Morbid - Bonus Episode: Breaking Dawn (Part 2)

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

This Bonus Episode is brought to YOU by our friends at State Farm! Weirdos!! Get ready to return to Forks for the epic conclusion of our MORBID recap of the Twilight franchise!  Today we're diving into Breaking Dawn (Part 2) and part 3 of the book, and what a gift it is! Bella is the BEST at everything, even though her selfishness gets the Cullens in hot water AGAIN! Jacob is the new creep on the block with his imprinting escapades. And the Volturi are walking... I guess? Prepare yourself for Alaina's masterful impression of Bella's singsong voice, worry with Ash about dear Charlie's heart health, and join us as we attempt to untangle the host of inconsistencies that had us angry, confused or howling with laughter! Grab the nearest tissue box and prepare to cry-laugh with us!   Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022)Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023)Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash KelleyListener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra LallyListener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even RV. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases.

Go to StateFarm.com or use the award. award-winning app to connect with a local agent and get a quote. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. Hi, Elena. Hi, Elena. And this is morbid. Hi, Elena. Hey, Lena. Welcome to the show. Thanks. Guys. Happy to be here. I'm so glad to happen. I don't know what's going on. It's almost pub week. It's true. Elena's been a little rabbit. animal over there and life's been busy and we're just we're crazy we're crazy and I feel like this is going to be a funny episode because of that I hope so yeah I hope so too our homies at state farm are sponsoring this episode hell yes state farm out to them and without further ado let's talk about

the final installment I couldn't think of that word I was like I was like I was like I almost called it penultimate but that's not fine yeah the final installment in the twilight saga it's True. So we're talking about Breaking Dawn part two, the movie. Part two. And Breaking Dawn part three. The book. The book. It's crazy that they made the movie based off of only part three.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think this one's probably going to be a lot shorter than the other ones, just because a lot of the bulk happens in the first half, like the setup at least. Here's the thing. Nothing happens the entire time and then something happens, but it actually didn't happen. Yeah. Nothing pisses me off more than, oh my God, did that just have? No, no. A dream secret. No, you silly girl. I hate it. I hate it so much. It was a big shocker to moviegoers because so obviously we always do this out of order. It's not one of those like narrative go through beat by beat. No. But there's like a giant battle scene that they're all gearing up for in this one. It's like what the whole thing is leading up to. Yeah. The Volturi's coming. One of my favorite things in the movie is when.

Alice is like, the Volturi, they're coming. Arrow, Marcus, Caius, Jane, and Arena. And it's like, and it's like, so the Volturi. The Volturi? And Arena. Like, that's what you just naming everybody. Just let me name the entire Voltieri. She's like, in case anybody here forgot. Yeah. These are all of their names. And she doesn't really like, I guess she kind of does do that in the book too. She names them all. But so we're gearing up for that. They're coming. Because Because Arena is a real bitter betty. Arena's a real rat. She's a real rat.

She's a rat-ass bitch. Snitches get their heads chopped off and their bodies lit on fire, babe. Yeah, it didn't work out for you. No. No. I don't like Arena's vibe at all. No. Even in the first one when she shows up at the wedding and it's like a snarky little bitch,

I was like, yeah, I don't like that. She has like a condescending holier than now vibe. Yeah, and it's like, girl, you got to move on. You just got to move on. Live your life, baby. And so I don't like her anyways. So this whole thing being her fault, I was like, you get the day you deserve. Yeah.

It also doesn't really make sense that she would be the one to go rat on the Cullins to the Vulturi because her mom died because of an immortal child. Exactly. So I'm like, so I understand that you grieve that loss forever. I totally get that. Yeah. But you want that to happen to another family? Like what? Like what?

And it's like, and you watch to the immortal child be thrown in a fire. you want to take part in that again? Like what was the reasoning for this? I'm not... And at least in the movie out, I forget in the book how it all goes down, but she was on her way to have a discussion with them. Yeah.

To kind of be like, sorry for being a bitch, but then she just cannot stop herself for being a bitch. And then she's like, yeah, you know, I just got to be a bitter bitch. Yeah. I am not Team Arena. No, who is? Never have been, never will be.

I'm just not. There's so much. There's so little, but so much. Do you want to start like book stuff mostly and then we can get into the ridiculous movie part? So, so part three is in Bella's point of view in the book. Like in the book, yeah, I was going to say. We end part two in Jacob's point of view with him falling to his knees when he sees an infant in a blanket. Yeah.

Fresh out. Fresh out. Fresh out. Fresh out the bellew been, lover. Yeah. He just falls to his knees. I hate it. And he reminds us about a hundred.

times that it is not romantic and then he completely just condescends or contradicts himself later which we'll get to so already gross no and then when you go to bella's point of view this is where I think that maybe Stephanie Meyer I don't I don't know if she just like took like I don't know what what was going on with the editing process what her plan was um but she hansson you think well there's the thing. So part three is from Bella's point of view. And it's just the same scene of Renesme being born again from her point of view. Right. Which that can work. Yeah. Like I've, I've done that in a book where it's like one scene from one person's point of view, one scene from another. But I think it only works if you're going to introduce something completely new into the other point of view.

Yeah. And also that you're not just reiterating exactly what happened. the last time you did this point of view or the scene because we already know and that can be tough so i i am free to admit i had a couple more of those scenes in my editor bless her said chop chop bitch said babe we got to cut these because they're just the same thing over again just a little bit different and absolutely correct yeah and i'm just wondering with this one because as i started reading the the bella point of view i was like i'm bored said you got anything new for me dog Because I watched it from everyone else this point of view. And yeah, it's agonizing.

It's awful. She's dying. The thing is ripping her apart. And Edward's going to bite the fucking placenta open and blood's going to go everywhere and she's going to bleed out. And then she's going to see the baby and say it's beautiful. It's got teeth. It's all the same thing. Yeah.

But in this point. Don't do you dare. Please pass that. That's where she did bring something new into this point of view. That's where I said, and I, she brought teeth. Because she literally says in this point, I was like, what is this? Who came up with this? Stephanie did.

That's who. So she says, of course, Renesmey did not cry. Elaine is peeling her postings. Yeah, I'm peeling my postage off. But yeah, she's got like, you know, she's just perfect. She's perfect little baby.

She opens her eyes. She looks right at her. She's very focused. I beg to differ based on the site. Very alert. It says, and also she says she's even more beautiful than her father. And I said, damn. Well, shit.

Well, we'll get there. Don't worry. Maybe she had a midnight son. Yeah, Edward might think so. is more beautiful than her mother too. So she says, The Impossible Face suddenly smiled. Cheese.

A wide, deliberate smile, as newborns often do. Never just guess. Behind the shell pink, they literally don't even, newborns, no, you're not getting one. Behind the shell pink lips with a full, was a full compliment of snowy milk teeth. Hate it. I have a couple of things about that.

It's my biggest fear to meet a newborn with teeth. So this baby doesn't even just have a couple of teeth in her mouth. She's got a full set of teeth that she just chie-chish-less. And snowy milk teeth, give me snowy or give me milk. You do not need to give me both. Because those both describe them the exact same way, which is white. Yeah. Why did I have both of these?

Snowy milk teeth? Imagine if they were like jagged and yellow. Snow-yeah, just like what? She's like, I don't know if she had dinosaur teeth. She was crazy. Like corn teeth. She was crazy. Yeah, she was nuts, but she was beautiful.

She was nuts, but she, I mean, only a mother could say. She also, and she refers to her in the book as her little nudger. Which I did. I was like, what's that mean? And I hate it. Yeah. I hate it. Because in case you're confused like I was, it's like so simple.

