Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - "I Want to Buy a House and Have Four Kids— Is My $130K Enough?"

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Today’s guest is a fellow financial nerd in the best way— she’s in her early 30s, she and her partner are crushing it with no debt, strong savings, and even own a rental property. But like so many of us, she’s wondering: Are we doing enough? Are we doing it right? And how do we afford the life we want without falling into a trap of financial FOMO? Today, Nicole talks her through it— from buying a house, to starting a family, with some fun purchases in between. This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, investment, or legal advice. Always do your own research and consult a licensed financial advisor before making any financial decisions or investments. All investing involves the risk of loss, including loss of principal. Brokerage services for US-listed, registered securities, options and bonds in a self-directed account are offered by Public Investing, Inc., member FINRA & SIPC. Public Investing offers a High-Yield Cash Account where funds from this account are automatically deposited into partner banks where they earn interest and are eligible for FDIC insurance; Public Investing is not a bank. Cryptocurrency trading services are offered by Bakkt Crypto Solutions, LLC (NMLS ID 1890144), which is licensed to engage in virtual currency business activity by the NYSDFS. Cryptocurrency is highly speculative, involves a high degree of risk, and has the potential for loss of the entire amount of an investment. Cryptocurrency holdings are not protected by the FDIC or SIPC.  *APY as of 6/30/25, offered by Public Investing, member FINRA/SIPC. Rate subject to change. See terms of IRA Match Program here: public.com/disclosures/ira-match.

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experience that's both smart and simple, head to public.com slash money rehab. One more time, public.com slash money rehab. This is a paid endorsement for public investing, full disclosures, and conditions can be found in the podcast description. I'm Nicole Lapin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. Today's guest is a fellow financial nerd. in the best way possible. She's a CPA. She's in her early 30s, and she and her partner are crushing it with no debt, strong savings, and they even own a rental property. But like so many of us, she's wondering, are we doing enough? Are we doing it right? And how do we afford the life

we want without falling into the trap of financial FOMO? Today we talk about how to save for the future without sacrificing your financial present. And because we get pretty real in this episode, this listener wanted to stay super duper anonymous. She didn't even want her voice used, which I am always happy to make work because talking about money can be hard and I want to make it as easy as possible. So in this episode, you'll hear my side of the conversation with the money rehabber, but instead of hearing the guest's voice, you're going to hear my producer Morgan. Morgan pulled the transcript from the conversation and then recorded her reading the lines from the money rehabber. So it's my audio from our actual conversation with the guest and then audio that Morgan taped

after the interview smushed together movie magic style. I get that money dysmorphia is a scary thing to talk about, it is so common. So if you've ever compared your spending to a friend's vacation photos or found yourself spiraling over whether you can afford a home or kids or a burkin, this one's for you. Rose, welcome to Money Rehab. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to talk to you. Yay, I'm so excited to talk to you. Normally I ask my guests to tee up their questions, but girl, you have so many. I'm just going to walk the listeners through them. But I think the big picture is if I can gather this. You have a great financial foundation. Now you're wondering how to maximize for your future, but you're feeling like a little bit keeping up with the Kardashian, I guess

Kardashians instead of Joneses these days. But you don't want to feel like that comparison is holding you back right now. Is that? I think so. And I think like getting validation that we can start a family and that we can like buy a house and still live how we want to live with the means that we have. And yeah, the comparison and lifestyle creep is huge with me. And I know that that's just going to ruin any joy, but it's hard to divide that out. For sure. It is hard. Despite the, you know, saying that comparison is the thief of joy, it creeps up and it thieves a lot. So basically you've said to us that you want to start a family, but you also want a tennis bracelet. So is that a fair balance that you want to strike?

Yes. So before we get into all that, I want to bring up something that you told our producer. You said, I feel like I'm constantly comparing our financial situation to our friends who are very successful in their careers. Can you tell me more about what that looks like because you are also successful in your career? Yeah. So I feel like my friends are in corporate America. They've been climbing, quote, the corporate ladder. And so watching them have those successes really feeds into me feeling like we're not where we should be or,

personally I'm not there I've moved around jobs and so I haven't been at like a job for eight years right out of college like some of my friends and so I think that feeds into maybe like money dysmorphia in a way where it's like you think that somebody who's been at their job for so long has all these responsibilities they have the compensation to go with it and then our friends are always talking about extravagant trips or purchasing this or that or we're talking about homes right now And everyone's looking at like million dollar plus homes. And so that feeds into it. Do you know how much they make?

