Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Elaine Welteroth on Wedding vs House Budgets and Abundance Mindset

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

In today's Change Maker episode, Nicole sits down with Elaine Welteroth— award-winning journalist, a TV host, the former editor in chief of Teen Vogue, the author of the New York Times bestseller "More Than Enough," and overall wonderful gem of a human. This conversation is jam-packed with stories we can all learn from: how Elaine's stoop wedding helped her and her hubs snag their dream house, how she took the leap to working for herself, and how she went from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset (spoiler alert: it involves bubblegum and vintage cars). We could all use Elaine's advice. Check out her column here find here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/elaine-welteroth/ 

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start, or even too complicated, if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full-time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you.

I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself.

Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. Hey guys, are you ready for some money rehab? Wall Street has been completely upended by an unlikely player, GameStop. Are you ready for some money rehab? Wasting our time. I will take a check. Like an old school check. You recognize her from anchoring on CNN, CNBC, and Bloomberg. The only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. Nicole Lappin. It's been a minute since we've had a Changemaker episode on Money Rehab. You remember those, right?

Love to feature changemakers. Public figures making change in every sense of the word, and along the way have been in or might still be in Money Rehab. I am very excited to bring this segment back for the one-of-a-kind, enormously talented gem of a human, Elaine Welteroth. Elaine is a journalist, writer, activist, and so much more. Her accolades include her former position as the editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue. At the time, she was the youngest person and the second African American to ever hold this title at a Condé Nast publication. So, wow. Her book, More Than Enough, Claiming Space for Who You Are, No Matter What They Say, was an instant New York Times bestseller.

She just launched an advice column with the Washington Post, and she has an amazing masterclass. And she's just an incredible human being. So if you're in need of a new role model, Elaine is your gal. Today, we're going to be talking about her adorable pandemic stoop wedding, how she hustled to get where she is today, and how her mindset around money has changed along the way. Well, Elaine, I'm so excited to say welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you for having me. I'm excited. So before we dive in, we have a quick round of Money Rehab never have I ever. Never have I ever bought a lottery ticket. Never.

Never have I ever taken a mental health day. I would say I have. Me too. Never have I ever bought an NFT. Never have I ever lost a credit card. Oh my God. I lose them weekly. Like religiously, I lose my credit card, constantly losing the credit card. I don't know where my credit card is currently. So that's my new mom brain reality. All right. I got you on this one. There's no mom brain.

Never have I ever been the editor-in-chief of a major publication. She has. She has. She has. Never have I ever split the bill on a first date. I have. on a first date? I have. And then I have subsequently become uninterested. And then there was no second date. Like I've offered like that's, that's, that's, that's game. You know, like you really, I really shouldn't have done that. That was in my twenties where like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I feel like an empowered woman where we're equals. Like you don't need to like

pay for my food. And then I offer and then they accept. And I'm like, wrong move. I didn't know it was the wrong move. And so you just did that. And no, like we love, we love, I am a modern woman, but we love chivalry. Okay. Same. Listen, you don't need somebody to pay for your meal, but you want it. I appreciate it. I enjoy it. Part of me is like, oh, like gender roles are so played. Like, why do I play into it? But you know what? You can take me out, especially the first time, at least the first time. Never have I ever written a New York Times bestseller.

She has. She has. Yeah. She's ready. Must read if anyone hasn't. More than enough. Claiming space for who you are, no matter what they say. After you wrote that, Elaine, you did an amazing masterclass on designing your career, which is something I'd love to talk about a little bit more. Let's double click if we can.

There are so many useful chapters in your class, but I want to zero in. I'm sure you're not shocked on the one, a game plan for financial confidence. So in that chapter, you talk about the difference between financial confidence and financial security. Can you define that for our listeners? Yes. And I'm actually proud to say, well, like I was going to be like, oh, God, I have to dig into my the recesses of my mom brain

memory. Um, but actually this one is like top of mind. Okay. So here's the thing. I don't believe that financial security is a real thing. I think it's a mirage. I think it's something we've been taught to believe in like Santa Claus, but it's not a real thing. And I think a lot of people have had to come to terms with that in the pandemic when, when just the idea of security dissolved before our eyes, just like the idea of control that we have control over our lives, like also just dissolved before our eyes. And I think it's, it was a powerful wake up call for all of eyes. And I think it was a powerful wake-up call for all of us. So I think the thing to invest in is your sense of financial confidence. What are the things that make you feel more secure? What are the things that make you feel more confident

financially? If confident in taking a bet on yourself, more confident in taking a leap, more confident in taking risks, what makes you feel more ready? I think it's been passed down from our parents to believe that having a nine to five is a smart thing. It's the secure thing to do. Sometimes you make a lot more money on a side hustle or a lot more money taking a leap from your nine to five and doing your own thing and having five different sources of revenue versus just one. But in order to get to that, there's a certain amount of financial confidence that you need to build up in order to take that bet on yourself. For me, when I was leaving my quote-unquote dream job to take that entrepreneurial leap,

