Morning Good - A Professional Boyfriend - Episode 82

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

Big thanks to Matthew for coming on the show, check him out for more info about shows coming up in NYC or on the road.Find him on IG @matthew_arevalo and follow his shows @trainingdaycomedyshow and @bodegakidscomedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichael.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax .

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here. With Matt Arvalo. Yeah. Aravallo. Well, it's a revela. Well, okay, I pronounce it wrong, but it doesn't matter.

You pronounce your own last name wrong? I found out recently, yeah. It's pronounced Arevelo. How old are you? I'm 21. You just found out you been pronouncing your name wrong your whole life? I've been saying it Aravallo. I've been adding a little juzh to it.

That sounds better. Yeah, it sounds nice. Honestly, and it sounds like, you know, there's pizzazz. You know, Aravelo. It sounds like kind of falls off of the tongue. Aravallo. To be fair, I also, I pronounce my name wrong for the longest time. What?

Your name is... No, I know, I know. My name is actually pronounced goad. No, it's not. You're lying. No, because it's Swiss. So are they speak German? Yeah.

I'm like barely Swiss, but it's one of those where like the name carries over. Yeah. I think it was like a long line of like Irish, Irish Italian. And then like one Swiss dude came over and married. It's like the name. Yeah, exactly. Ruined whatever the name is going. And then, um, sorry, I'm just checking this now.

Yeah, we're good. Okay. Um, yeah. So then, yeah, so it's pronounced gold. Yeah, like gold. That's funny, dude. Yeah. But you were like, no, it's Michael good.

Michael Good is fucking That's a great name Yeah yeah Besides the other Michael good There's another Michael good I talk about I don't give a shit If I talk

I'm done caring dude I'm fired I've had such a fucking year I'm done What There's who's the other Michael good He's another comic He's from Austin

Are you serious? I go crazy over him So he probably spend No time in his brain at all He probably doesn't even think about him But every fucking day I go through his Instagram I'm like is he doing more shows

He's real? There's a real Yes Or I'm out of my fucking mind This is Okay he'll hold up higher on the mic, by the way? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna look it up. I'm gonna look it up. Michael good? He's better looking's got abs. No, he doesn't. Does he really? Oh, yeah, yeah. But he lives in Austin, so you're winning.

No, no, no, no. He lives in New York. He moved here. Oh, you're fuck. He's all Brooklyn. I'm all Manhattan. Okay, you're like, this is my territory. Oh, yeah, man.

That's a good looking guy. Yeah. I like how we're giving this guy clout on your five-cast. So we're like, to the other Michael good. Yeah. Yo, that's funny. I can't imagine a life like that. Oh, it's wild.

What happened is I was like, high as shit one time in college. I was like, I wonder if there's any other Michael Goods out there. I was like, oh, that's weird. He's holding a microphone. And I was like, oh, God damn it.

Is this guy you fucking stand up too? Oh, man. He does a show with, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing, he's crushing the indie scene. He's killing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because he's like, he's killing it, but it's also like, he's just doing a different thing. Yeah. So he's like, I feel like I'm... There's another Matt Aravalo.

You a comedy? No, well, no. But he's like a millionaire. He's like, he founded Luke crate. Where, like, yeah. So you've heard of Luke crate before? They sound like... No, I lied completely in your face.

Okay. So I'll tell you what it is. So it's basically people mail like little like toys and like t-shirts and shit about like things they love, like Mario and shit. And then they call it like Luke crate and they're like you can online order it to somebody's house. Oh shit. The guy who invented his name is Matt Aravalo.

Oh, it's a guy. fucking man. There's also, there's a Michael Good astronaut. All the Michael Goods are doing better. I'm unemployed.

They're all crushing and harder. Michael's not so good. Yeah, I'm just happy like it's not like a murder or like a rapist because it's like,

that's good that like and apparently the other Michael Good is funny. So it's good that he's getting like it would suck if he was just God off of comedy. It would be cool if you got booked off of his name.

You're like yeah, Michael good. I run a show with so. Exactly. That would be fucking fire. Yeah. Well, the good part is when I,

the flyers, it's, I'm, it looks like I'm on double the amount of shows because I get all his flyers. Oh, my good's on them. Oh, good's on them. That's smart. I'm not thinking like that.

I want to, you know what I want to get, cards to hand out to people? Little like business cards. Get a business card with a QR code on it so they can scan it. You know what? That's literally what I was thinking. I was like,

I'm going to get a QR code. I was like, what I'm going to waste my time with like, at my Instagram. Like, so let them poop right there. Yeah, because they're not going to, it's crazy. The little things that people won't put effort.

Bro, like they won't even type it out. Don't even type your name out. It's too much, you know? Maybe a little thing. You can even maybe get them to scan it in front of you. You got to get it. It's so quick. It's so easy.

You know what I'm saying? They do have these cards too. They're called, I got one of my phone. It doesn't work. It's called the dot. And what it does is you tap it against me's phone. And it pulls up your Instagram and stuff like that.

It's kind of like, but the problem is it sucks on my phone. So I end up just like rubbing my phone against somebody in that. It's like a weird sexual. You're like, all right, dude, together. You're sexually assaulting my phone. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just like, wait, put it both on the table. Mine's gonna go on top. You're like my phone exclusively goes on top. I'm sorry about that. My phone's a real man. So put it on top. But fucking, yeah, that thing sucks. Because I have one on my phone.

It's horrible. I was thinking about doing also getting a car, but also putting my VEMO on it. If you liked it, give me a couple extra bucks. Yeah, like supporting, you know what I'm saying? Because it's hard out here. It is. It is rough out here.

I'm worried about the Vennmo. Honestly, I haven't wanted to get a little. I was like maybe I should start barking too because you guys be making money bro If you guys work like on a Friday or Saturday It's not even no disrespect But it's almost sells themselves Just being like hey comedy show

Oh yeah like you know what I'm saying Like yeah always like the nights where I do feel bad though Like the Tuesdays Wednesdays Oh yeah dude it's like one a damn There's not even people on the street I'm like who are barking There's no one a year like and it's just like One dude like clearly on his way

It says construction job at 3 am like comedy show You gotta reluctantly ask people That clearly aren't gonna go Like there's certain demographics So like a guy in construction clothes Like a 70 year old Asian woman There's like zero percent chance That she's going to a comedy show

It's just not But you gotta make that for you gotta be like Hey, yeah There's a comedy show I there Yonis Poppice walked by one time And I was like hey comedy show man Oh yeah yeah I barked at Chris Rock before

I'm gonna fuck Schumer But what are you doing? Yeah No mine's intentional You're like maybe you got some time to kill Yeah That's my favorite

We'll have some comics They don't recognize and they're like, they have, one guy did it to me who clearly, I still don't know who he is. I don't think he was actually comic but he pulled out of where he's like,

he's like, do you not know who I am? I'm like, no, that's on you. That's not on fucking me. See, why does she have to make it like, though? I can't just be like, no, I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm okay? The shit is hard out here. You know what I've been doing for money

is I've been gambling. Oh, there you go. That's a better. We were talking about that before. I've been gambling and it's been losing me more money. Then you've been gaining it? No, it's cool. Cool, man. Do you gamble? What are your vices, man?

