Morning Good - Beastie-ality Boys - Episode 157

Episode Date: February 19, 2023

James Donlon and Joey Rinaldi return to the show for today's episode. They talk about Morning Good fans, going Inspector Gadget, and getting back into drinking after being sober for a year.Thanks to Joey and James for coming back on the show, check them out on earlier episodes and click their links down below for more. James is on Instagram @jamesdonlon_, and hosts a call-in show Sundays at 8 on Radio Free Brooklyn. Joey is on Instagram @thejoeyrinaldi and also runs @badtripstorytellingshow in Astoria. Also if you're in Fresno, California, catch Joey Rinaldi on the road performing a solo show with 4 dates between March 3-9.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Oh, that sounded horrible. We're here with Joey Rinaldi. Howdy. And James Donnell. Yeah, we're on the show. And you were talking about the Beastiality Boys.

Well, I was just saying. Is that what Beastie is short for? Yeah, I think so. I was just saying, if I was the Beastie Boy, I think people would accept my Beastiality more. Yeah. Talk about sabotage. Can't stand it. I'm going to fuck you cows.

You can't stand it. This is disgusting. But I got to do it to sabotage you. Yeah. I'm on the pot today to promote all the sheep. So I'm on the pot today to promote my new album, my parody Beastie Boys songs. Beasty Alley Boys. By talking about how I have sex with animals.

Yeah. Mainly my dog, but Giving up on standoff. What are their albums? They have sabotage. What are the big hits? I totally forgot. Like, I listened to for years.

Brooklyn, like, don't stop to Brooklyn. No sleep till Brooklyn. Party in the USA. Do they do brass monkey? Is that them? See, there you go. That's a monkey he wants to.

Yeah, brass monkey, the Beastie Boys. It all comes together. It all comes together. I never went through the Beastie Boys because I remember like I was playing like sabotage one day when I was like 11.

10 and my oldest sister who I thought was like the definition of a cool person. Kim in my room was like, only the weird guys I hang out with like Beastie Boys. And I don't want to be being a weird guy. And I was like, oh no. And so I just like stop. That is kind of like they are good. But there is always like a weird guy who's like super into it. You know what I mean?

Like I think musically they're like considered. I think people who actually listen to music like these guys are talented. Yeah. But there's always that weird. You know, a lot of like good artists have really weird fan bases. Yeah. Like they're Rick and Morty fan base. It's like, everybody likes freaking bored.

You have weird fans, like confirm weird, weird fans. Oh, what's this? Because I told you what happened at my show once, right? Oh, some guy came up? Yeah, yeah. So I was doing a bad trip one day. This is before James was involved with Bad Trip. Yeah.

Bad Trip is our storytelling show. So anyways, I was doing bad trip. And this guy who looks so nervous. I mean, like, he was like visibly like sweating and shaking comes up to me and goes, I listened to Michael Goods podcast. You're funny. I came and bought a ticket to your show. and I was like, oh, cool, man.

Like, hell yeah. Like, they take a seat. He goes, okay. And he, like, did not, like, laugh or smile the whole show. He kind of just stood there just, like, like, Twitch. Joey bombed the show and he's like, your fans are so weird. Dude, he's not weird. They don't know what comedy is, man.

But, like, he bought a ticket. He's a nice guy, I think. Some people, do, funny is you ever have a show where somebody sits with a whole thing and you eat shit? And everybody eat shit. And they're like, that was so much fun. I'm like, are you serious? You look like you had the worst night of your whole entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So like when you're sitting next to someone at the movies and they're like, they probably hate this fucking movie. And they're like, that was the best movie I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just can't read people sometimes. You know what? I do it all the time. Like, whenever I watch a movie with a friend, I can never enjoy the movie because I'm like too busy being like, does he not like it? He hates it. Oh, he hates it.

Oh, he hates it. Oh, he's like, you watch stand-up with somebody. It's like, you're like, isn't this funny? And you're like, waiting for them to like it. Yeah. Yeah. Waiting for somebody to laugh is the most uncomfortable feeling. Yeah.

I'll fake laugh and stuff because somebody showed me something in person no matter what I'll be like oh this is hilarious I love Seth Myers or something like that I showed my mom

Shane Gillis's special on YouTube when I was home for Christmas she's not really in this she's like oh I like Rodney Dangerfield and she'll text me about Rosamnene Bar has a new special out

Oh come on Fox Foxx Yeah I'll give you my log Yeah I do want to watch because she's really good at stand up I would be down there

I don't think I've ever seen Roseanne do stand up ever She was like paved the road for like women to do stand up She's awesome. I didn't know she was considered a woman, but okay. She's paving women now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because basically it was like hot women that did stand-up, and they're like, oh, look, you can do it if you're hideous, too. Yeah, you just have to be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like it's weird for hot women who's done. I feel like stand-up is a place for ugly women. I feel like Roseanne's, like, the prototype.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stan's a place for women, I think, who were ugly as children. That's like, everyone in stand-up, even men, too, I guess now. Like, you're an ugly child. You say that. I don't know. I think they're a funny hot dude to do stand-up. I mean, me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but they were ugly children, though.

I can't. I don't know. That's my theory, I guess. I don't know. I'm just talking bullshit. I can't believe that. I don't know. No, I actually think the most uninteresting people are the people who are ugly kids and, like,

they got a hot-ass grown-ups because, like, their whole, like, their whole vibe is like, I worked for this. Like, you should love me now. Like an old fat guy. Yes, that's why I rule because I was hot as a kid, and then I stopped caring. Oh, I have the confidence if somebody who was hot, but I don't have that spite. You know that spite that never goes away? Could this be a bit?

I was thinking, I was journaling about this today. I fucking hate saying I was journaling. Yeah, I immediately almost shut off the, jerking off. So I was jerking off today. Yeah, yeah. I mean you to say anything else. So I was jerking off this morning, and I was thinking about my body who always tells me, like, oh, you're so lucky that you have, like, what is it called? Not metabolism, maybe?

Because I'm, like, naturally, like, I look like this without trying. And my friend is in a really good shape, but he was a fat kid. So he, like, works out all the time. and I think it's actually more lucky to realize you're fat as a kid because then you're like, oh my God, I got to work now. Right. The second my metabolism slows down, I have no constitution in place to like work out, eat healthy.

Like, I'm fucked. Right. Yeah. I think that's a good, like, funny premise. I knew I was fat when I was a kid when they, I had to get a suit fitted and they took me into a section of the store that said husky. That's a type of dog, dude. I did not know that it was us.

You are a husky guy, but like, Did they give you like the, what is it? I've had some of those. My mom got me these pants for a while. They were like elastic wings pants. But it's like they're, they're khakis, but like they're. But that's in now. That's the job.

By the way, your pace is too dark. I'm sorry. I'll have backwards. There we go. Yeah. I didn't want like people to think like me and James are like in a rap group together from the 90s. Yeah. You guys do have to look down.

The bestiality boys. Yeah. Was that, so did you feel shame about being a fackett? No, no. I guess I don't think that being fat was bad. but like I did realize I'm like everyone was making fun of me because I was wearing a husky suit. Yeah, yeah. It's like I learned by being made fun of that it was bad.

Dude, I had a fat friend growing up with it. This is really fucked up. But we were going to go to like the pool at like the country club that my parents remember of. And I tried to get him to work out that day because I thought it would lose weight. So I was like, dude, let's go for like a run or something like that. Oh no. What happened? Just to help him out. He didn't know. He was just like, yeah, dude. Let's go for a run. And I'd be like, what about we do some sit-ups together? It's not working.

Yeah, I was like, dude, he hasn't lost the weight yet. Like, how are we gonna hit on chicks? Did he, like, survive the run at least? Or like, yeah, yeah, he's still alive, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, but like... He also ended up being, like, a giant coosound. Like, this guy, like, somehow figured out how to be fat. He would kind of play, like, the, like, friend.

And then he banged the chicks afterward. He was very cool movie. Yeah, yeah, he'd be like, yeah, that guy's such a jerk. He'd be like, you know, maybe what else. Yeah, yeah. He'd be like, he learned about roofies. That was his endgame. Yeah, I mean, however you figure it out, you know.

We all have our weight. There's any reason for skin that woman, you know. Don't hate the player. Yeah. Hate the drug. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got roofied once.

