Morbid - Torture

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

Torture. It's been around since the beginning of time and it used to almost always involve a spike. Today, Alaina and Ash will discuss the various medieval methods of pain and suffering that could only come from the twisted mind of the human species. Strap in, because this is a rough one. Cowritten by Alaina Urquhart, Ash Kelley & Dave White (Since 10/2022)Produced & Edited by Mikie Sirois (Since 2023)Research by Dave White (Since 10/2022), Alaina Urquhart & Ash KelleyListener Correspondence & Collaboration by Debra LallyListener Tale Video Edited by Aidan McElman (Since 6/2025) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, weirdos, I'm the Iron Maiden. And I'm the brazen bull. And this is morbid. Medieval. Pass the mutton. Hazzah. Burn some heretics. Is this a competition?

No, I won. There sounds a little better. Yeah, do we sound crisper? Shout out to our bro Aiden. Yeah. Does he listen? I think he does. Okay.

I'll make him listen for this one. Yeah, my nephew Aden. He's amazing, and he let us take his fancy pants microphone. And his microphone is way cooler than our $30 one. So we're going to buy this microphone. We are going to buy it, and you'll never have to hear crappy audio again. So hopefully from now on we're going to have crisper, cleaner, beautiful audio. And you know how we're going to do that?

Because our Patreon is life. Woo, woo, Patreon is life. Woo, woo, woo. Patreon is life. So you can find our Patreon at www. Patreon.com slash Morbid Podcast.

And, crazily enough, we already have some donors. We already have two patrons. And I just want to shout out to our first two patrons because, or I think they're called patrons. I just called them donors. Patreon donors, we're going to say.

Because I don't know. I like Patreon better. Donators. So you guys are rad and the fact that you immediately we're on top of this makes me want to hug both of you. Internet hugs. Internet hugs. So the first person to Doni was John Bialekie, and he is in our $10 tier, so you're a true badasser.

And we thank you so much. That is not our highest tier. I shot for the stars with our highest tier. What's our highest tier 20? Our highest tier is 20. Elena does everything for this podcast. and I do not think, bye. Yeah, it's like, wait, what is Patreon?

I'm like, who are we patroning? So, John Bialeki, $10 Patreon member, and you're amazing. We thank you so much. Yeah, seriously, thank you. We're going to make you proud. We're going to earn that $10. We already did. The CRISPR audio.

We did, but we're going to buy our own CRISPR audio. Yeah, thanks to John. Barrow, exactly. And this next. And we had one more person, like, immediately jump on it, which is amazing. Jacinta Edmonds was in our $3 tier. Now, I believe I named our $3 tier the window latching coven. Yeah, because fresh airs for dead people. Exactly. And I think the $10 tier is the evil onions. So, yeah, it is. I did actually look at the Adrienne. I just forgot. Thank you so much.

John and Jacinta, we are going to earn your donation and we are forever appreciative of it. Thank you. You have no idea because we will. want to keep doing this for a long, long time. So this is going to help big time. We love you long time. We love you. That's part of the deal, actually. I wrote in there. You get our love and devotion. That's part of your donation. Heck yeah, bud. So, so take it. Take the love. Take the devotion. Well, there was another kind of exciting true crime update this week. For a real bad guy. Yeah. You know that you always say he was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. A real bad guy. A bad guy.

You say it a lot. And it makes me a laugh. He's a bad guy. Every time you say it. The bad guy. I'm just very simple with my descriptions. I just think he's a bad dude, man. Bad boys, bad boys.

What you're going to do? Oh, we might get sued for singing that. Let's not sing that. Well, I didn't finish it. I didn't finish it. Well, this bad guy is a real bad guy. He's a bad Larry. And he's the one that we premiered our podcast with

Joseph D'Angelo, the Golden State Killer. Ew. Who is also officially the Vesalia ransacker, too. They've officially said that he's that guy. I mean, we do that. And one of the big things this week was that he was charged with a 13th murder now. We had mentioned in the episode that he, there was a possibility that he was involved in the killing of Claude Snelling,

who was shot while he was stopping the kidnapping of a 16-year-old daughter. Oh, my God. And he died. He was a community college teacher. He's officially charged with that now. So that's good because that family deserves close. When does the trial? Do they have a date?

I don't know. I don't know that. I'm waiting with bated breath. Do you think that it will be televised? I don't know. To be honest. Well, it'll be on like a snapter or like something later. Yeah, we'll find out about it later for sure.

And we'll hear all the updates. You know, Nancy Grace will be on that shit. Oh, God. But. That gives me anxiety. I mean, he unfortunately. can't be charged with any of the burglaries or rapes because there's a fucking statue of limitations on rape.

So he can't be charged with any of the rapes? Yeah, he's not charged with any of them. The statue of limitations expired. I think we talked about that, but it makes me shocked. It just makes me so angry every time I see it, because he's charged with more than 50 rapes. Right. And he's just, I know he's going to go to jail until he dies, but it's like, and he's

like 400 now, but it's like, I want him to be charged with those. And I'm sure those victims of the rapes would, why? want him to be held accountable for him. They should give them at least some recognition. Hopefully the judge says something. Like, if I could, I would. Like a ceremonial charge. Sometimes they do, like, you know what I mean, though?

Like, judges can say, like, Oh, yeah. If I could, I would. If I could, I would. Like, there was, I forget what case it was, but she was like, if I could, I would sentence you for life. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't remember.

And she basically was just like, oh, in the Jill Rifkin case. Remember? Yes, yes. The judge was like, you're a disgusting monster. And I want to make sure. I think he said, like, I want to make sure that you never see freedom in this life or the next or something like that. Like it was something very poetic and very like, yeah, boy.

I'm not thinking that one, though. I'm thinking of a different one and I'm like watching it in my head right now. Are you thinking of the badass woman judge? It's a woman judge from the, um. Yeah, I know exactly. We're on the same page. Larry. Yeah.

doctor. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Remember, she went on, like, this big, long rant. Oh, yeah. And she, like, threw the letter that he wrote that was bitching. Yeah, and just, like, laughed at him. Yeah. Yeah.

So I hope something like that happens. We're talking about the U.S. gymnast doctor who was charged with, like, a billion sexual assaults and rapes because he's a monster. He's a bad fucking guy. But yeah. So that's exciting. Cartoon crime news. Hell yeah.

But for today, we're going to bring it way back. We are taking a trip in the. way back machine today. What Joanna always says that she would not do if she had a time machine. Oh, I would never go back to the Middle Ages. That is not, that is not, if you were like, I don't even think it's safe for like dudes to go back there. But it's really not safe for women. I almost just said, I would only go back if I was royalty, but then sometimes even royalty got messed with.

Sometimes your head gets chopped off. Like in Berlin? Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're a woman, you're really. Women are really not safe. I wouldn't go back there. I also wouldn't go to the future. No. I don't know. I don't know what to expect. No. I'd go to like the 70s and the 80s.

I'd go back to like the 90s. Yeah, I'd feel like we're in the 90s. I'd go watch like, are you afraid of the dark? Yeah. And just chill. Actually, realistically, I'd just go back to when I was like 10 so that I wouldn't have to work anymore and I would just stay there for a while. Just chill for a little while. Or I'd go to the future because maybe someday like I'll just like have my partner make so money. You just said you weren't going to go to the future. No, I just, but I was rethinking it. You changed it. Your plan. I would take a sneak peek. Yeah, there you go. And then if it was real bad, I would go real, step out, sniff around, see what's going on and then get

right the fuck back in the future. But if I could be lazy in the future, I'm all about it. Oh yeah. I think everybody would be all about that. Take me there. Who doesn't want to be lazy. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be lazy. Oh, mail? The mailman just came and scared the shit out of me. Okay. So there's that. Yeah, guys, we're actually recording in the middle of the day, which is weird. This is weird because we never record in the daytime.

And I love that we're like more spooked out during the day. Like at night we are like this is fine. We are very much like moon dwellers. We are. Like the sun's out. I'm like, what's happening? Why is it so bright? I'm in all black currently.

This is the worst. Sabrina, the teenage witch is on the television. Yep. As per yush. Literally. Should we, should we jump on in? So in 570. No, I'm just kidding.

