Morning Good - Come Fight This Gorilla - Episode 110

Episode Date: August 28, 2022

Thanks to Jason and TJ for coming back on the show. Make sure to check them out and give them a follow to stay updated with everything they've got going on.You can find Jason on Instagram @jasondcomedy, and TJ everywhere @teejfrancis. Also if you're in NYC, come out to Jason's show Tall Boyz Comedy at Greenpoint Beer and Ale Co. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Jason David, writer and creator of She-Holk attorney at Long. Yeah. It's popping off pretty good. I haven't seen an episode yet. Is it good?

It is. You haven't seen an episode of what you wrote? No, I don't really. I don't like the self-critique. Are there some people to do that actors? Are you, are you angrily blogging about Sheehulk somewhere? Just be like, they totally misrepresented the character. Wait, what even is this?

You just mentioned it. We're also here with T.J. Francis. Hello. Brock Turner, Defender. Mm-hmm. Yes. He saw the circumstances and he went, I don't, I mean, what did he, if he did something wrong, then what does that mean about what I did?

We are monsters. That's bad. Dude, that is the funny thing. I saw some article on, like, Twitter. It was like, hey, by the way, Brock Turner just moved into this neighborhood. He's going to the local bars. Everybody keep an eye out. Make sure he doesn't go home with women.

Like Megan's list, but for rapists. Yeah, but it's just so funny. You got a knock on every door. Hey, I'm Brock Turner. Just want you guys to know. Who are you? Just look it up. Just Google that name and the only results that will come up. You will understand why I had to do this. But I think, too, is like the idea that could you imagine him going to a bar and actually trying to hit on girls? Just trying to flirt.

Yeah, you're like, no, you're Brock Turner. Absolutely not. You're a fucking monster. You know he opens for Bill Cosby? Really? Yeah. That'd be awesome. Yeah. I don't know why I picture just like a show and people are all like watching Brock Turner swim laps in the pool because he was like a swimmer. And then after that, he goes, all right, guys, thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

As he's drying off. You guys ready for your headliner tonight? Fuck yeah. Brock was good. No, I can't do Cosby. I don't even know what that was. Can you try that one more time though? That was good. Whatever it was. I like it. Sounded like an old lady getting fingered. What's Bill Cosby, if not that? Bill Cosby. No, that's...

Yeah. You were just doing Fat Albert. Yeah, that's all I could... Isn't that just his voice? Yeah, but like... Or it's a character he plays. Yeah, Seth McFarly. It's like, oh, I could do a great Seth McFarley.

You used to Stewie. Like, that's not the same thing at all. But yeah, yeah, yeah. So keep an eye out of here in that neighborhood. I don't have the neighborhood listed, but, you know, keep an eye out for Brock. He did time, right? He did his time.

How much time? Two months. Did he really get? I think it was just however long it takes to go around the prison and high five everybody. I think it was literally like three months or something like that. Jeez. It was like nothing. But then he just got out. But he has to lie about his name because first off, every Brock.

Because if you say Brock, it's like, like Brock Turner? And he's like, yes, like that. I think Lesnar more than Turner. Lesnar? Because you're thinking of hot bodies as far as you do? Why not think of mass and hot bodies? Yeah. I like big, big fellas.

Well, because he doesn't look like Brock Lesnar. Yeah. What? I don't even know. He's just a blonde kid. I don't even know what he looks like. Oh, I know so much what he looks like. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, his mug shots everywhere. Yeah, but like I, those things, man, you hear about him for a while, and then I'm like, all right. Well, yeah, you're not continuing to look up. Right. I don't know. Just to make sure I don't see him around anywhere. Let's keep the old picture fresh in my head.

Yeah, there's the one picture of him you've seen everywhere. Where he's like, uh... Behind a dumpster. No, no, no, no. this guy. Just him curing out. Kind of looks like T.J. You know, he actually does look like a comic.

Oh, he is a comic. He's doing mics now. Yeah. That was the one place where he'd be accepted. Yeah, I don't know how they would do. I mean, obviously. Free speech. Brock Turner just gets on stage.

Free action. Honestly, is that punishment enough? Like, having to sit? I mean, not for raping a woman. But like, he just, okay, you're out of prison, but you have to sit through two hours of the grizzly bear open mic every day. That is cruel and unusual punishment.

It's against the Geneva Convention. Is that, was that in there? I don't know. It's torture, baby. Torture. What's up? The Geneva Convention is about torture.

Right, and that's where we decided the cruel and unusual punishment thing. No, that's the Constitution. Oh, so we were ahead of the curve on that. Yeah, we should ignore both of those. And then you just started waterboarding Muslims. Yeah. Yeah, that's why you take them to Cuba.

There's no Constitution there, duh. Oh, smart stuff. Wait, Guantama Bay's in Cuba? Huh, I didn't know that. Jason's a nerd, man. No, it's not. Jason reads a lot of books. It's a big nerd.

It's in Cuba. Guantanamo Bay is not in Cuba. Can you look this up? Are you sure? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm like 95% of yours. Not in Cuba. Let's talk about, like, fun stuff.

No, no, no, no, no, no. What are you talking about this? This is all Michael talks about it. It's just shit that the government is up to in Brocktona. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got two speeds and she Hulk attorney a law. What is that? What is that?

The fourth time you mention that. Is that a show? Don't worry about it. I'm just going to bring it up again a fifth time. So it's... Did you show about Brock Turner on Guantanamo Bay? Let's see. Guantama Bay is not in Cuba.

And Jason David is a fucking dumbass. Yeah. Damn. What's that? Right there at Wikipedia? Yeah, yeah. I know it is in Cuba. Yeah, you're right.

Good job, Jay. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, you fucking one for one. I call you the Jamie podcast because it'd be better if you shut up and just look stuff up. That's not nice at all, dude. I thought you were complimenting me. Oh. So because you ask, She Hulk attorney law is the new Marvel TV show where it's like the Hulk, but she's a lady and she's...

Green? Yes. She's green for real? Why? She's a Hulk. What color do you think she'd be? Well, you fucking stupid idiot. You said like the Hulk.

I don't know. Maybe she was like pink because it's a girl. Oh, like a lady Hulk. I think there was a mad TV sketch. It was like the gay Hulk. The guy like wake up. He's like, oh my goodness. Yeah.

That's hilarious. But still strong as hell. Just like a very brolicy gay guy. Oh, yeah. Just fucking yoked. There's a lot of those. I used to live in Hell's Kitchen. There's a...

And that's a huge, like... T.J's like, there's a lot of those. I used to live in Hell's Kitchen and I was in way better shape back. No, I... There's a lot of, like, buff, ripped, like, clearly on tea type of guy. Like testosterone.

Oh, yeah. They're getting injections every day. Jacked, dude. No hair on their body. Fucking hot, dude. Yeah, yeah. This one gets like old gay dudes. Like, I always swing by him and like, come on.

Oh, yeah, old alcoholics. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of a sad scene over here. Oh, this bar over here? You know I lost my ID here once? Dude, one of the... Yeah, you know I lost my identity at that bar. And then my consciousness.

This really nice guy named Brock. One of the last nights of me drinking was with you around this area and I got in a fight like right down this road. Not a fight really, actually. I just tried to get into somebody's Uber. And he threw me to the ground. That was over here.

And I never told anybody. You told me that a couple days ago. Well, I haven't like that night. I just went home. I just got up and left I didn't like You know what I mean? That's a horrible memory

So you just remembered Like trying to get into the room What were you supposed to do? I don't know Maybe go to Michael's house Like I was right here Yeah I told you I was leaving I know

I was like hey man We're heading out You want to go with you like Nah dude I'm gonna stay at the bar It's gonna be a good time Yeah There's a one bar

That's just smell like mothballs That place is horrible Mothballs I hate I've said this a thousand times I hate how every bar New York City is out Wait what?

Okay we're recording Um Every bar I freak out But every bar is like candle lit like it's such an annoying vibe, but that place was like very much just like the dim candlelit plays.

Yeah. Oh, that one down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one was like a dark dungeon. Right? Yeah. Which bar? And I was talking to the bounce.

I did that drunk white guy thing when you talked to the bounce. Brock Turner's Tavern? Yeah. That's what I was so pissed. I said, Turber's Tatter. Are you looking for a place

to go behind a dumpster or get that same vibe? Come to Turner's Tavern. I did that white guy drunk thing where you just talked to the bouncer forever. Oh, you're like your best friends. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, this is a tough job, but I get it. You got to deal with drunks all the time, right? They're the worst. Yeah. And the whole time, he's like, you fucking... Yeah, I did that the thing. I did that a lot. In college, I was thinking about the other day.