It's the most simplistic version of what you think that is, the baby nudges her a lot from the inside. So she's like, well, nudgeer. I was like, whoa, you couldn't come up with any. I think of else. Remember like we used to call one of yours like a squirmie-wormy? Yeah. Or like my little baby lady once I found out what you was. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not saying mine's better than anything else, but a little nudger. It almost feels like an annoyance. Well, that's the thing. It gives off like you're annoying the shit out of me. And you're, it almost sounds like nudge. Yeah, a little nudger. I don't, I don't love it. I'm going to love it either. I don't love it. And it's very, I felt like this part of breaking dawn, like this part of any of the books, it was really tough. to get through. Yeah, because it's just the same shit. It's not, and this is just me, just my opinion. That's my opinion. I enjoyed reading the other ones more. This one's just not, a lot of set up, a lot of introducing people, a lot of the same old shit happening. You're not alone. A lot of people were not into this book. And they were so, so, so excited about it. But they're, they held, like,

parties where they burned the book because they were so pissed off about it. Which that's wild. That's like the farthest step to take, I would say. And it also does absolutely nothing. Because burning books is cuckoo. Like if you already have the product, why you burn it? If I don't like it, give it to like savers. Yeah. Put in the littlest library for someone else to find.

Not for me, maybe for you. Yeah, somebody else will like it. There's a whole contingent of people who love it. And that's the right. That's the thing. Yeah. Stephanie herself said that. She was like, yeah, I wasn't prepared for like the amount of controversy that this brought.

But like with anything, especially when you have like a big audience. there's going to be people that love it or people that hate it. Exactly. Well, and I think the problem with this one was, and it is a real problem. And I think even the people who like it can at least see this problem with it. The character, like arcs, the character growth, anything that happened, I don't know where any of it went. It all kind of took like a left turn. That's one of the biggest complaints.

And then Bella, or, I mean, it's Bella and it's really like the plot in general. All of these stories, like all the, all the, the, the, the, the, the, books, all the movies, everything has been leading up to how life-changing this transformation is going to be. And not just like, whoa, you're going to be so fast and so hot. It's going to be awesome. Right. Like it's literally like you're going to lose everything. You're sacrificing everything. It's going to be hard. You're going to have to learn all this self-control. And for possibly months on end, you're going to be a homicidal, uncontrollable maniac newborn that we're going to have to like cage at night and like make sure you're not aware literally like you must kill Bella on

multiple occasions and he's been like vampire for a long time yeah so it's like we like that has been drilled into Edward made it such a thing that there's no way he could put out possibly do this to someone else Carlisle even made it a thing that this was just this was not something you want Rosalie made it such a thing but she gives uh and that's the other thing Rosalie Rosalie Is a completely different character

had to give up becoming a biological mother which is what she wanted to do and they make it like this that is her thing

that's her defining characteristic once she tells you that backstory and then it's like but Bella doesn't no Bella gets everything Bella gets everything

she fucking wants with zero consequence baby girl baby girl to the extreme. Maybe girl gets a fucking fully furnished cottage and a Ferrari. Yeah. A Ferrari. But better than that, she maintains her human emotions. Yep. She maintains her human desire for Edward, which she was told she would not have. She doesn't want to eat her dad. She doesn't want to eat her dad. She's able to, she, every newborn is said that they can't even be within like a hundred

miles of a fucking pumping vein or they're going to lose their mind. Bella goes into a dining room full of people to meet like some lawyer dude and is just chilling. Yeah. Or like five seconds after she turns, she's turned into a vampire. She comes across a guy of scaling a side of a mountain. She goes to eat him. And Edward's like, don't do that. And she's like, oh, okay. You're right. And she stops. And he's like, wow, no newborn has ever been able to stop mid hunt. Bella's not like other girls. It's so baby girl. It's so pick me shit. Bella is not like other girls.

She's not like other girls and she's not like other vampires. She's different. And it's like she wakes up in full fucking, she wakes up with stilettos. Bitch, I wish. Babe. She wakes up at a new dress. You know Alice changed her for sure. Yeah, which is so weird.

It is. Like, so she's unconscious. I'm like, did that just like come from the ether? No, Alice, Alice is bestowment. Like trapped in her own body, screaming in pain, being filled with venom, paralyzed. eyes and Alice is like, we put it in this beautiful little skirt. It's got a slit up to here. That's canon. It's like she's just like sliding on some slettos and doing your makeup. She's just doing her makeup. Like my mellow wakes up with a smoky eye. Imagine having an eternal smokey eye. Yeah, an eternal smoke

eternal perfect makeup. So here's that thing. And eternal extensions. Yes. For a while, I would love not having a morning routine. Yeah. Like when I get my eyebrows died and I have lashes, on. I'm like, oh, bitch, I don't have to do it. Look at me. Oh, yeah. And eventually I would miss it. Yeah. Because I like my morning routine. Sometimes it's nice to get, I like my little zen time where I do my makeup and I sit in front of my mur. Yeah, ma'er. But imagine like you just. Yeah. And like you have all of eternity to do anything you want to fucking do. So what are you supposed to? I mean, I guess you still can, but what's the point? You're already hot. That's the thing. You don't need to.

Yeah. And it's like she, she doesn't have to work at anything. No. She learns how to control her power, like her shield right away. Which it takes how to grow it. Years. Other people don't even know how to do anything with it. Like, she learns how to control her thirst. She learns how to, like, she's the strongest. She's the fastest.

She's the most gudge. Like, she gets to be a mom. She gets to be a mom. Which that's the part that, like, really pisses me off is they put Rosalie in that, like, frigid, like, woman who can't have kids. Yeah. Like, the Juno effect. The Juno effect.

The Jennifer Garner and June. no effect where she's got to be like a type a bitch who like is just mean to everybody and her husband hates her tries to control everyone her husband hates her yeah they put rosalie similarly in that obviously like not with emitt but and it's like and then they just are like but not Bella Bella gets to have everything she gets to be a mommy and then they have rosalie be almost this like envious like strange I want this to be mine yeah so I'm just kind of like vicariously living through you kind of thing which like is off putting Which also like Bella seems to be fucking fine with it, at least in the movie, because that bitch just goes off to fuck.

She's totally fine. She's never with Renesma. She had this child. And then like, yeah, she was busy for a minute getting turned into a vampire. I'll give her that. I'll give her that, you know. That happens. It's never happened to me, so I can't judge.

Hasn't happen to me. But, you know, like, it's a thing. So that, but she wakes up and she says, where's Renesma? And Edward's like, you might eat her. So, like, we should go eat. I said, oh, my God. Look at your motherly instincts. Yeah.

The only time we'll ever see you. The only time. Because immediately upon meeting her, she's like, oh my God, she's so beautiful. And look, she just showed me her favorite memory of me. And this is so cute. And she just like tosses her. You want to leave? Like she leaves.

Here you go, Rosalie. Yeah. Take this baby. First I'm going to fight Jacob. Yeah. I'm going to go fuck my husband. And I'd much rather go fuck my new husband. I'm like in our cottage that our child.

And there's the other thing. Alice. Yeah. I don't like it. Here's the thing. outside of the cottage gorgeous you walk in that cottage to me I would be furious at what that looks like on the inside

there's a lot to talk about but one thing that I particularly have to talk about from the movie what was the lighting budget how many fucking sconces why were there sconces absolutely everywhere and then uh fucking what's her face for nesme's nurseries just fold to the brim with everything that you could possibly yeah it's just so overstimulated they registered for everything

and everyone bought it and they shoved it all in that room. And so she doesn't get to decorate her child's nursery? She doesn't get to purchase her own home. Yeah. Pick where it is. Pick what it looks like anything. She doesn't get to decorate the inside. She doesn't get to choose the 99 sconces that are inside.