Today we're going to be covering. various methods and devices used in torture. Oh, yeah. So this is kind of, we're going way back. Because these aren't, not that I know of at least used. And if they are, I don't want to know about it. Except maybe one of them, but we'll cover that later. I kind of have to burn.

Just do it. Actually, it went away. I really had to. All right, so should I start? Yeah, where Ash is going to do hers, and then I'm going to do a list of mine. Because guess what weirdos? Ash did some research this week. Ash researched. Do you serious? At the top of the page is the brazen bowl. The brazen bowl. That's my first, um, what's it called? My first, like, torture device. Device, yeah. My first torture device. And it was invented somewhere

between 570 and 554 BC. BC. So like way, way back. Yeah. It was invented by Perilos of Athens. Paralos is a great name. Parolus. Paralos. Paralos. Perilos. Perilos. Like, goatee. He's just like perilling. It sounds perilous, so it sounds like... Well, just wait, actually.

You're dangerous. Dangerous. Yeah. So, perilous. Yeah. So perilous was a bronze worker, and he designed the brazen bowl to execute criminals in a super chill way. Yeah.

Sounds pretty chill so far. Actually, I'm kidding. It was really fucked up. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. So the brazen bowl was a legit statue of a bull, and it was hollow, but made of bronze. That's pretty. So I read an article on all that's interesting.com.

And the article was really interesting. Yeah. You know what? That website has all that is interesting. Yeah, that actually does. But it was described as a human crockbot on this website. That sounds delicious. And potentially the most fucked up torture device in history.

Yeah. Because I use a crock pot often. For humans. But I don't normally put humans out. Yeah, it's just like a celebratory once in a blue moon thing. Like usually I throw some like chicken and some veggies in there. Right. But after this, maybe I'll give it a shot.

Yeah, I hope it's not with me though because you need a podcast host. That's true. Okay, cool. Bye. Yeah, it won't be for you. All right. So basically in ancient Greece, there was a colony which is a cragis, a crogous. I love it.

It's now Sicily. I like that better. Just Sicily. We're just going to call it Cicely. Yeah. And it was ruled by a tyrant named Falaris. So don't get yourself mixed up here. There's Paralos, there's Falaris.

Ooh, it's a lot of peace. All right. He rolled on an iron fist. Wait, wait, I just got confused. Yeah, I just told me not to you. Phalaris. Okay. Paralos for Laris.

Okay. According to Aiden, we don't need a pop filter on this. So, so that's exciting. Hopefully we'll, pop, blah, blah, but, yeah, so we can go, and it's not going to piss you off. Your eyes got wicked wide because I was like. It was kind of terrifying. So, Filaras was a giant asshole.

I felt like he would be. But Perilos was like, oh my God. I'm going to make this brass bowl torture vice, and my master Philaris is going to think it's super dope. Because he's a big dick. Yeah, he's a dick, and I'm going to make him a dickish invention so that he thinks I'm looking cool. Yeah. So. I see his train of thought.

I'm with him. Yeah. I smell what he's stepping in. So how he designed it is that the person gets put inside the bull and then a fire is lit underneath. Ah, the crock pot. Yeah. So basically the por and bofo just like burns alive. Fun. Yeah.

It's really chill. I wonder if they have like a low and high setting, like a crock pot where you can like simmer them on low for a little while. Well, I think in that case you would just make a small fire. Oh, there you go. And then you could just keep adding wood to the fire. So then you would get, you would get more tender meat. You know, this was BC. It was like, they had to just work with what they had. Yeah. But I feel like they were on it. No, this is like some like modern day shit. Like, I was like, Perilose. How did you come up with this? Who you be Parallos? Like, how'd you know this? So he designed it so that the pipes and whistles that he like put inside the bull convert the screams of

those inside to sounds of a bull snorting and grunting. So this poor like, SOB is like, but the people on the outside are like, like that's what it sounds like. Is that what a bull sounds like? That's like a bulls just walk around going, well, can you do your best bull impression then, please? I like that one, to be honest.

Well, they also snort. Because I'm just picturing bulls walking around and being like, well, bulls are mad. They're just like grunting. Fuck you. I like that he festooned. though. Like, he made it fun. He did. He literally added the bells and whistles onto it. Well, so, you know, he made it really fun. Yeah. But supposedly he was the first victim of it. Oh, saw that

coming, I feel. Yeah. He told Filaris. Sorry, I just totally lost my train of thought. That's fine. Um, so supposedly he told Tolar, oh, Filaras, goodbye. He told that guy. So we said to this guy, his screams will come to you through the pipes as the tenderest, most pathetic, most melodious of bellowings. Ooh. And Filaris was really disgusted by that because he was messed up, but he was like, that's messed up. But he was like, I have a line. Yeah, and you just went way past it.

Every tyrant dictator person has a line. And this was part of Filaris's line. So he was so disgusted that he threw him inside. He threw perilous inside. And in my notes I wrote Filaris was so disgusted that he threw Filaris inside. But he threw perilous inside. He was so disgusting. just jumped right in there. He just threw himself inside of the bowl. He's like, you know what? Goodbye,

cruel world. Light that fire. I hate that people like you exist. I'm just jumping in here. Yeah, no, he threw parallel inside to test out the sound system. Just to test it out. He wanted to know. We're just going to give it a shot. But we just want to adjust the sound. Yeah, just like, adjust the bass and the tempo a little bit. Right. Jump in there real quick. You know, just like, let's see what we're working with. Yeah. So it's unclear if he got pulled out before he died inside or if he was killed after, but either way, Filaras had Perilus killed. I imagine he probably did it in the Brazen Bowl because they were like poetic as fuck like then. Oh, yeah. And they were like, oh, you made this. So we're going to burn you in it.

Well, either way he died, because... I just thought of something really gross. The smell. Well, that, but also, can you imagine being the person that has to, like, clean inside of it between people? Do you think they even did that then? Probably not. But it's like, when you open that thing, it's probably just like people juice all up in there. Yeah. that's nasty maybe they just like emptied it out until like I mean imagine me the person who empty that shit out well they just used to throw their poop in the street back then but it's just like

you just like turn your head the other way and toss it out the window you know what it is I have like this weird thing where I don't like wet food no that's not a weird like when you know when you put a plate in the sink like someone will put a full yeah I don't like that either and food gets soggy yeah that like the stuff that gets caught in the drain for lockers me out I can't so I just imagine like soggy people and that's that's real bad that's kind of like how reasons remind me of old people exactly yeah it's exactly i just i don't know you said soggy people so i thought of just like really old people like you thought of saggy people yes i see where the connection was made okay so the next one is the iron maiden the iron maiden not the band so metal

is that one of their songs that's definitely one of their songs i don't know It sounded just like it. I'm sure there's Yeah. Ashton's a really good air guitar up by her shoulder. It was like an air violin. Oh, it was like one of those people

that you watched, two cellos. Yes, I love two cellos. Yeah, I bet they could cover an Iron Maiden song. They're so good. I'm just itching my own bit. They probably have covered an Iron Maiden song now that I think about it. They've covered an ACDC song. Thong.

Oh, man. All right. Well, we're not talking about the band. This is the... Torture device. Yeah. And it comes to you straight from the likes of Miss Trumbles, the chokies. Oh, snap.

Bringing it back to Matilda. And if you don't get that reference, I'd get on my face. I also thought that you were going to say it comes straight to you. Like, it comes to you. Somebody throws it right at you. And I was like, well, at least it does that. No, it doesn't. So it's an upright sarcophagus to get started.

Oh, okay. With spikes inside. Already, this sounds okay. Yeah, it's like comfy. Yeah. You just go and take a nap inside. For sure. And you just avoid the spikes.

Yeah. Except. But once you're placed inside and the doors are closed, the strategically palaced spikes. Place spikes pierce several of your vital organs. I mean. Was there an ant on you or something? No.

I thought there was something. Things are happening right now. We're in the daytime. We don't know how to do this. We don't function in the daytime. I need the moon. Yeah. I need some bats fluttering by.

