Morning Good - Anti-Goyism - Episode 320

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

Joe Gorman and Ike Rafferty join the show for today's episode. They talk about island life, suicide support groups, and Terry Crews' porn addiction.Thanks to Ike and Joe for coming back the show. You can check them both out on previous episodes or at their links below.Ike is on Instagram @ikerafferty. He has a new podcast coming soon called "Another Dumb White Podcast", so follow him to stay updated on that coming out. Joe is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. Good.

Oh, I love it. Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Oh, you all to start a. Welcome to morning. All right. All right. We're here with Iig Raffordi and Joe Gorman.

I think I put a D in there. I Graffordy. Mm-hmm. Kind of like, it's like 50 cent. Fitty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's how I say that. Got a couple D's.

a couple bullets in there. Like 50 cent. Yeah, he killed the guy. 50? Yeah, yeah. HIV? No, that's not how he killed a guy. Didn't he knowingly infect somebody with HIV?

No, I don't think. No. 50 Cent did play an AIDS patient in a movie. And nobody saw it. And nobody saw and he lost all that weight for nothing. Well, you think about this. Like nowadays, like sex scenes and movies are so regulated with like intimacy

coordinators. You think back then they were like having proper needle handling on sets. Like, no, he was using real dirty needles. Right, he was probably getting, yeah. I mean, that's the best way to lose weight. Yeah, yeah. They think it's Ozympic, but it's really just knowingly infect yourself. With AIDS.

Well, it's probably a thing, too, you probably, because if somebody has that, SD scares, when you think you have HIV, you're probably, like, lying yourself so much. You probably go on, like, nowadays, you probably go on a chat GPT, and you're like, this isn't AIDS. You're like. And then even if it is, you're like, well, it's fine nowadays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you just take, like, vitamin C.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, I listen to whatever Joe Rogan's prep is on. Aids, not the real prep. Whatever, R. FK Jr., he probably gives good advice. His prep is Ivermectin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to have a sparrows penis in your mouth or something. Whatever, yeah, he does have a crazy voice.

Yeah, it's fun, though. It is fun. He does sound like it's like he's like, he came back from the future, but he came back all messed up, and he saw some shit that, like, shattered him. Yeah. And it's like, my voice is all hoarse from all the screaming. I did. Like a war guy.

Yeah. Yeah. His soul has been through a lot. That's for sure. Yeah. I mean, his dad died. That's a bummer. Is that in the plane crash, right?

And it was just Father's Day, so that's got to be tough. It was always tough. It's always tough when your father's list on Father's Day. And the tough thing about Father's Day is even when one passes, there's another one around the corner. That's true. Yeah. Who's his stepdaddy? Coco's next book, my stepdad.

Cocoa is Joey Cocoa. Yeah. Just guys. Hey, cock sucker. Try this. Try these ninja stars, motherfucker. Me and your mom are having a tough time. Yeah.

somebody told me they saw him recently at the, he was just the Brooklyn Improv. I would love to see that guy live. Joey Diaz? He's great. I saw him once. He was awesome. I opened for him in San Francisco.

What was that like? It was awesome. He was super fucking chill. He came into the green room and he was like, who wants some weed? And he opened up his backpack, had like a giant fucking bag of marijuana. Gummies, the famous ninja stars.

He just hooked everyone up. He had like a conversation with me in the green room. And like every conversation is like when he tells a story on his podcast. It's like, but like it felt like intimate. Like very big pauses before he says something. Not even really. He was just like explaining like, you know, fucking a woman and shit. I thought it'd be giving you

comedy, but he's like, well, you got those, you gotta get down there like the pussy. Nah, it's like there's no, if I realized anything in my years, it's like, there really isn't any solid comedy advice aside from just keep doing it. Well, because every single person has a dramatically different path. There's like, you can't look at two comedians and they went down the same path. Right, because

there's not like, it's not like you go into a job and like there's like etiquette where it's like, well, you show up on time, you do a good job, you wear a suit and tie. And even then it's still, like everything else, nepotism. Yeah, yeah. You know? I'm going to give the job to my friend, or I'm going to have this fucking comic that's sucking my cock open for me.

Right. And not you. That's probably the best advice to comics is get good with your mouth. Yeah, honestly, like be willing to have sex with someone. Yeah, yeah. Probably a creepy man, unfortunately. Like, that's the best way. Yeah, there's a female version of that.

I mean, I would love for Chelsea Hanledge to take me under her wing. Yeah, but she would like, you know, there's a more shredded dude. that could open for her. I know. She'd have like Matt Rife open for her. Yeah. I would open her vagina.

You would? I don't know, dude. She was on the Epstein. She was on the Epstein files. Oh, yeah, I actually were sent that.

Yeah. Zero integrity when it comes to. She needs to get punished. Exactly. So the sex wouldn't be a reward. It would be a punishment. Exactly. I would purposely

give bad sex. I take Adderall, so I have trouble getting an erection. Beautiful. But I would tell her, I'm like, I'm so hard for you. And then I would like,

it saw him. But not. And then I start crying. And then she'd be like, this reminds me of Epstein's Island. And then she'd be more into it. It's the Epstein Island, man. Everything is cheering on to Epstein Island. He probably did have one of those teaky boats. Like, with the fun little thing. Well, do you think he had like locals sort of from the area or the surrounding islands?

How could he not? All the staff there is like playing like steel drums. We keep our heads down. We don't ask questions. We didn't see nothing, man. Welcome to Little St. James, ma' Where all the children are eight and under.

Emphasis on little. Because, you know how, like, you know, if you're like a resort or something, not that I've been to a ton, but, you know, sometimes you're getting your head or something like that. You know, I bet you, like, Bill Gates or something was just like, I just don't know if it's right for me to be here. And he's like, there's an old Jamaican saying that's basically

like, let it be, man. Just relax. Listen to the, listen to the sand on the island, Bill Gates, man. know you want to have sex with a little child just running around. They're free-range children. You just pick one out and you do what you want. And then you just put it back to the island. It provides.

They probably, everyone thought, they'd feel so good. Like, you just were a pedophile and then a Jamaican guy gave you like some old Jamaican wisdom. And you're like, you know what?

How greedy are billionaires? You know? Because like, not only do you get to go to birthright, but then you also get to fuck children. Yeah. It's like, how about something for the working man?

And you get a bar mitzvah. You get a bar mitzvah, you get to go to birthright, and you get to fuck a child. It don't get much better than that. Yeah. I don't know. I wondered, too, about the actual anti-anties. What do you call extreme, like, Judaism that's anti-goy? What is it just called anti-goism?

What do you mean? Like, against, like, because I thought that stuff was fun. When he was in a group chat and just being like, it's fucking goy city in this party, I'm like, oh, that's just dudes talking. I don't think he has, I don't think, I was talking to him, my brother about this. I don't think there's this big, high up white supremacy group or Jewish supremacy group. I think it's just like people just care about money and like the people to hire

up. They're like, yeah, maybe we could like fake racist just to get all these like, you know, kind of dumb. It's always like a billionaire cabal. Yeah, but I don't think they're like, there's, it's divided by that. It's always been about money. Yeah. And everything else is like theatrics. I mean, that's why like there were Democrats and Republicans on the Epstein Island. Yeah, they're just doing a Congo line.

Yeah. It's all fucking pro wrestling when it comes down to it. Yeah. And like both sides are like, well, this side is actually evil, but we're a good side. And, you know, it's like, you know, the idiot fucking Americans believe it. Like, oh, I'm not going to vote for this evil fucking guy. I'm going to vote for this evil guy that has my best interest at heart.

It's probably so fun when they, when they call cut. And they're just like, you were great out there. Like, oh, that was good, man. That was good. Yeah. It's like, listen to me, Bernie Sanders. I'm not going to let that bill pass. Yeah.

That was, he's like, that was good. You got some real heat. You got some real heat. Yeah. You know. Things got intense out there. That was fun. They believed that.

I almost believed it for a second. That wasn't too much, right? No, no, no, no. It was great. That was great. You took me there. Yeah. I felt like you actually cared about black people.

It was so convincing. I do miss that because like, remember when... The Titans, yes. Yeah, well, that, but I remember when that Nancy fucking... What's her name? Pelosi?

Nancy Pelosi when she, like, kneeled for like black lives and shit. Yeah. And she was wearing like an African shawl. Yeah, we do need to bring that back. That was tight. Like that heavy pandering. Yeah, yeah.

