Morning Good - 4 Pints Low - Episode 268

Episode Date: May 4, 2025

Josh Dittrich and Max Kaczor join the show for today's episode. They talk about Michael's extreme weight and blood loss journey, food porn, and flight anxiety. Thanks to Josh and Max for coming on the show for the first time. Check them out at their links below for more and hopefully we'll see them again in the future.Josh is on Instagram @josh_dittrich_comedy_etc. Max is on Instagram @maxkaczor and produces two live shows in NYC, Thursday At... Comedy and Mozzerella Mondays.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Oh, you know, I'm on start him. Welcome to morning. We're here with Max Kesar. Yeah. And Josh Ditchrich. Dittrich.

Dittrick. Sure. Yeah. D-trick. D-trick. D-trick. D-D-trick. That's why it's the second time.

Yeah. Yeah. Josh is my roommate, and I should know his last name. But also, I've never met Max before. This is fucking fun. Here we are. We got two, oh, yeah. One of these, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're talking about OCD. I checked the camera like 400 times, and I think it would be better to lose an episode than for me to, because you're not supposed to feed the beast. Because if you're anxious about something, you just keep doing the things that, like, are supposed to fix that. It just makes the beast worse.

So it would be worse for me. It would be worse for me. just lose an episode. I mean, it would suck for you guys because you waste an hour of your time. I mean, I have an hour to kill. Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing anything.

Yeah, yeah. I also feel like, like, nothing that we're going to say in the next hour is going to be so groundbreaking that if it doesn't make it to the internet, it's like, like, I'm not going to cure cancer right now. I might cure diabetes, but like... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the funniest are like, dude, the best is like, you'll have an episode and, like, the fucking, the thing will cut out, and you'll lose the whole episode. Yeah. And then you'll be like, all right, well, let's start again. People are like, we have time.

And so you'll do two hours, and then you just try to recreate the first hour. It's terrible. Moments gone. You're like, yeah, you know, this kind of reminds me when Benjamin Franklin, and people are like, don't even fucking try that shit. Yeah.

I feel that with, for whatever reason, when I started stand up, there was a club that I went to when I was living in Spain. Every time I went, the first, like, 10 times I went, I used the bathroom. So then every time I went after, I just automatically had to use the bathroom. Oh, it was like a mental thing.

Yeah. You conditioned your stuff? self to have to break myself from it because I was like I can't keep doing this yeah I can't just it's not like affected me negatively but it's like I feel weird walking and saying hey and then immediately going to the bathroom yeah I was there like every week also Josh thanks for bringing a guest he's been to Spain see look he's already you've already like like I know you didn't come on like I'm gonna talk about Spain but I'm like thank God I'm like now we already got things to talk about I'm sorry I'm just in case there's dead air just Spain this might give like tourist

But, like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I had a full 360, dude. Before this, or I guess 180, before this episode, you're just, exactly, you hyped up and then got exactly the same. I just got just like, I'm just doing this crazy, whatever. I made some bet. So I'm out like a crazy calorie deficit right now. So I'm just like, every day I'm like, what are you doing? I gotta have a six-pack by this bachelor party. That's a great set. I gotta have a six-pack by this bachelor party. Yes. Yeah, yeah. How's that going? I'm close, bro.

It's like if I- Have you flexed on camera yet? No, they would probably like that, though. Yeah. But I'm almost like... When he gets to six-pack? I didn't know my dad.

It's like, I got it. It looks great at certain lighting. So... It looks great if you close your eyes and picture a six-pack. Yeah. Would I cough with no water in my stomach? It's like there. So it's like, whenever everybody asked me

the weirdest time. I see you're something. I'm not self-conscious, but I'm like, I just don't want to eat a meal and then show somebody and have them be like, right? You're like, no, I got to, hold on. Let me just dim the lights. Let me push it back. Have you set the, like, a date and time for when your, your buddy will check if you have this six-packed? Two Fridays from now. Okay, but you know exactly. So you can like taper into it. He's not, he's not just in a line to surprise you. Yeah, yeah. And I, that'd be so funny. The middle of the night he comes in. He's like, six-pack check. Yeah, like, I'm like, trying to do crutches. Yeah, that would be fucking.

on. Yeah. That would be hilarious. No, no, it's like, um, I technically have three weeks,

but I'm trying to do it in two so I could start alcohol training for the bachelor party. I need, I'm, I'm doing some cross training because I haven't drank it in seven weeks. So I got to make sure that I, how long have you been working on the six bag?

Uh, seven weeks. Oh, the cut has been insane. It's like high school wrestler levels of, yeah. How many, how many pounds have you dropped in like six weeks?

So I, I dropped 40 pounds in six weeks. He's not allowed to donate blood. blood anymore. No. Why would you? Donating plasma, they're like,

I think you have AIDS. Wait, wait. One day that actually happened is so Michael's been on a donate blood tear because it's like a free money hack and he also started the diet. And one day, one week he donated blood like four times in a week.

You can't do that. And then he comes in and he's like, oh my God, I lost 10 pounds. And I'm like, yeah, they also suck two gallons of blood. You're also down four points.

Yeah. You're not muscle mass. It's like you have so much less liquid. That's girl man. Yeah. I really, I don't trust them at the plasma clinic. Because they tell me they're like, you could donate twice a week, which is why I do it twice a week when I would do it. And then you look and they're like, now gene size bottles of plasma.

I'm like, I don't believe you guys. I think you're full of shit. How much do you get? 50 bucks. That's not worth it. No. Yeah. The best is, I wish I was one of those guys that just added it up because like if I just, it would be nice to just have a plasma card because like they give you a little credit card.

So like, I'd used it. It was like more when I don't. I was like a visa debit type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I buy groceries with it. I mean, like, dude, I would hit moments where I literally had $0 in my bank account, go hit the plasma clinic, go get groceries. But because I haven't drank it in seven weeks, I've saved up a bunch of money.

Not a time. I'm still fucking broke. But I'm like, oh, I have not had to hop the turnstile or donate plasma or blow people. You know, it's been very, um, right. It's been very nice. There's been none of those moments where I'm like, oh, this is like a. But you're also, like, medically not allowed to donate. Correct.

I want to call them about that. Can we reassess me? Can I come in as like a new guy as this world? How do they know? Do you go to the same place? Or like how do they know it's you? Well, see, that place I like because it's open on Sundays. Most of them are open on Sundays.

Dude, I used to do it crazy, bro. I would come in, this is so funny. I would like, I would like, I'm prescribed colonnipin. Sure. Which. I don't think you could donate with that either. Yeah. There are people on crystal meth in there.

It's crazy. Because it's all people that don't have money. Right. we get like a lot of drug addicts in there. But what I would fucking do, dude, is I would like, I prescribe colonopin because I had like a bad panic attack in college. It's been like six years now. So like I should not still be prescribed colonopin.

Yeah. But either way, I would like take it super late at night. So the next morning I would be kind of pilled out. And so I just come in sunglasses hoodie on, just like benzode out like a rapper. And then just sit in the chair and fall asleep while I donate plasma. And they'd keep arguing with me. They're like, you can't fall asleep.

I'm not out of sleep right now. Just with shades on, like, listen to some juicy jay. I would love to see the dude who gets your plasma just come out of, out of surgery just like so high and just not know. Like I want, I want like a Mormon guy to get your plasma and just be like, what is this? Like, oh, my, never experienced caffeine before. Why do I feel so good? Yeah, yeah.

