Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - How To Overcome Money Mindf*cks and Achieve Financial Independence

Episode Date: July 3, 2023

Happy 4th of July eve, Money Rehabbers! In the spirit of the holiday, Nicole has a special message about financial independence, and how to overcome money mindf*cks. 

Money rehabbers, you get it. When you're trying to have it all, you end up doing a lot of juggling. You have to balance your work, your friends, and everything in between. So when it comes to your finances, the last thing you need is more juggling. That's where Bank of America steps in. With Bank of America, you can manage your banking, borrowing, and even investing all in one place. Their digital tools bring everything together under one roof, giving you a clear view of your finances whenever you need it. Plus, with Bank of America's wealth of expert guidance available at any time, you can feel confident that your

money is working as hard as you do. So why overcomplicate your money? Keep it simple with Bank of America, your one-stop shop for everything you need today and the goals you're working toward tomorrow. To get started, visit bofa.com slash newprosmedia. That's b-o-f-a dot com slash n-e-w pros p-r-o-s media. bfa.com slash newprosmedia. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. It's time for some money rehab. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, Independence Day, but America shouldn't have all the independence fun. We should all be independent.

And the first step to independence is, you guessed it, achieving financial freedom. So to celebrate money rehab style, I wanted to share an episode I published around this time last year about how I navigated the mind, you know what, that is money, and started prioritizing my own financial freedom. Enjoy, and happy, happy 4th. Hey guys, are you ready for some money rehab? Wall Street has been completely upended by an unlikely player game stop and should i have a 401k because you don't do it no i know you think the whole world revolves around you and your money well it doesn't

charge for wasting our time i will take a check like an old school In Miss Independent, I outlined 12 steps to build your wealth, cement your financial independence, and secure the net worth you need to create the life you want. So in honor of the big day, I wanted to give you a little excerpt from step one. I wanted to share it with you because honestly, I'm damn proud. And I know that someone out there is having a money mindfuck kind of day and needs to hear this. There is very little else so emotionally charged as money. Not politics, unless it's about money. Not religion, not much. It's a mindfuck when people have money because they feel guilty about it. It's a mindfuck for people who don't have money

because they feel ashamed about it. It is full force mindf fuckery around money. The full force mind fuckery around money happens no matter what. And the only way it stops is if you reclaim its power for yourself. Of course, everyone has free will and the power to make their own choices. But as we've already determined, money is what ignites that power. When you have it, your choices become numerous and substantial. And when you don't, they become much more limited. So what kind of choices are important to you? What kind of power do you want wealth to give you? Maybe it's the choice to work because you want to and love it, not because you have to. Maybe it's the choice of where you want to live or travel without limitations or to help people you love or groups in need. Maybe it's the choice

to leave a shitty relationship because you don't have to be stuck with someone who supports you financially. Or, as is the case with Beyonce, maybe it's the choice to run the world. Hard stop. The choices that money affords us are more valuable than the money itself. Those choices buy you freedom. And the lack of that has likely been the basis of many of your past moves and relationships, even if you haven't realized it, as mindfucks often go. If you read my last book, Becoming Miss Independent, you know that I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder because of my abusive and chaotic childhood and my father's death from a drug overdose. And if you didn't, well, now you know. We tend to assume that trauma has to do with an

earth-shattering event that happened in our lives. But people who have grown up with food insecurity, with narcissistic parents, abuse, or neglect can suffer in similar ways to those who went through a traumatic event like a car accident, attack, or sexual assault. Whether it's given a diagnosis or not, those events or chronic behaviors shape the way we conduct our adult lives. I believe and am living evidence that we can heal from trauma, but only if we recognize the traumatic event or events. It can even become a superpower like it did for me if you name and reframe it. We all have traumas around money, whether in the macro sense or the micro sense. Macro money traumas include working during the dot-com bubble, living through

the Great Recession, or dealing with the economic stress of the COVID-19 pandemic. Micro money traumas could include being on food stamps as a kid, seeing your parents' home get foreclosed, having your money stolen, or being laid off. Underlying any potential trauma is a layer of deeply ingrained financial mores you grew up with or ones you've been exposed to culturally. Family customs around finances could be seeing your parents hoard, spend frivolously, or clip coupons. Societal influences around finances could be watching your friends go into debt, impulse buy, or avoid hard conversations about money. Whatever you were exposed to as a child, a teenager, or a grown-ass adult doesn't matter.