Like it was really... Well, I felt weird about that because my day job is canvassing for charter schools. And I was giving out happy Juneteenth bands. And I was like, this feels so weird as somebody whose ancestors probably had slaves to be like... Oh, 100%. Yeah, to be like, happy, gee... It's not my holiday. I'm like, I'm happy.

It's a thing. How far back can you trace your ancestry in America? It's kind of all over the place. Like, you hear your... related to this guy here, related to that guy. We got all kinds of stuff because, like, my mom's side was, like, Ireland and Italy, like, right here. So they got, like, nothing that goes

back deeper. Like, they're just all from Europe. And then, and Spain and fucking weird part. I mean, that's part of Europe, but, like, weird, like, you know, I'm Croatian, all kinds of around and shit like that. But then my dad's kind of like, there's a dude that came from Switzerland here. There's, like, a black and white picture of him, but then he married some woman whose dad

was been in America for nine million. Oh, so that's probably where the slave trade comes from. I absolutely. There's, there's, without a doubt, I would guess I'm related to somebody to own slaves. I don't have evidence of it. Right, but like you said, I can feel it now, you know, when I see.

I think if, like, you're, like, middle class in America today, you probably come from, like, wealthy ancestry in America, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, it's, like, impossible, like, really build yourself, like, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I don't know. You're a story of Ronald Schwartz.

We're not doing this game again. Oh, I know. I get too close, but he says that. Well, his, his father was like a Nazi Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he was like, I don't want to do that. I want to lift weights. I don't want to do a salute.

I want to lift the weights. And he's like, you will not lift the wades. And he's like, fuck you, I'm going to America. I'm going to lift away. Yeah, yeah. He's like, you have to kill the Jews. He's like, no, I want to lift the weights. I want to be the last action hero.

Yeah. He kind of. I was going to try and jump. Yeah, yeah, we're going to try and. I don't, I don't, I'll get to it. You go back to it. It's okay. before talking to his guy.

He's like, I don't want to kill Jews. Get down, the Nazis coming. Hi, the Nazi. That was awesome. Whenever it's like, I want to do a retarded person voice, but I can't, so I'll do Arnold Schwarzenegger. Right, yeah, yeah. And that's like, people would just say, like, you know, I like cheese as like Arnold

Schwarzenegger. Yeah. And that's all they did. I'll be curious what his actual intelligence is, because I do have a sense of, what is the word, like, um. Oh, he's smart to play a role. Yeah, I'm just like, I have a hard time believing that. that guy is intellectually smart,

but it's totally just my xenophobia where I hear somebody speaking sort of like a broken English and I go, how smart can they be? Right. I don't know. A lot of those movies

have a lot of lines. That's true, yeah. Yeah, but they have takes. Yeah, no, giant fucking outtakes of an Arnold movie. Giant fucking cue cards that have like the entire script on it. Every one of his movies has a thousand outtakes

where he's like, oh, fuck, line, what? What was it? It's all be back. He's doing that in every movie. Yeah, I'll be bugged. This is not Terminator. No, no, no, no, no.

You're trying to get your son the fucking robot. He's jingle all the way. Yeah, yeah, he's like, turbo man. But he'll still be back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I still be there? I'll be back with the toy. When do I cut off my undreveiling the robot's arm?

Yeah. I'll be back with my twin. Yeah. Danny Devitos? No, Dan Ndevito's not. That's a different movie, Arnold. Arnold Schwarzenegger's signature is on my college diploma because I graduated when he was governor of California.

That's sick. Okay. Hell yeah. Yeah, it was fucking tight, dude. Have you ever heard the, the day and the day and the day and the cocaine. That they were twins. No, no, no, no. So there's, there's, they went to this Hollywood party where like all their

names were written in cocaine and Daveyto's like, I was so bummed out because Arnold has such a long name that he had like so much cocaine than me. Yeah. And they probably also give a little bit to Dan and DeVito because they're like, how much can he really handle his heart? Well, also like Arnold has like a strong body so he could probably handle it. Dan Navito looks like he's like one soda

away from a massive. Yeah. Surprisingly, Andy Dick pretty short. Yeah, actually like we're going to just go by your initials, D.D. Yeah, he's like, come on. Give him more. Hey, come on. Give me some Coke.

Yeah. Eddie Dick is, he's back in action, right? Well, there's been, like, videos of him just kind of like fenting out on the streets. Yeah, he's like homeless now. He's fully homeless. Still the most successful person from news radio. I mean, I don't know. I think there's another guy there.

He's do pretty well. No. Andy Dick's the most successful because he has friends. Isn't that the true litmus test of success? That is true. Well, the most successful person from that show who still has their hair. Yeah, that's the most successful person from that show who still has their hair. Yeah, that's, that's the most,

most important. Well, Stephen Root. Yeah. But it's in his name. God's like, we're giving this guy roots. Yeah. And he's like, I think Stephen Root is probably the most talented actor. It's like, what an eclectic group of people from news radio when you really think about it. I've never even seen it. Really? Is it good? It was actually not a bad workplace

sitcom from like the late 90s. When Phil Hartman was on it, Phil Hartman was fucking great. What happened to him? Oh, well, he made the ultimate bad choice. You marry a woman. Oh, yeah. Never marry a woman. Do gay lovers kill each other? Yes, I did hear about this recently.

Gay lovers do kill each other. Oh, yeah, it seems to be the... But it's not like a crime of passion. It's just dudes being dudes, so it usually goes unreported. Yeah. But it's a higher. I think it's a higher ratio of gay couples, get into fights, than married straight couples. But it's reported less because, like, the police are too embarrassed to take a report.

Right. It's like, wait a minute. You and you... Okay, but where's the woman in this scenario? Well, I heard, you know, sort of that lesbian couples also have a high rate. Oh, yeah. Huge. Huge.

The ladies love to fight. They love to fight. Yeah. It's probably over something simple. Put two of them in a room together? Oh, you're telling me, Jack. I mean, it's like, just let's just let's just chill out and play a little madden, right? It's like, the temperatures are getting a little hot.

Let's just play some madden and chill out. Have a beer, you know? Yeah. Give me a cold one. Women should drink more beer in fart more. That's what I say. Yeah, they should. They never fart.

art. And when they do, they're like, that wasn't me. Dude, it's funny when you're at a bar and there's just a woman who just clearly almost shattered pans. And then you just see a group of what you're like, there's no dudes even around here. You definitely just... Did you see the video of the original teen mom? Taking the big old dumb.

Let's put in context as an adult. Yes, I've watched it. I've showed it to people. I think I've missed this. What is this? Oh, man, hard to miss. I can even smell it now. She, uh, the woman who played teen mom or will... Farah Abram? Yeah, she like, started doing it. I know she did porn.

and stuff. Yeah, she has video of her taking fucking the biggest shit I've ever seen. A massive donk. She had like some, that was like a Chip thing or what? Just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much a kink thing. It wasn't like a healthy shit or a doctor just a video per day. I don't know if maybe it was like, I don't know, like a creep shot camera from a Chipotle bathroom. No, no, no, no. She doesn't know.

She has no idea it's out there. It's like, she got punked. It's like, all right. You never know what these celebrities have to go through. Yeah. She doesn't know that we put it in camera in this bath station. in this gas station bathroom. Let's watch her. Ashton Kutcher has her turn in like a, what do you call those plastic boxes?

Shadowbox. Yeah, yeah. He turns out like, this is awesome. Yeah, I got a shirt right here. I'm taking it home. It's a prop of the thing.

You know, we can't see the rules. Yeah, well, that was a wild video. Kind of hot. It's like the, and it's like you immediately find

if you search your name on X, well, only known as Twitter. Yeah, yeah. It's the first thing that pops up. There you go. Pull it up. Put it up for the camera to see.

Yeah. I do like the idea of her sending that. to her doctor and be like, is this normal? Is this a healthy amount? Just her spreading her ass, she could take a giant dump. He's like, that is a sample. That is a dick-drainingly healthy shit. Yeah, yeah.

She's like, well, you have to subscribe to my only fans to see the, that would be a funny thing to the doctor. They're like, okay, guys, are your penis. I'm like, I can show you a picture of the rash on it, but you got to subscribe to my- Yeah, you got to subscribe to the only. It's beyond a paywall. Yeah.

