Moore Style - Happiness From The Inside Out with Robert Mack

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Is a deeper sense of happiness something that you’ve been seeking? If so, tune in! This week I am joined by happiness coach and author, Robert Mack, to dive deep into all things happiness, self-love, and relationships.  In this raw and real conversation, we explore the problem of seeking happiness outside of ourselves, why we need to prioritize our happiness above everything else, and the importance of filling our cups up first. Robert gives us practical tools that we can use and reminds us that consistency is more important than intensity. Robert’s story showcases that a happier life is possible, no matter what your past looks like. This episode is full of golden nuggets so make sure to tune in and implement them so you can be on your way to becoming a happier person!  In this week’s episode, we discuss: [01:51] About Robert Mack [03:31] How Robert got started in happiness coaching [06:26] Is depression hereditary? [09:16] The importance of filling our cups up first [11:03] We have to take ownership of how we feel [12:28] Spend more time doing things that uplift you [15:41] The problem in looking for happiness outside of yourself  [18:55] Neediness is unattractive [20:15] Tools you can use to rewire your old beliefs [23:33] How to deal with things that don’t feel good [27:25] Practicing consistency over intensity [31:07] Destination addiction [32:16] Coming from a place of service [35:00] About Robert’s book “Love From The Inside Out” [38:42] Robert’s favorite date   Connect with Robert: Website  Instagram

Welcome to the Down and Dirty Podcast, the ultimate guide to modern midlife dating. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges of today's dating world. Think of me as your female version of Hitch, but better. With over 16 years of experience as a certified image consultant and dating coach, I've got the inside scoop on what women want. In this podcast, we're diving deep into the world of healthy masculinity and modern dating. It's a fast changing industry. And here you'll find personal stories, expert insights, and candid conversations that will empower you to take control of your dating life. There's never been a better time to achieve your desired outcome, whether it's marriage,

finding a significant other, securing a life partner, or simply regaining your dating confidence. We're here with you twice a week to explore the viewpoints and challenges in today's dating arena that resonate with every man seeking dating success and love. So let's dive into today's episode. We've got an exciting discussion lined up for you. Get ready for the double D's of dating where dating dilemmas turn into dating triumphs. welcome everybody to another episode of the down and dirty podcast as always i am your host celeste moore thanks again for jumping on here and listening to the show it absolutely means a world to me i'm forever grateful for all the amazing guests i get to have on an interview

and continue to educate people and everyone listening here please don't forget to leave a review if you feel so inclined to and give that a five star. This help brings the show to the forefront so that people can find the content easier and in return help everyone. Before I dive into today's episode, I want to introduce my very special guest, Robert Mack. He is an Ivy League educated positive psychology expert, celebrity happiness coach, published author, and television host and producer. His work has been endorsed by Oprah, Vanessa Williams, Lisa Nichols, and many others. In addition to serving as a celebrity love coach for famously single on the E! Network for two seasons, Robert also worked as a consulting producer,

on-camera expert for Mind Your Business on OWN Network, and as the executive producer and host of Good Morning La La Land on Apple TV and Hulu. He's been featured on television shows like Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS Morning Show, and Access Hollywood, and in magazines like GQ, self-help, cosmopolitan, well and good, and glamour. So Robert's first book, Happiness from the Inside Out, the art and science of fulfillment is celebrity endorsed and critically acclaimed. His most recent release, Love from the Inside Out, Lessons and Inspiration for Loving Yourself, Your Life, and Each Other is a bestseller. So thank you, Robert, for coming on today's show.

I'm excited to be here. So excited to be here. Thanks for having me. It's always a pleasure. And I'm really excited to kind of get into your practice and kind of your why of why you kind of were led down this path of happiness coaching. And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, you were an actor before and you've done a lot of TV prior and modeling. Is that correct? That's right.

Exactly. I was a model naked for about 10 years. Oh, wow. Okay. and so I would love to hear your story on kind of what led you down this path of happiness coaching for sure so way before I was ever interested in modeling and acting I was deeply depressed and really sad and super anxious my first memories at about six or seven years of age were just that just self-loathing and so stressed out so anxious I was a perfectionist

and as I got older I just thought I'd grow out of it you know I'd become happier and more peaceful, more joyful as I got older and as I accomplished some things. Well, I did accomplish lots of things. I was salutatory in my high school class. I was also the most shy in my high school class. I had some friends and I got a college scholarship. I went on to work for a great consulting company.

