Moore Style - Turning Inward to Become a Better Man with Matt LeBris

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Have you ever asked yourself if you are dateable? This question is a bit of a theme during my conversation with Matt LeBris this week. After some heartbreak and many awakenings, Matt is doing the work and facing inward to attract the partner of his dreams.   Hard work and determination have always been a part of Matt’s personality but recently they have become themes in his love life and I am so proud!  I highly recommend this episode to anyone feeling stuck and looking for a bit of inspo in the love department!   In this week’s episode, we discuss: [01:30] About Matt LeBris  [03:33] What created Matt’s determination?  [05:47] How Matt started working with Daymond John from Shark Tank [12:25] Matt’s career after working with Daymond  [13:50] The creation story of his podcast Decoding Success  [16:28] What Matt means when he says his dating and love life change when he turns inward [30:55] Dating obstacles Matt has had since his last relationship [36:48] How Matt trusts divine timing in his life  [42:30] Items on Matt’s list for his next partner  [47:19] Matt’s favorite date  Connect with Matt:  Instagram Website  Podcast 

Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena. So let's get into today's episode.

So welcome everyone today to another Down and Dirty podcast episode. And as always, I'm your host, Celeste Moore. Today, I'm super excited to hear from my guest, his ideas and point of view on dating, looking inward, and divine timing in life and more. But before we dive in today's episode, I want to introduce you to our guest. His name is Matt Labrie. He was born and raised a New Yorker who inevitably caught the hustler spirit that fills his hometown streets. A Forbes 30 under 30 nominee, Matt has previously worked with Damon John of Shark Tank and currently hosts a top 1% globally ranked podcast, Decoding Success, which features the likes of Mel Robbins, Grant Cardone, and many others. The mission Matt has

set out on is to positively impact one life daily. Well, Matt, welcome and thank you for coming on today's show. Celeste, thank you. I'm so grateful to be here with you and I'm super, super excited for our conversation. And I really appreciate what you're building, putting out into the world. So I'm excited to rock with you today. Let's do it. Awesome. Me too. I'm not quite sure how we connected on IG, but I'm very thankful for it. Absolutely. And, you know, I'm glad that we got kind of got, you know, continue to get to know each other here and there. And a little birdie told me that you just turned 30. So I did. Happy late birthday. I appreciate it. So it was actually in October. I'm pushing 31 at this point. But yeah, very, very big milestone year. I mean,

I don't feel my age and doctors will tell you from testing I've done that I'm actually biologically 23, which is a good thing. It's an amazing thing. But yeah, these are these are some big years. Yeah, well, you know, I would love to say I would love to be 31 again. But you know, that's not going to happen, but you don't act like 30. And that's kind of an interesting thing for me. And it could be, you know, your life experiences and how you grew up. And I'm sure I'll let you talk about that. But, you know, when you say this hustler lifestyle, right. Or this hustler kind of mentality, I understand because I lived on the East coast, just very around the corner from you for about 10 years. So I understand the mentality of New Yorkers and, you know,

the drive and the determination, but what was it that really created that for you? What was your drive and ambition to become this hustler, as you say? My desire to want things, right? I remember so vividly, you know, growing up in Queens, we would hang out on the block, right? Like the street that you grew up on was known as the block. And I had a very good friend of mine, and this is like elementary school days. On the weekends, we would get together. He went to public school i went to private school but on the weekends we would get together and if we're fortunate enough our parents would give us money for like one pack of cards whether it be like pokemon cards or baseball cards whatever we were into at the time and i'll never forget this one

instance both of our mothers got home at the same exact time we lived houses away from each other but they both pulled into their respective driveways at the same exact time getting home from the grocery store and it just so happened this weekend like i was getting no money from my parents and I was like dude like let's start a restaurant you know like you're a creative kid like you're just gonna come up with this idea so lo and behold I ransacked my mother's groceries he ransacked his mother's groceries we had chips and salsa this that the other whatever we had and we went around the corner from our house and sold them and next thing you know of course I got punished for that quote-unquote punished for that but I think seriously like that's kind of where

it started and then you know growing up i was very much so influenced by the people that had the things i wanted those things were true religion genes a certain type of car the girls and of course they were all older you know they were they were older individuals and we were hanging around each other and you know just it was an influence and how do you get that like you have to go after it so the hustle mentality that i referred to in a bio isn't necessarily something that, I mean, I guess it is. It's just something that was influenced, right? It was something that I was around in numerous different capacities and it just kept leveling up throughout life, all the way to working with Damon John of Shark Tank, where you see what's possible for you and

the way to get it is to go after it. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about how that came about you working with Damon John. Well, I'll tell you this. There's a lot in between. I failed tremendously in numerous areas of life right and I just I want to paint this picture before telling that story because it wasn't like I snapped my finger and I was working with him I mean I failed out of I'll work backwards right I failed out of college I watched my mother battle cancer I got kicked out of two high schools I didn't get accepted into any high schools I was arrested my senior year of high school I lost my dream of playing professional sports after I tore both the labrums in my shoulder. So like life wasn't just peaches and cream, but I was pretty much