I feed off the day. energy of the moon. I feed off the energy of the moon. We have an exciting announcement and now you have to listen to the whole rest of the podcast because we're going to announce it at the end. Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay. So it pierces your vital organs. Is the moon coming on your podcast? Yes. We're having an astronaut on the podcast. The actual moon is coming. What's that your kid's like? Scott Kelly. Scott Kelly is going to be on the podcast. My two and a half year olds are obsessed with Scott Kelly. Yeah. So there's that. But um, vital organs, spikeies. Yeah. No. No good.

But... No good. The spikes weren't long enough to make your organ shut down immediately. That's unfortunate. So you just bleed out. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'd just rather it all be... Yeah, it would take, like... I mean, I'm sure you know how long would take... Oh, so you just stand there and slowly have your fucking organs... ...shut down. And, like... Well, I'm... You know, like...

Organ juice floating out of your... Ugh. Well, and you know, like, when you... Floating, like, it's floating in front of you. When you go to, like, when something. Like, when something. hits you, you move back. So then you're probably just move back into another one. And then you try to move forward. So every time you move. That makes me claustophobic. Yeah. I just took a breath.

So this might make you feel better. Oh, good. Sometimes people argue if the Iron Maiden is fact or fiction. That kind of bums me out. Yeah. I mean, either way, it, like, it existed. It was a thing. And if it was a thing back then, they used it. Well, and we're the worst species ever. So I'm certain it was used. Because if all of these other ones were done, then, I mean, this one isn't even as bad as some. No, it's really not. Okay, well, these are a few accounts. Okay. So in the 1700s, German philosopher, Johann Philip, Siebenkis.

Ooh, you're welcome. I like it. I wrote about a coin forger, which I think is just somebody that, like, makes fake money. Yeah, that makes sense. Or, like, just forges coins out of metals. Yeah, because, like, if you think, like, she forged a check, like, you write a bad check. Like, you're just... Or, like, a fake-ass check.

You're a fake-ass how? Fake-ass bitch. Yeah. So he was in... That's what he was. So the guy that wrote about this, Johan... Oh, motorcycle just drove by. You probably heard that.

Well, you know, I just can't stop the outside. My neighbor got a motorcycle and I'm so happy for him. Which neighbor? One down the street. Okay, Elena has this neighbor. I'm 100% sure he doesn't listen to the podcast. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. He is like the nicest guy and he's so funny and his laugh is literally, I'm going to do it.

The most contagious laugh you've ever heard. And it bellows throughout the neighbor. He almost, okay, I started watching Dog the Bounty Hunter again the other day because that is something that I don't know if I can support. Support it. It's a great show. I'm not going to support it. I was raised watching Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Wow. Yeah, which says a lot about how I was brought up. But it's hi, Mom. So anyways, he sounds just like Dog the Bounty Hunter's laugh. I've never heard Dog the Bounty Harters yet laugh. Well, it sounds like the impression I just did a boy. I can't even say that sentence correctly, so that's how far out of that I am. My favorite part of yesterday's episode that I was watching was.

Beth had a necklace on that said Big Daddy. I hate this. It's the most disgusting word of thing ever. I hate this. But she calls him Big Daddy. I hate it. Okay, I'm done. I hate it a lot.

Where was I going with your neighbors? I don't know. I was saying that I'm very happy for my neighbor who got a motorcycle recently. Yeah. And I don't know if like the sarcasm is registering. She's not happy. Over the podcast waves, but not super psyched about it. All right, so the coin forger got executed.

Oh, he got there. He got executed in the Iron Maiden in the city of, I think you say, Nuremberg. Nuremberg. Nuremberg. That seems like a not proportionate punishment. Yeah, like, I don't know. He probably just could have did some time and the, what's the thing where they put your head and then you're... The stocks.

The stocks. Just throw them in there for like a couple days. It's fine. Yeah. All right, so around that time, Iron Maidens began to appear in museums around the U.S. and Europe. Bless you. according to one article I read. Bless you, too.

A man by the name of Matthew Peacock, which seems legit. Paul Onions. Paul Onions and Matthew Peacock write a book. They hang. They're, yeah. In the 1800s. Yeah. I bet Paul Onions has transported through time.

Yeah, he's seen some shit. Yeah. He escaped with Ivan Malat. He's had to have traveled through space and time. Probably. Well, Matthew Peacock's by the 1800s collecting paintings and torture devices. Same. He had a wide variety of interests. So he allegedly pieced an iron maiden together from pieces of other torture devices slash random devices. And he gifted it to a museum where people went crazy over it.

Because they thought it was a real iron maiden? Yeah, they believed it. What a turd. Yeah. But here's my favorite one. This one, okay, you know how like folklore isn't always true? Yes. I feel like this isn't true, but I want it to be true. Ooh. It's just a little too advanced for the time of 100 BC. I don't know. They were pretty on it back then. All right.

So this account comes from Greek historian Polybius. See and I know him and he always tells the truth. Oh, okay. So you can believe this. How do I pronounce his name? Exactly how you did. Polybius. Exactly.

Lived around 100 BC, like I said, and claimed that Spartan tyrant Nabus or Nabus. Oh yeah. I know that guy. Yeah. Well, did you know that he constructed a mechanical likeness of his wife, Apaga? That is really advanced for... But it was an iron maiden version of his wife. What the fuck? Supposedly. So if a citizen refused to pay their taxes, he would, like, trick them into coming to his royal courts or whatever it was about then.

And then they would think that, like, his wife was coming to join them. His fucking mechanical wife. Yeah, but she had to, like, wheel over. So I'd be like, um, first fucking giveaway. She's on wheels. It sounds like the return to Oz, the wheelers. Yeah, well, it just sounds ridiculous. So they would think that his wife was there because they're really fucking dumb,

apparently. And then somehow, basically he would like spring them into her embrace where they'd be impaled by the iron nails that covered her arms, hands, and breasts. I mean, that sounds legit. Yeah, I was just... I believe it fully. When I was reading it, I was like... I don't know.

Like, something is off. Maybe I missed something. I don't know. Yeah. It sounds legit to me. I believe it. I believe Pallad, you know, that guy. Well, maybe they, I mean, they debate if it's still around, but the fucking crazy

stories are still there. That's awesome. Yeah. So that was the Iron Maiden. The metal Iron Maiden. Yeah. My next one is the boots. Oh, Das Boots.

And then, okay, so there's two methods that I found. And both of them, I don't know if it's like fortunate or unfortunate. You don't die. Oh. It's never good when it ends with like, this is just torture. Yeah, if you're not going to die. You're going to walk away from or you're going to crawl away from this or slither away from this. Seriously.

Okay, so in the first method, the victim has boots placed on their feet made of spongy leather. That just sounds nice. It just sounds like, it sounds like soggy food. Ooh. Spongy leather, soggy food. It's like moist. Old people raisins. Fuck you.

The word moist doesn't bother me. Is that why you keep saying it? Moist cake. That's what I think of. Moist. I think it's just a nasty-ass look on your face that ruins it. That word only bothers me if people say it in like a yucky way. Yeah.

I'm moist from being outside. Like, ew. Like if you don't want people to be moist. Yeah. Yeah, that really, that browned somewhere. Yeah, I just meant sweaty. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah.

You like, that's what you see. You just brought this off. I meant sweaty, too. So the boots. Dust boots. Um, spongy leather. They're then tied up with their feet by a fire. Things get pretty serious, pretty quick, is what you're saying.

No, they're just trying to make them relaxed. Steer some boots. Warm your feet. Up by a fire real quick. Yeah, just like hang out. Yeah. But then I'm going to pour this boiling water onto your boots. That escalated.

That escalated quickly. So then that water seeps through the leather and dissolves the flesh. And it said it dissolves the bone too. Yeah, I don't think so. It's really hard to get rid of bone. And then in some cases, wood was placed inside the boot, like probably on the top and the bottom. And then they would pour oil inside to expand the wood and cut off the circulation to the foot. So they'd like smush it is what I thought.

Yeah, that like cuts it all off. Yeah, so basically your feet are just real gnarly. Gross. From that on. And then in the second version... If you cut off circulation long enough, they'll die. So they just have these necrotic, nasty feet. Yeah, their feet will die, but they will.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Their feet will die. Oh, yeah. Gross. Good feet. I'm just looking up my feet now. Ouch. I know.