I told you that right. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Put some drugs in like a handle. That shit was crazy. Yeah, yeah. Is that why you don't drink anymore?

No. That was like in college. You know, it's always the worst question to ask, well, why don't you do a drink? Because it's like, well, I got drunk and I accidentally hit a human being with my car. I got drunk and I love that drinking too much and becoming a mess leads to you being like the most responsible friend and your friend group. Yeah. Because you stop drinking and then you're like, wow, this guy's a fucking legend.

He doesn't drink. He's responsible. But it's like the fat guy who's skinny now. It's like, well, you really shouldn't be eating that. Yeah. Why you're going to the bar again? It's like, come on, dude. The amount of recovery alcohols, I know they'll locate like a month sober and occasionally

throw like a little slight as backhanded compliment. Or not compliment, like little thing. I'm like, I know you're trying to fucking. Yeah, what do you know? You just fucking stop going to the bars. But I do respect it a ton. Like, I was at a work party for Christmas. And I,

It was like one of my girlfriends, and I was like, oh, this is cool. Like, I like, I like, oh, this is cool. Like, I like, there's people drinking, but I was like, the really cool people are the people with the non-alcoholic beers. I was like, that's, I was like, because that guy has fucking stories. Yeah. He's not trying to hide who he is.

He's like, this is who I am. I got a shit to say. Yeah. I got to tell Bill this story. He's like, I'm not allowed to drink at the Christmas parties anymore because it went off the rails last time. Yeah. So I had not drink in like a little, like, 48 hours or so.

Oh, cool. No. No, no. I thought you were about to say. something that you could be proud of. No, no, no, no, no, this is the opposite. I'm, I'm getting there. Okay.

Because, uh, as James knows, uh, I, uh, I went through a breakup like three weeks ago or a month. I don't even know anymore. And I realized like three days ago that I was not having any days off. I've just been drinking nonstop. Oh, yeah. And I hit like my, like my, my, my breaking point, uh, because, um, I woke up yesterday. You know, it was just, Jesus Christ. I woke up yesterday morning.

And I realized I just blacked out a hinge date. Like I went on a hinge date And I don't like luckily I check my text messages You're like engaged right now Like the last text we had Were like oh like I hope you got home safe Have a great night And she was like I got like we had like a very normal like post date convo

So I think I'm fine But like I don't remember that date I don't remember anything Dude where she's the love of your life Oh no You got too drunk She was uh Yeah he wasn't drunk when he matched with her

He knows what she looks like No no it's it's accidentally her pictures That's what I think led to me being like, well, gotta drink those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm not gonna not have sex with her. What was off? Like, why didn't she look like the picture?

I'm always interested in, like, what is different? Like, is she fatter? So you, it's funny. Her face was so much prettier than her pictures, but her body was so much bigger than her pictures. So, um... Yeah, it's amazing the way.

Guys can't really hide being fat in pictures. No. No, no, no, like, that's a... You just don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what you were thinking about the other day is that, like, men get so mad when, like, women, like, like, like, want to use, like,

like a sex toy in the bedroom, like a vibrator. But men, on the other hand, like, we expect so much out of women. Like, we make them, like, wear makeup. We want them to look hot all the time. But we can't, like, handle, like, one little favor. Like, oh, I use this vibrator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with going inspector gadget on the pussy. Oh, no, no, I'm past that. I've been waiting to say that for months. I'm like, that's a cool phrase. And I'm like, thank God somebody brought up sex toys. Yeah, yeah. I love Inspector Gadgett Pussy.

Let's do it. Yeah. I love that movie. Was that Matthew Broder? Was that before after he killed a woman? No, that was... Mid-movie? Yeah.

No, I think he killed a woman like right after Ferris Bueller. Okay. It was in Europe, right? Ireland, yeah, yeah. Because he was dating his sister at the time. What? The sister in Ferris...

From Ferris Bueller. He was dating the woman that played his sister? Yeah, like they met on set. Oh, yeah, the chick from dirty dancing. The chick from dirty dancing. Who is so ugly now. She was in the car. She was in the car

when he killed a guy. Oh, lady. It's kind of hot to fuck your Like, not your actual, but like they're... There's something there. Well, that's how porn starts... I want the principal to be disappointed them. He's like, ah, damn it, Paris Bueller.

Well, doesn't... Wasn't the principal from... No, no. Yeah, yeah, the principal's a pedophile, right? He's a pedophile, right? He's a pedophile, yeah. So he doesn't really... His opinion doesn't really play.

So you can fuck your sister. I fucking... We should play a game of guess who, but it's all Hollywood pedophiles. You're just like, was he the dad in 7th Heaven? Yes, he was. Oh, okay. Wait, seventh heaven dad was raping the kids? I don't know if he was them, but in general, yeah.

Yeah, there was something there. Dude, it's so... Or you got caught with a bunch of child porn, I don't know. But also, I think about this... I think about this all the time. Who are the pedophiles not having class with kids? Like, those people, like, deserve the guy. Oh, he's very impressive, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there's, like, communities for them. Like, I saw, like... Or, wait, when people if they don't have sex with kids, but really, they just don't know how to get late? Like, they're like... They're like, yeah, I just choose not to, but I watch it. Yeah, yeah. It's like, no, these internet transcript says you've been trying

and you strike out every fucking time. The easiest people to trick into having sex with you, you can't get to have sex with you. I've been watching a, what's his name, show, Takedown? It's like, Chris Hansen's, he is such a fucking dick. Because I'm like, obviously, if you have sex with kids, you should be thrown in jail. Right. Right. But to also on top of that, have Chris Hanson, like, there might as well be a show where Chris Hanson, because you're basically on death row at that point. Like, your life is done.

Yeah. So like, they should, they should, instead of just having to catch a predator, they should have a show where Chris Hansen goes to people on death row and just teabags him and all the pieces of shit. Because that's basically what it is. Like, that person's life is over and he's like, oh yeah, it's like, bet you regret this. It's like, yes, I do. How do they get, do they consent to being on film?

No, they don't, but they walk into the house. He's like, this is our house. We can film whatever we want here. So it's like, yeah. So it's like security footage rules. Yeah, because all the time you were like, I don't want my face to be seen. It's like, well, we're not going to show your face,

but they always show like, you can basically see their face. Because like, everybody knows their voice. Right. It's like you see like the corner of their face. Right. bill? They just like smudged out like their nose, but the rest is their thing. They blurge just the nose.

We can show this now. Yeah. It's not my dad. Have you guys seen this guy from Indian dude from Jersey who like sets people up and is just a dick to them? Like he'll like purposely pretend to be like a hot girl. It's like a married guy. The married guy would go to meet the hot girl. And he's like, you're a bad person.

You have a wife and kids. And I'm like, why are you pretending to be a hot girl? You cycle bad? Yeah, yeah. That's not the same. That's not the same. Chris Hansa. Like going and just like,

yeah, you could cheat on your right. That's legal. Yeah, yeah, that's like, what's it called? When I found out cheating was legal,

I was like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. This is Saudi Arabia. As a, I thought that was like a crime. I thought like, if you cheat on somebody,

like, like, you go to jail. But, you just bang chicks just because it's hot. Yeah, just because it's hot. Yeah.

It's just, yeah, yeah, I guess. They, uh, who would I say, my favorite,

I watched one of the Chris Hanson ones. And there's this one guy and there's a guy that basically like sunglasses on, which is a great move. Because if you ever going in to do something illegal, we're some sort of disguise, you know? This guy shows up on a golf cart, which is hilarious.

He lives like three houses down to the fake house. Like, by a chance, he rolls up on a golf court. And it comes in and he's got like, he's kind of like redneck guy, longish hair, sunglasses, and he's getting arrested. He's like, man, I understand how this looks bad, but I'm like a huge fan, Chris Sain City. I've been watching for years.

He's like, once we get this, this is all, this is just a misunderstanding. Once we get this figured out, I love to grab beer with you. And he's like, we know you're a pedophile. He's like, look, I get how it looks that way, but we'll get this all sorted out. Me and you hang out.

We'll have a good time, Mr. Hansen. Damn, dude. That must have worked for that guy once. That's not a feminist being like an Andy Tate fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, how does that even happen? Yeah. Dude, he's, I watched a full Vice documentary on him in his home areas.

On Tate? Dude, they're interviewing him. And at first of all, they're walking through his house. He's like, that's classified. You can't go there. You can't go there. This room's class. I was like, what are you doing alien experiments?

