Moore Style - Introvert Dating Success with Harry Wilmington

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Wondering how you can have more success and fun in your dating life? Today we are joined by men’s dating coach Harry Wilmington for a conversation around topics such as texting do’s and don’ts, how to move from a dating app to a date, and the importance of taking the lead as a man. This conversation reminds us of the importance of having confidence in dating and why leaving a little bit of anticipation and mystery is the key to building attraction.  Celeste and Harry even dive into why it is important to keep your space clean and organized - because how you take care of yourself will reflect on how you take care of your date! This episode is a must-listen for anyone who is looking to improve their dating game. In this week’s episode, we discuss: [01:24] About Harry Wilmington [02:47] How Harry started helping introverted men [07:34] Texting etiquette, advice, and mistakes [13:33] The importance of building anticipation & leaving a bit of mystery [19:45] Men are on a faster timeline than women [24:53] Why it’s important to ask the woman you are talking to on a dating app on a date [27:07] Women want men to lead and plan dates [32:38] The impact of confidence in dating [34:28] Dating should be fun [38:20] Bringing awareness to your patterns  [45:52] Women do not want the pressure to be perfect [48:36] The importance of keeping your place clean and organized [54:27] Embrace the differences between men and women - learning how to communicate [56:42] Recognizing and understanding our triggers [1:01:16] Harry’s favorite date   Connect with Harry: “3 Nice Guy Dating Patterns” Webinar Website Podcast Instagram

Welcome to the down and dirty podcast, the ultimate guide to modern midlife dating. I'm your host Celeste Moore and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges of today's dating world. Think of me as your female version of hitch but better with over 16 years of experience as a certified image consultant and dating coach. I've got the inside scoop on what women want. In this podcast, we're diving deep into the world of healthy masculinity and modern dating. It's a fast changing industry. And here you'll find personal stories, expert insights

and candid conversations that will empower you to take control of your dating life. There's never been a better time to achieve your desired outcome, whether it's marriage, finding a significant other, securing a life partner or simply regaining your dating confidence. We're here with you twice a week to explore the viewpoints and challenges in today's dating arena that resonate with every man seeking dating success and love. So let's dive into today's episode. We've got an exciting discussion lined up for you. Get ready for the double D's of dating where dating dilemmas turn into dating triumph. welcome to another episode of the down and dirty podcast as always i am your host celeste moore

and i'm super excited to introduce you to my guest today but before i dive into that juicy episode i've got coming up let me introduce you to him his name is harry wilmington he is a seasoned dating coach with two decades of experience empowering men to navigate the complexities of relationships. Through his unwavering dedication, he has become a trusted mentor in the realm of modern romance. With a profound understanding of the intricacies of human connection, Harry specialized in diversifying the female psyche, equipping men with invaluable insights into the dynamics of dating. As the founder of the introvert dating success, Harry operates a thriving online platform consisting of a website, podcasts, and YouTube

channel. Through these mediums, he offers a wealth of knowledge, practical advice, and proven strategies tailored to introverted individuals seeking love and companionship. Thank you so much for being on the show today, Harry. I really appreciate that. Yeah, thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. Yeah, I really was honored to be on your show. And I thought this is like the perfect segue for you to come on. Unfortunately, not every guest, as you know, is a perfect fit for your show, but you're definitely a perfect fit for this audience. So thank you for coming on here and talking about all of the things that we get to dive into today. But before I start, I would

love to hear a little bit more about your backstory. Like how did you get into the field of one as a date coach, but really focusing on the introverted male? Well, I'll try to encapsulate it, but basically, well, so we'll start when I was nine years old, my dad died. And so as a result of that, when I was going through my teenage years and college years, I didn't really have any male guidance or leadership in terms of like what to do when it came to dating. Like I missed out on that. And because I was an introvert, I wasn't going out there on my own to get regular practice. So the times that I was, you know, meeting women and trying to talk to them, I was nervous. I was anxious. I didn't know what I was doing. And so

I had women that would have crushes on me and then I would lose them because of all this nervousness anxiousness. And I thought, honestly, I was like, I thought I was a weird kid. So when I got to college though, I started noticing that women would be attracted to me for a time. And then I would start trying to make moves and then they'd lose interest. And I didn't know what moves I was doing or not doing that was causing that to happen. I just knew I was trying to be a nice guy and not be like all the other jerks out there. And in the process of doing that, I was, I was losing out to those guys, as well as guys that looked similar to me that were also nice, but in a way that got them women. And I couldn't understand that. So culmination was in my senior

year of college, my first senior year, I had a close female friend that I was friends with for like three years up to that point. And she started showing interest signs. At that point, I kind of started studying a little bit on the ins and outs of, you know, how to attract women and how to talk to them and all this other stuff and know what signals to look for from them that indicate they like me so I thought I got this in the bag like she's gonna be it I was still a virgin at this time and I thought maybe she'd be the one and I just couldn't make it happen and so after three years of friendship we tried to date for a little bit and I couldn't quite make things happen the way they needed to she went back to her ex-boyfriend I got depressed and I ended up flunking out my

senior year of college because I was just so like upset at myself for not being able to figure this out i didn't know i was going through like a mini depression so after that i had to call my mom and tell her hey i'm not going to be graduating and she was just like okay we'll just go back next year like i was very appreciative that she didn't overreact but i went to go see this jamie foxx movie called breaking all the rules and in that movie he is a writer he's a publisher and he's trying to write a manual for his boss on how to basically ethically fire people and at the same time he's going through his own breakup like this girl just up and left him and went out and he got upset at the fact not that she broke up with him but how she did it so she he wrote a book in that

movie about how to properly break up with somebody and i thought when i was sitting there like that's genius like that would be funny if somebody wrote a book on like how not to get women instead of how to get women and i said well you've had 20 at this point 22 years of not getting women you probably could write a book like that so my actual first book was i wrote a whole book on called no girls for you, the ultimate guide to losing the growth of your dreams. And it's a step-by-step book for guys on how to lose women. And in the book, the way I talk about them losing women is by doing all the things that guys think you're supposed to do over complimenting, over calling, getting gifts, not talking about sex. Like, and I explained in the book, why all those things make you lose

women. So I made that book at that point, MySpace was popular. I put up a MySpace page. I started just doing blogs about how not to get women. And people started buying my book. I was like, no, it's amazing. I didn't think that would happen. So I should just keep doing that. And that was like 2004. So, so then as I got better with women, I started implementing more. So how to get women. And then once I kind of got a whole handle on it, I realized there were other guys out there that maybe were still struggling. They didn't have guy leadership. Maybe we're listening to all the wrong messages and that I could be. So that's how that happened. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. That shows a lot of insight and probably how you coach and