I'm, like, cradling my feet right now. You are. My hand, I'm, like, massaging it. Like, you're still there. You're there. You're okay. Don't listen. Don't listen to be sad words.

Don't worry about it. Okay, well, the second version, cradle your feet a little, and your shins a little tighter. Oh. So they would place the victim's legs between two planks of woods, and then they would tie it together with cords. Oh, I already know. And then between the cords, the torturers would place wedges, which they would then violently hammer into the shins of the victim. So, thus creating them wood boots. Oh.

Ow. Those aren't boots. That's not cool. It's up for artistic license. That's like hobbling. Like from a misery. Yeah. That's Stephen King novel.

That sounds horrible. It's a great movie with Kathy Bates. Okay, well each time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters. Oh. And then they would hammer at least a dozen wedges up and down the legs. Oh my damn. So like your whole tibia? Yeah, your tibia would just...

It's just done for. Like it falls apart. Oh. So then your legs are just like jello legs. And you just have bone shards floating around. Would you die? Which you'd eventually get an infection. And die.

Probably. Because any time they got an infection back then, you die. Because they had nothing to fix that. Well, so anyways, they were unable to walk after that. Yeah, exactly. So you just slithered away and then died from infection. Mm-hmm. Sounds good.

So was the boots. Das boots. Next one is going to piss you off. Uh-oh. The scolds bridle was a gruesome torture instrument worn to prevent women from gossiping. God damn women. Just like a big fuck you to guys back then.

Like I can gossip if I want you. I can talk shit if I want you. I gossip all day. Yeah. Every day. You are a hairstylist. That's part of your job. I mean, you're not wrong.

So basically the term speaks for itself because back in the day, scold was like a derogative term for women. Or like a woman who was constantly displeased or like nagged too much. So like you. I was just going to say, yelty. Just kidding. And then the bridle is a headpiece designed for a horse order. I was going to say, isn't that like a horse?

Yeah, the bridle is. So already that's nice. So it's to direct it when we're like riding. Yeah. The device is an iron muzzle enclosed an iron framework that would surround the head of the accused. That sounds like that thing in saw. So the intention was to prevent the person wearing it from speaking. And sometimes, well, the brittle bit would like go in your mouth.

but sometimes they would put a spike on the brittle bit, or the bridle bit, excuse me, so that if the woman tried to talk, like the movement would pierce her tongue. And like, then if you, it would just ruin your whole mouth. Did they just have, like, somebody had like a mountain of surplus spikes. You know there was a spike factory. All the time, and they were like, what do we do with this mountain of spikes? And they were like, let's just make some fucking shit that rips people apart with it. Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly the combat. Spikes on everything. So if that wasn't bad in the same. enough, there's also a public humiliation part of this. I thought that was the public humiliation part. Yeah. But then your husband would drag you in the streets on a leash. Marriage.

Like, hey, let's get divorced, you asshole. Where people were encouraged to yell insults, spit on you, and, like, inflict more violence on you. Maybe that's where they got it in Game of Thrones. That's what I was thinking of the whole time. With the shame bow. Shane. Shane.

Sounds exactly like it. An early record of this practice took place in Scotland. Scotland. I felt like this isn't anything to share about. In 1567. Well, it was also, the method was also used in England and Wales. Yes, they did it too. Yeah, everywhere, I'm sure.

But Bessie Taleyfer, Bessie. Slandered this guy named Bailey, which is your dog's name. Bailey. Bailey Hunter because of false measurements in a land dispute. So I think someone was trying to buy land and he was like, it's this big. But she was like, no, bitch, it's this big. And then she got that shit put on her? Yep, because she was a woman.

And she was sentenced to it for one hour. One hour? That's just weird. Well, one hour of a reputable damage if they had the spike thing. Yeah, they could tear up your tongue. Right. Also, in Walton on Thames, which is a town in England. Sure, I think.

A scolds bridle, I like looked on Wikipedia really fast. That's how I research. church. But a scolds bridle dated 1633 is displayed in the vestry of the church. That's how we say it. Vestri. You're asking the wrong person about that? Yeah, I wasn't even baptized. The inscription reads. It sounds like something that would be in a church. I think it's vestry. I like it. Right in. But it says Chester presents the Walton with a bridle to curb women's tongues that talk to idle. Necessary. And also, poetic. Love that it's a poem. You know, I didn't realize that until I said it out loud.

I was writing it and I was like, what a fucking asshole. You know, like, this sounds so flowery. I don't know why. So the story goes that someone named Chester lost a large fortune because of the lady's gossip. I bet it was Chester's fault. Of course it was. It doesn't do with a lady's gossip.

But he lost the money. And then he presented the town with the bridle out of anger and spite. So he was like, here you go, I'm real pissed. And then my last one. Do you want to guess what it's called? It's called. BR is the initials. The barnacle repairer.

Nope, it's the breast ripper. Oh, so close. So it rips off your tities. Oh, I thought it went on your head. Nope. So it's also known as the iron spider or just the spider. And you guessed it. Super fucked up.

Super awesome. But if you were real offended, offended actually, by the Scholdz Pryl. If you were friended. If you were friended by the Skold's bridle, then that's weird. Delete your Facebook. Yeah. Then this one, you should just sit it out because it was messed up. Yeah.

And they, like, reserved, like, special-ass torture for girls. Yeah, that was nice with them. So this one's really short and sweetened to the point. It was a claw-like device, ended in spikes, and they either heated it or left it cold. I don't know which one is worse. They would just put it on your boobies and rip your boobs right off. Or they would, like, hang it on a wall and then attach your boobies to it, and then, like, yank you a little. way so that the wall ripped your boobies off kind of.

And that is all my research on boobs. In the medieval times. I'm still like having a moment about that, are you? Yeah. Yeah, my boobs hurt real bad, like thinking about that after I, like, researched. Yeah, that's a lot. And my tongue hurt because of the scolds bridle. Yeah, I feel like everybody's going to walk away from this feeling really sore.

My organs hurt because of the Iron Maiden. Yeah, that's not okay. and I felt like I was on fire because of the Bracin Bowl. Well, I'll start mine off with one that's like the breast ripper in the sense that it just gives you everything right up front. You don't have to guess what this one is all about. Okay. It's called the Head Crusher.

Like I said, pretty straightforward. It's back in medieval times, of course. Sorry. I was actually throwing things. So what it was was there was a bar that you would place your chin onto. Then on top of your head was a cap-like device. There was a little screw on top that they would twist and twist and twist. And eventually, it was like a vice, and your head would go crunch, pop, boom.

It was pretty awesome, so your head would basically pop, and it would be crushed. And this happened super slowly, super painfully. And the first thing that would happen stresses me out a lot. Was it your teeth? Your teeth would shatter in your mouth. Oh, fuck, I hate teeth things. Yeah. And then after that, your eyes would pop out of it.

Sockets. No. Yeah. No, goodbye. And then boop. Dead. Pop goes your head. Except once in a while, because a lot of these were like illicit confessions or just

for punishment. So if they were doing this to elicit a confession, they might stop after they've popped your eyes out of your head or like halfway have popped your eyes and your teeth have shattered and been like, okay, thank you for confessing. Like the guy from Harry Potter. And then you walk away with no teeth and your eyes are like garbage. Yikes. Yeah.

That reminds me the guy from Harry Potter with that big old eye. Yeah. That's exactly the same. Oh. And a lot of these, now a lot of the ones I'm going to go over were done for such heinous crimes like homosexuality. Bye. Blasphemy. Bye.

Bye. Witchcraft. Bye. Yeah. So I would have my head. You and rich. No, I don't think anybody would do great. So the first big one I'm going to go over.

is called the Blood Eagle. Oh, this one's fucked up. I know about this. Great, like, hard, like, dark metal band name. Oh, God. So, it's probably the most nightmarish thing I've ever heard happening to a human being. Take yourself to your happy place. It was popular among Vikings.

The Vikings are just fucked up. They're known as a very mellow bunch. So this is a departure. And it's believed by some scholars to be something done as an offering to the Norse God of War Odin before and after battles. So, like, for good luck or something. Like, you know, some people... Like, maybe just wear your lucky socks.

