Morning Good - Dinosaur World - Episode 305

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

From Austin, Texas, Captain Wright returns to the show for today's episode. He and Michael discuss jestermaxxing at the gym, porn bloopers, and putting on Morning Good at a pregame.Thanks to Captain for coming back on the show. Check him out at his socials and catch him live in Austin or on the road. He's on Instagram @captain.wright and has a new comedy prank show on YouTube called the the Wright Caller.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning Good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to Morning Good. And you're listening to Morning Good. We're here with Captain Wright. Y'all, uh, fucking Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas, and I have the hiccups. Pretty bad.

So I'm sorry. Yeah, that's okay. It's a... We've prepared this just to be one of those. Yeah. Yeah. A hiccup pod? They don't know this is going to be a terrible episode,

but we know this is going to be a great episode. Just can't... You're going to play a fun game. Take a shot every time I hiccup. You're going to fucking black out. A fun drinking game with your pals. Yeah. I do like to think people watch morning good in a drinking setting.

Just the pregame in the background. That's really funny. Yeah. You might have thrown some morning good. Just an F.S. you fraternity. There's just like hot babes. I went to these afters

and they're watching Reporting Good. Oh my God. Don't put on morning good at the afters. Did every did you ever, wait to you, was it like, because you went to the same high school as me, you went to a park,

did everybody from there go to Florida State? Was that? A lot of them, like UF and Florida State, it was like kind of evenly distributed. Not too many kids went to UCF or even like a couple of kids ones like Auburn. Oh shit, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of what we did. Did you guys go to UCFR as in high school? Yeah. Yeah, that was a great time, dude. And I'm returning to that here because every fucking alcohol, like that place has $10 picture's the Shakespeare place. And Jake Rick is like, what is it, fucking library?

It's insane. It's horrifying. Yeah, $10 pitcher is like disgusting. Yeah, can I get a pitcher? It's so why. He thought Christoph was like, I'll buy your first drink. And I was like, oh, yes, we got a $10 pitcher. And then he just, he's like, oh, I thought we were going to like,

share the picture. I was like, no, dude, I'm no, I want a $10 liquor pitcher pitcher. Yeah, and go up on stage and, you know, throw out a new idea that's going to kind of work. Yeah. Bringing a liquor picture on stage with you is really funny. And six minutes, Carmi-card!

Well, it is like, I don't know, it's so, like, New York comedy culture is so gay in the sense that, like, like, literally, like, people be like, I don't want to drink at the comedy club because they'll think that I'm, like, a not a professional. Yeah. We're here, it's like, get a $10 liquor picture. You get two for a free. if you're on the show.

Yeah, it feels like, I feel like I've been at the beach almost. It was like, the show with Tony was hilarious because we did one of those like, just old people gigs. Like, you,

that old guy voice you do is literally like, yeah, that's a huge of it. Yeah, hey, y'all are pretty funny. And I think I'm pretty funny myself. Yeah.

Hey, get me up there. Tell a couple jokes. Yeah. So we got to put a penny in the tip jar. I'm like, that is the funniest thing that you have to be fucking awful.

It is, it was too funny, like, to be bad about others. This is kind of hilarious. I don't make these anymore. Yeah. Didn't they fucking have to change what they made pennies out of

because it became more expensive to make them than what they're worth? I think so. Then they just stop making them. They don't make pennies. So every penny is like a just old penny? It's rare now, yeah. No more pennies. Damn, I did get a COVID bat coin recently.

Like it has whatever 2020, 2020 had the coin who had a bat on it. Oh, the quarter. Yeah, yearly quarter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, pretty sick, right? Oh, it was fucking awesome, dude. Were you in high school during COVID?

Yeah. It wasn't that bad. It was kind of chill. I mean, it was Florida, so we did like a, you know, a week of lockdown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then DeSantis was like, take the mask off. Yeah. Take it off.

Take it off. Take it off. He goes, are we serious guys? Are we doing the mask still? Just like a week after that. He was wearing one and then he's like, it's not cool to wear masks. Yeah. Are we serious guys?

Come on. I don't have you seen that video, but it's like students. they're just like standing behind him wearing a mask and he's like are we really doing this guys kids? Yeah yeah they're like I don't know man I have no idea I don't know I don't know who you are I don't want to stand up here

I want to go play Fortnite Yeah I went a little crazy during COVID I got a little what do you call it I got RFK'd I like I like I used to work this data entry job And I took like a fuck ton of an aram I just work in a basement listening to RFK's book That's awesome Yeah you're just in the son of a jeans

Yeah This helps your sweat glands It's good for me. It is so. I like that people hate. They're like, it's so funny. I've never really cared about

like a person being harmful. Like a little bit like a looking Dick Pointez and I'm like, okay, that's not great that like that guy's got a million followers. Clav, clav, clavicular. Yeah. It's like harmful.

He's doing meth to look better. But I'm also like, whoever follows you use a fucking retard. I don't really care. It's like nobody gives enough shit to the people to do the dumb things. Nobody gives the followers enough shit. You know,

everybody's focused on Hitler. They're not focused on the other Nazis. Yeah. What a wild way to spin that. Yeah, no, but that, I mean, you're making a good point. It's like, yeah, if you're, like, not watching a clavicular, like, he's a circus, like, freak. Yeah, then you're a fucking idiot. If you're like, I should probably get into bone smashing.

Yeah. I should probably do meth so I don't eat for three days. Yeah, you're, it's retarded. Yeah, well, dude, I bet you it's tearing just like, I bet you the schools you're going crazy over. I bet you the parent-teacher conferences. They're like, we caught your son, looks maxing. Yeah. No, looks max.

Maxing in school. A kid gets bullied. He's like, oh, fuck yeah, thank you for hitting me in the face. Yeah.

It's gonna be great bone smash. Yeah, just hitting blue steel in the dean's office. Expelled. Gone. He's like, what about this?

