More Money Podcast - 327 Putting Together Your Financial First Aid Kit - Alyssa Davies, Author & Blogger at Mixed Up Money

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

I’ve got a returning guest joining me on the podcast today whose new book should be added to everyone’s personal finance reading list. Alyssa Davies of Mixed Up Money is on the show to talk about her latest book, Financial First Aid, and how her approach to saving for unexpected expenses can help you with your anxiety surrounding money. Alyssa Davies currently resides in Calgary, Alberta, and is a content manager for Zolo as well as a two-time Plutus Award winner for Canadian Personal Finance Blog of the Year for . The last time she was on the show was back in 2020 to discuss her first book, The 100 Day Financial Goal Journal (which is episode 235 in case you want to listen). Now two years later, she’s back to share tidbits from her new book Financial First Aid: Essential Tools for Confident, Secure Money Management. In today’s episode, Alyssa shares what she’s been up to since our last episode, why she’s passionate about emergency funds, and how big of a role therapy and taking care of your mental health has played in her financial journey. Like myself, Alyssa wants to make financial literacy more easily accessible and understandable. I can’t wait for you to listen to this one! For full episode show notes visit: https://jessicamoorhouse.com/327 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, and welcome back to the More Money Podcast. This is your host, Jessica Morehouse, and this is episode 327 of the show. And I'm so excited to share this episode because not only do I have a returning guest, but I also have a very good friend of mine joining me back on the show, Alyssa Davies. You may remember her from when she first appeared on the show back in April 2020, episode 235, where she was on the show to discuss setting financial goals because she had her first book come out, the 100 Day Financial Goal Journal. Well, two years later, even though we're still in a pandemic, she's been quite the busy bee, churning out another book. This one is called Financial First Aid Essential Tools for Confident,

Secure Money Management. So excited to have her on the show. But in case you didn't listen to that episode two years ago, here's a little bit of info about Alyssa. So she's currently the content manager for Zolo. And like I've mentioned, a published author. She's based out of Calgary. She's also the founder of the two-time award-winning Canadian personal finance blog of the year, Mixed Up Money, as of 2022. And she has over 80,000 followers across social media. Through her work, she has been featured in many notable publications, including the Globe and Mail, CNBC, CBC, and much more. And her new book is like literally fresh on shelves, right? It's available now. And of course, I will be giving away a copy. So make sure to continue to listen to find out more details on how you could potentially

win a free copy of her book. So, so many exciting things to share. Also, I should kind of share what like what we're going to be diving into. Obviously, we're going to be talking about her book. And what I loved about her book, and you know, again, we will talk about this in the episode is it really hones in and gets detailed into the topic of financial emergencies, and having that financial first aid kit. Because even though on the show, I've talked a ton about, hey, you know, it's really important to have an emergency fund. Absolutely. But you know, there's life isn't that simple, right? There's so many different types of financial hardships and emergencies that may come about. And how do we prepare for them? Or how do we overcome them? How do we deal with them

when they happen and we didn't have time to prepare? So we really get into the nitty gritty of all that. So I know you're going to love this episode. But before I get to that interview with Alyssa, I just want to share a few words about this podcast episode sponsor. This episode of the more money podcast is supported by Oxio. Have you had it with the big internet providers in Canada, the contracts constantly shifting prices and customer service that will keep you on hold for hours? If only there was another option that could provide you with the same quality internet, minus all that other BS. Oh wait, there is. Oxio, a digital internet service provider that first launched in Quebec in 2019 and has since expanded to Ontario and British Columbia. Want to know why I made the switch to Oxio? For starters,

Oxio is everything the big telecom companies are not. They provide unlimited internet, no contracts, fast and local customer service, and they don't sell your data. And they pride themselves in being radically transparent with their pricing. No, seriously. For all of their internet packages, they show you the breakdown of where your money goes from network costs to how much the company actually profits. Not only that, Oxio's prices are typically lower than the average market price, so switching could mean more money in your pocket. It sure did for me. Want to give it a try too? Just visit Oxio.ca and use promo code MOREMONEY to try out Oxio for free for one month. It's as simple as that. Once again, visit Oxio.ca, that's O-X-I-O dot C-A, and use promo code MOREMONEY to try Oxio for free for one month. Welcome back to the show, Alyssa. I'm so excited to have you back on the show. When were

you on when you released your first book? Was that in 2020? Was that in the crazy year of 2020? Oh, yeah, I had no chance of celebrating the first book because we were peak pandemic. Yeah. And we're still technically. Yeah, that's pretty funny. It's like, wow, you released two books during the pandemic. I mean, what else am I gonna do? Yeah, to be fair. Yeah, that's actually quite productive of you to do that. So I'm excited to have you back on the show. Second book, very different than your first book. You know, first, I'd like to kind of catch up. What have you been up to? Lots of, I think, changes, you know, in your life and, you know, just like your brand and business since I first had you on the show a few years ago you know what's the update yeah so much has changed um I feel like when we first chatted

