Moore Style - High Value Vs. Low Value Dating with Jacob Lucas

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

This week we have a no bullsh*t discussion with Jacob Lucas about dating, love and relationships!  Jacob is a global dating expert and he has earned these credentials with plenty of research and experience helping his clients. He fills us in on how to tell the difference between a high value and low value partner, tips to get your first date and why having money is just a crutch for men!  If you want a raw and honest conversation that will help your dating life, keep listening!  In this week’s episode, we discuss:  [01:19] About Jacob Lucas [02:35] How Jacob got into this line of work [11:06] Has Celeste always been fashionable?  [13:48] Does Jacob have more women or men clientele? [18:54] Men using their money as a crutch to get women  [24:28] What are men looking for when they are dating?  [35:21] How Jacob met his current girlfriend [37:08] Is Celeste dating someone now and what is her type?  [46:53] Some effective communications tools that Jacob teaches his clients  [54:23] Tips to get a first date  [1:00:58] Jacob’s favorite date    Connect with Jacob:    Website Instagram  LinkedIn

Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena. So let's get into today's episode.

Welcome to another episode of the Down and Dirty podcast. As always, I am your host Celeste Moore. Today I'm super excited and honored to be able to speak to my guest Jacob Lucas. But before we jump into today's episode, I would love to introduce him. So Jacob is as a leading global dating expert. He has helped millions of people achieve the love life they've always wanted through his real life methods that have garnered him over 750,000 followers on his social media, featured in global news articles, live TV interviews, and guest spots on several well-known podcasts his methods have been used by millions well again thank you for being on today's show jacob it's super exciting to have you on and as another i think you're probably my first

dating coach and i'll tell you i've had multiple coaches on my show or therapists or you know relationship coaches but an actual dating coach yeah so i'm excited i'm honored to be the first thank you first of all thank you so much for having me on the podcast I really do appreciate that I'm excited to have a conversation about dating love and all this stuff I love it isn't it the best it's so fun it's literally I get to do my dream job my I don't even consider it a job I love to help people be their best selves and so I think this is something I don't know so I guess my first question for you would be how did you decide to get in this line of work is it a personal journey for you or was it something else yeah a bit of a weird journey

actually so to help start i've always been fascinated psychology so if you watch my stuff a lot it's like it's like real life psychology stuff that works not so much like bluff it's like stuff actually works like the algorithms of dating and the mindset but i always say psychology for a very long time for like quite over 10 years now but i've always did that in my own time and I've always been interested in the psychology of attraction and being very just like something when you're like a young man you want to learn it you want to know what to do when you're when you're older and at the same time I actually was a professional boxer funny enough which is really random isn't it wow that's amazing it's the reason the nose is smashed across my face

look terrible trust me um so I actually did that I wasn't a very good one obviously but i did that for a bit and then i stopped and i actually got extremely ill really unwell and then i thought i'm gonna die it's really good touching it was scary i thought i was like i'm gonna be gone here this isn't what's the point like do you know what i mean so i stopped anything physical for quite a long time and then i thought if i'm gonna die anyway i might as well always do what i want to do which is dating coaching and helping people in the dating world and doing xyz and i thought you know i'm gonna put out there everything that i know and i just went ocd crazy hard on it basically put on tiktok and before i knew it i was like getting millions

and millions of views people like this is amazing can you book i book you in and it started growing like that but what was really prominent that i found is that all the years of studying there because it was like ocd obsession study one like oh pick a book here it was like mental like it was just like well how about first actually i'm just like you go insane on something i just i don't know why it just is and then i was like oh my goodness i know more than 99.9 percent of people in this area like and it started going through as well yeah and then the results started flying in and before i knew it i was like well one of the biggest online i was like okay wicked so it's just kind of nowhere really but it was all from a very pure place i just want to help people like

because love is the best thing in the world without a doubt and one of them anyway and I thought if I'm gonna die anywhere I must help people you know find love and it literally was that because I didn't think I didn't care about money didn't care about this a lot of people getting dating well you know for money which is fine that's what you want to do I didn't think I was gonna live so I didn't think I was gonna have any money so fuck it that's what I thought and I thought because it's so authentic and so pure I think that's what really resonated with people yeah oh they for sure can tell that you're coming from a place of authenticity that's something that you truly are passionate about so absolutely you keep saying you thought you

were going to die was that because of boxing no no it was lucky i got out of there before i got brain damage from the boxing thankfully because that's a scary world i was getting headaches but no it wasn't it was actually a really random virus took me out really bad and then it's just thank god i'm lucky now like thank god i got it could have gone either way but i'm on you know i'm 99% better to be a bit careful i can't do what i used to do a little bit but you know i still exercise and all that stuff i'm still on good shape it was crazy but it's i'm religious and spiritual anyway so i think it's god's way or push me to do what i do because if i didn't i wouldn't have met my my girlfriend now which super happy we wouldn't have the life we live now

which is the best life ever really and i get like like we said earlier like you don't see it as a job because you're helping people you actually enjoy it i don't wake up thinking i gotta wake up now i gotta go do my boring job i'm thinking oh great what's an agenda today yeah i don't ever feel like it's a chore i generally enjoy it and when you get a client actually get into a nice relationship because you know yourself you you form like friendships with clients don't you yes absolutely and when they do something amazing like they get their party like yeah it's like it feels great it's yeah it's made i love it i love it i'm now an author for it as well which is something i didn't see coming either so i've written my own book with everything so

yeah that's exciting i just saw that too it's very new yeah yeah yeah yeah it's cool like it's been out for a month now it's actually done quadruple what i thought it would i was like what that's awesome yeah i literally thought in my head i would figure like i'll probably push out i know x x amount and quadruple i was like what i was like power takes off isn't it amazing yeah it's something that i'm just barely touching you should write your own book like fashion books that people were interested in that like 100 yeah yeah i think putting together i have something coming at the end of this month putting together what i'm creating is gonna kind of be the segue to to a book so yeah you should do it it's like with a book you've got

