Morbid - Burke & Hare Part 1

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Throughout the first three decades of the nineteenth century, doctors and medical schools across Europe struggled to find adequate supplies of bodies that could be used for the purposes of teaching in a medical theater. The outsized demand for fresh cadavers led to the rise of “resurrection men", AKA Graverobbers. Disgusting duo William Burke and William Hare found what they believed to be a wildly easy way to provide doctors with a steady stream of recently deceased bodies. In the end, they brutally killed at least sixteen people. The crimes left an chilling mark on Edinburgh specifically, and all of Scotland in the end. Thank you to Dave White for research assistance. Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022)Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023)Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash KelleyListener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra LallyListener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, before we start this episode, I just wanted to make a quick correction. In the episode, I said that Carl was a radiologist, but I misspoke. He is a radiology technician. So he is not an MD, which a radiologist is an MD. He was a technician. Regardless, he was bananas, and what he does is insane. But I just wanted to clear that up, that a radiologist is an MD, and he was a radiologist. technician. I just misspoke. Terribly sorry, but wanted to clear it up. Thanks. Enjoy the episode. Oh, that's cute. What is it? Hey, it's from the Great Gatsby. It says Gatsby believed in the green light. The orgasmic future that proceeded before whatever. I know the whole fucking thing. I feel like we're all soulmates. This is going to be an amazing episode. Yeah, I'm excited.

I feel it in my bones. Hey, weirdos. I'm Elena. I'm Ash. And I'm Rachel. And this is morbid. It's a morbid collab. I'm so excited. Well, tell us who you are, Rachel. Introduce yourself. Like my bio.

No. The entire thing. I'm Rachel O'Brien of the Be Here for a While podcast, and I am newly obsessed with your guys' podcast. I've literally, like, I think my boyfriend thinks I'm crazy because I'm like, no, I don't want to listen to music. I'm listening to the three-part Dennis Radar episode. Yes.

It is an honor that you are a fan of our podcast because low-key creepy, we have been watching you on TV since like 2014. Thank you. So you mean you spot me like, where's Waldo in the background? Because I'm not really on the show. Well, you were like, oh, you were definitely on the beginning episodes. I was like, this girl's fucking hilarious. You were in like the pivotal, like the moments of Van der Pruplema, like the really good seasons. And so uncomfortable.

Like I was like, oh, I shouldn't be here. This isn't the person I am. There's too much screaming. You're like, I actually, I have to go. People are mean and I'm not here for it. We were actually just talking about, because we were like, oh, yeah, she was on like the best parts of the show. Literally. She got in there at the ground floor.

Yeah. And we were just talking about the moment on the beach when Ariana said that she takes sketch comedy very seriously. And I was like, the way Rachel handled that was awesome because she was just like, okay. Awesome. People were always so confused as to why I still sat there and Kristen got up because I think, because I think I was like, I just didn't know what to do with my body. I was like, oh.

You're like, can the earth just move me from this place that I'm at right now? I remember that vividly too. And part of me was like, even though Arian had never seen me do comedy. And that was like right before I was going to go on like my first USO tour. Like, oh God. So you're like, awesome. I really am funny. But at the same time, I'm also like so like, not passive, but like I was kind of like, part of me was like, well, I understand your point, Ariana.

I see, I see where you're coming from. Not everyone has to like me. You're like, it's cool. I'm really glad you take it so seriously because comedy should be taken seriously. Yeah, that was the beginning of my love-hate relationship with her. I was like, oh, okay, that's a rude. She's actually awesome. She's actually awesome. Yeah. Well, and then when we're just, she's actually awesome. Yeah. Well, and then when she was a guest on my podcast, we like, I, like, thought about it. We find the cleared up. I was like, what could I have done to you? What could I have done to you? You know, like, oh, I was with Kristen. We brought in Miami girl and Kristen screamed at you.

Oh, my God. And then we chased you out of the restaurant. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, it makes sense. You're like, that's why you said I wasn't funny. I get it now. Holy shit. I forgot that you were first time ever meeting me. So I can see. Well, she probably wouldn't like me. There it is. Oh, my God. I forgot about Miami girl and that you were there for that. That's legendary.

Because I was hiding. I was literally like, oh my God. I can't even imagine. Kristen stop acting like a wild animal. I stopped acting like a wild animal. Anyways, yeah, Ariana is super sweet though. We were just saying earlier how like Kristen makes the show. Like when she's not in an episode, I'm like, cool, where is she?

Like, what? Oh, Kristen's the best. She's legit, though, one of the nicest people. And like, I always say this about. Kristen. She seems it. She is not, I've known her for 12 years plus, and she is the same person I met when I met her then, and she is now, except for her, she's grown up a little bit, but, like, she's not pretentious. She doesn't think she's better than people. Like, she really doesn't seem like that. And I feel like she's always sticking up for the underdog.

Mm-hmm. It's her favorite thing to do. To her own detriment. I know. Yeah. It always ends up being that way for those kind of people, I feel like. All right. Well, I think we have one more Vanterpump rules question, and then we'll, like, move on to. the podcast podcast. We have to ask, and we can edit this out if you want, but Jack's Taylor, what the fuck was it like to date Jacks Taylor? Like, similar, but I was so young and so naive. Like, and it was like the first guy I met in, yeah,

it was the first guy I met in L.A. And he's one of those ones where they, like, love him on me right away. Like, it's very much like, yes. Yes. And it's very much like, I want to date you right away. Like, I want to marry you. I want to do it. And I don't know.

Like I was very naive to like partying and things like that. So I was just constantly like, oh, yeah. About him in a weird way. Like that was like half the reason why I stayed with him. But then I pieced out like once I found out he cheated on me. But I was always trying to figure out if he was cheating on me. I was like, but he's so like, his theatrics are so. And I mean, Jackson and I are friends now.

It's fine. Whatever. But like his theatrics are so big where I'd be like, hey, this girl just message me on my space saying that she like. made out with you in a bathroom. And his response to that would be the city of Los Angeles is trying to take him down. Even before Vanderpump rules, he's like, no, everybody's out to get me. Yeah, I'm like, what does the city of Los Angeles have to do with this girl?

And he's like, I got to move to Florida. This is like, I'm like, but why though? You're like, is that a no? So you're like, all right, I guess nothing happened. So that didn't happen? Yeah, exactly. So you're just kind of like, I don't really know how to take this. You're like, don't remember.

to Florida if you didn't cheat on me like bye what that's a great tactic just like totally confused and distract just like he's look a he's a sly guy for sure I'm like wow that's like kind of that's a talent for sure oh yeah I don't think it's sly until you know what that looks like like but I don't know when you're exactly at the time but like if someone did that yeah if someone did that to me now I'd be like can you please stop just saying that's at me just to try to confuse me hindsight 20-20 because right i have an ex-boyfriend who's exactly like that and so i was like i feel you girl i feel you yeah because now i'm like what yeah it's so crazy when you're in it you're like what wait i'm so confused and i don't have the time to figure this out right now i'm just going to like

chug along and just let it go but afterwards you're like what the fuck what's i doing there no that would not happen seriously yeah 100% well that's so yeah but he's i mean him and Brittany and they're very good together. They are. Brittany's adorable. Yeah. She really is. She's very sweet. She's a blast. She seems like she needs so much fun to party with. So much fun.