numb throughout all those experiences. And I had, as we all do, awakening moments. And one of my awakening moments really helped me come to the realization that I have been blessed tremendously with numerous opportunities. And when I finally got myself back in college to go and get my four year degree after trials and tribulations, I realized that the school I had went to and the students that attend said school, just they didn't have what I had. And I said, you know what, how can I bring about these opportunities? So I took on numerous student leadership roles, all of which had led me to receiving a call during my quote unquote junior year, because I was on the seven year plan, by the way, that didn't get me a doctorate degree. And I received the phone call

as i was on spring break in dominican republic during my quote-unquote junior year and the woman on the other end of the line said matt do you want to meet dame and john now i'm saying to myself why the hell are they calling me like verizon's gonna charge me because back in the day you didn't have those roaming plans or whatever i'm like i know i paid my damn tuition because after i failed out my parents cut me off so like i had to do it myself and she had asked me that question he was coming to our college campus to do some sort of like fireside chat right for a book that he was releasing and I was one of three students to meet him and we were the absolute last people in the green room before he went on stage to shake his hand I was actually the last and I'm six foot

five he's about five foot something and I shook his hand and he looked at me and he goes what the hell do they teach you here how to break people's hands so it was kind of good vibes off the bat although you know some people might interpret that differently and we had a five minute conversation And by the end of it, I said, Damon, I'm going to work for you. He looked at me like I had 10 heads and I know I have a big head, but like I don't have 10 of them. So he went on stage. He did his fireside chat. I had brought my mentor who wasn't a student and we were sitting in different parts of the theater. And at the end of it, we came together in the middle of the theater. We thought we were the last two people to leave. And out of my peripheral vision, I'll never forget it. It was out of my left eye. I saw Santa Claus or at least someone that looked like Santa Claus walking up the stairs to exit the theater. And I said to my mentor, one of my best friends, his name's Phil. I said, Phil, who is that guy? He looks so familiar.

And at the time, Phil was essentially spearheading a business that we all ran together, which was in New York City Hospitality. And he goes, oh, that's George. We worked with him on said whatever event it was. Lo and behold, to wrap this all up, George worked with Damon. And this is where things came full circle for me. So George got me back in the green room, which didn't necessarily get me anywhere with Damon outside of just getting another picture. But three months after that, I was interning with Damon,

I turned that internship that I did for a full year into a job. And then I turned that job into being interviewed by Damon on his show. So it was, you know, a series of events. And that drastically changed my life for the better. That's incredible. You had a crystal clear vision. And this is what I tell my clients with just, you know, dating, for example, but it's like, the more clear you are on what it is that you want. The universe, however, God, whatever your beliefs, like find a way to make it happen. And that's just incredible. What a cool story. Yeah, I appreciate it. I mean, like I said, it drastically changed my life because, you know, just I've never been around someone that's worth as much money as him. And it's not even about the money, but someone that

has had the experiences that he's had, right? Like both of my parents are very successful in their careers and i take nothing away from them for that they both do a very very good job in fact like i always give kudos to my mom i mean she didn't even go to college and she's president of a freaking the largest bank in the world by gdp like she's crushed it but she doesn't necessarily have the experiences that damon had and it's not to compare so just being in proximity of him for three plus years as an intern an employee this that the other like it really shows you what's possible for yourself. Yeah. Right. And it's such a beautiful thing. It drastically, drastically helped revolutionize my path and helped me forge my own way. Yeah. That's amazing. And you did this

at what age? Can I ask? Oh, good question. So this was in my mid twenties. I mean, from 17 to 24, I was in hospitality and that is what essentially pulled me away from school, Right. Just growing up and going to private school your whole life like no one's called. Well, actually, I'm backtracking. They'll call mommy and daddy if you miss if you don't go to school. So that only happened to me once my senior year. And then when I went to college, there's no one calling mommy and daddy if you're if you're not going to class. And I mean, I was so trigger happy with that. Like I was pulling that trigger. Oh, it's 8 a.m. Class starts at nine. I'm not sitting in traffic on the L.A. today. Like I'm just going to stay in bed. Lo and behold, you eventually fail. But I was like, you know what? I'm good. I'm making all this money. I'm very grateful. We were working with people like from the Jersey Shore, the Jersey Shore cast, you know, hip hop artists, this, that, the other. I thought I was on top of the world. And then the business started to change and I started to change. And, you know, then transitioning into working with Damon had to have been around 25. Yeah. so probably from like 25 to 28 ish or 24 to 27, something like that. Yeah. Well, I only asked just because at such a young age, you were exposed to such, you know, like you said, someone that was so experienced in business and a mentor and yes, you worked for him. I'm sure you learned such, you know, huge amounts of things that you can bring into your, your now business and even your