Yeah, it's the same. Rub a rabbit's foot. Pretty much the same. And according to 12th and 13th century scholars, it was most popular in Scandinavia because of Vikings. Uh-huh. And it was reserved when it wasn't being used just as like a pump-up thing for battle. This is just like a pregame.

As a pregame for battle. Then it was used for literally the worst of the worst people. I don't think anybody's served this, but... No, I don't think so. So basically the Blood Eagle went a little something like this. No. The unfortunate captive would be kneeling or laying on their stomach, which already... It's never been from there. Yeah. Not a good position to be in.

Just try to get up. Obviously, they would be restrained in some way to prevent them from getting up or breaking free or trying to get the fuck up out of there because something bad's going to happen. So first, the back was carved. Nope. Sometimes it would be carved in the shape of an eagle, but that was not necessary. But either way, the thing that was the most important was that they opened up your back in some way. That was the main purpose. When they did that, the victim's rib cage was then cut away from the spine with an axe

and subsequently pulled out one by one away from the spine and out through the back. And the rib cage was then pulled up to slightly resemble wings, which, I have not seen a bird flying around with a ribcage shot out of its back, but I'm not in Scandinavia, so I don't know. Maybe birds are different. Scandinavian listeners, take a picture. Scandinavian listeners, let us know. I'm spooked. Do you have crazy skeleton birds floating around?

I don't know. I want pictures. I'm not going to guarantee it's not a thing. Picture it didn't happen. So you would really have to suspend reality or give a lot of artistic license for this to resummit. Bowling Eagle, but we're going with it. So to make the wing look, you know, because this, this looked like a bird, obviously, but we could get it more authentic, right?

So to take it to an entirely new level of suffering. Oh, no. The victim's lungs were then pulled out one at a time and laid over the ribs because what are wings without fleshy air bags striped over them? I mean, I'm in a dark place. A dark place. Who hasn't seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags attached to them? Who among us?

Who? I don't know, bro. So obviously if the victim managed to somehow live through this torture, which who knows, stranger things have happened, they would just slowly suffocate to death after their lungs were pulled out through their back. On top of that, they would rub salts in the victim's wounds because... Throughout the whole time or just after at the end? Throughout the whole time, because, like, if you don't season as you go, then the end result just doesn't turn out. Then you can't throw them in the crock pot.

Yeah, it's not any. I watch a lot of food network, and they are always saying, season that meat. Ew. So it's important. So what was this for? Like, what did you have to do? You're just a bad guy. It's a real bad guy.

It's a real bad guy. Oh. Or gal. I don't know if they've done. I don't see any records of it happening to gals, but Vikings, man. Major yikes. So that's the Blood Eagle. Oh, man.

Now let's take a little trip over to the Strapido. Strapido. Strapido. Also called Cora. Not sure why. Cora? Yeah. I like Strapido better.

Yeah. It was used to torture heretics, witches and anyone else that stepped out of the very fine line of living in medieval times. Yeah, like, what could you do? Basically, it's like you had a bad day, and now you're in the Strapido. It was used a lot during the Spanish Inquisition. That was a fucked up time. It was a time. It was a moment.

It was a day. There were three main ways in which this was administered. The first one was the victim's arms are tied behind their backs with a rope. Also never a good position. Yeah, no. And then the rope is attached to a pulley system, and the victim is lifted into the air with their arms inverted, which they then dislocate violently behind them. Now, the second method is basically the same as the first, except the victims would be stopped in mid-air several times to increase the pain and suffering. They would also cause the victim to jerk around so that they would effectively break the shoulders.

Because who needs shoulders? Shoulders like that's, that's no joke. That's pain. And then the third method was kind of the same as the first, too, except this time they, you know, just add a weight to your ankles so that you really get your joints ripped apart. Oh, my God. So that's fun. Now, usually this torture was completed within an hour, and it was not used to cause death. So these people were then let down, and away you go.

Come again soon. And then you're just going to have rotator cuff problems for your whole life. Yeah, that's exactly the issue you're going to have. It's a busted rotator cuff. So that's a strap-a-dough. The next one is called The Rack. Oh, no, I know about this shit. This one's fun.

So in The Rack, a victim would be secured to a board of some sort by having their wrists and ankles cuff to it. No. It's never good when you're secured to a board. As you will see, when we cover John Wayne Gacy, it's never a good. place to be. Nothing good happens attached to a board. He's so weird. Also, Dean Coral, I think, used a board. A lot of boards. This was along the same lines. It's real bad. So then chains would be attached to the cuff, and the other end of the chains would attach to a wheel. There was a crank that would then turn said wheel, and this would cause the chains to slowly tighten. Oh, no. Now,

as this happened, it was pulling your arms and legs and stretching them. Goodbye. But not just stretching, the joints, sockets, ligaments, tendons would all completely snap and crack. Ugh. Now, sometimes they would even go way past stretching and just pull the fucking limbs right off your body. Fuck you. Now, if they didn't take it that far, the muscles would completely lose the ability to contract, and at some point, this person would be completely unable to move and likely

unable to control, like, basic bodily functions, like their bowels. I feel like at the end of this, they probably just, like, left them to die. Like, I don't know what I mean. Like, they're just like, mm, I'm not going to totally kill you, but I'm just going to leave you here now. Because you're going to die anyway, so it's like, it's going to be slower. It's going to be relatively quick. So there were other variations on this method that were common.

Like, along with the stretching, sometimes the rack would include a bed of nails or spikes. So the person would lay upon these sharp objects while they were being stretched. What if they just had any spikes left over from everything? literally like if they were next to a pile of spikes they would just throw a few on there and they were like let's do this oh and there were spikes everywhere in those days we don't want to waste spikes no hit a surplus back then now this clearly caused a lot of fucked up noises if you've ever cracked your knuckles cracked your back heard anybody else do it um i broke my pelvis when i was like in summer going into eighth grade and that pop that you hear people like across my summer camp said that they heard

And it was like gross. Yeah, it's no joke. I can, like, still hear it. Yeah, it's a disgusting. And that's just like a small portion of what you'd hear here. Oh, God, because so many things would be crackle-lackin. Well, for this reason, torture wasn't only used for the unfortunate person attached to the rack. It was also used as a method of eliciting a confession from accused heretics by having them

watch someone else be tortured on the rack. The sound inside of someone's tendons, ligaments, and joints just fucking tearing apart, and popping all over the place was actually enough torture, that it turns out that this was a pretty effective method for eliciting a confession. Because if you think about it, you're fucking watching somebody pulled apart. That's so messed up. And the sounds would drive you mad.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's the rack. That's the rack. That's the rack. And that's a rap. It should be called the Ripper. Ripper. Ripper.

The rack ripper. Ouchy. That's what the breast ripper. Should have been called the rack ripper. Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Oh, my God. That was funny.

Good job. Incredulous. You're like sometimes hilarious. I am sometimes. Only a little bit. On to the next. On onto the next one. This one's called the wheel.

It's also called the Catherine wheel or the braking wheel. My Catherine. Because, fuck, you know Catherine. You know what she's all about. I know. This was used during the Spanish Inquisition. Okay. It was the cousin of the rack.

Zerrat. The rack. The rick. And it was intended for the purpose of capital punishment or for torture to illicit confessions. Good. Samezies. So there would be a large wagon wheel where the accused would be stretched out all over. Oh, God.

They would be attached to it, some way restrained. And then they would be severely beaten with clubs, thick branches, and, you know, stuff like that. No thanks. And because they were stretched out on a wheel with open spaces between all the spokes, their bones would fucking break because of all the off angles. And it was used for the purpose of torture. And then after the torture was complete in that respect, it would continue because the person would then be either removed from the wheel

before death happened or you would be straight up bludgeon to death and left on the wheel for everybody to see. And then there's other ways where you weren't bludgeon to death, You were just left on that fucking wheel to die after they broke all your bones. Whoa. How long do you think that would take? They said they could leave a beaten, broken body on that wheel for days. And they would just slowly...

