Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Financial Abuse and Resilience with Mary Bonnet of Selling Sunset

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

We know about romance scammers like the Tinder Swindler, who steal money from people they’re dating… but what do you do if you’re married to that person? And how do you trust anyone ever again? That’s what Mary Bonnet had to ask herself when she found herself in a toxic relationship and a victim of financial abuse.  You know Mary from Netflix's Selling Sunset, and today, Nicole and Mary do talk about the show— but they also talk about everything in Mary’s life that happened before the cameras started rolling. They talk about how Mary’s second husband racked up nearly six figures of credit card debt in her name, how that experience impacted her relationship with her husband now, and what the heck is going on with the Selling Sunset cast.  Read Mary's new book here: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/selling-sunshine-mary-bonnet?variant=42536247361570 $ Take control of your finances by using a Chime checking account with features like no maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Visit: http://chime.com/MNN  $ Looking for the perfect holiday gift for your coworkers, friends, and everyone in between? Choose Nicole’s favorite wine, Justin. Get 20 percent off your order for a limited time with the code “MONEY20” at http://justinwine.com/  $ Ready to find a financial advisor that’s right for your financial goals? Get matched with a trusted, vetted financial advisor at: http://moneypickle.com/MNN  All investment strategies involve risk of loss. The information shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Listeners should do their own research and consult a financial advisor before making any investment decisions. See terms for additional details: https://moneynewsnetwork.com/terms/ 

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to

line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. One of the most stressful periods of my life was when I was in credit card debt. I got to a point where I just knew that I had to get it under control for my financial future and also for my mental health. We've all hit a point where we've realized it was time to make some serious money moves. So take control of your finances by using a Chime checking account with features like no

maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Learn more at Chime.com slash MNN. When you check out Chime, you'll see that you can overdraft up to $200 with no fees. If you're an OG listener, you know about my infamous $35 overdraft fee that I got from buying a $7 latte and how I am still very fired up about it. If I had Chime back then, that wouldn't even be a story. Make your fall finances a little greener by working toward your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash MNN. That's Chime.com slash MNN. Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A.

Members FDIC. SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in SpotMe and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. We know about romance scammers like the Tinder swindler who steal money from women they're dating. But what do you do if you are married to that person? How do you ever trust anyone again? That's what Mary Bonet had to ask herself when this happened to her. You know Mary from Selling Sunset. She's an OG member of the cast. And today

we talk about that. But we also talk about everything that happened before, which she writes about in her new book, Selling Sunshine, which I linked in the episode notes. In this conversation, we talk about Mary's past experience with financial abuse, how that experience impacted her relationship with her husband now, and what the heck is going on with the Selling Sunside cast. Here's Mary. Mary Bonet, welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you for having me. So you're this glamorous being. You are just so stunning.

Oh. Even more stunning in real life thank you but you grew up a far ways away from sunset oh yeah in indiana and indiana so take me back to origin story of of mary oh just a normal midwest upbringing i had a really great childhood. We were by no means rich. We were very frugal, but we were happy. We just did the normal small town stuff. I'd go down to a lake at the end of our street and catch tadpoles and watch them grow up. And then I'd release them and just played out in the streets and come back when the streetlights came on. And yeah, it was a really cool upbringing very simple when you grew up a veterinarian or a dolphin trainer that's what I wanted to be but but not a reality star or definitely not real estate no well I didn't even think that was an option yeah I mean they didn't have reality shows back then I think the real world was the first thing that I remember ever seeing. Road rules, right? Yeah, yeah. But I was just driven on succeeding and making money, not really being on TV.

Well, part of that was because you got pregnant at 15. You wanted to support your son. How did that change how you plan for the future? In the beginning, I just needed to find a job after I got out of high school. I went to college. I just knew I wasn't going to be a statistic. I wasn't going to be struggling for money. I had to support him. I wanted to prove to myself and to my parents that I wasn't just going to throw my life away of sorts. I wasn't just going to stay in the town and not do anything with my life. I wanted to support

myself, my son. I wanted to give us a good life. And so I just was very determined. Right in your book, Selling Sunshine, that you studied to become a radiographer. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. You wanted to make more money to support your son? Oh, yeah. So I started doing that. That's when I went to school because it made the most money in the shortest amount of time. So it was a very hectic schedule.