Food. It used to be booze. I still drink, but I just don't do it as often. Do you smoke weed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, every night, yeah. You smoke? Yeah. I would have brought a J. I didn't know that. Oh, I would, but like, if I do it this early in the day... Yeah, see, I was like, you know what, Michael Good is an adult. And every adult you talk to the second you go, you want to smoke?

They're like, ah, it's going to ruin my whole day if I do it. I'm wearing sweatpants. I don't know how much of adult night. No, but I mean, you're wearing like, like, still go to the school. supermarket sweatpants. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's true. You're wearing like, oh,

I just cleaned sweatpants, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have stades on it too, which is good for me. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So food and booze? Food, booze.

I'm trying to think of what I used to be. A lot of porn. A lot of porn. Really? Just hours. No, you're lying. Dude, yeah, yeah. I don't do as much now,

but it's weird because I'm prescribed to Adderall. And when you take Adderall, I don't think it is my, I take it like once a week now. Yeah. You get into whatever you're doing. So if you're watching porn.

If you're watching porn. Yeah. But it could be anything. Like if you start brushing your teeth on Adderall, you're going to brush your teeth. Favorite Pornstar? My girlfriend. I'm just kidding. Watch.

You see that? Ladies and gentlemen. That's a professional boyfriend right there. Professional boyfriend. My thing is I don't like, uh... You don't have favorites? Amateur girls are where it's... I like amateur, yeah, because I'm like...

It's good to be like, who is this... You know what I mean? It looks more real. Because some porters don't look like real people. You're like... I'll say you what, it is weird. Like, porn stars being like, damn. Like, I've seen this girl numerous times.

Even a dude, if I see a dude, like, this is like the third video I've seen with him. Yeah, yeah, it's weird. It's like, at this point, it's like I watch this guy fuck. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very weird, yeah. And it's also like, it's so funny with like, yeah, yeah, there's, it's always the same guy. I mean, they seem like they cycle out the same guy a lot. You know, but you know, there's a few dudes where you're like, I don't want to see this guy here. No, like Johnny Sins. Yeah.

He's like everything. Yeah. Or, uh, you know, whoever I've seen all the time? And I'm like, I feel weird about it. Is this, this, this, this is this Spanish dude. This is this new guy. He's, uh, El Caballo, I think they call him.

The horse or something shit. Oh, fuck yeah. That's a cool name. He's like this little Spanish dude. He's got a huge fucking dick. And they always, everything's like stepmother, stepmother, and it's just like, every time I go to click into a video and I'm always like, no, I don't want this guy.

I see this guy everywhere. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, this is weird. Same penis. It would be interesting if you could have like an app where you could find porn stars that look like you. So it feels more normal.

But I think I get too distracted. Well, you can do that though. But like you can do that. I've done the face swap app with porn. Yeah. I was like, but you could do that with your girl. Like you know your girl's body type and the way she looks like.

So you can tight in a way. It is more effort than you think, though. So I don't do, I only do P.O. Because if I do the other one, it's like I'm getting cocked. I'm like, why are you fucking that man? But it's like so hard because like it'll look like

them and then their face will turn and then it'll be like their eyes will look doubled and smeared and stuff. It's like a very like intricate process that you can only do if you're on Adderall because you're like you got to study the faces. You face swap the whole time. You face on your girl into multiple pornos. Yes. Now, I feel like she's now in China.

Not in China but you don't have me like the data is for sure like the Seifid. Yeah. That's a like a billboard. Oh, dude. That is so funny dog. Yeah, yeah. I love It's a great app. I get to know you. I'm going to use it now. It's called I'm a good boyfriend. That's what it is. You're like, I'm not. technically it's not cheating.

It's her face. I believe I'm sleeping with her still, even when I masturbate. Do I put it on blonde girl sometimes? Maybe. Okay, yeah. You're like maybe to try it out a few times. That'd be too confused.

I think that'd be too weird. I don't know. It's weird because like if the person's face is too thin, it's like a science. Like you literally have to like... What was the time we did this? Probably like three weeks ago? Yeah, this is recent.

Yeah, yeah. The problem is I doubt... I have to download the videos into my files because I don't want... And like on my phone. And so my files are so weird because they're like PDFs of my W-2s, like important documents,

and then these porn files, and then like bootlegged versions of Donda 2. Oh my God. That's just what my files are. This is crazy, dog. I've never heard anything like this. It's so funny because I was talking to somebody else about it. I was like, some guys like,

you know there's an app. I'm like, yeah, I know. There's it. You're like, the app, come on. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about that. You're like, blah, blah, bye.

They advertise. We should get them as a sponsor. Face Magic. Hey, face magic. Please sponsor us. If you want to be a good boyfriend. Use face magic. Or a bad boyfriend.

And swap out your girlfriend's friends' faces. No one's going to advertise negativity. So let's advertise. You want to be a good boyfriend. You want to put your girlfriend's face to another woman's body. It's technically not cheating. Especially if you're not touching any other person. Yeah, it's better than just watching regular, regular porn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got so used to watching porn to sound off. Now I just watch it sound off. Really? Even if I'm alone. See, I can't do that. Yeah, I've always had people around. So what do you mean?

Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. So I've always like, You said people around like you're doing it like at the beach and stuff. Yeah. I've always, I always have people around so I can't have them.

There's always people. So like, I can't listen to the point out of my dick is out. No, I just, you know, I live at home and then. Have you never heard of headphones?

Yeah. I was like at that point though, like that's uncomfortable. There's the wire. And then I got. There's AirPods. Yeah, but you got it.

I'm 21. AirPas are just... You're saying this like I was 10 when this came out. Yeah, it's a good point. You know, I was 13, 14. You don't have to use like a Bose speaker to blast you porn in your room.

I was in a fan of the... You know what it is? You put the headphones in, right? To look for porn. And then your ears have to hurt after like 20 minutes. Remember those old headphones? That is true.

That is true. And then I'm like, not even hard because my ears... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's painful, yeah. You had ear infections that way, too. What I used to do, fucking nasty. I used to wrap the cord around my balls

and pull at it I wonder why I got fired for my podcast. Dude, that's crazy. You really got fired for this podcast? Did you know what it could have been? What you think of was probably? They heard about me getting fired from other jobs because of the podcast. Because I had a clip of me like, it just got fired a job because my podcast.

Why did you get fired from the first job? Because my podcast. They just said my podcast. They didn't get me specific. I asked for specifics. You're like, give me a clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was clip. And I'm like, I don't see anything wrong with this. Yeah, yeah. You're like at what point? That's crazy, man. What are you doing?

What are you doing now? Dude, just coasting. I got unemployment, barking money. You guys make good money barking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also like, I think two more weeks

before I start begging my parents to borrow money. Yeah, no, of course. But now I'm just like, I could do like two more weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could probably do two more weeks, no problem. Well, my whole life is like,

I want to just keep pushing off having a real job until like, you know what I mean? It's like, that's why it's great. You start, when did you start comedy? I started when I was 15. See, that's fucking perfect. Is it? Yeah, yeah, well, because it's like you got five years under your belt before you were 20 and now you're 21.

It's cool. Oh, I think it's huge because like what happens is like I know so many people that have like a regular job and then they have to like, you know what I mean? It's like to transfer from that to comedy. It's so hard for me. It's like I lived it. I mean, I lived at home. I mean, I started when I was in college. My parents helped me.

