Morbid - Episode 357: Listener Tales 49 ft. Special Guest DREW!!

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Listener Tales 49 is pretty epic if you ask us. OH! And it is brought to you by you, from you, for you and all about you...even if Ash forgot to say so in the beginning. There's mentions of new kittens, there's a Drew, a bank robbery where the employee may have helped more than they meant to and EVEN a haunted home! What more could you ask for? If you have a listener tale please send it to [e-mail] and just put "Listener Tale" somewhere in the subject line :)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's ANGI, or download the app today. Hey, Weirdos, it's true. Whoa, and I'm Ash. And this is morbid. I love your intro. That was great. When we first recorded together last week, when we were, I don't know, was it like three days ago? Who knows? But when I recorded that episode that I did with Drew, we literally forgot to say, and this is morbid.

And actually, we did it this time too. And we went through the entire intro. And then we were like, fuck, we never said this is morbid. Yeah. I'm not really capable of doing my job without only not to be honest. But yeah, so Drew is back for another episode. We're going to do some listen to tales today.

Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah. You always love sitting in unlisted tales. I know they're fun, right? Yeah. Yeah, because you guys got on Monday, I think you got me in Drew's episode and then you had a little bit of Elena back with our national parks after Dark Girls. And then, or no, I don't know, it confuses me

because some things come out early and some things don't and I just don't understand what's happening. But you guys have gotten some podcasts and this one has a drew on it. So, should we tell them what we're doing or what we got? Well, we didn't get it yet, but yes. Me and Ash are officially crazy cat people. Like, a officially. I have had it officially. Um, but yeah, we're adopting another cat. Yeah,

we're getting a girl and her name right now is Bunny, which is all well and fine, but we're coming up with different names because she's still a kitten, so it's okay to change the name. We're not assholes. But we're coming up with, we really want to have it be a witchy or hippie name. So our top ones so far, what do we have? We have Wednesday, because if we get her, we might be able to get her on Wednesday this week,

and I'm like, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. What else do we have? I really, I like Wednesday. I also like, we were also thinking of Olive. I like Olive, yeah. I think we said Tully. We have a bunch of names in the running,

but I have a little thing up on Instagram right now for people to help me come up with names. So hopefully that's still up there by the time you're listening to this and you can help us come up with a name. Hey, yeah. But so do you, I feel like I should just like read these to this and you can help us come up with a name. Yeah. But, so do you, I feel like I should just read these team and you can just tell me what you think.

Yeah. No, if people want to like a podcast about a struggling reader, then I can read, but I don't think anyone wants that. Stop, you're not a struggling reader at all. The first one is called Listener Tales. The time I called the cops on hard boiled eggs. All right.

All right. I don't know if I can say who this is from, so I'm just going to start it. It says, hi, I love you all so much, but let's get into it. Whoa, I love it. All right. A couple months ago, my best friend and I

moved into a second full apartment in Baltimore. My roommate was out with friends, but I stayed in because I had the teach second graders the next morning. We love a teacher. I was getting ready for bed, packing my lunch for work, and settling into my room for the night. For some reason, I decided I wanted to sleep naked.

I never do this, but just felt the urge. Apparently, there's like science that if you do sleep naked, you get a better night's sleep. Interesting. Yeah, I saw that on the today show the other day. I lay down and turn on my true crime podcast to lowly to sleep as Interesting. Yeah, I saw that on the today show the other day. I lay down and turn on my true crime podcast to low need to sleep as always. And I'm about to, and as I'm about to doze off, I hear a thud. Oh, that's not very good. No, I brushed it off as just a random creek, but then I hear it again.

And again. Okay. It sounded like somebody was in my kitchen going through my fridge, knowing I was home alone and my roommate was 30 minutes away, I panicked. I hadn't made any friends in the city yet, and my parents lived 35 minutes away. I texted my roommate and my boyfriend, terrified, totally frozen in fear. My roommate tells me to call the police, so I do. I'm whispering to the 911 operator, like I've been fucking kidnapped, and I tell her that I think someone is in my house. And then I hear another thud. She said that some officers were on the way. It was one a.m. at this point. The

officers came up and started pounding on my door. I'm shitting my pants thinking they just blew my cover. The operator tells me I need to go let them in but to get to my door I'd have to pass the kitchen where this person obviously is. So I say can you just tell them to knock it down? And she says no ma, ma'am, go let them in. Please remember I am naked. I throw on a shirt and some underwear, but no pants for some reason. Honestly, that's how I always feel. Whenever I get out of the bed in the morning, I'm like, oh, shit, I need to put pants on. Yeah. I just lost my place. I just lost my place. I sprained down the hallway. I whip open the door to see two male officers. They say, what seems to be the problem?

And a panceless me says, I think someone is right in there pointing to my kitchen. Again, I have no pants on. They walked to the kitchen, and then I realized there was no intruder. I was making my lunch three hours prior, and I was making some hard-boiled eggs.

I let them on the stove for three hours. The noises I heard, the four eggs individually exploding and hitting the ceiling in my kitchen. Oh my God. There was no water left in the pot. There were egg remnants everywhere. Wow. That I bought to the officer screaming,

I'm so sorry to which they replied. They replied, it happens. And then this person writes, does it though? So yeah, my roommate drove all the way home because when I called the police, I stopped texting her. So she thought that I was murdered, but it turns out I'd just been a dumbass who doesn't know how to set a timer.

Love y'all. Jesse. That was great. I love that. That is iconic. That's some shit that I would do. but it turns out I just bit a dumbass who doesn't know how to set a timer. Love y'all, Jessie. That was great. I love that. That is iconic. That's some shit that I would do. Yeah, honestly. I love that. You're just like, you just start hearing like banging noises

and you're like, like, of course your first thought is like, oh no, somebody's intruded in the house. Like, I'm fucked right now. Yeah. And then you realize that it's eggs. Yeah. No. I love it. That's funny. All right. Next one is called it was a dark and rainy night.

Well, they have like a quick little story for Deb Deb. It's a I don't know if I should say this so I'll get to the next part Greetings to you amazing weirdos all the way from no-dack North Dakota. Feel free to use my name. It's Courtney I like that name and and all the names mentioned. First, I'm gonna start off by apologizing for the length of this listener tale as I like to talk and tend to ramble, randomly ramble. When I was little, if I was telling a story, my family would make sure they didn't interrupt me

because I had the tendency to start my story over. Kids, am I right? Even though I'm typing this, I will probably start over multiple times because I wanna make sure that this is an easy read if it's selected for a listener tale, which would make me burst with all the joy. Well, burst. There you go. Second, I need to give you the praise this wonderful podcast deserves. Thank you.

I've been a listener now for a few years, and I want to thank you for filling all the dead air that surrounds me while I drive, clean, work out, and even shower. Yes, I am a morbid shower listener. It is either you ladies coming through my Bluetooth speaker or songs from Broadway musicals that I belt while I scrub a dub dub with my pros haircare. I love that. I do too. You love that because of the show tunes, right? Yeah, yeah. And I like to listen to podcasts in a shower too. Yeah. It's like, then you're never showering alone, which sounds weird, but if you're home alone and you're kind of freaked out and you put a podcast on your phone.