I have it out there, but it's on a paywall. Yeah, this isn't fair. I give you money. It's just seem. I, I took a dick pick, and my Google account got deactivated for having child porn. Is that what happened? They're like, this penis is so little, it has to be a baby's.

And I'm like, no, that's my penis. And you got to go to court and show them your penis. Yeah, I had to do that. And they're still like, we need a birth certificate to show their hair. You need a birth certificate. I needed a blood test. All of that shit. It's like, grow up. Yeah. That's why I yell at my penis. I grow up. Grow up.

You try to find this fairy. Farrah Abrams. Wait till you see the surprise. in the video. That'll be more of... Type in teen mom. No, don't type in... Do not do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Type teen mom, massive shit.

Yeah. Farah, Abrams. Her daughter's getting old enough to have an only fans pretty soon. What? It's true. Because she's like 30, right? Is that how you say...

Oh, okay. And her daughter is like probably 16, 17, so she's like... And there's no way she's going to be able to have... phrase it that way. Well, she's got... Whatever. She's not going to be a functioning member of society. She was raised by a fucking whore.

I think that's the one. Yeah, that's her. Well, he's going to have to edit that out now. No, it's not. There's no way they can pick that up. Isn't that crazy? There she goes. Look at that little fucking turd cutter.

Well, everybody's going to see it. It's crazy. It's like a giant dump. Yeah. There's like a little one, and then it's like, insane. I've never taking a shit that big

it's still going it's still going what a log yeah she probably had a dietitian like be like okay fruit yeah this is true

well I have a squatty potty so it's not impossible that's the way to do it have you ever shit on a squatty potty it's pretty fucking awesome it's like damn this is like I've been shitting wrong you ever jacked off on a squatty potty

no that's where it's at yeah it opens everything up nice and right really opened up fucking prostate here. I'm a standing jerker or a laying jerker. I can't sit and jerk. Oh, interesting.

Why not? I could do it any which way. Yeah, I think it just... You stand? Sometimes, yeah, because if I'm shooting like a toilet load. Like pacing back and forth all nervous, fucking jerking yourself on. On the phone. Like me on a phone call?

Yeah, yeah. Trying to close a deal. The Garfino account needs to be closed by Thursday. I'm not going to take it. I did think I noticed trails have come up and down. Yeah. I'm really taking a bath on this one. Yeah, standing or laying down.

I don't know. I'm really, I'm very like, I treat my cum. Are you a dry jacker? Are you using the type of cream, lotion spit? Spit. You don't even like, treat yourself. Get some oil. But then I got to take the oil off the dick.

You got to take the spit off your dick. Yeah, but I just wash my penis. The oil seems like it's always being in the water. The oil, it can wash off too if you get like a baby oil or something. Yeah, well, I'm usually jacking off on the clock and I don't want to get oil over my work pants. Yeah, that's true. I go right back out, you know. I jack on the lot.

Tell me you're not remote. I work at a children's hospital. Nice. Hell yeah. My bad. Yeah, I'm so specific with my jerks. I'm like, dude, if I need to pee, it's going to ruin the cum. Because, like, if you have to pee and you come, it doesn't feel as good for some reason.

Yeah. Yeah, so I'm like very like, no. And every time, I've actually came twice back to back once my whole entire life, like a week ago. Because, you know how you can't? But you always try to. There's always some cum left in your dick that you can't get out. And you never, it's like an it you can ever scratch. There's been a time where I've come twice and it was like mind blowing.

Yeah. Because it's like, no way. No way! Yeah. Just like immediately. Like, I don't think I've ever done that. Back to back? One time, I try every time.

Every time I'm like, I can do this. And then your dig just goes soft while you're still jacking. Were you with a partner or were you jacking off? I was jacking off alone. Very alone. Very dark. Why do you specify alone? You normally check off with friends or?

I'll jerk up with a partner. Like, if I'm hooking up a girl and she's like, I'm too tired. I'll be, can jerk off while you like say nice things to me? And I'll do that. She's like, I love your podcast. I gave it a five star rating on iTunes. Yeah, I'm like, let me see the five-star rating. Your kill-tony's spot was really standout.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh, God. I was like, yeah, well, what if fucking Cam Patterson was still on the show? Would I still stand out? And she's like, yes. And I'm like, eh. Do you think you're going to get on SNL next? No.

Do you think Cam Patterson is going to get a second season on SNL? He should. I think I don't think they utilize them correctly. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think they utilize a lot of things correctly because they're still trying to play to like a dead medium. They kind of sometimes will catch on to something that like goes viral in a clip and then you can kind of tell that they're trying to reverse like engineer that. So like this season I feel like they more than any other season have like leaned into breaking and like cracking during sketches.

Which Lauren Michaels hates. He's normally against it. But like within the last like year there's been so many of their clips on like TikTok and shit that have gone like crazy viral because it's like, oh, like can't stop laughing around Ryan Gosling or whatever. Now I feel like everyone, almost every other cast member, it won't, like, you look at them and it's like, what the fuck are you doing? This is your job. Yeah, like you failed at your job.

You literally failed at your fucking job. Yeah, you're bad at your fucking job. It's like anyone can giggle like a piece of shit. The only time I ever understood it was like with situations like Stefan, that character. Right. Where he doesn't know the lines. Yeah, that was like the whole thing Bill Hader and John Mullaney did was like, John was intentionally trying to get him to crack.

Yeah. And then Bill Hater did such a good job of like kind of covering that. still try to fight through it. Right. And then like how we'd like cover his mouth when he would say things. It works with the character. He's earnestly trying to fight through it. And it makes sense because he has no idea what the jokes are.

Or like when Michael Che and that white guy fucking switch jokes, joke swap. Yeah. And it's like, but even that seems a little force because the camarader doesn't seem as genuine. Well, and also because they've been doing this bit now for 10 years or what that is. Yeah. It's all fucking old hat now. Which is like so funny because I'm like, yeah, these new characters on us and now. It's like, no, they've been around for like 10 years.

It's like I just haven't. Fuck, I haven't really watch it since like Will Ferrell was like a recurring character And I've said this on every episode of this podcast Fire everybody, all fat guys. They need to they need to do like in the 80s When like they had like Robert Downey Jr. And Julia Louis Dreyfus as cast members

That was when Lauren Michaels wasn't the producer And he came back and he fired the entire staff And brought him back. Clean house like 100% agree. Yeah, yeah. Also Robert Downey Jr. relapse. I want some of that. There's nothing sadder than like an old guy relapsing though.

Yeah, but in his Iron Man suit, just coked out of his skull. Yeah. But he's not Iron Man anymore. Yeah, he's Doctor Doom. He's Dr. Doom. Jarvis test the purity of this rock. Purity at 98%. We can go higher.

Yeah. We can do it. He replaces his fucking, his fucking engine in his heart with just like a giant fucking, the most pure crack rock. It's like more pure than vibranium. Yeah, I've always said this. I wish when I still did Coke. I tried crack because it doesn't seem as bad as people say it is.

It sounds pretty sick. Crack sounds pretty fucking cool. Yeah. Well, and I just love cooking, so. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, anything where you have to cook. It's like a nice dude. It's like, I like the routine of it. Yeah, yeah. There was a girl in my high school was really funny.

She was a prostitute. And then she, she, she, she, like, filmed the Snapchat of her, like, in a trap house. It's like all these,

like hood black dudes. It's cooking crack. Yeah. And then she's like, she's like, yo, we're out here. And they're like, What the fuck is his bitch doing?

Like, she's, like, doing, like, live streams like that while they're cooking crack and stuff. Yikes. Yeah. Wow. What's she? Have you checked in on her? How's she doing these days? She passed away.

Yeah. She did. A lot of people die. No, no, no, she's fine. I'm out of age where a lot of people are dying now. Yeah? A lot of people, yeah. People I went to high school with.

Dead. I'm glad that happened to you later. Happened me all in, like, how many by your hands? Three. Okay. Not bad. Those are kind of rookie numbers. Yeah.

Dude, that is no. I'm not trying to be that guy. My high school's like half dead right now. Really? Oh, yeah. Damn. I mean, that's Florida, though. Yeah.

People live fast there. Yeah, live fast. Guy young. Yeah, bad girls do it well. Yeah. Yeah, I had three friends die, but I know I'm not trying to make this like a braggy thing, but I had like. Were you sad? Of course.