She's just adorable. But that's all the van der Pum Poules will shove down your throat. Yeah, exactly. We had to get it out. No worries. I think before we do our story, before we tell you our story, we want to ask you one more question. Because on your, I think it's your most recent podcast episode, you talk about like a murder house or a murder apartment that's down the street from your house can you give us like a brief insight about that well yes i will do it now because i don't think that's what i'm going to do with you guys when you guess on my podcast this week because i don't think that there's a ton of info on it

but so we so my whole neighborhood was like being locked down a couple weeks ago because there was three carjackers that then escaped and then they were hiding in like people's like backyards and all this crazy stuff and so my neighbors and i were all in our courtyard and they were they forgot how it got brought up but he was saying like this I was like I thought our neighborhood was safe he's like no we literally have a murder apartment building like two blocks over I was like cool like tell me like tell me more I was like tell me more I love murder and they were all like you're weird I was like not in that way but I'm fascinated I actually have two on my street but this okay so this murder apartment there's another one where someone next door to me

it was some rich dude with a young girlfriend and a baby killed her, drained her blood. Like, crazy shit. But this one, this one's bad too. So this murder apartment, like in 2016, there was a doctor and his boyfriend and something about like maybe the boyfriend cheated and the doctor, I think, was the one that murdered murdered him. And either he ate his boyfriend's heart or he stuck his boyfriend's heart into his

boyfriend's mouth. I couldn't quite figure out if he made his boyfriend eat his own heart or he ate the heart. Holy shit. And then two weeks. he really went he literally went he literally went real and then like two weeks later there was like a group of friends probably on drugs and and I can't imagine that the this guy was in the right state of mine that did the heart eating yeah I can't um I mean it's what's Hollywood is a big like you know that kind of drug going on and uh so this other one was like some I think the guy was on like

PCP, something, I don't know, one of those scary drugs that no one should do. Paranoia drug. Yeah, literally, why would you do a drug that you've heard someone ate someone's face when you're on it? Like, why would you be like, you know what, I'll try it? It doesn't sound like fun. Yeah, it probably won't happen to me. No.

Anyway, something. Yeah. There's also like many other options and like, you don't need to do that. Kind of press that. So then two weeks later, I guess this one friend just started stabbing a couple of the other friends that they were all hanging out with. And it's like two weeks later in the same apartment. Oh my God.

Like shit. There's some bad juju in there. Yeah, some bad juju in there. Anyways. There's a bad stuff coming out of those walls. I don't want to be anywhere. I know. I got to research it more and figure it out.

But it's, yeah, it's very dark. And they're not like just casual murders. No. Intense. You ate a heart. Like, shit. They got run of the mill murders over here. Carving out organs.

I'll send you guys the names of them. So in case you want to cover them. Oh, yeah. Sweet. Thank you. Podcast. Give you credit. Yeah.

There's a lot. of coverage on the draining of the blood one that I'm sure you guys could do a full episode. We love a vampire murder. We do. We do. Well, this case is a bonkers one. And I wanted to do one that was just like real weird. So we had a lot, we had a lot to talk about. And this is the case of Carl Tanzler. And this is from like the early nine, it's like 1920s. So it's like far on enough removed that we can just like shit all over it if we want to and it's totally we can be a little more jokey than we normally would yeah which we love it's a true crime comedy podcast yeah and the words of karen kilgareff you can get the fuck out yes exactly with the live shows yes i love it's a legendary

karen kilgaris she's hilarious we bow down um so this is karl tansler um aka count karl von Kossel. Same. I want that name. Did he make himself account or was he? He sure did. Was he? He sure did. So it's like a little end kind of deal. Yeah. Cool. Oh yeah. Yeah. More bravo. Woo. Yeah. He definitely made himself account. He was not born. So no, no lineage. Not that I know of at least. If he has lineage, I'm sure they have removed themselves from his They're like, this dude's out there. So he was born February 8th, 1877. He's from Dresden, Germany.

Dresden? In, yeah, Dresden, you know of it. In 1920, he married his wife, Doris. They had two daughters, Aisha and Clarista. Wow, those are very, very modern names. Aisha. Right? Wow.

It's a cool name. And Clarista. Clarissa knows it all. Yeah. Is that what it is? Aisha. explains it all. I'm a young man.

I was going to say that. I was ahead of your time. I'm like 12. It freaks me at how young you are. When I hear you guys talk about it, I'm like, what? You're only, what the fuck? But I'm also realistically like a 70 year old woman. It's very gemini.

I feel like I've like forced you into being like a 70 year old woman too sometimes. Yeah. But I'm here for it. I'm sure you can you can hear my horse sometimes when I'm like, yeah, this was in like 1993 and you're like, I wasn't born yet. And I'm like, like, let me. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts me. It does. I'm like, all right. I'm elderly. That's fine. I like Sanders.

You know. So, you're an old soul. So Clarista, unfortunately, when she was 10 years old, died of diphtheria. Oh, shit. Because that was something that happened in the 1920s. You just, you just up and die of diphtheria. I don't even know what that is. It's one of those things you would get on the Oregon Trail, I'm pretty sure. Like, that's one of those. Oh, got it, got it. Yeah, yeah.

Dip theory. I feel like that's one of those, like, like, you get, like, E. coli or, like, something like that. Yeah, it's one of the vaccinations you get. Dysentary. Oh, they always die on the Oregon Trail. Dissentary is, like, diarrhea to death, essentially. I don't think you said, like, E. coli. They had some bad sushi and they were out.

Well, I was definitely thinking of, like, bad diarrhea. And then I was like, oh, wait, no, that's disintery. I was going to make a bad diarrhea joke and then I was like, uh, no, no, no, no. And then you're like, wamp-w-womp. So, yeah, diphtheria, that's a wamp-womp. So he had one daughter. It ended up not mattering because he just like bailed on all of them for no good reason. Oh, good.

Like, he was just like, bye. As they do. Yeah, you know. So he emigrated from Germany originally in 1926, came to the United States via Cuba. he first settled in Florida, of course, and he became one of the original Florida men for sure. I was going to make a Florida man joke. I'm so glad you said that. You got it.

You got it with this one. And eventually he settled down in Key West, where this all happens. So Carl was eccentric to say the very least. He claimed to be a doctor. He was not. So claims to be a doctor and a count in his neither? And account. Claim to be a count.

If you just, if you reinvent your life, you can just make shit up. No one knows. Who you want to be. No one has the internet to look it up at that time. Just say you're a doctor if you feel like. Say your fucking royalty.

It's fine. Some people just went with it. They were like, all right, Dr. Carl. That's fine. Cool. Your account? Awesome. So he claimed to be a count, a doctor.

He claimed to be like a war hero at one point. Like a submarine service war hero. He was not. And how old was he? Um, at this point, he was in his 50s. Okay. Oh, he could have, he could have had the time for all that. And also he totally could have a midlife crisis.

So he's just like trying to be. He's like, you know what? I wanted to do these things. So I might as well just say I'm these things. I'm going to have to bring Jax back into it. Because at least this guy was, at least this guy was in his 50s. When I dated Jacks, he's probably like eight years older than me or something, I remember the amount of things he had done graduate with an advertising degree,

played hockey in college, also served in the army or Navy or something. And all these things, I was like, I don't think you had the time for all that. And then. Where did you fit that all into? Like, I'm doing the math right now. And it's just not. And then when I finally met his mom and I was like, well, at least he went to college because he was struggling. She goes, my son never went to college.

I was like, oh. Anywho. You're like, well, shit. Like, I knew I knew algebra. I knew that worked out. Yeah. You're like, I just thought his mom in the whole city of L.A. was out to get him.

Yeah. It's saying it with confidence, which is what these dudes do. You just say it with confidence. And people are like, okay. Exactly. That's who you are as a person. Oh, yeah. So true.

I got to learn that skill. Yeah, you got it. You just say it with complete and total confidence. I could be so many different things. Yeah. You can be whatever you want to be. Yeah. Anything.

Be what you want to be. So he said he used to like build boats. He owned a ton of ships. He said he owned an island at one point. He said he built planes. He claimed he was jailed by the British for safekeeping and then released at the end of the war. You got to tone the lies down. You can't go too hard with them.

That's the problem. People are going to start to question. And then you can't keep track of them all. You're like, wait, was I a fucking pilot or did I build the planes? Like, I don't remember. Exactly. So then you just start adding it and being like, I was both because that's just easier. Yeah.

But they always take it too far. They overextend the lie and that's when they get caught. Um, so yeah, so he was doing a whole bunch of shit. Basically, he was just like Jay Gatsbying the whole thing, like back to Jay Gatsby. Yeah, he was just, it sounds like he like read that book halfway through and was like, that seems like it'll work out for him. I'm just going to do that. Oh, my God.

That's like the con man book. What's the serial killer one that they all read before? Oh, is it how to catch her in the rye? Yes. There you go. I love that book. Gatsby's like the conman one. Yeah.