I need to get more plasma all that. He gets addicted to getting plasma. Yeah. Like that's a drug. He finds you. Yeah. You're his blood boy. Yeah.

He's like, what kind of, yeah. He's like a vampire. It sucks the blood out of you. Silicon Valley where like the rich dude has that blood boy to like help keep him younger. Oh, that's that rich guy right now, the one who's like anti-aging. Brian Johnson or he's got a blood. He's got a blood come or something? Blood.

Okay. He's got a blood boy. You know, it's so hard. Michael, have you been done it in cum this whole time? No, no, no, no. I was going to, I'm going to be honest. I'm surprised you're not doing that because that's way more lucrative. It's also scared of like, it's $1,400.

For one, I don't want to... You just can't jack off for two weeks. Or have sex. Yeah, that's fine, actually. That's it. My sex drive, since I start cutting, like, your brain tells you don't need to fuck anymore. It's like, I come like twice a week now.

It used to be like two or three times a day. I was busted, dude. I had a paper towel. It's probably also because, like, your body's, like, eating itself. So it can't, it can't work. It eats to come for new days. A key component of dragging off is having an erection. But if you're losing four pints a week, there's no blood to put down there.

That is true. That is true. Babe, I'm sorry. This is like, oh, did you drink too much tonight? No, I have zero blood in my body. I had the clinic this week a few time, bro. I'm just four pints down. You see, it's a hafer.

I'll get there. I'll get there in a couple weeks. Yeah, no, I like, yeah, no sextra. I mean, it's starting to come back. I don't know why it's coming back because I'm losing weight faster. Because you have a six pack now. That's true.

My body's like, it's fucking that. It's fucking fucking pussy. You got a six-price. Where's the bachelor party? Key West, the most magical. place on it. You're been there? No. I was going to say you could probably fuck down there, but it's old people. Oh, no, yeah, but there'll be there'll be chicks down there.

I think. No, there will be chis. I'll be, I like fucking old ladies. And they'll be leathery. Yeah, yeah, I like begging old ladies. I'm mostly like, it's weird because like, I was going through a real kind of phase before this of like, yeah. Like, I was like, I want to get some fucking pussy tonight at the bars.

Yeah. And ever since I've, like, gone on this little journey, I'm kind of like, I'm just excited to drink with my guy friends at a bar. It's really kind of like, It's crazy the mental adjustments that I've had from not drinking for seven weeks and taking more Adderall than usual. There's definitely been like that. That's like to complete. From not drinking and being hyperfocus on my life.

Yeah. I was on Adderall talking to my therapist the other day. She's like, this is, you're so clear. And I'm like, oh, I'm fucking. You're like, it's crazy. Dude, it's like, I think that everything your experience right now, like the losing weight, the not being super horny, the like feeling better about everything. I think it's all just like what happens when you. you stop drinking.

Like I think you're just like, I haven't drank it forever and I haven't been puss hounding at 3 a.m. And it's like, those two are so intrinsically tied. And I also like, my health is better. I'm losing away. I just, my brain is functioning. I'm sleeping better. I can lose four pints and be fine.

How did you feel when you? The same, yeah, I don't drink. So like the same, the same thing. Like I, I stop drinking because I put a hole in my stomach. From drinking? From. From. Oh, so with a gun.

you want to see a trick now from a number of things I made it go all the way through he discovered your belly button we're like oh fuck I gotta quit drinking man what's up no I yeah I had I had ulcers

because like my family my mom's side has like a genetic disposition to gastrointestinal issues is what I told from the doctor and then also with that plus a little bit of fun plus poor diet plus super high stress

all of it together equals a bad time. And you, you, you do look, you like, okay, so for the listeners

that I guess going. They just met. Like you got camo, they just crushed beers. Like you got camo. I used to mean something. Yeah.

Yeah. You got camo pads. You're like a, you're like a large guy. You got a big beard. You're like, what do you? Six.

I like to understand the foot range. As if I'm going to get. You're announcing him and like he's a pick at the draft. Yeah. A big guy, Brought shoulder From Buffalo

6-6. 6, 6, yeah. Yeah. No, it, I used to, I've never thrown up from drinking and my best night. Well, yeah, the alcohol never left your mouth that was burrowing into your intestinal line.

That's why I'm so big. It was just filled with beer, excess beer. I think the best night that I remember was, I think, like, 16 or 17 beers, like five or six mixed drinks and a handful of shots. Yeah.

Woke up, fine the next day. Browned out a lot. But never, I never like, I had probably two or hangovers. Like, I processed it. That's crazy. Well, that is the thing I'm really frustrated about when you, I've done, like, I'll take a month off drinking, like most years. Yeah. And like, the annoying part is when you go back, you actually have worse hangovers.

Yeah. It's the most unrewarding system. So it's like, your body's less used to alcohol. Like, the more you drink, your body's like, yeah, this is supposed to be in here. And you feel better. Like, yeah. Well, that was the thing. Like, I stopped for like six months to fix it.

then I had a beer and I had like crazy heartburn. I was like, all right, I'm not going to do this ever again. Yeah. This blows. I just, I don't know. I feel like when I drink more, it's worse. And I would just hate for like a morning good listener to just be like, that's why I feel bad.

I did it drink every day instead? No, no, no. We are in no way. Guys. If you need to have a bender, have a bender. Do, do. If you need to do one day to two day to three day, do what you need to do. I'm going to say this.

We're not responsible for anything you guys do. and it doesn't matter to us. You want to take a plastic bag, put it over your head. I say it's a good idea. The listeners are all responsible for themselves. Also, just remember, he donates four pints a week,

so his blood is not there. Yeah, I do love Josh. He's such a good guy that part of him's like, let's make sure the listeners do not. Make sure they're safe at home listening. No, but I get what you're going from. I just like, I mean, like more, it's more like the how often you drink.

Like, obviously, if I had like 30 beers, I'd be more hungover than if I had 10. But if I drank every single night, like my hangovers... Your body gets more, like, used to it. Yeah. Yeah. If you're doing like two, three a day for like a month straight, you're going to be fine. Yeah.

If you do like, right, if you do 30 on a Tuesday, your Wednesday's going to be a bad day. Yeah. That's why the week leading up at this bachelor party is going to be like just me on the treadmill with the beer hat on. You know, like the little... The cross training. Yeah. Yeah. What was it?

It was a beer fest where he's like, has like a keg over his head and he's like the funnel going to go while he's like... Like, I'm going to be like upside down, like in that in the club. video 50 cent doing like crunches upside down but they're like waterboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just getting waterboarded with beer every border. Because like my favorite part is like I have some of these friends that are like, well, I don't really drink the way I used to, but you know, so that'll be great because I'll have a light alcohol tolerance on the bachelor party.

I go, that's not great. Like you think you either drink or you don't with stuff like that where I think like, of course you can have a couple beers, but I know these people and all the guys that are like, yeah, it's going to be nice because I'm not going to spend that much on alcohol. I'm like, no, you're going to get there and you're going to black out. Like, that's what's going to happen. If you're one of those guys that, like, has a party animal inside of him and is getting introduced to his high school friends again after a while, like, it's going to be a disaster if you don't prepare yourself. That's a full moon for that werewolf. Yeah. It's a,

Key West, your high school buddies and just Key West again, like, Bachelor Party, you're going to, it's going to come back. Oh, yeah. Well, and the thing I am like, the thing I like about bachelor parties is I like that you get rewarded for the bigger pieces of shit you are. Like it's one of those things that like, they're like Johnny's fucking, he ripped shots at 8 a.m. And that's like a rewarded

thing during that experience. But for me, I'm like, I'm just like I've earned it at this point because it's like, I guess we never you never actually answered why you made a bet to get a six back. Oh, it was all out of like. I was talking about how lame it is to have. Is it a bet with yourself or? I was just, no, it's a real bet.