And she also doesn't even get to pick her own fucking closet. Sick closet that Alice had built. And like cool to have some clothes in your new closet. Yeah. Totally appreciate. But like fold to the brim with stuff that Bella wouldn't really wear. Well, and also. At least the old Bella.

It is just, in my opinion, the decor in that house. They opened that door and I said, no, you didn't. I'm not a-diabolically awful. I'm not a minimalist by any means, but the way that everything was just like to use your mother-in-law's word, chocker-blocked in there. Yeah. It was all just like, shh-pom. And it's like, it looked like a, I just couldn't. It looks like storage.

It looks like storage. The fucking art that was just like art you would find in like a hotel. Yeah. No offense to hotel art. But like no personnel. And I was also just like, oh God, I'd be so upset. It wasn't Bella's vibes in any way. What is Bella's vibes?

Flannel. Like we don't even know what Bella's vibes are. She never picks her own shit. Yeah, I know because even trying to be like painting her purple. People are decorating for her. We went the entire series. never having any idea what her actual aesthetic is. Yeah.

I do not know what her said. Besides that mini cactus she brought from fucking Arizona. And I think Renee just like shoved that out of face. I think she was like, here's a mini cactus. Even her own car. Like again, sick to get a car. Yeah. But like she never got to pick.

Like we don't even know what she would have picked for that. No. And again, like she got the truck. Yep. Then she got, I think at some point she gets like a Mercedes from. Yeah. Uh, Edward in the books. And then in this part, I'm pretty sure she gets the Ferrari.

Yeah. And it's like, what a fucking. Yeah, seriously. I mean, like, poor her. What a journey. Yeah. Like, she is baby girl from the jump. She really is.

And it's just, it's horrifying. Okay, what's your next book point? Let's see. What's my next book point? What's your next post-it say there? I have one that says gross. So let's see. Let's see what that's about.

Let's see what that's about. Oh, yes. When, so when Jacob in. up in Bella's point of view is explaining to her that like, oh, hey, yeah, sorry, I am printed on your newborn. But it's not romantic. And it's not romantic. It's not romantic.

It's not romantic. Later, I am going to ask Edward if I should start calling him dad. But it's not romantic. It's not romantic. What the fuck is wrong with you? Lots. What is wrong with you? Lots.

And in this one, it's when he's first saying it. And of course, in the book, I got to give it to Kristen Stewart because in the book, it says through my teeth when she said when she's like try starting now she did she does it in the movie she does but man it's something her she has like lock jaw and she does but he says so she says you need to stay away from her and he says it's not possible do you remember how much you wanted to be around me three days ago this is diabolical to me when he's like it wasn't you it was her wanting to be around me and i was like i would murder him where he stood best friend or not murder him where he stood also So I thought, and maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that it was like the imprinting thing was much more on the wolf side of things, not the person that they imprint on.

That's what they let us to believe. Yeah. So like, I don't think that had anything to do with anything. The other person just gets non-consensually fucking tied to life for this, to this random wolf that's decided that they are now part of their life. One, if you ask, if you ask the lore master herself, it's not non-consensual. It's just why wouldn't she want that? Why wouldn't she? But still, but like that piece right there doesn't make sense. Like, oh, you couldn't be away for me. It's like, no, she didn't have any desire for you.

She's also a fetus. Not cognizant. So, yeah, no, she wasn't, she wasn't wanting to be with you then. And he even says he, so she's like, what the fuck are you implying? And he says, that was her. From the very beginning, we had to be together even then. God, I would literally, what did I write? I think I wrote something about this. because when she literally just wrote gross. When she confronts him in the thing, hold on, let me find it. The way he just says it's not romantic and it's not like that a hundred times during the movie two and the book, it's like, me, thinks thou dost protest too much. And then you really tell on yourself later. Not me desperately looking for this note.

All it says is beat his ass mama. Beat his ass mama. And honestly beat his ass mama. When she beats the shit out of him out there, I was like, let's go. Yeah, party. Because even in this, too, when they go to visit Charlie and Sue for Christmas. Are you talking about the book or the movie? Both.

Okay. He gives her a promise bracelet. That's what that is. Yep. In the book, she says on her wrist was an intricately braided quillute version of a promise ring. That's word for word what she says in the book. And in the book, she's like two. She's technically, I think, been around for four months.

So she's about four months old. But that's the thing. And that's like in the book she only gets to about two years old. In the movie, they make her age like so much more rapidly. So he gave an infant a promissoring. He gave a child. I'd slaughter his ass. Like a literal promise.

And then so she's like, yeah. Like Edward had to like grit his teeth on now and oh, he did. Grit your teeth? No. Oh, the father of the infant that Jacob, the adult, has now. now promised marriage to, gritted his teeth through that one. Even when he says, like, and it's at the end of the movie, but he says, like, should I start calling you dad? I said, jump into the nearest bog and allow it to consume you, Jacob. Literally. Allow it to consume you. Allow nature to reclaim

you. Because, and also, Edward should a beat his, I would have watched in glee if Edward Robert Patinson had beat the shit out of Jacob at that moment. At least something would have happened. Something should have happened there. Because also it's, The other thing is so like obviously we said in the book she gets to be about to like I just said that. And then in the movie like once you ultimately find out what happens with like vampire human hybrids, it's like by the time she's seven, she'll be full grown. So she'll look like an adult, but she'll be seven years old. And I'm like, Jacob, what's your plan there? Yeah.

Well, it's not romantic. Because she's going to look like an adult. Are you going to date the seven year old or are you going to wait a few like seven more years? It's not romantic. It's not romantic. Or more than seven. That was bad quick math. I mean, ask his friend there about fucking Claire, the two-year-old.

That scene lives on in my brain. Who is a human, so is going to age much slower and he's just going to wait around. So weird. That's the other thing. It's gross. Wait, did we talk about this last time? Do the werewolves like stop aging? They stop aging at a certain point.

They do, yeah. They age like really. So he's not going to be like a 54-year-old man while Claire's like. No, but he's going to be around for like 54. Like, he's going to be around for a long time. Like mentally he'll be that long. Watching her turn three and four and five and shit her pants and like go through all her milestones and go to kindergarten and then eventually be like, now we can date.

That's fucked up, Stephanie. Also, I'm sorry. It's like against her lore too still. And that's the other thing. It's like the only thing that Bella says to Jacob is just like, oh my God, everybody's right. You smell like shit. That's crazy. So they're just going to be together and half of her is going to think he smells like shit all

the time. Yes. And she didn't like her ancestors hate him. Make that make sense. I would never be with a man if I was like, damn, half the time I think you smell like absolute ass. Like, I can't. I literally cannot. Like, cannot with that, the imprinting shit.

It's fucked. Goes beyond anything I can ever conceive of. I really can't. Yeah. And there's a point too where in the book when they're meeting when Charlie's coming over. Edward tells Renesme, like somebody's coming over and we want you to meet them. And you can't bite him because he doesn't heal like Jacob does. Okay.

Implying that she bites Jacob a lot. And then she goes, can I still bite Jacob? And she's like, and he's like, yeah, you can still bite Jacob. And I'm like, so Jacob's just letting her gna on him? Like, what's this about? I don't like it. Why are we doing this? Because like a normal, a normal infant, you don't let them gnaw on you.

No. That's not. No. So why are we letting her not on the guy who has imprinted on her? I mean, Edward is probably hoping that she hits an artery. Truly. You know? But I'm like that's weird.

