Morning Good - Behind The Paywall - Episode 325

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

Joe Gorman and Jake Strom join the show for today's episode. They talk about subscribing to your friends' OnlyFans, the Jared Leto wigger Joker, and Michael's Madison Square Garden debut.Thanks to Jake and Joe for coming back the show. You can check them both out on previous episodes or at their links below.Jake is on Instagram as well @jakestromlol and hosts the 2 Casual Podcast. Joe is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. Very good.

Oh, I love it. Hey, welcome to the earth. Thanks. Oh, you all start of. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here. If you're listening to this, I just performed at the biggest venue on Planet Earth,

which is Madison Square Garden. Nice, dude. What's up, Kill Tonyites. Yo, KT. What up, man? Yeah, he's listening Right now. He's going,

Mm, bra. You might have seen me, the guy who was escorted out of Madison Square Garden for having a gun. Whoa, it's called Kill Tony. That's false advertising.

Right there. What's going on? Kill Tony Hinchcliffe. Kill the Hinchcliffe. Do you think we should let this guy in? Here's just to do with that line. It's like, I like his eye. You know what?

He's got a lot of heart. Yeah. He has a pure soul. I got your ticket right here. Number one with a bullet. Well, it'll be too late now. This would be the evidence. Yeah, if you're, if you're, if you're reading this, I'm already in Tahiti.

Unbelievable. I know. Joseph Foreman with a hollow tip bullet. Ice bullet. No evidence. No evidence. The perfect crime. It'd be funnier to kill Brian Redband because he's just kind of on the soundboard.

Yeah. And I'm like, that's for, that's for stopping. That's for making Joe Rogan. podcast not as great anymore. He would cut him off. He would upset. I did like how Red Band would always upset the guests on JRE. because he would like just be like,

oh, no, about that. He was like talking about, like, he was talking to Bill Burr about how it was like technically okay to like steal your content and post that content. And Bill Burr was like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's fucking fat shit. Is there anything Bird doesn't care about? I mean, fun is these of the Burr is just like, I'm actually. Yeah, he doesn't care about the same.

situation in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, watch out. Billy Blood Money. Billy Burka. Would you have done Saudi? I mean, you might end up having to do Saudi Arabia now that you're in the upper echelon.

I'm definitely doing that. It's really funny. It's like, how's Kill Tony going on? Are you prepared? I'm like, what do you mean prepared? It's like I came out

my mama's coochie. I'm prepping for Rogan. I'm prepping for Rio. The question, my fucking. Kill Tony ready for me? Yeah. Is Kiloney ready for me?

The good money. Come on now. But it's funny because mentally I've prepared to shoot myself on stage. Like every scenario possible. You should whip out your cock. It's a $100,000 fine. Is it?

Really? But not to you. No, not to me. The Dead Squad comedy family. That's how it's the check. Didn't like Ari Shafir take a shit on stage? No, yeah, he actually came out with his cock, I think.

Yeah, but then it was a dildo that they had. Oh, they faked it. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know, this is behind a paywall, so I could kind of do, I could do a couple different things. You could do whatever you, I mean, it's a paywall episode? Yeah, yeah. Really?

they're going to eventually like release it right probably they can't fucking damn dude I'm getting sick of fucking paywall shit yeah I'm getting sick of this modern era where it's like everyone just releases a little taste of content I want to see died and when we're dead what like it's gonna that paywall is just gonna

fucking vanish yeah no one will ever know of your art dude that's why I'm I'm specifically against paywalls for female comedians that I know and I want to subscribe to their only things yes because I I don't know what it is I somebody I know I want to see their butthole. Yeah.

It's like, I would really like to give you money if you have sex with me. Why can't we just do that? Why is that? Like, I'm not saying this as a bit.

I'm not trying to like set up, but why is it so stigmatized that I can't pay somebody to have sex with me? Yeah. I'm definitely not the one stopping you. Yeah. Well, apparently John Law is,

yeah. Apparently our fucking, our fucking president doesn't think it's cool to have sex with a prostitute. No. It's like what? Like, I'm sorry,

not all of us can marry a fucking foreign supermodel. Yeah. You know? Trump should let prostitution be legal as the last thing. He should just do everything.

He's kind of grasped. He's kind of grasped. I'm like, dude, let the gates open. He's like, all right, one last thing. Rape is legal. And he just,

it's a beautiful thing. He fucking signed. He does that thing where he signs and everyone starts clapping. And then he fucking shows that. He's like a little kid showing off his painting.

Every time he shows like, look at I wrote my fucking name. Just says rape. Okay. Did you guys get any of that fucking like financial money during the COVID crisis

yeah, no, because I didn't you were too young, you were like eight years old yeah, right? Mommy and daddy didn't give you any allowance dude.

Damn right. For wearing your mask like a good little boy, dude. I got the jab though. Me? Oh really? Yeah, the Jackson and Johnston.

Homie? I did, but now I didn't because now I'll be in Austin, Texas. Well, yeah, I went, I did that,

it comes out of you. I did that. I sucked it out, I took a vacuum cleaner. I did the blood therapy that Joe Rogan does where they drain your blood and then like,

throw it, like spin it around really quick and take out all the fucking vaccine. Did you sell it? That's plastic? Oh, oh. And then they put it back in. Nice. They put the good unfiltered blood back in. But they remove like the microplastics and the fucking COVID vaccines. I might have to do that.

Dude, that's the way to go. I want my plastics. I want to keep my plastics. Yeah, come on. It's probably better than fucking lead and asbestos that are fucking grandparents. It's probably protective. Yeah, it's a layer. Yeah. It's like we put, it's fine.

Dude, everyone's fucking freaking out about everything. It's fucking fine, dude. It's fine. Let the plastics in. Oh, fucking microplac. Who cares, dude? My toys are made out of microplastics. Oh, I chewed the fuck out of those things.

Yeah, like, all my Batman were like balls. If you ever consumed a Ninja Turtlehead at any point in your life, you have more than 40% of microplastics. Yeah. Just stomach lining coated. Who cares? It's all good, dude. But then they're like, you know, the same people that say like, oh, well, if you'd

swallow gum, it will stay in your stuff. fucking stomach for seven years. Yeah, that was the first one. I was like, and now it's like, dude, there's no, my body's fine. Yeah, that's how they, we're going to deport you. We're going to have to, we're going to send you with those little goofballs over there. Is that what you want? Yeah. You want to eat rice? You want eat with the chopsticks? We'll fucking knock it off, dude. Damn, old people hate like when kids do anything fun, like if we fart, or I'm not saying we as an, I'm a child, but like, when like children would fart or just do anything. We'll be cushions. Back talk. Man, when, when

And like, I'm around my friend's kids and my friend's kids swear, you better believe I'm fucking cracking. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. You teach him. You know what? I'm like, that's fucking funny. Do you want to hit my vape? Right.

One time. One time. It has weed in it. Be careful. Yeah, I'm an uncle now. And these are the things I got to think about when he gets his first beers for the Playboy. I think, I think, they just skip that. Maybe it's Bonnie Blue.

Yeah. Just go straight to digital. The thousands. Yeah. The thousands. The aughts. Yeah. You know what's annoying?

You see the documentary about her banging a thousand guy. where is the thing of it? I've looked for it. Yeah, it's not out. That was probably like a... Wait, where she has sex with a thousand guys? Yeah, just a documentary.

Another thing behind a paywall. Or maybe they're going through film festivals right now. Okay, yeah. Maybe they're probably. Got a standing ovation at Keynes. Yeah, it's spelled can. I fit this in my ass. And then the camera pans over to Bonnie Blue

and she's crying like the rock. Never anyone fucking like... Just still covered and cum. Everyone's pulling out cum rags. Just putting my hands. Would you have sex with? Bonnie Blue? Yeah, dude.

I would be not wearing a ski mask. I'd be smiling and waving the camera. I'd be like, morning good pod, yes, morning good pod. She gives a gift, like, souvenir t-shirt at the end.

It's so fun. It's like, I'd love for you to have you on my pod. Yeah. Like, no, I don't want to humiliate myself. Just farting come out of grass.

She's like, give me some fucking credit. How do I know it's a thousand if I can't see the video? Yeah, I'm going to be like that guy who approached Buzz Aldrin and was like, you didn't fucking land. swear on this Bible that you clearly don't believe it

because he just fucked out. And Buzz Alder, he never swore on the Bible. He wouldn't do it, dude. I think he's full of shit. I think everyone's full of shit because we would have some more shit on the moon if we could do it. We would have filmed a movie on the moon.

And so many... We've put Bonnie Blue on the moon. On the moon. I've seen more videos of rocket ships exploding than rocket ships successfully taking off. So, hey, if NASA, if you're real, send me into outer space.

all expenses paid. Yeah. You know what NASA might stand for? Not actually space asshole. Oh. Open up your third eye. You were kill Tony, pinchcliff, red band, Joe Rogan.

Do you think they're watching? Of course they're watching. Do you think red band's watching? Red bar is watching. He's dead now, but I bet you... Did he die? Yeah, he's been dead for... Wait, did he really die?