But I did that because I could get out and really support my son. With a good amount of money, they were giving sign-on bonuses at the time and stuff, too. How much sign-on bonus? At the time, it was $20,000 or $30,000 or something like that, I think. Which was a lot of money to you. That was a lot of money to me back then, especially in Indiana. That's a lot of money because they were just in such need. And then, unfortunately, when I moved to LA, they were not offering it there.

That's when I started being a loan processor, a friend of a friend, and then got into mortgages that way and then moved into real estate. In your book, you talk a lot about the relationships you've had. Girl, let's get into it. Oh, see, that's where I bring the drama. I mean, the good, the bad, the ugly. Sister, let's start with Drew. Let's start with your second husband. Because I think, as you know, we're all about money rehab and financial independence for women. I needed rehab after that.

Tell me about that. So you guys were romantic partners and then business partners. Is that right? Yeah. And then, yeah, we got married. Everything was in my name. I had amazing credit at the time. I was like 815 or something like that.

I worked very hard on my credit. How did you even know to work hard on your credit so young? My mom always talked about it. She said, you can't get anything without your credit. And then when I was so young and I had to get things on my own. And so when they check your credit and I don't have any and I couldn't get things, I knew I had to make sure I built it up. I mean, sometimes we nickel and dime ourselves, but we should focus on the big things like your credit score, which can save you thousands of dollars in interest over time.

Absolutely. So you had all-star credit. I did. Not for long, though. Not by the time that relationship was over. So you guys started a business after you got married. Yeah. He started it when we were

still dating when we were engaged, but everything had to be in my name, any of the business purchases, stuff like that. Everything had to be in my name. Because it was because he was foreign. He was from the UK. So he didn't really have much credit. Was that a red flag for you? so he didn't really have much credit was that a red flag for you in hindsight of course in hindsight there were a lot of red flags sure yeah until now I did not always pick the best men you got it right which is amazing ultimately that business folded can you tell that story yeah he would take on I did basically the office and debit. I would do all the payments. I would kind of run the books and stuff like that.

And then he was out in the field bidding jobs and managing the crews and stuff like that because it was a stucco company. And he took on one big, big job. And that one was not his fault. The guy just stopped paying like all of his. He would just hire subcontractors and then have them do the work and not pay and then get somebody else in. So there were a ton of mechanical needs on the property. He didn't care. He wasn't going to like sell or do anything.

So he just kept doing it. And so we got screwed out of a lot of money. And he took on another big job. We were able to do it. We took out of personal savings to make sure we could pay everybody, stuff like that. He took on another really big job. It was like a hotel.

And I was like, this is not a good idea. That's gonna be hard. Well, that one ended up going south. Something got messed up and it just basically took us down. It was right around that time that things were really struggling between me and him. He'd become abusive at that time, started going to therapy.

And his dad got sick, got cancer. And so he was back in the UK. And we just decided, well, let's make a move where he can go be with his dad, restore that relationship. We can make a fresh start. My son was up for it. And so we moved over to England. And you say that's when the financial control really started. Yes. Yes. So when you go over there, we had to come back and then get our visa because he told us we would get it when we get there. But they don't allow you to do that.

We had to come back to the States and then get approved to the end and go back in. But we sold everything here, transferred all the money. So all the money was over in an account for him because they won't let you get a bank account till you have a proper spousal visa. And it took about a month or two for us to get it. So we came back, stayed with my mom, Austin and I. And when we went over there, we'd already transferred the money. We didn't realize. And I never went over there, we'd already transferred the money. We didn't realize,

and I never really got any of that money back. And he would be very stingy with it. And I would have to ask for things. And it took a while before I was able to make my own money. So I started working, make my own money. And then in the meantime, I found out once I came back to the States that he'd also taken a bunch, just ran up a bunch of credit cards and stuff, got credit cards in my name because I closed almost all accounts when I was here. I still had credit cards, but I didn't know those weren't the ones he opened new credit cards. But since we didn't have an address in the States, I wasn't being notified of anything. I didn't have an address in the States, I wasn't being notified of anything. I didn't have an address. He just ran up a whole bunch of stuff in my name.

