Moore Style - Dating After Trauma with Jackie Tempera

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Sharing our stories is not just impactful and healing for us but for everyone around us as well. Using the power of our voice creates change and allows others to feel less alone in what they are going through.  Award-winning reporter, copywriter, and storyteller, Jackie Tempera, joins us today to share her vulnerable story around sexual assault and her involvement in the “Me Too” movement. This episode is full of insight around sexual trauma - including how to navigate dating after the fact. Jackie also gives us tips on crafting the perfect dating profile and shares the biggest texting red flags.  It is okay to go at your own pace with vulnerability and this episode is a reminder that when we can be more empathetic towards one another, it allows for deeper relationships and more understanding. If you have been a victim of sexual assault or harassment, know that you are not alone and there is support out there as you navigate healing.  In this week’s episode, we discuss: [01:33] About Jackie Tempera [03:45] How Jackie started her storytelling business [08:11] Jackie’s involvement in the “Me Too” movement [13:45] Harassment in the workplace & sexual assault [18:01] Bringing awareness to sexual trauma [21:33] Our body’s protection mechanisms  [26:33] Dating after trauma [29:57] Advice for successful dating [38:00] Creating a dating profile bio  [42:21] Texting red flags [48:36] One of Jackie’s favorite dates   Connect with Jackie: Website Instagram “Saucy Copy” E-Book

Welcome to the down and dirty podcast, the ultimate guide to modern midlife dating. I'm your host Celeste Moore and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges of today's dating world. Think of me as your female version of hitch but better with over 16 years of experience as a certified image consultant and dating coach. I've got the inside scoop on what women want. In this podcast, we're diving deep into the world of healthy masculinity and modern dating. It's a fast changing industry. And here you'll find personal stories, expert insights

and candid conversations that will empower you to take control of your dating life. There's never been a better time to achieve your desired outcome, whether it's marriage, finding a significant other, securing a life partner or simply regaining your dating confidence. We're here with you twice a week to explore the viewpoints and challenges in today's dating arena that resonate with every man seeking dating success and love. So let's dive into today's episode. We've got an exciting discussion lined up for you. Get ready for the double D's of dating where dating dilemmas turn into dating triumph. welcome everybody to another episode of the down and dirty podcast as always i'm your host

celeste moore and today i'm so excited to introduce you to our guest today but before i dive into the show i would love to introduce you to her her name is jackie timpera and she is an award-winning reporter, copywriter, and storyteller. Using her razor-sharp writing wit and creativity, Jackie helps female leaders stand out in a world of endless options by finding the perfect words to communicate her special sauce with confidence and ease. Jackie helps her clients use their stories to set themselves apart from the competition, make more money, and grow their social communities like wildfire. When she isn't working with clients, Jackie writes about sexual Health, Body Inclusivity, Reality TV Stars, and Astrology for Women's Health magazine.

Her writing has also been featured in top publications like USA Today, Harper's Bazaar, Cosmopolitan, and Business Insider. Jackie's coverage of the Me Too movement made national news and led the changes in legislature around sexual harassment training. Well, welcome, Jackie. Thank you so much for being on the show today. Thank you, Celeste. It's a pleasure to be here originally when I received all of your information I started reading like oh like this is amazing I love her bio and I got it got better and better and better I was like oh my gosh like what a rock star you are seriously I love that you help women tell their stories is it mostly with business or yes yes well mostly around business though I am feeling called to like

branch out in sort of sort of like a more holistic like storytelling for really anyone, not just right now. It's mostly like founders of businesses because I think it can be such a powerful marketing tool to use your story. Our brains are wired for storytelling and I could geek out about it all day long. But yes, I do hope to create a place where anyone can really learn how to tell their story in a powerful way. Yeah. I mean, I've had a few different types of businesses and honestly, the way that you connect with people is through telling your story and you just never know what that piece is that someone is going to connect with you on and you, oh my God, that kind of happened to me or that's similar to me or why she's struggling or she's succeeding and X, Y, Z.

That's really powerful. Yeah, it really is. Now, did that start after you were doing journalism for a while? Or did that come about prior to my storytelling business? So I started that in 2021 after taking a bit of a break from bringing news and crime reporting, which is what I had been covering up until that point. So like you, you stated from my bio and we'll get into it. I covered the Me Too movement and a lot of sexual harassment cases in New England when I was working there. But in 2021, I started writing more about wellness for women's health and other magazines in that realm. So Harper's Bazaar and Business Insider as well. But I feel as though my journalism experience just really informed that business so much because I saw how truly anything could

