Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - "I'm Bad at Money... How Am I Supposed To Teach My Kids To Be Better?" (Listener Intervention)

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Because personal finance isn’t taught in school, when it comes to money, we turn to the source for all of our answers to the questions that don’t get discussed in the classroom: our parents. This has been on Money Rehabber Reyna’s mind. Today, Nicole invites her on the show to give her advice on raising money-minded kids. PS: you too can get your answer questioned on Money Rehab— and we can keep you anonymous, if that's your jam! Send us your burning questions here: https://forms.gle/A4DEc52uYCxRUk6C9 Here's the book Reyna is lovin': https://nicolelapin.com/product/miss-independent/

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start, or even too complicated, if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full-time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you.

I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. One of the most stressful periods of my life was when I was in credit card debt. I got to a point where I just knew that I had to get it under control for my financial future and also for my mental health. We've all hit a point where we've realized it was time to make some serious money moves. So take control of your finances by using a Chime checking account with features like no

maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Learn more at Chime.com slash MNN. When you check out Chime, you'll see that you can overdraft up to $200 with no fees. If you're an OG listener, you know about my infamous $35 overdraft fee that I got from buying a $7 latte and how I am still very fired up about it. If I had Chime back then, that wouldn't even be a story. Make your fall finances a little greener by working toward your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash MNN. That's Chime.com slash MNN. Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits

apply. Boosts are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in SpotMe and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to Chime.com slash disclosures for details. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. One of my most impassioned rants, which you can probably recite for yourself by now, is that we should all learn financial literacy in school. It is absolutely nuts to me that we don't. So many financial mistakes are made completely by accident. I mean, think of how many missteps we could avoid if we just learned the proper money moves when we were young. I digress. Because personal finance isn't taught in school, though, to learn about

money, we turn to the source for all of our answers to the questions that don't get discussed in the classroom, our parents. This has been on Money Rehab Arena's mind. She sent in a question about this very topic, and I invited her on the show for a one-on-one intervention, which you can too, by the way. Just check out the link in the show notes, and you too could get your money rehab on. But I digress again. Today is for Raina and all of the parents out there who are trying to raise rich kids. Here's our conversation. Reina, welcome to Money Rehab. Oh, thank you so much, Nicole. How are you? It's so good to see you. I heard that you are reading a good book right now.

Yes, Miss Independent is amazing. I haven't got through it all, but what I've read so far is helping me, getting me to the heart. So thank you for that. No, thank you. And thank you for writing in with a question. What's on your mind? So my question was kind of how do us parents raise our kids to have what we didn't have growing up? So how do we kind of teach our kids about savings and accounts and just how to teach them to be right with money. How many kids do you have? I have two amazing daughters. I have one that's 19 years old, she'll be 20 in July. And then I have one that's 10, she'll be 11 in July. So there's a big gap. And they, my one, my 10 year old, she's already talking about going to Paris and I'm like

how are you gonna pay for that so she has aspirations for sure it sounds like it and you want to set them up on a path to becoming Miss Independent yes definitely what is your relationship with money my relationship with money now is getting better. Growing up, it was zero. You know, I come from a pretty poor background. My mom didn't do well with money. My grandparents didn't do well with money. We don't come from like people who have, you know, businesses or real estate or any of that. I kind of just started developing as I have grown myself. So within the last past five years, I've, you know, cleaned up that I've been reading your books, I've cleaned up the you know, the whole debt, I cleaned up all my stuff. And

now I'm just working on my businesses. So businesses. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I have like a nonprofit business and then I have my actual business that I'm working real estate. I'm a real estate agent. So were you just not taught about money at all growing up? Was not taught about it at all. And I think maybe those who don't have it, don't talk about it. I would argue that those who have it also don't talk about it. I mean, money is a mindfuck no matter whether you have it or whether you don't.

