More Money Podcast - 364 Changing Your Money Story - Scarlett Cochran, Author of It's Not About the Money and Founder of One Big Happy Life

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

If you’re in need of a motivational boost or a reminder that life doesn’t start after you reach your goals, then you'll love today’s episode! I’m so excited to have Scarlett Cochran, founder of One Big Happy Life and new author, join me on the show today to talk about how she changed her money story and the details of her book It's Not About the Money. Scarlett Cochran is an attorney, financial expert, and entrepreneur. In her career as a lawyer, she worked on behalf of everyday Americans at government agencies, including the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, and the US Department of Housing and Urban Development. She now spends her time working on One Big Happy Life, a one-stop shop to turn your money and life around with her partner, Joseph. In this episode, Scarlett shares the struggles she faced as a young single mom, what led her to become a lawyer, and now a finance expert working to help change people’s lives and finances. She also shares the inspiration behind her new book, It's Not About the Money, her opinions on the FIRE community, and why she believes that life doesn’t start after you reach certain milestones. For full episode show notes visit: https://jessicamoorhouse.com/364 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the More Money Podcast. This is episode 364, and I am your host, Jessica Morehouse. Welcome back to the show. I'm so thrilled to have my next guest on the show. I've been a follower of hers for a very long time, and so when she announced she had a book coming out, I knew I needed to get her on the show. So I've got Scarlett Cochran on the show today. So if you're not familiar, though, maybe you are because she's kind of a big deal online. She's an attorney, financial expert and entrepreneur. And in her career as a lawyer, she worked on behalf of everyday Americans and government agencies, including the Consumer Financial Protection

Bureau, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, and the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, where she worked on fair lending and equity issues. But since launching One Big Happy Life, and we do get into how did she make that transition, Cochran and her partner Joseph have touched the lives of millions of people, and she hopes to continue to do so with her new book, It's Not About the Money. So I'm so thrilled to have her on the show. So let's just get to the good stuff. And of course, also, FYI, I will be giving away a copy of her book. So make sure to listen all the way to the end. I will share details about how you can enter to win. But without further ado, let's get to that interview with Scarlett. Welcome, Scarlett, to the More Money Podcast. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you. So excited to be here. Yes, I'm thrilled

that really I've been following you and everything you've been doing with One Big Happy Life for a number of years. And so I'm thrilled that you have this book coming out. I love the title. It's not about the money because I feel like that's a phrase that I'm sure you say all the time. I say that all the time when I'm talking to people about their money struggles or, you know, just, you know, building wealth, anything really to do with money. It's never actually about the money, is it? But it is. But it isn't. But it is. And it's yeah, it's all kind of intermixed. So I'm thrilled that you have this book coming out. But I know one thing I think that gets people so attracted to you and your message

is really your journey. You have a real like you really built your kind of amazing life that you have now from the ground up. Do you want to kind of start and share how things all got started for you? Yeah, it's so funny, because this story gets longer and longer the older that I get. But, you know, I came to the United States when I was two years old. My parents and I came from Guyana, South America, and neither one of my parents had graduateds or were doctors in a previous life, in a previous country. We really were starting from scratch. And in the beginning, we were very poor to where we had a one-bedroom apartment, a family of four. And my brother and I, who is seven years older than me, so I was two, my brother is nine, we're sharing a bedroom.

And my parents are sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room. So by the time it came time for me to go to college after I graduated from high school, I had no idea how to afford college. My parents didn't even understand how the U.S. college system works. And so luckily, I met a recruiter, a Marine Corps recruiter, and I joined the Marine Corps. So that's pretty intense. But I read that in your book. I'm like the Marines. Like, yeah, the hardest one of all the departments, like segments of the military. Like, that's the really, really hard one. Yeah. And, you know, I'd like to say that I did that on purpose.

Like my goal was, oh, yeah, I wanted like the hard course of them all. But no, they were just the ones that got to me first. And then they sold me on this idea that they were the best. Right. And so I'm like, OK, Marine Corps, that sounds great. I'll just go do that, right? Who knows, 18-year-old me, if someone would have told me there was an easier boot camp, maybe I would have chosen that. But again, you do what you know, right? So I joined the Marine Corps. This was 2000. And when I joined the Marine Corps, I met this guy. I fell in love. Like, I had fairy tale fantasies in my mind. And we made