We had a girlfriend at some point, which I thought I would never be able to have an experience. And despite all that, I just kept getting more and more depressed. And I got to a place where I was so depressed, I began to experience a lot of suicidal ideation. So I thought a lot about killing myself. And so one day I decided I was going to do something about it.

So I did some research and I decided that I was going to slash my wrist. So I went to the kitchen and I got a kitchen knife and I dug it into my wrist. And the most unexpected thing happens to us without anything in my external conditions or circumstances changing. In other words, I had a really good life and that almost made it worse. I was like, why do I feel so bad just like my life being so good objectively? So, you know, I stuck the knife in my wrist and without anything changing in my external condition at all, I felt this deep peace and limitless love and this ineffable joy, the

kind of which I had never experienced before and didn't understand why it was inexplicable really. So I decided that I was going to postpone the suicides. I got to figure out what this is. why do I feel so much better despite my life cannot really change in any noticeable way and in that period began doing a different kind of research around happiness like what it is and depression and what that is and I began applying everything I could possibly apply and I made a decision that I was either going to live blissfully or not live at all I always said I can always

kill myself later but now let me try this other path and it's been several decades later but i became happier and happier over time it was like two steps forward a thousand steps back but eventually i found a program at penn the master's of applied positive psychology program i matriculated into that graduated and opened my private practice and things have been significantly different yeah i know that a lot of people deal with mental health issues i did myself and a little bit about me i mean just just a teeny bit my i've been the last two years been dealing with this with my daughter and she's a teenager and it's not even just social anxieties and the pressures of being a teen nowadays early diagnosis of bipolarism and so thank god i'm a

you know very involved parent otherwise i don't think we would have picked it up this early but i know that you've talked about this a little bit but some people are born with depression correct it's like hereditary or genetic yeah so about 50 percent of our happiness score or rating is attributable to our genetic set point, meaning that some of us are wired a little higher for happiness, some of us are wired a little lower for happiness. But unlike eye color

or height, our genetic set point for happiness is changeable. It's malleable. It's plastic. So we can improve it. I'm a testament to that. I'm sure that your daughter will be a testament to that. But yeah, so that's good news. It can be a little challenging and frustrating in the beginning

when you feel as though you might have been wired a little lower for happiness, but there is a huge opportunity to become a lot happier that's great news especially for i mean mental health is a struggle and i'm so grateful that you were able to literally just take a moment when you were going through this such the anguish and anxiety and hurt for so long at such a young age i mean that it developed at such a young age but you were able to step back and like okay i i like this feeling and then what is that i mean that's very intuitive you nailed it i mean it's so easy to know that the stove is hot right that when i do this it hurts and that's part of the beauty

of being human beings that we're all very aware of that sometimes we're more aware of that and you know at certain moments than other moments but the key that you just pointed out there is to begin noticing what hurts and what doesn't and to honor that some of us have these ideas i know i certainly did that it's that no pain no gain that it feels good it must be bad for you and i get that but i want to challenge that a little because most of the depression and the unhappiness that so many of us experience is a result of not honoring and celebrating respecting the intuitive of knowing that we all have that it feels good to feel good good to feel good and it's only good to feel good because it feels good it's also good for you so a lot of the signs feel good you're

greater you're a better promise solver you make and save more money you know people rate who's more attractive you're kinder you're more charitable you know all these wonderful things happen simply because you're able to feel good it's good for you yeah it makes a lot of sense I mean, you can only give when you're fulfilled inside and when you love yourself and when you feel that there is this, I don't know, sense of worthiness that you can give back. And I think that takes, you know, I don't know, it definitely took me a little bit of time to figure that out. because growing up, I think I heard on one of your interviews that you were a people pleaser. And this has been my struggle because I think you really, I don't know,