And unfortunately, nobody learns it in school. You know, kids of wealthy parents, kids of families with lower income. So I think a lot of times we're all in the same boat no matter what. So I would just be gentle on yourself because it sounds like you know a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. I've learned, you know, but again, I know that I'm not 100% right yet. And where do you think that comes from right now? Just not having the things that I would like to have and kind of being able to take the trips that I'd like to take with my family and stuff like that. So it's just, you know, I'm not where I should be at my age, but I'm getting there and I'm going to be there hopefully

soon. Yeah, you are. You wrote it and you said you weren't great with money. And I would say you are, or you're pre-great. Okay. Yes, I'm pre-great. I think, listen, the biggest thing with kids is that they're watching you, right? So if you are saying you're not great with money, they're emulating that. So like I would start with some of that self-talk too. I know this is not exactly what you wanted to hear out of the gate and I'll give you advice about how to set your kids up, you know, build them credit from an early age, give them lessons. But I think the biggest thing before any of that comes into play is just watching you and learning from you and feeling your energy around money,

whether you come from a scarcity mentality, whether you're confident about money. So I would say before anything else, we got to get you in a place where you can be that role model for them. Yes, I agree. That's good advice. Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. Yeah, because what do you think when you have interactions with money around your girls? When you go to dinner or something, are you stressed about paying? Are you stressed when bills come in? What are they seeing with your interactions with money? with your interactions with money? Well, right now, they're seeing stress free, I don't really talk about money with them too much. But I do kind of well, my oldest daughter, she's working right now. So I just tell her she needs to have her bills paid and you know,

her insurance and all that stuff. My youngest one, she gets birthday money and stuff like that. So I just tell her to, you know, save for if she wants something big that costs money or spend it as she wants, because it's her money and she can do whatever she wants with it. But it's not going to keep coming because you have to work to get that money. So but when I'm paid for dinner and stuff like that, no, I just, you know, I show them and I teach them that, you know, you have to leave a tip when you have good service and, you know, just, just little stuff like that. And so they do see the bill and they know like, oh, dang, mom's spending $150 for us

to eat dinner tonight. You know, like that's a lot of money. So they're like, okay. And the next time they're like, no, mom, let's not go out to eat. You know, let's just make something. So I think they respect money. I just need help on teaching them how to manage it in the future so they can be set up. Well, I would say I'm proud of you. Well, I would say I'm proud of you. You have taken the initiative to read books about personal finance. You picked some really good ones. You're listening to shows about personal finance. You're teaching yourself. And so I just want to say I'm proud of you. And I hope that you're proud of you too. And you're already starting to give your kids lessons, probably more lessons

than you had, right? About money. So I think you're doing better than you think. And yes, I'm proud of myself too. Yes. Okay. All right. So let's rephrase this question then. So you wrote in originally and said, you're not great with money. How do we teach our kids about money when you're not great with it yourself? So like, can we maybe reframe that question? Sure, we can rephrase it. I still feel like I'm not great with money, but, but. What? What did we just talk about? But let's rephrase it. How about good? Can we say that we're good with money?

Yes. Do you have debt? No mortgage, just student student debt everything else is gone amazing which is better than your former self correct yes and better than your parents oh yes yes can we say that you're good with money yes i'm good we're okay with money how about that we are uh confident with money confident with money topics yes we're confident with money? Confident with money topics? Yes, we're confident. Confident. I'll take, hell, I'll take confident. Okay, let's go with that.

Okay, so what is your question? How can I teach my kids and teenage, my teenage kids and my young kids, kids and my young kids and what's appropriate age to kind of, you know, teach them to be confident with money. Like their mama. Like their mom. Yes. And that is the biggest thing. It's really coming to the subject from a place of confidence. They feel it. They know it. They know when their mom is confident. They know when their mom is stressed. Even if you don't say it, like they know when you're fearful. They know when you're happy. Like as much as we try to hide it, like kids are so freaking smart and they just know. And like that energy is more important because looking back to your childhood, looking back to my childhood, like I think of a lot of financial traumas not necessarily like the numbers and the facts and figures but how I felt at that time right so you want to impart

this feeling of confidence to them and the best way to do that is to feel confident and approach all of these money topics like in day-to-day life from going to a restaurant to paying your bills to tipping people uh with from that place of confidence uh so that they when they grow up will come to it from a place of confidence too cool that sounds good yeah yeah definitely i kind of feel like i'm on the right track now i think you are um okay so have you given them a piggy bank? Have you talked to them about like, you know, if they get birthday money, or if they get, you know, tooth fairy money, or if they get, you know, side money or whatever? Is there a share, spend, save delineation? I think that would be a good place to start. So whether it's an actual piggy bank or whether they're little cartons or whatever, breaking down

