More Life with Carl Radke - Ciara Miller on Prozac, Race on Reality TV, and Her Best Year Yet

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Carl welcomes Ciara Miller - nurse, model, Summer House star, and one of his closest friends - for a deep conversation about depression, Prozac, being a Black woman on a predominantly white show, and the moment she realized she was finally feeling like herself again. She reflects on the pressure of life on balancing reality TV with her background as an ICU nurse and what it’s like navigating fame while staying grounded in the real world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruit Flies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen, these little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. On his podcast Chasing Life, I'm Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

CNN's chief medical correspondent brings you the secrets of the happiest and healthiest people on the planet so that you can live your best life. Are some people just born happier than others? And what might they be doing that the rest of us aren't? Follow Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta on Apple, Spotify, IHeart Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Carl Radke and welcome to more life. Today's episode is a very special guest, Sierra Miller. She is one of my best friends. She is a dynamic, amazing personality.

But you've seen her on Summer House. You've seen her walk red carpets. She's a nurse. She has so much good stuff going on. But more importantly, she is so smart. She's been through a lot. I cannot wait to talk to her. So I hope you guys check this out.

We are coming to you live from Greenpoint, Brooklyn, here at Softbar. Sierra Miller, welcome to more life. I'm so happy to be here. It's such a great pleasure to have you here. I mean it. Listen, when Sierra came in, you felt like you feel it in the best way. Because it's chaotic. Because I'm like, I'm taking my jacket off.

My phone cords caught up somewhere and I'm a mess. Well, you made it. And I appreciate you making the trip out to Greenpoint. This is so, like, this is so insane. It's full circle. You were here back at the end of August for our soft bar, soft opening. Yeah. And I think I showed a little preview of ups.

stairs. Yeah, you did. But it wasn't quite built out like this. No. But also just crazy in the sense like this is, you're so adult. Right? Okay. Let's jump into it. Okay. So this podcast is called More Life. Yes. I think you know why. It's one of my favorite sayings. Do you have a phrase or saying that you live by? Of course. Do I know what they are? You've got something. Okay, Lane says I, one thing I always say is I just need a minute. Like I just need a minute. I just need an hour. I just need a second. I just need a day. It could be. I just need a I just need a insert a length of time and or fuck you. No problem. I like the fuck you more than yeah no I feel like my saying I feel you're in your fuck you era a little bit. Yeah and like my prozac era of like fuck it

honestly everything's gonna be fine everything's gonna be fine it's gonna work out. Well we're gonna get into some good stuff like that I want to talk about prozac because I have some friends of mind that I've actually been helped by you and some other friends of ours, Amanda, who've opened up about some of their anti-depressant journey. And it's helped a lot of women that I actually know personally too. So my hack goes off to you for sharing that. And I think it's really beautiful. You're Sierra, but like the best version I've ever seen. Oh my God, thanks. And I want to tap into that. But I do want to get into something maybe a little more personal between you and I back in season five when I first met you. Yeah. I'll never forget. Sierra walks in the door. We had heard about this new

new girl coming to join. Oh my God. Did you guys look me up before? I didn't look you up. But Luke had mentioned that this beautiful girl was coming. You walk in the door and I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God. You had this biggest smile. You had the cutest little outfit on. And you were like, I mean, fresh, dropped out of Atlanta, Georgia. New blood.

You had no idea what was going on. No idea. I was not to live with seven strangers. Seven strangers for seven weeks, six weeks, whatever. You just came in. You had a big smile on your face. And then I think, you know, quickly it turned into like, what the hell about I just sign up for here. But, you know, that was a really tough season for a lot of us.

COVID was going on. I mean, we were all kind of going through this really crazy time. Being in that house together, sure, being there with each other was fun. Sometimes it was very toxic and difficult. Yeah, I didn't know y'all. You barely knew us. Barely. I didn't know you at all.

You didn't know anybody. And I really didn't know Luke well enough to be, like, sharing a house with him for seven weeks. Damn, well, thank you, Luke for introducing us to see. No, big shout out to Luke. Yeah, we appreciate that. But, you know, I think that summer, I draw upon this a lot. and you being someone that was super supportive to me going through one of the most difficult things I've ever been through. And I think I've told you this a couple times maybe before.

But just like that moment meant so much to me. And I'm mentioning a couple different moments that summer after my brother had passed. I'll never forget sitting on that balcony right outside of my bedroom. Yeah. I don't even think we sat in chairs. I feel like we sat on the floor. Yeah, I was like on the floor. You might have been in the chair.

Yeah. And there was just something really special about being able to have your stuff. support, have your friendship. I know you didn't really know me that well. Yeah. But that moment is really meant a lot to meet over time and over time just because I've gotten to know you more and understand you more. It just shows your character and who you really are as a person. And it meant so much to me because I was going through it. Yeah. I know you've dealt with loss and you've dealt with being a nurse, you know, family who's got similar stories. So I guess like what do you think cultivated that bond between you and me? And how has it grown on you? I mean, do you think about that at all?

That's funny because I feel like when I'm in the hospital, you're with so many people who are like, people of loved ones who have passed and like they're going through hard times. I was just, I felt bad, you know, obviously like we were in this house together and like you get this unexpected news and like, yeah, I just wanted to be there for you. And I think like, I was like, it's the least I could do. It was kind of awkward on my part because I was like, I don't know him that well. You even said that. Like I don't, I never, you know, knew your brother. I didn't know you that. well, but it was just something about the way you, it showed you cared, but also, like,

you've, like, dealt with that before. And I don't think I understood fully your nursing career at that point. And I think, like, when you are obviously, like, dealing with someone who had an addiction and, like, you would talk about, like, the way your family would worry and, like, you know, the ups and downs of everything. And death is obviously harder for the living, but I think that there is so much peace you can find in death. And, like, it's sad they're not here with us physically, but I think, like, you know, at that point in time, like, you kind of have to reframe how you think about things, flip your perspective on it. And like, even though he might not be here with us, like, today, it's like there's so much that has come from him, you know,

leaving this earth a little too soon. And there's so much that he's taught you in this and that you've learned about yourself and that your family's learned about themselves. And like, we're not here for a long time, you know, we're here for a good time. I was going to say, I feel like it's a Drake book. We're here for a good time. I appreciate you flipping the thinking because that's how I've made sense of my brother's passing is he's a piece. Yeah. He's safe. He's safe.

Your mom knows where he is. Exactly. And I don't know what it's like to lose a child. And I can't fathom that. And I, you know, that statement is not enough in that moment when you are losing a child, a loved one, a brother, a sister, like anything. And I, I know that. But I also know that in the process of dying, like, whether you guys were cool or not, like there's, you guys had this bond. He's your brother.

and he was just sick, you know. And there was a lot of things that were kind of within his control, but also out of his control, you know, and his illness. It seemed like you had like this like superpower of dealing with death that I wasn't ready for. Yeah. I felt like you really carried on a little bit of that sadness that I had. And you were like, you know, it just felt comfortable with you

because you dealt with death professionally. And I don't know, was it like was your nursing skills on play there? Honestly, when I think about it, okay. So when I took a break from nursing post pandemic and then I went back to it like last year or the year before, I was like, I think you become so accustomed to dying. Like you are in the ICU. You see it every day. And when I really took a break from it and then went back to it, I was like, oh my God, this is so not normal. Like I've probably seen more people die and been with them in their final hours than like most people see in their lifetime.

And I'm 20. Ooh. I'm 30. I was a say. That was a slip. I'm 30 now, but I was, there was a time where I was like, I'm 25, I'm 26. And it's like the amount of death that you're seeing at that age. I chose a profession where you have to reframe how you think about life and so early on because you're put in these situations where, yeah, tomorrow's not promised.

You're seeing it very straight and clear. It doesn't matter how old you are. how, you know, all the factors in the world kind of don't matter because inevitably this is the plan, you know, and you're only guaranteed life, death, taxes. And so it teaches you quickly, like, what's important, what's not, and what's the message here while we're here? Did you have a family that we're in nursing or what really prompted you to want to get into nursing? Oh my God, my mom made me. Okay, it was your mom. Yeah, my mom's a nurse.

She's got her DMP. Shout out to mom. We did see her at BravoCon. So smart. And so my mom's a nurse. I always thought I wanted to be in the medical field. I think I wanted to go, you know, I wanted to be a doctor at first. And then like I graduated high school.

