Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Have The Talk (The Money Talk)

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Once you have found your bae for life, the time will come when you need to have The Talk. No, not the talk to DTR. I’m talking about The Money Talk— when the two of you come clean about money: what your financial situation really is, and of course the little secrets that may come back to haunt you (like money you owe to an ex). Today, Nicole breaks down what financial topics should be out on the table… and how to get them there.

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money is working as hard as you do. So why overcomplicate your money? Keep it simple with Bank of America, your one-stop shop for everything you need today and the goals you're working toward tomorrow. To get started, visit bofa.com slash newprosmedia. That's b-o-f-a dot com slash n-e-w pros p-r-o-s media. bfa.com slash newprosmedia. Hey guys, are you ready for some money rehab? Wall Street has been completely upended by an unlikely player, GameStop. And should I have a 401k? You don't do it? No, I never do it. You think the whole world revolves around you and your money.

Well, it doesn't. Charge for wasting our time. I will take a check. Like an old school check. You recognize her from anchoring on CNN, CNBC, and Bloomberg. The only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. The Cole Lappin. Once you've found your bae for life, the time will come when you need to have the talk.

No, not the talk to DTR to find the relationship, although I have that one too. I'm talking about the money talk. When the two of you come clean about money, what's important to you, what's not, what your financial situation is really like, and of course, any of those little secrets that may come back to haunt you, like money you owe an ex, your credit card debt, or other forms of financial stress that unacknowledged could eat away at your relationship. It's a hard conversation for sure, and one that money rehabber Adam is figuring out how to have now. Hey, Nicole, my name is Adam and I live in Los Angeles. I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years now. We basically lived together throughout the

pandemic, so we've been talking about moving in together. two years now. We basically lived together throughout the pandemic, so we've been talking about moving in together. But I'm not sure if our budget for housing is the same because I'm not really sure what his financial situation is. How should we have this talk? You're probably thinking that there's really nothing less romantic than the talk. Here you are, falling in love, and you're gonna start asking about credit scores?

Ugh! Well, I'm sorry. The importance of the talk, though, cannot be overstated. Money is the main source of conflict between committed partners. It's such an uncomfortable topic that half, half of people have lied to their spouse or significant other about money. It's a thing. It's called financial infidelity. Yeah, there's an infidelity that doesn't have to do with emotionally cheating or physically cheating, but financially cheating as well. In fact, you're much more likely to argue with your spouse about money than anything else to do with the relationship, with kids, who's doing the laundry, where you're going to go on vacation. Why? Well, your approach to money is cultural, often acquired subconsciously and incredibly personal.

How you handle money is an expression of your desires and fears. You need to have the talk because just as you need to be on the same financial page with yourself and take that financial selfie, you need to be on the same financial page with your significant other. And that means not just talking about your housing budget, but it's talking about your entire spending plan, your complete financial life, the whole kit and caboodle, the whole shebang, the full Monty, all of the things. So where do you start with having the talk? No, there's never really a good time. Just make some time and get her done. Don't make it like an IRS audit. Be casual. Sit in a comfortable and private place and talk it out. Pour a drink if that makes it easier for you.

It shouldn't be confrontational. It should be aspirational. You're making plans together. You're dreaming together about your future, finances included. There's no reason that this shouldn't bring you closer rather than starting a fight. Part of this talk should be finding out what's really important to your boo. Sure, you think you know this already, but you probably don't completely understand it. You'd be surprised how money brings things into focus. Here's a little cheat sheet of some conversation starters. Hey babe, do you want to travel? Tell me more. Oh honey, do you want to buy a house? What about rent an apartment? Darling, would you like to get married? What about have children

together as an expression of our love? What kind of stuff do you like to splurge on, sugarplum? What would you buy if all of a sudden you came into a bunch of money? Okay, so use whatever pet names or whatever you guys have. But the point is, you guys are talking about dreams, and you're doing it, or you should be, in a loving way. Remember, your goals don't have to be perfectly in sync, just compatible. He wants to rent since his job might move him around. Are you okay with that? Are you sharing rent? Are you both cool with that decision? What's important is that you share an understanding of the big money issues. Buy essentials, save for the endgame, spend a reasonable amount on the extras. Next comes what will often be the most difficult part of the talk.

What is your current situation? I'll be honest, this can get uncomfortable. Maybe you have to point out those bad money habits, which is probably the most difficult talk of all. Whatever the situation, face it head on. As tough as it seems now, it will only get tougher later if you sweep all this stuff under the rug. Ask the hard questions and be honest with yourself. Here are some topics to hammer out in no particular order. Get your credit reports. This might feel like getting tested for STDs, but it's not that serious. Yeah, this seems like distrust, but hey, he might not even know what's on his. You're helping him understand his situation. Reframe, reframe, reframe. You should go first. Your mission should be to hold nothing back and

demand that nothing is held back. Talk about your budgets. What does your own personal balance sheet look like? Your assets, your liabilities, your cash flow for the month. Where is it all going? Follow that money trail. Talk about your money secrets. It might not strike you as all that sexy, but neither is arguing about money or nasty little financial surprises down the road. The talk will probably take place in different sections at different times. Don't try to boot camp this conversation all in one night. It will just end up in a fight. Work at your own pace and brace yourself. The talk doesn't just happen once, or at least it shouldn't. It should happen all the time, especially as your lives and financial situations change and your hopes

and dreams and goals change. Like if you have kids, you need to get a will and all that advanced stuff. But as with other parts of your relationship, the better you communicate, the better off you'll be. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. Just as you might divide and conquer your household chores, you should divide and conquer your financial chores. No one is necessarily dying to be the team bookkeeper. Well, almost no one, unless you're a couple of financial nerds like me and Joe. But likely, neither one of you wants to be in charge of all the financial stuff. So just delegate. Divide.

Conquer. Rinse. Repeat. Just make sure that there's transparency across the board. If your boyfriend is paying the utility bills, you should still know the account information, for example. That way, if your boyfriend is unavailable for any reason, traveling with family, slammed with a big deadline at work, whatever, you should be able to step in seamlessly. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin.

Our producers are Morgan Lavoie and Mike Coscarelli. Executive producers are Nikki Etor and Will Pearson. Our mascots are Penny and Mimsy. Huge thanks to OG Money Rehab team Michelle Lanz for her development work, Catherine Law for her production and writing magic, and Brandon Dickert for his editing, engineering and sound design. And as always, thanks to you for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.