to be like again you've got to be OCD with it because it's not like something you can dip in out of really it's like I had to like focus like two hours a day here two hours a day there every single day when people go out and do stuff I'm like nah just sit there just get it done and now I sit back and it's like people enjoy it and it helps I've had so many good reviews people going I was amazing that's what I said it's like it's helped me loads which is amazing I absolutely love that that's awesome yeah people said they've helped me in their relationships it's like literally exactly what I wanted it for so I love that love it yes I love I love that you know it's the feedback like I'm open to criticism in in either spectrum but when it is something that

that you created that has this value to it and that people are actually wanting and needing and and that's that's huge I don't know I just it's like this yeah you get you get 10 full back you know well even yourself but when you have a client I'm sure the dress is odd shall we say and then you style them up and they look awesome that must be so rewarding like and it makes them psychologically feel better as well doesn't it really really does because I actually had a client for thinking this person's super confident in his position at work his career so when we were doing a bit of shopping and I was like okay look in the mirror now like look at yourself with this he couldn't look at himself in the mirror and I didn't think at the moment I was just like oh wow

like he's so uncomfortable looking at himself and by like he he kept me on like we do seasonal shopping or whatever but another six months went by and we decided to do another trip and i said okay now look at yourself in the mirror and he actually looked at himself so it was like he was able to have confidence knowing he had support on my end that i'm going to make him look the best version of himself you know and so i expect what you find is you make more impact in his life than what you ever know you gotta think like every time he goes out of the house or even like date or whatever it is it's quite looking at me like crap like and his confidence is low but obviously if you helped him you probably looked at him and things

yeah a little hard but it sounds weird it might be like this might sound like small to a lot of people but to a lot of people that means the world I always think stuff like me and you do on a macro level we're not superheroes by a long shot but to the individual we can change their life you know for the better and that's what it's all about isn't it yeah it's huge I mean just knowing that you have someone in your corner like really caring about you really caring about the things that they want the best for you and I think it's just getting that level of trust right in the beginning yeah 100% yeah I think I've just talked with people like normal people and like I think as well like I don't know about yourself but if you've been through some horrible shits in the

past excuse my language oh no go for it we're English I'm so sorry it's okay so you've been through stuff like that in the past but you feel incompetent or myself like for example if people haven't treated you in the right way and is there like you can identify these people that you're talking to and then actually get the best so yourself actually that's interesting yourself did you have you always been good at fashion or was it something you learned like when you were like 18 were you dressed like a bit nerdy or something no I don't think I had let's see my parents we were very like they didn't have the means to there was five of us and you know it was like okay before school shopping maybe some shopping

at the holidays here and there but if I wanted to buy anything that I liked it was I had to work for myself so I remember at 12 I started to babysit just so that I could make some pocket money and go yeah buy a pair of jeans that I really loved because my mom wasn't spending 70 on a pair of jeans but I was 12 years old 12 I'll tell you what if I had a kid I ain't let no 12 year old look after my kid you know it was like the kids were in bed I think it was like big parents just wanted to have dinner because I don't remember really like taking care it was more like a nighttime gig you know but I didn't care yeah I'm not letting any 12 year old watch mine either but so you know I guess I tell you 12 was the moment that I that I gravitated towards

and expensive things and it wasn't because it I didn't know the price of it but it was more of the quality of a piece an item of something and I'm still the same I'm like it's terrible I mean it's not terrible because I'm looking at a quality piece of clothing you know so it's like I'm not buying trendy stuff right I know stuff comes in and comes out and if I am I'm not spending a lot of money it's more classic pieces so yeah it's interesting though yeah I noticed at a very young age I think when you have an affinity towards it you get drawn towards it don't you like it I always like I said like I'm spiritual anyway it's like you always get a path it gets drawn out for you but what is it like how come it was it's like old philosopher goes

the path we we obviously often seek to avoid is a path that we actually meant to take or something like that which is true isn't it like so true very true you'll do what you're meant to do in the day yeah I think for me it's really educating because it's like you know I I'm great at this and I'm great at that but it's like when I teach someone and they actually take something and they're like oh my god I feel so much better I can actually date I can find who I want because I know what I was doing I know the patterns that I was doing that I'm not no longer that were no longer serving me and stuff like that and it's just knowing that I made a difference in someone's life that's just like for me whatever it is that's that's it that's huge so do you find

that you have more female or male or do you see both clientele the really weird thing is online on my videos is about 85% women for which my stuff okay clients about 50 50 but that's actually got 60 40 60 in favor of women so that's really strange to me and i'm like why is that i don't know why that is either that that baffles me it's kind of like i can tell i think god you tell me why it's because women are more comfortable paying for help paying for a coach paying for a therapist paying for to improve their lives and a man isn't as comfortable or let me tell you it's not that he's not comfortable it's that he's uncomfortable asking for it even though he needs it and knows that he needs it yeah i think it's a lot of it's male ego isn't it comes into play

as well love these if you say to a hundred guys are you good with women nine seven like yeah yeah like and when one of the youth like that's 10 years mate like and they're like yeah i'm good though every single guy in the world thinks they have dating advice women have all put their hands up a little bit more like oh i need a bit of help here like you're right 100 and you know and they listen whereas like i said the vast majority of guys not all guys but the vast majority think they're hyper competitive aren't they and they think oh i don't need no one telling me what to dude blah blah blah which is stupid really because i think because i talk to more women i know what more women want than what they were so it just if they had a brain cell on them they'd be like

actually i'll go to him because he talks to women a lot more than the guy that you get a toxic uh dating coaches the men online quite a lot and it's they're like they're like oh do this like just like you know like the the tapes of the world do you know what i mean and it's like oh here we go it's not it's not practical in real life and it's toxic as well and so like there's you can be a nice guy with an edge you know it's not hard right i mean yes agreed i'm just here to help them from a like a female perspective like i'm telling you what they want and where there's a lack you know in what's going on because i have all these female clients and women in my life that highly successful why can't I find a guy why is it like this well I mean there's you know a million

