Morning Good - Baby Steps - Episode 190

Episode Date: October 8, 2023

Joey Rinaldi and James Pontillo join the show for today's episode. They talk about Michael's recent hardships, the NYC Robo-Cops, and James tries a charcuterie board for the first time.Thanks to Joey and James for coming back on the show. Catch them on previous episodes or click their links below for more. You can find James on Instagram @pontillosauce and  his new podcast @humiliated_pod. He co-hosts Bitch Sesh, which will be at New York Comedy Festival Nov. 7th. Joey is on Instagram @theJoeyRinaldi, and his show, the Bad Trip Storytelling Show, will be at New York Comedy Festival Sunday Nov. 5th. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Bray. Welcome to Morning Hill. All right, we're here with Joey Rinaldi. We are in a hotel room. And James Pontillo. Can I eat the charcutory during the? You can eat the charcuttery during it. I don't care at all.

Can I be disgusted by James eating Yes, yes, that actually isn't So for the listeners that don't know I'm going through a breakup My parents decided to visit town Oh, so you're here I'm here To take care of you

Yeah, I think they think I'm gonna kill myself I would love if you killed yourself Because then I could like pretend that we were best friends And I was like Yeah, just totally My friend I could steal all your suicide bits And make it about you

Can I run your midnight show at the pair Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Sandbank and stuff I had no idea You want to come on? sometime? I'd love to come on. You know, my show a few times. Well, I just started running it. I know, I'm doing that classic comedy thing.

I haven't done it yet. Yeah, yeah. I bailed ones. Yeah, I asked you one time when you bailed. You asked James before me, now I really know who you care about. Well, because James asked me, and then I agreed to say yes. I don't say no to people. I'm going to ask you sometimes soon. Dude, you know what I had recently? What? I... Gay sex? A lot of gay sex.

I broke up and immediately I was just like... Well, she was, like, always nervous you didn't go to that way, I feel like. No, she wasn't. How long you guys together? That's what you know me. She told me, she's like, I'm worried my boyfriend's gay Yeah. Dude, Kimback had a girlfriend like She was like, she was really, her ex-boyfriend ended up being gay.

So, came back and made gay jokes, and she's like, that's not funny. She was just ban. Colombian girl? Yeah, one of the Colombian girls, yeah. All right, so, so, but why are we in hotel? Why are we in time? I think my parents are concerned about me.

They're like, they want to visit. I don't think they're just like, they do want to visit, and now because I don't have a job, a girlfriend. What happened to your job? It was 10, it ended. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Now I think you actually should stop it with your charcutory.

It is kind of disgusting. I can hear, yeah, yeah. I lay everything on me. I'm, like, very curious. Yeah, yeah. And I'm here for you. I love you as a friend. I love you, too.

I love you too. So everything's very amicable. We're just like, we're taking six months to a year off. And we're just seeing how things works. So I moved out, gave her the apartment. And I'm staying here for five days. Then I'm staying with Matt Bowman. Then I'm staying with, then I'm on the road for three weeks.

And then I'm probably staying with Jake Timothy or something like that. Cool. I have a couch. I have ever been in a crash for a day to do. Actually, you have a nice place, don't you? I care about you. Yeah, yeah. I'll give you the works.

I just told you amicable, just comedy-wise, we broke up, just because it's... Which idea was it? Mutual. So how long was this brewing for? A couple months. I want to talk less about that, more about me moving out. No, no, I want like 30 seconds on this. Okay.

So it was brewing for that long and... Brewing. I don't know, I think of brewing, I think of diarrhea. I think of just bubbling in your stomach. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, this breakup was bubbling. Yeah, yeah. At what point were you like, I'm not staying with this bitch no longer?

Well, it was never like that. It was like basically it was like what weird was going on is I was like I was doing comedy like every weekend and every night. And I was like, wow, things are going great. I'm doing comedy and she hasn't complained one time. But it's just because she was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then one day it burst. Yeah, and then one day she's like, this isn't working out.

I was like, why? This is like the happiest time of the relationship. Did this break up after before or after she saw your set? Yeah. She has seen about set in years. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I don't like her coming to the show. Why? Because it's like, dude, if I

fucking eat shit with her there, it ruins her faith in the career. But the problem is, I think it went so far the other way that she hadn't seen me since I was like an open micer. So it's like now kind of an issue that it's like... Now you're doing midnight shows. Yeah, you fucking cock sucker. But... I don't know. I think it's very important for a relationship

for your... Dude, you are chewing so much, Pontilla. Sorry. But I'm killing it with the lines. I think it's very important for a relationship to... For, like, the partner... For your point it to come to a show Joey, I'm a teacher.

And support you when you're bombing and be there cheering you on. When you're killing. I'm like, always like... I agree. Are you sure you're not in the kindergarten class? Yeah. And they just told you you're the teacher.

Yeah, Joey just saying you start dressing or teaching kindergarten. It's like Billy Madison. I'm like going back to school. Yeah, yeah. You're your master's? No, I'm getting my... I'm getting my...

My grade one. You know what you do look like... So the tie is fun, but it also... And fries and chicken nuggets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it looks kind of like a guy. You look like you just lost like a sales job. You look like your life's going worse than mine right now.

My life's honestly, never better. I love where I live. Hold up here on the mic on your hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and don't touch the cord. Yep. I love where I live. I love where I work. I just celebrated my sister's wedding.

That was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything in my life that could be going great is kind of going great right now. That's happy to you that your sister is having sex. another guy? Yeah. It was a little shocking when I found it because I thought

we were together. That was his joke. Yeah, it turns out I'm the other guy. I'm the other brother. But that's good. Your life's going. My life is so up and down.

So the funniest part is two weeks ago, I was like on a private jet. A week before that, I was on an air mattress for a week. Now I'm in like one of the... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who's private jet when you are? I can't say specifics.

It was a friend of mine, had some sort of situation where he got a private jet. jet. Was it involved with comedy or not comedy? No, not comedy. All right, that's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we're not going to get into details, but no. I've made some friends. Well, some enemies.

Sign are to your ex-girlfriend. What was it? And hello, single Michael. Tell me about single Michael. Dude, so wait, I'll break it down, though. So the funny part is like the difference. It's like for, I stayed a week in Denver on an air mattress. Then I took a private jet. Then I moved out. Then now I'm in like a nice hotel.

And then after this, I'm on an air mattress again. me on my couch. Yeah, yeah. So that means somewhere in there something six can happen. I might win the lottery. Like, it's very up and down. But then also get shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're really one of those. That seems to be the rhythm of things right now. So, uh, I moved out and Jake Timothy took the funniest

fucking picture. I mean, I gotta pull this up for you guys. There's a picture of me in the storage unit and he goes, MG's new home. It is the most depressing picture. I want to see this so bad. Dude, it is the most depressing picture ever taken to me. Let me see this thing. Here we go. Oh, God. Yeah, you should

be dressed like me in that photo. You look like you just got bullied for being gay. It was banging your head. It was a lot. Yeah. Dude, well, I fucking like, yeah, yeah. My head's just like against the storage unit. So what's the plan?