podcast now. So that's pretty, that's pretty amazing. I appreciate it. So you were in hospitality before Damon, but like, after Damon, what did you go? Did you start the podcast right away? Or? Yeah, so exactly. So I'll be very transparent. I had left my job with him prematurely, right? For numerous reasons, right? And I didn't know this back then. But one of them is because my core wound of just feeling neglected at points was being struck. And it came down to seeking a promotion and I was scared of conflict so it led me to just quit and I did so respectfully of course and I'm very good friends with essentially his whole team still and him to this day but after that I had no plan which is something I don't suggest anyone ever does the only thing on my

calendar after working with Damon was a Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within event a speaking engagement in Jackson Mississippi Thanksgiving Christmas and New Year's and I had nothing else planned. So long story short, I had an intern at the time who was always nudging me and he then became a coworker. His name is Matt, still a very good friend to this day. And he would be like, Matt, you need to start a podcast, start a pod. I'm like, dude, when the hell do I have time for a podcast? Like, do you not see me in the office with you five days a week, sometimes six? Cause I was working on Saturdays as well. And he was like, dude, you need to do it. So when I had quit my job, I'm like, you know what? I think it's a good time to start a podcast. So that's when the

podcast launched right after that opportunity and that once again changed my life now did you start that by yourself because I know you have two other co-hosts isn't that correct yeah so I do what's called a round table we do these round tables where you know just my buddies like and I'm very grateful like I had mentioned earlier I've been influenced by people that by many people and I always found myself hanging out with people that are older than me every single person I hang out with or resonate with is older than me. And it's not to say that I don't resonate with people that are younger or my age, but like the people that I'm most drawn to are older. So one of my best friends is 38 or 39. That's a nine year gap or an eight year gap. Another is 34. Another's 34.

Another's 36, right? So there's these large age gaps and I bring them onto the show and do these round table episodes where, you know, we're in our studio and we just chop it up. We have a really good time doing it and we we like to show as for men the importance of just being vulnerable not being vulnerable to be rewarded which is something men in society do today i'm guilty of that i have done that many times over but just to be open right and to show people the importance of that but uh outside of it i've really just launched the podcast by myself and i think we're today is 275 episodes so we've been rocking and rolling i appreciate it that's big you know i like i've only let's see this is my i've hit my year mark but now i'm doing that's on one year thank you

about eight months and i decided to start launching every every week and i was doing every other week in the beginning and just kind of like i had no idea nobody taught me how to do anything um so i'm still making mistakes you're telling me you didn't take podcasting in high school definitely right I don't think that existed when I was in high school so I'm only messing around like this is yeah like I totally get it it's something that we're not taught right and it's something that we figure out but I I know from listening to your show that I could I could tell your energy behind it and that you love it and you make an impact with your work right that that's one of the most beautiful things so I'm glad to hear that you're you know you're chugging

along with it and you know we figure it out as we go like no one knows all of the all of the secrets, you know, and if we do, we share them. So right, right. But yeah, you know, on my intake form, I always ask, is there two or three questions that maybe it's something that you want to talk about? And I thought what you asked on here, or what your answer was, was, was actually pretty fascinating. So I'm going to share them with everybody here. And I'm gonna remember what I what I wrote. Okay. It's okay. So I would love to hear your thoughts on what it means by you saying when you turn inward it shifts your dating and or love life oh my goodness I'm gonna get emotional I almost cried as you asked that yeah before 2020 love looked a certain way to me right love to me

not necessarily consciously but you know unconsciously or subconsciously was neglect rejection etc and that sounds weird to say like how could neglect and rejection and this that and the other be love but that's what love was for me growing up right so that's what was modeled to me by my mother I vividly remember her and these are elementary school days like I vividly have memories of her rejecting me with words and that was very painful so I align that with you know how i was to be treated so in 2020 through the pandemic i was dating this incredible woman she's still incredible even though it didn't work out so i don't want to make it seem like i'm throwing shade but she did exactly what my mother did to me she neglected me she rejected me and

i was attracted to that until i realized what it was doing to my nervous system and it was making me feel uneasy. It was bringing about anxiety. And I'm like, why do I have anxiousness in this relationship? So at the time I'm like, oh, maybe I'm the problem. And it's not to say anyone was the problem, but I had to put myself in therapy. I was just like, what is going on? And it was a really brave and courageous decision. And truthfully, I don't even know where it came from. Like, I don't know why I had opted for therapy, but I did. And one session, two session, three session, seven sessions, 10 sessions in, you start to realize your patterns with someone that has honestly no stake in your life or no stake in the relationship, just being an unbiased voice

or soundboard or whatever the case may be. And then I realized like, hey, I'm not being treated right. So the more I turned inward and the more that I realized the patterns, the more that I realized you know just how I was brought up it really revolutionized the way I view love the way that I view dating the way that I view a potential partner and while said person might have checked all of the boxes on my list which is probably somewhere behind this screen right now you know there were things that needed to be added right so the more I turn inward the more I don't even tolerate being ignored or being this or like, it's just an instant turnoff for me. So the more I turn inward, the more it aligns me to, you know, all of us, not just me, like the more