questions what do you think if I was to say to you what's your three most attractive traits in a guy what would you say my three most attractive I'm on the interviewer now aren't I yeah like look at you Jacob my most attractive things are having sense of self that he has his own like he doesn't need me to identify him and in a in a couple in a relationship so he's he has his own sense of self so he has his own sense of self meaning we're great as a team but separate he's also wonderful and fabulous and whole as a person i like that that's good yeah someone that's constantly learning wanting to grow like yeah that's huge for me and it can be in any area of his life like prefer multiple areas and then yeah i think stability like to be

able to be the trust and be vulnerable with that person so that if they're stable then that that has uh that for me it allows me to to trust and be vulnerable that's fair that's three good ones to be fair so it's not actually about looks for you then whatsoever i would lie if i said no on that one yeah but they're important aren't they 100% very important because it says to me that he cares about himself the fact that he cares about himself means that he has a capacity to care for other people me or whoever's in his life that's fair 100% I think I look after yourself if we look after people 100% because then you can actually a lot of people they give like pieces themselves away and there's nothing left for them effectively is there most parents yeah well we

asked for it wasn't it yeah that's a great question because it could be for me it's more the substance obviously I can work on the looks I can work on the the image part right I can teach somebody those things but I feel that if you are lacking that substance then I can't change that a lot of guys use crutches I find that the biggest one I speak from I come across with blokes is you see blokes in America you do don't you I think it's an Australian and English thing yeah like guys and stuff like they use crutches a lot you know they will they use their money as a crutch it's dumb I always say like this right it might be a bit rude whatever who cares if you know like your guy uses money to get women and if he ends up just using his

his money to get women i always think like this you don't like you don't care what i say do you really yeah i've always been like this he might get a good looking missus and all this stuff but you're cheating him with the poor boy 100 because if that's all you've got it's not gonna it's not there's no sexual replication now or excitement and she will bang someone like the poor guy if fast if you're there for money secondly your money goes you're screwed mate like you're done that's finished anything like crutch like that like that's that's really big i see a lot of guys go oh my high value man i earn a lot my mate means nothing these days like i guarantee you're hot you're not mate like do you know what i mean yeah i mean looks fade money comes and goes

hopefully it stays but you'd never know predictability there right 100 like i was thinking like that as well i think it's okay to like be financially stable i agree with that like you know a guy should be independent all this stuff and you know i completely think a woman should be as well a hundred thousand percent but it's kind of like when um the best quote i've heard for it is is for example like if a woman goes to a man for money for example she's going to earn every single penny of that like that's true though isn't it yeah that sounds about right yeah and then basically like it's just yeah it's just guys use that crutch too much and it's stupid like it means nothing as long as you're financially stable you know that's all that matters because

just me every common guy like you said and it's like if a woman i talked to a woman she goes i need a guy who earned six figures whatever like that's like top one percent you know don't you yeah but i deserve it blah blah blah and i'm like i don't think you understand how money works tomorrow i could be gone and said i we're gonna dump him then you're like a billion do you know what i mean yeah so it's yeah it's interesting isn't it she can go make her own money too i mean i have like you should not be looking at a man just for yeah his paycheck i mean it's nice does it help to have two great incomes or you know someone that could take care of you yes but that shouldn't be like the ultimate goal of why you want to date somebody or be with somebody because

oh i agree completely i think like because like i said i always think when it goes then what because no anything happened it could be a war then what then what happens you lose all your money the state can take it away like not always but you know i mean you just don't know what's going to happen so it's an interesting topic i come across a lot actually forget about even though he could lose it even i say he keeps it right what other things are going to enrich that relationship where is that relationship what is happening do you like the person is the person sexually are you attracted to them sexually uh are they doing anything to like fulfill what a healthy relationship looks like yeah i mean they're like it's gonna be null and void and

empty and ugly and it's gonna get at some point you're not gonna be happy it's no way to live life is it like whatsoever like absolutely not yeah so that's interesting thanks for bringing that up because yeah it's interesting from your perspective because i do see that a lot i do see guys like oh we're in my big rolex or driving my i don't know whatever car is you know six-figure car and i've got this and i've got that and it's like okay well but who are you like what are you about like what do you have to offer somebody exactly i always think like i said i've come across it before with people and i'm saying like mate you're losing the point here do you know i mean and that some people just don't get it and i'm there like uh it's like some people are so

like it's a social matrix if you will like they're so socially conditioned with it they don't understand it i always say like i always say this but no no one listens to me apart from like a few and a few of you do all the works from right so philosophy you started your philosophy you can talk people's ear off do you know what I mean and it's interesting it's different and it's makes you more interested more intellectual makes you just makes you better conversation very few would do it because it takes time and effort but that that will always be money every time but no one listened to me and it's absolutely does it's bizarre to me I'm like okay whatever you do what you want to do very strange but I think it makes it morally fair as well I think they get

to a point where okay I have all this money and here are the girls the women that have liked me and it's like you know three months here there's another girl there's another girl right there's no stability and then he's kind of tired of that life and that's kind of when it's like it's something where he'd be like okay I need your help like I'm tired of this I want something more meaningful I want something that's you know I'm tired of this type of if they relied upon that money for so long let's say we do after 10 years they're so socially conditioned they don't know how to build a connection because that's all the connection they had was their money right yeah so then it's hard then you've got to retrain the habits of people on a date for example don't go

and buy them a fancy handbag before you go and date with them make you look like a weirdo like do you know what i mean that is a little weird yeah people do it though yeah yeah i'm sure uh so what do you think men are looking for when they're dating there's two different types of men them but yeah yes you've got high value men but you're low value men so let's start with the low value shall we i'm quite a cynic i'm a realistic cynic i have good fears as well low value men like one who's malleable because it's less intimidating so as a human nature people in human nature they'd like to feel superior all right that's that's 99% of people who are like like to feel superior hence the reason why someone gets bullied when they're younger they're going to