Well, I'll keep, let me keep talking. I'll explain my life. I'm so intrigued. So what happened was like, that was the first day. And it was funny too because like Jake Timothy is like kind of like a slum guy like me where he's like, you can't even get sleep in that storage unit. And I was like, they close it at 10 o'clock. Like, you can't do that.

You can't stay before and just stay there? No, I guess I could, but that I couldn't do spots. Yeah. Dude, that'd be so sad doing an 815 show. Not even like I can't... Not even like I can't sleep in a storage unit. Just, I can't do spots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would sleep in a store in a... Like, genuinely, if I could sleep there, I'd fucking do it. What is the rent a month? I don't know. Is there a... Wait, so why can't you sleep there? Because they don't want people sleeping there. But, like, is it outlets?

It's like illegal. How can you get, like, a fan going to? Like, I'm worried about, like, the humidity. It'll be, like, a Boy Scout thing. I'll get like one of those little fans. I'll get like a mattress and then start cooking. Do you, what do you do? What do you do?

You just like fucking cooking bacon on a stove? I'm sure people in there was... Do I smell bacon? Oh, dude. I guarantee you there's people sleeping. I'm sure people are in their most desperate times. Yeah, for sure. Nobody gets a storage unit because things are going like incredible.

Well, I had a friend who like lost his mind, quit his job, broke up with his girlfriend, was like, I'm going to become a musician. And he bought like... I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. It's like, I have it. I'm helping you with this. All right, there we go. Yeah, yeah.

And he bought an office space in the ghetto. Like literally like, like, the dangerous space, pace, pace. By the way, real quick, I hate to cut you off. Producer, please cut out James Potillo's eating. I'll pay you extra for it. Because it is fucking so good. I told you. You were like, no, it's funny.

Let the guy eat. I'm like, I'm disgust that. I hate this man. I don't know why it's chewing. You scream so loud. I wish you could hear yourself. Just like you're screaming so loud right now. But you're chewing loud.

So we're both loud. I'm trying to talk over the chewing. Yeah. I don't think you realize how loud you want. You know what it is? Leave the. first couple chews in so they know what the chew is like and then cut the chews out what was that orange for it was disgusting so anyway anyways my friend's in the ghetto he's making like really

cryptic weird bad music and he's living the storage unit i not storage unit office space and like the office space like you can't like live there like that's farther right you can't live there and he's fucking trying to bang like like like like the cleaning lady who like he's trying to like that's great dude that rule so hard he like asked the door guy like who works at the building is like, you like, you'll, can I buy drugs off you? And then so within like three days

he's kicked out. They're like, dude, do you have to get the fuck out of here? What is, the idea of like trying to fuck like a 60 year old Guatemalan woman is like the funniest idea.

What is storage wars about? Is it kind of like that? No, no, no. Storage Wars is like they have a storage unit and it's, uh, you people are bidding on the storage unit. But you don't know what's inside.

You don't know what's inside of it. So it could be like a storage unit just filled with child porn and you go straight to jail or it could be gold coins or it sounds like a way better thing what you said. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Getting pussy in the office. Getting pussy in the storage unit sounds cool too. Okay, so you're... Pussy anywhere is pretty cool. Okay, so you're staying here, not your parents. They're staying on that bed. I'm staying on that bed. That's crazy.

And they came just to see you? Yeah, yeah. They're very supportive, great people. I mean, this doesn't... Yeah, your dad's team like the man. This place doesn't feel like rock bottom. No, no, no, no, it doesn't. It's about to be rock bottom.

That's why I tell you, I tell you, it's up and down, dude. Like, like, once... Why did you pick this place? You're even Steven. I didn't pick this place. My mom used to her for Marriott, so she gets a crazy good deals. And this place had, like, the best deals. But it's also the sickest fucking hotel.

Yeah, and you're here till when? I'm here till I leave Friday morning. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So these couple nights, they leave tomorrow, and they're like, we'll fucking throw one extra night on there for you. Wow. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's great.

What good parents. Did they like your ex-girlfriend? They loved her. Yeah, no, everybody's all supported. Yeah, yeah. And you're all on count. But that's part of that made it hard because we're like, why couldn't you just, like,

that'd have made things a lot easier. you did, but that's not why. That's not why she broke up. No, no, no, no, I didn't she. Oh, man. Well, I mean, I've never been through, like, a serious breakup. I mean, I've been dumped before, which sucks. Well, the funnies was talking to, like, other people.

And, like, we have, like, a family friend, and he's like, trust me, I've been through it before many times. You're going to get over this fine. But then I realized, he's like, I've been divorced multiple times. But then I realized his marriages were, like, three or four years. So I was like, wait, that's not the same thing as a seven-year relationship. Wait, can't. You can't, who?

I think a seven-year relationship is more, like, valuable and impactful than, like, a four-year marriage? Yeah, especially if it's your second one, because your second one, you're like, it's like, clearly you get married too much if that one doesn't work again. Yeah. Divorce three times. How many times do you think, like, you'd get married before you, like, swear off marriage forever? Probably. Never. Never.

You kind of keep trying. This guy's done, though. He's my dad's, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, one of my dad's friends, but, yeah. It would be kind of sick to, like, be on your third wife and be like, yeah, yeah. I'm just mailing it at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, also, like, you know, like, I don't know. That's why Steve Harvey gives all this marriage advice,

but he's been married so many times, which that's a mixed thing. It's like part of you does give good advice. You definitely got to take out, like, the till death to us part of the, just take that out of the... I don't know if you need to take that out, but you pre-nups,

I would definitely sign a pre-up. Yeah, at that point, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, if you're Steve Harvey... First marriage, I'm fucking. So you guys are together, what, how long? Seven years and two weeks from now, it'll be seven years. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. But hey, you seem like you're handling it better than a lot of people. Well, that's right now. On the floor yesterday? I, I, I, I, I, the floor, just because. Dude, the floor cry, it's different. I don't know what it is. Right.

You feel that rock bottom, you know? I cry, do bathroom floor is like real. Oh, yeah. I get the cries where I almost, I dry. I'm like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So I just got over a really fucking weird breakup myself. Get ready for that.

Are you single right now? No, I just got into a new relationship. Oh, okay. Yeah. I, like, I had a window. I had a window where, in that, window when before after I broke up my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend

and got with my new girlfriend, in that small, like a couple months you get a lot of puss? It was crazy. Yeah. Not just the pussy, but like the drugs, the partying, the indecision, the that is the heart of, the depression,

the high of not being, like, it literally was, like, I feel it took 10 years off my life. Yeah, yeah. Well, some of it's like, like, like, a, well, you know, now you look like a 40-year-old fucking, yeah. Your car salesman. So, yeah, it looks like it really did wear on you. But, no, there is like, it is funny.

You do look like you do insurance for the wig. Yeah. Women and men treat me drastically different. Men, for some reason, men talk to me, like, you look like your fucking 45. You look depressed. You look like your ugly bald motherfucker. People like, guys shit on me. Women always tell me how hot I am.

It's because they feel bad for you and they're lying. And they're also retarded. I don't know what it is. Am I hot? I'm ugly than men, but hot to women. I'm like this weird. I mean, you'd only want to be good looking to women. Who cares of women?

