More Money Podcast - 5 Money and Relationships - Christine Nguyen from The Wallet Diet

Episode Date: June 17, 2015

Christine Nguyen, from the personal finance blog The Wallet Diet, and I share personal stories of how money has impacted our relationships over the years. Long episode description: In this episode, I interview Toronto personal finance blogger Christine Nguyen from The Wallet Diet, and we talk about an awkward yet oh so important topic — money and relationships. Christine is a relatively new blogger to the personal finance community (she just started her blog in the fall of 2014), but I knew I had to interview her because honestly I just really liked her online persona. She seemed like a really cool, genuine gal who would be up for talking about anything related to money — and luckily I was right! What I seriously love about having this podcast is that it gives me the opportunity to have conversations I probably wouldn’t otherwise have with people who are so open and incredibly interesting. I really do hope that by sharing more and more of these episodes it’ll help people think about money in a different way or spark up a conversation between friends or family. Lord knows it’s sparked a lot of conversations with me and my family and friends, that’s for sure! Before sharing some important links I mentioned in the show, I want to thank you all again for supporting this podcast! It’s only in it’s 3rd week now, but I’m seriously floored by the feedback and amount of downloads I’ve received thus far. Remember, if you want to let me know what you think about the show, please leave a review on iTunes and I’ll make sure to give you a special shout out on a future episode. Christine’s blog & new business The Wallet Diet Hostcall AirBnB Hosting Services Blog posts I mentioned Dating Deal Breakers: Money Talks! Love Is Not All You Need: Money Talk Before Marriage Talk Shownotes: jessicamoorhouse.com/5 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, and welcome to Episode 5 of Mo Money Mo Houses, the personal finance podcast with a dash of sass. I'm your host, Jessica Morehouse, and I am back with an awesome guest. She runs the personal finance blog, The Wallet Diet, and today we're going to be talking about money and relationships. So that's always a really fun topic to tackle. So I'm very excited about that. Before we get to it though, if you are interested in reading the show notes about this episode with some extra details and some interesting links you may want to check out, just go to momoneymohouses.com slash five, or you can go to momoneymohouses.com slash podcast. And that has a list of all of the episodes up until now

with their show notes. And it's awesome. So just check it out. And before we get to it, just want to give a couple of shout outs to people that left me some iTunes reviews. Thank you so much for doing that. Really appreciate that. It kind of made my day. So thank you so much to Sarah at Unsettle.org. Sarah's actually a friend of mine. So, thank you so much for listening to my podcast and giving me such a nice review. Thank you very much. She's actually really awesome. You should check out her blog. But also, she's also going to be a guest on here in a few weeks. So, I'm very excited to talk to her about entrepreneurship or solo-preneurship and her new venture with that. Also, thank you to Alterto87 for giving me a five-star review and saying that you really like my inspirational stories.

Thank you. That's very nice of you to say. And if you guys want to also leave me a review and give me some feedback, I always appreciate that. So you can find links to my Stitcher account and iTunes, momoneymohasses.com slash podcast. All right, let's get into it. Thank you so much for being on the program, Christine. So how long have you had your blog? A couple of months. I'm a newbie. A newbie. I'm a newbie. Yeah, you just started in the fall of 2014? Yes. What a lot of people don't know is that I actually started my blog a year and a half ago,

but I didn't promote it. I really didn't do anything that a blogger should have done. I just wrote and expected the audience to come, so I neglected it for a bit. But I picked it up again, and here we are. Was it a totally different blog? Like you started fresh in the fall, like with a new name and new everything or are you just kind of? It was always, yeah, it was always the wallet diet.

But it was on like a wordpress.com. Oh yeah. Yeah. Free site. And I just didn't take it seriously. But now I'm back. Now you're back. Yeah.

So what was the reason behind the blog? Why did you want to start it? For me, it was getting my personal experiences out there and maybe shedding light on some issues that a lot of people deal with themselves. I think back to when I was in university and I probably was President A. Christine's worst nightmare. I did everything wrong. I neglected my OSAP and I just racked up so much debt and it really didn't occur to me that my spending habits were detrimental to my future until I moved to Toronto and I had now rent payments. I had bills to pay. And it definitely took, it was a big dose of reality. All of a sudden, you know, spending 50 bucks on household cleaners

and that wasn't something that I had spent money on before. So definitely just seeing the effects of what it meant to finally have responsibility from a financial standpoint. And so you started the blog to kind of track your journey and just to help other people because it seems like lots of your posts are very focused on tips and bits of advice on do this or this will help you know, this, or this will help you out, or don't do this. I tried, it's not good and stuff like that. Um, so that's really awesome. So one of the great things about your blog, which is super inspirational, I find is you had a bunch

