More Money Podcast - 157 Building Confidence to Live Your Best Life - Lauren Ferraro, Speaking Coach

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

Confidence doesn't just mean walking in the room and feeling powerful. It's what can help us get that job on the first interview, get that raise or promotion, network more authentically, or even start your own money-making venture. For this episode of the podcast, I chat with Lauren Ferraro, a speaking coach and instructor in Toronto (and also my speaking coach), about how to be more comfortable on stage, how to lean in and not be afraid to make your voice heard, and be the best version of you that you can be. Long description: The minute I met speaking coach Lauren Ferraro for our first lesson together, I new I needed to have her on the podcast. And not just because she’s an expert speaker (a podcaster’s dream!), but because she just exudes confidence. I’m not talking about puff out your chest, hold your head up high kind of confidence. I’m talking about genuine confidence in yourself. Something I think most of us wish we had more of. So, for this episode of the show, she joins me to chat about confidence, or in her case, being comfortable on stage, in a room or in yourself. The reason why it’s so important to have that confidence is because by being comfortable in yourself, you’ll feel more inclined to take risks that will inevitable have financial benefits. I’m talking negotiating your salary for a new job, getting a promotion and raise, pitching yourself as a freelancer, pitching your products and services as an entrepreneur or business owner (you get the idea). I know that after listening to this interview, you’ll immediately want to start putting some of her tips into practice. For instance, her advice on how to network but practicing what you’re going to say ahead of time is invaluable! Also, make sure to check out the links below for more info about Lauren and her speaking business (which in my opinion, is so worth the money!). For full episode show notes, visit https://jessicamoorhouse.com/157 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to episode 157 of the Mo Money Podcast. I am your host, Jess Morehouse. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode. And this one's a good one because I'm going to be talking to Lauren Ferraro. And the reason I'm actually talking to her specifically is she's my speaking coach. I don't think I've ever shared this. Well, I don't share everything about my life, no, do I? But so back in the summer of 2017, I wanted to start getting a bit more serious about just learning how to speak confidently and know how to put together presentations. I was getting a lot more inquiries about doing public speaking and workshops and stuff like that. And I don't have a background in that.

Again, I went to film school. I was behind the camera. I was never in front of it. And speaking and getting red in the face, being nervous and just all that kind of stuff. Yeah, that was me to a T. I don't generally like to be up on a podium and talking. Yeah, it's just something that I know I need to work on. But that being said, that is a big part of my kind of job now is being, you know, out there talking to people. And I know it sounds crazy because I talk to a ton of people. I mean, you've listened to the podcast. I'm always talking.

I'm always interviewing people. But honestly, I'm a huge introvert. And this is something that I still am working on and trying to overcome is this kind of fear of talking to people, fear of talking in public, and especially public speaking. So instead of being like, well, I'm just not good at that. I'm just not going to do it. I'm like, no, no, no. If there's a will, there's a way. And I definitely have a will to be better at public speaking and feeling more confident and not shy and all that kind of stuff. So, you know, I, I think I need to hire someone to get some help. And so I looked online and I found Lauren Ferraro, who is one of the go-to public speaking coaches in Toronto. And she is lovely and she is awesome. And she totally get, you know, what I was trying to

get or trying to fulfill. I wasn't just, you know, didn't want to And she totally get, you know, what I was trying to get or trying to fulfill. I wasn't just, you know, didn't want to hire someone just to, you know, Hey, how do I, you know, put together a presentation? Okay. Thanks. Bye. It was really about like, Oh, let's practice our breathing. Let's talk about confidence. That's, um, you know, go kind of a bit deeper than just like putting together some slides. So I wanted to have her on the show so we can talk more about confidence and just feeling comfortable in your own skin and how these are really important things to have so you can progress in any parts of your life, but also with your career and also with your money. So, you know, I personally feel like because I have learned, you know, these skills, especially over the past couple of years and just being more comfortable and confident in certain areas of my life that I never used to be, I would say it isn't since like the past couple years that I felt really good and

confident about all the decisions that I make and what I'm doing. So anyways, we're going to get to a lot more of all of this kind of stuff in this interview. But before I get to that interview with Lauren, here's just a few words about this episode's sponsor. It's spring cleaning time, but I'm not talking about decluttering your home. I'm talking about taking this opportunity to organize your finances. If you want to prevent a headache next tax season and want to get your business in better shape this year, then this is the time to do something about it. Where should you start? Well, I use FreshBooks to keep my business in check, and you might want to do the same. For the past 13 years, FreshBooks has been making