No, but men are mean if they think you're ugly. Yeah, dude. TikTok commenters? I'm getting ripped apart on TikTok. No, no, I'm not. I'm not mean to you because you're ugly. No, not you. I'm mean to you because you're retarded.

What? Oh, I'm definitely a little retarded. I don't speak well. I make bad decisions. If you were retired, I would like you more. That's all. You would like me more? Yes.

Are you mad that I am not retarded? A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is concerning. But how do you feel about this? My girlfriend went on a walk for Down syndrome. Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, yeah, you're good. I talk, I don't want to like...

You're good. She went on a walk for Down syndrome. Yeah, yeah. How was that going to share Down syndrome? She has a cousin. Walk it off. Yeah, she went walking. So she has a cousin who has Down syndrome.

And so she's like, she went on a big walk-a-thon like to support her cousin and whatnot. And she calls me up after me and like, oh, my God, it was such a funny day. All these guys with Down syndrome. and like hitting on me and like asking a dance with me and like asking to go on dates with me I'm like, did you mention that you have a boyfriend

that can... And she was like, no, and I'm like, well, that's fucked up. Like, what if a girl hit on me? She goes, I'm not worried about that. Really? Yeah. See, my thing is when I was in a relationship,

my girlfriend, I would not know when people are hitting on me and my girlfriend, like, that girl was hitting on you. I was like, oh, I genuinely wouldn't know. Wow. Yeah. I know.

I know. The most annoying thing, though, is booking a show and then when women try to get on and try to do that thing where they hit on you. I'm like, this is like, it really really really really really had a woman press her boobs together when talking to me.

No. And I'm like, this is, could you imagine doing that as a guy? Like, you're like, hey, any chance I get on the show? Just do like a little crotch crab. Right, that's fucking insane. Yeah. She did it like, she asked to get on the show three times and then after that.

What show? The fucking Wednesday, midnight. Hey, what girl? I'm not going to say. I'll tell you later. I can't wait to find out. And then it was like, and then it was like, she jokingly pressed her boobs together in a different conversation.

Did you ever do it? Do you booker? No. No, no, no, no. Was she hot? Yes, yes. And you didn't book her? No.

I've got a fucking scumbag. Have you seen James' lineup? That's all the only people who did his book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look a bitch-sash lineups. Yeah, you need one hot woman, at least on every line up. I don't think so, dude. Funny fat chick is a way to go.

I just think book people you find funny, period. Yeah, yeah. Hot, ugly, trans, gay, intercollation. What is that? Intercollision? Collision? Even black? No.

extraterrestrial is what I was looking for Every energy Intercollegiate Complete James, please do not fucking you do I'm gonna be You James do not These are grapes

Grapes are not as bad Dude everything you do is fucking bad Dude it's so annoying So You're single You're homeless You're jobless So the first night out

You're gonna be the best You're gonna be the best community up No shows Went to dinner with my dad And one of his friends First night of the breakup First night of the breakup. Go to the dinner with family friends.

Where'd you go? Some Italian restaurant. That's good. Chicken palm. What do you got? What did you get? You're a good chicken palm boy. No, no, I couldn't eat anything because I was like wildly depressed.

Oh, yeah. But then my family started talking about all the divorces in the hometown I'm from and I'm like, I feel so much better. Yeah, you do. Just hearing about marriages falling. Like, I was like, I was like, okay. Imagine a marriage with kids? Dude, it's absurd. I was crying over like a Christmas decoration.

I'm like, thank God this isn't like a baby that we share. But it's like you'd also have to look at half your girlfriend. face all the time when you look at your kid. You're like, you look like this woman I used to fuck, but you're a boy, you're 12. My older brother is going through divorce 23 years. They have three kids. It's a bad, it's like an expensive divorce. Are they keeping one and split in the next one?

Yeah, they saw it in that. No, two of the girls went with him or like with him and then ones with her. I saw them this weekend at my cousin's wedding. That was fun, I'm sure. And then one of them had cancer, the youngest one, but she's like cured now. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's a really bad. He's like, I don't want, you can take that one.

I'll keep the other two. That's like a really bad situation. Yeah, but every time they go to a lawyer, it's like five grand. They're just blowing money. Well, in lawyers, dude, I heard I'm trying to get this guy. He's going to lose all his money. Yeah, I'm going to get this guy. There's a divorce lawyer.

I think he said you were going to get a lawyer. I'm going to get this guy. We're going to split up all our assets. Yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm going to get the answer. Yeah, that was the funny part is me arguing with her. Like, not even, like, I was really stern about this. I was like, look, I'm keeping the air mattress. She's like, that's fine.

And she's like, why are you getting defensive about that? Oh, my God. Because this is my home now. I live here now. I am there, Mattress. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so. You saw it in half.

Yeah, but I've blown it up. So where's your mind like on the prow right now? Like, like, are you there yet? I shouldn't be saying this, but look, look. If my ex is listening to this, this is her fault. You already hooked up with somebody? No, I haven't. And you should not be listening.

By the way, if you're this is my ex. I love you, but don't listen to this. Um, I've downloaded the apps a little bit. Thank you. I'm starting to try to figure it out. Buy Hinge Premium. I'm sure she turned it off, as you said, don't listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's like, up. Buy Hinge premium. You know what? I'm thinking of it, too. I do regular Hinge. I heard premiums really good. I threw, I did premiums on all the things. Even I, I dropped too much.

I've hooked up with girls off Hinge. Yeah, and I'm repulsive. I'm an awful person. The problem is there's no medium. Hinge is like these attractive girls. They're all pretty hot, yeah. Right, but they're like, hey, let's go on a serious date. you know, all this.

And then, Field is like some granny in Harlem that's like, come fuck my asshole. What's Field? Field is like this, I guess it's this kinky app. There's already a dating app called Come Fuck My Asshole.

Really? Yeah. You might as Zovic, I was on this app for like two seconds in a match with this like middle age woman who like wasn't that attracted. On Field. Yeah, and then she's sending a picture

of this thing. She's like, this is called an anal hook. I'm like, what? What? I'm like, this is too much. No, hinges like my age, like businessy. Like, just looking for the right one.

But I want the in-between because I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm not looking for a granny who wants a hook in her ass and just do this. Just do this. This happened with me when I first got single. It worked like a charm. You go on a date with one of those hot hinges girls that claim they want a serious thing. You give them the best day of their life.

And then as the date's ending, you go, you seem so awesome. But I'm gay. But I just had a serious breakup. And I'm not sure if I'm looking for this. And for some reason, they don't want to have one night's end with you. They'll be like, okay, this is a good date. But you're not away from a material. because you have baggage.

So they'll just fuck the shit out of you. And then they'll go to you. Get ready for women playing games, especially in our age, the 30s. No, Michael's the one playing games. I'm 26. Michael's the ones playing. You old motherfuckers.

Geez, didn't realize this is the fucking... But they play games. Michael, you're the one playing the games now because you don't want a relationship. You got this. Yeah, but I think so far, all my profiles are... By the way, I would love my pictures.