Infection would set in. And they'd go starving and hungry. Yeah, but they, honestly, they'd probably die from the infection, like, quick. Because all those broken bones and shit, and I'm sure bones were popping through skin and stuff. Oh, God, that's nasty. Yeah. So, if they were gonna... If they were using it for Caput, like, to kill you,

then they basically would leave you up there and just keep administering beatings until you finally just died. Nope. No, thanks. I'm not interested. And no matter what, you were on public display during all this. Why, people like to watch shit like that back then? Shit was mayhem back then.

Like, people used to, like, join in on stones and stuff. On stones. Stoning. People were stoned back then. Yeah, they were just joining in stones. No, I think they needed to be stoned. They did. Because they used to bring, like, kids to, like, public.

hangings and guillotine. My first college English assignment back before I dropped out of college. Yes. Back in the Middle Ages. It was like a short story about somebody getting stoned. And then we were supposed to write a paper about morals. Somebody getting stoned like smoking the movie. No, like somebody getting like legit.

Yeah, or like, no, it wasn't stone. It was like a book about like once a year they would have to like pick a name out of like the town. and that person would get stoned or hung. It's called like the election or something. It's like the hunger games. Yeah, literally. But we had to write a paper on it. And I remember reading it and I was like, why am I in college?

Why am I in college? And then you were like, fuck the news. And then I dropped out. Well, the next one, you're like back to reality. Unfortunate reality is called the Heretics Fork. Forks are never good in torture unless you're eating. Now, this was specifically used for people who spoke out against the Catholic Church during the Middle Ages. Bye.

You know, witches, heretics, all that good stuff. Do you? Yeah. Basically, it was a double-ended fork. Both ends had two very sharp prongs on them. Oh, no. It would be attached to a leather collar device that would go around the victim's neck. No.

This created a situation where the victim could not move their head from a strained upward position. No. And couldn't drop their jaw even a little bit. If they did, then prongs would pierce their neck and prongs would pierce their sternum area. And it wasn't like they would just be like, boop, that hurts a little. It was like, no, you're going to get like impaled. It was like impaled. It was very simple, but very effective.

And the whole thing was very poetic because it's like you spoke out against the church. So now you have to look up at your god that you don't believe in. Like that was the whole thing. You have to look up to heaven. And we're forcing you to look up into this. sky. I'd be like, but it's still not there. I don't see anything except the ceiling. It's like, please take this off of me. God. Are you there? It's me, Margaret. It's me, Margaret. Back in the Middle Ages. Judy Blume. That's where it originated.

Well, the next one has a little bit of a bit of religion to it, too. Oh. It's called the cradle of Judas. Who's Judas again? Judas is, I know this. Judas is the guy that betrayed Jesus. To be honest with you, I thought that was Caesar. Well, it's the same situation. Like, Caesar had Brutus. Oh, Judas and Brutus. Like, et tu Brutei means and you Brutus. Like, he turned around and was like, and you, you are my friend, I thought.

And so Judas did the same thing. It was theatrical, yeah. I'm very theatrical. I went to theater camp. And you had fun in ice school. No, I'm just kidding. I did, right? That actually does sound fun.

I wanted to be in drama club, but my mom worked. So I couldn't be. I was in drama club for a long time. Until senior year high school, I graduated. Yeah, I did cheerleading by. Exactly. Exactly. See, she's trying to hide the real root of the issue here.

Well, I wanted to do drama in middle school. I was only a cheerleader for one year. Wow. It felt like a lot longer. Sure did. You're telling me, I'm still dealing with the post-traumatic stress disorder. Sell the cookie dough. Sell it.

Sell it. Make the woo sound at the end of all your cheers. Oh, Jesus. Remember, you. put me through so much hell. I did. I really did. It was self-prescribed, though. I, like, I set it up. You just made it so easy. But I also played softball. Yeah, I did too. But I wasn't good, and the coach was also your coach, and he was like, why are you not like Elena? That's because, that's only because I played softball since the time I was like, whenever you can start T-ball, that's when I started.

Yeah, and I played literally every season my whole life. Yeah. Fun little facts. Fun, bad. One of us was a cheerleader. One of us was a drama nerd. Who's who? Who's who? But you can't tell. You could totally pick us up in a lineup of who was who? 100%.

100%. I'm just glamour. I don't think anyone is confusing me for a cheerleader. The cradle of Judas. Where did we go? We came out of that. I think this is not going to be a popular podcast. Now, this one is a doozy.

I mean doozy when I say dozy. Dozy? Hold on to your butts, everybody. Hold on to your butts. I'm going to start saying. Hold on to your anus. Hold on to that rectum. So, this is another creation from the Spanish Inquisition.

Keep my single front bum. Oh, I hope someone gets that reference. I'm not going to say where it's from. I kind of want to keep my single front bum. Swelling continues if you do not ice. Don't say where it's from. Don't say where it's from. Someone tell me you know what that's from.

I want a DM. Oh, I want one. Please, please, please. We're begging. Okay. So that continues if you two dot eyes. So this device is a wooden pyramid that's raised high on four legs, and on top of that pyramid is a spike.

A spike. It's the theme. The victim would then be stripped naked, and weights were attached to their ankles, and then they were hung by their arms and legs high above this device. Not interested. When the torture was to begin, they would then be lowered, slur. slowly onto the period period

you know what I want to know actually because in my mind I was just like not interested like I'm not showing up to my torture day how did they not run away before oh they would rip you out of your house like you weren't getting away it's not like they were like on Tuesday at two

I don't know be lowered onto a pyramid the middle ages were fooked up maybe people were just so afraid of everything but that's why they would never give you advanced notice because in the middle age is they were just like bursting into your house being like, you thought an improper thought, so we're going to stick you under this fucking... You are wrong, sir.

I'm eating breakfast. The cradle of Judas for you. So, yeah. So they'd be lowered slowly onto this pyramid, which would cause the spike to penetrate their perineum region. Which is your anus. Your butt. Gravity, body weight, and the added weights would cause the person to sink onto the steak with no resistance.

Now this torture would last for hours. And usually the victim was left on this thing all fucking night. Natural instinct, like if you think about it, if you sit on something that hurt your bum, your natural instinct is to like rock back and forth to kind of like alleviate the pain. Yeah, to be like, oh, that hurt. To try to get yourself off of it, kind of. Same thing with like the Iron Maiden like we were saying. Exactly. Like your just natural instinct would take over.

But doing that in this case would just rip the wound larger and sink you lower onto the steak. This is like the hemroid from hell. They should have called it the hemroid hole maker. They should have just called it the hemorrhoid. Yeah. It's just... Six flags should come out with a ride like that. Six flags should not come up with a ride like that.

I'm just kidding. Because I don't want to know the kind of people that would go on that ride. It's like dark tourist. That's a real dark tourist. I just gave that guy an idea for his horse. I don't even think... He's probably like, no thank you. I do not want to explore that.

You. So these people would often bleed to death, or the infection from the spike, never being fucking cleaned between torture sessions, would definitely kill them. Oh, that's like dysentery, right? Dysentery is poopy. Pooping a lot. Like, diarrhea. So it would cause dysentery?

No, it would cause internal damage. Death. It's not going to cause you to have diarrhea. It's going to cause your entire abdomen to explode. CESP. Cool. Are you just saying words? What is it if you get, like, typhoid disease? Like, people just, like, because, like, their, their waist was on the thing, and then it got into other people's waste.

I just saw little trail of smoke come out of your ears. Something just, is my brain just popped in there? And you tried very hard to get them. No, do you know what I mean, though? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, infection. Yeah. Yeah.

But, like, poop infected. is a different kind of infection. I mean, if you want it to be a perfectionist. Well, it would be. It's your bum. This is not like, this is a spike that's ripping into your internal organs. That's where the infection happens, not pooping. No, I'm not saying they're pooping.

I'm saying it goes in their butt, so a little bit of poop gets on it, and then the poop gets in your organs. For sure. So that's where the infection comes around. For sure, and like other bodily fluids. Right. Yeah. That's all I was saying.

Cesspool. But I like it. Remember when I told that story with me dropping out of college? Here we are. Here we sit. They're like, go back to college. Oh, shit.

So that's the cradle of Jesus. That's the cradle of Judas. So that's the cradle of Jesus. I don't think the cradle of Jesus would be as metal. I don't know. I don't know, man. So, oh, this is the one that's used today. You know what?

