Morning Good - Caviar for the Nose - Episode 144

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

Jake Velazquez and Dan Carney return to the show. They talk about how much they love Xi Jinping and One China, as well as Canada's euthanasia clinics and smoking spice.Thanks to Dan and Jake for coming back on the show together. Check them out on previous episodes and down below at their links.Dan is on Instagram @danmancarney and will be playing shows in Florida coming up this month, so follow him for more info on that. Jake is on Instagram also @jakevcomedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. We got Dan Carney here and Jake Velasquez, and they're both late. How's it going? Because you guys decided to be great idea to go out drinking last night. Well, you came with us. Yeah, I was there too. But talk, Dan?

Talking. All right, sweet. Yeah, we're good. We're good. I feel fine. But I also, I don't know, the night before New Year's drinking is kind of a, because I don't like going into drinking hungover. Because I think then I'm just foggy.

And there's a part of me, it's like, oh, I got to be like the life of the party. So I start drinking more. And then I'm just foggier and hungover. And I'm just not quite there. But you guys grab smoothies. So I feel like that. Smoothies. I got a Celsius.

It's sustenance. Yeah. I pounded one of those earlier, too. That's a good way to. I didn't do the cell. I had a little ritual, and I did it this morning, and it didn't work. And then me and Dan took the subway. You didn't say what the ritual was.

What is it? What was the ritual? I sacrifice. A small child. Dude, if that got rid of, I mean, I would consider it. Oh, yeah. If that cured a hangover, I'd do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's kids out there. They'd be worth it. Yeah, yeah. There's kids out there that'd be lucky. Dude, I do a guy by one of my friends do a guy, and his thing was he'd go to the IV clinic and then the rub and tug. And that was like his hangover like thing. Because when you jerk off it like apparently like releases a certain amount of dopamine.

100% that is part of the healing process for hangovers. But also I think it only, it has to be like gentle porn though. Like something like you can't watch like a gang bang if you're hung over and then you just feel horrendous right afterwards. I think gentle in general because I was going to say like you would think logically that sex would be a good hangover cure. Jerking off is almost better. Yeah, yeah. because you just need to lay motionless and pathetic. I lay on the ground over a pentagram.

That would be hilarious thing. That would my roommate's walk in. It's like, dude, last time was crazy. I'm sorry, I have a lot going on. I got to get to work soon, dude. It's supposed to be my parents for lunch. You know what's been popping up a ton on my feet? Those little people...

Oh, like, I'm not even getting... I follow a meme page. And you ever follow those meme page? It'll be memes that are funny and then randomly just people shaking their asses. Yeah. And now it's like, it's only little people working. And it's always popping up on my feet.

It's getting like... And by the way, I think they're like big on TikTok because I'm seeing it everywhere now. It's the only thing they're big on. I keep saying, something popping off on my feet that might, it's called, it's, I forget what it's called, I think it's called Downsy Ballet. Oh yeah. Have you seen that? No, but that's right at my hour. Yeah, it's just like, it's like a crew of like three downsie. It's just do

dance moves together. Not really the most graceful bunch, though. I feel like that ballet is got to be a little more stompy than typical. It definitely seems like they're doing some hip-hop crumping. Fantastic content, though. Yeah. Yeah. So it's genius. Here for our enjoyment. And the thing is, like I feel like a piece of shit. I'm like, why is this showing up on my feed? But then it's got like 700,000 likes. I'm like, oh, everyone likes. I'm just one of 700,000 people that are like.

And then you're also sending it to all your friends. That's what I do. My favorite was there's a guy who has like the, I hate when you see a like a down center person or something like that. There's more to the story. I'm not just saying I hate seeing them. But when you, some pages will share them but not at them. It's like at least give this person to follow because there's an awesome guy.

He has the, what do you call it? Cyclops glasses like from X-Men and then it plays the X-Men theme and he's just putting his like, hand against this, doing like the like laser beam thing where he's like, ah. Dude, that's sick. Yeah, he runs in place and then he crosses his arms at the very end. It gives you like, what the fuck is up? And you're like,

yeah. That's great content. Yeah, it's amazing. That's fantastic. Also, one thing that's good is like the original TikTok stuff I just started getting. So like, when you first, when TikTok first came out, it was like Walmart employees that were like Goths posting like the funniest and you were like, what is going on here? And then now it like,

it's not what it used to be. Like, I remember my girlfriend used to send me TikToks of like just like some guy like really close to the camera with like a 50 shades voiceover just like we got a couple rules sweetheart or something like that.

That's what a what? You don't remember that? TikTok being that? Yeah, yeah. It was just like very cringe like either like goth or emo kids doing stuff like that. Yeah, that's still probably there.

Now it's all like native advertising. Yeah, a lot of. It's like brands now they'll do videos. where it looks like a regular, like, video that someone would upload on their phone. But it's really-high-res, like high-produced advertisements don't really do well on social media because people know it's an advertisement. So, like, lower budget, like, me taking my phone and filming something for, like, a brand

is going to likely get more engagement than, like, this big, like, commercial you'd see, like, for, like, Walmart or something like that. That's obviously... I'm starting to think everything is an advertisement. Everything is an advertisement. That's what... Do my parents work for Coca-Cola? like you're putting like Coca-Cola in the fridge.

That's what content is, is you're making videos for an app and like you're making, but you're making like for the app. Right. You're, the better you do, the better that app does, which means more they can sell to their advertisers and all that stuff. Everything's an advertisement. Yeah, it is kind of scary. We live in digitally and physically.

As stand-up comedians, we're marketing experts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you think about it. I could tattoo my face is real estate. That is untapped. I get a home depot. I do. There is a brand out there who would pay you a lot of money to get a tattoo.

Or a little bit of money. I remember Riffrapp had the MTV one, which is a very cool. That's a very cool. My friends wanted to do, I had a couple of friends that wanted to do it that did a, you know, like the polo horse. They wanted to do a chest. That's awesome. It sucked to have like a Weinstein company one. Oh, yeah, one of those.

Yeah, they pay. Dude, I do some guys. Maramax. Yeah, Miro Max. Have you ever seen they have the polo horses and they have one that has a lot. two guys, it's like a knockoff, but it's two polo guys riding the same horse, which is kind of fun.

Oh, that's really funny. And they're kissing. Yeah. One of them is facing the other way. That's funny. There was, this horse is like, these,

he's a homophobic horse. Yeah. Yeah. It's the worst job ever. I would like a Mr. Hans polo. You know, Mr. Hans,

the guy, the guy, like, banged by the horse. Yeah. I didn't know he had a name. Yeah. Mr. Hans and Mr. head.

Yeah, yeah. But like just a horse and then just a man getting banged. But it looks like a little polo. You're like, is that Ralph Lauren? You're like, not exactly. We were talking about like,

what if not, what if the horse, like Nazis came back in reincarnation to like live as the horses who have to carry people around in Central Park. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't feel bad for them. Like you wouldn't feel bad for those horses.

