More Money Podcast - 052 30 Life Lessons I Learned Before Turning 30 - Jessica Moorhouse

Episode Date: June 1, 2016

In the final episode for season 2 of the Mo' Money Podcast, I do a special solo show to reflect on the 30 biggest lessons I've learned over the course of my 30 years on Earth in terms of money, life ...and balance. Long episode description: This episode of the Mo’ Money Podcast is brought to you by Lowest Rates, who are providing $250 for today’s giveaway! To find the lowest rates when it comes to mortgages, insurance and credit cards visit LowestRates.ca. Today is a pretty big day for me. It’s my one year anniversary of the Mo’ Money Podcast (with 52 episodes in the frickin’ can!), it’s the end of season 2 of my podcast (season 3 to resume in September), and this week is my birthday week. I officially turn 30 on Saturday, but in my mind my birthday lasts a full week. Now, this very special solo podcast episode is based on my blog post about the 30 life lessons I’ve learned before turning 30. I thought it would be cool to not just write about this, but also to explain what I’m talking about verbally. Honestly, as much as I love to blog (I mean I’ve been at it for 4 1/2 years now), I really do feel more myself when podcasting. Maybe it’s because there’s no real room to over think things and I can just say exactly what’s on my mind freely. In any case, I think I might do a few more of these blog posts turned podcast episodes in the future. Plus I realized I really miss doing solo shows. Shownotes: jessicamoorhouse.com/52 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, and welcome to Episode 52 of the Mo Money Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Morehouse. Thank you so much for joining me for this very special episode. Not only is it my 52nd episode, it's also my one-year anniversary of launching the Mo Money Podcast. I can't believe it's already been a full year since I started this. It was such a crazy thing to start and look at me now. I'm a rock star. Just joking. But yeah, I'm pretty stoked that I've made it for a year and with 52 episodes, that means I've basically done an episode per week for an entire year, which is a bit nuts in my mind. I guess I've been a little busy, a little busy beaver. But yeah, I'm so glad that you're joining me for this episode because I haven't done a solo episode in quite a while.
Starting point is 00:00:55 And I thought that this would be a great opportunity for me to do one and celebrate my one year anniversary of the podcast. But, this is my birthday week. I'm turning the big 3-0 in just a few days. And it's kind of a crazy thing, a scary thing. I'm sure most people are like, oh, please, whatever. But you know, it's a big deal. I'm leaving my 20s behind, entering my 30s, not having a freak out, but not not having a freak out. I don't know. But one thing I do actually want to talk about before I get into the show is because this is a special episode, my one year anniversary. And as promised, I've kind of alluded to this in a couple previous episodes, is I'm giving away some goods, some prizes to say
Starting point is 00:01:46 thank you for listening. Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me and tweeting me and being freaking awesome. So first, a huge thanks to Lowest Rates and you can check them out at lowestrates.com where you can find the lowest rates on insurance, mortgages, credit cards, and more. I love the lowest rates. People have worked with them. They helped me with the Rich and Fit program I did with my friend Jacqueline Phillips back in the winter. And they're just awesome. And guess what?
Starting point is 00:02:15 I actually use them. Prepratigy will be so proud of me. I am on my way to getting life insurance. And I use lowest rates to help me find the best rate. So thanks to Lowest Rates because they are providing $250 in Amazon gift cards. So I am going to give away a few Amazon gift cards. You're going to want to enter to win those. If you go to the show notes for this episode, which is jessicamorehouse.com slash 52,
Starting point is 00:02:44 there will be an easy way for you to enter that contest. Besides that, I am also giving away from my personal collection a couple awesome books. So I'm not going to say all the names of the books because there's a few, but you'll definitely want to check out the show notes to find more details on all the fancy books I'm giving away. All right. So without further ado, let's get this party started. Let's get the solo episode in the can. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:13 So what I want to chat about in this solo episode is actually kind of related to the blog post that I posted on Monday, which was all about 30 life lessons I've learned before turning 30. I'm surprised I've learned 30 life lessons. I feel like sometimes I kind of forget how much life I've lived, probably because I see there's so much more life to live. But I mean, a lot has happened in 30 years. And so I kind of want to have a little bit of a reflective moment and just see some of the kind of big things that have happened in my life, what I've learned along the way, and maybe I can help you. Or you'll hear everything I have to say and you'll be like, yeah, I already knew that. It took you 30 years to figure that out. Whatever.