certain decisions that led to us getting pregnant. And we got engaged. And three months later, he decided he didn't want to be a dad anymore. So here I am now 19 years old, single mom, active duty Marine, but at the time making about $14,000 a year because I was living in the barracks and with no family support, right? Because all of my family is up in New York. I'm stationed on Quantico and just trying to figure out how to create a life for myself and my daughter. And I quickly realized, hey, guess what? I don't make a lot of money. I didn't even have a driver's license because I grew up in New York City. So no car, no driver's license, baby coming in six months, and I had to figure it out. And figure it out, I did. So that by the time my daughter came, six months, three months later, four months later, I was 20 years old, bought my first house, which no one told me

was possible, decided to leave the Marine Corps, get my college degree, put myself through college, Googled it, right? I figured it out on my own. And then I decided to become a lawyer. And I went to Yale Law School, got my law degree, and then spent 10 years as a banking and finance attorney. Along the way, I got married to a different guy, divorced, right? Divorced right after law school, just when I thought life was going to be amazing. And found myself being a single mom again, but now working full time in public interest as a banking and finance banking regulatory attorney. And yeah, that that was my my journey, how I came to eventually start One Big Happy Life. That's that's a lot. That seems like a lot of just kind of struggles and trials and just like you picking yourself up literally

from the bootstraps because you were in the military right right and and just figuring it out and and no matter what kind of comes your way you just have you have to and i guess i think a big uh thing with that is probably it wasn't just about you you also had a daughter and um yeah you just had to figure it out. But I'm so curious. So it seems like a big jump from Marine Corps to then going to college and becoming a lawyer. What kind of inspired you to go that route? Was that just like, hey, that looks like a really stable job that would earn me a lot of money so I can really take care of my family? Well, so certainly, you know, I was

in the Marine Corps, so I had this full time job. It had health benefits and stability. And yeah, the pay was low because I was lower level enlisted. So I was only making twenty five thousand dollars a year. But the pay gets better over time as you climb the enlisted ranks. And everyone told me that's what I should do, because that is a set path. I'm already in the military. I can stay in for 20 years. And of course, now keep in mind, this is when 9-11 happened. So now we're in a time of war. So that's something else to keep in mind that people that I knew were actively getting

deployed. And now I'm a single mom with a daughter and facing getting deployed. And my daughter's biological father was not involved at all. So I had zero support system. I was the sole breadwinner, the sole person doing everything. And also I was just kind of, I would say I was very opinionated.

The Marine Corps is very much like rank and file, like you stay in your pay grade. And that was never my vibe, even as a child growing up. And my household was that way too much to my parents chagrin, I would just constantly be like testing them and challenge them. And why? Why are we doing it this way? That does not work well in the military. So it just didn't seem like a good fit for me long term, even if I decided to become an officer, which to me, that was going to be the only path for me. So then I could have a little bit more say in the way things were done. And I just made the decision that it wasn't for

me and that I was going to get out and figure out how to make money as a civilian. And law was a thing that really spoke to you? Well, you know, immigrant parents, there are only two acceptable careers, doctor or lawyer. Yeah, that's fair. And so with the doctor thing, I again was thinking, well, I'm a single mom. How am I going to get through residency? Again, you do what you know.

Now, many, many years later, I can see how I could have made it work. But back then it was too much of a stretch for me. So I decided to do nursing, but then I could not do the clinicals with the bodily fluids. And so then I'm like, all right, well, the only thing left is this lawyer thing. And luckily for me, I think it's really powerful that my parents didn't make it seem like it was hard. You know, like Elle Woods and Legally Blonde. Like what? It's hard.

So in my mind, I'm like, OK, well, I'm just going to go do this lawyer thing. And I just started Googling it and figured out how to get into law school, learned that where you go to law school matters. So I made the effort to set myself up to get admitted to a top law school. And then I ended up going to Yale. Ended up going to Yale. Just that easy. There's a lot of work in between there. A lot of preparation, right? I mean, because it was two years, the minute I decided to switch over to law, I had already, I had my associate's degree. So I had two years left to get my bachelor's. And so since I knew I was going to graduate school, then I had two years to study for the

LSAT, which I self, you know, I self-stud because, again, I was like, well, I don't have the money for these two $3,000 prep courses. So I bought the LSAT books and took the LSATs myself at home to practice. And I wrote and rewrote my essays over and over. And when I talked to my husband, Joseph, who's also a lawyer, and we compare our approaches to the law school application process, it was very different. He like wrote his essays and sent it out and he's like, just whatever. And I'm like, I poured over these. I had multiple versions of them and I set my application, my applications and everything were ready to go. The day applications opened, I think it was like September, mid-September. And my applications were all sent so that I actually got admitted to my first school by October. And I was in at Yale by December.

