Morning Good - Dick Flicks - Episode 185

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Nick Taylor and Ryan Thomas join the show for today's episode. They talk about sex with inanimate objects, being Mid-west "well-off", and life-changing bad mushroom trips. Thanks to Nick and Ryan for coming back on the show. They've both been on once or twice before, so check out previous episodes of the show as well as their links down below for more.Ryan is on Instagram @ryanthomascomedy and hosts The Vegan Chitlin Circuit Podcast.  Nick is on Instagram as well @nicktaylorstandup and hosts his podcast, The Nick Taylor Show.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, by the way, shout out to Tim's Brace. Welcome to Morning Good. All right. Now we're restarting with Nicholas Taylor. Hello. And Ryan Thomas. Hi. And I am, I'm back from an adventure.

I went to Providence this weekend. Have you guys ever been to Providence? Rhode Island? Yes. Also, knock this shit down. This shit does not need to be in the way. The vacuum? Yeah, it's very distracting.

The vacuum shows that you got money, man. That's a nice vacuum. Do poor people not have vacuums? What, no, that's a nice. Is that not a Dyson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dyson, poor people don't have Dyson. Oh, okay.

That's usually my girlfriend required. She wanted like the... Yeah, she wanted a nice vacuum. I don't even have a vacuum. I like one that plugs in. You don't have to, uh, charges. You don't have to plug it in. You have ultimate freedom.

You don't have to do the whole... You don't have to jump rope while you're cleaning the house. I missed the cord. The cord takes me back to my youth. We used to have a vacuum. No, shut up, Michael. In my head, I'm like, oh, you're not talking about fucking vacuum to start the goddamn podcast. But what kind of vacuum did you have? The listeners would love to hear. We had a vacuum. We got from a yard sale, but it had a meter that showed you like how clean the floor was getting. So like, you go over a place. It was like a red. And you're like, no, fuck this. We

don't get it yellow. Then we're going to get orange. Then we're going to get green. And then you go to the next spot. It was like a perfect vacuum for all. is it was fantastic. I like to think of you guys like, trying to haggle with them at a yard sale too over the vacuum. My dad was very good at that. Every time.

Yeah. It was my dad, my mom, and then our Mexican neighbors just haggling away. Yeah. Do you ever put your dick in a vacuum cleaner? I had to bring a morning spit. I haven't. No. Have you? No, I was always terrified. I feel like it would rip your dick off. I'm shocked that you did not.

I put my dick in a lot of weird things. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The weirdest thing. I put my dick in. Oh, this is fucked up. Okay, this is really fucked up. Okay.

A vacuum that wasn't wrong. I tried to put my dick in something. When I was like probably, ah, I shouldn't say, but I should say, I was probably like 10. Oh, yeah, no, that's mine. Wow.

You were, my, my, my sister had a toy that was like a Barbie head. It was like a life size Barbie head. Nice. And she was like,

sorry, a life size Barbie head? Yes. What the fuck? Right. Very Jeffrey Tom. It was just the head. It was just the head. It was just the head and its mouth opened. And I remember to try and put my finger in it. My dick couldn't fit in it. So I didn't. But what I did, I didn't have sex with it. Oh, your dick was too big? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fucking huge. Even as a 10 year old. Yeah. But I remember, uh, I remember having no perception of things. Like I look at things. I was like, could I put my penis at something? I don't think I can. But I remember too is like my sister was done playing with it. Like I was not like gonna fuck something that like, I don't think I was like, and I didn't think. And I was like, and. And they did that. So many people were gonna fuck something that like, and. And I was. And I was not like, and. then give it back to a family member.

I was like, you know, it was like a toy that was like in like a bitch. And I was like, all right, nobody's going to know about this. But I'll look like a fucking serial killer. I'm just fucking a corpse of a Barbie head. You just had your Batman and Spider-Man watching you have sex with her barb. Yeah, but you like to fuck this Spider-Man. Yeah, you'll never get this. You sit down and you watch.

I've already tried. It's too small. She chose me. Dude, I don't think it's weird to be tin and like sticking your dick and things. No, no, no. But it was just somebody else's thing that feels like, You know what I mean? Because my sister was so much younger

that's weird to like... But also I couldn't ejaculate that. I was just putting things in weird spots. Like there was a... I remember the one thing I fucked I was in a waiting room. Sorry, morning good listeners have heard this story.

But I'm gonna go into it. I was in a waiting room one time and there was a, the game that it was a book that had a sock puppet. Like it was like a little worm sock puppet. Oh yeah, I know that book.

Yeah, and I fucked the shit out of that. Yeah, I just fuck, um, yeah. You did successfully? Yeah, yeah. Completion? Well, I couldn't come. There was like a year of me mastering

that I couldn't come, which was amazing, because your whole body would freak out. You were orgasim as you were orgasiming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you couldn't, nothing was coming out. Right. God's like, you're not supposed to jizz. I'm like, shut up.

You don't came without jizzing? Yeah, I remember that early way, like a long, yeah. It was a great existence. You guys are little perverts, little sluts. Yeah. Self-pleasuring sluts. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

First time I masturbated, I fucking nutted. Really? Well, I don't know. I was probably like 14 or something, though. Yeah. There was like a long time coming. But it sucked because then you were, Because then you started to ejaculate and you were like,

now we have to clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember the first time it was like a tear. Yeah, it was God crying. The loss of innocence. Yeah, what is my son done? Damn, dude, that must have been you were doing it a lot because all you had in the bank was that single tier.

Yeah, you know what I mean? I think, I think it comes in, like, I couldn't have just shot a rock. It's not like one day you just start jizzing. We're producing a lot. Well, yeah, and I used to piss after jerking off. And I'm like, what a fucking big old load this is. You invented squirting?

Yeah. Wait, that's interesting. Women can squirt, but guys can't squirt. I never thought about that. What do you mean? Every time we know, we squirt. It's not the same thing. So, like, a woman coming is different

than a woman squirting because squirt has piss in it. So there's no male equivalent to squirting. Ah, dude, I mean, there's got to be dudes out there that love coming and pissing at the same time. You can't come and piss at the same time, though, that's impossible. Isn't it impossible? Well, I mean, you could probably follow it up. Immediately? You chase it with a, it's like, it's like your body has to convicts.

a fucking piss back. Because a squirt is like the body convulsed so much that it like releases the piss. Like the orgasms so much that like the... So you'd have to be coming so hard that you start pissing.

I never fucking looked up this squirt piss thing. I don't know anyone who's looked it up. I only know people that say squirt is pissing and then you ask like is it really and people like, I don't know. I go off like bar stool reels where it's like a woman she's like

squirt as pest and then I'm like, she's kind of hot so I think I'm gonna go ahead and stick with that. What is Dave Poyne already say? How many likes it? Yeah. I trust it. Oh, look.

Gly and hi. I says, Ha, ha, Mike's like, that's the expert. Yeah. Squat and fish.

You can't pronounce squirt or piss. Yeah, that's glad past. But yeah, she goes, I was here mixed reviews. I don't think it,

it must be similar, must be related. It might come out the urethra. But like, it can't be pissed. Because bitches be squirting a lot sometimes. Yeah. Like,

there's no way. Also, and they like sprinkle it? It's like going crazy. It's like all over the place. And it's not the same color. Have you ever seen a, a chick.

squirt and it be yellow ever. There's like a tint. There's like a tint. Have you seen the tent? Yes, yes, yes. Up close? No, that's a good point. I've never seen the tent.

I've never experienced it live. Yeah, my sheets are white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always just been, just like water hits the thing. I just picture you in like a science lab, like to the glasses, you have goggles. You're looking at the sheet up with like a little thing. Trying to catch it in a beaker. Yeah.