Starting point is 00:03:59 All right. So I've kind of broken these down into sections. So, you know, my motto, my mantra is money, life balance. These are things that I am striving for. I want more money. I want a fabulous life and I want more balance in my life. So I'm kind of, you know, categorizing all these lessons into these categories. What fun. Okay, so first is the money category. So the first lesson I've learned in that category is you don't deserve anything, which sounds a bit harsh. I understand. But what I kind of mean by this lesson is, let's be honest, you know, and you may feel the same way too. When I was growing up, definitely in high school and then university, I was entitled, you know, stereotypical, you know, entitled millennial. And it took me, you know, a good decade to really
Starting point is 00:04:52 realize that I didn't, you know, deserve anything just because, you know, I went to university or, you know, got A's on my essay or whatever the hell. Like, you don't deserve anything. No one is born and they deserve anything. Maybe besides the Queen of England, but that's a complicated kettle of fish or whatever. But so this is definitely a huge lesson for me just because if I didn't get out of that situation and stop thinking that I deserved anything, I don't think I would be where I am, which is I am happy in my life. I'm happy with what I have,
Starting point is 00:05:29 but I'm also working hard to achieve more. And I feel like if you have the mentality that somebody owes you something, the world owes you something, you're never gonna be happy and you're never gonna get what you truly want. All right, number two, if you don't track your spending, you'll never know where your money goes. Again, a no brainer, but it's something I
Starting point is 00:05:51 even have to remind myself to do and my husband to do. Because it happens all the time, you'll be like, what? Why do I owe this much on my credit card? I don't remember spending that much. And then you go through the items. You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. If you don't track your spending, you'll never know where your money goes. So track your spending. Yes, it will take time. Yes, it will take effort. It'll mean you have to change some of your habits. But it is the best way you can spend your time because time is money. So don't waste your money and your time.
Starting point is 00:06:30 Do something smart with it and track your spending. Number three, education can be a good investment and also a bad one. For me, my education so far has been a good investment. Am I almost surprised by that? because I did go to art school. I got a degree in filmmaking and I am not a filmmaker. I work in digital marketing for a corporate company. So I didn't exactly land where I thought I was going to go, but I'm actually really happy where I am. And my education, my degree did help me get there. And I also went back to school. When I first moved to Toronto, I had to go back to school and upgrade some of my skills for digital marketing. And I'm glad I did that because it helped me get my current job.
Starting point is 00:07:12 That being said, I know a lot of people that spend many years and thousands of dollars on education and don't exactly end up where they want to be. And a lot of it could be that they go to school for something that there just aren't jobs for. They put a lot of money, you know, towards their education, but they don't have the money. So they, you know, it turns into student debt, and then they spend, you know, a couple decades trying to pay that back. And, you know, it's a tough situation, I understand, especially in kind of our generation, we're expected to get a degree. And sometimes, I'm not sure if that is necessarily the right way to go. I know a lot of people, you know, my age, friends of mine, who did not go to university
Starting point is 00:08:00 that maybe went to a technical school or, you know, learned to trade and own houses in Vancouver and are making more than I probably ever will. So education can be a good investment. It can also be a bad one. What you have to do is really be smart. Do your research and go to school for something that you know will help you achieve that career that you want to have and make the money that you want to make. All right, number four, giving money away should be part of your budget. Now, this is something that
Starting point is 00:08:32 is kind of normal to me just because when I grew up, I went to church every Sunday with my family. And part of going to church is, I went to a Catholic church, is the offering. So, you know, they pass around those baskets and you put some money in there. And that goes to the church. And the church, you know, then, you know, disperses that money to other pay for, you know, just the maintenance of the church, giving to different charities and programs and stuff like that. And so that was very normal to me. So when I moved out on my own, I wanted to integrate that into my own life. And so I always made it a priority in my life once a year, or at some point in the year, I would decide on a charity or some kind of program to give some money back or when I was really broke, I just gave my time. So I feel like this is something that lots of us kind of forget about. It seems so simple, but I think we really do need
Starting point is 00:09:19 to put that into our budget. Even if it's seriously just a couple hundred dollars a year, make that a priority. You'll be surprised how, you know, just a few hundred dollars or a few hours of your time can make, you know, such a huge impact. So just try to keep that in mind when you are budgeting. Number five is when it comes to money, leave family and friends out of it. This is something that I live by and it could seem cold to you. And it depends on what your beliefs are, your situation is. But for me, I love my family and friends so much that I never want money to get in the way. I never want to argue about money. And that's something I even try in my own relationship with my husband. We always try to make sure that we never fight about money.