Like a year. That's awesome. He hasn't been on, so... Isn't that funny? It's like people just assume you could just be living your life taking a sabbatical. It's like, oh, no, you're dead. I post that I quit comedy

like maybe every couple months. Yeah. It's like, especially if I have like a new work related headshot, I'll be like, well, it's been a hell of a run. I'm now a businessman. And people like, damn, I'm going to miss you. I'm like, can't come on guys. You can't quit. Unless you like fucking kill yourself. Yeah. You don't quit

comedy. No, yeah. It's like you'll always like, and it's funny if you do quit and you try pivot and it's like, oh, I'm actually a political analyst. Yeah, you're a loser. Yeah. Well, like, look at Al Franken. They still consider him a comedian. Yeah. He's probably been a politician longer than... He's been a politician in the...

Um... Uh, uh, cultural eye longer than he's been a comedian. Right. But they still know him as a comedian. Yeah. Your hero, Dave Smith. Yeah. Libertarian.

He also had sex with a trans person. Wow. Really? I know that on a podcast I listen to. That's why he was on Legion of Skanks. For a little while and then he left. Oh, because he's political, Dave. Isn't that crazy?

Well, like, so much of, um, comedy, it's not like as much of, um, camarader as it is business arrangements. That's why I had you. I don't like hanging out of the guys. I've never hung out with Mike. Get a Mike. Come on. Yeah. Every time I've hung out with Mike,

it's either to collect a 1099 or to collect a paycheck. Yes. That's it. He's a harsh boss. Yeah. I am. But, you know, that's what makes the...

I say you get out the garden. Yeah. That's how you get on the... How do you get to the Madison Square Garden? Blood, sweat, and tears. Every time I go on stage, I am bleeding. I am sweating. I'm crying.

A little bit of plasma. Take it home with it. Plasma, dude. I guess the only thing that's next is, okay, so you performed the grizzly pair. Well,

let me just kind of set the stage for what's going to happen. So this episode is going to come out Saturday, probably morning. I'm doing the Guard in Friday. So they're probably going to cancel the show, drop down a projector,

and just play this episode for the Guard. So hi, you guys saw me last night. We got a special, we got a special Kill Tony premiere live at Madison Square, Garvin.

on his podcast. Yes. Yeah. The podception. That's where, and then the pod is what people come for. Yes. People don't know.

Adam Ray is this couch. Yeah. It's a character. You know what, you know what kind of sucks? It's like a lot of my co-workers know I do comedy just because I've appeared on a podcast. The worst thing ever. And it's like,

and now like they always ask like, are you doing Kill Tony? Never. And our, and our, um, our company's, uh,

ed cores is located in Austin, Texas. Nice. So like every once in a while I have to go out there for, you know, work-related shit, and they're always like, are you doing any comedy out here? Yeah. I'm like, because I got to do the opposite.

They have to be like, you're doing Madison Square Garden. What is it? And I have to be like, no, no, no, no. I'm like, canvas for a charter school. You guys can be like. Well, and then, like, they're always like, can I listen to your podcast? I'm like, absolutely not. I'm a fucking Nazi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, like, I'm fucking throwing up the Heil Hitler. I'm like, I'm literally like, encouraging the hunting and murdering of minorities. Yeah. And like, yeah, under the guise of it being a comedy podcast. Yeah. We all know, like, the reality is, it's like everyone on a podcast is 100% honest all the time.

Yeah, it's a good smoking gun to pretend that this is comedy. But, yeah, we are banning together. And guys like us, too, guys stick together. Those three. White men need to stick together. I ignore every Japanese part of Joe. I got that filtered out as well. Oh, yeah.

I come out. My eyes get, like, a little bit wider. Just slightly wider. My skin tone drops like two shades wider. Yes. Yeah. Well, that is, I don't know, because some Asians are really pale and some are a little tanner. Yeah. But the pale or the more pure.

That's what I heard. Because like, I mean, it's like, you don't want those island Asians outside of Japan. Right. Because Japan is like actually an island, but like they actually have the most Aryan features. You think so? Yeah. Yeah, that would make sense. I always wondered how him and Hitler kind of got along.

They were fucking chill, dude. They both loved meth. Everyone loves meth. Yeah. Our math, by the way, great. You ever look on our meth? Our meth? No, we popped it open last episode.

Dude, is a guy under a bridge at one. He's like, I just smoked crack with this really fucking mean crackhead. I'm under this fucking overpass. Just having a terrible time. You got to get on the R. Trees Reddit instead. Is it the weed one? That's weed, and it's so much more chill. Yeah, yeah.

They're like, does anyone have any good movie recommendation? I went viral on our trees. Because when my stepdad passed away, I found a stash. And I found his grinder. I found like an eighth of weed. I found a quarter of shrooms. Whoa. And I found one of his, you know how like old men use like those metal one hitter pipes?

Yeah. I found one of those. So like I took a little, I took a picture and I posted on trees and I was like, oh, my stepdad passed away. But I found a stash. So I'm smoke a little in his honor. Nice. Everyone was just like, oh, that's great. I'm going to smoke with my son.

son and I should smoke with and like everyone was like sharing memories of like smoking with their dads. Dude I should smoke with my brother's toddler. Nice. I think he's like about to be two maybe. I don't know. Dude, honestly. He's a year and a half. What's the worst that's going to happen? The kid gets like way too

into Jamarquai early. Yeah. It's fine. Probably doesn't know that many words can't rat on you. You know, so. Nobody will not. What's the fucking problem? Dude. What's wrong with the baby? I'm like, I really can't. I don't know. I bet you could sneak him in Eddie. Yeah. I don't.

if you really want it to, like, you'd get like a little gummy. Yes. They won't even know. And they're like, I feel funny. Just starts foaming from the mouth. Yeah. It'll be fine, dude. He's just fucking, oh, his bloodshot.

Honestly, like, what's the problem? Look, I, maybe he finds something about a past life. I was watched this documentary about a kid who was apparently in 9-11. Wow. No, dude, that kid's a fucking trickster. I saw that movie, too, where the guy pretends to be, like, a woman's, like,

resurrected husband. Wow. And it turns out he's just like, I'm just fucking with you. but she believed it for it. She, like, actually started to believe it. And then he was like, I'm sorry, I'm really just fucking with you. You have an 18-year-old kid pervert. He's trying to fucking old lady.

He's like, I'm your dead husband. He looked up all of his information. What a scumbag? Oh, my God. It was like Amy Adams or like some red-haired bitch. So it was like her, Julianne Moore or some shit. Nice. Yeah, this kid's so, it's clearly fake, but it's so funny.

They're like, yeah, he just, the kid just tried making these weird drawings. It's just like an airplane hitting a tower. And he's just like, I don't know where he got this from. We definitely didn't like, he just, I don't know. he starts talking about how like we need to fucking just kill everybody in Afghanistan and he didn't say that

but it's like the kid is like scared of buildings but so fake so he's just like autistic yeah yeah yeah the kid they're just like oh my gosh every time we drive by the building

he's like I don't want to go India I don't want to go it's like why the kid clearly why are you gay yeah are you gay

get into heights get in there bitch yeah get in there one thing kids aren't scared of I didn't know this I watched a little documentary about that

they took all these babies and put them in a like play area with snakes that weren't venomous and trained and the kids were just like playing with the snakes like it's not in there. No, they weren't. Yeah, they weren't. No, they weren't. I've seen, I've seen shit where like people have like, it goes back to your lizard brain, like this primordial part of your biology where like they've shown pictures of snakes to like Eskimo children, like children up in Antarctica, completely isolated, no reptiles. And they would show them pictures of snakes and they would start freaking out because that.

part of our fucking monkey brain knows to be afraid of snakes and reptiles. Well, these must have been the toughest babies in town. No, you're wrong. Dude, I believe the babies, dude. Because all they get at that age are the rubber ones. So you're kind of like, hey, you're a pussy. But how old are the babies?

They're complete babies. It's like fresh out the pussy. Fresh out the pussy. Well, they don't have any fucking frame of reference. Yeah. That's true. But like I'm saying, like, you will innately be afraid of snakes. Not according to just this one video.

Well, what? Eskimos are Pussies too I don't fuck with them Yeah they're hiding They're always hiding It's like get out of Antarctica Whale blubber

Yeah Hey get out of there Dude like what are you doing? Go to California Take off the jacket Yeah chill out This is actually

This is an anti-esquemo podcast Eskimos Fuck you You'll never see this I actually think that's a slur In an igloo You know there's a movie Once somebody's on like live television

It shows like everybody It shows like the Eskimos And like the Japanese family Man Declares war on Antarctica We gotta bring back Igloos too Yeah

Yeah. We never, it's like, I've never seen a real life igloo. Are Eskimos just ice Amish? I think so. Yeah, yeah. I thought they were like ice Indians. I think they are. But I think there's a thing where...