I really want to do a photo shoot. I got you. Let's do it. I really want to do this. The first one is me handing a homeless guy $100. Nice. The second one is me helping an old lady cross the street. And then me saving a cat from the tree. And bio was just hero.

That's it. I bet that would be genuinely funny. And girls would kind of like it. Yeah. All right. Let's do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know some photography. The hard part is trying to find a picture because, like, I don't want to crop her out of pictures because it just feels dirty. I have no good pictures. All my good pictures are me, like, podcasting with my camera because I got, like, the perfect angle. Oh, yeah. And then I don't know. You have a fucking podcast picture. And then you don't want that.

And then the other ones are just like, I'm trying, it's like, I'm low-key trying to take a picture with my family this weekend and then crop them out. I'm just like, hey, dad, want to, like, stand here and have somebody. Well, no, I'm sure your dad gets. It'd be like that. Take your photo. I mean, front of the Empire State Building. You don't love it. That looks so fucking gay.

No chick's going to want to fuck that. Or just take a picture with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me next to the Empire State Building with like a thumbs up. In the middle of them. That was my hinge profile picture. Yeah. Wow.

That's pretty gay. Yeah, yeah. Mine's me at the beach shirtless. Gets a lot of nibbles. Really? You have thirst traps, James? I do. You're like,

when I think of a third traps? Well, I'm like Harry. Girls like Harry. Yeah. I'm a thick hairy man, you know. Little olive skin. Let me do a photo show with you for real. I can get you a hinge profile picture today.

One of these? I like one of these. No, that's not it's not it. That was a really bad smile. I want to do, what is premium $20 a month? Something like that? Well, you know what?

I like doing it. I only paid like the one month package. I like doing the ones that allow you to see who liked you. Because that saves me. all the time because I don't want to swipe. I just want to see who likes me then go through those... Well, that's what Hinchers? They'll match you with people. I've gone on great dates. I've got...

Can you just like that even if you don't have premium? Oh, it tells you who liked you? Yeah, that's the way Hintz. Then what am I paying for? You get more matches. More matches, yeah. I'm telling you you you gotta do premium. Okay. Let me describe a little bit though the day I had. So I didn't have any show Saturday, which fucking sucked because that would make me feel a lot better. What are you doing? So I went to dinner with the family and I heard about all the divorces, got really happy about that. That made me feel

better because I was like no matter what even if we worked out for 20 years we might not work out. And you know what's the best case now? You get old together and die together? Who gives us a fuck? We also are probably going to swing back around and we'll figure it out. Either way. That's what you thought. That could happen. Who knows? Who knows? But we went to

first thing we went to was a sports bar. Because I was like I'm ready to start like, you know, hit on chicks. Gamble, you bet? No, no. I didn't care about the game at all. Every girl in a sport, it was Ohio State versus Notre Dame. Oh, that was a great game. Don't talk about it. I'm a huge fighting Irish fan.

Yeah, yeah. They blew it. They blew it. It's funny because my buddy I was talking to him about it. He's like,

yeah, I guess we've all had big losses today, Michael. Yeah, but I didn't lose 500 bucks like you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wait, what are you talking about? I'm paying rent to my apartment. I don't even live at. How much is the random one? We'll talk about it later. Too much.

But anyways, too much. The second bar we went to, we went to down the hatch, which you and I have been to. Yeah. Yeah. And that was funny, too,

because we went to the hottest chick's there and I just tried out my game and you know what I'm proud of my it's so funny you're a catch it's so funny how my low my standards of pride of gun because before I'd be like dude if I fuck the chick that's a win but to me I was like looking at the clock I was like got a whole 20 minute conversation in I'm like that that's pussy you're a catch yeah that's good baby steps baby steps into the pussy you have a friendly face oh I need a little baby step into your party you're clearly not a rapist yeah you don't come across as one at least thank you that's that I mean, I've got a great good. Dude, dude, I'm telling you, you can like literally drop the, I just got out of relationship thing.

Before sex, during sex, after sex, two days after sex. It is your get out of jail free card. This is the gift single men like dream up. Either that or I have cancer. You could do that. I would love to. No, the cancer thing doesn't work as well. No, really? Because what it, you know what it means when you tell a girl, you just got out of a long-term relationship? It tells them a few things. You're in a long-term relationship. It means people want to date you. People stand you. Like a woman could live with you.

And that's good for them. They find that good. Like, oh, this guy's a secure man. He can live with me potentially. Yeah. But just getting out of it is also a red flag for them because it's like, oh, he's damaged right now. So he's not way from material.

A little damage boy. So it's like, it's like the perfect. I'm a little dummy boy. It's the perfect. Let me work for see. I'm a damaged boy. It's the perfect medium for them to want to fuck you without date you. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm not looking for anything. Hold on to this as long as you can. I'm an idiot. I got into a relationship pretty quickly after my breakup, and I should have kept being single because being single is great when you get to have a breakup because it's like, it's like this mojo you have. You are literally walking on water right now. Thank you.

Thank you. All right. I'm so excited for you. I'm going to live like curiously through you. I'm going to ask for updates daily. Oh, I'll send you. I think you'll do very well in the market. I think you're very, you know, this is like the sweetest episode of the

and I'm not nice to people. in a faggot. No, you are retorted. I'm worried about your health. Like, I'm not nice to people. Like, I would say, but you're going to be well. I'm worried about the health because you're going to have a lot of STDs coming your way. Thank you. I think you're going to get a lot of women to pity you. And I think that's good.

Oh, you're on. You suck on kitties, please please break up. But, but make sure you don't... Especially in those khakis. Yeah. But make sure you don't get into this. You got to go clothes shopping. You got some single clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is that. Well, on the end of the relationship, that's what started happening. I was like, hey, can we go

go clothes shopping? together and she's like, no, I'm like, well, I don't know how to wear. I look like a... Did she start working out a lot? Oh, we both started working out. Oh, yeah. At the end of the relationship. Yeah, she got fake tits. I got veneers. She got fake tits? I'm gay. You got faneers? What's a veneer? But my thing was...

My thing was... My thing for wanting to work out, veneers are fake teeth. My thing for wanting to work out was so that I looked good at the end of our relationship so that, like, she gets a good impression as I leave. You know what I mean? Like, I wanted to leave with, like, a good impression. You're leaving all this, bitch. But it's always good to be in good shape. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was never a downside of being. I fucked my back because I'm going to work out for too many.

Why? What happened? Go swimming. Carrying the relationship? Yeah. There we go. No, no. It was the suitcase just like lugging around my giant air mattress.

I'm going to find her Instagram and just message her that. Michael threw his back out carrying the relationship. You bit. So. But I'm worried about you for one thing because this happened to me a lot after the breakup. I would have like these weird moments where like I'll go to like make a cup of tea. And all of a sudden, I'm just by the kettle. I haven't even made the tea yet.

because I'm just like angrily mad thing about the breakup I'm like I'm like 20 minutes went by I'm just like holding this tea kettle not doing anything Yeah I've had some moments like that I was in the grisly pair and who knew by Pink came on And that song really gets me But apparently it's not even a breakup is better fighting Well you know what

How does who knew go? If someone wants it three years from now I would think that was a breakup Right yeah yeah And I've been like related to my breakup But I saw an interview with Pink I'm fucking I love Pink This is so weird.

