Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin - The Real Story of the Notorious "Bling Ring"

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Originally aired 6/10/22 In the early 2000s, a group of teenagers collectively known as "The Bling Ring" reportedly stole over $3 million dollar’s worth of possessions from celebrities like Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Rachel Bilson, Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan and more. Over a decade later, a viral Vanity Fair article and a subsequent film still control the narrative of this story— not the people involved. If you watched the film, you might think that Alexis Haines (née Neiers) was the ringleader of the Bling Ring. So it might surprise you to learn that she was actually only at one of the break-ins, and at the time, she was addicted to heroin and dealing with the aftermath of abuse. Alexis will be the first one to tell you that stealing is always wrong. Full stop. But so long as her story is still being told in the media, she should be the one to tell it.  Alexis tells Nicole and Morgan her side of The Bling Ring story, her tips on manifesting money, the financial and emotional cost of reality TV, the latest on her divorce, the silver linings of her recovery journey, and everything in-between. To learn more about Alexis and to listen to her podcast Recovering from Reality, check out this link: https://www.recoveringfromreality.com/  Want to start investing, but don't know where to begin? Go to moneyassistant.com and meet Magnifi, your AI money assistant, designed to help you make a plan for your financial goals. Want one-on-one money coaching from Nicole? Book a meeting with her here: intro.co/moneynewsnetwork 

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start, or even too complicated, if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full-time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you.

I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself.

Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. Hey guys, are you ready for some money rehab? Wall Street has been completely upended by an unlikely player, GameStop. Are you ready for some money rehab? Wasting our time. I will take a check. I got a full-scale check. You recognize her from anchoring on CNN, CNBC, and Bloomberg. The only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. Nicole Lappin. The bling ring was a name given to a group of teenagers that, in the early 2000s, broke into celebrities' houses and stole valuables. The group stole over $3 million worth of possessions from celebrities like Orlando Bloom,

Paris Hilton, Rachel Bilson, Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan, and more. Is it at all coming back to you? If not, absolutely no shade. I actually missed this too. I was so immersed in my work at CNN at the time that, ironically, I had no time for headlines other than the ones I was reporting on. But in retrospect, I'm pretty surprised that this one wasn't on my radar. A group of teenagers stealing from Hollywood's biggest stars? Seriously, how did I miss that? If you did read about this case at the

time, you probably read the article in Vanity Fair called The Suspects Wore Louboutins, written by Nancy Jo Sales. It was the media authority on the case at the time and a huge hit. It was actually developed into a movie called The Bling Ring, starring Emma Watson. For those of you who did get wrapped up in the press coverage of this case, you definitely then remember Alexis Nyers, who emerged as the face of the bling ring and became an internet sensation when her voicemail to Nancy Jo Sales went viral after it aired on Alexis's reality show on E! called Pretty Wild. But over a decade later, that Vanity Fair article and the film, not the people involved, are still in control of the narrative of this story.

If you think you know the story, you'll be surprised to hear that Alexis was actually only at one of the break-ins, and at the time, she was addicted to heroin and dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse that spanned her whole childhood. But Alexis doesn't make excuses for her involvement in the bling ring. She will be the first to tell you, stealing is bad. Full stop. But my question is, was it right for the media to profit from this story, especially when they weren't telling all of it? Alexis, who now goes by Alexis Haynes, has been sober for 11 years and counting,

has done a lot of work on herself, and she's more than what you've read about. I and one of our producers, Morgan, sat down with Alexis at the iHeart Studios in Burbank to hear her side of the bling ring story, manifesting money, the financial and emotional cost of reality TV, and everything that came after. Alexis, welcome to Money Rehab. Thanks for having me. This is my sister. Hold on. I'm just recording a podcast for 30 minutes. Are you going to labor right now?

