Moore Style - Leaning Into Your Authentic Self with Elise Micheals

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

It’s becoming painfully obvious that men are not getting the support they need in our current society. Elise Micheals found that men needed more help than they were getting and that she could offer specific guidance that not only worked but resonated with the male audience. In this episode, you will learn about trauma work, how to find your purpose and passion, and you might start to understand what your authentic self is! If you’re on the healing journey and looking to attract a partner that is too, this is the episode for you!  In this week’s episode we discuss:  [1:07] Who is Elise Micheals and how did she get into men’s work?  [3:00] Why Elise Micheals?  [4:00] Elise’s own mental health struggles  [7:00] How men’s needs in therapy differ [10:18] How Elise helps men find their purpose and their passion  [14:58] Actionable tools that help Elise’s clients in their healing  [19:10] Defining trauma  [25:00] How Elise’s tools and programs help her clients  [28:00] Helping men reconnect with their masculinity  [33:29] How do you know when you’re ready to date?  [36:55] Elise’s favorite date  [40:21] Celeste’s relationship with my masculinity    Connect with Elise    LinkedIn   Instagram   Website 

Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena. So let's get into today's episode.

I'd like to welcome everybody to podcast with Elise Michaels. She is a trauma informed men's coach who helps men find purpose and passion again by healing subconscious trauma. She has grown her following over half a million across all platforms and plans on changing the way men's mental health is viewed for men worldwide. Well, again, thank you for being on today's show. I know that this can be an old question, especially since you've done a lot of podcasts, but for the sake of my audience here today, who may not know who you are and what you do, could you talk a little bit about how you decided to get into this field and especially focus on men? Absolutely. So when I started my business, it was posting video content on LinkedIn. And I was just posting little blurbs about motivation and how to get over certain things, you know, using neuroscience. And my goal was actually to be a woman's spiritual coach. But only men were reaching out to me for help. And I was very awkward at the idea of thinking about coaching men. I was like, why are they coming to me?

but then I decided, you know, in my mind, I was like, well, I know how to help people through pain. So why don't I just put this to the test? And once I started coaching those men who asked me for help, I saw that they didn't have a lot of support when it came to mental health. So just decided to be that person dive in and study the, the things that they were going through and be that person who spoke about it. That's amazing. I know it's, it's interesting how you said, there's not a lot of resources for men. I do find that as well. Um, I feel that in general, women are very more open to coaching and healing and maybe taking courses. Um, so why do you think it was you that broke them to come? I have to say broke them, but like, you know, they decided to

reach out and they were like, okay, she's, this is a person I could open up to. yeah from from what my clients have told me it's because I spoke directly to their problems when they when they come to me they say I've been watching your videos for a long time and it just felt like you were speaking exactly to what I was struggling with and um you know for me personally I try to be as genuine and straightforward as possible and I think that's something men really resonate with. And I don't feel like I have an energy that people are intimidated by necessarily because I just try to be open, right. And openness is usually accepting, but for the most part, what they have said is because they resonate with the content. Yeah, that's awesome. So you talked

about part of the reason why you decided to get into this was some of your own mental health issues at the time. And you decided you were working on yourself and then thought that you were, you would be a good resource to help people. Right. Yeah. I mean, I had dealt with a really dysfunctional family growing up, but I didn't realize it until I got older and things just weren't working out the way that I had wanted. And I tried for a long time to solve my own problems to dead ends. Right. And this is what I call the subconscious trauma, the trauma that we don't understand we have. And so if we can't see it, we can't solve it. And so I got a therapist and the therapist was amazing, but still didn't give me like action items to solve the

issues. Didn't necessarily tell me what was going on and why I was repeating the cycles, what cycles there even were. So that's when I started diving into my own courses on neuroscience and cognitive behavioral therapy and trauma therapy. And once I understood how the brain works and absorbs and, and takes things in from childhood, I found that there's a true pattern that you can actually course correct on and you, and it's actually very logical to heal from trauma. It doesn't just have to be this ethereal thing that maybe one day will happen for you. Yeah. I mean, you make a really good point. I've also done some deep work when I would, I would say about like 15, 16 years ago, I started taking like some personal development,

