know what to go. I did hear one fucking funny thing about it.

I mentioned, I'm going to say who I mentioned it to. I mentioned it to somebody else. I go, Jesus Christ, dude, can you fucking believe that shit down there in Charlottesville? And I goes, he goes, no, what happened? I mean, I don't know. I don't know if that is like, I don't know how you missed it, but I mean, there literally is that much information coming out at you

that you could miss all that shit that went down there. And, I mean, I don't even need to comment on what the fuck went on down there if you're any sort of a human being. You know, that dude in that fucking car, I swear to God. Like, I'm trying to think of a proper punishment for that guy, and I can't think nothing is like enough to fucking drive, just do that, you know? You know what's funny about that guy? As I bet that guy has talked about ISIS and how cowardly terrorism is,

and then he gets in a car and does what the fuck he did. It's just like, I don't know. There must have been, I mean, obviously, beyond joining that fucking group, there's something wrong with that guy mentally. Anyways See, that's why I didn't want to bring it up Where do you go from there? And then fucking Trump, I'm done with that guy

The guy's just no longer funny or anything I'm just done with that fucking guy The fact that he wouldn't just straight up denounce it The fact that he's going to go Oh, you know, there's hatred on both sides Hatron on both sides He's doing like that, you know, what came first The Chicken of the Egg?

Slavery, slavery came first, you're fucking dope it's documented it's just so like he's been catering to that racist fan base because he needed their votes I'm not saying everybody voted for Trump is racist but like for that fucking guy to do that it's absolutely fucking reprehensible it's sickening

fucking sickening okay and I'm not a fucking you know I'm not one of these guys that thought the sky was falling because this guy got in the office you know everybody freaking the fuck out, like, what the fuck was going to happen. But I will just say his track record on the Klan, you know, to be just not even commenting

on it and being, do you know if I was doing stand-up and people in the Klan started showing up? I would be looking, what the fuck am I saying that's making these people be like, oh, yeah, this guy approves of what we do? at the very least I'd be like hey not for nothing you guys over there with the hoods on I fucking you know

I'm not down with you guys like fucking can't see you're morons you're fucking morons and he never does it never does it you know and I think he was just trying to make a joke with the cops about the don't push their heads

but just all the shit that you've seen that all that police brutality that's been going out to make that fucking joke the guy it's unbelievable and now I'm hearing like, this is what, I'm not even to name, fucking names, but like all these, you know, it's like fucking Taylor Swift now is going to run for Senate. People, we can't go down this fucking road.

At the very least, can we at least stick with career fucking politicians? Can we at least do that? Can we, you know? Would you want, like, you want me to be your fucking accountant? You want a comedian to be an accountant? Why would you want an actor? or a musician, or fucking, God knows what else. I just, I don't know.

I don't even know what the fuck we're doing now. I just, I don't even know what the fuck we're doing. So, um, anyways, that happened. And, uh, you know, fortunately, it wasn't a big rally, you know? The Nazis are still a little, little mom and pop fucking group, which, you know, that's about the only good thing that I took away from it. But, uh, I don't know. You know what's fucked up about the whole thing, though?

As I said, I wasn't going to talk about it. When people started texting me, like, dude, you're watching this shit. So I go online, you know, to watch a video of the rally and all the bullshit to see what's going on. And I go on, and when I click on it, I immediately see Bobby Flay and he's selling me something from Lipton Ice Tea. So what's so fucked up? is, and I think it was actually on the Huffington Post, and I fucking hate those guys. You know, and they're all liberal as hell.

Can you fucking believe this and blah? It's like, dude, you're making money off of it. You're making money off of it. So there's something, you would think on just something like, this is so reprehensible, we shouldn't even put a fucking ad in front of it. Other than that, I understand you've got to make you money. I have advertising on my fucking podcast.

But there was just something fucked up, like, this is the most horrible, blah, blah, blow, whatever the fuck they have is the headline, and then you click it on, and there's this fucking Bobby Flay selling me fucking ice tea. But, you know, that's how the game's played, I guess. Anyway, so let's get the fuck out of that, all right? Boo Nazis, boo Donald Trump, being a fucking pussy. That guy's such a fucking, I'm so sick of him and that fucking guy from North Korea

acting like they're tough guys. Acting like they're tough. You know what I mean? You know what? They should fight the fucking undercard. on McGregor Mayweather All right Why don't you guys

Settle your fucking beef I'd love to see the two of them Put on fucking The whole fucking get up The boxing shorts The mouth guard The gloves the boots And go out there

And you just really see What a couple of pansies You know that fatty Donald Trump With his fucking wig Flopping around It'd probably be one of the Funnier than all the stand-up specials

That came out this year combined It would have been tremendous. Like, that's the way, I think that that's the way they should solve world problems. Although, you know,

what's his face is like a black belt in judo, Vladimir Putin. That fucking, that dude looks like a bad guy and like, you know,

those spy movies, right? All right. I'm in over my head. Why do I try to talk politics? Because that's what everybody's fucking talking about and asking me about, I guess.

But how about those red socks taking two out of three? From the New York Yankees. I had a hundred bucks on each game. You know, I got 50 with Verzine, 50 with my agent, right? They're both Yankee fans.

So, you know, we fucking blew that first one, our middle reliever. I don't know what happened to him. By the way, did you see that guy in the Mets? He swung his leg around, made that weird pitching motion, and he fucking slammed his balls between his thighs. And then after that, his fucking pitching hand went numb. Figure that one out.