No, no, no, slow down. Oh, so bad. Why is the aperture on the thing so small? What they are, I used to fuck Gatorade bottles a lot. But they're gonna say gay dudes, but Gage you a lot. I was like, wait till this is a vagina. You fuck Gatorade bottles? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because

it was like a water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a big dick, Mike? No, I do not have a big dick, no. How big is the wide mouth? But the wide mouth makes it easier to get inside. I'm telling you, once you stick your penis in an object, the object gets smaller than you think it is. Like, because I used to think I could fuck a water bottle, and then I tried it

As a kid, I was like, and I didn't never had a big dick. Still don't. But I remember as a water bottle, I would try that and I'm like, oh, it looks like I'm not to move up to Gatorade. And then I'm just like, hey, mom, do we have any Gatorade bottles? I made an at-home fleshlight before you ever do that? No, how'd you do it? You take two sponges. You put them in a cup. And then you take a surgical glove and you wrap it around that and then you fill it with like lube and you have sex with it.

Nice. We don't have sex with it. You put your, it's not sex. You're making love to it. yeah. You're choking. Let me love you down real quick. How'd you figure it out?

Did you Google? It's like a meme about it. I'm like, yeah, that's hilarious. All right, let me go ahead and see if we have these products. Have you made anything like this? No, no, no. The closest I've gotten was when I was a kid, there's a weird thing.

I can't really describe it, but I guess now that I brought it up, have to say it, okay. We had like a little toy and it was like a little speedboat that you could take a bath in. And there was like some part of the speedboat. I can't even like tell you. you what? Wait, it was a speed boat that you could take a bath in, what toys? No, no, sorry,

you can take a bath and you took a bath with the speed boat. Would you wind it up and then it would just go? No, it was just like one of those. It was hand-powered, you know? Hand-powered speedboat. I picture just like a Spanish man on the front of a boat and then you kids were just in the bathing inside, like a real speed boat. What toys is that?

That was a toy, was my dad's friend's yacht? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you guys know he had that toy. But you, you you'd... So there was like a little, a little like gap somewhere on the speed boat. It wasn't a circle gap. It was like a square gap, but I could basically like pinch my dick inside of that. Nice. And I couldn't even like massive. There was no lubrication. The shape wasn't right. But it was just something to stick my dick into. In the water. Yeah. And then I was like,

you know what? This is not working. So then I got. What if you got your dick just stuck inside the speed boat? Oh, I did. Oh my God. Yeah. I did. I had to wait for it to get unhard. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh. It was so hot. It was so funny. Like, I was young enough to wear it. I was young enough to wear. I was like no part of me, it wasn't like masturbatory at all. It was just like, I have a penis and it needs to go somewhere for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then it was that. And then I was like, but that was kind of nice.

So then I graduated to shampoo bottle. That's how you get hurt? How do you get hurt with the shampoo? The stingingness in it. Like once a chemical gets inside. Yeah, you're right. I did get hurt. He just thought he had like an STE for. He's like, yeah. That fucking dirty ass pantine provo. Fucking yuck.

No, I did. It's stumbling. and then I switched to conditioner and then conditioner didn't stay. Dude, that was like, I remember that being like... That's why God took your hair. He was like, yo. He was like, yo. Fucking guy.

It wasn't deserved the gift I've given him. That's not at all what I made conditioner for. Dude, I remember that being like word on the street. Like, people were like, yo, you know what I heard? Her conditioner doesn't cause a pee-p-ting. It hurts. All the pleasure, none of the pain. That's what I heard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Those were the two things. Everything else was me literally just like playing with my dick. And I mean jacking off. I mean like, you guys would do the thing? I was just talking to friends about this.

Comics, obviously. Were you like just like literally punching? Not work friends? This is about water cool. You just punch your penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the toy, like the clown toy. Yes.

Just punching your penis? Yeah, just bab-a-bap-bap-bap-pap. Yeah. No, I don't think so. No, I've never punched it. I've done that like a little. I feel like a dork because I didn't have sex with any of my toys growing up. You didn't?

I don't think so. I think like, the only thing I remember is like just like, you know, humping like the couch or like the ground. Oh, okay. That's classic. Yeah, yeah. The arm. Look at that arm.

The arm. The dog. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to the cat. You know girls did that too. My uncle humped stuff. Oh, what? You want to talk about it?

No, no. No, no. I made too many of these jokes. My uncles are great people. Genuinely awesome people. I would never molested. it doesn't matter that their technique was good dude

no no no no zero sex with Eddie fan Take it as they sponsor the podcast Yeah Yeah Yeah Just calling

You better knock it off With that dog For daddy comes over It makes you knock it off I told you that happened After a show recently Where I like

These general pedophile jokes And the guy like Wouldn't accept it He goes Hey man I really loved your set But you know I'm really sorry

about all that stuff with your uncle I was like I wasn't molested I'm just talking about general pedophiles He's like He's like

You don't have to justify yourself. Take care of yourself. Have a great night. I was not. Wow, what a fucking hero. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone expresses it in a different way.

Yeah. Where you're coming from. Denial. That's always the dumbest thing. People always be like with drug addiction. Like their first step is denial. It's like, are you addicted to heroin? No.

Denial. It's like, I've never even done heroin. So I can't like. Maybe, yeah, that's tough. Maybe he'd experienced it. Yeah. And he was trying to, yeah, he was trying to. He's like, everybody has done it.

I just trying to like normalize it. Everybody. I'm not even. You'll probably do it. someday to some kids. Yeah. Yeah, but did you guys know that chicks humped shit too as kids?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like playing around with like jets and hot tubs. It's so funny because that does, obviously, it's weird. Like, because I'm a guy, I hear about guys doing it.

I'm like, ah, those boys roughhous around. And the women are doing it. I'm like, no. Not until they're 18. Should their fucking thing. Be anything near a thing. Yeah. I don't even want to say vagina

when it comes to some, I don't know. Yeah, dude, they've been coming for a long time. a lot of them. They just, they stumbled upon it and then they found out, and like, what I'm saying is we never had a chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, to be able to compete with the jacuzzi jet?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And how are we going to do that? You should have put it on your dick and fuck to a girl with the speedboat on your dick. Now that you bring up the jacuzzi jet, I never had sex with it, but I definitely would like stand in front of that. You talk to it a little bit.

Yeah, I'd whisper to it. Could you push that button, dad? Yeah. Maybe if you were like, not busy lady. Yeah. I'm going to get you out of this place. he's not good to you. The jacuzzi jet, I think I'll still do that.

I think I'll still chill in front of it. Yeah, I know that feel is a good feeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been thought about that feeling. I've used a back massager before. You, wait, what? A back massager?

Like the handheld, like the gun? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you do with it? You put it on your dick, and it just, like, shakes it until you come, but it, like... That wasn't, like, too intense? Oh, it does it. Your dick, the inside of your penis itches afterwards, which I don't know what that means, but it's like, it's like, it's blood flow.

Yeah, yeah, the nerves are just like confused. They're like, what is going on? This is not a vagina. But, um, there's a weird thing where it's like, uh, it gets a lot of the jizz out of. You know, like sometimes you jizz and you're like, that wasn't all of it. Yeah. And then like, two minutes later it leaks, it gets all of it out because it's just shaking it, like it's interrogating it. It's like, get out. Dude, one time I, uh, I was on a summer or a spring break cruise in college and I drew a,

uh, um, a face on my dick with marker. I took videos of my girlfriend's phone of me just like a tear he got himself before he passed out. Yeah, I just draw a dick saw on my face. Nice try. You guys are to get me? Already beat you to do it.

Fucking PR 101. We got to break the story first. We got to control the narrative. Exactly. But yeah, no, I drew it. And then the videos, they'd be like, help me, help me. I'd be like, shut up, where's the money? I'd like put it in like water.

And she just woke up with her phone. She's like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen before. Oh, dude, that's awesome. You got past dick pics into Dick movies, Dick flicks? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dick flicks are where it's at.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a pioneer. Oh, dude, I haven't wanted to be fair, though. I don't have a lot of diversity with actors, though. I'm not going to do blackface. I don't know where the line gets drawn there, but, uh, oh, man, I want a girlfriend now. That's real love.

