Morning Good - Coochie Bay - Episode 119

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

Thanks to Tait Winston for coming on the show for the first time and to Kyle Legacy for joining us all the way from Liverpool. Check both of these guys out at their links below for more hilarious stuff.You can find Kyle on Instagram @lebronjamesofcomedy and hosts the Lebron James Podcast. Find Tait on Instagram @taitwinston and also at his website, taitwinston.com.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Bro, that shit. All right, we're here with Tate Winston. And Kyle Legacy. What's happening on everybody? Ring and ding, ding. You've got the king.

What? I do my own intro. Bring it, ding, ding, you've got the king. Yours, yours, your heart wasn't in that one, so I took over. Oh, it wasn't. Yeah, well, it's always like, I used to do two presentations. I'd be like, hey guys, thanks for listening to the morning good podcast. I'm here.

Fah, ha, ha, ma, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, welcome to morning good. Morning good. But yeah, yeah. Already losing momentum. Just don't plug you on, Michael, take it over there. Fucking not even a minute in. Just derailed. Yeah.

I mean, it's probably because you get her. Just left you forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's leaving the apartment. And I was saying to you guys how, like, she won't let me use her phone show. Which is such a child. It's like, it's not childish of her. It's childish of me.

Like, she won't let me use her things because I'm going to break them. But, yeah, I'd wait for her to leave to plug in my fucking phone. To break her new phone. Yeah, I'm for sure going to break it. That's number seven, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What she said goodbye, Michael. Yeah, and she left the door.

That is the worst. That is the worst is having her just listening to hours to be podcasting. I'm like, This one went really well. And you see it look at her face, she's like, you guys talk about coming for like four hours.

Yeah, what are you talking about, bro? There was no substance to that. How do you still have a relationship? That's beyond me, bro. You're just four hours of podcasts. It's like a host of that. No, yeah, never four hours. But she listens to almost every episode.

Yeah, it's horrible, yeah. That's crazy. Well, does she re-listen to it? No, no, no, no. She would never want to relive that. Yeah, yeah, no. She just sits in there and then just hears the whole thing. She's like, I was reading my book.

I'm like, no, you were listening to hear. Yeah, that's why she's leaving forever, bro. That's why she hits you with a, goodbye, Michael. And she just fucking wandered out into the universe, bro. I didn't even notice, I'm just like, yeah, this is a great way for me to charge my phone, like, as she's just leaving forever. She's got all of her bags packed. She's wearing a shawl and sunglasses, just like, goodbye, Michael. Yeah, a shawl with one of those giant, the big hats, you know what I'm talking about?

Like the sunglasses from, like the 60s. The Audrey Hepburn joint. Yeah. Wait, so you guys met in Australia I didn't even know you went to Australia. Yeah. Well, no, we met. We met here.

He booked me for the show at the Chrysley pair. And I'm locked up and he said, you know, and I said, I've messaged you. And he said, nah, you know, Well, no, first you were just like, oh. And you kind of walked away. And you came back and you were like,

no, I messaged you. And I was like, nah. And you showed me the message. And I was like, oh, yeah. All right, you're good, bro. And so I do. He's like, you're next. I'm like, fuck, that was a good Photoshop.

And then the fucking. Mike broke, like completely broke, did he just like get disconnected? It was like, just stopped working. Yeah. And he crushed for like eight minutes with his a cappella. Fuck, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, they couldn't understand a word he was saying, but they knew it sounded funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I still, That's how he gets into my accent. He goes, like... It is funny how acopella is, like, it can change the tone of your jokes because, like, before I was doing a joke just about white people versus black people,

and now that I don't have a mic, now I'm just yelling at the crowd about black people. Because they can't, like, you know what I mean? Like, the tone changes me, you're like, and then black people, you're like, whoa, where's he going with? You're like... Whoa.

Yeah, also just, what do you do with your hands? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I end up just kind of talking like an Italian when I'm fucking, you know, you justiculate a lot because you don't want to just keep your thumbs in your pockets. No, that's weird. It's just be like, yeah.

Yeah, just hands on your hips. Cross your arms. I had to perform at a positivity summit. What is this? A couple months ago, maybe a month of a half ago or something. Is that like a sobriety thing? No, it was like a bunch of people promoting positive things and kind of motivational speaking and things to this effect. And it was actually pretty dope.

My guy Cornell does it. And he's exceptional at what he does. And there were a couple other people that were cool, but it just wasn't really for me. and then he's just like, all right, and now stand-up comedy. Yeah. And they're all just standing on the floor in front of these people. And it's like 1 p.m. or something. There's like 50 people in this little, you know, auditorium space, a little gymnasium space.

Oh, you're doing a little Tony Robbins crush? So, yeah. So I just hopped up on the stage. Everyone else was standing on the floor and I was like, no, I'm super self-important. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm kind of a microphone. I'm for sure getting on the stage, bro. Yeah, there's no microphone.

No, that's, dude, I did some park stuff during COVID where it's like, you're some point, and I had one where the people weren't even, yeah, if nobody's sitting, then you have no feeling of stand-up. It's like, I'm basically just having a conversation with people. No, and you're like, you're like... You're like, you're like... You're bombing for the dude, like, walking his cockapoo and a junkie at the same time. The junkie's like, boo!

Yeah, like, all right, bro. That's the hard thing is getting heckled by homeless people because you don't know what they said. So you're like, you're not speaking. English right now, so it's hard for me to... It's like Kyle. Yeah. You're like, are you talking shit to me?

I don't understand me, and homeless. And you can't do Crowellick. Oh, what do you do for a living? Fuck. It's bullshit. My favorite thing I ever heard of this guy say, you know that one guy McDougal Street who, uh, he's the crazy one guy and talks like this?

He speaks like five languages. Wheelchair? No, no, no. He, I know that's a lot of them. Red hair. Uh, red beard, curly hair. Kind of looks like Kyle. Um, no.

But really. really, really rugged one? He speaks five languages. Yeah, yeah. It's while he speaks Arabic. He speaks French. Crack head. Yeah, yeah.

But he one time, he comes to the car and goes, hey man, can have some money? Guy goes, where are you coming from? He goes, I don't know.

Which is hilarious because he's like, I'm doing crack since 9 a.m. I don't know. I don't remember three minutes ago. That dude's out of his mind. He followed Eli and Espy home once, right? That dude? Probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he like followed them onto the situation. I will say this. Keep the conversation. I got to pull something. Oh. I know a phone charge broke I found the greatest fucking Reddit post

I've seen in my fucking life about homeless people because you always wonder like is there a homeless guy that like is enjoying it like I know it's the worst thing ever to be fucking homeless but I feel like there's the occasional But some of them are crushing it Let's be on it If they could somehow get a card read it

They'd be laughing if they could somehow get a bank account You know what I'm saying I would give $2 on a fucking card A lot of them do because dudes do have like Venmo and like fucking really Did you say Where would you say he gave him him him $2 or whatever Or something like that

If he had a card reader or something like that You know what I mean? I just don't have cash Oh, I think he got him a gift card That's very funny Like I want to go to Macy's I got him my Amazon gift card That was sick

Well I just got hustled by a blind chess player At Union Square You know what they're like Challenging a chess and all that This guy, he's like saying Oh I'm blind He's got glasses on and all that sort of stuff And I mean maybe he wasn't saying

I'm blind or whatever But he was dressed like shit So I'm like, oh, maybe he's blind, whatever. I'm blind. Yeah, yeah. He sat down. And now he was like $20. I'm like, I've got a five or whatever.