Like there's someone. Yeah, I was drunk with my buddy, whose bachelor party is. And he was just like, I was like, dude, abs are so fucking lame. I could fucking have him if I cared. And he's like, no, you couldn't. I was like, yeah, kid. I was like, I could have him buy your bachelor party. He's like, no, you cannot.

I was like, I got a six pack by your bachelor party. He's like, no, you. He's like, dude, if you can have a six back by a batch party, washboard abs, you don't have to pay for Airbnb. I was like, all right, you're on. And so I went out drinking that night and then the next night. And then that was the most, that Sunday morning was the least, the least anxiety I've ever had because it was like going into I'm about to like do a cleanse.

So there's something about me being like, oh, I don't have to feel guilty or gross about any of my behavior because I'm about to get way better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was- I'm about to be a menace. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, that's what kind of fucking happened. And now I just watch food videos and like borderline coming my bands.

Like it's insane, dude. I just watch like, he watches me eat. And it's like if if- It's getting weird. If stimulating your penis with your hand is massacized. He's like stimulating his tongue with his fingers while he watches me eat pizza So I eat and he's just like he's like oh it feels just like it Well I'm just like eating it to jrno trying to watch TV any

I can taste the pepper on like Michael you fucking get a sniff get a room It's getting to that point dude's so funny it's like all I like there are places I walk by and I want to just like put my head against the glass at like a donut shop and just kind of like sniff a little bit. Like, it is getting, it's getting weird, man. You should stay inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do hit the treadmill now,

and I'm watching the food people, which they, I got to get better food. Wait, what do you mean food people? I'm sorry. Yeah, can we touch on that? What is food people? Like, like food critic people. Like what?

Like name a... So I've been watching, it's called like insider, whatever. So it's like, I was excited. I haven't found my guy yet, right? It's kind of one of those things where it's like, you say, everybody's like, you should listen to podcasts.

and then you got to kind of shop around a little bit when you first. So that's kind of how I'm with food people where like, a lot of them are like trying to be funny. And that just upsets me while I'm on the treadmill. I'm on the exercise bike and I'm like, you're not a comedian. Just show me the burritos. Show me the fucking food.

Show me the beans. Yeah. So it's like, it's like this one guy. I don't know what his name, but he's like, just this kind of like, you know, guy in New York City. And it's his buddy from England. He's like, but you don't have that over there, huh? Like doing like little jabs at his.

buddy and just kind of little jokes like that and then I'm just like it annoys me but then I tried watching the action Bronson one and that's too much like that's too much personality going on like that's delicious yeah yeah where he's just like this is the fucking

and then he's just like pulling the guy at the side and giving him like a no good and he's like this is where you get the best fucking shit in New York and I'm like that's too much not showing the food so I like I like mostly just seeing the food it's very it goes back to porn there's too much exposition in a lot of these.

Yeah. Yeah, you're not the, you don't want the storyline. I don't. You just want the boobs. I just want the boobs, yeah. Yeah. And some of them, the views too far away, it's, this is just porn. Like, it's like, some of them the views too far away, and I'm like, I can't even see, like, the wetness of the burger.

You know what I mean? It's like, yeah. Let's get a little, uh, this get a little out of hand. Do you watch, like, cooking shows and stuff, too? Or, like, like, the food critique types. I don't really care about, like, um, my thing is I don't care about, like, the food. how it's made. I want to see like...

No for play. No for play. Just get right. You just like it. Yeah, yeah. I want to see it like, I do want to see it maybe on the grill, but like right before it's packaged up.

So I want to see like the inside of a burrito, but I don't want to see them cooking up. You're a little freak. Yeah. I'm a nasty boy, dude. It's getting, uh... This is why you don't have a set drive anymore. It's just the,

the reward center has been hijacked by how hungry you are, that you're just like, I want to eat food. And then your brain's like, we also want to fuck food, we want to drink food. Like, it's just, you're in such a deficit that every part of your brain is just food now. Like, women don't exist. Alcohol doesn't exist.

So it's just like, this will give me everything. Food and six pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, have my, it's so funny with my, my favorite's my fucking phone because, like, I had a privacy screen on for a while because I liked writing jokes in the train and stuff like that. So I was like, I don't want people. Somebody might steal that. He didn't want to make the whole train laugh too hard.

Yeah, exactly. I don't be crushing it, dude. The train would crash. But I forgot I took the privacy off. And half the pictures on my phone are just me now taking shirtless mirror pictures to look at my progress. Sure. And shirtless pictures of other men to, like, compare abs. So I forgot I had this privacy screen off.

I know why he did the bet. Yeah. What's your way to do next? Make your dick bigger? Yeah. Well, it would be funny also if he paid me in single dollar. like just tucked it into my bathing suit just like one by one.

Five thousand of them? I'm like, did you do this just to fuck me? Is this why you're betting me this? But the fucking, the training's so funny because I realize now for the last like three weeks, I've just been my phone has just been shirtless me in public.

Like if anybody looked at my phone screen the last like three weeks, there's no privacy screen on it, which I forgot about. So it's just shirtless men that I'm just constantly looking at on the train. It's shirtless dude, burrito. shirtless dude. Burger shirtless dude.

Flip of yourself doing standup. Burger, burger. Just a raw steak. Yeah, that is the interesting thing that happened because standup kind of took a back seat, which was, it's kind of actually been better for my standup in a way because I was so in my head about standup and I was just like, I got to move my fucking career ahead and all this stuff.

And now when I go on stage, I'm just like way more free because I'm kind of like more focused on something else. So I'm kind of like more comfortable on stage. You're more focused on food. Dude, all of this is just you being hungry. That is true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I will say, like, the podcasting does, like, my energy levels are definitely down lower. But, like, and I guess, like, occasionally my crowd works maybe not as good. But, like, as far as, like, me. What are you eating? Yeah. Can I get a bite now? All right. Can I just smell it, please?

Is that a chicken maker? Oh, oh. Yeah, I've turned to, like, the funnies was the movie. You two are, are you two together? Yeah, where, where, where, where, where is your first date? Really? What'd you order? Oh, really?

Where do you hide the engagement ring? A souffle? They're like, yeah? What the fuck? Did you get out? Did you get a rare? Yeah, I bet you fucking did. I bet those were so fucking good.

Yeah, no, it's, uh, it's getting out of hand. But I think it's like, it's perfectly like my quitting point is in two weeks. And that's when it's, like, I could just feel, I was telling him, I don't know if it's like, I don't know if I'm crashing out or if this is, I know. know it's ending and that's why it could be both yeah it's probably combo of both but i think it's gonna hit it the i think i'm just gonna just get it done and then be out of there and i and i and i the funniest part is that little part of my brain because i've never been super into fitness really like i go to the gym and stuff but like i don't like gym bro culture i think it's really lame

yeah but there's just this little piece in the back of my brain because i'm like i jokingly at first was like i'm just gonna get fat again right after this but i'll probably like ease back in but there's that little voice in my head that's like dude what if you were like what if you States is funny. What if you were the jacked comic that does roids and then becomes lean into your Italian this, which is, I'm not going to do, but there's that little voice in my name? Is it good Italian?