I don't like that. I don't want to think too deeply about that personally. I don't like that at all. Steph, you're weird for that. I'm sorry. That shit is weird as hell. You're fucking weird for that. I'll never get a charlie of it all since you were just kind of talking about that.

Yeah, because you know what? Yeah, tell me. I'm sorry. What? But she's like, she's like, dad, here I am. Gorgeous. No, I didn't die. I'm probably going to be, I know I look 25 now. I'm going to stay this way forever. Here's my seven-year-old child that is my niece.

I've had in the span of about two months. And you can't ask me anything about any of this. Okay? And he's just like, what the fuck? And at first he's like, what? And then he's like, okay, I'm just going to go with this. no no no siry bob if my kid tells me if my kid says you cannot ask me questions i'm going to say i have a question yeah i have my first question i have a list no you're not telling me that you're not telling me i can't ask questions especially when you are literally sitting here looking at me with a whole 25-ass

face yeah telling me you're immortal and here's your seven-year-old child you're not going to say and don't ask questions go fuck yourself It's real fucked up. Like, go fuck yourself. And also, like, the baby is supposed to be adopted, but looks just like Bella, because they CGI'd Bella's face on with that baby. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Can we talk about the CGI baby? How can we get through this episode and not? The CGI baby is what nightmares are made of. And the behind, when you look at that fucking crazy ass baby. Yeah. That they used, like, that crazy ass, like, in between the baby and the older kid. Yeah. That is a cursed object.

Like, that's a person. it is. Why anyone thought that was that had to pass by so many people. You know they had fun with that. You know they were like, stuff do you love it? And stuff was like, yeah, yeah.

No way. Did anyone who had anything to do with this movie go, this is going to be fine? Like, or this is not going to be talked about. She's like hazy. She's like hazy around the edges. She's uncanny valley. She's absolutely uncanny valley. At times she looks like a killer.

clown from outer space. Her head is a little too great. Like her felt took a minute to hit. She does. Like she literally looks like. Are you about to pull up a killer phone from going to? I just forgot everything I was going to say. Like she really does at times look like one. Well, I was going to say also her head is like too small and also she's like and her mouth is so long. And babies are small, like, yeah, like some of them. But babies be small. But this one is like so small and hazy and killer clown from outer teeth. She's so small and haze.

Eden's holding up a killer cloud from outer space. That's it. Like, tell me that's not Renesme. It's actually like cuter than Renesme, to be honest. It's the big mouth of clare. That's her. It's those milky snowy. Those milky snowy.

Snowy milk teeth. Why does that feel like it would smell bad? Snowy milk teeth? It's like lit. That's disgusting. I hate it. But my next notes just says, well, let's see if Bella eats her dad. I love that they were just like, we'll just put.

Charlie was used as full on bait at that point. Also, like 10 minutes before, or like 20 minutes before he meets Bella, and the movie just drives over to his house. starts stripping and he's like, Jacob, please put your clothes on. Like, what the fuck are you doing? And then he, Jacob, like you said, we were watching, Elaine, it was like, he could have just said, like, hey, I'm about to change into a wolf. Literally.

Charlie wouldn't like bullshit. And then he would have changed into a wolf. Yeah. You got to give him a little warning. He doesn't give him any warning and then just phases. I'm like, Charlie's an old man who regularly drinks beer. He's going to have a heart. He's also the fucking sheriff and forks wherever.

I was just a Nebraska. Forks, Nebraska. That's canon. I'm like, God damn, you're going to kill this man. Yeah, we need him in Nebraska. We can't have lose the sheriff. God damn. Of Nebraska.

I'm like, first you do that. Then he shows up and sees his daughter who's like, never really looked that good before. And he's like, why are you looking so great, girlie? Like, wow, Swedish resort did you some good. Near death, really did you well. Fuck, that's crazy. You came back. Holy shit.

Better than ever. And then he sees. This fucking killer cloud from outer space baby. It is like, is your niece baby? Why's it got your eyes? Why's it got your ass? Poor fucking Charlie. Oh my God.

And it's also, it's just insane that she doesn't even, because in the movie, I don't know what happens in the book, I forget. But like, they hug for 42 minutes on screen. And she's not even like, oh. Yeah, she's not even like, I want to eat him. It's not even like she hears his heart beating or anything. It's because she's not like other girls. She's not like other vampires.

She's really not. She's better than all of us and everyone. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick. There to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even RV.

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she, like, they keep talking about how, like, she has to, like, she's not, she doesn't breathe. Yeah, like when you're a vampire, you don't breathe. But she keeps talking about how she still is breathing in times when she would breathe. But like you wouldn't. Because it's an involuntary reflex. That's the thing. It's an involuntary thing.

You're not like, I'm not actively trying to breathe right now. Sometimes if I think too much about the fact that I have to breathe though, then I have to breathe a lot. But she'll be like I was so, I was nervous. So I took like a deep breath in, even though I didn't need to. I'm like, you wouldn't. No. Because you would just like float on. We'd all float on, you know, modest mouth.

And we'll float on all right. Like, you wouldn't just do that. And she also describes in the book, which they don't really, they don't do this in the movie. But they talk about how she said her voice is like, it sings. She had a sing-song voice. So she was like, I couldn't answer the phone and talk to Charlie because he wouldn't, he wouldn't recognize my voice. And all I could think of, the way that Stephanie describes it is like a sing-song voice, a singing voice was her being like, Hello, Father.

Like, is that what we mean? What do we mean by a singing voice? Hello, Father. Like, I don't understand. Good morrow, Charlie. I have survived. It's me, Bella. I'm back from my son and away.

You'll never believe how I do. she also during that same kind of shit she something that's so annoying in the book is they have to make sure you know that she knows exactly how many seconds it takes everything everybody to do everything and i was like what because she'll be like and it took me five eighths of a second to to turn my head and go into the corner and it took him 15 seconds to walk from here to there and it's like why did she suddenly develop the skills of a casino see no card counter. Like, why is she, why is she, like, run in the blackjack tables all of a sudden? Why is she banned

from Foxwoods? Since when, you're gonna kill me. Why has she been from me? That happens. It's just, no, on top, I'm gonna pee my pants. I'm literally crying at you laughing.

I'm literally crying. I'm sobbing. Like, people say they're sobbing, but I'm sobbing. I'm sobbing. I'm truly sobbing. I don't even know what I was going to say. Why is she been from Foxwood's goes crazy? I'll never be trying not to pee my pants.

Why? Why did she develop that skill? I don't know. And they never, never, never, like, they don't touch upon it. She can also read from really far away, too. Oh, my God. That's the thing. I would have a constant.

migraine if I was a vampire because they're so sensory overload. They're astute. I would lose my goddamn mind. The way she's just fucking she's just running the tables. I was like, whoa. Well, she can't be now.

She can't. She'll have to try Mohegan's son. If you're banned from one. You're probably better from the other though. Mohegan Sun doesn't want your ass with your. There's that other one in Rent them. I guess you can try that.

You got caught at Foxwoods, you can't. Oh, my God. Fuck. I was also saying, I don't even know how to transition away from that. So what, like, arena like rolls up. Yeah. And the book, she's hunting, right? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Renezsche. And the movie, Renesme is just, like, floating in there, capturing snowflakes for some fucking reason. And arena sees her, and she's like, oh, goddamn. Gotta go tell everybody. But then, so Alice sees everybody coming. Yeah. Names them all. I'm also like, okay, so now, and then Alice decides to leave. Yeah. She's like, bye. And she's like, deal with it. Nobody really knows why at first.