Yeah. Because, like, that's always a thing. I remember, like, when Andrew Tate was, like, a fucking vice documentary. And they're like,

I'm a teacher and my kids are in an adjut. It's like, yeah, they're fucking kids. Have you seen that video of like a kid? He's clearly horribly autistic and he's at the teacher's desk.

He's like, I'm the alpha now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will not be doing this work. And he goes, well, can the alpha go sit down? You will not tell me what to do. That's so fucking funny.

It's brutal. It's like, that's the type of kid. Like, you watch something that's just like, your whole brain that's like, you know. Yeah, I'm trying to think of the internet. No, that was, you know what I was? I was like an early Joe Rogan guy, so I listened to him talking about like shrooms and like DMT.

And I was like, dude, I fucking know everything. I figured out the brain. I know the brain, like the back of my hand. I was like, did you know that fucking lower hominids took fucking mushrooms? That's how they evolved into human beings. Yeah, the stoned ape. Yeah.

Which I guess is pretty harmless. That's harmless, but it's just like stupid. It's like the sweet, dumb guy you meet. Yeah, well, and I think... It's not like a deep-rooted evil. No, and all of it too, it's like, I don't know, just like, be a better parent. Don't have, I don't know, maybe don't have RFK raising your kids.

I don't care if he gives bad medical. You know, how many people give bad medical? medical advice. Everybody on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. Doctors. Yeah, doctors do.

Yeah, doctors do you have had medical advice. Dude, I get skin rashes all the time. Never once been told what it is. I've showed my penis to 900 doctors at this point. I'm like, what is this? Yeah, and they're like a penis. And I'm like, all right, is it big?

And they're like, no. I don't know. Science hasn't gotten that far. No, I get like arm rashes. I get dick rashes from sweat. Like, if I'm in the, if I just like sweat for too long and, like, don't wash my dick, I guess.

I get better underwear. like a nice cotton underwear or something yeah yeah they're not like terrible but the fucking the clad thing that drove me crazy this should not have emotionally affected me I think I told you it like angered me dude when he took that girl from

that guy on valentine's day I like you've seen the video right it looks maximum yeah he looks dude I was like I was like don't do it cloud I was like don't use your cloud you have enough you have enough voids yeah and I was like fuck fuck he has enough voids Stacey doesn't need to be yours

using all the terms Dude you have such a high What is it LSP? Yeah I forget With LSP's likeability sexual Yeah I saw a picture of him It was like a

Clavkids giant dopamine spike After looking at penguins at the soon Dude the best is still Michael dolls Where he's like they're talking about Like trans women And Michael Bulls being such a fucking little gay bitch And he's just like

Well you know I should should be upset about this because they're cutting the kid's penises off. And then he's like, see, what you're doing right now is your cortisol spike. Yes. No, no, that's what he gets really funny because he's like, he said in the same interviews, like, well, trans people are just another person for me to mug. Yeah.

Oral farming. It's so good, dude. He broke their brains, dude. You have like Ben Shapiro just being like, I think Jady Vance does a mock. I think he does. I think he's a handsome man. Yeah, he's driving all these people insane. I mean, like inventing all these terms.

It is hysterical because one of the last episode we did on the prank call, she we called a gym and just used all those parts who are like, hey man, I'm worried there's going to be a bunch of gym cells there and I don't want to get mugged by just an absolute Chad. And the guy was like, oh, you're not going to be

mogged, man, don't worry. You just like knew the terms. He's like, you're not going to be mugged, bro. That's so fucking fun. Yeah, I kept telling him, I'm like, I'm a wrist cell. I have tiny little wrists. it's so fun. I mean, the terms are great. I'll catch myself, like, slipping one of them randomly.

Well, it's, it is a fucking blast, dude. I, like, I loved it immediately. I saw Clav, and I was like, dude, that's why we're in this fucking haybackwood, bro. Yeah. Yeah, you're jester maxing right now? A little bit, but, yeah, Michael good, jester maxing? That's the, that's the clip with us just, like, blown up. It's like, you know, you know, like the Togi guy's fun. You ever see Togi? No, who's that? Dude, I think he's, like, Filipino, he's just jacked and he just talks about how it's sick to be addicted to cocaine and steroids and gambling. Oh, that's awesome.

That's one old bodybuilder. Who's an old bodybuilder who's like really into like the one who's dead? What? The one who's dead? Sorry, pardon my hiccup folks. The one who's like he had like 2008 hairstyle. You told him the one that's like Baby don't hurt me. Yeah, that guy.

Yeah, he'd always like do the pose and like a shitty webcam. Yeah. That guy was sick. Yo, Togi's just this, like, this fucking, like, cokehead guy who, like, his videos are just him having fun. And he's just like, yeah, you should never quit cocaine for your girlfriend because she started liking you when you were addicted to cocaine. So if you change, she'll leave you. She'll hate you. Yeah.

If you make your life better, she will hate you forever. Yeah, it's so fun. Because he's also not like, he just seems like a guy having fun and goofing. And then, like, he had some, like, hunger games idea. He's like, this is like if Mr. Beas was actually cool. What he would do is what I'm doing is I'm paying these guys. bail. We're going to have them fight and the audience is all illegal immigrants.

And if they don't chant, we heat to board there. Like something just crazy. Yeah. Anyone who's associated with KIC is just like evil. Yeah. It is just like the company of evil. Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, KIC was a website. You sent pictures of your wien or two. Oh, yeah.

K-I-K. Dude, I would just, I bet you so many dudes that see my penis because it was just like, you just get on there and it was just like a blurry picture of a woman that looked your age. or a girl and you're like I would yeah I would just dad and omagal dude

we one time used my buddy as bait on omega he had like a six pack when he's like 10 and we're like you're gonna stand here yeah and then we'll get all the dudes love that oh dude it was just half pedophiles and dudes jerking off and occasionally a hot chick would be like oh yeah and they'll be like show tits

oh my god that's so fucking fun yeah yeah what a dark the internet is such a dark thing we gotta get off of it forever I don't know I think it's just like it's weird that it makes things bad. Like we're talking about this. Yeah, I'll fucking, I'll let you guys know what actually happened.