an overall budget idea for kids is, well, first of all, I love alliteration. You know this from my books. For adults, I'd say essentials, end endgame and extras. I think for kids, it's share, spend, save, because you're imparting this idea that when you get money, some of it you can spend, some of it you should save, and some of it share or like donate. Right. And so you're imparting that idea of doing good with your money and giving back with your money, right? Would you say that those are in line with your values? Yes, definitely. So like when your youngest daughter gets birthday money, what happens? She just keeps it in her wallet. And then like every now and then she'll be like, hey, mom, can you take me to Target? You know, I want to buy some Legos or something. And I'm like, okay, you know, that i'm okay let's go you know i'll drive and you can buy and sometimes she'll be like mom i want to buy starbucks for us and i'm like okay

so then she'll buy me starbucks and i'll be like go for it and so like how much approximately would she get for a birthday for instance um so for a birthday she'd probably get about three hundred dollars um oh that's from everybody from like her her grandparents and you know her grandparents are separated so one will give like 150 and the other one will give like 150 and then i mean it's once a year so they're like you know they don't live here with her they don't see her often so they do give a good chunk of money for her and then so when she gets a's on her report cards and she gets awards and she just recently got principal honor roll so she um got 50 for all those awards you know so right now i'd say her stack and she probably has about maybe five or six hundred dollars saved damn and she's 10 and I'm like

and she did how much do you have saved not that much you don't no oh my god I do no I do I do but that's a lot of money I never had that kind of money when I was 10 I was like quarters like let me go get you know some 25 cents okay well all right so let's take the first part of that first so if she gets 300 bucks for her birthday um i would like to be adopted by her grandparents too but um like what if you got her you know and listen i i haven't hung out with 10 year olds lately so I don't know what's cool but whatever is cool like little containers I used to have caboodles when I was little so that was cool and cute I'm like Hello Kitty stuff oh yes that's what she's into right now she's into like the Hello Kitty stuff the cinnamon roll she loves cinnamon rolls so that's

one of the hello kitty karomi people cool okay great so like could we get a cinnamon roll i don't know like little um container or something um and then you know with that three hundred dollars could you be like what's her name alissa alissa let let's put $100 in the share bucket cinnamon roll. Let's put $100 in the spend cinnamon roll. And this is when you're going to, you know, we're going to go to Target and you're going to buy us frappuccinos and whatever else. And then $100 is in the save. So you don't, we're not touching that at all. Okay. What do you think about? She would, first of all, be like, well, what's a share account? And who am I sharing with? And where is, you know, this is my money.

So what's sharing? Like, what am I sharing? Like, am I going to buy stuff and then I'm going to share it with other people? Or that would be something I would have to break down for sure. Well, good thing that her mom runs a nonprofit. breakdown for sure well good thing that her mom runs a non-profit yeah what a perfect person to explain how to give back to the community yeah it's different when it's a child so it's like i don't know if i should be like buy you know baby clothes and then go share them with the moms who can't afford the babies you know what i mean because she loves babies great so maybe that one works i love that idea okay do you guys go to church or we we stopped going

for a couple of months now but well actually it's been a while now but we pray every night we are you know we have christianity faith and we're you know we believe in god so it's not you know, we believe in God. So it's not, you know, but yeah. But yeah, if you think that Aliza would resonate most with helping out babies or kids, then I think that's a great idea, you know, because you're imparting this idea of charity or community or talk to her about it or just be like, you know, what we pray about is whatever you guys pray about and we're really blessed or lucky or however you guys pray about and and we're really blessed or lucky or however you guys talk about religion or giving back and um or just you know spirituality or faith in anything um that we believe you know we should and don't let me put words in your mouth if you don't think that you should help less fortunate then like we're done we don't need that bucket but i have a feeling

that you do no we definitely need that bucket that is a very important bucket to have for everybody especially kids because sometimes they're so stingy and you don't realize it you know i see some stingy kids or you know like you could put fifty dollars in there to start. You don't need to do it even. You could put $10 in there. I mean, it's more than is given right now. Right. Yeah, definitely.