No, not at all. Because everyone's like, they have terrible living conditions. And it's like, well, they should. Yeah.

Because they're Nazis. They're Nazis. That's what they're Nazis. that's what they deserve. Also, like, I've noticed it's a, like most countries, I guess, outlawed it. Horses? The, like, Nazis?

Most countries are getting rid of the U.S. But the carriages, like horse carriages. So they, I feel like a lot of these people come to New York and they stick their nose up at us a little bit. Yeah. Like, look, these guys are living in the dark ages, you know, with his horses. And it's like, maybe you guys are the...

Yeah, yeah. Because these horses aren't. How about we have people do it like you do in your country? That would be... Just wrecked shots in China. That would be funny too if you're like, you have a horse carriage and people are like, oh, that's so rude.

I can't believe you're doing that. You're like, well, this horse is actually very racist. I know personally. He used to be a Nazi. He used to be a Nazi. He nays at all the minorities. I've actually enslaved in this horse. I mean, dude, it would be the funniest thing

ever for Nazis to be reincarnated as horses in Central Park. because terrible living conditions, tight quarters, bad job, and tons of Jews in the Upper West Side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Like the mecca of Jews in the United States. Yeah, you got to pull them around. Yeah.

But, yeah, you know what, though? They put us in the camp. We give them a park. I feel like we're being a little nicer. All right. Very forgiving. Very forgiving. You're like, at the end of what is it, Batman begins.

We're so cool is dying. He's like, I'm not going to kill you. But I'm just not going to save you. just like that little these legs, like just that little bit of I'm better than you.

It's a great connection. Yeah. Great reference. Yeah. We had an advertising guy come to our school, I remember, and Raza Jewel.

Nice. I'm trying, I'm trying to see the legs on that. No, no, yeah. I'm not blaming you. Yeah,

it was, it was a stretch. It was a stretch. Yeah, it's okay. I was just trying to riff in on it. Raza Jewel if you had the, George is just like a hype beast.

I'm not going to kill you. I'm not going to save you. Yeah. He's just kind of like, Batman. Batman. We had an advertising guy coming to war school. We always had like random, I went to like an advertising guy come to your school.

Yeah, it was weird. How old were you? I was in middle school. So our middle school was, I went to a prep school for middle school. And we'd always have random speakers that like, he was, what company did he work for,

Balenciaga? What company did you? The Balenciaga. That's amazing. What did they get trouble for again? Like the bears? No, they, um, uh,

they, uh, used like, like, like, references to like, Satanism, child sacrifice.

Like using children in their marketing as like, like, references to child. pedophilia. I tell you it's high end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how you know it's classy. Sounds classic. My shoes are just kids taped to my feet. You're like,

that is a good. That is the weirdest thing about like class being classy. Is that stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Epstein, kind of a classy guy. Oh, super classy. Dude, tasteful, the beautiful home on the upper east side. Yeah, yeah.

Like the, you know, the envy of all his neighbors. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he, he, uh, I would

say his fashion in like 95% of his life. Like his style besides, you know, that 5% it was not adult. It's a pretty intense picture here, the Valenciago one. Is it? Yeah. Should we hold it up to the camera? We could put it in in post. Throw it in post.

This is luxury. Yeah. It is a great. Yeah, that's so weird. Wait, what? Dude, that's a wild. Yeah. It's a little dark. Oh. Just a little.

bit, you know. Yeah. I just love the idea of like the Valenciaaga marketing department being like, what is our customer base though? Yeah. What would they want? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, like the, what's really funny is like this kid who's in the advertisement, they probably had like some piece of shit mom who was like, you fucking better get this roll. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just yelling at her. Just like that's good money. Yeah. Yeah. Hold the bear. Hold the bear. Yeah. Yeah. See, I, I, That stuff, obviously, I do have a problem with. Hold on. I'm buying some Santa. It's actually a sick. I like the teddy bear. It looks pretty cool.

I like, the Satan stuff does not bother me, though, at all. There were people like, dude, this is secretly Satan. I was like, well, I've always said it's like, Satan's not real. So it doesn't matter. If you believe Satan's real, it's, like, not a great guy. No. And so you're, like, worshipping, like, the idea of Satan. And then you're, and God is also not like a good guy, but I don't. Right. Yeah, but, like, Christians aren't like, we're going to flood this, you know, neighborhood with Christianity?

Well, I'm saying, like, a literal flood. Like, like, Noah Zah. Like, Noah Zahist or flooding. I'm saying, like, the Old Testament God. He was, like, flooding. Right. I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I guess, yeah. But, like, Satanists, they're like, okay, would have Satan, like, sacrificing kids? Yeah, yeah. No. Well, it's also the not real thing. Also, there's the people that are, like, uh, like, I did, I went to Europe with some friends. and while we were there

was like Pride Month in Europe or whatever it might be the same time I'm not sure but they had like this huge light display and it was all these satanic images Yeah And I think it's because

It's also just kind of be like Fuck you, Chris I think that's what it is So it's like I don't mind it as much Because I think it's like there's like There's like the thing where it's like Oh they say gays of sin So they be those people like sometimes

Do becomes Satan worshipers But it's like almost a troll It's not like a real genuine thing Right Right People hate Christians So there is like a sect of that There's no sect of like

Pedophilia where it's like I'm just protesting against the man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that is a little par. I like the sunglasses, by the way. That's a great fit. Yeah, it looks good. Thank you.

Appreciate it. Yeah, I just bought these. Pride month in Europe. That is, that is very, very gay. It's insane. The straight people there are gay. Yeah, yeah. They all have like male man purses.

Yeah. They're like, no. Yeah. I'm not gay. That's so funny to be like a homophobic European guy with like the deepest veneck. like, how rough was Pride Month in like the biblical times, you know? I think they had it?

I think it was just one guy getting Ross thrown out. Like you almost like, you know, be afraid to celebrate. How biblical though? Because if you go far enough back, you know, like ancient Greece, probably electric. I think these guys probably insane. Agent Greene. Yeah, pride year. I think these times are biblical.

We're making shit happen. Oh, yes, we are. This is history, buddy. It's going to get biblical, baby. Yeah. We had a plague. We're in the middle of a plague. Yeah, that had to suck to be a gay dude when it, like, just started becoming bad.

Because it wasn't, like, just randomly, they're like, all right, now it's bad to be gay. It's, like, over time, like, I feel like Christianity just expanded. And then, like, because obviously, like, in Greece, it was, like, totally cool. But that was in Christian. Was that Christian? No, that was, like, polytheism. Yeah, yeah. And that's when they were just fucking and sucking and having a good old fashion time.