why you coach the people that you coach, right? I mean, I think we all obviously have our stories, but that is such a profound story, especially thank you for sharing about your father. I know a lot of men in general grow up without a father. And the components of that is like, how do you interact with the opposite sex if that's who you're interested in dating? But like, how do you how do you treat a woman? How do you do the things that you know, I'm sure you you didn't have that to emulate so yeah that was I'm sure a huge part of you not feeling completely comfortable and like how do I court well court probably wasn't a word but how do I date and I I think you shared little tidbits in there of like some of your hottest

topics and I know that you talk a lot about how there's such bad advice like that's one thing that you just said about texting and but in like in reality men are losing women over this what are some suggestions or can you elaborate on that subject well yeah it's funny one of the biggest the number one question I get for most guys more so than anything else is like involving texting issues you know I tried texting this girl and she won't respond back or we were texting each other for like a week and then all of a sudden it just went to crap or you know i did the things i thought i was supposed to do in the process of texting and i'm not getting the response that i want from her what's going on and i think that on some level texting has been a detriment to a lot of guys

because you know we grew up in the era where texting didn't exist for a long time and people still managed to get together you know and so this thing came along where you know guys are very logical and all we do is we take the words women tell us and then we take them at surface level they mean the things that they mean so when we hear things like oh women bomb through communication then our thought process is oh so the more i communicate with her then the more there's going to be a chance that she's going to like me and she's going to like me a lot faster so guys end up thinking okay that means i need to text her a lot more i need to call her a lot more and that's going to make her like me a lot faster. And I just found in my personal experience,

that was not the case. I'm fortunate that I was never that big of a texter, but there were times that I was pushed like, hey, you should like text this or say this thing or do this. And I just found that the amount of effort I was trying to put into it was not warranted. Like I didn't have to go into texting spree all day in order to get a woman to like me. But a lot of guys buy into that and think if I don't send this kind of text or text at this kind of hour, do these kind of things that I'm going to lose her interest. And I have stories for days because I give dating advice from my personal experience and from the results of people that I've coached. But I've also been around women a lot of my life. When I moved to California, I lived with a woman for like two

years that was a friend of mine. I've been around females in different capacities. I've had a lot of female friends where i get to see the end results that arise when there are guys out there that are trying to text them in the wrong ways because they show me the text and i get to hear those conversations and it's like oh guys don't really know how texting works i think it works one way and it works a completely different way that's such a good yeah i completely agree from a woman's point of view if a guy is blowing up my phone and he's like i understand that there is okay we need to connect but that just screams that he is needy and that's the first thing that women are like repelled by and nobody wants to take care of a child or a dog or i'm putting it in

a sense of like having another human being to care for in that sense we don't want the mommy rule to happen right right right that's really and i did it like i did it some will say relatively high end women, like your lawyers, your doctors, your teachers, women that have like busy lives going on. And they're able to find time to date me. But me trying to sit there and text them nonstop. They got meetings to go to. They have trips that are going on. They have other things that are going on besides me. I don't have an ego about that. Like I'm an introvert. I don't want to be on the phone nonstop anyway. I have my own stuff that I'm doing, you know. So what I try to teach guys is that you need to treat texting almost like a weapon in a sense that you need to

know when to use it and what the purpose is another a big mistake that i see guys make is they have this idea that they can build rapport through text like if i just text her non-stop and start asking her questions things like that'll be a way to build rapport now admittedly that does work on an online dating site when you're meeting somebody for the first time and you have to kind of build up that conversation so she feels comfortable enough to get out on a date but i found once you get past that step in terms of like how often the woman needs to hear from me because again in my personal experience i found that less is often more and that i typically would text specifically to be asking for dates anything outside of that if she's initiating text to me

i i'll do a little rapport back and forth but in terms of when i'm initiating i'm initiating to get that in-person time where i can talk to them where i can have my words be said without misinterpretation where they can get my tonal voice and understand what i'm actually saying and to be honest i found that between dates it's actually better for to get that woman time to miss me to think about the date to go over those good feelings she had to talk to her girlfriends about hey i just went out with this guy here and he's so great blah blah blah and guys have this thing of like well if i take on a date i gotta text her that night that i had a good time i gotta text her the next morning and again i do amb split test you know what a split test is okay yeah so

So I've done the side where, okay, I date a girl and I text her right after the date. I text her nonstop. And then I've had it where I don't text right after the date. I wait a few days before I ask her for the next date. And I found on that A and B split test, when I was trying to text them after the night, afterwards to say, hey, I had a good night and let's go out again, blah, blah, blah. I typically didn't get another date with that person versus when I kind of waited a little bit.

And, you know, oftentimes I found if I had it in my head to wait a few days, I would find A, either they would text me that night saying they had a good time. Or they would reach out to me saying that, hey, they want to come see me again or let's do another date because I gave them that space, you know? And so I found I got better results doing that. So I just learned, oh, I don't have to text as much as people that I have to. And I get better results when I don't because, again, I'm saving most of my contact with them in person. So on that note, are you leaving the date explaining that you had a good time? There is an attraction level.

There is some chemistry. i'd like to go on another date in the future with you because i think that tech if that's not um spoken about or it's not felt you know i mean because there's no uh assumption right then that text after the date is necessary to know that there is an interest well again i can only go well i can go on my experience and i can go on the experience people like coach so i'll talk about my experience so i found that so this is where we get into like there are certain things that i would teach guys that on the surface guys might be like oh my god this is game plan you're not letting her know x y and z but we also know that women typically like a little mystery like

they don't have to know everything just enough to be like i i want to anticipate when i'm going to see this guy again i want to anticipate like what's going on with him and that sometimes means not knowing everything up front so in terms of in terms of my dating process i go on a date i show her the best time I possibly can. I go, I always tell guys, you want to make sure you're, you know, you're paying for the day. You're trying to take her to like, don't just do drinks, like do like a decent dinner. It ain't gotta be like 50 bucks. It can be like, I've done pizza dates. I've done like walks on the beach, you know, all this kind of stuff. Right. But I make sure that I'm listening. I'm attentive to her. I give her the absolute best time. And I'm more importantly, I'm giving

her a good time that 97% of other guys are going to give her. I'm not trying to overly touch her. I'm going to let her know I'm attractive, but I'm not going to be like, you're so pretty or God, you're so whatever like like i'll do any of that but i do a good show a good time and then at the end of the day walk through a car i give her a hug hey just so you know i had a great time get home safe what i do not do is i don't say i want to see you again once your schedule open like i leave none of that because this is part of i want her to anticipate seeing me again and again i found when i was on dates and saying hey so when can we do this again blah blah blah oh well we can uh see each other next week okay great then i get home try to set a date nothing because there's

something psychological about like when they know everything all of a sudden it's like oh i know they already like me so whatever like just the feeling tone changes you know so i found my motor operandi was take them on a date show them a good time hug at the end hey i had a great time get home safe boom i go home again i'm not going home with the intention of trying to text them that i had a good time or that i hope they got home safe i just don't personally do that because i found the result of that is when I get home, I'm in bed, about to go to bed, go to sleep. And then like two hours later, Hey, just want you to know, I had a great time on the date. Like, Oh, she reached out to me. So now already I know where her interest level is starting to go because I just

simply waited and didn't like text her right away. I found that by waiting a few days between dates to hit them up, that I usually got second dates a lot more. I hookups a lot faster. And part of That's because it's that thing of, again, I'm building anticipation. When will I hear from? And I actually, you know how I learned this? Years ago, I did a telemarketing job and it was me and like five other women there. And so I worked there for two weeks because it was telemarketing is horrible. It's horrible.

