Morbid - Kurt Cobain Part 1

Episode Date: April 12, 2019

Ash is back, guys! Rejoice with us and also get super bummed out because it has been 25 years since the world lost a certain musical icon. In this two-parter, we will begin by diving into the legendary Kurt Cobain's childhood, rise to fame with Nirvana , meeting and spawning with Courtney Love and his tragic downfall. Stay tuned for Part 2 where we theorize what actually happened to Kurt and talk more about Courtney Love, the crime scene and the physics behind that supposedly self inflicted shotgun blast. Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022)Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023)Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash KelleyListener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra LallyListener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, Wairlos. I'm Ash. And I am Elena. This is Marma. Hey guys, Ash is back. I'm back. From the dead. I'm just kidding. I didn't die. Just kidding. I'm back. And we're recording this for the second time. So, hang in. All right, so really quickly, our bid nass, I'm really sorry I neglected you and that you just had to deal with Elena last time. I know, and Ash is back now. So everybody can rejoice. Rejoice, bitches. And thank you so much for being so nice about my solo episode.

It was awesome. I know. You're welcome. Thank you so much, guys. You were awesome. And maybe I will throw one of those in every now and then like a weird deep dive into some forensic science subjects because people seem to dig it. So if you want it, let me know. Also really quickly, we got a super good idea from one of our, the,

Petronus is James Tarot. And he was like, why don't you guys just say people's names at the end of the podcast to make it a little bit easier. That way you can dive right into your episode. And then any patroness who wants to hear their shout out can just stay tuned toward the end. Yeah. And that way we can get more names done at a time instead of having to limit to only like three to five an episode because we have a lot to get through. And we want to make sure you all get your names heard. So you know what, James? Thanks. Thanks, James. That's brilliant, and we should have thought of it ourselves. Shout out to you. So that's what we're going to start doing. Today, we are going to say a few of you beautiful patronesses at the end of this episode. So stay tuned if you want to hear your name. And also it's just going to be a smidgin different too on top of just saying it at the end. We're also just going to leave out the category that you're in, like weirdos, evil onion, all that stuff. Because you know what category you're in. And if we leave it out, we can say more names. Exactly.

And we want to hear your name? Yeah. And some of you might hear your name twice because... We're unorganized, so we're giving a shot. So do you know what we're doing this week, guys? Do you? What are we doing? Burn a new.

Burned to do. You all got that, right? Right? If you didn't get that, I'm sorry. Yeah. We're doing Kirk Cobain. Kirk Cobain. So if anybody out there doesn't know Kurt Cobain, which I'm sure there's like a small

majority of you. Yeah, with some young. that I'm sure are like, who's Kurt Cobain? What's a Cobain? No. No. Well, Kirk Cobain was a fucking awesome musician and the front man of the band, Nirvana. He was.

You should listen to Nirvana if you have not. I can't even imagine somebody not ever listening to Nirvana. Do it. I'm shaming you. Do it. I'm not. But fucking listen to them. So Kurt was born in Aberdeen, Washington on February 20th of 1967.

His mom was a waitress named Wendy Elizabeth, and his father was a car mechanic named Donald's Leland-Curban. Or excuse me, Cobain. Curban. Corbane. Thank you, Wendy and Donald. Yeah, for real. Appreciate it. Thank you.

So, Kurt's family was super musically inclined. He had an uncle Chuck that was in a band called The Beachcomers. His Aunt Mary played guitar, and she was in, like, multiple bands. And his great uncle actually had been. an Irish tenor. That's pretty cool. It is wicked. I mean, it's all cool, but that's really cool. If that's not cool enough, he also was in the movie, King of Jazz from the 1930s. So people from his childhood remember Kurt being like really happy, easily, like excitable, sensitive and caring, just like a pretty awesome fucking kid. And it was very clear from an early age that he was going to be

talented. He obviously was super interested in music, but he also was a really good artist and he loved to draw. Oh yeah, I saw a couple of his drawings. Yeah, they're really cool. Um, actually in a couple documentaries, they like have like a bunch of his artwork and one of his ex-girlfriends has a lot of his artwork. That's really fucking cool. It's like dark, but yeah, it's dark, but so really. Like in a good way. Yeah. We're all dark here. Somebody like turn on the lights. It's dark. So dark. Boot. I hate myself. Um, uh, he would draw like all kinds of when he was younger. all kinds of characters that he loved, and he was really good at it. Fun fact, his grandmother also was actually an artist. Jesus. Same. Just a super talented fam. For real. So unfortunately, when Kurt

turned nine, his parents got a divorce. Oh, geez. Which really sucks, because when you're nine, you kind of, like, you're, like, way more aware than it would be when you were younger. Yeah, you know, you don't know exactly what's going on, but you have enough awareness to be like, this sucks. And it definitely hit you. It definitely hit. he were a little harder than if you were like four or five. Yeah. So his parents' divorce affected him like immensely. And actually in a 1993 interview, he said, I remember feeling ashamed for some reason. I was ashamed of my parents. I couldn't face some of my friends at school anymore because I desperately wanted to have the classic, you know, typical family, mother father. I wanted that security,

so I resented my parents for quite a few years because of that. That's like really high level. for a nine-year-old, you know what I mean? Like, to know, like, that he feels shame for his parents and that he's, like, resenting them. You know what I mean? Like, I think a lot of nine-year-olds would usually just be like, this sucks. But he had, like, these really intense thoughts about it. From, like, a really young age. Yeah.