And I'm like, all right, sound. So I'm playing. He beats me, obviously. You know what I mean? But then, but like, I'm like, I'll get a bit of crowd going. And I'm like, oh, for fuck. Like, I'm loud about it. You know what I'm like, I'm like, on the courts and shit.

Doing all this stuff. I'm like, what the fuck you can see Ladders if? And he's like, I can't know. And then I knock a pound him at the end that he nails it perfectly. All of this stuff just there. I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake, lad, as if. Which, how did this start? So you knew he was blind because he was shouting, I'm blind.

Yeah, he's like, he'd beat a blind chess player or something like that. So I'm like, oh, fuck, I'll do it. Because how even would you? So I'm like, sitting down. I'm like, I've got next. Good to see you. Yeah, you should tell him you're a dev chess player. He's like, that doesn't affect that at all.

Track ride. Yeah. That's a lot. There it is. Dude, this fucking... Not a lot of people do the balls to do

retardation accent on a podcast but you nailed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's no... Dance acting is hard to do... Yeah, you nailed... That's got a while

and blackface? That's balls in taste. Yeah, people don't see the other part of it. Oh, no, it's video. Okay, have it. But... I was going to say, you know, pressure

to be lost on this podcast. That's a hard one because there's also, like, the deaf and the down syndrome are two different voices, but they sound similar. Like, there's ways... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, uh, yeah. But I've worked in more saliva with the downstream. Deaths always seem to have dry mouths. I don't know how many deaf people. Maybe because they put down the drink and he don't know what it is or whatever. Oh, no, that's blind. Oh, that's blind, yeah. He's mixing.

I'm thinking soda. That people that went on soda? But yeah. Every blind person I think of Daredevil. I think of them having some soda system where they can fucking, yeah. But oh, this fucking pose is my favorite thing in the world. It's on Reddit. It goes, I fucking love being homeless.

This guy goes, I literally don't have. shit to worry about anymore. I can go out whatever the fuck I want, whatever I want to do every day now. I have practically no stress, depression, anxiety, anything anymore. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in both mentally and physically. I ride my bike all around the city all day, go insane

or got insane fucking stamina. I got shorties down to let me nut inside them now. I shoot meth all fucking day. This is my favorite. I shoot meth all fucking day and do whatever the fuck I want is whatever is my urge. Last night I master

in a tool shed, then climbed a 40-foot tree and hung out at the top, watching nothing for hours. Life is fucking amazing, and I truly mean it. You know, what? This guy rules? What the fuck? Yeah, there is a part of me that's like, does he have it figured out a little bit? Easily the best sentence is that is shorties let me nuts in the mall at the time. Bro, that's phenomenal.

There's this one, it became, it almost became lyrics then for a bit. Oh, he's drummed a beat? Okay. Yeah. Well, that is the thing. Good acoustics in that tree. Oh, yeah. I work at a fucking office job.

And I'm at the point where I'm like, I hate this, like, so fucking much. And I'm like, there's a little part of me that I would never be fucking homeless, but you're like, there's a simpler way to live. Keep doing comedy, Michael. Yeah. So let's have a conversation about that in three years. When your lady never comes back. Like, she's scheduled to.

She's going to get a book, but I know. Yeah. She's going to buy cigarettes. she doesn't smoke. Yeah. Like three days later you're like, it must be a very specific brand.

Yeah, that's kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. It's like you wonder the simplicity of it because it's like you do not care. I think that's from getting to the Greek where he goes, he goes, I really only have one thing to think about.

It's doing heroin. Like, it's like, it's like, you have all these anxieties. But obviously, yeah. No, but he said he can do whatever he wants. I mean, he can't really just get lunch, can he? He can't get, go out for a nice meal. Yeah, that's a good story.

can't really get babies. Yeah, he can't do it every he wants. He can do very limited things. He can't go on a movie. I can do anything I want except shower. Yeah, or sleep in a bed.

He's not coming to the net's game with me next week. Yeah, like, what the fuck? No, but I think there is something to be said. I can skip stone. Yeah. The simplicity of, like you, like you literally think about

riffing and bawling. That's it. Maybe occasional pussy. You're like, kinback. Yeah, yeah. Pussy and comedy. That's it. Yeah.

It was the only two. things on his mind ever. And I'm just like, oh, it seems so wonderful. Oh, yeah, right? Wouldn't that just be... No, but I mean, but he needs money for those things. He needs money for the get to the comedy. Obviously, comedy pays him, but he needs money for no, he has his words. Fick him back, doesn't need money to get laid. I feel like he's one of

those guys that, like, could figure it out otherwise. Well, because of, like, the elaborate study of YouTube videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You watch, like... He's like... Oh, he's read the game. He lives with a pickup artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's telling me the guy he lives... Dude, I'm supposed to bring him on the road with me. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I may have to back out, Tadie.

I got a little seminar on pickup artist. And I was like, dude, shut the fuck up. Kill yourself and quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never talk to me again. That was so tight, bro. It's wild. He's like, sorry, Tadie.

She's like, bro, you're going to go. It's literally how to teach other people to become a pickup artist. That's hilarious. It's like, we all know you guys are pussy hounds. But what about teaching being? the pussy house. It's like, you guys... So it's just a room full of agents

and he just comes out and he's like, fuck bitches get money. Yeah, basically. What the fuck? I think, so... What time is this? Yeah.

Just check that out. Yeah, go and make fun of this. Exactly. Be less aggressive. Okay, all right thing. Yeah. Yeah, the first day he's like, don't rape him.

Somebody walk out, but like, well, this ain't the one for me. Four guys just leave. But, um, they, um, he was, the way he was describing, it's interesting because what he was saying was that it's

it's like his roommate teaches like divorced guys how to like get back in the game and stuff like that which is like So he takes advantage of very sad, vulnerable men. Basically yeah. Who are also the majority of them not in a good position

financially. No, he's exploiting them. Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. Again, my wife's taking half my money. He's like Yeah. And that other half. Well, people don't realize also is that it's simply a numbers game. People are like, dude, I'm getting more pushy. never. I'm like, you talk to 22 women this evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fucking numbers game, bro. If you are

willing to engage with that many people, there's a significantly, you're like quadrupling your person, like, more than that. I mean, there's just like it's going to work. Yeah, yeah. You ever see, when I was single, I would pull at you all the time too. When I was at a bar, I would talk to one girl, say, I'd be like, I'd be like,

it was very easy. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if you got rejected, yeah, that was my thing, yeah. But this homeless guy, there's a homeless ladies man. There's a dude, the video is hilarious because he lived in New York City. He doesn't live here anymore. But what he would do is he go, yeah, bro, he's like, dude, I basically just hang around in New York fucking hit on chicks all day and I get pussy all the time.

And what he does is he goes, he goes, I literally have all day to like yell at random women. And so like eventually he's like, if you're out here not getting pussy, you're fucking up. He's like, there's hundreds of girls. We used to Times Square. It's like, what's up beautiful? How you doing? And he like would sleep with these women because They know he's homeless, you reckon?

