Morning Good - Dan Hates Dogs and Ketamine - Episode 34

Episode Date: July 18, 2021

Thanks to Jason and Dan for coming on the show. We're glad to have another Florida boy back in NYC. Also, congratulations to Michael for quitting his job. Please contact us to sponsor this podcast and slow his descent into poverty.Jason hosts a show every Wednesday called Tall Boyz. Dan is currently shadowbanned but available on Instagram and Twitter @danmancarney.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Lead role. But we were talking about, it's so funny because I stand out on the corner and I bark. There's this homeless guy. that I want to talk about real quick. Yeah. Do people listening know what that means?

Yeah, they know what it is. They know. Okay. Okay. I bark. Yeah, I, I sometimes I sit and I go, woof. For a few hours, I do it at 8 p.m. I do it at 10 p.m. I do it at midnight. It's just my responsibility. It's what I have to do. But this guy, so there's this hopeless guy, I was telling you about this guy, who every day, he just sets up a barricade on McDougal Street and seriously causes like a traffic issue. And people are honking at him. And then an hour later, he'll just open up the barricade and let people in.

Yeah. And, uh, like it's his job. Well, yeah. And I, I, I, I, I got a witness date because I was down there with you for, uh, saying what's up. And someone tried to move it and he started screaming. Yeah. Yeah.

And I've had like 10 different jobs in my life. I've never seen someone care about their work this much. Yeah, yeah. He's very, like, serious about it. I've been like late giving back like papers and like copies and whatever. And everyone's always like, well, just get it to me when you can. This guy's like, no, fuck you. If you move the barricade.

I will kill me. My dog asked me to do this. Yeah. Yeah, I got to be very good about it. But it's somebody because he also like doesn't, he doesn't speak in false sentences. So he's like, yeah, but like he says it like he's like, it's, you get what he's saying. Because when he, you see people touch the barrier goes, hey, out here. How you're about?

You assume that like 85% of the things he's mumbling have to do with the barricade. Yeah, exactly. Because it's kind of like his son that he orbits around. There's nothing really else in his life. This might be the same guy I saw that I was telling you about. I saw a guy he was digging through the garbage. And he just couldn't speak in sentences. He was just being like,

like that type of thing. But then a guy walked by that was like being like a rich, prissy person who was being like, oh, my God, blah, blah, blah, like something like that. And the homeless guy was digging through the trash looks around the corner and goes like, like he does like an impression of him. Can't talk, but he still knew that guy was a bitch.

What are those, what was it, chia pets? What are those like animatronic pets? like we got like when we were kids that could communicate with each other if you had like like I had one Maybe it's tomogatchis It was something you know what I'm talking about though It was like a pet like an animal

And they would move and then go Beetoo do do or whatever Make noises Neopets Neopets might have been in Because you kind of like an online account Associated with it Right

I think that's neopets Yeah they was neopets What was a Tomagocchi Tomagachi was the little thing That girls had hung off their backpack That was like a little Like a thing in like a game boy I thought it was pepper spray

Now it's pepper spray I got replaced with pepper spray. Yeah, pepper spray is a new hand sanitizer that you have on. There's people back on the streets in New York and girls are like, it's having to bring out old reliable, put them to pepper spray back onto their bags. Yeah, what was the tomagatchi, though? So it's like a little, it's basically, it's like a,

it was a thing that you would clip onto your backpack, and it was like a game boy. And inside there was like a little, like a little computer pet that you would, like, feed and stuff like that. Yeah, it's down around. You ever use scanners? Oh, wasn't that a thing where you could scan, like, monsters? Yeah.

But it was like in... Yeah, you had like a... I never had it, but I know what you're talking about. It was like a toy, and you could scan different groceries, and then it would tell you, like... I saw that on the commercial. I was like, this is a coolest thing ever. And then I got it.

I was like, what I don't... You know what's funny is, like, real animals are like the new, like, neopets or whatever. Chia pets. What were they called? Neopets. Neo-pets were the ones they put seeds in the bag. Well, like, we would get them as kids and be like,

oh, like, this is just kind of you could fuck around with it. and like it's like a pet but it's not really a pet and you can like now like I feel like everyone we know like so many people are just getting dogs like on a whim Oh yeah You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

And then they get rid of them after a year Like I had like a neo pet for like a little bit And I was like nah not really for me People are doing that with like real animals now It's fucked up dude my favorite were guys That uh being in fraternity college People would just get a dog to get pussy sometimes Yeah

And then they were just walking around the house And be like can maybe not break so much glass around this fraternity house I'm like this isn't a good place for it's literally you brought a dog in here yeah yeah literally the worst place to bring an animal it would be rescued from yeah yeah yeah this is the glass breaking house and you're bringing dog it's not like i'm bringing broke breaking glass in a dog house all the dogs in the sarah mcclalkin commercial came from places like this yeah yeah you think you think it's better because we're like like rich frad kids it's uh it might as well be in like a like a fucking basement casino right yeah yeah yeah yeah the two groups on safer on frad houses are

uh dogs and women yeah exactly yeah and freshmen dude Yeah, bitches aren't safe around The Trinity House No, no, just all together I also like The one thing I do want to mention one more about the homeless guys I love that he also

Opened up the gates Like an hour later He opens it up Come on, come out, come through it And then people are like, okay, I guess it's time Like he had something going on While it was closed

He's like, look like it's You just can't right now Yeah You don't understand There's a lot more going on That's what deferential people Are to authority It's just like an obvious

Homeless guy He's like moving the American Like well I mean Someone must have told him to do this Yeah Everybody's just assuming. Well, me and you were talking about how, you know, I just got back to the city a few days ago.

And it seems like there's much less cops here. Like I saw a cop car. It was like a truck. And I was like, oh, this is great. Finally, you know, authority. And it ended up being like an ice cream truck. So like there's like nothing. But what is fascinating, knock on wood, to some degree,

people are governing themselves decently for being like 10 million people. with like four police officers who don't speak English. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like no one shot a grenade launcher. I don't know what they did. I don't know if they specifically got rid of shittier.

Like, what if they only got rid of like the nicer one? We just are left with like the shittier ones. The cops who don't kill people actually cost way more. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, I was with a friend in his car got booted in Midtown. Right? So like it becomes an ordeal. We have to talk to these beat cops, traffic cops,

and all these like random fucking, authorities. I think of like, like, I don't know why I think of, like, the beatniks. And I think of like a, like a, like a, like a, like a side story. Yeah, yeah. I'm not even sure if beat cop is the correct term. He walks a beat, yeah. Okay, so it is.

So, so we talked to, like, several of them. The first police officer we spoke to spoke next to no English. Wow. And literally, like, the first three of them all broke in English. I had no idea what they're doing. And I was like, this is crazy. What if I, like, can I just go? imagine me in like Japan as a cop

And then someone comes up to me to complain and I'm like Sorry pal you're gonna Yeah that would be really tough It's so funny I know this is not intentional But if nobody knew Dan he sounds like the most Conservative guy in the world Because like you should come on You're like more cops and learn the language

Like that's just that I know but it's funny Well like it is how I think If you're going to be a police officer in the United States you should speak English. I don't think that is a crazy thing to say. No, it isn't. I'm also complimenting on how we've been governing ourselves with no police officers.

But yeah, I mean, it is funny. Some people are like, well, fuck you. And I'm like, well, it's okay, well then... Yeah, yeah, there are certain jobs where it's like near to impossible if you don't speak English. Imagine if you were watching football on Sunday. Yeah, yeah.