Figure that one out. Why the fuck are guys wired like that? Why, if you get, you could, how, the design fall of men, that you could throw an object and somehow basically kick yourself in the balls and then your throwing hand goes numb. It's unreal. You know what it is? The men are like the death star, right? We got that one little shaft. All you do is you just fucking throw something down and then the whole fucking thing blows up and that would be on nuts, you know?

I don't know what the women one is. Women, you just tell them, they look older, and then that's it. The whole fucking planet explodes. Ah, shit. Anyways. I remember I was going to talk about it. I've been having, like, the worst technology fucking weekend here. I'm about to buy my second cell phone charger of the weekend.

I brought one. I left it at the theater. theater. And then the next day I woke up and I bought one. I bought one and drove from fucking what the hell was I? Red Bank, New Jersey up to Terrytown, New York. And then I don't know what happened. I don't know where the wire went, but I fucking lost that one. So now I got to go buy a fucking other one. It's just, I don't know. My phone, my fucking computer just keeps cutting now I guess now that I hit the escape button I'm fine I don't know I'm uh I'm just not meant to live in this fucking era of all of this shit I need to go back to when there was just like rotary

phones which was impossible to lose because you wouldn't take it with you was just in your house the only way you lost it is if there was a fucking sinkhole under your house and you lost all your house so there was a fire in your house you know or somebody came to murder you with the black gloves and they would fucking cut the phone wire. Then you lost your phone. And you lost your life. But you say, so you didn't care, right? What I'm trying to say was, it was a simpler time.

But I got to tell you, dude, I'm fucking sold on the Jersey Shore, by the way. All these years, all these years of Paul Versey, great Paul Versey, he fucking crushed his special last night. It's been shitting on New Jersey. I fucking, I finally had a same way. I was like, dude, I don't know what your deal is with this fucking state. I don't know why you think, you know, there's more animals that live here than New York.

There are, I'll give them that. It's a little dirtier animal in New Jersey, but they're the underdogs. So I was going around Terrytown, and I was just taking pictures of people. All the fucking animals that are up here. What it is about this part of this neck of the woods? Like fucking Westchester.

Is it so fucking beautiful up here? It cleans up the animal. You don't see. it. But if you really, if you fucking block out the trees and the beautiful houses and buildings behind these people and you really look at them, you know, it's a bunch of animals. I went into Terrytown and there was a bunch of people like at all the, all the new rage now. Have you seen like those, they're motorcycles, but they're really small? We just call them mini bikes, but they look like, it's like somebody took a ninja and they just made it

smaller. Like this whole group of them was riding through like a motorcycle gang. I don't if they were mocking motorcycle gangs. I have no idea. I don't know if they were more likely to beat the shit out of you because they're insecure about the size of their motorcycles. I don't get out what fucking works. But there was like 40 of them all riding through town and I was laughing my ass off. Oh, here I am. Here I am in fucking, you know, if I'm not in Westchester, I'm always in Westchester. Look at these fucking animals.

And I already learned up here. There's always this snooty thing in all the fucking real estate. You know, are you above the boulevard? you below the boulevard? Are you on the flatlands? Are you in the hills? Are you on this side of the tracks or that side of the tracks? This side of the river, other side of the bridge. Up here, I already found out that there was, there's a snooty if you live on the other side of the Tappansi Bridge. Or the Tapanzi bridge is my fucking Google Map lady was saying when I was driving up there. Make a right to go on to exit 1C for Tapan Z bridge.

yeah you're less than you live on the other side of the river stuff is cheaper over there it's more expensive to live here therefore you are less than me you are less than god likes you less god loves everyone but he loves you less because you live on the other side of the fucking river i actually cornered this woman last night who was in real estate right she's up at the bar right and I'm going up there to go get a couple rounds of drinks or whatever people, you know, because I'm a hell of a guy. And she's like, hey, you know, Fersi special, yeah, and I said, that's great. You know, I do the typical comedy.

What do you do? She goes, I'm in real estate. I said, wonderful. I got some questions for you. And I fucking grilled her. Went law and order on her. And I fucking was breaking it down to find out what's the deal with all of these luxury apartment buildings. they're going up like fucking

like luxury apartment buildings that's how many luxury apartment buildings they're building in New York and Los Angeles the only reference is what they are and I'm like what's the deal with these fucking luxury apartments who is building them why are they building them

what kind of a fucking moron pays rent in a luxury apartment when they could actually just go buy something and live in it that was less than the luxury apartment but at least they would own that Who makes that dumb decision? First of all, who's paying for these?

And she said, it's a lot of foreign money. China, Russian, Middle East, money, right? Then I go, all right, and then who the fuck's living in them? And she said, she basically said, I go, when I said who's dumb enough to throw money in the toilet like that, she said about 15% of the population. I go, all right, so you're banking on, I go, how do you put your head on the pillow

every night. She goes, this isn't my passion. I go, but you're selling them. How do you do that? How do you fucking go, all right, come on, lower 15% dummies. Please walk into my office today. Long story short, I go, when does it burst? When she goes, well, you know, people seem to keep building them. They keep filling them. When does it burst? Well, you know, when does it burst? She goes two years. Dead serious. She goes two years. Two years, it's going to be fucking over. So here's what you do. I go, you sit on your fucking money. All right? If you need to buy something now because of the fucking...