we turn inward, the more it aligns us with what is actually meant for us at our core. Yeah, 100%. Thank you for sharing that. I know that as even in some of my relationships, I look back and I'm like, Oh my God, that was like my father. It's where we mirror our relationships before we know that they're not healthy is, you know, something that our parents did and it's comfortable. It's like what we knew and it's not necessarily what we need. And so you obviously were like, Oh, well, this is familiar, right? This is, this is what is resonating with me so it must be right and then yeah when you have that terrible feeling of anxiousness and knowing that this is something's not right something is off and then the fact that

you went to therapy yes mucho kudos because it is tough it is a really um hard place to be it's a lot of work but once you go through it then no other relationship like you said will ever will never tolerate that anymore. A hundred percent. It's funny because, you know, you need some time after a breakup and I'll be fully transparent. While I started that inward journey in June of 2020, it took me numerous months to like break that relationship off. You know, it's not something that, you know, you go to therapy once you have this massive realization, then you're like, you know what, get out of my life. It wasn't like that. You know, there were steps there were there were tiny steps and after that I definitely needed some time but

when I was when I felt ready again to start pursuing another relationship there was a really big red flag and to me that red flag was just being ignored at times and I'm like you know what I don't like that I understand we're all busy but you could tell when someone's busy and when someone's ignoring you and I was like you know what I have to get rid of this you know so yes we've had many successful dates and both would agree to that, but any sense of rejection, if there's no explanation, if there's no communication, if there's like, it's just not for me, you know? So it's really cool to be able to look back and to even talk about it openly like this and realize the shifts that have been made because that's, that's growth, right?

Definitely. Yeah. You've got, you've gone through a lot of growth in the last, you know, five, seven years personally professionally so you're just better in a better place you're gonna find that I mean are you in a relationship now can I ask I'm not but you know what's funny and I'll openly admit this I have a FaceTime date with a girl that I've known for many years and she's currently in Philadelphia but moving back to New York in June I actually have that tonight I said this to a buddy you know I think men and I'm sure women do this too you know we can categorize people in numerous different ways, right? We can categorize someone as we're not interested at all. So like they're automatically ruled out. That's one bucket. Another bucket is

kind of interested, maybe just a hookup, right? That's another bucket. And then there's the last bucket, which is interested, we'll take them serious. And it's been a rarity for me personally to find someone that I'm willing to take serious that specifically is within my geographic location. I oftentimes find women that are, I don't know, in freaking lips in Portugal and I'm like, well, I'm in New York. This isn't going to work out, you know, but this one, I mean, it's definitely someone that I see falls into that serious bucket. So we'll see what happens. I've been single for a little bit now. I've been very very focused on myself because there are some things that I'm working on internally that I think are important for me to have not necessarily solidified but you know getting getting them to a certain point which would allow a woman to feel secure safe etc with me versus you know just being like ungrounded and all over the place so we'll see what happens

tonight though it could be the it could be the start of something here okay I hope all of you guys are hearing this because you are so emotional mature for your age. And I have to say, possibly just in general, you are as a man, like just being able to own your feelings and be comfortable with it. And I think women are so much more attracted to that than someone just closing off and shutting down and like, Oh, I can't, I can't feel, I can't show it. And it's like, no, that is like the most beautiful thing, even as a human, forget about man and woman, but being able to, to have the safe space to talk about your feelings and to talk about things that you're going through is huge. And I just have to say, like, I'm so happy that there's men out there like you, because this is

what I do. Seriously. I want them to be able and women too. I'm not saying we're, we're all perfect, but this is just in general. When you, when two people come together, you said something so poignant because you said, I'm not a hundred percent solidified, but you're working towards that. And someone, a very couple, really very smart women who are educated in the relationship field have told me that the a hundred percent comes when you meet your match. Yeah, no, I get that for sure. I think, you know, one question that I've started to ask myself is what I date myself. Right. Or on the flip side, if I had a daughter, would I let my daughter date me right now? Right. And I would be honest, like to an extent the answer is yes, but it's not a 100%

yes. You know? So, I mean, and I hate to, what's the word I'm looking for? Like I hate to, I don't want to say the word judge or measure things in such a way, but I know for me personally, like knowing who I am like we all know who we are it's not just what we put out into the world but like who are you really like that's a really important question too at numerous points throughout 2022 or probably all of 2022 and into 2023 the answer was no I wouldn't date myself so just having that honesty like all right cool you wouldn't date yourself so then why would you intentionally hurt someone right because if you're not willing to date yourself at this moment yeah you could you know put on a little bit of a front and get what you want from someone and

