Morbid - Faeries Are Dark Part 1

Episode Date: December 15, 2018

This isn't all pixie dust and mischief here. Faeries have the best PR team in the game but we are here to blow up their spot and reveal them for the terrifying, homicidal nightmares that they really are. Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022)Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023)Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash KelleyListener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra LallyListener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey weirdos, I'm Elena and I'm Ash, and this is morbid. Mini, mini, mini morbid. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, mini, mini, morbid. We love these mini morbids, they're fun. Yeah, I'm like really obsessed with the minisodes even though this is only our second one. But I'm obsessed with it already. I'm obsessed with you. I am obsessed. You know what else I'm kind of obsessed with right now?

Uh, what? It's something that I think a lot of people listening will dig. That's why I want to make sure I plug it. It's this shop called Murder Apparel. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you know what I'm talking about. And you can find them on Instagram at Murder Apparel, I believe. And basically, they do every shirt that you could ever want being a murderer.

Their shirts are so funny, too. I love it. My favorite one is the husband did it. Yeah, that one's a good one. They have one with Freddie and it says stay woke. Yeah, it's amazing. They're like super funny. They're based off of like true crime, horror movies, just horror in general.

It's amazing. And actually- We have one that says basic witch for all our window-latching covens. It kind of looks like the Starbucks logo. Yeah. This holiday, the holiday things they have out right now are like, what did it say? There was one for crampus. but I feel like everybody listening to this would dig them so I suggest you guys go check them out because they're awesome

yeah you guys would be obsessed with them that's just I like to plug things that I actually dig so I wanted to make sure I plugged that they have a zombie Santa one and it has like two candy canes like across almost like a skull and bones and it just says slay I was thinking of but it says it like S-L-E-I-G-H I love that which is hilarious and then the crampus one says Mary Crampus and he's like holding like a little boy and running off with that's the one I was thinking of those two wow these are savage and they're constantly coming out with new ones and the shirts are crazy comfy looking like I'm immediately ordering some like after we stop recording I know I want so everybody go check out murder apparel because they're rad and I feel like everybody would dig it go buy yourself some shirts and if you're listening to this next week maybe you still have time

to order them before Christmas and And we just, we just, and that's literally like, they're not sponsoring us. We just really like them. So go check them out. This is like a legit plug. Legit. So that's, that's going to be the end of our small talk for this episode because our mini morbid episodes are straight to the point.

And your mini morbid episode is starting right now. And we're going to dive in the deep, dark, savage world of fairies. So savage. I know it sounds like it's going to be whimsical and beautiful. and enchanted and all that, but it's not. It's not going to be any of that stuff. No enchantment here, bitches. Because fairies, despite what Disney would have you believe, are actually terrifying.

And will murder you at a moment's notice. So from what I've found, just to give a little tiny, it's like a really quick little history of fairies, the word fairy spelled F-A-I-R-Y actually comes from the Latin worm Fata, which means fate. That's interesting. Yeah, right. And then the old French, F-A-E-R-I-E, which I think is a cooler way to spell it, actually means enchantment. Oh, I like that one better. Yeah, I know.

That's kind of whimsical and fun. That's as whimsical as we're going to get. French words are always whimsical. Of course they are. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Like, Escargo is just snakes. It's just snails. That sounds so fancy.

But it's so fancy. I love it. So now we think of fairies as we see them in like popular culture with like pretty wings and they're all pretty and they're there to help you and protect you and do fun magical things for you. Cue Tinkerbell. Yeah, exactly. But back in the day when the world was just like, it, I know the world is... Dark as fuck. Yeah, like I know the world is dark as fuck now, but like in a totally different way.

Back then it was dark because nobody knew. what the hell was going on ever and everything was still mysterious because we didn't know anything about the world at that point that's when people were horrified that they could offend fairies at any moment's notice and that these fairies would cast evil spells or curses on them did you just hear John yeah I'm not going to get rid of that oh my god what the fuck was that That was amazing. That's what that was. Was he singing?

Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. He had a moment. He's having a moment in the kitchen. Okay. So, um, in particular. He's a singing kitchen fairy. I love it.