He's a phony. Um, but what he actually. was, for real, was a radiologist. Well, so that's like pretty cool. Still a good job. Right. I mean, you got to, that's a job. And you have to know a lot of shit that I don't know. It's like technological, especially in the 20s. I bet it was hard. It's a good job to have. It's like, dude, you don't have to embellish. And he was a radiologist at Key West US Marine Hospital, which is, you know, good for you, man. So like,

so like we said, Carl was eccentric, well, like we've talked about. And he claimed that as a child, he would have all these visions, these like dreams and premonitions that were not like other children being like, oh, I had this dream. And, you know, I was floating on a unicorn in the sky. No. He said his visions were like spirits telling him like how he was going to live his life, telling him the future. And one very important vision was he claimed it was his dead ancestor, Countess Anna Constantia. von Kossel, who remember, he is not a count. Wow. But he's got to keep it up. He's got to keep it up. He's got to prove the lineage.

There's the lineage. Yeah. Again, before Google, no one would go. He said it. They were like, yeah, Countess Anna. I know her well. Cool. She must have been awesome. Yeah. And Countess Anna. Yeah. Well, and Countess Anna is awesome because she came to him as a child. And she was like, listen, Carl, I'm going to reveal your. true love to you. I'm going to show you who your true love in life is going to be. And she eventually did. And Carl said she showed him the face of a dark

haired, beautiful, and in his words, exotic woman, which I was like, of course she did. Of course she did. Of course, that's what she looked like. She's this beautiful, dark-haired, you know. With big boobs, a small waist, a big box. Exactly. Oh, it's Kim Kardashian.

Yeah. She can cook and wear stilettos all day. And like, it's great. Good job, Carl. You hit the laundry. It'll be great. Yeah. And, of course, he saw this and he was smitten.

He was like, great. But she didn't exist in his life yet. So he was like, I just had to wait around until she came into my life. You know, that's just what you do. So, you know, and he's, you know, he. Patience. What he couldn't wait to do is for her to walk into his life. And then he could embalm her without her permission and keep her in his house for seven years.

Because that's what he ends up doing. embalm her embalm her without her permission is what is going to happen well at that point oh my god how do you get permission the fuck yeah wait I actually think I kind of know what this story is

but I don't want to ruin it by telling you that I know but I think I know it too I said that to her this morning I was like I know this one it's a twisty dirty one it's horrific an oldie but a goody yes no I love because I don't know it well I just know like some cliff notes of like this is fucking disgusting oh yeah this Carl is a situation he is a real

situation so so this woman that walked into his life she wasn't um consensual in the relationship no she was not consensual in any way she was like okay so what we're gonna so so he's working in his hospital as a radiologist at this point this was like 1931 uh and this woman walks into the hospital her name is maria elena malagro de hoyo but she went by Elena. Exotic as fuck. Exotic as fuck. And she went by Elena, which is good because I can remember that.

And she was the woman. She was the woman from the vision. She was that bitch. The countess was right. This is the woman. But, you know. Because she's the only dark-haired person he's ever encountered. He was like that one with the brown hair.

Just because I saw her, that means the countess was right. Like, okay. Well, Ann, she's coming in fatally ill with tuberculosis. So. He's got to say, so many poop diseases here. The tuberculosis is not a poop disease. It's not. Well, I'll leave.

I was like, I don't think, I thought it was a cough. I actually don't know it is. It's a coughing disease? Yeah, it's a respiratory disease. What am I thinking of? It's typhoid? A poop disease? I mean, I think you're just really locked.

I don't know what that one is. To be quite honest. Maybe, but. She had that diarrhea. she's got a stiff and let her. She's like, give me my in. Let me have it. Well, so she had the really rare pooping disease tuberculosis. Everybody's like, Ash, go home. Listen, it's like, it's like coronavirus affects everyone differently. You just don't know. The symptoms, they range. Exactly. So maybe that's what she was afflicted with. Maybe they gave her a Z-pack and it affected her in the

negative way. You just don't know. Exactly. You don't know. We weren't. there, but Carl was. Yeah. And Carl was. Thank God. Thank goodness for Carl here, because he really steps up. He was 53 years old at this point. She was 21. Oh. Oh. Yeah. No boy. You know, quite a difference. And, you know, she's walking in with like a fatal illness at this point. And he's like, you're the one. We're going to be together. And it's like, maybe just let her die peacefully. Because at this point, tuberculosis was just like not being cured. Right. It was just not. You got tuberculosis, you are going to die. It's going to be real rough.

So it's like, dude, just let her go in peace. She's not really looking for suitors right now. Yeah. Yeah. She'd like to put on some makeup, maybe get right. Maybe recover. It's not her time right now. Exactly.

Like, don't shoot your shot right now. Yeah. She actually just paused her Bumble account like we're good. Yeah. On a brief leave. Put a pin in it for now. Let her recover. Because like I said,

tuberculosis was like super fatal at the time. There was like no curate at all. In fact, this was the leading cause of death in the U.S. by the beginning of the 19th century. And it had killed one in seven people who had ever lived at this point. Oh, so it was like, no joke. Now, we were, now remember, Carl is not a doctor. He thinks he's a doctor, but he's not a doctor.

So he sees this. He knows, he knows some doctors from the radiology area. Same thing. He's, he's met. He's seen a doctor. He's, you know, I'm sure he's touched a lab coat at one point, maybe. He's lunched with the doctors. He's one of them.

Exactly. He's seen a chart maybe. So he's like, I can do this. This is fine. And this is the woman who's his vision soulmate, obviously. So he was like, you know what? I need to see to her medical care because I am a radiologist. And that's my job.

So. I must save her. Once she started, so they would treat these patients in the hospital for a while, but then they'd send them home and treat them at home at that point because it also was crazy contagious. So once she started getting treated at her parents' home, he started smuggling medical equipment to be set up at the home. And it was like shit like x-rays, which you're like, she don't need an x-ray. I feel like that's not going to help her, bro. Like, I don't know.

X-ray machines, he was giving her different medicines and like tonics and shit to try to cure her. and he just like made the shit up because he was like we have to start our lives together so I need to get her healthy yeah I need to take a little a little turmeric we'll get right on track like sprinkling some garlic salt on her see what happens keep her preserved and again and he's obsessed with this woman at this point it's not just that they are vision soulmates he's like this is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen I'm obsessed with her I'm in love with her he's telling her this constantly I was going to say did she know this at this point? She sure did. And by all accounts, she was like, I'm good. I'm dying. No, thank you. So flattering. What I'm dying. So there's no accounts that say she was reciprocating this on any level. She was just trying to get through the day, basically. And he ended up showering her with like gifts and jewelry, like just going all out, doing the most. She's like nice but not useful. Yeah. She's like, I'm kind of. I'm kind of. I'm kind of. coughing up blood. Again, I'm dying.

I don't need a diamond necklace. I don't know if you caught the gist of the death that's about to happen here. She's like, I'm just trying to beat those one and seven odds right now. So can you just like leave me alone for a second? So eventually he was caught for, you know, smuggling all this shit out of the hospital and like doing medical care on a patient while he's not a doctor. And he was fired from his position at the hospital. Yeah, that is good. Which is great for him.

because now he can spend more time with her because he's like, well, this is my destiny. So unfortunately, it was all for not because on October 25th, 1931, Elena passed away from complications due to tuberculosis at her parents home. It was only three months after Carl had first met her. But he was... What did her parents think of him coming over there? I think they were a little stressed out about it, but it seems like they just kind of like were going with it because he was offering to pay for things.

Like he was offering to like he ended up paying for her funeral like totally paid for the whole thing. And I think I don't know if they were. Okay. Because they had, you know, they were Cuban-American. So I think they had probably immigrated. Who knows what, you know. And I think her father was a cigar maker. So I'm not really sure how much money they had going.

And I'm sure it was helpful that this random old guy is like, I'm going to pay for the funeral and do all this. Yeah, like, sure. And they're like, cool. You're not hurting her, I guess. so fine. So he ended up paying for the funeral expenses. And then he insisted that they allow him to pay and construct a special mausoleum for Elena. Because he didn't want her to be in the ground because he was like, the water from the rain can get in the ground and it'll make her ugly.