Then I was like modeling. And then I was going to take a year off. And then my mom was like, pay me rent. And I was like, I don't want to pay rent. And she's like, you're going to go to nursing school. And I was like, I'm not going to go to nursing school. She basically filled out my entire application, which is so nice because. So the applications kind of suck sometimes.

No, I've only filled out one college application before. I'll never do it again. But I'm like thinking about going to get my master's and I'm like, oh my God, do I have to fill out my own application to do this? Yes. Like I'm like, I want to call my mom and be like, can you please just do this? If you have your mom fill out your master's application, then I don't think you're ready for the master's. Maybe not. Carl.

But yeah, so she filled everything out and made me, you know, drug me to the open house. I had a bad attitude about it. Then I actually really liked it by the end of it. And then I had to take like an entrance exam. When I went to the open house, I had already been accepted, but she didn't tell me that. So honestly, she worked really smart on that one. because I was convinced I was taking a year off. It's actually really good stuff.

I don't think I ever knew that about your mom was low-key. Controlling. Controlling. Well, we're going to get into your mom and your family stuff in a minute, but I want to get back to you and I and just some of our, the current season of Summer House and our relationship and our friendship. You've shown up for friends. You've really shown up for me.

I guess how do friends show up for you? Okay, my word of the year is actually community. I don't feel like I've always been the best at showing up for people, you know? I feel like it depends. I think when you do show up, though, it just the, power of you. Yeah. Me, but let's back it up though. You moved to New York and basically like started your life. Yeah. Like boom, it takes some time to get adjusted and get settled. And I think for anybody, like a little bit of grace should be offered for you to get your bearings underneath

you. Yeah. But I mean, I remember we threw your anniversary party. Oh my gosh. The only party like I will ever throw for myself. Like parties, even parties intimidate me because I'm like, what if no one shows up? Like it's the thought of it's so scary. And you're sitting there like a kindergartner, like, is anyone going to come to my birthday? But now, I think, I don't know, if you love someone, you're going to show up for them. I think that showing up for someone is quite literally the easiest thing that you could do. It doesn't cost you any. It's an amazing quality of people who show up. I feel like you do show up for the people you really do care about. Yeah. And if I don't care, I'm not going. Oh, you don't give up. Yeah. I'm like,

I'm not, which is a flaw. Can you talk to me? What are your thoughts on, I mean, I know you live this season. I know it's still airing, but I think it's been fun to watch kind of just the friendship dynamics. Even me and you talking a little bit about. I love, okay, the evolution of our friendship, we went, because there were some years where we didn't really talk. No, well, I think part of that was a function of being in a relationship. Yeah. Maybe some of the tension also. No, for sure. But like, it's just interesting how we've all, like we've changed and like, because I feel like even, you know, other relationships in the house, like we're, I'll say it. I didn't talk to Lindsay for years. Now we talk. There was a period where we

didn't really talk for maybe two years, but like not that much. Yeah. But I like, I still had this like, love for you. And I was just like, we're going through stuff. We're all going through stuff. But it's like, it's funny how we all like still find a way back to each other. I think we needed to grow up a little bit, some of us. And I think so of us had weird resentments behind some of our, some of ourselves that once we kind of got through some of it and we realized we have a lot more in common than we don't. And I also think there's like the underlying layer of like innately, like, we're trying to compete too. But then when we realize, like, we're all so different,

we're competing in different areas that don't even really matter. And then I feel like we've grown up and kind of like shed the pressure of like having to compete with each other so much. I like, I mean, it's really impressive. I think a lot of people ask like, how has your show been on so long? Yeah. And I think part of it is, I mean, look at examples of past drama with you and Danielle Lindsay or me, Lindsay or whatever it might be. But we can fight like cats and dogs.

Yeah. Cry. Oh, my God. Put it all out. No, we're nuts. But then what's beautiful is having you guys, like, I love seeing you and Lindsay Friendly. It's like the nicest thing. I mean, it's the craziest thing.

It's crazy, though. Because like that summer was nuts. Vermont was nuts. Oh, I'm so glad I was. Summer was nuts. Like, there have been some crazy things that and like things that have also just happened off camera too where you're like in a normal situation, I feel like I would have never come back from that.

Like I would have stopped talking to this person and we would have never been friends again. Ever again. And like this show forced. you to reconcile. And yeah, like, we can reconcile and still not, like, get along. We have to coexist with each other. But, like, you know me. I hate you. I'm done with you. I'm so absolute. And I've, like, really had to change that thought process about myself. But, like, but also that coping mechanism alone. Like, so it's interesting. Just like, getting older and I want to sometimes, like, cut the door, shut it off. But I think we're giving, one thing I've had people

tell me is we're giving our audience and people who watch Summerhouse examples of situations that actually I think it's helpful for the audience to watch like sure a friend group going through it and then like not trying to resolve it and work through it like the audience should see us get through it right back on the other side because I just think like we don't leave anything open ended like there has to be a resolution like yeah and not even has to because we're on a show but has to because like we're sharing the same space we're going to see each other again but also what are we just gonna like well we can't have the same fight over and over. Yeah. I mean, we can. Sort of. And we do. But we shouldn't, you know. Well, something I actually, I think you're going to like this part of the conversation.

Slow burn. I want to talk to you about slow burn. And I think initially to me, when I hear slow burn, it almost sounds like a dig or like it's a negative thing. Yeah. But guess who's a slow burn now? You are a slow burn. I'm a slow burn. And I have a lot of more respect for perhaps why slow burning can be more helpful. Especially for me. I really want to trust and understand and get to know someone. Even intimacy, just like it takes me some time to warm up to someone. I'm sober. You know, I'm going to really feel that connection. Yeah.

But you've watched me try to date. Mm-hmm. And y'all have watched me try to date. Who do you see me with? For real. Rosen lasagna, medium power. 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time.

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I feel like you kind of got to be with someone who's, I actually kind of want you with someone who's like a little high energy. Very high energy, active, but like, type B, because I feel like that. Type B, because I feel like you're so neat. Like, you have all. I'm type A, but have a lot of B moments. You can be chill too. You can be chill, but you're type A. Yeah.

Like, you're getting the car ready. Who's, I'm never doing that. I love being done. Getting the cooler. I'm not doing that shit either. I mean, I'll make the sandwiches. You'll make the sandwich. You make great fucking sandwiches.

Thank you. But, like, I think, like, someone that can kind of be, like, laxadaisical. But also, I feel like you have to be with, like, an intellectual person. And like you want to have like deep conversations. I feel like you need to be with someone who can match you there and like be able to think of the world in a different way. Damn, that's good. Challenge you.

I wish you could bottle all that up. So someone's smart. Yes. I need intelligence. But I like the idea of the active. Yeah. I'm very active and I like adventures and using my energy because I have a lot of energy. Yeah.

I do like that chill. And like someone you can bounce ideas off of, you know. Yeah. Like I like so being silly. You're ready. I think you just need to trust yourself. And also just like exhale. Yeah.

And like not everything's going to be like perfect. Well, you did this to me two seasons ago. I did. Which is a really funny moment on Summerhouse. I'm known for making my bed in the morning and being super clean and uptight in the room. And it's part of just like how I live a sober lifestyle. There's a whole thing about making your bed in the morning. But I'll never forget.

You were trying to tell me to loosen up and like just be a little more carefree. So you had walked about you told me all this. And then you walked by my room. I was like, I dare you not to make your bed one morning. So Sierra walks by and then you came back. Before she walked back again, I had already ruffled up the bed. So she'd look like I, because she didn't notice the first walk by. And I was like, oh, shit.

And then I walked back and I was like, is that bed made? And then you were like mid ruffling up the bed. I was like, no right now. I ruffled it all up because I'm trying to be a little more loose with some of these things. And I think you've helped me just kind of. But at your own days. Dare I say let my hair down. Let your hair down.

Which by the way, quite literally. Today's hair style is brought to you by Sierra. She told me it looked good last summer. No, sometimes I'm like, the bedhead is like hot. You got to just go with it, you know? I like it. Well, you're stuck with this hair for now. No, I love it.

The gel, get rid of it. Yeah, the product's got to go. No shade to Aura Bay, but I do like more orbe. Anyway, back to the summer house stuff. Obviously, this season's been a little bit of a transition too. We miss your bestie. I miss our bestie page. Yeah.