And the guy just spoke Portuguese the whole time commenting on the game. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. also it wouldn't be funny if somebody's just getting their ass kicked and he's just like I'm sorry I don't speak English like right in front of a minute you can do something you know what the rule should be is if you pass the police example you don't speak English you should be like all right

you're going to be a bruiser that's what you're going to do you're just going to come up you're just going to be an enforcer you're going to be right yeah just only beat people I imagine like all Eastern European Russian yeah dude just all guys are like they bounce at bars and then they're also just like cops during the weekdays that's my favorite that is probably what

the cops are now yeah that's my favorite is what place we work at a or we do shows that one of the security guys is an Eastern European guy, and there's nothing more intimidating. Like, he doesn't, I've never seen him threat anybody. He just goes, I think it's time for you to leave. People just leave the venue. Because you don't know who he knows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you know what, I'm not going to test this guy's connections. He's a very nice guy, but we're standing out front one day, and there was, like, basically just like this, like a little guy who was just, like, I guess, drunk and crazy, and he was just being like, making wild threats against some guy who was in the bar or, like, in the threshold of it. and he was like, I'm going to kill him. And he, like, walked up and put his hands on him.

And this guy who Michael's talking about just takes, like, his forearm and just, like, eases him back out into the sidewalk. Like, it took him no effort. It was like, I was like, that's, that guy rocks. That's terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my favorite part, sorry, I just keep thinking about the homeless guy barricer. I can't stop thinking about him.

My favorite is somebody asked, like, oh, okay, because they're like, yo, do what's gone with the barricade? I'm like, yeah, some homeless guy moved it there. And they're like, can you move it for me? And I was like, no, there's no fucking way. I'm going to get attacked by this guy just because you want to move up. You know what's funny is you are part of the same ecosystem

as this guy with the barricade? Like you're not, you think you're removed from him, but it's not by that much. Oh, me? No, I'm trying to trick people out of money to come to this comedy club. Yeah, that's a totally different thing.

You're right there literally next to the guy. I'm on, yeah. You're the second craziest person. On the street. You know, I do say like, I do say like when that guy comes out, I'm like, hey, what up, man, how's it going? He's just like, part of the neighborhood.

Comedy show. comedy show comedy show comedy show he sees me like he knows my face as comedy show guy but my favorite thing to is last night uh i'm not gonna talk about comedy for that much longer but i just think it's funny last night because i'll never lie to people about who's on stage and i'm not gonna be like oh chris rocks gonna be there or anything that but i will a lie to guys about there being girls there like when they're like how's the comedy i'm like there's tons of pussy that's that's their fault for why would they believe you but the best is last stage i got on stage last night i was like i fucking lied to all of you guys because the audience was just all

dudes and i was like i lied to all of your faces there are no girl shit But that was like the other night, too. It was so funny because I'd say they happened where the other night these girls showed up and they're like, oh, can we check out the comedy shows? Like, yeah, yeah. They're like, this isn't going to be one of those comedy shows where people talk about like anal and pussy, is it? They're like, we're educated women. They literally said that. And I was like, no, no, no, no.

And then immediately I was like, I guess I have a responsibility now to talk about this. You know, I, it's funny you bring that up. I met a dating coach last night. Yeah, there was, I was at like a party. Guy or girl? woman. I picture a middle-aged, like,

yoked guy with, like, tube socks on. Just like, this is like a guy with, like, a silk shirt and, like,

black hair and, like, like, a guy who's like, you gotta be mean to women. Oh, yeah. This is, like, a 60-year-old,

uh, woman, blonde-haired woman. He's attractive. And, uh, little, you know,

obviously a little older, wearing like a sundress. And she comes up to, me and my friend, she, like, as if she, like, recognized us.

But it, it was all, but she wasn't like, when we were like, oh, yeah, we're a comedian. She didn't go, oh, yeah, that's where she's like, oh, yeah. Like, I'm like, okay, are you, maybe she's hitting on us. I don't know what's going on. So we're talking and, like, I'm just getting like weird vibes. Like, you know, when you're talking to someone, you're like, oh, they seem normal, nice.

Maybe they're interested. Maybe they're even flirting a little bit. She had that. But, like, when I'm talking to her, like, her eyes are just like elsewhere. Her eyes are still, like, stuck on her first marriage or whatever. Yeah. And so, so we're talking. and like, I'm like, oh, so what do you do?

Because I'm like, okay, this is very uncomfortable. She's like, giving me, like, just, she's being weird. Just kind of socially awkward. She's like, I'm a dating coach. I'm like, oh, that's, that's amazing. And I go, so what am I doing wrong? I'm like, looking at myself, like, what can I do?

She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, how can I improve this? You know, I'm trying to be like, fun. Yeah, yeah, just not even funny, just fun. Let's get into something. Yeah, like, well, like, I'm giving her a chance to roast me. well, your jeans look like shit or whatever if you want to say,

say it to me. And she's like, well, it depends on, well, what do you look it for? And then I'm like, black chicks. Yeah. You can be really? Black chicks. Yeah.

I told her, like, we're kind of going on. I was like, she was like, whatever you want? Like, do you just get to prefer? I was like, what if I want anal? She's like, then write it down. And she's like, yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I thought this was gonna, maybe get a laugh or something. And then I'm like, oh, I hope she doesn't think I'm like making fun of her job. She just wasn't picking up. She wasn't picking up. She's like, then write it down. I'm like, what if I want to? And I look at my friend, another comic, I'm like, a guy who I'm friends with him, I'm like, what if I want to fuck him? And she goes, write it down.

down. And I'm like, yeah, like, yeah, I was exactly. I was like, whatever. Well, he has a girlfriend. She's like, you got to manifest it. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. It's weird.

Anal thinks out so funny because it sounds like you'd be on a first date and on the napkin you just write anal and slide it over to her. Or you have to like tattooed on his neck

and he's like hey this right here it's still like red and blotchy and swollen there's still that like that they put like a film over it after you get a tattoo

it still has that on there it's fresh got out this morning it also sounds like which says right now it sounds like she wants it like on your wall like you have like goals and then a girl just walks in

It says like, you know, like, be better, be strong. Anal. Every one of them is so vague. Be a better person. Live, yeah, yeah. Live love. Yeah, love. Anal sex.

And she's like, okay, well, three. Yeah, yeah. That's nuts. That's such a weird job dating coach. Oh, it's a fake job, yes, yes. And it's a hustle job. It's a New York job. Yes.

It's any, you can do that anywhere, but like New York is, I feel like a place where you can easily swim. people like that. All you need is like, what, 10 clients? And you get into like a loop of like rich single women and then all of a sudden, or guys, and then all of a sudden you've got a career. It's a perfect job for a decently looking 60 year old woman who's divorced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you got to be somewhat attractive, I feel like, right? Yeah. It's like a personal shopper or something. Yeah, yeah. And like I feel like it's one of those jobs where, I mean, it's not like she's Hitch, okay? She's not like Will Smith. All right. And Hitch.

I feel like her, like the reality of a dating coach is, you have to give people advice, but also in the hopes that the advice doesn't work, so they keep going back to you. Yeah, it's a weird balance. You know? Because you can't like, you see someone get married, you lose a client.

