Moore Style - Talk Dirty To Me Q&A: Pain During Sex, Blow Job Anxiety and Getting Ghosted

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

In this week’s episode, I tackle your questions regarding image, sex and dating! I answer three questions about what may be causing a woman to experience pain during sex, the stories that may create blow job anxiety and a couple reasons why a listener is getting ghosted!  Please tell us your thoughts about the Q&A over on Instagram @celestemooreimage, and be looking forward to more of these in the future! In this week’s episode we discuss: [1:40] Question 1: (Quinn) - My girlfriend is in pain during sex, what should I do? [6:12] Question 2: (Jared) - I can’t tell if my partner likes giving me oral sex or not and it’s giving me anxiety? [9:45] Question 3: (Derek)- What am I doing wrong? After the first or second date I am continually getting ghosted?

Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena. So let's get into today's episode.

Welcome to another episode of Talk Dirty to Me. These are my Q&As once a month where people send in their burning desire questions of anything that relates to dating, whether it's sex, maybe they're uncomfortable. So this is why you were asking me this way has anything to do with your image flirting, anything that has to do with the dating world. So thank you again for everybody that filled out the form. I have three questions today that I will be answering. So let's get started. The first question is from Quinn. His question is lately when my girlfriend and I have sex she is in some kind of discomfort and even at times in pain what should i do well first off i want to say to everyone who sends me these questions thank you for sharing these personal

questions i know that it's not always easy to talk about personal issues um but thank you for trusting me and also i need to preface that i am no doctor or i don't pretend to be in any way I'm also not a licensed therapist, and I am giving answers based solely on my personal experiences, client experiences who are okay with me speaking about the topics and knowledge that I've learned over the last 15 years. And so this comes from just my experience and expertise. So let me get back to this. this could be from a number of reasons why she may have what's called endometriosis where many

women have pain during sex. It might not be all the time, but it could be depending on the severity of it. Her cervix could be turned backwards. And this is not something that most women would know unless her gynecologist would definitely tell her this, because I don't think most women would know. And so this could cause her to be uncomfortable in certain positions. And you may just have to switch that up. You could be honestly too big for her, or, you know, she could be drier than normal or even like being swollen around her period, her menstrual cycle. So let me kind of go over what you can do for some of these things without really knowing the solution. Well, one, you can both pleasure each other orally. You can watch each other masturbate, or you can

manually get each other off. I know that's not ideal, but if that was really the goal of like having orgasms for both of you, then that's a recommendation. You can also use toys. Most women orgasm through the clitoris. So, you know, vaginal sex is not always going to get her off anyway. I know it feels great for you. I don't know, maybe you're both into trying anal sex as well. So there are a couple of different things that you can do. Maybe you try a different position to make her feel better and more comfortable. So let her play around with what feels good for her. I know that from experience having a cervix it's backwards sometimes doggy position is is a better fit and there's also like reverse cowgirl cowgirl there's all different ways that

you guys can experience experiment this and see what feels good for her and you also may need to like slow down make sure you're not jackhammering make sure you're you know being comfortable and and communicate, right? You've got to communicate. She's got to tell you when things don't feel great and you know, how fast and, and how deep and et cetera. And, or let's try this. Let's try that. There's nothing wrong with it. You're just going to have to work around those issues for when she is in, in pain or she's in discomfort. Also. Yeah. Like I said, if you are too big, then also like having a different position could be better for her anyways. Also think of that and make sure that if she's dry or whatever, always use lubricant that you should always

have it because, you know, there's just those times when she may not be super wet and the wetter, the better in my opinion. So just make sure that you keep lubrication around. the best lubrication is having her orgasm before penetration that's like the best and most natural form of lubrication you can get so those are some solutions i am not sure really what's going on but if the pain persists she should definitely see a gynecologist and make that appointment as soon as possible and then they can do a number of tests and so on and so forth but hopefully she doesn't have to go down that route. Thank you for sharing Quinn. Okay. The next question is from Jared. Jared says, I love oral sex, but I'm insecure about whether or not my partner likes to suck me

because she doesn't always act like it. And why am I getting anxiety? So, you know, this is interesting because really getting to the root of why you're insecure about this is is probably going to be the best answer here although i do have a few different topics to talk about you know what is that story in your head did she make a comment like it's taking too long or you don't taste good or you don't smell good or why is your dick small i mean i don't know like, honestly, there's something that happened at some point in your sexual relationships that made you have the story in your head. So one of the ways I recommend getting out of your head is to flip the script, right? Tell yourself that she loves to worship your cock. She loves to suck

you off. She loves to make you feel good. And hopefully this is one way for you to kind of get out of your head, maybe breathe, maybe just kind of like really try to just relax so that there's no pressure. There's no added pressure of whether or not you will come. Maybe you won't. Maybe it's just nice to have someone give you some feel good feelings down there with their mouth and tongue. are you insecure about your shape or your penis size you know i think there's a real problem with men around the size of your dick you know somehow society has always said that bigger is better but you know i beg to differ that's not really the case at all especially from a woman's point of view there are obviously a few women that really love big dicks but most women it doesn't