So it started with you having to ask for even buying groceries. Yeah. And that's when it sounds like financial abuse started. Yeah. Which oftentimes goes hand in hand with other types of abuse. I had both. I'm sorry that you went through that. It's okay.

I mean, for better or worse, I think the way money is used in relationships affects our confidence and our sense of control. Yeah. Do you remember what that time was like when you lost control? And I won't put words in your mouth, but maybe confidence around money?

I have a money twitch. It's because of this. And I physically get a twitch like where it's something super expensive or something. I was like, and I actually get a like little like twitchy thing like that because I'm irked by it. It's a physical thing because of what it's like, just like the trauma from what happened. I do feel like the frustration of not having control of my life. Like I've, I've always been in control of things. And my, my first ex husband was like, he was very generous. He was very respectful. It was not that situation at all. And then I've managed my own money like the rest of my life since I can remember since I was 15 so I did not know how to handle it it was very frustrating but

I so I just went out and started working and once I was able to work and so I went and worked and then I would just pocket that work two jobs when I. When I was over there, I'm like, this is not going to happen. And so then I ended up once again, supporting him because he lost his job. And so I still, but at least I had my money and I could do it, but I have a money twitch and I was like, I will not be left without anything. Yeah. It sounds like a PTSD symptom. Yeah, it's just security. And I don't need to be rich, but I need to be comfortable. I need to know that all of my bills are paid.

I need to know that I'm never going to starve. But I am kind of extreme with working and stuff like that. So luckily, I have been able to make quite a bit of money since then. For women listening, what kind of red flags now in hindsight, would you say that Drew showed you when it came to financial abuse that women should look out for? The frivolous spending, like where when you see his habits, yeah, he was responsible. And he knew there wasn't that much money. He would just buy things that were so expensive or over the top where I'm like, you don't need that. Why are you doing that?

Unless you have money to burn. Like, why are you buying something so big and so expensive if that's going to break you? And he was like, oh, no, I'll just make more. I don't know. And it would just irk me if I was like, okay, it's not my money because it was before we shared finances. That should have warned me. It was just always pushing Nomlup just to be like he would have this like really flashy car and then lived in this little apartment. So it's not up.

It didn't. No. And it was just always trying like showy stuff. And so he would do stuff that was just not responsible. I think those are really big signs because if he does it then, when you guys start sharing finances, it's going to continue. Except that's also going to be your money. It's such an important point. And I think oftentimes we justify it and we're in love and we have rose-curled glasses on and it's hard to see

the signs when you're in the thick of it it is it's very hard and i luckily have recovered from that i keep separate finances like i trust romaine but i have separate finances from romaine and i always will we can have one joint account but i will never let that happen to me again it was so brutal and it took so long to climb out of it. And you can't control somebody else. So I can control me. And I can control my kids. So that's what I'm doing.

I love that. Even leaving the relationship, unfortunately, did not solve the financial problems. You got back to the United States. And how did you realize when you went to go lease a car that your credit was under 500? It wasn't where it used to be at 850, 815. 815. 815. And no, it was not.

It was under 500. I didn't even know that you could have under 500. I had no idea. Never been there before. But I started laughing. I was like, I think you made a mistake. And I was like, maybe it was from under my previous name. Did you get the number right? I was blown away. Had no idea. So my stepdad had to co-sign for me. And it was humiliating. I had

always been able to get any car I wanted, anything I wanted. I built up the business, made good money. And I was just taken back down after everything that happened. And I thought I'm getting away. And I'm like, okay, I'm still alive. I'm still like, let's just start over again. And then I find out that happened again. My God. What did you do next when you found out he ruined the credit?

Was it from all the accounts that he opened? Yeah, because it was about a year and a half of he ran up about a hundred thousand something dollars or almost a hundred thousand in your name and didn't pay it yeah so they were all in collections by the time i came back and so i ended up having to file bankruptcy and like humiliating i put it off for a very long time because i'm like, I refuse to do it. I'm going to pay these off. And there were a couple of things that happened where I'm like, I think it's going to be better. And it was very, very difficult to make that decision.