He is. That's the elusive singing kitchen fairy. I'm dead. Goodbye. I have deceased. So that's not as dark. I have passed away. That's the whimsical.

side of fairies. So in Ireland in particular, because Ireland is all about the fairies, they had such a fear of pissing off fairies that they don't, they wouldn't even refer to them as names. Like they wouldn't call them whatever name their fairy was or they wouldn't even call them fairies. They called them by like euphemisms, like little people, the gentry or the neighbors. It's like he who must not be named. It's like, exactly. And fairies were the original Voldemort's. Exactly. You heard it here first.

News with Ashley Kelly. This was in your 6 o'clock news. And there were these things called fairy paths where the fairies were obviously just like would travel down specific paths. And fairy hills that were forbidden to be dug upon. And some houses had their corners removed because they were afraid that the corners were blocking ferry paths. Wow.

Legit. So the houses were round? Yeah, they would round them off because they didn't want a corner to be blocking a ferry path. Shit. And then cottages back then in Ireland were actually sometimes built initially with the front door and the back door like perfectly in line with each other. And then at night, whenever the people thought that fairies were traveling about, they would open both those doors so that the fairies could just pass through.

their house and not actually chill in their house. Clearly they never listened to our podcast. Right? Because fresh air is for dead people. Not for keeping fairies. I mean, we tell you to lock your windows, but like definitely close your fucking doors. Step one. Because if you leave both doors open in the middle of the night all night, you're going to have a lot more than fairies to worry about. Yeah.

Yeah. Bugs. But then again, after hearing this episode, fairies are kind of scary. so there's a lot. So hide your kids, hide your wife, lock your door. Yeah. And have a roundhouse. Don't build it in a fairy path, I guess. Well, and then back then, fairies were actually even blamed for diseases like tuberculosis and birth defects.

Shit. So basically just all kinds of shit was just blamed on fairies. You get fairies a bad name. Awesome. I love it. So we're going to talk about, I mean, there's so many that we might even revisit this subject again, because I didn't even write down all the crazy ones I saw. Oh, shit. So this may be a part one of fairies.

Who knows? P-R-A-T-1. We're going to go over a few fairies now. The first one being the changeling. Now, changelings are interesting because I'm going to give you a real quick overview of it because there is a lore episode. on Amazon Prime that covers this subject in a really good way. So go watch the lore episode about this because it's really good. So it's an Irish legend and it's when a fairy child is replaces a real child.

So the fairies will come, they'll steal your child and they'll replace it with a changeling. The fuck. I'm saying. Now you're going to know that this kid is not your kid because they're going to look like sickly. They're not going to grow to the normal size that a child should. And there's also going to be really subtle things you're going to notice. Like, um, they might have a beard. Oh, you know. Are you? What happened? Are you an old man? Are you perhaps an elderly fairy? Are you a bridgesterl? I can't put my finger on it, but something's weird here.

Nothing's changed. They could also have long teeth. That's another thing. Nom, nom, nom. So if your kid suddenly gets long teeth, be wary. That's all I'm saying. Oh, you know what it is? It's the fangs.

That's what's different. It's the fangs. It's the fangs. It's not that beard. It's the fangs. So these changelings will also be very intelligent, like, beyond their years because they're fairies. So they're, like, ancient.

They're going to have, like, crazy insight and, like, just be very intuitive they're going to have traits that you're like this is weird for a child to have yeah now why would your child be taken by a fairy i mean that's like they got shit to do that's a pretty good question ask they may take them because they want to use them as a servant they may just love the human child and want to take it to like be its parents which is shitty but like yeah that's kidnapping or they're just or they're just dicks and they do it maliciously just to be assholes. Now, there are rare cases where super elderly fairy folk would be placed in like the place of a human baby just so that the old fairy could live out the rest of their days in comfort.

Like being loved by humans. That just makes my heart hurt. So that made it like kind of delightful. Did they really love you if you got a child beard? I guess. A child's beard. The fuck. Now, there is a way. to ensure that your child does not get taken by in exchange for a changeling. I bet it's wild. You can wear an inverted coat. So like inside out. Yeah.

Or you can leave an open pair of iron scissors where the child sleeps. Dude. Which sounds safe. When I moved to mom and papa's house, there's like a big old pair of like antique scissors. And I always slept with them on my nightstand because I just thought they were cool. Oh my God. They were trying to make sure that you didn't get taken and changed for a changeling. Maybe. Man, they loved you. Ma is Irish. They didn't do that for me. Apparently they were only worried about you. No, they did. I found them in your old nightstand.