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unrestricted free trial when you go to freshbooks.com slash mo and enter Mo Money Podcast in the How Did You Hear About Us section. Once again, go to freshbooks.com slash mo and enter Mo Money Podcast in the How Did You Hear About Us section. Thank you, Lauren, for joining me on the Mo Money Podcast. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Actually, I feel like the first time I met you for my first speaking session with you, I'm like, oh, she would be great on my show. Obviously, you know how to speak, so that's a plus. But we just clicked and I'm like, she is a badass. I like her. A badass. I like it. Well, thank you for having me. You are so, so welcome. Before we kind of dive into some of the topics for this interview,

I want to get to know you a little bit more. I don't know. I think I've even asked you some of your background, but I know you've been kind of a speaking coach for a number of years. You also teach a lot. Do you want to kind of go back? Where'd you come from? Who am I? Who are you? How kind of go back? You know, where, where'd you come from? Who am I? How'd you get here? You just showed up at my office. You just knocked on my door and said, help me, help me please. Uh, who am I? What do I do? My, my world is getting people to stand up and to, uh, if I, you know, not to sound too raw, raw, but bring words to life, bring your stuff to life. Speaking in public is a conference call. Speaking in public is, is pitching something. It's not just a Ted talk. I think we think it's always like a keynote or some grand stage and there's lights

and all that kind of stuff. Uh, and, and, and email is speaking in, in, in public, all all of that everything is representing either your company your product your service all of these things and we can spend a lot of time on the website i mean you know all of this and so do i the website the packaging isn't this thing beautiful here's the marketing blah blah blah continuing continuing okay great now tell me about it now get some funding for it now Now go on, you know, Dragon's Den, Shark Tank, all, you know, the classic examples, but now sell it to someone very quickly. And we have to remember that everything is a pitch. Everything is talking about your product. And so is also shaking hands with someone when you walk into a room,

that whole Hania network. Everything when you open your mouth and is representing yourself. And I think that one of the biggest mistakes we make is when we think we know ourselves and our product, product service, whatever it is, whatever medium, we think we know ourselves because it's us. Well, you can ask me anything. I know who I am. My name is Lauren. I'm a public speaking coach, blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't mean you know how to translate it to another person. And that's the biggest difference. Just because you know yourself doesn't mean you know how to talk about yourself. So my world started early, early, early in the arts, actually. I was a singer first, and then I got obsessed with speaking in public and voice work and how does one stand up in front of someone. So I went to England, got a master's in this kind of stuff. I opened in 2009. I opened and then I

started training at the school. So I teach at the universities and colleges here. All about speaking in public. So what gave you the courage to, to not only kind of switch careers like that, but to start your own business? That sounds to me like now that I've been doing it for a little while, I'm like, okay, it's not as scary, but before you've started anything that sounds terrifying to be like, I'm going to be a speaking coach. I'm going to open my own business. How the hell did you do that? Yeah. You know what? I always, I always wanted to, I knew that I was training lots of people in, in radio auditions, film law, mainly actors, because of course their voices are,

are everything. But I knew that I wanted to train people who, who had no sense of this. Someone in the, in the arts kind of generally has a sense of, Oh yeah, I gotta, I gotta, you know to use this thing or else I'm going to damage myself. But everybody needs to learn how to speak about their work. Everybody, I mean, we have one-way conversations now with phones. So even more so, I mean, I opened 10 years ago and now it's even more dire because we don't share our thoughts verbally. We don't quite, we're not as comfortable in a boardroom or a setting to put our hands up and say something. We are really becoming reserved. Not becoming, we are. Everything is present tense. There's no future becoming. We are very reserved, quiet. We've lost permission to own a stage, own your thoughts and be able to communicate. So that's, if anything,

more and more, I just want to grab everyone and give everyone permission to speak about themselves in a clear, articulate way. Yeah. Do you feel like just kind of talking from a woman's perspective, it is women in general that have the biggest trouble with voicing their voice. I mean, just think back when you were talking about like, just like conference calls. I remember at my last job, which I was there for almost three years, I, it was a very different setting, very corporate, a lot of strong personalities. And I was, you know, I thought it was a confident person. And when it came time to being in a meeting or doing a conference call, I would just, you know, kind of be like that

wilting flower or whatever. I'm also terrible with sayings, but you know what I mean? I just would just kind of go into the background and be terrified that someone would ask me my opinion because I just, I thought I would freeze. And that was something that I, over the years I got better at, got more comfortable at, but I was shocked at how I'm like, I thought I knew myself. I thought I was pretty good at voicing my opinion until I was in a totally different setting. And then I was just like, Oh, I don't, I don't know.