But that girl, I forget in college, I forget her name, but she loved me. It's a good time. A girl in college? Yeah, it was a bouncer. Who was a girl? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, she was...

Sounds like a woman. Big bitch. You think you could take her? She loved me. I would never fight her. if things went sour they would never her name was something funny

I forget what it was that's kind of a smart move because she starts breaking up a fight like some dudes will fight her but a lot of dudes will kind of be like I'm not gonna punch like I'm not gonna fight a girl but it is funny when you see a girl

try to break up a fight it's not funny but it's kind of funny which it just gets punched she's like I'll get in the middle of this and they'll stop fighting and then she just gets two people punching her in the face yeah you have to be one of at least one member

of the fight has to care about you in order to do that yeah yeah the other guy doesn't give a shit yeah I love seeing fights like when you used to barger whatever like just seen fights in the like fist fights dude I love it

but I love it honestly there are a few of the fights that I saw it on there were pretty one-sided like just like a guy like pushed into a dumpster and just like punched in the like not a lot of defense going on you know what I mean

pushed into a dumpster yeah what? Yeah and then Brock Turner pops out behind him what are you guys doing that? Hey hey hey hey hey this is my dumpster it's like Oscar the Grouch

he lives in a dumpster he calls it his love shack but So like pushed into the dumpster? No, no, no, like pushed against the dumpster. I'd say he literally pushed a guy over the wall and the guy's inside the dumpster and then he's punching him from outside and with the other guys. No, that's not what I meant at all.

But I could see why you thought that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was more like a sunny Corleone situation where he's just like fucking throwing trash cans on top of the guy and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, it's a good move. Yeah. Fucking some tough fights down there. You are the king of fights with the homeless. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like you've seen the wildest shit. Well, that's because, what's called, Ben's, like, the word. Like, that guy who kicked you, he was following, I was leaving the other night, and he's following me. And he goes, do you have a dollar? And I was like, nope. And he goes, do you have a cigarette? And I'm like, nope. And he goes, why are you following me as he's following me?

And I'm like, I'm not. And he goes, do you want to get fucked up? And I said, nope. And he was like, okay. And then he just left. That was a bad impression of him, though, because isn't he more than like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't trying to do an impression.

I was trying to convey the aggression. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I get very offended when people miss represent. They misrepresent. These are my buddies. These are my homies. The homeless guys?

Yeah, the homie. I like somebody called homeless people homies. And I like that. It's kind of funny. I mean, they're like more. Instead of unhouse people, you call them homies. That is a silly one, the unhoused instead of homeless. It's really like the same thing.

Literally, yeah. If you're watching the video feed, you can see T-Dade's Republican face. Come on. when he... Look at them changing these words, huh? I'm not. How about they call them get a job be?

More like no Christian values these, you know what are you pulling up now? You guys insert your own values onto me and then make me your character. Jason, that's what Jason does. Yeah, makes you the conservative.

I mean, he thinks everybody's a conservative compared to this liberal cuck over here. No, Jason is... I went to Tennessee with Jason. The shit he says off camera. dude in Tennessee. You're like, who boy. Yeah. I'm surprised.

Down here in real America. He's like, man, a lot of Chinese here in Tennessee, you're like, no, there isn't. He goes, oh, yeah, there's still too many for my life. There's zero here. Yeah, that was Jason. And then he throws it on me. You guys went to Chattanooga?

We were in Chattanooga together. Chadnugas, you go to the aquarium? I didn't know this time. I've been a couple times. Okay, it should make it sure. It's a good aquarium. I've never been. T.J. I didn't want to go. No, I wanted to go.

He said he was scared of the fish. I don't know. They just swim right at you, right? Yeah. Jason likes to make fun of me. Jason likes to make fun of me for being scared of things, but he's scared of different races. And it's very weird.

There was a day in Chattanooga where it started raining, and we were having plans. We were like, oh, we're going to go down to, like, this place where, like, the gym is and stuff where Jeff, like, he's like a member of a club where he can, like, sit and work and stuff, and there's a gym. And we were making plans to go.

And then it just started... Jeff, by the way, Jeff Grisbane. Jeff Grisby. Friend of the show. and we're getting ready to go and then it starts raining and T.J. is like, oh, you know,

we can also just stay here. Is there a basement somewhere that's safe? Well, it's lightning. What are we going to do? You're scared of lightning? I mean, it's not the, it's not ideal.

I'd rather than be sunny. Dude, we are kind of a dumb ass lightning. Like, we go like golfing when it's still lightning. Like, it would always be in, it's not even close,

they say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody would do that thing where you'd be like, you're like, okay, you count out it when you saw it. And then you're like,

all right, we're fine. seconds equal miles. What the fuck? God's working in that weird sort of plan. Have you seen X the movie? No, it sounds awesome. Is it about Arden?

No, that'd be tough. No, it's a slasher movie and a lady gets eaten by an alligator in it and I thought it reminded me of you. What does that mean? Slasher movie? It's like a boring movie. Like sliced up with knives and shit.

But it's also like a slasher's like, Saw wouldn't really be a slasher. I feel like a slasher's like, it's like there's one killer. There's like a maniac on the loose who's like lots of boobs. Yeah, there's. some titties.

Really? Yeah. Check it out. You know what movie I just saw? Talented Miss Ripley. Big fan. Good movie. I liked it.

Good movie. Yep. I never seen it. So I want to move on immediately. You never seen Talon to Mr. Ripley? No. Do you want a full summary? Sure.

Yeah. Matt Damon is gay. Okay. And then that's all TV. He saw. He saw, he found that out. He goes, what the fuck is this? And he turned it up.

No, I watched it. I finished the whole thing. I loved it. Oh, yeah. It's good movie. Yeah. Hot is hot in that movie. Hot in that movie.

Yeah, think of the hottest guy ever. That's Jewelaw. That's Matt Damon, though. No, he's the second hottest guy in that movie. Ooh. Also, the British guy's pretty hot. Is that why he went to Mars? Who's the British guy?

The guy who becomes his boyfriend? Peter? Yeah. No, he's not my type, bro. But he's ugly. Matt Damon's all gangly in it. Matt Damon's all gangly in it. And pale and shit.

Yeah, but he's skinny with the ass. Who's your gay dude? Like the dude, you're like, God. Honestly, dude, dude, Jude Law did it for me in that movie. He's very hot in that movie. He's really hot in them. Gosson's... Yeah, but he looks a lot...

He kind of looks like... No, I don't like Gosson. Oh, yeah, me neither, dude. Who do you like? That's who I like. I was watching a... Mamoa, maybe? Mamo is hot.

He's too big, man. Yeah. I was watching... He pulled me up like a pretzel. McConaughey. Maconohe and Daze and Confused. I was watching Dazen Confused last night. McConaughey, looking very good in that movie.

A pedophile, for sure, but looking good. Yeah. Have you seen Dazzing confused? Yeah, of course. Okay. You had no... There's no reaction on your face when I said that. Well, he, he likes the big, you like the rock.

You like big boys. Rock's too clean cut for me. Any more ruggedness. You really, Mamo is your guy then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who else is like, like, do you like Hemsworth? Yeah, sort of, yeah. What about Steve Austin?

What about Arnold? Yes. Really? Uh, nah. Jesse the body of Ventura. That'd be a weird guy. What about T.J. Francis? Yes.

Yeah, he's a hot. Yeah, he's a hot guy. See, I like doing this. This, uh, this portion of the podcast is to weed out. the homophobic listeners. There you go. I don't want them on the podcast. They turn it off now.

So you don't like like a George Clooney, like a guy in a suit type of thing? You want a big fucking rugged animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right,

well, there you go. I like the, I like those fellas. Well, Jude Law is like, because he's like, he's wearing nice clothes on the beach.

Yeah, he just looks classy in that. Also, yeah, he looks just that, that life of just, like, moving to Italy. He's just hanging out in Italy.

Yeah, yeah, that's sick. Good lifestyle. I want to buy a boat I'm going to Italy. TJ just wants to be fed grapes by Jewel. As long as he kisses me.

He's wearing like one of those like, what's it called? Fucking like. Speedos? No. Yeah, yeah, maybe.

But I was thinking more like those, like the cloth. Just like the Roman. Yeah, he's just got like drapy clothes on. Yeah, yeah, he's just. I don't know what's Roman and what's Greek.

It's all the same to me. He's on a sailboat with Jude Law. Just being like, we have to get back for tea with the prime minister. Oh, but you love swimming. You do love swimming. Yeah.

You do love your bays. Dude, how great was that scene when Matt Damon watches Jude Law and... In the shower? No, when he watches them through the boat thing. And then Philip Seymour Hoffman goes like, Tommy! How's peeping? So good. Yeah.