Starting point is 00:10:05 We communicate, we talk, and we try to find solutions. And so when it comes to family and friends, I take the same approach. I value those relationships so much. I never want something like money to come in the way. And so that could mean some awkward situations sometimes. You know, family or friends, you know, need help financially. I know some people would offer to help financially. That's something that I just wouldn't do. And I would never expect from my family or friends, I would never take money from
Starting point is 00:10:35 anyone else. And I think that's just, it's just, you know, this could just be my thing. But I just feel like when you do put money in the mix, when someone owes you, you owe somebody, that's when things get complicated and messy and ugly. And I've seen relationships break down because of that. And I just, I don't want to put myself in that situation. I don't want to put my family and friends in that situation. So when it comes to money, I leave my family and friends out of it. Number six, use your free work benefits. This is something so silly and so simple, but you know how many people don't use their work benefits? They are benefits. They will benefit you and they are free because you work there. So if you get free massages, if you, you know, get a fitness reimbursement program, if you get work discounts or whatever, take advantage of them.
Starting point is 00:11:25 I mean, it's so silly and simple, but just do it. I never used to when I first moved out and stuff. I don't know why. I just, no one else that I worked with used them. So I didn't think that I should use them. And I'm like, wait a minute. So I get free massages. Yeah, I'm going to use those. Massages are the best. And same with, you know, fitness reimbursements. If you can get some money back by, you know, going to the gym and then giving your receipts to your work, then do it. That's money in the bank. Same with work discounts. I know lots of companies, you know, sign up with accounts like WorkPerks and things like that, where, you know, you can get discounts on sports games,
Starting point is 00:12:05 restaurants, car rentals, a number of things. So look into it. And if there's a way to save money, do it. Number seven, don't spend a ton of money on your wedding. You'll regret it. I'm not saying this because I spent a ton of money on my wedding and regret it. I probably could have scaled back and spend less money. But I love my wedding. I look back fondly on it. I love it. Would I change anything? No, but I would have totally been fine actually with scaling it back, maybe making it a bit smaller and reducing the cost. I spent $16,000 on my wedding. I did get, um, you know, me and my husband did get help from both of our, um, sides of our families, which is lovely, but man, I, it's something that whenever I know of a couple who got, you know, gets recently engaged, I always tell them,
Starting point is 00:12:55 if you are worried about money, don't, you know, put it into the wedding. This is some, you know, something that you should, um, really do what you want to do. And so elope. That's always kind of my thing to tell people. There's nothing wrong with eloping. Save your money. Have a party after. Have a cocktail party.
Starting point is 00:13:18 People just want the party, really. I really loved my ceremony, but I think most people didn't really. They're more interested in the buffet and the bar. So don't spend a ton of money on your wedding. Put it in the bank. Put it to better use. Put it in your honeymoon. Put it on a down payment on a house.
Starting point is 00:13:37 And just be smart. Number eight, ditch negative money people. They are not your problem. This is something that I have an issue with. I've gotten a lot better as I've gotten older, but I have the personality that I'm a fixer. I like to fix people. And it's not a good trait because you can't fix others unless they want to fix themselves. You can't help people unless they ask for your help. And so this is a hard life lesson I've had to learn with negative people in general, but also people that are negative with their money and that they complain about being
Starting point is 00:14:12 broke, but they're not doing anything to fix it. Or they're always hitting you up for money and you feel awkward. So in my point of view, life is, it can be long, it can be short, but it is your life and you should do what you want with it. And so don't waste your time with negative money people. If you want, you know, a rich life full of, you know, balance and everything great, then ditch those people and move on with your awesome life. Number nine, debt isn't normal. This is something that I can't stress enough. I absolutely love that there are so many other blogs, podcasts, whatever, that talk about debt because I don't think a lot of people really know that much about debt until they're in it and they're like, uh-oh, what do I do? But the thing to remember is even though a lot of people are talking about debt, even though a lot of people are in debt, debt isn't normal. Debt is something that you should avoid at all costs. If you're in it, you should be working towards getting out of it and staying
Starting point is 00:15:15 out of it. So don't ever kind of fall into that trap where, oh, all my friends are in debt. They're not too worried about it, so I'm not going to be worried about it. Well, they should be worried about it. And they probably will be worried about it 10 years from now when they're like, oh, I don't have any money. I have to file for bankruptcy or something like that. Worry about yourself. Don't worry about the crowd. Debt isn't normal.