It's like, why? going there. This is classified, classified, classified. And he has this sword on him. He's like, I think the reason why I don't respect women anymore is because we don't walk around the house with swords. He's like, all men should walk around the house with swords all the time. It was hilarious. I remember, like, I was interning at this, like, film company, and I had to go to this edit his house. Brasers. What? Brasers? You drove the bus. It's right. Because bangboos sounds like a gay, a gay porn site. Yeah, why would they call it? They probably started that way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, all right, this is way less popular. Just a way to bang your bros. Yeah. What the fuck are you guys doing on here? No, they just bros that bang bros. I don't know.

It's hot. Dude, how do you get a job? Like cheating. You were in the middle story, but like, how do you get a job after working at bang bros? I bet you they have some weird, like, code name, like so-and-so productions. Oh, definitely.

That's a great call. Yeah. Yeah, like, kind of like when, like, um, like a strip club, like when you, like, use your credit code at a strip club. Yeah, it's like, like, Smarty's pizza. Yeah. It's more like like something entertainment group or something like that.

Exactly. And then like it was so embarrassing because immediately my credit card got canceled. So I'm at the strip club. I called my credit card company. Yeah, you gotta be like. And I'm like, hey, that last charge, that like fun entertainment group. Dot com is actually like that that was me. And they were like, and the lady laughs and goes, you're a strip club.

I was like, yeah, she goes, all right, cool. Yeah, that's good. I'm like, why did she ask? That's just for her. She just wanted to double check. Yeah. She made a note on your file. Also, it was 2 a.m.

and I was in Vegas. So like, yeah, yeah. That's what people purposely do. Yeah. What are you doing in Vegas if you're not there? Yeah. You know, I have a PSA. Like, don't go to strip clubs anywhere besides like Miami, Vegas, like Atlanta.

I disagree. I think the ones that are more fun are the ones where, uh, it's terrible. I went to a strip club on Thanksgiving. Harts in Florida. Tell that story right now, what you? Uh, like, probably like my last year of college at 2019 or so. We just were like, all my buddies were hanging around. We all left our Thanksgiving dinners, met up, and we're like, I guess we can try it.

And then we just went and sat down, and it was really sad. Were they serving turkey? My barber was my barber. Like, the guy there was my guy who cuts my hair. Tell me about your barber. What do you want to know about him? No, he wasn't stripped. It was so funny if you guys, like, you got your haircut like the next week, and you guys just talked about it.

You were, like, no jugs were fucking great on Thursday. And weren't they? He's like, yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Like, like, oh, dude, beautiful jugs out there. Yeah, yeah. You make out a small talk, so you're like, the ariolas were great. You know what you're talking to your bar,

but you kind of run out of things like, I got to keep this going. What other observations can I have about the city bar? You're asking about cutting hair? They don't even cutting hair for a while. Yeah. What you know? I have a certificate right here,

which for some reason you need a serious license to have. It has to be visible. Yeah, yeah, it looks like a passport or something like that. Yeah. Why? It's not that important. Why do you need a license to cut hair? It's a good point.

It's stupid. I don't know, it's also like... They're using scissors and knives and shit. I would sit down in someone's chair, you better trust them with a scissor and a knife. That's your license. Yeah, yeah, because also, by the way, the license doesn't mean anything,

because I've gotten the most stupid haircuts from people that have a license. And I'm like, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. Yeah, I've gotten some bad ones. Yeah, this one, there's just one guy. I used to go to this Middle Eastern guy, and he'd be like, you're so handsome.

But then eventually, I was like, this is kind of just being nice. And then I happened like six times in like 10 minutes, he's so handsome. Are you lonely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted some. He was going to save your hair.

Swoop it up right in a little bucket. Ooh, so good. So handsome. Would you feel uncomfortable like your barber isn't fucked up shit with the hair he collects from you? I don't do. He can shove it up his ass. I don't care. Is that all right?

Your DNA's only in the follicle part, so they can take that part. He can clone me. I don't care. He can clone me and just have me chained to a radier and mouth fuck me. It's not me. It's my clone. Don't go in there.

Yeah, I mean, it would be, I know what the... I guess I would care if there's a clone of me being sexually abused in a basement. But I don't know. No, that's like a psychologist. That clone's not real. They are though. It's just me.

And it's like, it's no different. Like your sad rape clone. It's like, I wish I could do stand-up. Yeah. He shows that's part of the torture. He's like, also look at his stand-up. He's like, he would have so much better material than you. Oh, for sure.

Or it would be like, what's it called? Like there was that one little girl who was like trapped in like, it was called, her name was Jeannie, which they called it because she was like basically in a bottle. She's in a basement. And she's very non-verbal. and they like taught her to be like, hello? And they're like, look at this. I mean, it's amazing how far she's

come. And now, like, what is she doing now? She died like a week later. So what happened was there was like... What happened? So she was chained like a chair by this like... She ate a warhead. Like a little sad thing. Her head exploded.

She watched fucking apocalypse now. What happened was like she was so it was one of those where like I think her parents died and she lived with grandparents. Every abuse story. somebody living with weird grandparents or something like that. So she was living with her grandparents,

and then they basically just, like, put a diaper on her and, like, chained her to, like, a desk for, like, her whole life. And then one of the... That's a good way to take care of somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta hose them all. I mean, is it any worse than being on the internet, guys? Damn.

Yeah, yeah. Think about that. Think about that. Exactly. Yeah. Learning a lot this episode. Back to Barbers. Wait, I do you still at something?

Yeah. Wait, so James. Yeah, you don't have you so interested. But, and they found her whatever, and then they try to teach her, like, verbal skills. And I think she got, like, slightly stuck. But she couldn't walk or anything because, like, her body hadn't been used to walking. And then she died, like, I think, like a year later or something like that. Trying to do a push up.

Yeah. Stirl. A breeze came through and took a-go-h. But speaking of barbers, the last time I got a haircut from my barber, he told me this crazy story about how he escaped. He was a Russian soldier, a Soviet soldier, escaped, like his camp, then fled to him. illegally and all this whole thing. And I'm like, I have nothing to talk about my barber with now because like nothing he can tell me will ever be interesting.

Wait, where did he escape from? He was a, he was like, what is it called him? She got drafted to the Soviet army back like in the 90s or something. Okay. Or 80s rather. I don't know, I don't know what year it was. But he escaped. He like got the fuck out of that and fled to America.

And like, it was this crazy escape story. I'm like, I have nothing to talk to. I have nothing I can talk to can top that. Like, because he always like asked me. Ask him he's ever killed a man. People who've been in the war, they love when you ask them. No,

he's... They really want to talk about it. He escaped in training, apparently. Damn. Oh, so he's a pussy's right. Yeah, he didn't even see combat. But what happened from training to America? Like, he left that point.

It was very vague. Oh, he probably is dark shit. Oh, my God. Probably was a sex slave for a second. Yeah. You could be like a receptionist in Russia and still have, like, the darkest backstory. Like, everybody there just says,

I ate my daughter. Yeah. You didn't have to do that. I work at IKEA now. Did you say, ate my daughter? Oh, that's good. There was no food. There's no food.

So, no, yeah. Costco was too far. If I came to America from a horrible country and you gotta say something fun. You just make up some cool shit that happened to you. 100%. Like, that guy probably full shit. He probably was a loser in his country making like sandwiches and a fucking, he's like, I'm gonna go cut hair.

What if he, what if he wasn't qualified? They're like, no, you're not athletic enough to make it in the, he's like, you know what I'm escaping. Well, whether they just send that weaklings to America? Like, we don't need, you go to America, pussies. And they come to America, like, oh, I'm a bad. man.

I fucking, I, I, I, because I, I hear a Russian accent. Like, this is the toughest. I always think they're tough. Eastern European people. Right. And then, yeah, I don't know. They just, they're scary to me. There was a deaf Russian kid on my street or like some of Eastern European.

It was pretty scary. He was like belt out and like hit me and stuff to get my attention. It was really crazy. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you got it. I wasn't going to do the voice, but you got it. Well, I, I, I, one of my buddies is like hard of hearing. He's like, he has moments of sounding a deaf person.

and I've been getting really good at mimicking him. Well, he can't tell. He doesn't know what you're doing. No, he loves it. Oh, he can hear it? Yeah, he loves it. He could tell? No, we like, sometimes...