I'm pretty broke right now. So I sold a picture on my feet the other day. And, uh, yeah, it was, that was like, whatever. Now,

I will say this, I cropped my face out of it, which doesn't matter because I'm just openly on my podcast saying that I sold the guy. Well, how, what kind of few pictures were they if your entire body is in it? Well,

it's like your feet right here and then you just put the camera right there. And you just go, uh, oh, yeah, nice. But then there was, one where I could see my face and that's where I felt

the shame because I was like... Yeah, you're looking at your face... Yeah, you're touch-tuning your feet and you're like, oh, my face is there. Yeah, yeah. I was like, it'd be really funny if I just had a picture of Tony in the background. Like, I had my face cut out. He's cooking food. You're in the kitchen. Might if I just take a feet pick,

real quick. Well, it's funny too, because it was like, it'd be funny if I did that, but cover my face, but then had a picture of somebody else, they think that I am, that's the guys whose feet it is. Oh, yeah. It's like a picture of somebody else in their family in the background. Did they just like that guys? here clearly at like a family reunion. Hope you enjoy this master.

Yeah, there's a guy that's like fucking, he's like, dude, you send me a selfie if you taking a salad this week, I'll pay you. And I'm like, that's pretty epic. I got to find these people. It's a, like, look, months ago, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. And now I'm like, no brain. You're like, yeah. I'm sitting here on the couch.

Just fucking. It's no. 60 bucks. It's just no pain. Oh, I'll just, I'll just, I'm not going to shit talking about. I think this is hilarious. There's an Orlando comic who, who has an only fan. And so for somebody else.

his birthday. I took nudes of him. I screen shot it as only fans and sent it to a couple people. It was very funny. Yeah, I was he, uh, totally story last night I was eating with a bunch of comp. Applebee's. There's like eight of us. And so we just put one of his pictures on the table. Like he threw it down like it was like evidence in a

court case. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah, it ruined my super super sliders. Yeah, because he looks like a, you know what makes it weird? He does look kind of like a young boy. He's a little too twinkish. It makes kind of creepy because like a fat guy's naked. It's like funny.

I wonder what he's up to now. I haven't heard from Ben Brainer in a while. I don't know. I should check on him. Guys, go check on Ben Brainer for us. Don't sudden, hey,

just check on him. I'm sure he's making millions of dollars. Banged. I was like, oh, okay, what's this is. And then somebody showed me of him.

Just like, some hot ass chick on only fans. I'm like, that's fine. Oh, yeah, that makes it. Yeah,

because once you're in the weird only fan, you're in like a circle of just like, sluts. Yeah, I had a girl want to make content with me. I won't do content. Like, I've made sex tapes. They're terrible.

I made one where I put my phone over here. And I put it the wrong angle. So she's completely out of frame. And this is when I was fatter. So all you see literally is just fat. Oh, God. Yeah. That would make me never have sex again.

That'd make me be, uh, what is it? In vol. Oh, Val sale. I'll be a fall sell, volunteer cell of it. Yeah. No, it was, it was fucking nasty. And I was like, oh, this is, uh, this is, uh, anytime I made a sex tape, I'm like, this is just, I don't know.

this is just poor vision visual quality of the sex I had one time. Yeah, it's a fading memory. Yeah, but then I think like, I don't know, you guys don't even really have porn. I mean, you can find it. I kind of like Twitter is kind of where you can still watch porn down here. Oh, yeah, yeah, they banned all the porn. I mean, there's those websites you can find pictures of naked ladies. You can go like real 1980s with it.

I did that, bro. I did that, bro. We were talking about this the other day. You know, it feels so healthy to jack off the lesbian porn. It feels almost Christian What's what I do with pictures I'll look at a picture of a naked lady Yeah

This is so normal for my brain Yeah yeah yeah Instead of watching like you know Sex compilation Compilation Oh yeah dude I watched a weird one the other day It was like a cuck video

And then when like open the guy's eyelids And spit his on his eyeball And I'm like Oh my God I was like this is a little thing For me Oh that's like yeah It's behind the scenes too though

I kind of like that the Behind the scenes Yeah yeah yeah the bloopers. Yeah, I like that stuff. I like that the hairdresser is like bullying the cuck. Yeah. That's kind of hot.

The blooper reel is really funny. Like, all right, say, I want you to fuck me. And she's like, I want you to. Okay. Oh, no. I'm going to get all the laughs out. Yeah. Yeah.

How long have you been in me? How long have you been in me? Yeah, that has to be a smelly room. I can't imagine. Yeah. Yeah. I think I told you about this last time. my buddy fuck some girl one time

in a condo at the beach and we, the whole apartment smelled like pussy and we threw up all over the place. Oh my God, that's like so gross. Yeah, that was really funny because we were talking to our friend's girlfriend and they were like, we were talking about how bad, like pussy can just smell so bad

sometimes. It can't smell so bad and that's, it feels like an easy catch of your lady. I know if my dick smells bad. I could just look at it and be like, I bet that doesn't smell good. Yeah, yeah. Well, I also, dude, I do dickwash is randomly, bro. Even if it's like, I'll, like, I'll shower like once or twice a day. And then I, like, here I've done it once a day. Back home I do it twice a day.

But like, I'll randomly just be like, yeah, I should probably just wash my dick. Yeah. Not even a shower. Just dick wash. Dude, like, literally. Standing over the sink. But then you put it in your pants and then you just get wet spots. And you're like, I just look like I peed myself. Yeah. Oh. Wow. Rividing. Rividing. Oh, yeah. This is what the people want to hear. No, no, I love it. I do love it. I, uh, I haven't done that. I'll just be like, all. I'll just take a shower.