And then the Christianity came in and they were, I mean, to be fair, there's a lot of, like, you know, guys and robes getting blown by children. And they're like, I'm a philosopher. and you're like, I don't know, but that's great. But I'm a movie producer. Again, ancient Greece, very classy. Yeah, that's a good boy. You keep trying to push pedophilia with class and sophistication.

But if you look at the numbers, the people with the most money and status do it. That's what I'm saying. So it literally is sophisticated. It is a thing where it's like if some guy in your neighborhood that lived in a nice house got caught being a pedophile, he'd be like, I don't know he was that rich. I guess he was doing pretty well.

I knew he was doing well, but not that well. Imagine getting like on trial for pedophilia. You're like, oh, I'm sorry. It's a crime to have good taste. Sorry, I got style. I refuse to defend myself in a room full of broke bitches. It's like how lobster and crab used to be like a poor person's food. Yeah, no.

And not rich people adopted it. Yeah, but the difference with this is that I think it's been a rich person's activity for the highest because you're right about ancient Greece, but those were the highest, this is fucked up and it. It was like the highest status people. I think they stole it from black people.

Just another thing they took. Didn't Kevin Harder just get in trouble for saying that, like, ancient Egyptians were black or something like that? But I didn't get in trouble for that. That's trouble. Is it like factual or? I have no idea what,

because I always get confused, I think about pharaohs. Because I'm like, I don't know if the pharaohs were black or they were Egyptian. Faro's. I'm not sold on Ferros. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I think they were just aliens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sold on most of that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even, yeah, I don't buy most of it. Yeah, well, all it gets crazy and crazy because people are like, with technology, some people are saying they had like these weird, like, they had hydrogen back then. Yeah, the hydrogen, yeah, they did have it. It's on periodic tables on us. It's been in our atmosphere for, you know, millions.

I know, but utilizing it, like, to have hydrogen. H-2-O. Egyptians were, like, nuking other people. Yeah, well, they, like, I guess, like, the math and the pyramid, like, the math was, like, so exact and, like, the physics, too, so it's, like, they're, like,

how could they possibly, like, something of this structure? Like, right. It's one of the most mathematically sound the pyramids structures in the world still to this day. Right. You know? Yeah. Wait, what, like, just, like,

uh, like, geometry. Yeah, like, the geometry of it, I guess, where it's relation to like true north the, just, yeah, the geometry of it. Like how exact it is. You know, one thing I do think is dumb, though, and people are like, what are the chance that there's pyramids in South America

and in Egypt? I'm like, it's a pretty reasonable structure like a low, a wide base and a small top. But like, why do you side, but like, why do you, I guess, you know what you know, probably, maybe it's because people did like TPs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what if we made like a strong one?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know what though? Dumb idiots. I'd like to see one of those guys Cut a clip. What kind of font were they using? But I did, I was watching some movie

about like, maybe it was like the 60s and everyone in it knows how to like, they know like semi-conductors and all the shit that we definitely don't know. Right. So I feel like when you did need to like be able to make, like the more you needed to be able to make stuff, the more you did figure out weird shit like that.

Yeah. Like it's not that crazy because they had no... Look, if I didn't have social media, I could probably be able to make, build a fucking pyramid too. Yeah, exactly. If I didn't have the distraction of modern times. Little people twerking.

Yeah. Little people twerking and kids with Down syndrome are holding me back. That's my paradigm. Decades of work that could be accomplished right now. I could be talked about for generations. I would love it if this was still happening in like, I hope this happens in other circles besides comedians. I hope there's genuinely a guy like working on the cure for cancer.

But he's just on his phone like during, like, because everybody, everybody's on their phone. I like that look too, by the way. Because everybody's on their phone during just getting more ridiculous throughout the episode. I'm gonna, dude. I got a whole basket of shit over here. But so we got a fan there, one of those Chinese fans, fan yourself. But it's like, if you think about it, like, there's for sure, like a scientist at

NASA who on his lunch break looks at like funny TikToks. And probably during work, too. Like, everybody, you have such a crazy device in your pocket. Like, there's no way that and that might be... Oh, it's a pride fan. Wow. There you go. Beautiful. You know what's China would not approve of this

You know, you were going to say something I forgot what I was going to say This is why we don't drink before Ferros Ferros. They would get fanned by other people They would Kind of gay, kind of baller Very baller

Yeah How's it gay? Something gay about it No, fan me Just someone's doing Cool me down Also, going back to the kid thing Pharaohs were like

What fucking eight years It wasn't King Tull? Yeah, but there's King Tud Yeah, but he was what? He was like nine years old When he was king. Wait, what? I didn't know this at all.

Yeah. And he still had to... Wait, we were... We were driving. No, let me ask you this. Pedophilia bad. But if he's a king... It's a good point.

What do you mean? He's in an authoritative position. Like, if you fucked King Tut at 9. Oh, yes. Is that still... Oh, that's interesting. Do a little tut stuff. Yeah.

Tut it around. That is what you mean? Is it... Is it pedophilia to have sex with King Tut? Yeah, I don't know. Because he has more power than you. Like, buy a lot. Massacre. We're still talking about him.

Right. That would be funny. You know how the life expectancy was so like... Or they? You know, you know the life expectancy was so low back then? It'd be funny if we found out everybody in history was just toddlers. Napoleon was a kid. George Washington was like eight years old.

He was like, I think we're going to start this country, guys. You're like, what? He had wooden teeth because they haven't come in yet. Abraham like it was tall because like three kids Yeah Just in jackets

Just a top kid got shot in the head The other kids like Oh thank fucking God I didn't have the top shift today Yeah Yeah That was such an obscure riff I love it.

I'm being silly. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, how was Abe Lincoln when he died? I have zero clue. Late 30s, I'm guessing. Yeah. Late 30s?

Should we verify? No, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is, this is a, I got a COVID warning on one of my, uh, things. So this is, can't put disinformation out of you. Dude, I got one of my videos I posted, uh, like, a few months ago. And they were like, this video is, is restricted in Russia.

I was like, no. Yeah. No. That actually does suck. It does suck. It's one of my most viewed videos. All the bots are Russian. It was fun.

I was watching the new Topka. I didn't realize how, like, the marketing was even that extreme. You know, Tom Cruise took off the Taiwan. It was a Britney Griner highlight patch he had on his jacket. So in the original Top Gun, he wore the same leather jacket from the original Top Gun. Okay. But this one, he took off the Taiwan patch. Wait, why?

Because China doesn't recognize Taiwan as a country. And you're trying to get that mass distribution. He's a one China guy? Yeah. He's a one China guy. Dude, they got everybody. They got everybody. Yeah, everybody.

Damn, that's crazy. Yeah, they're slowly like, yeah. Well, we, yeah, I mean, they own, we're going to be in debt, like, all of personal. We're going to be Chinese. I didn't realize I was saying his name wrong until I talked to Ben Frank about it. So his name is Jai Jee ping, right? Or something like that? I don't know.

