More Life with Carl Radke - Chris Olsen on Turning Rock Bottom at 19 Into a Platform That Helps Millions Online

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Chris Olsen was 19 when his roommate woke him up and said, "your dad's here" — the start of a full-blown intervention, complete with impact letters and a one-way ticket to rehab that same day. The content creator, mental health advocate, and author of the new memoir "I Think My Therapist Hates Me,” sits down with Carl to talk about that intervention, the year he spent in an intense, shame-based rehab program, and the fear of going back that kept him sober for years afterward. They also get into what it's actually like navigating sobriety in the gay community, and how Chris turned his hardest years into a book he hopes will help other people feel less alone. It's a funny, honest, deeply moving conversation about shame, forgiveness, and growing up in public.Sponsors:ZipRecruiter: Try ZipRecruiter to post your job FOR FREE at http://ziprecruiter.com/RADKE4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Grow Therapy: See if you could pay as little as $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com/RADKE. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, I'm Carl Radke and welcome to More Life. Today on the show we have Chris Olson. He's a content creator, mental health advocate, and the author of the new memoir, I think my therapist hates me. He is a special conversation. I cannot wait to dive into this chat. I'm so excited coming live today from Softbar here in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Chris Olson, welcome to More Life.

Thank you for having me. Thanks for being here. We already got started before we started, which is a good sign of today's conversation. That means there's more life, huh? Tons of life. Right. The saying goes more life because of something I used to say on TV. But as I've gotten sober, I was like kind of improved my life.

I've looked at it as like a mantra to kind of take advantage of your opportunities, live life to the fullest. Yes. Turn over every stone. Reclane. So I'm curious, do you have a saying, Chris Olson, that you live by or that you say out loud to your friends or kind of embody. It's actually what I try not to say to myself. It's a follow-up phrase of we all have that dark inner voice sometimes in our. heads that mine slips out occasionally. And so it has just turned into if I think of an intrusive

thought and then I end up saying something out loud like, shut the fuck up, because I will say it out loud. Then I follow it up with is what I would say if I were being mean to myself today. So I think I don't have a phrase, but I have a general idea of how to treat myself and talk to myself. And do I wish I came up with something in the moment that really would have hit home? Yes. But we're being nice for ourselves today. I don't know if you have this experience since getting sober too, is you can remember some of the things that maybe you did or said during active addiction and you just want to shake it out of your, like you start shaking it out of your head as if it's like an etch-a-sketch up there. And if you shake it hard enough, it will somehow just like

return to zero, but it won't. But for some reason it does help in a way in that moment. But the haunting of the memories sometimes comes back. I still get some haunting memories, but I've learned to kind of laugh or try to laugh about it. You must. I feel like if you're not laughing about it, you're really not fully healed, or there's something there still that needs to kind of get...

And maybe there is, and maybe that's what you explore, but you have to laugh or just forgive. Yeah. That guy's crazy. That guy was wild. I wouldn't be friends with him, but I forgive, I think.

Forgiveness is good. Yes. Chris has a new book out in the... about Simon & Schuster. Simon & Chuster, Simon Element. I think my therapist hates me. That's actually the name of the book. A memoir.

Oh, yes, yes. I think my therapist hates me. A memoir by Chris Holson. That's the book. And yes, I wrote one. How did you think of the title? You know, I thought of the title before any of the writing even began. I love your title.

Thank you. I love it as well. The title and the cover, the image on the cover, were both things I thought of essentially before really. writing it. Does your therapist actually hate you? No. But I did start working with her when I was at my second rehab, which I was at for an entire year. What year was this roughly, if you don't mind me? Yeah. 2017 to 2018. And I was there for a whole year and it was a very unique, almost shame-based program where the idea was breaking you down to build you back up. And you are and have been a bad

person, time to make that up to everyone in your life. And we are going to continue testing you along the way, basically, and throwing consequences at you and keeping you at such a high level of stress that you discover that you can survive this level of stress and stay sober throughout. And you're there for so long. It's an unidentified amount of time because people tell you it's going to be 90 days and then you get there and they're like, babe, it's going to take however over long it's going to take. And if you're going to complain about it taking too long, we'll just add more time. It was always a mind game.

And so at that point in time, when we meet my therapist in the book, there are points in which I believed, maybe not she hated me, but I was just living in fear. But I think my therapist hates me also is talking, I think everyone hates me. Also, I think my therapist hates me as a ridiculous statement in the first place because the person you're paying to listen to your problems hates you. Now what does that say about you and what can we discover about you within that statement? So I think it like also means a bunch of other things at the same time. Which I love.

I think there's, you know, I like a title that has maybe depth or deeper meetings or I guess like kind of what I want to get into is like I think some people are scared of therapy. Yes. Or of course like you think, you know, you're not sure how to find the right therapist or you're scared of talking to someone. You're scared of opening up. Talk to me about like the first time you went to therapy. Well, I was like 12.

Same. Come on 12. Family therapy. Come on 12. Family therapy. Oh, wait. Flashback. I also had family therapy around that time.

Yeah, my brother had struggled with drugs and alcohol at a younger age. I was five years younger, but we would start doing family therapy at age 12. And therapy was something we tried to kind of do as a family, but you never talked about it. Yeah. The first time I did therapy was I was probably 12, and it was around the time that my mom maybe either started going to AA or maybe went to rehab for the first time. And then my parents were getting separated. So they decided it would be a good idea to put me in therapy, which they were right.