Philip Seamor Hoffman's really good in that movie. Yeah, he is. He's checking out. You know what else he's really good? What? In the ground. Oh. Is he dead?

Oh, rip, rip, rip, rip. Rip, rip. Me and Jake did this thing where we just said, rip, rip, rip. It's the condolence frog. Anytime somebody dies, you go, oh, rip, rip, rip, rip. right there we go

I showed empathy for it so we're good now Jake Timothy friend of the pod great guy what were we talking about before I like once again

no emotion in my face when I said that's general great guy who we're talking about before that Madden Kine

dazed and confused yeah Jason Mamoa do you want to talk about Jason Mamoa some more no you guys just want to talk about you guys

the rest of the pod that's really all I ever I was watching Predator the other day Have you seen Predator? No dude Arnold What is it about

Barack Traynor. They're just chasing Brock Turner around the woods. I don't like, just be like, we have to find this cool guy that we want to hang out with. Is Predator? I always forget, it takes place, does it take place on this planet or a different planet? It's in the jungle here, yeah. But Predators

takes place on another planet. What is Predator Arnold? You know, I used to love Arnold. I was really into lifting for a big part of my life, or not a big part, but it's part of my life. Now you're more to lifting cheeseburgers into your mouth. Yo, it's because I'm fat? Is it because I'm fat? Is it your logo? There we go. My logo's too. We're all out of shape.

No, I'm... You look good now. I'm ripped. Yeah, you look tight. You look good now. No, no, no, none of us look good. They only have the new Predator show, Prey. That movie's also good.

Yeah. I watched that, and then I went and watched O.G. Predator again. Have you seen Prey yet? You'll probably like that. I'm too busy watching. Are you hurt by he just said that we're all out of shape? No, whatever. Because I feel like you lift a lot.

You also get a fun to Fendipiddy. So I said the walk was funny, and you're like, that really hurt my feelings, man. Yeah, I'm very sensitive. That's so funny. But Jason has been on a plan, dude. He's been hitting deadlifts and squats and stuff, and I feel like you got offended by him saying out of shape.

Yeah, I know, what am I going to do? I had a bagel this morning, dude, I don't care. But I want to, are you offended? No, I'm not offended. Do you think you're in shape? I wear loose baggy shirts all the time. Who do you think is the most in shape in this house? Probably Michael good.

Really? There's no chance. Yeah. What? Or Big Ange? She hates that nickname. It's from, what's it from Housewives? It's from the mob wives show.

But I had forgotten about that. She remembered. Oh, okay. I run a lot. I run like two miles a day. I'll just see Michael sometimes just like running in like a fleece and just khaki shorts. Why?

I just remember seeing you. How do you see him run? I was walking around this neighborhood once. We were supposed to hang out and I just saw him walking with like a fleece on hands in fleece pockets and like these shorts just like going for a jog. That is see it like 20 minutes. That's such a funny. I don't remember this at all.

To be running in cargo shirts. I probably believed that it happened. It was right when you were going through one of your crises. Serious question? Why do you run? Like I know why it's good and whatnot, but like, I feel like it does. I'll go in like phases of like, I'm going to run. And then I run for three days.

I'm like this does nothing. He actually likes running. I hate running. My thing is, it cuts down my workout time. So if I can go for a run, I could stay somewhat healthy, which is good for like. I think cardio is good for mental health. I only run for mental health reasons. I don't give a shit what my body looks like.

Okay, that's fair. I like that. Yes. But then it does suck when you're doing it. Yeah, but if you go to the gym, it's going to take me 15 or 20 minutes to get to the gym. I'm going to have to check in. Wait for everybody in the machines. Check in takes the one second. Also the gym's a block away. He takes 15 or 20 minutes to get there. I did the gym. So you work out for mental health,

not your body. Correct. I think that's correct. Because I tried to work out for my body. I'm like, it does not. You got to eat better if you want to do that. And I'm not going to do that. Dude, I, yeah. Chick-fil-I exist. I'm microwavable meals. I eat garbage. I am garbage. And I will always be. You know garbage. You're a good guy. Dude, you're not garbage. You're wearing a bathing suit inside on a Sunday. You're doing great. And flip flops and a Staten Island comedy festival tuesday.

And he's been like, I don't know why I don't feel good. I had a sugar-free power ride before bed. 12 years. Six drinks. That's crazy. You only had six drinks. Yeah. You think that moderation management works?

In what way? I don't know. I remember you were telling me about it before I stopped. Yeah, because it kind of like just taught me how to like drink and slow it. For me, it helped a lot because that could never. That's the whole thing. But I don't know. That's just suck.

Like six drinks. drinks, because I feel like when we used to drink me and you, we didn't do it a ton, but when we did, we would drink a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the, you're the reason that that's the case. Maybe, I have realized that. Like, Brandon, I've realized he doesn't drink as much as I thought. I just thought he did.

Yeah, you're like, we're getting fucked up. He's like, I had two beers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were wasted, man. I guess so, maybe. I don't know. You guys have problems. You guys are.

You don't have a problem anymore. You quit drinking. I quit drinking until I relapse. I was talking to, yeah, Eli, about the conscience. of a free lapse where it's like you go to the doctor and they give you oxycontin, you're like free lapse. Oh yeah. It's just like I got my wisdom teeth out. They gave me oxycat and took all

20 in a day. So free lapse. That's the funny that plan never works. They're like oh, you have a drug problem. Just be careful with these opiates. It never, it never turns out, okay. It's like they need to find alternatives. I go to get my wisdom teeth out. They're like, you can have two conas.

Perfect. Yeah, we're going to give you five budlides. Don't. You're like what? Just you're an alcoholic? like, okay, you're going to love this. This is a treatment plan. I love conas. That kept me in the game for, like, two months. What did? Cona Big Wave, a beer? Oh, yeah, it's

a good beer. The best. I like it. I like it's just like, that's a beer with like a beach on it. That seems like it's marketed directly toward you. Yeah, yeah. I like Shocktop. I like, I like, I like, if it looks like fun and beachy, I like it. I mean, I drink coronas a lot. Are you from the beach in Florida? No, but I, I associate

with that lifestyle. So, the beach really is not a location. It's really a state of mind when it comes down to it. Which is why you're wearing a bathing suit. Yeah. I, uh, so, so no. There's a beach 40 minutes from us, probably 45 minutes, called New Summer to Beach, which is the greatest beach down in America. That's pretty close.

Yeah, yeah. So we would go all the time. Yeah. We would always be around water, though. So you can- That's funny because I'm like 45 minutes from a beach, too, but I do not. That's not. Yeah, but it's Jersey Shore is, are you from Morris down, right?

Yeah, but it's worth, like 45 minutes from like. Asbury Park? Yeah. No, that's a way for. further away. No. It's 45 minutes away? Oh, interesting. But I think it's also different because a lot of the beach in Florida, it's like, we're also, like, if you're in Central

Florida. That beach is only open fucking four months out of the years, the thing. Yeah. But it's also you're always on the lake. So, like, the lake in the beach culture get merged, because it's like, you're basically always on a boat. I'm a big, I love lakes more than... I like them better. Yeah, lakes are the, like, a big lake where you can, like, take out a boat and shit. I love that. There's no sharks. That's a big reason.

But then you got to worry about snapping turtles and snakes. I saw a shark in a lake. One time. Weirdest What? So I went to a wakeboarding game. Okay, I'm a pool guy. Yeah. Small ones where you can see everything. This guy were literally, we're putting the boat in the water, and I look down and I literally

see a shark's head in the sand. And I was like, what the fuck? And I guess somebody was using, they cut up a shark and just threw it in the lake. Oh, for chum? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was very odd to see that. And I was like, are there sharks in this fucking lake? And they're like, that's physically impossible.

I'm looking at one. And then if I saw like a shark's disembodied head, my first thought would be like, Damn. That was good. That was a good one. By the way, just to let you guys know, I will always reuse my own microphone that I farted on. Okay, thanks. I would hope so. I was worried.

That I think so. No, I think about it. Yeah, if I saw a disembodied shark hat, just in case you didn't, though. Or you'd be like, what bigger thing took the shark? Yeah, exactly, right. Yeah. Like, every seen that... Megalodon.

Have you ever seen that movie beneath Locke and S? No, but it sounds right up my name. No, but I saw Shark Nato. Is that good? Never seen it. It's not as good as she-Hulk attorney along. Do you want to talk about the show? I've been talking about it for like five episodes now.

But no, no, no. You're talking about the Loch Ness. What's that about? There's just a scene where it's like the actual lockness monster gets eaten by some bigger thing in the lake. And it's like, okay, so that, just that thing is, there's just two lockness monsters. Yeah. It's not like some other thing. No, it's still, yeah, the lockness monster.