He was super, it seems like, to me anyways, like, he seems like an old soul. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely. And super quickly, I just want to say, like, a lot of this is, like, just, like, retelling of Kurt's story. And, you know, like, you never know, like, what's, like, super true and what's not. Yeah. He didn't come out and say a lot about his life. He didn't like to do

interviews. Yeah, we like we were just talking about this before we recorded. Nirvana and Kurt, they hated the press. Right. Like, they just hated giving press interviews and talking to the press. Like, they loved their fans. They would always give, like, autographs. They would always talk to fans. Right. They were like assholes, but they just hated the press. They hated sitting there. Because they didn't like this whole, like, notoriety. Yeah. Like, like. Kurt didn't want to be famous. No. He wanted to make a living with his music.

He just didn't want to be famous. Right. So it's like a lot of the things you hear about him didn't come from his own mouth. It's like retelling. It's like conjectures and stuff about him. So that's kind of a bummer that like he didn't get to tell his full story, I feel like. It would be so fucking cool to watch like a like VH1 story tellers with Kurt Cobain. With just him sitting there talking.

Yeah. Because that never really happened. I hope like when I die and go to heaven, I get to see that. You can just sit down with him and be like, just tell me, man. Just like, I'm on VH1 right now. I'm on VH1 right now. This is like really kind of dark, but I like often think I'm like, when you die, like, because there's so many unsolved cases that I want to, like, I need to know the answers to.

Yeah. And that's like the main thing I'm hoping when I like die someday, which like hopefully doesn't happen. Ever. Ever. That I get to find out. Oh God, I hope so. Like isn't that, like that's what I think of. Yeah.

I mean, if that's the goal. Like I better find. That's the dream. Sorry for the banter. It's back this week. You're welcome. So, Kurt's dad remarried after the divorce, like a little while after. And at first, Kurt liked his stepmom, Jenny and his sisters. But then Jenny and his dad, yeah, Jenny and his dad had a baby together. And the baby was a boy. So that's like a little bit. Like, you know, like when you're the only boy, I don't personally know anything about this. But yeah, he felt replaced. And it made him back off. Yeah. So, he distanced himself from the family. When he was with his mom, he witnessed her in an abusive

relationship that actually had landed her in the hospital. I just found one time, but I don't know how many times it happened. That sucks. Yeah. And just like every other kid going through shit at home, he kind of started to act out at school. Yeah. Which made teachers call home and be like, what's going on. So basically his dad decided to take him to a therapist. That's really like progressive I know. It really is. So the therapist thought it would be good for Kurt to live within a single family unit. And in June of 79, Kurt's mom granted his dad with full custody, which I'm sure that's rare. And I'm sure even that bothered him because he was older than nine at that point. So he was like, I feel like he probably felt abandoned. Well, I was going to say,

probably, yeah, felt unwanted because like when one parent, no matter the reason, it's like just hands you like legally. Right. And everything to the other one, it's like, they're just passing you off. Yeah. I can definitely let you all know. It's a very weird feeling to be like part of like a legal thing. I can imagine. With custody and stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, I've never gone through that, but I can imagine it's a weird feeling. Like you, it's very like not human. Yeah. You're like, I'm a thing. You're just like an object in this whole scenario. It's weird. Yeah. And look how you turned out. Jesus. I'm great. So Kurt's dad wasn't really able to reel him in at all. And a lot of the times he just put him in the care of like family and friends. So Kurt spent a lot of time, like, living with different friends and different family members,

and he didn't really have, like, one stable house. A lot of instability, which is exactly what he wanted was stability. Right. And it's the exact thing he wasn't getting from anybody. So, one of my favorite things about, like, Kurt, is that he just like to piss off people, like, uptight, annoying people. I'm all about it. I love people like that. Oh, I was like uptight, annoying people. people. The people who like to annoy them. So his dad, I don't know if he was like uptight or annoying, but I'm sure to Kurt he was. He really wanted him to be a jock, but that's not at all who Kurt was. No. Not at all. I would not describe him as that. Like put pressure on him to try out for different sports teams. And Kurt was on like baseball teams and wrestling teams, but he would

like purposely strike out just like to piss his dad off. And I guess he was actually really good at wrestling. I didn't know that. But in. But in. one match he, like, I'm sure I think his dad was there and he got pinned down, like, on purpose. Like, he was like, it's fine, out loose. That's like, you dad. That's like some high level trolling. Just wait. His high level trolling gets really, like, amazing.