Starting point is 00:15:37 So try to pay down your debt as soon as possible and then stay out of it. Okay, number 10. So this is my last one for the money category. You won't always be broke last one for the money category. You won't always be broke if you put the work in. So this is something that I think I lived by a lot when I was 24, moved out of my parents' house, didn't have any money. And I was trying to slowly build up my net worth. I had paid off my little student loan that I had, but I really had no cash in the bank. And I felt poor, as poor as can be. I don't think I've ever been that poor. Looking back, I'm kind of like, how did I not freak out all the time? Because that was pretty much a bit of paycheck to paycheck for a little while. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:16:20 oh, I don't want to move back into my parents' house. The thing is, I think I knew that if I just continue to stick to my budget, track my spending, save as much as I could and just be smart and not kind of spend money when I wanted to, it was so easy to just like, oh, maybe I'll just go shopping or maybe I'll just buy lunch or whatever because I was so motivated to get out of this poverty hole. You know, I'm in the situation where I am now looking back. I mean, that was, you know, I'm turning 30 now. So that was six years ago, and I'm in a much better situation. I am not paycheck to paycheck. I'm way beyond that. And I don't worry about money at night. And I think that is something that money cannot buy. If you are worried about your situation, that's okay. But as long as you recognize that you have to put the work into it, you have to keep yourself motivated, you have to make a plan and stick to it.
Starting point is 00:17:17 And once you've got all that down, remember, you won't always be broke if you put the work in. All right, so the next category is the life category. These are some life, life lessons, things that I am so glad that I know now, but I wish I knew earlier. So number 11 is if you don't do that one thing that scares you, you'll regret it. For me, I'm sure there's lots of little things that I wish I did. Maybe I did them later on, but I wish I did them earlier. But one thing that I'm glad I did do, because I knew if I didn't do it almost, I would regret it, is moving away from my hometown. It was the hardest
Starting point is 00:17:58 thing. I know I've kind of talked about this and written about it to death, I'm sure. But it was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but one of the most fulfilling. And I'm so grateful that I took that leap of faith and did it. It probably could have turned out bad and I was lucky. I don't know, but I'm glad that I at least tried. So if you don't do that one thing that scares you, you'll regret it. Number 12, you're worth more than you think. So give yourself some credit. And this is something, especially for women, I feel like we in general have kind of low self-esteem and we always have to work on it and get ourselves out of that funk. I personally have definitely struggled with confidence issues, perfectionist issues, never thinking I'm good enough and being really hard
Starting point is 00:18:40 myself. And it's definitely something that I've gotten better at. I used to be really bad at this, especially in university when it was all about getting good grades and making a good film and whatever. And then as I entered my career, I was always trying to prove myself. Now that I'm approaching 30 or almost 30, I kind of have given myself a little bit more credit. I'm giving myself some slack because I do know how much I have achieved and I do work hard and I need to give myself a pass sometimes, a pat on the back and be like, you're doing good.
Starting point is 00:19:17 It's all good. And so I guarantee you're listening. You're like, uh-huh, I need to do that myself. You are worth more than you think, so give yourself some credit. From the director of The Greatest Showman comes the most original musical ever. I want to prove I can make it. Prove to who? Everyone. So the story starts. Better Man, now playing in select theaters. 13. The key to being a good friend is listening.
Starting point is 00:19:47 I always thought I was a good friend, and I'm sure, hopefully for the most part, I have been. But I'm absolutely sure when I was younger, I probably wasn't the best friend. I didn't necessarily always have the best friends as well. I sometimes picked the wrong people. But I think one thing that I've definitely learned over the years is to listen more. I obviously like to talk. That's why I have a podcast. But I need to shut up and listen sometimes. And not just that, but be thoughtful and ask my friends, how are you doing for real? What's going on in your life? Asking questions about
Starting point is 00:20:24 them. Sometimes I think we get a little bit caught up in our own selves. And this could be, you know, have to do with a little bit with like, if we're always posting on social media and blah, blah, blah, we need to make, you know, a concerted effort to know that, you know, not just be like, when can I talk next, but really listen and ask important questions to your friends so they feel valued. So they'll do the same thing back. So remember, the key to being a good friend is listening. Number 14, it's okay to say goodbye to old friends. So this kind of, you know, ties in with the thing I was talking about earlier. I've had to do this and it's been awful. I hate saying, you know, kind of breaking up with friends.