I had like barely been online like promoting my business and now I'm I got followers on platforms I don't know what's going on but it's's a lot of fun. And I had another baby. I incorporated the business. So yeah, everything's on the up and up. Like it's all exciting and big and fun things. So yeah, make some money's popping off. I'm loving it. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, it's interesting. Cause yeah, like, you know, I known you for a while and, um, mainly through, you know, the blogosphere, but it seems like now, you know, you've definitely shifted to, you know, focusing a lot on like TikTok and Instagram and just kind of building those audiences, which is so smart, because I mean, as everyone kind of knows, in the past

couple years, you know, we've all been online a lot more, and people are consuming content, especially personal finance content in different ways. And I love what you're doing, especially on your Instagram, you know, doing something different using a lot of, you know, kind of the artwork that you're making and, you know, just, you know, doing something different to kind of, you know, make the, you know, personal finance information more accessible and interesting. I'm curious, because you've been doing what, you know, your kind of Instagram feed has been for a while now, I guess, you know, since 2020, what is, and because you integrate a lot of the artwork that you use on your Instagram into your

book as well, which I really love how it's so fluid, what kind of inspired you to kind of, you know, do this? Because I can't really think of another personal finance, like Instagram, or who does something like that, making these kind of, um, artwork pieces with some, you know, it's like, it draws you in. You're like, Oh, that's kind of cool looking. And then you're like, Oh, what's it actually have to say? And then it kind of, you know, sneakily gives you some good personal finance tips. Yeah, for sure. I feel like I totally agree. Like things started to really shift. I feel like people took kind of a step back from long form content and we want things quicker, easier, um, just fast because we're consuming so much news and so much information all the time. It's exhausting. And I knew I had to make

the switch to social media as like primary focus, but I never wanted to be the face of my Instagram account as much as, as much as it's kind of required. I wanted to do that as little as possible by removing myself from the account. So like at first I was just doing little doodles on my phone and I was like, maybe I can post these like they're kind of bad, but, you know, we'll see. And then I just started to fall in love with it. And because of the pandemic, I lost most of my hobbies because they were all sports and going to the gym. Everything was locked down, closed down. And so I bought a new iPad. I bought an Apple pencil and I spent a ton of time watching YouTube tutorials, learning how to draw. And I spent like two hours a night

drawing. And and then I just started posting them and they've progressively gotten a little bit better, I like to say. But it just really helped like eliminate me from the feed and make it more easy for everyone to feel like there was something for them rather than just another person online. Just, you know, like another influencer. Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. No, I love it. And yeah, it was actually really kind of exciting to see that you integrated so much of that in your book. It just kind of, you know, marries both worlds into one place and talking a little bit more about your book. You know, so it's called financial first aid, it really is focused on the specifics of like, dealing with a financial emergency and how to either deal with it if it happens or how to prepare in advance. So if it does happen, you're, you're ready to go and you've got, you know, um, everything

in order. So it doesn't have such a big negative impact on you. Cause typically like that is what I think we've all personally experienced in one way or another over the past couple of years, but it's something that will always be, you know, something that people struggle with is, and that's usually what derails people from reaching lots of their goals or making progress in the timeline that they kind of expected is something will happen that's unexpected, and they have to figure it out. So I'm curious, why did you really want to create a book that had this specific focus? Yeah, it's so ironic ironic because like you said, we all know emergencies are going to happen. So they're almost rather than like having emergency funds, they're planned expenses. Like, you know, things are going to happen, especially if like if you're a homeowner,

you know, you're going to have an appliance breakdown. If you have a car, you know, you're eventually going to have something happen where you need income and you need it now. And I was actually pitching a completely different book right before the pandemic happened. And then everything shifted. We felt like that book didn't make sense given the current economy and the climate and how people were spending. And I started to really have deeper conversations with my close friends and family about money that I had never had before because they had always felt

comfortable. And then suddenly we were all forced into this really uncomfortable position where even if you wanted to disassociate and pretend that your money didn't exist and that you didn't have to worry about it because everything was fine, you suddenly had to face it. It wasn't an option anymore. It was a, okay, I have to start to understand where my money's going if I have enough. And okay, I've lost my job. Like, what am I going to do? And so I was like, I need to write a book for these people that I love and that matter to me because I know that they're going to find benefit out of it. And I know so many other Canadians are going to feel the same. And so I wrote the proposal and immediately it was like, yep, this is perfect. Like let's roll with it. And I myself like have very different approach

to emergency funds because I have crippling anxiety. And so I felt like this was just a natural fit. It was something I was super passionate about. I am super passionate about. And I dove in. I loved it. And I love how that you love the illustrations as well, because we wanted to make it feel, again, fun, relatable, less intimidating and less like shame around money. And it's funny because, you know, usually around the topic of like emergencies or emergency funds, it's like a two cent, you know, tip on save three to six months of your living expenses and you're good. Like you wrote a whole book on all the ins and outs, which is like, I'm like, wow, how did you write a whole book on this? And you, you really did. You know, I'm curious, you know, I guess, what, you know, is your why is your approach

to emergencies, or emergency funds so different than say, you know, kind of regular people or other money experts that kind of just usually give that kind of traditional advice? Why did you really want to hone in on? Listen, there's lots of different types of emergencies and there's different ways you should react or prepare for them. And really go in deep giving examples and scenarios. Yeah. The three to six month rule. That's the one thing about finance is everyone wants things condensed into one rule that can protect them and save them in times of doubt. And unfortunately, money doesn't work that way. There isn't one rule for every single situation that's going to fit your lifestyle to a T. And I don't disagree with the three to six month rule. I think it's a great rule, but there are a lot of variables that come to play. And for me personally, I had that three to six month emergency fund

and I was too scared to spend it. I felt like it didn't matter what happened. I was like, I can't spend this money. This is my only security blanket. Giving it up will make me feel like I'm living in scarcity. And that's how a lot of us feel like we're constantly living. They'll never be enough. They'll never be enough. That's the society we live in. And so for me, the shift happened when I started to compartmentalize all of my financial goals, but specifically my emergency funds. Instead of having one fund that was three to six months of expenses, I actually have three.