I was in the four crying, listening to Kid Cuddy. Day and night. Yeah. Day and night. I listened to All along, I was meant to be alone. I were just crying in my old apartment. You were bombed. Yeah, and then I went to, like, suicide, what do you call, meetings?

Prevention? No, they were like, it was called suicide survivors. Which is terrible, terrible name, because nobody survived. It's for people who, like, are around suicide. And then it's like, they're like, just remember this is the worst thing that'll ever happen to you. I'm like, well, it's happened a few times now. So obviously, you guys. Wow.

And then it was a thing, too, where they were like, this one guy was so funny. He's like, yeah, my brother actually killed himself. Not like that son of bitch Epstein, who definitely did not kill him. kill himself. Now, everybody's saying he killed himself. And then ladies, like, calm down. This is not what this meeting is for. I love that. And the person who's friends with Epstein's at the meeting, like, oh, I'm here to grieve too, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Epstein.

I know a different Mark Epstein, by the way. Not the same. Not the same. Not the same. Come on. Yeah. No relations. No relation. No, yeah. Just, just Jeffrey. I want everybody to call him Geoffrey. I like Joffrey Epstein sounds so much nicer. Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Do you see Game of Thrones? Oh, yeah, Joffrey was a little rascal. He was the little shit. Yeah. He's got a lot of growing up to do. Yeah. That'd be such a funny thing to say to Peter Digglage. You've got a lot of growing up.

How cool is it when Peter Dinklage was like, fuck Snow White in the seven dwarves. And then a bunch of dwarves lost out on work. Yeah, and then like every other fucking freak in the industry wasn't able to get a spot. And they're like, we're just going to see GI this nonsense. I mean, that's really lifting the ladder up behind you. It really is, dude. You know, for a guy with such a big head, he's got a stunted ego. It's like when all like those offensive cringe comics of like the early 2000s were like,

it's actually bad to be racist now. Yeah, yeah. Like Sarah Silverman, she was like, it's actually bad and I regret saying all the things I said in my career. I regret the black face. Yeah. And it's like, well, do you regret all the money you made? And are you going to give back that money that you made from all of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you could pay reparations. Yeah. You could do reparations. You could help out a future generation. Yeah. But nobody wants to. No. Everyone's just like retroactively trying to.

like Howard Stern. You know, Howard Stern is like, oh, that stuff's awful. It's like, dude, you did fucking hard black face. Yeah, yeah, not even- You did hard black face. And you fucking, like, objectified women. Yeah, you had, uh, he did that awesome game where he had like moms and daughters on. Yeah.

And he would have them pay them to, like, get naked with each other and like make-out and stuff. Yeah, he would be like, suck your brother's cock. Yeah, it was like, would you do it for a hundred bucks? And they're like, I guess so. Yeah, we're kind of broke. Yeah. We need the money. It's like, he would literally just like, yeah, which is just like hunger games type shit.

And now he's like, oh, yeah. fucking be woke. And it's like, no, dude, you're not woke. You're just like, you're just avoiding repercussions of what you did. Yeah. Trying to get ahead of your own cancellation by canceling others. Which is why I plan on doing actual reparations. I found a very strong black woman and I'm going to be her slave for a month.

Ooh. Yeah. That's awesome. And there's nothing in it for me. It's definitely not a kink or a fetish. And she will be chaining me to her bathroom toilet. And I mean that, M.G? I mean, it's the only way to fix racism is for me.

to be a submissive to a black woman. I think that's the... Well, you're kind of like the guinea pig. I think eventually we're all going to have to like... It's like mandatory service. We're all going to have to do that. Yeah, look, she wants to put me on leave. I want to be a white slave for at least a year.

White slaves. Wait, no, continue with that. No, just that's a little shanty. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. You see, black people have hymns. White people have shanties. Mm-hmm. And that's the difference.

And that's perfect for ads for hymns. If you're losing your erection or your hair. Are you sponsored by hymns? No. That's, isn't that cool? like they sell you boner pills, but you lose your hair and then they sell your hair pills and you lose your boner. Perfect system. It is actually.

Evens out and then you get a hairy boner. Yeah. That's how weird. Ooh, Harry Boner. That's my alias. When I post hate speech on YouTube. Yeah, no, mine is yeah, I don't know. I don't know what mine is. You know, I just thought of like the best stage name for a female comic. What? Are you ready?

Amanda Have Sex With. Amanda have sex with. Yeah. Yeah. Coming to the stage, Amanda have sex with. And people go,

I want to fucking listen to this fucking man. All right. Yeah. You know, that's like a fucking great name. And it just gets

funnier the more you say it. Amanda have sex with. Featuring Amanda have sex with. And the East Street band. That's a, you know what? Fucking,

okay, fire all of SNL, rehire all fat guys, give them all aliases that have like, you know, double entendre type names. I like this idea.

It's a great idea. also army hammer is hosting every i am aggressively trying to shoehorn what we're talking about earlier but our army hammer is the host every week and he has to uh describe why his eating people fetishes are a new delicious recipe featuring human flesh yeah well he needs to play dommer now i don't know yeah yeah i mean he got he has to kind of lean into it for sure how do you also go how do you skip fucking a dude to eating a person it seems like in somewhere in there you'd go maybe I want to fuck it, dude. No, no sort of experiment. I want to eat a boner. Yeah, he's just

like, oh, it's a spectrum. Sexuality is a spectrum. Right. Yeah, we were joking about him going far right. Because he's in some movie that apparently he's doing really well, citizen vigilante. Well, I think it's only doing well because, like, fucking people are like, well, I gotta fucking support this goofy thing. Yeah, yeah. It's probably bots.

They're probably paying bots to, like, upvoted and shit. But 96% on Tomatoes is, that's a very liberal thing. That's one very... I mean, how many votes it has though. If only like four people reviewed it. It's a good point. It's just Elon Musk. That is possible. But we were saying he does

a Christian grift and starts like using the Bible to justify it. He's like, no, just like Jesus is like, here's my flesh. Here's my flesh. Eat it. So that's where he's... Eat my flesh. Like suck my kiss by... Suck my kiss. Eat my flesh.

Yeah, I never know. I never know enough. I think I heard him on Bill Maher. I was like, okay. So you're eating people that's what you're doing? And he's like, I have a fetish. And, you know, I said some weird texts and I don't actually want to eat anybody. It's just kind of a thing. I don't think there's anything like if you want to eat a person who consents to you

eating them, I think you should be able. Maybe not to their death, but like if somebody's just like, you cut off my finger, you can eat it. I don't know. I don't know. That seems a bit much. Yeah. There's no going back from that. What would you, if you had to eat a body part, what would it be? Probably like a woman's ass cheek. Ooh. Have you seen the stuff that comes out of there, though?

I just did. We just did, yeah. That's a little garnish. That's like the sauce. Cook it in the sauce. A woman's ass cheek marinated in her own shit. You're nasty. You're sick, Mike.

No, now, no. You're a freak, dude. I am a freak, but that's... What the hell, man. That weirdly... Caves. Caves would be a nice fucking meaty part. This is the leg in general.

Thigh. I'd want to do like a fog-wa type thing. Yeah. Fogwa. I mean, that's easy in America. Yeah. Just find some bitch on a rascal. Yeah, 500 from big bitch.

Don't even need to fucking put a funnel in her mouth and feed her grain. She's already been doing it herself. Yeah, you've been doing it yourself with all your fucking cereal. Give me that liver, bitch. This is, okay. I'm now picturing, you got to eat a celebrity. Who are you eating? Ooh, a celebrity.

Oh. Oh, Sidney's, dude. Okay, that's fair. Sydney, Sweeney, I eat her pussy. Yeah, I do her. I'm a candle. I eat her pussy raw, baby. That'd be so funny.

He's like, the amount of pussy I'm eating and everybody call me a cannibal because I'm eating these bitches. Yeah, I'm a cannibal. Shit, I eat pussy all the time.

All the motherfucking time. All the motherfucking time I'm eating pussy. I eat pussy and ass and a little bit of elbow and shit, man, I suck some toes. I'm Jeffrey Dom over here.

Shit. You know I put that in my mouth. My mouth. That's funny, dude. Beautiful race. Yeah. Beautiful culture. Yeah.

There was a nice black lady recently and I was like, How can anybody be right? They're so charming. They really are. You should call you child? Or honey. Yeah.