I mean, maybe not this one, but lately I've been propping up my phone and watching the pit stop while I shower. Yeah, I noticed that the other day, and I was like, are you really watching TV right now? That was iconic though. La la la balance, because I'm a Libra. Whenever I listen to you too, I feel like I'm listening to some awesomely weird besties.

It amazes me how much your relationship is like my sisters and mine. We joke that if we are secretly being filmed while together, it would be a very entertaining watch. I also love all the pop culture references to Mean Girls, Never Been Kissed, and America's Next Top Model. You're welcome. Which I think you should bring back, oh, excuse me.

Yes, which I think you should bring back palette cleansers and discuss each season of A&TM and who you wanted to win. Best moments, makeover drama, et cetera. Seriously though, if you love Lee's lived in small town, North Dakota, I'm sure we would be the best of friends. I'm also sure, and that's a great fucking podcast idea.

Who is rewatching America's Next Top Model? Is Shay Kool-Aid as is rewatching America's Next Top Model? A Shay Kool-Aid. That's a rewatch of America's Next Top Model. Shay Kool-Aid from... Drag Race. Yeah. I love Shay Kool-A. And what's the podcast called, you know?

It's called Wanna Be On Top. Iconic. How many times... Drink every time I say Iconic. Just kidding. Don't play that game. Okay. Last thing before I get to the real reason why we are here,

holy shit, Alina, sending all the hugs to you after the passing of your beautiful Bubba. It's so hard losing a four-legged family member of your family. My cat, Velma, we are considering that name. Wow, yeah. Was recently diagnosed with diabetes and it's been so hard seeing her little meow body change with all the things that it's been enduring. We had a hard go at it the past couple of weeks

trying to get her regulated to the insulin injections, but I feel like we're finally on track. She's playing with my other cat Stella. Oh my god, I like that name too. Like they are kittens again and it brings my heart so much happiness. I feel you when you talk about how vet care makes a huge difference in your pet situation. My vet has been so wonderful and I can tell she has a soft spot in her heart for my velma meal. Oh, she even picked her up for my work to bring her to her day long appointment so I wouldn't have to take off more time.

Knowing that she has these issues and our time could be limited, I'm taking all, taking in all the cuddles and moments that I can. Hug your pets a little tighter each day. Oh, I know. There's like that picture of Bubba over there and it keeps picking me sad. I know a listener actually painted that. I know it looks just like her. Yeah so many people painted pictures of Bailey and like you guys are so fucking talented. I miss Bubba. I miss Bubba so much. I actually cried about it the other day. Okay so now to the listener tale for your convenience, I fucking love you.

I have attached a double spaced puttafu. Oh my God, this is like a beautiful puttafu. What font is this? Do you know what font this is? I like that font. I think that's just time new, time's new Roman. Sexy. All right, so I am taking you to rural Minnesota.

I grew up in you to rural Minnesota. I grew up in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. It's located on Interstate 94 about an hour south of Fargo and about two and a half hours north of the Twin Cities. My family and I lived about seven minutes outside of our town and our closest neighbor lived about a mile away. Our house is on a paved country highway

and the lot is surrounded by fields. Most years we were lucky to have a corn privacy fence, which is pretty cool. I spent my childhood playing outside, pretending I was every Disney princess, and making houses all around our lot in, excuse me, yeah, and making houses all around our lot in different groups of trees.

I loved growing up in the country, and I enjoyed that I have a wonderful place to escape. I am the youngest of three, and by the time I was 13, my older siblings were out of the house. So it was like I was an only child through most of my teen years. Okay, enough about all that, onto the spookiness. One dark and rainy night in April,

when I was about 16 years old, my sister, Crystal, was spending the night at our parents' place. It was about midnight, and my parents were already asleep. I had just crawled into bed, and my sister was still awake, and on the computer in our family room. Remember when everyone had a computer in their family room? Oh yeah, that was the best. I know. Did you play a roller

coaster tycoon? No, it's so funny that you say that actually because I was trying to think of this weird computer game that we all used to take in like computer class. We would play this weird game and it was like this, I think it was like a red ball that like floated and stuff, like down this runway and you had to move left to right to avoid things. I don't remember what you were supposed to avoid, but it was like, it would get harder and harder and it would go faster.

And the further along you got, was it? I think I know what you're talking about. It's like blocks, it was like avoiding blocks or something think I know what you're talking about. It's like blocks. It was like avoiding blocks or something. I think you're right. Yeah. It was like the weirdest game. Like there was really no point to it whatsoever,

but we were all fucking addicted. Yeah. I was addicted to roller coaster tycoon. I would like not finish the roller coasters and then you send the people in the roller coasters and they just launch off. And then when they land, it's like a big explosion. What does that say about you?

I don't know. I think it says that you're a Capricorn. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I never played roller coaster tycoon, but I used to play like addictinggames.com, like those games. Oh yeah, I used to play those games today.

Those were fun. All right, back to the story. I was just about asleep and all of a sudden, I hear honking coming from outside. My bed was right next to the window, so I rolled over, pulled back the curtain and looked outside. Through the raindrop filled window, beautiful.

Excuse me, I literally just burped. I saw a car stopped on the side of the road and it's trunk and facing the house. Again, I heard honk honk honk and the car started to move clockwise and scan the field. Confused, I got up and walked past my sister in the family room through the kitchen and into the living room where there's a big picture window

that has a better view of the road. See attached photo, I will. When I got to the window, the headlights were shining right at me, and in the beams of light in the ditch was something big and hairy. Trying not to freak the fuck out, I tipped out into the kitchen and quietly yelled, Quistil, come here! Shit, that was like method acting, right?

That was really good. I felt like I was you. Not you, but like the listener. She followed me back into the living room and the car was still on the road facing the house in the wrong lane for the wrong direction. We stood so still as we watched the car slowly start to move and then stop, move, and stop. We couldn't figure out what was going on.

Then creeping out of the ditch came a big hairy, sass-quatch-looking thing. It walked onto the road and stood just a few feet in front of the car. We could see the hair dancing with the wind and the headlights, another beautiful sentence. Yeah. The car honked and then attempted to move forward towards this thing, but then it stopped.

It honked again, moved, and then stopped. This thing was not moving. It was not scared of the car. It looked as if it was testing the car in some sadistic way. Then this thing started to slowly move to the passenger side and looked into the window of the car. I'm like, shitting myself right now. I know. This was the car. I'm like, shitting myself right now.

I know. This was the car's chance. This was the car's chance, while am I, okay? We heard the screeching of tires and the car bolted towards our house, pulled into our driveway, turned around and then drove the opposite direction as fast as it could. My sister and I looked at each other

and all of what we just saw. We were so fixated on the car driving away that we didn't see where the big hairy thing went. So what did we do next? We booked it into our parents bedroom, which was attached to the living room and we got dad. We tried to calm ourselves before we woke up our sleeping parents to tell them about the

thing that we just saw that could be headed toward our house next. Dad, dad, dad, there's something big and hairy outside. Pretty sure we said something of that nature. We were both scared shitless so it could have come out more like, Dad, dad, there's something big and hairy outside. Pretty sure we said something of that nature. We were both scared shitless, so it could have come out more like, Dad, I was something both scary big outside, yeah! We told him to come with us into the living room, so we could describe to him what we had just witnessed.