Yeah, that's tough. You got to keep them dating. I wonder about my therapist, too. I wonder if there's low-key ways that she'll give me all this great advice. 100%. Low-key, she's just giving me some way to, like, just destroy my life just so I could keep coming back. She's like, yeah, got to communicate more.

you know, be better at home. Also, I don't know, maybe cheat on her. Maybe that'll help her like... Maybe that'll keep things fresh. Yeah, the dating coach is like... I mean, they're like, this is the one. I think I'm in love it. And she's like, are you sure you're ready to settle down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm 44. It's like, I don't know. I'm seeing a lot of red flags. Yeah, yeah, you're young. You're young. She's like, look at me, I'm 60. I'm still out there.

But you're divorced. Yeah, better off. But yeah, you're right about the therapist thing. It's like, I had a therapist here for a while, and she was, Michael is dying and you're like the least healthy person, I know. And she was very old, right? And I got to the point where, like, I was like plateauing with her.

Like, you could only communicate so much. Like, I'll be telling her a story, like, hoping that I'm going to get something out of it. And at the end, she'd be like, what's Uber? And I'm like, right, well, we're stuck on the wrong. Thanks. Yeah. But like, she was like an old Jewish woman in the Upper West Side who I would go to her apartment, like, once a week to talk about, like, my problems.

But really, we would just kind of have, like, a conversation. Like I would get to the end of, like she would get hung up on all, like, what an app is, you know. Yeah, yeah. There's no way she knows what iOS is. And we'd be talking and then I'm like, I'd kind of give her a little bit to see like, oh, let's see what she thinks about this. Like, we're really admitting something here. And then she just goes, oh, that's interesting. And then I got to the point I realized I'm like, oh, I'm like just going to an old woman's house once a week to like keep her company.

Yeah. It's like a community outreach program. She's like giving you candy. You're like, this is, I don't like this. Yeah, I'm like, instead of, I'm like, I might as well like get like volunteer hours for this instead of like actually giving her money. Are you dating? Yeah. Yeah, no, it was like that.

And like she, I would tell a story. Then she goes, that reminds me of a time. I'm like, no. Stop. Bring it back. June. Come on. Oh my goodness.

She's a nice lady though. That sounds fucking horrible. I mean, I actually. enjoyed it. There's, even if that was the case where she was like a fake therapist, because it's like a fake job to have when you're older. It's easy to be old and be like, well, I'm lonely. I can just be a

therapist, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if that's the case, I still enjoyed going to a beautiful apartment in the Upper West Side, right on the park, you know, a prime real estate, beautiful apartment, and just chatting with a nice elderly Jewish woman. That's where to be...

He's experienced some things. That's where to be in your house, because you're paying for the shit in there. She pulls out like a gold watch. She's like, you actually help me pay for this. You're like, fuck. Is this where my money's going? I mean, it is interesting. I think not fundamentally, but a big part of what therapy is, is like you're paying to like tell someone your problems

and you don't have to ask them like how they're doing. So you just get to like unload, just like everything that's bothering you. And then they're like, well, with me, it's like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't care. This is for me unloading on you. But I'm also like a comic and a people pleaser. So sometimes I'm like, I mean, she probably is waiting to get this off her chest. Yeah.

You have limited time You're like, yeah, so what's going on with you? Yeah. Tell me about your day. There was times about like, I'm running out of shit. I'm running out of material.

I started doing crowd work with terror. Uh, uh, I was molested by my uncle. No, that's not true. I'm sorry. I was just trying to get it.

I'm like, so what's bothering you this week? Yeah. Uh, no, I mean, it does feel like a fake hustle. Yeah, yeah.

The dating coach. There'd be, the age is an indicator of the fake hustle. You have to go through. To be a dating coach, you just have to like, to like, I'm a dating coach.

Yeah. And that's it. There's no qualifications. They do like, they go to, they do course work. They do all this shit to like become a therapist.

I know, I like, I like the dating coach idea. They're better. I like it, like the idea of like kind of fat out of shape middle age guy who's like

dipping and he's just right in your ears. The bar is like, keep your shoulders up boy. Keep your shoulders up. He goes with you. Yeah. Yeah. I,

I know some comics who have like, done like dating and like sex advice. Yeah. make gobs of money some of them. Patrice O'Neill used to do it. What was his sex advice?

Like, you gotta suck your man's dick. He would, I mean, it would be, he would go on the radio. And, like, he would give outdating sex. That's like a Steve Harvey thing, too, though. But I feel like it's the same, they're in the same vein of like. Well, Steve Harvey's like a little more like Christian, I think.

Yeah, yeah. But, oh, but he's, I mean, he's written like books and shit. Yeah, yeah, but he's like a man. I saw that in theaters. Act like a lady. Did you really? I did, yeah. I liked it.

Steve Harvey's a really funny comment. Yeah, he wasn't in it, though. I mean, he was in it, like, briefly because, like, the whole, the, the, the, the, the, the movie, you can't even call that a film. The movie, Think Like a Man is he wrote this book called Think Like a Man. Yeah. And it's just, like, gave women, like, all men's secrets or whatever, like, how to kind of, like, play the game, you know, holding out on sex. And, like, like, the little tips and shit like that, like, infuriated men. And the movie circles around, like, four guys who's, like, women each, you know,

like at the book, you know? And then, like, the men discover that they have the book, and then they start, like, reverse engineering and playing games on them. Right. And it was good. It was good. The one time I saw it,

I don't want to see it again and be like, oh, that was bad, and I paid money to see them. I don't think a single person to see that movie a second time. Yeah. But I'm sure a lot of people liked it. Turtle from Al Entourage is in it. Jerry Ferrar.

Yeah, yeah. Does he do a, like, a, like, a, you say he does a cameo in it? Does he do, like, a Stan Lee cameo where he's like, stop that boy. It's like, it's like, oh, shit. that was him. No, I think he narrates parts of the book.

Like when they reference the book, he's like narrating it. And I think like there's like, clips of him like on TV, like within the movie, within the universe, explaining the book on like Wendy Williams. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Wendy Williams. Crazy woman. You guys see that clip the other day? Oh, that was viral. That was insane. That was the funniest thing

I've literally ever seen. There's nothing more entertaining. There's nothing more entertaining than daytime TV. Truly, there's not... Michael, for as long as I've known him, has had this cough that would, like, indicate that he's on the brink of death. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think people in, like, 1880 coughed as hard as he does. I always go to one doctor. I mean, I spoke... You're going to the wrong doctor if you're only going to one doctor. No, no, but I always go to one doctor, and they're like, it's so fucked up. But they'll be like, yeah, no, I think it might be this, but you might want to check out a specialist.

For every time I go to the doctor, I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then I just never go to the specialist. Yeah, you're always looking for the doctor that tells you that you don't need to go to the specialist. Yeah, exactly. You have like tuberculosis or something? What's going on? I mean, I just, I got a new vape pen.

I think that might be it. Oh, I have, uh, someone gave me, someone stole two vape pens from 7-11 and gave them to me. So I don't use them. So if you want them, I'll give them to you. Oh, that'd be good. Well, man. As we're like, yeah, my good, you sound horrible.

But anyway, I'll keep enabling us. Well, it's a weed vape. I don't, I don't jewel. Hmm. Well, these are, these are jewels or whatever the, the fruity shit is. Is your girlfriend do it? Uh, no. Okay.

