Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - How To Write an Email That People Actually Open and Not "Having It All" with Laura Belgray

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Want to write emails that people actually open? Laura Belgray has you covered. Today, she gives Nicole some of her favorite tips and tricks for stellar subject lines. But that's just the beginning. Laura shares the advantages of being a "late bloomer," her decision not to have kids and why the whole "having it all" narrative is totally BS. Find Laura's new book here: https://www.talkingshrimp.com/book Want to start investing, but don't know where to begin? Go to moneyassistant.com and meet Magnifi, your AI money assistant, designed to help you make a plan for your financial goals. Want one-on-one money coaching from Nicole? Book a meeting with her here: intro.co/moneynewsnetwork 

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start, or even too complicated, if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full-time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you.

I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself.

Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. Money rehabbers, do you feel stressed about needing to have it all? I think we've all felt stressed about this at some point, right? I got to say, women especially know what I'm talking about because there's extra pressure to be a perfect mom in addition to also kicking ass at work and being an always-on wifey.

Insert America Ferrera Barbie speech here. It was so good. But men, I know you feel this too. There's a lot of bringing home the bacon pressure on that side of the gender spectrum. So, net net, we all deal with this. But I have something that will help, or rather, someone. It's Laura Belgray. Laura is a writer and a self-described late bloomer. She wrote a book which has a not-so-suitable-for-work title, Tough Titties. Laura and I talk about her decision not to have kids, how she found a way to do work on her own terms, and why she's happy no one asks her how she, quote, does it all. Laura Belgray, welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you so much, Nicole.

I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to see you. You describe yourself as a late bloomer. So I guess tell us about the seed round, if you will. What were you doing before you found your dream job? And why did it not bloom? Why was it not a good fit? It's funny.

I would say that I've had several dream jobs, but it took me a long time to find the ultimate one that really did fit me. And some of them did fit when I had them. So the first one would have been in my 20s, which doesn't sound late at all, though it felt late to me because I had spent the first year and change out of college living at home in my childhood bedroom, sleeping till noon and guzzling Diet Sunkist, working out, buying crop tops to go out in and then going out until say four and rinse and repeat. And it took a long time for me to find any work. My parents would ask, are you job hunting? How's it going? Are you making connections? And I'd say, I'm pounding the pavement or I'm networking, which was not

untrue. I was out till four kind of networking. But I did find a dream job in my mid to late 20s, which was writing promos for TV. And I'd always wanted to be a writer and loved watching TV. And my ultimate dream was just to get paid to watch TV. That didn't really happen. But I lucked into this career writing promos for TV, which I would say I stayed in for a good couple of decades. I overstayed my welcome and started to feel like I should be writing something in my own voice and making way more money. And so I had hit a wall there and stayed because I was complacent and not a huge action taker. And it took me a long time to eventually find what I'm doing now, which is writing emails in my voice. It's a newsletter. And it's how I sell courses and other things to my audience. That's how it brings in the money. But I'm making a living using my voice writing

what I want to write. And that feels like the ultimate dream job. Mazel tov. Thank you. You say that you write the only newsletter that anyone actually opens anymore. What is your secret as someone who oversees some newsletters myself? You say that you write the only newsletter that anyone actually opens anymore. What is your secret as someone who oversees some newsletters myself? Okay, so I know that's a bold claim. And there are others who could also make that claim. But I stand by it. I say my secret is writing in a way that's personable, that sounds like it's from a person to a person, not from a business to a business. And telling stories and being real and being myself, being very open about my flaws and everything else that most people would keep hidden.

So subject lines, you do a lot around writing better emails, like writing non-shitty, sucky subject lines. Can you give us some tips on those? Sure. Okay. So if you're writing a newsletter, if you're writing to an audience of subscribers, the biggest mistake that I see is writing everything in title case, like your subject line, as in the first letter of each word is capitalized, like you would do in a headline. And to me, that screams newsletter. And that's okay. Some of us are excited to get a newsletter, but mostly we scroll through our inbox. The same way we sort through a pile of mail, we go junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, something for me, junk mail, junk mail, something for me.

And when you get to something in your inbox that looks like something for you, that's the one that you're going to open. So a subject line that is written the way a friend would write a subject line, that's the one that is going to get open. So I recommend keeping it casual and making it intriguing. You want to pique curiosity. And I actually wrote a piece for Money Magazine. And my editor who asked me me to write the piece, wrote me a follow-up email where the subject line was, let's get you paid. And she knew that I was going to open that way faster than I was going to open one that said paperwork.

So she learned from that piece. You want to speak to what's going to excite them give it a little friction or what's in it for me or some conflict and drama conflict and drama it's such a fine line between that and clickbait though yeah well i think the line there is clickbait is where your email does not pay off. It doesn't answer the clickbaity subject line. I mean, we've all clicked on those things. I don't know why I fall for it every time. Like those headlines.