And, like, it'll be, the purpose will be to wash my wee, but I'll just get everything else too. Yeah. Well, that is, that's like most of showering as a guy is just like fucking, just like, jacking off, but not. You're not doing for pleasure, but you're just like scrubbing your dick and, like, yeah, you want to get all the parts that are going to smell, but you want to get your armpits or your butt and your wee wee.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not too worried about my arm, my arm being stinky. Yeah, yeah. That's how I'm showered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My forearm smells great right now. I'll do a little brush over of that, but there's business that needs to be conducted. Take you care of you. Yeah. Yeah, I've been taking a bath in forever. I want to take a fucking... A big old bubble bath?

Yeah, I did take a shirtless selfie in Tony's bathroom for a chick. It wasn't... It wasn't this gay only fan stuff. And then, man, what a liar I was. I, like, was like... I took one of his light bulbs out to get, like, a good angle. I'm, like, coughing. So my abs look better.

Nice. It's a good tactic. I gotta use that. Dude, the cough works. But it was so funny, too. because then like I was like, I took like the perfect one. It took so long, dude.

I like, it was not like, it was like, I was like, oh, dude, this is just not. And then, uh, and I took the perfect one. They look at his bathtub. It's just, it's just like dirty as shit. I was like, oh, I get. Well, the bathtubs here get gross.

Uh, because I'm, when I moved in, it was, like, this is disgusting. And I was like on a, for a whole day on my hands and knees trying to scrub it. Yeah. I'm like, oh, this is the paint. Like, this is like, just irreversible gross. This is so much like a Florida State apartment This is what every apartment

This is a college, because I've been to some of the ones on UT too Yeah So they're built small living space Four bedroom, four bath I don't mind it though It's kind of a six set up like it looks It feels newer Yeah, it's nice

I was getting her on bathroom rules What's up? Getting your own bathroom rules Yeah Yeah, it's fucking great dude It's amazing yeah Yeah well we have a bathroom with three people And it's like dude it's like

I mean I'll do a three and one Where I shit tug one out and shower and it's like I'm in there for like 45 minutes. Yeah. You got to have a sign up sheet for the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, clocking in, clocking out.

It's brutal. And then they, our laundry room has a bathroom minute, but the door's locked, but you can pick it. So I'll just go down there and just like pick the lock. That's crazy. In like a hoodie.

Like I'll try to like hide in and be like, all right, they're not going to fucking see me. And then, uh, yeah. One time I wanted to have sex in there. And I was like, yeah,

I don't know. She was, yeah, what a weird. weird life I live sometimes It's fun As you get stories, man Yeah, yeah, it is

I think I'm like six months away From the Christian arc, dude Yeah Would you rather live your life Being like I can't believe I did that Other than what if I did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That is a good point

It's a fun way to go about things My regrets are more like minimal Stuff, it's more like Oh, I guess I should have spent more time That one afternoon doing that one thing Or I guess I should have YouTube When I was like nine Yeah,

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I wish I was Mr. Beast. Yeah. I wish I uploaded all the same videos as Mr. Beast did. Yeah, yeah, you're like, I would have thought of that. That was my goal in high school. I was like, I'm going to get out Tosh Point out,

not as like a comedian, but as like a... Yeah, just do something stupid. Yeah. Just get hit by a car. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I would, uh... Yeah, I would like fucking, uh...

I remember we'd always try to recreate jackass. Did you guys ever do that? Oh, yeah, of course. I think that's like every guy else to go through. Yeah. That phase. I used to, my favorite. was we just got a skateboard in our apartment.

So like one of my roommates is sick at it. We have the same thing as you guys. We have a board with no wheels on it. It's like we just do tricks on the carpet in the living room. I'm just the board itself. And my favorite thing when I was a kid was like, dude, I like, I would have this like super sick ramp. And then just like ride up like I'm going to like fly over it and do like a kickflip. And then just like at the last second, just like ride off like the bottom edge of it and be like, yeah, I was so close.

like I would go to like a rail like I was gonna grind and then just like jump off the skateboard and I was like like and just for an hour I would just shut down and be like I was so close to like yeah I just look like you're bailing

yeah yeah like just doing a run up and then just measuring it I'm like nah it's not yeah yeah guys when I go to this would go to the skate park a lot of people like you know

go to like look like they're hitting a stair and then jump down the stairs I'm like this is like worse for your ankles yeah yeah that actually hitting it yeah it's a crazy sport I love I've been following the Bear Margera stuff recently. I think he was,

he got sober because he almost got AIDS, he said. He was like, he's doing great. I mean, Bam's one of my favorite topics on a podcast. He's,

I love keeping, it's always changing. Yeah, is like, it'll be like, dude, I relapsed again. And then it'll be like,

I'm on top of the world. I'm in Tony Hawks pro skater. Yeah. That's the greatest part if you're a drug addict, like, you have such, everybody has such

law expectations for you that you just not doing heroin and fucking hookers. Everybody's like so happy. When he started just like doing mini-ramps again, I was like, he's back. Yeah. That was kind of like being high school because I did fucking shrooms.

I was 14 and told him myself. So everything afterwards, my parents were just like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at him. Yeah. Yeah, so we're working at a subway mom and they're like, whew. Yeah. It's like Harvard.

We thought you'd be dead by now. That's great. Yeah. I'll watch BAM. He's like, yeah, you know, it took three hours. but I did the rock to fake you on a quarter pipe. And I'm like, let's go. Oh.

Yeah, isn't it? At this point, he's like skateboarding like a nine-year-old level. He's still pretty good. I mean, for like, he didn't skate for a long time. Like, you know, drugs and stuff. And he is not in shape. Yeah. And he's very old.