But I remember sitting down and just like crying immediately and being like, I don't know why I'm here for other people's issues. Sure. Which I'm like, God, deep kid. I mean, like, right? But also like, you know, therapy is never actually about, I don't think people even need an issue to go to. therapy. Like, you should go to therapy when your life is as good as ever. It is not about a certain

issue. It's not about figuring something out. I can't even really describe exactly what it's about because it's going to be about something different for everyone. But it's just about like someone mirroring back the way you decide to think and why you decide to think that way and challenging that. I love that. And that will always be helpful. I think that's super important here because I think a lot of people, like you go through a breakup. Oh, now I'm going to get a therapist. It's like, no, when things are going well or things are maybe really good in your life, it's not a bad time necessarily to talk to someone either. But I think we've been kind of trained. It's like you only seek therapy when things are really bad or you're really going through it. And then sometimes you're

in kind of panic. And then it's hard to find someone when you're in kind of that stressful place. I'm curious like when you started like really getting benefit from your therapy experience, talk to me about like that part of it. Well, I think the benefit, it would have also really began And at that rehab, that was very intensive with me. Because I think I had a lot of, like, different therapy experiences that just, like, were slowly put together over the years until then. And now I've been working with that same therapist from rehab up and I currently work with it. Lizzie, right?

Lizzie. Shout out to Lizzie. Come on. We know Lizzie. We do our research a little bit. Yes. Yes. So I've been working with her.

She was my therapist in rehab and is still my therapist. So she was the therapist who was kind of. doing this really intensive, almost shame-based therapy with me. And now we are undoing a lot of that therapy together because I was 19 when I was there and brain was still developing. And I just learned how to be an adult by learning that I could be a good person in the world by always thinking I was bad and I need to make things better, which is probably not the way to socialize a 19 year old into the world.

What's a point you're going to forgive yourself, right? Yes. And that is always what continues to be tough. I struggle with it as well. Yes. You know, even, I'm going to be six years sober in January. Congrats. I think you're nine?

Almost a nine. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I loved hearing that. Mm-hmm. And I think over time, I mean, I'm still reminded of some of those past behaviors or things in my life that I'm, I feel like shit about.

Yeah. I'm like, I'm a bad person. Yeah. And how do you unravel some of that? Especially with some of the rehab experiences that you have. I recently recorded the audiobook for this. And the middle section, I am the antagonist of the book. Like, I am a.

a devil child. I'm like, oh my God, this loser. And also like, get this. Someone put him in rehab, quick. And they did because I was 19. But also reading through it, I was uncomfortable reading these things out loud. But also there was this like understanding that I was like, this is who I was. And that is also why I am who I am now.

And I'm so proud of so many of the things that have happened since then. And they maybe wouldn't have necessarily happened without. this person either. Do I wish I could have done things a little bit differently? Yes. Do you have any regrets? Sure. Yes. I'm not a, oh, I don't regret anything because it made it. Like, we can't really say whether things would have turned out the same or not if we hadn't been through those things. Sure. So I don't wish I had been through all that. My God. It's like, can someone give it a break, but also like, I do look back on that time and I'm like, yeah, that kid needed to be whipped into shape. But then maybe the whipping went, we kept going.

Yeah. And I grabbed the whip. Were you like overcorrected almost? Yes. But I'm curious for you. Are you hoping maybe this book will provide maybe a little bit of a release from some of this stuff you're still ashamed about in the past? I do think there was a big release in writing it while also being very hard to do in the first place. I think I thought I'd processed most of the things I'd been through.

Yeah. And then going through this writing process, it turns out, no. I was re-going through. I mean, so many of the things from childhood I just had not even remembered at the time. Everything I've ever liked in my life I've gotten addicted to. And maybe not to the point of like,

it's ruining my life, but I can so easily fall down the path of being like, I'm obsessed with this thing. And it turned into social media when that started happening. It's like... Maybe if you redirect some of that obsession in areas that are healthy

or fulfilling or can be, Yeah, I think I see what you're getting at. Yes, I remember saying really early on in my sobriety that when you redirect your addictive powers for good, things change. It's like a lot of good things come. Because really addiction is like one thing we're doing by fueling our addiction is doing whatever it takes to get what we want, essentially. And what we want at the time maybe is that drink or that drug.

But like we would figure it out. I would do whatever it took. I would figure it out. And I think like that energy just redirected towards something that is maybe benefiting your life, obviously turns out so much better. Yeah. But addicts are very motivated, driven people. 100%. It just occasionally, or just, you know, a lot of the time at the beginning is motivated and driven for something that is going to ultimately hurt us.

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Yes. Who was Chris, like 2016, maybe 2015, 2014. Ooh. And I'll throw some stuff to make you feel better because I'm also... I was a maniac back then, too. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

He was probably doing the same. And you were so much taller, too, than me. So, like, that way. But I was doing cocaine in the dark, four in the morning, drinking alone, saying crazy shit to random people on the internet all the time. Come on. My man. Yeah.

Look at us. Just doing it from across wherever we were. It's so fun. It's like, I look back on those moments, too, and I'm like, you were thinking that was fun? Like, what were you doing? No, like, not the general you. I'm like, looking back at myself.

I'm like, and then I was like, let's do it again. Like, oh, I had such a good timeline. last night alone and then like waking up covered in sweat and like yeah anyway um my life 2014 i was in boarding school for theater my mom had probably recently gotten back from a myriad of rehab she was she went to a bunch of them she was gone for about a year as well so she would have gotten sober at that point i so and i you talk about this in your book right a little bit about your mom's story yes i think it's important for people to like you you know, you were growing up and you had a mom who struggled.