bully people when they're older because they've had superiority robbed from them again robbed from somebody else effectively but a lot of men like low low value men i say very low value men like a woman who's malleable submissive and all this shazam if you will right and they don't like they like to control a woman in a sense of this and that they don't like a woman far better looking than them because it makes them intimidated the woman goes to the night out and who's looking at who's looking at you like make you sound like a simp straight away stop it do you know what i mean so it's like their insecurities are coming out yeah yeah basically a high value man is complete different ball game they're rarer as well but a high value man wants an independent woman 100

intellectual woman oh yeah low value man wants a woman who's not that intellectual because you can't challenge him then a high value man wants an intellectual woman he likes it when she takes care of herself like that's standard you know i mean hotter she is the better he likes it whenever men look at his missus i've always found that the case is like haha like that's mine sort of thing do you know what i mean yeah he's not insecure he's like that's mine i love that obviously kindness is a massive factor so for myself for example my missus the best trait she has is she's so nice as a human being like she loves animals she's really nice to people i love that i generally think that's very good uh try to have and it's very attractive like if i was single and there's

a woman she'd be 10 across the board everything but she's not nice to animals game over i'm interested i want to talk to you again so it's kind of like it's kind of like a deeper thing like deep conversations it really is like that it's complete different ends of spectrum like a high value woman will always suffer with a low value man but they will thrive with a high value man and vice versa you know but it's kind of like the biggest the biggest problem i have with clients is i get a lot of high value high value women like across the board and what they do is suppress themselves to make themselves lower value because they don't want to intimidate guys and scare them away and that's the stupidest thing you'll ever do in your life because you

end up regretting the person you get with it's like a quote it's actually my book actually and my dad says it was you buy cheap you buy twice so if you yeah if you get the guy who's low value because you sell for that person you're going to get rid of them anyway at some point and you've got to restart the game so um yeah women like a lot of high value women suppress themselves to be less intimidating it's not a fact you're intimidated it's the fact they're intimidated it's two very different things yeah yeah it's a great answer no it's a great answer because it's it's so true it's like i know women they're like okay do i need to like dumb myself up do i need to dim my light you know because i don't want to be too much for someone but it's not that they're

too much it's they're not they're not with their equal they're not somebody that they can you know be next to that person and have a conversation that's actually intellectual or you know stimulating or of some substance or value so yeah that makes a lot of men like women in control don't they oh you're not going out here you're not wearing that do you know what i mean if i said it's my message you tell me shut up like exactly because you know she's strong-minded with it yeah but a lot of guys like that and as soon as a guy says he's into that get rid of him never talk to that guy again I hate that character of undying passion yeah they're they're sorry we're contagious they will contagiously infect you with negativity you know whereas you know a high value man will it's kind

of like saying isn't it behind every great man's a great woman you know and vice versa and it's kind of like a woman who is high value just needs you just don't ever settle never sell in terms of clients you've set before them and they wait to do what I tell them and they end up getting someone you treat someone like yes good finally and they see the difference in the caliber of mom do you think that stems from just a childhood parental roles because i think that that's pretty common yeah that does come into play a lot of like i always find a lot of parents it's parents or bad parents then not always but a lot of time then it does roll over because how how you view relationships when you're young affects when you're older you know it's kind of

like the trauma triangle thing isn't it have you ever heard of trauma triangle yeah so it's obviously for those who don't know is you repeat you help or you avoid effectively so if mum and dad are beating each other up all the time and then you know they go into a relationship thinking that's normal because it's traumatic watching as a kid they're going to start hitting their their missus when they're older and you see that happen so often don't you um because repeating the cycle is really quite dark stuff isn't it because we we tend to gravitate to what's familiar it might not it's not usually what's good for us in a relationship but it's familiar and so that's like oh i did i married my dad and it's like i didn't i didn't want that like this

is what i didn't want but we naturally gravitate for whatever reason there's something there but then it's like breaking that cycle of I mean it's not all bad like you could have a great father daughter relationship but it's yeah absolutely using some examples of you know why we continue to put ourselves in this situation you know what I find really interesting like with people is I get to all the time like people kind of nearly answer before they they book in with me so it's like I just do some question if you will so like because that's the whole thing is like you kind know the answers in yourself anyway I bring it out and they're like yeah that is wrong isn't it well that is right what I was doing was right there what I was doing wrong there and I'm just

I'm getting the answer themselves because they come know the answer themselves but it needed to be drawn out of them you know that'd be interesting that happened with fashion as well not as much I think it's the confidence right they see the barrier like the conversations in their head that they're having like I'm not good enough I don't you know I've been turned down or rejected or you know all of the stories that they have in their head that they've that's happened once or many times and it creates a story and they continue the story so once we get past that right and then I show them what's possible and look what you can do and like putting the right colors and a lot of them don't know those are your power colors these are the best colors for you

this is based on you know xyz this is the best you know body line for your this is what you should be wearing um then they're like oh wow yeah so it's a little bit of both for me in the image part but definitely the dating they know they know stuff that's in them like you said it's it's already there and it's like pulling it out and it's like validating that right as an expert yeah yeah a lot of people would say like they kind of knew but you just needed someone else to tell them you know so it's kind of like i get that a lot yeah like because if let's say for example let's say have you got a boyfriend not at the moment so let's say for example you're talking to a guy and he ghosts you you know you know you know the answer anyway but let's say he didn't

you you know not to double text that person just leave them to it and when they come back don't talk to them again you know that but a lot of people know this as well they know to get when you get ghosted they will text that person don't do this but you do it anyway yeah and then then i tell them afterwards you know not to do that and they go i know but that little voice inside the head said do it they knew it was wrong so i got kind of like that's one of my things i got trained people to get that little voice when you know it's wrong because you know that feeling in your heart like when it's someone's right to do what's wrong with it you know yeah a little that little thing don't drink and text people yeah yeah it's like the worst case scenario i think