be made into an interesting story. Like even if it was like an award winning plant or pumpkin or turkey or whatever it was that I was covering at that time so I knew that other business owners also had that like fire and passion within them and that it was powerful to share it yeah I can imagine you would need a break after doing crime reporting for a while it's probably very like you have to be in a special place for that and I'm sure it's exhausting and yeah it was important work and I'm like I never regret that I did it I think it's really important to write about the crimes that happen in our communities because otherwise we don't hear about them and we don't actually know what's going on in our neighbors' lives, which is

important in my opinion. But yeah, you're right. It gets very dark. So I started doing that kind of coverage when I was probably around 21. I started working like nights and weekends at Boston Globe and I would like be called to go to a crime scene. And I was so like young and naive that I don't think it really hit me what I was actually covering. And yeah, you know, after like five or six years of that, I felt really burnt out and depressed, honestly, to be writing about like the worst moments in people's lives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be a, like I said, a face that I can imagine you wanting to take a break and like, you know, let's talk about stars and beauty and horoscope. That's awesome. One of my very good friends, Lindsay Geller,

works at Women's Health. She's the lifestyle director there. And she asked me like once, she's like, do you want to write an article about like Venus, like your Venus sign? And I was like, yes, please. Anything besides what I'm writing about right now. That's amazing. Yeah. So how did you get into the astrology bit? Now, do you just research and then report on it or do you actually are you an astrologer no i interview an astrologer so every month donna page she is a atlanta-based astrologer and she has a graduate degree in counseling which i know off the top of my head because i write her name in the copy every month but yes donna thank you but she sends me her like astrological download for all of the signs

in the middle of the month prior, and then I write it up. But I've always been really into astrology and horoscopes. So when I was given the opportunity to write those for women's health, it was like a dream I didn't even know I had. So it's so fun. Yeah, I definitely love that as well. And I think nowadays, especially online dating, like what's your sign? I mean, that's very basic when it comes to astrology but i think so many people put a lot of effort and yeah with data to have i think i think so too because there are some people that i mean i would say solely based on your sign that you're not compatible with but you know a little bit of information yeah i'm not someone i'm in a relationship now so i'm not you know looking for someone new but i was never

someone that was like oh i won't date a gemini or whatever the sign is it's like right no like we're all humans, you know? Yeah, definitely. Well, I love that. So, you know, guys, women out there, you know, just let's not put that as like a deal breaker. I think one thing that really jumped out to me was your involvement with the Me Too movement and then wanting to change legislature around sexual harassment and training. Is there something that really inspired you to do or did something land in your lap and you were like, okay, this is just, I understand that this is really important to report on and to, you felt very strong about it or was there something else that was kind of a catalyst? Yeah. So I think like a lot of women that work that are in male

dominated fields, I was also experiencing sexual harassment in my own workplace that predated the Me Too movement. But I knew from such an intimate level, you know, one of my first weeks of work, like one of my colleagues asked me if I was a lesbian or and just like weird, they would just like ask me very weird and inappropriate questions. So I entered this newsroom as a, you know, like bright eyed 22 year old girl. And I was around a lot of like older men and women, but mostly men. And my sources were also mostly men and men in politics in Rhode Island. So that set up its own challenges. So I will say that I was dealing with different kinds of harassment at work, whether it was just basic like sexist things, people saying like,

like people thinking I was like the photographer's daughter every time I went to an assignment instead of like realizing that I was also employed and it was even like my assignment that the photographer was coming on to more difficult things like people touching me inappropriately at work there was one time where a source like locked us in his office and it was just like it was scary so I was very like I said young and naive and it was totally mind-blowing to me because I came from this liberal college where we didn't you know I took a class called women in the media but we never ever went over what you would do if you were being sexually harassed so I was very disillusioned when that was happening for me and I knew in my heart that if it was happening

to me then it also had to be happening to other women especially the women that I was reporting on that worked in politics which is obviously a predominantly or a male-dominated field I should say although it's changing thankfully yeah so at that time like I said I was facing that in my own life and then with regard to the me too movement my editors didn't really think it was a big deal when it first broke they were like whatever maybe we'll write something about it like maybe we won't but I oh my gosh this is like this is a major moment so I was like okay but when I finished my work today can I just like make some calls to people about it and see what's going on and like talked to some of the politicians that we cover because a lot of them were tweeting me too and I

was like okay so that means that something has happened to them like wouldn't we want to follow up yeah and I ended up calling every female politician in Rhode Island I had a book at the time with all of their numbers and I just called them all and I would just be like hey it's Jackie from the Providence Journal which is where I was working at the time I wanted to know if you have ever experienced sexual harassment at work and I would you know it was obviously awkward but I shared with them my own experience from that too and you know I got through most of the alphabet and then I reached this woman named Teresa Tanzi who was grocery shopping and told me she had been asked for sexual favors in exchange for her bills being passed so she told she tells me if she was