Oh, okay. So I didn't even know they did it. Yeah. Wow. I get to ask Ma about that. I will. Yeah, I wonder if that's why she did that. I will fall on my ass if Ma really did that for that specific reason. Update next week, everybody. Update next week, guys, to see if my mom is that awesome. Because I remember one time my friend found them and she was like, what the fuck are these? What's this big pair of iron scissors? Yeah, they're like rusty as well. And you're right, Ma's Irish. This would make sense. Wow. Yeah. We're learning things.

Yeah. We're learning all kinds of things. Now, there are two 19th century cases that actually are true. Like they're not, this isn't legend, this isn't folklore. These are actual cases. where people believed in changelings so much that they actually murdered people. Oh, what? So in 1826, a woman named Anne Roche bathed a boy who was four years old named Michael Leahy, and this boy could not speak or stand.

I'm not positive why I didn't really go far into it. But she bathed him three times in a river in Ireland called the Flesque. On the third time she bathed him in it, he drowned. Because she wasn't bathing him Well she swore that she was just trying To drive the fairy out of him Because he was a changeling She got acquitted of murder for that

Yeah, that sounds like Andrea Yates-style shit I'm saying I'm saying And then there's another case Which is actually the subject of the lore episode On Amazon Prime that I was talking about before So go watch that for like the whole story of this But it was in 1895

a woman in Ireland named Bridget Cleary was literally murdered by several people, including her husband and her cousins. What? So she had like this short bout of pneumonia. And this local dude, like dick named Jack Dunn was like, oh, she's a fairy changeling because she's not getting better and she's sick because she had pneumonia. So her husband, Michael, her cousins, this dude, I don't even. even know if there's anybody else there, but they literally murdered her. And then they were only convicted of manslaughter instead of murder because they convinced the jury that they were just trying to kill a changeling, not Bridget. What? Isn't that bananas? How, when, like, when was that? This was

1895. Oh, believable. I mean, that's crazy. Those 1800s won't really do yet. I'm saying. So yeah, those are chants that's a very brief overview of changelings so that's terrifying and the what you're going to notice is a lot of Irish ones but there's a lot of Scottish ones too which is kind of fun yeah what up Scotland so the next one is called a kelpie um so they're their group called the kelpies they're a type of Scottish fairy and they're considered to be cannibalistic and they'll literally eat anything that they come across. So if they come across animals, they'll eat that. But if they come across humans, they're like, yeah, I'll do it. Whoa. Now, they're thought to live in the waters of locks in Scotland, like Loch Ness, where the Urquhart Castle sits. Just saying. Yay, Nessie. And they enjoy

eating humans and deer the most. And what they'll do is they're amazing shape shifters. And what they'll do is they'll appear as a beautiful black or pure white horse. And then they're just offer rides to crazy humans that are like, oh, yes, horse. I would love to take that right. What a polite horse. I appreciate it. And once the person gets on them, they'll just carry them into the depths of the lock and drown them. Sweet. And then when they get them to the bottom of the lock, they'll just tear them apart and then eat them. So they're kind of dicks.

Because other than the horses, they're also known to shape shift into super good looking men and women to lure humans into the locks. Because you know how dumbass humans are. You know. And you put a hot person in front of them and they're going to be like, yeah, I'll walk into lockness. That's fine. Wow. Yeah. So those are the Kelpies.

The next one is this is a fairy class from England, Ireland, and Germany. And they're called the Banfion. I don't know if I said that right, but we're going to give it a shot. The Banfione are a delightful class of fairies, part of a delightful class of fairies, referred to as the, quote, drowner fairies. Oh. Sounds so pure. Toach.

Like I said, they're found in England, Ireland, and Germany, and they're technically a water ferry that lives in lakes and streams. The name means white woman because whatever this fairy appears, they're known to wear a white gown. And their whole schick is they wait for children to come in or near the water, and then they just reach up and drown them. That's a little bit uncalled for it. Yeah, like there's no rhyme or reason they're just, that's what they do. They're good at it. They stick to it and they do their thing. And I mean, respect the hustle.

The next one, which I love the name of these ones, are called Bogarts. Boogers? Bogarts. Bogarts. Bogarts. B-O-G-G-A-R-T-S. Boogarts. Now, Bogarts.