is that what you really want to do to walk away and harm someone else and keep this continual continuous cycle of hurt people hurt people in this world you know I would prefer not to contribute to that and just totally you know just focus inward and then when it comes it comes well I think it is important to actually date yourself and and I mean this in like the best way right I mean in probably every way and I really mean this like sexually too I mean get comfortable with what you like because you know that could be an issue if you know everything could be great and then there could be something along those lines so knowing who you are what your values are what your beliefs are your life goals those are really the three big areas where you

should have similarities with your match or your your partner whatever you whoever you want to call her him her whatever you know but so that when you do when you are looking for that those things align your hobbies your your friends they can all be different I mean that's not something you have to have in common it's like you don't have to have all of these things but I will say I hope you have written down like three major deal breakers. I don't mean red flags. I mean like hard nose. Yeah. I could potentially show it to you, but I'm going to have to step away from them. I have a list. I've read this book, Chicken Soup for the Soul. It's a very popular book. I'm sure you might have read it too. And within it, there was a story that, and don't quote me on it because I definitely

don't remember the verbatim. This was years ago, but essentially like creating a list of what you want in your partner creating a list of what you want in your business creating a list of what you want in your career etc so I took that to heart and I was like you know what I'm going to create that list and on that list are non-negotiables which is what you're getting at like things that you know I absolutely need and I think I've done this list twice now where I you know of course it's going to change you know after a relationship you're like all right that didn't work out I need to add X, Y, and Z to this list, which I've done. And the interesting thing that I learned recently is that while that list is important of non-negotiables and just things that you would

like in your partner, what's equally as important is knowing what's on your desired partner's list and becoming that list. And that's the process I'm in right now, right? Like ensuring that I'm becoming what's on my desired partner's list. And whoever's listening to this might rebuttal and be like, well, how would you know that? Well, I mean, you kind of do just based off of what you're looking for, right? If I am, you know, I don't even know examples, like not taking care of my health, not in the gym, not this or that. Well, let's be realistic. It would be hard for a person that's not doing what they need to do from a health perspective to expect a partner that's, you know, on the cover of Sports Illustrated, right? Like it just doesn't align or match. So

yeah i i love exercises like that and they're eye-opening well i will say you're becoming a high value man in every aspect of your life and one of those is like obviously self-care taking care of yourself but please please please never try to understand what another woman wants or values because i i can tell you that we all want something different we we hopefully all want a high value man, but that does not mean that, that I'm just saying I'm the right person for you. Right. So never, never, never, never go into a relationship without all of your things being met. And you should, because the more you're sure about that, the more clear you are, forget about her list. Please forget about her list. You will attract your misright. You will

attract your woman. So you're saying not to focus on the list at all, like the list that she would have for her partner definitely no definitely interesting you it's like you are doing everything proper and right and and inward and knowing what you want for your life and and your goals and whatever and with that you will you will attract your your person interesting no I appreciate that perspective this is why I like conversations like this because it expands horizons you know I think it was actually Elena Cardone who had shared that she was like hey like you know we were talking about the quote-unquote list and I was like you know what it might be a cool exercise but I appreciate that it's definitely something to keep in mind I just don't want you to take away from

you because this is all that's that's all that's important and I promise like you know I hope it's her and Philly you know but if not it's not Philly girl it's someone else you know it's you've got it all going on so just know that like if you've got it your confidence will you know it will shine it will show and your person will be attracted to you and it'll absolutely all gonna work out so absolutely all i'm saying do you have any dating obstacles or struggles that you found or as you really haven't dated since that relationship ended after like you know kind of every yeah so I dated again in 2021 which was a year after it had ended about a year after it had ended and I felt very comfortable dating at that point but I definitely still had ego in the driver

seat so I think something that I run into and this was it's funny this was said to me once and this was years ago this was back in I think 2019 December of 2019 I was a very different person back then right this is also pre-therapy i had a woman say to me matt you were my superman what happened and she said that because i started to become vulnerable like the the deeper you're in a relationship the more that's revealed right like you start letting your guard down and whatnot after that i've definitely i don't know if it's a struggle or just something that i'm more conscious of is balancing the amount of vulnerability based on timeline. So for example, on the first date, I'm not going in and spewing like, you know, childhood shit. Thank you. You know, I'm not

like that. I don't do that. But at the same time, yeah, I mean, it's it's a little tricky, you know, because I felt in that moment very judged, like for a woman to say you were my superman what happened like that that really hurts and you know that's you know potentially on her too in a way but that's part of the reason i think men aren't necessarily vulnerable granted i haven't let that stop me but i've definitely found it to be a tricky situation as to like how much you reveal in said amount of time you know so i feel that if you're meeting the right woman she's not gonna judge you agreed I also feel that like I have always said the first couple dates definitely a first date just have fun see if there's any chemistry see if there's anything