So he's doing good for like the cars he's been dealt. He's kind of got like a Mr. Potato Head body going on. Yeah. So like to be able to do that should be a... He looks like Phil. He looks like his dad. Why isn't skateboarding done by weight class? that should be that's a really good point in the Olympics

yeah yeah dude they just had the highest weight heavy weights dude just either jacked or super fat guy skateboarding would be so fucking entertaining oh my god just flying downstairs snapping boards that would be cool dude I would so watch that that be incredible yeah it was like uh like you ever seen like a super fat guy

like a backflip or something you're like holy she it looks so much cooler right before we started this I was like going through those guys Instagram just like a fat guy that goes to trampoline parks a lot and he's like kind of nasty out he'll like do backflips and shit that's fucking awesome yeah it really adds like I don't know why you just need

a giant mass move because like you see like a little Chinese kid like do a backflip and you're like yeah they're supposed to do that yeah you were bred to do this yeah yeah and they're like gymnastics

never impressed because you're like yeah you're tiny like it's like but then you see like a fat guy just like do like any amount of that system you're like shit dude my favorite part of that guy's account

I forgot the account but like you just see like kids like moving out of the way. There's like a ton of children there at the trampoline park. He's just like hogging up the foam pit. That's awesome. I remember I think I went to a camp because you remember you know the blob is at a camp?

Yeah, the big thing, you lay on it and then someone jumps on it. Yeah. Shoots you away. I did one of those one time. And like the camp video was like the fattest, like counselor like bouncing like just the tiniest kid. And I'm like, dude, I'm going to do a blob. I'm going to do the blob and like go flying. I'm going to blah.

I'm going to the blob. after you eat food. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to the ball. All right, we're going to go to the mess hall, then we're going to hit the blob. Yeah.

Dude, man, camp was actually, I had fun at camp. Those are good times. Yeah, I don't know what to Woodward. I didn't go to. What was Wood? Skateboard camp. Oh, what was that like?

Who is that the fucking best thing ever? Yeah. Yeah. I met, what's his face? I don't know, one of the big guys. Ryan Sheckler. Somewhere along,

those, someone like... That gets my gay muscles moving, dude. does he ride a chef? He's a hot guy. The Shaxter. Yeah. No, there was like a,

because the big one, they just show up and skate. Like, they'll just skate around. So it's like comedy where like they'll pop into like lower level things and just like, yeah,

they'll hang out of the park with a bunch of 15 year olds. Well, I mean, sick. That is awesome. And we're like, well,

you don't have to wear a helmet here? Yeah, they're like, well, you do little guys. That was like Tony Hawk's big thing where people started. Answer her face time from so bit.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Sorry. Hey, man, I'm doing a podcast right now. Oh, my bad. You're good. You want to say something funny to the mic real quick?

Nigger. Okay, okay. I'm so glad we. We'll cut that out. You would... No, we won't. We're going to give it in. We don't know who it was, but it was my black friend.

His name was Jeremy. But it was really... It was so funny, too, because I just knew. I knew it, too. As soon as I saw his face just... Yeah. I'm sorry about that, man. I have a real, uh, classy group of friends.

yeah no i that's that was expected but um we're fucking talking about skateboard yeah that i don't know i always think about that it's weird that people get off that way but i do fan at sides about being like a giant comedian and just like swinging by an open mic not holding the core but they're like damn he's so modest like he's so yeah yeah like norman does it a lot like norman will just do yeah every time norman comes to town here he'll like do every like all the shittiest shows yeah yeah yeah yeah good narbar It's like, all right. I mean, I don't want that.

I'm so lazy, dude. I mean, every night I've just been here. Like, if I'm booked, I'll go out. But, yeah, I would want to do that. If I'm, like, a theater comic, I'm like, I don't need to, I don't want to go to. I get it if it's easy. One time I saw Ari Shafir come to the stand and he, like, pass his dog. He's, like, wearing, like, a bathing suit.

And then just gave his dog to, like, a waitress and just, like, went on stage. And I'm like, that looks so nice to be able to just cruise. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, just cruising. and do, I like doing your spot and leaving. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's just like a hang. If all my buddy's there and I'm hanging, get like a drink or some

food or something, that's awesome. But like, I love being home. Yeah. Well, it also, like the hangage doesn't exist in New York and the same way does here. That's true. Yeah. Imagine if you walked into the stand, try to hand your dog, waitress. I have the 4 p.m. open mic.

Yeah. I'm on the 4 p.m. at the small stage, the upstairs one. So funny. That's awesome. I love the stand. It is a real pretty club. Yeah, I've only done like Rose Battle and podcast there. But, um, yeah.

I don't get up there, so I'm not going to say anything negative. I think they're doing great. I think they really need to look into me. They just stand, look into my boy, Michael. Look at it. Send in your portfolio. Yeah. Check your emails.

I got one wreck there. So, you know, maybe, maybe follow up with that wreck. Um, nice. And then, uh, you know, Mothership. while you're at it, check out your boy. Go ahead, go ahead, take a peek. Take a peek.

Tell me a peek. Tell me good set once. Yeah. Yeah, you know. New York, keep booking me. Please. Yeah, please. And everywhere in the country,

just kind of book me. Yeah, yeah. Just every possible place. Yeah. I, yeah, the skate park thing is fun. I don't know. We go to wakeboarding was big when I was a kid. Was that a thing in Winter Park when you were there?

Yeah, yeah, wakeboarding is massive. I mean, Central Florida is like wakeboarding capital. world. That's so funny. There was like, I went to wakeboarding camp and the weirdest was like, my instructor was this fucking cool as dude. There's two guys and they were cool as hell. And they both wore sunglasses. But when they took their sunglasses off, it was terrifying because you'd never seen their sunglasses under it. Yeah. He just had nine. We just never seen this guy's eyes. I never seen his guys eyes for like three years. He pulls up a sunglasses. You're like, whoa, that's what you look like. Yeah. Never seen his face. Oh, that's a that sucks. Yeah. I hate that.