I have one for me to protect myself from toxic workplace, potentially something happening in my relationship. I have one for my household, so all of my family. So if anything, like if I lost my job, if my husband lost his job, if some medical emergency arose. And then the last one is for the four walls around me for the home that we bought because yeah those are those planned expenses that you cannot avoid and as soon as I split them into three accounts I was suddenly more comfortable with spending them because I wasn't spending from one giant account and it didn't seem like as much of a withdrawal it felt like okay I've assigned each of these funds to a purpose. And when you have that purpose

behind how you spend your money, it's game changing. That's interesting. Yeah. I mean, I think I have a similar system. I don't think I've ever really thought about it that deep. And also like the other thing too, which I, you know, you kind of address in your book is, you know, nothing's set in stone. Things evolve over time. Like, you know, for example, you had that one and then you divide it into three. And yeah, for me, depending on what my life has looked like, sometimes I've had one account, sometimes it's been multiple accounts. I think for a while too, me and my husband always had kept everything separate and slowly over the years, we're like, oh, let's kind of put things a bit more together. I just kind of made more sense with how our lives

kind of changed. And now we kind of have less accounts. And it really kind of depends on, you know, what your situation is. But I'm curious, you know, what would you say to someone like how how does someone know how many accounts that they should have or how to divide them up? You know, for example, it's like you're married, you have a family, but you also have your own personal emergency fund. Do you think that's something important that everyone should have? A hundred percent. I'm like, I get, I catch a lot of heat for that one. A lot of people find it very strange that I have a separate emergency fund from my partner. They think that that's means that there's something off in our relationship or that I feel like something bad's going to happen. And it's quite the opposite. We're very transparent.

He knows about the account and we both have one. And it's kind of become a necessity for us to feel confident and comfortable, not just in the sense that like, what if we break up or what if we get a divorce? More in the sense of like, what happens if one of us unexpectedly passes away? And all of our accounts, most of our big accounts are combined, including our credit card. And I don't think a lot of people really realize that if you're combined, you don't always have access to every part of your money. So like we have a joint credit card. My husband is the primary on that card. So if he passed away and I was spending money in a different city and needed to get them to open the account.

I can't do that. It has to be the primary cardholder that calls the bank to make that change. And so it's little things like that that just give you that confidence and that comfort in knowing that if something does happen, you're okay and you'll be protected. And it's not an obscene amount because I'm not in any way trying to tell people to keep a bunch of money on the sidelines. Like you can't just save and save and save and not do anything with it. That's not good for your money either. But it's just enough that if I wasn't able to access the funds in our accounts that I would be okay to pay our essential bills. I'm curious also, the other question that I'm sure you get a lot because I get a lot is how

much you know, obviously, people do like that three to six month rule, because you can make that quick calculation. But if you're making different accounts for different purposes, how do you know when it's enough? And is it ever enough? Because you kind of already touched on sometimes, and I've heard this from so many people, it's like, I don't want to touch my account because I took so long for me to save up that amount. It feels like I'm cheating myself, you know, borrowing from it or taking that money out, even though that is literally what the purpose of the account is for. And so how do you know how much you should put in and how do you know when to stop contributing? Yeah, that's a great question. I feel like when it comes to like my household emergency fund that's

for all of us we do that three to six expense months expenses because that is a great rule it does make sense because it's you can customize it to your own expenses but something that's really important to recognize is like what is enough for you because a lot of the times people will say like you need a bare bones budget enough to cover your essential expenses. But for us, because we have dual income, maybe it doesn't make sense to save that much. Because if one of us loses our job, it's not as likely the other person will at the exact same time. So we might feel comfortable with less. So that's the first question is like, what's your risk tolerance? Are you comfortable with risk? Maybe you feel like you only need one month of expense,

expenses covered, and then you have a line of credit, uh, and you're okay to use that. And that's something you're comfortable with. Um, another question to ask is like, yeah, what does your life look like? Because if you are a homeowner, um, you probably, you don't need, maybe you don't need that homeowner's fund. Your landlord's going to be responsible for those expenses, not you. Um, so that's always something that's important to consider too. Like I have three emergency funds. You might only need one. You might not need to compartmentalize your goals. But it's asking those questions of what does my lifestyle look like? And am I comfortable living on bare bones? Or do I need to save a little bit more of a cushion so that I can

continue to live the lifestyle I want to live, even if the worst case scenario happens. And totally what you said too about the comfort of like spending that money. I've asked people that too, like what would make you comfortable? And they think I'm joking. Like it's like, well, a million dollars, $3 million. And I'm like, I get it. I get that that's it. But like, you actually need to sit down and ask yourself, like, what's a realistic number that would make me comfortable? Because if you don't have like a tangible number to look at that you can't you can't conceptualize, you'll never feel like you're going to get there. And you have to start with something like everyone starts at zero with their emergency funds. So like having that goal number is so, so important. And so many people will just like

not do it because thinking about the discomfort is easier than facing the reality that like you'll need that money one day. What would you say? Cause I know I also get this question a lot is if you're facing, you know, you're, you're kind of struggling with cashflow and you've got debt. What do you do? I know there's, you know, lots of rules of thumb. It's like save a thousand dollars first, then focus on debt, then, you know, replenish there's lots of rules of thumb. It's like save $1,000 first, then focus on debt, then replenish or boost up your emergency fund. When people are struggling with trying to pay their day-to-day expenses, pay down their debt, but they know they need an emergency fund, how do they kind of balance it all? Yeah, I think one thing that I actually

did when I was repaying my debt is I just had a consistent amount that I would save every single month. It was a really small amount because I didn't have a lot of extra money, disposable income at the time, but it was $20 a week. And I kept having to spend it because unfortunately, when you're in debt, you're constantly having to face more emergencies because you are living on less. Um, but the important thing was that I was saving it and that I did have that cushion and there is no, like, I don't like to say like you need a thousand dollars when you're in debt because you're probably going to just like be saving for your emergency fund the entire time you're repaying your debt. I don't know if that stops, unfortunately. Um, depends how much debt you have, but because debt is highly emotional uh it can feel like that is all you need to focus on and like you cannot possibly put money towards anything else but the problem with not having that emergency fund is that then when you are facing a financial emergency you get pushed further behind on repaying your debt you're most likely not going