Boogers. They are kind of boogers. they're super boogery. But they are earth fairies. And guess where they're found? In your nose? Scotland. Ah.

They look like a gnome, which is unsettling. I think gnomes are wicked cute. I do not. I think it's unsettling as fuck. I know. You don't like gnomes very much. I think they're cute. I'm not into it. I don't know what it is about gnomes. I don't know if I was wronged by a gnome at some point, but... I hope not. That's funny. But I have like a weird resistance against them. I like them because of that little kids movie, Nomiio and

Juliet. It's so cute. It'll change your standpoint on Nones. I did not see that and I don't plan to ever see that. Well, I'm going to show it to your kids, so you're welcome. But they're not allowed to want a bunch of Nomes. They cannot have Nomes in my house. I'm going to get them Nomes for Christmas. No, because Nomes look that apparently Bogarts look like dirty ass gnomes. Oh. Like they don't look like regular gnomes that are all like together and have like their lives together, they look like dirty, messy gnomes. If I was a gnome, I would be a boogart. A boogart. It's more fun to say it wrong. Well, and apparently, you're not going to like this, I don't think. Their clothing is wrinkled. It's dirty. It's like covered in a layer of dust. It's like

unkempt. You know, we've all been there. We have. Like day five. Well, and apparently they're very malicious and very bad tempered. Same. No, I'm kidding. Now, once Bogarts, Bogarts enter your home. And once they come into your home, they're super hard to get out. They kind of... Just like boogers. I mean, in your home.

And they kind of act like poltergeists, which I think kind of differentiates from boogers a little bit. Their favorite things to do. And it's funny, because their favorite things are. do are just kind of like dickish things. Like they, they seem like, like shitty little kids, kind of. Uh-oh, what do they do? Their favorite things to do are dumping over cups or jugs with milk or liquid just because they like to see messes, which I'm like, those are my kids.

Like it makes them feel at home. And they also like to torment dogs. Oh, that's mean. Like, torment, like, teas and make them bark all the time. And then cats hate Bogart's. So they'll try to stay away from them as much as they can. And what's different about Bogarts is usually fairies are terrified of cats, and Bogarts aren't. So Bogarts will pull cats' tails, they'll pull their whiskers, make them howl and scream.

Like, they love just fucking with cats and dogs. Cats know what's up. They do. And the Bogart also, like a poltergeist, will slam doors. They'll turn on and off lights. They'll, like, fray your electrical cords. And they also, which this is like the ultimate shitty. Bogart thing. They like to torment sleeping babies. They will literally pinch sleeping babies. They'll pull their

hair or they'll poke them until they wake up screaming. That's scary. Yeah. And if you get a Bogart in your house, it's hard to get out. What you do? You can hang bells on the doors. You can bang pots. You can like scream and yell. And basically the whole idea is to make a ton of noise. Basically you're trying to be more annoying than the Bogart. You got to out-anoy them. Yeah, you literally have to out-anoy them. There's also, you can also put iron nails on windowsills and hang

iron horseshoes above doors, which Ma also did. I was going to say Ma still does that. There's a horseshoe in the... Yeah, we had a horseshoe above our door. In the kitchen. So that's kind of funny. If you already have a Bogart, these things aren't going to help, but these, the horseshoe and the iron nails will stop

one from coming to your house. So maybe Ma was trying to keep Bogarts out of our house, I appreciate. I think that's just a good omen in general. I think we have to thank Ma for a lot right now after doing this episode. Yeah. Dear Ma, thank you. Thank you for putting iron scissors in my bedstand so that I wouldn't be turned into a changeling.

And thank you for hanging a horseshoe above the door so we wouldn't get boogers at our house. Yard. So what's funny about Bogart, the name, is it's now used as a verb to mean things like, you would be like, stop Bogarting the butter. My role is dry, bitch. Like, it means like, stop hogging the something. It's also Xander Bogart's last name. There you go.

I wonder if he's annoying in real life. I wonder. Who knows? Do a poll. Who knows? His team. The next fairy I have is called, I'm going to, I might mess up a few of these names because they're weird.

You know what? What? You're trying. I'm doing the best I can. Yeah. And that's all we can ask for, right? I was just going to say, that's the only thing I ask of you. I'm just giving my best.

I leave it all on the field. Yeah. So the next one is called the Veracus. I don't think that's it. Vericas? Vericas. Vericas. Vericas.