You get to decide what impact finances have in your life from now on. You get to create the culture. You get to set the tone. Maybe you want to do everything the exact same way as when you grew up. Cool. Just as long as you also take a pause, question it, and then carry on independently and intentionally. But when you question it, if you decide it doesn't work for you now, then do something different. Just because it was always done a certain way doesn't mean that's the way it needs to be done.

You are capable of learning a better or different way. I taught myself everything about money and life by rethinking and ultimately rejecting everything I saw my family do growing up. Essentially, I reparented myself in the way I chose to be raised. So when I say you can break the cycle, I speak from some hefty experience and therapy bills. You may be thinking, damn, Alapin, your past is heavy. I've got my own shit, but nothing close to that. Well, I've taken the I'll show you mine if you show me yours approach in all my books, and this one is no different.

Money talks are the ones even the most badass women are squeamish to have. So if someone has to go first to make it less so, I got you. You're right. My past was heavy, so I put it down. If yours is heavier, I feel for you, but you've got to let your arms rest too. If it's lighter, I'm not mad at you, but take it from me. Anything extra you need to carry on top of your own adult baggage is too much. What I've learned is that emotional regulation plus money equals independence. Did I hear you say, yeah, yeah, but Lappin, I'm just not a numbers girl. Well, I'll tell you straight up that any fifth grader can do the math that's required to set yourself up financially. So no excuses. I started out as a poetry major in college.

If I can figure this stuff out, so can you. It's the humanities part of money, not the math part that's pretty much always the hardest part. And as bad as you think you are at crunching the numbers, you're probably worse with dealing with the emotions around them. We all are. We have been conditioned for so long to assume this stuff is complicated. Don't get me wrong, I thought the same thing. It's like when I look at the cords and the wires behind my TV, eek! I just want to

throw my hands up in the air and say, I can't understand any of that. I don't know how to do it. Let's just call someone else to set it up. Now, I'm a smart woman. I have figured out harder things in life than how to plug in an HDMI cord. It is a complete lie to myself that I can't do it. If there were a samurai sword at my throat ready to slice if I didn't plug in the HDMI cord, then I would absolutely figure out a way to do it and fast. But making sense of all the acronyms and gizmos seems like something only an expert can do. While I love my handyman more than is normal, I don't think he's actually smarter than I am. I just haven't put in the time to learn what he knows. And I likely get overcharged for the work he does as a result. The same thing happens in a lot of industries.

For example, an iatrogenic disease is one that's caused inadvertently by the medical professionals themselves. Well, shit. No wonder the medical industry has an unnecessary long word to explain that, the finance world has all sorts of similar jargon and fancy words for super simple concepts, like a mutual fund load really just means fees. Even the phrase overdraft protection gives you the feeling that it's a good thing for you when in reality it's charging you a crazy high fee when you don't have enough money in your account to buy something. Using cryptic or overcomplicated language, by the way,

there's also a word for that, sesquipedalian, is yet another way that bankers and financial services companies make us feel like outsiders, often for their own benefit, knowing most of us won't ask about or question it out of embarrassment. By the end of this book, you'll know the language, and I promise that you'll think, this is way easier than I thought, in the same way I did after I watched a YouTube video telling me what a freaking HDMI cord looks like and how to plug it in. These things are more complicated in your imagination than in reality. And tell the hater in your head who is about to say, but too shush, she no longer holds the power you do. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. You can learn more about my new book at MissIndependentBook.com. And shameless plug, because that's how rich bitches do, you can buy it now at any of your

favorite bookstores online. Or you can even download the audiobook that is read by yours truly, as if you haven't heard my lovely voice enough lately. And thank you in advance, because I couldn't do any of this without you. And frankly, I wouldn't want to. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Our producers are Morgan Lavoie and Mike Coscarelli. Executive producers are Nikki Etor and Will Pearson. Our mascots are Penny and Mimsy. Huge thanks to OG Money Rehab team,

Michelle Lanz for her development work, Catherine Law for her production and writing magic, and Brandon Dickert for his editing, engineering, and sound design. And as always, thanks to you for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.