Morning Good - African-American Pizza Party - Episode 220

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Jamell Sirleaf and Luca Ferro join the show for today's episode. They talk about the end of the comedy boom, how to vet Tinder dates, and Michael's most homophobic moment.Thanks to Jamell for coming back on the show and to Luca for joining for the first time. For more funny stuff from both of these guys check their links down below.Jamell Sirleaf is on Instagram @jamellsirleaf and co-runs Coming To America the first Friday of every month in Astoria, Queens. Luca is on Instagram @lucaferrocomedy and co-hosts the Nonna's Basement Podcast with Tom Feeback and Tyler Fowler. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. So we're here with Louva. Am I being Luca Ferraro? I just purposely restarted to say your name wrong again. All right.

We're Luca Farrow and Jebel Sirleaf. Hell yeah. Yeah, do you curse? Do you not curse? Great to be. I curse. I curse. I'll fucking curse.

Oh. But you didn't sound. It kind of felt like it pained you to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it sounded like an alcohol. You put me on the spot with it. Not a fucking. No, I think, I think though.

I see shit words, dude. I actually, yeah. No, I'll curse. I'll curse from time to time. I try to not. No, honestly, yeah. I don't know. I'm not trying to bark at myself as a clean comic here.

I don't know why I'm trying to. But when we bark, I'll be like, what the flip? I think that's funny. It is funny to say that. Yeah, yeah. I grew up like,

my parents were so anti-cursing. Like, they'd wash my mouth that was soap. And that's like why. Oh, really? They're not serious. Yeah, that's like why I'm like a giant potty mouth. Like I literally like, it's insane. It feels liberating to swear.

Dude, it feels so good to like just, I'm in my heart. I'm like a 15 year old kid forever. And it's really a problem because people are like, like, same thing with like anything. They're like, you're not. I'm just like, fuck you. Like, like, the littlest thing. Like somebody told me I like wouldn't touch somebody's hair the other day.

and I just went behind the burst and just touched it. I was at a nightclub and someone's like, I bet you won't touch the back of that guy's hair. I was like, I'll fucking do it.

Oh, yeah, you're the kid to dare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, if somebody dares me, I'll be like, fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I'm anti-dair, but I will switch. Unless it's a fight, somebody's like, I bet you won't fight me. I'll be like, I'll be like, I'm like,

I'm gonna get my fucking ass kick. As way too far. You don't, you don't, you don't do dares? I can, No, I don't like that. You don't seem like the guy.

Tell me, yeah, you don't tell me to do a thing. But what if it's because I told you do that, then you're like, fuck you, I'm going to do it, but because I don't want to do it. Are you like that? That might be bad. If you reverse psychology. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't reverse.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I guess that's what we're just planning ahead for when I dare you guys to kiss later. You know what's a good move, though? It's like, when you're with a girl and she swears, you go, you don't have to swear. She's like, what the fuck happened? And you're like, yeah, yeah. He's like, what's wrong with you? Go curse in front of me.

It's a power movement. I love it. That's, like, that's dope, bro. That's a hard, bro. You're just making girl, wow. She's like, wow, man, Lucas, he's a good guy. I got to work on myself.

Yeah, yeah. And then you just ask the most insane thing, be like, can you spit in my mouth? Right. Yeah, you know, bad words. She's having sex. She's got a belt and, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got the mask on, you, unzip it. Like, do you really need a curse right now? It's just unnecessary at this point, yeah, right? And she pulls the peg out. Well, you know, if I have sex with a girl and, like, it's like I'm very like I'll be very like vocal and like vulgar like while we're having sex but as soon as it's over I'm like gee whiz golly like what a what an absolute blast that was like holy that's why like I'm bad at mother of pearl yeah slick pair I'm bad at like dominating women

I don't know well because these girls just like can't choke me I'm like are you sure is that good like it feels weird I don't want to like catch a charge like I'm very like that's fair yeah you're like is this okay yeah yeah Are you still having fun? I don't want to show too much to myself early. Really? Dude, I'm on the, I'm on a first date every single time

I'm telling them I fuck the trans chicks. Like 100% of that. You come in hot with that? I come in hot. Why are you starting with that? No, dude, I'm telling you. Do you work on that shot? Dude, I, absolutely.

I weed out the girls that aren't going to be fun. And I just like, it's crazy. That's screening process. Wait, so you having said, them being okay with you having sex with a transgender person is your line of whether or not they're going to be fun or not? Yeah, 100.

I'm like, dude, this is what it is. I'll tell chicks crazy. I'll talk about how I've been peed on on our first day. You do learn a lot about somebody. If you bring that up immediately, you learn a lot about their political beliefs, their moral compass, how they feel in socials. Yeah. And a lot of women, I think they see, I don't give

a fuck and they think that's hot. They're like, even if I think it's gross, you fuck the trans woman, you're not like, it'll be like, I support you. I mean, everyone has their line, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but it's like, me, it's like, if I go on a date with a girl and we get sushi, how does she eat the sushi, I think, is a big. Does she eat with their hands? What does she order? That's my line. Yours is trans women.

But I'm almost like if a woman told me, she's like, I think it's fucking disgusting. You fucked a trans woman. And I don't think they should like have rights. But I like that you don't give a fuck. I would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more about them not caring. Yeah, right. They're like, we'll move on. Politically, I really don't give a fuck. That's so funny. What's a bad way to, what are the red flag sushi orders?

This has been a while since I've done that. But like, if I go to get sushi with a girl and she gets like, a California roll and like uses her hands or like ask for a fork. I would never get to fuck this guy, dude. I'm fucking immediately fucking shit like that. It's a little spicy broad. I feel that. She's using her hands. That makes a lot of sense.

See, that's what I think we're in a different way. I'm into unclassy bra. That makes so much sense. Yeah, no, it does make sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm into unclassy bro. It's telling. I know, so am I, but somehow he convinced me that like he's the higher level person while

also saying like, she's not a classy broad. Yeah. Yeah. And then also you're like, yeah. Yeah. Don't swear you fucking stupid,

I know. Yeah. You swear? Like, California. Like, it's so funny. I like the morning

good podcast. I like the morning good podcast. And you know, I was really nervous because every other episode ends up being good. It's a weird thing. It's like,

I know that feeling. Was the last one really good? The last one was great. So you got fucking high. But also the bar is so low because even the listeners are like, last week was too good. There's no fucking way.

They're going to rip it this week. Yeah. See, they're counting us out. so now we actually have to. Yeah, we got to rise to the occasion. Yeah, I think we're doing all right. I mean, I'm having a great thing.

I was on the S-teen list. No. Yeah. We start just bringing up right of the show. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go viral with Cat, with Cat Williams.

This is now, now we're going to hit dead air. No, no, no, no. Right after a trip. I got. That was awkward silence for Thursday. I have an exam. I swore today, actually.

I, you know, because I feel like, like, it'll be in me and it'll, like, like, it'll, like, as a reaction jerk come out, you know? I was actually in front of the comedy shopping us on the phone with one of my buddies. And he wasn't, I wouldn't describe this guy as a homeless guy, but it was, I wouldn't

like, he had a blazer. And he was like, sort of cleaned up. I couldn't I couldn't tell you what, what race he was, but like he came, like, he was like a brownish guy. You couldn't tell us because you would look racist or you know, no, no, he was like brown. You couldn't tell. But I couldn't, yeah, like I really couldn't, I was, I couldn't

identify a region, you know? And he came, and he came, you know what I'm saying? Continent, I couldn't even pick a continent. Is that where you start? Do you start macro? I start continent. I'm going to think African. Let's go. You pick continent. You go you go, but I couldn't even tell you. So that is a really funny racist guy. He's like this fucking, like knowing specifically what you're going to do. Yeah, exactly. He's fucking Ethiopian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, this guy comes up and I'm on the phone and he's looking and he's like, I guess, this way goes,

he goes, I was, I said, my man. And I go, what? And he goes, help me out, help me on something. and I was like, what are you saying? And I'm being out. I'm like, what are you saying? He goes, like, help me out with something to eat. And I was like, no, I said, no, man, sorry. And then he just stayed there. And he kept going, hey, man.

And he kept going, again, Blazer, like, now it doesn't look like, you know, he's going, come on, man, he goes, can you buy me steak dinner, be my friend? What? He goes, I go, I'm on the phone. I go, man, take a walk. And he goes, he goes, can I be my friend, you want to steak dinner? I go, you want to get fucking cracked? That's what I said.