Okay. Well, go get your membrane stripped and go into the office and just have her strip your membranes. Can I come? I know. Okay. I just have to start this podcast right now but I love you when did you become a doula uh eight years ago is that like a training yeah and um it really just I'm a manifestation generator manifest generator is that what it's called I don't know it's very much so me like where I just like to like do a lot of things and follow my bliss and it's usually really profitable when I do that like when I'm not when I don't commit to like one thing and this is the way that's going to be it's like I manifested my show I manifested it down to the exact dollar amount I make I just follow my bliss and birth work is something that like really brings me a lot of joy.

That's right. Well, how did you manifest that? Because this is Money Rehab and we love manifesting money. So tell us your secrets. Yeah, I think it's everyone talks about manifestation as if it's just like I can write down a certain amount of affirmations and get what I want. And you can do that.

I've done that before. That's how I literally manifested my show. I hadn't done any of the subconscious belief system work or any of the deprogramming or that shadow work yet. And I'll touch on that if you want. But yeah, it's not just like writing out, I am making X amount of dollars a year and then poof, it happens. It's sometimes it can, but then usually you lose it as fast as you make it. And so when we're talking about like obtaining and maintaining, there's a big difference there. Like I can obtain wealth. Lots of people obtain wealth. Everyone who wins the lottery loses it, right? Because you can obtain lots of wealth. But if you don't go within and do the deep work to look at your relationship

to money and your worth and your power and all of that, you will lose it so fast. Because ultimately, it's not what you make, but what you keep that matters. Yeah. And I mean... And also money without meaning is just paper. Exactly. I agree with that 100%. And so it's like, you know, in my circumstance, because I know you wanted to dive into like the bling ring and stuff. So I manifested the show down to the dollar amount. I said that I would make $150,000 that year and I did.

For which show? For the E! show? Pretty Wild. Yes. So this is literally down to the penny. That's what I made. Even when you were that young? Even when I was that young.

This is when reality TV paid well, okay, you guys? It's not the same anymore. This is not what it's like now, I'm sure. Um, although I'm sure the housewives are, I think it depends on the franchise, but like starting out, getting your first show fresh off, you know, of nothing, it was a lot of money. Um, and, and that broke down to this. I think I got like $10,000 per episode. And there was nine episodes plus I received like a large signing bonus. And so it ended up being like right around the exact dollar amount that I was manifesting. And then three months later, I get arrested.

And all of that money goes to my attorney. So that's what I'm talking about. You can get it and you can lose it that quick. And it all was divine. Like it all needed to transpire exactly the way that I did for my highest and best good, because here's the other thing that was in that manifestation. I said that I was working in the entertainment industry, earning $150,000 a year minimum, right? With for the highest and best good of the planet and myself. And so I went into it with this intention and obviously people who are watching my show go, how was that for the highest and best good of anybody? It was trash reality TV. But what it did was it gave me a platform, how was that for the highest and best good of anybody? It was trash reality TV. But what it did was it gave me a platform, the platform that I have now today, where I've spent

the last 11 years of my sobriety helping people with that community and that platform doing exactly what I'm doing now. And so it did all end up working out exactly how or by how I called it in. But I couldn't see that at the time. At the time, I was like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Like, this is awful. And now at 11 and some change, sober, you're sober at 30, nearly 31 years old. I can look back at who I was at 19 and go, that was the best thing that ever happened to you. And you're so lucky. With so much perspective and also your platform, you say you want to eradicate shame around the stories that inevitably save us and that we're brave enough to share with others. So I'm so curious

how your reputation, how much did that cost you at the time? I mean, it still costs me. Like, there's no doubt in my mind that I have PTSD from like finding a case, a case of that status on national television as a 19 year old heroin addict, you're going to have lingering trauma from that experience. But when I say it's the best thing that ever happened to me, you know, we're gifted with pain. I think a lot of people like really want that picture perfect life, you know, where it's just like white picket fence, mom and dad stayed married. Um, you know, they grew up playing violin and doing dance classes and they, you know what I mean? Like that's, that's nice in theory. Um, but without going through the amount of hardship that I went through, which stemmed all the way back from

early childhood abuse that started when I was four, like without that childhood abuse, I would not be the woman that I am today. And so our pain eventually becomes a gift and it gives us the opportunity to take that pile of crap that we've been dealt and to kind of, I like to think of it as like the process of alchemy, like alchemize it into something really beautiful. And I know this sounds really cliche, and everyone's probably rolling their eyes. But it is the most challenging and yet the most rewarding work. I totally agree with you. My third book, Becoming Superwoman, talks about what I thought was my biggest weakness and all of my childhood trauma and abuse.