That's real love. Yeah, yeah. Like, you fuck up, and it's like, Dear Marguerite. Yeah, sending a video. Ryan wants you to know that he's very sorry about cheating. You don't want to see his face right now. He understands if I just want you to know, it's mostly my fault.

And also a little bit your fault. It's not Ryan's fault. And then you realize you text your mom. You're like, fuck. Dude, my mom got my dickpicks for the eye cloud. That was a bad time in my life. Oh, wow. Was she proud of what she made?

No. No, no, no. Didn't talk to me for like two months. Really? And then, yeah, yeah. It was so many because in my mind, it was like a dark time. Yeah, in my mind, it was like a dark time. I was like, this isn't funny.

And then two months later, I'm like, this is pretty funny. Yeah, yeah, it's hilarious. That isn't super embarrassing. But saw your adult dick and then disowned you for two months? Didn't disown me. I was in college. I still was like, hey, dad, can you make sure that had, uh, money's going through? Yeah, this is what we're paying for.

This is what you're learning. You know, you guys talk about all the things you're having sex with as a kid. and it started making my brain go a little more. I do remember the, the, like, the video game controller, vibration. Mm-hmm. Which controller?

The N-64 had a rumble pack. You had the rumble pack? I had the rumble pack. You're just playing Call of Duty, just killing Iraq. He's like, ah, just coming your bed.

They're like, whoa. Someone shoot me. Yeah. Yeah, like he's a true hero. He comes to this. Yeah, I remember that, though, holding that on your,

holding that on your, on your penis. Yeah. Oh, dude, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. was. I forgot all about that. Yeah, yeah. I thought about that a long time.

It's weird, though, because I don't understand that really making the game any better. Just the thing shakes. Like, does it, like, when you're playing? Having a hard dick could make you enjoy life more? I get that, but I'm saying outside of using it for a master material purpose. I think, well, I think playing like

a shooting game, it does, like, alert you that you're getting shot other than also. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, because you can't see people shooting it from behind. Yeah. Yeah. Just get me. Wait, were you rich? No, I wouldn't say we were rich,

but my parents... No, I wouldn't say we were rich, but we were well off. My parents were hard. It's always, it's always that sentence. Bro. I wouldn't say we were rich, but we were well off.

That's the most rich sounding thing that you can say. Yeah, yeah. It's a little less rich... All right, all right, we're better than all of you. Yeah, there we go. It's a little less rich

to say we were like upper middle class. That's less rich than we were well off. But the reason I brought it up is because I was curious because in my mind, in my dumb kid brain, if you had a rumble pack and like a save pack,

then you were rich. Yeah. Even though, like, I had an N64, I was like, well, we can't have... Can't have their own pack, though. So that means, like, we're poor.

Like, in my mind, we were poor because, like, we didn't have certain cereal and we didn't have, like, a rumble pack and, like, we had an N64, but it took us forever,

to get a game cube. So I was like, we're fucking poor. We're not doing good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was the same boat as you. It was that, it was a boat, actually.

We were on a boat. We were on a lot of money. No, it was like, It's hard to tell because like, then I go to New York, like the rich here is like way fucking different. Well, also depends where you live. Like I grew up in Dayton, Ohio. It's easy to have a nice house there.

You guys had all the discretionary income. Yeah, what's that mean? Can you hold the microphone a little closer? Oh, sorry. You guys had all the discretionary income, which is like just fuck around money. Oh, like you living expenses aren't that much. Exactly.

Yeah. So like is whatever. Yeah, like poor people build houses in Ohio. Word? They build their own houses? Yeah. I mean, you buy a land and you have someone build it for you. But like.

Wow. It's a route that, like, it doesn't take... It's crazy being, like, this age, too. I'm in my early 30s and knowing, like, my folks were building houses at this age. And I'm, like, in an apartment, a tiny shoebox apartment in New York, which... I don't know my dad was in 2016. I know he was, like, bankrupt at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow, what a legend. Yeah, yeah. That was after the rumble pack. That's what put us under. Spent all his money on the rubble back. Yeah. I think it, like, turned around. I think it was when he was...

He wasn't pregnant with me. When my mom was pregnant with... with me. I think that was when it was like yeah, they were like, yeah, we might get rid of this kid. No, but yeah, that was never happening. But yeah, yeah, it's interesting because it was like, yeah, my

parents are a little older too. So like I remember our first house being like smaller and then you move up and then you move up. Right, right, right. Yeah, but then they moved down when we moved down. Now they have like a townhouse, condo kind of thing. Oh, nice. Good for them. Yeah, yeah. That is one thing I like about New York. I'm like, I don't want to take care of any more space than this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I kind of agree with that. It's like, there's no point of having, like, I have all these fantasies where I'm in, like, a mansion, and then I think about being lonely in it. You know what I mean? And, like, that sounds like... I like being able to clean my apartment in 15 minutes. Dude, honestly, like, this is what I'm going on a wedding soon, and I'm so excited to share a room with my boys. Because the idea of dozing off to TV with, like, my homies.

Yeah, I'm so excited about it. Dude, fucking adult slumber parties are the tith. Oh, my God. It's great. Yeah, yeah. Remember, we did that in fucking... Yes. That was, oh, my God.

In Portland, Maine. Damn. The festival sucks. ass. It was terrible. The hang was amazing. Oh, man, we had a great time. I love a sleepover. I'm still, okay. I'm also thinking that you and all your boys, they're going to wake up with smiley faces on

their penis. Mike strikes again. What was the festival? Portland Maine comedy. I like that this year they emailed. Did you get the email this year? This email they're like, hey, we've changed a couple things. I did a show where there weren't chairs. Like, literally, it was in a weed museum. People were just standing against the wall.

Then we did that one show where, this is how I'm saying this was, you're on the second floor of a bar, it's just a ledge. There's a ledge that goes out, like, probably 20 feet above everybody. And then there's a second, or a third floor that's up, like, higher. And you can, and there's people down at the bar. So you can only talk to people above you or below you. And it was like, you're literally just yelling at, like, rednecks at a bar. Like, you're, like, looking down like this to talk to them. And it was so hard because it was like, they're not there for the comedy show. It's a total ambush show. And everyone's high? Is that a weed place?

No, no. This was a different one. This was just a bar where there were three levels. You were on the level and you're the only one on the middle level you had to look up and you had to look down. Damn. And it went terribly. Yeah. It was a bad time. But it was so much, dude. I love like, it's so funny because in my mind, I always worry. I'm like, geez, what if I'm like, you know, the idea of doing the road is really sad and scary. And then now I do it all the time and I love it. Like it's like, it's like, it's like, I stayed in a fucking hostel this weekend. It was the most fun I've had in a very long day. It's like, you stayed in a hostel? Yeah. In America? Dude. Yeah. I didn't know as a thing. Until my buddy told me. He was like, dude, you could just stay at hostels. And it's like, no fucking money. And I'm sleeping

in bunk beds. And I'll get to that in a second. I want to talk about how much fucking fun. I will say, the hang was incredible. We went to a titty bar. It was a great time. I am a huge... They went to a titty bar. I didn't go to a titty bar. Oh, you go? No, y'all tried to give me to go, and I was like, nah. Oh, okay. We went to a titty bar, and

I will say this, I love strip clubs. I love the aesthetic. I like zebra couches. I like mirrors everywhere. They had zebra couches? Every strip club does, basically. Yeah, zebra couches is just like cheesy design. I like laser lights. I like mirrors all around so it looks like you're in Scarface. And I love

rap where Little John's just yelling dumb shit in the background. Ying, Yang, Twins. Take the naked ladies out of it. Just me and my friends go to that bar with no girls allowed. I like that. I like that. Makes me happy. A room full of mirrors. You're at like a gem with the lights off. Yeah. Just a room full of mirrors with no chicks. Just sweaty dudes.