Dude, I saw a British guy the other day get bothered. We were making fun of his accent. I was so frustrated. I was like, it's funny. He wasn't like, there was a comic who was like barking. And he's like, oh, you're from the UK. And he's like, it's not funny.

He's not funny when you make a voices. I'm like, it's hilarious. Yeah. You just went more in British? Yeah, yeah. He's like, you're joking around. He's not funny. Don't do all voices.

And we're like, dude, it's funny. The funniest thing is because they're, we're still doing an accent that we stopped doing. So it's hilarious. It's like, oh, you guys are still doing that thing over there? Like, we stopped doing that. We get into the rednecks and they fucked that shit out. We vobbed, asshole.

Somebody told me it was the opposite. Somebody told me what happened was that they, that accent, like they originally talked like us. Not like us, but they talked like the way George, like Abraham Lincoln would talk or something like that. But then to sound different because they were already people, they like How is a whole country

or like nine country a whole it's not a country it's not a continent but it's many islands how do they all as a group like all we gotta fucking change

this shit right now I don't know I think it's just like a trend it's like it's like I bet you like Valley girl was like in protest of like

a transatlantic exit not intentionally but like oh we don't want to talk Is transatlantic real is that the one that used to do like the ladies? Yeah

yeah I was in the funnies I was in the funnies I was in the funnies Yeah yeah Is that who J.K. Relling doesn't like Transatlant They're not real, honestly.

Wait, wait. So, so I have my family chat muted, because I have four siblings and two overbearing parents. Like, they text in this chat all day fucking longer. Oh, yeah, same, yeah. But I'm also that in a different chat. I'm trying to get this beach house with my friends, and I'm basically my dad just sending and doing things. But anyways. Buying it?

No, no, just for Airbnb. I feel so left out. I would love to get a beach house. You're welcome to come. Anyways. I'm not all talk. Like, if you message me about a beach house, I'd respond back. next thing you know you should you should join

we'll figure that out but I want to hear the family group checking I don't want to make I don't like making plans on the podcast by the way I'm just gonna totally ignore Joey's plan I would beg we'll talk about it later and just never never this is an ongoing gag for me this is like the third time you brought up plans on a pot I've been on I'm like how come I wasn't

this is more fun for me yeah the real fans will remember yeah it's more it's more fun for me but um family group chat and like it's going on I get like 70 message I'm like what the fuck I had to look through this shit it was a New York Times article that my dad posted about

someone defending J.K. Rowling and my sister's like this warc warrior be like, fuck J.K. Routhing, don't read that fucking, I'm like, why is my family like what we're all through right now over? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she's a good author who hates friends people, but probably who would be a fun person.

I don't think she hates him. I think she's just like, I don't know anything. What would have been the tweets she's been saying? I didn't know. She's mostly just like, they call her like a turf, which is just like trans exclusionary radical feminist. Yeah, yeah. Trans exclusionary radical feminist. And it's like, it's just basically, what it sounds like is it becomes like trans people

want legal protections. And then there's people who are like, well, those legal protections impede on like what women are after or like women's safety now. Like people can finagle the laws to like put women in unseason. I feel like no matter what happens, no matter what happens, everything infringes on women's safety. Like women are just not safe. Being born.

Yeah, yeah, it's not a safe place to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you were saying, oh, yeah, it's just blown up about that. Yeah, and I was like, why, like, I couldn't comprehend why anybody in my family was, like, putting so much energy into texting their siblings about JK. I'm like, yeah. It's also, the thing that's really dumb is, like, I understand she probably has, like, dumb views on this or whatever, or whatever. I have no idea what she thinks. She's not even pro person.

She brought Harry Potter on a napkin, dude. Don't give a shit with this bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also like, it's like, this is no different than one person just having crazy. It's like, it's like, do you think that, like, do you think that, like, like, Like, nobody's gonna, you know what I mean? Like, nobody's, you're not really, yeah. She's not in government, you know?

She's not writing laws. She's writing smigily-dew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is she even in America? Isn't she living? No, she lives in a castle in Scotland. Yeah, who gives a fuck? Yeah.

In the top of her castle, like, they're not really women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She bought this big castle and she's like, I'm still so lonely. How can I get people to talk to me? Yeah, yeah. Let me talk about trans people.

But the UK I've heard is way more woke stuff than America is. Like, they have so much more of, like, they're so woke, they can be transphobic. Yeah. Yeah. They got the card. They got the past. But that's what I've heard is, like,

the problems that we have here with, like, the way, like the social, cultural conversations we have to have are like two times worse in England. We got to send some rednecks over there. Yeah. We got to send, I don't know why I said Tucker Carlson. We need to just send over some honkies.

So I know that guy from To Catchup Redator. Yeah. Listen, we're going to figure this out. We're going to be here. We're going to figure this one. Well, these British people keep hiding that. You never hear about British pedophiles. Oh, of course.

Yeah, because, dude, they're like... They're out there. The queen knighted, like, ten pedophiles. And then they're like, yeah, we're not going to talk about that. Yeah. Like, what's his day? Like, Prince Andrew was like... Oh, yeah.

He was at Jeffrey Island, just banging chicks. I was driving on the West Side Highway. And you saw a king entering? There was a... Um, billboard for a storage place. And this is real. It was like, uh, your items will be safe, protected and unharmed. Just like Prince Andrew.

That's the billboard. Like, that's, wait, that's in New York. Wait, I never understood. Like, I never understood that. Like, so what is? It was like, your shit will be as safe as Prince Andrews. That's all it is. That's a crazy, like,

You could fuck kids in our storage unit. Yeah. That's like a funny tweet. That's a crazy billboard. Yeah. I really respect it when random companies just go for it. Yeah. But, like, I'm not when, like, Wendy's tweets like,

like, farts. Like, that's not what I like, you're like, look at wild and wacky Wednesday. No, no, say something fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like when a celebrity's account gets hacked and they just start like tweeting like fucking this in my mouth or what I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I got two likes on this by stand by this. This is what I tweeted recently.

I think Italian people talking to each other from afar look like deaf people signing. Do you think so? Yeah, yeah, that's funny. Is that something? Yeah, I think I may have seen it somewhere else now. Oh, really? Well, it's probably my Twitter. You probably saw it on my phone.

Yeah. The only got two likes on it. Yeah. You have two accounts. Morning Good. and Michael. Those are my two legs, man.

It's both me. Do I say you the best article about the Taliban? That's so funny. So, there's an article. So they're like, first off, the picture's great.

They're back. They've been back. They're in charge. They never went away. Wait, wait. I thought like ISIS was the new thing. No, ISIS and Taliban hate each other.

And then what does Al-Qaeda fall in all this? I have no idea. I don't know, man. Yeah. The picture's great, though. I'm not going to say the article yet, but the first picture I saw was amazing because these ISIS guys.

No, it wasn't hot. But these ISIS guys in a swan boat. You know, like a swan boat with a rocket launcher. I'm like, this might be the coolest picture I've ever seen in my, or not ISIS. Taliban. Yeah, how dare I mix the two. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

So what country are they running these days? Is Afghanistan? Something like that. Yeah. Article. There was in the news. I think it was talking about a cool, not Kuwait. He was Afghanistan.

We did the pull out of Afghanistan and the Taliban took over. Right, right. And then because we were fighting with them, it was like an endless war. that just was never going to end. So they just took over the government and then the article... They're bored. So the article says Taliban

tired of working from home or something like that. They miss the jihad or whatever. Yeah, yeah. It missed like the life of like a nomadic terrorist because they work the DMV now. Yeah, yeah. Because now all of them have office jobs and they fucking hate it.

They're like, yeah, every day. Imagine like getting in like PR, not PR, HR trouble. Yeah. They're like, I used to cut heads off. Yeah, yeah. I can't grab some ass at the office. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you read the whole article? Yeah, it was hilarious. Dude, like, it paid like $180 like a week or whatever. It's like, and they have to drive. They're like complaining about traffic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a whole part.

There's a whole part of like traffic sucks. What if, like that just shows you how much working in an office fucking sucks. The Taliban. They miss terrorism. Yeah, I guess, yeah, yeah. Because people in the office are always like, you know, I know it's boring, but, you know, it could be where it's, you could be in a third world country. It's like, no, they don't want to live like us.