Jiji Ping, my bad. Is it Jiji? I don't know. It might be Shiji. I've always said Jiji. Jijij Jish. He is fresh. And he said, oh.

Ging. An agent walks in and shoots all of us. But I've been calling him ping this whole time because you'd say somebody like Obama or Trump, but I guess ping is the first name. So I've been talking about it. Like you're saying like, you know, like Barack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's, I don't know when that. I'm more of a pung. What is he? Laff it up now, guys. Can't make these jokes. This is the last. This is the last time. talking about that recently, like a bunch of like comedians

go to like China or Russia and they're like we're like, we're the outlaws of comedy. Just immediately get murdered by like government. Like yeah, we don't play that shit. Yeah, we tell it. And no one will ever hear your story. You're not going to end up like Lenny Bruce or someone that like makes it impact. You're just

a fucking number. It's hilarious because what's that guy's name? The Alibaba guy, Jack Ma. Yeah. He's like Bezos. You know, he's like richest man in China and he like said something like kind of against the government and disappeared. Yep. Yeah, yeah. And it's like Okay, they're going to get a Jack Ma.

It's like if our country took out Bezos. Like, if you could do that, you're... No one is untouchable. And there's also, there's no hiding in China as a white guy. Right. You know what I mean? Like, they immediately find you in like a day. They're like, oh, yeah, that blonde guy right there with...

You would be so fucking... One foot above everybody. Oh, would I? Would I be... With the fan? Oh, who? The sunglasses would help. The hair, black.

sunglasses, the straw hat, Foumanchu. Fumandry. It would be a tough situation. I'm pro-China, though. Yeah, yeah. Just for the record. I've thought about tagging my TikTok videos

like CCP, Communist China with parties the best. I mean, who's it really hurting? It would be the funny. It would be so funny if you became the biggest star in China. Like, Michael good. Michael good. biggest star in China.

Fucking massive, dude. You get invited personally. I've talked to somebody about this. I would not, even if I was invited, I never my life will go to China, North Korea. Just like zero. Even if they're like... On principle. Wait, why not China? No, no, I don't care.

Fuck that. I don't care. Because it's like the risk of like me. I am the kind of guy that would like pee and it ends up being on like a statue of something like really important. Like there's zero percent chance. I'm not going to sidestep. Don't pee on a statue. That's pretty easy. You say that.

But you get like six drinks in me, and I'm gonna, I'm peeing on statues. There's no way I'm not gonna find it funny to, like, live stream in front of like Pings, whatever mansion and be like, ah, I'm like, this country we're in running, it's a pretty good country, man. It's not bad. It's not bad. You can be on statues here. Yeah, you could shit in front of the White House and probably minimal repercussions. Pretty cool. Actually, not only not repercussions.

It would love you. Yeah. People would love it. We have no respect for authority. No, no. But that's awesome, though. It's great. I've always hated people who, like, respect it.

It's like, why? But also it's just Like there's the thing When anytime like Someone doesn't agree with In America they're like I'm moving I'm like you know what

There's problem zero But where are you gonna go? Yeah There is no option There really is nothing Because that The world is a dark The best case

Canada's kind of scary With Canada's The unanesia thing is crazy What was this? They have like Euthanasia clinics now Oh yeah Yeah

I'm legal Yeah But they're like Too accessible Yeah And there's the It's for population control

I'm big on the world New World Order people. They want to control the population. They want more people to die. Oh, by the way, I love just you say that because I tuned it briefly to Jones the other day. I have to say briefly so people don't think I'm listening for hours. But I was like, well, you called him Jones.

He's like Alex. Tune into AJ. Big Al. But it was so funny because he was talking about the Andrew Tate thing. And he goes, yeah, Andrew Tate, look, look, I'm at him a couple times. You know, I'm not best friends with him, okay? He goes, I saw, you know, he likes to spend his money on you know, fast cars, women smoke and cigars.

I'd rather donate my money to stop in the New World Order. Also, what a legend. I would say this to you yesterday where I'm like, so Andrew Tate got like arrested in Romania for like human trafficking. And I was like, that is the last place I would assume has an issue with human. It seems like it was slide there. So it does it. I like met this girl whose ex-boyfriend was basically Romanian and she would go back.

And this is like two weeks before this guy got arrested. And she was just like, yeah, I think he might be a bad guy because Romania is like, of all, it's like got the most lenient laws for use against the women. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised that's illegal. That seems like the kind of place that's their main expert. That's literally their main expert probably. Yeah, yeah. I think... So he must be in real, Trudgeon. He must be a real

piece of shit. I think he might be a piece of shit. Yeah. But, uh, oh yeah, but the euthanasia thing that I saw an article as the funniest headline. I've ever seen this lady needed to get a wheelchair ramp installed and like the government had to install it and like multiple like things kept stopping. So they just asked

if she wanted to go to the euthanasia. They're like, dude, this is going to take so long to build. You really want to do this? What if you just killed yourself? It would save a lot of work for all. It would make things a lot easier. I got to sell something to you guys.

The advertisement for their suicide assistant clinics are like, it's nuts. I hate to say this. It's like kind of pro. I got to pick up. I'm, oh, you're good. You're pro? Your pro is a suicide? Yeah, dude, I think it depends on what you're, if you're

proven to have a good mental state. Like, you should have to go through psychological exams where they prove that you're okay to kill yourself. Because, like, at the end of the day, it's like, I do think it is, it's my libertarian side coming in. I think you should be able to kill yourself. Because, like, in theory, okay. In theory, you should, but I just don't think the government needs to,

any government should, like, be assisting people on this. Well, who else would you have, like, a, you're saying it should be, like, a private company? It's, it's, it's, no, Dante's suicide clinic. Nothing. It should be preventative because, uh, there, um, everybody, like, so, there's so many stories of people who, like, try to kill themselves and failed. And all of them are like, I wish, I, in the moment that was falling, whatever, like, I, I, I immediately regretted it.

Right. So, like, to, to encourage that makes me think, okay, like, they want people to do it. I don't even think it's, like, a safety thing. I think it's like, we would rather, we want, if people are going to kill themselves, great, let's help them out. Because they have to invest money in that. So it's a lot of money. I get what you're saying. You know what I mean? Like it's not like, okay, we're just trying to help people out. It's like, no, we're investing money.

What's the, the MO behind that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The prerogative is to lower the population and have, like, hey, you want to kill yourself, great. We'll do that for you. Well, why are you getting involved? Why are you, it's, it makes it, it's like they're encouraging it. Right. It shouldn't be encouraged.

It should be. They are encouraging. It should be such a hurdle. Oh, of course. They told this. If those establishments exist at all, they're encouraging it. Because I have really mixed feelings on this. Because I get what you're saying.