And I, is that like, like, what do it? Growing up in Chicago, is that like, because you were my, I have a friend from Chicago who talks very similar, like, really? Like you,

yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, I think that's more like my family, but like, that's like, I don't normally, like,

I'm not, not that guy, you know what I mean, but like, I didn't know what to do. It was, I felt cornered. I was like,

what do I say, I, you know, you give them the three. You're like, no, I'm sorry. Hey, man, no,

really, I'm sorry. Hey, get out of here. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did keep up. Now do you want to get fucking cracked?

Yeah. What I wouldn't mean? Or like, I think, I think it's some sort of violence. I don't even know, to be honest with you. I don't know what crack means. I like, I've never even got close to threatening a homeless guy. I'll be like, hey, if you don't leave, I'm going to, I have no idea what you. It sounds worse.

It sounds worse if he's homeless. He had a blazer. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to say, you could still, you could definitely still be homeless with a blake. I've seen pursuit of happiness. Bro, bro, bro. He had a, he had a son.

No part of me has a problem. me has a problem with beating the homeless. My problem is getting my ass beaten by the homeless. You're more afraid to lose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. That's a tough L to come back from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't look crazy homeless. How about that? If he was homeless,

he looked to put together homeless guy. Right. Like, just like fresh. But it seemed like he was trying to antagonize me. Yeah, visually though, it's a lose. A steak dinner? What the thing? Yeah, he goes, can you be my friend and buy me a steak dinner? I hate that. Yeah, I like that, though. At least you shoot your shot on that one. Yeah. He was like, can you help me out? No. Well, can you go above and beyond

to help me out? Yeah. Can you wind and dine me, sir? How do you eat sushi homeless guy? He ordered a California roll. Yeah, and then he dunked in like a donut. Fucking hands. Not a classy homeless guy. This is because are you like, like, you're

barked, so like the morning good listeners listens to years of me barking and having these horror stories. And now you're like, you've experienced all of that too now. I think so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm getting towards my tipping point of barking. I'm like I'm just about ready to

you know my pop my top of like I'm gonna lose my mind on somebody if they talk to me the wrong way. It's draining, bro. Strain. It's really degrading. Totally. People are so mean. But the shop barking is okay. So like I mean I don't know how much you've barked with your listeners but it's like when you're in front of the shop it's more of a hang.

Yeah. Yeah. It's for an hour and you're just kind of like you're really just cat calling people trying to get them to come in. Half the time I feel like we scare them away. It's like we're like, hey, come on baby. That's what I feel about Rhino To when he's barking sometimes. He's like, hey, there's a show. You'll watch it. And people are like, I don't have any change.

But Allen somehow is an incredible barker, even though he's like a weird looking guy. Yeah, well, he's not threatening. Yeah, yeah. He's a good barker? He's a great barker. Yeah, yeah, he is a good barker. We were saying he belongs in like a Christmas village or something like that. Like he should be like conducting like a train.

He's like a circus. That's fairly funny. Yeah. I think Patty Baves out. He just has such a Christmasy look through his face. He really does. but he barks like a circus. He looks like Bad Santa. You're right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, comedy show, guys. We have a show. Like, it almost feels like, like, buscary. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, that's probably why people kind of like see him and, like, they're like, oh, this guy, this is a real comedy show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a goofy looking guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a spot on McDougal that you prefer to bark at? I used to be in front of Ben's because, like, comedy seller comics would talk to you, that would be cool. That is cool, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I used to think the front door was better, but there's too many,

suspects? There's a lot of suspects. There's a guy who pulled a knife on me there, and then he is there. I see him every day for the rest of my life. And nothing has been done about this guy. Who's the guy with the green beard? I want to crack that guy. Oh, the guy with the blue beard. The guy, now it's green, but yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that guy? Yeah, no, exactly. Hey, that dude. I don't know what he's involved. Wait, somebody pulled a knife on you? Yeah, yeah. The hard part about this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to read the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're the guests, so we don't want to know about you. Yeah. But it's like, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, yeah. But it's like, I think,

I think I'm doing the opposite where you have that like side of you that comes out, and I'm the opposite where I'm just like a laid back Florida guy who's now turning into a just aggressive, like New Yorker kind of person. I think it brings, because I don't, I wouldn't never describe myself as a confrontational person. But I think in my short time being here, I feel like, especially barking, it comes out on, you know, definitely when someone like, especially when like a bro gives you like a, oh yeah, you're funny. I'm funny. I'll fucking kill you. That's what comes out now. Yeah, that's why I always do that shit when they're like, oh, put me on the show. I literally, like, I bring him to the venue and I go, we're going to get you on stage. What do you want us to bring you up with?

And just watch them like, oh, oh. You want to do that? You've done it. You have done it. We got to start doing that. That's awesome. No, that's good. It doesn't work.

Sounds good. 100% of the time they will not do stand. Maybe like 10% of the time, they'll say they'll do it. But every time I've done it, they walk towards the venue and they're like, you know what, dude? And then I'm like, oh, no, you're a pussy.

And then their friends are like, you're a pussy. And then now they're just getting shamed by their... Oh, bro, that's awesome. That's a great move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, worst case near it, you're not gonna... You're not gonna put him on stage. Like, worst case near you go, no, I'm just messing with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just wasted his time. Best case scenario, he looks like a fucking bitch in front of his friends. And you win. Yeah, yeah. I love a good win. Barking. Yeah, then you spit in his face.

Love a good barking win. Yeah. But there's some barkers that are like, I mean, they're just so, like, chill about it. And I do feel like there's a, there's an art to that. I've just been like, hey, what do you guys doing? It's like, I care so little about the human beings that pass by. Well, there's a lot of them who are just trying to get pussy. That's how, like, Kinnback was.

He was just trying to get laid all the time. I can understand that. I think I'm leaning more towards that end, especially in front of the shop. You're kind of like last night, I had that girl. Yeah. And then, you know, your homies are out there. And so then you're by yourself on bends. God, it's the worst.

Yeah, you're like, yeah, I wouldn't want you to buy this. You know what I mean? Like, it's really... The wounded animal out there. Well, and last night was the first night, like, there's usually not, like... Last night was funny because what happened was like... Like, the 8 and 10 got canceled because I guess the Knicks game, that's the thing people are blaming now for sure.

It's going to cancel. There's always a new thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's warm out, yeah. It's cold out. It's too close to Christmas. Yeah, the election's coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, the shit I've fucking heard. And apparently there's one bartender at the pair. voice is the same thing. He's like, bro, just wait till it gets hot outside. The wind will come out. And then apparently he told the kill the same thing. He's like, wait till it gets cold inside. The sun goes up too early. People go, oh, well, you know, it gets dark too early. So people, you know, it's higher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the sun goes stays out too long. They're like, well, you know, people want to be outside. Yeah, but don't you feel like you have to tell yourself that? Totally. Yeah. Just to like be like, yeah, no, that's why this is horrible.

But the truth is it's May. No show should get canceled. It's like a fun time. Yeah. No, the truth is what we're doing is insane. And you were trying to justify. Yeah. And there's probably a comedy bubble that's going to pop that we're all inevitably kind of like. That is a, I feel like that conversation has been floating around more often. Do you feel like that's a thing? I feel like this whole 2024 has been nothing but negativity.

And I think that we are reaching the boiling point. I've got a point of this. I want enthusiasm for stuff. I see the way people get involved in, like, conflicts. and I wish I felt passion for anything now. Like, it's kind of sad. You got a, we got a chill vibe much. Yeah, what do you mean?

Dude, I was sitting on the couch the day, and I was like, because when you first start comedy, you feel like, you're like, I'm going to go out there, and you're really like kind of gayway. You're like, I'm going to tell the truth. And then I'm like, now that's all kind of like, you know, I'm just going to do funny jokes. And then, I don't know, I just, I've got into this point

where I'm like, what is, I need some conflict in my life. But, like, maybe like, a good level of conflict. I don't know, it's like, Yeah, but you just got out of a break up, you know? You're kind of like, you've got new things going on. Yeah, yeah. Well, I had a lot of stress with my ex because we were going to have a conversation. And then I talked to her, and she was just so fucking cool.

And I'm like, yeah, you were in such a good mood. I saw you, like, right after that happened. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you about the great conversation I had with my ex. I'm like, that really changed her. Dude, she's fucking coolest woman on the planet. She's like, because I thought she was like wanting to, I thought she was like wanting to, I thought she's going to be like, look, we're either getting back together

or you're never seeing me again. Right. And we both agreed. were like, and she thought that I was like going to say, I never want to see her. We both just thought crazy shit was going to go on. And she was like, yeah, no, I just like think like right now we just shouldn't see each other, but hopefully in the future

we could end up like back to, and I was like, that's perfect. Yeah, that's like the most. Yeah, yeah, no, that was an extremely rare sentence that you told me in the back. He's like, yeah, I tell you about the great conversation I had with Max Girl. Yeah, yeah, but not a way they're getting back together in a way that's like, oh, yeah. And in my mind, I'm thinking she's, I'm thinking she saw some clip about me sending dick pics. and I'm like, she fucking hates me. Was that just, like, weighing on you for a long time?