And in which case, a lot of people haven't even sent in their applications yet. But it's like two years of preparation. Wow. That's a lot. That's a lot. So, you know, you finish law school. You become a lawyer. At what point lot. So, you know, you finish law school, you become a lawyer. At what point did you start the One Big Happy Life? And why did you want it? Was it just to have that creative outlet to kind of, I mean, it seems like personal finances touch so many

areas and had a big impact on your life at every point growing up. But at what point did you think, I want to create something of my own to talk about this? Well, I started One Big Happy Life as sort of an accident. It was a creative outlet. So I was working full time. I was working for HUD. I was under the Office of Fair Housing and Equal Opportunity. So doing a lot of fair lending work. And I had this 40 hour a week job and these extra hours in the day. And I'm like, Oh, well, what kind of thing would I like to do? Oh, this blogging thing looks interesting. And I like DIY. I've always loved DIY. So I started doing DIY things at one big happy blog.com. And that was in 2013. Around the same time, my daughter,

Alexis was I guess, how old was she there? Like 12, 11, 12. And she was struggling with her curly hair wanting to straighten it. And so I told her, of course, your hair is beautiful, and you don't need to cut it. I mean, to straighten it. And she's like, but you wear your hair straight, which, you know, she was right, I'd been relaxing my hair my whole life. So I decided to cut my hair off. And I looked at YouTube videos to figure out, okay, how can I go natural? How do I manage my curly hair? Because my mom relaxed my hair when I was six. So I'd only ever known straight hair. And so then I did my own YouTube video just to pay it forward and never thought about it again. And then years later, when I happened to be

in the travel job from hell that was supposed to be this really kind of laid back, close to home, mommy track, bank examiner job for the FDIC, I got this $100 check. And Joseph's like, look, you got to take, my husband was like, you've got to take your mind off of how much you hate work while you're searching for a new job. So why don't you just like make some YouTube videos? I'm like, all right, that sounds good. I'm going to do that. So I started making YouTube videos and it was a variety of things. So some hair videos, some DIY.

And then, of course, money, because that's what I did in my professional life. And over time, it became more and more about money because that's what I loved, right? It's what I did in my career and it's what I love to talk about the most. Well, that sounds, yeah, that makes a lot. I'm curious, do you have some of those videos still on your channel? Oh my gosh, they're still on there. They're still there. Look at the old, so the oldest one is going to be the hair video, but you can also see,

I'm not kidding about that job from hell. So I was documenting my job search in the process. So you have vlogs of me going to interviews. And I ended up getting hired as a policy counsel for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, just a couple of months into it. But I just kept doing it because I enjoyed it so much. Yeah. Oh, I love that. I'm gonna dive into that after this podcast. So and obviously, like kind of naturally, people gravitated towards you and your message and everything that you were kind of sharing. Because I feel like with people like you, I mean, I was gravitated to her. I'm like, I love her message.

I love how she explains things because it's like, yeah, I think one of the biggest issues that's in the financial industry is just like the language it's like you do need a translator and you need someone to be able to reference real life situations and what's amazing is like i know you do have this uh group that or society that you've created so you have all these amazing stories that you're able to also integrate into your book it's not about the money um i'm curious like know, is that kind of what inspired you to write the book and and really have the focus? You know, can you divide it into kind of five sections that you wanted this to be, you know, just kind of like a guidebook for anyone at any point in their lives? This is how you can approach money. And I also know like you do take note, I love when authors do this, where they're like, this is not the same approach money. And I also note, like you do take note, I love when authors

do this, where they're like, this is not the same as lots of those others, you know, experts. I'm like, I know who you're talking about. Because we've all read those books, or we've heard the, you know, old rule thumbs that we have no idea where they came from, you want to do something different. You want to kind of share how you were developing the kind of overarching idea for this book and to make it, you know, different than all the other books on bookshelves. Yeah. So one thing that I found when I started doing this work, right, doing personal finance work that's public facing, as opposed to doing consumer finance work with other consumer finance professionals regulating the finance industry, is that there was a lot of really fear and guilt

and so many negative emotions around money and also especially around debt, which is so deeply problematic because, you know, as a, you know, banking regulatory attorney working for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, there's so much data that shows that access to credit, access to high quality credit, and access to information on how to use credit actually improves consumer outcomes and helps them to build wealth faster. In fact, a Federal Reserve study showed that one of the biggest causes of the disparities in wealth between middle class and upper class is that the middle class holds so much of their wealth in their homes. Why?