shopping for cookies and she dropped the cookies on the floor when I called her. And I almost dropped everything on the floor when she said that to me. So I, you know, I heard her story. She told me about what happened. And then we ran that story on the front page the next day. And it was a it was a huge deal at the time. Rhode Island is a tiny state, but very, very engaged political community. So it like quickly spread around. It was covered in the New York Post. And like you said, it did lead to I wasn't the one that was pushing for a change in legislature, though I am happy that it happened. It was my article once there was a state police investigation into this into the representatives claims that then as a result of that, they imposed this sexual harassment

training that's huge I mean I can speak for myself and many women that I know in life have experienced some type of sexual harassment and that's just like that I just got chills all over my body because that is just huge information and movements that I think that you think the time that it happened you're like we are so far ahead and where we should be in life as far as being sexually equal in the workplace being treated fairly all of these things but it's amazing how still it's used as a manipulation tool it's used as yeah I mean in every sense and form like you said to pass bills to to do this yeah and it's power right it's a matter of power but yeah it was extremely disappointing to me as a young person in the workforce and like so it was probably

like 2015 when this first started happening to me I was like wow I thought that this was like you know something I watch on Mad Men not something that would be literally happening and then as you and I've discussed before and I've written about this in Women's Health as well also around the same time when I was 24 I was sexually assaulted so I was dealing with the aftermath of that plus being harassed in my workplace and just really it was just a really incredibly difficult time to navigate. I'm sorry you went through that. Thank you. Thank you for being vulnerable to say that because it takes a lot of courage and bravery to step outside of that and at some point share your story or bits and pieces so that people can relate. Like I said,

that's really shitty. And I'm glad that, that women are, I think what I'm really grateful for is the more women speak up the more we have a voice yeah and that correlates to dating as well not just in the workplace I think anywhere I think one thing I really teach us is you've got to have those boundaries those boundaries are going to not only empower you protect yourself go after what it is that you want and who you're allowing in your life you know so it's finding your story and having someone that was young maybe that's in your industry I mean like okay well you know what thank god for her that she went through all of these steps and fought for me I appreciate that first of all thank you very much it is a difficult thing to navigate and it was definitely not

something I spoke about publicly at all until the end of last year so about six years after it happened so anyone that has been assaulted it does get better it just takes a lot of time and healing but I will say with the harassment piece at work I think I was so outraged by it and so shocked that I was very loud about it at the time which didn't serve me well in the workplace like I would get in trouble a lot but I think to your point it helped a lot of my older colleagues realize like that they didn't have to deal with it because I think it was so normal and like the stupid remarks that men would make like i can remember covering the me too movement since we're talking around that first of all the editor-in-chief of our paper at the time told me and another woman

that we would be too biased to cover it because we're women okay oh we were like okay so he was nuts i remember that being just like like okay so this movement is happening but it's like clearly it's not happening in our newsroom and then also at that time my editor like was making some sort of comments about how the pussy hats should be oh yes in different colors and not just pink and he was educating me on how vaginas are different colors so it was just like really a terrible working environment and I think the women that I worked with that I love and I still keep in touch with a lot of them to this day were so used to it because they had been there for 20, 30, 40 years that they just kind of like rolled their eyes and moved on. But I was flipping out about

it. You know, like I would get very angry and I would I always reported it to HR. I was like very loud about what was going on. And I do think that it ended up helping the environment overall, even if it wasn't like the most comfortable thing in the world. Right. Right. I mean, you broke up the normalization, right? Why should that be normalized? And like you said, the older generation, I mean, even for me, I like, oh, that's just normal. Oh, cat calling is normal. This is normal. No, it's not. It's not a normal, right? But like, it doesn't have to be, which I think is the part that I always like, I don't know, like had that enthusiasm for at that age too. And it's scary too. I understand why people aren't loud about

it. And I was lucky to be in a situation where it had a lot of allies in the women that I was working with. But yeah, I think that's so important to talk about. It definitely is. And I know that you also talk about some of this in your articles that you write for. And you talk about, I would love to hear more about this, how men can be more aware of sexual trauma. People, I guess, that they're dating but you talk about and better understand sexual trauma how can it appear in the body I'd love to hear more about that yeah so I think that's a really important thing and something I'm very passionate about talking about because when I was assaulted when someone assaulted me I like to phrase that that way because I don't take ownership for it it was someone else's violence

against me. I spoke to a lot of my friends about it, female and male. But I did notice at the time that even my very, very close male friends had a lot of questions about it and a lot of defenses of the individual who attacked me. And I was shocked by that because I'm like, you don't know this in this scenario was a stranger. So they didn't have any allegiance to this other person. So I'm like, you've known me for 10 years. You don't even know this person's first name. But all of these men that are close to me are like leaping to the defense of the attacker. I'm like, oh, well, maybe you shouldn't have drank or maybe you shouldn't have done this or maybe maybe it isn't as big of a deal as you're making it or maybe it's this. So I think that