Dad got up and told us to go in the living room, and he grabbed his handgun to have for easy access just in case. We tried to tell him to grab a bigger gun, but for now, before knowing what he would potentially have to defend his house, uh, yeah, defend his house against, he figured the handgun would be sufficient. A.K.A. I don't think he truly believed us, and he was thinking that we were too scaredy cats who watched too many scary movies. Anyway, so he and my mom stood by the window

as we told them what we saw. They listened as we described and tried to act out what went down. Dad commented, if one of you saw this, I wouldn't be too worried. But that both of you saw this? That makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Yeah. That's the thing, like both of them saw it. Yeah. And mom clearly just wanted to go back to bed and said,

I'm sure it ran away, whatever it was. That's literally me, I am your mom. Yeah, she was concerned, but I think she had herself convinced that it was all a dream. We finally convinced mom who worked for the police department and records to call dispatch and have somebody come out. Let's just say she didn't have the same urgency as we did

when describing what we saw, but he agreed to come out and take a look. All right, he should be here soon. So, we waited by the window, no lights on in the house, watching for anything that moved. We have a very tall yard that illuminated a big portion of the property. I bet you can imagine how that went.

Always saw something. Did you see that by the shed? Did you hear that? I thought I saw something by the tree. And then there's mom, bundled up on the couch in a blanket, falling in and out of sleep. Iconic. Again, drink.

No, I'm just kidding, don't. It seems like we waited forever for the cop to get there. So we decided to try to calm ourselves by taking a few deep breaths and sitting down on the couch. We know Sooner sat in a large crash, which sounded like glass breaking, came from my parents bedroom. Oh, my dad drew his handgun from the holster

on his belt like an FBI agent in pursuit of a suspect, stance and all. My sister ran as fast as she could into the kitchen. I froze and just started hyperventilating on the couch, and mom let out, I wasn't sleeping, but I was grunt. My dad and his ready to protect his family stance made his way into the bedroom, and my sister was frantically telling me to unfreeze my ass and run into the kitchen with her,

but I just looked at her. My mind told me to haul ass, but my body would not move. It seems like time stood still while we waited for the sounds of gunshots or for Dad to come back out of the dark bedroom with the all clear. What Dad discovered was a cute spin or whatever. What Dad discovered was a hairy, small, and calico,

our cat, Angel. Don't let the name fool you. Had knocked over and broke a glass in my parents' bedroom. Once we all except Mom had calmed down from that nerve-wracking moment, we were curious as to where the cop was. Surely he should have been here by now. Mom called dispatch to see where he was and learned

that on his way out he got tied up with some drunk driving incident. Not long after she called, he pulled into the driveway. The rain had stopped and it was starting to get brighter outside and as it was getting, excuse me, it was getting brighter outside as it was getting close to sunrise at this point. We figured that it would be safe to go out

and talk to him, you know, safety and numbers. We told our story to the cop and he said that another cop had pulled over a car not too far from our house as he was on his way out. He stopped for assistance thinking maybe this could be the car that encountered our Sasquatch and it was. So he asked the passengers of the vehicle if they encountered anything while out on the drive and sure as shit they all started spewing off stories about seeing things on the road and in ditches and how terrified they all were. Well, here's the thing. They were all drunker than a skunk

and hoping that that scary encounter would get them out of trouble. Wrong. They were all taken in and brought into detox because they were underage and well over the legal limit. There were four people in this car, a male driver, two passengers,

and a larger built girl, and a big hairy coat, where they hood, our Sasquatch. So they were just messing around. They were just messing around, Harry coat where they hood are sass watch. So they were just messing around. They were just messing around, but they thought that they had seen like a monster, but you just had like a big Harry coat.

I'm like picturing like the coats from the village that they like the elder people would wear. I don't even remember those. I remember watching that with you, but I can't even remember. The village is like one of my favorite movies. I think you showed that to me when we first started dating, and I'd never seen it before. And I think, didn't I predict the ending?

And you were like, how what? Yeah. That ending was the most mind blown I've ever been in my entire life. That's a good move. Yeah, I mean, the first time I saw it, I was in middle school, so. Yeah, I think when you know, that's a nice shaman, isn't it? Yeah. That's funny. I think, me and Alina were just talking about him the other day.

It was the three of us, we were all talking about it. Oh, because we were talking about the village. Oh, shit. All right, cool. But yeah, I feel like, like, the older you get, and when you know what to expect from M Night shaman's movies, it like makes sense. That's the ending, but in the moment, I was definitely like, damn. Yeah.

That'd be a good movie to cover on screen, I feel. Maybe I'll be my next pick. Yeah. All right, so that was their Sasquatch. Yes. The cop who my sister and I had known since we were young had to fight back laughter while telling us that the thing that terrified us for the last few hours

was just a girl in a coat after the revelation. We walked back inside and all went to bed. We all slept in super late. My sister and I decided to go look in the ditch because we weren't convinced that it was a girl on a coat. It looked way bigger, hairier, and scarier. While walking along the ditch, we saw a very large set of footprints in the mud. So unless this girl had shak-sized feet, we were still convinced that we saw Sasquatch that night. To this day, we still laugh about that night, along with our creepy encounters that we've had at our parents' house,

which include grizzly bags and mountain lions. But I will leave grizzly bags for another time, grizzly bags. Yeah, I needed to make sure that I had read that. But they said that they're going to leave that for another time, because this has already been a long, sorry, tail. You don't need to be sorry at all, and you totally can give us two at a time if you feel like it. Yeah, I want to know what grizzly bags is.

That's the thing. Everybody always gives us like a little hint and they're like, oh, like I'll say that for next time. I'm like, I need to know now. So ladies, as always, keep it weird, but not so rare that you and your sister think you see a Sasquatch and Sasquatch decides to take a car so you wake up your sleeping parents and your mom doesn't really give a shit that you could become a buffet for Sasquatch. And the whole situation turns your dad into a sharps shooter and your cat into a bitch who decides to scare you shitless. And then you end up in, oh, blah! And then at the end of cop says your Sasquatch was just a girl in a large hairy coat,

but you don't believe him because you found Sasquatch, sit-shack, footprints in the mud, but keep it so weird that you typed your listener till at work because you had nothing to do and wanted to look like you were actually doing work. Shhh, don't tell me about so good. Bye. I would never tell you about so I often do things that look like work that are not work.

Yeah, that's great. That was absolutely hilarious. The fact that it was just a girl in a really big, like, hairy coat is just really funny to me. I know, honestly. I mean, I've always believed that there's a, a Sasquatch out there somewhere. Oh yeah, I mean, we're in the Bridgewater Triangle. There's Bigfoot feet. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, have you ever seen Harry in the

Hendersons? No. Oh, great. Great flick. They do. It's from like the 80s. I forget who's in it, but it's about a family that finds Sasquatch and like adop, like, Adopsem. Oh, that's cute! Not like, eh, I don't know. I haven't seen the movies since I was a kid, but it's a good movie. All right, cool. I love that. I'm resting my foot upon you, sorry. All right, are you ready for the next one?