Yes. And some of the impact of that at your, I think, what, 12, 13, I think even. Yeah. That was a tough time because it was also not a struggle. I was necessarily aware of being a kid to teenager. It wasn't the kind of alcoholism where it was like she was a mess around the house. And it was like, oh, mom's drinking again. She was insanely high functioning.

And if anything, like it was almost self-medicating in a way that, was like working at the time until it wouldn't anymore. So it was really hard for me when she got sober to connect the dots that this is good. This is like different. Or there is something so wrong about what was happening before. Sure. Because there would be so much she would cry to me in the car on the way to school in the morning about the problem that she was having with alcohol and the issues and how she was going to have to go to rehab.

And I remember being first silent because I was a teenager and I was a teenager. I was like, what's going on? And then second, also, like, what's going on? Because I did not know that there was such an issue. What are we talking about here? And then everything seemed to, it was such a fast demise of the family system. Like, we used to grow up going to church every Sunday, walking to dinner together after church. And then it felt like after, like, two weekends, everything had fallen apart.

And I would, like me and my sister were just alone at home for most of the night at that point. I really look back on those times and I'm like, I liked it because I felt like I was an adult at 14, but I also think I felt so alone and lost in a time where I was already alone and lost. And yet at the same time, I don't blame my parents at all either because it's like they have to put themselves first in these scenarios too. I can't imagine what it was like for my mom and my dad during those times. That part. That's the part that like, you know, releasing some of that because I used to have a lot of resentment towards my parents. Sure. But it was until I got that understanding.

it's like they're doing the best they can. It's their first time being parents too. Yeah. And put yourself in their shoes at whatever age they might have been, raising you, your sister, and the pressures and the challenges. Yeah. I'm curious, like when you were at that age, 12, 13, 14, were you understanding of like alcoholism?

Or were you just thinking your mom just drinks a lot or is struggling to be like other moms and parents in the neighborhood even? I guess I had known of it, but I definitely got most of my knowledge from it, like from those moments. And then when I had to go visit her, at her rehab for like the family programs there, which the biggest one that we did was my sister didn't have to go

for some reason, it was just me, my dad and my mom. And it was like me at, again, 13, 14, in a room full of adults, like two chairs in the middle surrounded by all of the other families. I'm the youngest one there. And my mom starts crying about how she feels like she's been a bad mom. And then the therapist there told me

that then it was now my job. to comfort her and make her feel better. And that was the craziest. Like, looking back, I can't believe that a therapist would tell a 15-year-old that. But I remember sitting there and really trying not to cry because I didn't want to make her feel worse about the thing she was already feeling. You're almost like forced to be an adult at such a young. Yes. And like be a, yeah, like a protector.

Right. And you're much younger and still navigating your own youth. Were you drinking at that point? in your youth? I think that's actually, like, there was a very smooth transition of my mom get sober, I begin. And in my rehab, they would call that the patient of the family, where like one member of the family or multiple members, but like there are always members of the family.

Maybe it's just one who is showing the issues of the entire family, but it's like they are really just the ones to project it out into the world. And so there was a very smooth transition between me and my mom, but I'm now thinking, as I just told that story about being 15. or however old at this program that I was with with her, I think maybe that was part of this subconscious reason to drink at the time. I'm like, I'm being treated like an adult in all of these other aspects of my life. I wanted autonomy so bad.

And I felt like I had it in so many different aspects because my parents were leaving me alone so much of the time. My mom was gone. My dad was at work. And then when they tried to be parents again, I would get angry at that time because I was like, why are we stepping in now? because now I am a problem and now I've fucked up

and here you are where were you the other times? And it's strange to necessarily say that because I don't feel like they were absent parents at the time but I think there is no way to have a perfect family system. I think some people

get very lucky and there are plenty of ways that you can create such safety in a home. But when multiple people have issues that they have not explored and that are so deep within that, from childhood that are now coming out at ages 50 or 60, it's like the kids can't help but to get strays of that as well.

And I don't think there is any way in which that then turned me into I was. I'm very deep under the belief that like people can be born with the genetic trait of alcoholism or addiction. But I think it's there's no way it's I have a hard time putting blame on anyone or anything. We were all trying our best at the time, and at 15, my best did not look very good. And it was actively destroying myself. But I didn't want to feel lonely. I didn't want to feel whatever I was being made to feel at 15 at that time. And that's why you start doing these things in the first place.

Did you ever like, when I was at that age, my brother was using a lot and drinking. I was five years younger. And there was alcohol with other family members that there were some challenges. But I always said to myself, I'm not going to be like that. I'm not like that. But over years and time and going to college, I'm like drinking differently than everybody. I'm doing more cocaine.

I'm staying up all hours. I started to slowly become what I had been watching most of my youth. Did you ever when you were 14, 15 think, oh, I'm not like my mom? Or did you go, wait, maybe I am a little bit and I should keep an eye on this? You know what? It was neither of the two. It was the, oh, yeah, this is it. Yeah, you found.

And it wasn't even the, like, oh, I should be worried about this. I was like, no, this feels good. Yeah. Why would I, oh, I've got to find more of this. I can't, like, it clicked immediately. And I don't think I necessarily was thinking about my mom in those first few times drinking at all, which speaks to the selfish nature of it. Like, I think I was just so lost in whatever the feeling was. But I also, I had this, like, energy in me as a kid that just, like, wanted to be extreme about everything.

Like I wanted the most, I mean, it's addiction. I just wanted the most of everything all the time. Most life. The most life. Not more life. I want a most life. There's another one to add to the list of the, of maybe my slogan. We're going to just keep that one on.