I can't really relate to it. I can't really relate to it. Are you kidding me? And then I was in, I was in a place my mom today, and I heard myself. Dude, the soundtracks have been crazy. Let me go to this a little deeper. That's just selective. I want all the music.

Dude, all the music's so funny. It's just selective. Yeah, yeah. So I'll get to the next music later. But what happened was we went out. We went to, we hit on some girls there. We were like, okay, this is fine. And my buddy goes, hey, you want to go to a weird Brooklyn spot?

I was like, let's see that. So we go to this place called Mansion, right? And it is laser lights, fog machine. people wearing the weird you know the Brooklyn fucking douche like they're like all leather and like weird hair So like Elliot Thompson's hanging out there

Yeah yeah yeah okay I started talking to a girl And I was like yeah you know I used to go to raves a lot when I was younger But I haven't been a while She goes You call this a rave And she's like

This is a band shit And then she turned into a bat and flew away She just flew away I was like there's a laser light And fog machine And somebody playing techno This is a rave No matter what you call it

She's like actually This is like a deep house Get Together or something Like you fucking losers The Pals Get Together is a fucking race That's not what she said I'm just guess what you call These whores are out of line

I know I can't relate to any of this Because I'm straight Yeah But I was once in a relationship For like three months And she ended it And I was devastated

It took me like three weeks Yeah Yeah Yeah For seven years Three weeks Three weeks To get over three months

So seven years To take Seven months people say Seven months Seven months Okay So Yeah

I really think Go balls off the walls And find yourself In these seven months What's up Go balls To the walls Well, the hard part is the apps.

It's so hard to just not be on it all day. And I'm really worried about the dating apps. I'm worried about my comedy commitment. I was on the apps all day. Well, here's one thing I've realized also. Comedy will always be there. It's not going anywhere. Yes.

Yeah, but neither are women. I know what I'm just saying. Like, this is an important time for you to find yourself right now. Comedy will always be. And you might get better material out of this. That's true. This is for you. You got to focus on living.

This could be a very funny time for you. This is focus on the life you're living right now. out to bring to stand up. I agree with James 100%. Yeah, you could really, this is a great moment right now. What are you looking at my shoes? Yeah, yeah. You always have the wilder shoes, but the normal is top half,

and then his shoes are fucking nuts. Always nuts. Patagonia is not that normal. Yeah, it is. It's like very basic. It's probably the most plain normal thing you could be wearing. I love Patagonia, though. It is a good brand.

What company is that? Faggots? This is Patagonia too. This is Agenb or something like that. That's Agenia, yeah. But I think this could be a great time for. you. This could really be like an exploratory time for you. You know this is how weird I'm getting, I'm willing to fuck somebody's girlfriend.

I'm on the field thing. They're like, hey, come fuck my girlfriend. I'm like, maybe, maybe I do that. What about someone's wife? No. I would do it. I'd do it. I'm going to say not do that because I think being around another relationship could bring back weird relationship memories. They'll be too close. Let me be so sad. She's like, I love you with like come on her face. I'm like, no. No, I'm serious. You stay away from that stuff.

Unless you really find it. No, no. I don't. I'm not into it, but I'm just like, that's a hot girl I would hook up with their and she happens to have a boyfriend. I'm gonna take you out. I can't wait. Saturday night. I thought we're doing Friday night. We could do either.

I do want to go to a strip club though. That's too Friday. That is what I'm talking about. Dude, I almost went, wait, wait, wait, so we had that night of mansion, and then the next day, I was spending the night in the hotel of my parents, and I was like, I'm gonna go to a bar.

This is the saddest thing I've done so far. I can't wait. I was like, I'm gonna go to a bar, and I went to a bar by myself. This place called, not Mick Swirley's. It was called like, uh, McSwerleys. No, no, I don't know if there was a mic, it was like Swaggerty's or something like that.

Well, sounds awful. Swahili? Definitely not Swahiliies. Okay, because I speak that. I go to this bar on a Sunday night, which is the most depressing night. Maybe Monday is slightly more depressing, but Sunday that's where you get boo-facts. Monday, you get post-work, though. Like, I need a drink after work.

Yeah, but Sunday night. You're not working. Sunday night at, like, midnight is fucking sad. So I'm Sunday night and midnight. I'm drinking a beer. Where is this? The Swaggerty's? It's like right around the corner here from the hotel, like a Times Square, like more a hell's

kitchen. and the there's a live guitarist playing creep by Radiohead which is so, he's like I'm a weird I'm just alone drinking a beer watching like the TV and your dick is out

Yeah yeah Yeah but there's a part of me that like Mapped strip club There's like flashed and I was like I can't go alone That's too sad I was like I can't No yeah But like I never really got laughed heads I mean I did a couple times

But when I was dating Like I was pretty strict about like not getting laugh at it It happened at like it happened one time when it was like and I told her about it, but outside of that. And then there was another time, there was a couple times I tried not to get lap dances, but it happens. There's one time, I'm not even kidding.

I went to a strip club, threw a 20 on the stage. Because you're an animal. No, you are an animal. I am an animal, but I didn't mean to throw a 20. And I was like, ma'am, can you please give me that $20 back? Which is the most disrespectful thing. And she was like, I'll give you $20 back.

And then she pushed me down and started grinding on me, which is... Did you get the money back? Yeah, yeah. And then the other one... We should go to that place in Florida. I don't have any money. We should have that place in Florida you told me

Friday we can't go to Florida Friday. What's that place in Florida you told me about? Cafe Risque. The guy's mother. Marlago. The actor's brother. The actor's brother who has like a horror house. You told me all about this.

A horror house or a horace? Oh, you're talking about, oh, Mike Bucie. By the way, first of all, okay, Mike Bucie, the sausage castle. I actually know somebody who books shows. I got a book of the sausage castle. It is the Playboy Mansion of this house. I need to go with you. Yeah, we need to go.

No, no, Michael, Michael. If there's one thing I want to do before I die. It's go to the Sausage Castle. No, no, go to the Sausage Castle with you by myself. Yeah, yeah, I would love to go. And with Wayne Hawaiians, by the way. Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, no, no, no, this is probably going to happen in December.

I want to go. I want to go. I want to go. By the way, have you seen any videos recently with Gary Bucy? They're amazing. Yeah, dude, there's a video of him. He hits a woman's car. He hits a woman's car.

He's playing the Beach Boys, right? Yeah, he hits a woman's car. He's playing the Beach Boys. He pulls over. she's like, you have to give me your info. He goes, no, I don't. He just got sunglasses and a hat on. And he goes, no, I don't.

And then he just drives away. The woman's like, he actually has brain damage. He's not mentally. Probably, yeah. No, he did. He did, like, a one-man show of, like, some Shakespeare play. And, like, it was like, it's him fucking the skull. He's like, to be or not to be.

He was great in entourage. You ever see him in entourage? No, no, no. He's really good. Like, I love his chaos. Do you think he goes to the Dick Palace of her? The sausage cats. He's nuts.