You other reminds me of, there's these people. I feel like we talked about this before. There's these people whose job it is to work for like Facebook and Twitter and all these. And like it's their job to sit on a computer all day just flagging anything that's like fucked up. And they're having a lot of like trauma because like all they see all day is like murder videos. And that made me think like so being the guy cutting the heads off is actually more fulfilling than being the person flagging it. Exactly. Like they're getting something out of it while watching it.

It makes them depressed. Oh yeah. But also you think like imagine the cutting somebody's heads off. First off. Insane. We think it's disgusting because we're like, that's terrible. But if somebody told you God loves it when you do this, you're like, dude, I'm making God happy.

You're like, I'm a really good person while you're like cutting a journalist's head off. And like, look, it's got to be like punching the walls. It feels good to be violent. And if you think your violence is doing something positive, that has to be the best feeling. God co-signs your aggression. Yeah, yeah. You're like, this is great. I cut some guys head off, which was exciting.

It was exhilarating. And also, I'm going to heaven now. And God was like, this is the best thing you've done away. It's like a holy war. Like they're involved. So no matter. what you do, the whole purpose of the war is like fucking getting for God, man.

So anything you do, you're like, I don't know, we killed some babies but it's pretty cool under God. Yeah, for sure, yeah. That's what they like. Like, fuck those babies. Like, those babies weren't even blessed by God. That's right. I'd like to imagine in the offices there's like files now for like beheadings. Like, no, behead. Like they're stamping it like the DMV. No, yeah.

What if there's a guy for the Taliban, like, flagging stuff like the way they do for Facebook? He's like... Except they're good videos of like, it's like tits and ass and they're like flagging it. Yeah. Well, one thing I think it's going to happen is now that they're working in office, they're going to understand Western values so much more.

They're like, dude, I totally get why you guys want to get drunk and go to a strip club now. Right. That makes sense. Yeah,

so if I was on a fucking horse with a machine gun, I do you get this shit if you have beer. Yeah, you're like a cowboy. Like, of course they're missing that.

They were cowboys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like literally like, oh, so. Yeah, yeah. It's probably cool. It's probably cool. Yeah, it's probably very fun

to be in the Taliban. Dude, in 25 years they're going to bring out a video game that they can play as the Taliban. So it's just guys working boring office. Going home and fortnighting their like Taliban.

So like the equivalent of us playing like a revolutionary warlike video game. Yeah, it's just you in an airplane flying into the Twitter towers. Yeah. We keep missing. It's like, it's actually harder than it looks. Yeah.

Was America the Taliban of its time in like the 1770s? Like is that? I guess the British, we probably terrorized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty chill actually. Like like what goes around comes around. know.

Yeah. So like, it always happens. Yeah. So the Taliban, they're going to Westernize, they're going to have

office jobs. And, uh, we're going to be like, and then we're going to be the Taliban for, for them in the future. Yeah, we're going to be out of control. Yeah, yeah.

We're going to be on horses. Yeah. You guys are trying to tax us all the way from the, from the Middle East. Fuck you guys. Yeah. I hate when they tax us like that. It's the worst.

Um, man, I'm foggy from drinking last night. I'm like so foggy. I was, I said before I'm not doing George Jr. I'm gonna do dry January every year. I need to take a month out of every year.

Dude, I'm not even doing dry job. I'm just trying to recover from this bench. You're just trying to take a day off. No, dude, I don't know what I. That's probably why I'm going skiing because I woke up so shitty yesterday. I'm like. That's probably why you're going skiing. Yeah, because I woke up so shitty.

Because you're hung over. I got to get on the slow. Yeah. No, because I was drinking like three weeks straight. So I literally. Agreed to ski. I woke up yesterday. I was like, I got to get out of New York.

I got to get out of New York. I'm driving into my friend's house in New Hampshire, and I'm just going to go there. And he, I know he's doing like a dry thing right now. So I'm like, I'm going to join him. We're going to be sober together. And I want to come back like James Island over here, not drinking or anything. Yeah, I just, I haven't drank in a year now, February. That's great.

Yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to go back. Take me in. I'll take you out. Dude, you come in. It's so funny. I just, okay, I drank a lot. And then I quit drinking.

And now I just smoke twice as much. Yeah, that's not a solution That's a worst problem to have Yeah, yeah, yeah You know what I mean? Because you can just, I don't know It's just like a worse issue Alcohol gets you motivated for stuff

We doesn't get you motivated for any Alcohol does motivate like if I'm drunk I'm like dude I gotta fucking start making movies I think I texted my dad the other day I'm like I'm gonna get back into screenwriting I was just drunk watching the movie playing When I first met you When I first met you

You were like I'm going to this Columbia screenwriting class I'm gonna be a movie star Yeah I was really into writing And then randomly somebody's like yeah One person's like yeah If you're a straight white guy they're not making your movies. And I'm like,

all right, well, it looks like I'm not. Oh, damn. But I was just one guy saying that, which is not what happened. It was me.

It was a big of Steve. and Spielberg. Yeah. Well, let me make my movies, man. But I was kind of like, yeah,

because I got, and then I saw everything in, like, TV shows. I was like, oh, these fucking suck. Everything kind of sucks now.

But, um, plane was awesome. We needed you. Plain? Yeah. Oh, that's the new movie. Yeah.

Russell. Crow? Uh, no. Leonitis. Leonitis. Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler.

Those guys are the same in my head. Yeah, yeah. Are they British? The guy that you want to die, I'm just gonna ruin it. It came out three weeks ago. Can't wait. The guy who you want that doesn't die.

There's a very guy similar to, you know the dark night where the guy's like, oh, nobody wants to get their hands dirty. I guess I'll blow up the other ship. You know the guy with the detonator? There's like that similar kind of guy on the airplane, and he never dies. And you want him to,

he's got a guy who he gets the hand towels and like wants like four of them. You know what I mean? He's just like very, Which that would have been, I love the idea of the guy in the dark night Like washing the thing off before touching the detonator He's like, ew, it's sticky. And it just like murders like a hole.

The dark night, I rewatched it recently. And I'll do what you should do. There's like five different endings. Minutes ago. Keep going. I was just going under you. Wait, wait, I miss that. I'm not going to do it again.

He's been the black guy from the dark night. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I throws it out the window. Well, what about the guy the Joker fucks up? I never like that dude. He was like, uh, you know, in the bank?

No. I know every single frame of a dark night. The guy the Joker fucks up, he kills a lot of people. No, he's like, he's like, the one that he kills at his house, and then he makes his bodyguards fight to the death. He tries so hard not to say the black guy. The black guy. Yeah, yeah.

There's like four black people in that movie. Yeah. And one of them's Batman. He's dark skin. I don't know. Dark skin. I'd see him because he has, like, earrings. He wants to dark night.

And it's structurally a terrible. like like structurally like the way screenplays that should be supposed to be written. The movie sucks. There's like five even points that's supposed to be endings. Did you go to film school?

Yeah. People shouldn't be allowed to go to film school. Shut the fuck. Because I agree what you're saying probably makes sense but you I don't think you need any of that in movies because everybody now that goes to film school

makes these movies and like I feel like it kind of sucks. Like they know movies very well but like a lot of movies suck now because like you want some guy like Tarantino who's like, yeah, I just found a camera quarter when I was like 10 years old and like that

Yeah, and you just He also may have gotten a film school, I have no idea. I have a short film coming out soon So roast me when it comes out, I'll send it to you We'll do a viewing party. And you'd be like, this guy sucks I've never walked that movie that sucked And been like structurally though

It was sound Structurally it made sense But it just doesn't matter Do you ever get high and just read Roger Ebert reviews? That's like a really fun No. Have you seen a documentary about Roger Ebert? No, there is.

Dude, that guy lost his jaw. Dude, his face is so old. So his mouth is just always like loose and oh, he's dead now. But like his mouth is always loose and open. Yeah. So what happened with his jaw? He had like cancer. Yeah.

What was it like? You're describing it brightly. So what? They remove the jawbone but left the skin. Oh, it's disgusting. Isn't that insane? And like jawbone would be a great rap name. Like there's like a hole here.