to be able to even make the minimum payment, let alone that extra money you are putting because something significant happened and you have to prioritize an emergency. That's why it's an emergency. So that even just a small cushion can like be the one thing that allows you to still make your minimum payment if something were to go wrong. Absolutely. Yeah. I think so for so long, you know, the message out there was that debt is bad, you have to get rid of debt. And, and it almost kind of, I guess, sounds counterintuitive to focus on saving instead of debt repayment, because it's like, no, I have to get rid of my debt, and then things will be fine. But yeah, like you said, it's like, well, you

don't have that cash, you know, reserve set aside, guess what happens when something happens, and something always happens, you get further into debt. But it is so hard when you really just want to focus on one thing. But unfortunately, you have to find that balance and do both. Absolutely. You talk also a lot about some different scenarios that I think a lot of people typically think when they think about a financial emergency, it could be like, you know, their car breaking down or job loss or something like that, or a home repair kind of situation, because those are the things that are pretty common. But like you've already mentioned, it could be you have a toxic workplace and you need to leave. I've experienced that. I know you have. And you talk about that in the book.

And goodness, it is one of those saving graces, having cash in the bank, knowing that I can quit instead of having to stay here and deal with some, you know, really, you know, kind of potentially harmful things. Or you talk about in the book, your experience with an unplanned, you know, surprise pregnancy. It's like this happens to so many women and it's not really something, you know, not really something that you could plan and, you know, set aside money because again, it's like surprise. And so with those kinds of things, I mean, I guess with the job thing, because I feel like we talk a lot more about toxicity in workplaces now, I think, and you even mentioned Paulette Perhatch, who I love, who has the F-Off Fund. She wrote that great article about how it's so important to have some money set aside so you can leave a toxic workplace or relationship. But for things like an unplanned pregnancy, like that's a big life change and big future expense.

We all know those numbers. It's like, it'll cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over the lifetime of that child and stuff like that. So for you, do you want to kind of talk a little bit about, you know, how to plan or is it even possible to plan for some of these, you know, things like that, that are really kind of outside of your control and not really easy

to kind of prepare for in advance? Yeah, it's such a good question. The unplanned pregnancy is one that like I get asked a ton. Like, what do I do? I'm in this situation now. Like, how did you manage it? And it's not an easy thing to answer because everyone's going to deal with that situation differently. But the one thing that can make it a lot easier is if you're financially secure in all of those other areas that we've already spoke about. Because when I did find out that I was unexpectedly pregnant, I already had an emergency fund. I already had job security. I already was saving for other financial goals. So it was easy to shift years and focus that money

on something else. And so that's mostly what I talk about is because I have like really bad anxiety, something that's changed my life is giving myself that control that you feel like you'll never have with money. And that's the only thing that's given me that feeling is emergency funds. And it sounds so silly because it's like, well, that's just like, there's other ways to me that feeling is emergency funds. And it sounds so silly because it's like, well, that's just like, there's other ways to get that feeling of security. But I'll be honest with you, this is the only part of my life that I don't worry about anymore. I'm not worried if I lose my job tomorrow because I know I'll be okay. And I wouldn't be worried if I had an unexpected pregnancy happen tomorrow because like, I know I'd be okay. It will never be enough. Like you'll

never feel like you have enough because of that scarcity piece again. But knowing that like, you can just start to put a plan into action for the baby and not have to worry about everything else is a good thing to feel. And so no, you can't plan for every unexpected expense. Like we've, I talk about climate change too in the book. Like those are things that like you can only control so much. Yeah. As an individual, there's only so much we can do. Exactly. Exactly. So it's like controlling what you can't control. That's all about how you learn to manage your anxiety. It's like a work in progress all the time is like, what can I control? What's within my control today? What can I do today?

That's actually going to make a difference. Absolutely. I feel like too often people get overwhelmed, you know, especially if you just list out all of the things that are wrong with the world or things that could potentially happen to derail you. It can, yeah, like just explode in your mind and you'll be crippled with anxiety and you'll just feel like that you can't do anything because yeah, there is like climate change is real. And when you think too hard about in your mind and you'll be crippled with anxiety and you'll just feel like that you can't do anything because yeah there is like climate change is real and when you think too hard about it it is terrifying but there's only so much that you can do as an individual to to you know put your you know make the world a better place really it's like the the big guys the big corporations the big governments that are that need to make the big shifts and stuff like that but like you said

I feel like for myself too you know when I was especially just starting out and trying to figure the big governments that need to make the big shifts and stuff like that. But like you said, I feel like for myself too, when I was especially just starting out and trying to figure out how can I get more control or feel like I at least have control when it feels like so much is out of my control. It is those little things that add up over time that when you do them for long enough, yeah, I don't have sleepless nights about money or paying my bills or my, you know, expensive mortgage, because I have these things in place. And I've had them in place for a while. And that just kind of is one of those ways to give yourself some sense of security. It is this one of those things. Yeah, I've always had no emergency sent emergency funds since I was in my 20s. That was the first thing that I kind of learned and first thing I implemented. And it really was a game changer, even more so than, you know, building my net

worth and investing my money and building what it's like that emergency fund was like the big game changer. I say the other thing that also like compounded that feeling, feeling okay, everything's going to be okay, no matter what happens. And you talk about this in the book is making sure that you have things like the proper insurance and estate plan. I think often people forget about that, especially young people, they're like, Oh, no, I'll worry about that. Or I think I've got it through my employer or something, but they have no idea how much coverage they have. And as we've seen so much over the years, you know, so many people aren't prepared, and then maybe they lose someone. And that's when you see like a GoFundMe page,

even though these things could have been prepared in advance with a proper, you know, so many people aren't prepared and then maybe they lose someone. And that's when you see like a GoFundMe page, even though these things could have been prepared in advance with a proper, you know, estate plan or insurance. You want to kind of touch on some of that. You know, you do talk about that a little bit in the book and why it's so important, especially for younger people to consider, Hey, do you have life insurance? Hey, do you have a will? Yes. One thing that I really would love to talk about in that department is a one thing that people don't consider a financial emergency that inevitably will be for most of us is we all have parents. Yes. And those are the people that are actually the least within your control. Yeah. You probably can't, you can, you know, like you can't tell your parents to get a will.

