Moore Style - Using the 5 Love Languages to Enrich Your Relationships

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, everyone. I'm your host, Celeste Moore, and you are listening to the Down and Dirty podcast, aka the Double D's of dating. This is a podcast for navigating the ins and outs of modern midlife dating. Here, we will discuss the challenges that men and women face in today's dating world. Like many industries, this one is forever changing, and I believe this platform will help those who need or want it. Today, it is the best time to take control of your desired outcome, whether it is a marriage, significant other, life partner, or just to gain the confidence in dating once again. Every other week, we will dive in and talk about different viewpoints that seem to be challenges in today's dating arena.

Starting point is 00:00:57 So let's get into today's episode. Welcome to the Down and Dirty Podcast number 18. In the month of October, I did a love language series on my Instagram account at Celeste more image. And I wanted to create this podcast today for all of those who maybe are not on social media or those who maybe have missed my series. You can always circle back and read some of my post to refresh. But I really think that love languages are really important. I'm going to go over the five love languages and how we effectively use them to communicate with our loved ones and our partners. They say, if you know how to communicate, then you will be together forever.

Starting point is 00:01:59 Well, if that's all that you needed, that'd be great. But it's very, very important, but it's not everything. Have you ever thought why maybe she doesn't understand me? I told her that I like this, but she never seems to get it right. Well, you may be the best at explaining what it is you're trying to say or what it is that you want. but she still may not quote unquote hear you. And that is because she may not be understanding how you receive love because we all receive love in different ways.

Starting point is 00:02:45 There are five main love languages. This does not only pertain to love languages with your partner, which I will mostly talk about because that is something we talk about is dating here. But it also relates to your parents, your children, best friends, even coworkers. So finding out one's love language can not only save you time, but it can also save you heartache. Do you know your love language? you may take the test and have a huge wow or aha moment but your love language may also change depending on the season of life you are in this is completely normal and okay too so we'll be getting into precisely what love language is how to find out yours and utilize this knowledge to

Starting point is 00:03:46 take your relationships to the next level. Love languages are useful tools in communicating and expressing love for ourselves and to each other. I would say that they provide a good place to start showing love, but they should not be the be-all end-all solution for happiness. The love languages can set couples on a journey to meet each other in a more profound way and even self-regulate better. But the work shouldn't stop there. Understanding your partner's love language allows you to show your love for them in a way that they would deeply appreciate and vice versa. Knowing your love language allows you to communicate with your partner how you can be loved and shown in that meaningful way. I know I'm speaking mostly

Starting point is 00:04:42 about partners here, but I want to express again that these love languages can also work in any relationship. If you, for example, work in a team in an office, maybe you should find out everyone's love language and it would just make working together so much more rewarding. If Joan, for example, her love language was words of affirmation, every time that she did something that maybe is not that big of a deal or just way to go, Joan, that's really great. Just words of encouragement. And or if one of your coworkers, Joe, is his gifts, then maybe you just drop him a little chocolate on his desk to show your appreciation. So just keep that in mind that any relationship, parents, children, friends, co-workers, anybody that we interact on a daily

Starting point is 00:05:44 is very important to understand how they receive love and how they feel appreciated. These five love languages are different ways of expressing and receiving love. So there's words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, but we all prefer one more so than the others. That doesn't mean that we don't receive love in all of those ways or a few ways, but there's one that really just sticks out when we're receiving love.

Starting point is 00:06:38 The concept of love languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman. He created and he wrote this book, The Five Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics. The book was written in 1992, so the concept has been around for a little bit, although it might not be the cure-all again to all the problems in a relationship. But showing someone you love them in their language helps them, helps you better feel the love you're giving. Your love language may be different than your partner's, and that is okay. It also may be very hard to show your partner their love