I just wanted to know for sure that I had a certain amount of money that was coming in in the foreseeable future. Part of my financial game plan was setting myself up with enough gigs for the first six months. Actually, my goal was to make as much as I was making in my salary job within the first year. But what I realized as I started to set out on this goal of lining up gigs for the first six. But what I realized as I started to set out on this goal of lining up gigs for the first six months was that I was able to exceed my salary in the first three months. So this is just ancillary parts of my job that I was doing for free that I realized you could be getting paid for. For example, as an editor-in-chief, I was doing a lot of panels.

And I didn't realize all the people I was on panels with were collecting checks for those panels. And I was just out here doing it for free to represent Teen Vogue, to represent the magazine that I worked for. And so I realized when I got my first paid speaking opportunity, like, oh, this is a nice check. So wait, how many more of... So now when I get my next invitation to a panel or to a speaking engagement, I'm going to ask, what's the budget? What's the rate? And then I was able to lock in a number of speaking engagements before I left my job that made me feel confident enough

in taking this bet on myself. Yeah. And it's a lot better to get a job when you have a job. So you did it way better than I did. I peaced out from CNBC more than a decade ago and I just burned my corporate bra and I was like, I'm out. And then I figured it out. But I think in hindsight, having that stuff lined up would have given me way more financial confidence at the time. So in the chapter, you also talk about moving from Newark, California, which I grew up in California. I didn't even know there was a New York, California. Ma'am, you're making $10 an hour. Yes, ma'am. How are you on the financial spectrum then on the financial confidence spectrum? Yeah. I mean, I've always been the same way. I was a hustler. I am a hustler. I'm always going to be a hustler, but I just have figured out how to work

smarter. So back in the day when I was so backing up a little bit, I graduated from college a semester early, accidentally. Who does that? I thought I had a full year left to figure out my life. But when I went into that final semester, I found out like, oh, actually I'm graduating in December. So it lit a fire under my ass. And I had to come up with a game plan quick. And so I decided... I knew that the end game was to move to New York to work for a major magazine. Now, I don't come from a rich family. I have no trust fund to back me up. I worked my way through college. I worked two to three jobs at a time during college.

So I thought, okay, for my last semester, why don't I just work my ass off, move home with my parents, which, oh my God, it gave me like, it gave me a panic attack and like made me sweat just thinking about that because the idea of being this like failure to launch was looming heavily over me. Like the idea that like, what if I move home

and then I, you know, I get stuck there. I get stuck back home and in my routine and like, I never actually make it to New York. Like that would be the greatest failure of my life. Right. actually make it to New York, like that would be the greatest failure of my life. Right. But I knew that like, sometimes you have to take a small step back to take a big leap forward. So for me, that small step back was graduating from college, moving home, and then working two jobs. One of them was a waitressing job. I went to this restaurant called Nola, which is right by Stanford, which is the college that I wanted to go to, but never ended up applying to because I followed my freaking high school boyfriend to college, which is a whole other chapter of my life. And he ended up going to jail and leaving me at the school that I had no intent,

like no business being at. So that's like a whole other chapter of my life. But wow. So, so for me, it was again, like it was another really scary thing or like, it just was a humbling thing to be working as a waitress after graduating across the street from like the college that I felt like I was supposed to go to. Um, and now I'm like serving college kids from the college I wish I was at. So like it was a humbling experience, but it got me where I wanted to be. I also got a job off of Craigslist as a front desk receptionist. Then at night after I left that job, I would drive across the Dunbarton Bridge and go to my waitressing job, change clothes in the bathroom and get busy and do the whole thing over and over again. So I saved every penny that I made on these two jobs.