Are you just assuming? So for one couple, yes, we do. And then just sort of assuming based on discussions. So tidbits I've learned. And it's definitely like you don't know people's financial situations. They could be in debt. But from conversations with friends, it doesn't seem like they're carrying credit card debt. So I mean.

But we don't know. We don't know. No. Where roughly are you guys at? I think W2-wise, we're around 2.30 as a couple, and we're right around the couple that I know what they make. I think they're right around there. So, wait, you're comparing yourself to the couple that earns the same amount as you guys? But maybe like $20,000 to $30,000 more than us.

Okay. Not talking a huge difference here. No, I guess not. I mean, I think a little bit of competition is healthy. It actually could motivate you to make better financial choices, so I'm not knocking that. I think money dysmorphia, however, has become a thing, and that is not healthy. Money dysmorphia is this phenomenon where this heightened sense of comparison makes you feel financially insecure, depressed in some cases, anxious, without a real basis in reality.

So do you feel like you struggle more with that? Yeah, I think so. And I think especially it's like I try to cut back on our spendings in different places, which can be healthy. But it's also like my husband will be saying, well, we can do this. We're financially able to do this. Like, let's do it. Whereas I struggle with that.

And I know, like, growing up, I saw that in my parents, too. That's where it is. Let's double click there. I feel like sometimes I'm a psychologist. All right. So what did you see in your parents that these conversations with your husband? triggers. Being very frugal, it was always kind of pulling teeth to get my dad to go on any vacations because he had this scarcity mindset that we don't have the money for that, that

we can't afford to do that trip. And my mom was the one having to be like, we do have the money, we can do this. So I see that playing out in my marriage, kind of. Where you are your father, basically. Yeah. Yeah. And how do you think that manifests? You feel like you hoard more, you save more, you maybe binge sometimes on things because you've felt so deprived. How do you internalize it? Probably hoarding, wanting to save our money, but then definitely wanting to go on trips. That's where I spend my money. So a little bit of both. I mean, here's the thing. Your financial foundation, the reality of it, is really solid. You shared a bunch of details with us before we chatted.

You don't have any debt. You have juicy dual incomes. You have growing investments. You have real estate that you're investing in on the side. You're in your early 30s. All of this is a huge accomplishment, Rose. So what is exactly of that picture keeping you up at night financially? Is it more about affording the future or feeling like you're currently falling behind?

with some of the trips and some of the luxury purchases right now compared to your peers? I think both with the how are we going to afford life? Like we're in our 30s, so we have the rest of our lives in a way that we have to financially support and knowing like we want to start a family and kids aren't cheap and how are we going to do that. I feel like I am just getting by with just a man and a dog and wondering how we add on humans to this. So I don't know if that's like a form of lifestyle creep, but that's sort of the one that I feel, whereas you're getting older, you're getting all these responsibilities.

So it's not necessarily the extravagant lifestyle creep. It's just sort of the life creep. I don't know. Yeah. Listen, we will get to kiddos because I just had one and you're right, they are expensive. But when it comes to luxury, so let's just cross that one off the list. There are definitely smart ways to do it. There are not so smart ways to do it, right? If we're talking handbags here, you can either rent a bag. You could invest in a bag that actually appreciates in value, like an Hermes bag or a Chanel flap bag.

I mean, let's be real. Like, if you're going to do it, just be smart about it. Our producer bought Balenciaga, what, triple S sneakers, the big, thick, chunky ones, I think. Those do not appreciate. Those depreciate. So when it comes to a luxury purchase, think about the ones that appreciate, not depreciate. When it comes to friends, I would do the same thing. I would think of the ones that appreciate and that the ones that appreciate you in the different sense

and move away from some of this comparison toward aspiration. I don't think it's about being flashy around your friends or trying to keep up or show them what you can do or where you can go. It's about being really disciplined. and I'm sure your friends didn't get rich by acting like they're rich. They got rich by hopefully acting like they're not rich and living below their means. So let's talk about what something like that would look like for you. Do you feel like you have good friends?

Yeah, yeah, I do. And I know like it feels like the conversations are happening more because everyone's like it's so expensive to live. How are we paying our bills? we all want to buy houses. And so it's at the forefront of our conversations. And I think just how relevant it is is weighing on me. But like previously this wasn't a big deal with us.