Every time. You know, this actress was adorable in full house. Click here to see what she looks like now. I'm like, of course, what she looks like now is a normal human who's 45. But it doesn't even get to that. It'll be like, like a screen slideshow. Exactly. And you never even get to that one actress in full house. So you don't want to write your emails that way with something super salacious, and then there's no payoff. Want the subject line to be true to the email. And so I think that is the line right there. But conflict and drama and friction,

those are great things to have in your subject line. If you say something like, I was humiliated, I'm going to click that open and it better pay off. It better not be like, I was humiliated by what a great job I did on stage. Yeah, come on, make a payoff. So what have been some of the best titles you've come up with? I think one of my most popular ones was, and I got this by, this is my favorite trick for finding subject lines when I need inspiration. I'll go back into my old, old emails from like 2006 when friends still sent personal emails and see what the subject lines were there. So one that I mind those for was have to cancel. And it was like a frowny face emoticon. And I used that and it got opened like nothing else I had ever sent. And the email was about loving it

when things are canceled. So it wasn't that I was canceling on the person, but it felt really personal and immediate and they opened it and it was all about canceled plans and the joy of that. I love that. And I kind of want to ask for one more because they're so good. Well, one thing that I love to do is personalize the subject line. So I have one that's always popular and I rerun it every time I'm promoting this course, The Copy Cure. It will say, if you get in your inbox, it'll say, I'm in love with Nicole. Yeah, you are. Yeah, I am. And you know, you're going to click that open. So personalizing that way. And then always, you know, in the name of conflict and drama, there's one that I wrote recently that was the subject line was I got reamed. And it was about a guy who just reamed me out for a typo and something he considered incorrect grammar. So that was a nice payoff. People love that one. So that was a nice payoff. People loved that one.

Wow, that man needs the problem and he may have one of mine if you would like. And any tips and tricks for like within the email body? Yeah, write casually and conversationally always. I like to make all my emails what I call an EFAB, which stands for email from a bestie. And that means writing the way you would talk to a friend. So that means using contractions. If you touch your right pinky, it's that key called the apostrophe and the apostrophe is your friend. So instead of saying like, hello, I am so glad that you are reading my email. You will never guess who is coming to the party. Say, hey, I'm so glad you're reading my email. You'll never guess who's coming to the party. It makes a big difference. And people don't realize because it's been drilled into us,

whether we've worked in corporate or it was just a teacher in high school or middle school who said, don't use contractions. It's been drilled into us that we're not allowed to, that that's not good writing. So don't try to make it good writing according to the rules that you learned in corporate or English class. You want to make it good writing by making it conversational and filling it with personality, with concrete specifics instead of saying, if you're telling a story like, recently, I was in a low place, lowest place I've ever been. And then I had an aha moment. And suddenly everything turned around. That's telling me nothing. That's not how you would say it to a friend. You want to deliver it like juicy gossip. So details are key to that. Oh, my God, Laura. Yeah, right? Like that. Right? Like recently, yes, like that.

As recently as last week, I was sitting on the floor eating from a bag of Doritos, wearing my unwashed sweats and stalking my ex on Instagram. It wasn't a good moment. Feels relatable. That feels relatable.

Specifics make it relatable. So storytelling, relatability through those specifics and share yourself, share your life. And don't be afraid to be mundane, to go deep on the really small moments like that. I mean, I might push back and say it's not about rejecting what you've learned in English class. And I went to like fancy journalism school where they would give you an F for any grammar or spelling or anything mistake just to drill it in. But I would say like you need to know the rules first and then you know how to break them. Right. Absolutely. I'm nodding very big. OK, you're not saying like, fuck the grammar. No, no. To do it well, like this is how

The Daily Show can do it so well because they understand the news. So making fun of it is smart. But first, like you need the foundation. Exactly. You need to know the rules if you're going to break them. You want to break them well when you do it. email for work, let's say. I mean, a lot of people have newsletters these days in lots of different businesses, brick and mortar businesses to keep in touch and to nurture their customers and to do all sorts of things, even if their list is really small. But let's say it's for a work email. So I'm assuming you're not going to write a subject like, I got reamed. Well, it depends what your work is. If it's a corporate, formal environment, you're probably not. But I mean, it depends who this email is going to. Like, who do you have in mind when you're an entrepreneur or not, like your sales pitch, you're pitching either yourself or speaking, you're pitching a product, something like that. So like kind of cold email, but tantalizing and exciting, not too boring, not too like I have to cancel sad face,