Yes. This next one is called One Time My Co-worker, accidentally helped rob our branch of our credit union. Meet! Nice. It says, hello, all of this will be attached in a putt of fa because I'm a people pleaser and I would feel terrible if I sent it in a normally email.

Ha ha, that's an issue. And they said that's an issue. I didn't. I am a fellow people pleaser, so I felt that in my bones. All right. My name is Sydney, but you can call me Sid, though. All right, Sid. I found you guys back when I was working as an accountant

and I swear you the only reason I didn't absolutely loathe everything in my life while I was at my last job. I now work in marketing and I love it, but I still listen to you guys while I work, but it's out of plain joy, not a necessity to continue to want to live. Also, feel free to use my name. I'll probably cry and show everyone I know

because I have no shame in chasing my 20 seconds of pain. I love you said. So anyway, just a quick story about the one time, my credit union got robbed. So in order to explain this issue, or excuse me, this situation, you need an idea of the layout of our branch. The teller line was a U shape around a wall, so one side was facing out to the drive up, and you walked around the wall to help in the lobby. Yes. When you walk in the front immediately to your left and right, there are two offices with big windows so you can see it. I'll draw a picture out for you in case I suck at describing. Sometimes my brain is a hot jumbled mess and I don't know how to communicate. What's in it? Again, I've never related more to a statement. Yeah, I was just going to say same, same. Sorry,

I very much overtalk to you in that moment. Tick-tock taught me though that that's called ADHD and not being rude. So over talking. Yeah, or like interrupting people. It's a horrible thing that I do. I must have, yeah. You never interrupt, I feel like. You think you do? I feel like sometimes I do. No, it's probably just me interrupting you when you're already talking, but you're such a nice person that you probably think you're interrupting. Yeah, I don't know. You said, yeah, you just had this big realization.

I broke the glass for you. Anyway, a couple years ago, while I was working as a teller, some, do jumped off his motorcycle, kept his helmet on with sunglasses, and came up to our counter, saying, give me a thousand dollars. Now if you know bank at etiquette he broke a couple of rules. One no hats, two no helmets and three no money or excuse me no taking money that's not from your account. That's actually a law not just a

rule fun fact. So he went up to the bank and just said give me a thousand dollars is that what she said? Yeah he's robbing them. A thousand dollars you're gonna rob a bank, give me a thousand dollars, is that what she said? Yeah, he's robbing them. A thousand dollars. You're gonna rob a bank and ask for a thousand dollars. I don't know. So, when you look at this guy, apparently, how much would you ask for actually? I would just be like, give me all your money. Have you done this before?

Give me one thousand and one dollars and ninety-nine cents, please, I'm robbing you. That's what you would ask for. Yeah. Oh, okay. I feel robbing you. That's what you would ask for. Yeah. Oh, OK. I feel like you're like, never mind. I'm like giving people tips to robbing. I'm like, actually, I feel like if you were going to do it, no, I'm kidding.

So when you look at this guy, you'd notice, his hand was still in his pocket of his black jacket. He made it look like he was pretending to hold onto something, or he was. We actually never found out. But in my innocent little brain, he was just pretending, what a silly goose. He walks up to one of our male tellers

and says, get me a thousand dollars. So my little nugget of a coworker didn't realize what was happening. Apparently the training wasn't good enough because this guy did not know that he was being robbed and said, okay, what's your account number, sir? Let me tell you, if I wasn't about to pee my pants before, I was then because who says that to a robber? Fricking Goon!

I think he was really confused because the guy just said, can I have a thousand dollars? No, he didn't say, can I have a thousand dollars? He said, give me a thousand dollars. Oh, like that's robbery right there. Anyway, the robber dude says, I'm rob robbing you put a thousand dollars on the counter. So then oh, sweetie Austin, instead of pulling, instead of pulling the picked up his loose cash, not the bundle of a thousand dollars and hundreds he already had, and then proceeds to count out the money on the counter. One, two, three, four, five, six. The guy finally had to say, just get me the whole stack in your hand. Awesome move coworker, buddy.

So then he hands him the cash. Awesome, this guy should be out of here and the cop should be on their way. Well, I had worked in banking for like two and a half years at this point in time. I'd never been in a position where I could hit the panic button or pull the bait money or whatever to notify the police. Side story. One time I did mess up the alarm on a Saturday morning, though, and to get the, to get, oh my God, I literally cannot speak.

One time I did mess up the alarm on a Saturday morning enough to get to the police to come to our branch, but that's because I'm an anxious idiot who didn't know how to type in the code. So it seems like somebody was just trying to rob the branch. Anywho. Honestly relatable because nine out of ten times when I walk into our house, I'm like, what's the code? Yeah. It's like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and like fuck. We also change it like quite frequently. Yeah, I'm always like putting in like the old codes. I know, right?

Hot tip though, you should change your codes a lot. Because then how's anybody gonna remember them or know them? Yeah. Since I was working in the back at the drive up window though, you can see the underside of the counter from where the robber is standing. He could see my panic button

and could see if I pulled the bait money. So I was frozen. I didn't know if bro had a gun and I wasn't about to get shot for this. Let him take the money. The credit union has insurance for this kind of stuff. Yeah. The robber had also walked past the glass windows that led to the office. So there's a clear view of our branch manager.

So if he does anything sudden, the robber can see him too. Whoever planned out the layout of this branch was an idiot. Come on. Let's hide someone from where a robber would stand. But luckily, our manager and our customer relationships rep were able to sneak like a slithery little snake and push their panic buttons. Yay for the police in this case. So another fun way that my coworker that was robbed might have slightly helped the robber out is that he didn't hand out his bait money. We each had a bait in each of our stacks of bills.

We had a photocopy of the money recorded, so we knew what serial number was tied to it, so we could trace the money. How we kept this and our drawer was that we had the bait bill flipped upside down. Is like a bait bill like a fake dollar? No I think it is real money, but I think what this person is saying is that they have a record of the serial number along the bottom. And then they have a stack, and then the top is flipped over, so it's like the backside of the dollar, but they probably organized the rest of the drawer with the right side

facing up, so they know what the beat money is. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, she's there literally explaining it right now. How we kept us in our drawer was we had the bait bill flipped upside down. So it was opposite the rest of our money

at the bottom side of the stack. So when we were counting money out to our members, we would just leave that bill at the bottom and grab the money on top. So we didn't have to rescan bait bill all the time. Okay. So I think it's like one bill that like you'll know is traceable.

Do you see what I'm saying? No, that makes sense. That makes sense. Or do you see what they're saying? I mean, my brother has worked at a bank since he was like in high school. And he's always said that if a robber comes in, he's like, they always say just give him what they want. And yeah, because that's like,

you're not gonna get killed that way. If you just give them what you want and don't get in their way I guess exactly To wild do you remember I think I talk about this a lot on the show You never want to watch it with me and it makes me so sad But you know the movie that I always ask you to watch about the cheerleaders and one of them is pregnant and they like They go to rob a bank. I forgot what it's called, but I fucking love that movie What I hear leaders They go to rob a bank. I forgot what it's called, but I fucking love that movie. What?

I- I- your leaders- wait, I think we did watch this. No, we've never watched it. You never let me put it on. Hold on. Cheerleaders robbing a bank? Yes, you Google it, I'll continue reading. Okay. So the robber had asked for the full stack of hundreds.