I've heard mixed things. I've heard they're related. I've heard they're not related. They look related. I think they have to be related. Can you look this up real quick? Yeah, sure. Is Mike Busey related to Gary Bucy?

I think they definitely are, right? What about Gary Bussy? And it's his boy pussy, and he wants dudes to fuck his ass. That was a comptown bit. It wasn't actually, but that's the same theme. We're not going to do the same vibe as let people shows. We're going to do our own version of this. Carry this podcast while I researched for a little bit.

All right. So you're doing better. You seem like you're doing better. Yeah, yeah. Now, is this something like you knew this is coming? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we both did. Is Mike Busey related to Gary Bucy?

We're just Gary Bucy brother. We could also do that. I think it might be his cousin, though, or something weird like that. Here we go. Here we go. Is Gary Bucy related to Mike Bucy? The results of coming in on Quora.com? Quora, yeah.

Wait, what? Maybe you can go back to Chewing, Dennis. Gary Bucy and Mike Bucer are not related. They are both American actors, but they do not have any known family relationship. just both fucking nuts. And named Busey. Yeah, yeah. Bucy's not like that uncommon.

No, no, no. But their faces look similar. They do look similar. Let me see. Right. Look at it. Let me see. Toyah King's season two cast Mike.

Bosi. I would like to go to Florida. His name's spelled differently. Yeah. The winner is the time to go to Florida. And like right now, no home, no job, no girlfriend. Although this might be the perfect time. This is my opinion.

I think the time for me to get. laid is to go back to Florida. During Thanksgiving break. Florida girls are like unreal. They like their own breed. And the thing about New York girls

is that they try too hard in a way that's unattractive. Like they just everything's pressed. Too much prop and impressing. Well, are they old Chinese? They're all trying.

No, I wasn't doing that. No, it looked like you are though. It looked very racist. No. But I know what you mean about New York girls do not do it for me. No, but the Florida girls,

they look laid back and high. You see a girl with like, I see a girl a t-shirt at a bar kind of in one of these things? You've been working out? Oh, yeah. Showing the titties. You don't talk about one of these.

It's like the hair-tie t-shirt. I'm like, that woman's so fucking hot. And it's also, this is my thing. I think go back home, have sex with a girl in my hometown. In your hometown childhood, bad. Never moved. So your mom? It's just the next cut is you fucking your mom.

Things are going to cry. I had sex with my mom. She felt bad for me. The break-off. She wanted something nice. Thanks for never moving. I stick with me here, dude. I did like a week.

and of comedy like Tampa St. Pete around the whole area. Yeah. Love Dan best. The women in St. Pete are the hottest women alive. Yes. Yeah, Ebor City, they're wild.

Oh, Ebo is not St. Pete. Ebor is trashy. Yeah, but I like it. I love, I love... We do go to Tampa. We do got to go to. The strip club there is Mon's Venus.

That's like the big one. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I did coconuts comedy club. Yeah, I did coconut. They changed the name. Sunshine City. Sunshine City.

It was coconuts when I was there. When did you go? April? Yeah, it's Sunshine City now. Suns Sunshine City? I had a great time. No, no. In April, it was Sunshine City, but

Coconuts was, the sign is still there. Yeah, the Cognos. I don't know why they haven't fixed that. Dude, the bar owner is a weirdo, too. I talked to the bar owner. Oh, the guy who looks like fucking, you know what he looks like? Not the comedy club owner. The bar owner. Yes, what's his name? Dude, he looks like, what's his name? He isn't going to kill me. He looks like

the guy who paints his toenails. He was in the Sopranos. He had the fluffy here. He's a rock star. Steve Vanzanzan. Steve Van Zanzan. He looks exact. Does he look like him? Kind of. Yeah.

Silvio Dante. Yeah. I'm going to forget the guy's name, but he'll do his spots on stage sometimes. And he's like, when I was your age, I used to do an eight ball of cocaine. You know, like, what are the thing? I think he still does on a ball of cocaine. Who is funny? But there's always that old guy.

He's like, you kids down your fucking pussy with your fucking little dicks and stuff. I'm out there. Who's calling me? Who's calling me a pussy? I think people now are doing more drugs than ever. Probably. Yeah. Yeah, now there's new drugs.

There's new drugs. Probably those drugs. There's not really new drugs. What's that new drug? Molly, they didn't have that back in the day. It's just pure MDMA. They had exosy. It was like angel dust, right?

No, no, it was a way different thing. But like, pain killers are kind of known. What's the difference, phoenix? So Angel dust is completely different. Angel dust is so different. What is it? Yeah, yeah, so it's Fennie cycloidia. What do you think the craziest drug is?

PCP? Oh, no, DMT? It depends what you call crazy. So DMT is like the biggest trip you'll have. DMT, because you smoke DMT and you literally, Patty DeFino's telling me about it did a couple weeks ago. You transport in another dimension. But he said that weird...

But what do you do walking around? You don't. You close your eyes and you just go to a... How long is it last? A few hours? No. Fucking three minutes. Oh, well, it depends.

Is it scary? The normal dose is three minutes. But there's people that, like, smoke it all day long and walk around life. Yeah, yeah. There's DMT. One of my friend has a DMT pen. Yeah. A guy ruled white guy with red locks.

By the way, I just want to apologize. I shout on white teeth with red drugs. I love white tubes with bread drugs and people who do heroin. Out of all the things I've said in this podcast, a lot of my viewers are that. And I was like, I love you fuckers. I'm just making fun of this woman.

I like acid when I did it a lot? Yeah. When you do acid? A year ago. I like it. It's not too extreme. It's just like a good. Well, I think acid can be real.

Yeah. The problem of acid is like the, it takes longer to kick in than shrooms. So people kind of overdo it and they take too much. As it's like a stronger shrooms, you'd say, right? In some way. They're different. I think they're so different.

Yeah. I've only done acid one time. only took half a tab. So I haven't really fully experienced it. But everybody I've talked to says that a lot of acids, very unmanageable. A lot of shrooms. Yeah, that's when you start to think, like, stuff's living inside. Yeah, yeah. So I've heard a lot of acids very

unmanageable. A lot of shrooms is manageable. But if you're taking the average amount, you're more likely to have a bad time on shrooms. Because shrooms are more introspective. Yeah. I've had bad times on shrooms. Not even, like, terrible trips. Just like bad times. Like, I don't feel good. Because the shrooms make me, like, feel not great.

Shrooms, like, affects your body. Because it's a poison. Isn't it? The mushrooms? No, some guy said that one time. We're on the beach and we ate chrooms and he's like, the fourth poison is psilocybin and keep it down. That's not true.

It's like a fungus. Yeah, but there's no neurotoxicity. No, but yeah. Mushrooms does affect your body. Like, mushrooms will make you tear up. You'll make your stomach queasy. You'll throw up on it sometimes. Your legs feel like they're fucking noodles for some reason.

Yeah, yeah. Or statues. Acid makes you feel like your body's like fucking made up, like titanium. You can do anything on acid. Like, when I'm on acid, I can go like going through a wall and be fine. What was Rodney King on PCP?