of student debt and you were actually able to pay it all off. Um, so how much student debt did you have and how long did it take you to finally crush it? So I graduated with $35,000 in student debt and it took me about five years to pay it off. And I actually met my boyfriend two months after graduating. So he met me right during the transition between irresponsible undergrad to responsible adult. And just that five years, I mean, it was a lot of ups and downs, obviously, while I was trying to figure out what I had to do to pay it all off. So how did he feel, like, once you met him? And I guess you had to start a conversation be like FYI I've got like 35 grand in the hole like how how did that conversation come about and what was

his reaction to it so he had no student debt his parents funded his tuition for him so to hear that I had $35,000 was a huge shock for him because he couldn't even imagine having that much money being owed to the government right and so you know this wasn't something that we talked about right away it took some time before we actually started opening up about our finances. So when was the period in your relationship that you kind of needed to talk about money? Like was it, you know, there was a specific moment, you were like, it was this time, or it was just kind of a natural thing that just kind of, you know, happened? Well, he was there when I was still trying to figure out my whole money situation. So he saw me, you know, struggle through my budgets and my debt.

But we really opened up the money conversation when we decided to move in together. Not when we were looking, but when we thought we could take this relationship to the next level. So that's when more concrete numbers started happening. He found out how much debt I was in. We started talking about how much we made. And I think- It's always a very scary thing to bring up in a conversation, isn't it? It is so scary. And I think, you know, we're almost socialized not to talk about money because- It's true.

It's such a personal topic. And you don't want to offend anyone or you don't want to find out how much they make and be like, oh, you make way more than me. Awesome. Right? Yeah. Well, luckily we made pretty much the same. So that was easy to figure out how much we were going to contribute

and how we were going to split joint purchases because we were pretty much on the same level. Exactly. So I guess it just kind of reminds me of, yeah, exactly. I was in the same situation. I was with my boyfriend, now husband, and we were together for a while. We were together for, I guess, four and a half years before we actually moved in together. And yeah, we talked about money a little bit, just on what our comfort zones were, how much

we want to spend going out and stuff. But it wasn't really until we started looking for a place and we're like, so how much can you afford? And what kind of, you know, what are your spending habits? I didn't really know. He obviously knew that I was a big saver and was really into budgeting and stuff because I had a blog at that point. But I was thinking about starting the blog. But yeah, it wasn't until we found a place and started living together and we started getting bills that both of our names were on that we really had to sit down and be like, so how are we going to do this? So I'm curious, how did you kind of talk about splitting bills? Was it right off the bat you both agreed 50-50 or was there some kind of, well, I'll do this and you do that? right off the bat, you both agreed 50-50 or was there some

kind of, well, I'll do this and you do that? Right off the bat, it was 50-50. And before we even moved in, we went to PC Financial and opened up a joint account. Yeah. And which is great because they don't have any fees. So I could spend, you know, I could put $5 of toilet paper on the card and we wouldn't be charged anything. So that made it easy for joint purchases for us. And so every month at the start of the month, we will put X amount of dollars into this account. And that would just be for anything that we would need to buy together. But in terms of eventually someone would get promoted

or someone would start making more money, that's when we would revisit that discussion to see what's fair. So Andrew got this big promotion and we thought, well, let's try to balance things out a bit. And he was totally on board. So do you do less of a percentage thing and more and more of a, you know, you do that amount and I do this amount? Or kind of how did you kind of resolve that?

Because personally, I think I'm still kind of in a situation where me and Josh still do kind of 50-50 at this point. And we're married. And I thought things would kind of evolve and our money management has definitely evolved. But it's always interesting hearing how other people kind of, especially when someone makes a bit more money than the other person, how do they work through that without also hurting feelings or anything?

So I think some people can kind of take that to be like, oh. Oh, totally. We didn't have a formula that we put down and calculated out. It was more just what we felt was fair on our own level. I was comfortable putting this amount in every month rent, and Andrea was comfortable putting this amount in every month. We just visited that regularly. It's easy with a joint account because you're putting in the same amount.

And I think we're just playing around with different numbers to see what we both felt was fair. Now, when it comes to, I guess, planning for retirement, investing, have you guys, do you still do it separately or have you talked about doing any of that together? We're doing it separately for now. I feel that conversation might change when we do get married. But right now, we're talking about buying a home. Oh, wow. It won't happen soon. I'll tell you that. But it started because now that I'm debt free, we opened up the conversation to, okay, well, what are your goals? You can start thinking about saving aggressively now. And Andrew's been saving for a down payment for forever, so he's way ahead of the game than I am right now at this point.