I think what he was just After he meets enough women, what he would do is any money he would get he would spend on certain things. First of all, he'd make a lot of money panhandling because he was attractive. So his thing,

he would he said, he's a good-looking guy, he goes, the one thing is, because I don't look as homeless, people relate to me more and they think, oh, that could be me

with a couple wrong moves. So they'd give money compared to a fully blown homeless guy who had to take care of himself. And they go, oh, these guys just delayed. Dude, I was fully blown a homeless guy

the other day. Yeah, that's where they don't show where he's just like, he's like, oh, please, I do fucking money. But he would like, he would take, he would sneak into Walgreens and steal

Cologne, he would take showers. He had to sneak into Walgreens. Not sneak in, but like, Dink, dint, dint, d'n, d'n, d'n, d'n, d'c. Security guards, like, what's you doing, bro? As he walks through the sliding automatic tour. Yeah, get off the roof. Yeah.

This has a newspaper covering his face. But, um, yeah, he would do that and he would get, like, hair chips. We know it's you. You reek of clode. Yeah. It's all you use it here. You're going every day, take armpit deodor and throw it on.

And then... Where did shower? Like, Wiams-Shay. I think he said something like that. But he also, what he would do, because you can sneak into, like, a YM's... Like, I don't know, sometimes they're aggressive, and I'm sure you can find a way to get it. I'm in Australia. Here's Rubens Anytime Fitness.

Oh, yeah. I stole it by accident. Oh, yeah. I took it. He was so tight, but... Wait, what happened? I took back his key card, like, the thing that got him into this 24-hour gym. But that was where I would, like, shower and get ready and occasionally sleep.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was just... You slept at that way, or whatever it was. A couple times, yeah. It was funny. Then you pass out at a workout.

Yeah, no. It's fine. Yeah, if it works, it works. Yeah, exactly. But they, uh, also, I knew Ivan Bunster used to live in a van. He's a comic and, uh, he... That name is preposterous.

Yeah, Ivan Bunster. Yeah, Ivan Bunster. Yeah, it just got over the top. But he, no, the best name I ever know, there's a guy from my hometown named Fletcher McGee. They played baseball. Fletcher, Flechie. Yeah, he loved that.

Like, that such, you picture like an old black guy of like a baseball v is like I remember the first day I saw Fletcher McGee. It was like 1962. We just integrated the two of the sports. Insert flashback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fletcher McGee. Yeah, what a man. But, uh, and I knew a dude who

wakeboarded him, Robbie Hulahan. No. Oh, my lord. No. Dude, it's fucking me. Yeah. Robbie Hulah! That's the fake name I give to cops. What are you on about?

Robbie Hula. It's so funny. Because I was like I was like this guy was like raw wakeboarding which is like a thing in Florida like there. Like there was a house. He didn't live there. But there's a house called the there was a name for chicks that fucked waitborders. They're called wakeheads. Like girls through.

Oh my God, love that. There's a whole culture about it. But there's a house of dudes in high school that were pro wakeboarders and they owned their own house. Because like the rewards, if you win a wakeboarding contest, you get like a fucking boat. So you could like sell the boat, get money and oh fuck of this. I knew pro service. It's like a high school too. On the speedboat.

So you get hot. behind a boat, not a speed, but like a boat. Oh, yeah. The board's strapped to your feet. Yeah, boom. But this guy was weird because I looked him up on Facebook and he's got like a suit and a tie and I'm like, damn it, Robbie Houle hand sold out. Damn, bro, Robbie Hools.

I mean, I feel like at a certain point, how much weight can you board? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, your body probably starts to break down from all that shredding, man. Especially that big, it's a big knee thing. It's like old people, their knees get all fucked up. Yeah, this fella. Oh, watch your left. He's got no knees left, man.

Why you're just... You've got too many triple doubles back in the day Can I hit it? Just basketball and chill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do I have to press anything? No, no. Just get them all yeah. Just got a little sweet, sweet lips. Ooh. What is this like lemon, mint dick? Did you just ghost it? No, I took it pretty...

You bon puffing air? I've never seen somebody... That's called the ghost, right? Where you blow it in and you suck it back in? Oh, is that what? Yeah. I've never seen him to be out of the vape. The Sets Logan, yeah.

Welcome to my life, dude What is this? Like fucking melon mint? What the fuck is this? Yeah, I got it from a bow to I'll probably be sick in a week It's probably made in China horribly But wasn't that a movie

Where there was like Sutton Hoolahad? Oh, Dodgeball That guy's called to Housah Patch and O'Hula Han Is it their selling Who did a drink by old yours? No, but I knew it anyways

That I love the taste Legend So you got wait So you guys met in Australia And met here briefly That makes way I like how you explained it I literally just...

Oh, hey. Where I put that... Where they put that screen shut off the message in his face. What now, bitch? Yeah. And then you threw you on. You crushed.

Acapella. Achepella. And then, yeah, I think we just kept talking shit online. Yeah. Yeah, just mad. And then he was like,

you gotta get out here, bro. And I was just like, yeah. All right, let's get it. Because... Wait, you mean... You got to get out of here? What do you mean? You got to get to Australia.

He's like, you got to get out of the New York City. No, he was like the festivals. He was like the festivals. These, like, the festivals are great and get you a bunch of stage time. I was just like, fuck it. It was sexy. You're just on the comedy clubs in Sydney, and then you're on the Melbourne Comedy Festival with me, yeah. That sounds fucking awesome.

Oh, yeah, it was fine. How are the beaches there? I'm a big beach guy. Sensational. Fuck yeah. Because the beaches, I will be on it. What was that gig? The St. Kilda?

The Coochibet Hotel? Coochibet, yeah. Coochee Bay? Yeah. Coochee Bay. It sounds like, yeah, like a rapper. I performed at the Gucci Main Hotel. Dude.

Dude, my favorite is. Gucci's protege. He has this guy in a big walk dog. Have you heard a big walk dog? Dude goes fucking hard. My favorite is I read an article. It's like five fun back. Is this Gucci man? No,

no. Gochaman. Gucci man. Gucci fella. Foggy chap. Fuggy lad. His protege is... Bitch better have my stealing.

He, uh, his protege is, yeah, is he did a big walk dog. Who I didn't know was like fucking six, eight. But it was big. The funniest was the article about him because it was like fun facts about him. He's like he's from Kentucky. One of it goes, he loves jewelry. That's like a funny thing to say about like a rapper like, oh, what a fast thing. Who's covered in jewelry?

Yeah, yeah. You don't say it. He loves bitches and getting money. You're like, yeah, we're not expect that. But you're not from, you're from Liverpool. Yeah, yeah. I just go there for a few months every year for the festival. Yeah.

Oh, shit. It was like a yearly thing. Well, you were stuck there for the pandemic too. Yeah, yeah. I was there for like a year for the pandemic. and stuff like that. I had the misses and all that stuff. So it was sound.

And we were back gigging there. I literally think I was like, June 2020, I was back on stage in a comedy club. Like I had the four months, whatever like fucking thing, but I was back on stage in a comedy club. In Australia?

Yeah. I thought they were strict on COVID. No, they was, but then it opened up and then it came back with a passion, but then I was home by then, so it didn't matter.

But they were all right at first. But then the isolated, because it's the most isolated fucking country. I was in Perth, most isolated city in the world, giving themselves a pattern in the back. It's like, all you do is close to airports

and it's sound, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's very funny to be like, we have the best COVID policy. You're like, there's 17 people. Yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? And then, so yeah, you do like Perth, Sydney, Melbourne. And then I've got this little weird festival I do as well. Then I come home, like January to May. Nice. That's a fun way to live.