Ask this person. They probably have a better answer. I love the sound effects. It does represent what we, what we're feeling. And it's, it's a loaded question and I, and I, and I, and I'm going to answer it and dig into it. The, just cause it's loaded doesn't mean we don't touch on it. There's, there's many things to say here. Is there a difference between men and women when it comes to voicing our opinions, being seen, putting our hands up in a boardroom? I'm going to say 100%. Yes. And I'm getting right up close

to your camera. There, there is a difference. And then there's also, you can say it depends on the person, obviously. It depends on the person. There is a, there's a lack of permission. And this is in my practice, in my experiences. Some of your listeners might go, I have no problem. Great. I have a, and yay. Keep going. I do have a, and yay. Yeah. Keep going. Yeah. I do have a number of women who lack permission to exactly as you said, to raise their hand and say, hi, I have da, da, da, da, da to say. This can be nerves, of course. And I mean, nerves could be a whole other episode. This could be nerves.

All of a sudden you're on. Yeah. And at the core of all of this, we care what other people think, period. And it can sabotage us to the nth degree, or it could make us just a little bit nervous. As you said, it gives us just a bit of this, or it can completely shut us down to where we don't want to perform to where we know we can. Mm-hmm. So you've got to find, investigate, is it someone in the room? Yeah. Is it a numbers game? There were seven people in here. Now there's

eight. Okay. Eight kind of causes my breath to go up in my clavicle because the sound you made and the reaction is us going up into our necks and up into our shoulders. And that's where training comes into play. That's where we learn to drop down into our, you could say diaphragm stomachs just for the sake of this, but you can drop right down into the lower part of your body and know that you're safe, know that your environment is not going to attack you and you have permission. So there's a lot of things you need to tell yourself that the mental ticker tape, I call it. There's learning physically how to breathe in that space. Once something tries to sort of attack you, there's what do I do physically? And then there's knowing

that, well, I do have something to say. I do have something to say. Yes, I disagree with this. Or can I just add to this? Or not even can I. You have permission. And so there's the nerves and the physical and the mental reaction that we can work with. Then there's, well, forever and forever and forever, my opinion as a female has been suppressed. So then there's also that whole, that's why I said it's loaded and there's lots of arms to this. Then there's also, my opinion has never been recognized in this workplace. And it's not just mine. I notice it in a lot of people. And it is, as you said, very pertinent to today. And I had a woman actually recently say, I think I have to become a bitch. And I said,

no. Here's the short answer. No. And what I i'm noticing it's not an influx of of women being trampled on in the workplace it's an influx of women saying i don't think i have to take this any longer do i but i don't have a tactful response yeah that's another thing we you work on is how to have a tactful respectful and, and decorum always response if you are in that environment where you don't feel you can raise your hand. So it is the mental ticker tape. It is the physical response, learning to breathe. And then it's literally practicing what to say because it's muscle memory what to say. So it's, it's verbally having permission to say, hang on, this meeting stops because I, I'm not just here as a pretty face, which is what was told to me

the other day by someone else. I mean, it's just stories and stories and stories of, hang on a second, you're just here to look pretty. And I said, all right, now this is what we're going to say. Yeah. So there, there, there is a, yes, I deserve a raise and, and, and, and you don't have to say, Oh, I deserve a raise, you know, with ego, but these are the things that I've done. And there have been studies that have, have shown that, uh, men have more, um, even if they don't have the, the, what's the word I'm looking for the, the resume to match it. They will still, I get this job. Where women take a more, well, I don't have all the things on their world, still a little more reserved, but historically it makes sense. And I think we need to, I would never say we need to be

more like men. I do not agree with that, but I think we need to have more permission and you can. And I think we need to say, yeah, if you only have seven things on that, on that job search list, go even three things. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. I actually, yeah, just read some study that, um, men will feel completely comfortable applying for a job if they have 60% of the requirements, women only if they have a hundred percent. And that is absolutely true because number one, I am- And I do it. Yeah. Yeah. We all do it. We all do it. I think a lot of us women are perfectionists, but also talking to other women I know, I talk to a lot of women who are like,

I'm thinking of switching jobs or switching careers. But I know looking at the job boards out there, I don't have 100%. So I'm going to wait until I go back to school, get this new skill, and then I'll apply. I'm like, or if you're really unhappy. Debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, debt. We're on a money show. We're on a money show. And you're just waiting. And you're just waiting years to delay, delay, delay.