It's just become a bigger thing I've noticed. So if we're being honest, it's not really your friends. It's you. Yeah. Look, you know, the first step to any recovery is admitting you have a problem and having the self-awareness. So I think it's really, really big of you to come out and talk about this honestly and be self-reflective because I think that once you name whatever this thing you're feeling is around money dysmorphia,

you can finally attack it. So you have an issue of comparison. It's not that they're flashing it around in your face and making you feel bad about it. No, I mean, not at all. It's just the picking apart, like conversations of being out with friends and then coming home. and just sort of ruminating on those conversations and being like, wow, they're doing this or that. It seems like they're so well off. It seems like they're doing such a great job at work and everything. So I feel like it's definitely a me problem. Okay. So let's tell the mean girl

inside your head to try and sit down because you guys are doing just as well. It sounds like you and your partner take home about almost $13,000 a month. Your rent is $3,300. you're saving, you're investing constantly. And those are all huge wins, but you're also dreaming of a million dollar home. It sounds like all of your friends are in the same sort of life stage where you're buying homes and starting families. So how did you land on a million dollars for your budget? Just sort of looking at what we could get in our area, what's available.

So looking at like a $400,000 house in the area of the suburb. that we're in, it's just sort of like a shack, to be frank, in my opinion, because I do like the higher things. I want a nice house. And so it's like, okay, where, what like price range will give us the house that I would like. And so it's sort of around the $800,000 range, I think. And then using like various calculators, seeing how far we could push it. And so I feel like the million 1.2 would be our highest end. and also hopefully assuming that our incomes will continue to go up since we're only in our 30s and we have both said we would rather maybe stretch a bit knowing and hoping that our income will

increase and then that monthly mortgage would be a smaller chunk of our expenses like my father-in-law bought one house and they've been it for 30 plus years and as his career progressed he was like I could have bought a better bigger house because my financial situation changed. changed. So that's sort of in the back of my head, too, that could happen. Or you could sell your house and buy a bigger house. Your story doesn't have to be your parent's story. And I think that's part of the thing you're falling into. A lot of people are falling into it because you see a certain financial story. You know, we only live in one household growing up. So that's the story we know. and it's coming to a place where you realize you are the hero of the story and you get to decide

or you could rent and use all of that liquidity to invest in other things like your your rental side hustle it sounds like or something else so you don't have to buy a house you don't have to stay in that house like your father if you do and you decide that you want to do that great but just remember that you don't have to do that you get to decide so if you do go this path let's just break down the numbers, your mortgage, including property taxes, insurance, all that stuff, is going to be hopefully no more than 30% of your gross income. That's a sweet spot for living within your means. So that means based on the money that you guys are making, a safe monthly housing budget, it's around $4,500. I don't know if you're looking at buildings with, you know,

monthly fees, homeowner associations, but don't forget to factor those in. With a 20% down payment, you know, that really pushes you up at your limit. It's not impossible this budget. It's going to require some tradeoffs. I think you are not super keen on tradeoffs if you're being honest. So you can definitely afford a beautiful home, but you're going to want to balance that out with some of your other goals, like eventually raising a family and traveling.

So I'll pause there because I want to know your thoughts. Yes, I'm not good at tradeoffs. That's very true. want to, quote, have it all. I'm not going to compromise. So that's a little hard. And that also is sort of the reason that I'm struggling because I know we want a family and everything. And it's, everything's just so expensive. And so that's like the loop in my head that, um, how are we going to make things work knowing like, okay, we have a good financial foundation. But it doesn't feel like it when we look ahead. And maybe I'm looking too far ahead and I'm worried about the future

that's not even here yet. But it's definitely causing stress. Yeah, because I don't think you've actually defined what that looks like. That's what's causing you a lot of this anxiety. You can have it all, sister. You just have to define what it all means and stop changing the goalpost on yourself. So what does having it all mean? The house that we want and then having the kids, hopefully, ideally. I used to say I wanted four kids, but as we've gotten older, and seeing how expensive it is, I realize that probably won't happen. It would be more like two or three. And then being able to travel, definitely. That's where I spend my money right now. My parents took me on vacations to Europe as a kid and I loved it. I want to give that to my kids.