It was like he'd show me his wiener almost. It's actually like more intimate his penis. Yeah. That's really funny. I don't know. Wakeboarding is like that's such like a, just like a rich thing to get it. Oh,

yeah, you need like an $80,000 boat to start wakeboarding. And then we'll talk boards. Unless you're one of the cable park kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had that big cable park in, OWC. Yeah.

I hated it because it did some terrible jerky things. So basically the cable park is like, I don't know how you describe it. Basically, it is a imagine a bunch of telephone lines. And they're running around. They're going in circles, and they have Wakeport Road attached. It's more like a Pentagon because there's points. Yeah.

Yeah. And then there's like obstacles will be like a ramp or like a little box you can grind on. But like I see when it hits the point, there's like a huge. It's a hair if I got ripped down on my boots so bad because like when you turn a corner of the point, it has to switch lines. Yeah. So all the slack in the rope cuts. And I just got jerked out of my boots one time. It hurts so bad, dude.

Oh, yeah. That's awful. you're just in the middle of this thing while guys are like just jumping over you and like doing crazy tricks. Yeah. I don't know how to get out of this. See, that's a, I hate it when people are so much better than me at something. It's like, you know, you'll go to that and you're like, I'm intermediate. I'll find him. Maybe I'll go off a ramp or something. And there's a 12-year-old like on the telephone lines. Yeah. Like, all right. Dude, I remember what I went to a wayboard camp. This dude threw shit on the boat. He, uh, he was like, I need to take a shit. And then

And they're like, jump of the water pussy, just goofing around. As he's like, I actually took a shit in there. Like, no, you didn't. This kid took a dump and just threw it into the boat. It's like psychotic. Yeah. I think he's fine. Some people, it's so weird.

People just, like, calm down. And then you seem like later apart. You were crazy. He goes, yeah, I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not that guy. I'm not throwing poop anymore. And you're like, well, that had to have gone somewhere else. You're definitely like fucking hookers.

Or like, I don't know. You do some weird Russian roulette. You have some skeleton in the closet. You just play Russian roulette with yourself. Yeah. Like to get it rocks off. No, man, I don't do that crazy stuff at parties anymore. And it's just at home.

Yeah, it's so scary. Who's those famous? I feel like there's a celebrity that would do Russian roulette. Oh, man, that's horror. I saw a video guy on Instagram doing it. Can you look that up? This is killing me. There's some celebrity that would do Russian roulette.

Yeah. It was like an actor, I think. Here, I'm going to prop this up and look all fat while I do it. Celebrity who did Russia Roulette. I'm weirdly thinking it's Elon Musk. There's somebody like that. No way. Dude, there's somebody like that that would do.

Well, you'd have it down to a math or science or a racist thing. John Eric Hickson? Nah. Alan Cumming. He would do it. That's crazy. Wait, I'm going to use Chad GBT. This Google's not working.

It would be really funny. That's how Billy Bob Thornton died. Playing Roger Lime thinking he's a real. cowboy. That's like not a cowboy thing to do here. He's like, all right. You won't be a real adult.

We're going to do it my way. Yeah, there's a video of a guy on Instagram doing it. He doesn't die. But he doesn't tweet. And I was like, yo. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, John Eric Hexum

is the first one that pops up. There was like a famous actor. He died of it. Yeah. He did on set. I know that's how Bruce Lee's son died or something like that Because they use real guns in movies

And the blanks, they use blanks You know it's so funny You can animate a fucking dragon But they're like, let's use real guns They can make a prop gun that looks like it's firing That's what I'm saying You don't have to use a real gun It's fucking nuts

But uh How can you make you make Thanos But you're gonna use real guns on set Yeah they still do that And then it's like So they use blanks for which for most guns It's fine blank Nothing comes out

with a shotgun, a blanket, a shotgun they're designed to have shit go everywhere, so there's still going to be like shrapnel. Yeah, that's what killed Bruce Lee's son. Is that, what up, Tony? Yeah, hop on this show, dude. We've already had one N-word so far. Really?

My friend called, and I'm like, hey, man, say something funny. And he said the N-word. I'm taking a bath. And I got some new exfoliating scrub. And then, yeah. dude this is I'm so glad you're off

tired yeah Tony's in a self-care era yeah yeah yeah yeah

that'd be so fun if he just turns into like his face just turns as like a beautiful Chinese

you come out with one of those like face mask like the American psycho

face mask yeah that uh yeah that sounds terrible I'm trying to like

risky things I would do for uh I don't know you wouldn't do Russian roulette no

what if it's like it was a really hot girl she was like immediately It's the only way I'd have sex with you. Immediately. If you spin a revolver and shoot yourself with the head.

No, I would not do that. Also, what was Bruce Lee's son doing that got him? Like, what was he? He was just, like, goofing around with it? No, no, no. It was all, like, during filming. Oh, okay, somebody else shot it. In the scene, he, like, gets shot with a shotgun,

and he got real shot with a shot. I saw his, like, the costume he was wearing when he died. It was in a museum. Huh? It was just covered of blood? Not really. I think they just had the jacket.

he might I don't know how the story he might have been wearing like a bulletproof vest it just didn't work there wasn't blood all over it I think there's a little bit but it was like

the sweet leather jacket it was a sick leather if I tried to make an offer at the museum did I say about the black Israeli jacket I saw yes yeah it's over the pod

it's pretty funny jacket dude I was going to the plasma clinic by the way you're talking to a guy who was banned from the plasma clinic because I tried

I went to one chain in New York and then I switched up change and they were like you haven't been to a different plasma clinic in weeks and I was like no no no and they're like we flagged you because it looks like you looks like you went to olgum life a week ago and i was like that was a week ago i could have sworn that was

months ago yeah you can't donate anymore man sorry yeah and i was like fuck but last time i was there this guy was fucking leather jacket this black dude in brooklyn and it had this white and blue star of david on the back of it was like hebra is who were like so brooklyn i was like that is the sickest fucking jacket i've seen in my life yeah that's pretty good they custom no i told you i was like if that was on depop dude it it was like if that was on deepop dude it was I saw, I was flying to New York once and the guy in front of us is like this old black dude The cowboy hat

Need a leather jacket that was like The Black Angels MC He was like a legit like motorcycle club I guess it was like a black biker gang Which is the coolest shit ever Yeah, that's so cool to take like the whitest thing Because like motorcycling is like promosely like a white guy

But he I mean this guy was not It was not performative not a booze Old dude He had so cool to take like the whiteest thing He had spurs. I don't know how he got the TSA. I would spurs on his boots, but you could like hear it every time he walked.