Dude, I did a I did a road gig one time that was connected to a strip club and I didn't really want to go, but I went with the homies and I was sober and it was really sad, but they had the Lakers on and I was like, can you guys turn the game up a little bit? I like offended the strippers. They were so upset. Well, that's the thing is some strip clubs are sad, but I think there's a misconception because some of the strip clubs, it's like the woman are hyped to rob the dudes. Not like really rob, but like they're very excited. They're like, oh yeah, I'll steal it. Because I've been to strip club with a friend before and they're like, this is so

sad. I'm like, I talk to you once a week about your depression. I know you're more depressed than these strippers right now. They're living life. They're going after it. We went to one, one time for one of my friend's birthday who passed away. Like,

it's his birthday, he's dead, but we're doing like a thing for him. We went to the strip club. And there's always that guy at the strip club who there's that, you see that look in his eyes where he's gone.

You know what I mean? Like he walks in and he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good to see you guys. I'm going to go hit the 18th. And you see that like look in his eyes. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good talk. Good talking to guys. And you see him just disappeared. He couldn't get away from you fast enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, I'll catch up with you guys. And you just, you just see him just lock in the ATM. And you can see that, the ATM glow on his eyes where he's just like going in.

And there's a guy like that who his birthday was the next night at midnight after our dead friend's birthday. And I just see him get the most aggressive lap dance. He goes, it's my birthday now. It's funny because we started a lot. We're like, you know what, he would have wanted this. And by the end of the night, I was like, I don't know if he would have wanted this. That got a lot. But I love, like, I love them.

It's like, and I, I don't know. I, uh, I end up there, uh, more often than I should, but, um, you got to be fucked up, I feel like, though. Oh, totally. I went sober at one time. It was very weird. I have a friend that goes sober, but he also like, fucks hookers and stuff. So I'm like, I get that.

He's like, he's like, yeah, it's not really true. It's not really. He's like, yeah, the lights are cool. I'm just going to bang a chick in the back. Is he ugly? Uh, no, he's a good looking guy. I think he's just all business. You know what I mean?

He's like, let's take care of this. Is this the same guy with the birthday? No, no, no, no. He sees a problem. Actually, you know what? Most of my friends are the guy. The strip problem is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he sees a problem.

He sees a solution. He's like a very business-oriented guy. He's like, yeah, no, I'm going to pay this girl. She's going to blow me. And then I'm going to, you know, keep being sober. Such a positive spin on it. It's like, yo, my friend is not a sleaze. He's not a pervert.

He's business mind. He's a entrepreneur. Transaction. Y'all ever have that friend? You definitely do. you might, where you go to the strip club and you don't see him for two hours. Yeah.

And when he comes back, he's always got a bouncer behind him. Yeah. First words he says are, hey guys. And you're like, oh, do you fucking,

you don't have money, do you? What of you guys go to the ATM and get me money? And then you got to ask how much, and it's always more than $300. Because he got a blowjob back there. Yeah,

yeah, and you got like, motherfucker. I have that friend. I got a friend like that, but he's got a bouncer behind him because he's just getting kicked out. And he's got a ton of money.

bit one or something. Like a goddamn toddler teething. I have a friend who bit one. I was like, you see, that's like attacking somebody. He's like, no, it was playful.

I thought it was playful, but it was not playful. Like, it wasn't like eating her face, but I think it was like, it was one of those things where they're all, they're doing like a thing.

Like, you know, they're like hooking up and she tasted like like cocoa butter and then the cocoa butter starts like pennies and something is wrong. Dude,

I will say this is the grossest thing. I've shaken hands with a stripper one time and felt lotion. I was like, oh, you just hugged it, out for sure. Like I could just feel

Did you feel like little sperm moving on your hand? Yeah. Oh, no, no. That you did. You felt a little wiggle. I did have a friend do this. I had a friend get blown by a stripper,

come on our tits, and pay the stripper to put her tits in the other friend's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What his friend? Told me about this, and I purposely forgot about it because it was so fucked up.

It was fucked up. It was like a prank. And he's like, ah, I got you. I like, I like how she was down for it, though, for the right price. I like what girls are cool for stuff. Yeah.

I mean, it's terrible. For the right price, though. That's funny. There's one fact about strip clubs is this. A lot of strippers are cool as fuck. This is true. A lot of strippers are some of the coolest women you've ever met. Yeah.

And you don't want to admit it. That's why rappers rap about strippers because they're fucking cool. Yeah. And you do feel cool. Like last time I was a trip club, like T. I was throwing my... I felt cool. Like somebody got a VIP.

I was like, I know this is all like cheesy facade. I'm like, this is still cool. For me, it's real. It's like when you go to Disney World. It was real to me. These strippers and T-Pang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for me, it's not, like, I don't like spending the money so I can't fully enjoy it.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, but there's like... Dude, that's gotta be so sick when you just have, like, sorry, I made a cut job. No, I'm with you. Like, if you, if I had, like, money, right. Magic City is not like a big Atlanta one. It means absolutely nothing to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I could probably have a pretty good time at a strip club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you also don't want to be the guy there that's just got like $10. And he's just like, really... Crumpled one. Yeah. Dude, I had one time where I threw up a... Kind of what on a string? bringing it back.

I actually threw a 21 time and I asked for it back. I was like, I was like, is it a huge mistake? Can you, you're just asking her to break it? Yeah. Can you get change from the ones on the thing? Yeah, yeah.

Like make eye contact and be like, it's 20. Well, come on. What about food at a strip club? I heard that there was a strip club in San Francisco, the gold club, I think it's called, that had like a bomb-ass buffet. Yeah.

But I chose to not believe that lie. And I never went. Yeah, I don't trust that. But, well, because it's like, I don't know how good they're, they're blowing dudes. What's their health code? You know, there's no fucking way. Yeah, yeah, they're not washing their hands for them. I'm sure it's delicious for a strip club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no way that that buffet is better than Golden Corral. Yeah, she's like, you want to dance, daddy? You're like, I actually just want the fries. Yeah. Yeah, their business model wouldn't be we have naked ladies. The food's so good, you don't got to bring out tities. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The food has to suck so much that you're like, all right, well, naked ladies will bring people in the building. Yeah, it's illogical. Yeah. That's really what... Oh, man, now I don't want wings. They got wings. I've been to a shirt called that had wings. How were they?

I never ate that. I never ate the food, but... You ate the pussy. Am I right? Dude's forecasting. Yeah, take that, women. We're having fun. Your pleasure is our pleasure.

That is the funniest thing, that, like, Italian thing, we're, like, eating pussy's gay. That's an Italian thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that episode. the Sopranos. Like, it was, what's his name, June or something like that.

And I think it's, whatever, whatever. I don't, nah. But, um, I just know, like, my brother in a week's gonna be, like, you got that wrong, but the Sopranos. But, uh, he, like, eats a girl's pussy. And then all the other moffy guys find out,

and they're, like, roasting him for it. He flips out on her. He, like, throws a pie and he's like, get out of here, you fucking whore. You're going yapping about me and your pussy. Uh, because they think it's like, because there's dicks that go in there. Right.

But it's like, dicks are also going in a mouth. So when you're not going to kiss a woman? And he was the only guy that made a woman come ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The entire show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, that's so sad. Because going down on a chick is just a cheat code.

Your tongue cannot come. Cheat code. You just be in there until the job is done. Yeah. And then you get to. You get tired. Yeah, it is weird when you just, like, pressing it up against it. You can't feel anything.