And I mean, as I've noticed now in my 30s, I'm like, wow, time flies by. I'm so glad that I took risks sooner than I felt comfortable because I never regretted it. I think that's another thing, too, is I think women, A, we want to be perfect or we want to take all those boxes before we're ready so we feel more comfortable. But also, we're just worried of failure and we're worried of taking that risk because I don't know why we have this crazy fear of if we fail, it's the end of the world. For me, I've had many failures, but they pale in comparison to all the successes. You really don't remember lots of those little failures. Why do you feel like lots of people are, or especially women, are afraid of taking those

risks? And that could just be like, you know, either, you know, applying for a new job, asking for a raise, or even just like raising their hand in a meeting because they have something important to say. I think it's historical, as we just sort of said, it's something that's, that's ingrained. It's valuing what we have to, to offer. Uh, it also is just point blank, really scary. If you have three kids at home and you can't feed them and you can't, you're not going, I'm just gonna quit everything. I mean, I think every situation is, is different, but I, I like what you just said on the, the rewards outweigh the struggle. And when I, when I quit one of the schools I was working at, I was an overdraft and I took a picture of my bank statement. Love it. I had my friend and I helped because, and it's, I'm not on a pedestal

and neither are you, but it was one of those moments of, yeah, five years will fly by and I'll go, I wish I had or something like that. And it's, but you can't do it and think that it's going to take off right away. You have to know you're going to walk through mud. Yes. You have to know that that, that is absolutely part of it. You have to know that you're going to take a day off because it's the worst day of your life and you need to just boil the kettle and have the tea and put the movie on. And that's just the rut you're in. Yeah. Your phone hasn't rung for a month. Yeah. You can panic. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. And that's part of it because next month you're going to go, well, where was everyone? Because now I'm so, it's this roller coaster.

But I want to touch on something. It's a word that we've been using and I'm not a fan of it. And I'll tell everybody why. I'm not a fan of the word confidence. Oh, really? Yes. I have zero patience for confident communications and all of that because it's not confidence we're looking for.

What you're looking for behind the microphone, behind the phone, on the stage, you're looking to be comfortable. And there's a big difference in my work. I want you all to be comfortable on that stage, not confidence. Confidence has grown to have a connotation to it where my chest is out. And when you train on how to breathe and how to be present in a room, because everybody wants to be dynamic and engaging when they talk, we all do. Those are the top two words that I hear from everyone. We are thinking that we have to do something in front of a room. And that's where my chest goes out a little bit and confidence has that air about it. I want you to be comfortable on that stage because when you watch someone on a, and again, a stage is any medium. Yeah. Yeah. When you, when you watch someone and you know,

you're in good hands, you're actually comfortable watching them because what someone feels up on a stage is what you feel sitting in a chair. We've all been nervous for someone when they're, and have utter empathy for someone when they're just bombing, quote unquote, or they're forgetting something technology. We just have such empathy for them, but we're nervous for them at the same time. So I want us to think that we are out to be comfortable up there. We're up to get out of our shoulders and out of our chests and soften them and welcome a room. You're not out there to, here's one thing that your audience has to remember or has

to start thinking is stop proving that you're an expert in something. Yes. And that was, I feel like one of the first things that you and me talked about. I know they can't see my arms up. Yeah. But yeah, your hands are up. My hands are up. But yeah, that was one of the first things that I remember talking to you about. It's like, I'd say, you know, I feel like I'm so close to being comfortable talking to people and going on stage. But the thing that's holding me back is I'm always that person that when I'm on stage, I'm afraid that people are just, you know, shaking their heads or going like, oh, this is, you know, crap or who does she think she is? Because, hey, I've been in situations where I've done a presentation. Someone's like,

why should we listen to you? Like I actually said that to my face in full improvement. And so that is always replaying in my mind. But I'd say those people are probably just kind of like online. There's the naysayers, the cyber bullies or whatever. But in general, it seems like the majority of people are rooting for you. And that was like a big mindset thing. It's like most people want you to succeed. They want you to sound comfortable and they want to hear what you have to say. And you need to remember that stuff. So I feel like if I had a microphone, I'd get really, really close to it. So I'm just going to pull this mouthpiece really, really close. Here's the thing. We have a tendency to say to people, why should I listen to you? And I want you to reverse that. When you are prepping for a speech for all of your,

my earpiece is just, when you are prepping for all of this stuff, whatever it is, you're prepping your PowerPoint, doing all of that. What do I want the audience to feel? It is about them. Oh yeah. Speaking has nothing to do with you. Speaking has nothing to do with, well, okay. 2% has to do with the speaker. This is about the audience. And I need, and see, it's all about what these words and phrases do and say to us. That's why I don't like the word confidence. It's got a cockiness to it. Why should I listen to you? And one of the things that people get very nervous about is, you know, CEOs are worried about my employees are going to wonder how I became the