A lot of hangups. It's a terrible job. But I worked one week and I worked on a Friday and this girl said she was going to go to a party with me. So I get there on Monday and I see all these girls like talking to each other and the girl that had gone to a party was like, oh my gosh, I met this guy and we had a great time at the party. We made out, we were talking, he made me feel things. It was so great. And so I gave him my number and I haven't heard from him yet. It's Friday, it's only two days. So it's Monday, right?

And I was thinking, oh man, that guy's going to be in trouble. He's going to lose her interest. But she was talking about him the whole time. And the whole time you just talked to the girlfriends, they were like, oh man, like, how do we get him to contact you? Or, oh, he was so this, this, that. Oh my God, it'd be so great if he hit you up this net. Like it only built her interest. so and this guy the girl could be thinking he's playing games but also he could be really busy you know i've done camera work out here in la where i've literally like gone on a date with a girl and been like i'm going out of the country for like eight days to do a cruise to go film some stuff and i remember i dated a girl like that where i took her out i had to go out of the town

midway through the trip i'm in puerto rico thinking i should probably call her because it's been three or four days i need her to i'm interested and so i called her up hey i'm in Puerto Rico just want you to know that I was here blah blah blah blah and her response was like well that's great but I didn't expect to hear from you until you got back I was like oh so she can actually wait eight days and still think I have interest in her oh so all right game on so I just learned from those various experiences that that women that have a high interest level they just want you to contact and it's not that you have to play this game like waiting a long time but again I'm going on experience I found that women kept their interest when I was actually a bit more

patient with my texting and not having to be the first one to reach out all the time. So that's what I went with, you know? Yeah, no, thank you for sharing that. I do love that the Puerto Rico story because you are busy and you told her in advance that you're going to be gone for eight days. And so already in her mind, she's like, okay, he's, you know, he's a guy that has his life together. He's doing his thing. And that's important to her. That's like, oh yeah, I know he's going to be gone doesn't mean that I'm going to lose interest or he's going to lose interest in me. So yeah, that was important to share because I think a lot of high value women want to know you're a high value man. They want to know you have hobbies. They want to know you have a

life for yourself. They want to know that. So all of these in that mystery, yes, I don't want to know everything about you on the first date. I mean, that to me is just like, okay, like this guy just, please don't overshare. Don't overshare on a first date. And there is a really fine line about that right about do I text you know I had a great time I'd love to see you again sometime boom I mean you don't even have to say like let's make plans but to plant the seed in her head because some women don't know if it's just friend level right maybe there wasn't chemistry or you know sometimes it's a very like gray line so yes that's the thing too is that on the almost first few dates like so I'll say guys have a bad habit of like I typically tell guys on average it takes

a woman two to three months to solidify her feeling that gives her time to vet the guy to really see if he's consistent and who he is and so the mistake guys make is we're on a very fast timeline like real talk if we listen to most women that said hey just let us know what you're interested in this net most guys after like 20 minutes of conversation would be like I already love you i'm ready to jump your bones like just to be a thing like i already feel and so i have to teach guys to like slow this train down like women are going to be figuring out even if you're showing you the signals either she sleeps with you on that first or second date it does not mean that she's completely there in her full assessment of you and so for guys have to say you know you

don't have to think that you have to give away the store on your feelings so early on like it's okay if she's not completely sure of where you're it's date one like realistically she's not going to tell you where she's at because she doesn't know and she shouldn't know fully oh yeah this guy he's already in love with me like you you can take your time because i think both sexes need to see how the other one is and have time to assess them and with guys after one or two dates we've already made our assessment and then three months down the line we're like oh this girl's actually crazy or we don't have this stuff in common or oh she has different goals than me but we were just so hyped up on those first couple of dates that we end up screwing ourselves in the foot and so and

That's why I tell guys like, slow it down. And you know, if they're, if she's wondering where your feelings are at or whatever, like that's totally fine. Like if she really, really wants to know, she'll come to you and ask even down to like getting to relationships. Again, if you know, women are like, if you just want a relationship, just tell me most guys that like two weeks of dating are ready for the relationship. So I say to guys like, you should not be the one going to her to say what your feelings are, that you want a relationship because if she's not there, all that matters is if she's there, you're already there for two dates. If she's not there after two dates she's going to be like every guy's gotten a speech of like well you know i think

we're in different places yeah because the guy fell in love with her after two dates and she doesn't understand that and she doesn't understand that our process we analyze things a lot faster to where we already figured out we like the person and they can't figure it out when they're on a three-month program so of the two sexes i say it's better for her to come to you and be like what are we what's going on because at that point she'll have made the assessment that she's ready for the relationship dudes that get there too soon end up finding that a girl that would have gone with them it doesn't work out because either she doesn't agree to going out with them because it's too soon or she agrees to it but she hasn't done a full assessment and then like a week later

hey so i think we rushed things this was too soon so we should and then it doesn't work out you know yeah that's super great information seriously i mean i see that and then i see the other end of the spectrum where a guy just makes himself very comfortable in her life but doesn't admit right he's just like oh this is fun but that's kind of like kind of doesn't define what that looks like and so it ends up to be a frustration three months down the road when she's like at that point and he's like oh yeah well this was just fun and then she gets frustrated so and that happens too and so ideally for the for the guys that i'm coaching i try to tell them like look ideally you're understanding she has a three-month program so that means by two and a

half to three months do not be shocked if she comes to you wanting a relationship you should know as a guy after like a month or so if you're feeling this if you're not then it is not fair to her for you to continue to see her or drag her on just because you want to hook up or you want to be with somebody but not be with somebody you know and so on our end of things we have to take responsibility for that like it's it can be hard to you know say you don't fit with somebody when they're seemingly a good person and that's but that's also another exercise most guys don't have is that most guys are used to being the ones getting dumped not the dumpees you know or dumpers so at the point that guys start getting good at this then they have to be like okay i have

to be able to break some hearts out there but do it early versus like you know i'm with a girl for five months and it's like oh i just wanted to screw your brains out sorry like that's not fair to women so i give that that side of coaching too like we want to be fair to women you're learning these things because I teach guys that psychology women and how they, you know, think about things, how they get attraction, but also say, you know, just like we don't want women using us. Don't use women just to get your rocks off and to have a good time. Like you need to recognize if you don't like somebody and get out because three months, like it's literally like clockwork two and a half, three months. I did it enough. Now by that time, women come to you. Hey, so what are we?