Indians are the level of Amish. They're the highest level. Indians are like Grinola Amish. They're the final boss of the Amish. I guess just nobody really, you don't hear about them wiping out the Eskimos. We got to do something. Because no one's going up there. It's too cold.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just not value land. They're chilling. They're doing their own thing. You know what is the ice caps. We're doing our job with climate change. Take that Eskimos, you fucking Pussy

Yeah, we are slowly but surely Taking their land Yeah, fuck out of here. And we're giving our fucking Midwest a fucking coastline. Yeah, come on. Yeah, I'm kind of bored

that. Let's keep the global warming going. Let's crank it up. Yeah, get rid of these fucking Turn it up, baby. Can you look up slurs for Eskimos? Oh, it's probably going to be something like... Hey.

Ice furry. Yeah, Igloo fucking fucker. Igloo liquor. Hey, igloo liquor. I think Eskimo is in and itself a slur. Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny

if like I open up my phone and the last thing I search is just hardcore pornography? Just like fucking men and women fucking each other. In a glue glory hole. Eskimo slur.

It's probably something with ice. The term Eskimo is widely considered a racist or outdated colonial slur in Canada and Greenland and other places that are infested with Eskimos. Infested, that's racist. Indigenous people? Indigines, ICE.

So it's some Unipkwai and Kuipak individuals do you not find a defense Yeah, buddy You lost me at the back Prefer terms Inuit Inuit? That sounds worse

That sounds worse, it does Yeah, because it sounds like idiot Yeah Hey pal Inuit It's like you're fucking Saying idiot with like a fucking Southern slur

You're Inuit You an Inuit You're some kind of Inuit over there I know exactly what you are One of them Inuits up Yeah so there we go Eskimo is its own slur Okay

All right well then this, they've already turned the podcast We've alienated whatever we want. We've alienated all of the snow. What's an Eskimo name? Oh, Pie Face! That isn't a fucking slurfer Eskimos. I like it.

Okay. Pie face. I like it. Look up pie face. Is that because in the 1940s, we used them strictly as clowns and put pies in their faces? Okay.

No, I think it's because their faces are just kind of roundish. Okay. I like the circus aspect. Yeah, I thought I had a fun. I thought I had a fun little. It's probably true. They were getting crazy in the 1920s.

Yeah. Pie face slur. No, yeah. Fuck, Eskimos. Pie face is a historical slang term with a dual meanings. A general insult for somebody with a round or blank face.

Or an offense. Blank face? Who the fuck is a blank face? Just like a big fucking blank face, dude. Oh, like Charlie Kirk, he had like a very high. Yeah, Charlie Kirk actually was a pie face. Yeah, yeah.

Splattered pie, dude. Yeah, cranberry. Cream pie, dude. Can't leave that on the window still. Watch out, dude. There was one where it was, I like what they do the extreme ones, where they minimize his face,

like it looks like he had like a fucking like sour gummy worm or something. Yeah, it's just, all right. Counting or not counting Eskimos? It's, yeah, it's basically just making fun of their face.

Okay. For Inuits. Maybe somebody with a reddish face, you know, that special white people. Yeah. That they get pie face. A little shiny.

Yeah. Yeah, I haven't learned anything about the Native Americans. I don't know. No, they run the casinos. They got money. Yeah,

they're fine. Yeah. They're fine. We got Turoc. What's Tarok? Turak is a dinosaur hunter. I like that. Okay. You ever fucking played Turrock? No. Were they hunting dinosaurs?

That was a video game. Damn, dude, I'm fucking old. We're cavemen hunting dinosaurs? No, I think there's no overlap. But my favorite thing is... The Flintstones would beg to differ. Yeah. You would actually use them for everyday devices. They were actually...

Yama, Dava, dude. Damn, that was fucking... Yeah. Fred Flintstone surprisingly spry because he literally slides down the tail of the Brontosaurus that he works at and then hops into his car which he propels with his own two feet. And he was wearing drag.

Yeah. Yeah, he was wearing like a fucking dress thing. Yeah. That's funny. People don't talk much about that. We actually had a school teacher. I've talked about it before, but you know, hey, this is a new listening.

These new 17 million people. That squad. Listen up. This is for death. This has over 7 million views. By the time, right. By the time the first person looks at it. It's got what we call mega viral.

Yeah. Your editor has to work overtime getting this one out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's, he's, yeah. He's locked in now. Yeah, he's got one of those water things. It's just filled with monster energy, like a little hamster wheel things.

A little bit of candy. He's got like multiple monitors set up, and each one is a different angle of your face. So exactly when to cut, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, camera three, now. Yeah, now he's talking. Yeah, yeah.

He's like, this is my life's work right now. Editing a fucking podcast of three guys sitting on a couch. Talking about Eskibos. I hate that podcast that become a visual medium. Yeah, it sucks. Netflix is so bad. Bring back all Spotify podcasts.

Like, I can't even listen like sports. Like I listen to Bill Simmons for sports. I have to go on Netflix now. Sorry, not happening. It's insane. You should be able to have an app.

You don't need to look at anything. No visual. You should be able to have a conversation. Yeah, yeah. We've gotten away from it. My last podcast I did, we didn't use a video. A whole different vibe. That's the rule.

just get a blind fan base. That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah. Like no, no fucking no. When the camera's off, it's a different vibe. People actually get like a little more loose. Dude, I hate the lights.

It makes you feel like we're doing a whole production. Well, that was the other thing was like, it was so fucking hot. I'm like, dude, fuck this. Yeah. I don't need people to see me fucking sweat.

Yeah. And I'm just talking to one other guy. Right. Like, who gives a fuck? Just listen while you're doing something else. Yeah. Keep pushing. That's people want to do that.

Like, it's like when like fucking you're listening to Rogan. And they're talking and like you're doing dishes or something. And he's like, yeah, Jamie pull that up. He's like, yeah, look at that. And they're just describing this thing they're looking at. And I'm like, oh, now I've got to go fucking look at this. I'm like, I don't fucking something in the back.

Comtown was perfect. Yeah, yeah. Comtown was perfect. Just described to me the skull size of African Americans. I don't need to see it. Right. I don't care. You know a beach ball?

See, that's so much funnier than like, oh, let's fucking Photoshop that. Wow, that's crazy. That's all he says. Yeah. He's always, like, confused. He's a full boomer now. What's going on? I mean,

I won't participate at any of this time. Oh, yeah. Do you think he's going to be at MSG? There's a couple, uh, he's hyping it up like Trump or Kanye's going to be that.

I don't think Trump, it would be very funny if Adam Rae came out as Biden and then he's like, and Trump and it was literally Donald Trump. But then I have like a thing where I make a snarky little joke at Trump. And then next thing you know, I'm getting my testicles cut off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've had so many OCD scenarios where I'm getting murdered by the president. You're just completely not going to happen. Trump is a good fucking. Trump's a good fucking business. He wouldn't do that. Like, he'd find a way to, like, be like, look, he's my fucking buddy, you know?

Me? Oh, yeah. He'd do that thing where, like, you both, like, shake hands, like, you're fucking smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all they would do. He's like, bro, he's a killer dead baby. Yeah, they're not going to do it. He's not going to do anything.

It's not going to, it's, standing behind him while he's signing a thing to make fucking prostitution legal in the world. The dead baby. I would love to have McDonald's with Trump because I think he would be genuinely impressed with what I could put away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could fuck up. a value meal.

Yeah. I mean, his correspondence in it was kind of hilarious. You see that? No. Or no, he literally just for two hours instead of letting comedians go up,

he just was me to everybody. It was pretty funny. That's good. You fast for 30 minutes, like Jake Tapper, CNN's here, fake news. That's so good.

No, the audience is just not. They're all just... That's what it should be. Why did they have, like, shitty package jokes? Let the president go up there and talk shit for the entire time. I don't like all of his policies,

but you can't say he's not entertaining. No. No. I wish Obama. was doing that. Obama was kind of, would do that every once in a while, but he was like so effortlessly chill about it.

But he was a little too cool. Yeah, it's like, let him rip. Peel it back. Take the coat off. Be chill. Be chill.

I just say this, if you are going to waterboard me after whatever joke I may make at you, a masqueraden, let's keep it a place we both like Russian stripper waterboarding me with her urine. Oh, come on. Ooh.

Something family friendly. Yeah. Coolest thing about Obama was he smoked. And he did Coke. Yeah. What if he's on the panel? He should have been like smoking. when his second term was on he should have just been like fucking

walking off air force one fucking like right like when you at the top of the stairs light up a fucking sick take a drag flick it like before before any fucking state of the union address he has like a fucking cigarette did he legalize weed or was it trump uh Arnold Schwarzenegger legalized did thank you Terminator he did I think it was I actually

No, I think it was Obama He kind of like left it up to the states to decide Yeah, yeah He should have came off Air Force One light Yeah, fucking blind And I think it was Obama Or it was Trump That basically like

changed how marijuana is classified And it's no longer like a Schedule 1 It's like Schedule 3 They just made it a felony again in Texas We were talking about that before the pod Yeah, that's terrible. I mean, it's like, it's like they kind of... Okay, so actually, never mind.