Yes. So his dad wasn't the only person he wanted to piss off. People at school, he was like, fuck you guys are stupid. He went against, like, the norm, like the social norm. I love it. So there was this kid in his grade who was gay and Kurt started to hang up. with him. Like, he didn't care that he was being bullied at all. He thought it was awesome. He said, in like an interview later, he said, I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay,

even though I wasn't. And he also said, I'm not gay, although I wish I was just to piss off homophobes. That's amazing. And also said that he was gay in spirit and probably actually could identify as bisexual. That makes me love him more. Yeah, he was just fucking really does. I mean, that is just like, you know what? That is chef's kiss. M-a. So the older he got, the more into the, like, punk music scene he got. So that's where he kind of felt like super connected and he felt like he really belonged there with those people. Because it's just like a bunch of outcasts, like, together.

But they were like his squad. Yeah. Squad goals. That was stability in his home. Yeah. He would go out to, like, punk rock shows in Seattle all the time. Did he finish high school? He actually didn't have enough credits to do so.

Woof. And to drop. out. He was like, well, fuck this then. So his mom told him when he dropped out that he needed to get a job or he couldn't live with her. And a week later, which like, isn't that long at all, he came home and all his stuff was packed up in boxes. Yeah, like, damn, that was, it was like, dude, you can't even get an interview in a week. No, it could be a break. And after that, he, like, lived with friends and he actually even lived under a bridge under the, or excuse me, over the Wishka River, which inspired some of the lyrics.

in the song, something in the way. Oh, that's crazy. And actually, MTV did, like, a documentary, like, a while ago. I think it was, like, a long time ago. And there's, like, images of the bridge, like, under it. And there's, like, all this graffiti, like, of, like, Nirvana lyrics. Oh, like, we love you, Kurt. I mean, if you're going to get inspired, living under a bridge, we'll do it.

Yeah. I would say. I would like to be inspired in any other way. Absolutely. Other than. But I feel like, what else can you do but be inspired by that? Yeah. You gotta do something. Like good on that bridge. So in 1985, Kurt formed the band,

fecal matter. Yes. No, not shit or poop. No, it's highbrow poop. Yes. Fecal matter. Highbrow poop. He played guitar and he sang and him and his band rehearsed for months playing covers of Jimmy Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, and the Ramones. They actually recorded 13 original songs, which Kurt later recalled as totally abrasive. That's how I like my music. Yeah, it does. And my cleaning products. 100%.

Totally abrasive. Totally abrasive. Dale Krover played the bass in that band. And he called their tracks amateur. But Buzz Osborne, who had been in the band, the Melvins with Dale. Oh, wow. Said that there was like a certain magic within a... A certain magic.

I don't know what just happened. You just traveled to... Long Island real quick. A certain magic. Hi, I'm the Long Island medium. I'm like, what the fuck? A certain magic in the band's recording and he said that they were able to put something together in a really interesting way. Unfortunately, or maybe like fortunately because Nirvana happened, the band eventually broke up and it didn't last very long. But Kurt was still intent on forming another band. Good. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Kurt. So he showed tapes to his friends of like Fecal Matter music.

That's my favorite sentence. He should tapes of fecal matter to his friends. He's like, guys, look at this shit. Literally. And one day he showed Chris Novicellic wanting to collab on something. Chris liked the song spank through. Who wouldn't? I mean, yes.

Who doesn't love that song? It's a great song. They started playing together and they eventually formed a band, which eventually became Nirvana. Oh. Yeah. I was going to be like the Smiths? Yes, no.

Nirvana. Nirvana. Kurt also, like side note, was really interested in different religions. And the name Nirvana was actually taken from a Buddhist concept that Kurt thought went hand in hand with the ideals of punk rock. Oh, that's cool. Kurt defined Nirvana as, quote, freedom from pain, suffering in the external world. Which I think that's pretty much what Nirvana is. 100%.

So that's pretty cool. So the first few years of touring with Nirvana kind of left Kurt. down and not as excited as he had been about the entire thing when it all first started. At first, wasn't drawing in big enough crowds at all. And we're faced with issues of sustaining themselves as a group because, like, you have to sell tickets to make money and, you know, blah, blah, blah. And money is like for everything. Money is for everything. And during the first few years of Nirvana, they switched drummers a couple times. Chad Channing recorded Bleach with Nirvana. that bleach is an album.

Yeah. But then Kurt didn't feel he was a good fit and replaced him with Dave Grohl, which is a great fucking replacement. It's a great fit. After releasing Nevermind, that album. That was like their huge one. Huge.

That's like what got them famous. And Smells Like Teen Spirit, that song, helped them enter mainstream and put Nirvana into a new alt-rock category called Grunge. Oh, and do you know how they got the name, Smells Like Teen Spirit? I do, but you can say it. Oh, you do? Yeah. No, you say it. Wait, okay, so I didn't write it down, but I read it. Oh, okay. It was when he was dating Toby Vale and one of her friends threw her deodorant

at him, and it was teen spirit, and then she would yell at him like Kurt smells like teen spirit. Yes, and they actually spray painted it on the wall of his house. And he didn't, I read somewhere that he didn't know what teen spirit was. Yeah, but I just thought that was so funny that he smells like teen spirit. Isn't that awesome? I just think that's funny. It kind of like, it makes you like laugh at the I know, because then when you think of it, you're like, that makes it humorous. Smells like dove. When the lights off, it feels dangerous. Careful.