What's it? Is your last name? No, no, no, but I got something in there somewhere. Agud. Agud. A good. Bobuddy. Um, that was crazy. Did I show that video Italian lady, bro? That was crazy. Yeah, yeah. I got heckled by this Italian woman the other week. It was the funniest thing. I'm just at this

show with the pair. And so it just goes, it starts yelling at me in Italian and then she gets kicked out which is so wild because I was like you got so drunk at this comedy show that you're in a different country speaking the language I couldn't have said anything that upset you

because you don't speak English and also why do you think I know what you're saying right now which is just so insane like I could imagine getting hammered in like a comedy show in like Japan and starting to yell at the guy and I don't know

I could I could see that Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that point, it would have to be racist because I have no idea what he's saying. At one other point, would I just be yelling at this guy? Yeah. There was some, I don't remember who it was, but there was some comic who was down in Australia, and there was a drunk guy heckling him, and he, like, boo, he was like, oh, shut up, fuck off.

And, like, then the whole crowd, like, cheered for him because apparently the dude was saying, like, an Aboriginal slur. But he was also Australian. Oh, that was, that was, Adam Friedland had this. Yeah. And he just, like, had no idea what was happening and, like, got, like, good news about it. Yeah, yeah. And he was just, like, I just told, like, he couldn't understand what the guy was saying. Yeah, the guy was just like, oh, yeah, baby.

Like, saying whatever Australian nonsense. And I guess the guy was actually being racist towards that. Yeah, yeah. And then Adam Friedan, like, told him to shut up. And then everybody was, like, so proud of him because they were just like, man. He was just told him to shut up. Like, what are. He's like, oh, yeah, I guess.

I guess that's what it was. What, I wonder what? I still wonder, like, what that Italian lady was yelling at you. because it was... What did you say? Like, what was your joke? It was every joke she just started interrupting and yelling at Italian.

She was probably just drunk. Yeah, yeah, she had no idea, but it was just so funny to just be like, nobody knows what you're talking about. What if she was just asking you to like, please say the joke in Italian? Like, everyone thinks you're so funny.

I want to know what you're saying. And you were just like, get the fuck out of here. One of my favorite ones is, I had this show one time when I was eating shit on stage, but there was this French guy in the audience with his...

sister. And every time I tell a punchline, it kind of bomb, and she goes, zizz, z, z, and he goes, ha, ha, ha. So, like, she would translate the jokes, and he was the only one just, like, loving my shit. But it was just so funny, because it was just like,

zizze it? Hey, he, there'd be, like, a couple second delay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, this is, I'm glad somebody's enjoying it. Or she's just saying, this guy, fucking sucks. He's just, like, here's the, here's my thing. Yeah. He speaks English. She's just like, what a

fucking terrible joke. And he's just like, yeah. Yeah, this guy sucks. He doesn't even speak Italian. I've had like a lot of hecklers. I think it's the summer. I think people are getting drunk. I'm feeling the end.

I don't know. There's something about me that's just getting revived. Like just being outside the weather, all of it's just, I don't know. I'm feeling happy. There was one time I was at, it wasn't me, but one of my buddies back, I'm from Boise, Idaho,

and that's where I started stand up and when I went back home. One of my buddies who I started with was doing his hour, and he asked me to open for him. So I do it. It goes well. And then, like, five minutes into this guy's set, these two, like, 20-year-old girls come in and they're just being super loud and they're hammered. And we sit him down at this small bar and, like, 30 minutes into this guy's set, we were like, hey, have you been to a comedy show before? And they're like, yeah, yeah, we go all the time. We're regulars. We know how to handle ourselves. And we're like, okay, good. And then, like, 30 minutes in this guy's set, one of the girls raises her hand. And it's a small room because it's Idaho. And so the comedian's just like, no and then just keeps going and then she raised her hand and he's like all right like let's entertain this what's up and she's like how long have you been doing comedy for nice and he was just like oh

about 45 minutes and got out of laugh and then she's like no no no seriously like how long have you and he's like a while like I don't know but a couple like several years I'm just working like working on my hour and then she was just like oh and then just like started talking we like had to go over and take her out but it's just like the attitude to just be like I'm going to be like I'm going to to raise my hand, interrupt this, and just, like, ask how long you've been doing comedy. It's just, and then she couldn't understand why it was rude. She was like, I was just wondering.

Like, I was curious. It's like, you interrupted, yeah. Have you ever been the person to ask that question, though? I, like, I went to a metal show when I was, like, in high school back in Buffalo and I, this band played, and then they got off. And I was like, damn, that was really cool. Was that, like, one of your first shows?

Like, because I didn't know. They were like, no, we've been a band for two years. I was like, cool, cool, man. That was nice. Cool, cool, I'll see you around. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, because it comes across is so mean.

This is for the New York crowd. But one of my buddies just started doing stand-up. He doesn't know the scene at all and he just started. And some guy went up in Brooklyn and did a set and it went well. And then my buddy went up to him afterwards

and was like, dude, that set would work great in Manhattan. And he was just like, fuck you. And my buddy was like, I was being nice. And we were all like, dude. That was pretty mean. Like if you, yeah. So the only time I want people to raise their hand

is when I'm doing an hour because I like do not like whenever I do I can't do an hour yeah dude it's so like like I have to do not have to I mean I'm happy to headline but it's like I have to do but it's like I am always just like all right let's see

because it's like I don't I like 20 minutes of my material and then I don't like the next 30 hey if you're booking Michael later just remember that just remember he's got a good 20 and a loose 60 yeah and I don't get wrong I'll fucking like

Like, yeah, like I can do an hour But it is like very much like The weirdest is like there's lots of dudes Who are like newer to comedy They can actually headline better Because like a random crowd Doesn't know like the good jokes Vers the bad jokes

And they have so much confidence in what they're doing Like I've seen people that have like Doing comedy for a couple years And they headline they're like And then I went to the store And my sister was there And like a random bar crowd is just like This guy's a fucking headline

Yeah Versus somebody's been doing it a while you're like, you hit that like 40 minute mark and you're like, this is not my favorite joke, but you know, and you're like, you know, I guess Bill Burroughs is a similar premise, but I think it's kind of, like, you have that mindset that kind of holds you back in a way versus like that like crazy, I don't know, but they're also crazy and talented people who like can, like, that are cocky enough to.

But, yeah, I hope the guy who booked me to headline this weekend doesn't fucking hit this episode. But, um, we'll just post it next week after. This is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm comfortable doing an hour. It is a great hour. But please ask a question. By the way, we signed a contract.

Please break up the set with questions. Where are you going? I'll go to Allentown, PA, then Virginia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's going to be a long weekend. But what is there to do in Allentown or Virginia? I honestly see me crush it for an hour. I think there's like an art festival or something. Oh, okay.

There's an art festival? I think so. Which one? The paintings. I don't know. I just know that, like, there's, Oh, I'm thinking. There's an Allentown in Buffalo,

don't think of you. There's an Allentown in Buffalo? Like, it's just a neighborhood. But there's something, there's something about Allentown, PA that I've heard about, like,

people do their weddings there a lot. Okay. And, like, it's a good week to, like, if something's happening in that town and you're wedding, like, there's some festival happening.