You can't, you can't force them to do things that they're not comfortable doing. But what you can do is have the conversations about those things that they may not want to have. And you definitely don't want to have, cause it's not fun talking about death. But at the same time, that's something that's going to happen, especially if you're an only child and depending what culture you grew up in as well, because there are cultural expectations that require you to take care of your parents, um, as they age. And so I talk a lot about that, like how to actually have those conversations and how to have those conversations with your friends and your kids,

because it's really awkward. But if you're a parent or if you have a home, you need a will. And it's not for you. It's not for you at all. It's for the people you love. And so doing those small things is so important because that's the thing about money. It's not always about you. A lot of it has to do with like other people and how the way you use your money impacts them. And I just think like a lot of us forget that those things are emergencies or they could be emergencies if we don't approach them earlier rather than later. Yeah. I think often, yeah, people maybe put that aside because, well, A, you know, it's not fun thinking about your death, but also it's not really directly impacting you. You're like, well, I'll be dead. It doesn't matter. But it's like, you're going to leave some, you're going to leave people behind and you have no idea

the impact that you not being in the world will have on them because you won't be around to see it. And so it is such a simple, easy thing. And it's gotten so much easier over the years to implement things like having life insurance or or or even just understanding if you do have benefits for your employer. Read that, you know, booklet and see how much are you actually covered and is it enough? Because I think most people don't realize they're like, oh, you're only covered for like two hundred fifty thousand dollars. But your house or what you owe on your mortgage is way more than that. So guess what's going to happen? They're going to have to sell the house.

And do you really want to have your family sell the family home during this really difficult time? But yeah, it's, it's, it's so, so important. But yeah, like you said, a lot of us, maybe it's, it's still doesn't resonate for you, you know, depending on what your age is, your parents, this is, it's a difficult conversation. I know me and my husband, as we're getting older and our parents are getting older, we're having more of those conversations. It's tricky because your parents obviously still see you as their children and don't necessarily want to take your advice but it's so crucial to understand what is the plan where is your will where in your house is your will where can you find your passwords

oh believe me that's definitely something with my husband are slowly chipping away at with his parents i swear they've got money in their walls you know I know I know it's there's they're hiding stuff in the yard kind of thing um you'll have to do a demo just oh my gosh yeah I I 100% believe there's some hidden stuff in there but and I talk a lot about like reframing those questions and approaching the conversation so that they don't feel like it's an attack or they don't feel like you're trying to parent them because as a parent myself I don't think I would like that very much um so I I completely understand that it takes time and it's not just a one conversation thing either it's like a multi-part conversation that you'll have to have but again it's a have to. Yeah, you have to do it. Absolutely. Absolutely. One thing I also really appreciated, and you're

always very vocal about this, you know, on your online platforms, but I also really appreciate that you discuss this in the book is your kind of relationship with anxiety, but also how therapy and seeking outside help was so beneficial. I think so many people, when they think about money, they just think of, you know, hiring a financial planner or, you know, learning this stuff and applying it themselves. But I mean, as I've, you know, also been, you know, using therapy for a number of years, it and also then trying to become a financial counselor, which is kind of like the mix of the counseling and the finance, it is so important for us to recognize, like you've mentioned scarcity mindset so many times, that's something that I've

battled with. I know so many other people battle with it. And it is deep rooted in something from our past or generationally and stuff like that. Do you want to kind of speak to why you really want to, you know, just make it so that you were very open to discussing that in the book and ensure why it's a really kind of could be that key element to why you're like, I know this stuff, because what I realize, and I'm sure you have to, it's so many people know this stuff already, but they're still not doing it. They're like, why? Why can I not move forward? I know what I need to do, and I'm not doing it. Do you want to kind of speak to kind of how the, you know, mindset and psychological aspect of personal finance is so important to also focus on?

Yeah, they're super connected, deeply connected. Like everything that has to do with money is emotional. How you spend it, how you save it, and any interaction that you have with it, the way you make decisions even, is greatly impacted by your upbringing, like you said, and how you feel about money. Like how was it spoken about in your household when you grew up? make decisions even is greatly impacted by your upbringing, like you said, and how you, how you feel about money. Like how was it spoken about in your household when you grew up? Because it was different for all of us. And so I've seen statistics that say like 61% of Americans have financial anxiety and that is, that's a lot of time. And Oh yeah, it's an intense source of stress for us.

Um, and there's a huge stigma that still exists because immediately the first thing that happens when you deal with financial anxiety or feeling like you don't have enough is shame, guilt, feeling embarrassed. I've shared so many things in that book about like the mistakes I've made and how they make me feel because every single time I feel like no one else has ever done this. I'm the only one that would ever do something this stupid. But that's not the reality at all. Like almost all of us have made the same money mistakes over and over and over again. And it's never just a one-time

thing. Like it takes a few times of learning when you do something wrong before you actually make the change. And because of things like you said, a lot of people don't really realize they have money trauma. I didn't even realize I did, but when you deal with something, maybe you lived in poverty, maybe you were in a financially abusive relationship, or maybe you just simply had a ton of debt, and you cannot get out, and you've kept it a secret, and it's eating you alive. Those things happen, and they exist, and we feel eating you alive, those things happen and they exist and we feel bad about them, but you shouldn't because you're not the only person that's dealing with those things. We all deal with it. And just giving, like allowing yourself to accept