And I thought it was the thing that was going to bring me down, but actually became my biggest superpower. Once you reframe it and you look at it that way. It's only in hindsight, like when we're going through it, it feels like it's impossible. Like right now I'm going through it once again, like another, this tower moment where my whole life's been flipped upside down and I feel like I'm just like it in a really wonderful way and I'm taking away, um, huge gifts from this experience. Um, now is that to say that like, you know, I don't have moments where I'm in the fetal position on my floor going, why God? Like I'm done. Like I've, I've done enough, you know, pain for this lifetime. Like, let me out of here. Yeah, I absolutely have those moments. Um, but you know, you talked about perspective

and I think perspective is everything, you know, when we can shift our perspective and, um, and zoom out, we can see the bigger picture. Well, it's not only that, it's that you got through this fire and then brought back buckets of water for those still caught in the flames. So thank you for doing that. And I got to be honest, I was an anchor at CNN at the time of this whole bling ring thing. So I had no idea anything about it. I went back and looked at the show at this voicemail and I was horrified. Like I felt sad for you as a teenager at the time. How did that happen to exploit a kid in that way?

to exploit a kid in that way? Oh, I think it's still happening. Like I look at like the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial and I, after the verdict came out, I was looking at all the headlines and I don't take sides either way. I think that they're both two pretty mentally ill and unwell people who ended up in a terrible relationship. And hopefully they'll be able to heal and take that pain and turn it into something beautiful. But I was looking at the headlines and all of the headlines were like, herd loses and has to pay. And then it was like 18 different. Someone was saying $15 million. Someone was saying saying 15 million, someone was saying 10 million, someone was saying 2 million, someone was saying all of these things. And it was like this anger towards her and this

misinformation that was being spread was pretty wild for me to see. And I think that in our culture, sex and drama sell. Like it's really sad that we're all addicted to the headlines and the tabloids into the next thing. media attention that it did because what happened was atrocious and people should not be, you know, should look at that and go, that's awful, terrible. No one should be stealing from celebrities. The story itself was just so much more like nuanced and complex. And I think that the voicemail thing is a perfect example of that. Like we all know now that Nancy Jo lied, right? We know that she, like, lied throughout the article and that the tabloid headliner saying the suspects were Louboutins, again, was to, like, capture the biggest audience possible

and to have a villain. And that's what we love in America and throughout the Western world. We have to be able to point our fingers at someone so that way we feel better about ourselves. The question I have for everybody is, why are we so obsessed with this stuff? I have the same answer. Can you answer that for anyone listening. I want answers because in your memoir, Recovering from Reality, you talk about sexual abuse and addiction and all of these things that were happening behind the scenes. And yet there was a Vanity Fair reporter who made a lot of money, right? She sold the story and other things.

Eventually a movie. My introduction to The Bling Ring was the Vanity Fair article and then the movie. And it just has always struck me like how these two women were able to like kind of profit off of your story. And that is kind of the cultural narrative that has stuck more so than how you've been able to clear it up, at least for me. And I will say that I had kind of accepted the movie for what it was and accepted the article for what it was and didn't do my due diligence in being critical about what was actually happening. But I think it's so interesting to hear you talk about the Amber Heard trial now and how people are

looking to be distracted because I think the bling ring happened like, what was it, 2008, 2009? Yeah. And so that was like the Great Recession and people wanted to be mad at these stories where it was like, oh, like rich kids in Calabasas. And that's so how the article was represented. And so I think we just were really interested in kind of doing our due diligence and being like, here's the space for you. Like, what would you like to say to people like me who had only kind of read the article and didn't dig any deeper into what was actually happening? Well, I think that two things. One, internalized misogyny is so real. Like when we as women are operating inside the current structures, like we can be as dog eat dog as men can be. fight for whatever it is that we want, whether that's status or fame or money