You're pushing the back of your own head. Yeah. You guys ever hook up with chicks that, like, they like it hard, like the tongue pressure to be hard? like like yeah yeah I think so yeah that shit is so

fucking challenging because like yeah when I was single I would wake up sometimes like the bottom of my like this area would hurt yeah yeah

it's tired because it's like they want a lot of hardness coming like your tongue is just it's a soft thing like I can only do it so hard

and then you gotta go to the doctor and you're like my tongue hurts I've been eating so much fucking pussy I'd say you what always takes me out of it like a little bit

this doesn't always happen when I'm eating pussy but sometimes it does. A chick, I like to think it's that I'm doing so well that she forgets the context, but she reaches down from my head

and then she tries to grab my hair. She does this, and I'm over here like, bitch, you felt my bald head with your hand. You know there's nothing to this too. You got to keep it like this and squeeze. You can't pull up.

Both hands. Yeah, that shit always takes me out. Like, if I'm in a stride, I'm like, I stumble a little bit. I have, ha, ha. She's very annoying. What happens if you tried, like, does it just go back further? Have you tried, like, growing, like, what made you, what was the, how recently did you decide to shave?

Oh, like, in what way did I go bald? How was my male pattern baldness? The hairline was getting pushed back some. It wasn't crazy, but it was definitely back, but it was mostly back here was a bald spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, the top was thinning, but back here was an actual bald spot. So I was like, I got to get rid of it. Yeah, yeah.

I also think that there's always the thing about bald guys where everybody likes to say they're always like, he used to have the most hair out of anybody there was always the thing there was always like a bald guy who had like really long hair that's my dad when I was a kid I had sick long hair and he's like you're gonna go bald

he's like it's gonna happen he's like the coolest guy I knew in high school had the longest hair and he went bald I didn't have the best hair but you still have hair yeah yeah yeah it was a lie

every time I go back I just rub my hair my dad's what's hair like though it's like thinning but it's fine he still has hair and he's like in his 60s you should be good yeah yeah yeah

but everybody makes some stupid fucking thing they're like well actually it's your mom's brother that it's like, there's no way. There's a genetic code that's like your mom's brother is bald so now you're going to be bald. That's fucking insane. Yeah, my mom's brother was paralyzed, dude.

What's that mean for me? Watch out. Wait, doesn't that make sense? No, my mom's brother is bald. Like, there's, I don't understand how it's scientifically. Dudes are X, Y, right? I have no idea.

All right, here's what I think is. Depends who you ask. I think guys are. Bitch appear what's a absolutely. Absolutely 100%. I think dudes are X Y chromosome. I think chicks are X,

XX. So if we're X, Y, that must mean that we get our Y from our dad. Right? Yeah, I'm immediately realizing I'm a retard. So then the genetics for the baldness might just be in the

X chromosome, which would have to come from your mom. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I take black that whole bit I just did. Why didn't you say you take black? I take black. I call the race card. I think, I don't know.

It's been a long time. That immediately cleared that up. Yeah. I was at a bar in Providence this weekend and that's with the guy, there was a guy who's like, man, I used to have hair just like he used to have so much hair. Like my phone died, so I went to charge it like a bar. And I was in one of those really good moods where I'm like,

dude, I'm sleeping at a hostel, having fun. I'm going to talk to this random couple of bar for like an hour. And we had such a good conversation until randomly they're like, did you vote for him? And I've never voted for Trump, but they're like, did you vote for him? I was like, no, they're like, good, good, good, good. And I was like, what? What? What? What? Now I, now I like, want to go vote for you in the past.

I'm like, fuck you. Just to piss them off. I met you for 20 minutes. We're having a great conversation. And now you got to be like, did you vote for him? Can you think of anything you might have said that made them think that?

That brought that up. Biden's a pussy. That's for queer. Put his picture on the dartboard. I don't know why they think that. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's weird when just the moment of it.

And then it was, it was one thing that was interesting, though, is them talking about like the Ukraine stuff because they, not to get serious, but they were talking about how like they grew up in a time

where Russia was like the main enemy. Because I'm very like, I'm like, I don't like us getting involved in shit at all. Like I just, I'm like, there's a lot of between here and Ukraine, I think there's a lot of other shit going on that we're not fixing. And then we're like, oh, yeah, let's go help there. But they brought up the interesting point. They're like, well, you grew up with the Iraq war. We grew up with this fear of Russia, which are like why the two views could be conflicting. Because like, they were scared of Russia. And they're like, Russia can't take over the whole childhood. And my whole childhood was, let's not get involved in these stupid wars.

Yeah. Green Day was making songs about it. They were making sloppers about it. Dude, I was a new American idiot like once a week. I'm like, oh, yeah. Dude, I was like, I remember I was very conflicted as a child because, like, it wasn't cool to be gay, but being a rock star was semi-gay. And I was like, should I get eyeliner?

It would be cool. I was like, it would be cool. But I don't know if it would be cool for me. And then I found out the lead singer is bisexual. I didn't know that. Billy Joel. Yeah. Oh, Billy Joel.

Armstrong, yeah. Armstrong. Are they all still alive? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. I mean, their albums fell off dramatically. Yeah, yeah. Dukey?

Dukey was great, yeah. Yeah, that ruled. Did you like Green Day? No, I just like their singles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was still too insecure about my place in the world as a black kid growing up in the suburb. That is very funny, though, like, like, dude, I went to a Sum 41 concert, not a single black person in the venue. No way.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't see a lot of... Yeah, I do like where blackness is going in some regards, because, like, now most black people, I'm not going to say most, but a lot of black people, I'm not going to say most, but a lot of black people. but a lot of black people will acknowledge that there's a lot of songs like Sum 41 and Green Day

that fucking that they hit. Yeah. Like they're like, no, that song is great. Yeah, yeah. I don't know the album,

but that song right there's awesome. Like that panic at the disco song. Yeah. I chimed in with a habit. That shit is fair. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Those white boys are up to something. Yeah. And they were on to something. Wow. Yeah. It's over the opposite. It's like a white kid. Because a white kid,

you're like any music made by a black person. You're like, 100%. You're like, I will take the worst rapper and still it would be my favorite fucking song. Yeah, and for us, it's like white people can't make music. Yeah, yeah. And every once in a while, you're like, okay, I don't want to admit that this white person is making great music, but they are. Well, that's how I felt when I started going to like, so I had seen white people do poetry because of open mics.

And then I started going to a black open mic poetry thing. And I'm like, it's not even close. It's just like, it's not even. Dude, they're just trying to make up straw. They're like, this one's about my grandma. I die. Who gives a fuck? Like I'm like, who cares? And then you go to black poetry, but dude, he was like, I'd have to follow

black poetry about like oppression and the police and slavery. And then I'm like, doing comedy right afterwards, which is a real fucking challenge. But, um, I'd have follow like a Hotep guy one time. He's like, the enemy's brain is much smaller than ours. And then he like brought me on stage and I was like,

here comes to your small brain enemy. Yeah, but I'm trying to make your big brain laugh. And then I'm just like doing shitty jokes. Like, he's pretty right. this guy. You're so much too because I didn't know how to, oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I didn't know how to like riff back then.

So I just went into some joke about Uber. And it was just like, I remember doing mics like that in Ohio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poetry. It always was kind of tight, though, because you were always a breath of fresh air being something different than just all the poetry,

poetry, poetry, poetry. Yeah, yeah, there were some jokes. Usually like went well. I mean, not always, but I think, I think they liked it, though, at least. Yeah. Because the other thing is, like, with poetry, first of all, I feel like most people don't really have,

like an ear for it. So you're like, is this terrible or am I own culture? Like, I can't tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then secondly, like, you have to pay so much attention to poetry. Whereas like comedy, it's like you just have to pay enough attention to laugh or not. Yeah. So I can see how that would be nice. Yeah, yeah. It was just always different. And I did have two different ones, Mike said I would go to. One of them was like more of a black room. And then one of them was just like the dirtiest white hippies ever. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I would do one of those too. Yeah, yeah. People know shoes. Yeah, dude. White hippie poetry does seem like it would inherently suck ass.