Yeah. When I told her, like, the other day, I was like, look, not that you have to be happy of this, but I'm just going to talk and post it. Like, I'm going to be posting clips talking about my life. I'm like, it's, I'm fully open now. Yeah, yeah, that rocks. Yeah, yeah. That's cool.

But then the next day, I was randomly like, huh. Like, I was like, there's almost no conflict now in my life that it's kind, that sounds weird, but it's like there's. You're too at peace? Yes. It'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, I think that's the cycle of human behaviors. Like, you're at peace.

And then something is going to make you upset again? I think... Yeah. Well, especially, like, political stuff because people post online and people are like, right now, they're like, so intense.

And I'm like, God, that's got to feel so nice to be like, like, to post something and just be like, fuck yeah. Like,

like, it does feel good to be angry about things. Oh, yeah. Well, it'll consume your day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're arguing with somebody on Facebook, you're like,

go ahead, fucking do it. Yeah, post again, I'll come back, you know? And then you pull yourself out of it, and you're like,

what am I, just consumed my whole mental capacity, do they? That's because most of those people don't have anything else. That's the thing. They don't have anything else going on. You ever get in a Facebook argument? Not about politics, but just anything? Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, but that most of the people that you're talking to, like, no disrespect, but like...

Yeah, they're, they peaked, they peaked the... Yeah, they're like homunculus people. Yeah, they peaked as like a new employee at Walgreens. Like, this is fucking, like, that was it. And then, so the Facebook arguments is where they really shine. Sometimes, though, I feel like they need to know that. You gotta tell him.

You gotta tell him. See, I do show the opposite. I make the dumbest points if you're arguing with me, you're a fucking dumbass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I was talking about some, like, dumb thing, and this guy's, like,

you're a fucking pussy. And I'm like, dude, I was, like, fourth in state and junior, novice level wrestling weight class 142. Just like stuff like that. Like, this guy argues with these fucking stupid.

All right, bro. Or people say, I'm not funny. I'm like, I disagree. My mom gives me a compliment once a week. It says, I'm like, the funniest comic in the world. That's really funny.

I won my talent show first grade. Just say shit like that. I love that. Do you feel like comedy is getting worse or better? Just because of everything.

This is like one of the, it feels like one of the most like tremultuous times. Well, I was going to say, I'm enthusiastic about the pop. I think it's going to pop and I'm excited about it

because I'm not going to go anywhere. Yeah. But I think a lot of people that bother me are going to slowly be like, oh, I'm quitting. I can't do this. Yeah.

You know what I mean? There's no room for them anymore. Yeah. At least that's what I'm hoping. Like, I'm, like, the guy, like, outside with the sign that says, like, it's going to end. Like, I'm excited about... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm excited about the rapture.

That is kind of true, too, because, like, everybody who... There's no money in comedy. Like, it's really interesting, like, uh... There's a lot of places, like, I do so many unpaid spots. Like, so many unpaid spots. It's too many. Which I'm, I'm fine with, but apparently back in the day, that was, like, not... Like, it was like, you could easily make a living as, like, a comedian.

In New York City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you think about that today? There are people to do it They're at a Cellar You know New York comedy

To be fair I've made it seven months Without a day job But I also sold my car I also like Was on unemployment Right right I also like traveled

And like would make money Doing road games That's kind of how I exist right now Yeah I'm bleeding I'm bleeding like a gut pig In this God for a city

I am living the dream I am living the dream But if any woman asks Absolutely Every cent I ever earn Is from stand up Yeah even my parents They're like

How much is you made? Are you kidding me? Somebody's I'm the biggest thing out That was the funny My ex-ass me She's like Are you full-time comedy

I'm like Well I don't have really Like a job So yeah Yeah Yeah Now that you ask Yes I am

Dude I don't know But it's one of those things Too It's like the whole Like It was really interesting Because like When I started comedy

And I hate talking about PC shit But it's just like Kind of relevant now Because it's kind of like Yeah Yeah Yeah

Like did you watch The roast of Tom Brady Yeah I did not I heard it was good though You don't watch it No No

You got to check that out. The funny, the... No, Netflix. Damn, you are, let me help you out, bro. That's all right, bro. Give me your password. That's what I might do it.

Feel bad. The really funny part about it was, like, now it's, like, okay to call people gay and stuff like that. And so every football player was, like, so excited to call people gay. And every football player was like, he fucking sucks cock! It was so excited to finally be able to do.

It was like, dude, Gronk was, like, bursting at the seams. He was like, and you fucking suck balls. Julian Edelman's like It was 10 minutes of like I gargle nuts It was so hype Yeah

And for me it's like It's like look Gay jokes will always be funny But I got bored of it at the thing I got kind of But that's just at the roast You're saying Yeah yeah

I think the pendulum Swinging the other way I think I'm almost tired And I'm gonna become a woke comic I'm so bored I'm going the other way I'm sorry Yeah

Did you ever hear of a straight white man Yeah You have a seat. That would be really funny. Wait, we have 200 hours if you're saying retarded and get,

I was like, yeah, but if you were ironically a woke comedian, I think that would be so funny. Dude, I want to do it. Like,

that just sounds really, you should. Go clean, go woke. That's what I thought Shane for his S&L monologue should have just totally reversed it

and just gotten like, like, had like his hair down. Yeah, yeah. Blue, yeah. Now, he really didn't stick it to them that hard on that monologue.

Yeah, I mean, he just kind of played it safe, I think. He just did his act. Yeah, yeah. You're good. Well, no, yeah.

Yeah. I think once again, no thoughts or enthusiasm for anything so you can continue. Well, yeah. I'm hilarious. I'm just losing. What a controversial host you are, Michael. I know, dude. Michael's like, I really don't.

I'm excited to have fun, but I'm like, I wish I just had like a thing. Wait, time out. Man, what can we like, you need a, you need, we should, you should join like a club or something. I don't know. Yeah, you should start, you should start cutting yourself. That would be fun, right? To make you feel something. I want to feel something.

I have no religion. You create. I want to like, I want to have a creative idea, but it's just not coming. Like, in my mind, I'm like, I'm going to create a series that's made out of clay. Like, I'm just trying to, like, have that idea. Yeah, no fuck that shit, dude. You need to go on a trip. You need to, like, go.

That's kind of cool. Yeah, that's good idea. You need to do something. Like, you need to come back with stories. That's what you need. You're going to make some new stories. I'm going to Austin, but it's like, I'm just going to do comedy there. It's like, ah, but you need to like your car to break down.

Yeah, yeah, but something will happen, though. You know what I mean? You'll find weird. I think, but any people that like, when you start coming, they're like, some days you got to just go out and live your life. So, that guy's just being lazy. Yeah. I always feel, like, I think there is something to be said about that. But anybody that's like, no, I'm not doing it.

I'm just trying to, like, research. You're like, no, you just don't want to do. Because life, I think finds you. No matter how much you invest yourself in this. Life finds you. I think it finds you. That's adorable. boy.

You should get them like a wooden. Yeah, I'm kind of full of a lot of idioms. Yeah. I can't, I can't put you in a box. Look, yeah, don't you ever try.

I can't, dude. Don't you ever try. You'll post like something and then something else. He's the most conservative, liberal, open-minded, racist, racist,

I'm moving. Racist, ethnically. You just, bro, you bilingual too, man. I'm not bilingual,

though. Oh, man. Look, is, this is a phrase one kind of talk. Yeah. Were you there when, like, something,

whatever that venue is across from the comedy shop, like got out, and they were just all, like, they took over that Grandma One pizza, you know? Like, it was just,

but it was like, just all black eyes. It was like black eyes all over Grandma One pizza. And someone was like, excited to see where this goes. Now I have enthusiasm. I have passion in my heart again. I love,

I love how you started this. And somebody, I thought, I thought it was, it might have been Julian, but like, he was like, what's going on here?

And I was like, seems to be some sort of African American pizza party. He was like, he was like, he don't seem like good guys? I'm like on that the job. It was like the most

half racist, half politically correct answer. Some sort of African-American pizza party. Yeah, because it's very saying it because you're like, some kind of fucking African-American pizza pot.

Yeah, yeah, well, I don't swear. It's kind of flipping. It could have been, you know, like, there's black guys everywhere. I'm like, okay, right,

all right, and it bothered you? No, no. I had no feelings about it whatsoever. It's just black guys getting pizza. That's fine. But I'm going to describe it as what it is. It's so fun.

Some sort of function. That is a funny... You know, there's always these event bright things. You see, black guy pizza party. It's just a joke. It sounds like so funny.

