Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Does Your Spouse Need Money Rehab? Here's What To Do

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Money problems in relationships can be sneaky. Problems don't always arise from big juicy secrets. Sometimes they arise when a couple is super compatible and in love— but just has different expectations on money and work. Nicole answers a question from a listener struggling with that exact problem, and gives three solutions. Here is the episode on calculating your target retirement nest egg Nicole mentioned: https://link.chtbl.com/vRoxmrAe Here is the episode on asking for a raise: https://link.chtbl.com/2d-VX_FY All investing involves the risk of loss, including loss of principal. Brokerage services for US-listed, registered securities, options and bonds in a self-directed account are offered by Public Investing, Inc., member FINRA & SIPC. Public Investing offers a High-Yield Cash Account where funds from this account are automatically deposited into partner banks where they earn interest and are eligible for FDIC insurance; Public Investing is not a bank. Brokerage services for alternative assets are offered by Dalmore Group, LLC, member FINRA & SIPC. Brokerage services for treasury accounts offering 6-month T-Bills are offered by Jiko Securities, Inc., member FINRA & SIPC. Banking services are offered by Jiko Bank, a division of Mid-Central National Bank. Securities investments: Not FDIC Insured; No Bank Guarantee; May Lose Value.  Brokerage services for Regulation A securities are offered through Dalmore Group, LLC, member FINRA & SIPC. Risks at public.com/disclosures/alts-risk-and-conflict-of-interest-disclosure See public.com/#disclosures-main for more information.

Money rehabbers, you get it. When you're trying to have it all, you end up doing a lot of juggling. You have to balance your work, your friends, and everything in between. So when it comes to your finances, the last thing you need is more juggling. That's where Bank of America steps in. With Bank of America, you can manage your banking, borrowing, and even investing all in one place. Their digital tools bring everything together under one roof, giving you a clear view of your finances whenever you need it. Plus, with Bank of America's wealth of expert guidance available at any time, you can feel confident that your

money is working as hard as you do. So why overcomplicate your money? Keep it simple with Bank of America, your one-stop shop for everything you need today and the goals you're working toward tomorrow. To get started, visit bofa.com slash newprosmedia. That's b-o-f-a dot com slash n-e-w pros p-r-o-s media. bfa.com slash newprosmedia. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. It's time for some money rehab. So I have this idea for a reality show where I show up at weddings and when the officiant asks if anyone has any objections, I would stand up and ask people if they had the money talk. And if they hadn't, I would object loudly. Would you watch that show? Of course you would.

Would I have any issues finding couples to wedding crash? No, I would not because lots of couples have problemos talking to their significant other about money. And the challenges can be sneaky sometimes. A difficult scenario doesn't look like a big financial secret. Sometimes a difficult scenario can look like two people being perfectly compatible, but just making different assumptions about what money and work will look like as they live happily ever after. I got this DM recently from a listener, let's just call him Cole, who had this question, and I'm going to read it because he wanted to stay anonymous. He said,

How do you approach your partner not being on the same page about financial growth? When we got married, neither me nor my wife had too much money and we both had some debt. We've been married for over seven years. In that time, I found better jobs twice, more than doubling my income, paid off all my debt, opened a TFSA, that's the Canadian version of a Roth IRA, listened from the beginning of money rehab, yay, and recently opened a first home savings account. In the meantime, my wife has had the same job as before, and while I've spoken to her about budgets like your 70-15-15, etc., she seems to have very little interest in budgeting or a career upgrade. Her job is extremely convenient with the kids when she gets the summer off,

but where we live in Southern Ontario, it's a lot harder to get ahead with one good income, at least not without a solid budget. Thank you very much. Well, first of all, thank you very much, Cole. Thank you so much for this question and for sharing it with me. I know navigating this situation is probably not easy, but I hope you've taken a moment to give yourself a pat on the back for all of the successful money rehab that you've

been doing over the years. Your future self will definitely thank you, but your present self should thank you too. It sounds like you've already tried to talk to your wife about things like budgeting, but have these chats been in passing, or have they been sit-down chats where you plot your awesome life together? If it's the former, you need to start doing a little bit of the latter, but just because the conversation needs to be more intentional doesn't mean it needs to be less fun. Something that might work for you is to frame the conversation around what you've been dreaming of for the next 5, 10, 50 years. I'd start with the conversation about what you both want retirement to look like and then reverse engineer from there. A good exercise for the two of you to do together would be look at

the way I outline three different levels of wealth so that you can start talking through desires, goals, and expectations for retirement. The first level of wealth is affectionately called rich enough, where your super basic expenses are covered. Think brown rice and beans diet without any frills. If you feel best though, maintaining your current lifestyle complete with occasional splurges like dieting out or buying designer shoes. Amazing. It is the pretty rich life for you. Being pretty rich in retirement allows you to live comfortably with some indulgences, but doesn't factor in a ton of future growth. And finally, we have the super rich level, which entails more money than you can reasonably spend, aka baller status.