that's something to be aware of just like men and women truly in general I personally had that experience with more of the men in my life but I know others who have experienced it from other women or non-binary folks as well but listening and just like if your friend or someone you love or someone you're dating is telling you that something terrible happened to them I don't see the point in playing devil's advocate maybe maybe you're right maybe there was more nuance or maybe I mean I personally don't believe that when we're talking about matters as black and white as sexual assault but even if you are like even if the person if you want to give that other person who literally committed a crime the benefit of the doubt like what is that what's that doing

for you or for the person that's sharing with you you know yeah I can imagine that it left you very closed off to any type of, like you said, some of your great male friends, any type of male energy for some time. Was that scary? It was very scary. I was like very afraid of people in general, but definitely of men because I felt like not only had I been, you know, physically attacked by a man, but the men in my life, like I said, my friends, even a boyfriend that I dated afterwards were very skeptical of my story in a way that was it's still mind-blowing to me I lost a little bit track of your question but I just think that it's yeah it did make me very skeptical of men and very afraid of of dating and putting myself out there and I really felt that I

was going to be you know celibate and alone my whole life not that that's funny at all I laugh because it's a little bit of an uncomfortable truth but that is what I thought yeah how did you step back into the dating world and be more comfortable with with that great question I think that I didn't really want to believe that this had happened to me so I kind of like flung myself back into the dating world in a way that I wouldn't necessarily recommend to others I was like well let's just like rip the band-aid off and get back out there and that is not how trauma works like you said like the body holds so much trauma in it so even if you don't on an intellectual level process something like this that's been done to you your body will begin to

respond to that trauma whether it's through a weakened immune system through unexplained health issues I know when I was going through which was also a key to me dating again I went through group therapy around this I lost my hearing for a few weeks and it was like nothing that the doctors could explain other than the fact that my body was like under such stress wow that's heavy I'm sure you were also a little panic thinking like what if you couldn't hear I Can you imagine hearing your whole life and then two weeks? I mean, it was one year, thankfully, but still, I was just like, like, what on earth is going on? Because I was like, how does one thing correlate to the next?

So luckily, I was able to find help through the Reap Crisis Center in my area. I lived in Boston at the time, and they provided me with a lot of resources that helped me to really understand what was going on. And they were the ones that really helped me to date any states and a slow way after after recovery or during recovery. I don't know if there's an after or if it's just an ongoing life process. Yeah, I've heard that from I mean, I think what happened to me was I was a teenager and I don't think I realized what happened to later in life and realizing some of the things I would do sexually didn't really hit me until like 10 years ago.

And I was like, Oh, my God, this was really, this was really this and not this. And yeah, your body has a message. It's a defense mechanism from the situation. And it has a reaction. And if like me, I didn't deal with it, because I didn't. Oh, it's just because of this. And then when you realize that this is no, this is a problem, I can understand why this happened. And this happened. And this happened. and it does it takes a long time to heal I think there's ebbs and flows and definitely I would say you know I think it's really important for for people to hear and understand like men and women that when you are dating someone and this is something that if she decides that she wants to move at a slower pace then you need to respect her if you're really wanting to get to know this person and really you know you're everything is aligning just know that like please don't pressure the situation if she wants to take things slowly. Yeah. And also don't question it if she wants to take things fast. I think that's a good point. There's a lot of like misconceptions that

I think, first of all, thank you for sharing that you've had trauma in your life. I think unfortunately so many women have experienced trauma and it's so difficult and also like so much love for your younger self who probably just didn't. I mean, I know this now that our brains don't let us absorb what we can't handle so it's like a lot of the times with something as invasive as a sexual trauma you can't even process it when it happens to you because it's so scary to believe it and it can really change your whole perception of the world around you so I think that there is though I did find it frustrating that I had like lapses in memory around that or would forget things very easily or would lose track of time or things like that it was my

body's way of protecting me which now I can sort of thank it for even though like it was just like at the time I was like oh like why am I not operating the way that I usually am and it's because that because someone attacked me you know that's that's why yeah it's amazing what the body us it really truly does protect you even when you don't want it to even when you're a writer and you're trying to get down to the yeah I think that was a big thing for me at the time because writing is such a way that I process things that I was like trying to write through it I was like once I can put it down it'll make sense to me and it just never made it still doesn't make sense to me because it's not something that should be a part of the normal human experience it's not

logical in any shape or form. Yeah. And I appreciate you talking to the audience here because I don't, you know, I've had a couple guests on the show that talk a little bit around some things, but I don't know that we've ever really talked about it in the dating sense, you know, where it's like, obviously you're not putting on your profile, like, hi, I'm a sexual harassment survivor, but I guess, you know, I mean, I think, I think that's a very, yeah, I guess it depends on the person unless you want to get into detail at that that point I think it's a weird thing we actually had a group in so I did the therapy for many months and I was with the same group of women for most of it which was really beautiful and those are also women that