How you do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a meetup.com, African American pizza pizza party. Michael good. Michael good. Because it's also like,

a pizza party is like the whitest shit imagine. Right, that's why I thought it's funny. Yeah, everybody loves pizza, but a pizza party is like,

when people have like no excuse to have like a real, like it's like, yeah, it's like, corporate office, there's a pizza party in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like not a real party. You get along, you get along real well of black people, I think so.

I think so, yeah. I think you get along real well. I'm fun. Especially, like, old school, but I think you and old school black guys will get along real well. Yeah, well, because I don't think I'm, because I feel like white people that have Chris Keys. No, I don't. Oh, dude, he's just like, he's black guy at the pair, like big beard. He has his. Oh, yes. He's got, he has like the most firm back on the planet. The guy who works at crunch? Yes. Yeah, dude, I, one time I tap, I,

I, like, patting him on the back, and I was like, is this a mountain? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like a boulder. But he's just always saying very positive old black guy stuff. He's always like, man, we're out here and we're doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be like, how's it going, man? I'm like, living the dream. And he's like, don't we ever forget it? Yeah, yeah. That's classic. It's a great interaction. Dude, whatever you say, like, how are you doing?

He's like, good. Got no other choice. Yeah, yeah, that does rock. Yeah. Old black guys always talk like they wizards, bro. Yeah. Yeah. It's like,

hey, you're like, God, damn, was that a, is there a, is there a, is there a,

is there a new path going to open up for me now? Like, I was talking to, I was talking about it, too, it's like, you know what I want

on my life? I want to find out I'm special in some way. Like, I want somebody to come to be like, I know, but I was like, yeah, I wish like,

yeah, I wish like, some dude like, like, pulled up, and was like, come with me. Yeah, yeah.

and you know how they find you're in shaming fucking talent. You just don't know it. You don't understand, dude. Percy Jackson, like, hey, man, Poseidon's your dad. Like, yes. I think that's such an art generation thing, because we grew up on so many movies like that.

Or, like, you're just like, oh, like someone knocks at the door and you happen to be the guy. You're the chosen one. You want to be the chosen one so bad. You got bit by the spider, now you're Spider-Man, bro. Hell, yeah. Yeah. And that's why we do this. We want to be the main thing.

Totally. I mean, I think that's, yeah. It'd also be nice to find, like, answers to my side effects. You know how I'm, like, in wanted, he has, like, anxiety. Yeah. You're like, actually, you not being able to get your dick hard. It's actually. Because you're the teleport movie.

You're the lost prince of Egypt. Yeah, yeah. I knew it. You didn't know this. We've been hiding from you since birth. That's so funny. We used you to start a rebellion and take the throat. Like, oh, man, that would be so dope.

Well, like, I wish I could do. Remember Shia LaBuffin Transformers? He's just like, dating the hottest bitch has Optimus Prime. Like, is like, I need you. Freudian slip, which I love. Yeah. You just said bitch casually. I was going to say some open-minded shit that you call her going abroad.

I love you, Ben. Well, it's Megan Fox. She fixes cars. That's right. That's a hot bitch. I'm not going to call it a classy lady. She's a mechanic. She's a mechanic.

She's got a boyish. I bet it's a deadbeat. Yeah, her dad's hitting her or whatever. Then he takes her away in bumblebee. That's, yeah. That, I will say that that formed my, that formed my opinion on women. My taste is just like a dirty Megan Fox. Oh, for sure.

Yeah, but it's like... It's kind of messed up. One of those guys are gonna get, uh, not me too, but like the Drake treatment because she was like 15 and that. Dude, that's what I thought I looked it up. She was not. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. Because I said the same thing. Yeah, yeah. But back up, in what world are you, uh, dating a mechanic girl that's a 10 out of 10 smoke show? Like, like, only in Transformers. Yeah, only in a, yeah, only in a Michael Bay film. Is that possible?

Because any girl that's a mechanic. like is it 10 out of 10 she's not going to fix cars she's going to be don't like that no way yeah yeah yeah they say sydney's remember she was greased up in that sunset scene yeah she's like under the hood no might fix cars like that yeah yeah yeah and like that and like that was their way of sort of being feminist because like before it was like how do I fix my engine and now she's like no I got it but she's still in daisy dukes yeah yeah yeah no yeah that movie was fucking insane yeah but that that special like feeling great films and I want to argue

with somebody too you know what I mean like I want like octopus man to be like, this is your path. And I'm like, I just want to be a regular. You want to deny it. You want to deny it. Don't want this power. I just want to be a regular guy desperately trying to get pussy out there and doing okay at shows. Yeah, yeah. That's all I want it. Have you done this? What would be your, like, okay, like, like, like, I love that. You want to deny it. You're in this magic world. You get chosen. What's like your superpower or like, what's your backstory? That's like special. Well, you only get one. You choose in the is like your magic life now.

Honestly, like, I read, this is really lame, but I want the standard one. I want the one that's like just strong. Like, I just want to be strong. You're just strong? You're just strong? You just like, yeah. I mean, like, like, Superman strong. You could throw like boulders in it.

Yeah, yeah. I think like, honestly, Spider-Man skills would probably be the perfect one. I would like to teleport. Teleport. Teleport's a good power. Underrated power. Teleport. Yeah, because I guess it would be nice.

Dude, traveling with stand-up would be so sick. You could literally do so many shows. So many. Yeah, you remember that movie? I like to go there. I'm still doing stand-up. Open your mind up to more. You're not a comedian anymore.

You're a superhero. Yo, if I get superpowers, I'm done. Dude, I can do two spots to the same guy, that reject one. I'm at the cellar. No, I'm at the pussy cat. No, this guy gets to teleport. Oh, did he say it?

Like, no, dude, he did the laugh factory then showed up at the cellar. No. Oh, it's so funny. You can't take up. You can't have powers and do stand-up. No.

That's such a waste of time. It's like, well, you can still do it in your free time. Like, but like if you win... But like if you... Let's say, take the powers out of it. Let's say you win the lottery.

You're still doing stand-up? Hell no. You always... Okay, here's a question. Maybe I would. You can't. Like, you can't be a millionaire. You know what I mean?

I go to mics for shits and get... I still want to... I just can't see myself not wanting to do it. I agree, but at the same time, it's like the dream ain't happening. I'll just buy a club at that point. This is the lottery? Why did Spider-Man not get a job?

Like, he has skills. He was smart, right? Yeah, yeah. Why did he... Well, no, no, I think that the set, I was just one second when Dr. Octopus wants him to work at his. That's right. He was like a,

he was like a 10th year grad student. Right. But I'm saying, if you have superpowers, you could put those in another way. And like, I get that people could be like, oh, that's Spider-Man,

that might give it away a little bit, but it's like, you can control how much you put up. Remember when he fought in the wrestling thing? Yeah, he could have been a, oh, yeah. That was like an iconic. I remember being a kid.

Yeah, so tough. Come down, it's bleak! Whatever he says to him? He's like, yeah, you're kind of a fucking loser. He's like shit talking to him on top. Why didn't he get a different? Well, he probably wanted to lay low.

Yeah, but it's like you're going to fucking deliver penis. No, because he's kind of a pussy still. Every villain, every villain would be like, like you kick some guy certain way. Doc Ox watching W.O.D. Yeah, yeah. He's like, wait, wait, right. What the fuck is that guy?

Yeah. He kicked me like that last week. It's also weird that he was still such a pussy because, like, in my mind, I'm like, dude, if I knew I could literally, like, kill every single human being, I totally would. I would have killed him. I would have some level of,

I'll be honest, I have horrible diarrhea. I'm gonna hold it in because we're only 30 minutes in. We might have to stop. Right now. Yeah, you want to go shit? Go ahead.

We can keep it going. We can recompose you. Let's see how long. Can this fit in there? Are you going to cut that part? Are you going to cut the part about your horrible diarrhea? No.

This is fucking. This is just freelance. Yeah. We're going to see, I'm starting to score. This is what I want to do. They're like, oh, classic bit.

Yeah. They're just good. down each other in the classic. He made it 32 minutes this time. You know, I want to see how long I can go. Let's see how long I can go without shit. There's nothing worse than Swamp ass, bro. There's nothing worse than that.

I thought Swamp is just like you have sweaty ass. I don't think he's got to diarrhea. Nothing worse than having a big log. Just a little bit as well. Nothing worse than a diaper change, dude. Which is worse? Having the poop or having to pee. Definitely having to poop.

Having to shit because you're like, you're like kind of like Why are we switching roles now? I said poop. You said shit. I'll be honest. We're stopping this right now and coming back. All right. We're back. We're back.