Awesome if you have the bait money because you can give it to him and we'll be able to track it. But not so awesome if you're a chicken nugget and you didn't pick up the bait money and you can give it to him and we'll be able to track it. But not so awesome if you're a chicken nugget and you didn't pick up the bait money and it's still in the drawer. There's also one better thing in there that we love to tease him about after this day. So as a rule of thumb, thumbs, excuse me, as a teller,

is to only have a certain amount of money in your cash drawer at all times. That way if we do get robbed and they just want the drawer, it's not actually that much money. So the rule tends to be no more than a thousand and a hundred, because we normally strap the thousand dollars altogether, and then you keep it in a locked drawer near you. Cutie Petudi coworker had twelve hundred, non-including the bait bill in hundreds.

So the robber was blessed with twelve hundred instead of the one thousand that he asked for, yay for more money! The robber then proceeded to leave via his motorcycle, jumping the curb onto the busy street in front of our building and being a total douche on the streets. Like everybody is probably cussing him out because he's cutting people off,

riding between cars really fast, he jumped the curb, bro, one crime at a time please. So the silent alarm had been triggered and there was actually a cop close by. But as the cop is getting told to come to our branch, he sees butt face jump the curb and take off. He told us he had half a mind to flip around and pull that son of a gun over. But then he notified that our silent alarm had been triggered so he decided to come to our rescue. Thank you, sir, but also come on. That would have been hilarious if this dude robbed us and got pulled over immediately after

because he was driving like a bonkers person. I love that, like a bonkers person. Then the cop came, took our statements. We actually got the rest of the day off of work, so that was neat. And the guy who robbed us lived like 20 minutes from our branch. Turns out he was actually a member.

Come on, dude, credit unions are literally owned by their members. Why would you steal from yourself? Go to a different place that doesn't house your money. Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing. Don't go to your bank Like if you're in a rob bank, don't go to your bank. No, no, no, even better if you're gonna rob a bank. Don't Yeah, there you go. Um, you were like, yeah, uh I have no ulterior motives. I want everyone to know that. You should probably make that loud and clear, brother. I also, I'm in a habit of calling you brother,

which is like really weird, that's fine. We're not related. Wait, let me finish reading this and then I'll I found the... Oh, okay. Okay. Clearly, Elena's not here because this is so fucking disorganized.

People are gonna be like, Ash never podcast again without her. All right, I know everyone misses Elena and she'll be back soon. He was caught the next day trying to spend the money he stole with the Walmart. That's a block, excuse me, at the Walmart that's a block and a half away from our branch. Silly criminal, leave town and steal more next time. But also, stealing from ranks and credit unions really isn't worth it. We don't actually keep enough money in the physical location for it to be worth the jail time. And it's not even enough to supply you for that long. I think it would barely buy a moderate house, so you can't run away and live off that forever. And we were a federal credit union. That is a federal crime,

also not worth it. Simple-minded bro, you got to think your crimes through. But also, yay for being dumb because then you're easy to catch. Ha- ha. So that's the story about how my branch got robbed and my coworker proceeded to give him more money than he asked for and didn't give him the bait money and asked this dude what his account number was while he was being robbed. That poor kid. I know. I need to know if he still works there because I'm like, oh man, but you guys probably just roast him daily. Yeah Keep it weird ladies. I also love you guys so much But I'm trying not to gush about you and fan girl too hard. Keep a professional Sydney Sid

Sid that was awesome. Yeah, I mean credit unions are where it's at if you're gonna be at like have a bank account Yeah, make it be at a credit union. Yeah Unions are smart. I want to teach our kids that. Yeah. My grandpa always taught me that. Yeah. But the movie is called Sugar and Spice. Yes, it, oh my god, it is called Sugar and Spice. Are you going to let me show it to you ever? I swear we watched it. No, Drew. Are you started in Nipel's free?

Drew Stiffer. Because I know like, I've seen some of it. Drew Stiffer? No, we've never watched it together. I haven't seen that movie since I would say I was at least eight years old, but when I was a youth, it was like one of my favorite movies, which like tells you a lot about my upbringing, but yeah, it's a good fucking movie, okay? While you were watching Winnie the Pooh, I was watching that. Okay. Probably.

Wow. I mean, you should have been watching Winnie the Pooh. Or like, I don't know, what'd you watch? Spice World. Yeah. What? Have I seen Spice World? Yeah. Have I seen Spice World? Yeah. No.

Okay. Well, I watched that and you'll watch Shigger and Spice World. Spice World is nowhere to be found. But good thing I have my DVD. I was gonna say, you have showed me Spice World before because I remember the British guy. Like, he's like- Your manager?

Yeah, he's like rooting the day. Spoiler alert. Sorry, if you haven't seen that, but it's like 20 years old. If you haven't seen Spice World yet in this year of 2022, you should really get on that because it truly is a masterpiece. Drew alone you out as DVD. Yeah, the DVD is literally worn out by the amount of times

I've watched that movie in my day. I think I bought that back when I was like 10 years old. Okay, have you ever heard people think I'm fucking nuts whenever I say this, but me and my friend Courtney in high school tried this and it fucking worked. I don't know why I just sweared so much. I'm like, oh, okay. You're like girl, come down.

If you have like a super scratch DVD or like if your DVD is skipping and you flush it down the toilet So like you don't it doesn't go down the toilet break, but like you put it in there I don't know. It's like something about the water or something. It's probably not true, but like it works So it is true. You tried it. Yes. Oh damn. Yeah my spice girl my spice world DVD isn't scratched because I like literally like guarded that thing with my life. But the top of it, where it has the picture of them,

is more now, because it's just played so many times. Yeah, it probably got, it heats up a bit. Yeah, that's funny. But yeah, if you have a skipping DVD, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, then flush it down the toilet. Yeah, if you, does anyone even still watch D'Vee-D's? I'm sure some people do.

Like people like that were born in the 90s. Yeah, or like parents who have portable DVD players still for their kids, or like are they're just like TVs and cars now, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, we don't have kids, you know? Yeah, I have 200 plus DVDs still, and I don't know what to do with them.

Casual flux. I think you should keep them. They might be worth money someday. That is true. All right, well, back to the listener tales. This is listener tale, murdering wedding photographers and haunted engagement houses. All right. I feel like this is on theme for us.

We were just talking about our wedding. Yeah, I love that. I got my dress, and I love telling Drew that I got it, and he can't see it. Yeah, it's been torture. Yeah. But anyways, all right. Hi there, most awesome women of all things,

Mercury and Spooky and Drew. I just added that. My husband and I offer you a probably too long, but written in a tad bit different style than other tales. I'm excited. We're writing it together, but have different points of view on the Bizarre World that came out of living in the inland northwest.

Feel free to edit as you wish. We tend to be wordy. And I also swear like a mother effort. Oh my God, it's almost like I knew. That's why I started swearing so much. You're my favorite podcast. The energy you both have, please tell me your secret. I don't even know what it is.

I think it's just coffee. Yeah, I was just gonna say that too. Yeah, and the obvious passion you have for the subjects and compassion for the victims. Awesomeness all combined into two fantastic ladies. Thank you for everything you do. And I'm not sure if I can say your name, so I won't yet.