It's been an adjustment. But I think for you and something I felt like is obviously not having heard there is a huge loss. Yeah. But I feel like we're getting to see another more version of Sierra, the version that's always been there. But like, you're kind of seeing more of you. I think I need to watch it because people are saying that where I'm like, I feel like I'm the same. I just think that like when you have multiple people with like really large personalities and opinions, like someone's bound to be like, you know. I feel like the three of you, Amanda, you know, Paige and you like really influence each other and had a great bond.

And I loved, we all love that. Like the bedbugs are amazing. but like how did it change your experience this summer not having page around? I was a bit nerve-wracking. Were you nervous? Yeah. I was nervous for the group, but I also didn't clock like the bond you three had had until we were there. I'm like, wait, who are they going to talk to in the morning?

What if Amanda's fighting with someone? No, literally. I'm like, or what if she, Amanda decides not to come that weekend? Then there's not two of us. There's one of us. Yeah, what am I going to do? Which did happen. But I missed her love her so much.

She didn't die. She's just not there. So, like, I can call her text her, you know. The first weekend was, like, kind of an adjustment. And me, Amanda, looked at each other, like, are we nuts? And so it was a little, it felt a little peculiar. But I think it gave us, like, more time, like, me and Amanda more one-on-one time to, like, explore our friendship. And, like, I also feel like I was in such a different place this summer.

Like, I wasn't sad. I wasn't, you know, I do feel like I take on some of my friend's anxiety sometimes. Your empath. Yeah. So, I feel like I feel like. like I could kind of like worry about myself for a second, even though I still had like, Amanda, it's like you go from worrying about two people to one person where I'm like, I can almost manage that. I mean, did you notice, I mean, you felt pretty comfortable weekend one without her there, obviously, but.

Yeah, no, it depends. Yeah. I mean, sleeping alone is not, and like having my own room isn't something that's so familiar. Like, I love talking at night. And there were moments where I'm like, oh my God, whose room can I go into? I think Jesse and I both offered that as an option. I don't think you took this up on. Well, I went to Jesse's room one morning.

I mean, I have a question, a really good one. You were famously known as a certified bed bug, but you got out of bed more this season. What helped you make that shift? Prozac. Show out to Prozac. Showed out to Prozac. Can we talk about Prozac?

I would love nothing more. I think it's amazing that you've found something that works really well. You can tell and feel the difference. Thank you. And it's amazing just to see you blossom. And you've come into yourself, it really seems like. And hopefully because of purpose. Prozac or? No, truly, I attribute it all to Prozac. The fact that I was on nothing, I don't know.

The minute. So before getting on Prozac, had you been doing therapy? Oh, let's go through my journey. Yeah, I want to talk about it. Okay, so we know I go to my Costa Rican retreat, like every year for the past like three, four years. You should go around December, January. Yeah, around December, January. That's like my reset. I get my mind right. I do it alone. I'm not there with anybody. By the way, going alone internationally snaps to that. I mean, It shows like how comfortable you are in your own skin. Not everybody can do that. I love to travel by myself.

I love it. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. And I don't have to entertain or like think about anyone else's schedule. It's the freaking best. But go there, get my mind dry. And then like I would feel better coming back from there. But it's only two weeks out of the whole year. And then there was a period like I first tried Welbutrin.

And I don't really feel like, you know, they maxed my dose on wellbutrin. I didn't really feel like I felt a difference after like a few months. They're like initial like, okay, I think I should reach out to a doctor or therapist or somebody because you're just feeling. I was like, I am so sad and I also cannot leave my apartment. Everything felt like such a huge task. I also think my anxiety was like a lot worse than I thought it was. Like when I first moved to New York, like my first year, I was having like quite a bit of panic attacks and just like so much anxiety. But I was like living in a new place.

I have no one here. Like I'm in this unfamiliar lands. Like, of course. Like I can attribute my anxiety to that. But then like that wears off and I'm still having anxiety. I noticed like my social anxiety was getting really bad. Like I didn't want to go out in crowded places. Like I only wanted to go out with people that like I wanted to be around.

But even then I really didn't want to. Like even to the fact we're like I couldn't watch new shows and I couldn't watch movie. Is there any of this attributed at all to just you're now going to be on TV at all? Because I know when I first like the show's coming out, I started to develop a little bit of anxiety just like what are people going to think of me? Yeah. I had a really rough season or I'm going to be canceled or whatever it is. Was there any element of like that anxiety or? For sure.

I think it is probably all because of it. But also then like people think that they know you. They think they know the full story of things. They think like you're this version of who they've painted you is the version that you are. And it becomes confusing. And then you're also trying to figure out who you are. I'm also 25 at the time. You were a baby.

I'm like my brain's not even fully developed. Like, what am I doing here? Can barely rent a car without the extra fee. Like, no, I couldn't run a car. I say that all the time. Like, you cannot run a car at 24, 25. I can get a gun, but I can't get a car. Insane.

Sorry, I was very political. No. But like, but I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I have no idea who I am, but the internet thinks they know exactly who I am. And so I'm fighting that against myself. I'm in this new place. I have all this anxiety. I've got my own family issues that I'm dealing with.

Like there's so many factors and I just was like becoming a shell of myself and like I finally just yeah I was getting to the point where I'm like I would cry so much and I was like I just don't want to be like this and I was so afraid that like I wasn't going to be able to like love anyone or like love myself or like love my life and enjoy parts of my life when like I'm technically like living the dream that I always want like I'm living in this dream city and I'm doing things that I always wanted to do but I'm at these events and I'm meeting. these people and like I could give two fucks about it because I'm like I have to get home you know. I mean that's one of the realest things you've ever said. I relate to that a lot. Yeah. Just because like the internal debate you're having. Yeah. The feelings you have. But then, you know, like on the outside, I mean, you're gorgeous. You have all these exciting things. You're on TV. You're a model. What wouldn't be happy. Right. Like I should be happy, but I'm like not having fun. And that's okay, though.

Yeah. It's hard for people sometimes understand. Like sometimes people are going through shit you don't realize. Right. And someone, you know, I think my curiosity too, with you is like people look at your appearance, but they don't realize also there's someone that's inside too. Yeah. I, I, you're an emotional person. You have a lot. I'm a cry baby. And that's okay. I'm a little crybaby bitch. Has that juxtapositioned and challenging? Like where yeah, I think it's something I struggle with everything to day. You're just always supposed to be hot and happy and good. Yeah, hot happy, funny, all the things. But I'm like to be hot, I'm like, what does that even really

fucking mean? And it's not even something you can bitch about because people are like, are you fucking kidding me she's complaining because she's hot what i hear you it sounds stupid it really fucking does but i think that like when people just equate your everyday value to like how your appearance and how hot you look or whatever it becomes exhausting it's as if i'm bringing nothing else to the plate there's nothing else to you yeah there's this vanity yeah when in reality you there's actually my camera roll i am like it's not like i wake up hot like i'm fucking hair all sideways it's just like it's this thing of like perfection where I'm like I'm not perfect I don't even want to be I'm not trying to be it's like I might be hot but my thoughts are eating me alive like you know yeah I think I mean that

honestly is like super helpful to me just I can totally relate to some of that I mean so you're working through the end idopressant thing my thought is you already know what you needed oh my god I mean I thought I did and then I took wildbutrin I was like this is not working and so then I went off elbutrin and then I started doing ketamine therapy in office like with a doctor yeah I've heard about some lot of people have success with us. It was great. But let me tell you something about ketamine. You, like, I think people talk about, like, releasing control until you do something like

ketamine therapy, I don't even think people even know what it means to, like, release control because it quite literally cannot, does not, will not work unless you surrender. And, like, I think for me when I was doing the ketamine therapy, the most powerful lesson that I learned when I was doing it was the ability to surrender. because I walked in, I had all these expectations my first time. I was like, oh, I want to like heal this. I want to do this. And then by the second time, I was like, honestly, like, my goal is to surrender.

Because I ended up, you can jump out of it. Like, I ended up jumping out of it my first time and like freaking out and then stopping it halfway through because I was like, no. Yeah, that sounds like what I would do. Yeah, I was like, no, I don't want to go anywhere where this is taking me. Like, I'm like freaking out. I'm like ripping the IV out of my arm. I'm like, no, this is not what I want to do. And so then the second time I was like, my goal is just to surrender.