It just, I wanted so much of everything everywhere all at once. And this, like a drug or alcohol was one of the first things that tangibly I felt like I could actually hit the limit of. I would black out. Like I would black out almost every time. And it's funny when even nine years in and someone's like, well, do you think you could like have a drink now? I'm like, that doesn't sound fun. I get that all the time. I'm like, maybe, but one drink still doesn't sound fun to me.

Yeah, I said one will turn into a thousand. There would be no point. There would be no point to that. Like, all I still would ever want to do is have 10, like as many as I could until I literally couldn't drink anymore because I'm unconscious. Like, which is so interesting as to why our brains are working that way. And yet that was the first, the first time I. ever drank, I knew anything that was going to alter my state, I was going to like it. You were for it.

It really wasn't, there wasn't a specific thing that I think I would have ever latched on to. It was whatever was most accessible, especially by the end when I just didn't want to go to sleep sober and maybe I couldn't get my hands on alcohol because, again, I was like 19. I have never had a legal drink in this country. And then any of the other things I was doing also not legal. I was going to do whatever I could to just not be sober, even if it meant doing something was like, whatever. I had a thing where if I had like two or three old fashions, a couple lines of Coke,

I thought I was like the man. Did you have something for, what was your like go-to? Again, because I was like so young, I was taking what I could get. And a lot of the time that meant like raspberry lemonade's fedka that I was going to try to finish before I went to the pregame. I can still kind of smell that. It's so gross. No, there was not a thing that specifically made me feel that way. It was really like I look back and I'm like, it was just loser shit.

I am sitting in my room after my Starbucks shift and doing cocaine and watching the office. And then I'm smoking a cigarette out the window. And then I'm thinking, this is the best day of my life. I'm not talking to anyone. And then I'm like, I'll just do one more line before bed. What does that mean? Do you know what a stimulant is, babe?

You're not doing one more line before bed. And whatever you have left in that bag will be gone. I'm saving it for later. Come on. Never. So there wasn't a thing that ever made me feel like I'm the man. I think I was really doing it so in isolation because I had so much shame wrapped around it at that point too. And I knew no one was doing it like around me was also doing kind of like partaking in those similar activity.

Sure. Why would you? The office on cocaine. Anyway. Probably not that enjoyable. Yeah. I appreciate you talking about the medicating in the dark and medicating alone and being isolated. Because I think over the last year of my using and when I really hit rock bottom was the isolation.

and sitting by myself in my New York City apartment, drinking, doing cocaine, repeating. And I'd smoke cigarettes out the window. I'd call friends at 3 in the morning, FaceTime him, say crazy shit. I'd watch YouTube videos of random music videos and God knows what. But I was on this cycle just like back and forth, back and forth. Did you know at the time, like something was wrong because you had family or did you just think you were going to figure it out at some point? Like when did you really realize, okay, I need to get help? Well, I knew this, none of that was normal by the time we were doing all that. And like, I knew it was a mess.

But I was like, I'm going to figure this out after college. Because I'm, again, a teenager, why would I figure this out before college? You're supposed to do this. You're supposed to do it in college. But you'd already had a prerequisite crash course, maybe. I had, exactly. And then that is why when I, like, my roommate had woke me up one day and was like, your dad's here.

And then I, like, stumbled into the kitchen and everyone was there. I was like, right. I get it. So you had an intervention. Big old intervention, classic packets of paper, here's how you've affected us. We have an interventionist, a bald one.

And then he was just... Is it like what you see in the TV shows and movies, pretty much? Yeah, but like, serious. Yeah, it's like, oh, we're not even joking. Yeah, me with the problem. So I... At what age was this intervention? I was 19.

19. And it was on a Wednesday. Everyone read their impact letters of how, you've impacted their lives. And those are like very heartfelt and beautiful and nice and and kind of the message at the end of all of them is we know you are better than this and we miss the person who we know you are. And then the interventionist says, and so we have to get done to Florida today for you to go to rehab. And I'm like I well today I got I have class at six. And also I it's September 28th. We have just started sophomore year. I can't go today. Like

flippantly, I mean, I did, all of this is in the book. I did pull my friends to the side at one point because one of my roommates and one of my other really close friends were also part of the intervention. They had set it up with my family, also 19, which I give them so much credit. A lot of people talk about an intervention day and they, they turn to me and they're like, that must have been so hard. I'm like, I was there for one day and all I had to do was answer a question. All these people came here. They were part of the planning process. They wrote these letters and they had to write a letter that was prepared to tell me how I was no longer in their life, which half of them did have to read because I initially said no. And the only reason the

letters stopped being read is because my sister started sobbing and she said, please don't make dad read his letter, which I kind of knew that what that meant and what his letter would have been. And the rest of this part is actually, it's one of my favorite parts in the book. I mean, not because of the happy things sort of happening, but it just is like, it speaks to a turning. point, I think so many of us have experienced in our lives, whether it's this intense or not, where you, it's almost the first time you remember who you were as a kid. And it's the first time you really miss that person. And it's the first time you honor and respect that guy or that girl and know that they deserve better. And you kind of like, it's a zoom out moment of like,

why have I been treating him so badly? And then I ended up going. And then, well, first, I went to a detox for a few days. And then I hit rehab on October 3rd, Mean Girls Day. We'll never forget it. Good day. Good day. Would you say any of the last few months or times using drinking was any fun? No. Never. It never was. It was always just about that slight sense of relief that always ended in something negative. Yep. And most of the time, by the end, if I were around people while I was drinking, I was crying. I was just crying about something, which is like, now I do that sober. Now I'm just crying about something. Now I'm just crying about something sober. That's a good thing that means you're alive.