I'm still in touch with and just like have such a piece of my heart because we really all met under the worst case scenario but um managed to like bring some levity and some laughs to it so we did have like one portion that they called like a sexual healing and we did talk about like dating and how and when one would bring it up and it was so interesting to hear everyone's perspective on it so I think that is a part of dating that I don't hear so many survivors talking about but like to your point I think you could put it on your dating profile if that's something you feel comfortable with people like knowing off the bat but also it's not I think at some point in my life I felt as though it was like something I needed to disclose like almost as if it was like an illness

like when I first met people and it just ended up with me feeling like very vulnerable and having to have these like really intimate conversations with people who maybe didn't deserve it you know didn't deserve to know me that deeply so I think there's I don't know that's not particularly like helpful or pointed advice but it's just to say it is a moving target I think dating after trauma yeah you made some really great points there I think that you want someone to be vulnerable or allow your vulnerability when you can trust them and in the beginning you're doing everything to figure out if you can trust this person, if they are going to be the person that you're going to share your experiences, any experiences around opening up and getting deeper. Right. Yeah. So,

you know, yes, you can put it on your dating profile, but a suggestion, probably not. I wouldn't. I haven't. I should say I have not in the past done that. But I know people that write like you know like survivor or something of that nature and I think there could be benefit to it it depends on I think your level of comfortability in discussing it and disclosing it yeah no that's a great way so how did you meet you said you are attached I am I am attached we met on a dating app I had my defense like I'm gonna say I had survivor in my profile no yeah we met on bumble shout out to bumble previously I was unsuccessful on there but yeah it's been it's been really nice congratulations thank you yeah that's awesome I mean I say that to anybody that's in a happy

relationship you know in a happy in a happy relationship if you work or at least functioning yes mostly healthy let's say yeah healthy there we go that's the word because you can't be happy 24 7 right oh true true I mean they have to love you in all aspects Yeah. I love to hear as a writer, especially talking about you talk a lot about dating in some of your articles. I'd love to talk about some advice, maybe maybe some bullet points that we could discuss or even one at a time for people listening here today. Just some really good like nugget that would help them date more successfully. yeah so I think my best advice that I've ever been given that I went back and forth with actually following when I was dating was to really create a list of the characteristics you're looking for in a partner I know that sounds really cheesy but it is very helpful especially as as you begin to get to know someone it's so exciting and all of those like you know

chemicals flood in but if you really write down I know I recently found in my notes app I was like the person that I love is I recently found it but it was like some very like specific description like they love to not gonna remember what I wrote but what's for the purposes of this exercise say they love to wear the color blue and they smile and they make me laugh and they ask me about my work every day right so like it's good to kind of put those things down I don't think it's I never was one to be like oh I want them to have hazel eyes and you know but putting down those like more important qualities like kindness someone who has a good relationship with their family that's something that's important to me because I'm very close with my family or things of that

nature and then really like when you're dating someone even if you're in that kind of like spiral of like, oh, I like him. Does he like me? Or do they like me? And really referring to that list and being like, is this person in line with the things that I want? Or am I just kind of like drunk on the excitement of this like interaction? That was very helpful for me when I was dating. Sounds like a good check and balance system where you can kind of revert back to. Yeah, because I'm a very loving person. So I was like, I'm always down to like get caught up in the fantasy so it was like that was very grounding for me well those feel-good chemicals in the beginning are so I have to say yes they're so nice but so dangerous I think like uh I think

you spent a lot of my dating life like trying like when I was much younger really trying to be very nonchalant or like this cool detached attitude about it and I was like oh I don't really care and then at some point in my life like I realized that I really do care like I really do care about most things including my dating life which is normal right like we should to a degree care about who we're cheating for time with that's not like uh uncool or like I think I felt like it was desperate if I cared this is when I'm telling you I was like 23 like silly silly things like that so I think just like showing up for people and like making it known what you're looking for, whether that's short-term, long-term, somewhere in the middle, just like being

unapologetic about that. And yeah, just being clear. I think there's a lot of murkiness in dating, especially when we meet people online. That can really be solved by just having conversations, you know, as hard as it is. Well, you got to learn to communicate if you want to be in a relationship. That's, yes, that should be a prerequisite, I would say. I mean I know we all have different forms of communicating and different ways not easy to communicate that's the other thing is like I think people I don't know maybe it's like a Disney movie effect but we go into dating things and like oh like if it's the right person it's gonna you know I'm gonna like magically float down the aisle to them and like unicorns and butterflies will be all