Hey, so are we in a relationship? Hey, my friends are asking me about X, Y, and Z. Like, so I have to tell guys that's going to happen. So if you're not ready for that, then don't continue to entertain it yeah thank you for that that's so important you guys listening here so please like it's respectful yeah so when you talk so i love that you talk so much about the texting because some of my guy friends and some of my clients are middle-aged right and they're like what is this i mean they'll text but it's like this whole texting world that we're that we live in and they don't know what to say or how to say, how do you coach some of your clients? Like how to get off the dating apps, right? This is another issue. It's like, okay, we're just texting within the app or

we are texting on the phones or we're sending emails, but we're not actually meeting. How do you coach guys to get off of that train and actually go meet her and have a date? Well, first of all, it's interesting. I have a whole program at my website called smart digital dating. That is a complete step-by-step program of how to get on the apps, how to set up your bio, your pictures. And I go on the whole section about how to message women and how to get dates. When I was, when I was doing online dating, I went on a date one time with this woman and I just straight up asked her, I said, Hey, cause she told me, she was like, this is like the first date I've gone on while doing online dating. And I got that quite a few times

from women. That's why I had asked this lady like, Hey, so like, why, why did you choose to go out with me over like some other guy and her honest to god answer was that most guys would not ask her like they would be on the app and they'd be texting and what and i and i get the psychology because as a dude i get it like we're thinking okay she already agreed to match with me that's fantastic i don't want to mess this up i don't want to scare her off i don't if it's if it because guys think again we have to build all this rapport through text in order to get her to agree to a date. And so men will stay on the two, three, four weeks thinking I'm going to build enough reports where she'll like me. So when we go out on a date, she already likes me. And what I try

to teach guys is that the goal of online dating is to just have just enough of a conversation to agree to meet in person where the real like connection is going to, like, this is all I tell guys, the online dating apps is just, is a simulator. Like the way you win the simulation is to get her to meet you in real life otherwise if you're just staying on the simulation you're not winning and i think guys have if you're also like the conversation's so good i don't want to risk even this going away by asking her out and then she's like i don't want to do it and then she stops talking to me because guys are also you know starved for attention and affection in any way they can get it and so if they get it from a texting thing and all she wants to do is text

in our heads then that's fine and so guys just never get up the gumption to ask and guys also think that like they have to ask women on these very expensive extravagant dates and again i've just found in my personal dating life that wasn't the case i've done like pizza places pf changs i've done the beach i've done five dollar comedy shows like it don't take much it's just she wants to see the guy actually take the action to ask and then when he does ask and she says yes i want to go out she doesn't want to hear great what do you want to do she wants to hear yeah and most guys do that too because they'll get logical guy thinking we're thinking this is what i tell guys guys think guy logic is the way to go it's like our logical thinking gets us in trouble and it

doesn't work in the dating realm because we think okay logically if i ask her where she wants to go then she'll know that she's going to have a good time and i won't risk messing this up i had women told me the other day that's stupid because one of the things about women is that let's say she has a favorite place she likes to go right well if she takes you there and has a bad time now she can't go back there so now she's ruined one of her spots so you as a guy need to come up with a place just any place like dudes think women are really judging us on like oh if he takes me a certain place xyz like there's a whole viral video about the cheesecake factory lady like oh it's like i think cheesecake and it's like that is an abnormality women love cheesecake factory

Like Applebee's, I've taken girls to TGI Fridays. Like it's more so ideally about the connection and the build with the other person. If they're whining about that, then you actually did a good job of sussing that person because they don't need to be there. They're going to be all about your money and not about you. But yeah, guys don't ask.

And then when they do, they want her to make the plans. And that's how they lose out. I do think it's important though, to give her like either two options or two times, like when you're making a date, but be really firm not firm but you know be a man about it be like okay i'm free this day at this time on that you know here's my two options for this week are you free and would you like to go here or here like you know i definitely tell guys to always offer two times like it's a it's a and

that's again i've studied this for years like the psychology of giving people the option of two things they're probably going to choose one of those things versus if you just give them an option of one thing, then it's either that option or no. So again, guys out there, you'll get a lot less no's if you offer the option of, oh, I'm free Tuesday or Thursday. Let me know which one works better for you. In terms of places, I found that you can offer more than one place. I found that usually I'll typically just offer a place. And then if they don't like that, they'll just say, oh, I'm allergic to that or, oh, whatever. But also on the guys end of things, I'm looking for a woman that's, if the woman's looking for a guy to come in and lead, this starts with the

date so if i say let's get pizza and the girl's like oh i don't do pizza blah blah blah this is already a problem because already you're saying you want one thing but then you're going to fight me on this other thing like that's not the best look in the world so not to say she can't say that it just it definitely on the guy's end is the judgment of like okay she's on her page talking about i want a man that's the real man that can lead and blah blah blah and i'm trying to do that and she's going to fight me i'm not trying to fight her to prove that i can lead also you know so that's its own thing but again because men want got women that women are easygoing are able to go along with the program trust us what we're trying to do and that starts with like planning

that first day so i typically offer like a place or so or i'll say hey let's do this first place and see where that night takes us might go someplace else but like that's typically how i do things so yeah yeah and i guess you can do that if like you actually read her bio and her interests and like you know hopefully like oh i'm a foodie or i like to do this i i don't know i'm just trying to use that as an example because like i don't eat pizza unless it's vegan because that's that's my thing but okay so let's have that in there or i don't know if i want to put on a vegan in there but you know that's something you can find also during the conversation portion like on the on the dating app like i don't just match with a girl and say hey nice matching i

have done that where it's like hey we're gonna talk in here for a few days or we just like go now i have done that and it has worked but more often than not i'll spend like half a day or so just kind of talking and saying, Hey, it's like, what are you into? I might have some foodie prompts on my page. They can say, Oh, you like pizza. Oh, I'm more a fan of Chinese food. Okay, great. Blah, blah, blah. But like, so, but you can have this kind of conversation, which will then give you the Intel to know how to plan a date. But as a generality, I find that I tell guys, you should have a minimum of three to five spots of dating things that you can already do. Cause again, she doesn't want you to ask her what she wants to do. So if you have like, you know, like here in

la we got pizza chinese food we got top golf women love top golf bowling comedy show i have five things so i can based on our conversation figure out which of those five things that she's probably going to want to do and i have those five things reserved for like any girl go out with because across the board those things are generally fine for first dates it gives you time to sit down and talk to the person or give them some kind of a mini experience but it's not overly expensive you know but that way yeah i totally agree in terms of looking at their page looking at pictures they post up even though I find also women can do a better job at like like I've coached both men and women on their dating profiles because they don't know they're trying to project a certain image

they don't always know how to do that but like yeah giving an idea of like what she likes so she's already done that for you and that takes a lot of the guesswork out of planning a date yeah for sure no I like that too and personally I like to tell people to go do an activity like bullying or pinball or whatever like go do something fun like an activity leave that like I mean, if it's pizza or it's like a taco truck or something, you know, very like casual, then OK. But that whole sit down, sitting face to face, first date can be awkward, right? Especially, I don't want to say especially as an introvert, but if you're not used to being out there and really just talking to people really easily, it can be a little daunting. What's interesting as an introvert itself, back in the day when I first started dating, I was very nervous.