CEO. Employees are going to wonder, my CEO is going to wonder, okay, who hired? They're going to wonder how I got this job. They're going to wonder how I got this promotion. So I want you to be more concerned with what am I trying to give this room? What do I, what do I want them to feel as I'm speaking? And you know what? Two things. There's a higher key of importance. So the whole proving you're an expert, please start cutting your content. Yeah. Stop cutting your content because I don't need 67 slides in five minutes. You're trying to prove you're an expert. Number one. Yeah. Number two is you have limited knowledge. You have limited knowledge. You do. You don't know everything. So if I'm on a panel or on a fireside or I'm doing my Q and A or anything. I know they can make people really nervous because

they're not scripted, quote unquote. We don't know what's going to fire at us, but that's all part of all of this training. You can be prepped for that. But all I want you to think of is that I don't have to know everything to justify why I'm standing up here. That is being comfortable on that stage. That's not being confident, let's say. And I am still always going to make a difference between the two. When you are up there and you're going, let's have a conversation as opposed to, okay, I'm ready for your questions. Again, it's being prepared is everything. Absolutely. No one is firing at you. Now, there are people that will throw a, a baseball instead of a beach ball. Yes. As you've said, you know, trolls and people wanting to take

over your, your Q and a and things like that. And we know that there's awful people out there, but that's them. Yeah. And they have no reflection on why I'm up here. Yeah. Maybe you, you do have a bad panel. Okay. I was running with ego and I wanted to be seen above anyone else on this panel. And where was my head at that day? Okay. That's where you were. So you have to take a satellite point of view every time you have a, I'll call it a performance, whatever the medium, TV, radio, you have to take a satellite point of view.

Where was I that day? Why did I feel threatened? Why did I feel blah, blah, blah, as opposed to just chastising yourself? Because my God, we love to do that. Oh my God, that was the worst. So I try to tell people, let's objectively, as much as we can, take the satellite point of view. What was working as if you were the master working with your marionette puppets? How did this play out? As opposed to, oh, I looked awful in my hair. Okay. Yeah. So that's all part of it. But you've got to be kind to yourself. And working with kindness is so sexy and so attractive that that's the only way I want you to work with. That's the only thing I want you to work with. I want you to work that way with others as well.

That is being comfortable about speaking, about presenting, about networking, negotiating the space on a panel, be giving as a speaker, give someone the floor, but also, yes, you have your own services and stuff to pitch as well. Yeah. I'll talk for three hours about this stuff. Oh, for sure. Yeah, no, I totally agree. You kind of touched on a little bit like just the different kind of formats. I know we talked a lot about being on the stage or going on TV or radio or whatever, but for kind of like those smaller but still significant ways that you present yourself that you're presenting that most people probably don't even think about as presenting, but I think it's a good way to think about it. For instance, let's talk about networking and events, something that when I was younger in my 20s, I'm like, I'm terrible at

networking. And I would just use that as an excuse as why I would never get anything out of going to a conference or talking to people at a party because I'm like, I have nothing to sell or I'm not good enough or there's other more important people. And there's a whole, I mean, I've been to a lot of conferences and you talk to a lot of people and lots of other people are bad at networking. It may not be you and the people that you're talking to and they're looking past you and you're like, oh, come on, I'm right here. Give me like another minute. How can people, I guess, tackle this idea of networking for me what i've learned over the years is networking is a word that i don't like using anymore it's really just about creating uh a genuine relationship or having a good conversation with someone and making sure that you just don't

talk about yourself ask that person questions but in your, what is a good way for people to get something out of networking? You, you, you've jogged my memory. Last week I was, uh, working in, in Ottawa and not one person looked at me when we shook hands. So can we just even, just even, just even come on people shake hands. So the webs the webs of the hands have to meet. None of this kind of. Don't have a kind of limp hand shake. Nope. Yep.

The webs have to match. Sorry, my landline is going. I don't know if you can hear. I can't. I'm not answering it. It's a time marker. The webs have to match. And please make eye contact.

I don't. Because you said looking past. And that's what we have. They're looking for someone better to talk to you. And I get it. There's other better people. But you don't have to you said what looking past and that's what we have. They're looking for someone better to talk to you. And I get it. There's other better people, but just, you don't have to talk to me for 20 minutes. You can talk to me for five. And I think that the other thing too, that's really something that I've learned is how to exit. I need to have an exit strategy for when you want to leave and not look rude. You're just jogging my memory because I'm thinking of Homer Simpson, like dissolving into the head.

Slowly tiptoe away. No, here's the thing. And I sort of touched on it before I do job interview skills because job interviews are also speaking in public. Absolutely. You cannot assume again that you, because you know yourself and you know your company, you know your product and all that, that you know how to talk about it. So at a networking event, it's just you and you've got your business card and you're looking great and it's all amazing. Have you practiced what you're going to say to the person out loud? There's my Canadian out, out loud. There is a difference between mumbling to yourself, looking at your piece of paper or looking at your phone and going, okay, I'm going to say this. That's called mumbling.