Yeah, I get some of that. Yeah, it's really nice. When I work at the plasma clinic or go to the plasma clinic, sometimes there's a nice black lady. I mean, at this point, you kind of work there. You've been there. Yeah, it is true at this point, yeah. It's like, why don't, why don't you get like a real job?

Not to sound like your father. I'm trying to. You're basically salaried. Every two or three weeks, you go in and they give you 200 bucks. Is the job market that dry right now? No, I just have. I've been searching the way I need to because like I got a couple, like I got a bunch of weird odd jobs. And the problem is I'm like, oh, this will all add up.

But then it's like you're trying to get money from this guy and this. And it's just like me trying to get money from a lot of people. It sucks to have to chase it down. It's better to have like a reliable paycheck, but then you have, you know, you're kind of stuck at a job. Well, the problem is this. I've been completely delusional with myself. I'm like, well, once I do massacry girl and everything will pay off. That's not how it works.

So I need to get a real job until then and then keep having a job. And then, yeah. I mean, ideally it's like comedy will pick up. Yeah. The dream is like comedy happens. But I've been telling myself that for six years. I've been telling myself that for fucking 20 years, dude. Yeah, yeah.

And it's never happening. And I just see shittier and shittier comics achieve shit that, let's be real, should be mine. Yeah. You know? And they should be dead. I should be giving a speech for Donald Trump. Yeah. That's what you saw.

You're like, you should be pissing off Puerto Rico. I'm like, that should be me. I should be the one doing lowbrow fucking racist jokes. What is your, you were in that position? you're doing the Donald Trump speech. Our next speaker is, and you're going right after the national anthem. Yeah.

Yes. Stormy Daniels, more like lying cunt, right? Yes. I love you. I love you, Donald Trump. I love it. Please let me suck of your peepee, Donald Trump. Please, the Donald Trump, and let me suck it a peepee.

That would actually be the best. That fills up like a really good 30, 40 seconds. Yeah, honestly, I feel like just the momentum of that if I just keep doing this. Come on. I can't hear you. Like the Hulk Hogan. You're walking up and down the stage.

Bo. Not this side of the arena. Not this side of the arena. Then I got some t-shirt cannons. That should fill up another five minutes right there. Y'all Dayton or what? I like that idea. A little crowd work.

Yeah, why didn't you do any crowd work? Yeah, he should have. A real comic, if we pay attention to the algorithms, real comics, like 40 to 50% of their act, is asking the audience what they do for a living. Or who they be fucking. Asking people what they're at, what race are they? What race are you?

Hey, big lips. What race are you? Get a little of this brown-looking guy over here. Hey, tiny eyes. What race are you? Hey, squints. What's your fucking ethnicity? It's such a long distance, though, from you to the audience.

You have to have PVC pipe when you do crowd work. And whisper the questions to them and then have them go back. You think, oh, he said he's a mechanic. Did you say, okay, yeah, and then you do it. Yeah. That's kind of the way to do. It's a very scary time right now in America. Can I just say that?

Yeah, yeah. Why is that? He just did. I need to be said again What's scary about these times? I don't want to get in trouble for my honest opinions. We'll weep it out.

Thank you. Can you actually just bleep every thing I've said up until this point? Can you redact his face? Yeah, censor it. Put those sensor bars over me and then edit my voice to sound like cookie monster.

Like, I'm in identity protection. Can you cut that? That was standing in. Can you cut that? 35. Can you bleep it? Just bleep it. You can bleep it.

I'll leave it. ambiguity of what I said, but you can bleep it. It's easy to get safe when you're with the dudes, when you're with the fellas. I get it. We don't know what gender or race or... It could have been anything. It could have been any race. I could have said any slur

about anyone. Yeah. In a cookie monster voice. Spotted. It's funny. That was funny. That caught me. That made me laugh pretty hard. It's very funny. It's a funny word. All of a sudden, we have to pretend it's not funny. It's funny. I'm sorry. Who cares how mad the Asians get?

It's like, come on. It's a victimless crime. Yeah. It's a victimless crime. If you beep it, it's a victimless crime. Did you see, like, the super cut of Joe Rogan saying a word? Which, oh, yeah. When he got, like, the Spotify deal, people are like, oh, this is who you're going to give

a billion dollars to Spotify? Yeah. And it was just like, it was like Spotify saying how inclusive they were. They had, like, a non-binary person and a gay person and just cut to Joe Rogan just saying, you know. And then it was just like, I don't know. It's like very funny. And I was like, okay, you know.

Yeah, I mean, it's also funny. Like, I kind of want to do a compilation of, because I have had things to edit out of this podcast. I don't do it as much now, but. Zoom tight. Oh, Gazoon tight, Michael. You're the cutest little sneeze. I do.

Oh, I like you. I kind of wanted my producer to put all that together and put it behind a Patreon. So it's just all out of context of me saying bad things. That's fine. That's a lot of work, though. Yeah, but now it's like nothing. I'm just like, whatever.

The guest wants something beeped. I'll do it. But, yeah, that, uh, yeah, I don't know. It's, I don't know. Everybody knows my opinions on everything here. It's unsafe. It's dangerous. Yeah.

What is, I do like the voice changer thing, though. Those are, I do want one of those. Because I always have these lawyer friends I'd love to have on the podcast. I love to have them just like, you know, the one time we did a bunch of fucking kid of me in and then Michael pulled this dick out. Oh, I had a crazy one with that. One of my friends, giant group chat for all these people. He posts a picture of him with his dick very not looking hard. I've seen his penis before.

it's not that small, but peeing, completely missing the toilet, and it's in fuck, wrong group chat. And genuinely, it's a group chat full of high school friends with women and stuff like that. And then we're just like, what is the right group chat? You can unsend that. He goes, how do you unsend, guys?

How do you unsend it? We go, no, we made it the group icon. And now it's just... Well, to clarify something you said, would it have been better if he were hard in the pitcher peeing? No. It's impossible to pee with an erection.

It's not impossible. It's very difficult. You have to want it bad enough. You have to, like, you have to go against like your biological because like when your penis is hard

it's like okay no no pee time for cummies to come out yeah and that's like a it's like a train track like switching

yeah it really is yeah it's like so hard it doesn't feel good to come when you have to pee because your body yeah

yeah it's like but why does it feel good when you're shitting and that makes yeah that's a great point yeah

the blumpkin seems to be because it's because it's about release but like those are separate pipes so it's fine

you're still evacuated how good it feel a puke while coming huh amazing. To puke. To puke and come. Yeah. You're sweating. You're puking. You're bleeding. And coming. And you're coming back to back. That's it.

Yeah. And like women are supposed to be second class citizens. They can do all of that at once. They're living. This is true. Yeah. It probably feels good to give birth and take of shit because that happens. I've heard it. I heard like women really enjoy having sex on their period. Yeah. Yeah. You know who doesn't enjoy it? Me. Because I have to clean my bed sheets and say, oh, it's no big deal. Now it looks like Spider-Man's wearing a red cape. No, it's perfectly beautiful. It's the miracle What?

Michael, good. Yeah, you got to put fucking hydrogen proxid on it. You look like you murdered a lady. Did you? Now, how do you know how to do that?

Because I could just be fucking on periods. Michael. Just this is like a regular occurrence? They beg you for it? They don't beg me for it. I beg them to say, yeah, no. No, it's just like they're like,

I, I try to be very like, oh, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. And then they're like, it's always the same thing with, they're like, I literally just got off my period. And like, I'm totally not on my period. Oh, the old classic, I just got off my period. I'm totally not on my period.

Your dick is just so big. It must have broke something inside of me. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's just blood all over the bed. Oh, me so good, your big American dick. It hurt my riddle Asian of vagina. You're making me breed.

Yeah. That's for you, dude. see how it goes. But then I'm just in the laundry room looking like I killed somebody because I'm like just pouring hydrogen peroxide on it. Yeah. And I'm celebrating. I'm like, get out of here. Get out of. There's something to see here. There's nothing to see here, dude. Yeah. That's how you got to get black everything. That's so gross. Just like a fucking, that is a murder room. I don't like that. Even like when Dominatric porn, I like them wearing like pink pants and like just kind of like really, I like neon. Like hello kitty ears. Maybe not that, but maybe not that. But like a little. kind of like... There's red latexes and so.