Oh, yeah. That's sick. I mean, it's good money to be made as well. You know I mean? I'm all about like money over there. Fire, bro. Yeah. For stand-up? Yeah. The sensation, like significantly better than here. Really? Is it less saturated? It's way less saturated.

They also just value art more, honestly. Yeah, here it's the lowest form. They really do, though, bro. I'd make like 200 to host. It's like 150, 200 than a weekdays, you know what I mean? That's weekdays. Like in bar shows, like comedy clubs. Yeah, Mike in hand.

Mike and hand was 200 like that. You know what I mean? Oh, fuck. Yeah, there you go. But it is also, it does require more, more work because they do intermissions. They do breaks. Oh, so they do like, I do like 10 up top. and then there's like two comics

and then we take a break and I do another 10 up top and there's the future then we do another break I do five and bring up the headliner oh okay yeah so I'm doing like 25 that's the old school

in this model with that one but normally it was a lot of them was one break way yeah yeah that was because it was a longer more prestigious show yeah Mike and hand is dope oh yeah

I mean that's probably probably the longest running show in Sydney I think it was maybe yeah like Robin Williams has done that and all that shit when he was in town oh shit well

I feel like America we couldn't handle on intermission at a comedy show. You lose half the audience. Yeah. We're just fiends of shit. Yeah. We're monsters.

Yeah. I'm just gonna go. I mean, we don't have table. We don't have table. We're normally like the bar shut off during the show. Right.

It's like, you know what I mean? You need the break for siggies and drinks and all that sort of stuff. And then most people like... It actually makes sense. Like, I feel like some people, people that are invested in the experience.

Like if you did at that at like the stand or the seller or even you're a comedy club. Yeah. I feel like it would be doable. Anyway that you've... Yeah, but it's not. Because like, anyway, you've pre-paid tickets If you didn't plan on going to a comedy club in general,

you're not going to be there for a mission. That's a great example. At the pair, like you've just been barking in or whatever, you've paid your fee or whatever, you know what I mean? But you're doing it off a whim or whatever. Fucking, Mike, just had a stroke there and you see that? Like, it's not going to rest of it, like,

what's that guy, Stephen Hawking or whatever? And, um, great basketball playing in back in the day. So you're not. Rough injury. What? That'd be a funny from passage. Like, you don't know. he played it in an NFL.

Yeah, yeah. He's like a charge from Shaq. Just a phenomenal. So yeah, so you're invested, you know what I mean? Because you've probably bought the tickets at the start of the week and that's on a Friday night.

So you know what I mean? Like you'd invest and you're not going to leave and not like that. I mean, maybe you do if it's shit, but I mean, like, that's fuck. In general, I think that's why also like comedy shows in the middle of nowhere always smack.

It's an anomaly that you drive to bumble fuck and it's a terrible show because those people are all emotionally and psychologically invested in the experience for the last like three weeks. It's the only thing going on. They're looking forward to it, yeah. So we're like, bro, this is the thing we're going to do.

We're already like, we're here to laugh. That's why comedy sucks in Miami from what I've heard. True. Because it's like, I mean, there are some good spots obviously, but a lot of people are like, they're like, no, I could be doing fucking blow right now at a nightclub. Like a lot of the people have. I mean, theoretically New York is the same exact thing. Right.

But that's why you have to run the comedy shows in that way where it's like the comedy shows may be good, but people are less invested in the comedy show. It's just a, one of the- That's why they should be. one hour long. Yeah, there's more shit going on. You know what I mean?

Like in the middle of nowhere, they don't have anything but here. They're like, well, fuck I can go to a basketball game, baseball game, you know what I mean? It's like,

comedy is like, that's also a lot of the barking cell. Like you tell people, you'd be like, look, the show's only an hour and 15 minutes. And that's, that'll be a selling point for some people.

You're lying. It's an hour and 45. And there's 17 comics. Yeah. Well, on a Saturday. Yeah, yeah, but yeah.

But, um, yeah, yeah, that would be a huge selling point for people because people were like, dude, I want to squeeze this into my sketch. I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's like, damn, compared to where you say in Australia, it's like a whole night they're going out. Oh, for sure, yeah. I mean, and then we don't have the table service. It's not really, like, I guess it came with the COVID. People scan and stuff now.

The QR codes, but not really now. Like, there's only that guy, remember Anthony Skinner? Chills. Chills. Chills. That show's great, though. Yeah, he's the only one that runs no break. Yeah, just runs a show right there.

That sounds great. That's great. That's like the weird little red in the upstairs of that place in Sydney. Yeah, yeah, Magic Mike. Yeah, that's a pretty great show. So what do you? Yeah, see, I would love to live somewhere. It's hard to do as far as stand up in New York because you, there's such an attachment to the city where you're like, I don't want to leave for too long because you don't want to get off people's radar.

Especially like when you're trying to get something like that about Torin. But it's like I would love to just go somewhere else to do comedy for three months and come. You know what I mean? Still do this. Like you would get. in theory you would get better at stand-up. Dude, that's what I did with Atlantic City. Like, I did fall off people's radar.

And it compromised my ability to do short sets because four or five days a week, I'm doing like three, 20-minute sets a night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hosting sets sometimes. But either way, it's like just this all this long... An hour of comedy night, yeah. You have all this time to play

and just fucking talk to people and take your time with your jokes and really like sit in the laughter and whatever. And you come up here and do that and you get off two jokes. Yeah, yeah. In eight minutes. And you're like, oh, fuck.

you're like, I'm miscalculated. Yeah, well, and that's my jealousy I have for Kimback. Like, for him, I'm sure longer sets are way harder because you have to remember all these one-liners. But in some ways, he's like, yeah, I'm working on three new jokes tonight. I'm like, that's awesome. You could just be like, all right, three new jokes that was, what, fucking 30 seconds of my set.

Yeah. And then I can go back to the other stuff. Like, I remember my favorite is we're all outside and they overbooked the show. And Kimback goes, just give everybody five. And we're like, no, Kimback, five for you is way different than five for us. Yeah, it's true. I can get in three and a half jokes.

Yeah, because he can get off so many jokes in such a short amount of time. Yeah, it's like, yeah. Yeah, I don't know how you do an hour of one-liner. That's tough. Oh, imagine. How'd you fuck, do you remember? They say you forget them. A lot of those one-liners, they have to say you forget them, and then you just come back to it.

You're like, okay, I guess I missed the one about this. So I'll come back. Yeah, because you do them in sections. But that's what I was saying, too, about one-liner shit where if you can, and must be such a difficult mental exercise, but if you can grab clumps from each section and mix them up, as opposed to be. being like, here's my subway thing. Because that'll happen. We came back all the time where all the jokes are bangers and they

would rip individually. But if he does like four quasi-misogynist jokes in a row, by the third, the women are like, fuck this dude. Whereas they'll die laughing at the first two because it's just objectively funny. Yeah, yeah. It's silly. It's just fucking misdirection and silly. And they know who he is immediately. That's the thing with him is he doesn't have to do that get the audience to like me. He actually does the opposite because I'm a villain. So you have to, he establishes that up front. And they go, okay, this is what he's doing for the rest of the set. So we're, we're gonna play He's a villain? No, no, no.

Oh, I'm saying. General. Yeah. By the look. So, uh, I'm a villain. Imagine if you just got on stage. I'm the bad guy. This, this dude starts doing his material before he gets to this. He's like, so I'm on the Facebook Metaverse.