So they just have like this flap of skin here. It's great. So it looks. So it looks like a mouth. but he's like fucked up. Does he eat his food just like a hungry hippo? I don't think he's eating

salads. I don't think he's eating salad. Yeah, I'm very curious what he looks like. Put that on the middle of the screen right now. Just Roger Ebert's horrifying. He's like one of my heroes. I'm so,

there we go. Yeah, documentary is pretty good. That looks rough. I kind of want to touch his chin though. It's just squishy. I feel like it would be fun to kind of squeeze his like,

blow job? Yeah. You probably gets fired dome. Like he would review. I would give my dicks up by Roger Ebert, bro. You're this bitch. Oh, my movie sucked. Yeah.

You're gonna suck this dick. What'd you say? Is it structurally sound? You're fucking more. He gives a great head. Yeah. Roger Ebert Fleshlight. Who are the people buying

Porn store of Fleshillites? Like, I just want Lisa Ann's mouth so badly. I had a buddy who was in the Marines and he bought like a specific porn star. It's like pocket pussy. But he's a hero, so we can't shame him. Yeah. service, buddy.

My tax dollars paid for that pocket. It is funny that people saving America right now are just beating off mercifullyly into like... That's all they do.

Yeah, yeah. They jerk off so much from my understanding. In college, a buddy of mine's best friend who was a Marine came to like visit us one weekend.

And it was the weirdest thing. It's like, he wanted to prove to us that the Marines are badass. And like, he just got really drunk and he's like, dude,

the Marines is a business gets own frat. Like, we haze differently. Like, the other day, like, I had to, like, eat my sergeants throw up after we drink all night. I'm like,

that's not a frat thing that's just like uncomfortable I don't know I think I think your sergeant should be fired yeah like he was supposed to protect you he was like no dude it's cool like like

I've done so that's gross like I drink in all my friends dip spit I'm like are they are you volunteering to do this are you like are they leaving the bottles behind and you're going to the garbage can like in anyone else doing that

yeah see that yeah there's that weird culture of like toughness by weird You know what I mean? They're like, yeah, dude, I'm not afraid of anything, bro. I like to cow's anus. I'm like, what about your pushups?

Can you do like 100 pushups? That's not the point. I eat bullshit, dude. Yeah. It's like endurance. I had a buddy who joined the Marines and it like changed to it. We don't talk to him anymore. Like he was one of our close friends in high school.

And he joined the Marines. He came back and he would like want to wrestle all of us all that. Oh, dude. We're just hanging out. Yeah. I have a couple friends like that where they want to just wrestle constantly. Yeah. And I'm like, you don't, you don't enjoy wrestling.

You want to beat me so you can hold that. over me. Yeah, I wrestled so much harder than you were fucking almost 30. Why do you? You can't feel comfortable

in a room unless you've beaten everyone up. Yeah, you're like, right, now we can have fun. What do you do with the groceries?

Yeah. Just wrestling an old lady putting her in a fucking headlock. I want the last loaf of bread. Yeah. There's more in the back.

Thank you for your service. I love your granny voice. That's really good. Thanks. You want you to sit still to be on the camera? I can't sit still. I can't sit still.

I'm fine. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. He's Italian. I don't know. Yeah, I'm deaf. I don't know.

He looks deaf from far away. I'm sorry. I hate myself. I missed it. There was something's a call back. I got a, yeah, I got a fog. I'm gonna go back to, I'm gonna do drive March or something like that. I'm on the dry train.

I'm doing manic march. Start fires and trash cans. Yeah. Dude, I just like calling you up. Yeah. Just be weird. James, um, my apartment's on fire again. I know who is.

There's a third time I had to move this month. That's a March Madness should be. Yeah. You just get a month where you get to do every want. Yeah. Quit your job. I kill somebody. Purge, March Madness.

People always do that thing where they're like, you know, the purge, it would actually probably work. I'm like, no, wouldn't it? Because anybody who likes killing people would find out, like, I'm going to do this always. Right. And they would never stop. And it's probably just going to be mostly pedophile child porn stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. You can't. It's like, oh, well, you know, you just ruined a thousand kids' lives. It's like one guy would just rape like 10 kids. Go with your family and lock down. And the child terrified because she's with her uncle. That whole crime is legal. He's like, well, I don't want to hear what I did during the purge.

That was one day. My first move, my first move, I called up your mom. Mrs. Donlin, the purge is on. Anything goes. Yeah, yeah. You call my mom? It's not illegal. I know, but like, do that now.

No, but you're my friend. You're not a thing. That's a really funny idea. So we guys like cheat on his wife during the purge. It's the purge. It's like, that's not illegal. On the eyes of God. Yeah, but it's like,

I still don't want to date you after that. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. I think, I've never seen any of the movies, but is it like, I think it gets frowned upon, though.

Like, the people that purge, people are still like, that's not cool. I've never seen. It's like a different government. And so it's like the government's like, it's like the government is taken over by businessmen.

Right. And they're like making people do it. But like poor people always get fucked and rich people are always getting, it's a class thing. The whole narrative is like, poor people are like, well, I hope the fucking locks on our shitty doorwork.

Yeah. The rich people are like getting people stolen and brought into rooms so they can just beat them to death That's like what the movie is But if you're like a security system That has to be like you make so much money Like somebody who does that like 82

80s making big bucks in the bird I think big security is behind the purge They're running it They're pushing it I'm sure I'm sure It's like the military industrial complex dude Yeah dude I eat diarrhea because I'm a fucking Marine bro Yeah

It's the purge dude, I'm gonna eat to fucking diarrhea. The guy who killed Osama bin Laden just says, shit, like pouring down his mouth. It wasn't an easy job. Sorry, I had to prove to everybody that was cool. Immediately after, he just had to eat shit after killing Osama bin Laden.

Like, could either of you think, like, you would be fine if you, like, enlisted? You think you're cut out for that? No. Are you asking me if I would eat diarrhea from my country? Absolutely. I'd eat every human shit. I'd protect the red, right, blue baby. Yeah, dude. Red, white and brown.

Yeah. It's weird that we live in a time in America where, like, being, like, pro-America, like, America, where red, red and blue is, like, frowned upon. Yeah. But the thing is always just where you are, because I was talking to a girl recently, and she was saying that she goes on dates with guys,

and she says, the guys will say, oh, I'm not political, and she goes, that means you're Republican. But I'm like, in Florida, if you say I'm not political, people might think that means you're liberal. It's like everything, it's like everything's going on here is going on totally different somewhere.

I just don't read the news. What is, not reading the news. Don Lemon got in trouble for saying the bitch was old or something. Yeah. I think it was the chick who announced for a Republican nomination. Yeah, Nikki Haley. He was like, yeah, I don't know she's past her prime. And then he had to like apologize

on like a call with everyone. That is very slutty name. Nikki Haley. Yeah. That's very porny. That is porny. Yeah, dude. I think she's the governor of South Carolina. It's a slut state. When is a point star going to rise to like governor? Because like that's who we're heading, I think. That's what Lauren

Boehbert looks like. The one out in Colorado. She's hot? Yeah, she got like a porn star vibe. Like Sarah Palin had a porn star vibe. Oh, for sure. Like in 10 years from now, is Mia Khalifa gonna be like the Senate of Connecticut?

She is so mad at people for saying she did porn. Isn't that like a thing where she said, yeah. You fucking did it. She's like actually, dude Mia Khalil is so fucking annoying. I heard she did for like a very short period of time.

A lot of them do it for a very short period time. Yeah, it's not really, not really career. Yeah, yeah. Because she's past their problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no.

But like the thing, the thing is there's like actual like timeline proof that like she's full of shit. Like she's like, I only did it like six months. It's like, no, no, that's not. That's like evidence. It's like literally proof that you. Yeah, this video was posted here.

Yeah. But she. Also, like, how'd you get fucked 400 times in two weeks? Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I don't know, dude. Yeah, she probably will probably try to run for fucking office or something. It's like, do it then.

Like, maybe we'll elect you. Fucking Jesse Ventura was the governor of Montana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a pro wrestler. Also, yeah. Also watching Terminator. That's crazy that guy who barely spoke English I mean he did but roughly got elected

Have you ever seen pumping iron? Yeah yeah where he's like it's like coming It's like no but that's not the point that's crazy The point that's crazy to me is that there's a whole scene It's really emotional he's like giving Lufreig no advice on how to be a better bodybuilder And then immediately cuts to an interview with Arnold being like I lie to him because I want him to not be successful That's so funny

You have to live with your back Is that like the story with But then it cuts to Louferigno's that. And Lou Ferriton's that's like, I love Arnold. He's such a good big brother to my son. And he's like, yeah, what you got to do is you got to put baby oil on your hands before you lift the weights. Just dropping everything. And only eat estrogen.