But also, to an extent, it's like if you have terminal cancer, I think, or if you're one of those people that, like, my grandma had Alzheimer's, and I'm like, I think if she wanted to be like, I'm out of here. Because they're not, they're not fixing that anytime soon. You know what I mean? So if she wanted to be like, I don't want to go crazy and, like, attack my whole family. She didn't bite anybody or anything. But you know what I mean? She could have. She bit me.

She used her teeth a little too much. She's kind of dangerous. She grazed. She grazed. But if you're like dying and you're like, I literally, I can't live anymore. Yeah. That's the only time. But in the advertisement, it's like a 32 year old woman.

Yeah, yeah. Probably, probably single. And, uh, but, uh, no. Maybe they used a picture of somebody else. Like, they used a picture of you. It's like, I'm like, I'm like, Like, if you want to kill yourself But wouldn't you want to?

That's like my Instagram following on there. No, but it is, that's what I think. I think that's being too encouraged and it's too easy to do. But if it, it should be like super hard. Or you should have to have like a family member sign off as like if this is what you really want. Yeah. But you can't just be like rolling in because honestly if that was here, I would not be on this podcast right now. I'd be this morning.

As soon as I got that hangover, every hungover person just kills itself. We should make this a game show. It should be like the Ninja Warrior and whoever wins gets to kill them. Yes. We watch them compete. I want to see you really want to die. Yeah.

Because if you fucking give up, then it's like, all right, you quit her. Yeah, yeah. Kill yourself. Yeah, yeah. Don't kill yourself. Yeah, but if you really earned it, it plays like...

You gotta earn suicide. You got a American Idol where you got like the confetti coming down on you. Let's play that song. Confetti comes down. You just go up. Yeah.

Just a trap door Trops down in the way Kelly Clarks into like a vat of lava. Yeah. That would be awesome. I don't know. Can they make lava like in a laboratory? Because that's kind of sick.

Yeah, I'm sure you can make a lava but like what they... They can make a human in a lavatory. This is true. They could probably make lava. Yeah. I want a house with fucking lava on the outside.

That'd be fucking badass. You want a moat? Yes. But not like genuine lava. You're like living like bowel. We come to do the podcast We have to like go over a fucking bridge No, you go to defeat Bowser

And it's just Michael good It's like the nicest guy Crab walking I think I'm for you in Asia But you should also decide how you want to kill yourself That's true too You should be able to like take a car

Like you're like you want to take a fucking Camaro in a garage Put the door down Blair some 80s metal And drink liquor and just gun it Because, like, that's how I would do it. Dude, just like, fucking, what is that? Is it a hot tub time machine where he's doing motley crew?

Yeah, yeah. That's the way to fuck it. I 100% agree. If I went, that would be the way. Yeah, or a motorcycle with, like, a noose on my neck. And then just, like, it's so intense. It's intense. Yeah, yeah.

I always thought when I was a kid, I was always like, if I ever wanted to kill myself, I'd then just become Batman and just like, you know how to do suicide by cop, but use it for good. Like a suicidal superhero. He's like, I don't even want to live. but that's why I'm not afraid to die. Yeah. They're just crying in the middle of fights.

No one likes me. I'm just going to amount to anything. That's great. Because there is a level of like, I mean, Batman's like jumping from building the building. It's like you have to have some level of people argue that like a lot of, people argue this a little bit about like the military and like the Marines where like a lot of like a lot of those people going in. have to be semi mentally unstable because you're risking a crazy amount. Right. You're really risking your life.

So it's like there is a weird fine line between suicidal and, uh, I don't know, like Travis Pristrana or whoever those motorcyclical guys are. You're basically saying anyone in the military is sad. The whole cast of jackass. I mean, I mean, the guy's taking a motorcycle and like jumping it off like a giant. Yeah, those guys. Yeah, I agree. There's some wrong with those kids.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, drugs, but yeah. Lots of, lots of drugs. Right. But yeah. But yeah, I don't know where, uh, yeah, I don't know. I have mixed feelings.

As I said, like, if you're, like, on the verge of, like, what's it called? Like, if you're, if you're dying, then... Or, like, if your clips aren't doing well online. Yeah. And you're like, you're saying it. You're like, dude, I'm fucking bungee jumping. How about this? How about this?

I can't sell tickets to save my life. If you want to kill myself, you got to do a Facebook poll. And if you get enough votes to kill yourself, then you can do it. If society agrees, you're like, this person's fucking into a way. You know, it would be funny, though. Not funny, but I feel like it'd be so many. any comics that would, because everyone would just think it's a bit. Oh, you know what I mean?

Like if someone's like a teacher, no one's, even if they should kill themselves, no one's going to vote for it. Oh, yeah. But if you're a comic, like, ha-ha, it's so funny. It's actually get it to kill themselves. You did it. I feel like the thing, too, is a lot of people would probably pretend they're going to kill themselves just to see, like,

just for attention. They'd be like, I'm signing the paperwork. I'm signing the paper. Stop me. And then just nobody is stopping them. That's what's terrible about is. You can go and go there's signing the paperwork and no one's like, are you sure you want to do So like, oh, yeah, just sign here. Pay the fee. I think some kid had done it that was like in his 20s.

Yeah, no, the advertisement. Yeah, the advertisement for it. It's like a young person. That's what I mean. It should not be a young person. It should be like, like you said, like someone with Alzheimer's, like the oldest. It's not someone like eating their underwear in their garage. It's like a person who has like shit going on.

The thing I never understood about suicide hotlines though, it's like, like I'm for the idea of like a suicide hotline where you call and like, but I feel like most people who. Suicide hotline. What's so hot about suicide? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to take your toaster? Yeah, drop. Take the clothes off. Getting the baths up right now.

Should be the suicides not so hot. The suicide's a hotline with a sexy talky. What bridge is it? Ooh, GW, that's pretty hot. Ooh, you hate yourself. Daddy doesn't like you, does he? Daddy doesn't think you're good. How to fix that rope?

For your fat fucking body That's really funny If you gave it a few more years And just didn't take your insulin God would do it for you Do you think that the people running The euthanasia clinics Might start to acquire a taste

For killing people? Yeah I think you might Yeah You get a fix I think you might It's such a powerful thing I never thought about that

I think That's something You should have to do it yourself You should They shouldn't be administered I don't like that. I don't like the administrative.

It's a slow day today. Can we get some moments? Also I'm asking. Clear roundups. I wonder, yeah, because there's also got to be, I guarantee they just do it with like drugs, but there's got to be a guy there that's just like,

can we please use crossbows? Like there's got to be people that are too hyped on it. But also, that's also tough because that's also a great place for serial killers to kill people that already want to kill themselves. So it's kind of a tough

You could solve two things with one thing. Problems. Yeah. Imagine being in like the marketing department. Can you, I want to see like, I'm looking up Canada assisted suicide. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or the, the, what's it? Recruiting. Decruiting department would be a odd job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're perfect for this. Yeah.