And when I'm trying to build myself back up, try to repay these loans, and I had to suck it up, put my ego aside, and do what I had to do to move forward. So I went ahead to do that, and I've been doing like all the credit repair and all these different things and anything I could do. And then all the typical things that you do with credit card making sure my balance is always under, it's always kept very, very low. I'd make multiple payments a month

to make sure it's never- Yeah, yeah. And so I just had to do what I had to do nothing i can do about the past i can only affect the future at this point were there some tactics that helped your credit more so secured loans yeah i had to start with a secured credit card i had to start very very very low like credit card amounts it was like1,500 or something was the max. Sometimes it was, I started with $500. I was like, what can you, I can't even pay a bill with that. Just to show payment history. Exactly. But then I tried to pay everything on the credit to show, I pay it off, pay it off.

And so to show them I'm responsible, I can do this. Never have one late payment. I have everything on auto pay. So there's no chance I can just get busy and forget. I had to just start slowly. Where's your credit now? It's still on the bankruptcy on one of them. It's a 750, 760. Yeah. Well, I to me, it's still low until I get back up there. I'm just very hard on myself. So I'm like, I will be back to where I was. low until I get back up there I'm just very hard on myself so I'm like I will be back to where I was and so I can keep doing it but it takes a long time so ladies never ever get in that situation be careful 10 years or yeah it's been it's probably been about 10 years yeah but in the beginning because I didn't have any money so it wasn't like I could do what I can now. Like because

having money, it's easier to fix things. I was broke. I had nothing when I came back. I had no credit. I had no money. I had nothing. I was starting from scratch plus having a son. So I'm like trying to get him pay for college, pay for all these things. It's not necessarily money that makes your credit score better. It's those little habits regardless. Like we had the CEO of FICO on the show, the credit reporting company. And he said that his assistant had a higher credit score than he did. She makes less money, but she was more responsible. And so it's really about those. My husband, he had no credit and had a better credit score than i did just because right when he got one he was able to do it he didn't have the negative

like with the bankruptcy on there and because it takes a long time to have that pull off eight ish years yeah seven to ten years i mean to be fair i totally understand why you want like psychologically why you want to get back to 8 15 and you will no doubt and you should yeah but you know 7 58 15 you're not gonna it's not gonna change like you're gonna get the same it's a great score i know i know i know i'm very stubborn like i know i'm like i will be back there i'm like i i will not get knocked down for too long sometimes people get really obsessed with it because they think it's gonna change but up in that level you're in the in a good prime rate yeah yeah but yes psychologically psychologically i just went i'm i will be back there do you think he read the book i don don't know. I don't care. I changed his name. I changed everybody's

name. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't know where they're at in their life. And if they have grown, if they've matured, if they've become a better person, good for them. I don't want to do anything to mess that up. I'm just telling my story. So I don't need to get them involved and try to hurt them just for me to tell my story. Yeah, and it's an important cautionary tale to other women. Do you feel like you've healed from this financial trauma? Yeah. There's always, I still have my money, Twitch.

It's getting better. It's definitely getting better. But, you know, it takes a while. I think I'll always have a little bit. I really value i financial security and i learned the hard way just how much i value it just how important it is so i'm just cautious i think that is a really good place to be yeah because you it doesn't sound like you're jaded no but you've learned and it and as painful as this was

yeah it sounds like it really put even more of a fire under your ass to to hustle harder yeah and to and like a chip on your shoulder too yeah yeah like i clean it up yeah absolutely like even with my mortgage i make an extra payment every six months to bring that interest down and bring the amount of the loan down and just small things like that I can do. I'm like, okay, I'm going to do that. I just, I think it's smart and it makes me feel good. And it's just lifelong credit hygiene. It's also credit is like going to the gym, right?