It's a deodorant. Courtney will sue us. Goodbye. So Nirvana's success with Nevermind led to tons of bands coming out of the Seattle area, actually including Allison Chains, Pearl Jam, and Sound Garden. Oh, yeah, those are all like the grunge era. Bananas. Yeah.

That's like John's CD collection. Literally. Right there. 100%. All at Rock started like totally dominating the radio and MTV. Nirvana was considered like the catalyst of all that. And in turn, Kurt was considered like a spokesman of the generation. Which he did not want to be.

I was just about to say he did not want that notoriety. He did not love that. He struggled with Nirvana's success and he felt serious pressure from the media. Along with that came backlash from anti-gay and anti-choice movement members. Because Kurt like was. very openly, like, pro-gay and pro-choice and, like, pro-fucking human rights. Yeah. So he had to deal with death threats after Nirvana played out of gay rights benefit.

Oh, my God. And after they played out a Rock for Choice campaign. But he remained super proud that his band, like, supported these movements. Can you imagine being pro-life and then hurling a death threat at someone? Yeah, that's... And not seeing the irony of that. Exactly. I can't understand.

In late 1986, right before Nirvana was born, we're just going to backtrack really quickly. Kurt moved into like an apartment and he traveled to Olympia all the time to see rock concerts. And around that time, he was dating Tracy Miranda, who's actually in a lot of documentaries that you'll watch. Oh, okay. She was like his first real girlfriend. Oh, okay. They were super close, but they had like their fair share of strains in the relationship.

When Nirvana, because she was there like pre-Nirvana and then like early years of near. Oh, okay. Yeah. So for one thing, Kurt was away a lot when he was touring. But even before that, he would like sleep a lot. watch TV or work on art projects while Tracy worked in like a cafeteria to support them. And actually, the song about a girl, people think is about her. And she thinks it's about her too. I know like, hell yeah, that's about me. She also, fun fact, took the photo that is the cover photo for the album

Bleach. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a cool thing to have on your resume. It really is. And actually, she's the one, I think I mentioned it before, that has like a lot of his artwork in her house. Oh, yeah. In her house. Oh, okay. And here. is the artwork, he was really fucking cool. Yeah. After breaking up with her, he started dating Toby Vail, who was a pretty influential punk musician. Is she in Bikini Kill? Yeah, so she's the one whose friend threw a Twitter and was like, ah, teen spirit. You smell like teen spirit. Um, and while he was with her, he wrote a lot of songs, including aneurysm. And actually, I read it somewhere that the first time he met her, he, like, threw up because he was, like, so infatuated with her. Oh, my God. And part of the

lyrics to aneurysm are love you so much, it makes me sick. Oh my God, I love that. And then, like we said before, that's so endearing. Oh, my God, I know. I wish somebody would write that about me. I know. And he also wrote, Smells Like Teen Spirit while with her. Makes sense. Yeah, that didn't work out. No? No. So he met Courtney Love in January of 1990 at a nightclub in Portland, Oregon. Before that, Courtney had seen Nirvana perform at a show. And after speaking briefly, after the concert, she, like, developed a crush on Kurt. She made advances, but Kurt wasn't sure about the relationship and would, like, break off dates and ignored Courtney's attempts. And I heard that he was one of those dudes that, like, didn't, like, didn't realize that girls were into him. Yeah, he was

very, like... Even though he's, like, a rock god and girls are throwing themselves at him, he was one of those that was, like, totally oblivious. Yeah, like, what? And, like, let's be honest, he was super fucking hot. Like... But he just didn't... But he didn't get it. He didn't know what was going on. Also, one of the first times they met, I think you found this. It was at a butthole service concert. Yeah, butthole servers concert. That's when, and she actually had some dude, like, fly her to this concert specifically to meet him. Wow. Like, she was wanted to meet him. Damn. And she said she was pursuing him for a while, but he was totally oblivious to like. He was like oblivious and he wanted to be a bachelor for like a little bit. I think he was kind of like really upset when him in Toby. Yeah, that makes sense. Because in like a lot of things that I read. he kind of like thought as thought of Toby as like his like woman counterpart. Like a match. Yeah. Like a real match. Like very similar people. Which doesn't always work out. Nope. No, it doesn't know. So he said, I was so determined to be a bachelor for a few months, but I knew I liked Courtney so much right away that it was a really hard struggle to stay away from her for so many months. Obviously, eventually they started hanging out and they bonded unfortunately like through drug use as well as music and everything. But. It's not a good thing to bond over.

They ended up getting married in Hawaii on February 24th, 1992. Courtney wore, like, this satin-laced dress, and Kurt wore green pajama pants because he was too lazy to put on a tucks. It's a good start. Yeah. You know, that's when it's really going to be, like... It's a great jumping off point. I think there was only, like, their wedding was really small.