Not to cut off that. The shit was great. Shit was good. It was fantastic. And my dad texted me during it saying the sweetest thing. I'm just having like really bad diarrhea. On the side, though, Mike, I don't know if I love you taking diarrhea in the middle of the podcast. I know I'm a guess.

That's something that I'm going to mark in my head. When people ask me afterwards, how was the podcast? I'm going to go, it was fine. Michael did admit. openly that he had diary and took a diary and that's fine. Yeah, yeah. The funny is Matt and Shane used to do this thing where they would like

I think it was them. They would like do this thing called the shitcast. They'd edit into the podcast where they'd go and take a shit in the bathroom. And the guy next to him, they just like, okay, just a heads up. We're recording. It'll be on like your phone, not video, but just audio. You're on the shitcast right now. So technically this is going to be on a podcast.

And they're just talking to the guy. Oh, in the stall next to him. That's pretty funny. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. But my dad texts me, just the sweetest thing he goes, you are the angel Michael, be strong and do good. Well, I'm just shitting my brains. Wow, that's a really nice text from your father. You were the angel Michael? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's named after, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's named after, yeah.

Yeah, he's good. He's good. He's good. The angel? No, no, no, he's like the sweetest man on the plan. Because your dad sending you a lot of, like, nice things like that. My dad, like, thinks he's Mufasa. Like, the text message, he says, my son. Like, it's a very weird way to, like, thanks me. My dad does the shit like that, too. Yeah, yeah, he'll be like, you know, I love you so much son. Good night. Yeah.

Yeah, he's got some. I think like he's never been, like when he was younger, his dad never told him that he loved him. So he feels like he needs to. But every time my dad says that he loves me, it always feels like he thinks I'm going to die. Does that make sense? It's never like, hey, I love you, man.

It's always like, I love you. I know. I'll be thinking, our dad's both about to kill themselves. In my mind, I'm kind of like, that's why I was like, is he good? Like everything's good. Yeah.

Yeah. Because like, But this is an age of a five member. Stay strong. Like, wait, where's he going? Calling you the angel. My dad lights himself on fire and for the Trump thing. Is he a martyr?

Yeah, I don't know. Hopefully not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. You know my dad just talk about us, bro. My dad called me the other day. Is your dad like, like, because I don't really know too much about your background. Like, are your parents from Africa?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, but like, they've been here for their whole lives. So there's still, like, immigrants in the sense that, you know, it's like tough, but like, my parents are also, like, very soft. Like my mom, I talk about my mom every day. Yeah, yeah. Same, yeah.

Then my dad, we have an interesting relationship because, like, my parents are separated. Yeah. So, you know, it was like weird for like a little bit where you're kind of becoming a teenager. And you're like, you know, I'm like, you're not even here. Right, right, right, right. But we found this crazy middle ground because we both love sports so much. Oh, yeah. And we found this thing.

Yeah, yeah. Like someone, someone, I was talking to somebody and they were like going through it with their dad. And they were like, what are you guys? How do you, your dad deal? I was like, my dad called me for 30 minutes on my birthday and he just talked about LeBron the whole time. That's great. Yeah, yeah. We just talked, I was like, bro, we talked about the NBA. Like, we don't, we have, it's such a, it's a great, totally peaceful. It's been. Yeah, yeah, that's a good thing. See, neither me nor my dad like sports. So like, yeah, same. Yeah, we'll have, like,

random conversations about like, I don't we, we, I really like that my dad will just have the most, like, crazy conversations about just, like, very complex issues. We'll just have a conversation. We'll just get, like, canoeing and talk about abortion for, like, two hours. That's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, see, that's nice. I like being able to this especially it's cool with dads because like as you get older you're like damn I'm kind of like this guy a little bit

like you start to see the similarities and shit yeah yeah yeah well like when I said I was going to correct that homeless guy earlier I was like that's my dad just came out in me yeah yeah yeah is that what you told that's just to say crap told the homeless guy too like sorry that's my father on the phone though my friends on the phone

he just goes it's okay it's okay that's not me you guys are okay that's not me anymore well just that language I'm going to crack you, that's something my dad would say, not me. Yeah, it definitely doesn't sound like a young guy thing. I've never heard like a young guy. I'm gonna crack you. Yeah, well, you want to get cracked?

In your school. Yeah, one of my friends, he's the worst shit talker. He's very tough guy, but it's so funny. He's like, don't do that, man. And he's like, I'm gonna kick your butt. I'm like, you can't be saying that. That's so funny. It's also really funny to get your ass kicked by a guy who's like... Who's like talking

like Robin? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that, bud. You're like, yeah. Could you imagine getting a jump? those dudes in the 20s, like, come here, see? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to rough you up.

Like, oh, what? Another guy comes over and runs over you with a penny farthing bike. You know, like a weird horn. Yeah. That sounds awful, dude. What time period would you live in if you could live in anyone? Probably. I have my answers, but they're definitely different based on race.

What should have? I mean, anytime after 1985, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but you don't have a specific time? I would go, I think it would be really fun to live in, like, the 80s. Like, I mean, I know that's different for certain people, but like that Ronald Reagan era of like, like, Pablo Escobar, Miami. Cocaine era. Yeah, that sounds fun.

Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. Everyone's just doing, everyone's just like, stocks, like all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you might get AIDS. That's true. Dude, I will say this. I thought I was going to get it. But the only way you get AIDS at then is because you're having a lot of fun.

That's true. I thought I was. I thought I was. I caught my most homophobic moment the other day with AIDS. So I pride myself as not being homophobic. I think as a straight guy, I mean, I've done a lot of gay shit, you know. Benshy trans lady, had a finger in my ass. There's a lot of, like, I think, I think, but I was at, okay, first of up, my buddy was in town.

He's like, we're going to go to this 10 a.m. rave on Saturday, or Sunday. Awesome. So I was like, yeah, this is weird. I'll do it. And I always, when I was in a relationship, I always heard people say, oh, like, I was this Brooklyn rave. I never got to experience that. So I was like, oh, maybe it'll be cool to go to one of these weird Brooklyn hats.

And boy, was I wrong. Yeah, and that sounds horrible. Because I went to rave in high school and all these like fucking hot chicks. Yeah, like rape babes. Yeah, yeah. None of that there. Just weird Brooklyn people that are like literally disgusting. And this is the most homophobic thing I've realized in my life.

I was talking to this guy who he had this like fuzzy bucket hat, like a leather thing that said porn star. Yeah, yeah. Like spy. And I was like, this guy's fun. I liked his energy. A lot of people get annoyed like, yeah, well, I don't mind gay guys, but when they're really, I'm like,

no, no, I like, I like the gay guy that's cartoonishly. I think he's awesome. That's great. This guy's fun to talk to. And then he just started talking really close to me and spit was flying out of his mouth. And I immediately, I'm going to catch AIDS. Like, I just immediately was like,

I'm going to get fucking. You my first idea is like, I was like, if somebody has AIDS, it's this guy here and I'm going to get AIDS. And I got really fucking nervous. Yeah, it's a 10 a.m. Rave with a Ports star bugging it. Which is like not how you get AIDS,

but like in my mind, there's still just a fear that he was going to spit in my mouth. Because it has to be blood. I'm like, what if he had blood in his mouth and then the blood, I had a cut on my face. Bro, if you got age from a 10 a.m. Raven Brooklyn, that'd be pretty fun. It's a terrible way to go.

Terrible way to go. Pretty funny. Yeah. Pretty funny. Yeah. Rave AIDS. It sucks. Rayvades. Sure, you have rave AIDS.

Yeah, would we do like a benefit concert for him? Yeah, Diplo shows up. Yeah. Stay away from me. But have fun. The Good Cause show. You're just in like a plastic box. Thanks for coming out, everybody, to the Ravades.

It's just a roast. Thanks, Ted Mouse. Yeah, but like the, we were just watching X-Men the other day, like, Magneto, that like glass cube he's in, just one of those who are keeping me completely far away. Dude, a lot of X-Men talk today. Yeah, well, it would be funny, too, we're talking about it. Oh, you said teleportation. I was about, I was going back to the superpowers thing.

Like, keep going. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think that the idea also of me going to the doctors getting AIDS. He's like, you weren't, were you talking in Dante? He's like, yeah. That's the gayest guy of the planet. You for sure got AIDS from talking about it. He knows the guy.

Yeah, yeah. Calls him Dante. Toddy, stop talking to straight dudes. You're going to get maids. Well, yeah, but I think it's okay to be like, hey, please stop spitting in my face, gay guy. You haven't said gay guy at the end of that. Well, you just like, like, you could have said guy.