Yeah. So you get big pitch. That's how Arnold Schwarzenegger talks in my head. Loufergrino's my governor. There was like a story that came out about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Stallone that like Swartonager made it. Maybe I'm wrong. But I think Schwarzenegger made it look like he really wanted to get. get this movie so that

Stallone would get it, but it was like a total stinker. It was like, stop for my mom will shoot. Wait, yes, I love that movie. That movie's awesome. Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, I really want this movie just to trick. Stallone. That's literally the plot of pumping iron. I'm not even kidding. Well, then, yeah, that's the... So Arnold Schwarzenegger's just like a piece of shit.

I guess that. I mean, he was just his wife, which is apparently not illegal, which I learned today. You tried to kill Sarah. Oh, you know what? You probably saw like Bill Clinton cheating on his wife getting in so much trouble and that's why you were like... Yeah, that had a big impact on me. Also, like, I remember growing up thinking, like, Bill Clinton's a bad man.

And I would, like, hear people, like, say it's all. I think Bill was a good president. I'm like, Mom, that guy thinks Bill is a good president. That's a... But now that I'm older, I'm like, yeah, Bill was a good president. And he fucked Monica Lewinsky. Fuck yeah. Like, hell yeah.

Well, it's also like, I remember the Tiger Woods think people were, like, so upset about. It was a big deal. It was a huge scandal just because he was, like, cheating on his wife. It's like, I don't know. Who gives a shit if you're cheating on your wife? Like you're fucking wood.

I know, this is like a hack premise, but it's just so funny that Tiger is still today is like, I need sympathy. I'm a sex addict. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, no, Tiger, you're a billionaire, so women want to fuck you. Like, you don't have a problem. You're doing what any man would do in your position. Do you think Tiger Woods is good at fucking, though?

Because, like, he can't have good, like, cardio skills. What are you talking about? He's in great shape. Really? Because, like, golf, I mean, I just imagine, like, a football player's like, grr. No, no, no. To, like, Tiger, like, runs, like, multiple miles a day. I don't even think you have to be that good at sex to have sex.

You know what I mean? Is there a level where it's like that? I mean, I don't know. Maybe I've never been fucked by a man, but maybe there's certain levels to it where they're like, this guy is like, you don't even know.

Yeah, I guess you're right. You know what you never just like, it's like, I don't know, it's all kind of is the same. Also, that's probably just me as a guy

who's probably meteor over sex. I'm like, guys, it's all the same. Four stars aren't even good at sex, man. I don't know what these guys are talking about. Yeah, it doesn't even matter.

It's not even not good. I got confirmation recently I think I'm bad at sex because I was hanging out with this girl that I used to date a long time ago and we were out to lunch and something fell and I went to pick it up

and she goes, don't do that. I'm like, why? She goes, we had sex before I know you're not flexible. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Okay, that's different though because as a guy you don't even really have to be flexible

during sex. But I felt like there was undertones. I feel like there was undertones that she was... Maybe she wants you to try again. She wants you to the Amazon position. That one's so funny where you put your legs up.

You know what the Amazon is? A guy puts his legs in the ear and points his dick down and the woman like stands over him and fucks him like I've seen like thumbnails of that on porn hub and I'm like hard now I don't want his honor

I don't know if my dick can really go that far Yeah I don't know it looks very painful Yeah yeah Because it's basically You gotta find a girl that can pick you up Yeah oh I guess that's the bigger problem That's why I only go to crossfit dreams now Because I want to kind of real strong women

Yeah I don't know if those women want to fuck like weaker guys. I think they normally want to fuck like monsters. No, no, I think I think some of them like fetish size like little men. Oh, interesting. Yeah. How do you know that?

You know what? I'm just talking out of my ass. No, yeah, yeah. You know what, to be fair, I know a tall woman who had sexed a little person and was like really into him apparently. So I guess that's kind of a thing maybe. I don't know. I guess everybody's different. There's probably are tall women that want to fuck dwarfs and then there's, yeah.

My roommate stayed in a tall girl and he's a dork. No, he's just short. I'm going to make him listen. You're having a dwarf, and he's not on the podcast. Every door for New York City has to come on morning good. That's that the rule. Yeah. You enter the city lines.

How many dwarfs have you interviewed? Just one. 11 more to go. But he's building me a big time in the community. How many was in Snow White? Seven, eight, seven. Wasn't Peter Digglidge pissed that they're making Snow White? He's like, the fact they even asked me to be a dwarf in a movie,

it makes me so angry. There's so few roles for you. Take the most famous role Is Adorf The first thing they say is It's the imp They like Yeah

People told me that show They're like Oh they don't even like Talk about how he's a little person And like he walks on a screen They're like it's the little person Yeah Yeah

It's not No I have to complain after two seasons Then they stop doing it My season three They're like I can't address And like the screen writer's like No but what am I supposed to right now

Yeah and I'm also like I have no problem with people being like I don't want to play like a dwarf I want to play like an office guy I mean that's fair you could be, because like, he transcends height. He can do whatever he wants. But then to be mad and be like,

they're really doing the movie with the little Dorfson? It's like, yeah. Wait, I have a question. If they did a movie with little animated people and they put like fucking the rock's face on them, it'd be a whole other. Oh, that would be sick, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck these little people actors. I don't see even shit. I want to see Tom Cruise's face. On a little, on a child's body. Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you just give me the best idea ever. So you know how like you think there's movies where, like, they,

make, like Frodo, for instance. Frodo is not that taller in the life. Right, animated him, yeah. Why don't we just, like, make movies where we make little people like normal? It's like small sets. Yeah, can we do that? Yeah, but you can't change their voices.

You know what I mean? It's kind of like unavoidable. I'm trying to help the cause. This voice modulators. This editing, this editing? We can dub it. We can dub it. AI.

AI. People just say AI. AI and everything. What about AI? I actually use AI for like email blast And now it's awesome What do you do? I've heard it writes the best emails

Yeah Yeah, AI writes the best email One of these things is gonna fuck your machines are out To get you though I feel like it's gonna ask you guys You edit it before you hit send It's not like it's not like Write me this email and send it without my permission

Okay it makes sense Yeah I'm not just like letting people just fucking Yeah it is risky But you know I do every time I use AI Every time I use AI I say please I say thank you And after the jobs finish Don't take over

No after the job's finish I write like a big outlandish like thank you note and every time they're like Joey I really appreciate this I'm like yes I'm good with the AI I do the opposite whenever I pay with Apple Pay I frown tracking my face I'm like fucking I hate this Wait they track your face with AI

I don't know what they're doing man TikTok's I don't use Apple Pay fuck wait TikTok's on messenger now TikTok has access to every single thing in your phone so it's like I don't know what they know they know I'm text my mom everything yeah shit's saved in a file somewhere Yeah you didn't know this

I don't really use TikTok that much I post on TikTok sometimes, but I don't really like scroll. They take down everything I post. Really? I respect that. Dude, I post it. Like,

now I'm pro TikTok. I made a page for my podcast and then I posted the first clip and immediately got taken down. Yeah, like immediately. Anything you were, it's like, I don't really give a shit about TikTok.

Yeah, yeah, I really don't. Yeah, I guarantee it's banned in the next two years. Exactly. I'm going to get a much of 15-year-old fans. Every bad video content creator is just hoping TikTok goes down.

You see, that's why I never back on. Yeah, yeah, that's so me too. I'm like, Yeah, TikTok sucks just because I haven't blown up on it. If you were blown up, you're like, it's actually a pretty cool app. Yeah, yeah, but TikToks don't do well.

They need your data to enhance your experience. I'd immediately be defending. You're a shill. So I make a lot of dick jokes, and people who like dick jokes can now find my podcast. Yeah, exactly. It's good for the goose is good for my cock. The best podcast I've been listening to Tick or Pitbull's podcast.

No. Awesome. Wait, what is it like? Pit bull has a podcast. It's amazing. Why do you almost say Tignitaro? I don't know. I thought you said TIG.

I'm like, no, no, no, no. You're talking about TikTok. Wait, no, no, well, she's, no, TIG is the co-host of the pit bull and Tick Natarro. That would be. That would be. Wait, so what is Pitbull's podcast? Yeah, what is he talked about?