It teaches them about different cultures and it's a funer way to like learn about history. That's where my passion for history came from. So just being able to give our family that would, I think be having it all in my mind. Yeah. And in that definition, you didn't talk about your job. So when you feel sort of comparison creeping in, you didn't define what having it all looks like as having a higher position or a bigger base salary. You also didn't talk about luxury purchases as having it all. So sometimes when you, you know, see somebody else having a thing, you have to remind yourself. It's really easy to say, oh, my. my gosh, I suck. What am I doing with my life? I don't have that bracelet or whatever. But then you go

back and you look at your list and you say, hey, was that even on my list? Or am I, am I veering from what having it all means? Because once you start changing the goalpost on yourself based on an Instagram you see or based on what your friend does, you're never going to win the game. So I think we have to just decide on what that looks like. What does success look like? And when you hit it, you've hit it. And don't keep changing it on yourself. Another really smart question that you asked was whether you should keep your down payment in cash or if you should move it into the stock market. Great question. In general, the guidance is if you need your money in a year or two, keep it in cash. I don't, and by the way, I do not mean like actual cash.

I don't mean in, you know, a low interest savings account or checking account. I think if your timeline is three years or more, you can consider. consider putting some of that into a conservative mix of some equities, which are stocks or bonds, maybe a little bit of both. But since you're starting to feel like you're serious about buying in the near future, it sounds like in the next couple of years, I would stick with a high-yield savings account, some treasury bonds, CDs. Sounds like you're already dabbling in that. It's not going to grow much, but it's not going to shrink. And hopefully it will at least keep pace with inflation. Because if you're keeping it in a checking account that's making you, you know, point

0.01%, you're actually losing money over time and your purchasing power. So we don't want to do that. And that's super key for near-term goals like a house. Does that answer your question? Yes. And then I guess part of like a down payment, when we're thinking about ours, we're not thinking about our equity investments and our brokerage accounts. Do you recommend people selling those and using them for houses? We're just sort of putting money into equities and just forgetting about it. I don't know. How much do you have in your brokerage? We have 1.30-ish. What brokerage is it? Vanguard. And we have it in a mix of like V-O-O, V-T-I-X, V-F-I-A-X, just different ETFs and mutual funds. No, that's good. That's the Vanguard mutual fund that tracks the S&B-500.

And all the V-Stuff are Vanguard, which are typically low-cost. funds so that's all great you also said you're generally worried about we're worried so much listen I'm a worrier too so I get it but you're worried about a lot of things so you're also worried that you're too cash heavy right now is that right you just read me your brokerage yes how much do you have in cash or where is that sitting right now our cash is sitting in the money market making what I think it's like five percent Is the SEC seven-day yield? And we have 123,000 just about. And that's what we're looking at for the down payment. Like when we think about our goal to get to a down payment, we're only factoring in

that $123,000 and excluding the equity of $130,000 in the other account. But so you're only factoring the $1.23. Yeah. I mean, cash is really. great for short-term goals or buying opportunities right when we saw the market tank. I personally wish I had more cash to take advantage of that opportunity, but too much cash in the long term means you're missing out on growth. So it is a balance. Your emergency fund should definitely be in a high-yield savings account or a money market fund like you're doing. So yay, it's the easiest thing you can do is to have a high-yield savings account. Beyond that, maybe keep access savings invested in a very safe, basic portfolio of stocks and bonds.

If you are looking more for the long term, if you guys push out this time frame, you know, think 7030 or 8020 with stocks and bonds, mix in maybe some international funds for diversification. But this is if you guys decide to push that timeline out longer. And the thought process, of course, behind that is if we have major fluctuations, you're not selling or using the money to borrow against when it's low because it happens lows and highs. We don't know when the lows are. We don't know what the highs are. So short-term

cash doing exactly what you're doing. It is a lot. So make sure that you are really certain that you're going to pull this trigger. So we have like the automatic recurring investment transfers out of checking and into our savings. What would you say knowing like we hope to buy in the next one to two years that we should be pumping that into the Vanguard money market fund so that it's sitting in cash when we're ready to buy? Or should we be putting more of it into equities? Putting it from where?

From your paycheck? Yeah. I mean, I think you should be growing your brokerage more. I think you've gotten pretty much what you need, depending on what kind of loan you get out. But I would, and the breakdown of your brokerage sounds really safe. Generally speaking, it will yield you probably around 7% historically. That's what those types of funds have yielded. So I would think about potentially beefing up some of your equity exposure.

You guys are young. If it's just sitting in a checking account, just at the very least, ask your bank if there's a sweeps account. So a sweep account is basically like they sweep your money away overnight. You tell them what amount you want to be available to you. And the rest gets invested and then it comes back. And if you need more than what you say, so let's say you want $500, let's say you want $500 readily available and you have $20,000. in there. They're going to sweep $19,500 into this overnight. They're going to invest it and then you're going to get an interest payment once a month, probably. Oh, wow. I'll look into that.