Just a bigger lockness monster. Yeah. But Nessie's the one that like, right? That's what. Yeah, that's one that got eaten in the movie. And then there's like a bigger, scarier one. It's pretty good movie. That's so funny.

It's just based off like one picture. The whole. Oh, I think. I think the myth existed before that. Really? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Lockness monster?

Yeah. That's like the big foot of the ocean? Of the lock. Oh. What's the lock? It's a lake. Just a lake. They just called something different.

Yeah, they're pronounced it in the dumb Scottish way. It's not like a bigger lake. I'm going to the lock. To find the monster. To find the monster. Why are you coming on saying? What are you talking about? They had the Scooby-Doo movie about that, I remember.

Good movie. They ripped it off. Yeah, yeah. It's like a man. Like a giant. I don't remember what the ending was. There did end up being a lot. There did end up being a lockness monster.

There's always like Scooby sees it swimming. Yes. So the Scooby-Doo shows it's always like a guy with the park. But in the movies, the monsters. This is the one time it's a real. Have you ever seen a that? Louisiana one? That's a great one.

But then I rewatched it during the pandemic because I was clinically depressed. I was talking about this. I'm on the verge just wearing diapers. Like my reverting back to childhood is like, it's getting sad. You're watching She-Hulk and being like, this is a serious drama for adults. No, no, no. It was worse than I. thought it would be. But anyways.

But they have zombies and cat monsters in that movie, which is like a very, that's too much. It's a hat and a head. Yeah. Remember cat dog? Yeah, good show. Good show. Good show. Good show. What's your favorite cartoon is a kid? Probably SpongeBob. Spongrob still works. It's funny. It gets me off. Yeah, it's funny. Swindra's a funny show for sure.

I was asking, that was a word of said to you, you know that song at the end of the SpongeBob movie, it's like, Ocean Man, won't you take me by the hand? He thought I was going to remember. I was like, oh, right, it played during the ending credits. I was really... He was like, you've seen SpongeBob, ending credits?

It's a great song. I saw once when I was like nine years old. Yeah. Yeah, that shows good. That shows good. I like fairly odd parents. I grew up on a hentai and Simpsons born because I'm an adult.

You just grew up like... You never saw the... He's just, he never saw the Simpsons. When he eventually saw the Simpsons, he was like, oh, like the porn videos. Wait, they make non-porn these? That's great. They really ended the...

When did you start jerking off? like you started jerking him for like six. I was young. Whatever summer going into six. Whenever he was crying as a baby, his mom was like, alright. Whatever summer going into sixth grade is. I don't know. I'm so bad. I think that's 10.

10 or 11? Something like that. Oh, no, no, no. It's been 11. Yeah, I was 11. Right. But I jerked off for like a year before I could come. I thought the peeing afterwards was coming. So did I. Yeah. Yeah. Stop holding my hand, Jason. What are you talking about? He started. Make sure you fucking zoom out. But you can't revert back that. My favorite, I already I already talked about it. Reverat back to not coming?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be great. That'd be fantastic. As you could come, orgasm, no, no mess? My life has basically been ruined by the advent of, like, actual physical cum. Everything changed from that point on. Yeah, now it's a mess and, yeah. And you can get people pregnant?

F that, dude. Yeah. God, stop with the pregnancy stuff. Women should only have sex with 12-year-old boys. You only... Just every time you have sex with a woman, you're like, you've had your tube stat, right? No, okay, well, here's 50 bucks.

Go to plan parenthood. Go get that ticket. I was talking about all the last one, what are the weird things I fucked. there's a book inside like a What? One of the weird things I've had sex with.

Okay. You're not referring to one of the weird things was that you've had sex with. That's the sentence you just said. But the I mean, I've fucked like a Gatorade bottle before.

Did that feel nice? Sure. No, you guys never fucked anything weird? I got defensively like, come on, you guys. I fucked Kelly in high school,

but that's, because she's weird. She's weird. What's up, dude? There was this kids book, though. I was in a waiting room as when I was like 12 or 11. You just saw any crease and you were like,

oh, yeah. I'm thinking I can fuck that thing. Literally had a sock puppet. How many bodies you got? I mean, like, things are only people. As far as objects go? Look, empty staplers, I'm crushing. It had a sock puppet where you put your finger in as a worm. And I brought that in the bathroom. It just fucked it. And then put it back on the shell.

Wait, it's like a worm puppet. Yes, yeah, where you're supposed to put your finger in as the worm. But your penis was small enough to fit inside where a finger was supposed to be. Yeah, I don't know. Big Hogg, you were packing it 11, Jason. How old were, how old? Oh, this is when you were 11?

It was like a week ago. I was at my pediatrician's office. I was like, well, just leaving his finger puppets out for anybody. So we're supposed to fuck those things, right? You're walking like, are you going to, okay, yeah, okay. Sorry, I wasn't going to if you were going to. Like, someone had to finish the last, like, chip and salsa.

Yeah. Like, do you mind if I, can I? All right, we're going to need a semen, uh, we're going to need a semen sample. So just here's a fox sock bucket. Just, here's a worm puppet. I know you're very aroused by this. Yeah, if you need porn, we got Simpsons over there. We got Hentai over there.

Just coming to the sock puppet. Just Michael Goods, SpirPi. Just nothing is normal. All right, so we got Simpsons porn, hentai porn, midget porn, you pick. Whatever you're into. You're like there with your wife. So which of those three is your favorite? What do you think when you go to those porn clubbic?

They used to give you porn magazines, right? Like back in the day. I think they still do. But they might have like, what's your name? Yes. Any J. They work someone. And she said that they work,

you can go into like any room and they, you like have a screen on it. But there's just, you have an iPhone. You don't even need that. I guess so. Because they still have like, they still like DVDs.

You also have your memory, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the, all the fucking women have been. So like if you want to go into like a room and start thinking about, I don't know,

any movie, like talent to Miss Ripley. You can start thinking about Jew law. What if you go out there? You're like, yeah, I'll be back. You just bring a woman. You're like, I'm gonna fuck her.

And then I will come into the cup. I just have to do it. It's the only way I can... I can only have sex with 10 models. Yeah, I'm sorry. I just only come when I'm with perfect 10. But my sperm is worthless. Yeah, that's crazy.

Would she have to deal anything crazy from what you per? I gotta have her on, but... I don't know. I just know. I remember I was asking her one time, like, what's it like? And she just goes, you could go into a room and just jerk off and, like, they have a bunch of, like, shit. You can just, like, look up.

I think they might even have it where it's, like, you pick. it's kind of like a kiosk. You're just like, I'll go Asian. And then fucking thing. Oh, nice. Nice. And then it starts playing. Huh. And then you beat your shit.

And act like, like, like, unfamiliar with pornography. So you're like, so I just go, there's just sexually explicit videos playing in that booth of just, uh, human beings having sex. And I, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I, I masturbate to that. Oh, okay. I'm not familiar with the whole process. That'd be fun if you're telling him. You're like, listen, you know, that actually wouldn't be funny.

I want to move on. No, say it. Say it. Just fucking say it. I like the idea of your. you're like, because I do it like a lot of gay years that they said they would watch gay porn and then finish on straight porn.

They'd be like, no, I'm not. I'm not gay. That was a, TJ told you that in confidence. Can you cut that? Hey, that's not funny that it's actually a totally normal activity. Yeah, I don't get what the funny part of that one is. Seems normal to me.

That's got to be a while wrapping your head around that. Which part? Just you're like, well, I finished to straight porn. So I'm just saying that instead of just being like, I must be a little bit gay. Yeah. Because I really like the gay porn part of that. Yeah.

This is way better than the... You know, it's funny? I, um... Maybe like two months ago. Um, somebody tweeted, like, just something crazy happened on the A train. Hope everyone's okay. And I just got off the A train. So I wanted to look it up on Twitter.

So I just typed into A train on Twitter. And then everything that came up was just sex... Videos of your mom. Just like A train. Like A train? Like I just ran a train. Like I just ran a train. Super, uh, you ever see watch, uh, the Super...

show? The what? The boys? Oh, no, I never seen it. Oh, the guy's name is A-Train. Anyways. Everything that came up was like, just ran a train on this dude, and it's just a bunch of gay sex. Just a bunch of dudes just fucking... It's just, Google's like, well, based on your favorite, this must be what you mean by A-Train. You pre-order Top Gun Maverick weeks in advance.