I'll let you say what the downfalls of being a people pleaser is. But yeah, that's been a struggle. I love your confident vulnerability and your self-disclosure, Celeste. I've always loved that about you. It just shines through so beautifully and brilliantly. I do. Yeah, absolutely. you can't fill anybody else's bucket if yours is empty you can only share what you have you

only share what you know you have and that reason happy people make better lovers that's the way i often say it happy people make better lovers they're more loving they're more kind and more charitable just notice yourself when you're happy when you're tapped into again turned down and just really inspired excited life about anything you're get along with and everybody else it's easier for you to get along with as well and that's true of everyone and so you're absolutely right you know priority number one if you care about other people it's caring for yourself you're taking care of yourself when you're happy and you're alone we call it happiness happy and you are with someone else we call it love you know so when you share that happiness

that is intrinsic and innate and inherent within you with other people that's when we call it or becomes love be happy our love is really just you're happy to share it's yourself love shared that's all it really is but we often complicate it and we try to do this thing where we fill up other people's bucket when it's empty we try to love people when we don't love ourselves and we try to be good to people when we haven't been good to ourselves and that's always going to backfire yeah no it's it's such a i think an important lesson when you start i'm sure this journey, right? Because I do believe a lot of people take those outside influences or they had a really bad breakup, a bad relationship, or maybe they've had the same issue arise over and over and

over. And then they're like, oh, well, maybe it's me. I'm the common denominator here. And then really teaching that because I think, and I know that you have other practices that you help your clients. And I'm sure there's a couple more, but I'll let you kind of get into that so that maybe people listening here today don't feel so hopeless and helpless when it comes to that next relationship? Yeah. So the first thing I'll say,

just to reflect the wisdom of what you shared there, since it was fantastic, when we blame anybody or anything else for how we feel, we render ourselves powerless to do anything about it. And that doesn't mean that people can't affect us or influence us in certain ways. But at the end of the day, we have a lot more power and control

than we think we can. In fact, we have ultimate power and ultimate control. So we don't want to render ourselves powerless to live a happy, healthy, wealthy, or loving or lovable life, okay? So that means that first step when you recognize weight, I might be the common denominator in all of these unhappy experiences or relationships is something to celebrate. That means you're much more powerful than you've been giving yourself credit for. And so now the question is, how do I use that power for good, for happiness, for health,

and for wealth? The first place to start for me is just what I might call happy or loving activities, but just spending more time doing things that uplift you, inspire you, and make you happy to be alive. And doing less, spending less time with activities that make you feel drained or demotivated or distance undivided or unhappy to be alive. That can feel hard at first, but you'll notice how many things we do that we think are important that we don't actually need to do that make us miserable.

So that's just the first step is identify your happiness lines and happiness deserts. Spending more time on your islands than some of your deserts. You know, you also want to do that with people, right? So the people that uplift you,

inspire you, make you happy, be alive. Spend more time with those people. The people that don't, spend less time. It's very simple in the beginning, right? Very simple. And I'd say it's simple all the way through.

It's not always easy. It's simple. And if you apply it over and over again, you'll be just, you know, surprise yourself by how much you can accomplish in a very short period of time

if you're very focused and single-minded about it. Yeah, that's so powerful because I keep going back to me, right? I mean, this is just the connection here. But last Fashion Week in New York was the very first Fashion Week I ever got invited to. And it was a big deal for me because I've always wanted...

It just was like one of the most amazing moments of my life. So I ended up taking my daughter, which was amazing as well. But it was the first time in all my years of living, I'm in my 40s, that I decided out of everyone and everything in my life that I was going to go and do this for myself. And it was the most amazing feeling I'd ever felt because I'm the oldest of a big family. You know, I mean, the list goes on and on of, you know, being a responsible, doing, doing, doing. And to take that moment and to just sit in that feeling, I was like, this is it. This is like, I'm doing more of this. Even if it's a few things in my, you know, in the year. perfect example it's a perfect example right it's something we and i love it i love that you bring it back to you because if there's one thing that we are an expert on more than anybody else it's