And I felt like that was the most powerful thing for me because, I mean, people talk about like releasing control and just like giving it to someone else. And but to like truly have to like having to experience it, you'd have to surrender. And it sounds simpler than it really is like, you know, ketamine therapy does create like different neuropathways. I feel like you get to revisit some old memories that you've kind of hit a wall with. sell me on this? No. Okay. I don't need to. Literally. I mean, I'm very interested in the antidepressants. But it's like, this is like my Costa Rican country crunchy self where I'm like, guys, you go to, like, you're in like a different dimension. And I know like I'm a nurse, but like I do believe in like alternative forms of medicine. And like this, it really is a cool type of science. So then I did that. I feel like it worked for a year. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I think if I move, I'll be good.

I'm trying everything. I'm trying everything, but addressing like my actual. problems. Yes, I've been doing therapy. All the things. And I'm like, I'm still, I still feel so sad. I was like, yeah, once I move into like my new apartment, I'm going to have so much sunlight. Like, it's going to be great. Like, I'm going to do this, this and that. Then I was like, sitting in my apartment doing none of what I said I was going to do. Still sad, just with higher rent. And I'm like, okay, this is ridiculous. So then I talked to a doctor and I was like, I think I need something else. Just you know. And then I was like, look, if Prozac doesn't work, I was like, then I'll try something else.

But really, I didn't even notice it working. Like my girlfriend noticed it working before I even, I was like, I'm taking it. But you didn't really. But I'm like. That's what my next question. Do you like remember a moment where like you felt like it kicked in or like you were unlocked? I like went for a walk one day. My mom FaceTime with one of my friends.

And I'm like, she's like asking me about my day. And I was like, yeah, I went for a walk. She goes, you went for a walk? And I was like, yeah, I just like went. I had to go this place. So I just like walked there. And she was like, I think you're pros. is working. And I was like, I don't know. She's like, Sierra, you literally just got like four things

done today and you went for a walk and you walked to these different locations. I was like, hmm, she was like, you never walk. I was like, no. I don't know if I've ever heard you. I was like, no, you might, okay, you might be right. And then by like June, she saw me in person and she was like, oh, your prozac's really working. Like, we were in Europe. Like, I was having the time. I was having the time of my life in Italy. Like, it was amazing. I felt like I was like coming back to myself and then I feel like that cast rolled over into the summer and then I up my dose midsummer as well. And then I just continue to feel more like myself. I appreciate you sharing that. I feel like it's such an important topic that I am delighted to share. Well, I mean, two of my favorite people on

this earth, you and Amanda have had, I mean, life-changing experiences. And I've literally watched both of you become better versions of yourself and just more happy and more just truly who you are. Yeah. But also know that if that doesn't specifically work for you, there could be something else. You know, like if you feel like you need it. Yeah, it's not a one size fits all. Yeah, it's not a one size fits all. And like one of my guy friends that I was talking to, he was like, when do you know that it works? You know that it works when you start feeling like yourself again. But if you if you don't feel that, then like maybe we need to fine tune some things. Shout out to Prozac. Shout out.

This is not brought to you by them. Not brought to you by them. We appreciate you saying that. I want to get into some of the nursing stuff again. And just like the juxtaposition between the red carpet, reality TV, and nursing. I mean, you still work as a nurse. No. No?

Not as much. Well, I got fired last year. You did? Wait, what's this year? 2025? 2026. Okay, I got fired in the top of 2025. Wait, you got fired?

Yeah, but like, it's fine. I'd high five because I've been fired before. This is my first time being fired. Well, they fired me via email. I'm like, okay. It's cold-blooded. And then they're like... What happened?

No, they were just like releasing your position. If you don't reply, then we'll consider yourself gone. If you do, then you're going to be on probation or some disciplinary action. I was like, well, who's going to reply to be on disciplinary action? No one. No one. But also my boss was like, why are you here? So, I mean, is the debate that you're having just from opportunities with career and where you're going?

When I went back, I was like... You're killing the... modeling game. I mean, Victoria's Secret, Wuthering Heights, Jacob Allerty. Not going to lie, that was pretty sweet. We missed you at that summer house panel. Oh, I know the panel. Oh, it was hilarious because we had heard you weren't coming and I'm like, this better be good. And I was kind of making fun of it. She's got something better to do than us. And then the next morning, it's like literally the hottest guy in the world and you're standing next to him interviewing on the red carpet. I'm like, I'll shut the fuck up. Yeah, Kyle's like, all right, fine.

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Like you have this nursing background, this like really amazing career being at a hospital, working with patients and different families. But now you've got this more glamorous, sexy, maybe fulfilling, maybe more lucrative. Yeah. How do you move between the two? I mean, I think, look,

the stakes will never be what they were at the hospital. Like, which is something that I feel like is a nice mental load off. Nothing is that serious, that whatever I'm doing. Like, it's just not that serious. It is fun. And it is like stuff that I've always wanted.

But at the end of the day, this isn't life or death by any means, which is great, I think. I also am like celebrities are normal, regular. This is, these are regular people. Like there's nothing that makes them so much more special than another person. And I feel like, I just feel like the whole, my experience nursing will always keep my feet on the ground. I love that. I have no desire to float. I want to always be feet on the ground.

I want my friends to always tell me about myself. I want the real shit. And like nursing is very much the real shit. Like took a break and went back because I was like, I need to feel grounded in my like, in my life and in the sense of self. But I also think like even in this more glamorous side, yeah, like the hair and makeup of it all is fun. Like the looks are fun. But there's also another method.

message and like, no, I want to show up for people who look like me. I want to be an example for people who look like me. I want to show that you can be multifaceted. You don't have to go down one lane. If you want to pivot, you can. You want to change your mind. Oh my God, you absolutely should. But also, I want to show people that like we deserve to be in this room. Like my braids deserve to be in this room. My hair deserves deserves to be in this room. My skin color. My like to be a black woman in this space. Like I'm allowed to be here, take up space and go back to whatever I was doing before. so choose. And so that's kind of like how I marry the two. And eventually like I hope to like still, oh my God, I have to renew my nursing license as I'm like thinking about this. But um, write that down.

No, literally. Yeah, I hope to like marry the two of like being able to like create like a philanthropic side to health care and medicine. I feel like every like celebrity. Yeah. That's like what they're supposed to do is the philanthropy of it. Yeah. But you've already been inherently been doing that as a part of your career. Yeah. I also have this other beautiful career too. Right. But I feel like there's a bigger mission at hand that like the lights, camera action can provide for me to do what I really want to do. And that's, you know, give back in that way.

I feel like sometimes I don't, I feel like I'm missing something if I, if everything feels too self-indulgent, you know, because like that's not really why we're here. That just shows your character of people deep down. I mean, I love, I love hearing that. I mean, you know, within the nursing stuff, like how did you navigate? seeing all the loss and those difficult families and seeing patients really struggle. Like, how do you not let that consume you? Because for me, like, even if I hear about a sibling who's passed or a friend of mine

is going through something, like, it hits differently. Yeah. Do you ever bring patients home in a weird way? Oh, my God, yes. I would pick up extra shifts so that I could stay with, like, so I could be with them longer because, like, I'm like, well, I just work three days. Like, I'm going to pick up an extra day, like, until they either get moved off the unit and downgraded or like I can't handle it anymore because I'm like I want to know what

happens and I'm like I know their case the best like I've been with them since they got here so I'm like you get attached and like the good thing about like working with adults is that sometimes adults do it to themselves so you can kind of like you know have that rationale but like I I feel like at first it wasn't easy I was 22 when I walked into the unit I was a baby I had an experience a lot of loss, maybe at that age. I had no idea what I was walking into. I will say, like, I believe in God and I always have. And, like, I think it, and my mom, even though she was a nurse, she gave me quite literally

no forewarning of anything. She let me walk into everything so completely blind. And I'm like, at first I was pissed and then, like, now looking back, I'm like, actually, thank you. But I had no idea what to expect. but I knew that I, like, believed in God, but I was like, it's interesting to see it at work. And so I feel like all of these lessons are things that you think that you believe, but you can't see.