You can't just get an awesome score and be done, never go back. Oh, yeah. You have to maintain it. A constant maintenance. Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like

these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work. But sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. One of the most stressful periods of my life was when I was in credit card debt. I got to a point

where I just knew that I had to get it under control for my financial future and also for my mental health. We've all hit a point where we've realized it was time to make some serious money moves. So take control of your finances by using a Chime checking account with features like no maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Learn more at Chime.com. When you check out Chime, you'll see that you can overdraft up to $200 with no fees. If you're an OG listener, you know about my infamous $35 overdraft fee that I got from buying a $7 latte and how I am still very fired up about it. If I had Chime back then, that wouldn't even be a story. Make your fall finances a little greener by working toward your financial goals with Chime.

Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash MNN. That's Chime.com slash MNN. Chime. Feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bank Corp. Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Booths are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in SpotMe and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details.

And now for some more money rehab. Let's talk about your lovely husband. Yesaine yes you mentioned you guys keep finances separate yeah was the situation went through the big reason behind that absolutely how did it change the way you went into the marriage with money did you sign a prenup i did absolutely i don't think he will ever do anything he is way too stubborn and too prideful to ever do that he's i'm gonna take what's not mine but i know people can change like during breakups and stuff the ugly side of them comes out i don't think we will ever split up we have an amazing relationship and he had no problem signing it he's like i'll sign whatever you want he's like

i don't care because he's not as much as people try to say from the show like he's a gold digger i'm like that's never been an issue i'm not paying for all of his stuff we have separate finances so he was fine with it that's for your own peace of mind exactly and he understands based on he knows how difficult that was and he's watched me like still try to climb back out of that mess and and so he understands why i'm doing it. He doesn't take it personally. And what was that first conversation about prenup like? Was that hard if somebody's listening and nervous about these types of conversations? Yeah, he handled it well. I just explained to him why. I've watched it too many times with friends, with family, and you spend

so much of your money just fighting over stuff because people are angry and it's like they're just fighting for the sake of it and then you end up spending all the money that you guys just split but it happens over and over again where you will give all your money to attorneys before like yeah it's insane and i'm like just just do it just stop so but i think a prenup is a perfect way of just okay when you're on good terms let's decide what's fair what's not and so that's when you're happy and you're in love and you decide on that it solves so many problems and you're not throwing all your money away if you guys do god forbid split i think it's just smart because you have one anyway yeah it's the state it's up to the state so if you don't It's the state. It's up to the state.

So if you don't like what the state says or you want to take control, that's up to you. But you have a prenup regardless. Everybody does. Were there elements of the prenup that were important to you to get? We're actually amending it because with the house and with – I'm so for the top about this. So when we bought the house, I paid a lot of the down payment. And so what we verbally agreed on is that money would come off whatever profit we split. And then we'll use those splits that we agreed upon too.

And so I want that just written in the prenup that where it's in writing, it's legal. So he's like, okay, cool. He's like, you paid it. I'm like, I don't care. I'll sign it he's a fair person i think it's the the delivery on how you start the conversation helps but then again i know a lot of women that would be like hell no i'm not gonna sign anything but that's something that the couple needs to decide if they're in it just for the money or if it's just principle i

don't know but but you're doing this is adult conversation you own a house so it's not technically a post-nat it would just be an amendment so yeah they said basically it would be because i have a very extensive print up it's yeah girl it's i think it's like 78 pages or something like that and so it was very extensive and i didn't even have much back then I wasn't like now but I was like I wanted to be very very detailed and I paid a good like it was not cheap to to make sure it was yeah it was not cheap but it's worth it to me peace of mind just that I'm will not just lose everything again I just won't do it were you in the thick of all of the aftermath of the financial trauma and chaos? Did you just not want to get married again because of it?

No, I didn't. I never wanted to. I'm like, I'm good. I can date. We can live together. I'm cool. But here we are. Here we are.

But yeah, he's a different person. And I truly believe he'll never do that. But just on a day-to-day basis, even if we're in an argument, he's still different person. And I truly believe he'll never do that. But just on a day-to-day basis, even if we're in an argument, he's still, I don't want it. I'll pay for it myself. I don't need you to pay for it. He gets very offended if I try to pay for certain things. I'm like, I'll get it.