but yeah, I think you can still be personable. So I get way too many cold email pitches, just every day, they're constant. And some of them, like I don't answer any of them, but a couple one has stood out lately. I'm still not going to answer it. But were I not inundated with these? I probably would. I think it starts at the subject line was audacious question for you. And I can tell like the preview text is really important. What you say in those first lines of the email that you can see in your inbox window, those few lines are as important as the subject line. We're all looking at those. And if it starts in a formal way, like, hello, Laura, we are a company that, you know, fast tracks your results. I'm just like, nope, delete. But if it like in this email audacious question,

it starts with some kind of specific compliment. Like, I think the first words were something about my about page or my website where I knew they had read it, or it might be about an email like loved your email about having to cancel something like that. Opening with a specific compliment is very effective, especially because we see that in that preview window. I know, but it takes extra work. We all just want like a good copy paste. Yes, I know. But we don't, I mean, those of us, like more and more we get copy paste

and I'm sure you get them all day long and you're just like, delete, delete, delete, delete. Yeah, it's changing the calculus, right? Of saying like, okay, well, this could be an easy thing where I could get this email out to a thousand people, but the rate of success or the return on that would be probably really small. And it's just sort of like changing your mindset to saying, okay, well, I could get this out to 50 people, maybe 10 people even. And yeah, if you're pitching tons of people at once, maybe sometimes it pays to do the

spray and pray method of just copy, paste, copy, paste, copy, paste, and somebody is going to answer it. But it just becomes so scammy and spammy. And in that case, the spray and pray is not the best method. It's making it personable and interesting so that somebody says, oh, I have to open this. And then they say, oh, I have to listen to that episode. Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash, but I totally get it

that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess

that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. And now for some more money rehab. Okay, I want to scoot gears just for a second. You took a picture of Paris Hilton's recent cover of some magazine and the feature was titled Fame, Family and Doing It All. And you said, quote, a little respect for us non juggling, bare minimum loving, do as little as possible. One thing no one has ever asked me, how do you do it all? End quote. So, Laura, how do you do it all? Yeah, that is hilarious because I really don't. I really mean that. I don't do it all.

And no one ever asks me, except for you just now, how I do it all. I don't have kids. I am married, but I don't do any of the things expected of a traditional wife. I don't cook. I don't clean. There's very little that I juggle. I am dedicated to my career success and also to friendships and relationships, but there's nothing that makes anyone say, how do you do it all? I don't even drive.

Can't cook, can't drive, can't clean, no kids, etc. So there's nothing that would make someone ask that. Are you affected by this narrative? I mean, for women, doing it all means it's come to me. And I've written about this in one of my books that Helen Gurley Brown came up with this idea. And it was she was never a mother. And it's like morphed into this idea of being a mother and working and being a sex kitten and like doing all the things. So you're not a mom. I'm not a mom. As you've said in a piece for Elle, you are not a mother to humans. You are not a fur mama. I am. So does the implication that you're not doing it all by society's standards make you ever feel less than? It really doesn't make me feel less than. And it's probably because I don't measure my self-worth by how much I do or how hard I work. Most women that I know do.

They think they need to work really hard or they're not worthy. They need to do it all and look like they're doing it all or they're not worthy as humans or as women. And that's not to say that I don't measure my self-worth by external validation by any means. I love external validation. I do look way too much at how many people liked my post and whether I look good that day, all the things that you're not supposed to measure your self-worth by. But how hard I work and how much I do is not one of those factors that makes me feel good or bad about myself. So I'm comfortable with it. I'm comfortable with being someone who's set like a beacon for people who are too lazy, who don't want to do it all. I mean, I think this is

a really gendered topic. because I'm not a mom. They wanted to assign some trait of motherhood to me. And it is so gendered. It's something that's expected of us as an expression of our womanhood, that we are parental, that we are motherly. And I don't relate to that. I just don't feel like a motherly person and do not feel like I birthed my book. I mean, there are plenty of similarities that I see, parallels to the experience of publishing. First of all, when your book is just out, people will say, well, when's your next book? And I know that that is the experience of having a baby and people will say, when's your next one? When are you going to give them a sibling? And I do expect that the pain of putting out the book does subside. Yeah, you forget it. Right. You forget it. The way people say,

you know, you forget the pain of birthing a baby and you might be retentive. Oh, I want to do it again. I'll vouch for that. Yeah. Right. Yes. So I think there are parallels there, but I still will never consider myself a mama to my book. And like, I should have tied my book tubes. Like, I really lean in actually to that analogy. But I've never thought about it because I do feel motherly. It feels natural to me to say it. But you're just saying that doesn't feel good for you. Yeah, I'm saying that I don't relate to it. And I have no issue with you feeling motherly about your books or feeling motherly in general.