Oh, that's funny. I was like, and then we saw him on the returning flight too. I was like, I wonder what he did? Yeah, well,

I know, like, like, what's it called? Like, uh, Myrtle Beach has black bike week and white bike week. Yeah.

Or they call it regular. That's what I love about Daytona. They're like, everyone get over here. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that was my favorite college adventure.

We went to, uh, the beach and, and, uh, my buddy in jail now. Not going to get details on that.

But anyways, he was, he was just going crazy. And like, we were at this pregame in a hotel and with all these chicks and he just brings up this guy that looks identical to Hagrid

from Harry Potter. And he's got the rings on his fingers. And he's just drinking Evan Williams. And he goes, dude, he's so cool. He went to Florida State as well. I was like,

I don't think he did and I don't care. This guy is so cool. This guy is 60 years old. and he's scaring all of it. He's not saying a word. He's just drinking. That is like hysterical. I would like to do that to like fuck with people.

Just bring a guy to like a social setting. I've always like made this joke. I make it with the girl seeing a lot. I'm like, yeah, what if I was like, let's go on his date. Let's go here. And I just brought a guy with me. Just to hang out. You didn't really talk or anything.

Oh my God. Yeah, he's like, no, he's cool. He's cool. Todd, you doing good, bro? Awesome. I just got checking on him every now on that. That was one of the worst

rejections I've got. There was this girl and I hooked over in high school and then I just assumed that like my only experience there, I think she's like jerked me off in high school.

We're kind of friendly and then I'm driving to come to doing shows in Tampa from Orlando and I'm like arguing with my mom. I'm like, mom,

where's the iron? I need to iron my shirt before I go there yeah. That's priorities. Dude, halfway all the way over there she's like,

yeah, my friend's gonna come grab drinks with us and I was like, this is like obviously not a day. Yeah. This is just a friend meet up.

And I got so disappointed and I just drove by Dinosaur World and I was like, I'm so mad. I didn't just like say no and just spend the day in Dinosaur World. Yeah, that was it with your freshly iron shirt. Yeah, yeah. Probably the best dressed

anyone's ever been inside of Dinosaur World. Yeah, so those are no, Dinosauril is a random attraction in between Orlando and Tampa where I don't, have you been? I've never been. I've driven past like a thousand times.

I gotta go in, dude. I think it's like just like, it's just the Jurassic Park section of Universal Space League. It's a bunch of fake dinosaur. Well, it's a, essentially like a garden.

It's like a giant like botanical garden or whatever you say and there's just like not like not historically accurate dinosaurs just painted. It's like an art.

It's almost more of an art project. Oh, it's like a little. It's that giant Noah's Ark thing. You see that right? I think I've seen signs for it. Dude, there's this thing

that used to be like a restaurant or something. It's just a giant Noah's arc looking wooden structure that's like next to the dinosaur world. That's pretty sick. I know there's a lot of those that will just have like

fake science facts inside of them. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, dinosaurs died 200 years ago. The last T-Rex was reported 60 years ago. Way after Advenee. Yeah, it's really funny

that some of the stuff they have in there. Obviously, that's all really reminds me of a, I saw like a tweet the other day that was like, no way they put two club promoters on Noah's heart. Yeah. That shit's so funny. Like the dinosaur world and then like, it's really funny if I like,

went she was like an ice lady on a word friend and stuff but it was just funny too I was just picturing like it's just me wearing a I just send her a video of me getting my dick sucked in a dinosaur hat

like the one that goes like that I'm like yeah she's at like the bar or whatever and she's like where are you we just got our first drink you send a picture decked out

in dinosaur world gear sorry sorry I made a pit stop I roll up on heelies with the dinosaur outfit on she's like when do you think you're gonna make it and you're like

I don't know but did you know that a trice Saratops can run up to 80 miles per hour. Just giving her dinosaur facts. I always like the people that like, there's always a lot of those conspiracy theorists that are like, the dinosaurs,

they're putting the bones all together. They're basically just giants. Oh, the fake dinosaur shit's hysterical. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the other guys who just claim that like the dinosaur bones aren't real. Every archaeologist is just lying.

Yeah, yeah. Just for just kind of the hell of it. Yeah. I mean, how would it? I bet you, I'm wondering with 3D printing how you, could you, nah, not really. They tried to fake the alien thing that one time. Yeah, you're probably good.

Also, it's like, what agenda is that pushing to be like? Well, that is the funniest people are like, how would, what would be the purpose of me lying about getting abducted by aliens? I don't know, like book deals, like you start a podcast. Yeah, exactly where you are right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, that's why the town thing always bugs me, because it's always like a small town that has a UFO crash.

Do you lie about getting abducted by aliens? You're doing all these podcasts? and you're getting all these book deals, you probably get the craziest pussy just psycho pussy. You are going to charge off of something you did not take. Yeah.

Oh my God. Dude, the amount of like, oh my God. Just girls with the worst looking rooms you've ever seen in your entire is a dead cat. Bob Lazar is just slinging dick around town.

Just fucking the weirdest shit. Oh my God. Girls are just like psycho art everywhere. Just like evil, like drawing the hat. man and stuff. He's like, well, actually in the middle of it is an energy conduction field.