I don't think, no, I don't think he was. No, he was black. Yeah, he was, but he was on a drug. Was he? I don't know too much about the Rodney King's. Well, you should have a hard take on it. White people are not good. No, but he was on a drug.

That's why he didn't feel, that's why they kept beating him because he like kept getting up. I think you're thinking of George Floyd. No, he wasn't on, I mean. George Floyd didn't get on. He was the whole thing. He was on drug. No, Rodney King was. It doesn't affect.

Oh, the combination of alcohol, cocaine, and PCP Fathers is to work. So that makes sense. So he didn't feel when they kept hitting him. That makes sense. So it's a victimless crime is what you're saying. I'm just kidding. That makes total sense because, like, Angel Dust,

like if you take Angel Dust and play football, you'll be the best football player everywhere. Oh, yeah. If you think Angel Dust is going to fight, you'll win the fight. Can you take Angel Dust? Well, not in Rodney King's case, but yeah. No, no, but I'm saying, like, he survived longer than most.

Wait, did he die? Yeah, they killed them. That's what I thought. The bad people. No, of course. Like, well, that's my thing with all. People love saying they're like, well, George Floyd was on drugs. I'm like, yeah, you still can't murder someone to do a cop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, my friend other day did a bumper cocaine, so I cut his throat off. Yeah, yeah. Well, the, I don't want to get too political, but the, the, the, the robocop is fucking hilarious. What's the robo cop? You guys don't know about this? No. The New York City subway has robocops now.

They just released a robocop. No, they did it. How did I not hear about this? Imagine it's racist. Yeah. Game's going to have a bit about this, like, tonight. I already see it. Dude, look at that thing.

It literally looks like a fucking R2D2 kind of thing. How does it get, how does it arrest you? It scans your skin color and then, I don't know. I'm sure all these jokes have been made, especially about the time this episode comes out. Oh, there's no way this is, if this is one I'm scared, this is one of those weird four-legged ones. I don't like this.

No, it's fucking terrible. So what does it do? It just scans you? A 420 robot, he can't get over. He just loves cops so much. He's so excited. I hate him. much. I liked what he did with COVID,

but that's about it. No, he's the worst. He's a fucking animal. Well, he did repeal all the COVID stuff. He's so stupid. Press conference held during the press conference, the K-5 robot, which is shaped like a small white rocket ship, stood slightly along the uniformed officers.

It'd be funny if it goes home and beats its wife. I'm using that tonight. I've got a long way from a transit cop. They say it's really authentic. The first one that beat its wife tonight. Yeah, yeah. This is self-defense.

This is self-defense. I do in Long Island, they're like, hey, stop. How many, also how many, like, liberal New York girls are going to, like, beat the shit out of the Robocop thing being like, you're fucking fascist pig? It's like it's a machine. It doesn't have feelings. You've often heard me say we have more cameras than Las Vegas casino in our subway. Who's this? This is insane.

May I'm probably. Oh, yeah. This is awful. I don't like this at all. Yeah, yeah. Every idea he has is awful. Is that going to help me late? I'm trying to figure out how we get Michael laid,

and I don't know if this traffic cop is going to help you. I don't think the traffic cop is going to help me. I think I'm going to have a fine time getting late. You'll get late a lot. It's just the question is, do I go immediately for something easy, or do I wait? Because I think this first time I have sex with somebody, I'm going to probably come really fast.

It's going to be great. You can always jerk off before. I don't think that'll do it. Yeah, no. I don't understand the whole jerk off before. Somebody told me they're like, you need to go back to open. open mics. They're like, you need to go back. There's so much pussy.

No, no, he's saying, he's saying as in that level of like hook up. He's like, you need to hook up with homeless women. Oh, my God. Not that far, not that far, but he's like, yeah. But get someone easy that you're comfortable with. Don't make the girl of your dreams the first girl you're being because that, you gotta, you gotta

back in the saddle a little bit. Yeah, well, I'm also, I'm not looking for relationship. Yeah. I know, I'm talking about girl of your dreams. The girl of my dreams that never goes on a date. That just goes I bust you, you know? Oh, okay. Like a wet dream girl?

Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Are we on the same page on this? No, the girl who dreams sounds like the one you're going to marry. No, no, people say that I'm talking about... Or the girl that's asleep when I have sex with her. We joke on this podcast. That'd be the girl of her dreams. The girl of my dream is a girl I would never marry because I don't want to marry anybody.

Is this still morning good in this podcast? At this point, I don't know, with the chewing and the me trying to do a bit that was too cumptown-ask and then... And then me just being genuinely concerned for you? Yeah, and the 12 rape joke. that were made. Well, that's morning good. That's more than good.

Yeah. I feel like I've been genuinely concerned for you on every podcast I've been on with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the first time it was like you were concerned

for our friendship. You're like, are we still friends? Because we haven't hung out a while. And now I've accepted, we do hang out. Yeah, yeah, like every three months on your podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's better than most friends. But Friday, we're gonna hang out. Friday we're going to hang out. We're going bananas. I love strip club. I'll go to a trip club Friday. You know what?

We're going to plan to Miami trip to go to strip club? Oh, you know what? Saturday's better. What's that? I'm always Saturday. Fuck. Where are you going Saturday? I can stay up late. How late can you stay? Friday, let's stay up late. I just got a 10 p.m. show on Friday. Yeah, after that. It's a

Brooklyn weed show, though. 1 a.m. strip club. I can skip it up. 1 a.m. strip club. Yeah. Okay. I mean, they don't close till 4, so I'm down. But we could do something before. Maybe go to the bar before and then go to the strip club. No, me and Jainz will come to the comedy show Hammett, heckle you, and then we'll take you off stage, bringing to the strip club.

Just wow. I'm on stage, like, nah, he's coming to the fucking titty bar. Yeah. He's going through a breakup. You know what was funny, though? Another music just been hitting perfect as I was saying, when I walked into the bar to hit on the girl, literally the song that was playing was, I'm sexy and I know it. Which is the perfect, like, perfect, like, guy getting his mojo back. It's just like, ah, girl, look at that body.

And I'm, like, walking across the dance floor. Sounds like a Farley brother's movie. Michael gets his mojo. Yeah. I'm writing up and out of the game for too long. And things are different now. I read the drop of Roofie. Yeah.

We don't do that anymore. The girl, Roofie's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it would be funny, too, like, I'm with some younger guy. He's like, Toop Sox, what are you talking to? Like, it's very, like, a crazy, stupid love-esque, but just that whole thing. Oh, I love that movie. It's so stupid, but, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. I do like Brian Guzz. I do like Ryan Guzz. I don't like him. I don't get why autistic guys like him so much. Ryan Guss in general or in the movie. He's big in, like, the autistic guy sphere. Really?

What do you mean? I have these autistic memes, which are basically, like, guys that hate women and love Ryan Gossack. They make incredible news. Well, he's, like, pretty disrespectful. I got to ask my, I got to ask my girlfriend. Is that what they, is he that disrespectful in drive or what is that? Drive is the one they always like show clips of.

No, I saw my crazies too would love. I got to ask my girlfriend because she goes to Down syndrome walkathons. I'd be like, what's, what are they saying about Ryan Gosson? What's the buzz? Well, those are Down syndrome. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. Way different.