No. But I was like, it's wild that they're, oh, because everybody's going to get killed. Yeah. So I'm like, it's wild that there's no resentment toward Bella and Edward and this family. Like, every year they have a new problem and the entire family is expected to bail them out of it. That's, it's so true. I would hate my family member. And it's like, this is the entire, this is the vampire government. Yeah. And they are constantly up in their business. They're just always, always coming to get them.

Always get, or they got to come to them. They're always dealing with them. And in that same scene when she's catching the snowflakes and she brings one over to Bella and she's like, look, I caught a snowflake. No fucking shit. I am not being hyperbolic at all. Kristen Stewart looks at that child and goes, it's beautiful. Go get me another one.

And I was like. Go on get it. Whoa. And she's like, okay. And I was like, do you like that? No, that's the other thing. There is no maternal connection on screen. No.

Maybe there's like a hint of a paternal connection, but a hint maybe. You don't even see them with Rinesme all that much. No, you really don't. You see, honestly, watching her with Rosalie, you're like, that's your mama. Yeah. Like, she's playing with you. Go to her, babe. She seems to like your face.

Like, it's crazy. She does. your killer clown face. Your killer clown face. And one of the other things, just to go back to when she first turns into a vampire, and she wakes up and she's like, whoa, look at how hot I am. She, in the book, talks about her flat, empty stomach over and over again, just gave birth, just became a vampire, and she's like, flat stomach, my flat stomach, my flat stomach. And I'm like, okay, okay. Not just bleeding out everywhere, like every other pregnant lady.

I realize she's a vampire, so things work a little different. But I'm like, do we really need to Talk, like, does it have to be, like, flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach. Because then she's like, my flat empty stomach. Like, there was no baby in there anymore. And it's like, okay, like, she's here. Do you want to go meet her? It's almost cooler. You can hang now. Yeah. I love. She can go get you more snowflakes. I loved being pregnant. I loved my babies being in my belly. But like, it was really cool to have them outside of my belly as well. It's like, I want to hang out. Let's go. And no, I wasn't like, look at this flat stomach. It was like, oh, I still look pregnant. I don't think many women who have given birth are like, oh my God, my stomach's so flat again immediately.

I'm like, I think you're all just like, you know, going through the motions. Also, they are so, it's the way they discuss and deal with sex in this movie in particular. Juvenile. Is juvenile as fuck? It is. Because of course they have to run off and have lots of sex. Without their newborn child. Right when they can.

Even though they have a newborn child that neither one of them knows. I'm like, hey, you should probably. bond with that kid. Try bonding with that kid for like a minute. Just give it a shot. Yeah, just give it a shot. Because you know also that they're going to age rapidly. Yeah. This stage is going to be gone in seven minutes. Not only that. In the beginning, they don't know how long she's going to live. Yeah. So they're like, she's going to waste a time. She's going to die like next week. Yeah. But then also like, and especially in the book, when they come back from the cottage, the whole Cullen crew is like giggling and being like, did you break the cottage down? Because

you fucked so much? Like, it should have a shirt. funny you guys were touching each other last night like one of them is like were you doing taxes and it's like they're I'm like are you all right like in the movie it's hundreds of years and you haven't developed any sense of decorum around people fucking no they think it's the funniest like god damn in the movie emmet is like did you break everything yeah and it's like are you are you are you all right in what family maybe I'm crazy what family is openly discussing that and being like he he not mine big not mine What the fuck? And then they're getting, you know, when they do have Charlie over, one of the things that was so annoying was when they're trying to train her to like be a human again, even though she was a human four minutes ago.

Oh, yeah. I'm like, you forgot already. Yeah. But they're like, okay, you have to move slow. And they're like, get up and walk over to that chair. And she like zooms over to the chair. And I was like, we've seen her walk in a normal pace. You've been walking totally normal.

Yeah. Why can you suddenly not do it? And then they're like, and you have to remember to breathe. I was like, don't worry. She read the book. She's remembering to breathe. And they're like, and blink. Do that.

Blink. And all those things, too, I was like, here's the thing. I never notice how much somebody breathes. No. I don't think I would notice if somebody wasn't breathing. The only thing that I think I would notice is if they weren't blinking. I think that would freak me out. I think eventually I would notice that.

Yeah. But the breathing thing, I wouldn't clock that probably. If they were talking to me, I would assume they were breathing. Yeah. So I was like, that's weird. I did see a behind the scenes thing. speaking of them like moving really fast of how they do that sometimes at least in this movie that took me out they attach them to treadmills yeah and they run in place on the treadmill and then that

treadmill is attached to something else that is like a car moving that would also i think make me like very ill i feel like that would fuck me up running and then also being pulled at the same time like stationary running and being pulled would feel real fucking weird that would feel real weird You got to, you guys got to find that video though because it will take you out. Yeah, I'll find it. I'll see if we can post it because it is too funny. Yeah. But yeah, it's, so there's that whole thing. And then, of course, the Voltary is coming because we got to be in a bitch.

Yep. I still say Arrow for life. The way he laughs. We get the laugh of all laughs in this one. Oh my God, it is. We watch it twice every time. I watched it four times this week. At least twice.

Yeah. in a row. You got to rewind it and listen to it again. He's lovely. I love him. He's great. He also has really good hair. Yeah, I just think he wins. He's my favorite character ever in the entire series. Yeah, he's wonderful. They still talked about, and they brought it to this one. So, like, we were talking about in, like, the illustrated guy, TM, that they do a lot of into, like, the immortal children and now, like, you know, everybody was obsessed with them, but then they were so diabolically crazy,

and they would just like destroy villages. And I was like, is it my youngest? Super, super cute, diabolical. Said been there, done that. I was like, but they really go into it in this part. And the way they talk about them, they just cannot stop saying how beautiful they are. And it's like, it just makes it weird. Yeah.

It's not, they never just put it as like, well, they're children. So they're innocent. And you have this like, just so cute and sweet. People like automatically for the most part, if you have a little bit, a soul have some kind of like connection connection or some kind of like need to want to protect an innocent being right you know like that's that is how it should be but they keep being like they're so beautiful people would fall all they're just so beautiful yeah they don't look at how beautiful they were because i'm like it's weird you don't like obviously like when somebody first has a baby you're

like oh my god they're beautiful yeah look at them but then a lot of the times you shift to like adorable cute like sweet little babe and it's just like the defining characteristic I also think because you already have the weird fucking imprinting going on. And then you bring it to a place of like everybody is obsessed with beautiful vampire babies. It's like, we're talking too much about children here and it's really fucking weird. We're getting weird with like looking at kids and there's weird bountries that are being crossed. Yeah, I don't love it. Yeah.

What I do love though is that the Valturi, they're just walking for so long. Yeah. Like in the movie or just like, wow, they're just walking. I also love that they're just running like a talent monopoly. Yeah. I love that. Because they really want Alice. So, like, they'll kill the whole Cullen family just to get Alice.

Oh, yeah. Like, I love that arrow. He's a collector at heart. Yeah, he is. You know, like, he's just a collector, period. And he loves what he does. And he's like, I don't care if it takes a long time. And from the jump, he's wanted people.

That, like, illustrated God, TM, he's wanted special people. Who doesn't want to be around special people? Exactly. I don't want to be around a bunch of boars. That's what I'm saying, like, Marcus? Because Marcus, I think, can, like, what can he do? He can, like, can he feel everybody's feelings? I think he can.