Just looking at you makes me want to kill myself. So you'd be great. They walk right in the front door. They're going to see you sitting at the front desk. They're not going to think twice. We don't want these people changing their minds. We need someone like you.

One glance of you and we have a sure deal. Yeah. Yeah, that's a... How much does it cost? Free. It should be free, too. So there's this, the AP News article. Alan Nichols had a history of depression, other medical issues.

Yeah, I think if you have that, then you should not be able to do it. But none were life-threatening, 61 years old. He was hospitalized over fears he might be suicidal. He asked his brother to bust him out as soon as possible. within a month. Nicol submitted a request to be euthanized and he was killed despite concerns raised by his family and a nurse practitioner. His application for euthanasia listed only one health condition as the reason for his request to die. Broken heart. You got locked out of his Netflix account. He was like hearing loss. Hearing loss is what he put down.

Hearing loss. Yeah. That's barely. That's not even a thing. Yeah. It's kind of nice. You don't have to listen to people. That is so funny that youth in Asia clinics are like what medical marijuana was. Yeah. Like, dude, just put hearing this. Literally.

Yes. You can just bake something up, man. You say you have glaucoma. Yeah. Anxiety. I got glaucoma. We're going to fucking glock you in the face, bitch. That's good.

Damn, dude. By the way, I thought for three minutes, I was like, glaucoma, Glock, just fucking, I didn't, I didn't land it, didn't stick to land. You know who did? Little Wayne. What do you say? He's got a rap lyric. What is it? I forget.

Nice. Something about a Glock. Put you in a coma. Something smoking glaucoma. I don't know. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm the director of Canadian Institute for Inclusion in Citizenship at the University of British Columbia, which, you know, not that good of school.

described, not exactly Harvard described Canada's law Is the Florida State University which is probably the biggest existential threat to disable people since the Nazis program in Germany in the 1930s.

What was the Nazis program? Yeah, what they did. It doesn't really say what they did here. The Nazis are like, are you a Jew? Except it. Do you sound? I don't know what accent that was. Joe sound, I am a

Nazi. This is the Argentinian Nazis. It would be so hard to have to drop the accent once you go to Argentina. No, I am totally from. Ju-Aju? Yeah, I am a... The salsa.

How is you're actually? It was Spanish. Where's the... I just want to find this headline for you guys. It's the funniest headline I've ever seen. All right, sorry. I don't think I can find it. Nazi Germany.

Nazi Germany. How did... Yeah, they're... There's still got to be some alive, right? Didn't they find a guy recently who was like a Nazi? Oh, some Nazis alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, definitely.

I mean, you could go on Facebook right now. Yeah, I don't mean that. Join a group and meet up with them tonight. I've been old school guys. Oh, the O-Gs, as I would call them. Just some got to respect. The classics. I just imagine, like, the movie that departed, but it's like...

Yeah, Nazis. Yeah. Somebody was joking about it. I think... I don't know if I created this idea, but like, the white supremacist It's so funny that they're Nazis, because they're also homophobic,

and for them to like the Nazis is weird, because, like, those guys are so, like, effeminate in a way, you know what I mean? So it's weird that, like, a redneck in the south with, like, no teeth would align with, like, a German guy. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They are getting together. Yeah, we're going to have an orgy,

and they're like, no, we don't do that now. Yeah, yeah. All right, so this is, this is the headline. Disabled Canadian Army veteran, Paralympian, blast government for offering to youth, her when she complained about how long it was taking to install a stair lift in her home.

She's like, the stair lift is taking it while. They're like, well, you could just get it. That's insane, dude. That's so funny. You send me that article. That's funny as fuck. Dude, Canada's crazy. Wild. And it was, yeah, it was always that place where you're like,

oh, there's no trouble there. Yeah, I always thought like I could escape. I was like, yeah, yeah. If anything goes bad, it was good at Canada. And now you're like, no. No, no, yeah, yeah. I think they want to come here. Yeah, absolutely. And also has always been misleading because there's always that free health care thing

where it's like, oh, they have free health care. It's like this is like a utopia or whatever. But then I like met some, I went to Montreal a couple times and like met some people and they're like, dude, it fucking sucks. Yeah, you go to the hospital. Like, you just have like a cold. And they try to kill you at the hospital. They try to kill you at the hospital.

Yeah. This is actually a sneeze. And they're like, I will say in regards to the assisted suicide, there is a girl. I met from Canada this year and we went out

a good time and she went back to Canada and then she stopped responding to me maybe you know Sandra Lake well no maybe maybe she didn't ghost me maybe she's a ghost she's a ghost she literally ghosted me

it is funny this is actually I feel better about this yeah I'm in on you know yeah yeah yeah if a girl if a girl stops talking to you in Canada you're just like oh she killed herself. Then she's still posting Instagram stories. You're like,

her friends must really miss her. They're not taking this slightly, I guess. Oh, man. It's also like, it's such, I have, I feel better about the entire,

I do feel better about this. Because this girl was not texting me back. Now I'm not. It's a chance. Maybe, maybe she, yeah. Yeah,

but Canada doesn't strike me as a particularly packed place. No. Longer they do it, so gone, no on it. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, They're trying to get ahead of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, they're like, you know, what, it's pretty cold here. People probably get depressed as shit. You would think China would be doing this. Well, China, they don't ask. That's a good point.

They show off. They're assisting suicides in a lot of ways. Yeah, yeah. That's the weird thing, too, is like, I always, I don't know how many people, how helpful, like, a suicide hotline is. Because it's like, you call, and then somebody's like, don't kill yourself. But it's, like, how many people that want to kill themselves actually call a suicide zero?

Zero, right? Because you're like, no, I want to. do this. I don't want to live. You're like, I don't want to live, but maybe I do, so let me talk. In case some person making $4 an hour can convince me otherwise. It's also kind of... Have you tried, by the way, just to say, I have tried to talk somebody out of suicide, and

you're grasping for straws. You're like, ice cream's great, there's roller coasters. I've really said this to people. I did talk somebody out of it, and they said that that was, like, helpful, but I'm like, it's so fucking like... You talked somebody out of suicide? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you worked for the suicide hotline? No, no, I just... It's a long story.

My buddy was like, this girl's really suicide. I don't, can you cheer her up? And then he sent me, like, her phone number. So I was, like, 15, and I'm texting her, I'm like, roller coasters are cool. Just like saying stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ice cream's sick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just landed in Ollie. Scrillix just came out with a new album. Things are looking at, like, it's like, I don't know. Cold play. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not saying it's like life sucks, but it's like, I don't know how they're trained on it.