And I don't want that. And it's like, it's like, well, that's going to happen eventually, homie. Yeah. She's dead. She's going to get ugly. It's going to happen. Yeah. And he also had a death mask made of her face, like right after she died.

So, so what? Again, please? You heard it here first. A death mask. So he was like eating the shit out of his life at this point? Yeah, like he, like, you know how, um, resuscitation Annie was like the woman pulled from that face is like on all the rest of, like the CPR dolls? because it's like this beautiful face.

It was a death mask. So it's like she died. Oh, so it was, and he made a mold of her face. Literally, like a plaster of Paris mold of her face. Did he put some makeup on? And then just has the death that has a mask of her face now. So he can just look at her face whenever he wants to. It's just as normal as it sounds.

What? It's totally fine. Did he like carry, did he like take it around with him? He definitely did some shit with it later. That's for sure. Like, when he, like, sit down and have dinner and then, like, place her. Just, like, on a pillow. Near him on the table, like, right there.

And he's like, I love you. Yeah. Does he, like, put her on, like, a mannequin so she, like, looks like a hum? Elena, you look so beautiful tonight. Or, like, he's dancing with just her head. Just that. Giving her soft kisses. No.

Whispering sweet nothings in her not-there ears. He probably loved that she couldn't talk back. It's, like, domer. I cannot. Yeah. He, like, drapes it on, like, the top of a broom handle. and just like walks around with it. Oh my God.

So weird. She like, she like drops at one point. It just splats. Imagine going over to your friend's house and you're like, you're like, what is this mask on the broom? He's like, oh, that's Elena. You've been to late. Oh my God.

You guys have to meet. Elena. There's my wife. Elena. He's like, I have to go. Oh my God. I can't believe I didn't introduce you. So rude of me.

Not. They're like, all right. They're like my Uber's here in 1930. Bye. Bye. Weird. Yeah. So he made the death mask because, you know, that's just what you do when your loved one dies.

We're all going to do it. So it's fine. When you're like kind of loved one dies. Yeah. You know, the love of your life, Ash, come on. Right. Yeah, even though they don't know it, but you know it. That's all that matters.

Right. So he, so after he did the death mask, he's like, I'm going to pay for this mausoleum. It's going to be badass. And it was pretty badass. It's this like, I'm going to post a photo of it on our Instagram because it's ridiculous. And there's a lot of photos of him just like standing next to it like, this is my girl. And it's this like domed mausoleum. And it's huge.

It has a full ass. It's like a legit house. It's got a full ass door that like has a handle and locks. It's got like these big flower pots all over. It has pillars in the front of it with flower pots on it. It's like crazy badass. It has like window panes. sounds yeah it's in a chimney like what the fuck well in that that door that it has obviously has a lock

because you don't want people just being able to like pop in I guess let me guess he's the only one with the key nailed it bingo that's that's the rub so I don't know I'm not exactly sure why her family was like yeah totally you can have the only key like that's what I would question well maybe they like didn't know that the door opened like maybe they thought like the cemetery was the keeper of the key. Because like, why else would you need to go in there? They'd be like, oh, like, it's for like clean up and like the janitor has it.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that makes sense. That's true. Meanwhile, he's moved into it, probably. Did he give up the lease on his apartment? He pretty much did. He lives now. No.

Yeah. He, like, allowed her to rest in peace and, like, just he wanted to do this, you know, out of respect. Not at all. Just kidding. He didn't do that at all. He used that key every fucking night. He used that key every night.

Ew. So every night for two years. Wait, I have a question. When you're in a mausoleum, you're obviously in some sort of casket of sorts inside of it, right? Okay, okay. Yeah. So she's not just like hanging out there. It's like your casket goes in there, right?

Yeah, exactly. Like a drawer of sorts? And actually hers was just like not even in a drawer. It was just like the casket sitting on a thing right in the mausoleum. So if you're sitting in there just comparison. casket. But have you ever seen double jeopardy? I picture that when she gets like put in the mausoleum in the casket in there. If you picture that. Yeah. Yeah. That is kind of how it was actually. So there you go. Well, and he would go in here for two years every single night, never missed a night. He would go in there.

Two years? Two years. It's his, it's his girlfriend. He can't ditch her. It's his vision soulmate. Come on. Gosh. Yeah. This is a homie. Like what? His ancestor countess Anna told him that this is his destiny. Yeah, he was sick. You don't defy Countess Anna. I mean, I'm not going to. No, you don't. So, and he's in there. He's chit-chat and with her. He sings her songs, plays our music. Oh.

Oh, I bet he's not very good either. That's not very nice to do to someone that's dead and they can't tell you to stop. That's not resting in peace. That's resting in distress. Oh, she did not rest in peace because he would also, you know, like do, you know, stuff that guys like to do to Woo-Willy. lady. Like he would inject her nightly with formaldehyde via an incubator tank that he installed in her coffin so he could keep her preserved.

Yeah. What? Wait, and so he didn't have access to opening the coffin at this point? He actually, I'm pretty sure he did actually have access to opening the coffin. But he wanted to preserve her before he saw her again. So he was like pumping that shit in. Because I think he was thinking. I think this whole time he's like, I'm going to take her out of there eventually.

Like a little, little, little boat jocks. You got to keep it fresh. Yeah. Okay. And yeah. I think of it, I think in his head, he's like, eventually I'm going to get up the nerve and I'm going to take her out of here. So I'm going to keep her as fresh as I can here while we can. Yeah. You got to do that. And you got to. You can't just like let it happen for two years and then take out whatever's in there. You don't want a big surprise and you open that and she's aged time. You know, you want to keep her fresh. You want to remember her the way she was. Well, at least he has that mask though. He can like put that over her face, I guess. There you go. Her death mask.

Seems like a better solution. Or just like maybe. Some leather face shit right there. Just put her own face over her face. I'm like moderately stressed out about this. It's absolutely disgusting. It's real gross. And he, so he, and then he claimed that her ghost would pop up every now and then and just

be like, oh, hey, Carl. Thanks for hanging out with me. Like, what's that like? Literally just come home and be like, hey, bro. Like, nice of you to hang with me. This is real fun. And then eventually. Keep up the good work on the songs.

Thanks for the free Botox. Yeah, thank you for this injection of a lot every night. Like, you're the best, the most romantic. We're soulmates. And then eventually he says that one night she was just like, you got to get me out of here. I can't be in here anymore. She's like, I'm going up the walls. Like, I'm going crazy.

Yeah. So he had to do what he had to do. He had to do the words to work and take care of her. He was much obliged to help her out with this. Yeah. So he documented a lot of this too in journal. and there's actually a book, and I'm going to post the name of the book,

because of course, I think it's like the lost diary of Count Von Kossel, I think it's called. Can they drop the count if it's... Yeah, right? Don't give this guy the credit. I'm like, stop giving him this count shit.

Yeah. It's like when you guys did like Dennis Raynar and then son of Sam, you're like, I'm not going to call him son to Sam if he gave him his own name. No. If you're that, you're David, you don't get... You don't get it.

You can't name yourself. No. You can't name yourself count. We're not going to reward your behavior. No. I'm not going to stroke your ego. fucking Dennis, B-TK. What's this guy's name again?

His name is Carl. Carl, of course it's fucking Carl. Sorry to all the Carl's out there. My husband loves the name Carl, actually. He has this weird fascination with the name Carl. He thinks it's like the best name ever. My best friend's boyfriend's name is Carl. There you go.

He's nice Carl. He's always great Carl. Like if you're listening, Carl, what up? What's up? You're a great name? Keep on Carlin. It's such like a regular name though for such like a weird fucking dude.

Yeah. In this case. Well, because his name is Count Von. Carl. Carl, what is it? Count Von Carl. Can we call him that instead? Carl von Kossel.