But that was really sweet of you, thank you. Yeah. Okay, hello weirdos. First time writer, short time listener, although my wife has been loving you longer and encouraged us to share our listener tale. For the sake of mystery and drama, we'll call it, the strange case of the killer wedding photographer in the haunted house.

Here is a 1.5-line space putt of foe just for you. Use the names if you choose and shorten as you wish, never. I guess you can read this as a dual listener tale. My husband Joe who writes in the black text, and I'm reading the red text right now for those who can't see. Husband is a journalist who and excuse me, intends to be more factual and certainly does not swear. That's why he fucking married me. Someone who actually can't go without swearing for 90 fucking seconds. I love it. I mean that's both of us. I was like, I got a family party the other day, and my six-year-old nephew was there,

and I'm literally dropping like F-bombs, and saying like, BS, and all this, and my cousin was like, can you stop? She's like, my child is literally right there. I know. Sometimes I, like, I really usually do a good job of censoring myself around the girls, but if I'm like hyped up about something, I'll be like, ooh, TTC's out of our work. I slip in front of the girls all the time,

but I know you don't that often. I mean, I think I'll catch it or mumble it. It will start coming out and you start, I mean, you guys do the same thing, too. And then you just change it into a different way. Yeah, exactly. All right, well, we work well together. I swear the rant, excuse me, I swear and rant,

and he is the calmest god damn man that you'll ever meet. We sent our kids to Catholic school, and I'm pretty sure he, the kid, not the husband, taught all the first grade students the proper usage of mother fucker. I hope that I can claim that my child also did that someday. I don't know what that says about me. It's like, on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

the season, the housewife Diana, who's from from Bosnia and she has like an accent and everything. Yeah, a son called her mother fucker and she's like in my country. That's fucking your mom in there like Uh-oh, that's not what it's here, but she was that's why she was so offended though. Yeah And I know, yeah. So the parents apparently had some sort of collective brain liquid leakage because they asked me to be the den mother for that chapter of Cubscouts, Jesus. I mean, that literally. Where was Jesus during this decision to let me Satan's goddaughter, the 42 year old goth

that had no problem letting them all know that I was a licensed, practicing godless heathen and damn proud of it. I was going to have the Cubscouts mix Margaritas for me for their chemistry belt loop or some it. I was going to have the Cubscouts mix Margaritas for me for their chemistry belt loop or some shit. I'm obsessed with you. You measure shit, right?

But for some reason, the pack disbanded when they asked me to be the pack leader. But first, some foundation for our tale. I grew up in the Seattle area, and this is the husband, by the way, where advanced knowledge of serial killers and random connections to them is in our DNA as much as Eddie Bauer ringcoats and fuzzy socks and Berkins socks any time of the year.

I hope I said Eddie Bauer, right? Do you know who that is? Eddie Bauer, isn't that like a clothing brand? Sure, yeah, it's the ringcoat. Yeah, I know like, they have like outlet stores because my mom, like when we would go up to New Hampshire she would always stop at the Eddie Bauer outlet. Okay, cool, yeah, I said it right.

My mom was also into true crime books before that genre was cool. So a normally family drive would include comments like there goes a VW bug like the one Ted Bundy had or lakes, some, some, some, Shamanish, Shamanish, Shamanish, Shamanish. That's how I'm gonna say it. It's so beautiful.

Did you know that's where Ted Bundy grabbed one of his victims? Our high school librarian used to work as a librarian at a school in Tacoma, where Mr. Bundy was a student, and remembered him as quite the reader. A former co-workers' brother also worked in the Kenworth maintenance yard in South Seattle alongside Gary Roochway, who was later discovered to have killed 40 women and dumped them in or near the Green River. Bonus background. Lino LaBianca, one of the Manson family victims, was a fifth cousin. Family lore tells us that his father

and my great grandfather came to the San Fernando Valley area of LA at the same time from the village in Italy. That's wild. That was crazy. One of the victims' wallets was also found out a gas station a mile from my grandparents' house right off the freeway. Well, we...

Stuff like that is freaky. Yeah, it's like like the seven degrees of separation. Yeah, it's like my dad, like everyone knows this, but my dad grew up in Illinois and his childhood, like town that he grew up in is like 20 minutes away from John Wayne Gacy's house. Yeah. And so my dad was like the prime age of John Wayne Gacy's like victims at the time.

And it's just like the fact that like my dad was just wandering around and Gacy was probably just passing them in the night. Yeah, it's true. It's like we were saying he went to high school with one of John and John Wayne Gacy's victims. Yeah. And my dad talks about it and just said that could just disappear one day.

And no one knew. Like it's crazy That's awful. Yeah Well, we have the wife again who is literally me and I love her Joe forgot to mention the fucking wackadoodle murdering assholes here in I think it's spoken when I was going to school like Gonzaga at one time We had two serial killers going and it confused the ever-living shit out of the police. Robert Yates was probably the one everyone never heard about, despite killing at least 13 people and Spokane, and several other cities.

What's self-respecting serial killer, Buries of Victim, under his bedroom window? Oh, what a fucking weirdo. Wow. I mean, if you can kill somebody, so- Yeah. And he's not weirdo like us, guys. Well, obviously a seriously fucked up one. Yes, fucked up is hyphenated in this instance. I had to ask my writer husband because seriously, I was an art major at a private college and promptly forgot about weird things through the use of large amounts of cheap beer.

Sentenced diagramming still needs shattering shivers down my spine. Great, now I need another beer. There was also the most horrific fucking douche canoe you'll ever hear of, named Joseph Duncan, who slaughtered three members of a family 20 miles from where we live in the most brutal way. Seriously, I cannot even describe it, it was that vile. Wow. Then he took the two youngest children from this family and hid with them in the mountains for months. Tragically, he murdered the young boy, and in the strangest of a late-night drunken diners, he took the girl, the young girl to Denny's in the middle of the night for a meal. A customer in a waitress recognized her from missing posters and in the strangest of a late night drunken diners, he took the girl, the young girl, to Denny's in the middle of the night for a meal.

A customer in a waitress recognized her from missing posters and called the cops for fuck's sake, seriously? What the fuck? He was jonesing for, excuse me, he was jonesing for moons over my hammy that much. I don't know what that means, do you? That's like, from Denny's,

it's like a meal at Denny's moons over my hammy. Oh, fun fact, I don't think I've ever been to Denny's. You've never been to Denny's, are you kidding me? No, I was like an all-ahop girl. And me and my friends would frequent Denny's, like, back in the day. I don't think there's really any Denny's, like, around my area that I know about. There wasn't a Denny's near Maynard, but there was one like- Like, you can't one?