Something like that. Vericas. V-I-R-I-K-A-S. So do with that what you will. I like that. That sounded pretty. You're welcome. Thank you.

So these, the things about these ones are, they're never more than 18 inches tall. And they're apparently like special. and you can see them by seeing their flaming red face in bloodstained teeth. Great. Yeah. And in their whole schick is that when someone is about to die in your house, they'll just stay outside of your house in a big group and just like chitter chatter excitedly while this person is dying. That's really insensitive. And that's it. Like, they'll just hang out of your house and just

giggle and laugh and chitter-chatter about the person who's dying in your house. I'd kick them. And while they're doing that, they have blood-stained teeth and red faces. So they're just, like, scary and rude. Where does the blood come from? I don't know. Maybe they just like, I don't know. Maybe they rubbed the dead person's blood all over them afterwards, and that's why they're all excited. Yuck. But it's like, what the fuck, man? Um, maybe. Maybe they're just, like, they're really all about the vampire facial. The vampire facial. Yeah. That's exactly what it is.

I think they just really like a smooth, youthful complexion. Who doesn't? I'm saying. The Veracus sure do. Apparently. Well, that's all I really have on them. Mainly, they're just scary looking and very unpleasant. Because

when someone's dying in your house, you really don't need these little 18-inch fucking blood-covered shipbags, just chitter-chattering outside and laughing. Yeah. Fuck that. So the next ones. I don't order those. These ones are pretty terrifying,

mainly because of what they look like, but also because they are homicidal. So these ones are called Anthropaggy. Anthropology? Exactly. I love that store. The overpriced store. Is a homicidal terrifying looking fairy. I think it's

an anthropaggy, I think it's called. And they originally, originate from England. This name translates to man-eating, so they're just, they're pretty up front about what they do. She's a man-eater, make you a hard. What's interesting about that is that's how they enter all situations with that song playing. And when they walk, they want attention. Okay, I'm done now. They really do.

Actually, they're all about getting attention with what they look like. So this is not a pretty fairy, and this is not anything like you're picturing in your head. This fairy is headless. And they do have very tiny little brains that are placed near their reproductive organs. Now, this fairy's eyes are placed on its shoulders, because remember, it doesn't have a head. It has eyes just on its shoulders. And its mouth is this gaping mouth in the center of its chest. Oh. Yeah. And it doesn't have a nose. And the reason it doesn't have a nose is that it's good because it won't gag while it's eating raw human flesh. I mean, yeah. Every body part is useful, right?

So they're said to only kill when they're hungry, but like same. So, but they're being. But they're basically just always homicidal. Like they might not act on killing you, but they sure want to kill you. If they're full, they just might not kill you because they're like, I'm full. But once I get hungry, watch out. Hate that. Exactly. And they are actually featured in William Shakespeare's plays Othello and Mary Wives of Windsor.

Never seen them. Never see them. Well, he made them, he kind of made them famous because. he put them in his place. So people were like, what are these? And then they, you know, way back then they Googled them on the old-fashioned Google machine. Got some pictures of them and were like, those things are scary as fuck. So those are the Anthropaggy, which I'm saying wrong, but we're going to go with it.

Papa G. Papa G. The next ones, these are, this is just a quick one because in this one I found more funny than anything. It's called the Kierkerper. I'm sure. I'm sure that's exactly what that's called. They are from South America, and they are a great friend to tortoises. This is important because if you dare harm or hunt a tortoise,

then these little bastards are coming for you. And what they do? They have red eyes, swollen knees and their I don't know I don't know get an icy hot

like duh swelling continues if you do not ice keep messing off front bump swelling continues if you do not ice I know I think they just need to know they just need help and well and this is kind of a problem their feet are turned around

backwards and the reason so they can't walk forward Well, the reason for this is people know to look for these specific ones in South America because they look for their footprints. And since their feet are turned around backwards, they fuck with people because it looks like they walked one way. And so people walk the other way. But in reality, they walked that way because their feet were on backwards.

That sounds like a shitty math equation. It does. But technically, so basically their feet are on backwards so they can fuck with you by making you think they walked one way when they walked another. Yeah, no thing. Backwards feet. And if you harm or hunt a tortoise, they attack you with their backwards feet and they murder you. Wow. And I just thought that one was kind of funny.