Because for decades, they've been getting the message that they need to pay off debt as their number one priority, including paying off their house first before they start investing. But the problem is that real estate just does not appreciate at the same rate as your stock market investments. And time is such a huge factor in compounding. So when you have people focusing for like a decade or 15 years on primarily paying off a house, they're losing millions of dollars in lost net worth. And they're not even aware of the trade-off. And that's the problem, that they think they're doing the right thing. but in reality, they don't see what happens because it's so decades in the future when they realize that, hey, I actually don't have

enough. So I really wanted to bring that information to people and also helping people make financial decisions based on their life. If I had listened to traditional advice about things like don't take out student loans, you know, certain people say this, don't take out student loans, instead work while you go to school. And it's like I had a child to care for. And so I could have worked, but it would have taken me longer or I wouldn't have been around as much for my family. And that was not a trade-off that I was willing to make. And so understanding that you could do it that other way, but you could do it my way, which is really understanding all of the different financial tools available to you, making conscious trade-offs. So I understood, hey, I'm taking out these student loans. I understand what it's going to take to pay them off because guess what? I created a budget for when I got out of law school before I even got

into law school. You could do that. So then you see, oh, this is how I'm going to afford these student loans. So then I'm not mad at my student loans when I got out of law school because I knew what I was doing before I did it. And it's that education and awareness and that conscious trade off principle that I really wanted to bring to people, but also understanding that the first thing you do is decide what you want from your life. And then you ask the question, okay, now what do I need money-wise in order to have the things that I want? Get groceries delivered across the GTA from Real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit

superstore.ca to get started. Yeah, I found with especially when I started researching this like over a decade ago, a lot of the advice was very black and white. And then there's kind of a conflict, an internal conflict as you get older and life gets more complex and just your life goes in a different direction. You do feel those feelings of shame and guilt when what you want to do is not going to work with that traditional advice. It's so strict. Like, yeah, the idea that debt is bad. It's like, well, let's be honest. Debt isn't bad. It's actually just a tool to get you where you want to go. And as long as you have a plan to pay it off, it's not a bad thing. Like getting a mortgage doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Everyone gets a mortgage to buy a house. Who has the cash? And if you are able to save up the cash to buy a house, I mean, there's a lot of problems with that. It's like you probably waited a long time and then the housing went up and now you can't afford the place that you wanted if it would have actually probably been a better financial decision to actually take out that loan. But there's a lot of, I think, things that we need to unlearn. And even if you don't read some of those kind of older money experts that have been around, it's still like if you're just talking to friends or family, people still talk like that because that's what's stuck in their mind, even

if it's from 20 years ago, as if it is like hard facts, this is how it all works. But it's like, oh, no, things actually have to evolve. But yeah, what I really loved about your book is it's really about laying out you have options and none of them are bad. There's no one right way to do it all. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. No, no, no. Go ahead. Go ahead.

No, I was just going to piggyback off of what you said about like the old school money. It's not. I'm just going to be honest. It's not just old school money. Right. And this is like unpopular opinion. But at least the fire movement especially like three or four years ago was hardcore frugality it was intense yeah and it has very

strict yeah yeah and it has gotten better but still not that much better because there's a lot of ridicule shame-based language still you like the word sheeple i remember reading that and just being so disgusted is that from the fire movement oh it's it's a mr money mustache sorry like it is it is i'm just gonna be yeah that's who it is like that's that's where i read it on his blog and this idea that people who decide that they want to have certain comforts, a more expensive lifestyle, a more extravagant lifestyle, the judgment, right? And I really want to create a space where every person gets to define what a rich life looks like to them and not be subject to other people's judgment about how they choose to spend their life and what they choose to value. Like you get your

own life. Keep your eyes on your own value. Like you get your own life. Keep your eyes on your own finances and be happy with your financial decisions. You don't need to judge anyone else's. No. And it seems kind of crazy when you really sit back and think about it. Why am I defining my life or making this roadmap for me and my financial future based off what someone else is doing for their life? I don't even know that person.

I don't know what their background is, maybe the traumas they've had to lead them to this place. I don't know any of that. So why would I create my template based off of theirs? It does make more sense for you to go inward and really take a look at what do I actually want? Because one thing I talk about, and I have had lots of fire people on the show, just to kind of, you know, have a variety of guests, and it's good to have different opinions. But one thing I've been very vocal about is like, I have literally no desire, and I never have to retire early. Because why? Like, what would I do? I would literally be doing what I'm doing now, which is like having a podcast and talking about money. This is all I like to do.

So why would I want to just sit back and retire? I would find another like you need something to do. Yeah. So the beautiful thing is that there is space for both. I am absolutely not against fire. My only concern is the people who see fire as the road to happiness where they don't ask themselves, well, what do you act like you just said? What am I going to do? What I'm going to do. So that's why I always say to anyone of that million dollars or whatever. Yeah. Who's thinking about fire? What is it that you think you're going to do later?