So, we're just going to assume. Well, that was a great movie. It was a very straight, actually, very cool movie, so... You look like a a fucking idiot. You didn't see it? No. Really? It's very good. This is she-hulkaturnia law. The only thing you've ever. seen that and the boys. I was watching it's funny because I was like

all right, let's see how, because obviously Rotten Tomatoes gave it like an 87% and the audience score is like 55 or something like that. Yeah, well, because the people who are like rate on Rotten Tomatoes who are like people are like, I don't like there's a girl in the lead of the show. Oh, you're saying the people, yeah, but also the, to be fair, the people

that they're like, it's so great that it's a female superhero. Yeah, yeah, you get both ends of the spectrum. But yeah, I watched it and it's like so the one thing, I'm so annoying. Like the fact that I watch this ad. Also, you keep bringing it up. What? She'll look attorney a lot.

I don't even know what it's actually called. Is this like an after the show podcast and you're like mad at us for not having caught up on it? No, it's just a bad show. There's too much CGI with the Marvel movies now. I feel like it's like it doesn't even look like a person. Yeah, you're right. It looks like a cartoon. These baby movies aren't serious enough. The political themes aren't mature enough for what I'm

wanting at this point in my life. Yeah, they need, they need, uh, they need, uh, Then he bring back Deadpool, which I think they're doing. Hey, Deadpool's dead. You've seen Deadpool? Come on now. Do you like Ryan Reynolds? He's hot.

He's hot. He's hot. He's hot. He's not, but he's never seen Deadpool. Seems too into himself. You know, I've never, I'm not a big movie. Like, if you told Ryan Reynolds, you wanted to kiss him, he'd be like, of course you do. And that's just too much for me. You know what I mean? I like the confidence.

You like the confidence? Yeah. You're into that? I know he did a weird thing when he bought the rights to Deadpool like 10 years before he he just knew it was like a good character for him or something. Yeah, so he's like, yeah, I bought the... So he's like a billionaire? He must be really rich.

Doesn't he own a soccer team now with Rob Mechleheny? He's got all sorts of shit going on. Oh, yeah, he does. He does, you're right. That's crazy. Are they creating a new show about it? It looks like I saw like an advertisement. I don't know.

Yeah, I'm not a big, like, superhero movie outside of, like, Batman. I've never seen Deadpool. Did he like the Batman? The newest one? It was good. I didn't like as much as the other ones, obviously. Yeah. I don't know how you top Christian Bale.

Yeah, Christian Bale's tight. I like the 1930s one. Is there one? there's a French one. It's just the guy's in blackface for no reason. I'm Batman. I am the man of the night. This is scary.

It's not a white like us. I have got a criminal. I will kiss him into submission. Isn't France like really racist towards Muslims? Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't know about like person to person, but there's some issues with graphic. Jason just read a book on Napoleon so he knows everything about France.

We're kings, baby. Did you, Jason read it? I was like, wow, that guy's so tall. I want to read about it. I was actually like a totally normal height. Do you like... That's just, I'm just searching fervently for like his height was normal.

How tall are you? I'm 5'4. He's 5'4. I'm 5'7. He likes to say he's 5'7. Do you like, do you associate with shorter guys? Like, in a way that's cool. Like, for me, it's like, I'm not short.

I'm 5'10. I'm not like a fucking short loser. I'm not a short piece of shit. When you see like Nate Robinson win the slam dunk contest, are you like, that's fuck? I'm so, I'm so motivated. ever since you showed me who Hasbola was I've been getting like that guy's just living

a good life man you didn't know who Haswell it was not before you showed me that picture are you know he's awesome he's the best he's the best I do I do like short like it is I don't know it's always cool seeing like a short I like seeing like a short I like seeing like a short guy when Vern Troyer died I was like fuck you know he cried Oh really? Yeah drank himself to death really Yeah, but he had like three beers

That's there's somebody he's going to the doctors just like the medicine. They're like cutting everything like in half. How many, how many beers do you have a week? He goes like, oh,

like 10. He goes, all right, so like 20. That's such a good move. He's like, yeah, I just had a glass of wine tonight.

He just goes to the liquor store. He's like, can I have a pint? And they're like, yeah, sure. They're just give him a little airplane bottles.

Yeah, but I always do like seeing like a short guy with like a tall woman. It's always kind of fun. You know, I mean, like, this is cool.

Good for him. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I don't, like have any feelings about it. I mean, I love Chris Kimback. He's a short king. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he also, I think he only dates shorter girls, though. Yeah, he's trying, he's playing within his lane. Well, it depends what Andrew

Tate allows him to do. Yeah. He has to listen for Andrew Tate to tell Chris what to do and then he'll do that. I've heard a lot about Andrew Tate. He got kicked off the internet, but I don't even know who he is. You don't? He's a pickup artist? I honestly, he just came up out of nowhere on the internet. Literally out of nowhere

and all the sudden. He was huge, right? Huge. ginormous. Yeah, yeah. I think it's partly because people are making fun of him because he's fucking insane, but then partly people do like what he does. What does he do? He's just like, men should be able to cheat because we're men and we're this and you're like, all right, dude,

and then he just keeps... He's like a white, Patrice with autism, but I guess he also half black. You know his dad's like one of the best chess players in the world, which is so funny. That is funny. I really don't know much about him. I just know... He's definitely a piece of shit. He's, uh, what's it called? Like,

um... Red pill guy? yeah he's like he's like very like uh conservative in the fact of like women should be in the kitchen and men should be doing this i do like when people are like i'm conservative but that's just the only thing they care about is that i can cheat but women can't therefore i'm a republican that's like no but he's not even that's not even political yeah that's what i'm saying very unpolitical he's conservative in the fact of like we should go back to the 20s when women barely could speak and men ran shit he's an insal that gets pussy that's my favorite things people were like oh this guy's

probably hates women because he gets pussy. There's plenty of dudes who get tons of pussy who still like... Damn's Aalzerian? Hate women. Yeah, it's like not this like weird thing where it's like... Jason David gets pussy and he hates women. Seriously, you should hear our talk off mic. Yeah, I've been trying to bring... The, uh, I want to watch

the documentary about the, uh, the most hated man on the internet, have you heard of that? Oh. The guy did the U. Up website where he was just like, just having women's nudes just like hacked and then posting them online like with their personal information like a... Like insane shit. And this is... And then, but he was also just getting tons of...

So, yeah, who's the antagonist of this story? I think eventually he did, yeah. Like for hacking. Stealing women's person. But they entertain things weird because I don't know if he got a deep platform for being sexist and I think that's dumb because I'm like, I don't know, like, don't have him to make his own version of Info Wars,

which is probably going to happen. But he also could be like go-funding me. I haven't talked to you since the Alex Jones. I've in depth talked about it for like four hours now. Are you upset? About what? The Alex Jones thing? Oh, I think it's stupid. I think he should be fine. That's just how I feel about it.

But yeah. I think he's fucking out of his mind, but I don't think being out of your mind. having other people harass the family's it's your fault. I'm very, but that's just, I'm across the board.

I don't think Travis Scott should have gotten in trouble for his concert. I don't think. He didn't, did he? People are mad at him. Yeah,

yeah, I have no problem. I hate this whole, like, oh, this guy promoted this behavior and then now it's,

people need to be held accountable for their actions. So, like, if you do something stupid in the name of somebody else, that's not your fault. It's like the same thing

is like, dude, take off your socks, mid podcast, too. We got to let loose. In my mind it's the same thing as people blaming Islamic

extremism, like on, you don't mean like, it's like these specific people crashed a plane into the Twin Towers. That's their fault. It's not their religion's fault. It's whatever influenced these people. Like, I don't know. I know. No part of me by the way, I was like, I wonder if Michael has thoughts on this. You asked me, you said, how do you feel about it? Because I knew for sure that you would have like

thought about this a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Andrew Tate thing, I don't know much about though. Yeah, yeah. So I don't want to hop on it because he literally could be doing like a go-fund me to like have women's sex traffic. And then I'm like, he shouldn't be platform. But he's also, like, it's so funny to me that somebody like Chris loves him, because he's also... Is Chris actually love him?

Loves him? Because he's also, like, if you're 30 and not a millionaire, you're a fucking loser. And Chris is like 38, he's like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I don't know how old Chris is. I'm making fun of Chris a little bit, but I'm also, like, it is funny that Chris is a middle aged man, and he's like very into it.

I don't, no, no, I'm not making fun of Chris. Like, I'm whatever. I love Chris. I love him back. I love Chris came back. But it is funny because he is like this guy that like not a lot of people are like him and he's making fun of everybody and even the dudes who are not like him are like yes I like that is always so funny the people that like he's shitting on them he's like if you're unemployed and you're a loser like follow me but if you are that you're a fucking loser Chris just got an Uber Eats bike he's crushing it bro he's making investments in his

future but yeah I get what you're saying it's funny with like somebody hates their fan base base is like you're the best it's kind of like Tim Dillon Tim Dillon kind of does that yeah everybody listens to me is a fat pig and And they're like, fuck yeah, we are, dude. That's what with Tim Dillon, it's like, and everyone's like, oh, he's my best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I hate you. Yeah, yeah.