That is funny. And I think a lot of us are safe from that one because I don't know a lot of people who hunt tortoises. But if you hunt tortoises, watch out now. Tortoises are so cute. I know. Tortoise eye. So this one is odd. It's called the Bendeth.

And it translates into Mother's Blessing, which is ironic for this one. Oh. They're a clan of Welsh fairies. And they engage in kind of the same behavior as the changelings do. They just kidnapped kids. Rude. So they're like the goblins and labyrinth. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And they, so they kidnap the human baby, and then they leave their own deformed offspring called crimbrils in their place. And the parents of the kids that are kidnapped will, the only way to even try to get their kids back, they have to consult a witch. And sometimes they'll be lucky enough that the Bendeth will just come and return the baby, but there's a specific time that they will do this. only after they have taught them to appreciate good music.

I'm in favor of that. They make sure that they are up on their bowie. That they... It just sounds like your parenting. Right? Yeah. They make sure to put some doors in there. And then they send them home.

Stevie Nix. Stevie Nix, Tom Petty. You forgot them. Oh, I'm sorry. Steve Nix, Tom Petty. I was hoping you would jump in with those ones. How could you? So aside from just being kidnappers and you like shits,

they also tend to tire out horses by riding them frequently, which is just weird. Which is just inconsiderate. Like I guess they just like will ride horses consistently until they tire out the poor horse and then they're like, bye bitch. We're done here. Yeah. Now, to make these fairies happy and to keep them from stealing your kids,

People would leave milk outside of their houses and would only speak these fairies' names in, like, reverence. Never in, like, nasty tones. Never a bad word. So, yeah. So people didn't want to fend these bitches because they'll take your kids. Now, the next one I have, I have two more, and then I just have one crazy little gang of fairies to talk about. Okay. This one's called the fackens.

The fawkins? Fackens. I'm probably saying it wrong, but I like that way of saying it the best. So deal with it. I love it. And these are Scottish fairies again. So these ones look terrifying. They are so hideous and horrifying that they were said to stop a man's heart just by somebody

looking at them. I believe it. Now the fackens are covered head to toe in. fur and hair and they only possess singular body parts so they only have one eye one hand one leg one finger one toe one foot you know like everything is one ear yeah that's weird it's just which you just think about that for a second and one tooth all of these body parts are placed in a center line down their bodies that's just stupid that's just stupid That's just stupid

That's not scared of stupid That's just like bad That's like bad planning If I saw them I would say You stupid You stupid fucking Literally though And they're also the kind of fairies

That can't fly Well what do they do then? They got nothing going for them Except They are very violent And very territorial Now What are you gonna do

Hit me with your one hand. Well, what they're going to hit you with is a spiked club or chain that they always carry with themselves. Listen, guys, I don't know where the hard feelings came from. I don't either. We're good. We're bros. I mean, if we're bros. So if you trespass onto these hideous beast land and don't immediately get scared off by them having a center line of body parts down their bodies, they're just going to bang you in the face with a spiked club or a chain. I mean, it seems like Fair enough. So my

word to all of you listening right now is stay away from the facken. Stay the fack away from the fackens. Say the fack away from the facken. Also, it's probably pronounced like fashion or something. Maybe it's the fukens. But I think it's the facken.

Because it's Scottish. So I feel like it's like Rae. Because I feel like that's how it all sounds. Is that how Scottish people sound? That's nice. We just lost all our. Scottish listeners. I meant that the best way. Like, Scottish accents to me are beautiful and amazing.

I love Scottish. Yeah, you really made them sound that way with your sound effect. But they're all very like, it's very, it's slightly harsh. Yeah. So those are the Fackens. Stay away from them. The last singular, you know, kind of fairies I'm going to talk about are pretty gross. They're called the Redcaps.

Oh, no. Guess where they originated in. Scotland. Oh. I was like, I don't have a guess. They look like gaunt, sickly old men, but they also have sharp claws and sharp teeth. Oh. Although they look gaunt and sickly, they have super crazy strength and can overpower a grown man.

Yikes. They also carried around a scythe, and they would use this scythe to hack and slash people to death if you come near them. The hash slinging slash? Now, they're not done. After they hack and slash you, they will mop up your blood with their caps, and that's how they get their name, the red caps, because their caps are just full of blood. That's gross. I just thought of something nasty. Oh, no.