Rogan cannot survive there without weed, so it's going to be, I'm moving back to... I mean, no, it's like, it's fine because Rogan's fucking jerking off the fucking governor of Texas. Who is that? Is he a wheelchair guy? Huh? Is he a wheelchair guy?

Who's a wheelchair politician? You're thinking of FDR. He's actually been dead for over 100 years. Oh, shit. I like that guy. Yeah, the guy who said you have nothing to fear, but fear itself. Yeah. He's dead.

That's kind of what I needed to hear right now. Yeah. You have nothing to fear. fair, but that doesn't mean anything. No, of course not. Yeah, it's like just one of those podcasts where they talk about how. It's just like a dumb thing where it's like, okay, cool. But like, you know, people, that was back when society would take the president's word at face value.

You should never trust your president. It doesn't, Republican, Democrat, it doesn't matter. Never. Anyone in power does not have your best interest in mind. Their best interests are retaining their power by any means. Yes. That's true. You think he's running third term? Absolutely. It's a lock. in, dude. I mean, like, if we've been

having America to vote. Yeah. What do you think that's going to happen? You think it's going to be the AI? What are those, like, the flock thing? Yeah. No, I would love for the AI bubble to fucking burst so I can finally buy a fucking PlayStation. Yeah. You know, like, it's like the, the fact that, like, a six-year-old video game console has doubled in price.

Yeah. Retarded. Xbox. You can't even be like, well, I'm just going to get an Xbox then. Because Xbox is fucking expensive now, too. I'm also frustrated with me making silly AI videos. And then people being like, you know, this is like, I think they made up the thing

that there's AI farms that are like destroying the environment. They just, whenever something fun happens, I know it's not all fun, but like, something fun happens. Like,

you know, don't fucking look at me. Like, Hey, Michael. You know, this is destroying the environment. I'm like, yeah,

but it's like, everything's destroying the environment. Yeah. And also it's like they're building them in like Utah. It's like, yeah. They're building in.

Like, I think people are worried about, right now it's, it's just an environment I even want to be in. Right. Well, here's the thing. Everyone's worried about AI taking their job, but like literally every single company that's like we're replacing our workforce with AI have either needed to hire back everyone or had to get new people to maintain. It's not cost. That was kind of like when you released the slaves and then you had to ask it to become a sharecropper. Right. Exactly the same. It's exactly the same. It's like, okay, now I got to get like a lighter shade of people to work. And he's on the fucking dollar. Bring in the Mexicans.

I'm trying to make it like the Irish were oppressed, dude. Irish were never right now. They fucking rolled out the red carpet for you fucking minutes. And you came in here because you're like,

I can't eat a potato, I need somewhere to go. Yeah, we were hungry. Let me be a police officer and be enough for a lot of police. We were kings. We were kings. We were kings.

We were kings. We were potato kings. We were potato kings and potato queens. The dead rabbits. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, everybody was Irish, bro.

Fucking MLK was Irish. They're trying to rewrite history. Oh, he was. Yeah. And I have a dream that one day, the freckled boys and the non-freckled boys will stand hand in hand. Yeah. Red hair in twine. Yes.

Yeah, dude. That's what I was all about. I never got, I lucked out with that. My sister's redhead and my dad's a redhead fucking skip me. No way. Oh, it's too recessive jeans. Yeah, yeah. I'm dominant, bro.

So wait, what's your mom? Your mom had brown hair? Yep. Okay. Yep. And so did her friend who, yeah. She hangs out all the time. Just like me.

Oh, wow. What color was the male man's hair, Michael? Yeah. It was brown. Oh, whoa. Yeah, Tony Hinchcliff is your father. Hello, Michael. It's time for you to suck daddy's dick.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Put my little penis in my little son's mouth and break them in. This is how we do it. Yes. Are you moving to Austin, though? Is that like for real? No, I've no idea.

I told you. I could be decapitating Guantama Bay a day for speaking truth to power. Before the pot, he was like, I can't wait. The minute Tony falls in love with me. He's taking me away from this dump. Fuck New York. Fuck chop cheese. I want to have barbecue.

Terry Blacks is coming around. I'm at. I want to have fucking sex with some fucking disgusting bitch in Texas with bad skin and shitty teeth. But a good heart. Yeah, a good heart. Who says bless your heart all the time, which you want to say a slur? It's a good cover-up, yeah. Yeah.

Not when everyone knows it, though. Yeah. No, I've prepared the panel is, you know, my ex-girlfriend. They really pull, like, we're joking about that. Just the panel is just like people who hate me. Just fucking. Drug dealer you ran off on. Yeah, my fuck.

Damn, I tried, speaking of a drug deal, I tried to buy a pre-roll at one of those bodegas, eight bucks a roll. Yeah. Fuck that. And it's filled with dog food, too. It's not even... It's fucking gar. It's like... Dude, there's some shit, and I smoked one a couple weeks ago, and so I'm a monogamous right now, because the Irish girl's staying here.

Nice. And because we love each other. Nice. But I, dude, I was looking, and her face turned to plastic when I was high. I was like, there was some K2 in this. But you know what? It was a little nostalgic. I was like, hey, K2, I miss you. I missed you. It feels like a warm hug from an old friend. Yeah, yeah.

It's that little seizure. Where are you? Yeah. Smoking weed's pretty fucking cool. Yeah. I wish I could have that fucking freak out shit. You just got buy it from the gas station. Bodega and go ahead.

Yeah, but it's like, I don't want to pay fucking eight bucks for a fucking pre- that's insane. The smoke shop's charged 12. Yeah, they're worse. It's retarded. And they dip it in like he, so when you smoke it, you're like, oh, I'm meeting a past self who killed me in the future. It's got to go to like a fucking actual dispenser and just fucking roll your own weed.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm on right now. It's like, God damn. Get the cones. Sometimes I just want to get a quick little joint and I want like a nice reliable. Joints should be $5 each. If it were $5 each, I wouldn't need to,

I wouldn't buy like an ath of weed here. It should all be sour diesel. It should all be sour diesel. Or Blue Dream. Something from when I first smoked. Something nice and mellow. Yes. And you're required to smoke it out of a smart water bottle.

Yes. I want to build a gravity bong again. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't smoked that. I think it would. It would be a terrible experience, but I think I need it again. Just get so high that I'm scared of everything. Get back to your roots.

That's your toad venom. It's seen high is fun and cool. That's your ayahuasca trip you need to go on. Yeah, I need to call my mom. I should smoke pot right before going on stage of Mads Square Garden and just not be able to leave a hotel room. That's a good interview. Did they give you a hotel room?

Calling your mom panicking. No. No, everybody knows this. Tony keeps us in circus cages before going out. And he baby birds us food. Cattle prod. They don't give you anything? No, there's like a green room.

but it's separate from his, which might have like a coffin in it or something. Dude, Jack off and Madison Square Garden. You know what? I should bust in that before you got up. Exiety. Are you worry that now,

like you're in like a fucking relationship, like all these opportunities to have unprotected anonymous sex will present themselves? They are and you take them. No, I am nervous. We're in a situation now where she's, we're monogamous until she goes back to Ireland.

So, you know. Does she know that? What's up? Does she know that? yeah we're figuring everything out we're figuring that out Michael made that up it's like yeah

as long as like whatever whatever mama don't know won't hurt her yeah yeah it ain't cheating if she never finds out I get back I get back of that

I'm like no this is just it's just the back along nothing it's my phone sure you can throw out no no don't throw it out you're not throw it out

not throw it out don't bring it you doing chill out yeah don't get me wrong that is a fear that I will be like

fuck up there but I'm like I'm trying not to get too drunk I'm trying not to get too high The day afterwards, though, I mean, I want to, dude, I want to hang out with my family like a fucking asshole. Yeah. Like, I'm definitely showing up to the brunch the next day in a suit. Wait, you have to hang out with your family?

Yeah, they're in town. Why? For this? Yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, it'd be a real shame if I, I just have this. God, I don't know. I wouldn't want my family to be like, kill Tony is like the culmination of things.

Yeah. Nice. Save those for the stage. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing. I mean, who am I to say? Like, my parents have just seen me. at like,

they saw like one good show. You know what? Thank God. I talked about my stepdad who died. Last time he saw me like perform, I crushed it.

Nice. Thank God. Oh, that's awesome. Went out with a bang. Yeah. Could you imagine if I fucking bombed? It would be your bomb.

That would be awful. With my, I'd be like, fuck. You killed him. He would probably like, I don't, he probably didn't,

but like it's like, in my mind he would have been like, damn, he probably thought I was like doing comedy for so long. Yeah. And I still suck at it. It's like,

it's a nice little hobby he has, my grandpa was dying and my mom is like, you have to send him a clips of your stand-up. And then I never heard from him. So I don't know if he watched them and hated them or just didn't know what was going on. Maybe he died at peace. He was like,

my grandson had sex with a man. And he just flatlined. They don't want to tell me, but that's what to kill my grandpa was watching one of my stats. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, yeah. I don't know.