I thought, I thought people were joking about him back liking Andrew Tate. That's so funny. He, I think, I don't, whatever. I love Chris. I know, I love him too. You got very sensitive about making fun of him in the butt. Because I love Chris. I don't, I don't want to, like, make fun.

Yeah, exactly. If he was here, I'd say, because I would say, I said to us, I have said this. I'm like, you're crazy for loving him. And he goes, yeah, I know. See, I like him that says that he's funny. Like the same way you're like... Kim back or Tate? Tate.

Like the same way Alex Jones, like this is a funny guy. Yeah, they're crazy characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like this is like an absurd person. Like, you catch me outside girl. Like anybody he's like... Bad baby? Yeah, that's funny that people...

T.J. Lofs her. She has good songs. I haven't heard much... Oh, Gucci Fliplops is a great song. Gucci fliplops and... There's another one with Little Baby. I forget it. And Liliotti.

And Lili Fli Flaff is Liliati in it? Some, maybe. And then there's a one. with a little baby. I got to pee. You guys keep going on this. Okay. Jason, how do you think Michael Good is doing so far? I think he's doing okay. It's a little disorganized per usual. He's not like bringing a lot to the table as far as like things to talk. He just fucking keeps talking about. Wait, so anyway, earlier you were, you just out of nowhere you're like,

can I just tell you the top five races that I hate? That's what you said to me earlier. And I was like, I love them all the same. You're like, well, I just want to say the top five. I just want to tell you the top five. And I have specific reason. Yeah, yeah. That makes you feel better. Can you go ahead and tell me them? Number one, the Irish. Wait, what? Just a worthless blight on the surface of the country. I love them.

Number two. What else are you? Irish and German. Number two, the Germans. Sausage isn't a meal. It's a fucking side dish at best. You know what I mean? You think so?

Sausage? Yeah. I don't know. I know you love it. What's up? I also love sausage. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Number three, what else are you? Just Irish and German? Yeah. I think so. Italian? My, yeah. My Pistream is so loud.

I couldn't hear what you guys are talking about. But I assume it was about how organized the podcast is. Yeah, usually, I feel like you used to come in with like stories about like, oh, they fucking saw UFO in Canada. And we're just like talking about that for 20 minutes. It is so weird that you took your socks off. Because you have to put them back on. And now they're like wet and gross. Why would you take your socks off?

Does it bother you? Yeah, it does. It does a little bit bother me. I just saw Michael had his socks off. He looks so comfortable. Yeah, but because he lives here and he's wearing flip-flops. You have to put your socks back on and put shoes on. You're wearing compression shorts that are like five and a half inches longer than the shorts here.

Yeah, my dick is too big, dude. I gotta... I gotta put it in. He's got to keep it contained. Yeah, I do follow one of the funniest pages. It's a UFO sightings page. Are you bothered by me taking my socks off, by the way? I don't get a fuck.

No, but it's just... It's a weird move. Why? You can take your pants off. Oh, we can? Yeah. Yeah, you want to go shirts off at the beginning of this pod. Yeah, how would it be just three shirtless guys,

but wearing T-shirts, like, fully naked? Wearing shirts and shoes and socks, but no pants. Yeah. It just dicks out. Winnie the post. doing it. That's such a funny look. I've done that occasionally like my boxers will be in the dryer. Some walk here out of the apartment like a woman just long shirt on and no boxers. Like just, DJ has sex like that. You have sex is your shirt on? I don't want them to see my flabby body. You guys are so insecure. It's very funny to me. What do you mean? You guys care

I'm also joke. I'm joking. Oh, okay. But I'm not joke. You'll be funny. Okay, me and me and Jason fucked one time and I kept my shirt up. I don't know why. It's so bad. You keep bringing it up. I do fuck with socks on sometimes, and I get yelled at. Why, you just get yelled at? Yeah, why do you wear socks? You just don't want to cut. I, I sleep with socks on.

When I was a freshman in high school, my mom got me these sheets. There's a type of material that when I touch it, I get, like, the goosebumps because I hate it. And my mom gave me that material the first year of college. So I slept with socks on, and now I'm just used to it, and I sleep with socks on all the time. Yeah, there you go. But then, okay, I get what. You know what? Also, I get why you have socks on during six, because if you have longer socks, they're harder to pull off.

I wear ankle socks always. So you just. push those bad boys off. It is a funny part trying to get your socks off during sex where you're like having to like toe at your Yeah, it's the least sexy thing.

Yeah, it's just like you're like Ooh, they take these socks off. I'm just like, you fucking plan your iPhone for a second. I just gotta get these toesies off. Yeah, I, um, you asked about the UFO page. Yeah, I follow this horrible. It's so funny because it's just crazy people.

The two pages I'm in are hilarious. Have you ever seen the gang stalking subreddit? No, but I think I'll like it. All right. What is it? So, you talk about your thing. So I'm in two pages. There's UFO sightings.

Which is so hilarious because everybody with a blurry camera just being like, I think I found this. It's like clearly like an airplane. It's just crazy people. The other one is moderation management, which is just people trying to get reassurance that they're not alcoholics. Because it's supposed to be founded by Tim Hoan. T.J. Francis.

It's all people like, it's like, hey, is this bad? I had like four beers last night. It's like, well, you're lying about the amount. First off. Yeah, that is like. How much is a beer? Oh, it was like 12 beers. I just, I say one beer.

because one beer is obviously not in the amount that a person could drink. Yeah, yeah. But it's just that. People be like, I screwed up again last night. I had four. And then people will be like, it's fine. It's fine.

Don't quit drinking. Just moderate. Just drink. It's funny. That's hilarious that people are like, we have enough of a problem to try to cut back, but don't quit. Yeah. Like, don't quit.

That's crazy. What are you, a pussy? You'll die. Forever? You'll never drink. But what if it's Tuesday? The whole, it's funny because the concept is that if you relapse on alcohol, your relapse will be worse.

if you don't do it for longer. But it's also like, okay, everybody who moderates and has a drinking problem will still black out once a year. So it's like the whole idea is like, oh, when you go off the wagon, you'll go crazy

if you haven't drank it in like a while. But it's like you also, if you moderate, will have moments where you black out. I would be like TJ and you just fucking black out every day. It's the best, bro. Form a entire relationship.

It was really fun. The last like two months of me drinking was really fun. I don't remember anything for that too much. It was a great time. how long have you been sober now about 200 days do you have you gotten to the positives yet

because I've heard the first months are horrible yeah the first like 150 days I'd say like 100 days we're like awful yeah yeah but now yeah it's fine I feel good and stuff I like I weirdly like will dream about drinking sometimes I still dream about smoking cigarettes sometimes yeah and I haven't smoked a cigarette in like six years

yeah the positives I mean I don't know if there's positives. I think it'd just get back to feeling normal. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not like, this is amazing. I do. I'm sure you get depressed for the first six months. Oh, yeah. After that, you feel like good. Terrible for the first, like, I'd say for the first 60 days, you're like terrible. The last, then the next 30 year, like, you're like getting better. And then from there on, you're like, fine. But, um, and I still, I'm like, obviously don't know. I heard the first year is hard and then you get better. But, um, and then the other thing I was going to say was

a, uh, oh, I was like thinking about the other day. I was like kind of writing about being sober. And I was, like, walking around my apartment, I just, this is a weird thing, but I looked in the mirror. I looked in the mirror. And I kind of just sat out to myself. I was like, stopping drinking was the hard, is the hardest thing I've ever done. But it's the best thing I've ever done. Like, I'm so happy I'm doing it. But I fucking want to drink every day. Like, yeah, yeah, like the honesty. There's, there's funny with people that are like, I don't even want to have this about. No, I want to drink every day. Well, I feel like those people probably didn't have drinking problems for the most part. There's, but I think drinking problem, in my opinion, you could have a drinking problem. Michael is very nuanced thoughts. I think you could be an... Kalua is a breakfast drink. That's just what it is. Because, like, I think drinking problem is complicated because the word drinking problem is a good term because

you can have a drinking problem and not be a full-blown alcoholic because you can be depressed and go through a cycle where you're just drinking more and then, you know what I mean? I think that's kind of what I was, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But then it's like, then there's like, everybody's like there's no levels to alcoholism. Like, there is. Yeah, of course there is. Yeah, yeah.