What? They just got tampon heads. I literally knew you were going there. You a tampon head. That's what I would say to them. And then they would hack you with their synths. They would still have a tampon head, so who's the real loser here? Who's the winner here?

I may be in pieces, but you got a blood-soaked hat on your head. Now, they also, they join a couple of their other fairy friends in being cannibals who will eat both humans and other fairies after they kill them. Phenomenal. Yeah, they're serious. The only way to ward these delightful, little men away from you is to recite biblical verses. I'd be fucked.

And, yeah. And you have to be real quick with this biblical verse recitation that you have to do out of nowhere because they are very quick and very strong. So they will come at you like, like, wha! And you just have to be like, Jesus! And just start. One more time, like what? Hoa!

Oh, okay. Just so I'm prepared in case. I mean, it doesn't say that they use that sound, but I feel it. Okay. I feel it's right. Now, the last thing I'm just going to talk about, which was just interesting in me,

and it was also kind of a callback to the last episode where we talked about Santa's scary-ass helpers. Okay. This is called, now it looks like it's pronounced the slog, but it's actually pronounced the sluwa. Oh. And me just saying that is pretty bad, apparently. Slua.

Now you said it. Oh, fuck. Ha. Good. Okay, we're in this together. I'm glad I made you say that. I tricked you. Shit, bitch.

So now we're in this together. So this is a wild hunt callback. Do you remember last episode we talked about the wild hunt where it's just a bunch of goblins, fairies, and ghouls and demons, just wreak and havoc and cause and mischief? Yes. Well, the sluah is... Stop saying it. Is the name of the unseely court or the evil fairies. The name means the host, which is actually, because there's a lot of times where they'll use euphemisms to say these things instead of saying them because saying them is supposed to invoke them.

In this case, the host is the euphemism to avoid invoking them. Because if you say their name, then you could be invoking them. So, thank you, asshole. You're welcome. So what they are is, because we should know now, because we've invoked them. They are a group formed of the darkest, most vile creatures imaginable. So that's fine. So they're supposed to be like super thin, gaunt, haggard looking.

They have skin that's barely just like just hanging off their bones. And they also can look birdlike, even when they're not flying around. They have leathery wings that they can. keep super close to their bodies. And it kind of looks like a cape or like a creepy-ass cloak. Their hands and feet are like bony claws. They have like stringy, sparse, dark hair that covers their heads. And they have creepy-ass, gnarly, pointed fang teeth that are coming out of a beak-like

mouth. Hate that. Yeah. They hang out with the wild hunt with all those hooligans and heathens. and so they just fly around the night skies and they basically I mean this is going to be a shock but they stem from Scotland and Ireland and but there's also there's also accounts of these creatures being like this whole this whole gang of creatures being seen in Germany France the Czech Republic Poland Scandinavia Russia all kinds of places they're basically

basically riding for hapless souls. Like they're trying to steal people's souls. Me too. It used to be thought to be like the telltale sign of some horrible war that was going to happen or some kind of widespread like plague or catastrophe or some kind of awful thing that was like always associated with that. Which I mean, again, if you're seeing the wild hunt, if you're seeing like a fucking gangle of demons and fairies and fucking mis-shape and turd creatures flying all over the place.

Like something bad's going to happen. Yeah. I mean, something bad's already happened if you're seeing that. I mean, that's bad. Hey, hey, hey, it's happening. It's happening. They were seen as, quote, fairies gone amok. And they're kind of believed to be just kind of like a fucked up version of fairies,

like a distorted anti-fairi and they basically have no no logic no reason no loyalty and no mercy which is everything that fairies are supposed to have now when this was that that's what they were thought of pre-christianity but then christianity came around to ireland and scotland and this sluwa became a pack of stop saying it we already said it's happened they became there's no we i said it once you said it man you're in this with me yeah but you said it like so many times at this point but you know what you're thinking it now you're hearing it and you're thinking it's in your brain it's in your head no but well once christianity came and got a hold of this the this this this gaggle of of ugly fairies became thought to be just a bunch of unrepentant

dead sinners that's what they referred to them at like fallen angels kind of thing oh so So there's, so what we're seeing is like they've been looked at as either anti-fairies or if you're looking at it from a Christianity point of view. These were once humans that are now these like just crazy creatures that were just thrown into this wild hunt and have to spend eternity here. Now, their prey are humans. They go after humans. their main purpose is to steal souls of the living and specifically the dying. But that doesn't mean that if you're in good health and everything's fine and you're not dying and you're happy, they won't come and take your soul too.