It's like, why'd you send the clip with new stuff? Yeah. You knew that would be a bad idea. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if he, yeah, I don't know. I mean, when he died, it was very Shutter Island-y. Because, like, I saw him, like, a little bit before he died. And it was one of those where, like, we, you know, had like a vodka soda looking at the water.

And then I left and we were like, it was like, Shutter Island. It was like, I'll see you next time. The door closed. I'm like, yeah. And then I look at my grandma on. I'm like, fucking shoot him right now. Give him a lobotomy. Right now.

He's done. Got to get off this island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you want a cigarette? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that movie bears rewatching. Yeah.

Yeah. I just don't ever seen a taxi driver. Is taxi driver? Wow. But I saw The Joker and that's the same thing. I mean,

it's like, taxi driver's way better. Yeah, taxi driver is so much better. Then the joke. What about the Joker 2? Joker 2 is way better. What's up? La foie a do?

They really, did you watch that? No, but I had the same feeling going in that Tarantino did. I was like, I like, that it's like the Joker's in the writer's room. It just was like,

it's like a terrible. Apparently it was just like a massive fuck you to Warner Brothers and D.C. and everything. Awesome. Like dancing and musicals? Well, it's also, it's like, I don't know. How about James Get a Gun? Get a gun and put it to your head. He didn't do that.

No, I know. That was before he fixed DC. I'm just being subversive. It was that Todd Phillips guy. Yeah, yeah. A little in-cell instigator. Is that what he's doing? No, but I think he was like, well, it was like one of those things.

It's like every movie where it's like, I meant this to be like a critic, you're not supposed to think he's cool. Oh, yeah. the character do all this fucking cool shit. Yeah. And it's like, well, then don't make that shit look cool. Right. Make the fucking make a hero.

But like you can't, you can't even have a fucking Joker without Batman. Right. You know, it's like, it's like, two seconds. A little baby Batman rolled out.

Oh, yeah, he was. But it's also, it's also like, Joker's going to be like 65. Right. Yeah. That doesn't add up. You know, yeah. It's like, and I get it.

It's like, everything's like an alternate universe. But at the end, it's like, nothing's going to compare to Heath Ledger's Joker. It was such a good fucking Joker. And like, that's why no one does such a good job at taking things.

Like, I haven't seen The Odyssey yet. Uh, but he takes things and then he, you still felt like you're watching Batman, but it was also different. Like you had a feeling, his own thing.

He makes everything his own thing. But you still felt like it was the Joker. Like he still felt like the character of the joke. He got, he got the vibe right. And that's like what's more important with everything. Right now Marvel is like, oh,

we got to make comic accurate costumes. So bad. But it's like the vibe is just shit. It's so bad. And like nobody's fucking. cool and now they're like oh watch out there's a whole new Avengers movie stop I don't give a fuck about everyone

leave me alone what about Deadpool he said about words yeah he's funny he said about words when he killed people and he violent when he and he implies that he might be gay yeah just suck a cock Ryan Reynolds

yeah that was my thing I didn't like about Deadpool was they make him like this sort of it's like that guy that was that big a piece of shit he's like stab people of bones like it would also be banging 17 year olds bring back a little bit of Monty from waiting put it in Deadpool.

Put it in them. I mean, that's how Deadpool was supposed to be. Yeah, he's probably, if there's any character that's been flanderized in pop culture,

it's like Wolverine, dare devil, or, uh, Wolverine and Deadpool. Dude, it would have done so much for short guys if they kept Wolverine short as fuck.

They absolutely should have done that. It's a huge misstep. Yeah. Not like some fucking six foot, fucking five stud. Clearly closeted. But he needs to look like, he needs to look like an alcoholic.

Yeah. He should be short, angry, hairy as fine. He should have looked like, like a Robin Williams type guy. He should be from Staten Island. Just fucking... You know, I think he should done...

Make him hairy. They should done Tom Cruise from Tropic Thunder as Wolverine. Right. I think that's what Tom Cruise's new movie is supposed to be. Like, he's supposed to be a superhero saving the world billionaire guy. But it's just like, fuck off. You know, like... Because it's like, it's unbelievable now because he's so fucking old.

Yeah, he's trying to bring back the old Tropic Thunder guy. He needs to get a... He needs... We're living in this era where men refuse to age... in a dignified way. I'm getting fucking, I'm excited for it, dude. I'm excited to be old.

I can't wait to be like an Anthony Hopkins type guy where it's like, I just wear a nice clothing. I'm a sophisticated man. I'm knowledgeable. No Botox. Yeah, I don't need to fight. Why are guys too much?

Bradley Cooper and the Cats and American guy, they have these like faces where it's like, oh, you're hello kitty now. Bradley Cooper looks awful now. It's like you're Kirby. And like,

and it's funny because like, in society, men get a pass to eight. Yes. Yeah, why would you skip on? Like, I've decided, this is old me. I'm living in Florida. Tanned gross skin.

Yeah, out in the sun, 10 hours a day. Yes, big as pot belly. Yeah. I'm doing, what's it called? Like, I'm dressing like the guy from Jurassic Park. Yeah. We're swingers for sure. Yeah.

I have a... That's mandatory in Florida. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of rings, like one of those band-aids on me, and then I'm just bleeding. Single gold chain. Yes. The bandage's doing nothing.

No one knows what happened, but yeah, there's a story behind it. Yeah, it's just bruises. I'm probably getting abused by my caretaker while the pool boy fucks my wife. Yeah. That's a way to go out, though. I want to go out like David Bowie. Yeah. Like, I want to look cool forever.

And then, like, when I know I'm dying, I'm going to release one last album. That's sort of like the culmination of all of my work and a little bit of a goodbye to my fans. Was he drugs the whole time? He was pretty much. No, I don't think he quit drugs. It was like one of those things I think he always. did like... Because he was satanic too,

but I think he gave up the same thing. He probably chilled out on it. I think everyone was like... Go all the way like Sammy Davis. Come on. Be a man. Sammy Davis like all the way with his black Judaism.

Why was he so satanic? I didn't know that was going on. Yeah. Well, because he was like the first black guy to be famous. So of course he gave his soul. He was early Kanye. Yeah.

He was Kanye before that. Yeah. He was part of the rat pack. Yeah, you know, you got to give it away. Yeah. You're the black one. And they weren't race. to him, but only during the roasts.

But that was like part of the charm of it. You gotta be racist. Back when a roast actually fucking met something too. Now we just like, it's like, that was something like 11 years ago when roast battles got like big

on Comedy Central. Fucking Jeff Ross. Yeah, Jeff Ross is like, yeah, this is roast battle. It's like, you're a rapist. He did rape that person now like nobody fucking even talks about it.

It's like you can't be next to Tom Brady now unless Tom Brady raped somebody. What happened with those allegations? Okay, I will say this. This is not just because I'm in the Death Squad comedy family. His were weird.

There was a restraining order against a woman. He had like restraining, but maybe you do something and then you put a restraining order. But it was classic gas lighting. Yeah. It's a joke.

It's a roast. It's a roast. Stop trying to be a Karen. Okay. Leave me alone. I'm roasting you here. I'm about to roast. Oh, God, I'm going to roast.

I'm roosting you. Laugh. Remember Comedy Central? Spit roast. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think his was weird too because a girl was like underage, said they banged and then he had a restraining warrant.

I don't know. But he is aging gracefully. Yeah, he went bald. I think shaving you. Well, like, it's like he had awful hair. So it's like cancer. No, he didn't. No, he shaved his head long before.

He needed to layer it out a little bit. You can't just go straight to cancer. You got to go patch of grass. It was like a thing where he was like, I got cancer. And everyone was like, whoa, good, spoken Sue. Die, kill yourself. Just be like Norm MacDonald and just like, don't tell anyone and then die. And disappear.

Come on. What would the world be like, do you think he would have had an arc? Because people are, it would be very funny if Patrice had an arc and then it became like super BLM. Yeah, he would have. No, I don't think so. Because Bill Burr sucks now. Bill Burr sucks, but I think Bill Burr sucks. And I think, and I think Jim, I think Jim, I think Jim, I think Jim, I think Jim Norton

sucks. because Patrice isn't there to keep them in check. Because Patrice did not give a fuck he was anti-Hollywood. Yeah, he still would have been good. Wait, but how was Jim Norton Hollywood?

Huh? How was Jim Norton Hollywood? He doesn't go as hard as he used to. He doesn't go as hard. He just chills out. I think, I think, honestly, maybe Patrice might have gone

like full alt-right even. Yeah. Ooh, dude, he would be on like, he would love Trump. He would love Trump. He would be, who's that, who's that thing? He would be,

he was like, man, Trump is just doing what needs to be done. Yeah. Who was the guy? He would, he would, Replace that one guy in Gutfeld. I know who you're talking about. He looks like Thainos.

Yeah, he has like a beard and shit. Cyrus. Cyrus. Something. Cyrus. Cyrus. I always see him. It looks like a fucking.

Tainos black Lego. He looks so insane, dude. And he's always like holding his hands. Yeah. Yeah. He has all the rings. Yeah. We threw on some gut the other night and boy.