or whatever it might be. Like, we're just as guilty. And then two... She was like, it's either me or Alexis's narrative. I mean, it really was. It really was. I mean, it really was. And even after I gave her the opportunity

to kind of, like, hash it out, she didn't want to because she knew that it threatened her position of power in the story, Nancy Jo. And two, like, why aren't we taught critical thinking skills as young kids? Like it really, as much as I'm talking about, we should be learning about financial literacy,

like critical thinking skills are really important. And to look at something objectively and to ask ourselves, what is my inherent bias? And to look at the statistics and to do a little bit more research. One thing that really bothers me is this, that I became the face of the bling ring because basically, again, sex sells. And the story of two kids from Calabasas robbing homes was not sexy enough to go very far. It would have been in the news for a month. The reason why I went as far as it did was because I became the face of it. And one thing that really bothers me in the media coverage of this is that

anytime that you read an article about my involvement, it mentions the fact that I was either the ringleader or that I was involved in multiple burglaries. It takes a two second search to actually find out that I was only at one house. And that's not to say that only like as if that's not awful, it was. And that, you know, Nick and Rachel were really the ringleaders of this whole thing. And that I was only charged with that one count. But yet you don't see that in portrayed anywhere in the media. And it's not written up that way, to this day you know there's this new documentary that came out it'll come out in the U.S. about the bling ring it'll come out this summer and

even doing press and media after people had seen that where Nick says that I was only at one house where it was like clearly laid out like the truth of what finally happened and what actually transpired and my involvement in it and his involvement in it and you still have articles being written saying that I was at Paris Hilton's house because in the movie it's shown that the character that plays me was in her house. And the masses, like, don't have the ability or the critical thinking skill, unfortunately, to differentiate that. And honestly, they shouldn't have to, right? Because, like, fair and honest journalism and media portrayal is important.

But we don't operate that way because we want people to be distracted. Yeah, can confirm that's 100% true about the like, it takes two seconds to see that you were only at one house. Because I read the article and I think your name is maybe even the first name mentioned. It always will be. Yeah. Yeah. It always will be. Yeah. Yeah. It's frustrating. And not so much frustrating because it's like, I know, I care what people think.

It's not that. It's just frustrating because it's like, it gets on my nerves more than anything. Like, it just really fucking bothers me. And that's a good enough reason as any there's a cost for everything there is yeah i mean of fame of infamy would you rather have no reputation no i'm happy with my i'm like fine with my reputation now like and i understand that that's tricky too because it was at the expense of someone's wellbeing. Like Orlando Bloom, obviously, you know, that should have never transpired. Um, and it was the best thing

that ever happened to me because it saved my life. And so it's kind of this like double-edged sword where it's like someone suffered in order for me to get sober. And actually lots of people suffered. My family, I mean, I was doing pretty bad things at the end of my addiction for sure. But it ended up being the best thing for me. And as a result, I've taken that and done the best that I could with it. Yeah, you did the best you could at the time with the information you had. And now you have more information and skills. Hold on to your wallets, boys and girls.

Money rehab. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a co-host network, which is a network of high quality local co-hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co-hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you.

I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble, so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest-friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co-host, so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host. We'll be right back. Now for some more money rehab. People were looking at this, you know, from that clickbaity headline salacious way, but didn't see the pain you were going through at the time you're not living at your house or were you kicked out or what happened? Yeah, I wasn't living at home. Yeah. I mean,

again, it's just it's always so much more nuanced and complex. Like if you go to any jail in America and you ask anyone who's committed a crime, like what was your childhood like? No one's going to say that they grew up in a white picket fence household with a mom and dad who are still married with no trauma or abuse. And so it's like, we have to be willing to take a deep dive into like why this much childhood abuse and why this much, um, stress and mental illness is transpiring, but we don't want to look at it because it's so much easier to look at a big baby head, you know, a headline or to like buy the next thing that Kim Kardashian tells you that you need or to do all of these other things than it is