I was very anxious. And so I found when I went on dates, that's the energy that would be there. There'd be anxiousness on both sides, nervousness. As I got more confident in myself as just a person, I started accomplishing goals. I started doing things that made me see like, oh, actually, I value and whatever. Then I found even going on dates with strangers, I would literally meet girls at parties and be like, hey, we should go out. I mean, I wouldn't say it like that. I would get the number and then ask them out later. But it's like, I realized as I got more confident to myself when i went on date even if initially she might have been nervous all that went away because of my energy and this goes back to if a woman's trying to find a man that's going to lead

her then guy has to come in with confidence the guy has to come in of the two sexes like the woman can be confident so too but the two sexes it's going to be more of an impact on the date if the guy's coming in nervous anxious putting her on a pedestal like oh my god you're so much better than me like because women can read off that and then they're going to read to that and then the day it's going to go crap. So I just found that having more confidence and kind of, you know, studying communication, studying the ins and outs of like how attraction stuff works. It made me a more confident dater. When I went on dates, regardless of how she was feeling, the date would go great. Even if it ended up being like, we're just partying as friends or whatever,

the date wasn't bad because I knew how to bring the energy that was going to make it fun and vibrant and lively. And I had the confidence. Yeah. I love that you talk about that too. so important women are hugely attracted to confidence but you've got to feel that within yourself that's just like you know body language so like you said eye contact the way that you're engaging with her and you know first date second dates third days they should be fun they should literally just be like let's go have a good time let's go see if we vibe with each other chemistry is good if we're if you know it's possibility that i even want to go on a second date with this person we put so much emphasis and i i know that men have to in a sense but women also we put our

face on you know our best outfit we maybe go shopping get our nails done you know we put a lot of effort into it but like just do that for yourself not for the other person and go in and just have a great time and that's honestly one of the major things i have to teach guys also is that you know like it's called the honeymoon phase for a reason like you have the right to just make it fun. And so here's where the disconnect happens is that for guys, let's say guys at a party and he's not trying to think about dating anybody, right? So he just happens to meet a girl there and he's not thinking it's going to be anything. So he's being his lively self. He's just riffing off jokes and not really being too hard on his head. And the girl's like,

oh, this guy's so funny. So whatever this is, he's amazing. Oh, yeah. Take my number. They might've even hooked up. Like, oh my God, it's great. Around that second or third date, like guys start getting like oh my god i really feel things for and now we got to be serious we got to have serious conversations about what does this mean and where's this going it's been two dates and why are you still talking to other guys and why but like it's like they get so super serious and i have to teach guys that like the woman met you as a fun guy so for her now the way that she met you was a lie because she thought you're gonna be easygoing carefree like hey there was this doc that came out there's this document that came out on netflix about this uh guy and

girl that dated during the pandemic like they had two dates before the pandemic happened and then they went on a third date to costa rica and then like the world shut down right it's like so you're thinking oh crap this guy's gonna like lose this shit because like she's gonna see her every day isn't that man this dude was just like oh hey we're here let's just have fun he wasn't trying to make it a relationship he wasn't trying to call it boyfriend girlfriend on her little side talk she'd be like well you know i kind of like him but i'm not sure if i want to be in a thing with him he was just like i'm just having fun and like and that's and he did like he wasn't trying to press it they had to be anything and by the third month when they finally we got a closer

we can get back home she was like hey we should like be boyfriend girlfriend he was like okay like yeah he didn't push the agenda he was just there trying to show her a good time during the pandemic not trying to make her feel things not trying to talk about relationships or we've been hooking up non-stop we should sit down and talk about what this means and those are the things that guys are trying to do for like two or three dates so they get super serious and then they wonder why they are losing the woman because she was going to have fun and men aren't aware like in the process of having fun if that happens enough times consistently she's gonna be like this is fun i'd like to do this with a title on it and then they gotta do anything but like

yeah it's a whole thing yeah no i'm glad you said that that was actually a really interesting uh documentary uh i watched that i was like oh man you guys are just stuck in costa rica for months i mean they just kept going they like couldn't get home they couldn't get home and they're just okay we'll drive here okay we'll just do this or they went out i don't know how many places they yeah lived in that's why like all look he was a man with a plan he was like everything shut down i'm still gonna figure out a way to do dates like that's what women are looking for not like well we're stuck here today what should we do today honey like so that's all women are looking for it's like a little effort a little initiative showing that you want to make fun for her like

those are things that women respond to better than hey let's have a relationship talk tell me how you feel like and i know women want to tell us that stuff but it's like i was trying to ask for it when they're not ready to reveal it that makes it look like we're trying to to pressure them to do that stuff and they don't want to be pressured yeah no that's so good such good juicy information everybody do you hear harry talking about all of this this is like golden so another pain that i hear quite often men is is like when should they date again after breaking up like with somebody that they've been in a relationship with because this is i mean this is this is so multi-faceted but i think generally speaking you need to grieve you need to heal you

need to work on yourself and then you also need to create like not just like oh i don't want that right but like what do you want in this new phase of your life right and get really there with that what do you what are your thoughts as an expert here on this advice what do you think well for one these days i don't judge anybody on how long it takes them to get with another person mostly because like you know i in my studies i found that let's say a woman comes to a guy and is like hey i'm ready to break up usually it ain't like she thought about it last week usually it's like it started six months ago and then she was like but i'm gonna give him time to change up i'm gonna try to air my grievances again and see what can happen and just over time her interest just whittles down

to where she's ready for the breakup so by the time it happens to guys like what this is coming out of nowhere she was ready six months ago so to that i say if the guy decides next week go out and meet somebody he shouldn't feel bad about it because she was out six months ago you know but in terms of that i do think that there's a thing of if guys aren't aware that they have patterns about them that they're doing then they're going to just take those patterns to the next woman you know i have a whole free webinar on my page called three nice guy dating patterns that turn women off and what to do instead because i found that there are three major dating patterns that so-called nice guys typically do that they're unaware of that cause

them to lose women. And so the same is true of guys that get into relationships and they can get into a relationship. And then six months later, like clockwork girl breaks up. That means that there was a pattern there that they're doing in those six months that caused a woman to be head over head off to being out the door. And so, you know, in my own personal life, I found that, you know, I'd go on a dates with a couple of, I'd go on a couple of dates with a woman and then she'd be gone. And then I'd try to do it again, three or four dates gone. And so I just start looking at, okay, they can't all be crazy. If it was just one, I could say, oh, they're crazy. don't understand five, six, I'm doing something. So I need to sit down. If I'm going in relationship