I didn't lose my job and get 70 wise. Exactly. It was starting to control my life. I started to give up spots for it. people were starting to get a little bit like like Arden told me straight up he's like if you kept drinking I don't know if we'd be friends. Yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah for real though

when I first started going I was like I don't belong here but then the more I'm there I'm like oh no I yeah yeah yeah yeah no for sure yeah gang stuff Michael whenever you're ready we'll go we'll go yeah no I'm fine no I think about it The fact that you can have six beers and stop is honestly

like you I'm like that's good because if I when I started the last like year of me drinking when I started, it's, I'm drinking until I pass out. Yeah. Like, I'm not, there's no stop. Yeah. That makes sense.

You just go. Yeah. And then you go, oh, it's 11. Feel kind of shitty. Now it's 12. Let's have a beer. Yeah, yeah. Well, my, my thing, too, with it, too, is like, I think it's, I am happy to the

amount I've cut back to because I used to be, fuck, too, I used to drink, like, so much and snort Adderall while drinking. I'm like, this is just, like, crazy way to live. Snorty Adderall is the best, though. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it is kind of awesome. But it takes. it tastes better.

It stings, but it... I stop the drip and you're like, ooh, it's kind of fruity. I hate, yeah. But, yeah, I just look at the... You ever fuck with cocaine? What's up? I used to do a lot of cocaine.

Yeah, yeah. Not a lot. I don't know. The worst is like, with cocaine, I never got to a cool amount of doing it, but I was like, yeah, I used to do coke a lot.

I'm like, not really. I'd buy like a gram on the weekends. Yeah. There's also a pretty lame drug to do a ton of because, like, it just ends up being like fucking boogie nights where it's just like four guys

in a room just doing a bunch and yelling at each other. Yeah, yeah. There's very... A little bit of cocaine is cool because you're, like, at a club and you have, like, a silk shirt on

and stuff like that. But a lot of cocaine is just like... It always ends up, like... Just a t-shirt tied around your head because you're sweating so much. Yeah, it's not a good a lot truck. The only sick time I've done coke is when me and a bunch of dudes did coke

and we just... It was like 3 a.m. We go to my body's house. We're cutting up lines off like a metal... That's a cocaine in Florida. Good. It's better, in my opinion. But we're doing a bunch of coke.

And then I've actually... I've ended up probably four times here, but we were doing a bunch of Coke, and then we just danced for an hour, didn't say a word to each other, literally in a circle, just like playing funk music, and we all just went home.

But like, we literally were like... You only did Coke for like an hour? Yeah, but we just all went home, like after the hour of dancing. Like playing music, not a single word was said for an hour. I'm just like,

dudes in a circle, just like really getting down to some funk, and then we all just left. I was like Coke the way I was with alcohol for a while, which is like, if I didn't do it, I was fine. I didn't necessarily crave it. But then once I started doing it,

like I would do it all night. Yeah, because in your mind, you're like, oh, the weekend's coming up. You're like, would this be better with cocaine? You're like, it would be so that you do it. Yeah. But yeah, but for me, it was like, but I also realize like going out with Coke is not fun

because you become the, the Coke guy is never like, I have friends to do Coke now and some of them are annoying and shit because like, they'll take that, they'll be like, okay, we got to go. And there's always away from like the fun. They're not, it's like, people call it a social drug.

It's like one of the least social drugs in the world. Yeah. Well, you're just in your own head. Yeah. And also just like when you're talking to people or I was just like fucking drumming on their thigh and like looking around. It's a great idea, man. Yeah, I love that. I love that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This song's great. Yeah. Fuck yeah. But, um, yeah, I treat my body like shit in a lot of the ways now. Yeah, my body's a tempo. But the compression which you don't, you don't respect your penis size. Well, I'm trying to cut down on my dick size.

Bitch be, bitch be talking about, yo, yo dick too big. Yeah. You walk in the room and like, oh, whoa, oh. Yeah. You know. Sometimes I walk in a room I pull my shit out The whole room get dark

Just be talking about Who turned out the lights I'm like, oops, sorry I got my compression shorts I remember with the big day Apparently like he fuck exactly Like a challenge Like it's like literally like

That is a thing Where you dick can be too big It is a hilarious problem to have though too Yeah Yeah that is very funny Dude tell me about it It's like I don't even What would be a good comparison for that

It's like having like It's like being like me and how talented I am at comedy. It's like very similar. It's like having a million dollar bill and being like no one can make change for it. It's a real problem. You know what I mean?

I have too much money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've, I want to know. What's the most money you've had your bank guy at once? What's the biggest your penis has ever been? Big, dude. Yeah.

Like, when we were in Chattanooga, it was three, four. You saw his penis? Feet? Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw it. It was in my mouth. He could still talk I tasted that shit

He was like This is smaller than I think Because it's in here right now I thought you were going to say At the aquarium He put a little fish food in the tip I told you He's too scared to go to the aquarium

Wouldn't go The glass Not that sturdy He's just he's just Tapping on it like That's gonna break They have piranas there I didn't like it

I do like that aquarium a lot though Yeah yeah yeah It's good hang Yeah man That's what a lot of cool 27 year olds say That aquarium Good hang

Yeah Yeah Yeah I like this that I'm going to keep going. I know it's bad for animals forever I enjoy it. The zoo? What zoo are you going to?

What do the Bronx Zoo? One of the Central Park Zoo? Central Park Zoo is the worst zoo. There's a Central Park Zoo? It's a bummer, dude. It's literally like it was made in like the Victorian era and it just looks like...

Is there a lion there? There's going to be like circus fairs. No, but that's where the line's supposed to be from Madagascar. There's no lions there. There's no zebras. Wait, so you tell me the animated movie is lying? Yeah, that's very inaccurate.

Yeah. The fuck. Like, like a propeller hat being like, this place was misrepresented to me. Where's Chris Rock? Oh yeah, there's no zebra there either. Yeah. Yeah.

And I bet you they're all real too. Yeah. Yeah. Unlike Madagascar. They do, the Bronx is weird because they have like a tiger and you're like, there's just like autumn foliage up here.

It doesn't look right. You know what I mean? Like the leaves are yellow. There shouldn't be a tiger. Yeah. But I do like, I was because the monkey house was closed when I was there.

They have like a monkey house. Because Michael kept throwing poop with the monkey. Throw it back. Have you ever been to tiger? King guys in Florida, right? No. It's in Texas, but a lot of those people are in, so like, there are like...

Adventure parks and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. So, like, my favorite was I went to a roadside zoo. Best zoo ever been to. Worst who ever been to also. Right. So we go in and in the lobby, there's... Michael's just like, can I hang out of the tiger?

They're like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah, it's literally like... Do we pet a tiger? Like, I've had twice where I've gotten to, like, pet a tiger. The tiger, like lunges at him and they're like, yeah, he does that. Don't worry, though, he's on heroin. Yeah, no, literally, it's fucked up. like I went to one, we went to one side of the road,

like, it was like a fair, and then they had a baby tiger that you just pet, and I remember my dad's feeling, that's sad, because that thing is on so much volume right now. Yeah, yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, yeah. But we went to the other part of it. So, like, this one we went,

it's like this giant sign with like a statue of a gorilla, and it's like, come over here. Literally side of the road, it's somewhere in Georgia. I forgot the name of it. Come fight this gorilla. It's got boxing gloves on. Yeah. It was, I mean, probably.

But we go in there, and there's like a baby, tiger just like in the lobby just like laying in like a baby crib you're like that's pretty wild that's right there and then you go in and the tiger there literally chain link fence that is the only thing like no glass like really just a chain link fence and you and it is roaring at you it's very cool because you kind of like go to it and it goes roar like um literally because it fucking hates you yes yes from me to you literally but it would be three feet away three or four feet away you're looking at a tiger and no glass or anything it's like really just you know what chain link right like yeah yeah like no i got caught up on that he got so bored with the story and like

you know it's like you know tiger right like like it's like a thing yeah no i didn't get bored i was just listening i like i'm like i'm bad at i'm going to the zoo when i was 10 yeah yeah but it's like a trashy florida zoo there's a little bit of a spin yeah yeah yeah but those are fun um i mean that is like there's so much a restaurant in florida where you could just eat like lions that were like retired from circuses and they just sold them to a restaurant. Really? I'll check it. I don't know if it's still open.

It might be. I can't remember what it was called, but it's like, you know, dangerous meats or some shit like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know the answer with me not going to zoos because I'm like, it is bad,

but what would you do? You're a moral guy. Do you go to zoos? Yeah, I've been to zoos. It's probably been a few years, but yeah, I've been to the zoo. Some of them lie to you at the front. They don't know.