And can you just start doing that now? Why do you have to wait? Yeah. You don't need to put your life on pause and live really by the strict guidelines. Because honestly, I have read a lot of stories and a lot more stories have been coming out of people who have reached fire and realize, oh, that's not actually. I mean, that's kind of honestly like every goal you set, you've got this really crazy goal and you reach it and you're like, oh, that's it.

Exactly. And that's honestly where I have come in my life now, especially after getting the book because it's like the capstone. So in my my whole life, I've only had these goals of I'm going to create a good life for myself and my daughter. I'm going to become a lawyer. I also set a goal in my career that I wanted to be a branch chief, like so head of, you know, some part of an agency by the time I was 40. And I did that by the time I was, I think, 33. And then I'm like, oh, I want to think, 33. And then I'm like, oh, I want

to start this business. And then I'm like, oh, well, I'm going to grow it to multiple six figures so I can pay myself six figures and do this full time. I did that, put my daughter through college, paid for her college, paid for her first car, and then got this book deal. And then it's like, when you've accomplished so many big sort of audacious, crazy goals, you realize, oh, my gosh, life is just continuing. Yeah. And but luckily for me, I get to look back on it and I didn't wait to start living until I reached a certain point. I always at every stage of the journey, whether I was making twenty five thousand dollars living in a seedy apartment above a bar or living or trying to build my dream house, right, a custom dream house. All along the way, I'm like, I'm asking myself, what do I want for my life? How do I make the most out of this time? Because the time is passing, and you'll never get those years back.

No, and that's one thing I've been really thinking about and really understanding is I've gotten older and just time passes and I'm approaching 40 is like, yeah, it really is as cheesy as it sounds. It is actually about the journey and it's not about the goal. It's good to have goals and things to work towards. But if you just focus on doing everything you can to reach that goal, you're going to really miss out on the actual important part, which is the time in between. Yeah. And the seasons of your life that never come again. Like I think about the 20 something year olds, which for me, my seasons were different because I had a child,

right? Very early. But like the 20 somethings and the college experience, that nightlife experience that you do when you've got your first job and you're single and you're dating and you're going out with your friends, but not that many responsibilities. Wedding season, that goes away. Your kids, your friends having kids and going to their christenings and getting to meet their little babies. Those things go away. The ability to have your own biological children, that stuff goes away by the time you're like 45. And so, which is also the time when most money, like so much of the money advice is skimp don't do this you need to focus on these things and I'm like but you just missed the first two decades where the majority of shifts happen like unique things happen in your life 40 to 85 okay look not that

much is happening like your kids get older they go off to college, but it's like there's so much that happens in your 20s and 30s that you really should prioritize, which is why I like to talk about the idea of consumption smoothing, which is this economic principle that your goal is to maximize your standard of living your whole life. But what typically happens is at the beginning of life, your earning power is low and your standard of living is life. And but what typically happens is at the beginning of life, your earning power is low, and your standard of living is low. And then later in life, your earning power is high, and your standard of living is also high. And so that's why from an economic perspective, that the debt as leverage makes sense with balance, always with balance, not saying like, go crazy on debt, but like, because it allows you to

do that consumption smoothing, it allows you to access some of your future earning potential, recognizing that you're going to get more enjoyment out of it when you are younger than when you're older, right? Because that's available to you when you're older, but now you're making it available to you when you're younger as well. I'm curious what your thoughts are, because I know you've got a really big following on social media. And I think especially younger generations like Gen Z, I see this especially with, I feel like us millennials didn't get it as much, I mean, a little bit, but basically the idea of what the perfect life visually looks like on the Instagram or whatever social media platform. And I feel like younger generations are having so much pressure to achieve these ridiculous things,

things that regular people will not be able to achieve until they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, like have the beautiful house or this really amazing sports car. These are things that I'm like, oh, I'll get that when I'm 50. But now in your 20s, you feel like you need it all because so-and-so has this on social media. I'm curious what your thoughts are on how to manage this because it's unfortunately not going to go away and it's right in your face. Yeah, it is real. It is a and it's not just something for 20 somethings is definitely for like me. I just turned 40. For example, Netflix Dream Home. I would watch that show and I'm like, oh my gosh, those houses and I want the open floor plan and I want the like, what is it, patina bronze or whatever the hell. And I could