It's always so different when you're seeing it at work. And, like, I would always say, like, science does take us to a certain extent. And then there's, like, the divine intervention of, like, what's next? And I think I really got to see, like, the bigger plan at work, whereas, like, it doesn't matter how many interventions. we do, like what's meant to happen will happen. And I think that like that's a part of like surrendering to the world and surrendering this yourself to, you know, the greater good of the earth and whatever's going to happen. It's going to happen. We're all going to die someday. Yeah. And I think like, you know, at some point, death doesn't have to be so scary. Like sometimes it's a relief for people and sometimes people are tired and it's okay for them to go. And like I know we talk about, oh, you're so strong and strength. And it's like, okay. but I just want to be. And to be able to release someone from that is like so special and kind.

And it doesn't mean they gave up or they lost this fight. It just means they're carrying on into the next version of their life. And I really do believe like, okay, like we might be done here on the physical earth, but there's something else for us to do on the other side. And I think as much as we want to control situations, it's not meant to happen that way. It's not meant to be any other way other than like God's plan for it all. And I feel like that is truly like what has gotten me through everything and how I see it because I'm like, it's not up to me.

Yeah. It's not up to me. And that's the flaw of us humans. There's a bigger player. Yeah. There is a whole other gaming system going on, you know, like, or however you want to put it, but I just was like, it really solidified the power in my faith and like what I hope to be true and what I know what I've seen to be true.

Yeah. I mean, that's really beautiful the way you said that. I mean, you know, as I was grieving, you know, some people are afraid of grief. Yeah. And they retreat. You did not shy away from it at all. You were there and showed up for me and you've been so supportive, you know, even that summer. And then I think, I remember another conversation after you and I were talking about,

I was with Lindsay at the time and, you know, me being sober, being in a relationship with someone that did still drink. You had this kind of heart to heart, but I don't know if it ever made the air for some reason. But I remember you and I kind of like almost crying, but you were like, I know kind of what you've been through a little bit. Yeah. What you deal with. And I just pray for you and wish the best for you because I know how hard it can be. Well, I felt like I can see you.

Like I can see. I felt seen by you doing that. And that was one of the first times I felt like in our friend group in the Hamptons where, you know, I can talk to Kyle. I can talk to Amanda. But you had another way of like making me feel seen or comfortable with you just were like, I get it. I know it's not easy, but I am here and I care. I also feel like you wear so much of what you're feeling like on your face. At least for me, like I can see when you are struggling with something.

I can see the internal conflict that you're like going between. And maybe it's like the bomb that we have. But I'm like, but I can see when everything's not okay. And I also am like, but like you don't shy away from that. Yeah. Like you run towards it. Yeah, because are we going to pretend or are we going to like actually get to the meat of it? Like because the more you pretend, the longer this is going to take, you know.

But also, but why do you have to like put up this? Like that's exhausting to put up a face and like have to present this. When I try to do that. I try to do that some of those summers where I'm not drinking and feeling a little out of place. But you, I think would always kind of make me just feel. No, like I get it. I'm here. Like I have, you know, I can relate to what you're dealing with a little bit.

I pray for you and I worry for you. And it's like a friend way. Yeah. And it's scary to be vulnerable. It's scary too. But here's the thing. I also think you can't be so happy without being so sad. Like you need both.

How are you ever going to experience true happiness if you haven't experienced true sadness? Like how can you really appreciate the things that you have if you didn't have anything? It's like that same type of concept. And like people say that I love conflict. I don't love conflict, but there's so much more that can come from conflict. I feel like it has a way of bringing people closer. And like there's so much growth that happens in there. healing. Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't view you as someone that, like, searches for conflict, but I view you as someone that doesn't shy away from. Yeah, the hard. A difficult moment. There's been some other things that I've watched you literally step up beyond belief. We've had some moments in the Hamptons where you showed up and really saved and helped someone. And I'm forever grateful for all that you've done. Oh my God. That was crazy.

When are you getting into, like, a topic that, you know, it has made some appearances a little bit on Summerhouse in the past with like Maya and you. And you. And, being a black woman on Bravo. And I think over the years, it's been amazing to see you a part of our show and bring your perspective and your story and everything you've been through. But the conversations that we're now having, hopefully more so of...

And we had one this past summer that I remember with you KJ and Mia, which was really powerful. Obviously being a black woman on a predominantly white show, it's been... I can't even imagine. You don't want to imagine.

What was it... I guess what was it like having those conversations in real time, some of those moments. And I wasn't at the one where Maya, I believe, was being called the, she was being called your name. Yeah, they were making, vice versa. Yeah. Me and Lindsay were at a wedding that weekend. So we missed that conversation, but I did watch it back. And it was very powerful. What was it like having that? I came in during 2020. Like year of the nurse, but the year of, you know, the world hitting the fucking fan, you know, there's so much to be discussed. There was an election year. I remember. Black Lives Matter was a huge thing.

George Floyd. All of this in 2020. And that's the year that I came into the house. And I remember being so intimidated because I'm like, I'm the only black person in this house. Like, I swear to God, if I have to walk into a house full of Republicans, I'll lose my fucking minds. Like, I'm scared. One, two, I'm like, what if they're all backing the blue, which is fine. But I'm like, they don't, they immediately don't see like me or whatever's happening in this world.

they, you know, like, I was so nervous and I was like, well, how long do I keep my mouth shut for? How long do I just grin and bear it and be whoever and just kind of like assimilate into the space? Yeah, just fit in and not even address it. And not even address it or have to keep my mouth shut. It was so sad as I don't think a lot of us even clock some of that at all, which I'm so glad you brought it up.

Yeah. But we just assume you just come in and just fit right in. Yeah. No, I was like I. It's not. And I remember one night, like we watched the DNC. well one was never expecting Kyle to be liberal or like a Democrat but like we watched the DNC and like Stacey Abrams was like made a speech at the DNC and I ended up going to my room to watch it alone because I was so emotional about it and I was just like I don't want to have to explain why I'm so emotional about this election and like what all is happening in this world but it just felt like that was like a moment of unity and it was so crazy to see everyone in the house like actually be in support and like like. like, well, we weren't watching the RNC.

But I was like, you know, it was just a... I remember watching the DMC. Yeah, it was just... I remember we had a TV too that worked. Yeah, that was... We found a plug. But like, that was such a crazy... I don't know.

It was an interesting time to join a show like that. To join a show like this. Then have to talk about being the first black person on this show and then have, you know, I know a lot of things that I felt at times. And it's not anything that, like, is done with malice. It's just like ignorance, you know? Like, and then when Maya came in. It's like microaggression.

Yeah. Like that. Right. You educated me. Right. It's things that we just aren't privy to. Yeah. And so when Maya came in, I was like, I can validate a lot of what she's saying because I know I've been here, but also like I've also grown up in predominantly white spaces.

Like I know, we know the, we know what the moves are. Like, we pretty much know when we feel it, you know it feels a certain way. Like I was like, you're not crazy. But here's the thing. I'm like, we're having this conversation. And I'm like, am I going to open this can of worms or? And I remember I called my mom before that conversation. I was like, I just like don't know what to do.

Like Maya feels this way. She's right. I know she's right. But like, how do we have this conversation? And it also, I'm not going to have this conversation for it to not make the edit as well. And I remember fighting with like kind of like the behind the scenes of like, okay, who's editing this conversation? Like how is this even going to play out?

Because I don't want people to think that like, oh, we're pulling the race card. And like, you know, because it's hard enough to even. start the conversation. So to have that conversation be misconstrued, my worst nightmare. But at the end of the day, and I say this even now, like you don't have interracial or intercultural relationships without actually having to try and step into this person's world. Like we have to live in white people's world all day, you know, but like for you guys to not have to step into our world and see what we deal with and like the things that go on and the microaggressions and like how people kind of the way that they speak to us that it might feel normal to you, but is honestly so backhanded or just like a backhanded way

of compliments and stuff. Like, it's not fair. So it's like I get to live in, I get to exist in your world and you never have to come over to my world. Like how is that a friendship? And it's like, if you're having interracial and intercultural friendships, like I want to know what you go through. I want to know what makes your culture different from mine. I want to know so that like I don't make these mistakes or I don't make these assumptions about you. and vice versa. And I think that's the true intimacy and friendship. Like, wanting, like, we can come over to each other side and see it.

You may not be able to understand. You might not have gone through it. Sure. But for you to step in and to, like, at least tap inside my head and see what my thoughts are and even just allowing me the space to vent and be honest, that is. You deserve that. It's so important. Yeah.