Is it not good? Is he ripping? What is he talking about? I don't know. It's just, he was the king for like a couple months. I remember. I didn't see that.

He was crushing. He was like the king of. late night. I remember he was like doing better than Fallon. I think I think our good friend of the show, Jeff Dye was probably on that. We read this before. Can you both the poem? The last cowboy in L.A. said something. You wish. No, dude, he

had something called the comedy. Dude, what was it? It's called Clown's prayer. Yeah. This is Jeff Dye. So this is like an actual prayer. All right. Father, as I stumble through life, help me to create more laughter than tears. Dispense more happiness than

gloom. Yes. Spread more cheer than despair. Never let me become so indifferent that I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child or the twinkle in the eyes of the age. Never let me forget that my total

effort is to cheer people. Make them happy and forget momentarily all the unpleasantness in their lives. And in my final moment, may I hear you whisper when you made my people smile and you made me smile. Amen.

And aren't women cunts on dates, am I right? So did he pivot to like, I believe in God? I think so. God, what a fucking faginian. Like, I'm sorry, but like believing in God is like, that is a fucking retarded. Like, oh, oh, hello, hello, hi, can I tell you about my day? Guess what I did? Oh, I want to tell on people.

Oh, somebody did something that you would be very upset with, but I didn't. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to forgive them. Whoa. Yay. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's so funny too that like people always want to have this thing where they're like,

I respect everybody's religion. It's like you. The truth is you think what other people think is silly. Doesn't mean you hate them. Doesn't mean just like them. But I think every religion is silly because I don't believe it. Right. I don't like know that it's silly because it's fake or whatever.

Like I'm, it's like when you, it's like, okay, for example, I think Islam is very silly. Yeah. Get in the rug. Yeah. I would be Islamic. if I didn't think it was silly. Right.

Like, I don't understand why you can't draw Muhammad, but you can name your kid, Muhammad. Yeah. And you can draw a caricature of that kid. Right. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little loophole there.

Yeah. It's like, oh, I drew a picture of Muhammad, my friend. What will that fucking God? Muhammad Smith? Oh, you got me. Oh, Jafar. We got to keep an eye on you. No, no, no, no.

Fucking Jafar. Yeah, dude. Yeah, and it's like people think my beliefs are silly. I don't know why it's like... What do you believe? I believe in doing it for the culture. Yeah. I do everything to put them up with a culture, bro.

I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you strange. Joker. You get goosebumps? That's my religion. Chaos. Dude, we need a Joker in real life. Yeah, dude.

This is like, we need a real life. The Joker, if you... The Christopher Nolan Batman Joker, is probably like an ideal American because he renounces the mob, he renounces corrupt police, and he renounces billionaires thinking that they have a right

to tell people how to live their life. So he's Zoran Mondani, basically. He is Zoran Mondami. Yeah. You want to know how I got these, this tasty little wife? Why don't know how I got this annoying name? My father was a terrorist.

He liked buildings. Well, one day he took a box cutter on to a flight. He gets crazier than the morning. He drives us straight until the 79th floor. Let's get some virgins on my cock. 72 of them, to be exact. Why such an infidel? Why so infidel?

Oh, yes. So run. Cut the fucking... We're fine. We're fine. We're just goofing. Just joking. Hey, Libs.

Let a little fun in your lives. Yeah, chill out. Hey, Lib Tard. Yeah. Chill out. I read the, it was very funny looking at the,

uh, Heath Ledger had like a diary they found. Oh my God. He's studying to become the Joker. Yeah. It's so funny. He's like things I find funny.

Like, aid. Yeah. It's like, you didn't. What are you? What are you? Garrett Cartman. Yeah. Today, I'm a joke.

Yeah. Cheesy Pips. I'm gonna kill. the Batman. I'm fucking... I'm... I'm fucking... Yeah.

We just killed the Batman. Yeah. That's how he was talking. When I see the Batman, I'm gonna kick him squat in the nuts. Yeah. Just croaks of a fucking overdose. I was fully for

Whiggedow, what's his name? That was my favorite Joker. Which is... We shot motherfucking Batman. I've run a goddamn shrieked Jerry Leo, motherfucker. Dude, there should be

a Wigger Batman, or Joker in the next one. Dude, that's what... I'm telling you, they should have had him drop the end. bomb. Having Jared Leto with grills on. That would redeem him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I liked it because he had damage tattooed on his forehead. I'm from my fucking streak. This guy's twisted. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fuck a Joker with Zanax addiction. That's badass. She's a sound cloud rapper. Lil Zinn. Yes. He died.

Lil Zan, yeah. Yeah. Well, they did a thing where it was really funny. Did he die? Yeah. I did see like a... He died like fucking eight years ago, dude. Damn. Yeah. He went to the... If you put a little in your name, you're dying of pills.

Yeah. Lil Pete. I saw him at the Wendy's in my hometown in 2017. Lil Zan? Yeah, he was pilled the fuck out. Well, there we go. That might have been his last meal for all the other people. Yeah.

RIP. Rest in piss. Yo. Rest in pills. Rest and perks. Yeah. Nice. Brilliant.

Yeah, that was... There was somebody... I watched somebody breaking down the Joker. They're like, The Joker is what you're scared of most in society. And they skipped over... Right. Jared Leto.

They're like... So in the 80s, organized crime was scarce. That's why the Joker was organized crime. In the 2000, we were scared of terrorists where he was terrorists. And in 2018 or whatever, we were scared of like... Incells. And I was like, you just skipped over the SoundCloud when we were scared of like white boys... Right.

A white boy summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, hey, you put a math together, Trump got elected around that. That's like... 2016 was White Boy Summer. Yeah. And they tried to revive it in like 2019. It's like, let it happen naturally.

Yeah. Now it's time for a white man. Yeah, we're grown up now. Time for the white man Epcot. Yeah, we're grown up. Put away your childish toys and become a man. Put down the pills. Pick up the bullets, baby.

Come on. Yeah. Pick up the tiki torches. Yeah, let's go. We should bring that back. Or Charleston. What was it? Weren't those guys we're saying like Jews will not replace us?

Yeah. That was like their whole thing. Now they got to be so confused. Well, they got to be confused. Well, they got to be because like despite all their protests, Jews did replace them as the most hated demographic in the world. used to be like, there's nothing worse than a white man. Straight white man.

And now it's like, oh, wow. A white Jewish man. It always goes, there's, the three always get, there's like a time period. So like, okay, for example, like, during 9-11, it was fuck Islam. Yeah. Right? And then when Trump kind of beat it, it was like, fuck the white Christian man. Then it became fuck the Jewish man.

Yeah. So it's kind of, we're kind of toss off potato. Right. Fuck atheist. Atheist. I could see that. And then finally, atheist. comedy is like big again.

Where it's like a guy fucking in a leather jacket to finally be like, I don't believe in God. Yeah, I believe in my own thing. Yeah, the Bible? Why don't we just file that under fiction? Yeah. Whoa. You remember that?

Some guy was like, yeah, I got kicked out of fucking Barnes and Noble from putting the Bible in the fiction. You're that your kid, you're like, this fucking... This guy doesn't kill a fuck. He doesn't care anymore. He's gonna get in trouble. He's putting his soul at risk now. You had simply, I remember that was some of the early porn I looked at was

they had a sex. book of sex positions. It was just people doing sex positions and I was like, who is this? Meditation? No, it would be like a side view like a soft cor. That's only for children. And wait and like, and is it like where they wearing like body suits? No, no, they were naked. So you see tits and like a guy just saying, eh,

and I'm like, oh, don't make a face at me in the book. I mean, professional. Yeah. For goodness. Smiling and like, yeah. Hey, you like sex? I'm getting pussy right now. But it's like, who is having that book to just kind of flip through a little bit. I want some pointers. That is a pedophile who, who is trying to soften kids into fucking them.

That's something you put on your table, sort of. Oh, Billy, what are you looking at there? Yeah. Oh, hey, see, you found something. Yeah. Are you curious about anything? Are you seeing this? Why, I teach you my drill in the wood shop?

You know, it's not just fun. It feels good, too. Starts massaging. Real gentle. This is how funny. My ex's parents, they put, instead of giving her the sex top, they just put a book on her shelf.

Wow. Is that hilarious? Nice. What was it called? It was just like... Letters to Penthouse. Yeah, yeah. Volume 4.

You figure it out. I remember early, my brother looked up strip or something like that. And that's when like, dude, my brother was like the king of like showing us, because he was like two years old. He was like, dude, that was all, man. Then you have that. Then you get to a hotel and you find out they got the naughty channels. Yeah. Then I was big, pause fast times at Ridgemont High.

Yeah. Of course. I always thought you were cool. Yeah. I watched species. That was my go-to. What was the species? Oh, my God.

It was an erotic thriller. It had Natasha Hensridge in it. And she played this alien that comes down to earth and takes on the form of a woman. Nice. And it has like a biological need to procreate. Nice. So she just goes around like seducing men and she's super hot. And she'll just like go up to a bar and like, let's get out of here.