that it's happened and not shaming people into making financial decisions and doing things with their money instead of like just accepting that it's happened and like giving them that support of like you're okay you're not a bad person like it's okay to have debt like you will get through it and I actually talked to um Bo Humphries in the book and he was amazing when it came to talking about emotions and money because he was like it's weird because we like really shame people who need to approach something like bankruptcy yeah like yeah it's like the worst thing you're a failure bad thing it's a bad thing yeah but he was like but if more people were okay with the idea like obviously you don't want to get into debt just to

just to use bankruptcy as you're out but at the the same time, if you know that it's an option and it's going to give you a chance to start from scratch when otherwise you're going to be stuck living in this state of like constant anxiety and fear, then why not just do it? Like, it's okay. It's gonna put you back in a place where you, and in a position where you can actually prepare

for your financial future. So that's definitely something that I focus on heavily in the book because it greatly impacts me. I talked a lot about my feelings with anxiety and also I had depression and, and that greatly impacted me. And most of it had to do with finance. And I don't think I really realized or recognize that at the time. Yeah, it's it's I think a lot of people are deal with this and probably don't even recognize that they are dealing with this. I mean, you know, I definitely have dealt with some financial anxiety and scarcity, and it's definitely deep rooted and just like how my upbringing and family and stuff like that. And

I still kind of recognize it in, you know, certain family members. And it's the best thing that you can do is recognize it and then do something about it. Because if you don't, like, I know I've grown so much as a person because I've done the work on myself and tried to figure out, okay, why is this? And what can I do to not just let this control my decisions moving forward and my life? And it's, it's difficult. And even me and my husband, we've had a lot of conversations and he also, um, you know, talks to somebody as well. He talks, you know, he's been having some conversations along those lines too, because he has a very similar upbringing to me. Um, and you know, there's a lot of, you know, there's a, there's reasons why we have certain money habits that we're like, Oh, I've just

always been like this. It's like, where did you get that, though? And can you change it? And the only way to change it isn't just by willpower. It's by really understanding where does this come from? And that will give you kind of that epiphany to be like, oh, that makes sense. And then you can kind of try to shift things. Well, yeah. And like you said, the awareness piece is huge.

If you can label a feeling yeah and how money makes you feel about anything yeah that is like a huge win just being able to identify how it makes you feel is such a big win totally yeah without that kind of label or that way to describe something about then you kind of feel like is this even real or is this just me being crazy I mean I remember like when I learned the term gaslighting I I'm like, oh my gosh, that's a great word to describe a thing that's always existed, but no one had a label for it. So no one thought it was real. Like that's a game teacher to be able to like actually vocalize. This is the thing. And that's how you can make some big changes. Now, before I let you go,

you talk about so many great things. And I really appreciate you talk to so many great experts, lots of people that I recognize their names in the book, which is really fun. But also, you have such a big audience yourself and talk to your followers so much. things that you hear from people from your audience that they maybe are struggling with in terms of kind of dealing with financial emergencies? And what would some of your kind of pieces of advice be to, you know, overcome them? Yeah, the main one is the inability to actually spend the emergency fund that you've saved. And something that I remind those people of is that I get it. I've, I've been in that situation, but the other thing is, is like one day you will face a moment when you have no choice, but to use that emergency fund. And so maybe it feels like

it's not doing anything right now or serving the purpose that you had hoped it would serve, but eventually it will, because there are so many things that we cannot avoid in life. And that again, will be planned expenses that are emergencies. And so it's good that you have it and like, just keep it and keep reminding yourself that it's okay to use it when you need to use it. Just give yourself that affirmation. But another one is just, it's a lot of people that are in that situation of they're in debt where they're living paycheck to paycheck and saving for something else is like a huge burden and something that gives them so much overwhelm. And I think that I hope that they feel a little bit less like they can't do it if they read the book because it

doesn't have to be a massive three to six month emergency fund for you to feel secure it doesn't have to be that big and there are other options you can have a line of credit it's not the best option but if that's all you can do to prevent yourself from being able to make your bills paid on time and continue to feed your family then that's enough and a lot of people don't hear that from financial content or from experts they hear that that's not good enough you need to do more and so many of us are at our absolute limit there There is no more. There is no more. We're living in a pandemic. We are struggling through like stagnant wages. Housing prices are ridiculous. So like enough is enough and just give yourself a break and accept that like sometimes we are only

doing the best that we can do with what we have. And that's that's enough. I know you talk a little bit also in the book that I really appreciate is when you are in that circumstance, but there's, there's not, there's not enough. It's like also how brave it actually is to ask for help. Cause also I feel like a lot in the personal finance community, um, there is like that kind of shame or judgment for like, oh, you have to ask for either financial help or just help in terms of getting that guidance from, you know, family or friends or things like that. I thought that was so important that you put that in because a lot of people think that is also like, oh, no, you should never ask for that. And in general, yeah, it's it's it can be dicey, you know, mixing money with family and friends, but sometimes

there's no choice. So do you want to kind of share a little bit about that? Right. I think that like a lot of us are really again, it's it's scary to even talk about money. Like I've always said, it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about your financial situation that it is with your best friend or your parents. No one wants to admit when they're struggling and not everyone also has the privilege to ask for that help that we speak about as well, which is something that I always want to point out. But that's another thing too. It's like, you don't have to ask other people. There are resources in your community that you may not be aware of. There is government support that you should completely take advantage of. That's why it exists. Like you aren't a bad person for needing that. That's why it's there. And another thing that like I speak to is if you

are in the States and a medical emergency arises, there is, it would be really rare that even your emergency fund would be enough to cover that. So I think it's perfectly okay to reach out to friends and family, also to your community. Like, I think it's okay. I think GoFundMe, that's why it exists too. Like, take advantage of those things that are going to keep you financially secure, especially if it's like down to a situation where you cannot keep your lights on. Then do it. Like, you're not a bad person.