Especially for our, you know, we've been on for five or six seasons at that point. And you're absolutely right. Like you, I just never, none of us think about that at all. And it's just like, I'm annoyed with myself, but I'm so glad you like had the courage and the strength to kind of make sure we discuss that. And I'm proud that we, again, on this coming season, I know that conversation at the dinner table and having KJ and Mia. Yeah. There's an added layer of like us being on TV and the internet and the fans. And I think that, you know, I wanted you guys to understand my dynamic of like who I am outside of the show.

I'm just a regular girl. But like, and this is like what I have to deal with on the day to day basis. But now that I'm like a regular woman of color on this show, like to be a black woman on this show, to be a black woman in this world and in this space, like, I'm getting certain things thrown at me that you guys don't necessarily have to deal with where I'm like, and I deal with it by myself or with my therapist. Because like what's the point of talking about it if you guys would never understand? But like. Have you had, I would imagine you've received a lot of comments. positive from African-American men and women who are kind of, you know, hopefully seeing what you've tried and wanted to share.

Yeah, I think like just, yeah, I mean. Is that how, is that giving you some? It's so nice when, like, black girls come up to me and they're like, oh, my God, I love you. Oh. Sorry. So nice. Like. But that's what's so beautiful about our show.

Yeah. I feel in a totally different way where I can inspire and help someone who may be struggling with addiction. But you leading the example for black women, black men. To exist in a space where you feel like you might not fit in, but like you do it anyway and to like, you know, and even just like little shit as to like how I'm wearing my hair where it's like giving like this black girl like the freedom to experiment like how special because like I didn't feel comfortable for a long time like either wearing my hair in braids or like you know wearing a certain clothes or like out of fear of being I would be assumed to be a certain way and like I'm constantly fighting. against like people's stereotypes that they're already going to have with me. So I like have to actively try 10 times harder to be something else or more acceptable or more digestible that so no one's making these like assumptions of me.

And it's so nice to have. Well, now you can show women and men. Yeah. Black women and men how. Yeah. And you've actually, I feel like this season especially, it's like you are you. Oh, and it's so beautiful. God, I got on Prozac.

I mean, the men and women you're going to inspire, and I know you already inspired. And I never, you don't clock it like that. But like you rocking your braids. Yeah. And a little girl who watch a summer house or even women and men, adults are going to be inspired by that. Yeah. I think it's really beautiful. And I want to call out too, something else I saw maybe about a month ago.

And you stood up for Benita. Mm-hmm. You and I've talked about this a little bit sometimes in car rides. But what do you wish viewers understood about what it's like being a black woman on Bravo? I mean. I know what you said on that. comment or post, I think, was so eloquently said. Thanks, because I literally was like rage.

Yeah, I've been there. But it was so important to like read that because you're like, I just was like, I'm so fucking sick and tired of reading comments of like, oh, you like you don't like her because of this. Like she can't even have a fucking opinion without being crucified. Like she has or like they see her as like a side character because she is the only black girl on the show. Like there's so much microaggressions that occur in her show.

she's by herself. And like, you know, at one point in time, I had Maya, I had Gabby. Like, we could kind of like explore some of these conversations, but it's really hard to be one person and with a group full of white people who think that they know like what racism is when they quite literally have no idea what it feels like. And like just because a friend went through it at this point in time, you're still so far disconnected from it.

Like you'd have no idea. And to be in the South, which adds like a whole other layer, I think that fan base adds a whole other layer. There's like the misogyny of it all. Like, come on. You're not watching the same show if you don't take away. Like, we're not watching the same show. And it is a hard watch for me.

The things that there are white castmates get celebrated for, having an opinion, being bold, you know, whatever. As a black woman, you could never be. I could never be promiscuous. I could never have sex on TV. I could never talk about like certain things. I could never do all of those things and then be able to come back from it and think that I can have a career after the fact. Like we have to watch every single step that we do because we know that we don't get the same opportunities to mess up. We don't get the same opportunities to make mistakes.

We don't get the same opportunities to say the wrong thing and come off a certain way. We don't get the same opportunities to express our anger the same way as our white counterparts. And it's so amplified by the TV. And it's so very amplified. And it's not fair. Yeah, it's not. I mean, even our friends, Martha's Vineyard. Yeah. You know, I'd gotten to know Jasmine and Silas and Nick and, you know, Jordan and a lot of them and I love them.

But I think there was an element of that in their show where they were kind of like, I can't really necessarily be what I want to be because of just that entire moment you just said. Yeah. Press pressure. Thank you. Thanks. For real. Thank you. Thanks for the space. I'm really proud of you and honored that you would be open and so much sharing with us. You're making me cry. Because I've seen firsthand some of the challenge. challenges you've had to face. And I have no idea, can never understand. But I hope you know I'm an ally. I'm here to support you. Yeah. No. You are. Our group of friends love you dearly. And I'm so

proud you for opening that up. Thanks. I love you. We need to hear that. And happy thanks to your mom. I love moms, as everybody knows. It was really special to get to meet your mom at BravoCon. I know it's probably a pain in the butt navigating BravoCon with a mom. But it's beautiful to see you with your mom. I mean, when I met your mom, I'm like, I see Sierra now. Like, oh my gosh. It's so cute. Like there's little elements of her that are you. Now that I'm bossing her around, I'm like, oh my gosh. Which I feel like she, you know, we don't grow to appreciate her parents until we're older.

There's such a pain on our ass, like growing up. They think they know everything. You also put them on this pedestal as if they know everything. And then you're like, you actually, you don't know anything. And I feel like for girls and their moms, like I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, like we grow apart and then we grow back together. I don't know what it's like for boys, but. Yeah, I had an anti-dad phase for a period of time.

Yeah, yeah. Now I have a lot more admiration and respect for him as I've gotten older. Yeah. So I feel like moms, we, girls and moms, like we fight so much and then we grow apart and then we come back together at a certain point. And I feel like I'm starting to understand so much of like who she is, but also, like I said this in like one of the episodes like she is just a girl. And I, she called me after one of the episodes where I was, she was like, I am just a girl.

And I was like, I know. Like you are just a girl. And like you might be my mom, but like you actually don't know everything nicely. But I'm like, but you were making like you're just doing the best you can with what you have. And even though you're making some of the same mistakes over and over again, like that's on you to figure out. And like, I know that they've affected me. but and also like I wasn't at the forefront of every fucking thought that she had and I get that because she had a life before me like she was not always a mom my mom was a single mom she like was

trying to keep food on the table like she quite literally was doing the best and it does not make you fall even more in love with your mother after like kind of understanding yeah I'm like I'm like I'm so sorry I put you through a lot of this stuff but now you get to bring her to bravocon and show off But now I'm on the stage of where, like, I want her to fully enjoy, like, the benefits of, like, me being able to do whatever I want to do. Like, I want you to, like, drive your dream car. I want you to, you know, be able to take vacations when you want. Like, you, I get to do everything that I'm doing right now because of all of the decisions that you made. And she sacrificed so much for us.

Like, I feel like, there was a bigger purpose. There was a bigger picture. And not that she was right, but, like, there was a lot of things that she might have been right on. you know, so. No, I'm so, I really appreciate you open about, you know, your mom. I'm, like I said, I have strong bond with my mother. Yeah. Even seeing you, you know, I'm sure there's been some up and downs.

I know women and daughters can be. Oh my God. Guys, we fight. And like, and sometimes I don't talk to her. And sometimes she annoys me. I annoy her. But like, at the end of the day, I'm just like, which I feel like, honestly, Prozac does help.

Like, conversations don't feel so heavy. Sure. They don't have to feel so big and intimidating and as if I'm never going to find a resolution. and like I think I'm working that out slowly where like my expectations of my parents have to change. Like I'm not the center of their world anymore. You're not? Should be. I should be.

But like, you know, I have to be realistic about it. And they're also enjoying, you know, the next phase of their life and as they should. Do you think your parents are proud of you? I hope so. They are. They definitely are. I mean, you've accomplished a lot and you have so much more to go too, which I, that's what I, you're just getting started. Thanks.

And it's been cool to watch. You always make me cry. I'm sorry. It's a good thing. Yeah. It means you care. Yeah. You're making me cry a little bit deeper.