This is me. I'm like that fucking bald guy who screams about taxes. I mean, the stocks. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. But from that little fucking conversation that I had about 3.30 in the morning as we were closing down this fucking bar. Celebrating Paul Verzi crushing is special.

I'm telling you right now, just sit on your fucking money. Like, oh, I don't know. What the fuck did I say initially? I guess I said, yeah, if you're getting killed in taxes and you've got to buy something out, just don't rent a fucking luxury apartment. There's got to be the dumbest fucking thing you could ever do. Look at the luxury of this.

Look at all this luxury that I'm paying for that I don't fucking own. Just hang in there. In two years, you'll be able to buy the fucking building. Of course you won't, because it'll still cost millions of dollars. But you know what I'm saying. Don't be a fucking sap. All right? All those buildings are doing is killing everybody's fucking view.

You know? They're all going to be fucking empty within two years. Now I'm calling it right. They're all going to be, people are going to be jumping out of those fucking things in two years. We're taking callers. I don't know. I don't fucking know. All I know is I haven't been home in too many days.

I miss my daughter and my wife, and I can't wait to get back. And that's it. I got a nice 10 days off. But, dude, I had the best fucking time down on the Jersey Shore. The fucking food was amazing. I went down to this place, juniors. I don't even know where I was at, all right? Like, it was pretty cool.

I had a different opener every night. Verzi opened the first night, fucking killed it. I went to bed like a goddamn angel, like a fucking angel. All right? I'm already white as a fucking angel, you know? At least a ghost. Went right home, went to sleep, woke up the next day, worked out, fucking crushed it, right? next day

I had fucking Brett Ernst came up who absolutely fucking murdered who you have to go see I hadn't seen him in years it's weird I always seen him down the comedy store but he either just went up or I'm going up

or what I'm going up and he's going up in the other room I just hadn't seen him in a few years that dude grown by leaps and bounds absolute fucking monster destroyed he had me pacing a little bit before I was going up but oh fuck Brett's killing

Brett's killing shit what am I opening with right and then later on that night he took me down to wherever the fuck he was took went down to this place juniors someplace on the Jersey shore and we got a tomato pie which I had never heard of

which is basically like a South Jersey Philly thing where according to them they put the cheese on first then the tomato sauce but the one that I had looked more like a swirl of look like tomato cheese

tomato cheese like a big fucking circular thing like when you're fucking computers refreshing that little pinwheel thing That's what it looked like. Fucking, I might have been, might have been one of the top five pizzas,

slices of pizzas if I had in a while. Okay, and I'm going to tell you why, because I live in Los Angeles and all the pizza out there sucks. Even the stuff that they say is good. You know, it all fucking sucks. Every fucking last place in L.A. Absolutely fucking sucks.

I don't know why. You just, anything that involves dough sucks. The bread sucks. the pizza sucks bagels suck all of that sucks however you know other than that they got a tremendous fuck pasta sucks but you know amazing steakhouses burgers Thai food Mexican food that's what you do out in L.A but you do not get pizza you don't get bread you don't do any of that shit um and I was coming from that eating that shit to go into this it was fucking unbelievable that and the fucking muscles the bread with the fucking sauce it was unbelievable like an

asshole i'm eating this shit at like fucking two in the morning um and then i kept going to this place elsie's in red bank to get a sandwich and just i would pay for just the bread alone by the way i went with the turkey with the cranberry sauce over there fucking delicious and i made the mistake of getting a large by the way which was the size of my fucking leg so the next day i went back and i got the italian which was amazing but i still like the turkey a little bit better so i was eating as my stomach growls here i was been eating like a fucking king out here and um i don't know i kind of fell in love with the jersey shore always wanted to see asbury park went down there check that out went into the uh i don't know all those play every place down there's like

bruce springsteen or john bon jovi played here now i know the place is not called the fucking stone pony that's a fucking bar i used to drink in in the fucking village said it's no longer there. That was my fucking spot. I didn't even used to drink in there. Back when I had my drinking under control, and I was hanging out with all the comics I hung out with back then, didn't drink. And we'd go in there and we used to play fucking video games and shoot pool and just give each other shit. Like we always did for like four or five, till four five in the fucking morning. Um, whatever that fucking pony place is called. I know it's sacrilegious, all you jerk. I got a look. I got a look. You know why? I'll get the name

of it right now because I bought my daughter a one. from that place, which I think she'll only be able to wear for one week, because it looks like it's the size that she is now, which, of course, my wife had to say. Oh, it is the stone pony. Oh, wait, the stone crow is the bar I used to hang out at. All right, so I was saying it right. I sent a picture of the onesie to my wife, and she immediately goes like, what size is that? Because she's currently wearing, you know, this month to this month. It's just like, yeah, Jesus, Can you just, you know, can I do one fucking thing right over? He's just fucking one thing.