I remembered which one it was, because I looked at your notes. Torture by rats. That's the one still used today. This one's still used today. Apparently, I don't know where. I'm not going there, but it's used. I almost just said where. After you were like, I don't know where, I'm not going there.

I was like, where? Where it happened? Cesspool. Type of words. The victim, in this case, is stripped naked and lays on a table. Nope. which seems to be just when that happens, it's just... Just go to a different spot in mind.

Go to your happy place, because this isn't going to be good. Then a half cage with an open top would be placed on their stomach with the open top facing their skin. And inside that container would be rats. Oh, God. Next. Who thinks of this? Not I.

Like, who thought of these things? Some really messed up people. Yeah. Some really messed up people. I mean, I guess it would kind of be easy because you just think of like the worst stuff. That would make you insane? What's so wrong with your mind so that you would do it to someone?

Exactly. This is, you know, serial killers. It's morbid. Very morbid. Yeah. So, this was bad enough because it was just creepy. But then the cage where the rats were would be heated in some way. Oh, disgusting.

So the rats would desperately scurry around and try to escape the heat. Well, where's the only place they can go? Inside of your chest. It can only go down. So these rats would violently burrow through the abdomen of the victim while they were chained to a table unable to move. Oh, good, bye. So basically they would, like, tear through your intestines.

And once you tear through the intestines, forget about it. You're septic. That's it. Cesspool. Yeah, you're a cesspool. Yeah, you don't want to hit the poop pipe kid. That's a line from a really good movie that you should watch. Called Pathology.

I almost just said called autopsy. Called autopsy. But called pathology. I think our listeners would like that movie. I singed it. It's a good movie. And at one point, they're doing an autopsy and they hit the intestine. And he says, you don't want to hit the poop pipe kid.

And it's a really good motto for life. So there's a variation on this. Sometimes you hit the poop pipe in your life. You do. Yeah. Everybody hits the poop pipe at sometime. You can have a poop pipe week. Yeah.

And it's, you know, just got to keep on moving. Sorry anyways. Suture that shit up and keep on moving. Yeah. So a variation on this. was instead of placing the rats just directly against the flesh, they would use a telescopic tube to guide the rats inside the prisoner's body through the rectum or the vagin. Yeah.

What? Yeah. They would guide the rats up there. So they would, like, block one end and stick the other end that way. So the only way they were going was up. And rats will just be like, oh, all right. Into your hoo-ha? I'll just burrow through this.

I'll burrow through this hoo-ha. Yeah, they don't know the difference. They're like it's a dark hole. Did the rats die too, probably? I don't think they would die right away because they're just going in there. Oh, my God. It'll be fine. So you would just die with rats inside you?

Pretty much. Gross. Yeah. And they would just like destroy your insides. So let's see. Where do I want to end? Because I have like two little ones and then one big one. And on a high note.

Like a big note. Okay. So I'll go next to the Glasgow smile. Oh yeah. This is Scotland. our people. Maybe we don't want to tell them that right now. Now, if you've ever seen the dark night,

you've seen one of these. You've seen some shit. It's also known as the Cheshire Grin among the London street gangs, but it originated in Glasgow Scotland. Basically, two small incisions are made at the corner of the victim's mouth, and as the victim was beat or stabbed,

muscle contractions in the face would make those wounds extend upwards towards the ears, and make it this big, fucking terrifying ear to ear smile. If left untreated, some people would die as a result of severe infection or exsanguination, which is just a cute blood loss. Exanguination? Exanguination. Exanguination. Yes. I like that word, but it's awful. It's a good word. Exanguination. I mean, it's a bad thing, but it's a good word. One famous example of this is the Black Dahlia. Oh yeah. Which, it's terrifying. And some people,

there's actually like actors or directors or something one of them that like I can't remember his name but he was a victim of this into like a bar like a bar fight someone and he has scars up like oh my god dark night yeah I can't remember his name of course I didn't write that time you know what I want to do um because you said the black doll yeah I want to do an episode on the Cecil Hotel and like all the weird shit that's happened oh yeah we'll definitely do the cecil yeah for sure that's a really good one because there's all kinds of crazy connections to that place. There's so much shit. This one's a quick one. It's another one that's exactly what it sounds like. Saw torture. So they would tickle you with a feather. I saw a picture of this when I was doing the research for mine and the people just look so happy. Yeah, they're like, they're just like da-a-d-doop-da. Like the people doing it, I mean. Yeah, they probably sung. The victim is hung upside down in this case by their ankles and a saw is used to cut them from the groin all the way to the sternum. Oh. Sometimes, the poor person,

would stay alive until they hid the midsection or even the chest in some instances. Because all the blood's at your head. Well, that's the thing. They were upside down. So they did that so blood would rush to your head. And so that it, because when that happens, you're, you're stopping blood loss. Oh. So this person would be able to live.

And if you're hitting certain spots in the abdomen, you're not going to die right away. Oh, God. Yeah. So that's awful. No. Another one, I have two more. one's a big one one's a literal one and on the big one drawn and quartered oh everybody's heard of this I'm sure it's usually reserved for high treason and it began in 1283 England good band's name high treason

high treason I like it hello Philadelphia we are high treason we are high treason I like it I like how you were in Boston you picked like two of there you were like Philadelphia tie point so in drawn and quartered victims were often hanged to the point of near death and then taken down

they were already like wow you're still alive yeah that's not okay so that sucks and then so they were taken down right before they died and then they were tied to something

and disemboweled oh yeah so really just disembalment is just two extra it's a lot You die from that, obviously, right? Well, then the entrails would be burned, and the victim's limbs were then tied with ropes. The other end of the ropes are tied to horses, and then the horses are just like lightly encouraged to take off and run.

So boom, by limbs. The victim would then be beheaded, and the head would be displayed. Wow. Extra. That's too much. one of the victim of this was Scottish Patriots or William Wallace. He was killed this way after leading the Scottish resistance against the English. On August 5th, 1305, he was arrested near Glasgow, whoo.

And taken to England to be killed as a traitor to the king, Edward I. Even though he never swore an allegiance to him, so it's kind of bullshit. So technically he couldn't be a traitor. No. So whatever. So yeah, that's drawn in quarter. Now this one will leave on a half. high note or really low note.

However you want to look at it. We're going to end on flaying. Oh. So this is real, and it's not just the sigil for House Bolton on Game of Thrones. I thought you were going to talk to me about Bobby Fly. I love Bobby Fly. So first, in flaying, your skin has to be tenderized. The torture, you know, wants a status...

You know how when you, like, peel off, like, a face mask, and it's, like, all in one's sheet? That's actually, like, one of my... It feels very satisfying. Or like when you peel off a sunburn. Exactly. I know it's like a bad thing. So that's what the torture was going for. He didn't want to have to work for this shit. He wanted satisfaction. So the victim would either be left out in the hot sun all day while their skin burned. Oh. Or they would be dipped into a vat of boiling water just until they were almost boiled alive. Just until they write crispy.

This got the skin nice and loose. And it also just like prolonged the experience. Oh. Which is always something they're looking for. Now when they would start to flay you, they would usually begin with the face skin, so you would have your entire face peeled. It's like a super nightmarish chemical peel. Oh. And then cuts would be made around your arms, wrists, chest, neck, and ankles, because this would make it easier for the skin to come off in one satisfying piece. And you didn't want all kinds of little ones because you wanted to be able to disqualify. display the full, all the sheets, and it would look like a person's skin.

So going back to Australia, like we did last week, I listened once to a case where, like, this, I'm pretty sure it was Australia, and this lady did that to her husband, and then hung him up in the doorway. That's fucked. Yeah. That's intense. Like, he did some real shit. Yeah, he did some shit.

No, nobody deserves that. That's fucked up. But, like, you have to be real mad. Yeah, she was pissed. But she was also, like, loco into Cabesa. I imagine. She was. That's a lot of work.

Yeah. Well, and then the cuts are only extended into the epidermis and stopped where the muscle begins. Oh. So that hurts more, basically. And they knew that back then. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And now, in the ancient church of Hadstock in Essex actually had a legend of a Dane who had committed sacrilege and he was flayed for punishment. His skin was then spread out and nailed to the door of the church. As a super subtle warning to others. That's far too subtle. Now, when the door needed repair later, they found pieces of human skin still under the nails. So that's what they actually happened. Ew. And then at another cathedral in England, I believe, there's a large slab of human skins on display.