If you two don't get the exact same answer here, that's okay. Talk through what a compromise might look like. If she's good with maintaining your current lifestyle, which it sounds like she is, talk about what goals for retirement are important to you, and perhaps she'll catch your excitement. Maybe you want to live on the beach in the Maldives for a year. That would be hard to not get stoked about. Once you've reached a compromise on what you want your retirement lifestyle to look like, the next step is to crunch the numbers to see how much you'll actually need to save in order to achieve that lifestyle. I go through this calculation at length in an episode that I

linked in the show notes, but for now, I'm just going to give you some loose numbers that we can tweak. If you both end up wanting to pursue the rich enough lifestyle, you should have about $700,000 saved by the time you retire. If it's the pretty rich lifestyle that you're after, aim for $1.3 million in your retirement account. If you are the super rich type, you're going to need to aim for something more in the $2 million range so you could live out your days in the Tuscan sun or wherever. Once you know how much money you'll need to have your dream life in retirement, you'll be able to calculate how much you're on track to have squirreled away by then. Maybe you'll discover that just through your own leapfrogging, Cole, you've set yourself and your family up for success in retirement. But more

realistically, reaching your retirement goal is going to be a group project. I'd start by thinking of a few ways your wife could level up the finances in a way that feels like a low lift for her right now. You can always build on these good habits together, but the most important thing is helping her catch the money rehab bug, which you have so clearly caught. Here are three ideas. Number one, embrace seasonal opportunities. Now, her summertime availability could be the perfect time for exploring interests or talents that could translate into additional income, from creative side hustles to seasonal positions that align with her passions. Do a little brainstorming solo and then in your next money talk, come prepared with a suggestion. If after doing a retirement goals exercise together, you've determined that you will

need more money and more income streams to have that dreamy retirement, I'm sure she'll be open to some of these ideas. 2. Approach financial literacy as a joint venture. Often a disinterest in financial planning stems from feeling daunted by the subject. Tackle this together by delving into, gosh, I don't know, your favorite podcast, Money Rehab. I've done a bunch of episodes on asking for a raise, which I have linked in the show notes. The next time you and your wife are in the car together, just maybe casually put on one of these episodes and ask her what she thinks. I'm sure it will inspire her because of course it will. Number three, tap into the magic of automation. If your wife is having a hard time sticking to a budget that factors in

contributions to a retirement account, talk to her about automating transfers from her paychecks to savings or investment accounts. That way she doesn't have to actively think about her budget every single time she swipes her credit card. And instead, she can take a set it and forget it approach by automating savings and investing so that she sticks to a budget without even noticing it. Living your best financial life is all about crafting a narrative that includes chapters written by both of you. By fostering open dialogue, setting clear money goals tied to your retirement dreams, and working on some accessible entry points for financial involvement,

your financial journey won't be marked by just one of you steering the ship, but by both of you navigating those financial seas together toward a horizon filled with lovely dreams and goals. Toward financial growth together is a horizon filled with lovely dreams and goals. Toward financial growth together is a lot less about having all the answers and more about discovering them together. It's a journey marked by patience, understanding, and mutual support. And if that isn't the point of marriage, I don't know what is. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. If you're looking to tag team a budget with your significant other, my favorite finance app for couples is Monarch Money. This is not an

ad. I get zero money for promoting them, although I would love to, Monarch Money. But Monarch is the only app I've seen where you can invite someone, your wife, your roommate, your financial advisor, your accountability buddy, anyone to be a collaborator on your spending plan. Monarch Money sends helpful reminders and updates to keep you on track with your spending plan. Monarch Money sends helpful reminders and updates to keep you on track with your budget. So if you don't want the responsibility of reminding your partner to constantly stick to a budget, have them do it. Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoie. Our researcher is Emily Holmes.

Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money happen. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoie. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, moneyrehab at moneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.