Bum me out for sure. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I really like, I like seeing primates, like chimps and stuff, because they, like, interact. But when you see, like, a cool, like a Jaguar, like, they're just fucking lying. They're not doing anything

interesting. Yeah, they're just sitting there. Yeah, yeah. I think the thing with chimps is, like, I don't know if I feel better about, like, watching them interact with each other. A guy owning a chimp or a zoo with a small cage. Because, like, in some ways, some of these people like, they will nurse, like, an injured chimp, and then it becomes, like, a member of the family. And, like, that's almost better than it being in a cage that's tiny.

Like, like, living on somebody's couch. Like, he's almost, in a way, this guy is escalating evolution by having a chimpanzee live in his house. I went to a safari park in Florida where they had... Oh, the drive-thru, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool. You literally go in your car. I haven't been yet, but I've seen videos.

You go in your car and you feed all the animals. We didn't... No, you don't feed them. Not the one I went to. But at the end of it, they have, like, an island that the chimps are on because they, like, chimps can't swim, so they have, like, a pretty big island. It looks fun, maybe. It looks like they're having a fine time, but I'm like, I don't know, man.

It's this probably... Because they can't... Anytime you're, like, limiting something space, I feel like. It's just a bummer. You know what I mean? Like, you can't go. You know what I picture? They're like, listen, we like to give these chimps a little bit of entertainment. They just release a woman for them to just rip their face off. Here's your toilet.

I was like, no, no. They're like, look, this is South Florida. We gave this woman this woman $20 worth of meth and she was just fine with this. She was already peeling her own face off. She was like, just go for it. Who gives a shit? Yeah, yeah. But that one was pretty interesting. They were like baby rhinos and stuff in there. And I was still like, it is cool.

And they seem fine because it's like, well, these are, they just fucking eat grass. I don't know how much of a shit they give. Yeah. There's still like a fence and shit. It is a bummer, you know? Yeah. I think it really depends. I don't know where the fuck they come from.

They're like, this thing's like from Africa and you're like, how'd you get 55 of them? Yeah. Noah. Noah, nozark. Nozark. Okay. I mean, a lot of that stuff is like incredibly illegal. Like, the animal trade is fucking absurd.

Like, because it's like one of these things where, so, um, people will literally smuggle cocaine with animals all the time. Apparently it's like a very big thing because I forgot what the exact reasoning behind it, but like there's something about like it's harder to check. They're like, look, they'll get the tiger. They're going to get the cocaine. They're not going to get both. Either way, we're coming out of head.

Dude, put your Coke. Yeah, that's a great idea. Just put your Coke in a tiger's ass. And then you're like, they're going to go search the tiger's ass. Can we search the tiger. Good luck. Yeah, have fun. And by the way, that bag is leaky.

So that tiger is fucking amped right. Yeah, he's getting some fucking, boofing it. Have you heard of, so have you seen the trailer? I've talked about this in another podcast. Have you seen the trailer for this movie? Shehulk. Yeah, I'm sure people will cross over. Where the Crodd had sing.

Also, he's, like, Eli Haba's, like, podcast that he doesn't release. He just, Eli just invites people over to his apartment to just talk into a Zoom recorder that never releases it. He's just out of his mind. He's just getting ammo. Yeah, he's just, like, downloading offensive things. Yeah, he's like, all very, like, like, organized on his computer of horrible shit. What Jason said about Asians, Puerto Ricans. But, uh, have you seen the trailer for this movie where the Crawdads sing?

No. So, I have, obviously. It's a movie. best-selling book and the author is this woman who's like a naturalist and in the like a nudist? No, like interested in wild Wait, does she don't show her tits or not?

It's big, small, what kind of, what are we talking? Is her pussy out? I thought naturalist does that mean a nudist? That's some other term involving the word nature with that. Okay, yeah. But she's four. Dude, Republican T.J. coming through. That's hilarious idea of going to

nudist speech. You're like, you guys are all slotsy. Dirty horse. But you're your clothes on. TJ's there in a full burqa. With a boner. That's so funny to be a conservative but like wearing a burqa or like a hijab. Just a USA burqa.

I don't want to show my skin. This is for God only. Yeah. This is for my wife. And the boys down to the steam room. The, the naturalist thing you were talking about? Oh, so she and her husband,

they lived on a game reserve in Zambia, I think, or Namibia, one of those two countries. It's not Zambia? Those aren't countries. Or you're usually one of those guys who likes to pronounce things? I don't know how it's pronounced. Zambia? That does not sound right. Zambia.

Zambia. Zambia. Maybe Zambia, I have no idea. Zambi? Yeah. They were, like, there to protect animals and stuff like that. And so this is a woman now who has like a best selling book and, like, moving and stuff like that. But back then, they were like,

they organized illegally, like, people who were working on this game preserved to just shoot poachers. So there's an ABC special that went to, like, record their work. on this ABC special, they show a suspected poacher getting shot and then shot again once he's on the ground. And it was just aired on ABC. Wait, wait. Okay, so who is killing the poachers? This, so

the, like a nature conservation. This woman, Delia Owens and her husband worked as like nature conservation people. They're American. They moved to this game preserve in Africa to protect like the elephant population. While they're there, they... She's from America? She's from America. While they're there, they like organize the people who are like park rangers.

They like arm them and tell them to like shoot at poachers. So this ABC special airs where they're shooting a poacher and then the government of Zambia is like, yeah, we didn't like give them legal authority to do, they just murdered people and you just showed it on TV in America. So this woman still is wanted for questioning

in relation to this murder, but she's just here just like selling books and making America, she's back in America? She's back in America. That's interesting that even in Africa white people can go there and shoot black people. They get away with it? Yeah, yeah. Like, okay, private plane, I'm done now. Yeah, like, what? I don't understand

how that's... Isn't that crazy? Which you should have. done is done a dark gun with just like tranquilizes be like see how does it doesn't feel so good yeah yeah yeah stop doing it to my elephants yeah yeah uh but I just think that shit's crazy yeah that is wild and just animal trade shit

and like how it's just gray areas of the law all over the world it sounds like a progressive movie like they're like she's killing the poacher she's gonna me she's killing all these people who are killing the animals and it's like yeah they needed that for food yeah yeah yeah it's a precious delicate elephant they can be eating that

We're at an hour. What do you guys want to promote? What the fuck else do you have to say, TJ? Yo, go Yankees. Are you Yankees fan? No. Are you a Mets fan? No.

What baseball teams do you grow up rooting for? Don't care. When you were a kid? Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter? All right. Are you going to watch the Jeter documentary? No?

Yes. The documentary. Yes. Are we in a fight? What's going on? I don't know, man. You took every socks and I've been thrown off ever since. That really messed you up.

Yeah, man. Because now your socks are inside out. They're cold. You're going to have to put them back on your feet. and they're sweaty, and it's just gross for you, and it really bothers me. I don't know how I'm going to get a footjob later from you. I'll fucking wash my feet first.

You love to wash my feet anyway. Can I bang your sock in the bathroom of a dentist's living room? He's like, that's tubular. I can fuck that, right? Tubular, dude. I got T.J. Francis' program. And at T.E.J. Francis on all fucking social things. Come check out Tallboy's Comedy at Grie Point Beercoe.

Oh, you're starting it up again? Yeah. Oh, nice. How long have you been doing that? We just had our first show. Oh, nice. Oh, nice. We weren't on that, Michael.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Nice. You booked a single show without me? Yeah. You've been to do your show before? Yeah, that's pretty much how I went down. Also, TJ said he was going to come hang out, but then didn't.

I had a, I had a show. Oh, yeah, of course. So come check that out. Also, we're doing a show at, me and TJ are doing a show at third place by half full brewery on September 9th. September night. You guys are always doing it. Cool brewery. Are you sure? Positive. September 9th, baby. I'm pretty sure.

How do you not know? She should be coming out. Check out Jason D. Comedy for details. Also, check out my birthday September 29th. Also, Kevin Durant and Jake Timothy's birthday. Both more important. Jake Timothy's birthday. Jake Timothy. Yeah, yeah, check out Jake Timothy's birthday.

Yeah, also, some girl I went to middle school with. It's her birthday that day, too. What's her name? I honestly forget. Forget. Just make a name up. It's so funny how hard it is to, like, dig up a banana. Every guy I think of is Kyle and every girl is like Sally. I got nothing.

Sally? I don't think I've met a single Sally. I've never met a Sally in my life. Me neither. I don't even, is it short for something? All right. Her name is like, I was going to say, yo baby girl name. My, my be girl?

Yo baby girl. Come check out Big Ange on the next season of mob wives with fucking Michael Gap? How many cuts you're going to have to make? Yo, this guy going type wild right now, son. There's one thing I do. What is it? What is it's a cut? You name dropped a name that we got to cut out.

I'll tell you later.