Starting point is 00:07:30 language if it's not yours. For example, my last partner that I was in a relationship with, his was words of affirmation. This was absolutely the hardest for me to tell him how much I appreciated him or expressing my love through words, and I really don't know why it's so difficult for me, but it was a challenge. I was not used to this. So for me, I started practicing. I started practicing with my parents and my daughter. And until this became very easy for me, then I wanted to try another one just to see. So this is a good example or a good little exercise for you to try on someone that you feel that you will not be judged. But again, I would say try one at a time, master it or semi-master it before starting another one. Because the first step in

Starting point is 00:08:37 showing your partner love is their love language and learning yours as well. So next date night, Try this quiz together so you can better understand how they want to be loved. So the original quiz is www.5lovelanguages.com forward slash quizzes forward slash love language. Anyways, if you Google it, you'll find it. So actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, you love unsolicited compliments, they mean the world to you. Hearing the words, I love you, are super important. And hearing the reasons behind that love would send your spirit soaring.

Starting point is 00:09:29 On the other side, insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You know, you could really hold a grudge. Have you ever heard of people verbally abusing you, but this is to another level for these people? So be aware that kind and encouraging positive words are truly life-giving. So if your love language is words of affirmation, then positive expressions of appreciation and encouragement are what put a smile on your face. It can be the hardest love language for a partner to understand.

Starting point is 00:10:12 And if this isn't theirs, like I just explained to you, they may not understand the value of words that can have on the relationship. So talk to your partner about how important something as simple as, damn, you look good, makes them feel. Sharing how special these words make you feel with your partner will let them know that it is a simple way they can show you love every single day. So I have some great date ideas for those who need words of affirmation. So one example is go to a karaoke bar and sing songs that describe your love for her.

Starting point is 00:10:54 Play a game night where you can speak and act out words of love. Don't forget to tell her again how gorgeous she looks and how hot she is. Another one is stay at home for an amazing dinner, then read her poetry of love. I have a question for you. Can vacuuming or cleaning your floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely. Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on is acts of service. Person will speak volumes. So the words he or she most want to hear, let me do that for you.

Starting point is 00:11:43 On the other hand, laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tells speakers of this language that their feelings don't matter. So finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts. So when was the last time your partner did the dishes or did yard work for you or even took the trash out to make your life easier? I don't know when someone has done that for me in a while, but just so you know,

Starting point is 00:12:18 my love language is acts of service. And I'm thinking about it. I don't remember when that it actually became acts of service, but I know that for so long, at least for 16 years, it's been acts of service. So when someone breaks their commitment or just acts lazy in front of me, and there's a million things to do on my list, honestly, it's like a slap in the face. So the simple task of someone helping me make dinner or do the dishes or even taking Maddie or Milo to school, you know, is huge, huge, huge, huge. So please, if your love language is acts of service, just make sure and voice that to your partner. And a few date ideas for acts of service would be someone to make a beautiful

Starting point is 00:13:16 homemade dinner for you for her while cleaning up after too. Don't forget that. And while she takes a bubble bath, why not? Another one is plan a full day to evening date while handling all the logistics like childcare, pickups, where to go, when to show up, make sure her schedule is clear so she can fully relax and enjoy. Another one is plan a date that checks something off of her to-do list, like running some errands and then go grabbing lunch after.

Starting point is 00:13:55 So these are some really great ideas for people who receive love this way. The most popular love language is quality time. So nothing says I love you, like fully undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really, really being there with your phone down, the TV off, knife and fork down, really making eye contact and making that person feel that no matter what, there's no distractions or anything that could take you away from hearing

Starting point is 00:14:35 them at that moment. You know, distractions, postponed dates, or failure to listen can be especially hurtful. People that receive love through quality time also mean sharing quality conversations and quality activities. At the core of dating and relationships, it's just being with that person. So it is no surprise that quality time is the most popular love language. Like I said, really being there makes your partner feel truly special and loved. And when you love a person, you really want them to know, right? So please make time to show them that you do care and value the time that they spend with you. Remember, it's the quality, not the quantity. A few great ideas for quality time are no phone movie night.