Can I do that? So last night I hung out until 4 in the morning, but I only had a couple of fucking drinks because I kind of realized I'm not an alcohol. I'm like an undiagnosed strain of alcoholics, you know, where I'm the classic alcoholic where I can't just have one. Like I'm doing it. I'm fucking doing it. That's it. all right but the next day i can just be like all right well now you know now i'm not drinking and i walk around like i need it man i fucking need it i don't wake up like missing a tooth

and all of that fucking shit like um but uh you know i had way too many that night when i went down to juniors and had that great food and everything and i also noticed too i was throwing them back like like fucking water and uh it's just not a good thing I'm just sick of being fucking hungover So, you know, last night I only had a couple I think I'm done I'm just done with it

I like waking up not fucking hungover I like getting up going to the fucking gym I like doing that shit And yeah I'm not saying I'm done for fucking good But I'm just kind of just Yeah I'm done

I had a hell of a run all right started at fucking 17 drank until about I don't know 22 and then I went like a 10 year period where I didn't drink I barely drank barely fucking drank

and then then a guy named Joe de Rosa came into my life it's not fair for me to put it on him all right but let's just say we were not good for each other and that was probably 2004 so I'm talking like a nice third I went on like a 13 year

sort of uh although I took a year off one time from 2010 to 2011 a year I went a year in two days without drinking I've gone a couple stretches of 75 days 50 something days here or there or whatever but uh yeah I mean I'm always you know if you got a nice cool bottle of fucking wine that's a good meal maybe I'll have a glass but I just don't feel like but then it's like I'm gonna finish the fucking bottle I mean what are we doing here right so I don't know I don't feel like I'm mature enough at this point in my life to handle shit like that and I'm at the point too I don't think I even enjoy it anymore so for the 90th time on this fucking podcast I'm gonna try to stop drinking social I was a social

drinker I think I want to go to AA just because I like crowds you know just go up there stuff fucking make them laugh and shit um anyways what am i talking about here how many minutes in it we're 27 minutes in here i gotta vacate this fucking hotel room i'm sitting at this stupid ass fucking you know fancy fucking what's the sheridan right people always you gotta stay at the fucking sheridan these cunts i swear to god you order the internet at 1201 it goes off and you got to buy it again. Oh, wait, maybe it's free. All I had was an access code.

You know, I take that back. They're not fucking cunts. All right, let's read a little bit of, let's read a little bit of, um, uh, oh, by the way, another thing, too, you know what I don't like about

Trump supporters is when they compartmentalize that racist shit. When they go like, you know, hey, I, that stuff where he doesn't condone, you know, he doesn't, uh, uh, chastise the Klansman that, neo-Nazis that like him. I don't like that. I don't like that part.

But I'll tell you, I think the way he's handling been Hillary, you know, I can't fucking stand either. But at some point, you know what I mean? It's like if you had a friend, right? He's a good friend of yours. But he was also in the clan. Dude, he's such a great host. You have him over, you know.

Oh, he fucking, he's really polite, but he drops the N-word. I mean, at some point, don't you have to have some sort of a standard? You can't tell me that there's not a better Republican out there. All right? Please tell me. Please tell me there's somebody better than this guy. All right. Oh, here we go.

Oh, it's old zip. All right. Hey, you know what I watched the other day that I really enjoyed was I watched this whole thing on John Daly? That guy has to be one of the most honest human beings. one of the most honest human beings ever you know it's kind of hard watching the guy what he does to himself but like

I swear to God like remember in Scarface when that guy goes I like you Tony there's no lying in you you know there's lying in everybody but John Daley I think he keep if they should recast they should fucking green screen him in there you know can somebody Photoshop that

and somebody just says, I like you, John Daly. There's no lying in you. They'd just be like, you know, how much the height of you're drinking when you're drinking a day? He goes, I drink like a case of beer. Some days up to maybe 35, 40. And they go 35, 40. He's like, oh, yeah. And then they go, then what?

He goes, hey, you know, I probably switched to whiskey. And then he just started laughing. Like, just being like, I know, it's fucked up. He talked about how he played his best golf when he was a little drunk. He goes, you know, the ball's, you know, you just hit the ball better, you know, you're looser, the body relaxes. And I really wish I watched golf more when he was playing. Because he didn't take all that fucking time when he went up to address the ball. He just went up and he just fucking hit the thing.

Crushed it. Like, seriously, watching that guy's swing is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in my life. I actually saw some fucking idiot. did that thing where he put the tea in his mouth with the ball and he let John Daly do a John Daly swing. Daly didn't fuck up, thank God, but I've got to tell you something. If you ever took that to the, he would have killed him. He literally would have killed that guy.

He would have gone to jail, you know, with that guy from the fucking New Jersey Nets, right? He shot that limo driver, and he would be in that row. They have a row of cells. of athletes who accidentally killed somebody. He would have been right there, you know. What did you do? Ah, I shot my limo drive.

What did you do? Ah, you know, I tried to hit a golf ball out of this guy's mouth, and I missed, and I hit his head. How far do you think John Daly could have hit a human head? That was still attached to a body, so he has to rip it off the body. I could say he could hit at least 17 feet. That's the level of torque and power in that man's swing.

So check out John Daly videos if you get a chance at work. It's crazy It's so fucking like It's an overly used expression But refreshing When you watch the guy He's not trying to hide anything He's just like

Ah no, that's why he's too Yeah one time there was a rain delay And uh you know Just went in there And me and the other two golfers You know we just got hammered Just got absolutely hammered And the next day we came out

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feature after that we showed the local news um white people this is oh god we're going to get into the race shit oh we're really going to get into the race shit here okay white people oh billy ambassador i'm sure i'm sure you addressed to current events at the top of this part I skipped over most of it, as you may have heard. I just sort of trash Trump for not having the fucking humanity to trash some of the dumbest people on the planet, you know, and actually blaming the people that they attack. Also, I just don't fucking get it. He goes, I'm pretty moderate and have the same Ron Paul ideas about government as you seem to have. Sorry about the generalations, trying to keep it tight.