Like, I want to say, like, maybe 10 people were there. That makes sense. Something like that. Courtney was actually already pregnant when they got married. Oh. And she had Francis B. and Cobain in August of 92, which I'm going to get into some of that a little bit later. Yeah, I was going to say there's some.

There's some really interesting parts of that, which some of you, Courtney, apologizers, may change your tune after you hear it. I don't know. Hope so. Hope so, because it's real bad. So Kurt's, I'm just going to get into his drug use for a little bit. It stemmed from a lot of things. Obviously, like I talked about his parents' divorce crushing him.

And he, like, was very misunderstood, and he felt he didn't want all this fame and, like, all that. He was, like, overwhelmed. He was, like, like, the, like, like, like, he was, like, the, like, he was the unofficial spokesperson of that generation. Yeah, like, he never asked for that. He didn't know what that. And on top of all of that craziness, he also, like, his health was a huge issue. Yeah.

Um, he suffered from chronic bronchitis and severe physical pain because of an undiagnosed stomach condition. Yeah. He was 13 when he first smoked weed for the first time, like everybody else. And after that, he dabbled in LSD. His friends, like, knew that he had depression, and they felt like it was kind of clear that he was going to have issues with drugs and alcohol just due to, like, his attitude and the fact that he, like, got really into LSD.

Yeah. Although it wasn't until 1986 that he tried heroin for the first time. Woof. He used it on and off into 1990 when it became a full-blown addiction. He claimed, quote, it started with three days in a row of doing heroin, and I don't have a stomach pain. That was such a relief. But his friends say it was a habit, like, even before that, and that the stomach pain

was just kind of an excuse for. Yeah. I think somebody said that once he said to them, like, I'm just saying that it's causing, it's carrying the stomach pain because it's a nice excuse. Yeah. But then I also wonder if that was just him. I feel like he, like, he, like, joked. He had a dark sense of humor, I feel like, that a lot of people didn't get.

Well, and they, like, read too much into it. Like, I feel like they read a lot of what he said around. Like, he was just fucking kidding. Because I think he said at one point, like, if I didn't have heroin to help my stomach, I would, like, blow my head off. And people were like, oh, that points to suicide. And it's like, no, I think he just said, like, how many times have you been like, if I don't get a root canal on this tooth? Because if this tooth fake is killing me, I'm going to blow my brains at all. Yeah.

It's just something you say. It's a fucking expression. But did you read that it became, like, a four. $400 a day. Oh, yeah. Like, it became insane. Like, $400 worth of heroin a day. But think of how much money you fucking make as a rock star.

That's, like, probably, like, $10 a day. Like, that's probably his Starbucks. That's crazy to me. That just seems like a lot of heroin. I don't know how much heroin costs, but $400 of anything is a lot. I think heroin's expensive from, like, what I've seen on intervention. Yeah? Not from any fucking personal knowings at all.

No way. No. Back to Courtney for a second. In a Vanity Fair article, Courtney Love admitted to using heroin while pregnant, but later said that that was untrue and that she'd been misquoted. Did everyone hear that? I'm going to say it one more time for the people in the back. Courtney Love admitted to using heroin while pregnant.

And because of that, Francis Bean was taken away from them by child protective services the moment she was born for a month. Literally. Just so y'all know. So Courtney is not a good person. Not a good person at all. And it was a very lengthy legal battle to get her back. Yeah.

And when they got her back, like, it was like a lot of nannies took care of her. Exactly. Yeah, she was not. Because they were both strung out. Unfortunately. Yeah. Like there's fucking videos of it and lots of documentaries. They both have very big drug problems.

Yeah. unfortunately. So fast forward a little while, Nirvana is on tour in Germany, and Kurt is diagnosed with a case of bronchitis and severe laryngitis. The day after he was diagnosed, he flew to Rome to be treated, and Courtney met him there. The next day, which was March 4th, Courtney woke up and found Kurt unconscious. He had overdosed on a mix of, I don't know if I'm saying this right, I hope I am, rophenol. Rehephnal. Rehypno. Rehypnal. That's Rufis. Oh, okay. Yeah. I, like, Googled it because I was like, what is that? And it also said it's a drug that treats insomnia. And in some places, they use it as like kind of like anesthesia to put you under. And champagne. So he mixed roofies and champagne. But you know what's funny about that? What? So did she. She overdosed that same day? They did that together the night before. She just didn't overdose. Yeah. Well, I have my, I'm not going to get too in depth to it now, but I don't think he knew what he was drinking. Yeah. I think she fucking did that. He was rushed to the hospital, but after five days, he recuperated and he was sent home.