ourselves right and so i love you sharing that and boy we've all done that in different ways where we put off this thing that we think or know will make us super happy or make us feel inspired or come alive again and we put it off for all kinds of reasons well we got to take care of everybody else first or well it's going to be very expensive or well i don't have the time energy board. And the truth is, it's much more expensive to not do it. To not do it is much more expensive. So I love you sharing that particular example. I think we could all use that as encouragement to do more and more of those things. And the beautiful thing is when you do that, all of a sudden, you've enriched your life. And by enriching yourself and your life,

you're able to much more easily and automatically and effortlessly enrich everybody else's life too. I'm sure that your daughter had a fantastic time because you were having a fantastic time. you know she does thank you for sharing like you know kind of bringing that back so what would you say to i get a lot of clients that come to me you know they they just aren't successful at dating and forget about like okay it's me or whatever but they don't have that confidence they don't feel they're kind of looking for happiness outside of them yeah that's right there you know if you're looking for anything outside of yourself you'll find it very difficult to find that thing whatever it is and you'll find it just as difficult to hold on to that thing and so you know you sort

of want to recognize that you're the source of the peace the love the happiness the abundance the success yourself once you discover that once you begin to feel that more and more deep it reflected back to you everywhere in the world and that's not just spiritual woo woo that's not a spiritual attitude that's based in science we know that we know that happy people live longer they make more money they save more money they get in relationships and get married earlier as they marry longer whether they're in a relationship or married or not right they they have a longer better lasting happier healthier wealthier friendships right they're more charitable and kind and their rate is more attracted by their peers so we know that when you

discover this wellspring of peace, love, joy, and self-love inside of yourself, it tends to seem that it shows up in the world as well. And so that's the first piece is sort of recognizing that, that whatever it is that you're seeking, I promise you are that already. And your work is to discover the ways in which you are that already and to leave the world alone for a little while. That doesn't mean that you can't go on a date. It just means that you want to be careful of routing what you want to other people and other places and other activities, including date. It's amazing how many people, and I'm sure I know I was one of these people, who dated with an intention to achieve or accomplish something through it. Nothing wrong with that,

but you just want to check yourself on that. Why are you not a dating experience for itself? There's nothing more attractive, appealing, or sexy than someone who's in the moment, tapped into and turned on, and just loving the experience of connecting with you. and then it leads to further connections and there's nothing more detrimental to your dating life than trying to achieve something through this other person turning this other person of this experience into a means to some other end they can feel that they can feel that you're there in a transactional as opposed to relational way you're trying to get something from they're trying to extract something from them and that's not very attractive and that doesn't lead to further dates

you know so yes you nailed something here which is remembering as much as you can that you are what you seek and that only the loveless seek love and yet never find it the loving let's say the self-loving never seek love and yet they always find it that's so cool i mean like just listen to that again can you say that one more time i really wanted to have everybody have that sink into to you yeah only the loveless ones who aren't self-loving seek love and yet never find it the loving the self-loving never seek love and yet they always find it that's so beautiful that's so true it's so true yeah there's something about needing nothing that attracts it and i think the number one thing that women find one of the things they find really unattractive

is when a man is needy and that shines through when they're looking to oh she'll make you know this perfect unit for me and I'll look good at work or I'll look good with my friends or my family or whatever that need is for them. Yeah. So, huge.

Don't do that. You nailed it. And there's a good reason that it's unattractive, that it's unappealing, right? Because this person, void, feeling of emptiness inside,

that they're trying to use you, whoever you are out there in the world, to fill it with. And that never works. you know and if it works it never works for very long we know that you know so the next thing you know you've been with that person for a year or two years or 10 years and they still have the same complaints about you or about themselves they're still unhappy you can't love someone enough to shore up the lack of self-love that they're experiencing within themselves you can't

do it you know if their bucket has a hole in it it doesn't matter how much love or how much water how much of anything you pour into it it just comes right off the other side right off the other end and some of us are like that you know in buddhism they call them hungry ghosts but the idea is that your eyes are bigger than your stomach and no matter what you put in you know it just doesn't make any difference you just never so besides you know recognizing that happiness comes from within and you talked a little bit about being present what are some other tools did i miss some or that you would you know have people practice because you said what 22 to 62 days or approximately okay to basically rewire our old beliefs that's right so if you care