Yeah, dude, I don't even know what the fuck I believe anymore. He said, I watched my Facebook feed all day denounce white people. All right, first of all, why would you go on a Facebook feed? Are you trying to depress yourself? Are you trying to make yourself upset? Why would you go on there? What did you do next? Did you go on Twitter and look up hashtag white people so you can infuriate yourself more

and get an even more, like, delusional view of what the population is like? You know? I don't know. I mean, if you watched all that shit about the Klansmen, you'd think that every white person was in the Klan. I mean, it's just, I don't know. Anyways, plowing ahead here. He says, I look white, but I'm first generation American,

with my parents coming from Italy. Okay, yeah, you're Italian. Okay, I get it, all right? My policy on making general statements about entire races is, I don't. In stereotypes, sure, white people, people love things like jar jams, but in criticism, I never say white people or black people. Because if history has taught us anything, it's the dumbest thing you, period. I think you meant to say the dumbest thing you can do.

He goes, I'm tired of it. All day, white people this, white people, that. I voted for Barack the first time. I hate Nazis, and it's fucking pathetic that I have to say that out loud. I think Trump is a cunt. I hated Hillary. I don't wish for the South to rise again. I'm not offended as a white person.

I'm just tired of the laziness of it. Am I way off here? Look, I know what you're saying, but dude, it's like, is this the worst thing you have to deal with? You've got to expect people in a highly emotional state, all right? Such as this, you know, when you're in a highly emotional state, you're going to say stuff in a way that you wouldn't if you were a little more relaxed. And then secondly, if you're going to fucking go on a Facebook feed and get upset, I don't have any sympathy for you. Like, it's, you know, it's a Facebook feed. There's no, the qualifications to comment on Facebook is you have to be smart enough to sign up for Facebook.

That's it. So that's what you, it's not a think tank. It's not a TED talk. which even those things I'm starting to think of just a fucking bunch of snake oil salesman everybody acting like something fucking amazing's happening you know because somebody's up there with a laser pointer talking about the future um yeah I mean all right I understand what you're saying like I'm not I'm not gonna lie to you there are times where I'll see like these people being applauded for shit that they're saying and when I'm listening to what them saying it's like

if you took out white people there and then you inserted black people like that and that person was white they would be in trouble. However, however, you do have to take it with the grain of fucking salt because of the great fucking life that you have. All right? And I don't know, I think you should maybe, I would try to listen more to what the overall point is rather than wasting time being offended, you know. I'm a white guy. My fucking life is great. You know? I can pretty much go wherever the fuck I want to go. I go down to the mall. I buy a t-shirt. nobody fucks with me right I'm not saying it's easy

but I mean compared to what other people compare to what other people fucking have I guess this is the best you know this is the inside lane you know I can fucking look the other way but there's definitely days I'll say this

there's definitely days that you know non-white people say some shit or like you know women will say stuff about men being like that's it's so fucking overtly fucking sexist and not only you're not being called out on it you're being applauded for it like you're brave and what you're saying

is just as fucking ignorant as what the fuck you're doing. However, at the end of it, you kind of got to be like, well, because of what's happening, they're so fucking pissed. Like, I give it a little bit. I just give it a little bit, depending on my mood. I do that. But, all right, you know what the honest thing is? Is if I'm sitting there and the person who isn't white says it,

I'll get into a debate with them, all right? But if I'm with all white people and they're complaining about it, I'll tell them to shut the fuck up. I think I'm just a contrarian. It all depends. I don't fucking know But all I do All I know is after watching

All that fucking horrible shit I just think You know There's a certain level of empathy That you should try to tap into Try to put yourself in other people's positions A little bit more And

I don't know I guess to try to compensate For the astounding level of fucking ignorance That's out there I guess you've got to try to make yourself an even better person or somehow I don't know what to tell you because I'll be honest with you

when all people go hey I'm not in a fucking I'm not in the clan I'm not a Nazi guy I don't belong to a hate group blah blah blah and all that shit everybody has their fucking issues and when you're a comedian it's like you're running for office

it's like you run this campaign that never fucking stops and you're meeting people like I was just in Red Bank New Jersey now I'm in Terrytown now I'm going to go to fucking L.A. You know the end of the month I'm going to be in Boston in New Hampshire, then I'm going to be in Mississippi and Alabama. Am I really promoting my upcoming dates

talking about racism? Look at me. Next thing, I should have Bobby Flay reading this. But the point is, I'm going to meet all these fucking people. And I don't know. I got to be honest with you, everywhere I go,

no matter where I'm at, when I'm in a room and it's just all white guys, Of a certain age, my generation and older, you can literally take a fucking, I swear to God, like one of those sands of time timers, and just go, okay, when is the N word coming? I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to remember the last time that, you know, it doesn't happen every time. But I go in there, I literally start having anxiety going, oh God, you know, I look around. And what I'm doing is I'm judging too. and I'm like, when's it coming?