So Courtney said after Kurt's death that she considered this his first suicide attempt. Because in the press, she wanted to make it look like he was suicidal. And it doesn't make sense. I don't think that he knew what he was doing. Like, I think that she put the Roofies in history. That is definitely possible. Or at least put way more than he thought he was taken. And if that wasn't the case, either way, they were.

both doing the same exact thing. Right. He just did too much, I think. Yeah. But it doesn't make sense that that would be his suicide attempt while they were partying together. Yeah. She sucks. Well, did you, like a couple of days before that in Germany, when they were at a one of his

concerts right before they had to cancel the tour because of his bronchitis, it was on March 1st, 1994. He called his lawyer from backstage at their concert. And he wanted to draw up a way. that intentionally excluded Courtney as the benefactor. Yeah. So like if that doesn't fucking tell you anything. Yeah.

And the lawyer claims that he had told this lawyer that he was planning to leave Courtney. And they had signed a pre-up, which was Courtney's idea, by the way. Because she thought, and so did everybody else, that she was going to be more famous than he was. Oh, yeah. Which is really funny. But a lot of people thought that they, for some reason, thought she was going to surpass him. They didn't realize what he was. Right.

But she wanted that pre-up done, and he wanted to make sure that she wasn't the benefactor when he left her because of them. But she wasn't going to get anything because of the pre-nut. So Courtney had asked that same lawyer, like a little while previously, if they could void the pre-nut. So what was she planning here? She wanted to just get the money. Right. It's like, why would you even do that? And this is actually proved because police claim that there was a wilderness.

drawn up shortly before his death, but he never got the chance to sign it. Oh, that's so fucked. And they won't make it public. Yeah, they won't make anything public. Whether or not she was excluded. So she probably was. It's like, huh, like they know if she, and this is pointed out by the suicide team. Non-believers. As like, he was in his 20s. Why was he writing up a will if he wasn't planning? But he had a kid. Yeah. Once you have a kid, you get a will. And you're like, and also, you're a fucking rock star. You're, You have millions of dollars. You don't know what the house is going to happen.

And he already had death threats on him. Exactly. And it's honestly, like, once you have a kid, that is like the first thing you think of is like, I need to get my shit in order because if something unexpected happens to me, I need to take care of my kid. Yeah. Like, that should be your first thing. And not Courtney Love.

And even though they were, you know, unfortunately junkies, they, I do believe they both cared about Francis, you know? 100%. Like, that is their child. What Courtney did while she was pregnant is. reckless, ridiculous, criminal, awful. She should had her taken away from her, but I don't believe she didn't love her child. You know what I mean?

They both did. And it's like, so I know they would have, I mean, Kurt would have had a will that protected Francis. Yeah, definitely. So it makes sense to me. Oh, also, side note did, I think I told you this earlier, but Drew Barrymore is Francis Bean's godmother. That's so bonkers. Isn't that awesome?

I looked up who the godfather was. I forget who it is. Like, what a weird, like, but Drew Barrymore is her godmother, which is awesome. Yeah, like, I want her as a godmother. I think her and Courtney just used to party together. Because Drew Barrymore, you know what's crazy. I never knew, like, about Drew Barrymore's pass. This is totally unrelated.

But if you ever want to look into that, it's fucking wild. Anyways, back to what we're talking about. So then on March 18th, 94, Courtney called Seattle police to tell them that Kurt was locked in a room with a gun and she believed he was going to shoot himself. The police arrived and they actually confiscated four guns total and some unidentified pills from Kurt, but he insisted that he wasn't suicidal and that he had just locked himself in there to get away from Courtney, which like same. And I guess he did like to have guns to protect himself because he didn't have bodyguards. Right.

So it was like pretty well known that he like had like a pretty solid gun collection. Yeah. Enjoyed them. So after that incident, Courtney arranged it in her intervention. for Kurt. There were 10 people there, and eventually they convinced Kurt to go to a detox program slash rehab. It took a little while because he was pissed off. It actually took two days, but he eventually agreed, and a few days later, he went to Exodus Recovery Center, which is in L.A. Just a quick side note. And the few days between the intervention and the time that he got to the

treatment center is when he obtained a shotgun. He told his friend Dylan Carlson, who was at the intervention, that he needed to get a gun because he had been struggling with the trespassers on his property. And all his got taken away. And all his got taken away, exactly. Carlson didn't really think, like, he didn't think it was weird or out of the ordinary, because, like, we just said, like, he knew that Kurt had guns. Yeah. And he had loaned him guns before. The only thing that seemed weird to him was that when he offered to hold on to the gun until Kirk got back from treatment, Kurt insisted on keeping it himself. So Carlson went and got him the gun and ammunition and gave it to him. So then he ends up in the Exodus rehab center. People that