Is it nice? Is it in the 30 to the next morning? So, it might not be that. You should look for a wedding. You should go crash a wedding. That'd be fun. I'd enjoy none of the food or drink.

Okay. Okay. I'd not want to fuck any of the women. You show up to the wedding and you're just like staring at people eating. Is this a pervert? It's like, no, he's hungry. Wait, okay.

So if you were to crash a wedding, like you walked up to the front, what would you say to try and get in? Like, would you have a cover? Would you say, or would you just be like, oh, I'm friends with Joe? Or would you make up a story? I think I'd be like, I think my date's inside.

Yeah, that's a really good one. Who's your day? Katie One of the girls All right Well you're good to go sir Katie and they're not going to say Which Katie?

They're going to say Katie McElroy You're going to say yeah Katie McElroy or what's a really good move Is I feel like a lot of weddings Will have their names Yeah Somewhere like on one of the SDDs You walk in the SDDs

It saved the date Oh No one says that That was a joke somewhere I didn't know But I will take credit for it right now Morning good Speaking of that

I think it was from the office stop sending me the bill. I'm not going to pay it. You keep getting bills from medical companies because of the... Yeah, what is that from? I'll go to...

We're airing out his entire medical history. You give blood. You're just getting random medical bills? Dude, I used to go to CDMD and I thought my insurance was covering all the SDD tests, so I would just get tested once a month. And I don't even raw dog that much,

but like condoms break and stuff like that. And I would just get SDD tested once a month. I mean, also because I have OCD. But, and then Quest Diagnosis, she sent me a bill for like $400, and I'm like, I'm going to pay this in like six years. I'm like, I'm in no position to pay this bill. I got to go get drunk and do

drugs in Key West. Did I tell you one time I had some pain down there, and I thought it was STD related. And so I went and I done an STD test, and that was negative, and then the urologist examined me, and I'm like, yeah, I'm just having some pain in my testicles, and

I think he might be related. And he doesn't and he's like, oh no, this happens when you lift something that's too heavy for you and you can get inflammation down there. So I thought it was like, oh dude, like you had sex and you're sick and you got a disease and it's just like, no, you just are fucking weak and their balls

exploded. He's like, look. I did not know that to be a thing. It was so bizarre. I love him to be like, look at the size of your balls. This is how much you can lift. With those size balls? He's like, were you moving or something? I think I just started running the gym or I don't even know. Maybe I lifted up a dress or something, but yeah, I felt it. I tore a ball.

in the gym. Dang. Yeah. I thought, I remember I, so the epidinimus is the thing, you know, that like hold your testicle.

That's what it was. Yeah. I thought. I forgot the phrase for it. I just said Paul's that. It's fine. This is a science-based podcast, but I'll forgive it.

But I, I'll, like, feel like the top of my testicle, and I thought that was testicular cancer. Sure. And for some reason, I just had that sort of, if I don't pay attention to it,

maybe it'll, like, I just don't want to deal with it. So I remember just being like, you know, leave it alone. You just push it away. I remember just being really nice to people for like a month because I thought I was going to die.

Like just like low key just being like, grandpa, you know I love you, right? Like this caramel will make my cancer go away? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just kind of like, hey, you know you're like my best friend, right? And it's like, dude, I did that because I did like, I did some plain anxiety. I don't love flying and I fly a lot. So like a couple days leading up to my flight, I'm just, I'm making sure to call everyone. I'm texting people.

Yeah. And I'm just like, just in case. Just in case. So knock I would, it ever goes bad. like, oh, if I have a flight coming up, I'm like, so, like, I'm mad. I'm the same as you. Do you drink before going on flights? Not anymore.

Because I, oh, I did one flight drunk. And it was the greatest time of my life. Where'd you go? I was flying from Dublin to Scotland. You're probably the most sober guy on the plane. Oh, probably, yeah. But we had like... Take a 30 minute flight.

Oh, yeah. It was also like 45 minutes. I've done that flight before. I know, yeah. We just like bar hopped around Dublin's. We were only there for a three. So we just like day drank had like so much Guinness because it's it's good there. And then got on this flight.

And hey, yeah, we're in the air flight maybe 45 minutes. But I was like having so much fun because I was just like hammered and just sitting in a window seat. And it was it was yeah. But like that's not sustainable for like a six hour flight. Like you'd have to like black out before or spend a bunch of money on the plane. Also you get you get drunker on flights because the altitude. You should drink on the way to on the way to Florida. Buddy, I am.

I am like I'm, this is how OCDM. okay so I'll end the bed and then Friday Saturday I'll drink I'll take off Sunday Monday Tuesday I'll drink just so I have like a fucking Attention going to do I need I need a tolerance man I just I don't like I don't like being the druggest girl at the party You know what I mean? It's like it's not

What if you just drank less Body it's just not gonna happen Everybody keeps that I'm like I know There's this animal inside me And the second I start seeing like fucking Hurricanes and fucking rum runners and all these things I'm just gonna want to just like I didn't really

I didn't realize that that was a meds drink and I thought you're like when I did to Florida and like, I'm just gonna like go crazy. Dude, I'm gonna hear some fucking Jimmy Buffett and then just be like fucking pounded drinks. Yeah. But I am gonna try, like I am gonna try to pace myself. Like I am like, yeah, yeah. But I'm like, there's only so much. God is only so powerful to stop.

Well, have you ever seen that one? There's that meme online that's like, it's like the Trojan horse. And on the head it's like one more beer. And inside it's just like a million beers. Yeah. So that's what happens. I did they they sneak in that way yeah how long is it how long is the trip three days three full or like travel travel so it's like I purposely rented a car so I can get to town early especially because

if I have these abs I'm like oh I'm strutting dude I'm going yeah you have to you got a peacock a little bit yeah I'm like this is this will only I'm so aware that this will only be like a two week phase of my life yeah so I'm like I'm gonna get every everybody that could possibly see my stomach to see my stomach. I'm going to be driving down there shirtless, getting pulled over by cops. Are you driving to Florida? No, no, no. I'm flying into Orlando. What I'm going to do is I'm split up the trip into two days. I'm going to go from Orlando to Miami, crashes somebody there. I don't know who yet. And then go from Miami, pick up my buddy from the airport at Fort Lauderdale, then go down to Key West. Try to hit a pool bar by like 1 p.m. Friday. Everybody comes in from like 2 to 4.

meet everybody for dinner, go out that night. We got a party barge, like one of those boats that's just like tables and shit on it. Yeah. And then it's going to hit some coral reefs, do some snorkeling, do some sandbars. Then, you know, maybe take a nap, go out that night. It sounds like the best bar mitzvah of all time. Like, we're going to a boat with tables and we're going to some coral reefs. Maybe take a nap.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm very excited. And then... Back on Sunday? No, no, Sunday. Sunday, full day. Full day. Back on Monday.

Back on Monday, yeah, yeah. Which I'm probably... I'll probably have a couple drinks Monday just because that car rides like seven hours. So I'll probably have like a couple drinks and just sleep in the back. Oh. Yeah. You're not driving. Not back.

No, I'm renting a car to go there and then I'm having my buddy take me back because I'm like... Smart. I've done that like hungover drive for set. It's the worst experience than one. Yeah. Yeah. I like knowing I'm not responsible. Like, I don't even mind.

Flights actually don't freak me out because I'm like, if I die, it's not my fault. Yeah, my grandpa stopped flying when he was 60 because he didn't want to be on the plane if it was someone else's time. What do you mean? Like, he's like, if someone else is going to die on this plane, I don't want to be included with it. That's such an interesting perspective. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he hasn't flown in like 20 years. Wait, because he's like, what if God wants somebody else to die on that plane?