So, it's called negative to positive. Because he took his line from negative to a positive. It's part of one of the song there. Okay. So I love that genre music. One, two, three, four. That's a song. Pitbull, little John, yin-yang twins, just fun music.

Yeah. A little Nio, little T-Pain. Anyways, it's called negative to positive, sponsored by State Farm. And... Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he has to beep out all the curse words, which is so weird

because I guess it's like a popular musician you're just used to it. It's like, every other words like he's like, yeah, that boop, beep, beep. Damn. Yeah, so I was being

this cuntlet horrid motherfucker. Yeah, because he's still pit bull so he's like, yeah, man, we're out there, women are shaking their beeps. And I'm like, what is it? It's not beeped, it's like, uh,

like blur. You know what I mean? They take a sound in that. I don't know, what's a call when you cut out sound? Take that? Yeah. No, no, it's just like, what, what TV show used to do that?

They mute it for a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What TV is on, I thought it was MTV, anytime they'd curse, it would just be, blah, blah, blah. A guy would be like, I'm so mad at you. No, I never seen that one. I don't know. Fuck, it was so weird, but I digress. But it's him, and, yeah, it's just him talking about a lie, but it's fun.

Because he doesn't know how to podcast, he'll be, like, playing music over talking to people. Like, he'll just be playing, like, a pit bull song in the background, where he's, like, having a conversation with a little John, who I didn't know is, like, doesn't talk the way he talks in songs. How does he talk in her life?

He's like, yeah, I'm a little, I can't do it. I don't know. He was like, he was talking, he's like,

yeah, you know, my son, we're hanging out and we'll make a music together. He's in, uh,

how does he talk? Oh, my name is a little John. I don't know. Is he calling little John? And does he like, John? Yeah,

he's like John. Yeah, yeah, me and John would be making music together. And John would be like, yeah, I would make it. I think little John was a big producer.

Like, he's produced all these beats. Like, really, just yelling over it as like a, like, like, sort of like a feeder. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, I had a beard one. I've also met him. I was really disappointed when I met him.

Why? Because, like... He wasn't little? Yeah. He's like five, six. I think he's little. But he, uh, it was funny because I Google a little John recently and the only videos I found were Lil Wayne videos.

And I was like, I can't tell if this is like a racist thing with YouTube where they think they just look the same or if it's the name thing. But like... Yeah. I looked up like the story of Liljohn because I wanted to know more about his backstory. It was just all the L'Layn post who... You couldn't find Little John's Wikipedia page, you psychopath?

Well, I wanted to listen to it while doing other stuff. Oh, okay, I respect. And there was a picture of L'Loyne first off that popped up is, I guess he was saved by like a police officer when he was a kid or something like that. And there's a picture of him next to his police officer. It's the weirdest picture because police officer has like no legs. And...

What? Yeah, I have no idea. I've no idea. That was part of saving him. And you know, it's fucked up. He lost his legs saving him? I'm angry. I don't know, wait.

Can you look up real quick? Look up Lil Wayne and cop who saved him. It's the weirdest picture because Lil Wayne looks like a little kid. Because I didn't know how shorty was compared to this cop. Or either the cop got giant bionic legs. It's the weirdest picture I've seen my whole entire life because Lil Wayne looks like... And how much shrooms were you on this happen? Dude, it was the weirdest picture. Can you find this picture for me?

I'm looking for it, dude. I'm on there. But like, imagine if like a guy with real legs played the no leg cop in a movie, would no leg actors be pissed? probably. It was a horrible photo, but that's the vibe. Wait, can I see? Yeah, look how, Lil Wayne looks, he looks like

Beetlejuice. Like, dude, he's like tiny. He's tiny. Yeah, he's a little guy. How tall is Lowell Wade, dude? He looks like he's like, fucking three feet. Wait, do they hang out all the time? There's like lots of pictures of them together.

Yeah, he features on his new album. My name is John, and I saved you when you were made. Yeah, so basically for the audience, there's this, like, Santa Claus looking guy with no legs. Oh, yeah. His name's Robert. Hubler, aka Uncle Bob.

Yeah. What's, I have no idea. What is this story? Did he, he saved him? What's my little way to have him fake family members? Birdman's, apparently his dad. This guy's his uncle. Yeah.

Yeah, it's very straight. I think he's cutting you off. I'm so sorry. No, no, you're fine. That is weird. Yeah, it's, he was raised by the community, I guess. Oh, Uncle Bob died. That's good.

So the first they took his legs, then they took his life. It took his legs. I said nothing. It took his arms. What was the most poetic thing you've ever said? What time is it? 620? Yeah, we got wrap.

I got a thing for pork. You're gonna have... Let's get though. But, yeah, the picture is so odd because, like, basically the Santa Claus looking guy. Magic Santa Claus with no legs, but has those metal... They look almost like potato peeler legs. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw the picture. Yeah. And then Lil Wayne is, like, hugging him, and Lil Wayne has the weirdest look on his face. And he looks tiny. Yeah. It's weird that, like...

What are girls thinking when they have sex with these celebrities who literally make themselves look like beetle juice? Like, there's so many celebrities I can think of that, like... The beetle juice is that, like... The beetle juice is that, like... Beetle juice is actually, like, retarded. Like, I thought he was just weird. He's fully, like, disabled.

Are we talking about... From Howard's Turn show. Oh, he's... Oh, I'm talking about Beetlejuice. Like, Michael Keaton? Yeah, that's not a retarder. Yeah. Yeah.

Little Wade is not... He kind of doesn't say Michael, but... He responded when Wayne attempted suicide by shooting himself in the chest. So he didn't lose his legs... Oh, I thought he... Oh, I thought he... ...this guy...

Wait, the cop... And I'm going to try... Little Wade is about to jump off a bridge, and the guy was like... No, he shot himself in... the chest. Wait, you stole my bit. I'm so mad. I'm sorry? In a different reality where Lowell Wayne jumped off of room. I didn't say, no, because there isn't what I heard. Little Wayne was going to commit suicide so this cop shot himself

in the chest. And you're like, Little Wayne, don't kill yourself. Look at this. I'll take the boy. That's the funniest thing that's about to kill him. So we go, no, I'll do it for you. I die too. Yeah. Like, you see, it's a wonderful life. Yeah. Yeah. And Lowen's like, I got to save this guy's stomach now, probably. Cut off his legs, go off his legs. Put him in his chest. He said, you don't have to cut off my legs. I'm glad you're still alive.

Go make music, man. Bealje's awesome, though. So you don't know who Bealjeet? He's this guy in Howard Stern show. He can't even do his voice. Oh, dude, I fucking... It kind of talks like this. Oh my, I can't do it.

Wait, wait, wait. Is that the same guy who is the high-pitched voice? It's such a weird voice. You know the high... I met him. Did you know Shula or something on the Howitz-Dern show? No. I opened from at this comedy club.

Okay. And, oh, no, that's not, that's not, Beetle juice, just looks like

beetle juice. He doesn't look like anybody else. Yeah, there's no other guy. This guy had to be on Howard Stern. It's just like his destiny. I'm sorry.

I am sorry that you said a niche beetle juice person. I thought you were talking about. Michael Keaton. This is American actor. That's just kind of... Wait, now I got to show you. He gets,

the videos in are so rapid. up? Okay. Um, my producer, uh, telling me, my girlfriend's like, I'm sorry, but Little Wayne in that picture did look like this guy. I'm sorry, but fuck you guys. This guy is close to it. Lowell Wayne. Lowellian is such ass. Lowellate is very weird. Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah, uh, we gotta wrap it up. What do you guys want to promote? No, I don't fucking care. Every show every Thursday of pianos, if comics are listening, come. Uh, I don't know. Do you have people who listen to this in California? Maybe. Uh, if you're a, uh, if you're a lot of, uh, if you're If you're in Frisno, California, I'm doing a solo show there at the, the Spectrum.

Don't go. The Spectrum Art Studio, the Spectrum Art Studio for four nights from March 3rd to March 9th. It's scattered. Definitely go to that show and then tell everybody there that's just a better show. And then map the closest different show and go to that show. Spectrum. Send them all to a taco. Spectrum Art Studio, Frisno, California, March 3rd to March 9th.

Go fuck yourself, Michael. Good. Peace.