about being in a relationship you want to be in a relationship or you want to experience love legendary love exciting love inspired love healthy love or you just want to date more effectively more you know joyfully you definitely want to prioritize happiness above all else and the way to prioritize happiness and to make sure that you're as happy and self-loving as possible is to first spend more time doing things that uplift you and inspire you and make you feel happy. Number two, spend more time with people that make you feel loved and happy. And that's some of the people who don't. Number three is then to learn to tell yourself happier, more self-loving stories about everything and everybody over and over again until it becomes automatic,

until it becomes a habit. So that means telling the truthful, because you're not lying to yourself, telling yourself a truthful but better story about everything so was that date last night terrible or was i reminded of how much i really love respectful loving confident happy people whatever right and i been a failure at dating and relationships and at love or is the opportunity to experience more love and more connection and more happiness greater now than it's ever been right there's a truthful better feeling way to talk about everything and everyone and you want to practice that and you want to do it for yourself so that you simply feel better because when you feel better you'll do better and life will go better all of a sudden you'll date better

everything goes better when you feel happy peaceful self-loving right so that's the sort of third step is happy thoughts first one's happy actions happy people happy thoughts the fourth one is for lots of people more challenging because they think about it too much but it's happy no thoughts. The idea sort of comes back to the presence piece, which is, you know, you don't need to think all day every day about your love life or about what you're lacking or about anything that's going not so well in your life. Ashton, you'll do a lot better and you'll feel a lot better if you just take your mind off of it for a while. Can you focus on something that feels better when you focus on it instead of talking about all the failed relationships or all the

women in the world or all the men in the world or X, Y, or Z? And so the idea is to practice thinking less and feeling more you can think less and feel more think less and enjoy more think less and love more you'll discover that that love is reflected back to you from the world not always from the people you gave it to or shared it with but it's reflected back to you and it's reflected back to you in exponential amounts right exponential amounts so those are the four steps very simple steps but the idea is to spend more time doing fun enjoyable inspiring happy things with fun enjoyable loving happy people thinking fun loving enjoyable happy thoughts and not thinking at all yeah i love that i do feel too like when you start i'm sure when you

start to practice those steps you know i'm always telling people get into more alignment of like your gut right go with what feels good and what and your heart yes go with things that you know like put that just that joy into your life and but we also do have those like okay maybe the work situation sucks right now or maybe this this person i have to be around a lot is draining me like a vampire or something you know so how i think maybe the more you practice you'll just it'll less affect you or what are some recommendations yes um you eliminate some of that yuckiness question right question first is to have some self-compassion you know be easy about it be playful about it it's easy to take it so seriously and obsess about it and want to

be a perfectionist at it you know be patient a better way of patience is just be present try to enjoy more moments for their own sake when something really bothers you and you're really spiraling or spinning out just distract yourself for a while you don't need to reframe it right then and there you don't need to fix it right then and there take a breather go for a little mindfulness walk, take a nap, you know, anything that lets you feel better without so much effort. So I think that's the first piece is don't work too hard at it, but do commit to it. The other thing is you don't need to do it all. If you choose one thing and you do that one thing consistently and you master that one thing, you'll be blown away how it leads to all the other steps

automatically. Bruce Lee had a great quote, which I love, which is, If you're not the person who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the person who has practiced one kick 10,000 times, that person's lethal. You could be lethal in a good way with this love thing and with this happiness thing. You just take one thing to say, I'm going to try, as you said, to trust my intuition more and more, trust my gut more and more. to make pills off? Where do you trust that? I don't need to make stories up about it. I'm just going to decide to pivot in a different direction. If you just did that,

you'd be surprised how it led you to X, Y, and Z, other steps along the journey, at just the right time. So you don't need to do a whole lot here. And you want to keep it playful and easy and relaxed. That's why kids are better at it than adults

and small animals are better at it than human beings. Keep it simple and keep it easy and simple. Yeah, and they can pivot so much faster. Oh my gosh, you get it? They have a fight. Like the kids will, how about so like you know knock down drag out like fight and then two seconds later they're