You do like dominatrix type shit, huh? Yeah, yeah. But I also like, like, there's a look called hyperfam, which I like, because when girls were like very pink, kind of stuff like that, like, you know, maybe like, yeah. What about, what about beautiful

woman core? What is that? That's where it's a beautiful woman. Is it like Maya Angelou? Yeah. Who is Maya Angela? She's a poet. Oh, okay. Why the cage... I know why the cave... I know why the cave... I think I think she's a poet, actually. I think I've read that.

That's where the girl has the two dolls and one of was black or something? She's black, right? Okay. Yeah. I said that a little stank. I mean, she's black. She's a black.

She's black? Oh, well, I think February, why don't I have to read it, huh? Louis, you got a really good joke with that. He's like, when somebody becomes racist, they start selling penguin from Batman. He's like, black guy. She's black, black. Good old Louis. You think he would do the pod?

Maybe. Hey, a fellow Stan Jerker. Yeah, yeah. He does? Oh, yeah. I think he was standing and blocking. the door waiting for those women. Well, I heard that the women were trying to get away and he shot a load

and it like got on the doorknob so they couldn't open it. Spider-Man's like Spire like Yeah, it went like and he said Thwip when he went not so fast. He said stick around. And cartoon like it zipped around their legs. Yeah. She was like hanging upside.

Somebody knocked on the door. Five minutes to showtime, Mr. C.K. I just need 30 seconds. What a monster. I think it was justified. It was more home alone-ish. It's like they were running away. He goes, not so fast.

And then it was like oil on the ground. And they slipped on the door. Like they opened a door and like a bucket of cum fell on their head. They couldn't get it off. It was like fucking stuck. They tried to open it. But like the cum was like elastic to stretch and then bounce back down. They're stuck to the floor with cum.

They start slipping on the cum all over the plane. It's not a laughing matter. It's not okay. What he did. It's not. What he did was awful. I heard the door blocking thing didn't happen. But I have no idea.

It didn't happen. But it's a. fun. It's a very fun a lie to propagate. A super villain Louis CK jerking off like Spider-Man and closing the door that way. But it's like, it's like, I don't know. A bouncer build. Yeah. imagery does work. But like it's like, it's also crazy.

Like the number of fucking rich guys that, you know, sexually assaultants, like you could just buy like a really high class prostitute. Or a fancy doll. They just like, yeah, you can just get whatever, you know. It's like, why do you, I guess it's like just a thrill of like instilling fear, you know? I think it's like rich people can get anything, but they can't, but like,

to elicit fear, they feel like they've earned it, and that's why they wanted to do that. I think he used a sub. I think you want to be embarrassed and be like, oh, look how gross I am jerking off. Yeah. Yeah. It's always funny because, like, people's defense of him would be like, they posted it online, his daughters could fucking see that.

You know, people are always saying. And you're like, well, these daughters also see him being like, yeah, so, you know, I'd come on my, like, it's also, it's also, it's also. It's also someone's daughters, too. It's true. Yeah. And their daughters have to hear about their mom getting, yeah. assault.

Yeah. So it's like, it's like nobody wins in the situation except. And now I can't find Louis to stream anywhere. Nobody wins.

Yeah. Well, you can buy it off his website, but I'm just going to just pirate that shit, dude. Yeah.

Just pirate everything. And this day and age, dude, it's like, it's, it's fucking, fuck pain for shit. Fuck. It's insane.

Dude, like all the streaming services cost way more than fucking cable. You have way less. And like cable sucks too. Like every, like,

why am I paying for this shit? I'm paying for peacock, Hulu, Disney. I don't know, man. You ever watch Gutfeld do? That shit rules. That's free. Titus, is that his name?

Who's the Thor? The Five? The Thanos-themed- The Fing-Bleth guy? I think it's Titus. Titus? He's this kind of black-looking guy that's like,

as a black guy. I'm like, are you black? Always, like, always doing that. I love that strong man. As a reformed black guy who's now Republican. Yeah, yeah. As the black guy who really wishes he were white. Yeah.

Let me just say, George Floyd was a monster. Yeah. It's like, you actually look like a monster, Titus. You're very scary looking. Yeah, you'll never be accepted by the white people. That's like the thing about like these minorities.

It's like you can be a Republican, but they'll never accept you. See, I don't actually think that. I think there's racist people that are, they do have the one of the good ones mentality where they're like, yeah, but like Daryl's great. They want to say that, but like they would fucking kill Daryl in a heartbeat. I don't think so. Oh, they would. I think they turn fast, but I do think that there is a little bit of like gleeful, like when Milo Yonoplas came on the scene and there's a little bit of like a gay Jew or whatever. Well, it's like, it's like, it's like, oh, who also happens?

push our Nazi agenda, you know, where it's like, but it's like, he's not really, he's just trying to make a buck, right, you know, it's like he claims he's not even gay anymore. And it's like, you hear him talking, like, that's the gayest fucking gay what I've ever seen, dude, you're still gay. And like, you have sex with a man once, guess what? You're gay for life. You can't, you can't, you can't take that dick. You can't take that dick out your mouth. Well, I've learned a lot about myself after you said that. Yeah, that's true. You did have sex with a man. I did. Welcome back to the only all gay podcast. Yeah. After these new rules.

We're all gay. New rule. I'm gay. That's the rule. Philmar. Phil Marr's new rules. New rule. You're gay. Yeah, I did it just a week. The other roommates are like, what if we just had sex and then forgot about it? Like let's get out of your system. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the worst that could happen?

You come? Go to hell. I'm going to go to hell because me and all my roommates had gay sex. Did you really? Yeah. Michael. You can. broken and our Wi-Fi was out and I was like, you know what? Maybe just a big wiener in my mouth. Maybe you should just like fucking sit on my dick. And then I found out I didn't

like it and was like I should have just read a book. Yeah, I guess if you don't like it, then it doesn't count. It's like having sex with a man, then it counts. Yeah, that's how it works. That's good to know. And if you love it? Watch out, dude. It can get you. Yeah. There's one moment where I was like, maybe this is better than Batman the animated series. It's like Coldstone

creamery. You got to like and love it, got out. Yeah, like it, love it, got to have it. Yeah, I guess when it comes to gay sex, I'm a gotta have it type guy. Really, I'm just like it. Just a little gay sex. Just a little gay sex. You know, it scratches a niche. Yeah, a little gay sex.

You mix in some snicker bars, you know. A little bit of your dick. Yeah, just a little bit, you know. But love it. That's a commitment. Yeah. And then got to have it, you're a glutton. Yeah, you're glutton, dude.

You're a cum glutton. It is funny how people have like those like... Maybe somebody call sluts or like horny men. You're come glutton. Come glutton. Yeah, I don't know. I've done enough to find out I'm not gay without having sex with the man, that it's just not for me. But there are things that I'm like, maybe I would like that and one day, I don't know, but not with men.

No, never with men. Never with men. That's not my thing. You don't roll that way. No. It's not going down like that. Oh, sex with the man, not happening. Well, maybe John McAfee style.

Maybe I'll have a bunch of beliefs. living women shit in me through a... Oh, he did that? Yeah, dude, they ran a fucking a hammock. Was Farah Abrams, one of the women that were shitting on it? No, he wasn't lucky enough. It was a real X and Y axis where he missed the Farah Abrams dumps.

That's a real bummer, man. Poor guy. Yeah. He has such high hopes. I know. Too bad. He definitely didn't kill himself. Thank God. Yeah. He's still around to protect our computers. Yeah, at the end of the documentary, there are, like, he's still out there.

He's like his wife called herds some girls like she said he's in Texas. I knew that was John McAfee. She was like a Bolivian lady. Oh nice. Or go Belisian. Belizeian.

That's where he was. Yeah, Belize. Running a fucking sick fucking bath salt. He like ran that whole fucking town he was in too. You know this at all? No.

So John McAfee, you guys started in a... I like know of him. Yeah, yeah. The most interesting person. He basically like... I mean, he definitely like just wanted to be mysterious. So he like started a fucking,

he moved to Belize. like just started, they had very bad police there, so we just bought a police force. They just patrolled the town with like A-R-15s. And then he started a bath salt labs. They couldn't get him because he's making research chemicals and stuff. Like basically off-brand meth or whatever. And, yeah, would have these women apparently sit in a hammock and take dumps into his mouth.

And then he would, like, killed his neighbor, may have raped a woman. Yeah, very spooky stuff. But then one of the wives was like, oh, he's still out there. At least he's keeping our laptops, see. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Well, then it turns out that, like, the MacAfee software was actually putting the viruses on your computer. Is it true? Yeah.