I think what I object to is women always having to apologize, women who don't have kids, by saying, but I am a mom to this. I'm a mom to fur babies. I'm a plant mama. And people wanting to assign those traits to me. And I'm like, I'm fine. I'm fine not being a mom and not being motherly. And I don't feel like less of a woman for it. But there are plenty of women who don't have kids and still have motherly traits and love those. But you know, you might love that about yourself. And I think that's great. Gotcha. Cool. Yes. As my fur baby is being a little biznatch under my chair right now. I do. Yes, I do like being a mama of things. Like I say, like the untapped Jewish mommy potential is within me, and humans are not the recipients of those at this moment. But yeah, that's an interesting point that sometimes we don't stop to think about, which I think we should regardless.

Yes. And I think that's where I have an issue with it, not being assigned to male authors or male creators. Then no one would say, like, you're a daddy to this book. Yeah, totally. Stephen King. Right. They don't say that to Stephen King.

I don't think so. He hasn't been on the show yet. But if he is, I'll ask him how his book babies are doing. I'm on that. I mean, look, there are societal pressures galore, but it also should be a financial consideration. We talk about this on the show all the time. Expenses look really different if you have dependents. And you've said that from a young age, you've loved money. So tell me more. Yeah. Well, I do love the savings that come with not having kids. And now my friends are largely at an age

where they are sending kids to college. So I hear a lot about how much college costs and it's just overwhelming to hear the figures. Yeah. I mean, what can I tell you? I love money. I like the convenience of it. I like the comfort of it. And I hope that it doesn't come across as insensitive. Some people take offense when I talk about spending a lot and needing a lot of money to live the way I want to live. But that's the truth. Oh, there's no offense around here. You're in the right place for that. Yeah. I think for listeners who are feeling the pressure to have kids, can you share any thoughts or insights or stories that might help them navigate the pressure?

Yeah. So I was on the fence for a long time. Not that I wanted kids and was torn, but I didn't want them and was waiting to want them. I was waiting for that feeling to kick in. And I'm so worried that it never would because I couldn't find any examples. And I Googled all the time for a while. This was really bothering me, especially in my prime baby-making years. I would Google older celebrity women without kids, and all that would come up was Oprah and Dame Helen Mirren. That was it. I had no role models. All the magazines, all the media was going baby crazy when I was going through this and us started putting out that feature Bunk Watch and all the covers were, you know, this

celebrity's pregnant and they're over the moon. And it was always heartbreak for Jennifer Aniston. Poor Jennifer Aniston still doesn't have a baby. And there was never like, lucky Jennifer Aniston, no kids and she's over the moon. I just wanted examples of women who were happily without kids, especially older ones. And like, I'm in midlife. So I am not an example, I don't think, of an older woman who doesn't have kids. Like I've got a ways to go. But so far, I can say from the road up ahead of you, it's great. I am actively loving not having kids.

Everyone will tell you, you don't know joy until you've had a baby, or you don't know true love until you've had a baby. And I feel that't know true love until you've had a baby. And I feel that I know true love. I am very much in love with my husband, and I love my family, and I love my friends. And I'm sure that's a whole different kind of love, but I'm happy with the love that I have. So there is a real plus side. If you're thinking you might not want kids, just know that it is possible to have a happy, fulfilling life without them. Thank you. And that one hit deep for me. I'm 39. I've always been really honest with my audience. And it's something that I think about a lot. I feel like my days are numbered

to figure this one out. And so it's something that I'd love to talk about more on the show. And it's something that my girlfriends and I talk about as well. We have like this little crew. We're all around the same age, late 30s, early 40s. And we're like, yeah, like, should we? Shouldn't we? There were passing books around of like essays of women who regret having kids, which is like a narrative that you don't really hear talked about very often. It is a really hard thing because you will hear from so many women and people who have kids want you to have them too. And sometimes it's because they love having kids so much that they want to market it to you.

They want you to enjoy it too. And then others are not so happy. I mean, there's just so much pressure to do it. And you'll hear very little encouragement not to. So I lived for any encouragement not to when somebody was like, my aunt and uncle don't have kids and they're so happy and not just financially free, but very satisfied with their lives. Like someone told me that I clung to it. And that was such a relief to me, just to hear that honesty. I end our episodes with a tip listeners can take straight to the bank. We should all be more okay, those of us who love money and want money, with saying out loud,

I want to be rich. I want money without apologizing for it. Once you start apologizing for it, like, well, I want more money because if when you have more money, you have more to give away and you can do good things with it. And that's all true. But it's also okay to just say, I love having money. No one apologizes for had more spaghetti, I'd have more to give away and I could do good things with my spaghetti. They just say I want more. And I think it's absolutely okay and healthy to say I love money and I want lots of it. I love money and I want lots of it. There you go. I love money and I want lots of it. Yeah. Yeah. Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network i'm your host nicole lappen money rehab's executive producer is morgan lavoie our researcher is emily holmes do you need some money rehab and let's be honest we all do so email us your money questions money rehab at money news network.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one

intervention with me and follow us on instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.