Starting point is 00:21:07 It sucks. But it can sometimes be vital to your happiness. If you're not getting anything out of a friendship, if you feel like it's always, you know, you're giving and they're just taking and you're not getting anything, then it's not a good friendship. A friendship needs to go both ways. You're getting something in return. And if it just feels imbalanced, you may have to look at that friendship and see, is this person worth my time? You need to remember your time is precious.
Starting point is 00:21:36 It doesn't matter how busy or not busy you are. Your time is precious. It's valuable. And so you need to really look at the relationships you have in your life and make a decision whether the people that you have in your life, are they adding to your life or are they detracting from it? So it's okay to say goodbye to old friends. It may not be easy, but I don't think you'll regret saying goodbye to bad friends. Number 15, kind of on the same wavelength. Don't waste your time with negative people. They'll never change.
Starting point is 00:22:06 So I know I kind of talked about negative money people, but now I'm just kind of talking about negative people in general. There's always going to be a negative person in the bunch wherever you are. And sometimes you can't get out of that situation. That's just life. You can't control other people. You can't control other people's moods, attitudes, whatever. So kind of, you know, you can either say, you know, bye, or you can just kind of limit your interaction, your time with them. You know, be as helpful, nice, positive as you can. But sometimes the only thing you can really do so their negativity doesn't affect your life is to just limit the time that you spend with them. So if you can, don't waste your time with negative people. Don't try to change them. It's on them.
Starting point is 00:22:51 It ain't your problem. 16 is stay calm when you want to freak out. So this is, I have kind of an interesting story with this. It actually did, it will tie into one of the books I'll be giving away. So when I was traveling around Thailand a couple of years ago with my husband, it was actually before we were married. We were traveling around Chiang Mai, which is amazing. It's the North of Thailand. And we went to this bookshop because I needed a new book to read. And I picked out this book and it was called, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside. It's by Kelly Catrone. I actually really like Kelly Catron because she had a reality show at the time. And she's just a badass lady. And I loved her.
Starting point is 00:23:31 And so I found her book. I'm like, oh, I'm definitely going to buy this. And I go to the counter to buy it. And they're like, where'd you get this? I'm like, I got it from that shelf over there. They're like, we don't carry this book. This isn't our book. I'm like, what are you talking about? I found it right there. They're like, Traveler must have come in and like swapped books and stolen one of ours and then put that in its place. They let me buy it anyway. It was like $2. But how crazy is that? The book that I picked out, they didn't even carry it. And not only that, it was a really impactful book. I'm so glad I read it because what the book was all about was basically, yeah, stay calm. Don't freak out because guess what? You're never going to do anything
Starting point is 00:24:08 super productive or meaningful when you're in full freak out mode. I mean, lots of those high powered positions are very, you know, stressful and there's just a lot of pressure and you can't crack under the pressure. So I'm definitely suggesting you read that book. It's a good read and just a friendly reminder. If you're having a crappy day or something's going on, stay calm when you want to freak out. Number 17, sometimes it's best to just shut your mouth and let it go. Again, kind of the same way like, you know, sometimes when you're freaking out or you feel like you really just need to get something off your chest, it probably isn't the best idea. You need to calm down. You need to maybe sleep on it,
Starting point is 00:24:56 take a minute, relax, and then really think about whether you want to say that. Because sometimes, you know, you know, you can't take the things that you say back. So you got to be smart and really think about do you want to do and put that out there because you can't reel it back in. It might just be best to shut your mouth and let it go. Number 18, therapy is one of the best things you could do for yourself. So I've talked about this. I think I mentioned it maybe once or twice on my blog. I have been to therapy. My husband has also been to therapy. And it is amazing. It is so helpful. And it drives me nuts when people are
Starting point is 00:25:38 against it. When they hear the therapy, they're like, oh, I don't need therapy. As if it's a negative thing, like you're crazy or you have a problem. Newsflash, all of us have problems. This is life, isn't it? No one's going through life without anything going on that's hard to handle. These things happen, especially when I first moved to Toronto. I was having a really hard time adjusting, especially making new friends. I felt weird that I had to be in a new city and start making new friendships from scratch. I didn't know how to do that. It had been so long and just things popping up from my past and I was getting into my head and I needed someone to set me straight and listen to me and basically give me some helpful advice on how to cope. And I went to a couple sessions. It was super helpful. And honestly,