Hold on to your wallets. Money Rehab will be right back. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have

time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. One of the most stressful periods of my life was when I was in credit card debt. I got to a point where I just knew that I had to get it under control for my financial future and also for my mental health. We've all hit a point where we've

realized it was time to make some serious money moves. So take control of your finances by using a Chime checking account with features like no maintenance fees, fee-free overdraft up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Learn more at Chime.com slash MNN. When you check out Chime, you'll see that you can overdraft up to $200 with no fees. If you're an OG listener, you know about my infamous $35 overdraft fee that I got from buying a $7 latte

and how I am still very fired up about it. If I had Chime back then, that wouldn't even be a story. Make your fall finances a little greener by working toward your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash MNN. That's Chime.com slash MNN. Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to And now for some more money rehab. How much do you think?

Should we just have a share, share spend save account forever? Yeah, I mean, I think starting out when you're in grade school, when you're in high school, even I mean, you could get to a place where you also add your girls onto your credit card to help them build credit from an early age. And maybe you can give like a set amount so they can start understanding how credit works. Does your older daughter have a debit card or credit card? Yeah, she has a debit card. I opened her an account when she was 16 and then she spent all her money. She moved out when she was 19 and then she moved back in so she just got a credit card it hasn't even been a year so it's been about maybe maybe six months that she just recently got a discover card for herself

for herself you're not on the count no it's just her all by herself and how is your credit right now my credit's good um i have good credit i probably have yeah i think it's good it's like seven maybe 750 740 we have the ceo of fico uh the show and he didn't have a perfect credit score so and it doesn't you know remember credit score doesn't correlate with how rich you are how much money you have it's just like how responsible you are and so maybe start talking to her if you feel comfortable about what credit is or like what what happens when you get this discover card and what is that interest rate have you guys had any chats about that and i'm assuming but like i you know we don't like to assume anything do you know how a credit card works or like the APR works? Okay, cool. Yeah. So like

the APR is compounding like 20 whatever percent it might be, you know, can snowball out of control if you're spending the minimum. I think that might be helpful to talk with her about. Maybe it might be helpful to talk about your credit score. You know, some credit card companies will allow you to add your kids to your credit card to help them build good credit from an early age. So I would call and see if there are age limits for the cards you use. And maybe that could work for both of your girls. So you can sort of just set them out on a better foot. set them out on a better foot. And then out of the gate, if you're able to help them build credit,

then presumably the interest rates are going to be lower, right? Better credit score, it works like a seesaw, lower interest rates. Yeah. I mean, a lot of us, I think, can relate to this idea of having little credit history when it comes time to needing to get your apartment or, you know, struggling to get a lease and things like that. So I think that's if you've worked really hard to get your credit score higher. That is a really nice gift that it sounds like you didn't get. I didn't get either to set your kid up. Right. Okay, great. Yeah, that's really good advice. So yeah, I'll definitely do that and start it tonight because I'm that kind of person like when you talk to me and I like have something in my head it's like I have to do it now I have to do it now let's do it let's do it let's bring them on do it call them

yeah we can do it together if you want but you can do this yeah I mean having her actually I think having her have your books and read your books too it's just she's very because I have asked her my oldest one hey you know like you know and she's like I'm not reading that I'm not in school I'm not reading that I'm done with school you know like she so she hasn't really taken the leap yet to try to like you know know, educate herself on this. I do give her the tools, you know, and I try to kind of say here, you know, read this or here, you know, do this, but I can't make her do anything. Can I? Can I sign a book for her? Yeah, definitely. Her name is Lorraine. Okay. Would that maybe encourage her a little bit more? I could also say, yes, your mom is awesome.

Yeah, definitely. It might encourage her and I'll hand it to her and tell her, you know, you know, Nicole said, read this book. It will help you. And it will. I know it will. Thank you. Thank you. And you can tell her slip into the DMs if she has a question. And you can tell her. Slip into the DMs if she has a question. Nerdy style DMs. So when you talk with your girls about money, you gave the example of going out to dinner and spending $150. What's really interesting about kids is that they often don't know how much stuff costs.