Yes. I love crying so. More life. More life. Yes. Most life. The most life. Yeah.

So, guys, I just drove back from the Hamptons. It's the end of summer. I'm driving down the 495. And I've been doing this a lot over the last 11 years of my life. I was cut off yesterday driving home on Sunday afternoon. Someone almost ran into me. We were driving 65 miles an hour down the highway. I wanted to scream and say something.

But I just took a pause and said, it's not worth it. It's all good. And just smiled. kept it moving. I feel like that's what growing feels like, and that's why I wanted to tell you guys about grow therapy. Therapy's biggest impact usually isn't some big dramatic breakthrough. It's those small moments where you pause

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You can book in minutes and start in as little as two days. See if you can pay as little as zero dollars for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash radkey. That's growtherapy.com slash radkey. Grotherapy.com slash radkey. Availability and coverage may vary by state and insurance plan. I want to talk about a little bit of like coming out and being, you know, sobriety coming out. I go to a lot of meetings here in New York, but when I first got sober, I just found this 8 a.m. meeting. And a lot of the men and women on this call, it's a very diverse group. And you have a lot of gay, lesbian, trans. And I was blown away by some of the stories.

And I talk about this with my producer, Annie, just like how difficult that must be, not only wrestling with sexuality, being comfortable in your own skin, and then also drugs and alcohol and what that could mean for sexuality. So I'm curious, like, just you're kind of talking. I know you talk about it in your book and talking about when you were young. I mean, I read a little bit. You had the Barbies. You were doing the pink. You were performing.

I was just, I mean, high school musical was everything. Zach Efron was my number one. I had my, the posters were all over my room. But whenever a guy or a bro friend came over, I transformed my room. And I would take them all down and I would like turn it back into the. It was just, I think it became like bland. It was a minimalist. But other than that, maximalist, high school musical everywhere, Hannah Montana.

I loved them all. You know what? as much as I think there were nuances of me coming out and me being gay as a part of my story, I think too, I was so privileged with the support that I found myself surrounded by at different points in my life. For example, I've never come out to my parents. And my dad has always said that there was no reason to because it was obvious. And he kind of says, like, why do my kids need to tell me who they plan on sleeping with or

bringing home, they can just do it. They can just bring them home and we're going to love them no matter what. And at this arts boarding school, this theater boarding school, as you can imagine, everyone is gay. So then I'm in this boarding school where we're all spending all of our time together and the dorms are also gendered. So it's basically one building of little gay teenagers and you are loving being gay on a twin XL.

And then I was in college. for musical theater. I've always been around a lot of gays. Always been around a lot of gays. And also, there is something I'm inherently grateful for around the fact that I was never too scared of it as a part of me. But as it kind of like, I mean, I came out to my friends

when I was 12. I kind of strategically did it too where I told the girls who I knew gossiped the most. So I was like, well, they'll do it for me. I was like, I'm gay. Don't tell anyone. And then there it went. Work smarter, not harder.

Right, exactly. So I kind of, but I think there are a lot of nuances with drugs and alcohol and the gay community. Like that is definitely something that I have felt a disconnect from a lot of the time. And I think it probably took me way longer to feel a part of the adult gay community because by the time I entered it, I was already not doing any of that stuff. And I think sometimes it feels a bit of a right of passage. and there are a lot of people who feel like they maybe have to to understand these parts of the gay or queer community.

And it took me a second, but I've slowly figured out, you know, realizing that that's not the truth. I mean, it's a social construct of every party or event ever, basically these days that like you got to go get a drink when you first get there to ease the tension and like take the edge off. And then some people never learn how to not do that. And it's really a habit. some people can live their entire lives and it doesn't become an issue.

Sure. But I think it is just like, okay, you're like, it's a bit of a self-medication before every time. And you're never really going to find out what you are like at an event authentically or at one of these things or who you really could be. Yeah. You know, like maybe you're even funnier when you have. Yeah, without it. Yeah. But it is scary to try to find out because the fear of what if you're not.

And really, when you're drinking, it's not that you are becoming funnier. I think people are just like thinking they're funnier. Yeah. I mean, now that you're sober, you have probably experienced plenty of being on the other side of you are the sober one and someone else is the drunk one and you're like, oh my God, get away. All the time.

And also like, that's what I looked like. Whoa. That was the shocker for me is because like watching some of my friends and just being around other random people, like I was like, am I this bad? And guess what? I was worse. Same.

Yeah. Same. I was like I had to carry someone passed out. drunk home for the first time over the past year and as I was doing it I was like this must be karma I'm carrying this person because it's coming back around had to carry me someone had to carry me and it's like taking care of a child yeah that's what we're doing too we're like we are trying to revert in a in a way to our childhood so how do you navigate what do you say or how do you talk about your

sobriety I have friends of mine and I think depends on the room but they kind of can shift depending on who's there. Now, if I'm at soft bar, someone asked me why don't I drink, I'm like, I'm an alcoholic. If I'm at a club in Manhattan with a bunch of friends, it's Friday night at 10 and someone's like, why aren't you drinking? I'm like, I don't drink. I'm not going to get into it at a nightclub at that hour. But depending on the room or the environment, I will pick and decide what I'm going to say. I'm curious, do you just stick to one thing or do you kind of? I think it usually is I don't drink. And then if there's a follow up, like, no, I like, I'm a big drink. You're like, because I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholic. Like, I'm not scared

of speaking to that. I think I also have really released myself of FOMO. And so like I don't find myself at the club. Do you get Jomo? What is that? Joy of missing out. Yeah. Oh my God.