I think he can figure out like feelings. I'll have to look it up. Let me see. Relationship identification. Oh, so he can find like emotional bombs and like strengths and weaknesses. Assess it like right away, which is really good to have. Yeah. And when they first like got together in Arrow and they were like forming the Volturi, we talked about this before, but it comes up kind of subtly in this one. Yeah.

That he, Marcus, fell in love with Arrow's sister, Dedeem, and she. Like they fell in love with each other. Yep. And I guess when, you know, like Marcus was like, we should run away together and let's just be together because they were like literally in love and just wanted a nice life together. But Arrow was so scared of losing Marcus's gift that he had his own sister murdered. Yeah. He did do that. I will say it's a stain on Arrow.

Yeah. We have to acknowledge that. I will acknowledge that. That he murdered his own sister. But in this one when the battle, quote unquote, is happening. and Vladimir and Stefan Who I fucking love infinitely

hilarious I love them I love them I love them We don't care what you did Carlisle They like rush at him and are like We're gonna rip him apart

He holds his arms out and just says Finally Because he's just wants to be with Dedeem Oh I thought that was beautiful He also looks like handsome Squidward He does look like handsome Squidward I just he's a whole vibe

And I love him Yeah I do love him Remember we said it always looked like he was farming. It always did. It looked like he had like immense gaspays. It always did. He needed this. When he's sitting in a chair, he struggles.

Yeah. He struggles. Gas will do that to you. Yeah, it's not great. But also, like, this is just a little side thing. Because, of course, in this one, we meet a ton of other vampire clans and, like, Covins. We meet fucking Rami Malik.

We meet Rami Malik before he was like really Rami Malik. I wrote Rami Malik. What the fuck are you doing here? What are you doing here? one here. And I think he, I'm trying to remember, he in the book, I believe, he's Benjamin. Yeah. And I, I want to say, like, because they're the Egyptian Kevin. And that one, none of them will touch Renezmae at first. Oh, but he's really sweet with her in the movie. He's really sweet with her, like, right away. Yeah. And he's the one that's like, fuck y'all. I want to hear this.

Yeah. He's a fun character. I like him. And I think it's fun to meet all these other ones, but I think we don't get enough time with them. We don't. I would have loved to get more time with the different covens interacting with. You get like kind of a like a mismash. Well, and I feel like the perfect way to have done that was to introduce us to more of them like during the wedding festivities. Yeah, because you're just kind of throwing them all at us. Yeah.

And like when you're introducing me to that many people, I'm not going to remember all of them. No. Because like we meet like Garrett who's like the Forever Bachelor. Yeah. And then he meets Kate from the Donali clan, I think it is. Yep. And he like says some shit about her like, because she has that like electrical. Yeah, she can zap it out of voltage that she'll do. I was going to say she can zap your ass. She can zap your ass. And he makes like some comment like it must not be that strong. And she's absolutely like she literally she assault like within one second of being assaulted by her. He's like, this is it. We're we're never leaving each other side. Which I was like, I want to see them more. Like I was like I was like I. I. because that was weird. And then all of a sudden they're just together and they're like, I will never leave your side. And she's like, you tell me now?

And I was like, when did this happen? Like, I was like, bring me that. Yeah. Because to be honest, I'm sick of Bella and Edward. I don't need to see that shit anymore. And I certainly don't need to see Jacob and Rinesme. Bella and Edward have no fucking romantic connection. They just don't.

And you know what? What? We're going to talk about that. Let's talk about it. For one second. Oh, I know where you're headed. So first of all, they, I did have not read all of many. Night's Sun, but I have...

It's a big part. I have scanned through. And I did know... Because when the Irish vampire showed up, I said, oh, I know the Irish vampires. I know Chavon over there, my girl. You said, I remember her. I said, I remember Chavon. And I remember Chavon because Edward and Midnight's Sun fucking thirsts after Chavon in a way he never does with Bella.

Yeah. And if you go to Sarah Gallagher, who we've shouted out before... On TikTok, she wrote the Why We Love to Hate Twilight. She's so funny. And she goes really deeply into all these things. She has touched upon this before too, so go watch her videos for sure. But in Midnight's Sun, I went back and I was looking. And first of all, when he first meets Chavon, it's the first vampire he's met after, I think, like, being turned.

And he first calls her the largest woman he's ever seen. No woman wants to hear about it. Wow, Edward. You better get a different. pick up line, my babe. Yeah, and she is also the only, like, curvy gal that has ever explained in the, in the Twilight universe. I think everybody else is just like, you know. Slim and trim. And that's a direct quote. He says, broader shoulders, thicker limbs. And I was like, do we need to? Okay. And he says, then she, he says, she was profoundly female in shape, aggressively, forcefully,

female. What does that mean? Because that's not the only time that Steph loves to say somebody is aggressively female or feminine. Yeah. He says it, it's written in Jacob's point of view about, I think, Rosalie and Esme. Yes. It's like, what is that mean? Yeah. I said, I was like, is she like spraying perfume in his eyes? Yeah. Let's go pick flowers in a field. I love pink. Like, what is that mean? Like, obviously stereotypes, but like what? Yeah. That's what I mean. It's feel stereotyped. It's like, what does that mean? Yeah. Aggressively female is crazy. Forcefully female. Forcefully female.

And then he says it had been another lifetime that I had last noticed a woman this way. God damn. And then he said, I found I was hard pressed to know where to put my eyes. Her face, because then he locks on her face. And he says her face was intensely female. So her body is aggressively and forcefully female. Her face intensely female. Such female.

In case you wanted to know. He's assuming she's female by what he is seeing here. Got it. He says her eyes were enormous, but they were beautiful. Okay. Thick eyelashes, glossy hair, he explains it as. Bitch. And curvy lips.

Curvy lips. Aren't everybody's lips curvy? Hers were curvier. Curvier. Curvier. A cup it's bow, pretty curvy. He also talks about how she was wearing just like this like nothing of a dress and it's just like showing all her curves and he was fucking smitten.

He was in it to win it. He was mesmerized. And then another woman comes up next to her, another vampire. And of course he calls her a female as well, which for some reason the term female I'm always turned off by that. It just sounds like me. Especially when a man calls a woman a female. It's like female.

Like I don't know. And he talks about the other female coming next to her. And he says coming next to the larger female. Jesus Christ. Do we mean, is that how we're really comparing people? If you want to love her, you better learn how to talk about her body, yoddy. And he says, well, the first female was the, like, you know, the picture of, like, having everything, like, extra, everything. He said this one was the picture of lack.

Just nothing. And I was like, what an asshole you are. He was singing that Megan Traynor song. He was like, I'm all about that piece. Oh, my God. He would have loved her during that era. What did she say, like, the mother skinny bitches? Is that what it is?

Is that what it is? Can die or something? I don't know she doesn't say that. That's a direct quote verbatim from the song. The lyrics did not talk are insane. They're wild. That's Edward's point of view right now. He said I'm all about that base.

Yeah. No treble. No treble. No trouble. No trouble lacks. Yeah. But so there's that. That's how he saw Chauvan.

Now let's talk about how he felt about Bella. Then he's sitting there because in Midnight Sun, it's from his point of view. So everybody's talking about the new girl coming to school. Yep. And he thinks of Bella. And he sees. ease her face in everyone's mind. He can see her.