feel good. So men, I think you have been comparing with other men. It's like this whole game. It's like, Ooh, I'm, you know, I think it's more of that. It's a bro thing. And it really shouldn't be because you know what, all of these men and some guys are having such insecurities about the size of their dick. You know, if it works and if she's happy and you're pleasing, you should be, you should just be grateful. And I believe the average penis size hard is like five and a half inches. So look, get out of this, you know, patriarchal society that we've imposed on you men of thinking like bigger is better. And you know, this bro code, because it's not helping anyone. You know, if you have stories in your head all the time to about insecurities, and that is

where they will always live. They will continue to pop up every time someone wants to orally please you. So like I said, maybe have other stories in your head because getting out of your head will allow you to feel amazing sensations that, you know, even oral sex, any kind of sex, feeling someone else pleasing you will allow you to, like I said, come or not, but feel good. So try breathing, speak positive about your body, relax. So you can completely enjoy all sensations and pleasures. Now, the next question is from Derek. Derek writes, what am I doing wrong? I'm dating lots of women who seem to be interested in me, but after my first date or even the second date, I keep getting ghosted. Derek, there could be a

few reasons why you're getting ghosted. I will give you some answers, but until you really know the underlying patterns here, then this is just some guesswork. Are you coming off too strong? What this means is that maybe you seem too eager, too fast. You may seem to agree with everything she says. You've voiced how much you can't wait to see her again, a second and third date, and wow you are my perfect match you know you might even say we should get married don't you think our babies will be cute oh like women get very scared by this and red flags are popping up if this is the case my suggestion is to let the date happen naturally she may look super hot and check all your boxes. And so you want to be so excited, but take it slow. She does not want to be love

bombed. She wants you to get to know her, like know her for who she is. Not because the first five minutes she checks all of those boxes off in your head. Number two, are you showing up to the date looking like a schlub? I mean, maybe you don't think that going on a first date means that you should show up in anything great you'll just like come after you went to the gym or you just threw on something from last night like you just want to go see if it's even a possibility or not but honestly not representing your best self in any situation any situation dating or not will allow others to make judgments that are usually not in your favor about you it's super important to always put your best foot forward, groom yourself, you know, take showers, cut your

beard, brush your teeth so that if you do kiss, then she'll want to kiss you smell delicious. So she wants to move in a little bit closer dress. Well, for the proper occasion, you know, if you're going to dinner, then dress a certain way. If you're going for a hike, still look like you put yourself together. Okay. Even if it's for an outdoor event and make sure you are sending the right messages with your body. Body language is huge. That never, never lies. Make eye contact, be interested, listen to her and ask the right amount of questions. So you're both getting to know each other, but make sure that she can get a word in. So leads into my next question. Are you oversharing too fast? Are you talking about past relationships or kids? Do you sound as though you

are negative or have a lot of baggage? Because women are so turned off by that. Keep things on a positive note and keep them light. It's just the first date, right? You're just getting to know each other. You're just seeing if there is some chemistry, there's some banter, you guys can keep up a conversation because if that's not happening right off the bat, then it's not going to work. There's plenty of time to talk about children and exes. I don't know. That's very limited there, guys. But get to know her and see if you are both vibing. Like I said, have fun. Take what you can out of that situation, whether it's a new adventure that you're trying or just like a new restaurant or whatever. Just have fun. And number four, did you not allow her to speak?

I know sometimes nervousness can take over, but please be mindful, get to know her as well. You're not the only one that is speaking, you know, cause then she may think, what's the point? He's talking this whole time. And I guess I'm not important. I guess this guy doesn't want to get to know me. So this guy is way too much for me. These are all some things that could be going on in her mind if you don't shut up. Lastly, I would say maybe you weren't a gentleman or you were just rude to your server. I mean, I hope your mom taught you some manners growing up, men, because if not, then listen up. It is important to use your manners and be polite to servers, to anyone that is waiting on you. Deserve to be treated well. I mean, it shows

so much about a guy or anybody, if they're rude to the people that are doing a job serving them and waiting on them. So when you're polite, this also sends a message that you are a good guy. You're respectful, all these qualities that we look for in a high value man. Honestly, there could be a million reasons, or maybe she was just looking for someone or something else. Okay. It could be that simple, but start thinking of what the patterns are that keep occurring for you and start working on those areas of your life. This will help you get ready to successfully date, you know, hire that date coach. Me, for example, could get you ready to find out what those patterns are to figure out why you are the common denominator here, but why, and what are you doing

to sabotage these dates to not even get to the second or the third. So think about that. I hope Derek that helps. Listen, I love these questions and I hope I'm helping in some way, some shape or form, because this is why I do what I do. This is why I use this platform. I absolutely love what I love to help men be successful and confident and yes, like go out there and kill it. The rest of your life is great, but you just haven't been that successful in the dating area. So let's get there. Let's get you ready. Don't forget to fill out the questionnaire and let me know some of your burning desired questions so that I can answer next month on Talk Dirty to Me. Have a great day. thanks for tuning in to today's episode come and hang out with me on instagram at celeste more

image let me know your thoughts on today's episode because i always love hearing from you all you can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website celestemore.com okay that's all for now i'll see you in the next episode see you next time friends Thank you.