i think women do it a lot there are some crazy needy guys out there as well where they're like oh she didn't respond let me text again let me text maybe she didn't get it maybe interesting this i think guys are worse for it by a mile really oh yeah by a country mile i think women are more socially acclimated to like dating stuff whereas guys don't really talk about that much with their mates you don't very very rarely see a woman text like four times in a row so some random guy implies you're on the instagram at the end right but you see that weird guys hello two months there hello three months there you there that freak right so if anyone's listening to this and you're a guy stop doing that you make yourself look like a freak

stop doing it right um but a lot of guys do that don't they text a woman a month like like hello hello it's weird i've never understood that mentality ever i've always felt weird yeah same same same do you get do you get that happen to you often or not like the guy would come back every so often yeah it's like are you done going through the apps and you're like oh this one was like okay to begin let me revisit that no you didn't follow through the first time so why are we going to revisit this you kind of were like not even half in you just got your toe in there yeah some some people like the stories i hear are insane like do you know what i mean like some of the times my clients are telling me what guys or girls have done to them i'm like

how's that happening reality i'm like what like how when like i've never thought in my head that's a good move to do and they're like yeah this guy did this to me on a date i'm like bin them off i'm done it's so nuts i don't know people are more ballsy now i don't know what it is or they don't care as much or i don't i don't really know i i wish i could wish i had the answers for the crazies but i don't it's a weird world sometimes i don't get aren't you happy you're not in the dating world right now oh i'm super happy like i got the nicest relationship ever like how did you meet instagram the modern love story right i love it so she added me on my page that comment on a couple of my stuff and i thought she's hot

so i went on to her instagram and i slid into dm started conversating physically but yeah she's perfect like very smart woman very nice woman i can't fault her in any way there's literally we never argue always have a nice time i can't that is perfect as literally there's not one part of relationship that's bad i always think like this your relationship should be the easiest thing in your life i don't care what anyone says people say it you know has challenges i think you will always come across little bumps in the road but how you handle them yeah we come across things that happen but not because of us if that makes sense because like external things would happen but we talk about things we don't we don't um raise our voice we don't whatever we don't

belittle we never call each other names nothing like that we talk about like proper adults but this comes into actually when you said about the parenting thing a lot of parents that are communicating with each other so their kids grow up thinking start shouting at each other you know to their partners for example when they get older shout don't don't do this don't have a con discussion because they've never been taught that you know so but me and mrs yeah we just it's just amazing i like i'm super i'm super lucky very much in love very lucky really well i'm sure you both manifested it right you like created that space i don't know if this is your first like 100 healthy relationship or not well it's just you know everything that happened in the past

there's a lesson isn't it so learn these lessons for for the future sort of thing isn't it so what about yourself are you dating somebody now or not so i'm taking a break but i'm not actively dating i will be open to that but i'm not at this particular second in my life what kind of guy what's your type i definitely love an intellectual person i love stimulation conversation it doesn't have to be about we don't have to have the same things and you know to talk about yeah just like in life I want someone who is interested and like I said someone that wants to learn about life and better themselves and I want a man that's like like I said that I can be vulnerable with who is a strong guy in the sense that he is very confident in who he is and comfortable not not

a jealous type you know he's a high value man for sure yeah I mean looks do matter too I mean there's got to be some chemistry like do you find guys get intimidated with you regularly or not yeah so this is something I'm working on right now with myself because I have been a I don't want to call myself a single parent because I'm the only parent so my daughter's 16 and it's a huge part of why I am been single because I want to bring that the person that's right into our lives i get a lot of guys that are married or interested or older and interested they're already married i like i have no i i don't know what vibes i'm getting off but it's definitely like i don't want to hook up with the married guy you're not the only one here i i talk

to people and they have the same thing that people like live like a double life like when they're married and they hit on they hit on the women like a single very rarely the other way around very rarely a married woman would do that but a lot of married men do that oh yeah i'm thinking you're a fucking psycho because they they will they go on dating apps and then put on tinder for example oh no my name's jeff whatever jeff 45 years old uh-huh i just leave his relationship status what it is right and then he goes around like are you dumb like are you stupid like people are gonna see who you are mate like do you know your you know your husband's on this app like yeah with me it's like of course it was you freak and it's like but it's so common

like it's absolutely insane and some people go dating these people and then you tend to single and find out six months later they have they're married with kids and that's not an uncommon story i've heard this many a time like that's insanity what do you say to the guys who are married to him i know they want it like i just kind of brush it off i'm like you've got to be joking right i'm actually friends with their wives like our kids go to school oh it's happened for years i'm just like here and there like i'm like wow well give me example this is juicy man you know like we're all out having drinks maybe literally the wife's maybe in the restroom bedroom and he like comes up and he's like oh you look so hot like you know like let's let's you

know have you ever thought about like hooking up with me what do you think of me and I'm just like like my mouth is just like dropping to the floor and I'm like what I never look at you like that because I would never do that number one I don't want to be some kind of side chick I respect her don't be gross you're being really gross right now you're lucky that I don't tell her and eventually I was like yo I I was like you know I'm sure I'm not the first person they stay with they stay with him eventually they divorce but you know other women do other women do because they have children and they think that this is the life oh he doesn't do that you know and it's also this they don't want to really look at the truth

so see this is in this is interesting i do a lot of tiktok lives and people in that soup i've got like the nicest people in my life ever like a super nice people and they're telling me about these stories and they said that the partner's like basically cheating them and should i take them back i'm like don't you dare don't you dare like second someone's disloyalty they don't change they're cheating don't change unless they're like maybe 18 years old nature or it might change she's a bit an idiot they're a bit young yes but if someone's like i i'm i've never been proven wrong on this ever if someone's over the age of 20 let's say 22 and they cheat from them from them sorry they never change it's in their it's in their it's in their character then something

very big has to happen in their life for them to change and it never does but i've never been proven wrong have you ever seen have you ever been proven wrong because i've never been proven wrong in that once a cheat always a cheat it's true point absolutely there might be like a big dry spell but yeah that person knows too that they can come back to you yeah i always feel like this when i just yeah exactly yeah they can come back to you it's just wait i was gonna if you get to a point where you feel like you need to cheat anyway get out it's not hard like because you're gonna ruin that person's mentality for relationships exactly just if you're not happy and you want to look somewhere else end the relationship figure out like figure out your life do what you need to