leadership, and I had had therapy before, like two years of solid therapy, but taking this course, recognizing, oh my God, there was like this, there was like this pivotal moment. And it was so simple that I understood why my parents were the way they were or why my, it was like, it was so human. And I don't know where I missed that in therapy, but it was maybe in a different context. And at that moment, I learned to literally forgive this. And it was such a huge moment for me. And so I can understand there is such a healing and the simplicity of certain things. Yes. Yes. And you totally nailed it. And the way that I described therapy versus coaching to a lot of my clients is therapy is very non-directive supportive environment with someone who you know

has the credentials and the tools to help you just get your thoughts out and kind of self-reflect but they're not going to necessarily give you action items they're not going to necessarily go over the science with you and there's just a lot of rules and regulations around that for them right they don't want to like misguide you or or diagnose you unnecessarily so but i find that when you can actually put action to what you're going through, it makes you feel empowered and it actually helps you understand things more holistically. And the only way to get over trauma is to work through it. Right. And we can't just, we can't work through it if we don't know what we're working through. Right. And I think men especially relate to actionable items. They're

very like, okay, I want to get from A to B. How do I get there? As a woman, we'd be like, okay, let's go from A, but we can go this way. And then we can go this way. And then we'll, you know, they're very linear and we're not. So I feel that it's very, it's a much more simple technique for them. Right. I don't know. That's just stuff that I've learned throughout the years. They can compartmentalize, like they put things in boxes in their brains. And so if they, if they can understand a concept in a process, they can work through it so quickly and so fast, but it's when, you know, and, and I, I don't know the true statistics on this, but a lot of therapists are women. And so it's like when women are coaching men or doing therapy with men, it's kind of like

they're explaining these, they're explaining it in a way that a man doesn't necessarily understand when he thinks about things. Right. And just women in general, we're more open. We're more talkative. We talk about things and men don't necessarily want to talk about things all the time. They do sometimes, but they really want to, at the end of the day, do something about it. and that's what you know that's what I needed from therapy too because I was like okay I'm I'm talked out but now what like I can't keep doing this over and over again like and something needs to change yes I need to do something to make this happen it looks like you have a ton of certificates that is like I was reading your like you're on your website I was like oh my god

that's really impressive I mean I've only had on top of my college degree like three different certifications, which has nothing to do with my degree in school, but that's impressive. So you're so versed in like all of these amazing subjects. So I feel that these guys, you know, Oh my God, she can definitely help me. She can help me through something. She's educated in that or she, who knows, like, I'm don't know how personal you get with your clients, but I'm sure you have some kind of story that you can connect with that person. And it's really impressive. So I like that you explained the difference between a therapist and a coach because that's

so unique because I'm sure you've had people that come to you and they, you're like, oh no, I think we're not at that coaching point. What is it where you would actually turn someone away and say, maybe you need a therapist? Right. The clients that usually aren't a good fit are the ones struggling with deep depression where they need, you know, maybe really constant support in that area. They are dealing with mental health issues such as bipolar or, you know, they need a diagnosis of some sort. Okay. If I do work with any clients like that, usually they have a therapist already they're

working with and then they're like, okay, I need something more. Like I'm already gone through treatment with this or I've done it before and I kind of know how it goes and I just, I need something more, but as a first time person who is really struggling with, you know, deep depression and suicidal thoughts, those are the clients that are, are not a good fit. Okay. But you can work in correlation with someone working with the therapist. That's probably, it's probably more beneficial to, I don't know, like a tag team, you know,

right. Let's make this happen. So guys that, that come to see you, you say that you help people or men, excuse me, find their purpose and passion again. so that's pretty that's a huge I feel that that's a huge goal right and I'm sure like you said you break it down but why do you find that men in particular are not sure what their purpose is or their passion is well the men who come to me and they have a desire to find their purpose and passion again it's just it's like a loss of a sense of self and so finding that purpose and

passion again, isn't like a one, two, three step go. Okay. I have a mission now and I know exactly the career I'm going to do. And I know how much money I'm going to make from it. It's more of taking away all the layers of what we've added on that are so ingenuine, inauthentic, the mass that we've put on to impress people or, you know, cover up pain. It's taking that off and being really okay with who we are and allowing that purpose to blossom and really, you know, coming back to the authentic self. And then that man has the tools and skillset to weave as his purpose changes and feel still confident and still okay with where he's at. Yeah. I mean, you just said something so poignant. I'm such a fan of really being your authentic self, but I don't think