And it was of another Dane who was a Viking who tried to steal the church's bell, which like, whoa. Why were you trying to steal the church's bell? And it's like, you tried to steal the church's bell. flayed you like damn they were like don't touch our fucking bell now the reason i i'm sure all of you are wondering like huh what would it feel like to be flayed i'm not wondering that to be honest i'm sure everyone is wondering right i thought i was hungry and i'm not anymore i'm actually so hungry but of course you are you what's that picture that vasco drew of you eating a sandwich oh yeah my friend vasco who's an amazing artist and you should go find him that's a cool picture he drew a picture

of me during an autopsy eating a sandwich. Which is pretty believable. I'll have to post that picture and tag him in it. You should. Because it's a great photo. So the reason this hurts like hell is that nerve endings extend really deep into the layers of your skin and that enables your sense of touch. Like it's why your fingertips are really sensitive.

And if you've ever had a paper cut, you know that shit hurts more than anything. This response is caused by no see. receptors. So those are sensory nerve cells that respond to pain. Science. Science. That was loud. Flaying involves tearing the skin away from the muscle, not cutting it. So it's the ripping motion that means your nerve endings are just, they're not being severed, severed cleanly. Instead, they're just fucking torn to shreds. So your nerve endings are just being like bombarded. Yeah, it's not like a clean cut that they can like recover from. You're going to feel your skin being pulled off every bit of muscle.

Oh, my God. And you're literally going to feel your nerve endings die. Like you're going to feel every nerve ending die. You're going to feel all of it. So despite the fact that those administering the torture may also be hitting you or hanging you upside down to keep you awake and alert, which they often did, you may lose consciousness from blood loss, from pain and fear, or because your brain is most definitely going to go into self-preservation mode and just start shutting shit down. Right. Which, thank goodness for our brains. For real.

Or you could die from hypothermia, even if it's not cold out. Because you don't have your skin to protect you anymore. Yeah, because your skin is the biggest, one of the big, it's the biggest and one of the most vital organs in the human body. And it regulates temperature. It protects all the other organs and systems in the body. So not only that, but you're exposed completely to infection. Oof. You will definitely die because of all that.

Without your skin, you. You can repair and regenerate skin. Without your skin, you want nothing. But once you've lost that much skin, your body can't regenerate that much skin, obviously. There's an interesting story that I heard from another podcast that's amazing, and you should all go listen to. Lour. I'm sure a lot of people have listened to it. Yes, I love that.

Aaron Manky is amazing. And he has the show on Amazon now. Well, that's what I was thinking of. He has a show on Amazon called Lour, and there's a story of Peter Stubb. and he was a crazy serial killer and cannibal who was caught after what they, what was thought to be a werewolf was killing men, women, and children in Germany in the 16th century. Oh yeah, I remember watching that with you. So he's called like a werewolf and, well.

Really, he's just a dick. So back in 1589, Peter Stubb was arrested and formally accused of being an insatiable bloodsucker. An evidence was provided that he had, quote, gorged on the flesh of goats, lambs, and sheep, as well as men, women, and children for over 25 years. That's horrible. So when he was caught, he was facing torture. So he confessed to having murdered and eaten, quote, 14 children and two pregnant women. Jesus.

So he was a piece of shit. Now, you would have thought that he would have stopped there while he was, like, relatively ahead, because he was confessing. He was confessing. When you confess, you just got to get that shit out. No. No. He then declared that he, quote, quote, extracted a fetus from a pregnant woman's womb and ate their hearts panting hot and raw.

Jesus. And he also confessed to having regular sex with his daughter and having had intercourse with a, quote, succubis sent to him by the devil. So his execution was prolonged with torture, obviously. Apparently. So flesh was torn from his body in ten places with red-hot pinchers. Ooh. Followed by his arms and his legs.

They also pulled this, so they flayed him with Red Hot Pinters. Then his limbs were broken with the blunt side of an axe head on the wheel. So they added in the wheel to this. They're not really crafty for this one. It's like a casserole of torture. Yeah. Just all of them in the crockpot last. And to prove that was, now to prevent him from returning from the grave, they then

beheaded him and burned his body on a pyre. Wow. Now his daughter and mistress, were also flayed and strangled and burned. Is that fair? Well, it was as a preventative measure against similar wolfish behavior. As if they were a wolf.

So they thought, because they thought he was a werewolf, that was the whole thing. They were like, well, they must be werewolves too. And then, after all this was done, the wheel was erected on a pole with the figure of a wolf on it and topped by Peter Stubbe's severed head. Whoa.

So that's the story of flame. And also, Ramsey Snow did it on Game of Sansa. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Remember he says it about that... Oh, the kid that they hung up, right? Sans's... No, it's Sance's, like, nurse.

Remember she was like an old woman, and he says something like tough old bird. Like, she was alive until he got to her neck or something like that. And I was like, eh. Oh, wow. Ramsey Snow, man. Yeah. Can we tell them our announcement? Oh, yay, we have a fun announcement.

Now, we don't have a date for this yet. We're still in talks, but I'm really excited to announce it. So I'm hoping. Don't yell at us if it doesn't happen. So we were watching Dark Tourist. We were watching Dark Tourists. And we were watching the episode where he goes to New Orleans. And he talks to people who are vampires.

Right. Now, we recognized this beautiful couple of vampires that are married. They're so dope. They really are. And we were like, wait a second. Where have we seen them before? I literally texted Elena. And I was like, are those the people that were on True Life?

And they were. They were on MTV's True Life. Like, two episodes. Yeah. Because they were on the episode. Back in 2014, they were in an episode, Respect My Sect. And it was following Daly, who is the vampire queen of Austin. Uh-huh.

And her husband, but it was focusing on her. And then it was in another episode in 2016, True Life I'm a Witch, where, like, somebody is part of this court still. so you get to see Daly and her husband, Logan, who's the vampire king of Austin. They have a vampire court of Austin where they have like more than 50 members, according to the True Life episode, and I'm sure they have more now. I mean, yeah, that makes sense. And they are vampires, and we were fascinated by it,

and they seem like they're just, like, so in love. And I love their relationship. Their Instagrams are like... It's adorable. And also, like, we were kind of inspired by the fact that they are just like unabashedly who they are. And it's really like, it's like makes you want to know them. Because I mean, how many of us can say that we just are unapologetically who we are

all the time. And they found each other, which is nice. So we were like, huh? And we reached out to them. And we reached out, talk to Daly and asked her if she would ever want to speak to us for the podcast. And she was kind enough to say she was. her and Logan would love to talk to us. So we are setting up an interview with the king and queen vampire of the Vampire Court of Austin, Logan and Daily South. And we could not be happier.

We are so excited. Your dog is making the most disgusting noises next to me. I'm really sorry. We are so excited. We're going to have a date for you guys. We'll let you know because I think we're going to do it soon. Yeah. So yeah. So get excited. We're going to be talking to the vampire king and queen of Austin. This is like a big deal. We'll do, we'll, um, kind of mesh it in with a whole episode devoted to vampirism because it's a really fascinating subject.

Stop looking at my dog. I'm sorry. I'm sure you guys are going to be super into. Yeah. It's interesting and awesome. It is really interesting. Look forward to that. And take a look at our Patreon again. Give us all your monies. www. patreon.com

slash morbid podcasts. Check us out on Instagram, morbid podcast, check us out on Twitter at Amorbid Podcast, check us out on Facebook. I don't know how Facebook works, but just do it. I actually deactivated mine last night.

I have a Facebook, so just go on it. But, and download us, subscribe, leave us reviews, rate us, tell your friends, shout it from the rooftops. Just don't fillet anyone. Just don't flay anyone, but you can bobby flay someone.

Uh-huh. There you go. So, yeah, I hope you liked our foray into torture. We hope you keep it weird. Bye. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, bah, bah, bah, bah. Haza. Mutton.

Again. I don't know any other medieval foods. Potatoes. Gravy. Right? Potatoes are medieval. Just say gravy. Gravy.

It's over now.