He's taking down the whole thing. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. All right. I fly quite a bit and I have just come to terms with it because it's like it's just part of the job. Yeah. Yeah. I traveled so much before doing stand-up too. That was just like, this is what it is. But I flew. I was flying from Buffalo to Chicago with a buddy of mine and we had to, we circled around Chicago and had to land in Detroit temporarily because there was a storm in Chicago. And I looked over and he was typing out an essay to his girlfriend.

like I hope to see you again one day like this whole thing I was like buddy we're on a southwest flight like Detroit's right there we're gonna be totally fine dude like the captain came over and he's like hey guys we have to like just quickly reroute to Detroit temporary landing don't worry it'll be like two hours max and he looks at me goes we're gonna die in this plane I was like we're gonna be so fine we're gonna be so funny that you just got people watching the Minecraft movie and the people that think they're gonna die They're just right next to each other. Well, dude, one time.

So where it started is I was flying into Denver, which notoriously bouncy airport because the Rockies and all that. And we were, huh? Notariously. I'm very confused about what you just said. Well, neither you guys are from the West. The mountains are so high.

The mountains are so, but that flying in. You made it sound like the building was like, you look down, it's really hard to land because it's like that I catch it. But no, because I know you guys are both from the East Coast, but Denver is notoriously like the Rockies and the mountains. it's like the wind is crazy.

And flying into Denver one time and like we were coming in and I wasn't afraid of flying. And then we were coming in and like the plane started bouncing a bit and then the pilot gets on and I swear to God was just like was just like

ladies and gentlemen please flight attendant stage your jump seats everybody's strapping your safety is our number one priority. And it's like if you're flipping shit and the pallet comes on it he's like ladies and gentlemen we're experience of it. You're like all right we're fine.

But he was freaking out. the flight attendants were running up and down the aisle and that's where I was like oh this like it didn't I made it we're fine but that ever since then I've always just been a little like huh and it's nothing like that has ever happened again but um yeah and that's what started it and so yeah I feel like there's certain things that happen that just

put you over like we were flying from Buffalo to Orlando once and our plane got hit by lightning like very quickly and it just like you know I was like 10 it was like oh that can't be good and then we like kept going and like I was flying Syracuse to Chicago for a festival. We took off and then we quickly turned and I'm like this is a straight drive. Like this is, we're right there. Yeah. Why are we turning? And the pilot very calmly was like, hey, we have to return back to Syracuse. Something happened during takeoff. Everything's fine, but we have to go back to Syracuse. The windshield cracked on the airport. The front? The front is.

Doesn't normally like a lady fly out when that happens? I thought that happened. It was Oh, the guy, the pilot. Yeah, I saw a video one time that it was like a lady. I only saw like a they were high enough up. We were at 10,000 feet. So it's just like, it's just like, you're like, you don't get, like, sucked through the crack like a fucking X-Men or something? I don't think so.

No. The pressure's so high. Yeah, our co-pilot just fucking, but I'm a show. That is like a myth busters. I think they say if you poke a hole in like a, maybe it's a submarine. I don't know. Submarine, I don't think you'd go out. I just said, I apologize, listeners. I know this is a science podcast.

I know. I've got to let you do. He's four pints low, all right? He's not thinking clearly. Yeah, yeah. But that's crazy, dude. Yeah. No, it's nuts. And then, like, I had to, I just waited in the Syracuse airport for six hours and I took another flight. Like, it's like, you can either just never fly again or you can just kind of get over.

Well, that's the thing is, like, they always figured out. Like, they're just like, yeah, our windshield track, but like, we're going back down. Like, they're not like, fuck it. Let's just see what happens. Like, if he panics and we crash, it's his fault. But, like, it spidered and he went, ooh. He's like, let's take this one back. Yeah.

Yeah, I like, this is how much I've stopped giving a fuck. It's so funny. on a flight last week. And they literally go, is there a doctor on the plane? And I just put my sleep mask on and just went to sleep. I was like, I don't know. Maybe somebody's dying on this flight, but I don't really care. You're not a doctor. You're not a doctor.

You're not a doctor. One time, so my mom is a doctor, and she's also like 5-2, and just like, she's a small woman. And one time something happened to a guy on the back of the plane and the flight attendant, female flight attendant was like standing in the aisle. And they were like, doctor, please come to the back.

So my mom gets up and walks back. And she's, walking back and the flight attendant goes, ma'am, ma'am, do you about your seat? We're waiting on the doctor. That's so fucking funny. My mom's like, fuck you. Saves a guy's life and then just like, and I think they gave her like a couple thousand miles or

something like that. They're like, yeah, we are so sorry for the just blatant sexism. Well, have you ever heard that riddle? This took me, this is how sexist I was. I know the one. Yep. Yes, there's this riddle where I go. Tell me. Tell Matt. Yeah, so this riddle took me years to be. So this is a science and riddle based podcast.

This is for like, this is not fucking whatever garbage brain goofball podcast you listen to. You know, a lot of people are out there. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people are out there just, uh, farts and cum and jizz. And this is nuts. But, uh, listeners, try and solve along with mass. This is blood donation.

This is sobriety. We're talking. Yes. We're talking altitude, uh, geometry. Yeah. It's complex stuff. Give them the riddle. That's the right.

So there's a gallon of cum. Um, and, what was it? There's a gallon of cum. No, uh, there's this like, uh, uh, there's this like, uh, uh, I remember my dad told me this and we were at a pool with like showing people and nobody could figure out

so okay there's a there's a man you're gonna mess up this riddle aren't you I can tell right now no you got it but you're gonna fuck it up there's just a lot of lead up

for what I don't know is gonna come out okay so we are you're gonna get it immediately but most people do not get it immediately so there's a man and his son driving in a car they get in a car accident

the dad dies immediately the son has rushed to the hospital the doctor says I can't operate on this person. This is my son. How is this possible? What? Yeah. Yeah. How's it possible? Just run it back. Okay. There's a man in his son. They're driving in a car. They're getting a car accident. Yeah. The dad dies immediately. The son has rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, I cannot operate on this person. This is my son. Because the doctor is his mom. Exactly.

Well, we did set up the riddle with me saying, my mom is a doctor and she got mistaken one time. And then you're like, yeah, exactly. Also, just like a real smooth brain riddle that was. Oh, trust me. It fucks people up. People, people literally cannot. They're like, they're like, was, uh... Is it gay? You're right, no. Yeah, it's like, was the kid like literally the son? And he's like

a ball of light and you're like, no, he's a human, like, yeah. It's just the brain naturally, especially I think if a man is telling it, like you, you put the voice as a male doctor. So it's like, it's such a simple one, but literally... Because normally when you know, you're at the

clinic and like, they they're like, oh, like, you're okay. And they're like, the doctor will see you now. Oh, the girl doctor will see you now. And like, you know, you know. Yes. No one calls them doctors. Yeah, yeah.

The doctor with the big old pussy will see you. It's what they normally say. And then I'm like, thank you. I was so confused. Is that what this lady was doing in a lab code? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's pH balance. D. I don't know. But yeah, I know, it's crazy. And okay, so. What, Max, you weren't ready for this pivot? Go. You say something.