people even know who their authentic self is or how to find that out. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. That's, that's what a lot of men come to me for is like, I don't know who I am anymore. And a lot of us like you said it's like a man and a woman issue because we grow up just creating our identity around what social acceptance is from our parents from our friends from school you know 18 years of your life is like elementary middle and high school just you don't control any of that and you have to adapt if you want to fit in and then so you have to spend the next 10 years of your life on learning and relearning depending on how ingrained you are in that society because we also have things like religious trauma and you know like depending on like where you grow up like

there's so many different factors that go into it the number one factor for change is like where is your mindset at and how accepting are you how willing are you to let go of the identities that you've created when you couldn't control what your identity was wow yeah wow that's that's huge that's like a realization I don't know I mean I think that what you do is is huge and amazing and I feel that there's just so many men out there that like you said are not comfortable with opening up and being vulnerable and being not okay with who they are because that's not what society says like they should know they should be sure they should be you know like you said they should have this this and this

and then they come to the realization well that's not me that's not who i am exactly well and i think as a society this is this is something i've really started to come to realize as a society we build up everybody especially in capitalism that you should have a purpose a passion a goal and that's what you should focus on that way that's what you should work towards but our human biological need and instinct is to have a family is to be in love is to be with someone because isolation is the worst punishment a human can get. That's what they put you in solitary confinement in jail, right? So we get to this point where we're driven by capitalism and we're driven by goals and purpose, but then we're alone. And we're so unhappy because we've created an isolation for

ourselves. And then we try to find a partner within that dynamic. And so it's kind of like, it feels almost like we've all been tricked because we think that the reason we're doing all this stuff is so that we can have the success from the purpose and passion, but it's actually driven to find a partner. But since that's not connected, it's something that really like disengages us from ourselves. Oh yeah. I mean, the two main clients that come to me are the men, like you just described, who are married to the work. And then they're like, oh shoot, I'm in my forties and I think that I need to find a spouse or partner, a wife and, or it's the divorcee who's had these, you know, mate probably hasn't ever dealt with subconscious trauma and has

brought all of this into this relationship. Right. I'm not blaming all of the men, but you know, it's, it's two people, it's two issues, but it's like, you don't want, they don't want to repeat that they want a successful relationship. And so could you give us just a few tools that maybe you or you can even be generic or some of the things that help your clients take actionable steps for this for this healing? Yeah, so usually, if you're a man who's caught up in, in a situation where you don't know yourself anymore, or you feel like you've done everything for everyone else, and kind of just are the yes man or happy wife happy life type of let's go with that right action items for you is needing to take time for yourself every day and learn how to prioritize yourself again

not that you say no to everybody else's needs but understanding how to say no sometimes like when you actually need time right you don't just squeeze yourself into the day you make time for yourself as a priority and let the other things go around you. Right. Because that gives you self-confidence back. It helps teach you how to set boundaries again. And it also makes you realize that if you say no to someone, no one is going to die. They're going to either figure it out or, you know, they'll, they can wait 30 minutes. Like you're not going to lose all of your money. You're not going to lose your spouse or your wife. Like, and they will respect you more because you're finally starting to stand up for yourself, stand on your own two feet. So there's

a lot of power in just learning how to prioritize yourself during the day yeah no that's an amazing point I mean I think that in a relationship especially if you're in a marriage you can lose yourself so easily like you said to the job to the wife to the children and you can really who am I like yes I'm this yes person okay well let me figure that out and it is like you're saying. It is okay. And it is healthy for someone to say, no, you know what? I need this 30 minutes for myself to do X, Y, Z for myself so that I'm a more healthy person in this relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Men and women both need to do it, but usually this is a thing too. I know you said earlier, we're not like blaming the men for bringing the trauma into the marriage, but there's