Like if you ask them how much a car costs, like the answers are so funny sometimes they're like a million dollars right like they have no perspective on money or how much you know people make or how much a house costs right right I think that starting to be transparent when you talk about how much stuff costs like in an intentional way, can be really helpful to kids. I agree. Like talking about $150 being, you know, a high amount of money for like $150 being for a nice dinner for three people, right? But like, if we're all going to go to get a sandwich or something like that, like, here's how much it costs and and sort of just talking through like the motions of when you're going to you know check out at target um talking about what

the tax is talking about that type of stuff and even talking about you know paying money back so if they want to buy well you're younger if if alyssa wants to buy something you know that she doesn't have money for although i mean it sounds like she could give out loans. She doesn't need loans. But if she needed to get a loan, you know, you could talk to her about, well, you would have to pay interest. And here's how interest works, right? So just in little everyday ways, bringing money back into the conversation. So she feels more comfortable talking about it, I think would be a great next step as well. Okay, that's good. Does she get allowance? She does not get allowance, because she has to be reminded to do her chores. So if I have to remind her to do it, she doesn't get it. But if she does it on her own, then I will give her an allowance.

But she doesn't. So she doesn't ever get allowance. She always forgets. Okay. Well, if she doesn't forget, then what do you think about this idea of negotiating for an allowance? Oh, definitely. I'm all for negotiations. Girl, I'm a real estate agent. See? Exactly. So you have that entrepreneurial spirit. You learned, I'm a real estate agent see exactly so you have that entrepreneurial spirit like you learned I'm assuming negotiations in the school of hard knocks yep it's a skill it is people are scared of it and she does she'll she'll negotiate with me every now and then you know she's like well what if we do this you know instead, instead of doing this? Or, you know, if you can give me, you know, a couple extra dollars and I'll, you know, go through the market for you and get all the stuff, you know, like just little things

like that. So yeah, she negotiates with me too. Cool. And I think it can help instill more confidence too in explaining and being able to articulate her worth. So she could say, well, mom, you're not giving me allowance because I forgot to do my chores, but I got on a roll or I got on this thing.

And so I think for that, I deserve xyz. And so even if you say no, I think getting in the habit or sometimes you can sort of encourage her by saying, OK, well, you think you get five dollars like I think you get two dollars. And so you're just bringing those skills and bringing that dialogue into her life. I never thought about it like that. So, yeah, this is a new light. I definitely always keep that part of me in the business world. I really don't take it home, you know, because I always tell myself, leave my work at work, you know, and when I get

home, it's just about, you know, being home. But now that I've been really dwelling on this whole financial stuff with the kids, it's like, this is shine such a bright light, you know, because it's it's important. I'm so glad it is so important. And it sounds like you put yourself on the right track and I wouldn't keep it to yourself. I would, you know, let that be shown to your girls because what you're doing for yourself is really positive. And so I think a lot of that can and will rub off on them. So let it shine. I will. I will. I will let it shine. It's awesome that you are, you know, thinking so much about them and how to set them up on the right track and do better than what you

had. And I think that's the sentiment that a lot of parents come from and the differences that you're, you know, taking those actionable steps, taking those notes to do something about it, which is awesome. And that's how the cycle gets broken. I appreciate that. Thank you. And I appreciate all the work you've done and everything. I see you, girl. I see you every day. So hustling, doing your thing nonstop. So I really appreciate it from the heart. Yeah. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. Well, I do it for women like you.

And we all appreciate it. I do it for women like you and I do it for your girls. I mean, it's crazy just like when I had book tours or book signings, there have been a few women who have come up for a book and like some I noticed or some I didn't. And they're like, I'm pregnant, like with a girl and I want my daughter, like already thinking from the womb. And then I start crying and then I get emotional. And then I think about young girls and financial literacy and financial empowerment. Yes. I wish I would have done that. But you know

what? I can only do what I can now. You know, so if I would have done that. But you know what? I can only do what I can now, you know? So if I would have thought about it from the womb, it would have been so much better for me. But that's all right. I have you now. So I am here for you. It's never too late. You're never as young as you are today.

They're never as young as they are today. And today is as good a day as any. Yes. Amen, sister. Amen, sister. Amen, sister. Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Levoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, moneyrehabatmoneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me.

And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.