Well, I'm trying to get her to you, though. You're trying to get her. I'm trying to convince her. Like, you need a thing. I don't know, maybe like a hat or something? My thing is though, dude. My friend's girlfriend does it.

I think you look up. I think you like it, yeah. I just started getting into getting really high in city biking, that's one of my favorite things to do. Yeah, city bike's really fun. You have city bike? No. I hate cyclists, though.

Like, if I see him the street, I'm like, you got a fucking piece of shit. You know what's fun? I started like, because I always hated cyclist when I was walking when I was driving I was like fuck damn they like run lights they do all this and then I got on a bike I'm like yeah but it's really fun to do all those things yeah oh yeah just like you have red lights and you're like oh

this is the car's red light I'll fly through this I'll drive backwards in the bike lane on the range you're not you know how you're not supposed to go backwards on it I came all the way down he I came all the way down first avenue from 40th on a bike to get to your podcast what people were like it's one way and I was like yeah well sorry you're gonna have to deal with me now all right we got to explain though Wendy Williams Williams thing oh yeah yeah yeah so so so

She was, it was, this clip that, like, it was circling on Twitter went viral. And she was, she was, it was like her and then, like, whatever, like, monitor, you know, as they do on these talk shows. Like, there's some pictures from, like, 19-year-old kid, right? And she's talking about this guy. She's like, have you ever heard of? And I forget the guy's name. But she brings the guy's name. And the audience is like, no, no.

And her other producers and co-host, whatever, like, no, no, never heard of him. She goes, he's a TikToker who has. 4 million followers which is more than me I think right and there's like a little chuckle in the audience and there's got a chuckle on the audits

and she's like but she's kind of like doesn't say it as like super jokey there's like an insecurity about the way she says it and then she's like is that more than me and then someone goes like yeah but you have more like they're like justified they're like trying to prop her up make her feel better the woman's just losing it

and then you're like where is this going and she goes he he does these videos he got all those followers with like dancing videos. And she's kind of like, what the hell is that about? And then she goes, anyway, he died this morning. And it's like, wait a minute.

What? What the fuck? Did you kill his man, Wendy Williams? He was so funny. He was murdered. Yeah, yeah, it was murdered. He was murdered. Yes, he was. Anyway, she goes, well, anyway, she was like bitterly talking about how he has more clout online than her. And then she goes, well, anyway,

he was murdered this morning. And it's like, I'm pretty sure she did this. Yeah. The applause sign is on. Are we supposed to clap? Yeah. Yeah, like one of those things.

I mean, dude, if you go, imagine, like, being a person who goes to, like, a daytime. You hate your husband, and that's the only thing. Yes, if you go alone. I have a friend who, like, he was on, like,

Dr. Phil's, but, like, you know when they were doing it, like, on Zoom or whatever? they had like this is a big panel of like people just watching on Zoom when it was like a live studio audience. He was one of those people. Which that's hilarious. Oh, you just do it from your room.

But like if you're like, yeah, there's nothing to get as drunk as you want. I think if I was on a date with a, oh, absolutely. If I was on a date with a woman and she was like, yeah, I went to Wendy Williams taping alone, I would be like, all right, well, this date's over. Yeah. You know? Because that's, no matter if it's Wendy Williams, Dr. Oz, whatever like Huxter.

like they're going to see. It's a lot of women that go by themselves. Or like with groups of women, which is even scarier. No, by yourself, because like with the group, it's like, oh, so like people got you on a bus or something. If it's by yourself, it's like, no, no, no, I drove out. Called a Head, made a reservation, drove to the middle of Long Island to the studio.

Yeah, that's nuts. I saw a taping of a family feud. How was that? So, first of all, it was, you know, it was like pretty fun. I was, um, I went to the lot where it was, and it was like at the universal back lot. It's like cool, obviously. And then just like outside the lot is a just Steve Harvey's blue rolls Royce,

like parked right by the exit. He's such a be. I love that man. I love rocks. Dude, he's so cool. And then what was fun about is like the show is what it's like, you know, it's like interesting to watch like studio audience and all that stuff. What was cool is when they were doing like, when they were like resetting the camera,

he would just like tell stories to the audience. And he was just crushing this audience. Just like off the top just talking about it like, you know, they wanted me to do. the show and they said don't be fun. I can't replicate what he's doing at all, obviously. But just like telling what would be like very basic stories and just destroying the audience. He's so good, dude.

He really is one of the best. I don't know if you could say he's one of the best comics ever, but like he might, like he's an amazing, all-time great comedian. Look at everything he's done. Yeah, and his stand-up, people don't realize though his stand-up, he gets great. He'll get filthy in it too. He, my favorite joke of his, I think I've told you guys,

when his Iraq joke, where he's talking about, he's like, you send me there on a Monday, that war will be done on Thursday. He's like, I'm shooting every motherfucker thing. He's like, I'll shoot children, I'll shoot a baby, I'll shoot women. He's like, I'll shoot a baby in the face. He's talking about, like, it's just so funny.

I think I made, like, he's a guy where like, I would have like Steve Harvey art on like my wall. Whatever he did. Dude, also, when you were, he films like, because he doesn't go in every day. It's like they film like three, four episodes, like back to back to back. And people, they see the show.

That has to be like eight hours. They're like, and you have to be, at least. At least. I have to be captivating. And, like, curating this is. experience on camera and hosting like and during commercial breaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a, it makes sense why one, why it's such a lucrative job and two, why, there's not many people who can do that. That's not an easy thing. They had the guy from that. Oh, yeah, no. I was going to say they had the guy from like home improvement on before. Yeah. What a horrible choice. I mean, like that guy's, you know,

he's, I guess, charming and likable because he's on the show. And he's like, it seems like a likable guy, but like, it's not fucking Steve Harvey. I mean, what are we doing here? I will say, any random episode. a family feud and be like this is a good TV. Yes. Every time. Even if it doesn't matter how shitty like the families are, how much they suck or how boring it is. Like Steve Harvey is prime time TV. Exactly. And I've seen, have you ever been to like a late night? I've watched

like a late night comedy show taping. I'm not going to say who, but it was the worst experience. Oh, I went to one as well and it was, it was absolute garbage. I mean, like I felt like I was in like the Truman Show. Yeah. People would stand up and they're from like Cornfield, Nebraska. and they would ask, because they do something like asking audience questions or audience gets asked questions and it's like,

ha, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm with my family. I'm from Nebraska and, uh, it's just an honor to be here.

Uh, anyway, what's it like being on TV? Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah.

And then like, it's obviously like, horrible, like the gas, it's just all dog shit. But like, it is interesting to watch it all happen.

It's like, You're in like a Disney ride. Like, yeah. Oh, it feels exactly like, it's so weird. It's the same production value. Yeah. Yeah. That's what, like Disneyland is literally like, oh, like you guys will basically get to see how like Hollywood studios work kind of.

Sure. All, like, everything's built the same and shit like that. It's very strange. I watched one and they filmed all the guests back to back. You're different hours. So how's it going? Mammar, me, ma'ma, ma'am. Like, Dachshepard's like, good, good.

Kristen Bell is like this. And then you're like, oh, I hate Kristen Bell. Yeah. Yeah. She likes sloths and that's like her thing. Right. That's it. Oh my God, she's still unique. Oh, my God, it's so crazy.

Like, I fucking white women suck. Like, they really do. Steve Harvey's the man. He is. This podcast is for dudes only. Fuck you if you're a female. Unless you're Wendy Williams. She's the shit.