best friends and they're sharing a cookie and you're like how did this happen i love that i do i really love seeing like you through or a little child or just like experiencing things that they're doing and it's like you're like so yeah we make we make shit so difficult that's cool that's exactly right and that's why you see you see that show up in like you know you see it so up in science you see it show up in scriptures of all related spiritual traditions when you hear things like you know um childlike faith or childlike it's not childish it's childlike there's still all and wonder and what that really is speaking to is you know getting out of your head you know just shake it off shake things off and move on pivot and move on you know the wake of a boat

doesn't power the boat right so your past whatever happened in the past doesn't drive your life so If you've had a series of bad relationships or you had a tough upbringing, sure, address it and do your best to heal it and resolve it. But it doesn't need to, in any particular moment, drive or steer or dictate your fate. You're the captain of your own ship, right? Don't look back. That's one thing I heard a long time ago, and it comes up and it comes up, and I'm like, You know, it seems so easy when you, even like you said, it sounds easy or it is easy, but you have to do the practice you have to every day that's it and you want to prioritize

consistency over intensity right okay you want to eat the whole meal in one bite but you're going to you can maybe your practice every day is a micro meditation micro meditation is it's just taking one breath enjoying that one breath as deep as you can possible while you let all your other thoughts go so you treat that one breath this one moment like it's the last breath the last moment you already had and so you you enjoy it you're selfish about your heinous thought how can i choose this one breath and save this one breath as deeply as humanly possible without right and then you can return to worrying return to getting upset whatever it is but it's often you can throw up that simple practice if you did nothing else i promise that simple practice

would let you feel more happiness and experience more peace and love even if you did nothing else yeah that's so powerful i'm gonna try that i'm going to start i feel like i'll have a more productive day you know i thought you're plenty productive already so i know that you're actually well maybe i'll just center myself then and not be so crazy i love it yes i i really love that well i hope everybody you know really got to take some tools away to stepping out of that i want to say like it's not always negativity but it could be depression it could be outside sources that are affecting your ultimate happiness your ultimate goal in life is to be happy and to enjoy things and and i think especially in society like this or going on in the world and you know

always scrolling on the internet and then like stuff affects us all the time like step off that for a minute if that if you know that platform is is derailing you or are not in alignment right now like take a minute and just step away oh i love that celeste that gives me shivers because you're right about it and this is why a lot of teachers will say awareness is the answer to everything what do they mean it means if you can notice more and more how you feel throughout your day and lean in to things that feel good and lean out or away from things that don't feel good you'll be surprised at how much better your life gets by just doing that simple thing you know you're scrolling or doom scrolling and you're just feeling

not so great, just lean out, lean away, something else for a little while, kind of stick to it. And when you're spending time with Celeste or you're having a great conversation with someone and you want to enjoy it, just lean in, be more present there. And that single shift would allow you to

feel and experience the peace, love, and happiness that you spoke of, Celeste, and also become more productive, more creative, all these things because it also allows you to enter into what we call flow state. We all want to listen to close date that's where you're kept in tuned in turned on so much so absorbed and engaged and consumed with what you're doing you're not interested in evaluating how you're doing it's often happens when people are dating they aren't in close state they aren't in the vortex

they aren't very present they're too interested too involved in evaluating how they're doing how the date's going great time if you have a great time i promise the other person have a great time but if they don't they'll quickly find their way out of your life you know you'll be better off at either way. Oh my gosh, that's what I preached. I love it. I probably got it from you. Oh my God. I was not the first person, but I'm trying to change the dating culture because everybody that I talk to or hear about, or it's very common to say, dating sucks, dating's exhausting, dating, that, that, that, that, that. And I'm just like, yo, you have the power to just have a good time. You can choose an activity that you want to do.