feel that desire start to rise because I see it and I want it. And here's the thing. Desire is not a problem. The problem is, though, when you feel like you must have it in order to be happy and so you do have to have some amount of self-awareness of what you are telling yourself when you see those things like oh my gosh I would be so much happier if I lived in a beautiful house maybe maybe not maybe not yeah right you actually won't be, but you might get more satisfaction, say, if you live in a beautiful space. And so then it's there's nothing wrong with desiring it. But it's like that's not the only thing that you desire. And so you want to make sure that you're thinking about, well, what are all the things that I want? Not just where do I want to live, but how what kind of work do I want to do? What kind of work schedule do I want to have? How much do I want to be able to travel? What kind of lifestyle do I want to have when I'm old? We must get used to asking ourselves that question because we set ourselves up for that lifestyle when we're young. So if we get used to asking ourselves this whole, taking this holistic view of our lives, then we start again, making those conscious trade-offs that, okay, maybe I won't go for this

million dollar house. Maybe instead I'm happy with the $300,000 house so that I can start investing so that I can travel. Cause I'm in a season where I'm young, I'm not having kids. Maybe I'm about to get married and I want to save for a wedding. And so then it's like, oh, that's great for them. Maybe I'll have this in my life someday. But for now, this is more important to me. And that will ground you. And then also really just unfollow any accounts that make you feel bad. There are plenty of accounts out there that you can follow that will not make you feel bad or that you can that allow you to aspire, while also inspiring you and giving you tools to continue to move along your life path without doing any damage along the way.

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like yeah, the thing that I've been hearing a lot and what you've been saying is, it's so important for us to ask ourselves, what do we want? Because I feel like often we don't actually think about our like, we think about ourselves. And yet we don't actually sometimes ask ourselves the really important questions. But no, what do we want? Because I feel like often we don't actually think about, like we think about ourselves and yet we don't actually sometimes ask ourselves the really important questions. But no, what do you really want? Not, you know, based on what you think you should have or should want or what, you know, expectations are of you. What do you actually want? That's why I love part of your book, which is really talking about changing your money story, because I feel like that is something that I hear all the time is people obviously, you know, come to you read your book, come to the podcast, because they want to change their money story, they're unhappy with how it's going. But it's it's one thing to make

that choice, like, all right, I'm going to change it. And another thing to actually start activating that and taking steps is actually the hardest thing you have got to be really vulnerable and do some hard work. So so you know, in that kind of part of your book, what are some of the things that people should be aware of and consider when going on that journey to change their money story? Well, I would say it first comes to that awareness. Like you said, we're not used to asking ourselves what we want. We're actually often not used to listening to our own thoughts and also questioning them. So inside of Wealth Builder Society, we spend a lot of time on what I call like thinking on purpose. So that means really recognizing the stories that you're telling

yourself about what certain financial decisions or, you know or financial events in your life actually mean. Because often we'll do things like catastrophize, where we'll say things like, oh my gosh, I went over budget this month. I can't ever stick to a budget. I just suck at this. And we just tell ourselves these stories that make us feel awful. And then we don't question them. And so the but becoming aware of the fact that we're doing it is the first step so that we can start to say, wait, I don't actually want to talk to myself this way. These things are not actually true. Just because I did it one time doesn't mean that I'm going to do it again or that I can't change. But it really does take time and effort to change, but it is absolutely worth it. And an example that I like to use is something completely out

of money, which is outside of the personal finance sphere. It was with my second child, my son Reeves, who I had 14 years after my first child, I decided that I wanted to have a natural birth. So no epidural. And with but with my daughter, I did have an epidural. And so I decided to try hypno birthing, which is this idea of like, hypnotizing yourself to help you manage the pain. And I also went to a nurse midwifery practice instead of a regular OBGYN, and they were very much all natural. And one of the things that they told me was that I had to cut out any, like avoid completely any negative media about pregnancy. So that meant for nine months, my husband and my daughter, Alexis, so 14 years old,

anytime anyone was giving birth, I mean, every single time they had to turn it off, they had to mute it and they had to let me know when it had passed because we are only ever shown birth on television in movies as a sort of like trauma. It's actually an assault on women, I feel every time we see this. And what that does, those perceptions make us feel worse. We tense up when we're getting ready to have a baby and we expect it to be agony. We expect to be screaming. And so the nurses said, no, you're going to avoid all that. And even in my hypnobirthing classes, they described the sensations of labor, the pressure, not pain, not agony, none of those things, because the words that we just use to describe things impact how we perceive it. And so yes, I was able to have a 10 pound, three ounce baby without medication, very easily