I was just saying in the car over here, there is nothing like being home and being alone and being inside and no one's speaking to you. Oh my God. Is there anything better? And I'm thinking of, I'm fantasizing. about that when I'm at an event like that, which is like I try to remain present, especially when they're like very cool things that are happening. But if we're talking about like a party or it's

also become kind of known, the sobriety card can get you out of things too. Like I was at a wedding in Nashville a few weeks ago and everyone was moving to the after party and I turned to the bride and she was actually one of the people at the intervention. So I was like, you know it's, I got to go. Well, you guys are going to drink and I can't do that. been, I was in bed at like 11. Oh my God. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it.

Yeah, I don't really experience FOMO. So I think I know when to leave because I know when I'm maybe not going to have too good of an experience at the thing. But also, I do need to challenge myself sometimes because there have been times I'm like, I don't want to go. I'm not going to have a good time. And then I'm like, well, Chris, just give yourself the experience. And that was probably the hardest part with at least the like the gay experiences and being

in the gay community. Like, I was very. nervous to go to Fire Island for the first time or Peatown for the first time because the idea around them is these very party-centric towns. But then you go and it's like you are always in charge of your own destiny. Yes. You can leave the party early. You can pick and choose your battle. Right, right. And there's kind of always someone who is probably doing that too. And maybe they're not an alcoholic, but maybe they're not drinking that day. And you're just like, wow, that's crazy that you just decide not to drink one day. Like how fun. Teach me.

your sorcery. Yeah, that must be awesome. Oh, you just had one or two and now you're ready to go home. That's crazy. Would you say you've gotten, as you've gotten some experience in going to Fire Island or going to Provincetown, like P-town, once you had like an experience that was, you got through it, and you're like, wait, because for me, I go to the Hampton's lot, you know, partying for me, sober is still interesting for other people to watch. Like, how do you do that? But over time, I got experiences that I got confidence. I got a little bit of, you know, okay, that wasn't so bad. And now I'm like, I love partying silver. Like it got more comfortable as I did it.

That first Fire Island experience to now. The first one was actually great. Great. That changed everything. And also like our definition of what going to a party is changes. It's no longer the same thing of like, I love going to. Because at the end of the day, did we love going to a party before? We didn't remember going to a party before.

We weren't there. Did we make it to the party before? What did we do at the party before? that we're embarrassed of. We were disgusting at the party. But now we are actually like, we are just experiencing this party. And maybe there's some sort of like artificial euphoria

we're missing out on at certain points. But it's like, okay, if the highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low, I'll take the middle ground. Having that moment maybe of not wanting to go. And we talk about this. I've had some guests on who've shared some of the, and I feel like this a lot,

where I have a busy schedule. I'm social a lot, but sometimes I want to be at home. food, TV, book, or whatever it is, chilling at home. But sometimes I'm not feeling it. But I push through and go and I usually get something out of it that I wasn't expecting that I needed. Have you experienced that at all sometimes where you really don't want to go to the event? You push through and you stay for an hour and aren't you glad you went a little bit? Yeah.

I think even in the times that maybe like something extraordinary didn't happen, I'm like, you got out of the house, Chris. And what were you going to do otherwise? You were going to have the same night that you could have any other time. And you at least like did something that was a new experience. I remember there was like it was a gay Halloween circuit party or something like that. I had cut a cropped Hogwarts shirt and I had a wand. And I was sat on the floor of my bathroom being like, I don't want to go.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this to myself. And then I was like out loud. I'm like having this conversation being like, Chris, just go. You've never been to a gay Halloween circuit party. You never know. You have a wand. And then I went.

You have a cropped hub Hogwarts shirt on. Come on. How cool is that? Right. And then I went and it was fine. Like my life was not changed. But I was like, well, now I know. Now you know.

Now I know. Because there have been times, like going to Fire Island, that first trip, I did feel like my life was changed. I was like it was the first time I felt like I could relate to that adult gay community without having to partake in certain things that I felt like I needed to be able to join it in a way. And so I gave this other thing a chance to. And I was like, okay, great. Halloween circuit party is a no. And that's okay. Because then the next year I went to Harry Ween, Harry Styles show on Halloween.

And then he talked to me. And so it was like, it was gay Halloween in a different way at that point. And both of those things happened out of the house. I needed to leave the house for either of those experience to happen. And I'm grateful. Well, look, I mean, look how far you've come from the isolation and the darkness to now putting yourself out there. You know, I know I've been that same exact place where I was in the dark, isolating. and now I'm social, more social than a lot of my drinking friends.

I mean, some of my drinking friends, this is the best compliment I got paid. I was out of an event recently in the Hamptons and I was one of the last ones up. Three in the morning, sober, happy, feeling good. Everybody's like, Carl's still awake. It was like the coolest compliment to be paid that, you know, I was sober and still awake. Everybody was like rooting for me. Yes. It felt so good.

That's the other thing, too, is I think people, there is this feeling of like not cool sobriety. Oh, you're not going to have fun. It's loser shit. Like, no one really... I like the voice you just did, that. Yeah, no one's good. Yeah, you're not cool anymore. Yeah, it's my straight voice.

Yeah. You probably could really hear me. I can hear you now. You were like, oh. Oh, now I understand. Oh, you've been here this whole time. No one is thinking that, like, the sober person is being weird for that. And if they are, that's the person who's being weird.