100%. Dude, all that fucking antivirus software doesn't work anymore. Oh, yeah. Like, at this point, like, why do you think they're called Trojans? Yeah. Windows, Windows Defender is, like, all you're really, I mean, just like, you know, it's the same as anywhere else. Like, just don't go to unscrupulous websites, you know? I mean, like, who gets a fucking computer virus in, like, 2026?

Not mean. Yeah. I will. You're talking about not paying for things. I will go to the website called X Mega Drive, because you can get paid porn videos there. Yeah. Just on there. I know what it is.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. There we go, yeah. Yeah, Mega Drive's great for just any kind of file sharing, too. We haven't talked about something different. It's just a website called X Mega Drive. It's just all the porn that you pay for on our websites on there. So it's still professionally done.

You're like, okay, this is clearly... It's indistinguishable. Yeah, it's like Brazzlers. You see the logo there. It's undeniable. Gotta have it. Gotta have X Mega Drive. Like it, love it.

Gotta have it. Yeah. But I am like, yeah, this is kind of a, you know, a pop-up browser, you got to exit out of that. It's, like, a lot of effort to watch on there. But it's worth it. Yeah, sometimes. I don't know. I'm going to take a little porn break.

We'll see. Who cares? It's good to take a break from shit. Get your serotonin levels back. Yeah. That's probably what's... Are you at, like, Terry Cruz levels right now? Have you heard of that?

Yeah, dude. I never... What was Terry... So Terry... Fifteen hours a day? To fucking internet porn? Yeah. He was saying he would spend, like, yeah, like, 13 hours a day.

Just like... When did he have fucking time to fucking work out? In between white chicks takes? I guess. Damn. That's like crazy. That is, yeah, how did he get? Is that the answer?

Was he jacking? Were his workouts him jacking? He had like a pocket pussy on like a row machine? He's like, for every pull-up I do. He had the pull-up bar and he would go like, ah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I don't know. That's wild.

Just another thing we stole from black guys, Gooning. Terry Cruz created it. It's the Great American tradition, baby. Dude, how bad do you think his dick hurt? This is a strong man,

dude? His dick is more like, delete. There's no way your dick does not match the rest of your body of strength. It's very soft.

And those hands are probably not smooth. No. Especially he's lifting all that weight and stuff? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

How was he jerking off and getting jacked? He was jacking getting jacked and jacking off. He's doing a lot of stuff. He was living life, dude. Yeah, now he's like God and you're like,

oh, come on. I do think God doesn't like when you masturbate, but not because of moral reasons. I just think he doesn't want to look at it. I think when you're 15 years old in your room, he's just like, ugh, he probably has like another angel. Just like, can you watch this kid for the life? I don't know. Maybe he created Farah Abraham.

Didn't he? Maybe he fucking loves it when you masturbate. Yeah, maybe. We're all created in his image. Yeah. So he's spreading ass shitting up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for everybody. There's no way that God likes like whatever current Catholicism is now, you know? What do you mean? Just like dorks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Pope from Chicago.

Yeah. Get out of here. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, if a Pope has a favorite baseball team, forget about it. You're supposed to be unbiased and shit, you know? I'm just annoyed they have all those books in the Vatican and like, we should have stormed the Vatican. We should be like, let us read the books.

Like, you can't read all the books. Apparently there's all kinds of secrets in the basement too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, why, dude? Just fucking give it to us. And like the number of... I'd settle for audiobooks. It's just child porn.

It's just miles of child. Of course it is. I want to know, like, about all the exorcisms that the Vatican has actually performed and like they've talked about, you know? Yeah. Because, like, I don't believe in that shit at all. I think it's undiagnosed.

Yeah, it's like undiagnosed, like mental retardation. Yeah. And like, a guy's like, I'm tired. And they're like, oh, fucking, this demon. Yeah. You know, it's like people just want to fucking say that. Like, there's no way shit's as cool as like the exorcist where like, you know, you're fucking crawling. People have Tourette's.

Yeah, yeah. People have Tourette's. And they're like, oh, fucking, we don't know. I guess the demon won. And it's like, get out of fucking town, dude. Yeah. Because my, there's no way my king would have. that to happen.

No, God would not. Jesus Christ, baby. Christ is king. When they say the no kings, I'm like, that doesn't apply to my king. That story is also really annoying. It's like, what's his day? Like, there's no, like, I can't clearly understand the story. It's like, Lucifer was like kicked out of heaven, but then he went to earth, but then he's

like, I don't want to rule earth. I want to rule hell. So then, like, God let him just have hell or something. No, no, he was cast out of, it was like a perfect angel. Yeah, he was like, he was like, he was, he was, perfect, but then God created humans in his image. And Lucifer was like, why? And God was like, you're meant to serve.

You're meant to serve the humans. And he's like, but why? I'm perfect. Yeah. And that instilled, like, doubt. And that was like one of the first sins was like envy. He was like the original looks maxer. Yeah.

He really was. He was like the most beautiful. And then he, you know, so then like some of the other angels like he decided to rise up and try to overthrow God. And it was Michael, the archangel that. Yeah. Dude. He was the one that.

cast Lucifer out of heaven. I just wanted to be prettier. I was like, this guy's making me look bad. That's when he got the name Satan, the deceiver, and he became like ugly. And it was like when he came into hell. And then in Paradise lost.

This is the clavicular story. Yeah. Yeah. I think clavicular is the Antichrist. He is. Well, like, we don't know who the Antichrist really is. It's like supposed to be somebody that's good. Maybe Jeffrey Epstein based on that interview.

That was a funny video where he's like, oh, me, the Antichrist? Who knows? What about that Peter? Teal like goes around lecturing about the Antichrist, you know? Yeah, he's not appealing. Like, you have to be charming. No, he's like just like the worst

kind of weaponized autistic. Who's the most likable celebrity that everybody just loves to death? That's probably who the antigristic. Probably, uh, you had asked me a week ago, I would have said Jimmy Fallon, but now everyone's mad at him. Why are you mad at him? Because he had Connor McGregor on. And Conmergraham raped a woman. Because like you, Connor McGregor

loves period sex, and they were able to prove that he raped a bitch because he fucked a tampon too far up her. And she was like, yeah, No, she needed surgery to get it removed. And he's like, oh, what can you do? I'm fucking Irish. And I mean, fucked, raped a bitch in the nicest way. Yeah.

She shouldn't have. Well, he didn't do it a nice way of what you're saying. I mean that in the nicest way. I don't condone what he. I know Jimmy Fallon. I'll say this. I'll say the UFC just fucking sucks right now. Like, I, the UFC used to be fucking interesting back in like 2010 to 2015.

Like, I would watch it back then because, like, it was kind of its own thing. and all of the fighters had like a little more style. It was more, I don't know, it was kind of cool, but like everything, it just fucking sucks now. I like the White House fight. I thought it was a fun way to do things. Yeah. I thought it was lame.

No one got shot. Yeah. That's true. I thought somebody would get shot. Yeah. They should have, yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I do like that Sean Strickland was like, fuck this shit. And now like Sean Strickland, he used to be the golden child of MMA, is now like very outspoken. against D. Trump. Right, because Israel. Israel,

where does Chud the Builders stand on Israel? Where does anyone stand on Israel? Anti-IDF is where I stand. Really? Yeah. That's a very controversial stance. But I also don't like Hamas. I think they should all play Patty Cake and get over it. I don't think Hamas is that bad. I don't know enough about it. I mean, Hamas wasn't formed in a vacuum,

is all I'm going to say. Like, it's not like they just were like, oh, we're evil now. It was like the result of Israel. What I will say is I'm not going to read anything. about it. I think that's probably the best thing you can't. I will be the least informed person and so you can't get mad at me and I don't. I'm probably going to get docs for this one.

Oh yeah, they're going to take it out. Yeah, they're going to keep it. Oh, I don't like that guy. Yeah. I'm like, nice hat. Yeah. Bitch. Well, that's, sorry to just shoehorn in, but this trans woman's coming out now saying that she had lots of sex with Chud the Builder.

It's very controversial, man. As a guy who kind of looks like Chud the Builder, how do you feel about this? Oh yeah, dude, everyone says I look like You know what, that's how I found out about him. He's a handsome, he's a fucking, well, he wishes he were Joe Gorman handsome. Let's be real.