Yeah. Not helpful. That's not. But we see that. We see speakers prepping for meetings and whatever it is, looking at their paper and kind of rumbling to you. So you're just solidifying mumbling and pacing back and forth. Have you gone into the bathroom mirror, you know, on your way over in the car? Hi, I'm blah, blah, blah. Risk sounding robotic, because you will sound robotic at the beginning, you can drain out of sounding robotic. Risk sounding, I sound awful. Oh my God, you know, put your hand on your head, have the frustration. But I don't care. I'm happy that you've practiced out loud. I'm happy that you've got muscle memory in your mouth, that you have practiced those words. Because why would you risk practicing out loud for the first

time on something that's important? Why would you risk talking about a past job in front of a potential employer? You practice, practice on the wall. practice on, but what you think in your mind does not flow out of your mouth. We know we go on tangents. We ramble. We don't know how to exit as, as you said. So I want who you are, why you're there, what you're searching for. I want this in sound bites. I want it tight. I want it practiced. It doesn't have to be, hi, I'm Lauren Ferraro. I'm a speaking coach and I'm here to look for blah, blah, blah. You know, it doesn't have to be, hi, I'm Lauren Ferraro. I'm a speaking coach and I'm here to look for blah, blah, blah. You know, it doesn't have to be there. But as long as you've got your bullet points, great.

How to exit is, well, we can generally feel when it's coming to a close. It's been wonderful speaking to you. I'm now going to venture and I want you to go venture as well because that's why we're here. So support them. Okay, go. We've been talking for too long. Let's, you know, humor, all of that kind of stuff is always my default. as well because that's why we're here. So support them. Okay, go. We've been talking for too long. Let's, you know, humor, all of that kind of stuff is always my default. See, now you're all going to know what I do when I need to get away from you all. Oh, Lauren used humor and she told me

to go find other people. She doesn't want to talk to me. It's not that. It's just how to not, goodbye, I'm bored. Yeah, exactly. Or, or the, the, I'd say a worse thing is where it just kind of dies and you're both just kind of staring, trying to find that next person. It's like, Oh, it's just not, not okay. Yeah. So this goes back to the permission. I have permission to go. This was wonderful. Thank you. I'm going to go work the floor. That's why you're there. Yeah. So I want tight, short, short sentences. You've got to know again, who you are. I'm Lauren Ferraro. You need to know what your product is. I'm a public speaking coach. And I want to know what, here's something that people sometimes mess up is you're not telling me what I get for my money. What do you do? Well, I'm in blah, blah,

blah, blah. I don't know what that is. Yeah, exactly. What do you do for a living? I need that to get much more specific. It took me a while once to get it out of someone. They're like, well, while I find money for people, they were a financial advisor, but they were into cliches and jargon. And I was going, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. What do you do? Yeah. I dig into people's lives and get the money. That is a way of putting it. We need to get a little more blatant. I hate, and I'm using the word hate on purpose, cliches, jargon, all that kind of stuff. Even if I've used one in this podcast,

we can't lead with them. And that's a big mistake that we're trying to prove we're experts and be something that we think is wanted of us. We're trying to err on the side of professional and look, and we have this look bigger than you are. Yeah, but I'm getting fake. I'm getting lots of fake. Please rip up all of your content if it's filled with flowery jargon. And it doesn't matter if you're in finance and you're going to a financial conference and everybody understands your jargon. It doesn't matter.

You are still trying to talk to a person. Yeah. So it's not dumbing anything down. It's not bringing out your trucker mouth. I love a good trucker mouth, even though I teach how to speak politely. But there's a time and place. Yeah. But the idea is that, to kind of quote what's very trendy right now, getting real, you know,

with talking, but it's true. Half the time I'll rip up someone's presentation and I'll say, what is it you actually do? Yeah. Or even a job interview. Well, I don't do anything. I don't, you know, everyone's grass is greener. I just go home and eat smart food and watch, you know, Cupcake Wars or whatever it is, which is a great show. But you have so much more to give than that. And then I find out, well, I go jogging and I join. I said, these are wonderful things. So if you need to almost get the list out of who you are, what you do, what do you enjoy? All these things that remind you of what you have to offer are great for taking into a networking event. You have way more to offer than you think. You have permission to walk away from someone because

you are allowed to, and just tell them, it's not blatant. It's all right. I'm done with talking to you. I'm off to find someone else because I can't afford to spend a half hour with you. Exactly. And don't feel guilty and don't feel rude. Cause there is, yeah, like you said, I mean, for me, I think I should just try to just be like, it was great talking to you. I'm going to talk to somebody else. Just like be honest. Cause sometimes when someone does that to me, I'm like, oh good. I was done talking to you too. Not going to lie. They're going to be relieved. Exactly. No, most people, unless they really are excited. I mean, and then again, you could follow up with them. That's where you have like, just have that initial conversation and then you could follow up