Yeah, like a half hour away, and it was when we got our license, so we would just drive there all the time. And Denny's is open to like, sometimes they're like 24 hours, so you can go like anytime. So is I hop. Anyways, I have to say I feel no more more, knowing that piece of shit later died horribly in jail. I usually wish things like, like ball and dick cancer on fecal stains like that, but also I don't know for how he died. Later we learned that he was, that the sick ass hat, also murdered several other children while traveling the country. During his trial

he said he liked to, oh my god, what the fuck? During his trial he said he liked to case daycares. The library by us where I would take my kiddo at least once a week, and he liked to cruise local neighborhoods looking for homes that had play sets in the backyard. It's terrifying. What does Case mean? Case like you're sizing up a place that you're going to break into or attack a family. That's terrifying. Yeah, horrific. But we're here to talk about killer photographers and spooky houses, right? On Valentine's Day in 1997, I proposed to my then-girlfriend Heather. We couldn't get married until June of the next year

because some of her family could only come in the summertime due to their teaching schedules. Today, we might have said too bad or aloped, but it was different on a more considerate time. The wife cuts in, yeah, I used to care about my family and social conventions. And then, husband says, we also didn't want to throw together

a wedding in just a few short months for summer 1997. So our extended engagement gave us the chance to have our pick of vendors and venues and not rush so much. That's where we're at right now. One of these was our photographer. Heather's sister had used a guy named Gregory in his business photos, but, excuse me, in his business, photos by Gregory for her wedding a few years earlier, and her pictures looked good. Heather also knew some of the photographers around town from working at a local art supply store. Gregory wasn't on anybody's bad list.

The list was more reserved for the pros who thought they were too cool for school and charged a lot and delivered poor attitudes along with your pictures. By the way, the formal name of the list was, come home, drink liquor, and bitch out these pompous overpriced mediocre Nimrods that I had to deal with regularly list. Gregory did some, Gregory did shoot, oh my, ah, I'm so sorry I cannot talk.

Gregory did fine shooting our engagement photos. He had a slight touch of a creep, but nothing deal-breaking or two unusual for a creative artist. And then the wife says, hey, I'm an artist too, so I kind of get the slight weirdo vibe that most people don't understand, but holy shitballs, And then the wife says, Hey, I'm an artist too, so I kind of get the slight weirdo vibe that most people don't understand, but holy shitballs, and then the husband says. He also had two websites, one for his wedding stuff, and one for his more adult material, which leaned more into R.C. Slash, Erotica. He later shot our wedding, but nothing amiss and made it easy to buy the negatives.

About a year later, a friend who may have also used him for her wedding said, did you hear Gregory was arrested for murder? Gregory was arrested for murder. Yep, you're keeping up, wonderful. He's based out for one second. I looked at him and I was like, Greg, murder. They're for time. You're easily her. We learned more thanks to a date line piece.

Ooh, Keith was leaning on all sorts of shit during this episode. Keith is here with us right now. Keith is always in the pod lab. Gregory married a woman in the 1970s, had a couple of kids with her, and she left him for another pro photographer. She was later found brutally murdered at her home.

The police first looked at Gregory as a suspect, but he seemed to have an alibi. He had taken one of their daughters to a birthday party in his Volkswagen bug. Hey, Ted Bundy. Yeah. Adding to the creepout, we had a star wars themed wedding. Hey, don't judge. I know I'm a geek, but when I mentioned it, Gregory said that when he and his wife got married, she had on what he called giant wookie boots. Um, the case was that even mean? Wookie? Uh, I think it's like a Star Wars thing. Yeah. But wookie boots?

I don't know. I, furry, I don't know. Uh, the case was considered unsolved, but in the mid 1990s, a retired detective working on cold cases looked at everything again and found some holes in the initial timeline, and some other mis-circumstential evidence that showed Gregory could have time to kill her and still have gone to that party. There was enough cause to arrest him. His first trial ended in a mistrial, but the second resulted in a murder conviction.

Joe also forgot to mention that there was another crazy spouse killer in our community who also turned up on Dateline recently. When we knew her, she was somebody who was always trying to be in the news for various community projects or making complaints. He and his reporter friends pretty much draw straws to decide which unlucky soul had to cover her next venture. This Karen before- This Karen before Karen's existed was later investigated for a bezzling half a million

dollars from a county housing coalition and then decided that it would be a good idea to make sure her husband never found out. They went out on his boat one morning and she gave him juice which she heavily dosed with Benadryl and then shoved him overboard. It took a month to find his body in the lake. What the actual flying fuck? She pleaded guilty to lots of charges and is still in jail. It was also so great seeing Keith and his shoes and his nature finding things to rest on. I love this person. Now back to our haunted house again, our extended engagement also created an opportunity for Heather and I to move in together. Something like Catholic Mom was not very keen on at the time. She even sent us a clipping showing that couples who lived together without being married have a higher divorce rate when compared to those who wait until marriage and receive church premarital counseling.

By the way, still married. 25 years. So they're Catholic mothers. I'm not going to say like highly doubt it. My mom was a Methodist minister and had always told me to make sure you live with the man you want to marry before making it legal. Smart woman. You might find out that you can't stand his nasty aspetato chips crunching with his

mouth open. Or the fact that he thinks it's a nasty aspetato chips crunching with his mouth open. Or the fact that he thinks it's a great idea to have a giant ball python in the bedroom. Oh hell to the no on that walkable. I do actually get really fucking irritated at the stacks of paper and the books along with the clutter sometimes, which will send me into a rant that would make you think that I was a natural redhead. When I went to Joe's apartment for the first time, he said he cleaned. There were paths between stacks of newspapers. and I think there was a family of rock

coons in the kitchen. I almost walked out and never came back when I got a mug and found a dead hobo spider in it. To this day, I check every goddamn mug I use. Don't even get me going about the time about having to hide the adult literature when he was in the hospital before his mother got to his apartment. I am a goddamn saint. I bet you can tell, but that was Heather. Yeah. So I was gonna say that sounds like you talking about my old better. Yeah, your bedroom was fucking nasty. But like that I moved in and I'm not the biggest person on the world either.

So whatever. Um, that also just reminded me that one time I knew a boy who told me that, uh, he, I forget what he said, but he basically insinuated that I wasn't the kind of girl that you take home to meet your mother So once it that to you. Yeah, my mom fucking loves you. I fucking love your mom And she's loved me like from the start. Yeah, I think he was saying because I had like a nose ring and I swear a lot But mom doesn't seem to care. Yeah I wasn't even dating him either. The least of my mom's worried. She does not give a shit.

And I wasn't even dating him so I was like, well, I don't want to go home to your mom so like fuck off. Yeah. Anyways, we moved to the Midtown area. I don't know how to spell that. Idaho near Spokane. I think I said spell that but what I meant was say that. The neighborhood is just north of downtown and at the time it was a good blend of college

students, new couples like us, older working class people who lived there for decades, and the occasional meth cook. There were a rougher parts of town and for $600 a month for a three-bedroom one-bathroom home it was a decent rental. That actually is a incredible rental these days but you know the 19s. The 19s, the 19s, see that. Let's just call them the 19s. Right away, we found things to be a little off, and it was easy to blame most of them on the older 1920s era home that seemed to have been poorly built, then badly built onto, and then not really well taken care of.

Like the light switches that didn't always work, you had to flick them a few times to either turn on or off, and sometimes nothing happened. Sounds like every single house in the Boston area. Yeah. And the Heather says lies. Those fuckers would turn themselves on and off on their own. I was terrified of pissing off some vindictive ghost Sounds like every single house in the Boston area. Yeah. And the Heather says lies. Those fuckers would turn themselves on and off on their own.