to do that self-reflection and then after doing the self-reflection to take action and that's why I started my podcast really because I was just like we need to start having these conversations now like we needed it like a hundred years ago but now is as good a time as ever. Well, everybody's profiting off it, which, you know, is cringy at best. And it continues to happen now with the D'Amelio's are all over, you know, and their family. Would you like to see something where kids who are used in reality TV actually have a portion set aside for them later because they're making a lot of people money? Or would you say there should be more regulations? Well, I think that that's a challenging conversation. What I would like to see is, well, I don't know much about the D'Amelios, but I look at the Kardashians, right? And I specifically Kendall and Kylie because the older sisters were overage when the show started.

And I look at these kids and I guess the question I would have for Kendall and Kylie is if you could go back in time would you do it all over again sometimes I like see the content that and I know Kylie is just like super wealthy but I see the content that where she's talking about her mental health and like being a kid growing up on the show and the way that it's affected her and I know for my little sister she would absolutely have never done it. Had she known then what she knows now. And you're just subjecting yourself. You're selling yourself and your soul to the devil in exchange for what?

Money. So we have to ask ourselves, is it really worth it? I don't personally think that it is, but that's my, you know, two cents. Other people might disagree. I also think it's like a conversation we should be having about how these mega celebrities like monopolize everything. Like they have skincare lines, makeup lines, clothing lines, hair care lines. They have every line and it doesn't, it's, it's, it takes over the market. So that way there's like literally no room for other people or other brands to even make a way in

when these huge celebrities come in and just basically like monopolize everything. Yeah. And then going back and asking your former self, would you do it again? I mean, I love to follow the money trail. You made 150 grand at E and then you spent a bunch of money or all of that on lawyers. Lost it all. But then in that, what, decade or more, you also had a ton of recovery that you were doing. You started a recovery house. Yeah, a recovery center. A recovery center.

Aloe became Aura House in Malibu. And that costs money too. And I guess, you know, the cost of fame, right? So I'm assuming if the Kardashians went back, would they do it again we don't know they're not here but you're here and i would assume you would say no because it gave you this you would assume i say no but i would say yes i would say you would take it back oh no i wouldn't take it back no i wouldn't because everything and i have nothing against

the kardashians like that's the thing is like like, it's not the Kardashians that are the problem. It's the system. And it's us culturally. Like, why do we care so much to, like, consume this much and need to have this much and, like, to idolize that, you know? Like, I personally could not sleep at night if I had a billion dollars knowing that down the street from where I lived, there were children that were literally homeless. Like I couldn't sleep at night. Like I, my distribution of wealth would look very different. And that's not to say that I'm like holier than thou or that they should be doing something differently. It's just to say like, how much money do you really need and how much of your well-being is worth it? Because for me, at the end of the day, while it was worth it because of the way that I'm able to help people today as a result through the center, but then also the tons of basically free resources that people get to consume from from me on a daily basis. It's yeah, I don't know.

It's tough. Well, because the conversation right now with the Johnny Tapp Amber Heard trial in particular is how much does a reputation cost? Right. And even Monica Lewinsky, I think, wrote a piece saying that we're all guilty yeah it's just not him or her it's all of us because we're all transfixed yeah by it a hundred percent and again it's an unwillingness to look at ourselves and how much we contribute to it how much we benefit from consuming that type of content right like? Like it keeps us, if we actually take a pause and go, okay, right now I am working a minimum wage job making say $10 an hour and gas prices are $7 a gallon. I am struggling to make ends meet. I have kids. I can't pay for childcare.

I can't have another baby because I don't get maternity care. I don't have good health insurance. I can't afford baby formula if I can even get any. When we actually look at the real issues, oh my God, we're drowning and we're flailing. But when we consume this type of content, it keeps us numb and dumb, honestly. And so we don't have to look at these issues. And then we don't, you know, right now, like with what's happening in this whole abortion ban thing that's going on, it's like, we feel overwhelmed by what's happening, but yet there's no time to do anything because if we're not in the rat race, But yet there's no time to do anything because if we're not in the rat race, we will literally die. And so we're just going to take it. And my argument is for how long? How long do you want to live on automatic pilot, getting up and doing the same thing every day and living this like high, fast paced, high pressure life.