Starting point is 00:26:26 I look back, I only went to like two to three sessions and it did a world of difference for my confidence, my well-being, my mental health. So if you need therapy, do it. I absolutely recommend it. It's one of the best things you could do for yourself. Number 19, meeting new people is incredibly fulfilling. And that's probably one of the reasons I love having my podcast is I get to talk to new people all the time. This is episode 52. I've done a couple solo episodes. So let's just say I've probably talked to like 48 to 49 people that I've never met most, you know, maybe a few of them I knew, but most of them I didn't. And that's crazy. I'm a crazy, like introvert for real. And even the idea of starting a podcast before I did gave me like night sweats. So, you know, it's, it's such a cool thing to see that,
Starting point is 00:27:18 you know, I put myself out there and I made a concerted effort to meet new people. And then I realized, wow, I really like it because guess what? People are cool. They have the best stories. You learn so much about, you know, what else is going on in the world, more about yourself by talking about someone else that maybe you could relate to. So if maybe you feel like you're in a funk or something, go to a meetup, you know, make some friends online, whatever. But honest, you know, meeting new people has been so fulfilling in my life. I highly, highly recommend you kind of expand your circle. Number 20 is life is longer than you think. So don't burn bridges. This is something I definitely have a handle on now, I feel like, but when I was definitely in my
Starting point is 00:28:04 younger 20s, probably not so much. definitely you know ended some relationships probably not on the best terms burned some bridges and uh you know made some mistakes um but guess what life can be long it can seem crazy long and you never know who you're gonna run into you're going to run into. You're never going to know who will pop into your life and you can't avoid it. So whenever possible, try not to burn those bridges. Be nice and shut your mouth and avoid drama when you can. All right. So on to the last section, balance. These are ways that I've hopefully learned to balance my life. Hopefully they can help you. And with 21, my advice is vacations aren't just fun. They're imperative to your well-being. And part of the reason I'm saying this is I actually just came back from a girl's trip to Portland and I came back so refreshed.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Not that I got a lot of sleep and relaxed a lot. We had activities all throughout the day for four days, but it was more just unplugging, doing something totally fun, not working and not worrying about work. I work in the financial district in Toronto and people are workaholics. They don't take vacations. They just kind of work, work, work, work. And you can tell. You can tell. They're tired and cranky and maybe not focused. And right when I came back from my little vacation, I was so productive of work because I just had more motivation. I was reinvigorated and I was just like, all right, let's get to work. Whereas I feel like if I hadn't had those few days just to have
Starting point is 00:29:50 some fun, I, you know, it would take me a little bit longer in the morning to kind of get to, uh, to the place I want to be. So vacations aren't just fun. They're imperative to your wellbeing. So maybe it's time you book a vacation. Number 22 is traveling to unexpected places will give you some much needed perspective. So this means kind of two things. It means first, I encourage you to go to places you would never want to go because you may love it. For instance, I, you know, I've been to the Gambia. I went to Africa when I was 18. And that is definitely not something that was on my bucket list. I'll tell you right now. I didn't have, you know, I've been to the Gambia. I went to Africa when I was 18. And that is definitely not something that was on my bucket list. I'll tell you right now. I didn't have, you know, let's go to the smallest country in Africa. That's, I want to go there. No, I was 18. I was
Starting point is 00:30:36 a suburban girl and sheltered. And I really wanted some adventure, honestly. And I wanted to do something that was totally outside of my comfort zone. And so we did it. So I went there and guess what? It was an amazing experience. Same with Thailand. I went to Thailand with my husband. He'd been there before and loved it. I didn't really know anything about Thailand. The only thing that I associated with Thailand was once when we first started dating, we went to this awful Thai place near our parents' house. And the pad thai that I ordered literally tasted like ketchup and spaghetti. So I was like, well, if things taste like that, I'm not okay with that. But he said, no, we're going to go. You're going to love it. I promise. And guess what? I loved it. I want to go back there immediately. The best food in the freaking world and just absolutely beautiful.