You could have said, I think. Yeah. But like, are you wrong in a student saying that? Stop spitting probably another man's come in my face. Yeah, but I was probably because I really proud myself with not being homophobic. Like, nah, there's, there's a little bit of it in there. Why do you pride yourself on not? Well, I think once it's like, because I don't have a badge.

Well, it's like, right. You're like, yeah, I'm not, yeah. By the way, I really, I'm an ally. It sounds like you're like, I've been working on it for like, oh, sorry. It sounds like you're like, I've been working on it for a long time. Like I, yeah, like, I'm really proud of like how far I've come. Well, I do think it's like a hierarchy of needs thing. Like, if like, you're, if, like, if, if, like, if, if, if, like, if, if, like, if,

your health is in jeopardy, sort of all that, like, progressive shit goes out the window. Doesn't it a little bit? Like, if you're in danger in your mind. Oh, for sure. You're sort of like,

oh, yeah, like, ah, a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I really pride myself.

A little bit of spakeet on his lip. You gay! Yeah. Like a Baptist minister now. Yeah, just completely turned it around. Yeah, I don't know,

I think, yeah, I don't know, there's not much to say about that. I'm a little homophobic. I don't think that's, I don't think that's homophobic. I think you're just like, I don't want the gay guy spitting in my mouth.

I think it's fine. Like, hey, guys, I'm cool with the gays, but please don't spit my mouth. So he has AIDS. Like, because there's no other, if he, if it was a straight guy spitting my mouth, I would be like, that's kind of gross. Or if it was a, well, I let's say, well, also, you don't even know if he's gay. Let's just say it was a guy with him. Come on.

I know, okay. Let's say it's a straight guy with a bucket hat and a porn star t-shirt and he's spitting in your mouth. I would probably be equally upset. Dude, that's why I think I'm homophobic. Man, Luca is mind-blowing to be cool. I can't, the justice position of being like, get away from me, gay guy, and then being like, I'll be just as mad.

If he was a straight man in a suit. And not a bunch of glittery leather. It was only like my brain started thinking this guy has AIDS, like, because he's gay. And it was really fun. Yeah, I guess you're okay, bro. Like, I think it's, I think, like, I'm, I was talking about, I'm African.

man, like, everyone I've ever been around growing up. Like, it took so long for me to get to this point, too, like, in terms of, like, being, like, super openly welcoming. Because, like, it's, it's, that shit is, like, in deep. Yeah, like I said, you're from Florida. Bro, you know how we grew up, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. Yeah, but I think it's like, I like that you're blaming on Florida.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're from Florida, man. You don't want age, man. It's not always me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say Florida, like, you're like, you're from Florida. You don't want age, man. Yeah.

Come on, we don't do that over there. I got eight started in Florida. I'm just hoping one day I'll be comfortable with us. No, definitely New York. No, yeah, you're right. One day, I want Dante to be able to spit blood into my mouth. And for me to be like, and shake hands. No, you don't want that.

No spit in your mouth. Well, like, you're going to be like, didn't get AIDS, but the doctors were like, you have hepatitis A, B, C, D. Well, the grazes is I had unprotected sex with a woman like three days before that. And then I'm like, yeah, but I can't talk to Don't. You know what? I'm like, that's crazy. Well, like, okay, I, like, here's a lot.

here's an accidental racist thought I had. Like, this is my, like, similar a situation. Okay, I'm on that, like, accidental? Like, yeah, yeah, like, like, it doesn't, it, it doesn't mean anything. Like, if you're on the, like, I was, like, I was, like, like, I was, like, some to the other guy. Like, if I see a guy with, like, a white guy, let's say a white guy gets on the train with a W-9, double mask, like, you know, you start to assume things about that guy.

Okay, you're like, I assume a lot of things. I go, this guy's probably a liberal. This guy's probably, like, believes in, you know, like, like, it just voted for Bernie. Like, like, you get so much, right, right? Like, that's what I see if I have a white guy with a W-9 mask on. I go, this guy's probably like, you know, really progressive, like, will bother me. W-9 mask. I think it's a tax form.

Yeah, you know, 1099. He has a tax form on a spell. Yeah, that's fucking, he's got a tax mask on. We got LLC. No, okay. All right. Okay, so he's got a 1099. 1099 mask.

So what is to assume? No, that's also a tax form. I'm kind of, I'm kind of just waiting for you. Okay, what did you say? All right. No, no, no, there's no black guy. No, not in the story. I was waiting for the same thing.

No, let me listen. You're, you're derailing. I know. Sorry. Okay. 1099 mask, not W9. Do your tax. No, no, no.

It's not 1099 is another tax thing. What is it called? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's definitely not. 1099 is the is the, is the, is the, the four. B-99. It's something with a nine, though. WD-40? It's got a nine in it.

What kind of, what is the medical mask? Hey, quick question. What's the medical mask? It has a nine on it? Like something nine? N95. N95. WD40.

N95. If I see a guy with an M95 mask, he's got it on his face. I'm assuming a lot of things. I'm assuming he's progressive. I'm assuming he's liberal. I'm assuming he probably, you know, a lot of things. If I see a group of Asians get on the train and they have masks on, I go, it's just Asians doing Asian stuff. Okay.

Does that make sense? Damn, rude. Even your. But I can't, again, it just sounds like a compliment to me. Yeah, yeah, that wasn't. To me, you just looked like a good person. Yeah. You said, I see no.

Yeah. If anything, you're just like, this fucking white liberal guy. No, yeah, I never said, okay, so like, I'm a... But that's, like, the non-racist thing would be to assume both things about those people. But I just go, oh, Asians wear masks. That's the thing that they do. Yeah. But then I see the guy, white guy with the mask guy going.

To be fair, though. And I really never thought about it before, but like, damn, bro, they've been wearing masks for a minute. For sure. They were, they were, they were, because they knew it was common. They were cooking it out. That's, yeah, yeah, that's the, that's the, that's, that's raising. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's racist to tell the truth.

That's the funniest thing. You say to the racists, they're like, it's racist because it's true. Yeah, that would still, yeah, yeah. Because that's what they don't want. Because that's how they are. Yeah. No, I agree. Everybody has racist thoughts and so, it's okay.

We just, we can't, like, I think, like you said, comedy is swinging back. I think it's okay to, like, obviously acknowledge that there's differences and some of those differences are, funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm a little bit racist. Everyone's a little bit. If you're not, you're lying to yourself. Right. You're not being truthful. I don't think racism even the term because it's more of just like the stereotypes.

You can't get those stuff out of your head, bro. Like I watch, like, you could watch the boondocks and come away being like, that was racist. Like, yeah, yeah. There's so many like different forms and like different And what's the intention? Right. Like I was in Japan and like these little kids came up to me after school got up

and they were like, they put it at their notebooks, they were like, Kobe Bryant. And they were like, can you, they like, hand me a pen, they're like, Kobe Bryant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, you goddamn right. That's so funny. Yeah. That's just hilarious. That's just the culture, maybe.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll sign for Kobe. You can't be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, that is, that's not, although it is kind of racist, like, in China, like, you could stand there. Like, I was just standing there and, like, someone would, someone, like, walk up to me, and then, like, just take a picture.

That's pretty strange. That's fucking weird. That is funny. That does. they're like, you'll never believe what I saw the day. Like to their wife. That's exactly what they did. They're driving home like, I can't believe it. Yeah.

Yeah. I was at this one time I was bored and I just looked up the blackest man just to see what he was just curious. I was like, what does the darkest man look like? That's funny. What do they look like? Really dark. I mean, you're still surprised though.

You're still like, well, that guy's really black. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It almost becomes like reflective. Ah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because they couldn't. They couldn't like it's like that, um, how they said they made like the blackest thing ever. but they couldn't like take pictures of it really well because so it just sucked up all the light now see that guy that guy

that guy should be that is funny but me describing the guy that way is so funny like uh what does he look like uh he sucks up all the like like that's like we were talking about being the chosen one that's a funny they knock on his door sir you're the blackest man what the sun is exploding

that is also really funny describe a coworker that way what does he look like trying not to be raised as you're like he kind of just like I don't know he like sucks up all the light Yeah, he's opaque. Yeah. He's so dark. It's hard for us to take pictures together. Yeah, what race is he?

I don't know. I mean, you could put the pieces together, but yeah. It's from this region, right? What is what he's? Yeah. I don't know what region is he. What continent? You can't pinpoint a continent.

What continent is he from? This is the funniest way, dude. Have you ever been to Asia? I've been to China, yeah. What do you think? I like, I would, yeah. So we were talking before the podcast, like, in Chicago, there's, like, the neighborhoods. The way it was structured.

It was like, sort of like, the Italian. neighborhood was very close to Chinatown. So my, like, there was a lot of, like, like, my neighbors were all Chinese. Like, and, uh, so growing up, I didn't play sports. I did Kung Fu. I was, I studied Shaolin Kung Fu growing up.