One was minimum wage plus tips and one was $10 an hour. I made it work, honey. I made a goal that I wanted to save $10,000 by June 1st. And I was going to take that money with me, whether I was moving to New York and as a, hopefully to get a magazine job or an internship, um, that was going to kind of be my cushion or my plan B was I didn't get a job in New York at a magazine. Then I would go back to school and get a graduate degree at a top tier school since I missed that opportunity the first time. And I was so lucky that I actually got my plan A, the magazine that I wanted to work for, that I stopped like insanely and like even made a video of myself, like pitching myself along with like

my resume and this magazine that I made to sell myself. I was like literally on the cover of the magazine being like, I want the job. And so yeah, luckily I got the job I got. I mean, it was an internship. It was $10 an hour. So yeah. So I moved out there with $10,000 in my bank account. And like, if I was like, you know, celebrating something or feeling like I'm going to splurge today, I would get a, uh, a sandwich like out in the world. I'd buy a sandwich, but then I would split it with my roommate and we would like share the cost of that sandwich. And like, that was a celebration for us. So I love it. I didn't even have a $10 internship.

So you were killing it. I mean, you were. I mean, like in a recession, I got to say, like getting a gig in New York for $10 back in 2008, like that was like nothing to talk about. You know what I mean? I mean, I did all this in the tv space and went to like south dakota and lexington kentucky and like sort of did that whole game back in the day when youtube was not a thing skipping those steps wasn't a thing but yeah getting it getting a paid

internship in new york but it sounds like you were always a saver. Has that changed? Are you just like a little squirrel, like hiding all your acorns? Oh my God. That analogy. I feel so seen that is exactly who I am inside. I am a squirrel that just collects all my little nuts. Like I, it's actually like probably a bit compulsive and probably something I should talk to a therapist about because yes, I am. I am very frugal as I'd like to say, she is not cheap. She is frugal. Um, but yeah, I mean, my, my instinct to save goes back to before I even had money. Like I remember being a little kid who would go to the grocery store

with my mom. And when we got to the checkout aisle, I would ask her if she could buy me gum. And then sometimes she said yes. And instead, and I loved gum. I loved gum. And instead of eating that gum, I would go home and put it in my gum collection drawer that I put like stickers all over that said like, caution, keep out, like do not enter. And I just built up this like crazy collection of all the, all the different types of gum one could have. And I never ate it. Like I just was, I don't know what I was saving it for. Like, you know, some, some like, I don't know,

apocalypse or something, but like people would ask me like, oh, can I, and then I would ask other people when, when we were out, like in social situations and people would be chewing gum, I'd be like, oh, can I have a piece of gum? And then you put it in the little box? No, I would eat their gum, but I would, oh, I see. I would like, I would like rip the gum in half, eat some, eat the half and then put the other half in my pocket to eat later. Knowing I had like all this gum at home in my, in my gum collection. Um, and then it's so sad because actually the end of my gum collection was quite tragic. Um, I remember in the middle of the night when I was asleep, I heard something going on. I heard like,

I heard something happening in my drawer, like movement. And I thought I was tripping. Um, and this is how psycho I was. I put a marble in my gum collection drawer so that if anybody opened the drawer, I would see that the marble had moved. Like that's how O like OCD and psycho I was. So, um, in the middle of the night, I hear the marble moving and I thought I was going crazy. And then I woke up the next day, I checked my drawer and a mouse had eaten through the back door and like eaten all of like eat torn into my gum. So anyway, I had to learn that like, you know what, when you get the things you value, you save some and you enjoy some, like you don't save it all up because if something could happen one day and like a mouse, God forbid could come and eat all your gum. And then what

were you saving it for? And so I think like the life lesson for me is like, I think like that was my first bank essentially. And like gum was my money. And so I have operated similarly with my money now as an adult. Like I put away, I stash as much as I possibly can. stash as much as I possibly can. But I do remind myself that like you work and you save for a reason to live,

to enjoy the things, you know, to enjoy your life and enjoy the things that you value. So I'm, I feel like it, it really not until this very moment, this very stage of my life that I find myself in today, have I put into practice the like, enjoy the fruits of your labor part. I have steadily been saving, saving, saving, saving as if I still make $10 an hour, even when I was making six figures. I think that, and you would probably relate to this when you start your career at the beginning of a recession and you see people losing their jobs left and right. And there's just no sense of this, you know, elusive concept of financial security. Like

I never got to enjoy that. I was constantly like financially insecure thinking that I might lose my job. My instinct to save was kind of exacerbated by starting my career at such a time in the world. And I think a lot of young people today probably relate to that because starting your career in a pandemic is very similar, you know, and so you have to treat opportunities like they could go away. Hold on to your wallets, boys and girls. Money Rehab will be right back. I love hosting on Airbnb.