around me but like that's not the reality of dating like you have to keep choosing that person and like working towards it and having conversations and molding your vision for the future together instead of like holding back or trying to seem like the cool person or aloof or like you're not as invested as a self-protection mechanism. I think you have to fight for relationships that you love and that you think are good for you. Yeah, that's such an important message right there. Being authentic, being vulnerable and allowing the relationship to grow is really the only way to test it right and to really see if this is like going to be the long-term one or whatever you're whatever it is that you want in a relationship so yeah I think

that was great in my current relationship like I said I'm very emotional I'm like I don't know not that I fall in love with everyone but I like on some level I just like love people so I love like I don't want to be like oh they're great this person's great this person's great I could talk to them forever. And my boyfriend is very like discerning with the people that he's around and moves very slowly. So this is the first time in my life that I've had that slow sort of build in a relationship. And I'm like, oh, this is why they say you should do this. Like it's good to learn to know people on a more controlled way rather than allowing our emotions and the excitement and honestly like immaturity at some points catch hold of us yeah it's so easy to do when you like

you are a lover you are extrovert you are wanting to like feel those feels right and I get that can feel so exciting yeah and also I like I think I also have like a healthy sense of confidence so like when people like if I got love bombed in the past I'd be like yeah like makes sense like I would also fall in love with me like I would also be buying me chocolates after meeting me once you know like which is like a good maybe but yeah you gotta find a balance there yeah very important I love that thank you for giving that expert advice for all of you no I mean I do get to talk to a lot of relationship experts and therapists which is like so much fun as a person in a relationship and as a single person it was very fun I feel like I learn different

interesting things one of my favorite articles i wrote was how to know when you're falling in love and it really dealt with the brain chemistry of it all which is i think why i i talk about it so much because i think it is very interesting and just talking about like yeah like how you're flooded with like dopamine when you get those texts from people and like that like all of those like legitimate chemical things that happen in your body when you're falling in love or when you're falling in lust as well and how to do, which is so difficult. Yeah. Well, I love the checks and balance system because I do really feel like I don't know another way other than to be constantly checking in with yourself to see if that person is like, okay, no, let's get real.

Let's look at the list and see. And I love the fact that you pointed out, like you didn't write down hazel eyes brown hair because you gave yourself options right you gave yourself well what if it doesn't present like what if he doesn't present this way for me yeah I think like anyone that knows me will tell you that I have absolutely no physical type what's with like I never have I know that that's a big deal for a lot of people but I've always tried to focus more on like personality and dating and I think that like we all would benefit from that a little bit more because looks can fade you know and they do yeah oh that's so important I'm like that person if you are just out for the Megan Fox or whatever that your idol is in the like outer appearance

that's gonna fade that's gonna go away and then at the end of the day are you gonna like that person yeah it's like you need to like them especially if you're looking to date long term like you need to like be able to enjoy spending time with them you know yeah for sure well since you are a storyteller what are some key points that with not giving up too much of your expertise but what are maybe some key points that maybe people could put as a great story like maybe three bullet points in their bio and dating profile that could really make them stand out okay so I have to admit that I was like the worst with dating bios when I was dating I showed a male friend mine once and he was like I would think you are a robot because you have

that you're a writer in your bio and you write nothing interesting what but I didn't so that really like took me down a couple of notches I was like you know he's right so I did try and start introducing myself better so in life and also in dating apps which is like you know you're really meeting a lot of people there right I say it's good to put like a little just honestly like talk about what you like what you're passionate about and even if it sounds like I think we get caught up in like oh this sounds cheesy or it sounds basic or it's silly but it's like you're never going to be too much for the right person so like if you're truly i'll use my my current partner as an example he like loves the sopranos he's from he grew up on staten island i'm from new jersey

we're both italian he likes the sopranos diners drive-ins and dives and making pizza and that was all on his dating profile is that the most generic thing in the world like uh or is it the most like ungeneric thing in the world no it is it is pretty common right but like i liked that about him I was like oh my dad owns a pizzeria like I also like making pizza I also love watching The Sopranos and I also love Guy Fieri so even though those were like not like huge tenants of like my life I was like oh that that's some someone I would get along with right so I think on my own profile I wrote things like I think I wrote like I got I get paid to write about reality tv for a living because that is technically true and was a good conversation starter so I think

always something that'll have people being like wait what or like can you give people a jumping off point so even asking a question in your profile can be a great thing like tell me your travel tips for x place i'm going to next month i think that's a fun one just like an entry point and then like yeah just throw in a couple things you like even if it's the sopranos and pizza you know yeah that's such good advice i love that you can start a bio with a hook I mean of course I would try I didn't though