And they are likely the addict in a way. It's like, I always say that. I mean, I don't necessarily think in my addiction, I was looking at someone who's sober and being like, well, actually, no, I, I loved when people would drink as much as me or like would be drinking at least with me yeah i was definitely like yes you want anything like i would i would want to pass it around you want to bring people along with your yes i don't want to bring people on the the misery party a hundred percent curious like you've obviously grown a tremendous platform you know your videos went super viral around covid that's when i started yeah that's when i began but you've got a ton of love you get a ton of hate

no they all love me same yeah What's it like to hold both of those at the same time? And I can relate at times to some of this, but I'm curious because you have a huge platform. It's interesting because having a platform on a phone to just feel so relative because it is still through my phone, it is still something that we are all using every day. It feels so like I'm not doing anything

that's really out of the ordinary here, but I am seeing a lot of words on a screen that are directed towards me and some might be good and some may be bad. And how I relate to them now is giving my time and energy to the people who appear to enjoy what I'm doing. Because those are the people who are giving me lovely time and energy as well. And like they have likely always just kind of enjoyed it. But human nature has decided to make me latch on. I mean, it's also, I think it's an addict thing too of like, I need to make everyone like me.

Yep. I can't change the mind of someone who is determined to misunderstand. understand me. If you already don't want to like me and maybe you don't know why, anything I do will be annoying. And that's okay. And I might find you annoying too. And so, yeah, I think there was a long time I was really trying to change people's minds. And I was trying to do everything I could. And then I was trying to like have a clapback era. And then I was trying to like be angry about it. I had a clapback era, but I was using and drinking of that clapback era. You were sober clapping back. Yeah. It's almost like, does that make it better?

No, listen, I have a saying here, sober people can be assholes too. Yeah, it almost is, it just is, well, I do also believe I wasn't medicated correctly at the time. And now I feel like I am. But I think I look back on that and I feel sad for the person who, me, like just two years ago, desperately wanted to change these people's minds, which there is good intention in the center of that. It was like, I just wanted to make someone who appeared to be not happy with me happy. And all of that also traces back to that rehab that I was going through where it was like, you're a bad person and anyone who was angry at you is valid and you have to fix it.

And there was no fix in this scenario. And there was no way to, there would be no possible way to get everyone to like me ever. And that goes for anyone ever. One last thing to discuss. And I'm curious because I've gone through this where it sounds like, Like, if you don't have to talk about this, you don't want to. Breakups. Never had one.

Same. Curious, but navigating a breakup sober. I get this question a lot from people who watch, people DM me. I went through a pretty big breakup where I told the person I was engaged to that I don't think we should move forward with the wedding. We were about three months away from the wedding. Wow. It was very difficult.

Someone I loved and wanted to be with, but it just wasn't right. And ultimately, the breakup and we moved on. But like, yeah, having to reconcile some of that still, because I had moments after that breakup where I was presented opportunities to drink. I'll give you the quick example. I, her and I lived together at the time. And when we did break up, I got a hotel room that night just to get some space. And I went to the hotel and the person at the hotel check-in could tell I'd been crying and was just emotional and kind of beaten up, not physically, just emotionally. And he's like, you okay? And I'm like, no, not really, kind of going through it. I just want to get my hotel room

and my key. He gives me the key. It went up to my room. Within two, three minutes of being in the room, I hear a knock. And a guy at the door with a nice, you know, napkin over his arm. And he's got a bottle of Cabernet or red wine. Hey, Mr. Radke, we'd love to compliments of the front desk. We're really sorry you're going through such a tough time. And I'm like, in that moment, I could have very easily just taken the bottle, isolated, drank, did coke and did whatever. But I did tell him, I don't drink.

Thank you. But I have many moments in a vulnerable, raw space where my sobriety was tested. I'm curious with some of navigating a breakup or navigating a relationship shift. How did you navigate that sober? When I think back to the first really significant breakup I went through from the first long-term relationship I was ever in, which was the relationship that I built a platform on social media. Yeah, this is who you were doing all your initial videos with. Yes. All of our videos were together.

It was essentially a couple account. And we broke up about like a year into doing that. We had been dating for two years. And it wasn't necessarily a thought. I think I had found a new addiction at that point. And it was social media. TikTok. And so I knew what to do. It was like, well, here we go. And I don't necessarily think I look back on that. And I'm like, well, then I immediately started using it in an unhealthy way. But I do know,

part of receiving that validation was like fulfilling the need or what I was looking for or what I might have looked for. And I was also deeply in therapy the whole time. And I was talking about that the whole time. But what's so interesting with my therapist too is I will frequently catch myself being like, no, I'm just too addictive with work and social media. So that thing is, it must not be good. And like, I need to turn off that thing that ties my self-worth to how I'm doing in my job. And she was like, well, that is ultimately what makes you good at your job too. The little addiction side, like, you don't have to turn it off.

Yes, don't tie your whole self-worth in it. But so I think around that time, I maybe did find a bit of a healthy balance of like, I'm going to share the experience of going through a breakup because I would do. that anyway. I've always been vulnerable online. And that in turn will, there will be a lot of people relating to that feeling and that will make me feel validated in going through this thing. And so it was kind of like using the internet for the purpose that like we maybe originally created it for of like the community of it all in connection. And then I think there probably came a point as I kept doing it where I was like, okay, well now like my numbers have been high. Like I better

keep them going or something like that. Sure. But there wasn't too much of a, worry about using again. That rehab that I went to was so scary to me. The thought of going back there and the fear of going back there is what kept me sober for at least the first two years. I could not imagine putting myself back into that position. And I felt like there were cameras at any given time. And when I first started getting a platform on social media, I was like, this is going to crash and burn and someone is going to post a video about how I am actually a really bad person and need to go back to rehab and then I will. I still feel like that all the time.

