Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - Stop Doing This at Work

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

Nicole explains how over-apologizing may be costing you at work (#sorrynotsorry) and gives you scripts to help strengthen your language and project confidence. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Well, it doesn't. Charge for wasting our time. I will take a check. Like an old school check. You recognize her from anchoring on CNN, CNBC, and Bloomberg. The only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. Nicole Lappin. Before we dig into the episode, I have a special announcement for you.

Facebook and I are bringing sexy back to newsletters. If you haven't heard, Facebook unveiled a new content hub, Bulletin, and yours truly is one of the few selected writers invited onto the platform alongside my work hubs, Jason Pfeiffer, who is the editor-in-chief of Entrepreneur Magazine, Malcolm Gladwell, and casually Malala. My Bulletin is called The Money Minute, and it brings you all of my favorite tips, tricks, and headlines to supplement your money rehab journey. If you've listened to all of Money Rehab on repeat, as you should, and you have been resting to take notes and keep up with the episodes, don't you worry. The Money Minute has the information written down so that you don't have to worry about taking notes

while you listen to the show. You can find money advice right on my Bulletin site, have finance tips delivered right into your inbox, or re-listen to the Money Rehab Archive. Basically, it's your one stop shop for financial advice. And it's live right now. So head over to NicoleLappin.Bulletin.com and subscribe. Now let's get to the episode. I have a question for you. How many times do you find yourself apologizing throughout the day? Do you say, I'm sorry if you don't respond to an email at lightning speed? Many of us apologize way too much. Maybe even you. Why do we do it? Well, part of it might be out of habit. Part of it might be out of the desire to seem more likable. Some people I've spoken to, especially women, tell me that throwing in some extra sorries is about not looking overly aggressive

or asserting too much authority. I get it. It's nerve wracking to interrupt your boss or badger someone for something that hasn't been done. But are you sorry for it? Whatever the core reason, it makes us look like we lack self-confidence. Let's vow now, all together, to apologize only when we actually do something wrong. I only realized how frequently I was apologizing after I kept a tally for every time I said it throughout the course of one day. I found, much to my horror, that there were sorries everywhere. My world record number? 53. Yes, I said sorry 53 fucking times in one day. I was shocked and embarrassed by the number. But the silver lining was that I became aware of my excessive apologizing right then and there. And you better believe I did something about it.

Now, I know bad habits are tough to break. We say sorry so much that we might not even think about it. But it's a crutch and it's a crutch that we don't need. To help you get off that crutch, I'm going to give you some scripts to help you swap out your sorries. Here are six times we tend to apologize in the workplace with your new alternative phrasing to use instead. Number one. Making a pitch to your boss. Do you say, I am so sorry to bother you, but I just want to run an idea by you, if you don't mind.

Hell no. Now say, do you have a minute? I have an idea for an upgrade that will double our invoicing speed and improve overall cash flow. Boom shakalaka. Number two, being late for a meeting. What would you be inclined to say? I am so sorry. I had to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and way too much TMI. Instead, say something short and sweet like, thank you for your patience. I know your time is valuable, so let's dive in. Number three, asking a question. You might say, I'm sorry, can I ask a question? What you should say is, I have a question, then ask the question. Or even better, just ask the freaking question without a preamble. Number four, getting around someone. You might be tempted to say, I'm so sorry. I just want to reach by you to get that. Or I'm sorry. I'm just going to scooch

around you. Nix that nonsense. You should say, do you mind handing that to me? Or a simple, pardon me. Number five, not liking something. What you might be inclined to say is, I'm sorry, it's just not working for me. What you should say instead is, it's not working for me because of X, Y, Z, but here's what I think would make it better. And then tell them what would make it better. Number six, when someone asks you for clarification, what you might be inclined to say is, I'm sorry, I didn't phrase that well. What I meant to say was, blah-de-blah, blah-de-blah, blah-de-blah. What you should say instead is, thank you so much for following up. Let me clarify what I was saying about XYZ.

And while we're at it, let's ban some other words. As a fighter of free speech and no filters, I do not love the idea of banning words. However, I do believe we need to avoid certain words and phrases that make us self-censor and apologize for what we're saying in the workplace. Let's nix qualifiers like kind of, probably, or maybe. So instead of saying, I kind of feel like the presentation should include this chart, say something like, I think the presentation would be stronger if we included this chart. Period. Boom. Nailing workplace communication isn't an overnight thing, especially if you're conditioned to be timid. There is no shame in writing out phrases like this in advance before you walk into an important meeting or a difficult conversation. Or practice in the mirror. Or practice with a friend.

Chances are he or she will probably need the help as well. The only way to get rid of stereotypes is hello by not making it a stereotype anymore and just not apologizing so damn much. To be fair, I probably apologize still about five times a day now, maybe 10 on a particularly rough day. I am not perfect. I still apologize to express empathy. And of course, if I do something wrong, but I do it far less because I'm aware of it. And you can be too. but I do it far less because I'm aware of it. And you can be too. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank.

Start integrating these new catchphrases into your digital life. It's easier to cancel unnecessary apologies over email where you have the time to draft and then hit backspace. Once you get into the practice of removing sorries from your email vocabulary, you'll see that your verbal communication will be stronger and more confident as well. Get a jumpstart on this today, or that projected insecurity may cause you to fall behind the pack at work. Hashtag sorry not sorry. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartRadio.

I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Our producers are Morgan Lavoie and Mike Coscarelli. Executive producers are Nikki Etor and Will Pearson. Our mascots are Penny and Mimsy. Huge thanks to OG Money Rehab team Michelle Lanz for her development work, Catherine Law for her production and writing magic, and Brandon Dickert for his editing, engineering, and sound design. And as always, thanks to you

for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.