Like, I feel like half of suicide hotlines has to be telling people like, hey, you know where you should kill yourself in a public air? Like, you have to trick you probably trick people. Don't just kill yourself. Give money to the establishment. Yeah. That's all it is. Is it like, we, these people kill themselves, we gotta make some money out of this.

Well, do you think there's advertising and marketing and marketing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Like they just start telling you the reasons to live. It's like Coca-Cola. Yeah. A nice refreshing glass. Nothing would make me want to kill myself. more, I think.

You shouldn't kill yourself, but if you're going to use a toaster, go to bed, bath, and beyond. Great deal. Use promo code. Kill my... Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

For sure. But yeah, it's crazy. I wonder if that will come here. I don't think so, though. No, no. No. There's not yet. It could be like a states issue, which will be hilarious.

Yeah. Because there's going to be people like, these fucking fascist in Texas, you have to, now you have to drive. To go kill you. yourself. Four hours just to just to kill yourself. It's also so funny because it's weird

that I understand the government assists it but it's a pretty easy thing to do yourself. You know what I mean? It's like you could just do it. Yeah, I guess maybe it's free.

Yeah, I don't know. Walking in front of the train is pretty free too. Yeah, but I think it's excruciating. For sure, yeah. Dude, I know, I know a homeless guy that like, he's like, yeah, man, he's missing like a leg in an arm

and I'm like, he's like, yeah, I know I fell in front of the train. I'm like, there's a 0% chance. I didn't say that to his face. but it's like there's a zero percent chance that like like the amount of people that try to kill themselves in front of a train and don't like actually most of the people so my friend's a cop and he works on the overnight like mTA whatever and he has he would show me a video of this guy like falling on the tracks multiple times and it was just a guy that was blackout drunk and he's like most of the

times when they like people think these people are murdered it's just someone who's so drunk like he'll watch the videos it's just like they're by themselves they're just like swerving and fall on and they're too drunk to like get back up that's why that's why you're like if I ever become like loaded, I'm gonna have bodyguards just to like handle me when I'm really Yeah. That's like a move. Just be able to like just when you're getting drunk as hell. That's a good aspiration.

Yeah. It's a good thing. I'm gonna be so famous, but also my life will be falling. I know that I'll never not be getting super fucked up. Yeah. So I have to be successful to have a buffer of bodies around me in case I fall on the train. It's also I don't think a level of fucked up that any of us would get. I think it's kind of a.

Remember the K2? Yeah, yeah. When people were, like, smoking spice. This was like in 2018 in the summer and people were falling on the tracks. Really? crawling on the tracks. Yeah, they were calling it epidemic in the city. I was watching New York One.

I smoked a lot of K2 back in the day. Oh, yeah. You could buy it at like fucking 7-Eleven. Yeah, he didn't show up on a drug test. And like, I remember, like, as a kid, I'd be like, this is the healthy stuff. No, thank you. I'm not going to smoke marijuana. You could buy K2 at set 11 and get arrested for selling weed outside.

Yeah. That's the same. Crazy. What a lot of time. Yeah. Nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember because everybody would have a seizure and then everybody would be like, it's part of the high man.

And you're just like, this is terrifying. Speaking, I remember, yeah, I don't think I ever smoked spice, at least not intentionally. But I remember I was like in high school, I was dating a girl. And she was like, she's like, yeah, we just spoke spice. We're all like shaking and vibrating. Yeah, yeah, dude. Your eyes, do you remember when I was a kid, I smoked spice? We went this park, we got a smart water bottle of bong, covered it in tinfoil and just smoked a ton of spice out of it and then drank four locoes.

It's just like the most dangerous thing. And then we would get on, like, long boards and just, like, ride around the neighbor would just, like, show fun. That's some fun. Yeah. I had a substitute teacher who had smoked spice with students. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Me and my friend when we were younger would smoke tea because we were scared of weed.

So we let's work our way up. Just smoking me would smoke tea. Obviously, I smoked parsley one time. I was smoking tea when I was in, like, sixth grade. I'd go to his house. I was smoking tea sounds worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, way worse for you, probably.

I mean, it doesn't get you high, but it's way worse for it. Yeah. I mean, just the language of it, smoking tea. Yeah, smoking tea. What is tea? Like, dude, tea. Like, what does tea stand for? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've actually heard this, that in the, somebody who's talking about it, in the gay community, uppercase tea means meth.

It doesn't mean transgender. Like, so one guy accidentally texted uppercase tea, and this gay dude showed up with just a bag of crystal, and he's like, why is meth is a thing in the gay community? Yeah, I don't know. It's fun. Well, it's LGBT. I'm lesbian gay

I've heard meth I've heard it keeps your dick like walk hard dude do you think that's a this is a stretch here

but it's like it's like the capital T it's meth and they just get so high they're like oh

their dick off I was so on meth I fucking tore my dick off last night I'm oh tea yeah it's just

but I've heard it's a weird thing it gets your dick very it's like I've taken Adderall it does the opposite makes it hard to get hard but apparently men can get your dick like rock hard nice

that's a big my dick's harder than yours yeah I mean like honestly like you're not doing enough man like you ever

like you're with a girl and she was like oh you drank too much you're like, there's one second. You pull out. She's like, what do you do? I'm like, I'm smoking tea, you dump it. I think the vibe,

I think the second I'm smoking meth, I'm throwing on some like a Venn Sheffinfold and taking the mattress and putting it on the floor. Even if I have a flat, I'm like, no, we got to fuck it. If we're doing methamphetamine, you got to do methamphetamine. Dude, I would take dabs, like, back in the day.

And that was like the, it felt like you were doing crack. Yeah, yeah. Like dabs always always like, because it is just weed, but like you use a fucking the fire thing. I think you're bad for you. It has to be bad for you. Like, it's good. It's good. It's good. You can get seizures from it. You can get seizures from it. Well, it's like butane. Yeah. You're like smoking like gasoline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember one time. This is anti-dab. Pro suicide anti-dab podcast. I remember one time. I don't, please do not kill you. I was at the, I was the summer in Tampa and I went to the university, uh, like to hang out for like a day with some friends. And they were like in their apartment or one of

apartments they were like smoking dabs and we went in there and it's just cloudy and like a bunch of like white trash looking motherfuckers and they were blasting i hate everything about you what is that like why it's like uh three days grace or something like that and uh blasting like that type of music like god smack they're playing god smack yeah and uh and just doing dabs and i was like this is the gross the grossest thing ever it was a fun time though Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so high. I was, like, scared.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's always, it is. I don't know why I put myself through that. Whenever, why would I do, I didn't even like doing it then. Whatever you do a dabs in somebody's apartment? That's are bad.