But you, listeners, we had, um, case you're wondering. And we're aware going into this that like the world just needs three more white men podcasting. So Max counteracted that. And he's doing Vietnamese face. It's like blackface, but he's, he painted himself to look Vietnamese. I miss this. I don't know what you're talking about.

Listeners, trust me. He's painted like a Vietnamese man. Well, oh, oh, for the people that can't see. For the listeners. Yeah, Max is painted like a Vietnamese man. Yes. Yes. Because we're trying to up the diversity. So Max, have anything to say?

You know, not every riff is worth it. I have tried to We're gonna cut that one We're gonna cut that one. All right, let's transition back out of that. So, uh, so plane, so female doctor.

Yeah, so where you grew up, and I wonder too if it's just for me. I'm trying to do a bit, man. I wonder of being from Florida if it was just, there was more, but like you had the same thing

where people were trying to figure it out wherever in Ohio, right? Indiana. Idaho. I'm such a bad listener. Do you know what his last name is? Josh.

Dieter. There it is You know what his last name is? Oh, body, dude. Not even close. They just met. To be fair, we've lived the other fight four months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I should do.

Max, Casablanca. That's almost it. It starts with a K. Colossus? Kzor. Kzor, okay. How do you spell it? Colossus.

I like Colossus. You know what Colossus is? No. It's part of the X-Men. Oh. I can try to shoehorn X-Men. You do have a lot of X-Sor. Men references. I like X-Men. Are you from Florida?

Yeah, I'm from Orlando. Wow. Yeah. That makes sense. Insult me on your podcast. Why did he become so mean? He was so friendly. Yeah, I'd get that and like, alcohol on the planes. And then he just like, he's like, you're not funny and

you're a stupid Florida man. I'm like, what the fuck happened? Busting balls, but it would be really funny if this is turned to sharp corn. He did. What do you mean? Whiz? He's just fucking around. I take no offense to Florida. Florida dumb stuff. Like when I was a kid, there was a bumper sticker in front of us, and it said

Florida education. And I asked my mom, I was like, what does that mean? She's like, oh, there's like terrible education in state. It's like an ironic joke. And I was like, oh, okay. It's like I always knew growing up that we were, you know, different. I was always surprised, like, because my grandma lives down in Florida and my grandpa and we'd go visit and like, you're, because I don't know about your school, but like some of the schools out there where they live, like, outside of Tampa are like open air. Like, there's no hallways. It's like. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm from Buffalo, so it's snowy, so everything's inside.

Same. I was like, wow, that must be so cool. There's being in class and they go outside all the time and shit. And it's like, yeah, it's because it's 150 degrees. Yeah, yeah. Like, you have to be outside. Totally, yeah, yeah. Well, there's also, I mean, well, we have air conditioning.

That is one thing that's, blowing your mouth. I will say this. People that don't know this in Florida, bro, fucking the New York City air conditioning situation is terrible. Like, it's like in Florida. The air conditioning wasn't invented in Florida. And it's one of those where like, if you go... Was it really? Yeah.

If you go anywhere in Florida, it's like everywhere. It's like very well air conditioning because it gets so hot. And so that was a huge adjustment here where like our fucking roommate Jake, this guy's like, yeah, I don't need air conditioning during summer. I'm like, you're fucking insane, dude. Like for me... It just bodies it. Yeah. I didn't have air conditioning for my first two and a half years in Spain.

So I just got very used to being hot. Yeah. And so once I was in places with air conditioning. I felt like overly cold and like would not feel well. Oh, dude, I love a good air conditioning. But it's like, I think the difference is like in when I was like in Madrid and Sevilla with no air conditioning, it was a dry heat. Whereas like a humid heat makes you feel uncomfortable because you're just sweating and sticky. Is that how you felt?

Did you ever go to Barcelona? I live in Barcelona, yeah. Was that a wet heat? It was more of a wet heat. I have the opposite experience. So I've been like out to like the, I've been in Spain. I've been like the West. I know there's two different things

I wasn't saying Spain's in the West but I've had It is in the West I guess Dry heat I actually like less I'm so used to the wet heat That I like being sweaty Because the sweat

The sweat's meant to cool you down I actually would rather be like cold and sticky Than warm and dry Yeah that makes sense Yep That's kind of how I feel But no I did I did like an exchange program In Spain when I was a teenager

And There'd you go I went to Murthia and Valencia and then some beach but yeah I was basically I was 14

and I stayed with this guy he was like 16 so we'd just go clubbing I would just black out and like I was like this fucking tall and it was just a mess it was lots of fun but like

it was crazy because it was like my favorite thing is I showed up and he just turned me into a European douche immediately he's like these clothes not work

I don't know why he's Russian but I can't do a Spanish accent but he starts putting like starts with me in those polo outfits with like the giant polo guy on it It starts like popping my collar. I'm wearing like jeans that are like fucking just,

I bag them with like a weird belt on it, like a giant buckle. And yeah, it was a great time. I would love to go back as a doll. I really want to go to Japan. My brother and his wife. I heard Japan is sick.

I will say really good before we pivot. I feel like Spain is actually like very slept on. Everyone thinks of like European countries that like contribute to the world. Everyone's like, oh, like Italian food and like Italy and oh, like France is the Eiffel, and they have like all the art and whatnot. And it's like Spain like Pablo Picasso was Spanish. Like I feel like there's just so much that comes out of Spain.

Dali. Dali was Spanish. Like in the world of just like not so much food I'd say, but like art and culture and whatnot that like affect the world and everyone's like forgets about them. Also, for Spain. Okay. I get what you're saying.

But on the grand scheme, they're fucking losers and they're nothing. And we're back. Morning gun. I would say this. That was a weird departure. They do a little bit. But if you were to like make a pie chart of who contributes the most to culture, I would say they're pretty well. Who's higher?

I think, first off, UK with rock and roll and so much has contributed a lot to culture. Because of colonialism. I can't even. Everyone speaks Spanish. Yeah. Yeah, dude, the Philippines. You ever heard of South America? You know Josh DeLeon, the Filipino from Flushing, who has a Spanish last name?

Yeah. I would say England, Italy, and France have contributed more. more to culture than Spain. But, like, I agree with what you're saying in sense that, like, you can't, like, it is a, everybody's like, it should be more of a destination, because they do have tons of culture and lots of great things they contribute. Travel to Spain if you can. Yeah, yes, if you can.

But just make sure it's on the bottom of the list once you go to the other cool place. No, I'm kidding. It's a blast. I mean, it's a blast. I mean, they have other stuff, too. I can't even think of it. The cool thing about Spain is like, you could think of it. Also, if you, have you been to the Met?

Yeah. Yes. You know the, like, Egyptian. temple that's in the Met. Yeah, it's sick. So it's, the counterpart of it is in Madrid. Yeah.