Like, as he has. I start way too fast. Literally also nobody else, bro. When I'm hosting, I fucking can't stay in. And this kid is like, oh yeah, I'm like an intro. from the stage. Oh, I saw that last night.

Actually, when you were hugging Kenny or whatever, and I'm like, it's pretty much a double act. Yeah. He's like, he's like fucking honched over like waiting to get on stage. So eagerly. And he says his first joke like right away. A lot of people will be like, guys, keep me going for your host. How we doing guys?

Like something silly. He's just like, so Facebook Metaverse. Yeah. Like immediately, bro. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is something. I thought about doing it differently. Some people were like, just relax for a second.

Especially with the host, it's like, my thing is the thing I do hate, though, is running on stage. You know what I mean? Because like some hosts, like, they, I mean, everybody knows what they're doing. But some hosts will get off the stage before you get on. That prior statement, not true. Everybody knows what they're doing. Maybe it's just, I've done that hosting one time, so maybe that's just why I think of that. Obviously, it's some fucking awful host, yeah.

I have seen some outrageous shit. Yeah. But, yeah, in my mind, I'm like, I just want to make sure I don't leave the stage, Blake, and I think in my mind, which isn't true, I think they'll start talking if I don't get on stage immediately. Yeah. But that's just not. Yeah, simply not true.

Yeah, yeah. You're in control. You got the microphone. I mean, they're not. I mean, I hate when they stop clapping before you get to the microphone. It's like, it's one more step. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just clap me on.

A piece of shit. Yeah. Well, and that's also, yeah, I feel like there's that thing, too, where it's like, you can also, if you don't get them immediately, it's fine. I'm realizing that more now with comedy. It's like, it's fine if you don't get them in the first 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. enough now with my material. I'm like, all right, I can relax more.

Did you see what I did last night? What's this way? Did you guys keep saying material? What's this about? What is this? What's your famous line? You're like, nylon? Oh, I say jokes of a cruise ship's and pussies. Wait, so are you, I've never seen your standout. Like, what's his style? Oh, he literally. Rif King.

Riff. Yeah. Riff Master Fletz. Riff, Clyro, Riff Richards. And, Riffney Haddish. Yeah, breakfast at Riffonies. Riffin'E Martin. Riff Biscuit. is that all of them? Oh, there's so many.

Well, you're the riffer. The great, the great battery of riff, keep it on top of it. So I just go up and make, I mean, I've got stock, I'm a crowdwick. So I've got stock lines for that thing now. Doctors, fucking students, you know what I mean, various jobs and all that sort of stuff. You got to, I mean, there's a fair amount of, yeah. If you add up all your, like, built-in lines, I mean, you've probably got well over 10, 15 minutes. Like, at the end of the day.

But I'd need to have that. But I mean, I've got couples. You know what I mean? I've got lines for that. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be, but I mean, I've got some... My favour is when he sees,

like, a really fat dude in the front row or something, he'll be like, you're like, you're a fucking weapon, lad. Like, you're gonna fucking big ear at you? Like, you're like that, yeah? A weapon. What I did I call that guy the other day

the South African arms dealer? Oh, there's little fucking Egyptian pants on and shit. And, yeah, it's been sick. New York for riffing, like. Oh, yeah. Is it? Whatever in the room's different as well. You know, one of them,

it looked like that Bob Kits and one, look like I was fucking doing it in like half a sauna or whatever the fuck and then like the pair, you know what I mean? There's all some shit. There's like, like a pirate ship on the outside

when you're walking and just wood everywhere. And it's like, oh, for sure, yeah. It's a very weird vibe. I love it though. But does the, does the, does your, like, is how different is crowd work

from like Liverpool, Austria? Like, is it any different or people are all just the same thing? I mean, funny, it's funny, really, to be honest. Maybe I'll, like, slow it down a bit. Maybe here or Australia or something like that. But apart from that and that, not really.

It's like, I mean, it's just the same questions. Where are you from? What do you do? You know what I mean? Like, look at a nice face, whatever the fuck. Do you have trouble understanding people's accents when you do crowd work? No, the opposite. No, no, no.

The opposite. Yeah. Oh, sometimes, but I'll make a joke. My friends roast me because they say, I'm too stupid to be sad, for one. And they say, like, my crowd workers, I just asked them what they do for a living and I'm confused by her. So they'll be like, oh, you're a plumber? I'm like, are you sell plums there?

You're working a farmer's market? That kind of works because you're foreign, so they're like, part of them is like, does he actually think that's what a plumber? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but even back on, they're just like, I mean, they just, no, I'm as stupid or whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah.

But then people, my favorite, sorry to quit you off, but I'm funnyer. Is it, you should be waiting at the car. I know what I don't know if like a game. It's like what they say, like, oh, it's so smart the way you do that. It's like, You're an idiot. I'll black out when I'm up there.

I just got off. I'm like, good. The best is when he's killing and then he makes a very specific English reference and everyone's like, what? What are you talking about?

The other day he was murdering. He's murdering. And then he's like, his lad thinks he's on fucking goggle box. What? The fuck is a gargle box. Look at me when I'm riffing. Oh, yeah, that's the best thing.

I was laughing like that. I was like, look at me while I'm riffing. Wait, what the fuck is. a goggle box. It's some TV show, yeah. It's like a TV show where you watch the people watch TV. So they're like comment, narrating on watching TV shows.

Okay, so it's like mystery science theory 3,000. So it's like if someone's talking in the crowd, you'd be like, fucking look at this guy, thinks it's a goggle box, boom, easy laugh, you know what I mean? But not in you guys, everybody like, what the fuck are you talking about? Goggle box? Yeah, yeah.

Mean. And then obviously it's fucking sick here because it's fucking diversity. You know what I mean? Liverpool is the widest place ever. We've got a fucking slavery museum. You know what I mean? Not like a pro-slavery museum. We're not like selling like a change or whatever and shit like that.

But it's like, so at Manchester, London, obviously more like... I always forget there was slavery in the UK. Or was it like limited or why don't we hear about it? Or are you guys just like less talkative about it? Oh yeah. We just keep that shit on the rap. Was it limited? I mean, like the rest of the world, obviously we want the bigger than the strong ones.

You know what I mean? I like the we I like the we not they not my ancestors us yeah but yeah

so it's sick here because you can like you know what I mean I was doing stuff about fucking this guy being like deaf comedy jam the way he laughs

and all that you know what I mean right you can do pull out basketball references and all that sort of shit which is good

yeah because that is a thing where you can't do jokes about a race they're not it's just it gets weird

if it's just white people doing you know what I mean which I gag yeah yeah because there's no but in New York, I assume, yeah. Not a fucking, not of their cool white people that have experienced diversity.

If there are white people that have only been around white people, they'll either laugh at it like non-ironically like, ha, ha, ha, yes, we do hate them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they'll just get really tight, uncomfortable because they don't know how to react. The worst is when you see white people look at the black people in the room for permission. Yeah, yeah, like when they're like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Black lady laughs are funny. Yeah, yeah. But also part of me gets it Because like it's weird to know what It would be weird if there was like A black joke and then there's just one white guy Everybody thought it was offensive And you're the one guy that's like

Ha ha yeah Yeah I get I mean laughter is very vulnerable You know you're like letting people know What makes you react 100% yeah And so if you're isolated Like if you're not laughing in a chorus of people

You know what I mean Then it's like oh I think this fucked up thing is funny Yeah You feel responsibility for that and you're like guilty almost. That's why you'll see people like silently laughing when it's a tight room. Yeah, yeah. That's the worst is when you're you're actually doing very well for like a certain group of people but they're just so reluctant to engage because they're like, well, I'm not going to stand out, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you see him like covering their laugh. You do the opposite. The quiet laugh. Yeah. What the fuck is that. Well, and it's also like, sometimes it's not even offensiveness. It's just they don't want to be the one person who's like, ah, because they're like, I don't look like a crazy person if I'm the only one laughing.