And the guy's like, oh, okay. And then the guy's like, take off her clothes. I want to see you. And she takes off her clothes. she's completely naked. Nice. You can see her boobs. Bush?

This was the 90s, baby. Wow. Let her rip. Wow. Shaved as a freshly born baby's pussy. Wow. But yeah, so she was just like going around fucking men. That's the clip right there.

Be going, and not disagree with you saying. That's the clip. That's it, baby. Dude, I was trying to think there was like a, yeah, that was always big for me. Basic instinct pause and that. Yeah. A little tug sash.

A little pussy. I'd always pause at the wrong time and I'd see Newman all like uncomfortable. I guess I got to beat off to this. I don't have the patience to rewind. I'm rigged up. I got to go. Look away, Newman. Hello, Newman.

Hello, Newman. It is really funny, the cum tribut. You ever seen those? Yeah. Oh, what? Those are one of the funniest videos. When did that become a thing and why? Because like you're looking up like, let's say like Lisa Ann.

Yeah. You know, and then you'll find a guy's like Lisa Ann tribute. And it's a photo of Lisa Ann and you're like, oh, shit, all right. Maybe it's like a compilation and it's actually like a guy is just jerking off onto a picture. Yeah, it's always a shitty quality video. It's like of a different device being filmed. But I've heard they appreciate them, especially in their photographs. And then they take them and because they're covered and come.

They stick them to their walls. So you go to Lisa Ann's house. It's a bunch of pictures of her with come on a fat guy's wall. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. Come tributes. Ugh.

Never gone. in that. Yeah, I do, I do, there's, I keep getting these itches with these comics, post their only fans. Right. I just want to see your butthole because I know you. Right. You can name a name. After the pot, I'll make it all the days. I mean, if they're putting it out there, then they want it to be found. It might even help their business.

Okay. No. Come on, MG. Yeah. I do it. I never see that. I only find like only fans for like these like random bitches and I'm like, who is this fucking bit and it's like always about like exercise and shit. Yeah. Okay.

That's weird. And I'm like, because they're always trying to lie to themselves. It's something. It's not just. Right. Oh, and I also have these links and it's like, oh, here's a fucking protein I use. Here's like my fitness gear.

Oh yeah. I got an only fan. If you want to take a look at my ass. Just show me the asshole. Yeah. Just come here, dude. Like here's a painting I did with a shitty dildo that was just in my ass. Give me the Mona Lisa.

And like it's also weird when people don't have like have an only fans but they don't have like porn content. Yeah. It's like that's almost false advertising. Yeah, that's illegal. Yeah. It should be illegal. You should be killed for that.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like I came here for one reason. Natalie Cuomo. Does she do that? Look me in the eyes when I'm checking. Oh, dude, when she posts that video, I was like, I want to sew haggler and just get screamed. Look me in the eyes.

Yeah. Has she posted anything since? No, I mean, she's like millions of followers, but one of my friends commented just like a horny india guy is so funny. You're so beautiful. Can I take that? Thank you. You know what?

Remember when I told you about how. my coworkers know I do stand-up comedy. It was because my boss saw me on Natalie Cuomo's podcast. Wow. He's like I'm a big fan of her podcast. You're like, you are a perverts. There's no fucking way. Morning. Yeah, that's why you got to go into

his life. You got to start looking at what he's doing. I'd rather not. Yeah. I don't care. What do her socks smell like? Right. I like that people have a work. I love the idea of severance and I try to treat my workday like that. Right. It's like, I'm clocked in. I am a completely different person. Yeah. I really don't talk about comedy.

I get high as fuck. Yeah. But I turn out, I'm off camera. Yeah. But I basically, like, you know, I basically, you know, show up and I do my thing, but I'm a different person. I go by Joseph. You are a different guy. Yeah.

Completely different. So sometimes I actually get, I get confused when, like, I'm high and I'm zoning out. And people are like, yeah, what do you think, Joseph? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Gay. Yeah.

Yeah, you're like Clark Kenting it. I'm 100. I am a billion. I'm Batman, dude. Like, I think it's a bigger dichotovic. of me, then, like, I'm a completely different person. Yeah, he has a cross to beer. He has to fuck all those models and get drunk at those bodies.

Batman is way better than Superman. Batman fucking rules, dude. I've been watching Batman Cape Crusader on Amazon Prime. I started watching the first episode and I got a little too business either. Like, Rupert with the one. And I'm like, I just want to kind of see the Joker. But I'll watch the other ones. And then you might as well just skip to the very last episode of the latest season.

With the Joker's in it. You know what? It's mostly a standalone episode. It builds up. Like, there's a lot of build up to it. I don't mind it, but I've been watching my adventures with Superman. What's that? It's basically like the Superman equivalent of Cape Crusader,

where it's a reimagining of Superman. It's like almost little anime inspired. Okay. But it's fun. It's fun. I need some brain, like, ice cream to put my brain. Like, that's funny. You need to see the new Spider-Man.

I need to see something just... You should watch the new King of the Hill. Really? That's fucking good. Really. I liked it. My favorite was Alex Jones talking about Mike Judge and trying to be discreet.

because they're friends. And there's one of he goes, look, I got a friend out in Hollywood. I'm not going to say his name, but he's made Beavis and Butthead, uh, King of the Hill, stuff like that. I'm not going to say his name,

but he's a friend out in Hollywood. You're like, he's been on the show. Yeah. You all know your friends is Mike Judge. That's so fucking funny that he tries to be vague about it. I got this friend.

I don't want to name his name, but he, uh, he's the host of the Michael Good podcast. Dude, that's so funny. I watched office space last night, dude, that shit is so good.

I hate how much it holds up, though. It's so funny because I saw a little clip of the interview in the Michael Bolton thing. I was like, I got to watch this whole movie. Did you, do you work in an office? I used to in Connecticut. So it's just like, oh my God.

It's insane how real that shit is. The fucking case of the Mondays and the TPA, just the constant bringing up the same problem. It's like, oh my God. I'm going to need you to come. I feel like as a boss, I am kind of a lumber. Yeah. I'm like, I'm a little aloof.

I'm a little detached. You don't want to be mean, but you also need them to get it done. done so you see where he's coming from. So, like, I'm always just drinking coffee. Yeah. And, like, yeah. It's everything.

The way he talks. It's such a good, fuck. Now I want to, you know what? Let's roll office space. We're rolling office space. We've watched the entirety of office space right now. It's a fucking banger, dude. It's so good.

And, like, dude, I remember reminded me so much of it. We had somebody come in and take photographs, like the last. I haven't worked in office in three years, thank fucking God. But this guy comes in and he's taking pictures of people. people is like, what's your favorite soda? The girl's like Sprite. He goes, everybody's got a favorite. Oh my God. It's like, I want to take you to Guantanamo Bay and just

fucking waterboard, then cut your head off and then stick it on a fucking stick. Ask me, ask me what my favorite soda is. Which favorite soda? Desani. This guy's bland. I'm healthy. Health not. Checking my steps.

Yeah, I gotta pay for water. It's just the most abundant thing on fucking earth. Literally, around us in a different form. That's what we should be taking down. Everybody's like, oh, the healthcare CEOs. Who's the CEO of Desani?

Just taking water. It's fucking, it's Coca-Cola. And why is that water everywhere? Because it's Coke. Because it's Coke. Because it was part of, the reasoning behind that, the reason we did that was in the 80s.

Like, there was so much soda and, like, there was so much shit against soda that they started regulating. Like, you can't sell it in schools. And that's why they started, the same soda companies started pivoting to, like, Minutemade and DeSani and all of those. And that's why bottled water got so fucking big in the 90s

was there was like a huge push for it. Nobody was going to fucking pay for a bottle. Like it was like, do you want something that comes out of your sink? But it's the exact same shit but you'll pay four bucks for it. I'm so surprised that this is still a dollar. Poland Springs. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, it's because the quality of the water has dipped

significantly too. It's just melted in the they literally like just fill it in the bathroom. What time I accidentally drank my dad's piss? Nice. How was it? You were just sucking his dick and forgot to stop. Yeah, I forgot to stop. He's like, I gotta get to work. I'm teething.

I'm just like, I can't get off. I can't. I guess I got to go to work with my sons. No, we weren't doing anything. We weren't doing it. It's just a daily ritual. Dude, I was in the car one time, and I went to his car early.

No, my God. It was bad, because I've seen him pissing, but like he's a, and one time, dude, I'm telling you, it was fucking, maybe that's why I go the opposite. Now I want a woman to your name of me, because it's so far from my father. Yeah, probably triggered something in you.

You got a crispy, hot Florida piss bottle. Dude, just a pale redhead. I took a sip of something disgusting that was in his car, and I'm sure it had to have been pissed, because what else would be in that water bottle? So he was a piss bottle? I've never even tried that. Is he like a truck driver?

Why the fuck was he pissed in the ball? No, it works in real estate. I have no idea. I've driven hundreds of thousands of miles. I've never been able to pull it off. I can bitch out every time. Dude, yeah, because it's such a hard angle. If you're in the passenger, it's a little easier.