Yeah. Let's be Israel. Yeah, let's be Israel. It's always funny when a gay or trans person, like, is like, I fucked all these celebrities because it's like, that's just a fun thing to do. Yeah. Whether it is true or not, it's just, you could just be like, so she has all these pictures of her with him.

And then she's like, I mean, the sex was in, crazy. She's like, instead of just be like that guy's piece of shit, she's like, he put his dick in between my thighs, which I think she's like, which is much baggie or she's just like that that actually That's funny. It's funny like when a trans person is like but that's gay. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay pal. Yeah. Pal's gender

neutral but it errs on the side of man. Right? I feel like buddy, pal, Amigo. That's like, yeah, like Chief is definitely like it's gender neutral but it's like it dog whistles towards male. Sure. You know. Yeah. Hey pal. Let's take it easy. How about you suck my cock, buddy?

Hey buddy, why don't you bend over? Let me see that asshole yours. Michael, do you have a bathroom? Yeah, it's right over there. It's right there, dude. It's not going to throw things off. No, no, no, no, we'll get medig goggles down. We'll get it in post.

Abrams-style dump. And we'll put it in post in the thing if you just spread them. We got like, we've got three more minutes, but yeah. Sorry, guys. Nah, nah. I got to take a shit. Yeah.

Oh, it's this way. It's right here. Yeah, it's right back there, dude. That's the dungeon where I've been murdering women and saying it's period sex. Michael, are you being serious right now? No. I'm gonna do that.

Few. Oh, you know me. Michael, you're such a goof. I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much, dude. I'm so glad to do this pod again, dude. I'm, I have to be back it down, dude.

We're getting consistency. By the way, listeners, I know there's been a little inconsistency. I was in Florida doing ketamine at Islands of Adventure, and I didn't get an episode out. I've been taking a break on my pod too. I'm just getting like so burnt out

from like recording and editing and shit. Yeah, I also, I need to record it in a different scenario. Like, I like to do it at the park or something because I just need to get my brain. going and different things. I sit in this

fucking spot every week and then I kind of of talk and I'm like oh I'm just kind of in the same headspace I need to get out of that and I'm in slow down

in the adderall because that's taking away my creative brain. I've been chilling out on smoking weed. I'll eat edibles every once in a while now and like

that's good but like I don't I don't smoke anymore. Why is that? I just don't like I was like hurting my throat and like I was getting

to a point where like I wasn't even getting me high yeah so I was like what am I fucking doing you know? I'm trying to clean

everything. I'm trying to take less Kalanapin because I think that just kind of nukes my brain. I'm just kind of like, you know what? Maybe it won't get sleep. Maybe won't get shit done. But like let's see who the real me is. Yeah. It's like try to connect with that. Like I feel much better. Like my cardio is getting better. Like I'm able to like work out again.

Yeah. Like not like a ton. But you're going to start telling black guys are chimping out. You're just turning into the chud the builder. I am chud the build. Dude, there's a new chud the builder. Yeah. I'm Joe the buildmaxer now. The build baxter. Well, people don't talk about it. Chud the builder is, it's Bob the builder. but years later.

He's a chud. He got fired from his construction job for saying the N-word and then now he just, yeah. There's too many influencers, there's too much online presence. And I was saying this,

you know, when you were saying off camera, like, how do we get booked? And I was like, followers don't matter anymore. I 100% fucking believe that. Because like, you know,

you'll see like, it's like, who the fuck is this person? And they got like 15,000 followers. Another person has like 80,000. But like, it's like, it's meaningless. It's meaningless.

because like that won't sell tickets you know you're like necessarily i'm at i'm at like fuckholes in in washington come on out and like no one comes out because it's like well i have the content i want to see here right and no one's funny enough to justify like man i want to drive out to see that person you know like there's no i'm waiting we're waiting for the next big thing because right now like the current whatever whatever this current state of stand-up is right now it's stagnating and it's it's uh starting to um shrivel up a but I think. Yeah, well, I think,

no, I don't disagree with you. I think, like, the, the follower thing, that doesn't make a lot of sense. If people have a ton of followers, they don't necessarily want to see them because they can get everything they want at home. Right.

Just because somebody follows you, doesn't mean they're a fan anymore. It's like, oh, I kind of like that. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Ideally, you want, like, a small group that's, like, die hard.

Oh, that's the goal, dude. Rather than, like, a large group that's like, ah, well, I can take it or leave it. You know, but, like, if it's like, oh, this guy's fucking great. then you get like the people like let me know next time you're in like such and such yeah what's i did in relato it's so great to have friends family come out and then just like random people that like me and uh yeah it was a great time that's what you got to do man yeah everything's

everything's gonna be fine that i'm done this happened to me i'm really worried about making rent and i went to go get like a sandwich last night and the guy both day he goes why do you do that he goes uh and i'm just stressed about mike he saw that i was stressed because i looked at the car to make sure it wasn't like the client or anything and he goes don't don't worry that the way you're going to end up killing yourself if you do that there's Everything's going to be okay. I mean, that is good advice. I mean, like, in the end, like, what was it?

There was a guy that was like, hey, don't sweat the small stuff. And everything's the small stuff. Yeah. Everything's going to be fine. People who are like, the kids online are doing this. Yeah, maybe they'll eat typods. Those kids will die. It's Darwinism.

You know, same with, like, subway surf. Remember when that was, like, a thing? And a few people died from it. And now they don't really do it anymore. And now the expert subway surfers remain. People that are good at it. I don't think they do that anymore. And I don't think it was because of the warnings or anything.

I think it's just like, you know, people's interest. I think it's just Jerry Seinfeld been announcement. He goes, hey, guys, subway surfing's not cool. Is there some interesting kids are like, who the fuck is. Palestine doesn't exist. Subway surfing's not cool. I heard they're adding it at all. I heard they're adding subway surfing for the X games.

That would be tight. So sick. And like they, the trains gradually increased speed. So like the longer you stay on, like the higher your rating goes. And then like, if, you do tricks. Like if you do like a backflip while it's going fast, that's extra points. The surfers from Harlem are like

clean sweeping. There are fucking African runners. You know, the Harlem fucking surfers. Is it like the thing where you have to start by sprayping the train? Yeah, you have to tag it. You have to tag. You have to evade the fares. You have to jump the turn style. You have to duck. Yeah. Somebody told me that very

funny thing about Danny Brown, that's the rapper's name. Yes. Someone told me that they were hanging out with them and he just started tagging things ran. Like as like a rich rapper, he's still like pulled out of canons. Yeah. That's wild. I saw, like, a guy tag, and he was, like, in his, like, late 40s, and it's like,

what are you doing? It's, like, a touch of gray in his hair, and it's like, what do you get? Come on, dude. That's, like, a young buck thing. Like, at that point, you got to transition over to, like, fucking, like, art. Yeah, paint something. We saw a crazy one, dude. We were walking by, I'll walk across the bridge sometimes from Manhattan.

Oh, yeah. And I saw these guys who hopefully weren't doing a gang rape. They ran. It might be. They ran down from a building, and they all had backpack. on just sprinted, but then I think we saw one of them drop a of hand can. So they just tagged the side of the building, but they scaled it and did that whole thing.

We didn't get to see what they made, but I'm sure it was really gay. Nothing cool. Nah, doubtful. Doubtful. Oh, we do got to wrap up, though. We're over an hour. This was a great time. This was a fucking great hang, baby.

Yeah, where can they find you? Yeah, I'm working on a new podcast. I'm going to be releasing it soon. It's called Another Dumb White Podcast. So you can follow that on Instagram, and then there'll be news and updates there, can follow me at Ike Rafferty for a slice of life content. Oh, right.

As always, you can follow me online at Joe W. Gorman on all major platforms. I have my podcast that I do with my buddy, Alex Thomas Selly. It's called Super Sully Joe's. Please subscribe to YouTube or, you know, better yet, follow us on iTunes or Spotify because we might be going audio only because I have had the hardest fucking time sinking my video to audio now. It sucks. Who cares? I need a fucking,

I need an editor or I'm probably just going to go audio only. Save me some stress, you know? It's like it's a fucking, it's words, man. The real people will listen to it.

They don't need to see the podcast. Yeah, they don't, it's not like a visual thing. No, I hate that it's turned that way. Yeah, I hate that too. Yeah. So fuck you for watching.

Thank you for listening. Bye.