Starting point is 00:15:35 Maybe take her to an old school drive-in movie theater where you get to snuggle up. Try a new class together or visit a new art museum. Take a cooking class. So many ideas for quality time. All right, so newsflash. Gifts can be visual representations of love. Ooh, what's this one? Don't mistake this love language for materialism. The receiver of gifts thrives on love, thoughtfulness, and the effort behind the gift. So if you speak this love language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are no you are cared for you are prized above whatever sacrifice to bring you that gift so on the other hand a missed birthday or anniversary or thoughtless gift would be

Starting point is 00:16:35 disastrous and so would the absence of everyday gestures gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly. Giving them something that you bought just because it made you think of them or going above and beyond for their birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, shows them that they matter deeply in your life. So next time you see something that reminds you

Starting point is 00:17:02 of your partner when you're out, buy it for them. Honestly, you'd be surprised by the smile it would put on their face and what that gesture will mean to them It will mean the world. Little side note, this is my daughter's love language. I did not realize this until we both took the test and then it truly hit me. It made so much sense to me because every time I go on a trip for work or for pleasure, I would bring her back a

Starting point is 00:17:33 postcard from that city and or something that represented the place I was there or I was at. And it made her feel so included and loved. And I honestly did not understand the depth that made her feel loved. So, you know, of course, I always think of her when I'm away. But this little gesture, this little like postcard that I would bring her back and she would save it and remember when I gave it to her. And it was just so beautiful. so some great date night examples for gift giving would be a photo book or collage of memories that

Starting point is 00:18:13 you made together uh take her out to an upscale restaurant for dinner with an outfit that you bought her to wear buy her chocolates and flowers to give to her when you go pick her up Another one is take a weekend trip, but fire a momentum from that place that you visited together. Now, this love language isn't all about the bedroom, but sex is also probably, if most definitely, a crucial part in the relationship thriving. And you can feel quickly dejected if you go a long time without it. Ooh, this one is physical touch. But this isn't all about the bedroom. So a person whose primary love language is physical touch, not surprisingly, touches on the arm, shoulder, or face, they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and even love.

Starting point is 00:19:15 These little moments of connection, that's what it's really about, shows them that you love them. so physical presence and accessibility are crucial long distance relationships probably and most likely will not work in this situation on the other hand while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship so sitting close to your partner while you guys are watching a movie and putting your arm on her back when you're walking or on their leg while driving are always thoughts and ways that you can show her that you love her. So if your love language is physical touch, then a few date ideas would be to go to haunted house

Starting point is 00:20:08 together where she can jump into your arms as she gets scared, hold hands as you go roller skating or ice skating. Even better, take a salsa dance class together and get really nice and hot. So I truly believe that all humans need and want all the five love languages, but on some level, they will all show love, but, and that you care for each other and respect and a deep understanding for, what it is that we thirst for in relationships. But there is one at this season in your life that really resonates with you. So get to know your partners, get to know your moms, get to know your dads, your child. I know we're focusing on dating, but all of these will truly help all the relationships in your life. And I know that this is just a tool that we can use,

Starting point is 00:21:05 but it really does allow us to understand each other better and get closer and isn't that what life is all about is really understanding each other and loving each other on a much deeper level communication never stops though and we should never take for granted that the other person should just know what it is that you want get to know each other find out what your love language privileges and master it. Practice on yourself before you can tell someone else what it is that you want. Lastly today, don't forget to go to my website, www.celestemore.com and leave me your email so I can send you these great date ideas and a few more that I've sprinkled into this nice little document. So you would like to get some emails from me for some free dating advice.

Starting point is 00:22:02 I would love to send it to you. Have a wonderful day. Thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in to today's episode. Come and hang out with me on Instagram at Celeste Moore Image. Let me know your thoughts on today's episode because I always love hearing from you all. You can find all the links and resources in the show notes of the episode on my website, CelesteMoore.com.

Starting point is 00:22:30 Okay, that's all for now. I'll see you in the next episode. See you next time, friends.

Moore Style - Using the 5 Love Languages to Enrich Your Relationships

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