I mean, and we all do it until it kills us. Like heart disease, diabetes, all of these things, it directly correlates to living in a patriarchy under capitalism. But that's a conversation for another day, maybe. That would be a great conversation. Would you tell reality stars today to keep a portion of their earnings for therapy? Everyone should be in therapy. You should keep, I mean, I don't know. And I, and it really, you know, what it comes down to is a conversation of power. And Brene Brown puts it so perfectly.

Like, we think power is finite, that it's like this pie and there's only so much of it. And so we think that if we like hoard our wealth and status and whatever else that like we have the bigger piece of the pie and that will be OK. But what if I told you that power isn't finite? How would that make you restructure and rethink the way that you operate? What if we could give power equally and to and spread it far and wide rather than constantly feeling like we have to have power over? And I think the reason why we get lost in the hair and the nails and the status and the Bentleys and the massive mansions and Calabasas and all the things which, listen, I love my Gucci purse. I love your Gucci purse.

I also love being of service and living minimally and being conscientious with my money and yeah, investing in my mental health and in my children's future. So that way they can invest in their mental health and all of these things, you know, and like the saying money can't buy you happiness is so true. You know, I, I, there have been years where I, my, probably I will say that's my best years financially in the last 11 years have been my hardest years in my mental health. Every time, every time. Part of that is because of the hustle and grind that it took for me to get that kind of money and the sacrifices that it took. And part of it is the burnout of all of that. And then part of it is that like I too can get caught up in the rat race and start like just spending money and

doing all these things and have those dopamine highs and lows. And the cost of that is always going to be your mental health. Yeah, because we have this lifetime of bad habits. And so as much work as you do for a decade, right, you need a full lifetime of good habits. How do you talk to your kids about this stuff? Oh, God, there's still little but, you know, the mental health and addiction piece of it, they've just all they've grown up around the treatment center. And so they understand like what addiction is and what, uh, depression and anxiety and all of these things are. Um, but when it comes to, you know, consuming, it's tough. It's tough as a parent to one to say no because as a mom who grew up with minimal resources which i know everyone's gonna be shocked and be like what are you talking about the show made it look like no like we were on food stamps like a year and a half prior to that

show really yeah so i didn't grow up with this like lab I grew up in like a town home that you're saying that reality television is not real. Not at all real. Hot take, everyone. Breaking news. But you can get into the cycle where like you want to give your kids everything. And right now, what's so interesting is that for my nine year old specifically, my littlest is special needs and autistic and she doesn't really understand what's going on. to special needs and autistic and she doesn't really understand what's going on. But my oldest, we moved from this like big 3000 plus square foot house to this single story house that's half the size. And we had to get rid of a lot of our possessions and a lot of our things. And right

now is the lesson for her that like happiness does not come from any of these things and that it is hard to let go when you want something. But that there's tradeoffs, you know, more quality time together, doing activities rather than consuming toys and things like that. So we're working on it, but it's not easy. working on it but it's not easy i think it's harder for my older one um because one of her best little besties dad is someone who's very prominent in like media and stuff so she has kind of already grown up around all this and she did find out like literally this last year who i was she didn't know before and so now she's kind of like literally this last year who I was she didn't know before and so now she's kind of like well this is cool and can I how much can I push my limits in this you know and I'm like okay we're gonna navigate this together but it's challenging for

sure how do you talk to them about that or what do they know do they know mommy's on TV or? My littlest doesn't, like I said, she doesn't really get it. My oldest knows pretty much everything. She knows about the bling ring. She knows about the TV show. She knows about my history with addiction. I mean, she's known about that for a long time because we celebrate my sober birthday and stuff like that. And she knows about my struggles with mental health. She knows about my sexual abuse. She knows really about it all in an age appropriate manner. But yeah, she knows everything. It's not an easy conversation to have. But it's one of those things where it's like, I'd rather her hear it from me than a friend at school. And so we were starting to get to the point where I knew that these things were going to come out.