But you're not. You're at a con. somebody shows, sir. Yeah, yeah. Well, a lot of people, though, I have heard people say they're like, my laugh's weird

so I try not to let it out. I'm like, don't do that, laugh at the thing. And then they laugh and they're like, eh! Like, oh,

never mind. Get out of here, leave, leave. They were right. Don't ever laugh again. You fucking monster. You deserve sadness for the rest of the life. You tell a joke that it's like,

brr-h-h-ha-ha-ha-ha. Like, maybe actually jump up. There's a slot's machine in here? What um so you never been in the UK you just you met here then you went to off the yeah

yeah the next I'm gonna get him to Edinburgh Fringe that's what I reckon the next spot you want to hit next year yeah yeah I've heard sick things about that what else is like unknown about a New York comedy showcase over something like that you know what I mean there was like an all-American show

I don't know a bunch of showcases this year and then you I mean you book Americans book whoever you want doesn't matter once they're in the door it doesn't matter like you just get them laughing is it is that valued or devalue there. People were like, oh, fuck, it's a bunch of of New York comments. Or they're like, oh, this is fun, there's a bunch of guys

from New York. Well, I mean, it's exotic. You know what I mean? I mean, here, they wouldn't care, because every fucking showcase is in New York. You know what I mean? Like that. But there, obviously, it is exotic. And then, obviously, there's the tourism. There's a lot of Americans that might want to go and see it and stuff like it's kind of like, it's good venue and good time.

It's like, if the venue's packed, like, if the venue's pack, that it's like, a show starting now. You don't even have to say the the fucking name of the show. You're like, show starting in five. get on in sort of a Yeah But in general Is it like

Because like there's a weird thing About being from America Whereas some people are like They'll say everybody hates people from America Which is a vague term Because there's billions of people in the world But like what is like the stigma UK Australia about America

I know there's two different places I mean like there's the old suit stereotype Of fucking name like Oh you guys are like dumb and loud And all that sort of stuff But I mean that doesn't make you it Unfony does it? No no I mean outside of comedy totally

Oh well it's just that one yeah Let's like the fucking dumb like I guess racist maybe or whatever or shit like that, yeah. What is ironic because Australia is the most racist place in the fucking world. Yeah. They're just adorable about it.

Wasn't it legal to like hunt Aborigines until like, I mean, it was one of those weird laws that like, oh, it was cheap. Like, yeah,

like 50 years ago. Yeah. Until the 70s, you could legally shoot an Aboriginal person that was on your property if you own the property in like Queensland.

That's crazy. Oh, what? Yeah. And Aboriginal stands for abnormal original specimen. No, What the fuck?

It's not even the name of a fucking tribe, bro. That's what literally European settlers were like, oh, these are abnormal original specimen. That's why they always push it in the, like they're OGs. But that's the specimen. That's an aboriginal. Yeah, yeah. How far is that, bro? I always thought it was like the name of a tribe or something.

That was one of my stock lines in Australia when people were talking. If I was on stage, like these girls were talking, I was like, girls, you're paying about as much attention to me as they do aboriginals in Australian schools. Yeah. Whoa, that was like fucking mind-blane. Yeah. Yeah. Is it one of those where like they,

do they not talk about them? Or is it like, like, there's a weird thing with like, I don't know, it's some people own. I feel like the one thing with the United States is we do a lot of us own up to the racism stuff. We're like, a lot of people are very open about. We did a lot of shitty stuff. Yeah.

But I've heard some places are weird like that where they're like, we're like, we'll kind of ignore their. perhaps a big yeah we even know Australia oh for sure yeah I mean the fucking history books are paged in that history book are fucking stuck together you know what I'm saying

like then like and now they're stuck together for people masturbating yeah Abraham give me that flat nose so I yeah

like I guess it's like Native Americans maybe because like obviously you took the land like obviously they get it back and they get reparations but average us they get nothing you know what I mean

like to get fucking... Well, they don't get reparations. They get casinos. Yeah, they get the casinos and do all that's... Like, they look out for the children

and the government obviously pays them they're all in a dull and now they're all big drinkers because fucking the parents, big drinkers, the grandparents

because they got fucking genocide, you know what I mean? And shit like that. Yeah. But then not all them in pay if it's bad like that they're all drinking but like,

I mean, my ex-girlfriend was Aboriginal, you know what I mean, like that you met so it's not like, like most of them are just like not part of society, you know what I mean?

but then if you got a proper Australia then they're all fucking like drunks and live off the government and all that sort of stuff and shit yeah. Okay, wait. And there's only like four Aboriginal comedians

in the hall of Australia. You'd assume there'd be a lot. To be fair, there are zero Native American comedians in the United States. Is there not? I thought there'd be a massive market for that like.

Tommy Redwing? I'm just got to make that. I knew it for a second. I was like, Chief Redskine. Tommy Redwood you. I was like, what? He's like, for many moons, the airplane peanuts have been funny.

He's just, he's just doing side felt stuff, yeah. What's the deal? He's like, what is the deal with our elders? That's crazy. Are you ever smoking on the piece pipe? These guys in the back, I could tell they've been hitting the piece pipe. What is the

I don't know if you're not saying hello What The piece I think never made sense to me So it's like everybody's like Oh they were smoking Paiote I don't think you smoke peyotie you eat it Yeah you can just that shit

So like I don't understand what it's It's a rata passage when you're 18 You got to smoke this thing Some guy was telling me I play basketball with the other day And you go up to the top of them out When you smoke this thing And like

Well I mean there's so many There are so many different forms Of indigenous cultures I think everywhere that just used hallucinogens Like a motherfucker for like a coming of age ceremony Like Native American warriors like 16 year old kids Would have to go into a cave and just eat a hero dose of mushrooms Like fucking a quarter ounce of mushrooms

And just sit there like With like sweat it out and fucking come through that And if they could come through that effectively Like yeah you're a warrior bro But then for every 10 there's got to be the one guy Who just goes off the rails He's like dude I think I'm just gonna make sandals for the rest of my life And they're like ooh yeah he shouldn't have done that

Yeah. Yeah, that is a weird thing. Imagine the things that are written on these walls at the cave when they come back as well. You used to be like flying off. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's like non-committal beaver. Yeah. It just becomes like a super weak animal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a weird thing. It's like psychedelists go like so many different ways because some people are like, for me, I think when I've done them, I've had a very negative experience. But in a sense, I'm like, okay, I learned about myself a little bit or something. like that. But some people, I know this one dude who would do shrooms with us, and he just continued to be a giant horrible. He was just a piece of shit.

I mean, it essentially just amplifies, unless you're doing it under some form of, like, guidance, like you're being coached through it with somebody that has experience in, like, therapy and using a bunch of psychoactives and all this shit. Like a shaman? What are they called? I mean, yeah, honestly, like a shaman or essentially, like, a therapist, just someone who's used these tools as, like, a proper medicinal thing. It's not, it's just going to exacerbate your condition.