it's simple the last like that needs preached from the rooftops and from the mountaintops you nailed that and i get it because we all have this destination addiction which is the future is going to provide us something that the present doesn't currently offer us that's a mistake because we take our say the same mindset with us into the future so when we get the guy we get the girl and then we're still the next thing now we're gonna have a kid now we have three kids well now i need a divorce find somebody else right it's a whole it's an end you know it's this game a whack-a-mole that we play with ourselves and play with our lives and it's not something to beat ourselves up for it's something that we can easily solve you have to be vigilant about it but

if you're selfish in the way that i am and you care about feeling good and you trust the science and your own life experience that has shown you and taught you that when you feel better it goes better and you get what you want through this easier cheat code or shortcut or master key that we call simply being more present and enjoying your life yourself more you'll be surprised at how your life turns around without so much effort yeah yeah that's beautiful and i'm just gonna add to that and maybe that's what you're saying too is like i sound that when i came from living in service to somebody always like always putting myself out there and i don't mean like I'm going to do everything for you and you're not going to do anything in life but when

I come from a place of how can I help you how can I be of service whether it's just being present right or being in alignment or just just saying hello right I mean all these beautiful things I think human connecting my life shifted in a way that I didn't have you know I need this I feel like you know everybody's a victim or something that's so powerful and i love that point there and i just i want to underscore that because it's profound you're absolutely right about that and i agree with that wholeheartedly and and the key there is doing it without an expectation of reciprocity if you expect someone to even say thank you you'll find yourself caught in these traps occasionally which is like why do they help this person they didn't even say thank you they

I didn't even respond with appreciation. And you'll find yourself then saying, why am I doing it at all? But you can do it. And you can do it without an expectation of reward. And you can do it for the joy of it alone. You can do it for the joy of helping or being of service alone.

And trusting that in time, the seed that you planted will grow. And appreciation will come back, maybe not from that person or from someone. That's a key. Because there was a period in time when I was trying to be of service and trying to be helpful.

But I expected something back. I was really giving to get. and you're saying something so much purer than that so much more powerful than that which is like given be of service because it makes you happy and it also is a benefit to someone else right it makes you feel good to do it and any of us who've done it from that place know that the true gift in giving is the giving itself the giving is the is the gift it is the yeah well this is so amazing i did not have time to read your books but i did order them so i'm really excited i was even talking to my mom about it because both my parents have like married three

times divorce you know like whatever but my mom seems to always be like you know looking for that guy and i'm like um i know you're happy and you're successful but stop i'm like you've got to read his book i so appreciate that and that's key what you're saying there it's sometimes hard to hear until you've experienced it but once you've even had one experience where you're like enjoying your life so much and where you are so much that you barely are taking notice of what you're lacking all of a sudden the guy shows up or 10 guys now you got a line of men that you're like what am i going to do with you know or whatever it is that you want your life money could be anything else but there's something so attractive about needing that yeah so tell everybody a little bit

about the difference in your book the one that we're talking about in relationships because i do feel and they're both about relationships right self-relationship but tell everybody a little bit more versus like okay there's a lot of books about relationships and love and marriage and and what differentiates you and in your message yeah i would say i wrote luck from the inside out with no intention of seizing anyone even myself in a way right so so And I only wrote what was inspired, that felt divinely inspired. So if it came from a mind

and it felt too logical and rational, I didn't trust that. I said, I don't want this to be my guesses. I don't want it to be Robert's guesses. I want this to come from a deeper knowing or a higher knowing than my own. You might call that life or source or universal intelligence or God.

It doesn't matter what you call it. The point is I want it to be a deeper, more intuitive more helpful and powerful teaching so love from the inside out is essentially one page meditations on true love the kind of love that doesn't show up one day and disappear the next the kind of love that is fulfilling it fills you up full from the inside out the kind of love that is intimate and eternal kind of love that doesn't depend on anyone else what they think what they do what they are and the kind of love that's able to enjoy everyone and so and sort of the argument there the invitation there is to revisit or redefine what you mean

when you say i love you when you say i love you what do you mean and i think for a lot of us it means i love you as long as you as i get my way or i love you know but there's a or i love you as long as we're in a relationship together but the idea here is that love is it an exclusive of relationship that you have with one person only. It's an inclusive way of relating to everyone and everything in the whole world starting with yourself.

