Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Change Makers: Alli Webb and Adrian Koehler

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

Nicole is joined by Drybar founder Alli Webb and executive coach Adrian Koehler; two Change Makers who also happen to be a power couple. Nicole talks to Alli and Adrian about how to have money talks as a couple. Plus, they contemplate the eternal question: to prenup or not to prenup?

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Well, it doesn't. Charge for wasting our time. I will take a check. Like an old school check. You recognize her from anchoring on CNN, CNBC, and Bloomberg. The only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. Nicole Lappin. As you know, every Friday we talk with a celebrity, a public figure making change in every sense

of the word, and along the way has been in, or might still be, in money rehab. So today I'm talking with power couple Allie Webb and Adrienne Kaler. Adrienne is a business consultant and an expert on leadership, and Allie is the genius stylist turned entrepreneur behind Drybar, everyone's favorite blowout destination, including mine. Allie and Adrienne, welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you. Thanks for having us. We're going to start with a little money lightning round to kick things off. Can we play a TikTok game? All right.

All right. Yes. So it's basically like the newlywed game or the dating game. The question might be, for example, who was the first person to bring up money talks? And then you both answer at the same time. So Allie, if you think it was you, say Allie. And if you think it was Adrian, say Adrian. And Adrian, you answer at the same time. So, Allie, if you think it was you, say Allie. And if you think it was Adrienne, say Adrienne. And Adrienne, you answer at the same time. Are you ready?

Okay, so who paid on the first date? Adrienne. Who is more thrifty? Adrienne. Who is more likely to splurge? Allie. Who is in charge of the budget? Adrienne.

I don't know about that. She'd be in charge of the concerns. I'd be in charge of the plan. That's true. That's true. That's true. Oh, so Allie would be in charge of the spending. Yes.

Who has more charges on their credit card? Oh, Allie. Who has a better credit score? Allie. Allie. Whose love language is gifts? Allie's. Really?

You love getting and giving gifts. That's true. That's true. That's true. Adorable. You guys are this amazing power couple and working together, living together. It's so fun to listen to you guys. Oh, that's fun.

Thanks. So what do you think is a financial deal breaker when it comes to getting serious with a partner? Are there any? I think my answer to that question is really, it's more attitudinal. I mean, money is iconic, right? It means a bunch of stuff. It's representative. You know, it is a fruit of a lot of things.

So kind of the tree in that analogy is what I'm more interested in. Like, are they ambitious? That's what's most important for me is really the orientation and attitude and how they find themselves in the conversation about money, if that's not too poetic. It's very poetic and it's true. And I believe that money without meaning is just paper.

Yeah, so true. Hold onto your wallets, boys and girls. Money Rehab will be right back. Now, back to business. Adrian, have you felt like there has been an uncomfortable money conversation that you guys have had? Well, what's distinct, I guess, for us, which we talked about early, was she was at her place in her career where she built something that was a rocket ship and has done well and got paid on all that. I'm in a different phase in my career and

just in a different vision. I mean, I didn't build a, build a business to sell. I have a service business. So, you know, it was a conversation earlier around what, even what she has resource wise financially versus what I have resource wise financially. So we've, we've talked about that. And that was a big thing for us that she wanted to make sure that she was with somebody that was okay with that. And I'm great with that. Yeah, that really was an interesting like challenge for me as I was like starting to date again. Talk about an uncomfortable thing to talk about, which I haven't talked about much publicly. Leave it to you to make me talk about this.

Yes, please. But, you know, I definitely found that when I started dating, there was a certain like intimidation level I was feeling from guys. Once they like realized who I was, what I'd done. You know, we actually met through a matchmaker. And, you know, that was one of the things that I talked about was like, I need a guy who's cool with where I am and comfortable with who I am and what I've done. And all of my accomplishments and is like, you know, proud of it and rooting for me and not intimidated by that success that I've had. That was a real challenge to find in a man. I think it's hard to find in most guys, but not Adrian. We met and it was like instant. I mean, we moved very, very quickly. And then six months

of early ship COVID happened. And then we moved in together very, you know, after that. And, but you, you know, it's like, when you know, you know, and we're also like in our forties and we were like, there's no point in doing what we should. And like, you know, it's like when you know, you know, and we're also like in our 40s and we were like, there's no point in doing what we should and like, you know, taking this really slow. What do you guys think of prenups? I was the one that brought it up in the relationship. Like, I expect you to have a prenup. She was kind of towing around some of the money conversation. I expect you to get a prenup.