do but like yeah i i that was always a huge i would never do that never have never will if i'm not happy that i'm gonna going to end it or figure out how to be happy or whatever it is right but i would never do that i just feel the mentality i couldn't like as a human being let alone man woman or whatever i couldn't go go out have sex with somebody come back and say to mrs oh you're right a nice day normal that's fucked up in the head that's to me yeah that i generally think you have to have something more in your mind because that's the guilt would well just the shame of yourself but yeah how can like these people but they feel guilt from it well it's a different new normal go for the head that i don't have you know so the reason why they're cheating too

right there's a reason why they're not getting at a home or if they are it's not they're not communicating to the partners maybe they have different like sex things that they want to do and this person's more vanilla and he's more crazy i'm just for example right like he's into kink she's not like so instead of him talking to her he assumes like she'll never do that so let me just go do that outside the house boom come back and like live this life so I've seen that a lot I just don't get it I understand obviously the psychology of it right but I just I just think can you not how can you sit in there next to your partner and then you just have sex with someone else they don't know I don't get it like you know yeah yeah to be able to like totally shut down

yeah like I thought I'm quite moral like I get like spooked if I accidentally say something that could be mistaken as flirtatious I'm like oh I didn't mean it like that I mean like I didn't mean it like that like 100% um but it's okay even shit today and it's like it's it's crazy because the thing is you'll never know until you're in a relationship without a person even you just don't know because they're never gonna go walk up to you hey I cheated not gonna happen is it no but I think you know allows like it's also our our fault as women right it's allowing it to continue right and so that's been yeah it's been almost like okay oh guys are just guys you know they're just like they think with their dicks or whatever it's like oh we're just expect to almost like

accept it you know i think as a society it's been kind of ingrained in our heads that men are supposed they're just like that it's okay once in a while boom boom boom and it ends up yeah for sure 100 at least in america do you think have you seen that quite like is that quite prominent where you are effectively then yeah i think it's just in austin i think i don't know america no i've only been in austin like a year and a half so i think it's just common american guys maybe it's not in europe but you know it's a society it's kind of gross right it's like oh but now we're starting to voice our opinion more like no that's not okay i don't want to be treated like that guys should be just as respectful as we are and i think it's now there's like a turnover

there's a kind of an awareness out there that oh that's gross yeah i i think i think you're right i think women now are which is great which i'm an advocate of i'll take the more power back like everything should be equal effectively just the real end of like um i was watching jordan peterson actually and someone said to him i think he's quite clever he's a very smart man and he was saying like what's your best advice you've learned all over these years no he's like professor harvard so he knows his stuff yes and he goes most basic thing i could say from relationships just it sounds he said i'm quite embarrassed to say this after all my years but it's just be kind to each other and he's right isn't it it is just be nice to each other

that's all you got to do but it just seems fucking impossible for so many people i'm like what like it is isn't it just to treat people how you want to be treated effectively yeah it's it's the simple stuff sometimes we forget those humans right there's too many things that complicate us in our lives and our work and then we just either blow up on the person that's closest to us and then you know once the damage is done it's hard to kind of undo that yeah absolutely what do you think are a few effective communication tools that you kind of talk to your clients about because that's well essentially what we're talking about here right effective communication i would probably say

biggest thing i would say is leave your ego out the door 100 when you when you want to bring some are let's say for example if I was chatting to my missus and for those in America missus means girlfriend right that's an English thing my missus means my girlfriend if there's like a situation don't try to be right all the time you know it's not about being right or wrong when you feel like you want to be right instead of actually talking about how the person feels you have a superiority complex I don't give a shit what anyone says that's what it is so talk objectively and be like okay what's happening to you listen it might sound stupid but it's such a basic skill that people don't have they interrupt 24 7 you want to get that point let's say for example if

you've got john and sarah and sarah's going this how it made me feel blah blah blah she's talking john goes hang on a minute hang on a minute hang on a minute it just starts butting in happens too often it's very it's a very narcissistic trait i don't like it it's like trying to win and the the biggest thing i'll tell you what actually the biggest thing that actually changed my whole perspective and communication and arguments and stuff is from aristotle it was anger is a form of pleasure right bear with me yeah anger is a form of pleasure because the only reason you get angry is to feel superior over somebody else and when you feel superior it feels like you've won so the only reason you get angry is because you do feel superior and you're

trying to win at something so your anger is a form of you trying to achieve pleasure hence it's a form of pleasure now when you think like that and you think every time anyone's ever got angry at me or i've ever got angry at someone i'm trying to beat them at something or show my superiority in that situation and it's true like think for yourself now think of one scenario anyone think of hundred scenarios whatever when someone's angry at you have they tried to achieve victory over you in that communication yeah I'm just using one of my daughter lately and I'm trying to effectively teach her how to grow up and be an adult right in a couple years she's going to university and it's like she goes back to like being a child and it's like this this

yeah you know it's like this frustration I don't know that I'm trying to win I'm just trying to get a point across and maybe that's what you're saying I'm trying to yeah you're trying to try to witness the situation aren't you trying to trying to get you're trying to get her to see your point of view effectively like look you need to do this like yeah listen to me like do you know what i mean and instead like you are trying to achieve it now once you remove that and i actually put a quote on my instagram today actually i just saw i saw on tiktok i thought it's genius from brumi the poet brumi isn't it raise your words not your voice rain grows flowers not thunder i was like it's very good it's very very good quote that yeah and it's there like if

you start raising your voice you've lost anyway you know yeah and i was i was when my dad said this as well he goes that's what some good quotes it's not you know what my dad it's not even he's not an intellectual man which is quite funny but my mom's intellectual she's the intellectual in the family okay and i've actually didn't quote my mom once in my book and she's she's like a top level so i can't you won't get better at psychology my mom she's absolutely done for like 30 years but she lives it like yeah she's different breed with it like she's like clinical lead in like hospitals and stuff like she's she knows what she's doing my dad's not and that's good with money yeah but that's his emotional circuitry is dead but he says some great quotes and he goes