one dysfunctional partner. The other partner is also dysfunctional as a perfect match that partner. so there is never any just one person doing it wrong in the relationship because even if you have like an alcoholic spouse and you're doing everything you can to support them some part of you is enabling it if it's continuing on and on and on right and that's something we don't want to look at we don't want to look at how we're contributing to the worst parts of our partner continuing to thrive yeah yeah that was just i was just gonna say that that's pretty create that. Yeah. There's such in thinking you're helping somebody, but you're really enabling them. And that's just causing to repeat the situation over and over. And then at some

point someone is just like, okay, I've had enough, right. This is not working. And then, okay. It's nobody wants to blame the other person. You have to kind of introspectively look at yourself and say, well, what is, what is it that I did for this relationship to end? Okay. And how do I fix this going forward so that yeah so that I don't repeat this right and not even just what did I do to make this relationship end it's what was I attracted to in this relationship in the first place what did it validate for me how did it make me feel do I have in the in the male's perspective do I have a hero complex did it feel good to be the knight in shining armor for seeking external validation then it's going to continue to be a relationship that's unfulfilling internally

and you're always going to need something chaotic to happen so you can solve it or fix it. But eventually that breaks because you get burnt out. Yeah, I have a couple, I have this client and him and his wife are very fitting for each other, right? You know, she loves to be pampered and he loves to do, do, do. And it's, he definitely enables her in certain things.

And I feel like it's just, it's just really unhealthy, but you know, so, okay. So what's the difference between like subconscious trauma and knowing trauma? Are you saying that the differences like subconscious is like something you don't know why you're doing what you're doing? Is that right? Or can you define it a little better? Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, some people know that they've had traumatic incidents in their lives or that could potentially be traumatic, right? Like maybe they suffered, had an alcoholic parent or suffered abuse you know and they're like okay yeah i i know that happened in my life right but what they don't know is the survival patterns that their child brain created

in order to survive in that environment ah right so even if your parents weren't abusive and you feel like you had a good childhood you know when we're born into the world we have we don't come with a guide right we we learn it by observing our caregivers and the environment around us and we say, how do I gain love, validation, success? And your brain takes all of that in like a template. And it's so efficient that it never goes back and says, Hey, maybe we could reevaluate this and make it better. It just goes, Oh, this is how I do this. Okay. Let's keep running with it. And you don't ever look at it until the template no longer works, right? Which is usually in adulthood. So through your whole childhood life, you were doing things a certain way and it worked

out for you then you get into adulthood around different people but we're trying to apply these templates to these different people and we're like wait a minute it's not working right and this is how we get stuck in these cycles where we date someone who cheated on us in high school or our parents were like highly abusive and then we date someone and we kind of project that they're going to be like that because that's the only template we know yeah there's a lot of transference happening right with a situation that may be yes like you said an alcoholic parent and then you have a reaction in a certain way in that relationship when maybe he has a drink or she has a drink or something right and then oh my god that's not how that's not a healthy way to react so yeah that's

i know that like and i think there's also this thing around trauma right okay traumatic experience is only like, Oh, okay. I was beaten. I was abused. I was neglected. But from what I understand, there's much smaller traumatic experiences that we go through in life that shape us that we are unknowing. Oh, I didn't have any trauma. I had a very healthy childhood, but that's not necessarily always true. It doesn't have to be a huge trauma to be effect, you know, to have that experience on us. Right. Because the definition of trauma is the psychological impact of an event, not the event itself. And so I think trauma has been one of those words that just got blown up on the internet. So it's kind of frowned upon because it became a fad, right? It was like, oh, I've

experienced trauma. Now everybody's traumatized, which in a way everybody really is traumatized, but it makes it feel like we are not able to endure when we kind of have this aura around it. So a lot of people don't like to say that they've experienced trauma because then they feel like the victim when really all it is, is like, okay, everybody has experienced trauma. Let's figure out the patterns that are still within you that you use to get through, you know, childhood, right? Like we can break it down to make it feel sciency and logical and give you your power back as opposed to just saying this happened to me. This is the way it is. This is why I'm like this.