up and walking afterwards, no, you know, damage to the lady parts, which, you know, there was some after my first on an epidural. And that is really where I learned that the power of how we think about things to control how we perceive things, even to the point of objective physical sensations, it's so important. And it's not just female labor that is presented in this traumatic way. It is also money. Look at start paying attention to all of the television shows, books that paints debt as the modern day boogeyman. It might as well be Freddy Krueger or zombies. I guarantee you. And so it's not a wonder that we all have such negative thoughts and feelings about money. But the good news is that we can learn to counter those things. But we just have to recognize that they're happening and switch, you know, put a mute on that. That's why, honestly, I don't go on Reddit because

no one is having a good... No one's saying, I'm doing great on Reddit. They're talking about how terrible things are or, yeah, some catastrophe. And my husband is all about the Reddit. And I'm trying to lessen that a little bit. But he was reading this one that was specifically about home prices and mortgages. And we bought a home a year ago and now interest rates are up and et cetera, et cetera. And it's just causing him a lot of anxiety. I'm like, well, stop reading it because that's not helping. You want to and is just so much louder than anything positive. But it is the positive stuff that's going to make us feel secure and happy and want to keep on doing the things that we know are smart money moves for ourselves. So, yeah, I think that is, you know, simple and yet hard for us to do because it's part of human behavior to always just want to look for, you know, the bad thing. But what should I know? You know, we want to protect ourselves from the bad things, which I get. But the thing is, what that does is keep us focusing on all the things that could go wrong,

even if they never happen. And so you've got to strike that balance between, yes, preparing for the inevitable, it's inevitable, something's going to go wrong we know this right there's going to be a market downturn something's going to happen with the economy pandemics happen unfortunately wars happen and so the thing is though you just have to stay secure in your belief that you have the ability to continue to thrive no matter what happens in your life. And you will, I guarantee you, you will figure it out no matter what is thrown at you. And so sit in that comfort. That way you're not constantly looking for what could go wrong, but you plan for what you can. And then you just allow for the fact that, look, there's chance, there's luck.

But at the end of the day, I have control over my actions. And I will always choose to continue to do what's best for me and continue to do what's best for me and my loved ones and thrive financially no matter what. Absolutely. And just remind yourself that you are resilient because you've made it up until this point. And so there's proof that you can keep on going. But yeah, I feel like, yeah, there's so many other things that we could discuss. But I want people to grab a copy of your books. I think it has, you know, says positive message like we've discussed and so many more. So I highly encourage people to grab it. Where can they grab a copy? And where can they find more information about you?

Yeah, so they can grab a copy at one bigighappylife.com forward slash book. You will find all the links, whether you are international or here in the US. And the book is going to be translated into several languages. So exciting that but also links to local booksellers so that you can shop local one big happy life.com forward slash book and we're one big happy life everywhere oh perfect amazing yeah great and yeah you've got the blog youtube channel instagram everywhere so um thank you so much scarlet for taking the time to be on the show and sharing your positive message and i think uh you know this is a nice refreshing episode for people you know a nice cleanse between all the negative financial news out there. Well, this was such a great conversation. Thank you so much for having me.

And that was episode 364 with Scarlett Cochran. Make sure to check her out at one big happy life.com. And also you can find her on Instagram at one big happy life. And of course, her YouTube channel, youtube.com slash C slash one big happy. I'm going to include links to find her everywhere online in the show notes for this episode, just go to Jessica morehouse.com slash 364. And of course, grab a copy of her new book. It's not about the money. But if you wanted to enter to win for a chance to get it for free, because I am giving it away including a bunch of other books so any author that has been featured on the show that has a

book I am giving away their book so make sure to go to jessicamorehouse.com slash contest but again if you go to the show notes information will be there as well or the link to the contest page so you can check it out and enter to win any of the books. You'll only, of course, win one. And then at the end of this season, which is looking like June at some point, we're still figuring out how long this season will go. I will draw names and, you know, hopefully you'll be a lucky winner. So don't be shy. Enter to win jessicamorehouse.com slash contest. Okay, so just a few things to let you know about in case you don't know. So I'm also on Instagram.