So yeah, so he was writing in his journals, you know, documenting this whole thing. And shortly before he made his real move, he wrote, quote, I am so happy to be back with you, my darling. Very soon the hour approaches when I will take you home with me. Oh, my God. And this is the point, like, uh-oh, in the journal when, like, if this was like a saved by the bell episode, it would be when Zach Morris, like, looks at the camera and is like, oh, shit. Like, it's about to go down. He's like, this is the moment where it's like, oh, no, stop now, like record scratch. This is when I whip out my giant cell phone and call 911.

Exactly. Like, oh, shit. Excuse me? Emergency. This is when you fucked with Mr. Bell doing, like, way too much. Yes. So this was a lot. And after two years, he was like, I'm through the courting phase.

I've courted her. And now it's time to move this onto the next level. Does he marry her? Yeah. We're going to spend eternity together. So he took her body out of the mausoleum. He placed her in a toy wagon. A toy wagon.

Alarming. You heard that right. Sorry, I'm hoping this is at nighttime, correct? I'm assuming it's at nighttime, yeah. In a toy wagon, can you fucking imagine? if you were just driving down the road and you saw a gentleman with a woman in a toy wagon who may or may not have a death mask on and she's like hanging out of it like completely and he's just like jauntily walking down the street he's like Elena I told you about her she's

great yeah would you be like uh would you call the cops or would you just pretend like you didn't see it like I think that I would be full on bystander effect and be like sorry I didn't see that. Yeah, that's one of those moments where you're like, I don't even know if I saw that. Right. So I'm just going to keep going. Because it's like, what would you say?

Like, hey, 911. Oh, I think. I could be a doll. I could have made it up. I don't know. But there's a man. There's a guy with a wagon. There's a bearded man walking around with a radio flyer.

This woman. Wait with a radio player. I saw this count earlier this afternoon. I'm pretty sure he was a count. I don't know what he's doing. Oh, my God. He wheels her corpse to his, like, shack slash laboratory that he has by the sea. Oh.

I picture this, like, bumpy-ass ride of her, like, falling out a couple times. Oh, my God. Like, weekend of Bernie shit. Oh, my God. You know that Ash has not seen and didn't know what weekend at Bernice was. I am, as soon as he said that, I was like, well, fuck. It's not her time. I don't even, it's not her generation.

I don't even, it's not her generation. I don't know. started a war against me. They were like, what the fuck? You didn't know what it was. That's what shocked me. I never heard of it. Wasn't it like the 80s or the 90s?

I don't know. All I know is that all I know is that my sister and I used to play weekend at Bernie's, but I never got to be Bernie. So it was basically she was Bernie. And you're just dragging her ass around. And you're just dragging her ass around. Yeah, I was like, this isn't really that fun if I have to just drag you. This game sucks.

Yeah. Wait, do you know what I'm picturing though? And you both will get this because we were talking about Tom Petty. earlier. Have you ever seen the Last Dance with Mary Jane music video? That's all I'm fucking picturing. Oh shit. That's yeah. I wonder if he was inspired by this case. I think a very good difference. Yeah, I think the Tom Petty version I think is probably a lot more like pretty than what happened here. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what it is actually. I can't wait to watch that video now. I'm going to watch that after this. I love that video. Good video. Um, so yeah,

so he brings her back to his shack slash lab. And, you know how before he had claimed that he, like, built planes, that he flew planes, all that fun stuff? Maybe some part of that was right, that he at least tinkered on planes because he did have a plane on his property that he was, like, working on. Okay. Okay. This was an aircraft, he was calling it, and he was calling it Elena's aircraft. And what he was planning to do with this was treat it kind of like a spaceship type thing, and he was going to take Elena's body. up to space where the radio...

Okay, I was with you until you said spaceship. She's done. Oh, maybe he does know how to do this. I was like, okay, maybe he knows how. Then you said spaceship. We're out of here. You're like, you know what? Maybe he's legit.

Oh, yeah. Okay. It's a hobbyist of sorts. And you know what? It really is. And this is so, this is such science here. Like, this is a lot of science. Well, it was the 30s.

He figured he was going to bring her dead body up to space where the radiation from space was just going to make everything work again. Like bring her back to life? Yes. Like reanimated. No, radiation doesn't typically do good things for people. Certainly doesn't. It's maybe a little shrinking of a tomb.

Yeah. But radiation isn't known for... Like baby Spider-Man? Adverse effects. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, did he read any case studies that, like, where someone was like reanimated after being brought to space and radiated?

Because it's like, where are you getting? this logic, bro. Actually, you know what, though? This could have been, wait, is radium the same thing as radiation, basically? Yeah, it's like the same, yeah. This could have been, this could have been around the time when they thought that that was like the cure for everything. You've ever heard of like the radium girls or whatever or the factory? Where they were literally like, I'm glowing. This is so cool. And it's like, that's not good. And then their jaws disintegrated and stuff. So maybe, listen, to be fair, maybe it was all the range. You know what? You're right. We have to give it to Carl. maybe he was just up on that shit.

He was trying his best. Yeah, you never know. I mean, I feel like there's other ways to get radiation that, like, you don't have to take her to space, but, like, maybe that's romantic. I don't know. I'm also really shocked, like, this has nothing to do. Is that how they were saying, but how did he not get typhoid? Well, she didn't have typhoid, so that's how he didn't get it.

Tuberculosis. How did he not get that? Because tuberculosis is spread through, like, airily. coughing on people and, you know, like droplets in the air. So when she was dead, that's it. But she had it for a while. Yeah. But he was around her three months before. But I guess her parents didn't have been in stuff. So maybe they were like masked up like we all over now. I'm sure they probably took like precautions. Right. But it is like super contagious. That's wild. But he didn't get it. Yeah. I mean, after she was dead, he was pretty good because she wasn't going to be

spewing all over him. Well, did he think she was going to come back to life and not have it anymore? I mean, yeah. This kind of thought that he. I don't know the rules. Yeah. Yeah, this guy thought he was going to take her to space in a spaceship he was making. Not very logical, oh man. Do you know the space rules? I don't. I don't. Carl does, though. That's true.

That's all that matters. You can't argue with Carl. It's Carl's world. Carl logic is the logic. Yeah. But the problem with this, so he's like, yeah, we're going to do this. We're going to get in my homemade spaceship. We're going up there.

Radiation. Boop, you're back. It's going to be great. But girlfriend had started to putrify. So it's not, yeah. What does that mean? We get hard? That's when you start to.

Yeah, that's when you start to kind of, you know, you're oozing, you're decomposing, your insides, putrefying, mean that they're literally starting to just like turn into mush. I mean, you're just liquidate. Oh my God. It's not a good look and it's probably not the look that she was sporting when she walked into the hospital. So she was liquidating her assets. Yeah, she was fully, fully liquidating. And as we all will do at one point. But so he was like, all right, before I take her up to space, I got to halt this because I can't have her looking like this.

He's like, you're starting to stank up the place. So he's like, I'm going to. But at least he loved her. He didn't leave her. It's not like a guy that will leave a woman who gets too old or too fat. You know, funny younger one. He was in it. This is true love.

I don't care what you guys. This is a love story. You know what? For the ages. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. He wants to grow old with her.

It's beautiful. It's just happening a little quicker than he anticipated. So he's like, I got to at least slow this down. So he keeps up with the formaldehyde. He bathes her regularly and perfume and other, like any fragrant, like preservative. Oh, that has to smell so bad. Yeah. It smells like, like, think about like a, like a smelly tack, like a sweaty taxi.

Yeah. Covered up with a bad. Oh, like that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, Or like a yucky bathroom and then you spray like febrize in there and it just smells worse somehow. And it's just a nasty smell with that like really heavy perfume smell on top of it. Yeah, that's horrible. And I feel like he picked like old lady perfume that was like really grossy. Yeah.

And we're like, I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. Yeah. Honestly. But then as she's, but then it gets worse because then as she started literally falling apart because she's literally putrefying. Right. He started using piano wire to wire her bones together. So he's literally keeping her skeleton together with piano wire because her tendons and muscles are falling apart.