don't talk about anything too heavy but there's a time when you're like okay this is date number three maybe I'll ask a little bit more personal questions and if she reacts in something in a way that is, you know, very negative or whatever, that's not, that's not for, for you that she's not, you know, there's a lot of, I find there's a lot of masculine women nowadays, right? I'm one of them, but I'm learning to let go of that when it comes to dating because two masculines is, is competitiveness. So you can't have that. There's gotta be the dance, right? There's gotta be that feminine energy and masculine, and it could be in either gender. That's just the energy I think when you have the right person in front of you you can share and be vulnerable and

share your your stories because I think that's really who you are right oh absolutely that makes you yeah a hundred percent I actually just said to a buddy today via voice note I said to him like hey man you know one thing I've noticed about myself and I I literally see this with all of my friends specifically guys okay they are very what's the word they're like they're kind of like walking a tightrope when it comes to playing the game especially in the early stages of dating playing the game and just like being who they want to be and i said to a buddy this was last night actually i said to him i'm like dude like i understand like a little bit of game like might like help you get what you want i was like with this girl that i'm referring to in regards to

the facetime date i was like dude if i want to text her i text her like she's answering me like why not just text her you know like i'm just done with any sort of game and i literally said to him like if it turns her off if she's not interested that's fine you know but i'm just like totally done with should i text her should i not right i see that with my friends and i was i'm one of them at times too just like very much so operating from in our head versus in our heart and i'm trying my best to just operate from my heart right like if it's on my mind and it's on my heart you want to send a text send a text who cares it might take her a little while to answer it might not but i think that was a really really big thing especially in my friend group i mean i can't even

tell you how many times we're talking and it's just like dude you know the answer do what you want to do versus, you know, I need to wait three hours to reply, to make it look like, you know, I'm busy and not totally a turnoff for me. So. Yay. I'm so excited for you. And I'm very proud because I like, seriously, it's like, I think getting over it, like no woman wants the game. We don't. I mean, we like a little mystery. Don't, don't, don't share, overshare too fast. Let us get to know you, right? It's the, if you will the game it's it's a process right it's a process of getting to know somebody um but the game like no we don't want that that's not what we're looking for so as soon as they can kind of

get over that and just get go with the right pace and i think what you're saying is like what's the right pace right what is yeah absolutely it's it's um i think it's individual but look if she's like you don't want it to be also in the first couple of dates, like an interview. It's not an interview. So, you know, so I know it's a process for sure. Yeah, absolutely. But I'm excited for you. So hopefully you'll, you'll tell me later if it went well. I'm going to have to report back. I'm going to have to give you my report. I love it. Okay. So one of the other ones, cause I really thought this would be exciting for the audience to hear is another question was you said how to trust the divine timing for your life you know so could you

elaborate on what that means oh yeah i'm still working on this i'll give you a perfect example real life example just happened to me this weekend as mentioned the majority of my friend group is older than me right 34 36 38 30 whatever i was at a communion party for one of my best friends or two of my best friends who married each other their daughter she she made her first holy communion and I'm there and having a good time you know just a lot of beautiful women were there by the way and a lot of beautiful women are there with their significant others and their babies and this and I'm like oh shit like it kind of hit me and this has happened to me in numerous different regards right I go to a wedding and a lot of weddings these days don't give a plus one so you're there

single and it just so happens a lot of the weddings i attend there's not really any single women there that's just like everyone's a couple and you're just looking and you're comparing yourself so literally just this weekend it happened to me and i said shit like kind of make you it kind of makes you feel some type of way you know and it's hard or not necessarily hard but it's challenging at times to just trust that things are happening in the timing in which they need to be happening for you you know and i've definitely been the type of person that has tried to speed up timelines because that's just how i was brought up in new york you know you go after what you want versus you know attracting it um which has been a shift to make in life but

divine timing is exactly that and it's it's not easy to keep in mind or to buy into that belief in the moment until you actually get what you want and you're like you know what i'm glad i ended up with this person versus that person looking back on life you know so divine timing is everything though it's not even just dating it's literally across the board right right no and like you said you know you can be in a relationship if you want to but you know that person is not for you exactly exactly and i think a lot of people would choose that relationship too right just for the sake of familiar how do you say that word for being familiar there you go i can never say that one i don't know why for the sake of feelings of familiarness which might not be a

word whatever yeah people definitely make that choice i'm trying my best not to well it's just a little glimpse of my life i've just i've done this for 15 years but kind of put it on hold like had clients here and there but kind of rebranded like a year and a half ago and like this is it. I'm 46. I'm not that young. So it's like look 46. And I'm not saying that to say it like you really, really don't whatsoever. Thank you. Thank you. Good genes. And I work hard at not looking. But you know, I should have had my life, you know, together after college. Why didn't I go to law school? Why did I, you know, it took all these different turns, but nothing was ever like I knew that my career, I wanted to feel like, ultimate joy, ultimate, like love of what