Should we talk about babies? Yes. Hold onto your wallets. Money rehab will be right back. And now for some more money rehab. You mentioned something that I hear a lot. Can we actually afford a family? It is a real concern. You're living in a big city. Babies are expensive. Trust me, I know.

I just had one. Here's what I'll say. You don't need to have every expense mapped out before you start. But what you do need to have is steady income check. You need to have your emergency fund. Sounds like you have that. Yes. So then the last.

part of this equation is really who's going to take care of this kid when you guys are working. So daycare in a major city, have you looked into it yet? Very expensive. Very expensive people. Like $30,000 or more I've heard. Yeah. So like roughly it could be $2K a month. Mm-hmm. You might qualify for dependent care FSAs or eventually you might stagger parental leave. and not every cost, of course, comes out at once. Like, you don't need to fund a $529 before you buy a crib. But it is helpful to generally budget for baby. I'd recommend upping some of the allocation to your investments

and your savings for baby. Everyone is going to tell you diapers are expensive. Listen to them. They are expensive. And honestly, the better ones are better. Like the coterie diapers, whatever, way more expensive than the generic diapers, but I got to tell you, the poop stays in. And to me, that is priceless. So it is worth the premium for sure. Yeah. All of that just sort of scares me because it's like,

I feel like we're, quote, living paycheck to paycheck in a way, even without a kid. And so then how do you feel like you're able to then afford a kid? But you're not living paycheck to paycheck. You are not living paycheck to paycheck you have a big juicy cash stash you have a big juicy brokerage account that is not living paycheck to paycheck you would be okay if your paycheck didn't come I know it feels this way that like your whole paycheck is going toward places but part of that is going towards your investing and going towards your saving so where like where else do you want it to go you are not only taking care of all your expenses but you're putting it into savings and investing yeah I feel like

that's part of the thing. I know we're saving for a house, but then it's like, I know you're supposed to be saving for retirement and we are, but then what are we doing with this brokerage account? Is that like, do we start taking that out as child care expense increases? Yeah, I don't know. That's a question that, you know, my husband and I had this conversation. It's actually like a mindset shift, I think, when you have kids where you realize like the first year, you have to be gendered. on yourself that these are roots phases and you're planting roots. You're not, you know, you're not flying yet. I don't know. I'm mixing metaphors here. You're planting roots and that's a spending time. There are savings years. This is all seasonal, cyclical, like any part of a

marriage and a family and building a life worth living. Right. So you're going to have seasons where you're spending more and you're going to have seasons where you're saving more. And I will tell you, because I am in it, the first year of baby is spending more and you just have to get comfortable with that psychologically. Because financially, you're okay. It's psychologically that we need to work on. Like, is the mean girl still standing up? I still, I still hear her. What is she doing in this conversation? Yeah, I know. It's hard. Yeah. So I know you're actively making big financial plans. I love this about you. We're working towards some big questions, big goals. you know, come back. Keep me posted on how you're doing. I think it's just about priorities and

timings. You can afford anything. You just can't afford everything at the same time. So maybe the tennis bracelet will happen for your 50th birthday or whatever. You will get the tennis bracelet. Maybe it's not this year. Maybe a vacation to Europe is going to happen when you're 40. Maybe it's not this year. And that's okay. Yeah. I like that mindset. And I can hear my therapist being like, you don't need everything now. You don't. You can have it all, just not all at once. You can have anything, just not everything to decide.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. But you're doing great. Like, no notes. Oh, okay. That's so hard. I was hoping you'd be like, get this and that and you'll be fine.

Yeah. And I'd be like, perfect. Nicole says we can do this. We're going to do it. Or she said, no, we can't buy this house. We're not doing that. No, it's like when I went to Bali on my E, pray love. adventure. I went to an old medicine man and I wanted to know what was wrong with me. And I was like,

this is this intuitive man. He's a hundred and ten years old baby. I don't know. He was like in I pray love. And I'm like, what is wrong with me? Like, what are my ailments? And he's like, busy mind. And that just means like, I think too much and I worry too much. And he's like, you're good. And I was so upset because I was like, no, there's something wrong with me. And he's like, no, there isn't. I definitely resonate with that. Nothing's wrong with you, just your busy mind. The mean, mean, girl, busy mind. I appreciate it. Thank you. Money rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lapin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan LaVoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be

honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, money rehab at MoneyNews Network.com. to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me and follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make. Thank you.