I mean, I know I'm getting like into that zone, right? Like that's just not, that's not how you grow up and live. Like a lot of people say I have this attachment style or this is my star sign, right? Like, and so they find a label and they attach themselves to it and then they refuse to change and then just blame it on the label or blame it on their childhood. But you have a responsibility to take care of yourself as an adult. So you can be healthy for yourself and those around you. Right. Otherwise having a relationship is never going to happen. I mean,

you have to love yourself. Yeah, exactly. Right. You're going to always have, there's always going to be an issue. There's always going to be something wrong. Right. And especially if you're in a victim mentality or I'm just this way, then that's your excuse. So yeah, I think as adults there were responsible for learning new coping skills because I don't believe that i know my parents were very young parents so they only knew what they knew and brought that to raising children and so that of course rolls and rolls and rolls if nobody's working on themselves and i think today there's so many resources and so many tools that there's no excuse i mean that's just you know my opinion there there is no excuse because we live in the

internet age. And like, even my coaching is like, you have to pay for my time, but I have resources on Instagram, LinkedIn, my website, like through emails, right? There's so many YouTube videos. There's tons of platforms. Like people, if you want to find a solution, you'll find a solution. And if you want to find an excuse, you'll find an excuse. Yeah. And it's just teaching people to be a little bit more open and honest and authentic. And that, I mean, I believe if we're authentic, that we're going to attract much more of what we want in life, right?

I feel, you know, if you're putting on this front and you're being how everybody wants you to be, it's just like this cycle of like, you know, and then eventually you're not happy. So you're going to need the coaching and therapy. Right, right. Well, you need someone to see the things that you can't see also. True. Yeah. So I feel like, so how, once you work with your clients, do you find that

they're more, like you said, they're more empowered. You have more tools. They have more tools that they're able to navigate the dating world much more effectively and, you know, in the way that makes sense to them. Right. Well, they're able to navigate just the world in general, much more yeah i mean you don't solve all of your problems right but you're you're able to have the tools to solve problems that come forward because there's always stuff that comes up later on it's not like you absolve yourself of pain or absolve yourself of you know you've learned all the lessons and you're healed from trauma your growth will be a continuous journey if you remain open to it because there will always be new things highlighted within you that you're like oh i

didn't know this was there but at least you will know that there are things there you don't know about and you will have the tools to solve them moving forward. It's not like you have to develop a codependence on someone to always tell you how it is. Yeah. That's a good point. That's a really good point. Cause I think that that can also happen, right? You're like, Oh wait, I need a lease for everything that's going on in my life. And you're like, okay, that's great. But I want you to grow up and be a, be a man. And like here we worked on this and now here you go, here's the tools. So what is tech? What is the timeframe? Is it everybody is different depending on how much they want to grow or what are your, some of the time tools that you feel that really

resonate with your clients? Yeah. So my coaching program is actually like very rapid. It's a three month program, 13 sessions, one session each week with unlimited WhatsApp support in between. So that is like what I found is a sweet spot for getting a lot of tools nailed down, creating a good foundation for the future. And then obviously there's continuing education after that. If you want it, if you want to continue support, if you want to grow beyond that, but this is like the container that I found most helpful to have impactful lessons to, to, to understand how to heal the trauma. Okay. Yeah. I like that. And I feel that with men, especially like, I don't know, this is my experience that like three to six months, six months is somebody that's just like

really, really needs that extra, like, you know, extra time. But yeah, three months is a really great spot, especially because they want to work on themselves, but they don't want to take a year. That's not like in there. It's just not in their, their whole makeup. I don't think. Right. And it can be also overwhelming for anybody to think about, oh my God, like I'm going to have to commit to this for a year. It's just like a lot. So three months is like a good first time you meet someone it's long enough where it's like okay three months every week with someone like I can do that it's short enough and then then you get to know the person you're like okay do I want to just continue working with this person because

they help me see things or do I want to like go off on my own for a little while and then come back and you have it's just it's worked out for me well yeah so I have a question for you what do you think that the, I feel that men have such a difficult time finding themselves in today's society based on women's success, right? This is this whole, there's this, I want to say confusion, if you will, on the roles, right? What do you, I mean, do you help men find their masculinity back or is it they're not lacking it, they just don't know how to assert it today? Or what are you finding with some people that you've dealt with? Yeah, so this is an excellent question. I guess reconnecting with your masculinity is absolutely something that we do in coaching. And it also