Right. So, no, I wasn't too worried, I think, navigating the breakups because of that. I think you also navigate a breakup differently depending on where you are in life. Sure. But it seems like you have a really strong program and you've got a strong foundation, which eight, nine years into your sobriety probably... It's a support system. It gives you a little bit of...

I have great people around me. My friends who helped stage my intervention at 19 are still... Like it was her wedding in Nashville. I love that. I love that. Shout out to your friend who got married in Nashville. Yes. Thanks for letting him leave the after party a little early.

Yeah, thank you. But thank you for saving my life. And that was what my speech was about too was just like, I have people in my life from childhood, from college, like the drinking days who have seen me go through these things. And then have people in my life who are in the industry who like know those kinds of hardships too. And that speaks to probably your character and who you really are deep down is people really, you They've seen your flaws and your challenges, but of course still understand you put the work in.

You're doing the right thing. You know what? Sometimes I think that in the back of my head when people are like Chris Olson, he's so annoying. Like everyone, he's such elite. Everyone must hate him. I'm like, you got, I do have friends. I'm not forcing these people to hang. I just made a friend.

You just made another friend. I just made a friend. This is one of my favorite conversations. In a rare demographic, a straight man. So I, yeah, I think I do, I keep the circle small, but the roots run deep with the people. And like, we can. those roots very quickly with some of the new people I've met in my life, but like I will always prioritize the deep, close relationships. And I think those have been what have saved my life

countless times. I love hearing you talk about because I think it's not, obviously you've done a lot of work yourself, but acknowledging the friends, the family, the people around you. A question for you about this book. I'll tell you. Curious. Like what are you hoping to gain from all of this? Do you have a why, like a deep rot, like rooted why with the book and the memoir? Yeah. Every time I've shared some of the stories that are in there on social media. The response I get from it is very fulfilling and emotional and also connective. And I can feel that there is an impact being made. And I made one particular video before really getting into writing this about,

it was kind of a poem about like what happened at each age of my life up until now. And then that video ended up doing pretty well, like blowing up. And then one of the top comments that had like 200,000 likes was write a book. So I also had to give the people what they wanted. People what they want. And by the way, 200,000 likes on a comment is, that's amazing. It was wild. It was wild.

So I knew I had to. You had to. But it had been in the back of my head maybe a little bit before that too, just because I was like, anytime I had told the story purely of my rehab to my friends, they were like, that is insane. Yeah. I think I just knew that any time I had told the story. it felt like it helped someone and that's all I care about.

You're gonna sell a lot of books, obviously. You're gonna have a tremendous success with this. I really do think just based on everything you've shared. Like your stories are amazing. Thank you. And I actually can't wait to read more because I relate to a lot of what you've shared with the alcohol, the cocaine.

You know, all of that stuff is really relatable, but your age that you were doing it, I'm impressed by because I didn't really hit full gear until my mid to late 20s. Well, but I have to give the credit to the people who staged the intervention at 19. I would not have gotten sober by choice at 19. but thanks to the support system and to my mom going through the things that she did at that age. Now, you remember what I said at the beginning about the concept of more life?

So what is giving you more life right now? Giving me more life is like the friendships and support systems and being there for your friends, going through a hard time, all of you, being there for your friends no matter what, and through all of the phases of life and the different hard times we will continue to go through together. But we are together. for them. I mean, I feel like you show up for your friends now in a way more profound way. Yes. How beautiful is that? It's great. It becomes an issue a little bit in relationships because maybe I am too open and giving occasionally, but I don't want to lose that quality within

myself. I do love how much I want to give and help and do for my friends. Love that. I'm similar. I mean, the thing I always say a lot, and I beat this to death is you put your oxygen mask on first on the airplane. And I think to your point is you got to do, you got to take care of yourself. Showing up for others is a beautiful thing, but until you make sure you take care of you, because you're no good to anybody if you're not. Right. And I sometimes overextend. You want to be good to your friends. You want to be there for them. But you do make sure you got to prioritize what's best for you too sometimes. It's like that delicate balance. Yeah. Come into a close here. Chris, you're awesome. I really appreciate you taking the time. Thank you. Congratulations on.

Taking this story and putting it out there. I think it takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to really reach deep and share some really dark, difficult stuff. But I ultimately think to your thesis, you're going to help people. And I think that's really beautiful. And I think ultimately that's going to continue to permeate because you have a very large platform. And I love, love when people take their platform seriously. So it's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Come back and see us again here at soft bar sometimes. Oh, I sure will. And I can't wait to see what shoes you're wearing to match the collar. I'm going to have to step my game up the next time. Those shoes have never been worn except for today. Just today. It's a brand new prayer.

Thank you guys for being here today on MoreLife. You can check Chris out. And his new book, I think my therapist hates me. It's coming out September 1st. Come listen to us here at More Life. Review, rate, subscribe, Apple, YouTube, Spotify, anywhere you listen to your podcasts. We'll check you guys next time here at More Life.

Thanks for being here. More Life is produced by Annie Siegel and executive produced by Adam Reynolds of Denham Pictures. This episode was directed by Annie Siegel, edited by Mikey Ortiz, and recorded at softbar studios in Brooklyn, New York. More Life is a production of Sony Music Entertainment. From Sony, our executive producers are Chris Skinner and Joanna Clay.

Original music by Function Adams. Sound mixing by Ian Sorrentino. Set design by Michael Ignacio. Publicity by Caitlin Healy. Additional support from Abby Sharp. And a special thanks to Alison Shano and Joanna Orland. New episodes drop every Tuesday. We'll see you next time.