Yeah, I think that's more of the case with things like weed and alcohol. Yeah. But hallucinogens at least have the potentiality to like make you kind of readdress how you operate. Yeah, yeah. But it's still like, if you don't know what you're supposed to do with it, you just feel this thing and you're more of yourself. Yeah, yeah. And if yourself is an asshole. Yeah.

Yeah, that is so mindblunk. I think my sweetest version of myself is on mushrooms where you're just like, everybody is like a person. Like I feel that. But then it's just funny to see this one guy who's still just like, I fucking hate you guys. Just like a total piece of shit. I'm like, nothing changed at all. That's a great way.

It was my last time doing it was Amsterdam when my friend called me a faggot because we're going to be late for a fucking sex show. I'm like, I didn't even want to do him in the first place. And now I'm like doing that. Where you took him to go to a sex show? Sex show, he brought me, he asked for a volunteer before my friend could nudge me.

I was on stage. I was on. It glided there like that. And it's, it's, all this stuff. It's tripping? I'm on stage. It's hitting me. Like, I mean, I,

I had a low dose. He's gonna be old school. And so I'm there. And then my friends like heckled me from the crowd. But I didn't notice him because he's thrown his voice. So I'm trying to do a bit of crowd work and stuff like that. Like mess around and he's like, shut up.

Stop talking and stuff. I'm like, who's fucking heckling me here? And then the ladies like, I pull this thing out of a vagina like a ribbon and all that. I use my teeth or whatever, a bit of showmanship. And then I eat like a pussy out of her.

Eat a pussy. Out of her pussy. out of her pussy. I had a banana. Like a predator, she has a... Like a predator? She has a... A banana out of her pussy? A banana.

Oh, okay. I love the way you guys say that. Exactly. No crap that night, baby. But yeah, it was crazy. It was wild. But I'd love that. I'd love that be miles.

But as somebody lying down with a tambourine or something like that. That was sick. Yeah, I've never been to a sex show. It seems like it's like... It wasn't being a guy in a relationship. It's like, I don't know how much of it's showmanship.

Well, not anymore. You actually... She's gone. Is the sex shows in New York? No, not legally, probably. Okay, yeah. Because this was like a circle of bed that's spun, so they're all banging and shit like that.

She's watch people fuck. Yeah. And then what part of, like... And it's a continuous show. So we started with this girl and then it comes back around. So we're like, oh, we saw it, we'll leave. You know what I mean?

I'm like, I've seen this set before. At least one knew. What is it like... I'm so confused about this. So, like, you want... people have sex, but what happens when you bring on stage? Do you fuck the people too? No, no, no, they bring you up.

You eat bananas out of their vagina. Yeah, it was like that gimmick. So I pulled the ribbon out of a vagina. And then you ate the banana. But did somebody just fuck her and then put the bananas? No, this is a guy. It's like a guy. Frosty banana.

A girl doing a gimmick, but like naked, then two people fucking a girl doing gimmick. It was kind of like the pole dancing show last night. Yeah, what was that? I saw that on your story. There was a pole cleaner. There was a girl who just climbed the pole between every set. And then, you know, I did my fight joke.

where I typically I get in the micstand's face. Oh yeah, did you do the pole? But yeah, I did the pole because there was no mic stand. And like afterwards, like the girl came up and was like, and like reluctantly came to the pole.

I mean, somebody's pussy was all over this. Well, she's supposed to only clean it between the dancers. She didn't, you know, but I'm like,

I'm not gonna not fucking use this thing. Yeah, I don't have a mic stand, yeah. It was so funny though because obviously host, she was sound, whatever. And then a stripper, like hot as fuck,

you know what I mean? It's going crazy. And then I'm video audio. like he's got to follow this. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the video looks crazy. I mean, he followed it. I'm gonna post more because there was,

I found other ones that I took worse. She was doing even more elaborate athletic shit that it's required. So I was like, yo, what are you doing? Like, it wasn't just like a stripper where you're like, oh my God, like you're strong and sexy and look at all of your parts and you're so beautiful. It was like, you're a fucking acrobat. This is some circ disillation. Like, it was like fully exited.

And at one point had one arm. and she, like, extended her body out. It was fucking madness, bro. Damn. One thing that did impress me... I know C-section scars, which I thought was a flesh and changed the place. You know what I'm saying?

I was here. Yeah, you get a lot of that, especially in America. Yeah, yeah. The one thing that impressed me less, though, was finding out the pole's twisted. I had no idea they moved. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like, what?

No, I've been lying to my whole life, but it still is, like, wildly impressive to see... Oh, that moved, isn't it? Yeah, for sure, yeah. Is the pole thing a universal stripper thing? Like, do strip-lobs? Or is pole dancing? specifically at strip clubs in America thing

That's everything, right? Oh, no, no, same, same, but I mean, like, obviously, and then you get the private dance and shit, like, they're on the polls, like, yeah. You think in Thailand, they just spin around a fucking banana tree. A banana tree. Banana tree. Nah, you can't do that, that could have splinters.

Yeah. I like how you said that serious. Like, we're joking, and you're like, that you cannot technically do that. Oh, yeah. There's a girl named Badaam, called him Sticky Vicky. And she does the ping pong show.

She pulls stuff out of a pussy and all that. She's 70 odd now. Great show still. She's 70? Yeah, I mean, it's easier. Now it just fucking falls out. And then a daughter does it who's 50.

She's called sexy Barbara. It's like a family business. Which is nuts. Barbara's also like an old-ass name. Oh, yeah, exactly. But you throw sexy in front of it. And people were like, ooh, yeah, sexy Barbara. So, yeah, I've seen some wild shit like that.

But yeah, literally the same strip clubs, like, oh, yeah, they're pole dancing. And then you're like, I want to dance off you, sort of vibe. But the main thing is, like, could I want to go strip club here? I haven't been one in a while. We get, you actually have dollars, you know what I mean? We'll buy strip a dollar's there. So most strip clubs print their own dollars. They do that here at Flash Dancers.

Oh, okay. They have, like, I threw money on stage. I was there. Mother's Day, actually. I wish you, Ma. She's great, fantastic. She still had to wear her mother's day? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's fucked up. I mean, yeah. I mean, so supportive son. Yeah. Hello you, Mom. I hear the best.

You're the goat. That's hilarious. It's like the money's in a car as well. You're like, read it. You're throwing Hallmark cards. Yeah,

with dollars in them. Dude, yeah, that's funny. You went to a strip club on movies day. That's so funny. I was supposed to go to a concert. The concert got canceled.

My buddy was coming in town anyways. So we were fucked up. We're like, all right, let's go to the fucking strip club. That's hilarious. Let's do it on mother's going to get sense of humor too. But now that I come from a broken home as well.

now that I know that I show badly every time I go to a strip club be like you're the best mom just yell that or shit like that that's so funny that that's my sister that's my sister I've always wanted my girlfriend won't do this prank I think it's hilarious I love to make out my girlfriend in public and be like mom and dad can never find out just to fuck with people around you and see what happens but bro the stripper takes you back to the VIP room you get some fucking nice prophylactic dome and right as you bust you just go you're the best mom To be fair, there's probably so many prostitutes who have blown somebody and heard some shit or along those lines. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I used to say, like, me and my friend,

you say some funny shit when we, like, when we finish, you'd be like, you zoo. Or something. You know what? You just got like, you've been banging. You'd be like, you're like, completion. Like that.