You know that that was funded by opium or opiate addiction money? Yeah. You know, you look over things. Sackler family. Oh, really? That was paid for on the death of like Tennessee

opiate edits. Well, I'll go look at it on opiates. Maybe it'll change my perspective on it. It's like you gotta listen to music. The high red lift will start moving. But I think Spain is very, like I went to I went to Barcelona for like a week and then I came back to the States

and then I moved to Madrid that fall pretty much and I'd never been to Madrid and it was very like a very big counter culture shock and everything but it was sick because it's just like

it's not terribly expensive for a European country yeah you have very good weather from Madrid you go on the high speed train you're two hours to the Mediterranean you're two hours to the Atlantic

you're two hours to the other part of the Atlantic like you're an hour flight from because there's the top of the cool this part of the Atlantic fucking sucks I want to go to the other one it's a peninsula I can't yeah you're also like you're an hour flight from Lisbon you're also if you go to Sevia

you're a couple hours drive from Lagos Portugal which is some of the best surfing in the world yeah like you're like you get Italy you get right you get Mediterranean food you get like good fish good seafood in the north of the Atlantic you also get good Moroccan and like

north and African food because it's so close to Africa, like a lot of the people that come over there are from there because like the straight of Gibraltar is, I think, like, 15 miles. Yeah, yeah. It's not that far. You know, so it's like, you have the, and you also like have the French influence in the north. You have the Portuguese influence in the West. Like, you have such a crazy mix of culture there. And like, it's also, it's a relatively new country, if you think about it, because up until the 70s, it was a dictatorship. Right. So their constitution is only like 40 years old, 50 years old. Spain is another reason.

Another reason they get slept on is everyone thinks like Hitler, Germany, Mussolini, Italy, and they forget, is it Franco? Yeah. Yeah, Franco in Spain, he was terrible. And it's like, they keep getting stiffed on, like, all their history. He's the reason. It is kind of funny, though. I will say this.

I do agree with you. It's got amazing food, great culture. But it is kind of funny that you're like, Spain is so great because. Because it's everything else. Because you get the French food over here. Like, Spain fucking sucks, but it's just in the middle of all this. You can go, if you go to. the south you get like the beach culture in the

Mediterranean if you go to the north of the mountains you can go surfing you go swimming or skiing as you do in the mountains. Also Franco one ball. One testicle? You only had one. That's why he did his, didn't think Hitler had one ball too? It's a weird trend.

So you guys wanted to wonder where I stand on all that stuff. I got two balls. I got two balls. So I'm twice his anti-Semitic civil. But it's also, that's the reason because Portugal and the U.S. and Ireland are all in the same time zone, but Spain is in the wrong time zone

because they were trying to coordinate military efforts with Germany during the Second World War. They didn't do much, but like they maintained that time zone. So it's in the wrong place. Like it should be five hours instead of six hours, but it's six hours. Yeah. And they just never fixed it.

Yeah, I got to go back because like I said, I did lots of shit when I was like a fucking, I went to Europe when I was like fucking 12. And I remember literally being like, this is so gay. had McDonald's. And I'm like, yeah, that's like you don't.

I love my parents, the great people, but like you, you bring a kid to Disney World. Like you bring an adult Europe. Like I really, it was an adult. It's also,

that's where I started stand-up was in Madrid and then Barcelona. See, this is one of my big fears too. I was so worried that like I couldn't do stand-up in foreign countries. I realized there's so many English people.

There's so many English people. And I've heard they pay really well. And I heard, so when I started like, it was all, all the mics are like pre-booked. There's really not any like show up, go-up type things,

at least in Barcelona when I was there. And they all, I never performed to less than 15 people in an audience. Because they saw it as like a regular show because like in Europe they treat the arts like an actual sustainable thing. Whereas like here it's like actually what if I never gave you any money ever? Oh, I was at a comedy club one time and the booker told me he goes, do you think people would like pay to get on stage here? Yeah. And I was like, yeah, but you get really bad comedians. He's like, I don't know, man.

Might be a good idea. And I'm like, you're a piece of shit. But that's so I didn't know that stand-up didn't have audiences sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Because I wasn't saying that about open mic. I understand the purpose of an open mic you paying for that. Right. You know, like a show show.

The whole point is like, no, you should, these are a level of performers that shouldn't. Right, but I was doing open mics to like 50 people. Yeah, yeah. And then I came back to Buffalo and I went to an open mic and I was like, hey, when, usually like, when does the audience show up? And they're like, they're here. That's it. Yeah, yeah. It's that guy.

Yeah. But it's like, it's a very welcoming community. community because also like you're doing it I'm doing it in my language would you do it did you do it I was gonna ask you did in English or in Spanish I did in English because I wasn't very confident I spoke Spanish a lot like at my internship and like my masters and everything was all in Spanish so like I do speak it well I just wasn't very confident and like telling jokes in it's really hard I was also like so good at a language to be funny in it like I was also not confident in like English stand up at that point I've been doing it for like three months so it's like I'm not going to throw another language into the mix I feel like I try to accent too hard I'd be like it's Oh, like I would turn into like some weird hacky Spanish comic they would be like

this is cartoonishly racist towards our people. Yeah. But like in, in Barcelona right now I know there's, there's comedy in English, Spanish,

Catalan, Russian, Italian and French. Like every day of the week. Tell you this, some of the least, there isn't that much. Some of the worst sense of here.

Russians have the worst sense of humor. I don't like stereotype because I don't think it's really true. I think everything is like every group of people is different. You know, you might have, I believe in archetypes.

So, like, there might be the Russian guy who's bald and scary. Yeah. But I don't believe in stereotypes, really to the degree of, like, these people are like this or anything like that. But as far as, like, audiences that I've had to have been foreign, Russians have been just the hardest people to make laugh. I also at your mind, at your old Mike at the watering hole, RIP. I know. Do you remember that the Russian guy? Yes.

Sidrov. He was so funny. He was so funny. He did it in English. and I talked... He was like a big Russian stand like the clips he posts? I talked to him.

I think I know who you're talking about. Sidra Valentin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked him up because I met him after and like we chatted briefly and then I was like, I got his Instagram and he like is a touring theater comedian in Russia.

Like he had like, yeah, like huge clips in Russia. He had like 400,000 followers. Well, that is the interesting thing is they as a people can be very funny. But like as far as what they think is funny, it seems like it's very different. It seems like it's been harder to make them crack.

And I said like you should, start with it fresh late always. I shouldn't be like Russian audience. Looks like I got to act differently. But I think it is like I have noticed culturally, I'm like, oh, this is a harder. But that's what they say about like Germans as well. Like it's just there, whatever they think. But that's also like in Spain, a lot of a good chunk of the Spanish humor is just making fun of other parts of Spain. Right. So like the Barcelona is, like, the Barcelonaians are making fun because European nations all like hate other parts of the same European nation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's so much of just the vibe over.

there. I would like to get my Spanish up to a point where I could try sets in Spanish. Because it's like Des, what's it, Desbishop? Despacito. Despacito. I love him. I saw him at the cellar last year. David, I think David Nihil, the Irish guy, back in the

day, they were sent from Ireland to Beijing to learn Mandarin and they both did an hour in Mandarin at the end of the year. And it was like for Irish TV. But they both still speak. But they both still speak Mandarin like fluently because they learned it for so long.

And like Despost clips like speaking in Mandarin the audience is and shit all the time. It's sick. That's fucking awesome. And it's like I want that ability but in a way easier language. Yeah. Mandarin is tough. That's crazy. I hate to wrap it up because I'm having a great time. I just got to run 10 miles.

I got to go. I got to go be a fucking athlete. I got to run 10 miles. Brother, I'm going to go eat. Don't talk to me that way. I just want to submit. Where could they find you guys online? Just Google me. Max K-Zar K, season K, season K, season, Zbro, OR.com. Yeah, look up Colossus from the X-Men.com. Foreslash Max Kayser.

And Josh Dietrich, Josh Dietrich comedy on Instagram. And if you want to find me in person, I live with Michael. So it's actually good for him. We're at the train. We're near one. Yeah, we're by the train. Thank you.