Yeah, well, there's... They just smelled in there. There's a lot of white people who do a lot of drugs, and they think... It's just people in general. They do a lot of drugs, and they think they're onto something creatively, which I get. I remember when I was a kid, I took a lot of cough medicine, and I thought I was fine in the meaning of life. There's no way God would put that in coffins in robitusset. And I remember, I'm like, do it all fucking makes sense.

I'm like, we're almost there. And I was like, it was like, it was like I was like, I was like, I'm on to the idea. How did I get so good at rapping? Yeah, yeah. And then I remember I told everybody, I'm like, I'm quitting. I'm never doing drugs again because I had a horrible trip, but I'm on to something. And then you're not, you're not. You don't think that you were?

No, not on that. I think on mushrooms a little bit. Like, I did mushrooms, one of my best friends when I was 14. And we looked identical. On mushrooms or in real life? On mushrooms. And he started to look identical to me. And I was walking and my hands were moving with his hand.

my legs are moving with his hands. And I was like, oh, I'm becoming this guy. And he's kind of a fuck up. And I'm like, I do not want to become this guy. And then I change, and he's dead now. And it was like, I changed my life, like, probably because of that. I still did drugs, but I was like, I worked really hard in school. I was like, and I never really clicked that I like didn't want to go down the same path.

It's until, like, literally walking down. I like, I like, I have another friend who was like, I don't know, like kind of a fuckup, at least fuck up adjacent. And he was telling me that like he did streums. I think it wasn't like one trip. He did a lot. But like Shrooms like basically made him better, like a better person. Like he was like realizing shit.

And he said he had a lot of like bad trips that were not enjoyable. But he was like, fuck, I'm fucking up. I'm doing the wrong things. I got to be better like my family. Fuck. Yeah, yeah. Whatever's in the back of your brain, it just throws it forward. It's like I think you're trying not to think about it.

I really want to do them again soon, but I'm so terrified because I know it's just going to be so not fun for people around me. Oh, word? Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be like, I need to be on reels more. Just like some dumb comic thing. You make 13 TikTok accounts. You got to diversify.

You can't tie two boats together in a store. Dude, I did mushrooms one time and it was while I was working, which I don't think is a great time. So sad. What job were you doing? Bro, I was a janitor. But not, not. Please tell me you quit generating after the mushrooms.

Dude, what am I doing my life? I think I did. But listen, it wasn't like, it wasn't like seventh grade. middle school, he's gay janitor. Not that. It was like we cleaned businesses after hours. So like, we would go to like, we were a custodian.

Yeah. I'm just getting. There's a difference. I was a custodian. I was ready to believe you. Yeah, yeah. The way that you believe me on the X, Y, chromosome shit, I was like, yeah, custodian. He's right. But like, we had keys to like all these places. So like, we would, like, so I eat mushrooms at the beginning of the night.

And the first spot is like a lawyer's office. And we're in this place. And I'm cleaning. I'm doing things well. I'm certainly get a little high and I'm like, oh, this is cool. We go to the next place and it just gets more intense every job we go to. Next thing you know, I'm just in a bank at like 11 at night.

High on mushrooms. In my head, I'm just like, could I get into the vault? Like, I went like a criminal route. I was like, see it. But then, and then next thing you know, they were like, I'm like mopping in a circle like SpongeBob or something. I'm not doing it. And they're like, just go wait in the car, dude. Do they know you're on We all did it together.

Oh, that's hilarious. Even the boss. We were all doing it together. Those are, oh, that's a job with that rule. It's like, why do you care so much about your job? Yeah, yeah, it was sick. And then I got home and walked in my house and my dad was just right there. And I just remember being like, hey, buddy.

Yeah. And I just hit him with my stomach hurts. And I went to bed and everything was fine. Do you usually call your dad buddy? I could call my dad, buddy. Yeah, but I think he called me buddy is what. Oh, he, I walk in, hey, buddy. And I'm like, my stomach hurts.

And then I just, that gets you out of it. anything. Still as an adult. But Shroom and it's so many of the interactions because like you're not like really slurping balls. You're not really slurring your words, but you're saying things that aren't like, like I remember my mom. I was going to bed one time on shrooms. And then I was like, say good night to the moon for me. And then I was like, what? Nobody says me. Why would you say good night to the moon for me? I could take a night to the moon. And why

would any of us talk to the fucking moon? It was fucking wild. It was childhood classic. Good night moon? No, I do remember that. But maybe it was something about that. I don't know. You just high as shit. It was like a Tuesday not, you're like, I'll see you on Wednesday, Mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that weird fucking thing. But, you know, I'd like to do it again. I just, yeah, I'm terrified of what, what could happen. But I don't know.

I mean, no, that's bad as going to help. When's the last time you did it? Last time I did, I mean, I did once drunk and on ketamine over COVID, but I didn't do it like enough of it. Also, you were drunk. You had enough of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst trip, like, one of the last trips I had was right before going to college.

And we did drugs all week at Bonaroon. And then we came back. we had leftover drugs. We took them, we drank a bunch, we started watching the Mortal Kombat movie, and then I realized,

it was three days before moving off to college, I freaked out. I was like, dude, what's going on? I'm leaving my whole family. And then I threw up a bunch,

and then Goro was on the screen. The guy was... With the forehand. With the forehand. Yes, my buddy's like, look at Goral. I don't want to look at Goral. I don't want to look at Goral.

He's gonna finish me. He's like, you have to look at Goral. I was like, I don't want to look at Goro. And then he was just like, and the horse was Raiden is saying weird things under his breath the whole movie.

Like he's like, hey, good to see you guys. He guys are all gonna die. Like, he does weird things like that that threw me off. And I remember I told my friend, I was like, I literally said this to him. He was like, can you come inside? I'm like, I literally told him I said,

it's too purple in there. Like I told, like, it's weird that stuff like that on shrimp's gonna make you like really uncomfortable. You're like, the way the wind is in that room is really fucking me up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is wild.

Do you done shrooms one time? It was just one time. You don't want to do them again? I would be open to it. But, like, I'm a lightweight, like, when it comes to anything. So, like, I just need a small amount. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

Do you do it with people? Like, it's been so long. Like, I don't know. Is that the best way? I think it's more fun to do it with people. Yeah, yeah. I think most things are more fun with people. I think nowadays you can just get, like, chocolate mushrooms.

Yeah. I know somebody that got fentanyl. Yeah. I know somebody that got fentanyl on that. Oh, no. Oh, and like the branded chocolate? Yeah, yeah. Well, there goes.

Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I guess I'll just do straight shrooms now. Yeah, yeah, because it's like, it's like he went to a bodega, which we all just assume it's safe for some weird reason. Yeah, yeah. Well, because it's branded. It looks like some shit you would buy in a store, so it looks safe.

I know, but the reality of it is like you could just make that branding. Like, it's very easy. And it had fentanyl and I guess. And he didn't die, but one of their friends took it and then they had Narcan because I guess they already do a bunch of drugs and then they got them with it. And then they went back and they called the store and they went back in the store the next day. And everything was just cleared off the shelves for that. They're like, no, we've never sold mushrooms here. Oh, wow.

Oh, damn. Okay, that's good to know. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, yeah. You know, I have a friend who's like a really big, like a big dude, like hundreds of pounds. Hundreds. And he was telling me that he did the Shroom Chocolate. And he was like, yeah, it felt weird.

I think I know who this is. And now I'm wondering, yeah. Yeah. Like I do it was. And now I'm wondering if like maybe it had fentanyl all in it, but like the niggas big enough to where it didn't get lost. That's a great defense. Yeah.

You know? Like, I wonder if that's possible. Well, I've always said we need to, everybody used to hire. their opiate tolerance so that we're just ready to go. We get fentanyl. You know, we should always just... Oh, like how assassins microdose poison so then that way when they get poisoned,

they can handle it. Wow. Yep. That would be... We should go to our kids. Just get a little bit ready. Just get kind of shot. Yeah.