Actually, this is a really good kind of segue. Friendship dynamics. You and I, all summer, we're kind of riding the line between supporting two of our very favorite friends and people we adore. And obviously showing up for your friends is something I think you've done a great job and showing up for others is like something I really try to do but like this summer I think it was a debate for me sometimes

is like how do I know when to step in or step back? Can you talk to me a little bit about that like with friends that are going through it? How do you decide, you know, we're to help or we're not to? It is so hard. I feel like I never really know if I'm like overstepping. I mean, I know, but like. I know I've overstepping.

a couple of times in my past, but like I've tried to operate from a place of support. Yeah. I'm here to, if you want to talk to me versus, hey. Right. This isn't working. Whatever. Cut it off. Like I'm always trying to be the positive person, but it was hard because I think sometimes

there's also like deep down, you're like, well. Yeah. And like they have to really be ready for whatever it is that they want to do. Like the summer, I feel like I tried to just offer a listening ear. And like if you want. a great job of that. If you want to tell me, tell me. But if you don't, and also, do you want solutions or do you just want me to listen to you? Because I will just listen to you too. Yeah, that part, like, by the way, offering that to a friend when you're showing up for

them, listen. Listen, I can either just listen. Yeah. What do you need for me? Or do we want to talk it through? And it's like, but at the end of the day, like, when you're talking to me, I'm, don't want to hear you talking shit about yourself. So like, that's not where we're going. Like a pity party. Yeah. Like, we're not throwing a pity party. party. Like, we're going to reinforce everything. Everyone thinks about you. What, like, you're smart and you're kind and you're this and you're that. You said this to Amanda. And I, one of the conversations, which was, like, really special. Yeah, because I think, like, we forget that you kind are the shit. Yeah. And, like, you got to be reminded. Your friend should be reminding you. Like,

one thing I love about my friendship with Mia, she's always, shout out to Mia. Shout out to Mia. She is, like, the type of friend that, like, pours into you. And she, like, talks you up and she, like, says all these nice things and like she'll stop me in my tracks when I like I've seen it will say something she holds you account yeah because I mean even like the grammies or whatever I was like I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here but like and she was like ew she was like why wouldn't you be there she was like other people are there too like what like she was like why not you why not you why can't you be there every right to be there is anybody yeah and so she makes me stop my talk and she's like and then she'll be like look I don't want to hear you say this isn't that anymore and

I'm like, okay. I'm like, okay, you're right. And, like, we're not doing that. We're not talking bad about ourselves. And, like, if we want solutions, I can help you find a solution. But at the end of the day, like, I don't want you to ever sacrifice yourself in order to be with someone. Whatever that looks like. Have you ever showed up for someone or a couple without choosing the side?

It's hard. It's hard. I think. I feel you did a pretty good job about all things considered last summer with. I was one else guy. I mean, we can ask Kyle separately. Yeah, it's hard. I think there are many times where it's like,

where I'm like, it's hard to be your friend. I also think like in relationships, if you're going to have relationships with someone, that's your friend, that's your best friend. So if you are treating your best friend like this, what makes you think that you're going to have the capacity to treat another friendship better than that? Or in, like, I'm expecting you to treat another friendship with the same type of energy that you're giving like your spouse or your best friend.

And like, and if this is how you treat your spouse, there's no way you can be a friend to me. Not in the way that I need. If you can't be a friend to your own best friend, the one that you made vows to and wanted to marry. And I don't know if I like needed to reframe that for him or if I needed to reframe that in general. But I can't expect a friendship from you. I can't expect you to show up for me. if this is what you do to the one person that you made a vowed to. Yeah.

You know? And it is hard not to take sides. And I'll never take sides in terms of like the media or whatever because I don't even think it needs to go that far. I think I hate the teams. Yeah. I hate the teams. And I think we will get a chance to talk it all out in person.

And like I'm not in their marriage. I don't think either party is wrong about what the stuff that they're saying about each other. They probably, they know each other through and through. So if they are giving an opinion about each other, then they know. So then I know. But it's hard to not be swayed depending on the week. I feel like you did a really good job of it this summer,

which I think you guys will see on as the season plays out. Some tough love, but you're a good friend. You're a good friend. Thanks. What goes through your head during some of these really tense summerhouse moments? Anything? I know what goes through mine is like, oh, this is good when it comes out sometimes. I'm like.

Do you ever just like, I don't know, do you ever get in your head about like what you said? Do you ever regret it? Oh my God. That car ride home on Sundays? Sometimes I'm just like, I'm going to go rot by myself when I get home because I just, I need to forget about this conversation. When we're at a group dinner, I feel like the group dinner dynamic, I get a little nervous because I'm like, this can either be the best dinner ever or we're coming out swinging. And sometimes you never really know which direction's going to go. That's why our dinners are the best because they can start with like a beautiful toast.

someone's announcing something special. Yeah. Within three minutes, you have a chair flip, someone crying. I'm banging on the table. And people are like hating each other forever. Yeah. And at least like we're a little bit safer if we're out in public. Like then it won't be as dramatic.

But in group dinner at home, I'm scared of it. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever get over the computers. PTSD. Yeah. How do you handle new episodes of Summerhouse coming out? I don't watch them. You don't watch them.

No. You heard of here first. I have watched some of it. I've watched two episodes this season. That's good. Last season was the most that I've watched in like four years. Now, what are you watching for? I watched back to see the moments that I wasn't in the room for.

Oh. I also, I'm a fan of our show. Oh, you like it? I do. Sometimes we're kind of funny. Oh, my God. Sometimes I'm like, oh my God, we're, they're so stupid. We are really funny this season.

There's so many funny little banter things. Like Amanda says hilarious shit. You say really funny. West and Jess. Like, we all like little side comments. Yeah. That's why I love our show. And because like there's a microphone in the tree and the plan.

and the counter. It's like you never really know what they're going to catch. So you don't watch? Not really, but I'm going to watch this season. I feel like this season is such a year of growth and like. I think you're going to like what you watch. I hope. I will say, though, I need to interject this.

When we watch the trailer together live. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. That was one of the weirdest coolest experiences. That was like the weirdest. I felt like you didn't move. You literally were like. I was in shock.

And then I'm watching things with you, Jesse and West. And I was like looking at you. And then there's cameras on us. filming our reactions to the trailer. I know. And then you and I both look at Kyle at one point and we're like, oh, God. And then I tried to fight them. Yeah, no.

And it's like right next to each other. That was nuts. Yeah, we're never watching their trailer live again. All right. One more question on the reality TV front and then we're going to wrap things up. I've personally had this happen to me where I've watched the show back. I've seen how I've handled the situation. And I like reevaluate beyond belief.

Is there any moment you've had? That's why one, I feel like I need to watch this season. The season, then I might have thrown wine. I respect that. I really respect the growth. I am. That was intense. That was a crazy dinner.

That was. That was a crazy dinner. I smiled because it's just where you girls are at now. Yeah. And what's weird is, I feel like in a crazy way, you almost had to have that. All things happened for a reason. But you both came out on the other side. I think you both genuinely were, I think, tried to understand each other a little bit,

better after that, which I think was important because for a period of time there was a lot of just not even giving each other space to talk or understand each other. Yeah. But there have been plenty of moments over the past six years where I'm like, let me ask you that. What would you say your toughest moment was on the show? And how did you grow from it? And it could be the wind through.

That's okay. I honestly want to say season, which I don't think I've watched it all the way through even still to this day. West and Jesse's first season. Season eight. Okay. Season eight reunion. Okay.

Yes. Like that was a tough. Yes. I want to say reunion. You came in. A lot of us had not really fully understood what was going on with you at last up until that point. But when you shared on the reunion that day, we were all jaw on the floor. And I felt so sorry because I was sad for you.

I felt for you. Yeah. And I remember Kyle even crying on the couch while you were telling everything was going on. Sweet. That was really sweet. Yeah. that I think watching that is hard. Thank God I was at Traders and I didn't have to like watch it in real time.

But like I battle with like my own emotions, you know, and like how much to share, how much to like keep to myself. And I think it's so weird doing it on TV. But like looking back, I one, try to give myself a little bit of grace. But two, I'm like, oh my God, who is this little girl who could never say what she was feeling and like admit it? Like I have with this like intense sense of like a fear of rejection and abandonment like the reunions are always kind of tough. They're hard. Yeah. Really hard.

I was proud of you because I think you really not for the first time, but you really felt for you. And you were really honest and vulnerable. Yeah. Which I know it was an easy, especially on that stage. No, I felt like a little bitch after. But no. You were strong. Thanks.