Black chicks only. Wendy Williams only. I just named my podcast, black chicks only. That looks so bad. Krista, dude, I mean, I don't know. Like, the whole, like, oh, my sloths are my thing. Like, that's so, it's such a lazy thing to have. But they think they're so, like, unique and, like, I'm

Quirky. By the way, here's the thing because I feel you at my, at first I'm like at first I'm like, oh, he's right. But then I'm like, oh, that's like one YouTube video from like nine years ago. I know, but I'll hold it against her.

Yeah, but like Amy Winehouse. And it capsulates her. Amy Winehouse is like, Pills are my thing. And I'm like, that's great. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. It's bad ass. Yeah. Oh, man. My thing is brushing my teeth in the morning. I brush my teeth three times a day.

If she was like, I like when Dag Sheppard puts the toothbrush in his asshole and then shakes it. That's real! He puts the handle. He puts the handle in his ass and then I put my mouth like this and I just shake it.

I would love to hear that. That should be what like... Also, it's so funny. It's like, it's late night TV and it is the busiest shit ever. It's on it. It starts at 11.45 p.m. And you can't say it.

You should be able to talk about getting your asshole eaten with a toothbrush or whatever it is. I don't think you're right. Let me explain the mechanism. So he puts the handle of the toothbrush in his asshole. And he shakes his ass and brushes her teeth with. Yes.

Oh, wow. That's great. Damn. I like that a lot. I like that too. I like that. I'm workshopping around town. Were you into it as a kid?

What, late night? Yeah. I would watch, like, as a kid, like, as soon as I got, like, a laptop, I would watch porn. Yeah, well, yeah. And every day, you're like, I just would watch old panels, like, of, like, comedian.

all, like, just for hours and hours and hours every night. And then, like, Conan was the guy that I would watch, like, on TV. Yeah, he's great. And I would watch Letterman, too. But, yeah, I really loved it as a kid. I just thought it was so, I thought it was just cool. I thought TV was the shit. And I still, I think the idea of TV is still great.

And, like, some of those old shows were really cool and interesting. But now they suck. There's also no competing with podcasting and. But it's so weird knowing people on TV now. Because when you were a kid, I was, like, blown away. I was like, even being on the local news, I was like, I was in the Jumbotron at an Orlando Magic game And I'm like dude I was on fucking TV

Like in your mind it's such a huge thing I remember that feeling I remember that feeling in the Braves game I remember getting like a sport I was subscribed like a Sports Illustrated magazine As a kid sports illustrated like ESPN magazine Like as a kid and like elementary school And I would get the magazine sent to my house obviously

And I you know like the They have like your mailing address and your name On the magazine Yeah yeah I saw that and I'm like Holy shit I'm famous I was like, I'm on ESPN. I literally was in my room.

I had have been like seven and just seeing like, I'm on ESBM. Like, freaking out. Like, walking in circles around my room. Like, just fucking going crazy. Like, oh, my God. By the way, we're all so diseased. A regular person, they're just like,

oh, yeah, I was on the thing at the Orlando Magic Game last night. That was cool. But we're all like, that moment happened. Well, it's like, I've been on town. How old were you? I picture you leaving your house. 12, 13, something like, yeah.

I picture you leaving. Like, now I'm like, that's depressing. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. I picture you leaving your house just like one of Michael Jackson's kids

that day because you got like the sunglasses on. A big hat. Yeah. That's exactly how I felt. Well, he just had to dress like that because he lived in Florida and he's ghostly.

Yeah. That was really cruel, man. Yeah. Sometimes the worst stuff. Michael, it's fine. It's cool. Don't worry about it. You shut the fuck up!

This is my friend. Oh my God. Michael's attacking me. Yeah. I also like right now, I'm wearing the slippers from the job that I just quit. So it's so funny, I was planning on quitting.

These are... The little slippers at work. I don't say the name of the company. But these are... White Rock? The KKK, Michael. No, but I just think it's so... It was so funny because, like, the day I was about to quit, this woman's like,

you've been working here for so long, and I love your work. She's like, I'm going to give you a treat. She's like, here are your slippers. You can always remember. And she had no idea that I was quitting that. I used to temp at this company that was affiliated with Schmachshmachsh. schmuse and it

I mean I really I'm like a dog I really don't know what that's supposed to rhyme with go on what schmocks schmuse you know

you don't know what network is schmach oh yeah yeah that was I don't know how you did that was pretty that was rough dude that's what I said

I'm like a dog it's like you just smelled out treat in front of me that was awful all right go on yeah I mean whof man

okay gotta reevaluate some things here but yeah it was like a temp and like when you're a temp you get to like, the people think you're like an idiot. They think you're like a legit imbecile

which, of course I am. But like, I mean, they literally think you're like stupid and like poor. Which, I mean, again, I'm not untrue. Yeah, yeah. I would like, they'd be getting rid of like hats. I have like a ton of like dope hats from like different sports teams and like events, all starry, all these different things.

And like old TV shows. And I was like, these are fucking sick. And they're like, yeah, this is, you sure you want? this? I'm like, yeah. I would be the guy that would like rummage through the garbage of like things people were there clearing out of the desks and people would like, my boss

should be like, Dan, come on, they're getting rid of some stuff upstairs. And I would go and then she'd be like, oh, here you go like, here you go. I'm like, do you think I don't own any anything? Yeah. We have like some watermelon rinds in the fridge. I figure you could probably do something with that if you want. Well, it's also like my job before that I was a janitor or chickfilet. So like, going there,

there was one day where they gave us like free ice cream and I was like, you guys get free ice cream? This is fucking sick. And they were like, yeah, this is whatever. I'm like, no, this is like, you guys are treated like royalty. Dude, yeah, that was the same with this company. Like, there would be leftover bagels from a conference room and I would eat like three of them. I'd be so excited.

I was like, dude, free food. This is you. And then I realize I'm like, oh, this is a Fortune 500 company. I was like, they have so much money. They have so. Gobbs of money. But yeah, when you work as a temp, you treat a dumb. The best is reception jobs.

Oh yeah, because you just sit there. You sit there and by the way, if I'm working, and you only do it for a couple days a week if you're temping, when I was working reception, like, if I was working that day, you're not getting through to whoever you called. Dave, not here. Sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't even know the name of this company, nor do I know what it does. Look, they give me a big binder. I would have to flip all the way through it to find the guy. He should probably just call back tomorrow. There was one job I had as a receptionist. I was supposed to do it for like three days. And I got it, it got pushed to like, maybe like eight or nine days, right?

And they give me a little, like, corner, a little cubby to sit in, a desk with a computer, all this, all the shit. And I was just chilling, you know, it was a beautiful office with free coffee food, like full coffee bar and catered lunches and in like Wall Street, Tribeca area, like great area, big windows. I was like, oh, this is chill. And I took, nobody called. Nobody came in for any meetings.

I did nothing for like eight days. People would like the first couple days that come up to, like, introduce themselves. I was like, hey, my name is Ashley. What team are you on? And I'm like, Ashley, don't even bother learning my name. I don't, how, like, I am not on anybody's team. I don't think I will ever be. But like, I would like, towards like the end of like the three days or whatever, when I was supposed to kind of be done, the guy, the boss, my boss.