with them over email. The one thing that I've seen a lot of people do, and I think they think that they're, they're just going, I think a little bit too far and not being helpful where they may have done maybe their research on you and start talking to you about what they do and how they can help you. And they're basically giving you advice that you've never asked for. Never do that. That's never helpful. It's like, you don't want to look to your website. Have you ever thought about improving this? It's like, that's no. And I don't want it. Those are the spam emails. It is, but doing it in person, it's happened. It's like, that's going a bit too far. But just like you said, it's so, so, so just to like recap, it's like

your name, what you do and how you help people kind of thing. Yeah. So I, I, I want to, obviously, I want to know your name. Okay. When you deliver your name, vocal delivery here. The reason why we can't remember people's names is because we're not giving people our names. My name is Lauren. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. My name is, my name is what? Lauren. There's a lot of R's in my name. I am Italian. There should be more vowels. I've spoken to my parents about it, but we say, we say our names so quickly. You need to have the tiniest pause between your first name and your last name. And I want every single syllable. So am I going to say, hello, I'm Lauren Ferraro? No, but my name is Lauren Ferraro. Not Lauren Ferraro. Don't de-voice. So de-voicing, don't fall down at the end of your name, your sentences, your company.

So this, actually, this is something not just in your name, but when you give your presentations, please start punching more and more. Now, I'm going to get a little grammary on you. Your nouns, your verbs, the things you watch from people, the product of public speaking coach. You're a huh. We'd be like you saying, I have a podcast. No, you have a podcast. I have to,

you have to give people your words. If you want them to hear it, you have to give it to them. Yeah. So risk sounding robotic as in talking sort of like this and give, actually it is to give your name, give people your name. So I want your name. I want the name of your company. Obviously I want what you do, but not all. I'm in a sales, blah, blah, blah. I help people your name. I want the name of your company. Obviously I want what you do, but not all I'm in a sales, blah, blah, blah. I help people find money for me. It's a little easier public speaking coach. It's kind of written on the can. It's obvious what I do, but it's, but, and the whole notion of the, the elevator pitch does not have to be, you don't need to regurgitate your business card. I don't need that. I need you to just talk with me. Yeah. So who you are, the name of your company, what you do get very specific. And then

of course you want to find out about them. Yeah. So get beyond. And what is it that you do in a little bit beyond, beyond that you're here because we looking for, who are you trying to, uh, and, and I'm very sorry that you have people have come up to you and told you how to fix yourself. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to work with those people. So it is what it is. I'm like, bye. A little tacky. It's a little, it's a little, yeah, I was more like, I felt bad for them. Like, Oh, you're not good at this. Are you? It's like, that's always sending love yeah it's like bless your heart no yeah i i understand but that's then that is being comfortable and the learning how to walk away is again permission to put your hand up and speak it's permission that we're we're missing we're missing looking like we have egg on our faces egg on your face is common It'll burn for a minute. Next day is a new day. We think that people are going to, and if they do, I can't do anything about it, that people are going to label me as

such. You know, you don't owe anyone to be glued to your inbox. If you don't get back to someone in three days, I mean, there is professional etiquette and all that kind of stuff, but there's also, you're a human being and I don't know what happened on your end. Send the friendly reminder, we're touching base on this, everything in kindness as much as we can. And that is the energy you want to walk into a room. If people want to be engaging and dynamic, walk into a room as a student. Always, always, always. I don't care how many letters are after your name. It doesn't, it really doesn't matter. Yeah.

There's no, there's no threat to me. Someone that has their name CEO at the end of it, or Lauren, they're the wonderful, let's get to work. Exactly. And that's all, all that matters because when it comes to, to speaking in, in public and presenting in public, at the core of it, we have to know that we're just trying

to have a human conversation. That, my friends, is ROI. I think I've said that to you before. Doesn't matter the emails, the technology, the blah, blah, blah. Human conversation and connection, whatever you want to call it. Being with someone in the same room, eye contact, touching their hand, shaking their hands.

That is your return on investment. Absolutely. And I think, you know, kind of like we've touched on throughout this interview, no matter what kind of format this takes, whether it's a presentation, a job interview, asking for a raise, which I mean, my experiences with that has been kind of actually doing a little presentation. Like I got slides and all that. So sometimes it could actually look like a presentation, no matter what it is. It seems like in order to actually get the ROI to actually get it, you know, to move forward, it's about being genuine, knowing who you are and what you do. And then, you know, just following up and being comfortable. Yeah, absolutely. That's what it is. And knowing who you are is not just here. Start writing things down. Don't wing it.

Please stop winging stuff. You can't afford it. You can't afford to wing stuff. No. And I think, and it comes back, you know, you're all wonderful, but yeah, you've got it. You've got to practice. And that's a big thing that I learned from you too. It's like, yeah, don't ever wing anything. Because I mean, you may think in your mind, oh, I think that went better than I thought. It's like, yeah, well, maybe ask the audience what they thought. The presentations I've really liked are the ones that are the most prepared. Because it looks like, oh, they've done their homework.