visited him while he was there said that he seemed to be doing really well and he didn't seem suicidal at all. He was pretty open with the counselors about his struggles with drugs and his personal issues, but he only spent two days there. Yeah. And it's like, what are you going to get out of it there? Right, exactly. And actually one of those days, Francis Bean visited him. And they were like playing. And unfortunately, it was the last time he saw her. Oh, that's awful. It's really fucking sad. So he snuck out to have a cigarette one night and he jumped the fence, which was like a six foot high. Actually, I don't even think it was a fence. I think it was like a brick wall. Yeah, like a legit wall. And I read somewhere that he had like joked about it earlier. Like, oh, I can't get out of here. But then he was like, fuck you. It was like, whatever I want. I'll just scale this wall. And he did. And he flew back to Seattle. So on April 2nd and 3rd, he was spotted in multiple locations because Courtney hired a private investigator once she got word that he had left rehab. I was Tom Grant, right? Yeah. So the name of the investigator was Tom Grant. We're going to get super into Tom Grant in episode 2. Oh, yeah. I just want you guys to know for now that she had him hired. Yes. Unfortunately, on the morning of April 8th, Kurt's body was discovered in the greenhouse of his Seattle home by an electrician who was supposed to be putting in a security system, which is super fucking ironic because it kind of just like makes sense because Kurt had told his friend that he was having issues with trespassers.

Yeah. And this guy was coming to insert a security system. Why would somebody that was suicidal give a shit if there was like somebody with trespassers? Like it seems weird that he would set this all up. Right. Knowing that he was just going to kill himself at face. A suicide note was left next to his body. And I found, I don't know if you can clear this up for me because I found in some places that

he shot himself in the head. But then I found in other places that he shot himself in the mouth. Yes. He shot himself in the mouth. Okay. And he also had a lethal dose of heroin in his system. Oh, yeah. After the autopsy was conducted.

And like I said, a suicide note was left next to his body. but for over 20 years, fans, friends, and family have serious fucking doubts over whether this is a suicide or not. Because there are a lot of fucking facts that point to it was not a suicide. Yes. And there's like a weird thing that happened because they aren't positive about exactly when he died because he was found a few days later. But it's speculated April 5th. Yeah, that's when it's speculated. But April 2nd, there is a police report that says a taxi driver picked a man up at Kurt's house.

It doesn't say it's Kurt. Yeah, the house that he died at. Okay. It doesn't say it's Kurt, but it says that a taxi driver on April 2nd picked a man up at that house and drove him to a gun store to buy some shotgun bullets. Which is weird because Kurt already had ammunition. Exactly. So why, again, it doesn't say. it won't name whether that was Kurt that asked to go get shotgun bullets or if it was someone else.

Right. And I think that's a weird little aside here. Very weird. So when the electric employee Gary T. Smith found him, he initially saw him lying inside of the greenhouse and he thought he was just asleep. Yeah. But then he saw. Did he think it was like a mannequin at first? Yeah.

He was like it could be a mannequin. Then he realized it was a person. So he was like, is he just like sleeping there? Like what the hell is going on? But then he saw. blood coming out of his ear. And he was like, okay, that's not a mannequin and he's not sleeping. And the note they found next to him, which I won't necessarily call a suicide note, because I don't know if I believe it's suicide. It was inside a flower pot and it had a pen stuck through it

and it was like stuck into the flower pot. And the shotgun that was purchased by his friend was found resting on his chest. He had fresh injection marks on both arms and like, gosh said he had a insanely lethal dose of like over-lethal. To the point where a few experts had said that it doesn't really seem like he would be able to operate that shotgun in the way that he would need to operate that shotgun. If he had that much heroin, because it was so much. Like if you've ever seen intervention, like you see people on heroin, they're not able to do much. Like they're pretty much just sitting there.

Yeah. in another world. And to kill yourself, and we are going to get more into this in part two. We're going to get really into the physics of this. I want to, like, we're going to really. The forensics. We are.

We are going to go through this with a fine tooth comb. But we're just giving a quick little overview of this before we end our part one. To shoot yourself in the mouth with a shotgun, like this particular shotgun, the 20 gauge, is not an easy task. No. And you need a little coordination and a lot of like focus to do this. So it seems very odd that someone with that much heroin would be able to do this. But again, we're going to get really into that in detail next time. The note that was found near his body said, quote, I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful. But since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concerns. during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby. And he did like an exclamation point.

I don't have the passion anymore. And so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away. That's like the classic line that everybody uses. But to me, that's more of a, I don't want to do music anymore, professionally. Also confirmed that right around this time, Nirvana was breaking out. Yeah. And Dave Grohl has confirmed that. Yeah.

And part of that. whole thing was due to Courtney telling him that he needed to make more money than the other people in the band because when they signed the deal, I think, it was after Nevermind or when Nevermind became huge, he agreed we split this three ways. Yeah, because he wasn't looking to get like super uber famous and rich. He was like, we're all doing this together. We all get the same amount of money because that's who Kirk Cobain was. He didn't give a shit. Right. And she, was like she flipped out when she found out that he was making the same as Dave Grohl and like the whole band. Which is actually really fucking fucking stupid because Courtney Love is a fucking trust fund

baby. Exactly. She had plenty of money. Which we are going to get into that too in part two because we're going to explain why we think what we think. But so she already caused issues in the band and they said they almost broke up because of that. Because of her. And they ended up like dealing with it and letting him get more money. But that was a big thing. And there's a. And there's a, also part of the note which you're going to hear in part two, which was written in a different handwriting. And like people have studied this and I literally, like I read an article that said there's a different pressure on the paper. You can tell from the pressure. Yep. That a different fucking hand wrote the fucking note. And that's the portion of the note that praises Courtney

and is all about Courtney. And it's the part of the note that makes it a suicide note. Exactly. So that's interesting. And also if you read Kurt's like journal entries and stuff like that, they were all like that. They were all very like the first part of the note that was found up until the end. Just like it becomes like suicidal. Yeah, just like a train of thought that he just was getting out. Yeah, like literally a stream of course. It didn't necessarily mean that he was going to do anything. No. Now they think that that note was probably written on or about April 5th, which is like Ash said, the estimated date. which Cobain, you know, just died. Exactly.