Because you always like assigned to like kind of like one person. Like he kind of, he had me come in his office and he was like, I really like what you're doing around here. He's like, I really like, you're, you're killing it. He's like, you're exactly what we need. And I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah, yeah, you're doing great. He's like, we're going to extend this. Oh, my God.

And I did no work the entire time I was there. Zero work. I fucked off. I was on, like, I read every article and like ESPN and reached a report. And I sent out a bunch of emails to book myself on shit and wrote about God knows what and stolen Instagram and Twitter the whole time. Then they were like, you're killing it. I was at a similar thing, a reception thing at the Central Park Conservancy, which is like,

It's like the not-for-profit that's in charge of taking care of Central Park. It's like a trust. And same thing. I was like, I would be like there on like the Friday or like the Thursday before like long weekends, shit like that. Like so just like nothing's going on. And also I don't even know when they're busy. I don't even know what they do.

Yeah. But then like the only like so occasionally get like calls like, oh, can I get like this person? But then I would just get calls from people who were in Central Park like seeing something happen. And just like when you Google the number of Central Park, this would be able to come up. So someone would be like, hey, there's someone climbing on the rocks over there. I'd be in an office in like midtown. I'm like, oh, that's crazy, man. All right, good luck with that, dude.

There's nothing you could do at that point. You got like, oh, poor. I, uh, one of the coolest ones is I was receptionist for the NBA Players Association. So, like, it was, and I'm a huge NBA fan. So, like, Chris Paul coming in and shit? No. I mean, he's obviously, like, he's the president.

But he's busy. But, like, I, like, if I had worked there for longer than one day, I'm sure I would have seen it. But there was, like, five players who came. came in. That's awesome. Throughout the day. But like literally nothing happened.

My only job was like, obviously someone called or did whatever. I had to kind of like figure that out. But really the job was just letting people in the door. You know? Like people would come up and I'd buzz them in or whatever. And like I just, there was nothing to do all day. Only like five people came in. So they would always be like, I just hear like pounding on the door and I'm like, what the fuck?

And it'd be like J.J. Redick like, can you let me in, man? I'm like, oh shit. My bad. I was on my phone. And like nobody was like a dick. But you could tell people were like, I've been out of here for like five minutes. You know what I mean?

It's like, oh, man, it's a good thing I don't actually work here. I'm still mad about one of my last jobs, when I was in high school, I worked at a restaurant. And this fucking asshole, one of my friends had like, it's so funny that I was just thinking about this the other day. This one of asshole in my job, I was like probably 15 years old, and one of my friends had like painkillers.

And this guy comes in who's like, college dropout kind of guy. And he's like, hey man, can you get me some oxies? Which is so funny because I'd mentioned smoking pot once. And then he's just like, do you know where I can get opiates? And I was like, yeah. He asked everyone he's ever met.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure he has. And then the guy fucking like, I was like, you know, one of my friends just had surgery. I could sell him to him. He's like, yeah, for sure. He's like, I'll pay you back later. And the guy still has never paid me back. And I'm like, could you imagine being?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know why. It just randomly bothered me. I was like, or the other day, I was like, that guy never paid me back for. Yeah. Some guy actually overdosed on heroin on the job there one time. Dude, I've worked out a place where someone overdosed on a drug addict.

pills on credit? Yeah, that was the worst idea. Yeah. Ten crack commandments, dude. Never listen to Biggie? Not a lot. All right. The Ten Crack Commandments song before, that was a song I would listen to in middle school,

getting ready to go to school. I'd be getting dressed, listen to the Ten Crack Commandments. Go into middle school. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Biggie gets it, dude. Yeah. I'm like, I got to be ready. I'm going to memorize these.

Who knows such one I'll have to employ today. But yeah, I, you know what I'm talking about, people like asking for drugs and stuff. Anytime I mentioned like weed or coke like on stage. And it's never like, you know, I do it all the time or anything like that. Just bring it. You can just bring it up, you know? Even if you're pointing to someone on the audience, like, oh, you're like on Coke or whatever.

Some bullshit. Bullshit like that. No matter what it is, someone will always come up to me after the show. I'd be like, hey man, if you need Coke, I got you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, no, I'm good, man. They're like, you sure? Like, you brought it up.

And I'm like, yeah, I didn't bring it up so you could sell it to me. I did a show the other night and this guy comes up and he says that and then his friend who he was with comes up and he's like, man all you guys on the lot of mentioned cocaine and he was like, I did it for the first time today in months he's like I felt like you guys knew I was on it. Oh my God.

And I'm like, yeah, that's why we all talked about it. We got together and we're like, this guy's own code. We got to all bring it up. In this dark room where I can't see a single person I knew that you specifically were on. No, he really thought it. Like, he was, like, freaking out. He's like, I, I sort of swore.

And then his buddy comes up to me afterwards. He was like, yeah, my friend thinks he, like, you all knew he was on co. What the fuck? And then I'm like, no, we don't. He's like, yeah, man, but like, I got it if you need it. I'm like, no, stop. Yeah. Stop, dude.

I'm not, like, I'm not a piece of shit. Like, I am, but, like, this is, oh, yeah, this is why I do com. There are people who, like, do comedy just to get drugs. Yeah, yeah. But also, people on cocaine think that everyone wants cocaine. Yeah, they're like, how could anyone know? How did you know what to be a part of this? It's like sweating.

Yeah, well, like, as they're, like, I need someone else to, like, come down with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not doing this alone. That's my favorite when I'm in Greenwich Village, though, and somebody would be like, do you know where I could get drugs around here? I'm like, literally walk for two seconds.

Somebody will yell Coke and weed right at your face. I was like, Lou, walk there for two seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hardy favors, got weed and coke, like all that stuff. Yeah. One thing I think is so funny is I got a, I don't, I don't do coke anymore or anything like that, but I got fentanyl testing strips,

and I haven't used them yet. I like being scientists. I don't know why. You've always had drug testing kits for as long as I'm known. In college, you got there you had Molly. Yeah, because they used to do Molly and stuff like that.

And it was just so funny because, like, that's the one time you actually want the drugs to be bad because you're like, I bought, you bought the drugs and that sucks, but you also bought the testing case. You're like, I want, I want, I, if every drug was clean, I'd be kind of like, oh, this sucks.

How much was a testing kit? Well, it depends on ones. And most of them are like 20 bucks. But I found some bad stuff before. to die. Yeah. Dude, you find some bad stuff. Like, it's, there was one thing.

I remember this guy came in. And it was the stuff called, like, um, I think it was, was it was a PMA. It was something and it was the only thing on the drug chart that had a skull and crossbones on it. Like meth is like, guess what, pal, you're doing meth tonight. This is what it is. Heroin's like you're doing heroin.

No warning. I think that's what it was. PMMA. And it just had a skull and crossbones. What is that? It's like, uh, it's called like a pipe. cuisine or something like that. Is it, is it a drug of sorts? Yeah, but it's like... It's literally like

what they used to kill the rats in the drug making facility. Really? Oh, no, no, no. But it's got to be something like fucked up like that. Just like some industrial byproduct. Yeah. Drug. Internet slang. But it was one thing that had the skull and crossband bite, which is hilarious. And the guy is like, so I shouldn't take it. I was like, dude, there's literally like... Oh, but I spent the money. It's like, dude, the money fucking throw...