just comes naturally from regaining the confidence and boundaries back lack of lack of a man's masculinity comes from ignoring his authentic self not standing in his power not saying no not prioritizing himself not setting the boundaries because he's just no longer confident he no longer has respect for himself and you know he becomes a doormat essentially he becomes the quote-unquote nice guy if anyone listening has read no more mr nice guy you'll understand what i mean by that and women have had now their kind of awakening they had a huge advocacy for many many years now but it's kind of gone to the extreme part where it's saying we don't need men at all and we can do all this but like feminism wasn't meant to say we don't need men like you need men biologically

mentally emotionally because that's how we've you know always always done it right right and so the feminine has kind of taken on so much confidence and so much like energy that it kind of pushes the masculine into the feminine role and so yeah I totally agree with you that there's like there is a lot of confusion about like what role do I play because there's like no women out there want like the traditional roles or whatever you want from your marriage is whatever you want or your partnership but what I bring men back to is like don't focus on what you don't want or thinking it's impossible because there are women out there who want traditional roles. There are people who, who are like, yo, this is too much for me right now. Like

even me, like I, I've operated in my masculine for so long and I'm really coming to the point where I'm like, I just really don't want to do that anymore. Like, I love having my own business. I love having my own job, but I don't want to like have to fight the world anymore. Like I would love to just chill for a second and be with someone I love and have them take control, you know? So it's like, we don't, not everybody wants that. So you just have to really focus on being your own man so that you can attract that woman that you're looking for. Yeah. That's a really good point. Yeah. Just example for myself too. It's like, I've been a single mom from day one. I have my own business. I have, you know, it's like, I have been in my masculine for fit mom,

my daughter, 16, 16 years. And it's exhausting. Like I love who I am, but at the end of the day, like you said, you just want to relinquish some of that and just allow yourself to be that feminine energy. And yeah, it can be really challenging and tiring not to say that I don't want to have that mental stimulation. You don't want to have, you know, the things that make us thrive and passions, but yeah, it's, and I think more men want to have that masculinity as well. And it it needs to be a little bit more defined, but yeah, you're right. I believe that if the man has, and is comfortable with his masculinity, he'll attract the right person. Yeah, absolutely. But this is, this is the hard part for, for women like us, right? I'm not a

single mom, but you know, operating out of the masculine is like, you love the power of having your own job and having work. And it's, I don't think that going back to traditional roles, quote unquote, is the way where women didn't have jobs and they just stayed at home and cooked and whatever but I think that we need to move forward in a way that incorporates tradition with the new age right like maybe we do both work but maybe maybe the man does still provide but maybe you guys work enough where you have a nanny and then you're not so stressed about like doing you know like all of the stuff right that like we need to figure out a way where both worlds can collide so that you can figure out how to relax so that the masculine man can be attracted to you yeah

right because there can't be two men quote-unquote in a relationship but two women in a relationship not in a gay sense but in an energetic sense exactly you always see a pairing where there's an energy of a man and an energy of a woman and i don't want to like start any fires no but that's really yeah no it's the masculinity and the femininity it's it's not a sex thing yeah i totally understand and you can have that you know so you can do the dance and everything works well too masculine is competitive. That never works. And two feminines is nothing is getting done. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. And I think that really working on yourself, men, are you listening, you know, really getting clear with who you are, what you want that. Yes.

Then you will attract the right person and healing because that's something before you even get into the dating world. I really think that the healing process. So I think that would be my last question is like, how would you know when you're ready to date? Right. So I don't feel like you have to be completely finished with a program to start dating, but it's like, okay, where there's, there's that sweet spot where you've worked on yourself enough. What would you say that that is? I think that there are some just guidelines that you can use because you'll never be fully healed even when you go into a relationship people like oh you got to love yourself before you enter a relationship and like it's just so weird there's no there's no guidelines that come with that like

what do you mean I gotta love myself like you don't have to be a perfect person before you get in a relationship because the second you get into a relationship you're gonna feel like your world is falling apart because this person is reflecting back to you situations that are real not made up fantasy in your head about what a perfect relationship will look like because they're human and they're making their own decisions. Right. So I would say if you're on a healing journey and you want to go back into relationship, have, have things for yourself that, you know, like know your core values, know your love languages, know how to set boundaries and just know what you're looking for. Right. And know how to self-regulate. I could like make a list of