They're happy to do it because they're dicks. If they come for you, you're going to be lifted up from a great height and then you're going to be dropped from that great height. No, that's okay. Thanks though. They're just, they're the worst. And they're like a terrible version of that ride that you love where it like shoot you up and then just drops you from a great high. Oh, that's my favorite fucking ride ever. At Six Flags, it's called Scream. So you would love this.

I'm not opposed. I'm not opposed. They're known to have a pension for sadism. Oh. They are sometimes known to force their victims to shoot at other people and animals. with poisoned arrows. That's like ridiculously intense. Right.

Now, there are ways to try to fend them off and you can do something that we've been telling you to do from the beginning. Close your damn windows. Lock your fucking door and close your windows. And specifically close your windows and lock them the ones that are faced west. Because that's usually... I don't even know where the fuck that is. Well, you better find it out because that's where the swarm of

crazy heathenous anti-fairies are coming swarming to your house from. No, thank you. Now, apparently the other way that you can always tell that they're coming is they smell like shit. Like, they're going to be this big bunch of flying. They're going to smell like a bunch of corpses, just flying through the air. Oh, and the other, the other, this is another dick move that they do. They like to prey on dying souls before they're given their last rights.

Oh, that's really sad. Like, that's like, they're a specific dick move. Like, they're like... How is that? That's not even fair game yet. Right? They're just dicks. So they wait until they're like right at the brink and right before they're about to get their last rights and then they're like, ha ha, we got to take your soul bit. In my opinion, that's cheating.

You get enough. But you know what? They don't care because they're anti-fairies. To this day, in some places, doors and windows on the west sides of houses are kept locked and closed if there's a sick or dying person in the house. Like, this is still something. something that people believe today. You better be superstitious. The ride in's in the west.

Now there's, the way that you're going to call them upon you is one by uttering the name. Good job. Whoops. But there is a way to stop them. Oh, tell them. Once you've drawn their attention, only by placing another person in their path. That's the only way to get out of it. So, i.e. a human shield.

So you literally have to be willing to sacrifice another person. Which, I mean, I'm not opposed. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm glad we're on the same page. I wouldn't use you, though. I wouldn't use you either. So we'll find someone to throw in their path. We'll be together when they come from the West.

I have at least five people in mind. Yeah, there you go. I have a couple people that I'll throw in their paths. Cool. And I will feel nothing. I will feel nothing at all. So that is the anti-fairies that I'm not going to say their name one more time because I feel like I'm testing fate.

Yeah, you are. So that's, those are my crazy-ass murderous, cannibalistic, blood-soaked fairies. But this is the first half of our murderous, crazy-ass fairies. And who knows when you'll get part two? I do, but you don't. You don't. But you'll know. You don't know.

You don't even know. There's so many more, guys. Like, once you start looking through dark-ass fairies, you realize that. how many. Scary. It's like Santa's Dark Helpers. You don't realize

that they're there until you start looking for them. There's a lot of dark corners in the world. I know and I love it. Yeah. So we're definitely going to be back

with another round of dark fairies that Ash is going to tell you all about. And that's going to be on another mini morbid episode. So stay tuned. Keep listening to

Mini Morbid. Yes. Many, mini morbid. Ravara. Exactly. That's the theme song. That's the theme song. I should just put that as the intro song.

I will. Can you make that the theme song, please? Yes. All in favor, say aye. Aye. I. Cool, everyone's in favor. That was so easy.

Executive decision. Made. So by this point in the episode, you already know whether that was the intro. But now it's explained. And this isn't a many episode. episode anymore, guys. So we'll see you next week with our different case. Yeah, so stay tuned for our holiday extravaganza. Yeah, and it's going to be either, what is it, our last, our last holiday case. Yeah, it'll be our last holiday case and it's going to be a two-parter because it's a biggie.

So look out for that, guys. So we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. Stay away from fairies. And don't say that last one's name. And if you do lock your fucking West Wing, and if you do that and they still get you, find a human shield. Everybody's got an enemy. Guys, find someone to toss in their path, and you're good.

Everyone has got a human enemy. Everyone has a human shield in mind. You all do it. Bye. Bufa Bup Buh B B B B B B.