Starting point is 00:31:23 The second kind of portion of this is when you do go to foreign countries where you have a completely different culture, it really does give you a look into, hey, guess what? The world is bigger than my little city, than my little world. People are living their own lives, doing their own thing, and they have nothing to do with you. So I think it gives you a perspective on how big the world is and how small you are in it, which I think is
Starting point is 00:31:50 very, very valuable. Number 23 is don't compare yourself to others and social media isn't real. So this is something I feel lots of us struggle with. I always do. I'm getting better at it now that I'm older. I feel like the older I get, I kind of just care less about what people think. And I think that's just kind of natural. But it's important to remind yourself that, you know, you should focus on yourself. You shouldn't worry about whoever's out there doing whatever. It'll just bring you down. It'll slow you down. You'll get irritated and you just, you know, yeah. So, and also that, you know, that relates to social media. Everyone's on social media. That's just how it is. You kind of can't be on off social media. Like the people that, oh, I'm quitting Facebook. They're on it a month later. So the key thing to
Starting point is 00:32:37 remember is maybe limit your time on there and just pretend like it's a TV show. It's not real. The stuff that people put out there is, you know, photoshopped and glamorized and it's a TV show. It's not real. The stuff that people put out there is, you know, photoshopped and glamorized and it's not the real deal. I mean, come on. So be kind to yourself, give yourself some credit and don't compare yourself to others. Social media isn't real. You're awesome. Focus on you. Number 24, you can have it all, just not all at the same time. You know how many people have told me this recently?'m like am i something going on here it's it's definitely something that i you know hold to be complete truth it's so true you can't have it all but you can't have it at the same time nor would you want to because that would be terrifying. Can you imagine having everything you want at the same time? Then what? Right? That's just not life. You can't control everything
Starting point is 00:33:30 that happens. My kind of way of coping with things because I am, you know, sometimes impatient and ambitious is try to be appreciative of what you do have. Be grateful for the life that you have. But if you want to, you know, have more, strive for more, just be humble, be thankful. And remember that the goal isn't to have everything at the same time. Number 25, write things down. Simple, but vital, especially when it comes to balance. I live by my checklists. And sometimes I have multiple checklists. I keep like adding apps to my phone that are different checklists. I've got Wunderlist, I've got Todoist, I've got a bunch of other ones. They're kind of everywhere. But it makes me happy that at least I have things written down. They may be scattered, they may be
Starting point is 00:34:22 in lots of different places, but at least I have things down. So when I eventually sit down and kind of organize all my multiple lists into one major list, I know I have everything that I've been thinking that I need to do in one place, and then I can relax. When things are floating around and you start kind of dreaming about things that you've forgotten, it's just a mess. So if you want true balance in your life, write things down in a list. Number 26, schedule in time to meditate. And by meditate, I mean, I don't know how to properly meditate. I'm not a yogi. I've never done full on real time meditation. For me, what that just means is take some time for yourself to relax, recenter, not think for a minute, not have all those thoughts going on in your head. So that, you know, could be taking a bath, listening to some music,
Starting point is 00:35:11 reading a trashy book in bed, which is sometimes my meditation, or actually meditating, doing some yoga, working out, doing something that you can kind of just take your mind out. Give it a little rest for a minute. Because I find that is something that we have a hard time doing because we have our phones and our computers and our TVs and everything's going on all at once. So we need to like turn everything off, take a minute to focus and recenter. So schedule in time to meditate. You won't regret it. Number 27 is compartmentalization is vital for survival. That is not easy to say. And I don't know why I picked such a big word for what I was trying to say. But it's true. I am a compartment freak when it comes to kind of how my brain works. My husband talks about it all the time. It was actually a few, I mean, several years ago where my uncle was over and he was
Starting point is 00:36:10 talking about this in a book that he was reading about how, I think it was maybe men specifically, how they compartmentalize. So they have kind of like, this is their workhouse in their brain. This is their fun house. This is their other house, whatever. And I'm like, hmm, that's kind of how I work. I definitely, when I'm in a certain mode in my work mode, you can't get me out. Like, you know, if my husband's like, oh, you want to watch a show? I'm like, I'm working right now. There's nothing I can do about it. Sorry. I will, you know, deal with you when I am done working, but otherwise, sorry. And same with that, when I'm having fun and I'm like, I'm not even thinking about work or anything like that at all. So, and I think that's just like how I can function because there's so much going on.