It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full-time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high-quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work,

but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. Now for some more money rehab. I hear you. You know, I, like, you didn't have a trust fund, had a chaotic upbringing, like, had to start working super early on. And I always, even to this day, like it doesn't match what's in my bank account, how I feel like the financial trauma is real.

It is so, so real. And I remember the brown rice and beans diet because it felt fancier to me at the time than ramen. And I'm like, I'm never, never going back there. But I think there's a balance between I'm going to die tomorrow and I'm going to live forever. There has to be that sweet spot. And you wrote this beautiful post when you got this sweet ride. You splurged on this awesome car and you wrote so beautifully how much this meant to you as a splurge because you don't do it a lot. And so that is a huge evolution. It sounds like for you. How'd you get to that point? It is. I mean, in part, I think it was a midlife, a pre midlife crisis, to be honest, because what I didn't say in that post is that I had recently found out that I was pregnant and I was just kind of like, I don't know, I was going through this semi-identity crisis where I was like, what are the things that I never got to do? And what are the things that I won't be able to do knowing how, how much of a saver I am, I could only imagine how much more

frugal I'll be when I have a baby. And like, I will, I won't feel entitled to spend my money on frivolous things. Um, because I will think like that could go to his college, you know, you know, investment account or whatever. Um, and so I feel like it was kind of like my last like moment to be a little selfish and, and, and like to just enjoy the fruits of my labor and spend the damn money, spend the damn, spend the money on the thing that will bring you joy. You can do it. You are not making $10 an hour anymore, sis. Like, you know, like, like splurge it's okay. And so growing up, um, you know, I, I came from kind of a humble background. We were not poor,

but we certainly didn't live like a glamorous life, you know? And, and I had one glamorous auntie that I just thought was just so cool. She owned her own business. She'd go on these elaborate trips. She had all this cool product, like beauty product at her house and her houses were always like really impeccably designed. And I think she became like my, my role model for the kind of woman I wanted to be like, I, and so she had this, this vintage Mercedes that she would take me like on, on rides and with the top down. And I just felt so fancy, so glamorous. And I just wanted to be like her. So I found myself in this moment, like, like I am that girl. I am, I can be that girl now. Like, you know what I mean? I worked really hard.

So I just decided I'm going to get that car. And I went on this hunt and I, I haggled and I ended up probably overpaying for this car, but it, it was still worth it to me. Like I, I just wanted those moments before I had the baby, just me out here in these streets, wind blowing in my hair, you know, and I, it's so funny. The fourth time I drove that car, it broke down and here I am like trying to floss in my fancy new vintage Mercedes. It's the same year I was born, which is another meaningful aspect to it. But I picked up my girlfriends and we went to the, um, we went to a concert at the Hollywood bowl. And literally as we are driving up to VIP valet, the car starts. Oh my God. It's like billowing like smoke everywhere. And like everyone in line was like, what the hell is going on over? What is

happening? Is that car about to blow up? And the valet guy wouldn't even park my car. He was like, yeah, I'm not touching the car. There's obviously something's going on. And I'm like, Oh no. And he's like, you can pull it over there, but you have to call the tow truck. So like literally my biggest flex turned into like my biggest, like most embarrassing moment. Um, I ended up like waiting until like 1.00 AM for the tow truck to come. So anyway, um, all that glitters ain't gold, but I, I am still glad I invested in that car because it really marks this moment in my life where I am finally allowing myself to invest in things that bring joy and trusting in the abundance of our lives. Like I'm not holding on as tightly as I used to. So I feel good. Like I graduated from a scarcity mentality to a mentality and a spirit of abundance. I love that. And when you see her, I'm assuming it's her. I hope you're proud of yourself. I am. I am. I am.

Love it. So recently you also bought a house. I did. Love it. So recently you also bought a house. I did. I read in Architectural Digest about how adjusting your wedding budget for your stoop side COVID wedding that was the cutest wedding from the pictures. You definitely are all about couples goals. Allowed you to grow into this home ownership nest egg. So if we could wave a magic wand and go back to your wedding planning and erase COVID, would you change anything or would you keep your wedding

size? Honestly, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. I guess the only thing would have been I would have loved to have my parents there and maybe my best friends, but they were there. Like everyone that attended my Zoom wedding air quotes felt the love. They felt like they were there. Like, I mean, we had our wedding in the middle of the probably scariest part of the pandemic before there were vaccines before there were even tests available, readily available. And people just were so starved, uh, you know, of joy. And I feel like by us creating this like really special online moment for people to participate in, like we gave it, we had an entire people like took that seat to heart. And honestly, the emotion carried through,