He's like, why? I definitely trust him, but. Makes all the sense as well. I mean, also, sister, you've worked with three guys you've dated. Mm-hmm. It hadn't worked out, but now I love the fact Romaine went to go work with you because you went to go work with the others, but now he's coming on your turf. Mm-hmm. So what kind of advice would you give somebody who's thinking about working with their significant other?

What have you learned from these three situations? My advice situations i think you have to have the two different hats basically like with jason that's my boss so i have to treat him in a certain way i have to listen to certain things but it can go both ways because i can also talk to him more and i can kind of push him a little bit more because we're such good friends because we dated and stuff like we know each other. And it's more of a friendly thing. But Jason and my relationship is different because we hardly ever get in fights unless it's about money. And we'll yell for a couple minutes and we're like, you're not grateful. I was like, you're being a dick until you hang up.

And then he called back and we're like, OK, here's what's fair. And then we'll talk it through. Romaine and I, I think you have to separate that because then when he's coming and he's working on a client's house or he's doing something, if something goes wrong, I can't yell at him because he's my husband. I have to remember this is a professional thing and not let it go back into our home life. That's a professional thing and I need to keep it at work. You've said that Jason has been a great mentor to you. Yes. Regardless of, I can't imagine you saying, you're a dick, whatever.

I mean, I have my moments. Sure. What do you think is the biggest business lesson you learned from him? Oh, I think at least when this comes to real estate, never stop learning. Keep up on everything. Absorb as much as you can. Listen to as many people as you can. If you see successful people, stop and listen when they speak because they're doing something right.

That's how they got there. You don't have to do everything like that, just be a sponge absorb everything you have two ears and one mouth yeah so listen more than you talk exactly on selling sense that you have this reputation for being a sweet pea how do you exist in this sort of cutthroat world and that's the dynamic of all reality shows or good reality shows there needs to be like drama. There needs to be that cutthroat nature. So how do you lead with kindness in that type of environment? Honestly, that's just who I am.

I do have Scary Mary, but she only comes out on rare occasion. And you have to push me very, very, very, very far. When's the last time she came out? I don't know if I have to ask Romaine or Jason. They would probably remember. You know oh i think probably on his bachelor party i was not happy i had one role and they did exactly the opposite and then romaine lied to me because he knew they broke that one role and i was like oh they can go to strip clubs they can can do whatever. Don't have strippers back out. Don't take them up to the apartment or to the room. But then I was more mad at Jason and Brett because they did it knowing my one room and

they agreed. And they are the ones that brought him up. Yeah. And it's scary. Mary did come out on that occasion to all of them. I was really struck, Mary, in the book that you talk about the idea that you really kind of have two full time jobs, real estate and the show. Yeah, the real estate, the show. Which one is more demanding?

For that I know that that's a good thing. Yeah, it's a lot. Which one's more demanding? It depends. I think it fluctuates sometimes, especially in this market. During COVID, it was insane. It was so good. It was easy.

That's the one good thing that came out of COVID was it was the best market ever. We made so much money. There was like lines outside, open houses. Yes. It was amazing. You didn't even have to work hardly. It was like you worked, but you didn't have to try to contact your people and stuff. Business was just flowing in.

It was amazing. But for the last two years, really, it hasn't been as good. Hopefully interest rates are coming down again a little bit. So let's see what happens. But it was still working, but it's been slower than it was before. I really appreciate the fact that you're honest about this idea that it is not like a documentary when the cameras start rolling of what it's like to be in real estate. Yeah. You

have to turn your phone off, which is obviously not great for being in real estate. You need to be accessible all the time. Exactly. And they call and they're like, oh, wait, no, something just happened. We have a scene tomorrow at 10 a.m. And I'm like, I have showings. Well, we need you. And we did sign a contract that says we will be available when they need us. And some of the girls just don't do it. But I have a problem doing that. I made a commitment.