I mean it. What do you hope people understand about you after this current season of Summerhouse? Anything? You're a badass bitch No, that like I am That and that and I am also sweet and dainty and soft And like I am like can be a bulldog when I want to be

But I am like I'm a little sweet tiny kitten Yes I'm a kitten shout at the Jasper Yeah like I am Jasper is Sierra's cast If anybody doesn't know if you don't know If you don't know now you know I know I put up like a a good guard sometimes. I feel like the guard has been not,

it's not like the fence has been lowered. It's just like, it's just not as rigid. Yeah. You know, you have your boundaries. You have like, yeah.

Oh my girl. I'm a girl of boundaries. Came in the house. But you still have like a free freedom and like a just a lightness about you. Yeah. And maybe that's my Prozac. But I hope I'm like, I want to be able to like conquer forgiveness and reconciliation and like I can

have a range of emotions and I can, you know, be able to come back from them. Yeah, I just hope they understand. I'm also trying. Like, I'm also doing this for the first time. I'm not an expert. I never claim to be. I'm just really trying to do better. Did you guys hear this? That's what she hopes. Yeah. That you understand about her. So like, don't be enough much. I think you're going to show it all this season, which you're going to have like the happy fun Sierra. You're going to have the emotional Sierra. Yeah. You're going to have this amazing friend Sierra. Yeah. You're going to have,

you know, this black woman who talks with her group about a very important topic. Like, you've done a lot and you're a huge part of our show. Thanks. I don't, there's no summer house without Sierra, no doubt about it. That's really nice. I mean it. Thanks. We're going to wrap things up.

I've had you for too long. I know you got bigger plans. What does taking care of your mental health look like? You still seeing a therapist at all? Are you? Oh my God, no, I'm not, but I need to get a new therapist. Should plug back in. Sometimes it's harder to find someone.

Getting a therapist is kind of like dating. It's just like. Truly dating. You got to like really feel comfortable. And I'm like, oh, my. God, the thought of that right now, I'm like, I don't want to go through, you know. But you have like Mia, who's almost like a therapist. Oh, my God.

Literally, when I, living in the same building has been such a life changer. That's what I was trying to do with me and Lindsay living in the same building. But like, who wouldn't want to live in the same building is your best friend? I mean, it the con, guys. Genius. It's a genius idea. If you guys don't know this already, Mia and Sierra both live in the same apartment building in Manhattan. Mia is a real estate broker.

And Sierra had worked with her on looking for a new place. And Mia's like, you're going to live in my building. I said, okay. And they live in the same building, which is epic. And it is so good for me. I never had roommates. Like, I never went off to college. Except for us.

Yeah, you guys are the roommates. But, like, I never went off to college and, like, had roommates. I lived at home all throughout college. And, like, I didn't move out from my mom's house and, like, move in with roommates. I lived on my, I've lived on my own since I was 22. So I've never had a, like, you guys are quite literally the closest thing I've had to roommates. And then having Mia in the same building where I'm like, if I am sad, I can just go downstairs. If she's feeling lonely, she can just come upstairs.

We can go back and forth. Like, it's also so nice to just have, like, your person close to you. And like, if you ever need anything, like, they're not far away. We have dinners together. I'm jealous. We raise our kids together. Cats. Cats and dogs together.

Like, it's at the point now where I'm like, well, where are we moving next. Like, we have to live in the same apartment building. Yeah, you're going to have some serious navigation. She's... I have to live on the same block as her. Having a best friend like that in more ways than one. I mean, she's like a therapist, a friend. She's a badass.

She's my party girl, too. Yeah, she goes out. She's fun. She's super sweet, very thoughtful, but also, like, a really good broker and hardworking real estate agent. She's so dope. I asked this question of all the guests. I know I asked you at the beginning.

Kind of about your favorite mantra, a favorite saying. Okay. But talking more about more life. what is giving you more life right now? It could be Mia. It could be your mom. It could be anything. Honestly, and I, this is not sponsored, but my Prozac, it has honestly given me the ability

to breathe and to exhale and to enjoy and to like live. It unlocked. Yes, it has like really given me the ability to like stand and see my life for like what it is and enjoy these parts of my lives. Like, it's so easy to, like, have everything pass you by and you haven't enjoyed any of it. And I think now I'm, like, really having fun. And I'm so excited.

And I, like, can't wait. I'm trying to plan my summer trip, you know, now. And, like, and I want to enjoy it with the people around me. And I don't give a fuck what happens as long as, like, I have, like, my important people around me. And, like, I continue to work on these goals and shooting for the sky. And keep shooting. Yeah.

Yeah, I just, that's what's giving me more life right now. I love it. I have one last question. Okay. Because you're one of my favorite people that have been on this show. The traitors, shout out to the traders. Who would be a good trader from the summer house cast? And who would be a good faithful from the summer house cast?

Since you're a veteran. And you almost won it. I didn't almost win. Well, you made it pretty far. I think Lindsay would be a great trader. 100%. Lindsay would be one of the best traders. Lindsay would be one of the best traders, I think, to ever go down in traitors.

history. Agreed. And I think... Who would be a good faithful. Either, you or West would be like really great faithfuls. I think I would get eaten alive on there. No, I think you would be such good faithfuls, but like because you guys can't really lie. No, I'm not a good liar. I'm like, see the anxiety

and stress on my face every moment. And West would probably shut down. West would be red and he giggles too much when he's like lying. I'm like, you are lying. Would you ever go back on the traders again? I would like a chance to do some things over again. Well, shout out to Boston Rob. Yeah.

I love your relationship that you guys have. He is the best. It's really special. We're quite literally the same. Like he's just, I'm like a female version, younger female version. He's an icon. We're both Capricorns. Shout out to Capricorns.

Love. Sierra Nicole Miller. Oh my God, my full government. I know your full name. Thank you for being here. It's been an honest pleasure having you. And I just know for a fact that all the people that are listening and watching, you're helping so many people just with your honesty and your, you know, perspective and everything you've shared.

So it means the world to me. Carl, thanks for having me. Yeah, anytime. Really appreciate it. You're the best. You're the best. Thank you so much. Any exciting things upcoming over these next few months other than...

No, I'm about to take my quarterly vacation. So I'll be out. If you need me to bring your luggage, I can carry your luggage. Do you want to come on my summer one? Yes. Okay, we're going to Portugal. Remember last year I DMD you. You had all this luggage in like an Instagram story and I literally was like, I would carry that everywhere for you.

Please invite me next time. Okay, this year we're doing Portugal. Ooh, I like Portugal. Portugal is a beautiful country. Okay. Lisbon. Never been. Amazing.

I'll give you all the deeds. I'll follow up. All right. Thank you, Sierra. Appreciate you. Thank you to Sierra Miller. I am just full of happiness and joy just because she's an amazing person, inside and out. So open and vulnerable.

I think a lot of people are going to really benefit from listening to this conversation. I know I was emotional. She was emotional. It's a really special friendship that we have. and she is a really special individual. And I think you guys are going to be blown away by the Sierra Miller that I've known for many years, but also the Sierra Miller that has come into her own

and become this incredible person. So thank you to Sierra. I hope you guys love this conversation. As much as I did, really, really enjoyed it. And I hope you guys get a chance to listen. So check us out wherever you can download and listen to your podcasts. We're on YouTube, Spotify, Apple.

We are so honored you guys are here. Catch us next time on More Life with Carl Radke here at SoftBarr in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. More Life is produced by Annie Siegel and executive produced by Adam Reynolds and denim pictures. This episode was directed by Annie Siegel, edited by Mike U.R.T. and recorded at Soft Bar Studios in Brooklyn, New York. More Life is a production of Sony Music Entertainment. From Sony, our executive producers are Chris Skinner and Joanna Clay. Original music by Function Adams. Set designed by Michael Ignacio. Publicity by Caitlin Healy. Additional support from Abby Sharp.

Special thanks to Allison Shano and Joanna Orland. New episodes drop every Tuesday. We'll see you next time. Instacart knows that some people go bananas about getting the perfect, well, banana. Some want them green, some want them ripe, some want them ready right when they hit their doorstep. But with Instacart's preference picker, available at most retailers, you can choose to get your groceries just the way you like. That means perfectly ripe bananas, deli meat sliced just the way you want, and avocados that aren't still hard as a puck in the third period.

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