You get fully shot. It is funny too because... I don't know why. I'm like really mad about people releasing opioid crisis stuff now on TV because it feels so like, you fucking nerds. This has been going on for a while. Now you're just like catching on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one. It was talking about... out like the pill mills in Florida. Because it was like they like, there's this thing called pain clinics. It's weird because this weirdly was a part of my childhood, but I didn't understand until now. Because like I had friends do heroin in high school. And like, I remember one time one of my friends, he goes, who didn't do heroin, he's like,

yo, by the way, there's bad heroin going around. I was like, none of us do heroin. You're just trying to sound cool and let us know that there's like bad heroin in the neighborhood. But, yeah, dude, I was like, there was a lot of that stuff at my. Poppy seeds that make it from are not organic. their GMO PICC. Yeah. Not as much good heroin

going around right now. I'm like, yeah, I'm around the car on the way to school. I'm like, yeah, okay, great icebreaker in the morning. But I had friends do it and then they were totally fine. Like they didn't even get addicted to heroin, which is crazy.

But they smoked it. And yeah, but yeah, there's a lot of opiates. I only did them a few times. I did, when I was younger, we were staying at like a family place. There was like my grandma's, like, friends condo at the, beach and they just had like oxcott and I took like three of them and just watched like

workaholics and just passed out which is crazy because in hindsight I'm like I could have died three is more than you you make me terrified to have kids yeah yeah maybe it wasn't three maybe it was like my kids won't be white so it's fine it was at least a full pill and more that more than more than one pill but then um and then I went to boy scout camp and we took some hydros one time some what hydrocododin it's oh okay yeah yeah but it was just a weird thing I remember we're like, my buddy's like, we're preparing. I'm like, we're going to get some liquor. We'll get hydrocone and smoke a pot.

Which is kind of sick to be like 14. Yeah. And just take hydrocone and smoke a bunch of pot and just like laying a tent. Yeah, yeah. But perfect at tying knots. Yeah, yeah. No, no, I was still terrible at tying knots. Yeah, yeah.

But I remember out. And then have your scout match appearing like they can't even move. To be fair, there's like three weeks after doing the shrooms. So I don't know how much I changed from the shrimps because I was like, I still do stuff like that. But yeah, yeah. Do you do mushrooms a lot? Yeah. Uh, yeah, I don't do them as much as I want to, because, like, I don't know, well, it sounds like you guys are in the same boat.

Like, weed, like, I can smoke weed whenever because, like, I like weed a lot. I have to, like, temper how much weed I smoke. Right. But for some reason, mushrooms, like, I'll be wanting them do them, but I'm like the time is not yet right. Mm-hmm. So I probably do them, like three-ish times a year, like two to four times a year. Yeah. But, uh, I'm, I'm great at it. I've literally never had a bad trip. Sometimes I try to have a bad trip just to see what it's like and I'm incapable of doing it.

Just trying to go. Dude, I know you're a great guy. This is probably why you don't have bad trips, but I also know a piece of shit that just don't have bad trips. Like, I knew guys that would be total scumbags would be high on shrooms. Like, their highest level of lightmen is like,

what's that fucking bussies? And they, like, dude, I had a guy call me a faggot on shrooms. I'm like, that's so funny that, like, you're a highest level. You're still like, ha. I was like, yeah, he's a faggat. But I've talked about this before.

I'm like, maybe the answer is a playful use. That's what the Buddha wants. I don't know. I think that's what it is, dude. I think it's not necessarily about being like a good or a bad person. It's about being like purely you. Yeah. And the more you that you are on the day to day, the better the shrooms will be.

It's like, you guys probably don't watch anime, right? No. But there's like this trope in anime that happens sometimes where like there might be like a mystical sword or something. Right. And it's like, only the pure of heart can like get this sword, right? And then the bad guy gets to it first and like, it's fine. It's the fucking evil guy. Yeah.

And then he pulls out the sword and like, how the fuck did the evil guy do it? He's like, I'm pure of heart. dude my heart is pure fucking evil and so it's good and I think that's what the shrooms are like it's like he can't have a bad trip because he's a pure fucking dick yeah yeah yeah yeah without the shrooms he's gonna be a dick yeah yeah well if you're

hiding yourself then that part comes out and it like breaks through the shell and it fucking hurts that's true and I also think that makes sense and I also think there is something to be said about playful being mean like it's a weird thing when somebody acts like they're enlightened and now they just lose their sense

of humor they're like hey man it's good to you. It's like, no, call me a cock-suck. Like, when I call my friends, like, retards, it's like, I love them. And they know that. It's like, you can still have some level of that without, and it goes two ways. Either people do too much psychedelic drugs, or they become too religious, and all of a sudden they go, hello.

Why do you have to do? Why are you talking like that, bro? Yeah, yeah. It's like, there's no way God is up there. It's like, you have to soften your voice. It's like, no, you can still be fun. Yeah, yeah. Because then there's some people that are enlightened but playful. They, like, they'll fuck with you. Like, I've heard there's a lot of, weird, grateful dead people will play

pranks on each other's and like a weird, but they're like very hippieish people that are somewhat enlightened. Not all of them are. Some of them are, I think the word is like, uh, there's some weird word about like dark hippies or something like that. Like a mysterious force that's like evil. They're like evil hippies. Oh my God. Yeah, but, uh, but then there's evil from trolls too. Yes. Yes. I haven't seen trolls too, but I would be. Yeah, but it feels like that would be what's happening in trolls too. But yeah, but uh, but then there's like playful people that are enlightened and they're kind of yeah

but uh yeah I don't know I've also been like I feel like yeah yeah you just need a priest that still's like yeah you're you're fucking retarded get over here and let me baptize you

yeah were you guys religious growing up yeah I was yeah it was pretty religious I was deep in that thing yeah deep in that thing what's crazy is I was religious but not with my family

my next door neighbor my best friend his family was very religious so like I would just like I would just go to church with them oh interesting church ruled it was so fun like they would make it so fun for youth you know you go to a bean bag church what's that mean beanbag church they got bean bags they got ping pong for cool kids well yeah yeah yeah yeah

not bean bags you threw me off with that but they did have like ping pong and dude i've been like miss in church recently like i'm not religious like i think there's maybe a higher power but i want to just go in on like a son i don't know what i feel there's something about like i just want to go in on sunday morning you kind of like a little every once while when we visit that money he has riders block he just needs new material. They go to church. When I visit my girls' family from time to time, her mom

goes to church every Sunday, so we'll go with them. I still go like a couple times a year if we're with them. It's a nice. It just feels nice. I get a lot boners in church, but... Because you're relaxed. Yeah, yeah. There's something about it. Dude, I get fucking rock-hearted church. Wait, are you fucking around right now? I'm dead serious. I think I think it's dress pants, that material.

I think it feels really good. Yeah. But, yeah but I just missed that's not why I don't like go to church I'm not like I need to get hard but it's like there's something about just like the vibe of it I don't know that's really but I didn't like youth group

I had a problem with the youth group stuff word yeah because they were like That's so strange it was the opposite one Youth group was the fun part church was the boring part I don't like people trying to relate to me it really bugs me it really pisses me off I'm like I know what you're doing right now like we had this guy

I could say his name whatever his name's Jeff that's big but he'd always do this thing where he's like I remember he pulled up a picture of like a strip club he goes it says gentleman's club right the guys who go there far from gentlemen

and just like he'd do shit like that and then he'd have like there was like a band that would sing songs what was cool though I went to a Christian school in middle school and they had banger songs

they had that song it's like Behold he comes riding on a cloud I don't but I don't but I'm digging you digging it's the year of jumbly salvation people get fucking really like going

at like church like the music and live when the music slaps yeah bro it's funny too white people only just figured out like you can make slapping music because like black church has always been like half of a party

yeah black church rolls you walk by you're like who they have the game on in there yeah they're having a great time but then white church start be like maybe they can make this rock music and just replace like the words

with like Jesus stuff and then you go to church camp and you're like Oh, this is like Green Day, but Jesus. Yeah. So like, whatever. I'm down. Well, that's, that's interesting.