Starting point is 00:36:49 There's just, it's a crazy, we're, adulting's hard. Like, let's just be honest. Adulting is hard. And the way to kind of wrap your brain around it, get things done and not go crazy is by compartmentalizing everything. I'm pretty sure that was also a tip by Tyra Banks. Definitely. That's a terrible quote to give you, but for real though, I don't know. She's a successful woman. She, on one episode of Top Model, told people to compartmentalize their stuff. I think some model was crying for something. Whatever. She should
Starting point is 00:37:21 have come and put it together. All right. Number 28, you'll never regret asking for help or advice when you need it. And again, something I've had to learn over the years, because I'm stubborn in my nature. I hate asking for help because I still tend to think that, you know, oh, well, people perceive me as being weak if I ask for help or advice? No, you're just being smart. If you can't find a solution yourself, ask for someone to help you with it so you can find a solution so you can move on. It's as easy as that. If you need help, if you need advice, ask for it so you can get whatever you need done, done and move on. It's not weak. It's smart. So you'll never regret asking for help or advice when you need it.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Number 29, working out may not be your thing, but make it your thing. So yeah, working out sometimes is my best friend, sometimes not so much. I'm definitely like a yo-yo kind of work or out or that's not a word, but you know what I mean. I sometimes get into full-on workout mode and I'm obsessed. I'm like, oh yeah, get ready for some abs. And then maybe two months later, I'm just on the couch eating bread, full-on baguette style. And then I go back to my workout because I realize I'm happier when I work out. I'm more relaxed. I'm happier with my body. I have more energy and all this. And it goes back and forth. So I am not a fit freak or naturally kind of a fit person.
Starting point is 00:38:53 I have to force myself to do it. But when I do get into that mode, I'm thankful that I do it. So you may not be a workout person, but you can be. It's a choice. We all have to choose to get off the couch, put down our bagu person, but you can be. It's a choice. We all have to choose to get off the couch, put down our baguettes, and get to work. All right, number 30 and the last lesson of this fabulous episode. Man, I really like doing these. Number 30 is forgive, let go, and move forward.
Starting point is 00:39:24 To have the ultimate balance in your life, you need to do these things. Harder said than done, absolutely. But if you want to move forward, have that positive, happy, relaxed, balanced life, you need to forgive people that have hurt you or wronged you in some way. You need to let go of any hard feelings, and you need to forgive people that have hurt you or wronged you in some way. You need to let go of any hard feelings and you need to move forward with your awesome life. That's it. It's again, easier said than done, but it's something that you know you need to do and I know I need to do. So remember, forgive, let go, and move forward. And that concludes episode 52, my last episode for the season. A big thanks, of course, to the sponsor of this episode, who is giving away some awesome prizes. I'm talking
Starting point is 00:40:13 about Lowest Rates. You can check them out at lowestrates.ca. If you need to find a quote for a mortgage, life insurance, and a bunch of other things. Go to lowestrates.ca. They are providing $250 in Amazon gift cards, guys. I'm also going to give away some fabulous books, including, and I'm not sure if anyone will want one, but I hope they will. I hope one person's like, yeah, I want that, is I'm going to give away my copy that I got in Chiang Mai, Thailand of Kelly Catron's If You've Got a Cry, Go Outside. I think that's special, don't you? Don't you? I'm also going to be giving away some other books that aren't so ratty and from some used books or in Thailand. So make sure to check out the show notes
Starting point is 00:41:00 for this episode, JessicaMorales.com slash 52 to find all the details about that, to enter the contest, to win some money, some Amazon money, some books, and yeah, just to have a good old time on my website. Thanks again for listening. Now, I know I mentioned a bajillion times that this is my last episode for the season, but that doesn't mean I'm going away for too, too long. I will resume season three in September. I need a little bit of a break in summer, but I do also have a couple special episodes planned for the summer.
Starting point is 00:41:35 So make sure to check back, subscribe. If you're not subscribed on iTunes, sign up to my mailing list, JessicaMorales.com slash subscribe to stay up to date so you don't want to miss some of these cool cool things i've got in store for the summer thanks again for listening for reels and uh check you later this podcast is distributed by the women in media podcast network
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