Yeah. So we had to sit down and figure out what was realistic. I have a lot of catching up to do to him, and I think for a down payment we'll probably put in 50-50 for that too. So I think it's more about revisiting that conversation every time something does change. And even, you know, the little purchases too. I'm not running past every purchase with him, but anything I think above about $200, $300, I would talk to him about. Like something that you're buying for you as the couple or as you personally?

For me personally. Oh, really? Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So it has nothing to do with him, but I think it's, and obviously I'm not looking to ask for his permission to spend my money. No, but you just want to keep the conversation open. I want to keep the conversation open because I know it affects him in an indirect way, too. That's true. Like, I actually thought about starting my own business.

So that was going to be a big investment for me. Yeah. Let's talk about that. I'm really excited about it because before, you know, we're talking about doing this podcast interview, I found out about your new business because it literally just launched a little while ago. So yeah, that's so interesting. I feel like when you are doing something like that, I think that's awesome. You're doing the side hustle thing. It's a great way to make more money starting your own business on top of your

regular job, but it obviously doesn't affect your partner because it means you're doing the side hustle thing. It's a great way to make more money starting your own business on top of your regular job, but it obviously doesn't affect your partner because it means you're going to be spending a lot more time doing this and they've got to be supportive and understanding. And so, yeah, let's talk about that. How did you, you know, what is the business? How did it get started? And how did you broach the subject and be like, hey, I'm going to do this. So FYI, I may be a bit busier than normal. Right. So the business is an Airbnb hosting service. And because it's a service and the whole delivery is going to happen at the point of sale, there wasn't a lot of big investment up front, but obviously I had to put money towards any legal stuff, website, marketing. So I knew it was going to be somewhat of a big expenditure.

So I first brought it up, the fact that I am going to be busy on a new project. And we started talking about what I would have to spend money on. And obviously he's not involved in any way, but I think it gave him a better sense of how I'm prioritizing my money right now. And especially because we also have a Euro trip planned this September, how that was going to work. And I think it made us sit down and actually go through our budget and figure out, okay, well, this is how much we have to spend on Europe. This is what you're going to be financially responsible for, for your business.

And what does that mean? Does that mean that we can't spend as much in Europe because you won't have the same finances to keep that? Mm-hmm. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from Real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points.

Visit superstore.ca to get started. So I'm curious, what made you want to start this business? I think for personal reasons. I've always been business? I think for personal reasons. I've always been entrepreneurial, I think. So for me, I felt like this was something I've always wanted to do, but I didn't want to take on while I was in debt because it was going to be another financial commitment that I just didn't feel comfortable committing to at that point.

So yeah, I started and went all out as soon as i paid off that last that last payment yeah what how did you get the idea to start like this um bnb hosting service because i'm not sure like are there other services that do that i'm not sure if there are i haven't actually heard of them but when i you know whether you're doing them like that is a great idea why you. That's a perfect business idea. I think lots of people could use that service. So what kind of, yeah, how did you get that idea to do that? It actually started in Barcelona.

So we were there and our host was away on vacation himself. And he left the keys with his neighbor. So his neighbor delivered the keys to us. And she didn't speak any English, so she just dropped off the keys with his neighbor. So his neighbor delivered the keys to us. And she didn't speak any English, so she just dropped off the keys and left. So we were there, and it was like 8 o'clock at night, and we had no idea where we were, how to connect online with the Wi-Fi. And there were just a bunch of different issues with the apartment that I couldn't get a hold of the host with.

And I realized there has to be a way for him as an Airbnb host to rent out his apartment when he's not able to be physically there to be there for his guests. Exactly. And so you kind of found, okay, well, this is a great opportunity for me to help out. Because it's true, there's so many people that either own places or rent places and have thought about doing the Airbnb, myself included. We actually were thinking about doing this Airbnb, like renting out our apartment for the couple weeks we were going to be in Vancouver over the holidays. Honestly, one of the reasons we didn't do it was because well, if we're not here, how do we give them the key and how do we make sure that they give us back the key? And it just seemed way too complicated, so we just didn't do it. But if someone could just do all of that work for us, that would have been easy money for all of us. Or especially

since the Pan Am Games are happening soon. I bet there's a bunch of people that are going to want to rent out their places. And you could probably be like, hey guys, I can help you with that. Yeah, totally. And a lot of people don't think about those things, right? Yeah, you can make a lot of money on Airbnb, but it's a lot of work at the same time.