They care about what I think as an audience member. And they're more memorable, right? Yeah. And the audiences are way more forgiving than we think. I get asked, Lauren, should I have a piece of paper in front of me? Should I have cue cards? No to cue cards, but that's just the thing. And no laser pointers. My God, can we do this for three hours? But if I have something last minute, because people do have a lot of things last minute, managers gone down and you have to present the quarterly budget, whatever it is,

what's wrong with having a piece of paper in your hand. I lecture at the universities all the time. Hang on guys. I got to check to make sure. And I'm looking down that I've told you everything I wanted to. Who cares? Yeah. Then I'm taking a second for myself.

We are way more forgiving than people think as they're prepping. Hold your peeps piece of paper in your, if someone's on're prepping. Hold your piece of paper. If someone's on a panel and they have a piece of paper, great. They are comfortable up there to do that and make sure that I hear everything that they want to say. Absolutely. Forgive yourselves because the audience doesn't care. No. They just want to get that information that you've got.

Really, they want to learn something. Thanks so much, Lauren, for taking the time to chat with me about all things, you know, about comfort and being, you know, a strong, confident, I know, you know, I like that word. I'm sorry, but I totally get what you're saying. I get it. I get it. I get where you're coming from. Where can more people find more information about you in case they want to learn how to be a better speaker? Laurenferraro.ca is me. If you look today and then look next week, I've got a new website coming up. So you're not in the wrong place. It's just, I'm about to flip the switch, but Laurenferraro.ca is me. Fabulous. Well, thanks so much for chatting with me. Thank you. And that was episode 157 of the Momentum Podcast with the awesome Lauren Ferraro.

Make sure to check her out at laurenferraro.ca or just check out the show notes, jessicamorales.com slash 157. I will put more information about her in there. She is a boss and I think she's amazing. So hopefully, listening to this episode, you feel a bit more confident or have some enthusiasm and be like, yeah, I'm going to tackle a skill that I'm not good at or I'm going to do something be like, yeah, I'm going to tackle a skill that I'm not good at or I'm going to do something, take a risk. I'm going to just go out there, be a boss because you are a boss. Don't forget that. A couple of things to share with you. But before I get to that, just a few words about this episode's sponsor.

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if you go to richandfit.co, so richandfit.co, you will find a beautiful website that I just created that has all the information about Rich and Fit, including the Rich and Fit Bootcamp, Rich and Fit Financial Foundations, Rich and Fit Fitness Foundations, and our free course, Rich and Fit Detox. So, you know, it's getting a bit nicer outside, you know, it's kind of spring cleaning time. If you want to take this opportunity to finally take a hold on your finances, finally, you know, get fit and healthy, lose some pounds, feel better in your own skin, just like we talked about in this episode. Well, this is probably a good idea to check out richandfit.co. We have three courses now all about how to get fit, how to tackle your finances and feel better about yourself. This is sort of self-promotion, but whatever, but I actually use the fitness stuff

that we have in the fitness courses for my own fitness. Those are the workouts that I do because I don't like going to the gym. I don't, you know, want to, I hate going to the gym. I just hate it, but I want to get fit. I want to be healthy. So I still use the meal plans in the course. I still do the workouts in my house and they're, they're awesome if I do say so myself. Um, so yeah, uh, you know, all that being said, if you are interested in, uh, taking any of our courses, well, since you're listing and since we just launched a new website and opened up registration for all of these courses, including our two, uh, you know, uh, fitness foundations and financial foundations courses, well, I'd like to offer you a little special promo code so you can get a little discount

to encourage you to sign up and get to work. So if you use promo code MoMoney, you will get 20% off any of our courses for a limited time, of course, but definitely check it out. richandfit.co. Use the promo code MoMoney to get 20% off. Also, I mean, there's a couple different bonuses that are on the website you can see, but one awesome bonus is if you sign up for the Rich and Fit Bootcamp or Rich and Fit Financial Foundations, you get a free one-on-one counseling session with myself

valued at $150. So take advantage. Richandfit.co is where you can find all that information. Well, that is it for me. I am currently hanging out in the Catskills, New York State, and then I'm going to NYC for a little personal trip. And then I'll be back. And then I'll be off shortly after that to go to San Francisco. It's a bit of a crazy month in May. I don't know how I'm going to survive, but I'm tired just thinking about it. So that's what I'm doing this month. But of course, I'm going to be back here next Wednesday, as always, because I never miss a Wednesday, with a fresh new episode of the podcast. So if you like what you're listening to, make sure to subscribe or do one better. Leave me an iTunes review. I will give

you a shout out on a future episode and I'd really appreciate it. So thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'll catch you back here with a fresh new episode next Wednesday. This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.