Someone's going to fucking say it or someone's going to say something a little borderline and it's depressing. Like I was hanging recently on a road gig and it was all white dudes in there and Mayweather accused

McGregor is saying something racist and McGregor's going I didn't fucking say anything racist and all this type of shit, right? And then this random white guy is watching it. He goes, yeah, what's the big deal? He's like, this guy's an N word

And that guy's Whitey. I mean, it's a fight. Who gives a fuck what you say? And I'm just thinking in my head like, dude, they're not saying he said that. Like, like, but that is like, that's how his fucking brain process that information. And it's,

it's, I don't know, it's, it's so, it's depressing. Because you know what it is, everybody thinks they're smart and everybody thinks they haven't figured out you know what I mean think about when is the last time you're I mean sometimes your conscious gets to you but does your brain really ever say like uh I mean it takes a lot to fucking admit that you're wrong regardless of color sex or anything to be like you know what I shouldn't have done that I was wrong I you know I now realize how fucking ignorant, that takes a, and to truly mean it, not to just get on the good side of your wife against it, so she'll bang you, right?

To truly fucking sincerely mean it and then try to make it change. It takes a fucking lot and for anybody. So, I don't know. So I've gone through things like, you know, if somebody does, says that, what do I do? Do I fucking confront them? Do I get into the fucking debate? I've tried every fucking technique. Do I get up and walk out, every fucking technique?

Nothing works. Nothing fucking works. And it's depressing. So I try to avoid that social situation. Maybe that's what I'll do in the future. Maybe that's what I'll do in the future. Anyways, that was like a time. I don't remember what the fuck I was when I was in.

And I was in Durham, North Carolina, and that fucking guy goes, you know, Bill, I like you. You know, you're a good person. You know, Bill? He goes, I like meeting good people. And I was like, oh, God, here it comes. I like meeting good people. He's testing the waters. He's sticking his toe in, you know, Christian, good Christian people, white people.

And then, boom, the fucking N-word comes. So that guy headed off at the past. He said, you know, Bill, I like meeting good people. I was just like, oh, yeah, do you? You know, I like meeting bad people. Who the fuck doesn't like making good people? And then he shut up. Then he shut up.

And then he got really mad at me, you know, when I was talking about, you know, I don't know, like the Middle East or something like that. And I was just going like, dude, you know, they're like us. You know what I mean? They got a couple of crazy fucking leaders. And then everybody else, there's a bunch of you and me walking around there trying to get a sandwich. You know, you and I were trying to get the fucking, uh, the NBA. package and they're trying to whatever fucking sport what what sport are they into over there soccer right everybody's into the fucking soccer um anyways so yeah i don't know i understand you know but

uh i don't know i don't i don't i don't have any fucking answers i don't fucking know all right younger girlfriend not ready for marriage okay hi bill i'm a big fan of yours and would like your advice i'm a 35 year old guy from the Bronx dating a 20-year-old Japanese girl in Japan. I love her a lot and want to marry her, but she tells me she's not ready for marriage and children yet and can't really say if or when she'll be ready. Yeah, it's because she's 20. He goes, I love her, but getting married and having children is very important to me. If I were younger, I would say, okay, no problem, and just keep dating and see if anything changes. But at 35, I'm starting to feel pressure to get married

sooner rather than later. Not societal pressure, but I worry that I'm getting too old. to be a father. Well, I just had one at 48, so. Alec Baldwin's fucking knocking him out in his 50s. He said, I'm okay right now, but in five or ten years, I feel I might not have enough energy to run around chasing little ones. And if she's still not ready in a few years, that would put me in a very difficult position. You're thinking smart, sir. I'm happier than I've ever been with her, and happiness can be so fleeting that I don't want to ruin it with what I have with her, but at the same time, I can't wait forever.

What would I do? I would listen to, I would listen to, I would listen to logic. All right. I really think, you know, most of the time, you know, if who's dragging their feet to the altar,

it's usually the guy, okay? Not the woman. Why would they? For the most part, generally speaking, they're marrying somebody, that makes more money than them. So there's no fear financially if you fucking, you know, they're not going to lose half the house.

They're going to get the whole house and they're going to get a fucking check from you. That's basically what the fuck happens. You know, it's like the showcase showdown at the end of the price is right. And you're the guy that they go, hey, thanks for playing. And you just walk off and then everybody crowds around the person that won. That's usually the woman in marriage. Okay? And I don't hear any shit from women because all you guys do is bitch that you don't make as much money as men.

So what I'm saying, because if you're just going to say that's not the fucking case, then what are you bitching about fucking equal pay for? All right, either you're making less or you're not. All right. So for you to sit there being saying, I love you, I want to spend my life with you and fucking have children with you and start a family and live happily ever after, for her to say, I'm not ready for that yet. And I can't really say if or when I will be ready.

Yeah, dude. She's 20 years old She has no idea The fuck she is You're fucking Fifteen years down the road You know who you are You know what you want

And I don't think She's gonna figure that out with you You know You're taking their best years Away from her Where she should be out Fucking seen Figuring out what the fuck she wants

And you And your best years Of Because now you're ready So you need to go out And meet a fucking Mature Who's not mature

I'm not saying This woman's immature She's not in, but she's fucking 20. All right. This is what happens. This is what happens when there's that level of an age difference at this age. Okay, look, if you were 45 and she was 35, she'd be fucking, you know, pressuring you. I don't know.