I wanted to do and I was trying all different things and nothing was really like and I'm like am I being too picky you know so it's like but no now that I like truly know I'm in my place I know that I'm making a difference I know that like what I do makes other people happy and succeed that makes me happy so just as like in dating for you and it's like I love that you've recreated that list you have to right yeah you have to I remember so vividly when I started to I was exiting that relationship which was essentially toxic right and I think toxic relationships aren't just one-sided like you contribute to that toxicity too and I vividly remember I was in my backyard I was doing renovations in the space that I'm currently in and I was like sawing wood

which by the way, I'm not handy. So if any woman is listening to this, please don't think I'm handy. Where's your tool belt? Yeah. I literally remember at one moment just taking my phone out and putting, you know, just starting to note things that were on my mind that I needed to add to the list. I honestly wish I had it because I would tell you what those things are, but I'll send it to you right after this. So, okay. Yeah. Well, what are just three? You're going to make me get the list hold on we're doing this right now so i keep it inside the book so that i know where it always is that's a good idea there we go this was a project to get but we got it chicken soup for the soul i keep it right in the front so

this was written well let's see i have three oh no this is my obituary have you ever written your obituary no but i probably should i'm not dying anytime soon i hope i hope no you're not you are not that's okay that's interesting okay we'll have to talk about that later i don't know when this one was made this was the first one i did it has 50 points right not all are non-negotiable but it has 50 points and then this one which i did at the end of that last relationship which was done so i guess i kind of need to do it again it was done on 12 31 20 so december 31st of 2020 and this time i actually put non-negotiables i don't know if you could even see that but i can't so i'll be honest my first one non-negotiable indeniable beauty from head to

toe like i want to be attracted to my partner like that's number one for me like if i'm go ahead comment I know you want to comment I do I do I'm sorry okay can you get I want you to be really really specific with that the more clear you are with that because that's just like oh I mean beauty to you yes but what does beauty to you mean what like be really specific like I mean you can even do it to like the color of her eyes like I mean yeah what does beauty look like to you what is so i don't want to sound like a man whore when i say this but a lot matter a lot of women are beautiful to me um i do have other characteristics that are physical that would potentially fall into that like i have i have like five foot five to five foot eight you know

like little things like that i do have throughout this list but okay sorry go ahead yeah no no i just i'm just saying like you know the clearer you are i promise you'll be like you'll be like what so i'll tell you some of the things that i added okay a woman who thoroughly thinks before she speaks potentially harmful and hurtful words the reason i share that is because in that relationship there were things said to me that i didn't necessarily take personal but they were very hurtful i'll give you an example this was during the pandemic so keep that in mind i wanted to just have like a quick little getaway with her like a lot of things here in new york city were shut down and we were driving to go get like acai bowls i literally remember this vividly

and i said i like looked over her looked over at her as i was driving and i had said to her i was like hey like would you her birthday was coming up i'm like would you want to go up to connecticut where like there was a such thing as outdoor dining we didn't even have that in new york at the time so i was like would you want to go up to connecticut we'll spend the weekend on the water and she did hesitate she hesitated and i was like what were you gonna say and then she said why would i this is literally what she said she goes why would i want to go spend the weekend on the water when i live on the water and i was she actually her parents had a really beautiful home and i was like wow like that was just harmful and hurtful like you have a guy that you're dating

that is wanting to put in that effort to just take you away for the weekend to have a good time have some dinners which we really weren't able to do for you know a pretty large portion of our dating 10 years so you know just little things like that and I can give you more which I'm going to give you off the call because one was intimate and I don't want to share that publicly and then a third one I wrote down I'm just going to pick a random one okay number 54 a woman who has the desire to show physical emotional connection to me without me having to continuously initiate oh yeah that's important that's important to me like you I want to feel loved you know like I don't want to be yeah absolutely I didn't feel that you know I definitely didn't feel that that's like another

form of like neglect or rejection you know so those were three I can keep giving them to you but yeah thanks for sharing no i like that those are important those and i think like every relationship is like oh it was a failure it's not a failure it's a learning lesson right you you know what you want and you know what you don't want and so like but getting like really clear on those sentences and maybe you'll take off three by by you know that first one just by like adding in some things but but also know that you the more clear you are like i said the better but know that it might not be 100 exactly exactly I think that's one of the most beautiful things of life I just said this the other day I've had a goal of moving my podcast into a studio forever

but every time I'm doing like some sort of visionary exercise like mentally where I'm like envisioning this it's always my own studio that I own and it's an office and it has a studio this that the other but it's been actualized in my life by just renting a studio too right so it's not necessarily something that i envisioned like to the exact t and this is a totally different example but i'm 100 on board yeah i'm 100 on board with that like i think it's so important to realize how things actualize in life that we do desire but they come in different capacities that are very much so aligned with what it is that we do want. Yeah, completely.

I think being open, right? That's the other thing is not being so like, okay, tunnel vision. This is exactly how things have to play out for it to be successful. Yeah. You just said that. That's great. Okay. I have one last question because I know we're running out of time here.