That reminds me of nightmare before Christmas when like Sally's arm just keeps falling off. And she just keeps sewing it back on. That's exactly it. I feel like I'm picturing Carl as that little like doctor guy now in the wheelchair. With the fucking sliptical or the monocle I mean. Oh my God That's amazing When this

When this happens Are your bones and stuff visible I think she was probably Because what it was also happening Was her skin was starting to like melt away Like literally rot away So I think her skeleton was becoming visible And it was starting to fall away from each other

So he was literally wiring her back together With piano wire And when her skin was falling apart And like rotting away It was like you know Because it slips off like skin slippage is the thing thing, even though that's real gross. I hate when you say slippage.

There was one episode where you just kept fucking saying it, and I wanted to vacate the premises. Slippage, I don't know why that grosses me out so much, but it's real gross. I think I may have listened to that episode. Does I have something to do with the woman being in the water? Yeah. Yep. Yep.

That's the episode. Something about what. Yeah. And I was like, oh. And she becomes fucking soap. Oh, yeah. Because it's like, there's something called degloving where your skin will just like slip off. No.

Like off your hands. Jesus. I'm busy that. So that's probably what was starting to happen. And so when this was happening, he was like, okay, I'll just replace her skin with silk fabric that I've dipped in oil. Oh. I mean. Very fancy.

Wow. Very met gala. Very met gala. No problem too big for Carl. No. Yeah. Nope. He's a problem solver, this guy.

He really is. And he would also use plaster and wax. Basically, anything totally. inorganic that really shouldn't replace human flesh. He was like, I'm going to use that. He was committed to the cause. He was like, never going to give you up.

Never going to let you down. Exactly. He was Rick rolling at this point. So eventually her insides are putrefying. That's not a good look. So he opens her up and he just stuffs her abdominal cavity with rags. He's like, I got to keep her shape.

Oh, wow. Wow. It's like a scarecrow. Oh, my God. Like a real nasty scarecrow. And her hair fell out, obviously, because it's getting real rough up in here. And he gathered it all up and made her a fucking wig out of her own hair and put it back on her head. And sewed it back on her head. I love that that's the part where I'm like, this is sick. God.

I have had enough. That's it, Carl. I'm done. Get a proper weave. How dare you. Buy some fucking tape ends, Carl. God damn it. God damn it.

And last but not least, her eyeballs had withered to nothing, so he replaced them with glass ones. Oh, shit. I feel like it was... I bet she looked lovely. She did. She looked great. So much like she did when she walked into the hospital.

Because again, on to... Elena was beautiful. Pictures of her, you're like, I get it. Like, I mean, I wouldn't go this far, but I get it. Like, she's real... But he turned her into like a doll version of herself, like a really scary doll version of herself. But I have a feeling he wasn't good at it either. Like the wig thing, the so, like that probably didn't look anything like her hair.

No. Nope. And there's photos of her. I was going to post them. I want to see. Because I was going to say, Google that shit. Because the wig he made is just a pile of hair like knotted on your head. That's what I was picturing.

Me too. I'm like she would not do her hair like that asshole. He also drew on her eye. eyebrows and I was like, you need to practice. He didn't microblade them. No, no microblading. No microblading. This is horrible.

He made her. I'm so scared to Google it, but I'm about to hold up. He made her look like a man. Like a, like a little Filipino man. Oh, no. That's exactly what he looked. She doesn't look the same. I dare to say.

Oh, my God. That's frightening as fuck. Oh, no. And she was really beautiful before. Okay, wait. And Carl does look like the guy from the nightmare before Christmas. He does. He has the little spectacles.

He does. And he's like a little bald guy. Yeah. He thinks this is the same thing? Yeah. I mean, look at that weave. She was gorgeous. Greeditch.

She did have a little bit of like a newsboy sort of finger-waved hair thing. It wasn't like long hair. So he did his best. He could take a curling iron to it. Finger waving is very difficult. I'll give him. it to her. Yeah. We're giving Carl a lot of credit here. But, um, shit. That just fucked me up. Like he did all this. Like he did all this. He turned her into

that. Not so he could just like lay her in state and like mourn her, like set up an altar to her or anything like that, which is bad enough. No, he did this so he could live with her as man and wife. Like this was his wife now. Like when did they get married though? They shared a bed. And were they planning to have kids or? Oh God. That was out. You better believe he tried. Oh, no. Oh yeah. No, no, no. And they shared a bed. No. He talked to her. He brought her around the house. He sang to her, played music for her, dressed her up, bought her new clothes, put makeup on her, bought her jewelry. Like, neighbors said that he would come home with, like, giant boxes full of perfume and women's clothing all the time. And they were all like, what's happening, Carl? Like, what's going on? Wow. And he would just be like, see you later and just go in his house. So he knew enough to hide it and be like, so. Okay. So, yeah, he knew this was fucked.

So how was he affording this? He lost his job. Did he ever go back to work or? I'm not really sure. Because it's like, maybe, maybe he's, I don't know. His side hustle was dollmaking. Well, yeah, or he's got some stock in that space business. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, something's going on. Something's going on here. But neighbors said he also, because he played the organ. That was one of the things that he did because, of course he did. Because he's a fake count. Creepy. So I feel like you have to, you have to play the organ.

Yeah. You moron. A little bit on the nose, Carl. Be a little more original, Carl. Like, come on. Yeah. But, uh, get an electric guitar.

Yeah, like, do some, the account playing the electric guitar. Start a band. Yeah. But neighbors said they could constantly hear him playing the organ, like, late into the night for her. Like, it was that, it's a situation. So,

romantic as fuck. This went on for a blissful seven years. Seven years. years he kept her like this. Seven years. Seven years. And no one knew. No one came over to his house in seven years. He was a bit of a loner, I guess there was definitely, he was a loner and he was definitely eccentric as we know and people knew that. And so people, there were definitely rumors, like, why does he keep bringing perfume into his house and women's clothing? And people were like, this is weird. And people were also like, huh, it's weird that he stopped visiting that tomb, that he was visiting

literally every single night for two years. Oh shit. Why did he just stop doing that? And then this kid in the neighborhood saw him through a window one night dancing with a life-sized doll. And this kid was like, that was weird.

Something's weird there. But people were just like, Carl being Carl, I guess. Like, they were just like, whatever, that's Carl. Carl likes to get fucked up and dance. We know this about Carl. It's just weird. this is this is like a weird like a way too far episode of my strange addiction it truly is oh i don't

think i've seen that that sounds good though yeah like people have like full on relationships with their cars or like full on relationships with like blow up dolls yeah oh my god i've seen the ones where they think that they're like yeah in a relationship with a car or like a circus equipment or whatever their fairground equipment yeah yeah it was one where a lady was addicted to tasting her like dead husband's ashes and she was like at the point where where she was running out of them. Did we talk about that with somebody recently? Holy shit.

Yeah. And in the, she's just like, dips her finger in and licks her finger. Like, you could see it. It was fucked. It was fucked.

And like his family was very upset. Rightfully so. Understandably. I'm like, and his fucking family was mad. Can you believe it? What the fuck? No, I'm like,

they were not. They were not very understanding. No. That's not funny, but like, shit. But, that would be Carl. Carl would do that. Yeah.

Like, this is who he is as a person. So, and now her, now, um, Elena's family is like, something strange. And they're like, he stopped going to the mausoleum. We never see him there anymore. Like, huh. So her sister Florida was the one who

really started like peeling back the Carl onion. She was the one that was like, okay, I got to come in here and quite an onion. Because he's an onion. And so she had heard all the rumors about Carl And she's starting to put it together like something weird is going on. So in October 1940, she came to Carl's house and was like, listen, you have the only key to the mausoleum.

So she knew that he had the only key. I don't know how she found out, but she knew. Okay. And she was like, I want you to take me there and I want you to show me my sister because she was like something's weird here. And Carl, you'd think Carl would be like, oh, or I don't know where it went. I think I lost it. Or why don't she just be like tomorrow and put her back? Oh no. No, no. Carl was like, no, you don't need to go there to see her sister. She's right upstairs.

No, shut the fuck up. He was like, I got her. Yeah. He was like, what? He literally was like, easy, breezy. What? I can't believe you guys haven't talked since she's been out. It's like, why? You ask ages ago. He's like, bitch, she's right up there. You don't have to worry about it. Let's go see her. Oh, my God. He's a very mentally unwell person. Oh my God. Is such a situation. So he's like, come on in.