stuff like he goes second somebody starts swearing an argument you've won like stuff like that and i think like think of it if you're not arguing with somebody and you start saying you know start going oh fuck you blah blah blah you've lost it you've lost you've absolutely lost because I've now beat you because you can't do it you can't talk properly effectively it's true isn't it like but if it's like candid throw away swear words no one cares but if it's just swearing at you directly then yeah you've lost you've lost so I always tell clients don't don't raise your voice don't get angry don't swear don't name call and just listen do not interrupt and listen that's all you've got to do and I'll tell you what you will resolve 99% of arguments that way

sometimes the basic answers are the best answers for complicated questions no I like that I think uh it's it's actually the person just wants to be heard and know that they're being heard yeah absolutely what about you what would you say for your clients same question to you Yeah, it's actually very similar in the sense that really listening to the person. And like, if it's, if it's too, like, if they can't figure out a way to come to terms with something, right? Yeah, there's always something, there's always a resolution. So it's like really letting that person talk and hearing, and the other person kind of reiterating so that they know that they are like, I hear what you say, and make sure that that's what they're, you know, because we can, you can say something to me. and i may think it's something else that you're saying to me right we kind of interpret things in a sense so interpret to that other person that's what they mean because that's huge that there could be a whole issue there and then it's really and it's really about not just listening but then actually doing doing the work doing the action of what it is so it's like okay you know

you never pick up the laundry i don't know i'm just using something you're always like a slob and this person's clean and you know I'm just asking you to pick up your clothes and wait has this happened to you feel it in your voice has it happened to you or not it could be I don't know I'm very clear and you know for for just say it's me and it's like I'm I'm thinking that like they don't care and like I have all these things going on in my head of what it means to me the other person is just like I'm in a hurry I just I'll get it later it's no big deal it's my home uh so it's then the action right after the listening the housework is interesting one because me and mrs we never argue about housework i don't think we've ever argued about it once

actually in our whole time we've been together i think housework is the easiest thing ever in a relationship i do half you do half it's actually that simple but people can't do it because they always it tends to be one person picking up slack one year right yeah i can get that i like okay you make dinner i make lunch you do the washing i'll do the hoovering it's literally that simple isn't it but i don't know why people can't do that i don't know why it's i think i actually quite enjoyed it in housework i enjoy it which is a bit weird um yeah it's relaxing isn't it like um but yeah so you're right i said like taking the actionable stuff as well isn't it if someone says oh can you do this but if some people do take it too far and it adds too much i mean it's

kind of like i always think like if someone starts raising their voice or whatever or nagging just walk away not interested talk to me talk like a human being or don't talk to me at all that's your game and then give them one warning if they do it again you're out like yeah i agree okay one more question and then i'm going to because i love that we've just been free flowing what are a few tips you can give to those looking to get that first date to get the first date okay i would say put a biggest best tip actually let's say so have they met the person yet online for example yeah say they're like they've bumble matched and now they're like you know ready to go on the first date momentum is your best friend and there's momentum like if you if you leave it

too soon uh too long sorry um you'll lose momentum I always think we're like all relations you've got an emotional meter if you will so you've got to keep it like at this nice excitable hype when you meet someone new it's exciting like yeah great now that person like takes weeks to um get a date arranged I think it's shit no more they're like who are you like you don't mean nothing I always think within the first seven days you should be on a date if you meet someone online if you can't if you if a guy can't arrange it so any men watching this if you can't arrange a date in seven in seven days sort yourself out because there's no excuse for it going for coffee's a date i actually i actually think coffee dates better than dinner dates my

opinion because they're more relaxed but yeah go go arrange it in seven days maximum but if you wait any longer you're gonna get more chance of someone else swooping in and taking taking the other person away from you when you are arranging a date i would say probably best thing to do is make it so you're not making yourself too ready even too available a lot of people will be like okay i can do every day this week whenever you can it's like you come across a bit needy here mate like you know what i mean i would say give them like three days you can do let's say me on monday say okay i can do wednesday evening thursday evening and saturday evening and leave it at that they can't do it and then that's their problem right but you've thrown it out but if you

go i can do any day you want any time you come across desperate your value just plummets mate really hard you said i have a few days this week let me know when it's good for you there so that's why what i would say for that one is momentum don't make stuff too available but give options at the same time i love that i love that thank you for sharing that those are great about you about your trips yeah no i would i definitely am like you know three to seven days on get offline meet the person you see if there's a connection i mean just boom like want to go on a second date great if it's like not for you think you know if it's not your thing then then you know but yeah the people that are like endlessly online and chatting it's like no i don't

have time for that i don't want to do that i want to meet you i want to see what you're about so ladies look for man so i would listen well to this as well if a guy can't arrange a date within seven days he's indecisive and he's a low value man because indecision is a low value trait effectively right so think of it i think he's a bit of a game screw i love it yeah i'm very like very raw no but i you know being in new york for like 10 years and dealing with men i love it that's just how i communicate too i don't have a lot of fluff in my a lot of do you find yourself a lot of dating coaches have a lot of fluff and it doesn't really help a lot like the best best is cookie fortune advice it's like now sometimes you need to be told to spin him off or he's good

or she's good to pick her off sort of things i mean spin her off to people from america listening it means get rid of right let's update them but yeah i i think like just a raw advice is like tell how it is like instead of just like making it too clinical this is not agreed you know there are rights and wrongs i think with a lot of clinical advice it's kind of like trying to tell everyone involved like oh like yeah maybe they're feeling like no i don't give you i don't give shit like it's done like do you know what i mean because you're wasting your time so um that's why that's why i get so many clients always come back so okay like yeah like it has happened what do i do instead of talking to like you know your your clinical we sort of thing because it's true it