after relationship and the breakups are happening for the same reason, or they're having the same complaints about me, I got to stop and say, okay, before I get into the next thing, because I don't want that next thing to go away. Also, what could I look at that I'm doing that I could change? Like it can't be all that. And I think guys have a hard time just like women do too. Like, you know, the idea that we're not already perfect. And like, we're not perfect the way we are for somebody to date us it's a really hard thing to actually have to acknowledge but if you do then you're able to say okay i can work on the things i need to work on to either get rid of this thing or add this thing that's going to help me better and then the next person comes along

you'll know either not to do those things or you'll know what things to look out for that indicate okay i'm doing the same patterns again let me change this up and so if a guy does that work on himself then he doesn't it gotta be like you gotta wait like four or five months to date somebody else. You can break up. I've had breakups where it's like, okay, I had to do the breaking up and I realized that, you know, because of these various reasons, it's not going to work out. Hey, no harm, no foul. So we break up. I'll take a couple of months just because I want to get back to myself, work on some things, and then I'll go back out there again. Like it ain't got to be like a long time, you know, but it is important to recognize the things that you're doing that are

causing those things to happen and then adjust those. Otherwise you'll be in the same repeat pattern and you'll be in your forties and fifties wondering why am I still single? What's going on? because you never took the time to analyze what you were actually doing. I had a 40-year-old guy write me the other day in a comment under my videos. And he said, women just aren't worth the effort. And I said, well, unless you're going to either turn gay or be best friends with your hand, you've got to figure out women. And then we went through this whole story about how he met this girl.

And he was in Boston, and she was in New York. And they met up with each other, had three dates in a row back to back. On the third date, he was saying, hey, I really like you. And I'm also anxious that you forget about me when I'm gone. And he couldn't see how any of that that I just told you maybe resulted in him losing the girl. So I said, your efforts are going to be wasteful if they suck. Like, if you're not doing the right efforts, then, yeah, every time you put an effort forward to get a woman and it doesn't work out, you're going to think, women aren't worth the effort. But you've got to look at what effort you're putting forward and find the effort that's going to be more effective in getting what you want.

And most guys aren't willing to do that work. yeah well I think a lot of guys don't understand like it's the recognition too like okay yeah there's a pattern that's happening and it's me you know it's that self-realization that also comes with self-growth and I think guys have to understand that that's such a huge thing just just for art your personal self in general right what do you want to be better human better at this better at that just feel better in general well that's going to just it's just going to calculate into the dating world too well the thought process they have is guys have this thing where they feel as though if they try to change themselves they're not being their authentic

selves and because we hear again logically that women want us as we are and just be honest with them and all this stuff that if we change ourselves for women aren't we now being manipulative are we just trying to change ourselves to get what you want and the answer is yeah but that's what growth is like if I'm gonna if I was always just myself I'd be the same way now that I was at five years old clearly there are some things that need to happen developmentally that I can add to myself to better myself that doesn't make me a worse version or a different version that is therefore now not my new authentic self I'm overall a fan of the movie Hitch but the way it ended I think it's terrible but he did say in the movie like who you are is a very fluid thing and so how you

are today if you figure out what you're doing right now is it working and you change those things. You're now a new version of yourself tomorrow that is still authentic, but it's now a better version overall, whether it's for relationships, whether it's for your jobs, your friends, your family, like it's totally fine to make the moves you need to make in order to change to be better. A thousand percent. It's like just being the best self that you are, like elevate yourself to the highest level that you can be at where you're at right now in life. And just work on yourself, like spiritually, physically, emotionally, you know, there's so many areas in this sphere of self growth, that you don't have to do it all. But like, at least

have the goals at least have have momentum. And I think that says a lot, you know, and when you talk about having those same patterns, the self recognition is obviously number one, right? I mean, it's hard to look at yourself and say, Oh, my God, like, I played such a huge role and breakup, because I was doing this. But at the same time, it's really empowering, because then you can be like okay so going into my next relationship I get to like not do this I get to change it I get to change the story of it and I think maybe women were a little bit more introspective uh like you said sometimes we're like okay you know but I think if a guy just that's that's such says such huge sends us the message that oh my god like that's a man like he's owning his shit right he

is like okay I wasn't perfect and I'm not gonna say that I was and I'm not gonna try to be all egotistical about it i'm gonna like okay i did this now moving on and this is what i want to do and this is who i am yeah so i can do yeah it's powerful though it's really really like you get to take the power back and i think that that's huge yeah it's true because like i think the and this is relationships in general you know guys come to it where again we don't typically have as many opportunities as women do like on average women get messages and dms and guys hoot and holler at them and guys don't really get that but a lot of times guys are looking for women to validate them like oh if i'm able to attract her if i'm able to get her then that

shows that i'm not a complete simp and i can actually get women and so that also goes to like now i'm making her responsible for my happiness i'm making her responsible for how i feel about myself and when you do that spoiler guys women don't want that pressure that's why like that's why like you know i never have a problem nowadays with you know oh women go after the bad boys and jerks and this and that. Well, those bad boys and jerks, they aren't putting women on pedestals and seeing them as perfect. Us guys are trying to make them look like they're so perfect. That's a lot of pressure for a woman. So if a woman's going for a nice guy that's trying to pressure her to be perfect and bad boy, jerk guy that knows she can be bad and knows she has a naughty side,

sorry, they're going to win out. So as the so-called nice guy, you can learn to take things that bad boys and jerks are doing and just not be a jerk with it. You can be a little more patient in returning a text back you can be a little more patient and like you know various other things that ad boys are great at but know that you have good intentions doing it and then adjust accordingly you know yeah no you said that well i think definitely for guys to understand too because it's like how we interpret things and yeah that says that they have a life that there's a little bit of mystery that nobody's perfect and nobody wants to be idolized if somebody idolizes me i i like it makes me like it right i got that yeah and it's and it's like but why because i'm

not perfect and so when someone's like oh you know that's just so weird i mean i've had friends do that as well and i'm like i know you look at me because i'm inspiring to you but do something about your life you know go go over there and handle it so and hey preaching to the choir because i was that guy in college i was all about women are just so perfect and they're pretty and they were never harmed blah blah i i live with a couple women i will tell you guys now living with women uh love you all to death that will give you the real on what is actually happening like when i was in college my so my second senior year in college i roomed with a friend of mine who was in the same classes that i was and she was like on the surface like drop 10 drop dead