You black belt? Yeah, yeah. Like, there's not, we had belts, but they're more like formality, but like, that sounds like he didn't. It's kind of like, this is rigged at all. It's not even mad. Something about that, dude. It's all politics.

Yeah, I didn't get JFL. Yeah. No, dojo was at, isn't good. Yeah, the master didn't like me. No, Kung Fu technically there's no belts, but like for, like, when you, you guys, you guys, not by a loser. It's not even a black belt. Yes, I have a black belt, but it's not, like, it's like they just did it because that's, like, the thing that you do.

But, like, I've been, when I was in college, I went to China and I studied at the Shaolin Temple for, like, a summer. A whole summer? Yeah. I was like, you're Chinese. I took Mandarin. college, I probably lost a lot of it now, but there was a time where I was pretty solid. Like, you could drop me in the middle of China, I'd be able to figure out what I'm at.

I have three cousins who speak Chinese. It's crazy. That is crazy. Yeah, I know like three of the 12 black guys that speak Chinese. Well, isn't there also a thing? I've heard, like, China is like building factories in Africa. Oh, dude, when I go to Liberia, like, I brought my roommate and he's white.

He's, like, from Canada. And we were walking on the beach and, like, all these kids ran up. And they were like, Chinese man, Chinese man, Chinese man. To him. Because they're more used to seeing Chinese people than they are to seeing white people. Anybody was Chinese. Yeah. Well, dude, like, in the Shaolin Temple, right?

It's like, it's in the mountains. It's like this Buddhist monastery and they do Kung Fu and they, uh, and they had a whole temple solely for African. Like, I don't know. It was like some sort of exchange program, but it was like maybe 30 African guys all training Kung Fu under like one teacher. That's dangerous. That's dangerous. Yeah.

That's dangerous. Yeah, we need that in our fighting force. Yeah. Send them back. And they were, they fucking were sick, dude. Oh, I imagine, bro. Yeah, just like the,

the athletic ability and just like, they could flip and fucking do all this crazy shit. That Shaolin Master was just like, I'm creating the most dangerous. Yeah. No, but find me the optimal genetics. And I will train them. But it's such a tourist attraction.

So, like, all these Chinese tourists would come to the Shaolin Temple. And, like, they would be taking pictures of, like, some, like, thousand-year-old thing. And then like the 30 black guys would like run by for the training. And they'd be like, oh, hell. Oh, I would be too, bro. Yeah, yeah, with the. Oh, that's.

They were cool, but they did segregate them into their own thing. They were not allowed to end upings. They were like, oh, black guys, you get that one. There's actually a deep class system. I mean, dude, my, my dad, like my dad told me, my dad loves China. He thinks China is like the best country in the world. Really? Um, too, because he, he went on my, so my cousin went to a business school in

Beijing and he like had all these like super rich guys and like all these cool do the own like hotels and yeah yeah yeah yeah industry casino stuff and so he kept telling my dad he's like bro if you ever come here like I'm gonna show you the craziest time of your life I didn't believe it then he said he told me this when he got back one trip he was like we went and you go to this like the guy who owns this hotel is like I'm gonna take you guys out and we go into this bar they're just sitting and there's like imagine there's just like curtains here and at the point he's like you guys have a good time they're like yeah he's like okay And he's, like, clas his hands, this curtain opens.

And there's just, like, 20 women there. Oh, yeah. He's like, yeah, just pick a number. Like, like, in the movie, like, from... That's crazy. Whatever. Rush hour. Yeah, yeah.

And then, so they do that, and then it closes. And they're like, okay, like, went out. And then when he said, when we all got back to our rooms, they were in the rooms already. That's crazy. Insane. Man, that's crazy. They gave you, like, he was like, they bathed me in, like,

milk, like, this milk bath. What? I swear to God. You trying to make them white? They bathed. I don't understand. It was like this milk bath. He's like they had flower petals in it.

And he's like, he's like, he's, I would get a little worried. I'm never against fucking prostitutes. I want to take a firm stance on this is a pro. Hey, on the morning good podcast, we are pro prostitution. Fuck whores. Sex work. Especially in a milk bath. Yes.

But I feel like maybe this is raised in my mind. If that seems like I'm like, how on their will are they there? For sure. For sure, for sure. I mean, bro, come on. Over there, yeah, you got to, you got a question that for sure. Yeah. Then again, I've been in a lot of countries.

And, like, a lot of times, you, like, I've definitely, like, I was about to say, like, I met, I've met my fair share of prostitute in my fair share area. Like, in some countries, though, like, they definitely, it's like a cult, it's almost like a cultural thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, oh, you could do this. I'm like, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, prostitution's, like, semi-legal there, but they're still throwing away the women baby. You know what I mean? It's like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's still like a dark underbelly. Yeah, yeah, don't, he said, he's like, we didn't even, he was, he was, he was like, He was like, he was like, that was so much. Well, yeah, but also, I tell my son the same thing. Would I'm going to be like, I fucked the shit out of this? He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, when you 60 years old, bro. This is your dad? Yeah, he's like, when you six years old bro, he's like, that, he's like, that was enough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like some old guy stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, dad, did you fuck her? And he's like, how about LeBron? I'm not right. Back to LeBron.

I don't know, fell asleep. Anyway. Yeah. No, it does make sense. Like the old guy thing. like, just like a room and like rubbed his feet. No, yeah, just spending time, dude. I had a complete opposite.

When I was in China, so I'm in, like I said, I'm in the mountain. The nearest town is like maybe like 30 minutes away. And the first week I was there, there was like these people from England that were also training. But they were just visiting for the week. I was there for the summer. And they, one of them was like spoke Chinese and spoke English. And he's like, hey, you know, mate, we're going down to Dang Fang. That's the name of the city.

We're going to Dangfang. We're going to get a massage. You want to come to Massaos? come hang out with us, go to dung fun. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, all right, cool. So we get in these vans, we go down there, and it was like rush hour. Like, you go in there, and they gave us, like, silk robes. Hell, yeah.

They, like, they massaged our feet and, like, it was just, and we were all in the same room. They were just massaging us. It was like, no big deal. And then the next week, they leave, and an Australian guy shows up to the temple, and he's training. And he's getting his, he's never really trained before. So he's kind of getting his ass kicked.

And he's like, my, like, you know, fucking fucking me up. And I'm like, bro, I went to this massage. place. I said, let's go again this week. It was cheap. It was a good time. So I get in a cab this time. And in the time, I spoke a little Mandarin. I was like, take us to the massage place. And I said, like, oh, pretty women. Like I said like that. And I, it's a small town. I thought there was going to be one takes us to a totally different spot. We go in there, separate rooms. And this chick, like, fumbles, like, fumbles into my room. And it's just like, she's got, like, bruises. And she, like, opens her purse. And there's, like, condoms coming out. And she's like,

how much, you know, she's just like writing something down. And I'm like, oh, like, what is going on? And then the Australian guy opens the door. He's like, I might think he's a hookish. We just left. But, I mean, I've had experiences with prostitutes that have been positive. That was not one of them.

I felt very sorry for those women. Oh, dude. I mean, it's a dark underbelly dog. That's why, I mean, this only... China's, there's a big class difference. You got to, and it's all fun in games sometimes. Like, my cousin was, like, my cousin was, like, bro, somebody

like at that school, apparently like somebody, some ambassador's daughter, some shit like that, some European girl, she told the authority that she got assaulted by a guy at the school. I got a party and they were like, what he looked like? She was like he was African. And he said,

they rounded up every African person. Wow. Wow. They put him all in a past. That's why they're taking pictures of you. They put them all in the same cell. And they were, they They're just like, listen, y'all all guilty till we figure out who did this. Oh, Jesus. They don't fucking play at all.

Yeah. He's like, bro, we were in jail. My grandparents had to fly out there. Jesus. Oh, my God. Yeah, see, shit, that's the thing about going to a country like that. In the middle of the night. They were like, they were like, get in the car.

Dude, imagine being in trouble for every white guy who rapes. That would be your friends. We don't have to man. Round them up. Yeah. They were, I mean, this is, this was easy. They're like, they're like, get every Africa. Like, like, all 40 of them.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, right. get all 15. No, that last thing about going to a country like that. You really have no rights. Like, if something goes wrong, you have no rights. I really never go to China. I'm terrified of going to China.

Yeah, in hindsight, I'm like, I would probably not go back. But at the time, I was young and stupid. Great, brave view to go and spend that much time there. That's crazy. I mean, I had, it's different because I'm like, yeah, that's to go, you by yourself. I was like 19. And like, but like now, like then COVID happened. Like, like, now I think about shit like that.