It's really an invitation to look more deeply into the way in which you think about and experience love and to drop all of these unproductive, unsupportive stories that we've been taught and that we've inherited around what it means to love someone or what it means to love yourself. In a way, it's a

call to experience the kind of happily ever love that we all deep inside want desire deserve yeah that's beautiful i love that message because you like you said i mean it's so it's not like okay this is what you do here are the steps like it's really like dropping into yourself and really getting real and raw and like starting from there with that love you know oh it's so good i should i should have had you write the introduction or write i'll be right the book that was so good you're right it's what it is less it's a dropping in and it's a real rawness you're absolutely right about that it's so beautifully stated very eloquent

well i'm so excited that you were here to you know tell everybody here about you can you can be happy people and even if you're destined like you know i'm sure my family has the genetic gene of depression, it's plastic. So you can work on getting rid of that. You can work on molding and rewiring for love and like true happiness. And I really, really love that. And I feel so grateful that you came on here. I want to ask you one personal question, if you don't mind. Yeah, please. What was one of your favorite dates and what was it? oh that's a great question i will say and i mean this genuinely my favorite date is using the last

one that i had because that's my intention it's like i i genuinely intend it to be and i don't remember what the last date was exactly right but but i know that's true though so i'll say that on one hand on the other i'll say i had a fantastic time in hana once you know it was hawaii and there's a place outside of maui you drive three hours to the rainforest for the place of honor and you know it was just it was at this cabin and we had this fantastic dinner and meal and none of the cell phones work because it's way out you know in the middle of nowhere and you know it was just connected there were there's great rich conversation there was also lots of periods of just quiet silence stillness and just looking out in the ocean so i'd say that

was probably one of my favorite memories thank you for sharing i love that you said connectivity but you also said which i don't think a lot of people know this you can be quiet with another person and have that same love and the same comfortability and that's that's progress oh in fact to your point i would suggest and recommend to people that that that's what love is love is communion it's two hearts beating in rhythm and unison two hearts in alignment or agreement not two heads that agree about everything that's powerful right really hear that because if you think that love is about agreement that you have to agree with each other in order to experience love you're not going to experience it all for very long or for very or very deeply but if you

understand and can appreciate that there's a love underneath all of those thoughts and words, all of those beliefs and opinions that is there even if and when you're in disagreement and that you can tap into that within yourself and the other person can tap into it within themselves

and you can feel that, then we come to a true appreciation of the word I'm a stay. We are in that place within you, which is also within me, where we are just one. Rumi says, two lovers don't finally meet somewhere they're within each other all and so it's the increasing revelation and discovery of this

of oneness this recognition that the life within me is the life within you and that is thoughtless and that is worthless and that doesn't mean you can't also have a conversation but hit something huge so that's i mean it's a mystical that's really beautiful because you shared it and yeah So that's, I think if you get to that point, you're definitely in a great place. You're complete. That's right. And I would argue that we're always in that place. Sometimes we recognize it and we call ourselves complete.

Sometimes we don't and we call ourselves incomplete. Sometimes we don't recognize it. We call ourselves incomplete. But if you really just, in any moment, it's like honesty or integrity and kindness. It's always inside you. It's always inside you. In some moments, we decide to live it. In some moments, we don't.

And there's no reason to be that sort of self for either one. but yes you nailed it it's always inside and we are always that we are always fully complete sometimes we are aware of it well thank you so much robert where can people purchase your books find more information about you so on and so forth for sure so you can find me at my website coach rob map mck.com you can also find me on most social media platforms most consistently the Instagram at rommack, M-A-C-K, official. And you can find both my published books, Happiness from the Inside Out and Love from the Inside Out, everywhere great books are sold, including Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I love it. Perfect. Well, again,

thank you so much for being on the show. And I know everybody here definitely took a lot of nuggets from this show. So if you enjoyed today's episode and want to support podcasts like ours, then please hit that subscribe button, leave a five-star rating, and or invite others to listen. Your support is what helps us grow and continue to bring you valuable content. Thanks for hanging out with us on today's episode. Let's stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at Celeste Moore Image, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's discussion. For all the links, resources, and additional information mentioned in this episode,

check out the show notes on my website, celestmore.com. That's all for now, but stay tuned for our next episode where we'll dive into more exciting topics. Until then, see you next time, friends.