I would just hate for her at 23 to be like, you know what, I don't, this isn't like what I want. And now you're 38, you're pushing 40. You don't want that. I think I would pull the rip cord now. You know, that's what I would do. I don't fucking know. I mean, it's hard for me to tell you to fucking break up with somebody over a paragraph of information on a podcast

as I sit in a bed in a hotel room, isn't it? So take all of that with a grain of salt. All right? You know what I would do, sir? I would ask you good friends. Ask you good friends what the fuck they think, because they know you. And they'll actually have to have a nice long,

fucking distance phone call with you. I guess you're in Japan right now. I would do that, you know? Or maybe you got some friends in Japan. I don't fucking know. That's a big decision. But just from that little information, yeah, I'd get out of it. You know?

And I'm also saying, don't do that because I don't fucking know you, all right? Jesus Christ, Bill. Could you waffle any more with on that one? All right. I dumped my girlfriend, and now I regret it. Is this the follow-up song to who I kissed a girl and I liked it? Hi, Bill. I started watching your podcast, watching my podcast.

I don't know how you're doing. that you mean listening to my podcast? Oh, this person's not from this country. Or it doesn't speak English anyways. I'm going to read this right as the same way this person wrote it. I started watching your podcast since a few months because the best Romanian stand-up comedians always said that they listen to yours in their podcasts.

Get the fuck out of here. Romanian comics listen to this podcast. Shout out to Romania. Huh? Isn't that where all the gypsies come? the Richard Pryors and George Collins are fucking pickpocketers I gotta tell you man they're fucking amazing

they're pains in the asses but Jesus Christ can those fucking people pick your pocket you almost like when they leave you can't find your passport you almost fucking applaud them I don't know where you are but that was good I had no idea God bless you I don't know if they come from Romania

the gypsies Transylvania they're gypsies they move around now about the story me and this girls we had a complicated dude you got a threesome you broke up with two girls I had a complicated story

and I tried six months to be with her until I finally succeeded so after one year and a half a very nice relationship he was giving it to her of course with ups and downs before I leave to Germany

to study I decided alone that will be better for her if we split up so I dumped her and said to her that we should remain friends. My decision was because I got scared of her love. She would leave all of her dreams and stuff only to come with me and be with me and to hear that at 19 years old

it's scary as shit. Now after nine months when the moving out euphoria has vanished, I now know that I made a big mistake and I realized how cunt I was to her. I think you mean cunty. In the past month, so she moved on, but we still kind of talked,

but I cannot sleep anymore. I developed a little problem with drinking alone and trying not to feel something. A little advice would be nice. Thank you and all good for you and your family. First of all, fucking, you did great with your English.

I knew exactly what the fuck you were talking about. I could never do that. I don't even know what you guys, what do you speak over there? Is it called Romanian, Tapansey? Dude, you're 19. You're going to meet somebody else. I mean, on your way to find the person you're going to be with your fuck up.

Like any success story, you make mistakes and you learn from them along the way. All right? If you really love her, I mean, this is what you could do. call her up one time and just say listen I just want you to know that breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I've ever made

I've had a problem sleeping I've been I've been drinking trying to forget and just tell her why you did it and just totally communicate with her and see what she says all right and you know

if she doesn't take you back you can live with that okay at the bottom line dude you're fucking 19 years old Okay. Don't start drinking. Don't do. Don't make the mistakes I made. All right. You're in the prime of your fucking life. Turn it around. Wake up every morning. Have some positive thing that you say to yourself. All right? As simple as today's going to be a great day. Or I fucked up that relationship with so and so, but I forgive myself. And I'm going to go out that door and I'm going to be a fucking real life. You know, and you're going to attract somebody else to you. Go out there. Have a good time. And when you meet a woman, right, that you like, and just fucking be straight up on it. How are you doing?

Me? I'm trying to be positive. I went through some shit. I'm trying to get over it. And I'm trying to be positive. What's going on with you? Their cutie pie. Start doing that.

Don't fucking start drinking and being a sad sack, you know? Drinking again. Oh, baby, I'm drinking again. All right. That's it. But this is going to be a good experience for you. You can learn how to fucking open up as a guy, communicate your feelings and learn how to fucking get closure with the woman that you broke up with

or who knows it opens back up who knows right and then also you learn how to not make self-destro you learn how to pick yourself up off the fucking mac because i'm going to tell you right now you're 19 years old if you think this is the first time you're going to get knocked on your ass in life um you're sadly mistaken all right you got to learn how to get back up again so this is a great opportunity no matter what all right so there you go grasshopper take those positive words and go help yourself a great fucking day all right how do you make friends after turning 25 oh jesus christ what do you mean just i don't know buy a round of drinks he says my man double be no fun dude that that that that uh old billy no fun is complete bullshit i've been having too much fun i have been all right and i've been having a

problem turning off the fun faucet if you know what i mean um i'm struggling here all right there's always a reason. There's always a reason. Oh, he just shot his special. Boom. Oh, we're eating fucking tomato pies. Bang. Oh, I'm on a fucking flight. And the guy asked me if I want to drink. Bazawi. All right, big fan. You may have had this question before, but I've moved into a new town and I've learned that I have no guy friends. I mean, I'm plowing like crazy through these apps, but I miss just going to the bars with the fellas. Okay, so I'm, I'm an old guy. So you're on these dating apps and you fucking, you motherfuckers, man. Good Lord.