it carried us through and it carried everyone through like a really kind of depressing moment. And it, and it, it crystallized that, that that's what makes the best wedding. It's the emotion. It's the, it's the connection that you have with your community and you don't need like a fancy five course meal and spread and, you know, this elaborate location or destination to make people feel the sentiment of like your love. Like, like it started out with Jonathan getting on the zoom when he saw all of the faces of people that we've loved, we both love. It was so overwhelming for him that he couldn't even speak. He just started crying and everybody started crying with him. And it was the most

special thing ever. I wouldn't have had it another way. I don't think like the big fancy wedding we were planning would have been crazy expensive, would have been, it wouldn't have even touched what we actually did. So except again, for the fact that I wish our parents were there, but we could have bought a house either way. We were going to probably buy a house within that first year, either way, we could have afforded it. But going back to the beginning of our conversation, it's about financial confidence. Another person could have looked at how much we had in our financial reserve and said, you guys could have bought a house years ago. That amount was not... It didn't equate to the kind of financial confidence that made me feel

good about making that investment at that time. So for me, the level of financial confidence that I went into home ownership with was like through the roof because I saved all this money on the wedding. It made me feel so much better about entering the housing market. And I feel extra confident because I saved so much money on the wedding thing by just going ahead and having like a beautiful wedding on our stoop in Brooklyn. And the only thing I invested in are flowers and an excellent videographer and photographer. With those three elements, you could make a wedding look like the biggest, fanciest, like most special event literally anywhere. So that was my takeaway. And I share

that with anybody out there who's like stressing out about their wedding. So that was my takeaway. And I share that with anybody out there who's like, stressing out about their wedding, it's not worth it. Just get great flowers, get a great videographer and photographer. And you will always look back on that day, look at through those through the lens of the pictures and be like, we did that. I love that. I'm going to take that advice for myself. I'm recently engaged and I don't even want a wedding because I'm like, no, I want to put this in a house or I want to put this in something else. Listen, I told a woman who came on the show for an intervention to cancel her wedding

because she could not afford it and she should buy a house instead. I'm with you. Listen, your house is going to make so much more money for you than your wedding will. Your wedding is a loss. It's a big old L. So spend whatever you need to spend to feel good about it. But like it's one day. And in the end, it's going to be a memory. It's the memories that are going to matter the most. You and I are on the same page, like invest, invest in the thing, invest in a house, invest in, put your money

in investments, put your money in places where it will grow and have dividends. I'm totally afraid. What has surprised you financially about owning a home now? It's also a money pit. What has surprised me about home ownership is that like, you will never stop investing in the house. Oh my God, there's always something. It's like we have to have... Now we realize living in the Hollywood Hills sounds super glamorous until you realize that means you literally built a house on an ant farm, like on an ant hill. So in the summertime, you have a crazy ant problem. So you have to have the ant guy come. It's just like one thing after another, you have a crazy ant problem. So you have to have the ant guy come.

It's just like one thing after another, you're always dishing out money to maintain the house, to maintain the property. So I just think that when you're looking for a home, you should account for maintenance costs, which I don't think we talk about enough. And I don't think realtors prioritize... I don't think realtors prepare first-time home buyers for the maintenance.

Yeah, because you can't just call the landlord or the super. Like you look in the mirror and that's on you. Exactly. You're your own landlord. Exactly. And that shit is expensive. That shit is expensive. I mean, the toilet, this and that, the pipes,

like there's always something. So I think that when you're buying a house, you should literally allocate like a lot more than you think to maintaining the property and like dealing with repairs as they come up because they're always going to come up. So I would say buy a house that's a

little bit below your budget and allocate a significant amount of your budget to just maintaining the house each year. Squirrel it away. Squirrel it away. Yes, exactly. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. You can and should give yourself financial indulgences now and again. Of course, like Elaine, you need to be thoughtful and realistic about your splurge. Maybe it's your dream car, or maybe it's just taking yourself out to lunch. A financial indulgence here and there that's accounted for in your spending plan is healthy, and it prevents you from financial withholding or binging behavior later on. Spend my money, money, money. it prevents you from financial withholding or binging behavior later on. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Our producers are

Morgan Lavoie and Mike Coscarelli. Executive producers are Nikki Etor and Will Pearson. Our mascots are Penny and Mimsy. Huge thanks to OG Money Rehab team, Michelle Lanz for her development work, Catherine Law for her production and writing magic, and Brandon Dickert for his editing, engineering, and sound design. And as always, thanks to you for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.

You spend my money, money, money.