And you have to be there for your guests, like at your guest'sck and call, basically. You know, if they lock themselves out at two o'clock in the morning and you're not there to let them in, that could be an issue. So it's just peace of mind to have someone, almost like a ground rep, be there for you in case you can't be. So I guess, so I guess when starting a new venture like this, a new business, it would obviously be incredibly important to loop your partner in and make sure that your boyfriend is on board. Yeah. But essentially at the end of the day, I had to make sure that he was going to be cool with it too. And just to see that, you know, I have that support from my partner to continue on something so big. Exactly.

And I feel like this kind of brings up the subject of deal breakers and red flags. And I wrote a blog post about this a while ago, but it seemed like people had very strong opinions of it. And it's true. When it comes to a relationship, one that's sustainable and that's going to work, you do kind of need more than just love or liking the person. You need to be on the same page financially and goal wise. So, I mean, just like one example is, you know, my husband has been a self-employed music engineer for as long as I've known him, so at least eight years. And, you know, some people would kind of see that as like, ah, I don't know if that's something I can handle.

Like his paychecks aren't regular. He doesn't know how much he'll make until the end of the year when he's doing his taxes and he works crazy hours. And I don't think, I think it would have been a big deal breaker for him if I wasn't cool with that. And same with me. I told him, like, you know, my little venture was starting the blog, Mo Money Mo Houses, like three and a half years ago. And I told him, my friend, like, there's, it's not going to really cost me too much money to start, but it's going to, you know, take a lot of my time and energy. Are you cool with this? And I think if he wasn't supportive, I, I mean, I don't know if I would have necessarily broken up the relationship, but it definitely would have started some arguments supportive, I mean, I don't know if I would have necessarily broken up the relationship, but it definitely would have

started some arguments and it wouldn't be good. Well, I mean, I think when people get into a relationship, it's almost like getting into a business relationship too, right? You want to make sure you're both on the same level financially.

And there's also an aspect of values. Make sure you're both on the same level personally, on a value level. So on that, I'd say goals is absolutely a huge thing. If Josh didn't have the same kind of long-term goals financially as I, I don't know how it would work. I'm a big saver. He likes to spend a little bit more, but at the end of the day, we do have this idea of what we're going to save for retirement. We do eventually want to invest in property. We do want to do all

these things. If he wasn't interested in any of that and he's just like, no, I just want to spend whatever I make, that it would not work. Clearly. Right, definitely. And obviously you guys don't need to have both the same spending habits, right? Someone might be more of a spender than the other person. And I don't know if it would have worked if he was as crazy about saving as me. I think that would have been really annoying. Yeah, oh my gosh.

Yeah, I hear you. I don't need someone else telling me about coupon deals. It's like, I'm good. I'm already as crazy as I am. It probably works out that there's a balance there. Oh, it's so good to have a balance. And going back to when Andrew and I first met and I was dealing with this massive debt

that he obviously didn't have, he took a lot from me too. He saw how I was spending, how I was trying to save money on doing the little things like not dining out as much not going shopping every week so he picked up on those sort of things too and he started so some of his habits habits yeah that's interesting yeah and i think when you can support each other and learn from each other in that way, I think that definitely adds a positive element to the relationship too. So, yeah, one of the things that we kind of,

I was thinking about talking about was the difference between dating and talking about money, living with each other and being like partners in that way. And then also getting married because you live with your boyfriend and I, you know, definitely there's probably a change from when you were dating to living together. Absolutely. And for me, I mean, me and Josh lived together for about two years and then we got married.

And honestly, I did not expect any kind of change in how we talked about money or goals or anything like that. But I mean, it could just be because we lived in Vancouver together and then we decided to move to Toronto. So that was a big life decision and change. And we sold all of our stuff and drove here, didn't know anyone and didn't have any jobs. So because of that, we as a newly married couple and some people would probably think that is a crazy thing to do. And I probably agree with them now, but it all worked out. Because of that, we really had to start talking about money in a different way. Specifically because when we first got here, we were both unemployed.

So we really had to talk about what can we spend and not spend. I mean, we moved here in the summer, which was, it was beautiful weather. It was really hot and we really wanted to go out and enjoy ourselves. But we also didn't know how long it would take either of us to find work. So we had to be really careful in what we spent money on. And so we didn't go out as much as we wanted to because we really didn't want to be like, oh, let's spend all of our money in the summer, and then come fall and winter, we're out of money and have to move back home yeah yeah so we

definitely you know really i think we had honestly at one point weekly money meetings um about that's great yeah like yeah it's uh really helpful just talking about like all right so how are things going especially when i was looking for work you know we really had to be careful and and then things changed again when i got my first job, and things changed again when he started getting more work. And then it's just the conversations have evolved, and they're not as frequent, but we definitely have made more of an importance on talking about money. And also, I think we have a different perspective. I took his last name, so we're like, oh, we are a family now. It's official. It's official. So we really started looking at money less as

yours and mine, but ours, which yeah, it was kind of a shock to me. I didn't really, I kind of thought once we got married, it'd just be the same, but we definitely started, yeah, kind of looking at our money as our money really for the first time. Well, you mentioned a great word, evolve. Your conversations evolve. And I think money should be brought up within like date five. Yeah. Get, you know, a feel for each other's habits. Absolutely. Obviously, you're not going to ask for his credit report.