When he died. Now this was, now April 5th was one day after Courtney Love filed that missing person's report, saying that he was suicidal. And she didn't fucking put the report in as Courtney Love. She pretended to be his mom. Yes. And she said, she put it in there saying he was suicidal and in possession of a gun. So she was already laying the groundwork.

Right. And again, we're not claiming that we know 100. percent like nobody knows besides the people involved but we're just saying these are very interesting and how good would it look if his mom like that's just like pre-thinking like it would look like a suicide that's premeditated was concerned that he was suicidal exactly and when they found the body he still had the plastic bracelet around his wrist from the rehab center right they found a box of shotgun shells near his feet. One of the bullets was from that package.

Right. There were cigarettes, a lighter, a winter hat, called sunglasses, and a bunch of other items like strewn around him, which is kind of odd. Photos of the scene showed that the rest of the home was a complete fucking mess. Yeah. Like, he was definitely going through some shit,

but I think he was always going through some shit. Right. Because he stuck the gun in his mouth or someone else stuck the gun in his mouth. He was only able to be identified using fingerprints. Which is so thought. Yes. And they double checked that by looking in his, like they first looked in his wallet, found his ID because his wallet was right on him. But then they double checked with fingerprints. So that was the only way they could tell. Oh, wow. They said his body had been lying there for at least two days before he was found.

and his death certificate stated that he died as a result of, quote, contact perforating shotgun wound to the head and concluded that his death was a suicide. But guess what, everybody? It fucking wasn't. It was not. And we're going to tell you all about that shit in episode two. Yes, episode two we're going to get into some further details about the body, what was going on with the body.

We're going to talk about the physics of why it's really difficult to shoot yourself. in the mouth with a shotgun. And why the shotgun wouldn't be on where it was. Yeah, where it falls, the trajectory, all that could say. We're going to really go into detail here. I'm so fucking excited. And then we're going to talk about Courtney. And we're just going to talk about why we think Courtney may know a little more than

she's letting on. She definitely does. And by that we mean, yeah, she definitely does. 125 million thousand infinity percent. We'll leave you with this. neither one of us think that Courtney stuck the gun. No. In his face and pulled the trigger.

But I think she definitely found somebody to do it for her. But she's definitely got a connection to it. Or at least knows something about it. She knows something. But yeah, we'll get into that. Yeah. In part two. And we're going to thank our patronesses.

Because we promised you we do that. And we promised you we do it at the end of the episode. And here we are at the end of the episode. We're here. Hey. So we're going to start with some of our newest patronesses. because we're going all out of order here. Tell me their names and I'll make jokes about it.

We're going to keep you on the edge of your seat. So our first patroness that we're going to thank is Savannah McKinney. Savannah McKinney. Savannah, you are a McWenny. You are, Savannah. Thank you so much, girl. Thanks, Savannah. Our next petronus is Allie Long.

Allie Long, I love you for a long time. I was hoping you would say that. I was going to say, me love you long time. I made a long time. Thank you so much, Allie. Thanks, girl. Next up we have Emily Howell. Emily Howell.

I would Howell at the moon with you any day. Me too. I'd do it. Oh. Thank you. Thank you, Emily. Our next Patronus is Shelley, right. Shelly, you're right for donating.

You are right. Thank you, Shelly. Thank you, Shelly. You're right. Right. And next up, we have. Sarah Pellandini. Sarah Pellandini, you're like the Houdini wizard of my soulini.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Sarah. And the last one that we will thank today is, who is it, who is it? Does it? Kay Baird. Kaye. Thanks. Kay?

Kay. Kay thanks. Kay. Kay. Kay. Thank you. Thank you so much, Kay. K, K-bye. K-bye, thank you.

K-bye, thank you. In the meantime, you can follow us on Instagram at Morbid Podcast. You can follow us on Twitter. A morbid podcast. You can send us a Gmail. Morbidpodcast at gmail.com. You can join our Facebook page.

Morbid, colon, a true crime podcast. Oh, donate to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash morbid podcast. You can go check out the website that my lovely co-host so excellently designed at That's me, morbidpodcast.com. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird.

But not so weird that you're a fucking asshole and set up Kirkobain to kill him because you suck if you do that. It's true, you really do suck if you do that. You're the fucking worst. Don't do that. Do not keep it that weird. Don't. Bye. Bye.