Yeah, because when I and Adrian and I first moved in together, my financial advisor was like, I went tiptoeing. He was so uncomfortable to bring it up. He knew that I was like madly in love. And but, you know, he wanted to make sure like all my stuff was protected. And he was like, I just want to make sure that you've thought about this. And I was like, oh, yeah. And Adrian had already brought it up to me before when we were fantasizing about one day getting married. He's like, you should 100 percent have a prenup, you know, cause there's like all this stuff and all this money

that you've made had nothing to do with me. But it does feel like, oh, it's like, you're saying you're going to prenup because in the case you break up, you know, and I don't feel like we're going to break up, but I think it's a safety precaution. And frankly, probably makes everybody around me feel even safer than me. Cause I don't think that's going to be a problem. And I think even if we didn't have a prenup and we got married and split up, I don't think you being who you are, I know you wouldn't be like, I'm trying to come after my money. Like, so, well, I brought it up because I knew you'd feel that let the air, let some air in the room for you. Number one, number two is for me, the prenup is just about kind of some psychological safety for her and some respect,

you know, from me to her about what she's built in her life before we've gotten together. So less about like protection, more just about respect. Yeah. That's a good way to put it. You know, if somebody is weird about getting a prenup, then that's cause for concern, you know? So that's a great point. That would be the red flag to look for in my opinion. Yeah. And I think that a lot of women are nervous about it, but if you can reframe the conversation and think of it as an empowering thing, like, Hey, you know, protecting myself because I'm boss bitch. It should almost be like a non-issue like it was with us. You know, I think the fact that Adrian brought it up so early as like, oh, I fully expect

you to have a prenup if, you know, we ever get married completely took all the pressure off. I hadn't even really thought about it. I mean, I think the people around me were thinking about it more, but in terms of advice to couples out there, if you're not the person who's going to have the prenup, tell the other person like, hey, you should have a prenup. It will surely alleviate that if there is that swirling thought of like, is this person with me for the right reasons? You know, you say, get a prenup. They're like, Oh, okay. You know, it just, it really does alleviate, I think any kind of concern. Yeah. It sounds that way. It sounds like it's just all for safety if you need it and every couple is different. So get on with your bad self. And you guys both really open about your previous marriages and your divorces. You know, I love

hearing about those experiences in the honest way that you tell them. I think for people listening, if they're thinking about getting into new relationships, what do you think you learned from your first marriages about how to talk to each other about money. Is that changed the way you communicate? For me, it was like, you know, to generalize it. I think a lot of the problems in my marriage was like avoidance and like avoiding all the stuff that wasn't working versus like diving in and, and Adrian style is so dive in. We're going to talk about everything all the time, but it's great. It's so refreshing

because it's like- Are you framing it like I'm the one? No, no. I like to too. I mean, we both like really like to talk things to death. So we talk about things and I feel like I didn't do that. I didn't do it. He didn't do it. We didn't do it in my marriage. So I think that in and of itself, it's like a pressure cooker, you know, it's like, you're just, you're both stewing and you're having, you know, arguments with each other in your head all the time. And like, it just doesn't work. Yeah. I would say, you know, why, why is, I guess there's the first question, like, why is that uncomfortable to talk about money? I think it's because people attach themselves differently to money and whatever's

going on in their world. You know, it's like during COVID, I didn't know how it was going to affect my kind of service-based business. And so I was, I think, probably a little touchier about money because it was happening for me behind the scenes. Or even just to share that, right? Like share that context with her. So she knows that my tension that I'm in

really isn't about her. It's just really about something that I'm, that's happening for me. The shift for me, I think to your question between this relationship and my previous relationship, there were times that, and I think this happens for a lot of people, where you just kind of get resigned to that's how it is, or that's how she is, or that's how I am.

And then those kind of definitions end up becoming judgments and then avoidance points. Instead of saying, hey, I'm uncomfortable with this thing and let's just keep talking about it until we find a way to talk about it that works. Until we kind of finally, you know, crack open that pickle jar or whatever in my head. If we keep working at it, at some point, we're going to find a way to talk about this, but it's going to be awkward for a bit. I think when- And it's so much easier just to avoid the awkward. Yeah. Well, we just settle for the awkward and settle for like distracting ourselves with something else instead of saying, you know what, there's awkwardness here. I don't want there to be awkwardness or there's differences here.

relationships, marriages, a lot of marriages end in divorce because of money. So what do you think are some healthy money habits that couples should think about when they're confronting their own money issues? Well, it's interesting. You know, we're in this unique space where we're like integrating our lives together and, you know, we've been spending money in parallel, but we don't, a conversation that is to come down the road is like what parts get integrated, what parts, you know, since we've both had separate lives before, what gets integrated, what, what stays separate. And, you know, those are all conversations that are a little bit premature to have right now, but I'm excited about those conversations. Yeah. And I mean, I think that we've gotten, like we were saying before, we've gotten better at having those

conversations. I think they used to be more uncomfortable in the beginning. And I feel like you're, you're always like, let's just talk about it. Let's just talk about it. You know, I think, I think the key is to talking about it because I feel like for me, if there's something that like is bothering me or something that doesn't feel right or fair or whatever, if I sit on that, I ended up getting resentful and weird and it comes out very sideways versus like, hey, let's just have this conversation frequently enough where none of that stuff happens. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank, have hard money

conversations early on in a relationship. Odds are in a romantic relationship, both people won't be making the exact same amount of money. One person's going to be making more. One person's going to be making less. And odds also are that you won't have the same spending habits. Like Allie and Adrian said, approaching these financial conversations head on is the best way to prevent messy money conversations down the line and beating the odds of financial trouble in paradise. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartMedia. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Our producers are Morgan Lavoie and Catherine Law. Money Rehab is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert with help from Josh Fisher. Executive producers are

Mangesh Hatikader and Will Pearson. Huge thanks to the OG Money Rehab supervising producer, Michelle Lanz, for her pre-production and development work. And as always, thanks to you for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.