Hello. And you can find me at Jessica I. Morehouse. I know it's annoying that I didn't get the one without the I, but here we are. And I can't change it now. And I'm verified. So it's sticking. So you can find me at Jessica I. Morehouse. I do lots of

reels. I of course share podcasts to let you know, hey, we've got a new episode out. I also have an Instagram for the podcast actually if you just want to follow the podcast and get kind of reminders that a new episode is out and the tease. I've been doing reels for the episodes now. So if you want a tease of what we're going to be talking about, you can find that easily at More Money Podcast. But I also have a YouTube channel. So I've been putting out more videos in case you want to learn. It's very different than the podcast because it's really focused on educating you, you know, me about one topic. So it's not interviews, it's me talking about the first home

savings account, what you should know, or how to build your own ETF portfolio, things that I kind of touch on in the show, but I go more in depth on the YouTube channel. So you can find me at, I mean, it's just jessicamorehouse.com slash YouTube is a direct way to get there. Or if you're in YouTube, just Google Jessica Morehouse, and I will pop right up. And I am getting so close to hitting 20,000 subscribers, which is very exciting because obviously, like any YouTuber, the goal is to eventually hit that 100k. Because why is that? Well, obviously to have a bigger reach and educate more people. But also selfishly, I want to get that stupid plaque that all these YouTubers have where it has like the little YouTube logo and says you have 100k. I just

want that. I just want a little award kind of thing. So I mean, it's gonna take me a while to get there, I'm sure because I'm not putting out content that's telling you how to get rich quick and crap like that. But hey, it's all about slow and steady wins the race. That's how I live my life in all aspects. So make sure to check out my channel and subscribe. And let's see what else do I got? and lastly in case you're not aware and I feel like this is kind of perfect timing it is it is full-on spring or I mean last week it felt like summer in Toronto it was very confusing I was not ready my parkas was were still in my closet I hadn't moved them to kind of storage and all of a sudden it was so hot it was like 22 degrees people were wearing sandals and like I need a transition period.

I can't go for winter to summer. I need a spring. Even if it's just a few weeks, I need, it's confusing. Like we had one day in my house where we turned off the heat and then we're like, shoot, do we have to turn on the AC? Usually I've got a good few weeks of just no heat, no nothing. We can just survive with fans. And it's getting, it's getting crazy. So why was I... I don't know why I brought that up. I can't... Oh yeah,

now I do. Okay. Sorry, that was a rant, I guess. If you want to do some spring cleaning with your finances, I know, cheesy. Sorry, don't hate me. But if you do though, I've got a number of budget spreadsheets on my website, jessicamorehouse.com slash shop that you can check out. They are very easy to use. They've got a lot more features than they used to because I relaunched them back at the beginning of this year. I personally use this spreadsheet, me and my husband use these spreadsheets for our finances and have for years and they are the thing that keeps us on track and if I am able to somehow convince my husband to regularly track his net worth and his spending and look at the budget and he has severe anxiety with like money he hates looking at the numbers we're working

through we're diving into why that is but he loves these spreadsheets like he is on top of it like every month he's like all right put my spending in gosh, I haven't even put my spending in. Like this, it's got to mean these spreadsheets are pretty good. So check them out. And also too, if you want to get a handle on your investments and you're interested in learning specifically about passive investing and you're Canadian, I've got a course called Wealth Building Blueprint for Canadians. You can find it at jessicamorehouse.com slash course and find a bunch of testimonials, But you can apply if you meet the requirements. We have a nice call together and you can ask me whatever you like about it. I see if you're a good fit and you see if you're a good fit.

And then you can enter the course like hundreds of others who have found a lot of success with the course. So, you know, check it out. It's, you know, a labor of love for me. And what I really love about it is it's not just a course that has curriculum and you're supposed to learn and that's it. It's more than that. It's a community. So we have a private Facebook group. We do a monthly kind of online virtual hangout Q&A kind of thing. So you can get to know me and you get lifetime access. So some of the students who've been

in the course right at the get-go have been in there for two years and have had access to me and been able to chat with me and other students for two years, which is really exciting. Because, you know, we all need that community. We all want to make sure that we're doing things right. And just, like, you know, bounce ideas off each other, ask people what they think, and just feel like we're not in this alone because we're not in this alone. So that's my little sales pitch. Thanks for listening. Okay, so I have got some great episodes coming up. I will tease next week. I've got Dawn Dalby. She's the author of Wealthy, but spelled like W-E-L-L-T-H-Y. Own Your Worth, Grow Your Wealth. It's a great episode because we talk about what does wealthy actually mean or, you know, well-being and how can we kind of connect those things when it comes to finance.

And just we talk, you know, we get a little, no, we don't go woo-woo, but we do talk about behavior and emotions because that's also part of her background and training. And yeah, it's a really great episode. I'm really excited about it. So hopefully you'll like it too. So that is coming up next week. But yeah, that is really it for me. Thank you so much for listening.

Big shout out to my podcast editor, Matt Rideout. And I will see you back here next Wednesday. Have an amazing rest of your week and weekend. See you next Wednesday. this podcast is distributed by the women in media podcast network find out more at women in media.network