And so she's like, what? So she goes in because like, what are you supposed to do in that situation? If I found a man that like, if John did this to you, I'd be like, I would be so angry. I think she's pretty best. You'd call the cops. Yeah. I would like savagely kill him, I feel. He brought her up to his bedroom where Elena was laying in bed in a wedding dress.

in a wedding dress. This is like the Tom Petty video. She was in a wedding dress too, remember? And when she saw it, she was like, fuck no, that's a doll. Like, there's no way that's my sister. She was like, also my sister was dope. Who the fuck is this? Yeah.

Sorry. That ain't it. That ain't it, son. But he's like, you're crazy. So she's like, you're crazy. I'm calling the police. We got to get to the bottom of this. But in that moment, she was like, no, that's not my sister.

Like, that's a doll. You're just fucked up. So the police get there. And she's like, nope, I'm not going to believe this is my sister unless you autopsy that doll. And it shows me that it's a person. So they did. And they confirmed it. Oh, my God.

So was this like the 40s at this point or like the late 30s? This is 1940. So. 40. And when they further investigated, they found that he had replaced not only her insides and her eyes and skin, but he had replaced pieces of her that took him from being a creep who dug up and tampered with a dead body to a necrophiliac. Because I knew that's where you were going. Gross. Because we could, if it was just that, you're like, that's fucked up enough.

But in the back of your mind, you're like seven years. He's hanging on to this. Like, what's going on? Yeah. What he had done was he had, and this is going to get kind of graphic, just so everybody knows. Let me sit back and relax for a minute. Sit back.

I'm literally in a state of shock. I really wish I had a glass of wine right now. You could use one because this is yucky. He had put a tube into her vaginal cavity. I'm not laughing at that, but I'm laughing that ash literally just took off her headphones in his sleeping. Like what type of material of tube, like a plastic tube? Don't ask further questions. Well, first of all, that, first of all, that, there's all they can't feel that good.

No further questions. I rest my case. This is, yeah. So I'm not exactly. got stuck in the tube and then oh god for seven years i'm like you didn't have one mishap like no mishaps maybe nothing got wet just a tube just a tube i i need a deep breath for a moment yeah that's fine that's fucked it's like dude there are things that are made specifically for that they like are not actual human being body they might not have had them back then that's why i was thinking like

wasn't there a better product that's what he's crazy crafty as shit, just don't do it to her. It's making an anatomate thing to fucking, ew. You're making a spaceship motherfucker. Make a flashlight. Yeah, I was just going to say that. Like, shit. Oh, my God. I'm like...

Yeah. Wow. That is one of the grossest things I've ever heard. I don't think I heard that on the original... I don't know where I heard this case, but I don't think I heard that part. I didn't hear it either. I actually heard that part from Dr. Michael Baden, who's like a famous forensic pathologist. Yeah. Who, a love and he was the one who mentioned that in the documentary I watched well first of all first of all if

you can get off just fucking a tube just fuck a tube then why does it have to be exactly like a putrified person no because you know that he like needed to like see her oh my god because he was in love he was making love he was made all right all right we got it we got to get off this topic because it's getting way too visual up in my cranium and I'm all set oh Lord oh fuck that fuck that what I feel bad is for the pathologist who did the autopsy and we're like, oh look, he fucking replaced her insides with rags. Like, that's weird and fucked up. And then they go further and they're like,

oh, there's a tube there. And then you're left with that for the rest of your life. Like, what's the weirdest autopsy you ever did? And he's like, well, hold on a second. And he's like, well, hold my beer. Here it is. I swear to God there does not need to be made up horror movies. Their real life is far more terrified. Real life is a scary. 100%. People are way more fucked up

than what I imagine. That's why we need movies because we're like, oh, okay. It's not so bleak out there. Well, and there are also photos of the autopsy that they did, like, where they were, like, peeling back the layers of, like, you know, wax and paper to, like reveal her, like, mandible and her teeth and stuff. So you can see that it's actually her. Oh, she's still had teeth?

Yeah, she's still in teeth. Do your teeth last a long time? They last a long time. Yeah, they last. They lost a long time. Oh, yeah, yeah, stupid, because, like, dental records. Yeah, you know. Um, so obviously he's going to be charged with shit, right?

Yeah. Yeah. No. He got charged with something, but he was charged with wantonly and maliciously destroying a grave and removing a body without authorization. How about like, uh, what about the dead person rape? Right. That's it.

That's all he got charged with. What about the kidnapping essentially from the family of their daughter? What about the, the medical malpractice? Yeah. Well, yeah, what about the like, unlawful plastic. surgery you've given to someone without their consent? I have so, why, I have so many questions. Yeah. What about having

bad style and paying her hair up like that? Right. And doing her eyebrows like that. Yeah, that's a fucking crime in and of itself. No, he, that's all, essentially grave robbing. That's really all he got married. So do, how long did he serve? Did he even serve time? Um, no, he didn't. And you know why? Did he die? The Statue of limitations had passed after seven years. So he didn't have to do

anything. Yeah, she's, he didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to do anything. So did they give him treatment? Like were they like, we need to give you a lobotomy? Well, he went through a small trial where he was evaluated to see if he was insane. He was found sane by the worst psychologists in the game, apparently. Wait, do I remember this correctly from when I read about this? Were there people that actually thought it was like a beautiful love story? Yes.

Okay, yeah. So everyone's messed up. Literally. People thought that he was. eccentric, but they were like, this is just romantic. Like, this is just true love. They were never dating before. It would be creepy.

It would be creepy if a man and wife, like the woman that ate her husband's ashes, very creepy. The fact that this wasn't even consensual, not romantic. Exactly. He essentially, he saw her when she was coming in, dying of a respiratory disease. Then he basically just forced himself upon her for three months in her family's home while she died slowly and miserably. And then he stole her and was necrophiliacing and turning her into.

You know how movies. And you're like, babe, would you do that for me? You know, there were girls up there that were like, babe, would you do that for me? Totally. Those are the morons that have made this romantic. Like, what? Don't you want me to be with you forever? Oh, my God.

I'm going to go downstairs to be like, Annie, wouldn't you do that for me? She'd be like, get the fuck out of my house. percent asking John. This is why Annie and John both deserve fucking medals because we ask them shit like this all the time. You need to do it with a straight face though where they're like, oh, they've actually lost it

now. This podcast has made them lose their mind. I made cookie dough before this that needed to be refrigerated. As I'm rolling up the cookies, I'm just going to be like, so I have a question. And then I'm just going to casually toss them in the oven. I'm going to be like answer correctly. Into the right way. Okay.

It'd be dead serious. Just be like, no, would you do that for me? Would you pack my entrails with rags to keep me around forever? Would you still have sex me when I was dead through a tube? This is a make or break situation. I need to know. I don't want you sitting with anyone else. Make it work with me.

Oh, my God. In the name of love, would you ever give me up? Would you ever let me down? Ew. Would you ever turn around and embalms? me. Those are the original lyrics. They got polished for radio.

Yeah, and scrub that clear. They're like, yeah, we can't play that on Kiss 101. Sorry. Yeah, we can't do that. We can't talk about that. But, yeah, so he literally didn't have to serve any time for this. The statute of limitations had run out, so he just got declared sane by literally the worst psychologists known to man, apparently.

And when he came out of this whole thing, they were like, yeah, you don't have to do anything. It's totally fine. Elena's body, because this was such a crazy case and people found it so romantic, they actually displayed her body at a funeral home where over 8,000 people came to look at her. That is so cruel. After everything she had been through, it's like, she just wanted to RIP. Why couldn't her parents stop that? I guess it was, I don't. Maybe they had passed away.

What? Her immediate family actually did, most of them did pass away from tuberculosis. Oh, so they did. Now that I think about it, so it did actually, that was probably what ended up happening. She did have some family left, though, because, so when she was lying in state for people to come gawk at, schools let out early to let kids go see. Oh, great, great parenting, great school teaching. This is some early Florida stuff right here. I was just someone to be like, where was this? See, this is what set Florida up. It was, that Carl set them up. Florida had no chance.