I'm going to do it. You also resigned from your position as manager, right? I sure did. Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. And now for some more Money Rehab. You also resigned from your position as manager, right? I sure did season seven because you didn't want to be in this awkward

position of managing all these very special personalities or being in the middle of you know i signed up for being a real estate manager where i was going to help people with real estate transactions and answer questions and try to help them with difficult clients because i'm very good with difficult clients that is not what that job ended up being. It was just mediating like a bunch of arguments. And I was like, it was taking a toll on my mental health. It was taking a toll. Like I was so stressed out because nothing's going to stop. But yeah, I might fix this one. But then they're just going to argue the next day about something different. And Jason always wants me to be in the middle immediately. I'm like, you are grown adults. They can mediate their own self like arguments. Why am I the one mediating? I don't need to.

That's what therapists are for. It doesn't need to be me. I do real estate. I love you set these boundaries. I had to because it was taking a toll. Feeling anxious or depressed or so much anxiety. I was unhappy. And the level of stress was not good for me because I really do not like confrontation. I don't like arguments. I don't like drama.

And being forced to be in the middle of it all the time. And then people got mad at me because it didn't go their way or I wasn't siding with them because some of these people are my friends. I'm like, I just can't. I was like, you guys grow up. I don't know. Like, I wasn't siding with them because some of these people are my friends. I'm like, I just can't. I was like, you guys grow up. I don't know. Like I can't. And I think we have to do what makes us happy. And I was so busy with that. I wasn't giving my own clients enough time. So it was

taking away from my work. It was taking away from the quality of an agent that I was. So I just decided I was going to say peace out. I'm not doing it anymore. But what's really cool about that is that you were able to say peace out from this place of privilege that you've built yourself back up to. Yeah. Maybe Mary 10 years ago, who was in the thick of trying to rebuild credit, make more money, would have said yes to anything. Right. But you got to a place where you could say no. And I think being able to say no, having those boundaries at work. No is a very hard thing for me too. I always take on more and more and more.

But that was one where you have to know when to say no. You have to be successful to say no. Yeah, that's true. Because if you need it. Then you got to do it. Yeah, suck it up and do it. And I've done that many times. I've hated what I was doing, but you do it. Yeah, suck it up and do it. And I've done that many times. I've hated what I was doing.

But you do it. It's temporary. Just to get to where you need to be, just it's okay. But I think it's a sign of how far you've come and how much success you were able to build for yourself. Yeah. Especially after the financial trauma and chaos that you went through. Yeah.

How do you feel about money now? I'm comfortable. I'm very cautious with money. I always will be. But if I want to splurge, I do. But I'm very cautious with it. I think things through a lot before I make any big purchase. You're never going back?

No, never. Okay, I have a selling sunset lightning round for you okay are you ready yep all right which of your selling sunset cast mates would you choose to be on a desert island with jason other than my husband i could have gotten in really big trouble for that which of your cast mates has the best style it better not be jason no brie which of your castmates takes the longest to get ready maybe this is jason i don't know amanda which of your castmates would you call it an emergency either jason or my husband oh probably i'll say romaine first let me say romaine first

he is your emergency contact, right? He is my emergency. Yes, he is. They both are. And he's fine with that. Yeah, he's fine with that. I think Jason's Romaine's emergency contact, too. They're like brothers.

Which of your castmates do you call for business advice? Jason. I just trust him on everything. He's so smart. He actually is him on everything. He's so smart. He actually is the, in my will, he's the one. Executor? Yeah. Yeah.

Because I have everybody. No, he's not getting any of the money. He doesn't want any money. But he's the one making sure. Because Romaine doesn't know as much like with business and insurance and all different things like what Jason does. He's just the smartest one with everything. Would know how to do things to make. So I asked him if he would do it and he was like do i have to yes you do he's like okay fine okay which of your castmates do you call for personal advice

oh it depends on what it is if it's personal advice i would say see i have different people for different things so who for what if it has something to do with public the show or public or something like that like probably chris shell because she's very thoughtful about perceptions and what to do like how things could be played so if i'm torn on something, I would ask her about that because she's just been in the industry way longer and understands things like that. If it's something just about me as a person and something like, have I changed or something,