And so better for me than someone else. Interappropriate conversations are good ones. Yeah. For sure. Because it changes to your nine-year-old and your six-year-old. But your parents, did they make money from the show growing up? Yeah. My mom made money off the show.

My dad didn't, but my mom did. She got paid. That sounds like you went through all sorts of different behavioral therapies and created a good routine for yourself that you didn't have when you were in your teens. Has some of the divorce that you're going through now brought this back up for you? Oh, 100%. Yeah. I mean, I don't have any desire to like get loaded that, you know, I'm a part of a 12-step program and they say, you know, we don't wish to shut the door on our pass. And they also say that once you complete the 12 steps, the desire to drink and use will be lifted.

And that was my experience. It has never come back. Thank God. Um, and, but that's based off of your continuous work on your sobriety. And so, you know, as long as I'm working a program, I don't have the desire to drink or use, but yeah, I mean, Oh God, this has illuminated so much for me that I thought that I had dealt with old abandonment wounds, feelings of worry, all of the things that like I thought, oh, I'm golden. I'm fine. And, you know, my husband and I, we were in an open marriage towards the end of our relationship. And even in that, like I had really done, I was like, I'm not jealous.

I'm not any of these things. And I wasn't because I had done all of that work. And it wasn't until it was over that I started feeling like the jealousy and the insecurity and all of that stuff because I knew, I knew it was done. But again, like grateful for an amazing therapist and for the women in my life who have literally like assured me through the last 11 years at certain points throughout my recovery. And and we just keep going one day at a time. That's all you can do. I do.

I think that's really funny, though, like how especially because the weight of divorce always falls on the woman. Like it's not like I mean, it's rare that dads, like, get full custody and just, like, have to deal. I think it usually falls on us. And it is, like, a death. And I do find it funny that, like, you know, your grandma died or something happened. Like, everyone's like, let me support you. And it's like, i could not get a single person to come build fucking ikea furniture for my house like it's like where is everyone

when you're in the midst of this much like turmoil and thankfully um i'm pretty resilient at this point but fuck it's been a lot yeah it sounds like a lot what do you need right now besides ikea assembly which is by the way that's kind of hard that's like ikea assembly is so much big um no i had the my current partner that i'm dating i i was like listen this is not gonna be a fun weekend i need you to please just come over and build these dressers for me um and what do i need i just need everything to slow the fuck down i'm like things will slow down things will slow and then they don't but i don't know well it sounds like divorce is a full-time job divorce single parent did changing your last name when you got married help with some of the putting the past behind? I wish literally like the second I got married, it was on like every headline.

Alexis is eloping with Evan Haynes, Canadian businessman. Like it was like all over. I thought it would, I thought running away to Mexico and like eloping would somehow like not make the news, but it did. So it helped for like one second.

Would you change your name? Oh, everyone keeps asking me this. I don't know. No, probably not. I think if I ever got remarried, although I say I don't want to get married. I say I don't want to get married again. And that's an interesting conversation too with women. I think we're

all like, we all want to get married because we've been programmed to believe that that's like in our best interest. But the cost of like, I will say in my marriage and I love Evan, he was a really good partner, but you have to think about the cost to women. Like we're really giving up a lot in order to become wives more so than men are. Men give up their ability, not even their ability. Men can give up their ability to go and like be with other women, but women are giving up so much because structurally the weight of a household and children fall on us. In addition to being a worker, you know, like having to bring home money. Most households are two income households. And we know that statistically the labor that happens around the house and the child rearing that

happens around the house falls on women still. Like there's not an equal division of labor. And so when you look at a gender pay gap and then on top of all of that, the cost to us mentally and physically with child rearing and managing a household, it's a great expense to us. And so when I think about marriage again, I was like, it's gonna have to be a really amazing man who like either is willing to pay for a full-time nanny for me to have another kid or allow me to be a stay-at-home mom and basically like pay me to be taking care of a house and kids or a maid and a nanny because otherwise I'm just not interested you put that in the prenup yeah it might it might have to be if I were to ever redo it. So maybe we'd change my last name if I got remarried.