He knows what she looks like. And he says she's, and I quote, an ordinary human girl. Nothing would take me out like the love of my life calling me an ordinary girl. At one point, he says, despite her ordinary, again, unthreatening appearance, she was actually, quote, sort of pretty for a human, sort of pretty for a human, in an unusual way. And then he says her face was, quote, unexpected. Is this a roast? He says her narrow chin off balance with her wide cheekbones. Oh. Extreme in the coloring like dark hair, light skin. He said high contrast. Then he says, then there were those eyes too big for her face. Too big. Now I want you to directly contrast that

to him saying that Chavon's eyes were enormous, but they were gorgeous. Like he was into it. He said these, they don't work on her face. And the way he talks. about her fucking clothing in Midnight Sun. With Chauvin, he's like, she wore like nothing. It was like a little flit dress. It was nothing. There was, I could see everything. And then with, with Bella, he's like, she wore this fucking frumpy ass sweater.

He calls it the ugly sweater. He's happy she wore it because he's like, I can't see anything. So it's probably good that I can't see anything in this front. This jumble of clothes, essentially. He doesn't want to see what she's got. Yeah, he only likes it when you can see her goddamn clavicle because he loves a clavicle. He just wants to eat. eat it. Yeah, he loves a clavicle. Oh my God. But imagine, imagine Bella reading Midnight Sun and being like, like at the end of the movie, she's like, I want to show you how much I love you. He's like, don't touch me. He's like, oh my God, don't. He'll show you my first memories of you. Do not fucking touch me. He throws a copy of Midnight Sun away. He's like, I don't have any memories. He starts, he's ruining them all. Yeah, he's like, I don't remember anything about what I thought about you. I just, I've always loved you. What do you talk about? Like, just sitting there and you watch the movie and you're like, you just like the way she's, just like the way she's.

smelled. Yeah. And you didn't even kind of. No, he didn't, but like, it repulsed you, but like, she tastes good, I think, or you knew she tastes good? I think it. She's a singer. Yeah, because I don't even know if he was, like, repulsed by the way she smelled or if he was just like trying not to smell her because he was like, oh my God. And I think he's just bad at not looking repulsed. Yeah. And it may. But yeah, like that is, that would kill me. It's pretty great. So when I saw Chavon come on the scene, I said, we got to take a look at that. Yeah, nothing happens in the movie. No, that. I don't even touch upon it. Oh, that could have been a fun little.

And what's weird is they make it like, um, what was the girl that in the, remember in the last movie, she was like a little jealous of because they, like, she liked Edward and Edward like. Yeah. For some reason I thought it was arena. I don't think it was arena. So I hope not. Yeah, I don't think it was arena.

Oh, Tanya. Is it Tanya? Tanya is arena's sister. Yeah. I think it is one of them. them. So, like, he loved his cousin? Because I think they're only cousins by, like, by, like, vampirism. You know what I mean? But, like, still, that's, but I think you shouldn't put that label on that. Is it Tanya? Is it? Right. I think it is Tanya. Because remember, like, Bella describes

her in the most, like, anti-woman way in the world. She's like, she's so disgustingly pretty. She made my stomach second. I wanted to kill her. Tanya had a crush on Edward in the past. Yeah. And they, I think they wanted them to get together. Like, that is part of the, but I think he was never interested. Yeah, he wasn't interested. Yeah, that's what it is. Because she was also she wasn't Chavon. So there was that. And it's like they touch upon that in the movies, but they just pretended Chavon didn't exist. Yeah, that's pretty shitty. But she's like, but it's pretty big thing and like it's a moment in Midnight Sun. So it's like, why wouldn't you touch upon that? I think that would have been fucking interesting. Because to be quite honest, for all they've built up with

Bella and Edward, the emotional payoff of that relationship. There isn't one. Was nothing happened. Yeah. And hey, do you want to watch a quick little movie trailer of our best hits? That? And then she also says, and I said, fuck you, girl. She said, nobody has ever loved anybody as much as I love you. Yeah, I wanted to fight her. You don't know my fucking life. I said, fuck you. You don't know anything about me in the way I love. You can't even say that. You don't know everybody. Yeah. So that's a lie. Bella. You're being very disingenuous. I said, guess what, he doesn't love you as much as you love him. How about that? One thing, it's true, just read Midnight Sunday. Yeah, funny. And one last thing that I loved during the battle was how, because like Kaias, who's

Jamie Lynn, or Jamie Lundbauer, Jamie Campbellbauer, who plays Vecna on Stranger Things. It's so funny because he just does not want to let this go. He's like, I just want to fuck shit up. Yeah. Which is very Vecna. And also when they're like, you know, he's like, he's not an immortal child. And like, Arrow's like, we're not going to break loss and kill that child because it's not an immortal child.

And he's like, I feel like we can, though. I feel like we could kill that immortal. Let's kill the kid. Let's figure out a way to kill that kid. I'm like, Vecna's just like in every universe just out here killing kids. Like he's like, let me kill a kid. He's typecast.

Jamie Campbell Bowers just out here being like, let me kill a kid. Typecast as a kid killer. That's great. That's great. That's great. Damn. He's just across universes doing the same shit. It's wild.

The biggest thing that I hate about the battle and I said it at the very beginning, but I have to say it again is I just hate that. Alice shows up. And every in like in the movie. Oh, here's the other thing. I actually want to talk about this. Hold on. Let me get to my my good thing here. So in the book, they just have a conversation. Like the battle that happens on screen where like Carlisle dies and I think. Oh yeah. Like everybody dies. Basically like a lot of Cullins die. That doesn't happen in the book. So this is directly from Stephanie Meyer's website. She says the question, which I got frequently, was how I felt about having a big change. And inserted into the story during the final climax. My answer was that it didn't feel like such a huge departure. What, Steph? A whole battle in Susan multiple Collins die.

She said, for me, this moment already happened in the book. However, no, it literally didn't. However, we don't get to see it in all its exciting and gory detail because we're seeing the world only through Bella's eyes. Babe, I feel like we're not seeing it because you didn't fucking write it in the book. But she says, she goes on. A few of the reporters I talked to wanted to know where in the book, this moment was hidden because much like Ashkel, they were confused.

Much like everybody. They were confused. Everyone who read the book, they said, no, no, no, it wasn't in there. I read it. It wasn't there. She says, the answer is page 738. Fourth paragraph down. Arro stared into my eyes for a long tense moment.

I had no idea what he was searching for or what he found. But after he had measured me for that moment, something in his face changed. A faint shift in the set of his mouth and eyes. And I knew that Arro had made his decision. Stephanie, where are all of the Cullen's killed in that? Stephanie, where's the battle where everybody's heads are ripped off and the earth is split into two and everybody dies? Because also, isn't the whole thing in the movie that it's Alice who's like, here's your future? Yes.

But then he's doing it to Bella in the book. And Bella, like his whole power is he can like see every thought you've had. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. No, because in the book they're just talking. Exactly. And her pat her. that wouldn't even work. Like, she doesn't have the ability to show him the future.

No. Either way. So, I guess good, good try on that one. Also, the weird thing about the ending of the movie, and I don't know if it happened similarly in the book, is that fucking Bella, like, touches Edward to show him, like, this movie of their whole three years of life together. That's Renesme's gift. Bella's gift is shield. Yeah, I guess she can lower the shield and she just didn't know that. she can lower the shield and like give people memories. Yeah, and she's figured it out. Okay. She was like, oh my God.

You could have seen the shit for like ever, but I just didn't know I could lower it. But I figured it out because I'm such a good vampire. I hate it here. It's the way that there are no stakes. It's just like the way that the stakes are completely done. It's so anti-climactic. Yeah. Because the climax isn't real.

No. And again, none. Nothing pisses me off more. And there's nothing. Yeah. I remember, I think I watched this for the first time when I was young and I was like, oh my God, I'm sure relieved that Carlisle doesn't die. Yeah. I watched this as an adult and I completely forgot everything. So I walked into this and I was like, wow, I don't remember any of this. Yeah. And then we got to the battle and I was like, oh, none of this is real. I do remember that. And I was pissed because it real. And it makes sense to do it for the movie. But like, like Aiden was saying it earlier that. it completely has no rewatchability with the way they presented this twist. No. Because like, spoiler alert for the sixth sense. If you haven't heard that one, honey. If you haven't seen it.