manza, something like that, because she's known me the longest, she knows me inside and out. I guess Emma would be a good one when it comes to business and stuff like that i would ask her advice oh i have actually like with um investing in stocks and stuff i've talked to her about that a lot um i think with brie i i've talked to her um a lot especially lately too and i think just reinforcing like just saying no and having a background on things and because

normally i'm like i don't know like i don't really care and she's like girl you need to care i was like but i really don't but then there's sometimes where i do care and i'm like i care a lot and she's actually reeled me back in sometimes which of your castmates is on your shit list? I don't want to say. My first thought, Nicole. She's not really on my shit list because I'm actually friends with her, but I'm disappointed in her on the way she handled things

regarding Emma. I'm disappointed in her, but I always love her. She's always going to be my friend. Very disappointed the way she handled that. She's in penalty box right now. Yes, yes. I'm not up to date with this drama. So if you can give me like a quickie Cliff Notes version. When we sat down, you said, I don't know for who's going back because some people don't want to go back because of some other people.

Can you just explain? Oh, God. OK. It's kind of like the what's that thing called the seven degrees of Kevin McKinnon something like that Chelsea is not happy with me because I was not a fan of her inappropriate length of skirt at a broker's open that we had a co-listing it was because there was no skirt there there was like nothing everything was out and i thought that was inappropriate um so she is not a fan of me nicole started accusing emma of having an affair which wasn't true and so emma and nicole are going at it brie told to chelsea that her husband's cheating on her and she found out from a third party so ch Chelsea knew about it and was grateful, but then now is saying

that Brie was inappropriate by telling her when she was actually happy and thanked her. So then Brie's like, screw you, to Chelsea. And then Emma knew about it too. And so Brie and Emma aren't getting along. And Brie and Emma used to be really good friends. And then Chrishell, it doesn't want yeah it doesn't want Brie yeah are you getting it? yeah I actually had to have time slots at my book launch party

I need a whiteboard no exactly that's what I'm saying which I had to have time slots for some of the cast members to come to my party

because really? they prefer not to interact at the moment they said they could be cordial if needed but they prefer not to run into each other so I said they could be cordial if needed,

but they prefer not to run into each other. So I just make sure they're comfortable and I don't have any accidental fights or drama at my book launch party. I was like, okay, let's go ahead. And okay, you take the first shift, you take the second. Yeah, that's it. Wait, so that's all real?

Oh, it's all real. I mean, I don't know, like looking at reality, maybe it's manufacturing. People ask all the time. People think that all the time. They're like, oh, we know it's all made up. I wish it were. That means like when the cameras went off, it would end.

No, I still get text and calls all the time trying to have me help mediate things. I'm like, OK, all right. Hang on. Don't do anything that you're going to regret. Just hold on. Again, I'm always making all these phone calls, trying to keep people calm. So it's real. And everybody's a real estate agent.

Yeah, everybody's a real estate agent. Yeah, everybody's a real estate agent. I don't know. What's next for you? Another season? How many are we on? We are going on season nine right now. Eight just came out, and we are getting ready to start filming season nine pretty soon. You just don't know with who because of the...

We do not know with who because we have, I think, a couple people threatening to not come back if the other people are on. So if they bring Nicole on, there's a couple that are saying no, they're not going to be on. As far as I know, Nicole's going to be on. That's not a press thing? That's a rule. That's real. Don't they want money? You would think. I think they're that mad. I don't know if they're really going to follow through with it, but some people threaten it every year. And when it comes down to it, it's an amazing opportunity.

And most of the time, we have fun doing it. And so I think that they should just suck it up, get back on, do your job, make some more money. The opportunity is not going to be around forever. And so take advantage while you can. That's for sure. Yeah. We end our episodes, Mary, by asking all of our guests for one money tip listeners can take straight to the bank.

Is there a lesson that you learned about financial health or rebuilding after financial challenges that you can share with our listeners? I think even on credit cards, making multiple payments a month or at least know when they report. So you make sure your balance is always down because even within that month, if you don't know when it's actually reported, if you're planning to make a payment two days later, that's when your payments due every month. So find out when that date is and make sure you make the payment before then. honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, moneyrehab at moneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening

and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.