But I don't think I'll go back because my kids, we all have the same last name. And it just makes sense. I'm engaged. So sorry, Jo. Put it in the prenup, honey. In the prenup discussion. I'm a big fan of women getting prenups. I think it's great.

And taking back the conversation. Did you have? 100%. Nope, I did not. And it's okay because we're both amicable. And yeah, but I think that these conversations are on money. So this is also really interesting because when we first got together, I was the breadwinner and he had nothing. And so we got married essentially because he lost his visa and I wanted to be with him. I knew he wasn't going to be able to come back. So we got married really fast. And I was the breadwinner and I got us our apartment and our furnishings and was working full-time and basically sustaining us while he was starting the treatment center. And thankfully it was successful. I don't know what we would have done had it not been, but, um, yeah, like I carried the weight of all of that.

And so, no, I didn't have a prenup cause there was nothing to really like put in it. But I think these conversations are really important to have with your partner around just, yeah, like how you want your relationship structure. What happens when you have kids? What happens if someone gets sick and dies? Like, how do you want to have money meetings quarterly? You know, like, what does this look like? Let's talk about it. I think it's really important.

It's really important it's really important financial literacy is something again when you're talking about like should what should these child stars be doing i mean it's just across the board should be in school starting in like fifth or sixth grade i agree yeah amen it's bananas that it's not how do you teach your kids about it are they going to are you homeschooling them? No, I was homeschooling them. Oh my God. I made it a full year. It was so brutal. I don't know how I was home. And again, going back to like where that work falls, it falls on me. So I'm a teacher. I am a maid. I am a chef. I am a nanny. I am a nurse. I am, you know, a tax accountant.

I am, you know, a monthly, you know, financial advisor for the home. I am like all of these things. And I just, I was like, I can't add one more thing onto my plate. Makes sense. Yeah. I don't know how I'll start. I also don't believe in, um, getting money for chores and allowances. So my kids don't have, so I haven't really figured

out exactly how I'm going to structure all of this, but it's something that I need to do soon. I'm thinking that I might start giving her money for good grades. She is a straight A student, my oldest. And so I think, yeah, what I'll probably end up doing is giving her, say, $100 for every quarter that she gets A's and B's. And of that $100, she'll have to pay tax. of that hundred dollars she'll have to pay tax she'll have to put money in savings and and then she'll have to like look at what she has left and see how she wants to spend it and we'll have conversations about like is a big purchase worth it do you want to save up but i know that they did do this in my daughter's class this year which was great um they got city money for being a good citizen and et cetera, et cetera. And, you know, so she could save up for a big prize or buy little prizes throughout the month or whatever it might

be. Or she borrows pay interest. Can I make a suggestion with that? Yeah, I would love it. Also let her negotiate with you. Totally. So then she's learning some negotiation skills. Yes. Negotiating allowance just creates little entrepreneurs. I think that's a great idea. Yeah. For today's tip, you can take straight to the bank. Always, always, always have a prenup. As Alexis says, getting a divorce is a full-time job and it will be if you don't have a prenup. I know, I know. No married couple wants to think that they'll ever get divorced, and maybe you won't, but it's just like your health. Even though you hope you won't

experience any medical issues, you do get health insurance, right? Just in case. I'm strongly advising that you treat your marriage the same way. I'm sure you and your boo have a fairy tale-esque love story, but be your own fairy godmother and ensure, and that's ensure with an I, your own happily ever after. Money Rehab is a production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Our producers are Morgan Lavoie and Mike Coscarelli. Executive producers are Nikki Etor and Will Pearson. Our mascots are Penny and Mimsy. Huge thanks to OG Money Rehab team,

Michelle Lanz for her development work, Catherine Law for her production and writing magic, and Brandon Dickert for his editing, engineering, and sound design. And as always, thanks to you for finally investing in yourself so that you can get it together and get it all.