You'd be like, oh, not. I was like, you said you're banging your friend. Because I feel like in America, I'd never say it. You say it. I was fucking this girl. You know, no, no, he was saying... Oh, me and my friend, one more bag and chicks or whatever. Oh, I thought, okay, okay.

I thought you're saying... Together, they class pans. Yeah. And they go, you're saying... A rifle tower. Sideway's... Yeah. That was wonderful.

Yeah, because... Yeah, I thought you were saying you'd say, because that sounds very weird to be like, I was banging my friend. Like, that immediately sounds... Yeah. I usually think of gay sex because I'm like, you're a man. You can't be friends with women. What are you talking about?

Yeah. What's out of... What show club was that? You remember? the Mother's Day we went to Flash Dancers. Flash dancers? But they had their own dog. Yeah, they had their own parents.

Dude, you'll just go to the one in Atlantic City. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it's better than the one here, right? Yeah, the stilettos there is crazy. Because they, they, it's all women from Miami and Brazil. Oh, my love. Yeah. I feel like all the ones here, they're like Russian, it seems like.

It depends on where you go. If you go to Albania, they're the best sex traffickers. They're the best. That's it. That is a weird term because sex trafficking gets become synonymous with kidnapping, but it's not always the same thing. Like sex trafficking, technically, if you transported your prostitutes that agreed to be prostitutes from across state lines, isn't that technically like sex trafficking? Like the word means a lot of different things. What if your prostitutes are working off their family's debt to your criminal enterprise?

Then that is sex. I get that. That's more often than not the situation. Once you flew them a common economy. For foreign words. Yes, but then there are... If a girl, like, truly has the desire to be a sex worker in the United States,

I don't think she has to find her way here in, like, a fucking shipping container. No, no. Yeah, yeah. But I think there is, like, I think the weird things, it's like, there's this one guy who, like, had... There's this cop, right?

And I guess he went and, like, brought white claws to go meet a prostitute. And it goes, cop involved in sex trafficking ring. I'm like, not necessary. I mean, in a way, My guy who's trying to bust the fucking I mean it is My guy was trying to blow a load

No Not a fucking sex traver Coff blows case wide open Blows face wide oh God damn Let's start the pot again For that one riff But I'm saying like

Like if you Because there are prostitutes That aren't Russian That literally are American There are American Prostutes who like Literally they're strippers And then they get more money

By becoming an escort That's like a thing right Yeah So it's like That's like a fake like he doesn't know. That's a thing I've heard about. I've read about it.

You went to a strip club on Movers Day. You're a bad person like us. Just admit to it. But like... Why, did you see him on that day? No, no. I don't think I texted her. I'm just kidding.

I did. I did. He's like I zoomed her. Hey, check it out. Can you Vemmo me like a hundred bucks? Mom, can you vend me a hundred bucks in ones? What does that mean? One book at a guy.

That is a funny idea of strippers With like Venmo's like sharpied on them that you can kind of hit with. Dude, there's a, there's a kid with his, uh, fucking QR code on his wrist. For Venmo? No,

for like all of his social media handles and shit. That is fucking nuts. Because what have you changed? I mean, I guess so it's like, that's what I said to him want him to the time's out or whatever or something like that. Yeah.

Was he like, uh, scary or was he like a normal guy? Or was he like a comic? Oh, okay. That sounds like a man move. That's not a gangster move. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like, nah, son, here's all my government name and information, by my Social Security, all that. Yeah, all that. Yeah, right? No, scant that shit, beat. Yeah. I go Windows 98 on my chest. So the scan actually works.

Rep. Yeah, yeah. Because, like, what happens if his skin gets bigger? Does it fuck up the QR code? His skin gets bigger? Yeah, the, what happens if his epidermis? Dude, well, I'm like, okay, your skin gets saggier that happens, so it's going to you get fucked up.

Oh man, my skin's been growing, bro. I think you're getting fat, Michael. My skin's growing. My stomach's skin's been growing like crazy, dude. Number growths, bed, age 35. You're my skin's growing? You have an erection. Quickly scanning.

It's growing. We're about to wrap up, though. What do you guys want to promote? Our Lord Jesus. Yeah, our Lord, the Savior. Christ. I want to promote black J.R.R. Tolkien.

He was a black man. Oh, my Lord. J.R. writer Tolkien. Yeah. Yeah. For the people are listening, there's a, there's a drunk white chick

from Louisiana last night was trying to convince that J.R. Tolkien was black. What was her agenda? I don't know. Is she like, fucking related to the Tolkien family? Yeah, she's like,

yeah, my man. She just came up like, I'm begging bass trilogy by an African author of we were just like, what are you doing, man? She just sat. Yeah, she just sat on the ground.

Yeah, yeah. She's sitting like, on the ground? I didn't see that much. Like, just a fucking, probably like 15 rat carcasses. Yeah, and just all the bum urine in the world.

Yeah. Just fresh age urine. Throw up right there too. Oh, man. I've seen people, every bodily fluid that can be admitted has been on that spot. And she's just crisscross applesauce.

Yeah. Fucking like, talk out. who's a thing and he was Avraham Yeah During that conversation I just sent Danny Paul

She's like a picture of Tolkien And he's like And he's like I think she's all the negative For this picture Yeah Even a friend was like Let's not do this again It was like she'd be through this before

She was like Yeah this is the thing she does She gets hammered And approaches groups of strangers She doesn't even read those books as well I feel like It does sound like a black Israelite thing you would hear though

or like Hebrew Israelites because like that's like the whole belief of like a lot of like the black black Israel and Hebrew Israelites same thing right Which one's Drake? Yeah what's up Which one's Drake?

I don't think he's either Is he? Willow Jimmy? No no no no no He's half Jewish So that's a different thing So the black Israelites are different than black people that are also Jewish

Black Israelites they think that the Jewish people in the Bible were actually black people And then Jewish people lied about the story And made it white Jews I mean that would make sense Because the Jews were slaves you're not going to have a white Jewish slave

are you? That's the fucking what would you want to do that? He's like, I'm not going to lift it, but I mean I'll do your invoices. I'll do your import exports. I'll shave a bit off the budget. What I'm saying? You know I mean? Like a white Jew carrying pyramids? I don't think so. You carry in pyramids? Yeah, exactly.

So maybe there's something behind that, I don't know. Maybe there is. Maybe I'll research that. That's funny just historically look at the pyramids and look at Jews. People would be like, nah, there's no other. But, like, looking at, like, a New York Jew who's, like, clearly different than a Jew who, like, lived in Egypt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's a way different. You're just looking at fucking, like, Mordecai Leibowitz. Yeah, you're like, nah, there's no way. Yeah. Well, that's, like, the same as, like, I mean, Jesus wasn't white, obviously, was he? He was fucking, you know what I mean? He's from fucking, yeah, exactly. So.

He had them broad nostrils. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, we're wrapping up.

Oh, man. Yeah. No. Follow me out this bitch. Tate Winston, T-A-I-T-Winston. That's it. LeBron James of comedy. You gotta change that.

On Instagram. Or Car Legacy on everything else. I'm not gonna spell it because I don't want you fucking dyslexic fans, to be honest. Whatever. If you can read it, you can come. If you're intelligent,

they'll find you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all you want. That's exactly. I have the opposite technique. I put the QR code for my podcast on a public bathroom in the pair.

Because, like, my demographic is people who shit in public. Yeah, yeah. People who don't care about anything. As a fact. All right, hell yeah.