these things, but, but if you have those foundational things, right, if you know what you're looking for and you're firm on your boundaries, then you will not choose a person who is iffy about what you want, who, who fits some of the criteria, but not the rest. And you're just kind of dating them to see if they change. You're going to be very firm on, okay, I want a relationship. This person says they just want a casual fling. I'm not going to give them a chance because it doesn't fit. It just doesn't make sense, right? You have to, you have to be firm on that. And then if you can talk through things and know things about yourself, then you can navigate that relationship and start to understand. Right. And that'll teach you more things about

yourself. And then you go into the next one and that'll teach you more things about yourself. Right. But the key is like not staying longer than the relationship has expired and having the ability to be able to do that. Okay. And being okay with that. Right. I think so many people are so scared of hurting the other person. Oh, if I say I went on a date and I did the attraction, maybe is not there. Right. Don't waste people's time. Just be, be firm with what you want. I mean, you don't have to be an asshole, but be firm with who you are and, and yeah. And I have a perfect example of this is like, I had a client who he really liked this girl that he was dating. And then he had another girl who was very interested in him and she was very

successful. And, you know, he was very impressed by her and he really quite liked her, but his heart was with this other woman. And he was afraid to tell her because he was like, you know, part of you is like, I don't want to ruin a potential chance. And I don't want to hurt someone. Right. Cause like, she's really into me. And I said, you know, you just have to be honest about how you're feeling about it. And people respect people who tell them the truth and don't waste their time. And then he, he did. And she was super happy that he was honest. And she said, Hey, if something doesn't work out, like I'm here, like I respect your wishes. And then it moved on. Right. Like that we can still be friends. And that is like, you know, people

really respect people who are honest in themselves. They really do. And if they don't, that is an emotional thing on their end. Right. Like, and you don't want to be with that anyway. Exactly. Oh, I love that. Okay. So just to get to know you a little bit better, What was one of your favorite dates and what was it? Ooh, one of my favorite dates. I like dating. I don't know that I've been on too many dates, to be honest, outside of relationship

that were my favorite. So my favorite dates, I would say, have to be in relationship because it's more about, I think the connection you have with the person. So one of my favorite dates was in Vegas. we were supposed to go to dinner at like some steakhouse or something but it was so packed so we ended up going to a side part which was like a sushi fusion place like we had no idea

like what was going on in there we ordered like the chef's menu ended up having like 13 courses and like a lobster tail and like I don't know it was just it was a really fun unexpected surprising thing and we were just laughing the whole time and that's really like it's not about necessarily the date as much as it is like the person that you're with right just being able to be sporadic or go with the flow and know that whatever you're doing with because in the same breath with that same person also just driving around one day listening to like backstreet boys and stuff like jamming out like different day and it was kind of like a date day like we didn't really do anything we just got coffee from like dunkin donuts because that's what i wanted and like it was it's like you go from

like a thousand dollar date to like you know a ten dollar date and yeah it it doesn't matter if you're with the right person well it sounds like the connection and the adventure too and just being able to do stuff together and create those memories right right yeah that's beautiful what about you i want to hear one from you oh my god it's hard to be put on the spot right i was like no one's asking this question like i said i've had really like very elaborate dates and i've had very fun, just intimate dates. Yeah. I would say mine is just more of like doing some type of an adventure. Yeah. I'm trying to think it's been a minute. Oh my God. Okay. I will get back to that. I need to, I think I, well, I'm, I'm just starting to newly date again after so long.

Okay. Because how are you finding the dating now versus before? Because you're, you were single for like, I don't know if you were single that whole time, but like you think about 15 years later. So what is the dating pool like now for you versus then? Well, dating pool is definitely, like I said, the unclear roles that men play. And I've learned recently or in the last, I would say year to step out of my masculinity and become feminine again. So this has been And as much as I've been teaching, I also learn a lot and I think it's just an amazing field to be in. So yeah, it's really finding the clarity of what I'm looking for because I didn't know

for so long, right? How do I never really brought, I dated a few, but nothing, nothing really serious. And so, yeah, it's finding that like, okay, this is who I am and this is what I want. Okay. How do you feel like you've been stepping out of your masculinity? Like, what is it like to step into your feminine? What does that look like? So it looks like leaving all of this at home when I walk out the door and coming into who