What was one of your favorite dates and what was it? Wow. One of my favorite dates. so I don't want this to paint a certain picture but one of my favorite dates was a rooftop we started at a rooftop here in New York City or specifically in Williamsburg Brooklyn for clarity it's called Westlight and it's like my go-to spot oftentimes my friends joke with me and they tell me that I pay the rent there that's how often I go so it's gorgeous though it's at the top of a hotel water tower that's the williamsburg hotel okay that's actually across the street okay i was

just there a few uh last june so okay oh awesome yeah it's beautiful there it's absolutely beautiful both of those locations are gorgeous so yeah we're at the top of west light and we walk in i'm just going to paint the whole picture i literally felt like the man because i go there so often i walk in and i saw the bartender i really had to use the restroom so i had left my date at the bar and i said hey i'm just going to use the restroom really quickly i forget the bartender's name i was like he's going to take care of you order whatever you want so I come back from the restroom and she has eight glasses of wine lined up and he was letting her do a wine tasting that's awesome so I literally like I just felt like the man in that moment and I will I'll also admit this when

I really feel like a woman falls within the bucket of hey like this is someone that I'll take serious I go hard so the the day before our date we had a Monday night date I'll never forget I was like wow a Monday night date okay I guess I need to build up for the weekend dates um so on Sunday I had gone to Westlight and I literally asked hey are you working I everyone that I knew there I had asked if they were working I said hey I'm coming here with a date tomorrow like I let it be known and then next thing you know she has a flight of wine that she's tasting so we started there we actually closed the place down with them. And we ended up at another bar. I never do food on the first date. Never, ever do food just in case things are awkward and you need to get out of there.

I've learned not to do food. So we went to another bar, not nearly as nice, but you know, we were just enjoying a couple of drinks and we ended up staying out until 3am. We started bowling at 1am. So fun. And I don't know how you feel about this. I'm very curious, but i don't let women win in games um the reason i say that is because i've had women tell me straight up that they think that's unattractive um but obviously this is your profession so i'm very curious to hear what you what you have to say in that so it was 1 a.m and i bowled a 200 which is 100 less than a perfect game um and i'm not that good of a bowler by the way i played baseball and basketball i was not all the alcohol yeah i it aligned my vision because i don't have

2020 that's for sure but yeah that was probably the best date I've ever had it was it was like really really good that sounds like an amazing date yeah well I think you were very confident in this date you felt like you said the man right and you were and every everything aligned well and you made it so and yeah you had fun absolutely I'm curious to get your take very quickly I know we're running out of time but your take on men letting women win in things oh right yeah you said that i think we can all compete yeah on the same level i i agree i agree i i was one person in the past where i was like oh you know do the right thing you're playing mini golf like let her win and then i'm like you know what who am i letting win like i don't let anyone win like

i want everyone to win but if it's a game where me or you win like i'm gonna win i love it it's you know little competition is fun like it's absolutely it's clearly you're not like competing for you know who's right in this relationship something big no no it's more fun exactly and i think you know this is a very deep conversation which might be for another time but i think that builds up in other areas of life right like she sees that you're taking control and this is just the way that i view it like she sees that you're taking control like you're not backing down i think that really shows like a certain type of energy and while she might be trying to match that energy I think just winning puts her in a you know the energy that she needs to be in and

it translates right it translates into intimacy in different forms and a whole bunch of other things so it does it shows who you are as a person so and I I think most women want a man and that can that's definitely uh no I think you're fine it's not like you're like you know rubbing it in her face oh no no I would never do that no it's fun it's fine you're all going yeah so yeah don't don't ever do that she might she might win you might win who cares yeah I would I would be so glad if I lost like I would be so so happy if I lost which was potentially possible especially that night but yeah no I appreciate your perspective I love it well I know that I have all of your info for your socials but i would love for you to share here you've got to go listen

to decoding success and it's on all platforms yeah we're on all major platforms like i said like 275 i think today was 275 episodes how many years five five december of 2018 was when we launched wow so it'll be five years this december i'm even thinking about doing like a little five year party. We'll see what happens. I've done a party in the past, which was for 200 episodes, which we released with Margaret Josephs from the New Jersey Housewives. And we had a really good time. So we'll see what happens. But yeah, five years, five years, we're everywhere. Congratulations. And where can people find you if they want to learn anything more about you? Yeah, I'm definitely guilty for being on Instagram and social media more than I should be. So I think

Instagram is the place that I hang out the most. My Instagram handles at M-A-T-T underscore L-E-B-R-I-S, which is just my name at Matt underscore Libri. Perfect. Well, Matt, I again, thank you for jumping on and sharing your journey and life story. And I can't wait to have this out for everybody to listen. So I appreciate it. Thank you so much for the opportunity, Celeste. I love what you're doing. And I'm super, super grateful for this. Thank you. Thanks for tuning in to today's episode, come and hang out with me on Instagram at Celeste Moore image. Let me know your thoughts on today's episode, because I always love hearing from you all. You can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website, Celeste more.com. Okay,

that's all for now. I'll see you in the next episode. See you next time, friends. You