Down syndrome, as everybody knows. Oh, I'm such a bad person. Shane Gillis has a bit. It's John Cena for Down syndrome. syndrome. For autism, it's like Patrick Bateman. The Joker. The Joker. They love the Joker. Autistic guys love put on

Joker face paint. That explains it because I know a lot of weirdos who wear the Joker face paint too often. I think we know some weirdos that we're a Joker face paint. We were thinking of the same person. Do you think of it? Yeah. It's weird. Dude, has he blocked you on Instagram? No. No. He has me and James Whittler blocked right now. I like the guy. I don't. But Joker page paint is terrifying. Faggy McFaggitstein.

Yep. No, that's his grandpa's name. But, but yeah. Dude, he's the equivalent of seeing a roach. Like when I see him walking in the room, which is like a rope. People hate that guy. I like him.

No, I, remember I used to like him a lot. He must have not have given you a dirty look yet. He gave you a dirty look and you're like, I hate you know, that's all the time. No, that's like one of the many things he does. He's the worst person. He didn't give Joey a pound. Yeah, I was walking out of me atop.

I was like, hey, nice to see you, bro. And he goes, don't pound me. You're dead to me. I'm like, why? He goes, because you don't defend everything I do. I don't defend everything everyone does. I will say, if you have Joker face pain, I will defend zero things you do. If you help a woman cross the street, I'm going to be like, you probably.

Unless you shoot up a place, I won't defend it. I'll defend that. That would be a funny podcast. I just try to defend the least defendable people. This week is Danny Masterson. Okay. Oh, what are you? Who are you actually?

He's okay, right? Why do you get 30 years for something that happened so long ago? Well, I mean, it's a bunch of rape. But it was a long time ago, right? Yeah, but that doesn't... How did they prove it, I'm saying, from like that long ago? I guess there is a statue of limitations. I'm not sure of statute of limitations.

They just hate Ashton Kitch's friends. If you're friends with Ashton Kuch's friends, you're going to have... 30 years is a long time. Also, I was watching punk other day, and... 30 Krochers had some wild shit on punk. Yeah, but everybody gets so weird about... That's it always bugs me. I get what you're saying.

There's always a joke. It's like, can't wait till Hillary Duff. Turns 18. Wait, do we talk about that? No, but, like, people said shit like that all the time. It's like, that's the one I was going to tell you about. I've made jokes about that with Greta Thurnberg. But that's just because she's wildly unattractive.

Yeah, she? She looks like an alien. What's she looked like? Who is she from? She was a climate activist. Where'd she come from? Now she's, like, loaded, and I don't think she cares as much anymore. What's up?

Where'd she come from? Where'd you go? She's Swedish. She's a Swedish political activists. What I'm saying, like, I don't know, I think making a joke about something doesn't immediately make you like some gross person. It's like you guys have made jokes about me having sex with my mom. That doesn't mean I believe that. You don't?

I mean, I would love to hear that sucks with your mom. I, I am terrible. How would you do it? How would you seduce your mind? We're not. We're not doing it. This is the one thing I'm not talking about on here. It'd be funny if your dad walked in right now. Yeah, that was a take of a shout before this.

My dad literally is so wholesome. Was your dad the guy on that dating app who was like, fuck my wife? No, no. He does see very nice and wholesome. Dude, that's got to be. so weird to have single parents on fucking like seeing them on dating maps. Wait, you guys know Santiago Angel? Yeah.

He said the craziest thing at Bathtrop so, so you know how Bad Trip is like you tell crazy story? Yeah, yeah. His crazy story was he was at a, like, a German sex camp where like they just have sex all day. Wait, wait. Wait, you mean Auschwitz? That is funny thing about it being kinky at Auschwitz. Everybody would be punished, but we were fast.

It's naked. Like, he said it was like a five-day camp, like they lived in dorm rooms. It was in the woods. And like, there was like all these, like, sexual seminars and sexual activities. And he was, he didn't meet this girl. And this girl was like, I really want to have sex with you in the orgy room. And he was like, yeah, let's fucking do it. And they go in the orgy room and she like freaks out. She's like,

and he's like, what's wrong? And she's like, and he was like, my parents were having sex in that orgy room. And he was like, what? And he goes, yeah, I mean, my family, we all come to the orgy, like the sex camp every year. And that's our thing. And it's like, this sounds like a sex crime. Yes. That should be the name of the podcast. I like that.

Sex crime. No, no, no, this sounds like a sex camp because, okay, you have to backtrack so far. Let him tell it. It's better than he tells him. Have him on the paw. What is a German sex camp? I've heard of a German camp. I've heard of a sex camp unless the kids are getting molested. I don't want to do this. I made a nudist

beach. Okay, so you go to this. How old was he there? I think it was like 22, 23. All right. He's, you can say. That's so, so if you don't know San Diego, he's this thin, nose ring, long hair guy. That's so him being like, I'm going to a sex camp. He's the guy. He's the guy. He's the guy Midwestern fathers are afraid of their daughter meeting when they move to New York. Oh, you got to take your birth control?

What's going on? No, that's us. I'm going to have to wrap up soon. Oh, mine went off at the same time. That's so fucking crazy. But I was going to say, uh, Louis is a great Auschwitz, but do you ever hear it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love an Auschwitz bit.

When he's like, he had, he's like, I hate New York City. I live in Auschwitz. No, no. Oshowitz now, not back then. Yeah. He's like, he's like, oh, my friend, he has a British comic friend who, made a joke about Auschwitz and like the actual Auschwitz Twitter page

like condemned him like that's not funny and Auschwitz like Lewis like who's running the Auschwitz social media? Like it had a blue check it's like oh it's a real one yeah yeah that's really just imagine like oh I got a summer job I'm working for Auschwitz. Yeah that is weird but also like that is funny I don't know it's like

we're talking about like as a comic I would feel like that's such a waste of my time to go to a sex camp you know you look like you look like the human version of what's the dad in the line shit? No who's the Lion King? Now the dad. Mufasa? Mufasa. You look at the human... Dude, that is the fucking best compliment of my. That's the strongest thing. Put him

face to face. Put him back to back. Mufasa and Michael Good. I kind of see it. You are going into the new single land. You will get lots of... And what was the mom's name Nala? Nala. She was hot. God, I would bring the shit out of that line. You Disney makes you want to fucking... Yeah.

And really, yeah. I've been trying to bing a Nala line for Squarespace. Do Mofasa. Dude, I look to this. You look just like him, dude. You look alike. This is such a cop- But do you not say it?

I see it. Yeah. Dude, you look like twins. I can't believe your girlfriend turned down Mufasa. It wasn't turned down. It's a complicated situation. But we got it.

We got a, what do you guys want to promote? Bad Trip will be at New York Comedy Festival on November 5th. Come on down. It's my storytelling show. Michael and James have both done it a ton of times.

It will be a QED. November 5th. Perfect. James Montillo. Bitch Sesh. We'll be at New York Comedy Festival November 7th. Perfect. If you're listening on Spotify. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's on Spotify and Apple. Thank you for listening. I appreciate it a fuck ton.

And thank you. Love you, Mom.