Those are essentials. Every human deserves to have those things. And if it means asking for help to have basic necessities, then so be it. Life shouldn't be like this, but this is the world we exist in. And so take advantage of the things that you can take advantage of. Absolutely. And there's no shame in doing that. I think that's, I mean, we've talked a lot about that, uh, that feeling of shame throughout this episode, because I feel like that's also a feeling cause you know, you started kind of blogging around, um, the time I did. And I feel like we had a lot of the same, there was a lot of the same experts out there kind of, um, sharing, you know, a certain tone.

And that was a big feeling I always had about money, even though I felt like I was like doing all the right things, I always still had money shame. And I feel like everyone has that. And we really need to get rid of this idea that anything to do with personal finance or money management is shameful. We're all just trying to do the best that we can. We're all just trying to, you know, hit some of our goals, pay our bills, live our lives as best as we know how. And sometimes it's easier for others than, you know, it is for some people. We're not all on the same playing field. We all have different situations that we deal with. And sometimes, you know, we're just in a situation where it's like, this isn't enough. I need help. I need to figure this out. And, you know, just

because you are maybe in that situation, the kind of, you know, great aspect of personal finances, it doesn't mean you're always going to have to be there. And like some of the, my favorite inspirational stories is people that really were in a, you know, dire situation and, you know, took the time, you know, maybe took advantage of some of the resources and then, uh, you know, slowly built, you know, their life back up. And now lots of them are, you know, people like you that are, you know, you know, talking about this and sharing kind of their expertise with people, which is so, I think, inspirational that no matter where you are at right now or whatever situation you've been in the past, that does not determine your future. Yeah. And the other thing, too, is a lot of us automatically assume that because an expert says that we have to do it. Well, if an expert says it, I must need to do this. But that doesn't mean it's for you. Sometimes the best advice comes from people that aren't experts. Sometimes you'll get the best advice from your mom,

from your best friend, from a stranger on the street. And that is acceptable advice too. You don't have to do what everyone else is telling you to do because it's not going to work for all of us. It's impossible for someone to give you a perfect rule that will completely fit your situation. And a lot of us think that the only people who are allowed to guide us with something like finance are experts. And I feel like we're at a place now where the community is so big and there is so many new voices here that there is someone for everyone. Now you need to find someone that you can actually resonate with and they might not be an expert and that's okay. Yeah. Cause yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, we're all just people and we're all just like, you know, even though like, you know, I'm sometimes on the news and, you know, giving some some tips or whatever. It's like,

I still have to give information that is for a general audience. I can't, you know, so it's like, if someone hears what I'm saying, like, it's not bad, but it may not speak to you in your particular situation. Because I'm just saying, in general, this is a good thing to do. But it's like, but is it good for you specifically? I don't know. Cause I don't know what you're going through your background, your particular needs. And so I think that's also, I always tell people, it's like, no matter what your, your kind of content you're consuming or information you're getting, you know, always have a little grain of salt on the side because it is all general. It's really important for you to kind of take the parts that work for you and then throw away the parts that just do not make sense for your

life. Exactly. And like, I don't expect that I can be everything for everyone. Like I'm not for everyone and that's okay. Exactly. Yeah. But like you said, find people that resonate with you because that's how I feel like you'll, you know, when you're, you feel like that the missing element is like that motivation or you know that how do I get that kind of drive to actually implement some of this stuff sometimes it's just about finding the people that you're like yes I click with this person this makes sense to me I mean that's definitely what I've seen I mean when I was you know starting out as a blogger pretty much all the blogs are by old white men and they had great information but couldn't connect with them because I was not in their situation I was not in their shoes I'm like I'm a 25 year old white girl from the suburbs I can't connect with you um I don't know what you're talking about

and so it's so important to yeah find people you know whether they're like you know like you and me you know have platforms or just people regular people that you can connect to and can have these open conversations about money with them. So before I let you go, where can people grab a copy of both your books and also, you know, connect with you on Instagram and wherever else you are on the internet? You bet. I'm at mixed up money on every social media platform. So an easy one to find. And then my website's mixed up money dot com. And you can get the books, any major book retailer, you take your pick of where you, you prefer to shop. Um, they're available everywhere right now.

Yay. So exciting. Well, thank you so much for joining me on the show again. It was a pleasure having you on. I'm excited to have you back on the show when I'm sure you release a third book. Follow up to this one. Fingers book. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Thanks again for joining me, Alyssa. Thanks so much for having me. And that was episode 327 of the More Money Podcast with my special guest, Alyssa Davies. As I mentioned, she has two books. The first one is called the 100 Day Financial Goal Journal, which you can get on wherever you would buy books, Amazon, Indigo, wherever you like.

And her latest book is out now as well, Financial First Aid. I will be giving away a copy of her new book. I will share info about that in a hot second. If you want to follow Alyssa on social media, make sure to, you can follow her on Twitter or Instagram at MixedUpMoneyShow. She also has a YouTube channel. I will link all of these, of course, in the show notes, Jessica Morehouse.com slash 327. And of course, you can find her website mixed up money.com. There you go. Okay, so lots of things

to share with you do not go away. Just want to share a few words about this podcast episode sponsor. This episode of the More Money Podcast is supported by Oxio. Empathy. Radical transparency. Simplicity. Free spirit. When you hear these words, I doubt the first thing you'd associate them with is an internet company. Oxio wants to change that. They believe in disrupting the internet provider space in Canada and putting the customer first, finally. And they're doing just that by providing local and friendly customer service, unlimited internet, no contracts, and competitive pricing to customers in Quebec, Ontario, British Columbia, and Alberta. That's why I made the switch to Oxio myself. Not only that, when you sign up using the promo code