I was terrified of pissing off some vindictive ghost in the middle of the night. You ever try to find the one bathroom downstairs over two cats in the absolute dark? Yes, Heather, I have. I offered that greedy little spirit, my homemade chocolate chip cookies, just to keep the lights on so I could

pee without breaking a leg. Or windows that never quite fit the frame. So if you pulled or pushed too hard, the window could pop out of the frame. Not a lot of insulation either. We sometimes woke up to snow in the bathroom. He says pulled or pushed too hard, but I think he blocked the fact that that mother-fucking window and frame just fell out of the wall one night while we were in the next room. And then the husband. Once one of Heather's co-workers offered her some thinches. She didn't have great experience with the pet birds when she was little, but hoped things would be better

this time. One morning, we woke up and all four were dead with Noah Parent Trauma, and then Heather says, rationalization does not work when the house is practically screaming, get out and killing your birds. There was also a mound of dirt in the corner of a backyard, and we poked out at a few times. No, we dug, trying to level it,

so it didn't look like some poor asshole was buried in our backyard. We found a few old toys and stopped after digging with a knife. We kept the knife since the house seemed to be stealing our pans. I'm gonna give it to my son when he starts his own apartment. New family heirloom, tell your grandkids that this is the knife, great grandma, and grandpa found in a burial mound, and it may or may not have murdered someone. The house had what one would describe as a creepy dungeon-y basement, with steep stairs that were to a tiny room with the water heater, so not a lot of room for our storage.

You could also access the crawl space here, which I only did once when there was a strange leak. The washer-hoes somehow came loose and was spraying water right into the ground. My wife, who hates spiders in creepy places, never slept foot there. And then Heather says, yeah, that was a hard fucking stop for me. I tried and said there's no feasible reason I should ever have to step into this murder pit. That's why I'm getting married.

Make someone else crawl into there with the spiders. No, not now. Wait. Not know, but fucking blow it out your ass, no. Spiders are little crawling nightmares that wait until you sleep and then they run across your face. You know it, I know it. They are death on eight legs.

Most of the inside walls were white, but one bedroom had a closet that was painted black inside. I literally hate that. Also, there was a rounded window in the master bedroom, and it also bordered in black. It was also bordered in black. It was probably some portal to the demon dimension of lost cookware and death-knows. We learned from our neighbors that the previous occupants were a dentist and his wife. She was dying of cancer in one of the bedrooms. We would still get medical bills for her. That's actually so weird, because sometimes, uh, we get mail addressed to

the woman that also died in our house, so that's fun. What else happened? Well, we had things occasionally disappear like the frying pan, see above. I took your knife, you creepy dentist guy, or demon that needed to make a fucking omelet. No sign of break ins or nothing of high value went missing. We also had slugs that crawled throughout the bathtub spout sometimes. You?

Uh, yeah, I hate that. Sort of like, you see slugs? Yeah, that would crawl out of the bathtub spout sometimes. Oh my God, that's tear. You know, terrified me as a kid and I like was still at the age where I would like take mostly baths. Like I was probably like five. What? Watching courage, the cowardly dog. There was like one episode where spiders like would come, were coming up the drain or something. Oh yeah. And I still think of it to this day. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm actually glad that you said that

because apparently there's a case, like a true crime case that courage the cowardly dog goes side by side with and I wanted to look into it. We were, yeah, someone mentioned that. It was probably me. Yeah, it was brought up recently and I was gonna say you should do that. Yeah, right.

All right, anyway, so, a la la la omelette, horror movies, yes. Around this time, I was gonna say you should do that. Yeah, right. All right, anyway. So, Allah Allah, Omlits, horror movies, yes. Around this time, I was taking a psychic awareness class, which taught me the basics of chakras and other metaphysical mumbo jumbo. During one class, the instructor was talking about negative energy that can surround places and things,

and he asked if anyone knew any homes that had odd or unpleasant vibe. Me, me, me, me. So the whole class took a field trip to our house where we learned about the cleansing process. We burned sage and sweet grass and rang a metal pot that supposedly produced different tones around unnatural darker energy. We walked into each room and the instructor commented that the black closet felt particularly

dark. Of course, it's literally painted black, as well as the closet upstairs. She said she felt some pain and sadness too in a few of the rims, swirling the smoke supposedly helped to blow the bad energy away. Heather said, I made a friend come too, so I wasn't the only person banging on a pot that the ghost hadn't taken yet, looking like a moron. At least Joe got the bell for Christ's sake. Other than being educational and making her how smell like pot for a few days,

I'm not sure if the cleansing accomplished anything noticeable, or maybe it needed something more heavy duty. Heather says real weed maybe, but since I was a follower of the law, only parking legal parking spaces and a motif sweater wearing confirmed at the time, we kept on living with the omelet demon a little bit longer. And then Joe says, we only stayed living with the omelet demon a little bit longer. And then Joe says, we only stayed there a few more months, even though the owners tried to talk us into taking it off their hands. At the time, there were a lot of new homes being built nearby, and they were all

affordable, and they didn't come with anybody else's psychic leftovers. So now we have our own place, and we haven't experienced anything out of the ordinary. We have made a pet cemetery in the back, but at least we know what's in there. And then, oh, oh no, Heather says, don't ask, fuck, just don't. Still makes me cry. I can't tell you how many sick and almost dead neonatal kittens I fostered for local shelters that died in my hands as I desperately tried to keep them alive. Oh, oh. I also would sometimes take the small cats that passed that made the foster coordinator cry and I promised her I would give them a proper burial and not have them end up in the trash and my kiddos birds several fish and frogs Ashes of cats that we had for decades if they ever come back to life. I'm screwed So that's our story feel free to use their names

We still drive by that house now and then and it's always tempting to ask the current occupants about any creepy vibes Or if any significant improvements have been made. The exterior was painted after we left, but no idea what the inside looks like or feels like 20 plus years later. And then Heather said, pretty sure the egg demon followed us and is now taking a pie and things when I look for them

and then puts the objects and dumbass spots that I know I searched, asshole prankster demon, Joe and Heather. I love that. You guys are fucking hilarious. And if any other couples wanna write us a listener tales where like you switch off on the parts,

that was like fun, Joey. That was great. I hope I read it in a way that was easy to listen to. But those were our listener tales. And it's fun. They were fucking great. Yeah, I know. I'm happy that you came and joined me, thanks.

Oh, thank you for having me. Elena will be back for your regularly scheduled programming next week. Exactly. Actually, what's coming out on Friday? I don't even know. I'm like, let me try to think about it, actually, let me not. And next time I talk to you, I will hopefully have a cat

because in the middle of that, we paused and got a call that our little babies ready to get picked up. Yay! I think we will probably name her Wednesday. Yeah, because it's Wednesday. Yeah, right. Maybe we'll name her Wednesday. Maybe we'll name her one of the other names that you suggest on my little Instagram poll or one of the ones that we already picked from. We like to see the cat in person before we decide on the name. I was just gonna say that, Bobby, you finished my sentence. All right, guys, well, we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird.

A little clunky, but not so bad. It'll be so much fun. Bye. Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to Morvid, Early, and Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen Add Free with Wondery Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of Wondery's podcast American scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our newest series, we look at the kids

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