Like, what if I go there and the world shuts down again? It's like, I can't leave China. That would be crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I love Japan, though. I'd never been to Japan, but I think I was like Japan. Bro, Japan's sick.

I went to a brothel in Spain. Well, I ran with the Bulls in Spain. And it was cool, and we went to a brothel. I was, I was terrified. My brother was like, it was, the whole trip was my idea, but my brother was, my younger brother was just so amped up to do it and was like, that's, like, he wanted to do it again. I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? It was terrifying, terrifying, but thrilling.

Were you like, were you like, excited? I never done. I mean, I never will. But were you in, like, the front or the back? You're like in, like, everyone collectively gathers in like one long street. So you're kind of in the middle of the street. And then, and then the bulls kind of plow through. And really, like, it's fine.

Like, you just get out of the way and they plow through. But the dangerous thing is, like, if a bull gets separated from the herd, then it starts just taking people out. And that's what happened. So with the herd came by, and we were like, yeah, sick. And then, like, we see one bull by itself. Just take this guy out. Take this guy out.

Do people die? I did a lot of research. like, I think like maybe like five or six people have died like in the past like 50 years. But I want to do it now. But a lot of people, that's enough. But a lot of people...

I'm gonna dare you. Yeah. I'll fucking do it. I dare you do it. Extremely, extremely awesome rewarding experience. Yeah, you won't. Yeah, I'll fucking do it. I'll do it.

What is it? When is it? It's in the summer, like in July. Well, you said I want. I'll fucking do it. Brandon Barrera did it too. Have you talked to him at all about it?

I think we mentioned it briefly, but yeah, it's like a cool, you know, and then it's like, it's like Marty Gras. And if you ever been to Marty Gras, but it's like, everyone gets just gets hammered after. Like, it is like, like, the night before I like was like freaking out. I'm like, are we going to die? Like, I realized I was more concerned. I was like, sign up. You don't sign up. You show up on the street.

And then they let the Bulls go. Yeah, there's no, there's no waiver. There's no W-9. I was like, how do I sign up? Can I talk to somebody first? Like, no, dude. I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, I was all nervous.

I, like, didn't drink the night before. after. And there were literally people on the street hung over and they'd wake up and they'd be like oh shit, we're running and then they just fucking run. Were there black people there? There's some black people yet. Running? I don't know if I saw any running but They're running so fast you can't.

A lot of Europeans. There's a bunch of Kenyans who are Missed race. A lot of like English. I guess it's like if you're getting like if you're British, it's like a good like Bachelor party thing. Yeah. It's like yeah we're here for Stag party. I'm running to Bose party. Faka hookah. That's cool.

That seems like a fun time. No, it does. That's the things I'm so scared of, like, losing stage time. And that's what I'm talking about where I do need to, like, tone it back a little bit and do shit like that. Yeah, but how do you, but I've thought about it? Yeah, go, like, get some. There might be one day where I could talk about that on stage, but it's a hard, like, kung fu. Yeah, so I did kung fu, isn't that relatable?

Like, what? Oh, no, I disagree. The, I disagree completely. Yeah. The being relatable thing, I think is stupid. It's like, you don't have to be relatable. The explanation is so cool. Yeah, but it's a hard thing to get into, I feel.

I agree. I want to talk about it on stage, but I think you need a really good concept of who you are on stage to get into that and have a point of view on it. I feel like, and there's a lot of, like,

someone has this conversation with me. Like, there's a lot of stuff that like, I don't talk about because I'm like, it's so unique. It's hard. But like my, like one of my friends who,

who like lives in LA has been a comic for a while was like, what are you talking about? Like, that's the, those are the things you're supposed to be talking about. Right, exactly.

Those are the things that are different. Like, the unique, like, just Tom and someone I'm talking like, Once you start to talk about it more, it's not going to be good in the beginning of maybe because... No, and I've tried to talk about all of it. But you've got to keep writing stuff on that because there's going to be something in there that's just gold. Yeah, you're right.

Who the hell's going to be able to talk about that? Yeah, you loop back to it. Who the hell? Bro, who the hell else did Shaolin training with a bunch of Africans in the middle of China? No, not. And it's like, you're going to be on a lineup where somebody's talking about, like, a new app. Yeah. And everybody's going to be like...

Anybody else on him? Oh, for sure. You're like, remember when I fought those monks in the mountains of Indonesia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I think the relatable thing. It's like, it's like some aspects of comedy can be relatable, but like I love watching somebody that's like, nah. I'm like, I completely, but I think like, so right now, like, you're caught as you move forward in comedy, I feel like you're slowly creating, you're building a toolbox. You're building a way to articulate yourself on stage in a way that is more complex, the more years you do it.

So like you start by going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? And then you start to learn like, oh, I can tell a story. I can do this. So I think, I think the things that are the most personal and unique, I think tend to be the hardest thing. to sort of bring to the stage because you need that articulation to be able to convey them well. It takes longer. It takes much longer.

But that's a cool thing though, because if you think about it, that's just because there's no, there's no template to work off of. Yeah, and part of the reason why I came out here is because it's like, well, there's an abundance of stage time and an abundance to find,

like the pair at midnight, like you said, you did 20 minutes or 30 minutes, whatever you did the other night. Yeah. You can just, to the void. Yeah. In Chicago, there's no void. There's, it's everything sort of like matters

and there's people and you don't want to fuck up. Here, you can, the beautiful thing about the comedy shopper, the grizzly pair of St. Marks is like, you're like, oh, I'm just talking into the darkness and none of this really matters and I can find myself within the darkness. There's nothing I love more than being on stage at like 1 10 a.m. Like I'm like literally. Yeah, and being like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Whatever. I'll say something I've never said before. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. Hell yeah, dude. It's a beautiful game. It's a beautiful art. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But like I, you guys, did you do it in Florida? Because it felt like in Chicago, it's like we would do one mic and night. but that mic sort of mattered.

It's like all my friends were there. There was an audience. You wanted to do well. Yeah, I would rarely work on news. I would be so nervous to work on news. Yeah, I give so little of a shit now if I do well or not on stage, depending on the show.

Yeah, but there's so many sets that don't matter that it's like, yeah, whatever. It's almost like that's what they're there for sometimes. Like I think some of those like, you know, like the sixth person with the shop, like I already know how I'm coming in. You learn so much from those. I'm coming in being like,

oh, everything that I ever thought about talking about this week, like, this is where I'm doing it. Yeah, well, I mean, there was a time in Chicago where I would go to Zanis or something, and like, I was a home club, I'd play there a lot. I'd walk in there, and there'd be 30 people, and I'd go, what the fuck? I'd go, the fucking 30 people here. It's like, this place should be sold out, you know?

Now, now, now. Oh, seven people? A little bit of a culture shock, eh? Well, no, now I wouldn't, since I've been back, I'll go to Chicago, I'll go in the room and I'll be like, there's 30 people here. What? Everyone loves this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That rocks. You appreciate it a lot. Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. I do hate to cut us off, but we are... You got diarrhea again? I have diarrhea again. No, no, but we're at it.

We're at over an hour. Holy cow. Oh, man. It flies by. Yeah. You're having fun. Did we do good, Michael? Is this okay?

This is great. This is a great episode. I enjoyed this a lot. I would do this again. 100%, yeah. I gotta get my pod back going. I do it. I'm so lazy with it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know. I want to do one. Cole Copsie wants to do one with me. And I think it would be fun. Have you ever talked, You know, Cole? You guys got to meet Cole Cosby.

One, he's very funny comic. Even funnier is he's Bill Cosby's nephew. Is he really? And he has so many funny things. That's true. I was going to ask. That is, oh, I got to have this guy out of the podcast.

He's very, he's like from Philly. You know, Philly. I don't know if you ever done comedy, Philly's a great comic. Yeah. Yeah, no, I never bet. Cole's the best.

And he's just a very goofy person. You got to have him on the podcast. He's very goofy person to talk to. Yeah. I hate to wrap it up dramatically. But we, so people don't know, I'm doing my roommate's podcast in the other corner of the room

in 20 minutes. So I got to start that. This is an interesting. Yeah, okay. Yeah. But what do you guys want to promote? Oh, Luca Farrow, comedy,

Instagram, TikTok, whatever. Fuck it. Yeah, Luca Farrow comedy. Thanks. Yeah.

No, Jamel Surleaf and Luke Farrow. Actually, you know, I'm not going to do that. See me on the Michael Good podcast. That's the only place people can see me.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. I promote Michael Good podcast. We're only promoting the Michael Good. Yeah. Yeah. It's not what it's called,

but thank you. Oh, sorry, the morning good morning, the morning good. Thank you so much. God bless you, Michael.

Yeah, you too.