I had jobs in college, but they still helped out. Yeah. So it's like I just, for me, it's like until I start making money with comedy, I have to just push off the time because every month I get better at stand up. Yeah. And that's a month going by of rent. Like, I'm thinking fucking week to week, honestly. I still need, I still, I mean, I don't make enough in comedy yet to be like paying rent. No, no, not even close.

But I'm saying, like, the more time goes on, so, like, the more you can like get, you know what I mean? So I'm like, all right, so I had a job. How long have you been doing comedy for? About five years. Okay, so you've been doing it for a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, word, okay. COVID was weird. Did you ever do the mics at Black Cat at the coffee shop?

Oh, Hans Kim. Oh, yeah. Dude, my man. There's fucking opening for Joe Rogan now. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, yeah. Good for him. Great for him.

Good for him. Dude, dude, talk about grabbing life by the balls, dude. So I would just, for the people don't know, Hans Kim is crushing now. When I met him, he was just doing open mics, not getting booked a lot, lived in his car. He was awful. Yeah, yeah.

When I met him, he was a terrible state of comedian. Wow, I'm not going to, I don't need to pretend now. He's making me. He doesn't give a shit about me. Yeah, he was terrible. lived in a van. Do I remember my favorite. There was a, there was an open.

him like a Black Cat that he was hosting and these kids came in just he's kind of like kids from like the hood. Yeah. And I see him go outside and the kids are like disrupting the mic or whatever. And then Hans just goes outside. He's probably like, you know, 28 or something like that. Just goes outside and smokes a blunt with like 10 year old kids, which is the funniest thing on the planet. And this just goes back inside.

He's like, those kids are cool. But it's just so funny because there are so many people that would have quit comedy. Yeah, exactly. And then you're like, oh, now he's opening in arenas for Joe Rogan. Dude, that's, but that's, I mean, that goes to show you. right? It's just like keep fucking every avenue keep pushing, keep seeing where you can get in

and what you can do. And you know, you have no idea for it. You know, it's just about audiences, right? You know, you have no idea, you know, the niche of people that you fit. You know, you just made it, you were like all the time like, the quarter of my, you know how many fuck, there could be 10,000 other dudes. Yeah, or literally, they're like, oh, my God, dude, I've done that. Yeah, exactly. You know what I'm saying? Like, so

fucking, the second you get the audience, it's over. Because it's like, now you got those 10,000 people. It's like the Riddler. You're killing it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not that many. That's crazy, man. Yeah, if you get people to storm the capital,

you could sell out theaters. Yeah, no fucking problem. You get them on board. I would love that, man. I would love to that. But I'm also like, I'm not freaked out by like, like, when I first moved here, I was like, oh, I'm not getting anything.

And then now I'm like, oh, okay, I'm kind of fine with the pace I'm going at. Like, it's slower than I expected. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far as, like, just career advances. But I'm like, dude, I'm having fun. I'm getting better. And also, I think when you get everything immediately,

you don't work as hard. Like it's, I mean, it's just saying it because I haven't gotten anything. I'm like, man, you know what I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing? But I feel like if I immediately got like fucking, I don't know,

passed at all the clubs and I got some late night set like four years in, then I would be like, all right, I don't have to write. I'm fucking awesome at comedy. I mean, it definitely, yeah, the lot of complacency 100%.

And there are a lot of people who, man, like at the end of the day, like a lot of people who do get success are like hacks and shit, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're good for, everybody and everything like that

you know so it's good that you put the time you end up getting your own voice and then yeah yeah Michael good not like the other Michael good but this Michael good yeah yeah fuck that Michael good I talk so much shit about unless he books you yeah that it's like book us Michael good I have like I had this like it's very funny because it's like part of me I'm just joking around completely

I'm like yeah fuck that guy but part of me literally has actually I want to be better than that Michael good 100%. He was the most motivating thing in my career dude like literally that's good though That says you've been hustling. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're funny, dog, though.

Five years. That's cool. What made you start? So I was like the... I was always, like, so bad at sports, but I wanted to make friends. So I'd goof around. I always be like the silly guy. Like, I was so bad at football.

Like, just fucking... Where are you from? Orlando, Florida. Oh, yeah, Florida, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which playing football, they were fucking sucked because you're in, like, pads. That's real life. Dude, it was like 95 degrees.

Yeah, man. Florida football was a real deal thing, man. Florida football, Texas football. And also people take high school sports so seriously in the South. Like it's a big, that's why it's funny that like all the people are very mad about the trans athletes down there because to them high school sports is like

the biggest thing. Yeah. So they're like, God damn it. They're like, really, they're like, what the fuck is going on here? Dude, I mean, fucking Florida's a weird place, man. Yeah, yeah. That's where fucking the freaky deekeys go. Yeah, yeah.

But I love it. People say that, but also New York's fucking wild. You know what? Listen, I'm not trying to bash. I see how that comes off. I'm not personally getting offended. Yeah, I'm not listening to. I'm not trying to bash on Florida or Orlando.

It's great. New York has its crazies too. But most of New York's crazies aren't even from here. You ask me, where you're from? They'll be like, I'm from fucking Virginia. They'll say they're from a different planet. Yeah, you're just like, oh, you're a psychopath. You got someone from Florida where they're from.

They're like, I'm from right, motherfucking here. Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, wow. I also embrace, like, that shit of it. Like, I'm very cool with, like, I'll never be offended. No, I'm actually a really classy guy. You know what I'm? I'm gonna fuck.

No, there's no need to. Florida's baller though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's, it's its own haven. You guys have a fucking Disney World. Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit is baller.

This shit is amazing. Now there's like some war going on with Disney and the governor. It's very funny. I'm not following it. Yeah, yeah, because like, there's something where like they talk shit about him. So now he's like talking shit about them.

And like, it's just something back and Florida. Yeah, yeah. Amazing, man. It's awesome. I mean, my, my, uh, growing up was going to the theme park. It was so much fucking fun. We used to do that all the time. You have season passes.

You have season passes. And like it was a great place. Your parents would drop you off for like 10 hours. You mean for real? Dude, we would just go around hitting on chicks. My favorite was like one day. In Disney World? Our Universal was a little better.

So Universal is like less family friendly. And I went to Universal one time. And dude, I remember it was me and like three of my best friends. We were like in eighth grade. And we met these girls that were like hammered and they were like 20. And it was so funny because like we were like, yeah, we're 15, but they were drunk. And they're like, if you keep by, if you keep, if you get us some alcohol, we'll hook up with you guys

because technically it's illegal for me to hook up with you but if I'm drunk, I'll excuse it and so we like stole these beers for these girls we were hanging out with them all day. Something ended up happening. I think they just used us to get beer but nothing happened? You didn't touch a to me? No, but then one of them, dude, one of them, it was funny because like I remember we're just walking around

the barc's, it's just cool to be like fucking 14 and you're hanging out with girls that are like... It's also cool that you're a universal. I'm not going to lie, dog. It's cool that you're a universal. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got jerked off there. Like, I had magical. Are you serious? Yes, yes. I'll get to that in a second. But the thing I like about Florida is like there's a lot of opportunities to hang out with like older girls when you're younger

because there's like you go to the beach or like a theme park, nobody knows what age you are. You know what I mean? You can just play it off. Yeah, yeah, I would lie by my age all the time. This is terrible. What's up? I said this is terrible. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Oh yeah. I multiple times. I would say I'm older than hook up with some girl. I'm like, you're a pedophile. I wouldn't say, but uh, but this girl, she like, uh, I remember we met these girls. and then they were like, we stole beers for them and we were just talking out

out of them like five hours and then I ended up making out some other random girl we just met on like the pier or whatever but it was weird because I was like oh I think the girls were probably using us for alcohol

but then like a month later the girl texted me and like saying she wanted to give me a blumpkin. What's a blumkin? You don't know how a blomkin is that somebody blows you while you take a shit?

Hey, it's people say it's like having eggs and a beer it's like two good things together I think it's disgusting. I would be, I guess, I was like, I guess I could see No, no, some things don't go well

Yeah, the smell Yeah, disgusting It's disgusting, I mean, it's for like people that are just like Like, listen, I'm not gonna deny it If somebody's like, I'm a very, I will do everything once I'm a part of the shit as well I'm getting blown and then starting to poop while I think it's like you wait until you're about to climax and then you do it

Try and poop Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah I love to I love telling somebody about this for the first time because it's, it's just like one of the most disgusting knowledges and then having to like explain to you what that is. It's so funny.

I mean, dude, that is, that is... You're like, I don't want to talk to you about Florida. I said, respect your culture. It's definitely a blumpkin. That's homoerotic. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's homoerotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. But I, I mean, for like, the story, I would do it. But anyways, The girl is that for the story I do Dude how would you like anything for stories somebody asked me to like fucking

I'll eat anything probably besides human honestly Yeah I feel like this dude yeah I just saw a movie that day about cannibalism What was it called fresh It's on Netflix it's good watch it Is it like a documentary? You wouldn't eat meat? No no no no no it's not like It wouldn't eat people meat

Meet? No I think it would get you sick right? I don't know I think it's like wasn't mount cow disease like cows were eating cow meat No is that what it was I don't think so. I have no idea. I don't think if humans eat, so you don't think humans already eat human meat?

You think there's some factories where it happens? I think there's got to be, I don't know. If you think about, I eat meat for three meals a day, there's probably a high chance that I'm in human.

I don't think there are factories that serve human meat. But you don't think there's like, like on Etsy's island, he wasn't like, fuck it. Oh, no, no, no. I thought you were saying I haven't eat human meat.

I thought you were saying I've probably have just by chance. No, no. No, yeah, there's zero percent of it. You haven't eaten it. But I'm saying, do you think that people be eating human meat like that? Yes, I think more than we think probably.

Yeah, you think it's like a lot? You think people, people hunt? You think that's real? Oh, like in the greatest game was like the book we read about that. The rich guy who like releases them. You think that's real? Yeah. Eastern Europe.

There's a lot of dark stuff going on in like Eastern Europe. Weird, right? Yeah, yeah. Like rich, like Chechen mob shit. Yes. Well, it's like, I mean, there's a movie hostile where like they take people and like, it's about like in Eastern Europe. They like take people.

and kidnap him and then people pay to torture them. That's 100% of thing. Like, if you go into Eastern Europe, there are absolutely places where people pay to torture other people. Dog, that happens here, though. We can't remember America, America, America. That definitely happens. Oh, 100%.

You just got to, we just don't have money like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if we had money, like, if I was like a billionaire, Will Smith smacked Chris Rock in front of everybody, hard. Yeah, that's just what he does in public. Badder than I. Exactly.

So imagine in private what you could get in the Army. Did you remember that guy? Yeah, wasn't? Yeah, he was had all this weird can stuff where it's like that was like his fetish but to be fair he's not that rich is he Will Smith rich I think he's rich I mean but I don't know if it's like billionaire status

I don't know how much he's a human meat cost if we want to order it right now see that's the thing you know what stops me too is like I would love to Google this yeah but you want you to get out of the fucking list well like yeah like is that a thing is there a list everyone says that the list red flag but it's like does that have it like does that there's a lot of people man I just Googled like how much

I feel like this is worse I feel like talking about it on camera is way worse than me at this point I'm not going to do it some professional we're in a podcast look at my phone

but I would love to Google how much human media my phone's taking the videos we can't do with mine I could not my mom was talking to me about that this morning she was like

if I were to go to jail how would you feel I was like why would you even joke like that yeah yeah yeah yeah I think drops

to fucking news on you well no because we're watching this show about it's about families they live and it's there 24 hours

right before they surrender themselves So they must have posted bail, but he had to go, obviously, to jail. So it's like recording a family through their last 24 hours. And she was like, what would you do in your last 24 hours? And I was like, I don't fucking know. I'm going to ball to the wall deal. I'm getting fucking coke.

I'm going crazy. Yeah? Just going with the worst hangover. Just like, that's what I'm saying. I might set it up where I go in feeling great. Like, I'm just like, I'm going to get a good night's rest. I think I would smuggle drugs in immediately. Just to assert dominance.

You're like, you're like, listen, guys, I have drugs. Yeah, please don't fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would take a condom. I mean, I'm prescribed a lot of control substances. So, like, prescribed Adderall, colanipin, both things you could sell in prison. Okay. So what I would do?

You can sell colanipin? What is colinopin? It's basically like Xanax. Okay. Yeah, I'm not borrowed out of the time. It's a very small amount. If I have, like, a panic. I have it on deck.

Just a case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because I go to prison. And I need to sell it for a lot of money. Just a case. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I think I was, I was, I don't know about swallow or keester it or something to fucking, like, get it in the door. Because, like, I think if you put Coke in there, the drug dogs are going to sniff it.

But I don't think drug dogs are going to sniff like very... Bro, they talk all this shit about drug dogs. I don't think it's as effective as they say. Yeah. I think if you put it up your asshole, you're fine. Yeah, yeah. Unless it's weed. I'll tell you what, I can smell weed.

What's even though? You know what I always discuss is how do people sneak drugs like weed from place to Blake? If I want to go to Mexico. I know people bring it to the airport all the time. Yeah. They don't give a fuck. They just like, I leave it right in my suitcase.

I take it over it and I just, no problem. Yeah, I don't know a single person who is. We get searched, though. That, I can imagine being in, like, Mexico. Well, I think weeds smell strong and so does cocaine. So I'm like, it makes sense that those things are easy to find. Yeah, you like to smell of cocaine? Uh, yeah, yeah.

I used to do a lot of cocaine. Not anymore. You just do blow? All the time. I've never tried it before, man. Not all the time, but, like, on weekends. I think it's overrated. You just get, like, like, it's, everybody thinks it's going to be the party, but it's not.

Because what happens is you do coke and then you, you do coke and then you, you, You spend the whole night looking for more coke, and you don't even have fun because you're just like... So, like, here. And you can't even fuck on Coke because your dick doesn't work. So it's like, the least... Is that true? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, some people can, but it's like not a... It's not... Because people do... Because people do... Yeah, I think it's a lot in the movies. Because it's like... You know, it's a movie thing? Yeah.

I like, that sounds like a bit, dog. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, it really is, though. You're like, why? What's up of all this Coke during sex stuff? I've never... It doesn't, it doesn't fucking work. Yeah.

Like honestly, because it's a vaso-restrictor, so restrict your blood vessels. Oh, yeah. So obviously it's, you know, you got to get your dick. Yeah, yeah. I mean, unless you, like, do it with Viagra. I heard gay dudes used to take Viagra, not just to have gay sex, but apparently you take Viagra, and it's safer for you to do coke or something. Because, like, Viagra opens your veins. What the fuck?

That's crazy, man. Yeah. Also, I knew some guy who gets allergic to alcohol, and he would do coke, and he'd be fine. He's like Asian, because you know Asian people, so they have this enzyme where they turn red if they drink. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that. East Asian people, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait, which one's East and which one's the best? East, like China, Japan. North, East, Southwest. So I guess China, Japan will be east. Yeah, yeah, it's like not Indian, Asian. Yeah, yeah. Asian's such a tough term because, like, Russian people are Asian, but they're not. Technically.

Yeah. I mean to... What? I would never look at a Russian person to be like, you're Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't think a Russian person would ever be like, I'm Asian. Yeah, but then an Indian person's Asian,

but they're ethnically completely different. Well, they would be Southeast. Right. Or South what? Southeast? They're Southeast. Southeast, okay. Right?

Yeah. I guess the whole point is my buddy is to get drunk. I'm the wrong type of brown. Yeah, I'm Southern Brown. So I'm... Okay, so somebody talked about this on a couple of episodes ago. Would you say you're brown? I'm brown.

Yeah, right? That makes sense. I was saying brown is a, it's a complicated term because Indian and Middle East people say I'm brown and then so would Hispanic people. Yeah, we're brown. Yeah, right? Some of Hispanic people are black, though. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah. Are Dominicans from Africa? Derek Gonzalez. Bro, Derek Gonzalez, Panamania, right? Was supposed to be on this podcast with us? Or Venezuelan, I think. Or Panamanian?

Either way. Dark. He is dark, man. And the other day, we were on the street and somebody literally was like, stay black, bro. And he started cracking up. I was like, bro, you're more,

you're closer to me. Derek Gonzalez, yeah, yeah. Well, I thought he's, so he has no African ancestry? No, I mean, he might. He's down the line. Well, he might because, like, the slave trade and shit in, like, Central America. Yeah.

Like, those, like, Columbia, shit like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, did happen and everything like that. So who knows about African descent or whatever, but... Yeah. But as far as he's concerned, he's from... Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, he says he's Afro-Latina. Yeah, you can say that. So I think that means in some ways from Africa. Yeah, there's African lineage in there. Yeah, yeah. People from the DR have problems with that. They suffer with... You're asking me.

They'll be like, I know black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then there are some people that are like, I'm definitely black, but they are from the D.R. I mean, they say I'm D.R. Well, it's weird, man. Like, my girl, she's like, has like, I'm like, I don't, like, you definitely have black lineage.

Like, you don't look Latino. Well, like, Leo is like, like, he looks black. Yeah, like, Leo just is hood. Yeah. I was like, Leo just, I don't know. Leo might have white lineage and still be. That's why he'd be walking around like white power. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, exactly. Exactly. Because he was crazy, man. He's a psychopan. Oh, he's fucking hilarious. You're killing it, man. I fucking, what was I talking about? Getting Blumpke.

Oh, yeah. So anyways. Yeah, the Blunkin. Dude, I don't even mind. We've been so intrigued that we haven't even got past the Blumpkin thing. But she texted me that and I'm like,

well, in my mind, I was like, she was just joking with us to get alcohol, but I was like, if she would have texted me that, I would never text an underage person, I would give you a Blumkin. Yeah, exactly. It's like a weird situation. Yeah, so maybe she, in my mind,

I'm like, she wanted to fuck a man. I hate texting. I hate, it almost feels like I'm incriminating myself. Like, whenever I text, I'm like, call me. You want to talk sexy? Oh, I'm the opposite. I used to always text message. I don't like text because I feel like I'm like,

where you get there's some picture? Like, I'm out here talking about kissing you and shit. Like, I don't want to. Yeah, well, I used to be really good. Some girl taught me how to do it. So I was like, I was in seventh grade. This girl was in eighth grade, this Asian girl. I was about to say her name.

I'm not going to say her name. It's really relevant to say it. Do you want to say what part of Asia? Is you like, East. East Asia. That's right, brother. But she would text me the craziest shit.

She'd be like, I'll fucking suck your dick till you shoot a load down my throat. And what I would do is I delete all my text messages besides those. So when people open my phone, I was like, pretty cool, right? Like how it's,

but then my parents saw it and they made me fucking read it out loud. It was the worst punishment. They made you read it out loud. Yeah, I was like, I'll blow you and have your cock and ball. But she taught me how to do it because I'd like mimic what she said.

I was like, okay, I'll reverse this. And then I got like, I was good at sexting like in middle school, which is like a good skill to have. I mean, I don't know. I've never, I've only sent one dick pick one time.

Really? Mistake. Why was it a mistake? It's just the second I sent that I was like I shouldn't have sent this. Oh man, I, I sent so many. The internet is just full of me. See, I don't want my penis out there like that. See, I grew up watching jackass as a kid, so I was like in one way or another, everybody's going to see my dick and balls.

That is a fair thing. I love how we grew up so different. But you grew up in Long Island, right? Yeah, exactly. So my cock and balls were kept private. The kids didn't want to see my cock and. A lot of white kids. Well, it's also a white thing.

In the white community, it's like, it's like the either fake gay or like mooning or like all that shit is just like the funniest thing. Like it's... No, I mean, we used to do like mail boxing. What's mailboxing? It's like a kid stands behind a kid and you push them. Oh, yeah, we call it table topping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That shit, we should do that more. Yeah, as adults, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that is still the funniest thing on the planet. I think, too, that's like Chris, like Kim, Yeah. Dude, stop, man. No, but that's the thing as an adult.

You get a push. You might fight somebody. You'd be like, the fuck. You're like, why don't you push me? Because you have to kind of push somebody a little hard sometimes, you know? Dude, you get fucked. There's always some kid that got, like, injured too hard.

Bro, my boy, one time we were all playing football, they fucking pants them. And he got his underwear, too, so his dick was out. And they pushed them as hard as they cook. That's so good. She was literally, like, four feet in the air. Like, dick out. It was crazy. dude, he fucking felt right in his back.

Dude, pantsing because everybody used to wear, like, at least when I was to get everybody wear gym shorts, like walking around. Which is light. You just, whoop, dude. No problem. You get pants, dude, the amount of people that got pants and boxers, and it was just the funniest thing in the world.

It was like, everybody saw your dick. It was literally the greatest prank of all time because it was like, and you can't say it's not funny because it is funny, dude. It's like you just. I'm just picturing. I'm picturing it, man. Imagine bringing that in the real world Your boss just gets pants

In a fucking meeting Ah, we all saw Daryl's cock Oh dude, I don't People, adults are the worst man I mean Yeah, yeah We just gotta take it easy Just take shit lighter, you know

Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah What? You're yawning through all that I don't know You gotta do some more of these No, I, I, you're not gonna get me He's doing the fucking

Circle thing You know what I mean? No, you know, you know No, I'm not following For this shit, bro I'm gonna look at the other fucking I'm gonna podcast guys while looking at the fucking wall.

I mean, for real, though, like, those, you know, people who are trying to take themselves a little too seriously of the worst because you're just like, come on, bro, you don't want to see my dick? Yeah, it's funny. It's also like the, uh, I don't know, I want to bring back pranks big dime. Like, it's, it's in it. Pranks are weird because you don't know, like, you're like, all right, how does this, how does this person, what is the right way to prank someone, right?

It's hard because, like, especially if prank shows borderline harassment. That's, you know what I'm saying. It's just got to be people you know. When you, when you, like, how does. throw something on somebody or something like that. I'm like, bro, you're, that's not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucked up.

When you, like, embarrass somebody, I'm like, that's not cool either. But when you do shit like... But if you know the person's completely different... But I think certain shit is funny. Like, I think embarrassment to a degree. Like, don't embarrass them, you know what I'm saying? But, like, if you put them in an embarrassing situation... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But it is a thin line because you're like in... Like, Borat, dude, half that movie... it's like illegal. Like he runs streaking through like Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that is illegal.

That is exposing yourself to strangers. Yeah. No, no, okay. So like, you know what I love? Like when Eric Andre, he made out with the cop. Obviously that one. It's so funny. On the Eric Andre's show, he like,

he's like, runs into like a donut shop or something. He's like, he's like, hide me, hide me. And then a cop comes in. He's like, where is he? Where is he got it? He's like, I got you. And he turns around. He starts me and out with him.

That's so funny. Which I think is like, so, to see everyone else's face. Just be like. Oh my God Like Jesus Christ That that shit to me is hilarious Man The only part though is when people

Don't I bet you they had to do that a couple times To get a good reaction Yeah right In New York it's like you see people You see people are like Yeah That is true Sometimes in New York people just don't give a fuck man

Yeah They don't care anymore man Like I was on the train the other day And his homeless suit came in And he was like He was trying to like fight people Basically You know how they are

Just like Fuck you Fuck you And then everybody I was like man and don't even give this guy even a second of attention. And he is screaming hard. He is screaming hard at these people.

That might be why they go so fucking crazy, though. Yeah, you have to up it. Trying to talk to people and say shit and people are just like, nope, you know what I mean? Yeah, I can't imagine having psychosis, like just being out of my mind, having a drug problem. And then everybody acting like they didn't know you. That was a prank we pulled on one of my friends on the football team. We're like, yo, we're just going to pretend we don't know who he is for the whole day. And we had the coach just like, hey, how's it going?

Are you new here? That's great prank Fucking hilarious thing Erased his name off of board Like we took his like locker Like because you got your name tag in the locker Like took it off hit it And he's just like

There's all day we're like Hey how's it we have the teachers in on it and shit That's a good fucking prank That's a great prank Let's bring somebody Who should we prank Who do you think we'd get prank well Who do you think could take a prank well

You need somebody that will Overreact but not in a like violent way Like you need them to be like What the fuck would be like Okay Somebody like I'm trying to think of who would be good Nick Taylor could be funny

Nick Taylor I would love to break Nick Taylor Nathan Orden would get mad and punch somebody I don't even know that guy like that That guy He is that joke about him Looking like the nightstocker is not wrong Oh yeah

Is he a joke is act about it? Yeah yeah Yeah Yeah someone said a little like the night soccer And I was like boy do you One time he was sitting at the I was doing a show at the cover And he just came to watch

And he was sitting like on the side And I was like why it feels like nose ferratu is watching me right now I was like why is this terrifying I was like dog chill it's so like he's got an intensity dude you know what I'm saying yeah he'd get he'd get mad

I'm trying to think of who else would be good um I think I would be good like I would love to prank you you're a cool dude but that's the thing you're too cool of a dude yeah yeah there's also a balance

because you don't want somebody who's just gonna be like oh this was fun guy you know what's like what the fuck okay fine yeah you want someone to be like 50 50 on it. Who someone, I want to do it to somebody

at the pair. Let's prank somebody hard. And then we'll post this after we prank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what's a good prank anymore, though. I feel like Oh, you know what? I've always wanted to do a comic. What? Have all of his friends after he bombs? This is dark, but funny. Have all of his friends after he bombs be like really seriously

disappointed in him? Like, you know, you bomb? That's not funny. Just be like, he's like, oh man, guess that's the best audience and just be like. That's not funny. That's mean. It's so mean. That will literally ruin somebody. I mean, I guess I feel like we break each other every day

because whenever we're at shows and someone's bombing, we laugh hard. Oh, yeah. Imagine, imagine I would never actually do it, but how funny it'd be to have everybody in on it. And like, you get off stage, you're like, guess that wasn't my audience and be like, you really fucked up, man.

Like, just you really is. Bro, when someone, no, hold on. When someone gives me the whole, I guess it was in my audience, I love it because I'm always like, how are you going to blame the audience? Oh, yeah. Dude, I love

When comics bomb, I do not hold back at all. I do not pretend. I'm not like, hey, you'll get him next time. I'm like, you should have had them this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm not going to lie. There's the occasional one. If, like, every comic in the line of bombs,

then you're like, all right. That's different. Yeah, yeah. If everyone bombs, you're like, that's fair. But when you're, when you, when everyone's doing a height and then your boy bomb, yeah. Dude, I had that recently, man. They were all fucking doing great, and then I just fucking bombed.

But, I mean, I've learned more tech. The two mistakes are speeding up, and then being, louder. Because like I've had that where like I start bombing and I'm like, oh, now I'm going to talk loud about people fucking cows and they're like, they're not going to get more comfortable with it. I find any time I'm bombing, it's because

it's just not interested in what I'm talking about. So, because like I don't say anything too controversial where it will turn them off from me as like a person. You get to try to say like, I don't say anything where they're like, oh, I don't like this guy's opinions. So I find that if I'm saying stuff and they're just

not vibing with me, it's because they're just not they're like, we're just not as interested in what you're you're saying, you know. I think there are two devs of bomb because there's that kind of bomb and then there's the I'm uncomfortable bomb, which I get more. I get more. But that bomb, depending on, say, you're a good comic and I know you're a cool dude. So there's no like I, like, if that happens for you, it's because the audience might be a little funky or maybe something came out wrong.

There's some comics who will live in that where like they'll say something super fucked up and then just keep pressing. And I'm like, I understand like not giving up for the bit, but like at a certain point, it's like dog. It is like just not Maybe it's just not a cool opinion You know what I'm trying to say? Like at what point? Right. Right.

This is like where it's like But if it works 70 or 80% of the time Yeah, you can make the argument exactly. Dude, because I've seen some audiences, honestly, I think they're more, they're more what's it called than you think. They're more, they're a mob.

So like if you, if you... Dude, I agree 100%. If you get them because I've seen fucking like... I had a comic. I had a professional, I don't want to say his name. But I was doing a show one time. I was hosting at the first three comments.

comics is fine. Then I go to bring up on this next comic and like half the audience gets up for the bathroom. So I'm like, okay. And everyone starts talking. I mean, like, I don't even say they're just talking. I'm like, okay, so everyone wants a break. Like a five second break. So I'm like, obviously I'll do crowdwork a little bit.

Doing crowd work. Trying to just rally them in. They're not really listening. So then I started to do like, like, chant shit. Like mob shit. Like I'm like, okay. On three, ask your tits. One, two, three.

and everyone yells at once. I'm like, all right, on three, we're all going to yell penis. One, two, three. Penis. And then eventually everyone was on board, my mentality. Yeah. The guy, comic goes upset, he didn't like that because he was like, now you got them all thinking it's okay to talk and chant.

And I'm like, they were talking. Yeah, already. What are you talking about? Like, now they're all on the same plane. Also, like, my thing is, I don't give a fuck. Like, literally, I'm not responsible for what anybody, it doesn't like, whatever. If I'm a host, I'm like, Fine.

I understand if I bomb right before I bring you up or if I make someone uncomfortable. But do not get mad at me for getting them hyped up right before I bring you. Why? Because you can't handle the hypeness. Like that makes, I hate comics like that. And also, if you're a good enough comic,

you should be able to fucking deal with you. That's what I'm saying. I've had so many professional Congress who's like, bring me up. Just don't, not a lot of energy. Just bring me up because they, they want to like curate it the whole time.

But it's like, dog, if you can't fucking ride the flow and the wave, you know what I'm trying to say? What are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, that's what I feel. It's also so funny to be, like, you ruined it for me.

That's what I mean. You had a lot of comics forget. A lot of comics forget. I feel like that. Like, a lot of openers are only openers because they're not killers. Yeah, yeah. They're open because that headliner. I say this is somebody who's never open for anybody.

But yeah. No, but I'm saying it's like that opener, like that headliner don't, doesn't want to work at that hard. They don't want to follow somebody or they're like, what the, what am I going to say now? They want to follow somebody like, good. They did their thing. Perfect. Not let me come in.

You know what I'm saying? Well, I do will purposely I've heard book shitty openers That's what I'm saying A lot of these openings And all these comics Man these fucking comics

And there's such Hot shit for opening And this and now I'm like bro you should be like Lowkey a little like offended You should be like damn bro Like you don't You're not

A little worried about me Fucking going before you Like you're a smidgin bro Like you know Like that's what I'm saying There's some comics I put fear into other comics Heart so it's like

Fuck dude Like I really got to follow this comic Oh 100% I fuck yeah I'll give you this Julio Diaz is a great Yeah he's great Every time he goes

up, you're like, I have to follow that with energy. I have to follow and I have to do good because he doesn't give me a choice. You know what I'm trying to say? He leaves me no other opportunity. 100%, yeah. Which is like, way better. I hate having to follow comics who are mid because I'm just like, ugh, I'm like, what did you do for the last eight, ten minutes? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. You just wasted everyone's fucking time. Oh, 100%. And the, in the mob thing, it's like, you can figure out a way to do it because my favorite was Allen. Yeah, you need Alan Fitzgerald?

No, no, no, no. What? Dude, he's hilarious. So he's this fat. You know, have you ever seen, um, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer? Yeah. You know, like the prospector guy with the orange face? Yes.

Yeah, he looks just like that. He talks like this, Alan Fitzgerald. And he had, you know, he says he's really fucked up things, but he's got kind of,

you know, just every guy kind of voice. Yeah, yeah, okay. And he had some joke about fucking his cousin. Obviously he doesn't fuck his cousin. And some woman's like, that's wrong. And obviously,

he goes, yeah, might be wrong. He's like, you're going to tell me love is wrong. He goes, it's not wrong. He's like, that kid and I love our son. Yeah, sure, he's

not going to be a scientist, but I love him and just, and it's like, what's people like... But what, exactly, it's just like you're committing. See, that's different because that's a, that's a, it's, not, I don't want to say a character, but that's a, it's a, it's a commitment to your beliefs. You know what I'm trying to say. Oh, to the joke. 100%. You know he doesn't fuck his cousin. Yeah, of course. You know his, you know he doesn't have a son with his cousin. So that, like, the audience

has that ability to be like, obviously this isn't true. Right. It's almost, he's joking. And you're almost dumber. That's the funny part because it's like, You're almost dumber for saying that's wrong because it's like, are you fucking stupid? Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's the funniest thing. It's like, people are like, oh,

what you're saying is disturbing. But it's like, no, you're, yeah, you're the wrong because I'm saying something crazy. Obviously. That's the point. Exactly. Obviously.

Yeah. That's hilarious. He's like, my son might not be. He's like, yeah, he's not going to be a scientist, but I love that kid. It's not wrong.

It's just so funny. That's funny. The other day I was watching Mike Britt and he was on stage and he was like, oh, it's getting so hot up in here. I feel like a witness I thought it's the funniest shit I've ever heard man Some of these comics man are fucking Oh my God

It's so amazing to watch Yeah yeah You're just like Holy Snikes man Like everything they do you're like That's killer man I think you're really funny man I think

Fuck I gotta say Jared Walters is man Funny Oh he's great yeah Fucking Um Chris came back I always every time Oh he's the best joker

I can never get on the pot It's so funny though Because he's like I don't want to get on your podcast I don't want to say the wrong thing I'm like Your act is He said it was fucked up shit in your act.

I love his act, dude. Every time he goes up, I'm like, I can't always see how this audience. Oh, he's such a good joke writer. It's so amazing. It's amazing. Everything he says, I'm like, this is amazing.

Yeah, yeah, and he's constantly right. It was so funny. I remember we were on a show one time, and he's like, he told me he's like, he's like, the booker was like, how he booked somebody else. He goes, just cut everybody's time. I'm like, fuck you.

Because I was like, not actually bug you, but he's like, you don't realize that you have a thousand jokes in four minutes, but for us, It's like we can barely stay. That is true. Cutting everyone's time.

It's like, well, what the fuck, but to him, though, because he's such a good joke, right? Oh, he's like, I'll just get all these out.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, I'll just say him faster. You know, like, God damn it. That's funny. That's hilarious. He's great.

I fucking, I fucking, um, on a different note, dude, I'm fucking, I'm looking for fun. What's a free thing to do in New York? I'm looking for free shit to do.

Cause I don't have a job. Hmm. And I'm refusing. I love now. I like to go to the park. I go to the park. I'll smoke weed. I'm broke, too.

You talk to you. That's interesting. I feel like people talk to me. Like, I have a job and things like that. I don't do. You're from New York, so I assume you know more free stuff to do. No, I do. I do.

I do. Please let me. Allow me. If I can, I just go to the park, I smoke weed, which isn't free the weed, but, you know.

I have a bunch of extra weeds. That's what I think. Most people who smoke have it. Yeah. So I'll just go to the park and, like, smoke weed and just like people watch all day. Which park do you go to? I go to, like, Washington Square Park.

That's a good one. I go to, like, Union Square Park by the stand. I'll go to, uh, there's a park in the lower your side. I'll just hang out at a fucking vibe. Washington Square Park's still, it. It's got such different things going on. I was there one time I saw a Big Body Best. So that was cool.

Oh, shit. Bronson's cousin. So I was like, that's cool. I don't somebody sell Alibald one there. That's fucking dope. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, Washington Square Park is weird.

It almost feels like a portal. Dude, it's so, yeah, yeah, exactly. it's like, and there's so much like, I went there, like, on 420, it was crazy. It's like, I've gone two years in a row there. Oh, it's so cool. It's just so many people in, like, such a weird community of, like, there's like 10 different bands, just in different areas playing different music. That's so cool, man. There are the occasional, I love the people.

Some people just suck in music and somebody because they're still playing, but you're like, all right, I'll just go over here to somewhere else. The crazy is when we used to do mics there, man. That, that area is wild. Also, like, I never did the Washington Square. Oh, it's great, dude. You just get heckled by homeless people. Yeah. You got at.

I used to go to, it's funny. I would, I would go to, like, shows like Ishmael, Derek have a show all the way uptown in La Cron for a little bit of a park or at Training Day at the park. I would do like Matt. Or I was in Brooklyn. I know they had that, they had that show over there for a little bit at one of those parks. So I'll do like all those, like shows. Yeah.

But I never did the open mics at the park. So I was terrified of them. I was like, I don't want to deal with that, man. Like, I don't want a homeless dude to come up to me. It's crazy. I would see all the Instagram stories, man. A amount of times you guys would have, like, some person harassing you guys. Dude, someone who took a piss, like, four feet away from, like, the Comic On stage.

That's what I'm saying. Like, that shit is, like, crazy. Like, as a comedian, like, I would be like, what? Yeah, yeah. What is going on? I had one time this wasn't here, but this was in Florida. I was doing this open mic outside. You started in Florida?

Yeah. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. In Orlando? No, I started in Tallahassee. So I went to school. Tallahassee. Or a mix.

So I guess my first open mic was in Orlando. So I went to school in Tallahassee. I'm from Orlando. So I would go do... Whenever I was back home, I'd do mics and shows, and then when I was around to Talhazzi, do Mike. So I was kind of in both scenes a lot. Okay.

Yeah. Did you know Jared Waters at all? No, no, no. I didn't know him until I moved here. Okay. What about Paul? And then Paul, Khalil. Paul Jamulius?

No. Damn. All right. Yeah, I don't know. Have you met... Do you know anybody who's moved here since? Yeah. Well, me and Dan Carney went to college together.

Oh, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, we're in the same fraternity. I didn't know that. We would do open mics at this like, this place, it was one place called The Warehouse. And it was so hit or miss because it was like a four hour open mic.

Not four hours, but it was like, it was like three hours probably. I know it was four hours. It was from eight to like midnight. Long open mics, yeah. Yeah. And if you got up early,

it was fucking awesome, but it was a bucket. So it was like, but if you get up early, dude, you'd be in front of like 30 regular people. Oh, that's pretty dope. Yeah, but if you get up late,

you're performing for three people. Yeah, I like that. But yeah, it was interesting. Just, dive bar, stuff like that. Which, yeah, that was really interesting performing with musicians. What's the first place you performed when you got here?

The Lantern. And I was so excited, bro. I moved here and I just, like, weeks before, I visited here for, like, a summer because I took screenwriting classes at NYU. And then I visited here before I moved in account for college credit. So I, like, I would like,

dude, before I moved here, I planned, like, in advance. I was like, I'm going to hit, like, a million open mics a week. Like, I would hit, you know, I was when I was doing, like, 25 to 20 open mics every single week. Yeah. And one time my phone died and I literally just printed out maps for two weeks I lived here.

And it would print out maps the whole day. I had it out of stapled pages. And I'd be like, all right, this is the next map. All right. I'll go to this next one. Jesus Christ. Why your phone died? Or broke.

I said, I haven't we ever died. What? I said, why did you charge it? No, it broke. I was living in some like NYU dorm and I was just like going around the city like, okay, I'll fucking go here, do that. Go here, do that. Man, that was interesting. Yeah, it was a fucking event.

That's fucking with him, Creek was a thing, which was... They need something like that now. Creek, man. I never liked it, but now that it's gone, I'm like, I wish there was, like, another thing like that. That's true. Yeah, man. That's just the point. You're right.

Well, you could just go at, like, one o'clock and stay until 10. Yeah, and see everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that too. I didn't really talk about it. Hans was big there. Hans was fucking huge. Yeah. So was, uh, Jamie Wolf used to pull up to the creek all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that place was cool, man. Yeah, I used to get drunk there all the time when I was, like, visiting. I remember. Yeah, yeah.

Because they had, like, some crazy, every comedy club is like a beer shot roll, where it's like you get a shot in a beer. And then you end up just like, oh, okay, I guess I'll get two beers and two shots. The next thing you know, you're like, four drinks in. No, I remember. You guys used to always be, you know, I didn't say nothing to nobody, man. I was just a little, I was a kid, so I didn't want to say hello. I felt embarrassed.

I would go out. I was always last two in the bucket because I didn't know nobody. So, you know, they fucked her out of the crazy. Oh, 100%. They were like, no, dispressing. You know what I'm saying? So, it's so funny because when that place got, like, disappeared, it's so funny that there were people that I probably wouldn't have been friends with if that play.

Because I didn't go there a lot. Like, I'd say I would go there, but, like, I really didn't go there a lot. Like, I would go there pretty often. Just to start my day off. Because they had the earliest mics. I was like, there's no other mic going on right now. That's worth it at least. At least this one, comics will show up.

You'll get, like 10 and 15 comics, you know? Dude, it feels like it's a different world. Like, you're thinking about the creek now. It's like, yeah, right? to think about it. It's like a whole new, it's like a fun. It's so funny about shit before COVID. You're like, you're a fucking idiot.

You know how big of the deal the creek was before COVID? Yeah, yeah. Do you remember the night they had the audition? I did it, yeah, yeah. I did get it. They had what, like 300 comic show up that night? Just to audition for a club that.

Close the fuck down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, dude, I fucking, I remember I did it. And they were like, auditions ended 11. So at like 11, I took Nykel. I like taking medicine. if it's for bed early

because I don't like being groggy the next day So I was like okay I'll take my nightcule now And then head home They're like actually We'll go for another hours Then I went on And I was just like kind of nightquil

Out of the way It was the reason everyone was supposed to get Three minutes They cut everyone that's like A minute or something Yeah yeah It was something ridiculous I didn't do it

I pulled out that day To see what was up And I was like No I was like this is insane I was like They got all of you here like cattle I think this is crazy

Everyone in the box Yeah Yeah Just standing Just watching The next person go The next person And his bias, because it was all comics judging.

So it's like, if you were homies, exactly. If you were homies with the owners and everything in Creek, you got past. Who got past that night? I don't even remember anyone even getting past that night. Yeah, there was a couple guys that, like, I guess the owner just hadn't seen. But it's cool. I like, I like that they opened a place in Austin now. Apparently it's a great comedy club.

People film are special there. But that need, that's, that needed. That need, there's a place that needed it. You know what I'm trying to say? But it's like those comics are like Charlie Dawson. I didn't hang out with it all. Yeah. And now I'm friends, great friends that because the Creek disappeared.

Because of the creek disappeared. Yeah. Yeah, because it's gone. Exactly. If it was just there, I'd be like, I'm not going to fucking go there. I'm about to wrap up soon, though. Is there anything you want to promote? Fucking Polday Kids, Training Day, myself.

Yeah, it's promote yourself. Morning good. There we go. Yeah, that's about it, man. Fucking, there you go. All right, so we started to end it abruptly. Oh, I don't know. Fuck, dog.

All right.