happens it works isn't it yeah they respect you you're honest and they realize that you're right now that we're trying to be right it's not a right or wrong but we kind of are there's this tiktoker he's castillo right and he packages he's not a dating coach he just gives like his he calls it relational advice but it's hilarious right but the man's never wrong it's the most brutal advice you'll ever hear in your life right and it's brutal it's like meant to be comedy but it's it's not and it is I love what it's happening it's amazing and if I had like a dating show I'd have him as a dating coach you know he's not do you know what I mean because it's so brutal it's hilarious to listen to Castillo his name is okay I have to look it up

don't go there to try and make yourself feel like better about your relationship because it ain't gonna make you feel better about your relationship right but he's there like I don't know how much i can say in the podcast you know what i mean you can say whatever you want on here this guy texted him i don't know who's texting me for asking for advice which is funny goes uh this woman's not texting me as much it's getting a bit dry i i but you know she's i'm trying to like pursue it but she's not interested but what do i do i asked her if she still wants to text me and she said yeah yeah but i'm not really feeling it and his advice was like this is fucking brutal is they're like mate you're gonna be driving you'll be an uber driver to a dick appointment

and you're gonna be sitting there crying and oh i could be that guy i could be that guy you're a mess mate sort your life out you make me sick but i'll tell you what it's so brutal but he's right he's completely right like is there like just just what anyone listen just watch him he's the best on he's the best tiktoker out there for for just entertainment purposes and he's never wrong which is hilarious as well that's just stupid his delivery is brutal but he's he's right on right yeah yeah think we're wrong he's not gonna make you feel good about yourself like but he's never wrong but he's entertained all the dating coaches online i see online he's the best and he's not a dating coach i love it i mean it's like i i got no i've got no qualms saying that

it's just it's hilarious like it's amazing i'm gonna go check him out so on a personal note what was one of your favorite dates and what was it my favorite date oh so let me think i'm gonna miss it those are nice days i've already said nature walk actually me and my girlfriend went to wales funny enough and wales got some beautiful nature there and we went to this place called before waterfalls super nice and just the whole day just it sounds weird just walking like through the countryside your waterfalls everywhere and just perfect you went home and we hooked up with that little lodge sort of thing it's very it's like a hobbit house effectively and it's really really really nice like something from lord of the rings and it's really nice and we went for like a little

pub dinner and it's just like it sounds stupid but it's so wholesome you know what about yourself oh it's been a minute it's been a couple months but like a really great date yeah i think for me it was probably a year and a half ago it was for my birthday and i went and saw like i got a surprise from a good friend of mine who i had a favorite dj of mine he ended up sending me a video to wish me a happy birthday and I was like you know like you almost died and then ended up getting me um some tickets to go see him live and I had never seen him live and it was like it was just like the best so knowing someone really you can something that you really love and that you can connect with

somebody so I I always love listening to other people's dates because it's really at the like you're in nature right nature is like one of the most places to come back to like a mindfulness like it's spiritual it's like and then being there with the one that you love it's just probably even more like amazing yeah so yeah 100 i think like i don't know if they have a fourth date like a big nature it's an amazing date i really do you're walking you're talking you're like taking in the view the fresh air there's no downside to it like if anyone goes oh i'd rather go fast dinner i mean you're wrong you're wrong 100 because you build more of a connection with somebody like doing that sort of thing trying to think we went on loads of nice days so like my favorite place in

new york to new york people listening is electric lemon you do you know in hudson yard yeah i like electric lemon that's really i like that place just stuff like that like i like like i would go for like a nice coffee like a nice bar all in h3 walks that's what we like doing like gorgeous sorry yeah it has a gorgeous view you know yes it's nice isn't it like that sort of thing like i'm trying to think we've been like we probably date about two three times a week somehow which I put a thing up went viral on tiktok got like four million views or something and I said bare minimum things that your boyfriend should be doing for you taking one day a week and people I can't do that I'm like mate get a grip like you can do that like

do you know what I mean yeah they don't have to be expensive they if you have no money which is absolutely fine a lot of people don't these days is cost of living is a joke like just chin out at home making cooking dinner together like a nice little candlelit dinner that cost you'll need that anyway yeah put candy in the middle do you know what i mean so it's kind of like so i just think like you can watch a movie get some snacks put netflix on under a blanket that's a date like so we do we do like three days a week like that's awesome i was gonna keep your relationship healthy so i love it well i want to ask where people can buy your book what's the name your book for a dating coach her dating coach yeah so it's for for men who probably won't like

it it's also actually fine if i've got good tips for men in there but it's more for women to um you know dating them to get the man that they want effectively um but yeah that's on amazon worldwide as well it's on ebook and paperback um link to it's in my instagram bio which go amazon and type in her dating coach it's like a blue thing it's got really good drawing ladies called uh adriana klekna which is tiger's blue online i saw on instagram i was like you're good you're really good at drawing uh so i messaged her said you want to do the cover art she was she was great absolutely great so um that's awesome yeah it's like a it's like a blue background like a greek statue but like in like a anime-ish sort of style you'll see it it looks

cool i saw it yeah i wasn't sure what it was but now that you're telling me i think it's really cool yeah yeah if you look at again it's a greek modern statue oh okay holding a phone once you say what is it oh my goodness that's what it looks really cool like i was the same at first i wasn't understanding what was and she described it went that's genius that's so good i love it and then people like it yeah awesome well and can you just tell everybody your socials even though i'm going to provide them at the end but just so thank you yeah it's just jacob lucas 101 on instagram and tiktok and my website is jacoblubisdayton.com so yeah perfect well jake thank you so much for coming on today's show it was so great speaking to you and getting to know

you and um yeah so we'll be in touch oh yeah thank you so much for having me yeah i really do appreciate it thanks for tuning in to today's episode come and hang out with me on instagram at Celeste Moore image. Let me know your thoughts on today's episode, because I always love hearing from you all. You can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website, Celeste Moore.com. Okay. That's all for now. I'll see you in the next episode. See you next time, friends. Thank you.