How fucking easy is it to get late? Jesus Christ. He goes, I keep trying to arrange to go out with guys some work, but they all commute in from another town and have girlfriends they need to tend to. I find myself going back to my hometown a lot in the weekends to see my buds are laying pipe with miscellaneous chicks where I live now. So my very sad question is, how does a guy make friends? Cheers

Oh, you poor baby You're just out there banging all these chicks You know what I would do I'd fucking hang out with them I just start hanging out with them The fuck do you care You can always find a fucking crew of dopes

To go watch a fucking game with You know what I would I don't know You said cheers So I'm assuming you're fucking Somewhere over there In Great Britain What did they say in Australia too?

I don't fucking know. Anyways, do you play sports? Go play some pickup hockey. Go play some fucking softball. Go play pick up soccer, football, whatever the fuck you call it. I would do that. I would get involved in some sort of an activity. Sports related. If you're into like, I don't know, you don't sound like you're into Comic-Con shit considering all the women you seem to be fucking. So yeah, I would, I don't know. I would do something like that. Is there an app for that? I have no idea.

All right. What time is it here? All right, time for me to wrap this up. My girlfriend doesn't appreciate me. Aw. My girlfriend doesn't appreciate me. Pooh-hoo. Hey, Billy Backfat.

I like that one. I'm a 21-year-old guy currently unemployed. Well, why the fuck? Yeah, you're a guy without a job. that's like being a woman without tits I mean what the fuck or a vagina yes women

that's what we look at you like I'm sorry we are we're fucking animals blame God that's how we're wired I'm a 21 year old guy currently unemployed and I live with my girlfriend

and we've been together for a year and I'm and I'm oh a year in seven months now recently it seems like she doesn't appreciate me anymore yesterday when she was at work

I made her coffee did the laundry for her, bought her some pizza, and then picked her up. And all I heard that night was how I didn't rinse the dishes enough before putting them in the dishwasher. She doesn't act like this. She doesn't act this way to anyone else,

and I feel like I can't do anything right around her. Would love to hear your feedback and go fuck yourself. Yeah, here's the deal. All right. And you'll never get a woman to admit this. All right. But one of the great things about them having a boyfriend

is that he's going to pay for shit he's going to take him out he's going to buy her stuff right he's going to fucking you know your job as a man is to provide okay a woman

you know after you push her off the dock with your Johnson there she can make a fucking baby all right and then immediately just be the greatest fucking mom and it's fucking magical to watch what can we do we pick up heavy shit that they can't pick up and we go out and we earn a living now here's the thing as a man

the second you're sitting there and you don't have a fucking job and she does and now she gets to feel what it's like to be a man which is you fucking come home right you've busted your ass all day you know, if you're fucking young, you don't have your dream job yet unless you're Justin Bieber or somebody like that or you made it in professional sports. Generally speaking, your 20s is the struggle of the dream, hoping it comes true at some point in your fucking 30s. So she's coming home and she's seeing you sitting there like a little fucking homemaker. And, you know, every guy sometimes, you know, when you come home and you look at you, you know, if your wife stays at home or your girlfriend stays at home. And you just look at it, especially if you don't have any kids, it's like, what the fuck did you do all day? It's like every day's Saturday

For you What the fuck You know But at the end of the day You're like You know She's fucking beautiful She's banging me

You know All that shit that guy I think of important But for women You got to provide dude You got to get a fucking job You want You want your girlfriend

To fucking respect you again You got to get a fucking job You got to start bringing home money That's it That's it See what I do is I bring home money And I do the fucking dishes

you know so then whenever my wife gives me shit i could be like what what is the problem okay i'm like fucking babe ruth here i'm hitting home runs and i'm pitching a no hitter what the fuck else do you want what is the problem see that you know why i can say that because i have a fucking job you don't have a job sir so no matter what the fuck you do her problem with you is not that you didn't rinse the shit off it's not that you did this wrong or you were driving too fucking fast it's the fact that when you guys go out to get a meatball sub, she has to pay for it. You know?

Yeah, you want to see all their feminism go right out the fucking window? You stay home. You be Mr. Mum. That's what happened here, sir. What happened here, sir, is you stop being a man to her. The second you don't have a job when you're with the woman, you immediately become like this fucking 20, 25, 30, 35, 40-year-old fucking teenager. They look at you like you're a child

That's it So you need to get a fucking job I'm Ladies, am I wrong? I'm speaking for you here, okay? If you think I'm fucking wrong, just writing to the podcast And I'll read your opinions

And I'll make fun of myself. All right? Okay, I got to get out of this fucking hotel. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. And, you know,

After all that fucking depressing shit I saw in Charlottesville, I'm going to be fucking nice to everybody today. I'm going to try to go on a nice little run of being nice to everybody. Go out of my fucking way to not be a cunt, okay? To be a little more empathetic as I just trashed women and spoke about them in a nice big, generalized way. I'm basically a fucking hypocrite. And for life, me, I can't understand why you guys listen to me. Go fuck yourselves. I'll see you Thursday.

Do-do-da-d-do-do-do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do-d-do-d-do-do-do to you. I need it all that you can give me, all the things that you do. So well, well, where's a healer, sweet, and his attention, make a space as the shadows closing, and fall across, all of the shadows, yesterday's You're so fine Lose my mind And the world

since it disappeared All the problems all the fears And the world since it disappear You're so fine Lose my mind And the world

since it disappears All the problems All the fears And a boss says to disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear.