Moore Style - The Top 4 Struggles in Modern Dating

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Struggling with modern dating? Then you need to tune in!  In this week’s episode, I break down modern dating struggles including the impact of the digital age on dating, why quality over quantity matters, the shift in gender roles, and separating your career and personal identities. This is a great listen for anyone who wants to improve their dating life to find their person (or persons). Please reach out and tell us what you want to hear from Celeste over on Instagram @celestemooreimage and don’t forget to rate and review if you love the podcast! In this week’s episode we discuss: [03:25] The first issue in modern dating - The change in social norms & online dating [05:34] The second issue in modern dating - The shift in relationship dynamics & gender roles [09:07] The third issue in modern dating - Time constraints & efficiency  [11:33] Prioritizing the things that matter to you [13:25] Implementing tools and setting goals to improve your dating life [15:24] How do we integrate a satisfying personal life and a romantic life? [17:11] The fourth issue in modern dating - Career identity and personal identity [19:19] What you can expect in future solo episodes

Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty Podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena. So let's get into today's episode.

I want to welcome everybody to another episode of the Down and Dirty Podcast. And as always, I am your host, Celeste Moore. Thank you for everybody that continues to listen to these episodes. Thank you to all you new listeners out there. It really means the world to me. Honestly, a podcast is nothing without listeners. So thank you very much. I'm super, super grateful. And I really want to jump on here. And, you know, I always ask someone, or I ask you guys to leave a review if you so feel inclined. And obviously five stars are what I'm aiming for. But really, I also want to know, what do you guys want to hear from me? You know, I am an image consultant and a dating coach. And I've been an image consultant for 16 plus years,

dating coach for just a couple. I was a matchmaker prior to that. So I have some experience when it comes to what people want in a relationship, what makes them happy. And obviously doing this podcast, I've had a plethora of amazing guests. This is basically like my grad school. It's been so amazing and so great to learn from these experts. I'm really hoping that you have gained something as well because it really has defined the show. I think what I'm gathering from all the downloads, I definitely get the most downloads from my episodes about sex because I think people don't hear enough about it. There's still such a taboo around sex and sexual pleasure. And I just want everybody to know here that it is truly such a great topic. But let me know what you want to

hear about. If it's not sex, if it's not image on body language, and how do you carry yourself in color psychology? Is it how to even date in this modern world? Well, today's episode, I'm going to be talking about three issues out of many items that people are dealing with in the modern dating world, especially men out there. But I think even women are from what I'm hearing. So one of the first things that I find that people are really struggling with are the change in social norms. And what do I mean by that? Well, one of them is digital dating, online dating.

Can you imagine if your name is Eric and you have been married for 15 years and now you are divorcing, you have two children, you had a loveless relationship. And so for whatever reason, it didn't work out. You weren't happy with your relationship. And so now you find yourself, you're single. Okay, maybe you've taken a little bit of time to be single and to kind of live that life, right? And you worked on yourself.

You said, you know what? I definitely don't want to have a sexless or loveless relationship moving on. So what can I do to improve myself? Can I work on my communication? Can I voice what I want without hurting somebody's feelings? And so Eric comes to this online dating world and, you know, he met his wife, his ex-wife in college. So what the hell? Like what is Hinge and Bumble and da da da? And there's so many apps, right? Where does he even navigate that? So some of the things Eric is dealing with is everybody's dealing with, right? Dating apps can be overwhelming. How do you even get on there?

How do you even like put yourself out there? What do I say about myself? Like what are all of these things? And I'm here to tell you that this is one of my specialties. This is one of my specialties. I literally can create a profile very strategically with great photos and a great bio. And within that bio, explaining who you are and what you want moving on, right? And being honest to a point. So some of the issues that we deal with is definitely the digital age and how do you navigate that? Another one is like the shift in relationship dynamics, right? There's a growing acceptance of relationship formats like non-monogamy or, you know, just getting married later in life after maybe you've never been married maybe you've been you know living in

in your career and that has literally defined you and you have not like focused you have not taken the time to put time into dating and now you are 50 years old and you want to find your partner you want to find that person who is going to fit in your life perfectly well you've got to start doing the work. You've got to start putting yourself out there because it's just not going to come and fall on your lap. I'm sorry, but you've got to work at it. And that's okay because I'm here for you. Another thing that, you know, I've been seeing with my clients is the evolution of gender roles because it is so confusing today with the Me Too movement and women's rights, equal rights, equal pay. And men today don't really understand where they fit in with that.

Okay. As women, we've been very vocal about we can do this. I can do it better. I don't need you to do this. And it's this culture of women don't need men. Okay. So they hear that loud and clear. And they're like, okay, well, where do I fit in then if she doesn't need me? But I'm here to tell you, I'm not going to get in this too much, but women, we can do it. We're great at it. But you still need to allow him to have a role. And that is, let him have that masculine role. Let him do the things. Let him plan the things. Let him open the door for you. Just be. Just get out of that masculine, that doing, doing, doing that we always do. And allow yourself just to be and just to be in the moment of surrender.

And I don't mean you give up yourself or you don't move those boundaries that you have, but allow him to have a purpose because it is quite confusing these days, right? I mean, yeah, we can pay for our own dinners. We can open our own doors. We can even initiate contact and it's totally fine. But let him chase you a little.

let him contact you let him do the things that he was in his DNA is meant to do and maybe I'm gonna get some you know lash back about this but I truly feel that when you have each the masculine and feminine you actually do a dance there's this beautiful dance of back and forth it's like this and I'm not saying it has to be all the time but men are confused today it's not 1950 anymore right where we didn't have a voice and it's not where we're looking for a beta man we still want a man we still if he's heteronorm right heterosexual relationship a woman still wants a man she still wants to be provided for and i don't just mean financially i mean she wants to be provided a space of vulnerability she needs to be provided a space of where she can open up and completely

truly become the feminine where he supports her and he is there for her and he respects her so those are just a couple things that's going on another big issue is time constraints so this can mean a few things we all have busy professional lives some of us run businesses some of us run multiple businesses some of us just work crazy hours and we all have demanding careers and you personal things that we have to do. And so balancing work commitment and effort requires new people to go on dates that are challenging, right? So how do you balance that? How do you balance that busy professional life with a social life? Well, you need to prioritize what's important to you. I always hear like, oh, I don't have time. I don't have time.

but that is bullshit because you make time for things that matter to you so you have to really look deep deep inside do you really want a relationship do you really want to date I don't want you to date just because your mom says so or your parents think that this is what you should do or your religion says you need to be married to be in a sexual relationship there's all different ways and reasons why people feel the need to have in good form to societal norms. It's bullshit. Like, I hope that we're changing those. And I feel that a lot of people have an issue with quality versus quantity. There could be, like I said, there's lots of dating apps. There's lots of places to meet women. And that doesn't mean you're going to find quality just because there's

a hundred women that are like sending you messages and trying to connect with you and you're a match that's made up stop to think about and start to look at their bio and really does this align with who you are and what you want in this next relationship because ultimately you know we're talking about time constraints so this right here when you get crystal clear with what you want and who that person is if they're filling your list up if this is who you want to spend your energy on you will waste less time when you know what it is you're looking for and what it is that you want. So remember that. Also, the efficiency in dating is an issue. You know, understanding whether a date has potential becomes more important, which can put the pressure on the dating process. Now,

this is just something that I'm kind of reiterating. One kind of goes into the other. so stop to think about what it is that matters to you because I know that at this age in your life you've either been married to your career or you've been married and divorced or you've been in relationships before that just haven't worked out and now you have to prioritize the things that matter to you and this is an exciting time you get to decide what it is that you want, right? You're not 25 anymore. You're not 30 something anymore, maybe in your late 30s, but you're not at that age where you're inexperienced, but you've had a few relationships. So guess what? You get to get that relationship that you ultimately want. And maybe that's

changed because I feel that we're ever evolving and our likes and wants change. You know, maybe your values have stayed the same, but maybe your beliefs have changed a little bit because you kind of worked on yourself and you've kind of gotten over the things that have held you back or you're limiting beliefs. You've worked on that. Now, moving forward, you're ready for that relationship. So this is exciting. This time in your life should be so exciting. I don't know how else to say it, but you get to be the captain of your ship. You get to direct how you want to show up, who you want in your life who you want around you and that should feel empowering and ultimately my job and what I absolutely love to do and my service to you is to empower you to bring your

authentic self awake almost to define that and to live by that because that is so empowering and I promise you when you live in that you definitely will find your person or persons and I cannot say that enough. And I think the clients that come to me, you know, aren't feeling so secure with themselves. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to talk. They don't know how to put themselves out there because it's scary, especially if you've not done it for a really long time or you've done it, but you've just keep getting the same results that you don't want. And why is that? So we have to stop in the midst of the crazy and break everything down and figure out why. What are the reasons why you're having the same results, right? What's

going on? So having those pain points, right? Having that like, I'm tired of being alone. I want to find my person. I'm happy in my career. I want to just share my life with somebody amazing who fits my life, who fits my description of what it is that I'm looking for. And you can have that. You can. It's changing your mindset. It's working on those limiting beliefs. It's putting out what you want into the universe. But it also takes work. But I promise you, at the end of that, you will feel empowered. You will feel confident. You will feel so sure. You will get and be with your person. It might take you a few dates or a few people, but trust me, you will have a goal. You have a direction. You will have the tools that you need to get where you need to be. And that is

just like, it's really, really priceless. That's all I can say. I wish I had someone to have had guided me earlier in my life. And I probably would have chosen much better men for me in my past. But we can't go back in the past. Can't change that. I know that defines us. Doesn't mean that we have to be that person either, right? Like it doesn't mean that because I had abandonment and trust issues in my last relationships, that I need to keep those, you know, walls up or those things that didn't work for me, because that doesn't work. Work life integration. You know, how do we integrate a satisfying personal life and a romantic life? And I think a lot of people get scared with this. Well, I'm working crazy hours. And I still need to go like do me go do

my hobbies like go work out like take care of myself in the house and then like to add a romantic relationship okay how bad do you want it how bad do you want to have like great communication and all these amazing things that you can get from an amazing beautiful relationship you know great sex just the intimacy of holding somebody's hand knowing that someone's there for you when you come in the door and like to give you a hug. Like there's so many amazing things that we get from relationships that maybe you haven't had in a really long time. So those things can easily be figured out. We all have that worry of like stress and burnout that when we're stressed at work or we have all these things going on in our life that like we're going to bring that into

that relationship. And I think if we're mindful enough, I think if you say, yes, I'm crazy burnout, I'm crazy stress. Well, let's figure out how to like time management. Let's figure out other ways to deal with those stressors, exercise, yoga, like there's a million ways in which you can learn to to be better at stress management, because we're all still going to be stressed. That's the way life. Life is crazier and crazier and faster and faster. And how can we manage all of these things and be happy and healthy? Well, it's definitely more difficult, but it can happen. You got to just work on it because if it matters to you, you will. There's one other issue that I'm really going to talk about why people are having difficult times or maybe they're not sure

they want to date. And one of them is the career identity and personal identity. So this is a big one, because anybody that's truly like has lived by the career, let me use an example. One of my clients, Alex, he was still is a well renowned surgeon. And because of his specialty, he works crazy hours, he's gone first of all, undergrad, med school, residency, internships, surgical residency, you name it, and then you specialize. So he's been living, breathing, working, surgery, and medical school for so many years. And so when he started to date, what he was finding is that he was bringing the same rhetoric, the same verbal and nonverbal communication to his relationship, and it wasn't working. well I wonder why because when you have such a committed job or profession or business you've got to shut that off come home or when you're dating you have to shut that off I'm not saying you can't be proud of it and be able to talk about it here and there but that cannot be

your sole definition of who you are you cannot talk that way you cannot act that way when you're in your relationship. And that just means having respect, having the trust, having different ways of communicating. So I just really wanted to throw that out there because I think it's very important for people to understand that we should be very proud of where we come. But when we're dating, you have to keep in mind that those are not the only way. And it's definitely not a way of communicating with a future relationship. So I hope you guys all took something from this episode. I know I was a little all over the place, but what I am getting at is in the next three or four solo episodes, I'm going to put a pause on talk dirty to me until I

start getting some great questions that maybe I even haven't spoken about. I am so down to talk about anything that's sex related or just awkward, bad day. Like how do I deal with this? Please keep sending me those talk dirty to me questions, go to my website, Celeste more.com. Sign up for my email. It's a free email. I have lots of freebies on there. And there should be a form on there where you can sign up and just ask me anything. I would love to get on a show here and answer your questions. Maybe one time I'm going to start at 800 number and having you guys call in. So start thinking about things that you want me to even talk about something that kind of resonates with you and maybe i haven't spoken about it yet and i would love to because obviously this

platform here like originally was to you know get my name out there but truly now it is just an education platform i love to teach i love to educate i want people to understand who i am why someone would come to me and what they're gonna get from me what are they gonna bring out of their life, moving into this world of dating that is going to be so huge for them. So just remember that I seriously am an email away, a DM away. I want your feedback. I want us to build this community of, you know, even for guests, like if you have a certain subject, let me start reaching out to some people that I think would be a good fit for the show. So I'm hoping that you're loving this. And I appreciate everybody listening. Again, don't forget, you can also find

me on Instagram at Celeste Moore image, LinkedIn, Celeste Moore. Tune in right now until the end of January. These release every Monday. And don't forget to tune in next week because I have an exciting guest. Have an amazing day, everybody. Thank you. thanks for tuning in to today's episode come and hang out with me on instagram at celeste more image let me know your thoughts on today's episode because i always love hearing from you all you can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website celestemore.com okay that's all for now i'll see you in the next episode see you next time friends Thank you.