Celeste is. And, you know, I feel that that is definitely more feminine on a lot of ends. My masculine is huge. I don't need to bring any of that with me. yeah so it's really it's really allowing myself to separate which was has been a hard balance but I'm getting better at it but but what does that look like right because I've also struggled with this as well yeah and I feel like you know you're a beautiful woman and like you look feminine it's not like we're saying oh we're masculine and we like look like lumberjacks it's like you would

think like oh you're feminine but the energy is different so it's like I mean yeah an example is allowing them to open the door for me and this is okay they're very little things allowing him to be in his masculine allowing me to just kind of sit a little bit quieter and not be the I don't want to say the know-it-all but you know I feel like okay so allowing him to open the door allowing him to be a gentleman, allowing myself to just step back. And I wish I could give more detail, but it's still a process. Yeah, no, I totally love that. And I think what you're you're getting at, as well as what I think I've come down to as well as it's really just the surrender in the energy. Right? Because if you feel like you have to take charge all day, every day, you know,

it's loud, it's proud. It's like, okay, guys, we are doing this. It's like a very type A energy. it's like taking control of everything and when you're in your feminine it's kind of like attract and allow and in my case I try to like be more sensual by just being softer like I don't need to control this moment or the situation like just go with the flow and like put some energetic trust in this person I'm with that they've got it handled yeah that's a really great explanation just the energy shift is really starting just to be softer it's hard out there it is for any guy listening like the masculine women not all of them want to be masculine you know so just try see see what their thoughts are because if you say to a woman

hey you know i see that you're an executive i see that you do all this work you know do you you know it you know measure if they're open or not to this conversation but it's like do you really want to be in that masculine all the time what are you looking for would you like to relax and you're feminine would you like to just you know would you like a partner who is more masculine or you know some of us might be like hell yeah you know you want to take this a lot of us right now i'll show right now it's hard to see other people living your dreams you know i mean like i would love you know honestly i would just love to meet a saudi on a yacht and just live the rest of my days like this why do i don't want to work i don't want to work i don't

want to do a job, but I'm not, I'm not at that level. You know, those guys are on a bathing suit and like you hire me as a coach. And I'm like, this really sucks to watch someone else living your dreams. Oh my God. I love that. Yes. Well, I know a million other women that are super successful and they're having the same issues. So I think we're not as women that are super successful we're not allowing ourselves to be feminine yeah and I think that's so they're like oh I don't know how to be right we can't be too masculine energy so yeah so it's a learning game yeah well and I think with what you said I think it's like an element of trust too right because I think there was so much propaganda for so long that men are the enemy and they're gonna hurt you

and they don't all they do is cheat and you can't trust anyone yes and so it's made women so standoffish as well. Like a lot of women I think would prefer to be come up to in public and be like, you know, have someone talk to them, but at the same time, they have such a standoffish energy where they're not inviting. Right. And like, so we're just, we're giving off mixed messages for what we want, you know? Yeah. Smile more, be more warm. I feel like that. Yeah. It's a, it's a good step in the direction so well okay so where can the audience here listening find you find out more information about what you do they can find find me on any social media platform tiktok linkedin instagram at elise michaels e-l-i-s-e m-i-c-h-e-a-l-s underscore um there's some scam accounts out there

I never message anyone about readings or divine spiritual stuff. So don't donate to anything. Don't click on it. If you want to have a session with me, always book through my website, EliseMichaels.com. And yeah, I'm happy to connect with everybody. I try to message people back when they message me. So that's amazing. Well, I love the work that you're doing.

I feel that you're such a beautiful source, a good energy. And I love that you're making this men's space much more, you know, much more available and much more relaxed. And I feel that, you know, you're making this big difference in the world. So thank you so much. I appreciate that. You are as well. Thank you.

Oh, it's such a wonderful time to have you. Okay. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day. You too. Okay. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to today's episode. Come and hang out with me on Instagram at Celeste Moore

image. Let me know your thoughts on today's episode because I always love hearing from you all. You can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website, celestemore.com. Okay, that's all for now. I'll see you in the next episode. See you next time, friends. Thanks for watching!