I literally had like Jackie writer my friend was like are you shitting me so you're really not a writer no literally I was like

I guess I'm not I failed I failed my assignment oh my god I love that so much I did love I like when the dating apps

like started doing more of like the question and answer kind of stuff I feel like that kind of lifted a weight off of a lot of people yeah those prompts really help but you can prompt you gotta fill them out though guys okay you can't fill the prompts out for them to work yes exactly I always be like well I don't know why I'm not attracting my person well because

because you have anything about your photos no shitty photos like bad bad I'm sorry there's a couple things that are really important really great photos and you got to keep out dead animals guys you gotta not put children i don't care if it's your niece don't put children in the picture it just looks creepy it does feel weird i feel like do you have a permission slip from this child's parent like i i'm gonna have like lots of questions about it i'm concerned it'd be concerned too no don't i mean i know a lot of people like love a puppy on a dating app but I'm like where'd this puppy come from my neighbor sounded at park you know just uploaded this selfie of us oh my god I wouldn't be surprised but yeah oh my god I love this so much

I really appreciate all of your oh I have one more well I have two more questions all right I'm wanting a couple tips if you have one or two about in the dating world? And I know that's like, that's like, it's not a question, but how could you pick two things that really pop out to you, like that are big red flags when people text and maybe explain how they should be texting? Yeah. So I think that another possible problem without my dating is that we can have these like fantasy relationships over a text before we've even met each other and I know I've been guilty of that in the past like really just like getting deep in the text messages with someone before even setting up a date and just like oh uh you

know this is my dreams for the future and this is like give it and not like giving it all away but like sharing so much in text that then like there's nothing really left to share I think that that can be tempting right like especially as someone like myself I love to chat I love to text I text people I text my girlfriends all the time when I'm first starting to date someone like I will try to not text them with that not text them all the time just because I think that it's good to yeah like save some of those like conversations for in person because you know even back to like our our point in the beginning of the show I think when you disclose anything that happened to you right texting can be a comfortable way of doing it because you can kind of like self-preserve a

little bit and you don't have to see the person's whole reaction so if that's where you're at with it I think that makes sense but I would be of the mind if you are able to have those deeper conversations in person and not via text. Yeah. I think that can really show you someone's character. And also like you can't take 30 minutes to draft a response in person or else it'll be really weird. Right. I think you can't like start getting out your pen and your paper. So I think it just like can give us a little bit of a better look at the person we're dealing with, how they deal with conflict, how they're going to support you in a difficult situation and can give you a lot of information that you won't get in a text a red flag for me is honestly anyone

that starts using like pet names and in text messages like before we really like gotten to that point and just like what weird yeah like first of all like I don't know I'm not a pet names gal as it begins so like if you start calling me like princess or something like in your text messages and we haven't met yet like it's gonna be enough for me that that's really good one I haven't heard that one in a while or weird yeah it's been a long time I think it creates a false sense of intimacy and it confuses me yeah and who are you to call me that anyway like that's just very assuming weird it's all weird so guys leave a little mystery okay and then when you want to talk about something deeper we need to see over text you cannot convey emotion well

And I think there's a lot of misread emotions when you're texting. This happened to me the other day, actually. And the thing about, I mean, texting someone you know super well about something, like picking up something at the store can get misconstrued, let alone like laying bare your goals in life via a text message. Yeah, 100%. And yeah, take it like nobody wants the vomit of like life on them right away. that says so many things that says like, Oh my God, I need to run away. This is like drama.

This is too much for me. This is like, let it unfold slowly. Like it's just, it's better that way. Just like your beautiful relationship unfolded at a, at the right pace and everybody has a different pace. And I love that you said that it could be really fast or it couldn't be really, um, on a slower note, but, and there's no right or wrong. It's just when you start out that way when you start at like just getting to know them and and you're you just want to take it slower and the fact that like it is a safe space to become emotionally connected and vulnerable and all of these things so that trust does build that way yeah and also like you're only going to learn about someone for the first time once you know you don't like rush it into 24 hours and

then you're like but now what you know like thank you you're fine like I don't know I'm always learning stuff about the people I love but like I think when we get into these like intense situations right away we can yeah like kind of jip ourselves on the fun of it right like of the mystery of the like holding back and like when am I going to share this and we're already going to react and those things. Yes. I love that so much. I literally, I love that when people have a little bit of mystery because that means, oh, I want to get to know them a little bit more. I want to get to know them a little more. If you tell me everything on our first date, like, why do I need to see you again? I'm done. Yeah. I mean, I'm like such a hypocrite because I'm an open book.