But when you find out the twist in that movie, you go, whoa. And it blows your mind just like this battle scene blew everyone's mind. Because when it twists out, you're like, oh my God. How is this happening? But with the sixth sense, the thing that makes that different is then you go, oh shit. You go, I'm going to rewatch that again. And now suddenly I'm noticing all the things that actually like the evidence that supports what I just saw in that twist.

Right. And it's actually crazy to rewatch. And every time you rewatch it, you see a new little thing that you're like, oh my God, in that, like that thing. This has nothing. No. So it's like that twist stood alone with nothing to give it like the rewatch ability of like, oh, I'm going to watch that again and see if I can like catch it here.

No, because as somebody who literally just said I rewatched it, and I literally got to the battle and was pissed. I was like, oh, right. This doesn't happen. So why? What's the point of even watching it if it doesn't happen? That's, yeah. You know what? Like, it doesn't have a rewatchability.

It's like getting on a roller coaster and they just let you sit there for five minutes. And then they're like, oh my God, wasn't that the most thrilling roller coaster? And you're like, no, because it didn't go. And you want it like at the end of it, you're just like, everything just kind of fizzled out. Which like, I know. Trust me. I know. writing an ending hardest thing you're going to have to do it's not easy i will never say it's easy

and sometimes it just doesn't come out yeah but this one just felt like that's the ending like you didn't want to give any kind of stakes no drama nothing that was going to leave somebody like oh fuck that happened you know i mean like you don't there's not a lot to talk about with the ending because well it all just wrapped up in a bow it's it and the biggest the biggest like fear they're facing is like, oh my God, they're not only going to kill our child, but all of us, but like, the child being killed is the biggest thing here. In the end of the movie, it literally ends with Bella and Edward. Where the fuck is Renesman? Yeah. You're not clinging on to her. Like, oh my God. And also, not only did she not die, but you also find out, like, that guy, what's the guy's

name that Alice goes to get to prove that, like, immortal. Oh, yeah. It's, uh, it begins with an age. Or, oh. Yeah, they just bring him out. They just bring him out. They're like, hey, look this. He's an immortal child or not an immortal child. Oh, no, who'll. No, H. Oh, it wasn't. So you're correct.

But there was an H in it. There was an H and an N. So look at us both being correct. Yeah. He's like 150. Yeah. So like, you also just realize that you, like, you know what I mean? I'm just like, what the fuck?

I just feel that's the thing. It should have ended since the entirety of Breaking Dawn was about, you know, it really wasn't just about Bella and Edward. It was about Renéne. And what's going to happen and the family and how it's how they're going to. And it was about all of them. Right. And to just end on Bella and Edward, which I know what they were doing with that.

Like, I get it. I'm not, I'm not dense. But, like, I know they were trying to be like, well, of course. It's going to end on. And it's like, it needs to end on Bella, Edward and Renesme. And their child. The new family that they have together. Right.

You begin with the two of them. You end with the new family they have created together. And then it's also just like, okay, look, she gets not have it all. We'll be. Yeah. And again, it's like, poor Rosalie over there like just throw her to the wind and it's like

but Bella gets it all and it's like oh god it just doesn't feel good I don't like it this movie is the worst one yeah I think the earlier Twilight movies are more they have the vibe that I like better even breaking Dawn part one

I don't like I feel like we watched it so long ago I can't remember how much I liked to know this point happened not a lot happens but it's better at least and it has more of the like themes That early Twilight Day. Yeah. But Twilight and New Moon are definitely the best of the two of the two of the...

They didn't know what to do when they involved a child, they had... Nobody knew what to do. Yeah. It's like it all fell to the wayside because they just didn't know. They made her the stakes, but she was barely around. What happens in Eclipse? Why can I remember what... I can never remember what happens in Eclipse.

Isn't that when... What does happen in Eclipse? So we got New Moon. when Edward leaves. Is an eclipse when Jake finds out no. What the fuck happens in eclipse?

They're all running together. That was just erased for me all the sudden. Is that when they start building the vampire army? And they know Victoria is coming? Yes. That's the newborn vampire army that Victoria is forming to come attack them. And then that

that erupts in... Yeah. In eclipse. Okay. That's when like the... That's when they have to like sleep in the tent and he says I am hotter than you and all that shit. Oh, okay. So actually, yeah, I don't even remember Breaking Down Part 1 because I was thinking that was

breaking down part one and I was like, oh, that's pretty good. That's when they get married and go on a honeymoon. Oh yeah. I hate that one. And then she comes home and she's just like wasting away. So I take back what I said like that doesn't even have the themes of Twilight. The first three have great themes and they're fun. Yeah.

Breaking Dawn part one and two suck. Yeah. I'm not a fan. Breaking Dawn, one and two, suck. I don't, I could have done without it. Yeah, that's really, I really could have. And I guess what was going to happen was she was going to go from Twilight straight to something called Forever Dawn. And it was basically Twilight to them like getting married and all that. I was going to skip all the little shit. But that would have been the worst. Yeah, we wouldn't have never got. Because I'd much rather get New Moon and eclipse out of it. New Moon is so depressing, but it's like one of my faves. But it has, there's a possibility. Aiden also, by the way, our cousin slash nephew slash new producer. We just started referencing him and everybody's probably like, who the fuck is that? Who the fuck is Aiden?

Oh, and Mikey's still like here. Yeah, guys, Mikey is still our friend. He still works for us and everything. He just moved to Canada. Just so you know, like, he's not gone. Yeah. Aiden just like happens to live in Massachusetts. And like, he's all right.

We like him. Yeah, we're okay. It was so funny because he's never seen a single Twilight movie or. read any of the Twilight books. And yesterday, he watched the movie with me so I could take extra notes. And he was thrown into the deep end of the pool. And he is literally going to see. He just ordered Twilight to start reading it. And I can't wait for this journey. I need to know everything about this. I just love the way your journey began was just like, what the fuck is this? It was breaking Dawn part to the movie. You watched the worst movie ever and you were like, let me get into this.

He's like, I got to know everything. This is a shit movie. But like, what's this all about? Going down this rabbit hole, though. It's such a, it's such a, it's like a club. It really is. We all belong to. It's true.

I'm kind of sad that we're like done. I know. Now I feel like I want to do something else like this. So if you guys have, if you guys have suggestions for what, because obviously you're still going to get bonus episodes, they'll just be other things. Yeah. Like we've been doing between these. But if you have something else that you want us to do.

do this kind of thing with where we're like we do one and like we have a few other ones in between and then we do a second one. Yeah. It's like a more like a recurring thing. Yeah. Or you know, whatever. If you guys want to suggest go ahead. I see some people suggest 50 Shades of Gray. I can't do it. Oh my God. We watched one of them, I think, on Scream. And I was like, I can't. Yeah. I can't watch all of these movies. That'll make me homicidal. That will kill me. Yeah. I can't do it. I can't brain rot that deep. Not kidding either. Just anything but that.

Yeah. But suggest. Yeah. I want to hear what you have to say. Because you guys, we all loved doing this and you guys loved it. We love doing it. So we'll listen to what you guys think should be next. And we hope to keep listening.

And we hope you. Keep it weird. But not so many you get banned from Foxwood's and we can send. And shout up to State Farm. This episode is. brought to you by State Farm. Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home,

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