You spend money on drugs. That wasn't like money you needed, obviously. Oh, it stands for positive mental attitude, apparently. According to that's not it. Oh my God, I was like, dude. That's what it's out there. It's like a fake drug. That's like a 21 Drum Street. Yeah, one of those. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's so funny because also, it sounds

way cooler. We call them research chemicals growing up. But in the 90s, they call them designer drugs. I'm like, that sounds so, way better. Yeah, I would do them if they were called that. Dude, that would be so, somebody comes in. It's like, Fendi and Estrada. Yeah. You'll get out of here. We're doing designer drugs.

I can't afford Gucci, but I can have. Yeah, designer drugs. I got these designer drugs from that guy who sells purses on 6th Avenue. I'm in, man, Jason, you were talking about this earlier. I just feel like, I don't know. So, like, we know, like, people, like, getting older, like, that are, like, 10 years old than us and are still, like, doing, like, ketamine and shit.

And it's just, just disgusting. It starts to bum me out, dude. Yeah, like, it's cool for, like, a couple years. I've never done ketamine, but, like, I... It's fucking awesome. I know you love it. Oh, hold on. Have I told you this story? Hold on. Please finish your thought, and then I got a funny Michael story. I just, it's just, it's depressed. It's weird. Like, like, I did this show. Unless you're killing it. That's things. I think, no matter what, you can experiment with

certain drugs if you're doing well in other areas of your life. Disagree. You disagree? I mean, what kind of logic is that? If you're doing great, you could throw it all away. Yeah, but I think, I think, okay, so do you think you could do mushrooms at 45 years old? Mushrooms are, that's a whole other thing. I disagree.

I disagree. I don't think there's a giant difference for doing ketamine and mushrooms. I was, I was walking around the street with, uh, with Michael. Um, we were like, like, bounce around open mics. And, uh, he was like, uh, he was like, yeah, you know what I've, I've been kind of curious about is like, I'm wondering, this is like before COVID, yeah. He's like, I'm wondering, I might,

I might like try Kenamee at some point. I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool, man. We're like walking around, walking around. He's like, yeah, dude, like, actually, like, actually, I know this guy who like sells canomene. I was thinking I might, like, buy some candy from him. I was like, oh, cool, man, that's tight.

Then, like, a little bit later, he's like, yeah, so I have Kenamine in my back. Yeah, that was hilarious. Yeah, I was trying to ease it. But, like, I totally get what you're saying, but it's a hard, it's a weird thing to do, Because, like, I get the people like, okay, if you're doing Coke every night and you're like in your 40s, it's wild. But I think it's weird when you start drawing certain lines because alcohol is one of the physically most harmful drugs for you.

I agree. I agree in getting fucking tanked like throughout your whole life. That's a, that's also a waste. Yeah. But can you die from ketamine. Yeah, you could die from alcohol. You could die from... I'm not talking about it. Yeah, okay.

I'm talking about ketamine. Yes, you can die from mushrooms. That is true. That's a good point. So that's where the line is. This is how you become like a drug. You're like, what's the difference? It's fentanyl.

It's mushroom. It's weed. It's all the same. Well, no. Yeah, but to be fair, like, ketamine, like, they use prescription. Like, people use it for depression therapy all the time. And, like, it's, it's something that, like, it's FDA approved. Like, you could go. They also give oxies to people who have- Of course. Yeah, but where do you draw a line of saying, like, if you have surgery, then you're like, oh, it's fucking gross. At a certain age, just stop it. Fucking get a family. Like, get a kid.

Move to the suburbs. Get out of here. Do something. You're bumming everybody. Yeah, it's gross. Like, oh, like, what's the point, man, makes me happy. You know what? Like, what? What? you can do that to your 50 and you're going to wake up and be like, what the fuck am I doing? You're throwing your life away. It's disgusting. It's gross and I hate being around you.

And you feel the same way about homosexuals. That's true. Get a family. I did not say that. Get a family. It's the same argument. Yeah. This is fine in your 20s.

Yeah. Get over it. Move on. I get what you said. There are certain things to do bum me out when you see somebody and you're like, oh yeah. People are like, yeah, we're doing ketamine right now. I'm like, you're all 37.

Yeah. You know what I, I, I, start mountain biking. Yeah, yeah. Do you do something. That is an interesting thing. I know a lot of drug addicts, and now they're just super into, like, skydiving and, like, BMX buggy. It's pretty cool. But it's so funny because I'm like, you're going to die, you're going to die this way, but it's a better way to die. Of course. The thing is, drug addicts are very good at, like, finding one activity and organizing, like, if they like to do something, they'll figure out how to, like, work everything around being able to do it. 100%. Yeah. They'll, like, they'll find a way like, oh, I can, they'll move places because they can get it easier. Like, although, and if they're really addicted, sometimes they'll move away, they have to move away from places because it's too easy. It's like, I'm sorry, man, it's just too easy to go skydiving in Nebraska.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to go somewhere more mountainy. Yeah. I base jump now, but nothing. None of the hard stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's gross.

At a certain age, it's gross. I don't know, like, I did the show in Austin at, it was someone's house, right? So there's this house that, uh, this is actually an interesting show because some, it was someone's home that, like, they found out was going to get, like, torn down, right? Demolished.

So they turned it into this art. exhibit, which is actually pretty sick. Like, they broke down, like, walls. And by that, I mean, like, of, like, homophobia. No, I'm kidding. They, like, they broke down, like, like, like, literally the walls in the house.

They put, like, like, really cool entrances and, like, paintings everywhere. Like, it was a whole thing, right? Like, it was, like, an Alice in Wonderland type shit, right? And so they did a show there, right? The people who, like, own this house or, like, we're living at this house. And

I get there. And the first, and the first rule is you had to take your shoes off. So I'm like, okay, so I took my shoes off. House getting destroyed the week later. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoes later, I have to take my shoes off. Yeah, it's dumb. I had to take my shoes off.

There was like 50, 60, there's probably 60 people at the show. Everyone had their shoes off. I performed with my shoes off. Why don't I think this is a mosque? He's like, it's all trippy and there's cool colors in the wall. It's kind of like a play on this being someone's house, right? Is it like, oh, it's not a house anymore? Well, there was, no, I think it's, so the guy who,

seemed to be like in charge was an Asian fellow. So I think it was like a cultural thing. He was a, it was an Asian guy in a kimono and underwear and that's what he was wearing. Pretty tight. And like a headband, like some sort of bandana type thing and he was giving out orange is to people

like during the show. That's like a nice guy. It's like a weird dream. It's a weird dream. The first thing I Yeah. She was with my neighbor when we were eight. As soon as I got on the stage, I was like, this is exactly what my parents think I'm doing right now.

Yeah. This is literally it. There's like a 50-year-old man bartending there, and he's like completely out of it. But everyone was like sitting crisscrossed apples on the floor watching. And it was a great show. But after the show, everyone was doing ketamine. They were all snorting ketamine, which I didn't like,

I didn't do it. They're like, you've never done it? I'm like, no. They're like, you got to do it. And I'm like, actually no, I don't. You know what I mean? And so, but this girl that I'm talking to at the show and I'm like, oh, I'm kind of picking up some vibes.

She sees people like doing ketamine. She goes, and they're snorting it. And she's like, oh, I didn't know you could snort it. She's like, I've only shot it. Yeah, it's wild. And then I was like, oh, okay. And then the guy next door was like, oh, my God, me too. I'm like, right, good to see everybody.