What? I just tell, I'm a passenger, I'm like, hey, can you pull over for a second? And I'll just fucking piss off this. Nobody's gonna fucking... Well, this just goes to show how much of a businessman he is. Yeah, he was willing and dealing. He must have been...

He probably wears a diaper. He's probably piss his pants right now. He's saving it for later, dude. I would never... I can't psychologically do that. My dick is too big to fit in the hole of any bottle. I never have a bottle. Including gatorade. I've had gatorades, too, and I'm still like... I don't even fucking fit.

It's like, if you tried not having a massive heart on it's like, it's a fucking impossible. Yeah, I'm blue chewed up all the time. I actually skipped the blue chute. You started doing, the blue choo keeps going to my parents' house, which they're bringing up. They don't know they're bringing up just, they don't know they're trafficking bluechial. I'm like, hey, there's a couple packages that got delivered down there. And they're just bringing just tons of voter pills up for me. So what is it?

But I would do the honey packs, which are just filled with illegal boner pills. Really? Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. The honey pack. Yeah, every fucking, like hood guy, they're like, man, you got to get the honey pack. I'm like, it doesn't work. It's like a fucking placebo.

And then I look at it. Like, do not buy the FDA. He's like, they have. tons of Seattle's in there. I'm like, oh, great, sweet. Okay, so I'm just going to take it. They're like, it could be either five milligrams or 20.

I'm like, even better. Even better. I want to go hard and, yeah. I don't think boner pills are even remotely dangerous because I've taken an absurd amount of them. Boney or pills don't do anything bad. I get them prescribed by my doctor.

Yeah. See, that's the right way to do it. The problem is I haven't changed my address. My parents are just, yeah. They're just slipping on packs. I had to start, you should get your medication through Amazon.

They can do that now. That's the way to do it. I had to get my fucking cholesterol medication through Amazon. suspended, I could fucking literally die of a heart attack. Yeah, Bezos. You know what? My insurance stopped covering it, so I can't go to the fucking Walgreens by my house and fill my prescription like I normally do.

Nice. And they're like, you have to get shit delivered now. I'm like, you fucking kidding me. So I went on Amazon and they have you like enter your shit there. So I do. And they're like, oh, you can actually buy it cheaper on Amazon. I'm like, but I don't want Amazon to have my medical information. Yeah.

You know? Like, I don't want anyone. I want my doctor to have it. and I trust my doctor to do this shit for. Like, what the fuck am I paying him for? You know? That's why people don't trust Western medicine. It's just because it's like there's so many fucking loopholes.

I don't trust Eastern medicine, though. You fucking start pricking me with... You don't trust anything, dude. We don't need to. I trust the colds. Don't go to the doctor. Stop going. I mean, honestly, like, I'm probably going to stop.

And now, like, I read all this shit online about the same cholesterol medication might be killing me. Right. No winning. I can't win. Just smoke weed. Well, it's also, it's like, my whole family has high cholesterol were Asian. So like my grandmother had high cholesterol. She lived to be like 97. Yeah.

What's up with that? Why are the Asians so high? It's something to do with like the biology of it because like the liver just produces extra cholesterol. So in the dump. People think it's like all the food you eat has an effect on it. But your body flushes that out. And your liver will adjust based on the amount of cholesterol and saturated fats that you are. That's why Asian like we're explaining why they live so long? No, I'm just explaining how cholesterol works. and like we have different metrics that we measure it by now. It's fucking boring. Do you know why Asians live so long? I mean, there's a lot of factors, but I think it's like environment. Yeah, it's cigarettes. It is.

It's squatting all the time. It's playing guys. Yeah. I do think the cigarette, even though like people don't smoke cigarettes a whole lot here, like in like China and in Asian cultures, smoking is huge still. Yeah. Like I think like it's like, that's like 90% of tobacco production goes to, like India and China.

Nice. Shit. I'm gonna hop back on it. Fuck these Zins. Yeah. I'm thinking about getting back into smoke. I don't like vaping anymore. No.

I feel better like that's the best amount of nicotine. It just gives you great. I feel better when I smoke weed, weed. Yeah. And like when I vape, I feel like I'm cheating myself. I can't even hit them anymore.

It feels like downloading a virus. My girlfriend was even saying like your breathing is fucked up. And I was never the case when it was just regular fucking weed. Right. And I smoked a fucking regular joint. Today? I felt healthier than I felt in years. Amazing.

I'm turning back the clock. Yes. Yeah, I'm going to start eating like shit. I'm going to start smoking six. Dude, I eat McDonald's every day. I, you know, I talk about like four times a week. Nice. Yeah.

Like, when they were going through the thing, I was like, these people are fucking weak. Dude, I'll get the diary. I'll do all this stuff. What have you been getting? What's good? They got a new thing. They got the steak melt. Steak melt.

It's like a steak burrito. It's fucking amazing. I need to go back to the bell. Yeah. I'm too. I'm Ronald McDonald up, but. Fucking fast food. is so good. I wish it was just more affordable.

Yeah. Dude, you get the Taco Bell. I mean, they have $3 fucking burritos. You just got to get two of them. It's sick. I've always loved the loco taco. That's been my staple. I like, I like soft shell tacos. But I feel like they're even lacking in like the filling now too. Yeah. It's like, how is it so fucking

tight? Dude, fill that shit up. That's why I do a Taco Bell on a Zen and that's a meal right there for $3. I mean, this is like $80 now. Yeah. It's insane how much expensive, how just expensive everything is. Yeah. Well, I hate to We do got a wrap up because I got a place to be. You got pussy to eat.

I got pussy to eat. Nice. Where can they find? Oh, by the way, this is going to be more consistent. This one's coming out Saturday. That means there's no episode Sunday. And just hope I'm not curled up in a ball crying in my parents' hotel because I humiliated myself. MSG.

Can I come to your hotel? Yeah, can I have parents' hotel. Do you play some fucking board games? You got a sister, right? Didn't you drink? Yeah, I do have a sister. How old is she now? She's 24, which is Joe Borman's prime.

Fair game. What is it? Like half your age? minus four. Yes. Yes. Yes. Where do they find you guys?

About three inches inside your sister. Oh, okay. What I'm saying? Watch out little Michelle good. Yo, I'll be a Michelle good too. Yeah, yeah. The Eiffel Tower of fucking Michael's little sister, dude.

I bet her fantasy is to have sex little twink guy and someone in his deep 40s. You get the best about the world with you guys. You get like the young. Like literally, I always dreamed of getting double team by a father and son. We'll dress up as Mario and Luigi.

Yeah, there we go. It'll be a vibe. Luigi Mangione. Yes. Yeah. We'll look forward to that, sister. I can say your name. Michelle.

Watch out, Michelle. We got a little, Michael is going to give you a little present. Yeah. Two strapping boys. That's going to be crazy. Damn, imagine like she's pregnant and we have to decide, like, which, who's the father?

I'm guessing Gorman. No. Really? I think he's got some strong sperm. He does. they populate. Yeah, they do. It's like, my sperm needs it more.

Yeah, he does. It needs the swim. It's fine. I'll raise an Asian child. It's fine. So what have we said on this so far? I've drank in my dad's urine. Urine.

I think rape is okay. I think Trump's going to come out with that. You guys are going to double team my sister. I think there was something else I, oh yeah, and I'm going to give my nephew drugs. Yeah. This is a very spicy episode. Yeah.

They might have to put this one behind a paywall for your own damn career. Yeah. Can you actually cut the last 20 minutes out of this? Joe has never asked me to cut out anything. I'll never fucking, oh, I actually don't agree with what I said. Like, go kill yourself. People need to grow up.

Besides my sister, apparently, he needs to stay the same age. I know. If anything, it needs a little Peter Pan right there. Michelle. Watch out, dude. Wouldn't it be funny if his sister's name really was Michelle? Michael and Michelle, good. I think I would be unattracted to him.

I don't think I've ever heard of Michelle. What's your brother's name? Mickey? So it's Mickey, Michael, and Michelle Good. Nice. That's crazy. My dad's name is Mark. My mom's name is Meredith.

Nice. M's all around. I hate that shit in fucking family. I think that's the fucking gayish shit. Oh yeah. To have them all do that. Everyone's like Johnny, Jimmy. My fucking one of my cousins did that with her kids and it's so fucking lame.

Yeah. Because you're just going to mix it up. Why are you fucking showing everyone that you're white? Right. That's like a white person fucking thing to do. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, my son's going to be named Muhammad so I could draw pictures of them.

Jacob, Jonathan, Jim. Muhammad. Ezekiel. I do. I do got to get out of here. What do you guys want to promote? Follow me on Instagram. Jake Stram, L.O.L.

And follow me online at Joe W. Gorman. That's on all social media platforms. And we're back to Sundays. This Saturday, I'm just dropping it. But it'll be every Sunday. I'm not quitting on you guys. I had a busy couple weeks.

We're going to be consistent. Gangster. White power. And that last part, I'm going to cut.