They always have, they're bad. I haven't done one in years. I'll never, I had no plans I'll doing any, again. You also do a little like, you know,

everyone goes to the rotation and you just get so high that you're like, I shouldn't be using a fucking. Tor. You feel like you're doing crack. Yeah, yeah. You feel like you're doing something.

It feels like heroin. It'd be like heroin. Like what's like tools start coming in? I know. I like a weed gummy. Give me a gummy. Gummy. Yeah.

And also the environment becomes like almost like hardcore druggy. Yes. They're playing godsmack. Yeah. And there's always one guy. The least chill like music. And then people start playing video games. And then you're just going to see like fucking fast food rappers all over the fucking house.

People are like zonk. Ashes everywhere. Like it's basically too. Yeah. I don't know if you could be. It's like an opium death. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're just like out of the food man chew in the corner. It's like old school. Yeah. That would be,

I would love to see my dad walk in on like me and my friends doing dabs be like, oh, this is exactly what I thought marijuana. My parents, I know, me like what those were he's like, this is what they do. I think if your parents walked on you,

you smoke a dab, they would put you in, it should put you in rehab. Yeah. Like if I was like a parent, because that was not around when they were kids. Like, if I walked out of my kid doing that,

I didn't know what it was, they would be in rehab like that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would wake up in rehab the next day. Coke looks, way better. Way better. You know, aesthetically.

The marketing around Coke much better. Oh, it's like low house music in the back of like a limousine. You want to talk about that. That is the most false advertising. Massively. Hollywood cocaine is like the ultimate false advertising campaign.

For cocaine. When I think of cocaine. It's so hot and sexy. It's not just some guy in a bathroom like, I got a shit. Yeah. It should be. It's cocaine.

I think of people wearing like suits and like New York and their back of like a black car and they're like just doing a little bump off like a little spoon that they have specifically for cocaine and it's like just a little bit and going to dinner and lap like like it's a very sophisticated it's like an appetizer yeah a nice meal yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly it's caviar for the nose yeah that's how i think of it yeah but what it really is is your buddy talking about the CIA while putting on like yeah yeah yeah or or what are your friends like i think you really got a shot man I really believe you that.

Or the worst, there's always, when everybody does cocaine together, everybody's so excited about a different thing. Like, I remember I did a bunch of cocaine one time and made people watch a two-hour-long documentary on Greg Geraldo. And they just didn't even, it was like 8 a.m. And they were like, one guy's so excited. Like, you give somebody like the Apple TV remote on Coke. And they're always trying to put something on it, like,

nobody wants to fucking see besides them. Nobody's ever bonding over the same thing on Coke. No. Besides getting, doing more cocaine. Like, oh, this is what we want to do. But you'll be with like three people talking. but you're all having separate conversations to each other.

Yeah, yeah. You're just waiting for your turn to hop in. Yeah, yeah. You're like, right, dude, and then just say, not a separate thing. Yeah, I agree completely,

but also, yeah, and then just something's unrelated. The best for me now is, like, if I'm drinking, going out, like, the only thing, like,

instead of, like, I want to get drugs, whatever, I want to get food. Yeah, you're getting food while you're, like, drunk

or, you know, if you smoke a little bit, whatever, is there's nothing better than that. Like, I'd rather, like, if we're like, okay, you have $60, we can

either go get cocaine, or we could like get some food and fucking chill. Give me the food and chill. Also, this is maybe a little sounds creepy, but I actually enjoy watching drunk people eat sometimes. There's some great drunk eaters. You know what I'm talking about?

This is so out of left field. I'll get really drunk with a friend. We'll order pizza. I think of watching people do that. You can't even pedophile stuff? This is disgusting. This is the gross. There's like the drunk.

People eat? No, like when someone's blackout drunk, them eating is one of the funniest. It can't be because their eyes are closed. Yeah, they're just... I put milkshake on top of a burger and eating it like multiple. Oh, what? Steak and shake. Steak and shake is very good.

Bro, steak shake. They got a new thing in steak, by the way? When was the last time you went? You put milkshake on top of a burger? What does that? You put burgers in French fry? French fries. I don't know, sorry, French fry and your milkshake?

Yeah. It's just the next level. But you pour the milkshake on top of a burger? That's gross. It's disgusting. I might have to get Shake Shuck. Dude, Stake Chig now has a burger that's a garlic bread on top of it. Like, the bread is like literally garlic roll.

And then you're eating. Oh, it's delicious. That sounds like that. Also, I don't know. But there's something. Stakea chick's great. I kind of, I want to you really fucked up in like a cheesecake factory, though. There's nothing about being in a booth that I love a good booth, dude.

Like I think it's weird that everybody has their, uh, because I was talking about being crazy out of control, like if I ever became wildly successful. My version of that is me at the cheesecake factory. on pills. Just like ordering like 10 things and then just being drunk and like dragged out. Just I don't know what. Just me. Just like I got catch up all my shirt.

Like you can do that now. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. You don't need to like do anything before that. But by do that. Yeah. But I love the idea of them being like he's in here every Thursday. Like I'm a slagely. They have to let me in. But I keep getting so fucked up at the cheesecake factory. Just taking Xanax and just drinking insane amounts. pouring a milkshick on top of a

Yeah You guys have changed This used to be a good spot He used to be able to do whatever you wanted here And every week they have to let me back in Because he just brings up The stuff Yeah

Yeah Nobody else is People come to see you get fucked up Yeah Yeah Yeah People go to Thursday Just see you take a pill

Yeah Yeah Yeah smack the thing out of his like, because you're like, that damages your brand though. For sure,

but it's also kind of a bad brand. It's all about the brand. I think you make that the brand. Bad boy. They come up and you're like, get a real job, you fucking loser. There's a great one of Quinn Tarantino,

dude. What does he do? With the TMZ guys, I'd like, yeah, if the cameras went on, I would fuck you up, right?

Yeah, I'd fuck you up, huh? That's amazing. So good. It's also, like, there's something funny about, like,

all these things. celebrities saying to paparazzi or video people like get a real job because it's like you literally don't have a job. We're going to bank, you loser. We're about to wrap up. What do you guys want to promote? The assisted suicide.

Canada's youth in Asia clinics. Yeah. If I can, you know, listen to the morning good podcast. Yeah. It's the best. Yeah. You can go back. We've done the Me and Dan, we're on an episode before. So you go back. I think I'm going to be in Florida doing some shows soon.

Oh, so yeah, this is coming out tomorrow, by the way. Oh, yeah, I'll be in Florida doing the shows soon. So follow me on at Dan Mancarnie. Where are you in shows? I'm thinking I'm going to be in Tampa. I think I'm going to go to Miami. And I'm looking at maybe even Tallahash or I think we got listeners in all those cities. Let's do it. Come to shows. Yeah. And Instagram's again? Yeah, at Dan Mancarnie. Jake v. Comedy.

Perfect. Thank you. Have fun. Happy to hear.