Take care. Go to bed. Yep, going home, go to bed. Moving. Moving. Moving. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, something about it was like, it literally, I was like, I performed like a K-hole. Like, we all just did the show and then afterwards. And like, look, that's what a lot of like music and comedy. Like, we do this like after the shows, a lot of people engage in that stuff and, you know, they party.

And I'm not like a person who doesn't party or hasn't before. But it's like just something about it. I'm like, it feels like it just takes away. You know what I mean? I'm like, so we did this thing that feels productive and it's work. and then it becomes like this hippie commune where like a guy in a kimono is like sprinkling angel dust on us and we had to take our shoes off like what the fuck is going on here? I was talking to,

I've talked to Michael about this I've also just talked to like other comics so I've had to like, I've been like hanging out at clubs to like try to get in for a while when you're doing that and you're not getting stage time it's like okay well I guess

we'll just like hang out and drink because I can't just like fucking sit here and sit and be social and just like doing that for like weeks and months and just like boozing boozing like so regularly and then finally like once I start getting stage and I'm like oh good I can stop doing this other fucking thing because I'm like tired of it

and what I like is getting on stage and then be like all right have good night and when you're just like it spoils the high from from stand up but like I still like going out like drinking it's like a weekend and honestly it's like oh it's your last set and you like don't have to do anything tomorrow they're like great but like making it like oh yeah I go out I do a set and then I get drunk

it makes it so tedious man people a lot of people do comedy because they're losers and they had no friends growing yeah sure right so comedy becomes their yeah Michael So comedy becomes this sort of social crutch Yeah, yeah

You know, where it's like, hey, this is how I can meet people It's like getting a dog Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On this, Dan hates dogs and ketamine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think every dog should take ketamine. Enough to sedate it. No, I don't know, it's just like, yeah,

It's like, oh, you're only doing this so you could meet people and get fucked up. And then you're like, you see like, and it's not even like, Pete, there's people in the clubs and who won the clubs who were like crazy and do that shit too. They do it because they have nothing I was going on.

And they're like 45 and posting pictures of themselves drunk on like a floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, I love the arts. And it's like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't care about this thing. You're an addict and you have a child. You should see your child.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a baby boy. No, that's, it was so funny. We were watching somebody give out Oreo. You know those kids that give out Oreos for money. Yeah. We're like, it's 2 o'clock in the morning. Was it you a you all talking about this?

Yeah. And we're like, how much you, we're like, I can see that's like some comics kid and we're like, wait, more often than not. That is more likely. That would make more sense than anything else. I was barking at McDougal. It was so late and there were small children selling cookies. I was like, fuck it.

And they make more money than like most of the comics. They definitely make more money than the comics, but I was like, go to bed. What's going on? That's a hustle, man. It is a hustle. Well, I hope they, but I don't think they independently were like, hey, you know what? Let's get some Oreos and like sell them on McDougal. I think an adult was like, yeah, it's kind of like.

I love those adults that will make you do shit for you. Listen, I'm teaching you a lesson. You're like, what? They're bringing the adult back all the money? It's like,

this is valuable experience for you. Dude, I guarantee you child molester say stuff like that where they're like, listen, you're learning about the real world here. Like,

so Michael, why are you able to guarantee that? I'm not going to say, but I'm not just kidding. Yeah, those kids give out of the Oreos, it's like, they're like little Britney Spears. Yeah,

yeah, dude, and even, and think about how Saddware for Britney Spears, she has millions of, of dollars. Well, she doesn't. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Well, I, does she, though? Because she seems

like she lives in a mansion. Oh, she definitely has a nice life, but she doesn't have, like, access to her funds, but it is her money. God, man. She's just a ruined... That's how I feel right now. My dad sold my car and hasn't given me the money yet, so I know exactly how she feels. It was so funny. I think... I probably talked about... Forgive me if I've already talked about this on the podcast, because it might have been right after I saw the documentary, but it was funny

when the Britney Spears documentary came out, and people were, like, reading into her Instagram post like that, and it would just be like a picture of a flower and just like, he's like long things. I'm like, oh, this is just with like every white trash girl who I grew up with post. She's just really in Alabama in like her deep 30s. Which is I'm like super into. Yeah, yeah. She was my first celebrity crush.

I do. I like J.I. Yeah, same. I saw her do the New Year's show a couple years ago. The what? I saw her do like the New Year's Rock and Eve like when she recorded it. Oh, really? A couple years ago in Las Vegas.

Oh, she's looking. Amazing. Yeah. She had a gun pointed to her back, but it looked like it. I felt as part of the act, but it was her dad. Yeah. She's just having fun. She's like chained to the float.

Like she also like, dude, she was so ahead of her time. Like, imagine if there was like a celebrity, like, a pop star that did that now, like, shaved her head and like locked theirself in the bathroom. Like, everyone would be like, that's what every girl does that now. Every girl, they'd be like, that's an icon. Yeah. That is an icon. And also she looked hot as fuck with the shaved head too. She pulled it off.

She, because she was like the first, maybe not the first person, but like that was, in retrospect, it was just her being like, leave me the, like, these people just like following her all. And she was like a kid when she got, like, famous. She was on like eight, but like she was like 16, 17. She was like a trainer. Like every girl I know with cancer shaves her head. And it's because of Britney. Oh my gosh. Brittany did it.

It doesn't mean it looks good on you. Yeah. Get a wig. But no, yeah, it is wild. I did feel bad. We only have like two minutes left. But, um, you guys want to promote some stuff? Yeah, I got tall boys every Wednesday at Solas Bar at 8 p.m.

It's like, oh, I think. somebody on your show broke our microphone last night or the other night. I think our microphone this is a weird thing to talk about on air. Someone on our show broke the microphone? Maybe we'll figure it out. Yeah, I had to do this fucking show

with no microphone. Yeah, yeah, he did my show last night. And Michael cut my time and... It was a mess. No, I'm kidding. It was a good show. So I got that in White Boys Heart movies with Matt Somersstein on Spotify. In our new show, everybody's gay but me.

Everyone's gay about doing a show like the Flyers like us back to back. All gay lineup and then he and Jason. That's funny as fuck. You can follow me at Dan Mann-Karnie on Twitter and Instagram. Yeah, that's what I want you to do. You have to type in my whole shit because I'm getting like, I'm like shadow band on Instagram.

Yeah, that's wild. It's so dumb. Do you have any idea what it could be from? Yeah, I posted, you know, those like, those candles with like the Virgin Mary on them? Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, there's like, you know those knockoff ones where people post like, it's like, it's like candles, but it's like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. and yeah i saw there's a store that had like those and like Alex Trebek was on the candles

Kobe Bryant all these dr. Phil people that were even dead yet and so I posted a picture of that and uh on my Instagram with the caption will someone someone please come kill me oh yeah and that post got removed because I was promoting self-harm so I posted that which media is so fucking and like once you post why you that's when they get really that's they get really mad and like I know some people like who've gotten shadow been for less and like I've just even talking about it on their Instagram. I've gotten messages from Instagram like, hey, we're going to delete your profile.

And like I've sent Instagram messages. Now I'm like employing this person from Facebook to like help me out with it who's supposed to be like good at that type of shit. But if you type in Dan Carney on Instagram, I don't come up. And I obviously have more followers in these other Dan Carnies. But you have to type in Dan Mancarnie, which is my full handle.

It's so annoying. It's so lame. I hate even talking about it because it's so lame. But it helps now people know where to find you. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. All right, that's it. All right.