So when he comes out, he's like, cool. Can I get my wife's body back now? Like, legit asked, can I have her back now? Because, like, I'm not going to jail. They said yes, didn't they? Did they say yes? No, they actually said no, which is good. Thank God. I'm shocked that they did.

That's pretty sad that that's a silver lining in this. Right, right. They didn't give him back her body. Well, and he was pissed. Did they bury her like far, far away? They did. And he ended up setting a bomb off at her mausoleum site. No. I also didn't hear that. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't either. But he's mentally sane. And he's mentally sane. And I don't think the bomb was ever, like, confirmed to be connected to him, but like, well, like, who else would have done that? Yeah. Well, and she was buried again, but this time she was buried in an unmarked grave so that he could never find her again. So she just loses in all of this. Like that's fucked up.

Yep. She's so sad. No one knows where she's buried. Can you imagine having a stalker after you died? Yeah. That's crazy. Marilyn Monroe did. Oh, I did.

You know that? There's a man buried above. So she's facing up. There's a man where he was buried above her facing down on top of her basically. See, I knew that, but I didn't know he was her stalker. That's so fuck. He basically, like, he basically, like. like saved all. Can you also can you imagine he died before his wife and his he said to his wife

basically like this is my life dream. The wife's like, uh, I'd be like, well, I'd be like no. Yeah, no. Yeah. I'd be like absolutely not. Beat, do you love me enough to bury me face on top of Marilyn Monroe? Yeah, no. But well, poor Marilyn. She doesn't get a say in that. Isn't that sad? To have some, to have some creep like leering on her for all of your time? Like literally even in her death she was like sexualized in a way she didn't want to be like that's so sad exactly because she also has like kiss marks all over her stone and stuff and it's like it's like leave me alone that's the whole reason that she's like gone now yeah it really yeah we're going to do an episode on that for sure well in 1952 which when you think about it wasn't like a crazy you know it's yeah you can

actually picture that um police showed up to an apartment where they found carl dead at like 83 years old I think. He was lying next to a life-sized doll wearing the Elena death mask. But it was an actual doll. It wasn't another dead person. It was an actual doll. Was there a tube in the doll? Like an effigy that he had made. I don't know if there was a tube in the doll. You know he was fucking not doll. He was 100% fucking that doll. And it had the death mask on it. Oh my God. I mean, he really was obsessed with her. He to and actually his last journal entry was human jealousy has robbed me

of the body of my Elena yet divine happiness is flowing through me for she has survived death forever and ever she is with me. Like bro. Wow. And as the credits roll on this movie just one more song. Why you're so obsessed with me?

Like what? Yeah, that dude died. Insane. Still obsessed in thinking that they were meant to be together that they were together. I wonder what even kind of mental on wellness that even is categorized as. I was trying to figure that out.

And I'm like, I don't even know what I would. Living in an alternate universe? Like what? But it's so like, it's so persistent. Because I actually thought you were going to say like maybe he was just into then like, oh, then the next girl he dated. Maybe she died and then he did.

Like I thought maybe that's where it was going to go. So we could be like, oh, he's got this weird thing with dead. pattern of... But it's just this dead body. It's this woman. This woman was like, he was obsessed and he never became unobsessed. God, and no one's ever even proposed to me once, not even a fake drunken one. I love it.

God damn it. Nothing. That's incredible. I'm not chopped liver. I'm kind of annoying. You are certainly not a putrefying dead body. You need to get off of this podcast and ask your boyfriend if he loves you enough to do this. We're all like...

I'm going to. The pact that we've all made. Oh, I'm going to. He's called a few times since we've been on this 100%. Oh, man. No, it's so much. And, you know, it's funny because he's been obsessed with this one girl forever. And I was thinking about it.

And I was like, wow, that's like a long time to be obsessed with someone to that degree. And it's like, I was really obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio when I was younger. But like, I'm not as obsessed with him. No. And it's not even that long. Sometimes I'm like even sick of Annie. Like, I love her. but I'm like, can you go away for a minute?

Oh, my God, yes. My boyfriend's finally not here for a few days. And I'm like, freedom. I'm like, there's so many chips I'm eating off my stomach in bed. I'm so happy about it. Let down your hair. That is a mood. Yeah.

So that is the story of Carl von Klausel, the fake count. Wow. That is, you did such a good job. That is insane. Yeah, and I knew lightly about it, but you got so many details. I had no horrifying details. I had no idea about. As she does, that's what she fucking does.

Oh my God. You research like no other. I try. That's amazing. By the way, Elena, when you just said something about like the whatever Kiss radio station

or one of you guys did, it reminded me of what I meant to tell you, you think Delilah's only in your town. I was listening to some episode. Oh my God, but she's not. She's nationwide. I used to think she was only in my town too. I thought it was like,

oh, Delilah's this like local hero. I would like hear when I would travel I'd be like what you're like wait she's other people know about her so many people tweeted at me and they were like no girl like Delilah's mind too and I was like oh fuck I thought we had a connection oh it was you that thought it was Elena for some reason oh it's so funny yeah I thought it for so long yeah I love that radio show my mom used to be obsessed with that I like grew up on Delilah honestly Carl should have been on Delilah he's the one that would send a love this one goes out to Elena maybe he fucking did to fucking do that.

Oh my God. He was the original. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Oh, fucking Carl. Wow. This was so fun. It was really, really fun.

It was great. And Rachel, we were so psyched to have you on. I know. I'm so excited. I'm so thrilled to have been on. Seriously, when you slid into the DMs, I was like, what? I texted Ash and was like, yo, Rachel no Brian. And I woke up to it and I was like, wait, what?

Like, am I still dreaming? like hold on. I was like, no. I was so psyched. That's so funny because like I messaged you guys and then you didn't message back for like a day and I was like, they think I'm weird. They think I'm weird. No, this goes out to everybody who we've never DM'd back. We are so bad at DMs. Like, so bad. Because I'm one of those people where I'll read it and then I like, we mentally respond. I respond in my brain or I'll say it to someone and be like, oh, this person messages, isn't that cool? And then I just never go back to it. Well, they need to have a function, like, emails and, like, with, like, those messages and text messages where you can mark it is un, like, our mark is unread. Like, that's what's so annoying. Or, like, sometimes Gmail will be like, do you want to respond to this message from nine days ago? And I'm like, oh, yeah, I do. Oh, I love that function. That's important. Yeah. I'm like, thank you, Gmail. I need that on all my, like social interaction things on everything. Yeah, I need that in real life. Like, just the person to follow me around and be like, do you want to respond to that? So I can be like, no. I'm like, no comment. But Rachel, plug everything you can.

Plus, because they're all great. I don't really have, I don't have tour dates to plug anymore because you're not doing it. I will have them rescheduled at some point. But other than that, just my podcast be here for a while. And then my new podcast,

Seven Deadly Sinners is coming out in the next couple weeks. It sounds so rad. I'll send you guys to see you can hear it beforehand, the trailer after we're done with this. I'll text it to you. Or you, that's of your number. Oh, so excited.

I'm super excited. It's like some dirty ass church. scandals. People that wanted to take your money, sleep with your daughters and, I don't know, and kids, and do a little meth and, you know, not apologize for it. Sounds like it's going to be phenomenal. That's right up our alley. Yeah, right. Yeah. And I think it's right up our listeners alley, too. It is. I love that. I'm super excited about it. Well, thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for being here. Oh yeah, we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. But that's so weird that you meet this girl when she rolls

into the hospital and she has tuberculosis or typhoid. I'm not really sure. I don't remember. She had diarrhea or she didn't have diarrhea. Maybe she had a cop. You fell in love with her. You're like, yo, girl, you're so dope. And then you go to her grave and you're like, I'm the only one that has a key. I'm going to take you home and I'm going to embalm you. And then I'm going to put your tape ends back in. It's going to be great. And I love you so much. And I'm going to put a tube in you. That's fucked up. Don't keep it that weird. Bye. I have to close my eyes now because I have to pretend like no one's watching. That's hilarious.

And then I just like to dance too. I know, I love when you do that. All right, bye. Bye. Bye guys.