gorgeous skinny body like all the guys on campus wanted her then look at me like harry like how do live with her and not want to do things. Well, I live with her day to day. She had irritable bowel syndrome. She would leave pieces of her hair and wig all over the house. She wouldn't clean up the dishes when she was done with them. And so this gave me a real eye-opening experience of like, oh, wait, like outside of the aesthetics of women, they could be like this. So now I need to go in when I'm meeting women saying, wait, before I just fall all lovey-dovey, I need to find out this about them. I need to find out what their flaws are, what they're bringing to the table, because outside of being pretty, hooking up is going to be like five percent of our

relationship. I got to deal with this on a day-to-day and I don't like it. That's going to be a problem. So it actually like took the lenses off for me and was able to like see women as actual people that depending on if you get the wrong one, could have problems that you don't want to deal with. And I don't think a lot of men have that experience because they're just, you know, women are fantasy. They don't live with women. They don't see them when they're, you know, in their quiet moments, when they're, you know, panicking about the job, when they're in front of a mirror, looking at all this, they got to cover up with makeup today to look pretty to the guys out there that are drooling over them. Like they don't see that. I got to see that. So it took

the magic for that off for me, which is actually a great thing as a guy. Because once the magic's gone, you can start looking more at like, I'm going to actually take my three months of time to analyze this person versus, yep, two dates. I already know what I want her to do. Worst place for guys to be. Yeah. Well, okay. This is like another question that I wanted to talk to you about that when you kind of perfect segue, you talked about like, you know, she was messy and whatever. I left her weave everywhere, pieces of her hair or something. Talk to me about some of the things that you talk about with men because this i just did a recording on this about how to keep the house your place your living space like clean and organized and what that does for when

you bring up over a woman like what does that do what does that show her so i have a whole program at my website called introvert dating success academy where i go through the ins and outs of how to meet, greet, attract, date, land, and keep women and how to do that three months of dating that I've been talking about. How to get to that successfully to where at the end of it, she's like, Hey, I want to be in a relationship. So one of the things I talk about in the dating section, I go about all about how to do a first date successfully to really like build up her interest level. Right. But one of the things I say is that always assume that things could go down. Like I've had situations where you're just out there minding your business. All of a sudden

the girl's like hey let's go to your place you're like oh and if your place is not clean i've had to do some turn down of things because like oh i didn't make my bed oh i didn't like have dishes and stuff made oh my place kind of smells funny so the main thing is always if you always assume that there's an opportunity that could arrive then you will always have your place ready for any opportunity i don't care if it's like your boss wants to come by to like talk to you over dinner about getting a raise or you know in california here i've rented out my apartment for people to be able to shoot stuff at, you know? So it's like, my place has to be clean

to get money to come in, you know? And so with women, it's even more important. It's like, you could assume I'm going on this first date and I don't need to clean my place. It's a first date. Most women don't want to hook up on a first date. So I'm not going to do whatever. And then you go on that first date

and you done made out with her. And it's like, oh, hey, can we go back to your place? And you're like, because it matters. Because what I found is this, because, you know, women have, I've talked to enough women to know that like, you know, guys are service people. oh that's my place clean because it won't smell bad and this is not but it's like women judge so

heavily if he's if you're doing certain things in your life to take care of yourself it only ripple effects into how you're going to take care of her if you can't take care of your place and you're not showing enough care for yourself or your place she's going to think that cares over to her you're not going to care how she views you or what you're going to do for her later like all this stuff matters so ideally even if you have like you have roommates keep your room clean like have the bed made sheets done like everything because again you don't know when that opportunity is going to come up and i'm guarantee you if you start learning a little bit of the ins and outs of attraction you're going to get dates you're going to get all these dates you're going to

attract women and some of them are going to be like you know what let's go back to your place screw it let's go ahead and do some stuff and man you don't want to miss out yeah so on point and i'm just going to add that it also if you're a slog or a mess she doesn't want to be your house made if she she's looking for the future she's she's looking at you as like are you are you marriage type are you dateable oh even just forget about marriage are you dateable yeah and if you are and do i want to come over to your place like this no no my friend actually she was my second podcast ever and she was a serial first dater and date after date after date and obviously she has something going on but the one thing she said is i the the last date that she had

she talked about how you know he he dressed well we went out to a nice place his teeth she really big on teeth he had perfect nice teeth you know she goes on and on and then she goes and then he pulls up in his mercedes he opens the door for me and then there was trash everywhere in the car yeah the car and she just went like like shut down and i'm like so guys it's not just your living space it's your transportation space as well because if you plan on at some point taking her on a date and you do the whole car thing that's also another place and that's one of those things too that like guys just i find guys are just so unaware of like the small things that we we consider small things that women consider like huge deals you know something as simple as like oh

well i don't wash my fingernails i don't keep them clean like because i've already had that conversation with women about like they're already thinking about like where your hands are going to be and they ain't trying to whatever so it's like but that's a thing of like guys just like well she should watch you know i just came home from work and i had a like they don't care like they don't care what your excuse is for why you're messy they don't hear about your excuse for why They don't have comms ready. They don't care about your shoes. They're like, why are you living with your mama?

All you need to know is that they're not going to tell you, and it's a big deal. And so men have to get out of their head. Again, I'm perfect the way I am, and look at what are women looking at, what are they judging, and why? What is the reasoning behind the judgment? As a guy, I found that even to this day, there are some things that women do that I'm just like, I will never get why they feel they need to do that thing or respond to it in this way.

I just care about, but do I know what it is? And can I adjust accordingly? So again, for example, I don't know why I can't just like text the girl every day to get her attracted to me. Like, I don't know why that doesn't work. I'd love to be, hey, I already know I like you. I want to text you nonstop. If that works, I would do it.

I don't know why. I mean, I know why it doesn't work, but it's like, I could be mad at the fact that it doesn't work or I could say, okay, that doesn't work. What does work? Let's try this other strategy. Oh, that works better. I'll keep doing that. Like, there's no need to get mad.

It's like, I used to say, just like you don't like women getting mad at us for the way that we are and how we are built and designed based on testosterone and other things. We can't get mad at them, especially for guys that want like feminine women. They can't want feminine women and to be mad at them for acting in a way that feminine women, you know, a lot of feminine women tend to be a bit passive in their language because I say they are their girlfriends. Okay. You're gonna be mad. She's not direct with you. That's how dudes operate. So you could learn to just speak her language or be frustrated. I just feel that I just want to speak their language. So it made it easier. So I get less frustrated now because I'm just like, again, she's different.