MOREMONEY, you get your first month free. Plus, like everyone at Oxio, an Eero 6 router with ridiculously fast Wi-Fi speeds and better privacy controls is included. And once you've signed up, you can even use Oxio's referral program to earn free internet. Want to ditch your old internet provider like me? Just visit Oxio.ca and use promo code MOREMONEY to try out Oxio for free for one month. It's as simple as that. Once again, visit oxio.ca, that's O-X-I-O dot C-A, and use promo code MOREMONEY to try Oxio for free for one month. Okay, so what do I got to share with you? Let's, you know, remind you about my huge book giveaway. Gosh, how many books am I giving away now? This is I'm losing track. I'm going to check right now. But if you go to JessicaMoorhouse.com slash contest, like I am doing literally right

now to check out all the amazing books, you can enter to win all of them. But obviously, you're only going to win one because I'm the one who chooses you and I will know, you know, I'm just going to choose one person per book, you know. But right now, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, seven eight nine ten eleven books guys this is maybe a record I'm not sure if I've ever given away this many books and you probably don't know this but I literally buy these books because a I want to support these authors and then I physically and personally mail them to the winners with a little personalized note that goes into the the package it's a special thing if you win a prize

for me. I do have, you know, the personal touch I think is a nice little thing. I don't know. I just, I get excited just thinking about someone getting a package for me. I love getting packages. So make sure to go to jessicamorehouse.com slash contest to enter to win one of the several books that are on offer. Also, just a reminder, if you listened to last week, well, not only am I giving away a copy of Sandra Rinomato's book, Homeworthy, but she's also, I didn't ask her, she's the one who offered, is giving away the book plus a free membership to her Women Buyers 10 Critical Steps to Success program and a free one hour one on one consultation with herself. So again, you can just go to JessicaMorales.com slash contest and click

and enter and all the information will be right there. Okay, what else? Well, just as a reminder, I have an investing course. If you've listened to any of my episodes about investing and wondered, how do I actually get started? Well, if you're Canadian, I built a course specifically for you. It is called Wealth Building Blueprint for Canadians. It is a course specifically for Canadians who want to learn about passive investing, index investing, like I'm always talking about on the show. And not just that, but oh gosh, it is comprehensive. Let me tell you, we really go through everything you can possibly need to know in order to be a confident and knowledgeable and experienced

investor and make the right decisions for you, whether that is using a robo-advisor or it's going self-directed DIY investing with a discount brokerage. We go through it all and I'm very proud of it. It is my pride and joy, let me tell you. And I've been over the past several months, honestly, starting November, I've been doing a big update of the course, making it even more comprehensive, adding new lessons, and just making things meatier and more exciting. So if you're interested in learning about investing, or you are currently investing, and you have no idea what you're doing, or you just want to get away from your advisor because you're also not sure what they're doing. You just want to be more involved and just more knowledgeable about what's going on with your investment. So you could build

your wealth for retirement or whatever else your investment goals are. This may be a course that you want to take a look at. And you can check out there's a link at the show notes, JessicaMorehouse.com slash 327 or go to JessicaMorehouse.com slash WBB. Once again, that is JessicaMorehouse.com slash WBB. Otherwise, I feel like that is literally what I've been working on. I am also working on a few secret projects. I am not going to tell you what they are until you know, you know, when you work on something and you're really excited about it, you want to tell people about it, but you can't, because you're worried it will not happen. That's what it is. But, you know, hopefully, one day soon, I'll be able to tell you what it is. And then I'll tell you, oh, yeah, when I was teasing it, that's what I was talking about. But working on something that I'm pretty excited about, and we'll fingers crossed, but I

don't want to jinx it, because I'm always worried that if I want something too much that it won't happen because that's where my brain goes. But oh yeah, I think I mentioned this on last episode and I know this is super cheesy, but I finally got my new desk installed into my office and I'm excited. The things that I get excited about, a new desk, but honestly, sometimes it's like, you need to have the space, like the right, you know, space and organization, just like the right vibe, or I'm going to say this wrong, like feng shui, feng shui, feng shui, you know what I mean? Not that I know anything about that, how it actually operates, but you know what I mean? Just like the right, you know, things need to go in the right places to have the right feel for then it to be conducive for you to be, you know, productive or excited

to get to work, if that makes sense. But with that said, because I had to like paint that room, I've been like working on the couch all week. And you know what? It's not as fun as it seems. Like, you're like, oh, great, working on the couch. No, it's not great. Not great.

Maybe I'm too old. My back just won't allow it. But yeah. Anyway, so that's exciting. That's exciting for me. And in a few weeks, I'll be actually able to go on my first trip in a while going to a friend's wedding. I haven't been to a wedding, gosh, in years. I mean, not just because of COVID. I feel like just because I'm at that age where, you know, everyone's kind of married up. So super excited to do that. Yeah, that's it. That's of married up. So super excited to do that. Yeah, that's it. That's really all I got, guys. I feel like some there's got to be something more exciting I could share with you. But there really there isn't at the minute. But hopefully there

will be very soon and I can share these things with you. So thank you so much for listening. I will be back here next Wednesday. Who is on? Oh, let's see. Who do I have? Oh, I've got a great another author on the show that you're going to love Who do I have? Oh, I've got a great another author on the show that you're going to love. I really enjoyed her book. I've got Paris was on the show. She wrote the book, The Black Girl's Guide to Financial Freedom. So you're not going to want to miss that coming next Wednesday. So thanks so much for listening. A big shout out to my wonderful podcast editor, Matt Rideout. As always, I will see you next Wednesday. Have a good weekend. See you back here next week. Ciao.

This podcast is distributed by the Women in Media Podcast Network. Find out more at womeninmedia.network.