I'll tell anyone anything about my life. Like here, as I said, all this podcast telling you about my relationship and what have you but I think there's a there's a way of being an open person and not again like yeah like being so vulnerable that it's ends up feeling weird to you the next day or like not really serving you like I want yeah I that would be my advice as anyone is just to like think about what parts of yourself you want to share and be intentional about that yeah we're all layers one layer at a time i love the shrek you know when shrek is like that's my favorite movies us movies that i like my excuse was like i had my daughter was young at the time and now it's just like no they're just they're right it's just a great movie so

all of them donkey oh god okay so okay i have one last question that i'm going to give you the floor to talk to people here if you have anything else that I missed or you want to share with everybody okay I asked all of my guests what was one of your favorite dates and what was it oh I love that question I will say my current partner and I he would like I've never been with anyone before him that was like very direct about making plans I'm a planner a planner okay So when I first met him, I was traveling a little bit and I was home between trips for like a day and he just like texted me and was like, we're going to, this can all seem very simple, but like he's like, we're going to get bagels and donuts here at this time. Then I'm going to take you to somewhere you don't know, which ended up being this beautiful waterfront park. And then we're going to have this for lunch.

We're going to walk around here and like lay it out this whole day for me. And I was just like, wow, like that was like the most romantic thing in the world to me because I was just like, wow, like I didn't really have time to plan. This person took care of it for me and it just like made me feel really special. So I think like taking time to like plan things, even if it's just to like call a restaurant, make a reservation, even if you don't need a reservation, it's just like nice to know that someone put thought into it. Yeah, I love that.

Thank you for telling me. yeah I mean you know what your partner became the 100% masculine yes allowed you allowed you to drop into your feminine and just like enjoy and be and like be present and that's such a beautiful experience though yeah yeah I love that nothing on the other on more of like a first date note I live an activity a fun activity something silly go-karts I love that like having bugs fun yes I'm always arcades an arcade is a great first date pinballs yeah those are fun I love that yeah I'm always telling people like don't do coffee don't do dinner like that's an interview go do an activity go do something fun too you know like I'm good at talking so the idea of having dinner

with someone like I could talk to a wall and I'll have a great time so it's not intimidating to me but not everyone feels that way so I think that you can like create like go to a place where you could create conversation easily yes I love that thank you for that okay well and I want to allow you that the space here to is there something that I didn't touch on that you really want to talk about or something going on with you that you want to share? Yeah. So I, um, I think we touched on it a little bit, but I have a storytelling business where I help, um, women business owners really craft and stand out using their own personal story. It's called, I call it story magic. It is a program and a VIP offer that I do for people. But basically I interview women

for about two hours about literally everything their high school prom their drama with their mom from when they were kids like their first boyfriend their first embarrassing moment from middle school their worst job like whatever and we just like get to chatting and I call it magic because it really does open up this like whole new world of interesting topics and things to post about and to share with their community um so I'm actually hosting a master class and it's uh the Story Magic Masterclass. And I go over my framework, which is for writing stories that are really compelling. And while it is geared towards business owners, I think the framework can be really used by anyone. I love that. That's so, oh my gosh. I'm like,

I'm always interested on like, there's so many different things that you've got through and like to tell your story and different platforms and everybody, everyone's interesting. There's something about someone. Yeah. That's a, I love that. Yeah. I'll leave everything in the show notes where people can reach out to you. And that sounds really fun. It is really fun. We do a lot of, yeah, it's, it's fun. We do a lot of prompts, a lot of giggles. We do some meditation, good stuff. I do like that. I think sometimes it's really hard to talk about yourself. Like that's what I was gonna point out in the bios why some people write shitty bios right because weird what am I gonna talk right like I'm talking about myself like how am I gonna sell myself but

if someone could be like no this is right this this and this this is what who you are you're like okay yeah I'll write your dating bios don't worry guys right for a fee yeah for a fee not for free. Exactly. Well, thank you again, Jackie, as we wrap up this fascinating conversation again with Jackie Tempera. I want to express my heartfelt thanks for sharing her insight and experiences and to you, our listeners, your support and engagement make this journey truly rewarding. So remember to follow and subscribe to the Down and Dirty podcast and for all these inspiring conversations. Don't forget to check out my website and socials. And until next time, Keep exploring, stay curious, and thank you for tuning in today.

If you enjoyed today's episode and want to support podcasts like ours, then please hit that subscribe button, leave a five-star rating, and or invite others to listen. Your support is what helps us grow and continue to bring you valuable content. Thanks for hanging out with us on today's episode. Let's stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at Celeste Moore Image, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's discussion. For all the links, resources, and additional information mentioned in this episode, check out the show notes on my website, CelesteMoore.com. That's all for now, but stay

tuned for our next episode where we'll dive into more exciting topics. Until then, see you next time, friends. Thank you.