that's fine it's like learning spanish or or chinese like it's just a different way of communicating similar messages just learn how they communicate it now that said it's good if they also learn to be a bit more direct at times or communicate the way that i do or not be mad at how i communicate but like that's a two-way street and it starts with you being willing to say i'm not gonna call her stupid or dumb for saying things or doing things i think is like not worth the time or effort like no like know how they are and then just like adjust accordingly yeah no that's such a great point and it's two-way street like you said and I love that too it's adjusting learning how to communicate with each other right depending on how you guys communicate because everybody has

you know some people are more feminine some people are more masculine like you said and that works in words too so yeah just understanding each other and like talking about it don't just make an assumption like oh god he said this and this is this means this or whatever and I think that's really important I always tell people the easiest thing that such would help me too is like if I'm getting somebody, let's say they say something and I feel it's like out of pocket or it hurt my feelings. My first thought is always now, if they really truly love me and care for me, then I don't think they were intentionally trying to say or do the thing to hurt me. They might just be unaware that that was a trigger or that that was a thing from my past or whatever. So it's like, rather

than going accusatory, like, hey, you said this thing to hurt my feelings, I can go in and say, and say, hey, so I'm just recognizing when you said this thing, this is how I responded to it and reacted to it. And here's why. So going forward, like, I don't think you intended to do that, but can we like either phrase things differently or not do this thing? Cause now you know the reaction and why it reacts that way. But like, I'm going to assume again, you weren't doing it out of malice on purpose. I find going into conversations like that, the other person is not more open to be like, oh, oh my bad. When I said a thing, I didn't know that, you know, saying that joke or doing that thing was going to be a sore spot for you. My bad. Like, hey,

you know what? I won't do it anymore. Like that's a better way to go into these things than assuming they're trying to hurt. And a lot of people go into arguments thinking they're trying to hurt me. So I got to defend myself. And now you start a whole blow up over something that could have just been a simple misunderstanding. Right? No, so true. Everybody has triggers from past relationships for the way we were raised, recognizing the triggers and understanding that that's your ish. Right. And then talking to them about it. But I think also it's, it's really important to go in non-confrontational and the one way that I recommend highly highly recommend is just go in with your feeling because somebody can't like you're not going in as a tackle that

was like hurtful to me and or I'm sad or I'm upset or whatever and just going in from in from the heart never fails yeah and I you know it's just yeah I think that that's huge I mean obviously there's all shapes and forms of communication with your loved one and trial and error but yeah but knowing your triggers are and maybe we don't all know all of our triggers but we should know a few of them yeah i'll tell you the relationships will definitely help you bring out what triggers you have that you weren't aware of also yes very true okay harry i want to give you the space here if there's something that we didn't touch on or is there something going on with you and your business that you wanted to talk to everybody here about today? Well, right now I have a webinar

on my website that again, it's called three nice guy dating patterns that turn women off and what to do instead. And I contemplated doing a show called nice guys don't exist and giving like reasons as to that. But that's such a term that's so stuck into what we do at this point in terms of, Oh, nice. Cause this is that. Cause I really feel as though like guys that consider themselves nice guys. I thought it was always like, but if you're doing actions that aren't effective for women, then is it actually a nice action, you know? And I think that we have,

a guy can say, I'm doing nice things and think that means he's a nice guy. But it's like, we have our own definitions of what's nice. And what I may consider nice may not be considered nice to the person I'm trying to date. And also the things that I consider, oh, that guy's being a bad boy jerk. Well, those could actually be things

that that woman for whatever reason needs on a subconscious level in order to feel trust in a relationship. Like I could disagree with it That doesn't make it bad, you know? So I thought about doing that. But anyway, with the webinar on my website, it's really good for guys that are, you know,

they're able to get dates, but they can't keep them or they'll meet women that seem interested, but then it's not going anywhere or they're constantly getting me, let's just be friends speech. As a guy that got a lot of those speeches in high school and college, I was able to figure out the similar patterns

that I was doing with each of these women that allowed me to say, okay, let me get rid of these things. And that way I won't get that speech as much. And I can actually like figure out what moves to make next. So once you figure out what not to do about that, it's easier to be more open to figuring out what to do. So that's a free thing I offer my website.

And then my biggest program at the website is Introvert Dating Success Academy. And that's the, I always preach like, you know, it takes women two to three months to solidify their feelings. What should the guy be doing during those two or three months to make sure that he's not overbearing, to make sure that he's doing the steps to build her or tracks it in an authentic way and what ways he can show up that are going to make her want the relationship. And so that program is also available at the website as well, amongst a bunch of other eBooks and things that I have and my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash Sherry Wilmington. I have like over 800 videos there. So if you want education on this stuff, guys, you can go there and start watching and binging with the videos and you will get an in-depth look into how women think about things and how you can be better as a guy when you're showing up to women. So yeah. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing all those bits with everybody here. One last question. And then I'm going to wrap it up here. What was one of your favorite date? And what was it like a favorite date? Like I planned or any date, any date?

Gosh, I've done so many good dates, man. Like I've done, huh? Share whatever one you want. Oh my God. I'm 42. So I have a extensive dating history. I'm trying to think of like, like when it really stands out. Oh my God.

Let's see. I mean, again, I've dated like lawyers, doctors, teachers that have like, you know, money to spend. So, and I've been a guy that's been able to plan nice dates and take them out on things. i've been taken to like uh like hotels and things to just kind of hang out for a date and whatnot god that's i have to really go through that's that's a horrible i've been on so many dates like so many dates but in general i just find that like just a woman putting forth effort i like like because as a guy i'm coming in i'm already doing my part like i already man i'm

already planning hey i'm gonna do this thing that's why this net when the woman's like hey you know what i got this i plan this thing out i plan this vacation i plan this meal i pay whatever I just appreciate the effort because I recognize that for a woman to even get there, it's hard because she's usually waiting for the guy to slip up or waiting for the guy to be like, well, you pay half of this is net. So at the point that that's because I don't do that, the fact that they come back with like, hey, I'll treat you. I'm always very appreciative of that. OK, well, thank you for sharing that. You know, any little I think the reason why I asked that question when I first started this podcast, I had a really good friend who wanted to learn about D. So it was always like, I think you should ask your question so that I can get date ideas.

I think guys in general would like, okay, so what should I do? You know, how should I, you know, what should I plan? So I think it's just really great to hear about from women, from men, some of the dating experiences and why those were fun or why they were important. And so I think that's, I just love to hear everybody's story. So thanks for that. Well, okay, great. As we wrap up this in-depth conversation with Harry Wilmington, I want to express my heartfelt

thanks for everybody for listening and his insights and journey. And please, for all you listeners, support, support and continue this engagement. This journey is truly rewarding. So remember to follow and subscribe to the Down and Dirty podcast and please listen for more engaging conversations. But until next time, keep exploring, stay curious, and thanks for tuning in today. if you enjoyed today's episode and want to support podcasts like ours then please hit that subscribe button leave a five-star rating and or invite others to listen your support is

what helps us grow and continue to bring you valuable content thanks for hanging out with us on today's episode let's stay connected you can find me on instagram at celeste more image And I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's discussion. For all the links, resources, and additional information mentioned in this episode, check out the show notes on my website, CelesteMoore.com. That's all for now, but stay tuned for our next episode where we'll dive into more exciting topics. Until then, see you next time, friends.