That's for date 10. That's like, yeah, date 10 or 11 at least. Yeah. But you want to get a sense for, you know, how is he spending? And I think you can get a feel for that, just being on a date, right? Maybe take him to the mall and see if he's buying things. See what he spends, what he buys. Yeah.

Does he buy all just discount stuff or just go for all the regular price stuff? Right, if he's pulling out the coupons. Very telling. And like you said, that conversation needs to evolve. So maybe bring up in a very subtle way, say, I read an article about consumer debt in Canada. What do you think? And just get a feel for what he says

because I think you can infer a lot based on what he says to you, how he's spending his money without asking him like upfront. Exactly. And as you get more serious and as the relationship progresses, you start opening up about things, right? Maybe start talking about your financial background. You know, you don't have to give him numbers, but say I was in university I had to get a loan to go to school and to pay tuition and so that might give him a sense of where you're at and maybe open doors for him to feel comfortable to talk to you about well exactly like just because they may

not be comfortable talking about money it doesn't mean they they can't eventually be because most people growing up just don't talk about money with their families. I mean, myself included, we didn't really talk about hard numbers or anything like that growing up. But as I grew up and started getting more interested in personal finance and blogging and all that kind of stuff, then it kind of made me more open to that. And then I think through that, because then I started being more open with my family and friends, they kind of became more open with that. So, you know, even if they're not totally comfortable at first, it doesn't mean they can't eventually be, especially if you're like the first person to be like, oh, actually I'm okay with talking about that. They might just need someone

to tell them that. And it goes back to the fact that people don't like talking about money because it's so revealing of your character. Exactly. And you're afraid of being judged, really. You're afraid to be judged. And a lot of bad money habits stem from more personal things, right? So I feel like for them to open up to you about their spending habits or how much debt they've racked up, it's like having them, or having you look into their soul. Exactly, or a closet. But you just have to initiate that conversation, because it is going to be something

that you guys talk about. And again, as your relationship progresses, and you're thinking about making that next step to living together, you start to talk more seriously about money. And I think you also need to bring up concrete numbers. You do. Right. Absolutely. I still remember the time that I brought up my Mint account and I got Josh to do the same. And we're like, here it is. And I think it was after maybe six months of living together that we actually...

Because I also didn't want to... We were very open about talking about money, but we never at that point didn't talk about hard numbers. And so when we really revealed that, it was like, okay, we're doing this. This is like a whole other level of intimacy, honestly. It is. And it's so funny because I was actually out to dinner

with a couple on Friday. And they start bickering about money. And the wife goes, we don't talk about this ever. We need to talk about this. And I'm like, my God, you guys have been married for a couple of years and you don't talk about money. And it's crazy to me

that you could be intimate with somebody but they don't know how much you make. That's crazy. I think that is so, it's just so weird to me that people can hide that about themselves. And it's money is a big part of you. Whether you like it or not. It's one of the biggest parts of you. You need to, like you spend most of your day at your job making money to survive.

So it's crazy that you don't talk about that portion of your life. You have a relationship with money, and I think you need to be open about that relationship with your partner. There's a statistic, I don't know the number, but we all know that money is the number one reason why most couples divorce or separate. And it's not so much about money, but it's more what that money means to them.

You know, if they don't talk about money, maybe it means poor communication between them. Maybe it means that someone has more control than the other and there's inequality there. So having that conversation up front can erase so many misconceptions and fights that you guys might have between each other. Absolutely. Well, um, yeah, I think that's a great, uh, you know, subject and moment to end off on. Um, thanks so much for being on my podcast. Yeah. Um, for any of you who want to know more about Christine, please check out her blog

at thewalletdiet.com. And if you're interested in her new business venture, which I think is so awesome, what's the website for that? How can they find that? It's hostcall.ca. So we're serving

the Toronto area for now, but we are going to branch eventually. Exciting. So thanks again for listening to another episode of Mo Money Mo Houses. I am your host

Jessica Morehouse and you can of course look at my blog for all my new posts and new podcast episodes on MoMoneyMoHouses.com and see you next time. this podcast is distributed by the women in media podcast network find out more at women in media.network