Because most of the time Christian Rock sucks. Like most of the time. But, which is really funny because they're like, this music's inspired by God. It's like, well, then God's trying to fuck you over. Because like, what God? Like, if this is, either you're misreading him or something like that, because what you're making is not. I love Kanye's most recent. I like Donda.

I like the religion. Even the religious songs on there. I like these. But I never liked, I don't know, man. I just realized. I changed my. I listen to Creed a lot recently. I like Creed too.

What about POD? Remember them? Yeah, we are. Yeah, bro. The youth of the nation. Real quick on Kanye, have you ever watched his live Sunday service stuff? Oh, dude.

Those clips are crazy. Look, look at us. I've seen the one where he says, hair's red. So there's tons. Yeah, yeah. There's tons of it. He's got.

They go in. Well, what's so dope is that he gets like an, like a, what do you call it? Like the singers, all the background singers. It's a choir. He gets a choir. Yeah. And,

they just, they kill it, dude. It's like his music, but with a choir and it's so good. It's so good. Have you guys ever heard, like, the thing that sucks is like it's not, it doesn't have like the production value and like the music engineering or sound engineering. So like the quality isn't what it could be. Right. But like, have you guys ever heard the Yandi leak?

I don't know. No. So like Kanye was going to release an album called Yandi. And then he instead came out with Jesus is King, which has like some of the stuff that was on Yondi. But the Yandi League, if he had released it, would have been like just as good as anything he's ever put out. Wow. And it's like maybe like 60% mastered. But there's some like church songs on there.

And you're like, what the fuck is this? Like there's one where he's just got like the choir going in. And there's another one where he just make Thai Dala signs voice sound like a choir. And you're like, ah, it's powerful. Where am I going? It's amazing. I'll send it to you guys. That is beautiful.

Dude, I've like cried on the floor listening to some Kanye. music. Oh, which album. Dondo, which everybody hates, but, like, come to life. It's like, it's like, how's it go? It's like, here go all your problems again. Three, two, one, you pinned.

And, like, you know, I feel pinned right now. Yeah, yeah. I cry a lot. It was, yeah, crying. Yeah, crying. Yeah, great. Word? You cry a lot? Not all the time, but, but I will. Yeah. I hold it in a lot too, but sometimes you just got to let it out.

What makes you cry? I think a lot of it was the friends passing away. And then now, I'm not going to get into it, but I'm going through a breakup. So that stuff's obviously like, yeah. Yeah, and then also, but also sometimes you could just be emotional about something like a breakup, but then you hear the right song. Oh, you hate it. Yeah, you can.

But sometimes you're related to stuff. Like, I was listening to Who Knew by Pink and I thought that was about a breakup. And I was like, this is totally me right now. And I saw an interview with her. She's like, yeah, does that have actually about my friend dying of drugs? And I was like, oh, this is different. I was related to this for a different thing completely. Oops, not bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've fucked up. One of my friends was going through a breakup, and I just found, like, this new song by Hozier. I love Hoosier. He's like my favorite white music. He does, take me to church, yeah, worship. Yeah. That's him.

But he has so many other better songs. Well, maybe not better. But they're awesome. And he had one song that has, like, a choir at the end of it. And the choir is, like, getting it. Like, you can hear the music. the layers. There's like the main like, ah, and then there's someone over here like,

yeah, and you're like, oh my gosh, this is awesome. And the song is called All Things End. And it's about like, you know, I think it's about relationships, but it's just like, you know, shit ends and that's sad, but new beginnings are also sweet. So like, you know, you should be happy that it happened and like

move on and be looking for it. It's, it's that kind of thing. My friend, like, she was like two, three weeks, like broken up. Very new. And I was like, hey, this song is awesome. You should listen to it. And then she was like, oh, my gosh. Why would you send me that?

I'm so sad now. I'm crying so much. I was like, ah, shit. You're right. You send a picture of shirtless guys. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Think about this. Think about this.

Think about this. You're right. I was wrong for that. Hurry, send her Get Low by the Ying Yang Twins. You're not in a place to receive this message right now. You're just very sad. That is beautiful music. I love Get Low.

I love the Yinging Twins. Yeah. Like just a little anthems. It's just beautiful. Like, I love it. It was just hypes. There's something about, like, hype music that just fucking... Speaking of good singers, T-Pain, without the auto tunes.

I heard it's still beautiful. Oh, you haven't heard it? You haven't seen it? No, is it bad? No, it's amazing. It's amazing. You don't watch Tiny Desk concerts, huh? No.

You don't watch the Tiny Desk concert. All right, I need to send you guys the Yondi leak. Yeah. I also need to send you... The T-Pain T-Pen. Yeah, I would love to see it. Especially being from Florida. I love him because...

Dude, he could have made a career. He could have had a successful career. without auto tunes. Yeah. That's how good he is at singing, I think. Yeah, maybe. I mean, he has the talent. Would he have made it?

Who knows? Yeah. Yeah, because I'm going to see, there's right place, right time. Like, I was looking at, there's this fat guy who's crazy, and he dresses up in a bunny outfit. And he goes around New York City.

He doesn't really do comedy, but he just, like, kind of yells about things and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, this is where Chris Farley would be if he came out today. Like, everybody's like Chris Farley. He's like brilliant, and he is. But after a while,

we would have been like, oh, this is just a fat guy. I don't know if that's because Chris Farley already happened or if this is just where we are in time because I think he was like an amazing actor but like sometimes there are talented insane people that are just nutcases and you're like oh this guy could have just been like if they put this guy

in a movie he could probably be like Chris Farley like he's just on the train like hey guys how's it going and you're like that's who Chris Farley was in a lot of ways. There was an aspect of it what's it called like when like one of the big laughs is like just you falling and just eating shit? Totally yeah yeah yeah yeah but but it's like

And I don't think, like, I think Chris Farley lived, he would have, like, developed, I bet you he would have had a serious, like, Robin Williams kind of career where he's doing movies like that. But, and I'm not saying there's not value to what he's doing. But it's interesting that once a trend already happens, if the same thing happens later, people are like, nah. So, like, T. Payne hit the auto tune well that maybe if he would have been differently different at that time, it would have hit. I don't think that Farley or Farley, like, regardless of if Farley happened or not, I don't think Farley would work today. and that's because who can we think of that's like very big

and like very silly right because like Farley was super silly and then Jim Carrey was super silly and then Adam Sandler was super silly and but Tim Dillon would be like an example

of a fat guy now and he's not silly Will Farrell super silly dude Tim Dillon needs to play a cop in like a Batman movie like one of those detectives just smoking cigarettes

he'd probably be great at it without much effort Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so great. Yeah. But yeah, there's no, who is a big guy, though? I'm trying to think. Who's big and silly right now? I don't know. Lizzo. Silliness. She's silly. She's making her dancers eat bananas out of pussies. I've never respected her more. We are, it's time to wrap up. Um, okay. What do you guys want to promote? Uh, check me out. So my Instagram is Nick Taylor stand up. And I have a podcast, but all my stuff is available on through my Instagram. So. Nick Taylor stand up. Thank you. Oh, no, I'll be on it in an inopportune time. My Instagram is Ryan Thomas Comedy, and sometimes I put things on there. So, follow me, please. Thank you.

Yeah, and I never promote this, but my Instagram is Michael Good Comedy. And also, this, if we only have like probably 40 episodes on YouTube. If you're just tuning in on YouTube, because I've just started getting more of a YouTube thing, if you want to listen to older episodes, go to Apple and Spotify. They're all in there. So if you've gone through all the YouTube ones, Apple and Spotify, and thank you for listening. Hell yeah. Thanks, Mike.