Oh, yeah, say that even harder. Tell me more. Just like you did on Rogan. Yeah, she's like, legally, I'm not allowed to own a TV, but we can read some books. Why can't you own a TV? Dude, yeah, it's a weird, it's a weird world I'm kind of in now that I'm technically a member of Mufon.

Yeah, you're talking about, you kind of touched on this last night. Yeah, I lost, I left my card in fucking, uh, or New York, but, uh, yeah, no. I was saying because, yeah, the official Mufant could be funny. Somebody get pulled over. Did show that. Show it through your window like you're a sovereign citizen.

Yeah. You're looking at it right now. You're out of jurisdiction officer. Yeah. This is Mufon territory. This is space territory. Dude, I also started designing sick jackets, bro. I got these fucking like, somebody's like,

dude, you should get a windbreaker. Like a neon windbreaker that just says mutual UFO network field investigator. Oh my God. That's so, I love the idea of being like a dick while doing that. Just showing up to like some guy's house. I'm up to a crime scene. Yeah. Like it's like murders.

Like a double homicide. Just walking under like caution tape. No, move on. Move on. Get out. Get out. Just like seeing a two dead bodies go, oh my God. No.

Oh, no. This is not aliens. No, no. I thought it was aliens. Not aliens. That's a kid that got shot. Fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That is so funny to show up to a crime scene. Dude, the craziest crapsies story I ever heard. My buddy did like these He did a bunch of shrooms. It was with this guy who was like a Paramedic for the military or something like that. And they show up and they see a lady pinned

against a wall with a car. So he runs up there and tries to like revive her. And he swears this story's true. And he realized they were so fucked up and drunk and doing coconut shrooms that they walked into a filming of a movie. That's so funny. Yeah, they walk like past the

because like, hey, you can't go past her. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Why are these assholes filming this poor woman? Where do they get these nice cameras? They make these beautiful cameras. Oh, the sandwiches are over there. Yeah, yeah. The table, the spread. The guy's just sitting in a chair with a hat on watching.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really fun. Why is Tarantino here? Yeah. Why are they, why she miced up? Yeah. Yeah. That's actually so. Me and my computer.

My capo. What does he say? Cupida. My computer. I don't know. I don't even know how to use a cute pew to download this. Email that. But my man, Sam.

me. That's so funny. I think his thing he got to try to, like, hype up a lot was his mom fucked a lot of black guys. That's kind of like a thing. He's like, it was a lot of black guys. Dude, I was black guys in my career. My right, Sam. That's how I met Samos Hey, Joe, he was fucking my mom. Sam of Jet, and that's what got him in my movies.

I was on the Q-Pute and I heard my mom fucking Sam. My man, Sam. That's so good. I want to code switch like that, randomly. Oh, that'd be great, dude. Yeah. Don't be jockey.

on a brother's fit, bro. Never, dude. Yeah, you've got a... When did you dye your hair? I did, I got drunk my friend Brittany at Ledesma's house a couple weeks ago. And I woke up, I got, I kind of

blacked out and I woke up and died dips. It was pretty funny. Yeah, pierced my ears before. Have you done that? No. Oh, dude, we should show getting rings this trip. That'd be so... Yeah, I should get like the wigger, like, uh, like the diamond squarey rigs.

Dude, that's what I did. but I got for it was so funny dude oh my god yeah I remember I got my hair dye the next morning I went to work and everyone I was like yo are you okay because I thought it was like my idea they thought I just did this and they're like

are you good I'm like no no it was like me fun being drunk and they're like oh okay that's cool yeah yeah it was a good time he doesn't think this actually looks good people say it fits people say it works it is fun because I was telling you I hate the the Texas style of the guy wearing the performing the fucking performative Texan yeah

yeah it's like Dude, I don't know. It's the same thing as you all have in New York. You have the, like, just soft guy. Dude, a fucking tote bag. Trader Joe's tote bag with, like, feminist literature inside mocha. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we have that same thing here.

It's a tech bro role playing as a guy who hates tech bros. Yeah, it's so. It's like, why can't we go back to oil? It's like, you fucking work at meta. He's like, yeah, I've been doing data entry past couple hours. I've been coding since the last fortnight. I also love, I think the dog's penis is still in frame. I think, like, when I looked at the camera, it was,

it was just like me on this end and the other end is just dog weiner and balls. It's a sweet dog. I think in my rash might be dog related. Oh, this is a sweetheart. Because Carly's like, I got this rash up here. And I'm like, I got this rash up here. The only thing we have in common is this is the dog. Yeah, we're both spooning the dog at night.

I think we have fleas. Yeah. He's a sweet. Yeah, I mean, that would suck if we had fleas. We had to put them down. That's how you deal with Lisa. I do this to Otis and the Otis and Brittany La Desma's dog, but I taught it the word rape. And like, after I say rape, I'll like pet it and like make it all happy.

So it gets excited at the words now. You say the word. Yeah, I go, Otis, rape time. And he'll like. Yeah, I think that means petting. Yeah, I think it means excitement. Are you fucked to the foreign guy that way? That's a fun thing to do.

Just tell them things not to say and to say. like what do you mean like we did foreign exchange tunes and that's kind of a fun prank to just I don't think we ever did this in any of them but like you just tell them things to not say oh yeah yeah you'd be like there's a video of one on a bus

and they told him Scooby-Doo is a bad word he stands up on the big Scooby-Doo! It's really quick yeah no it's really fun we had none of those kids we didn't really have any four

we should have Puerto Ricans and like you know they didn't know more bad words than you do Yeah, you're like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. My favorite thing I ever saw was in the bathroom. There was this Puerto Rican kid.

He looked like a stud. He looked like a black lesbian, but he's just like a dark Puerto Rican guy. And he had like all these necklaces on. And I just caught him in the bathroom like an inch away from his own reflection, singing Young Wild and Free. So, dude. With so much emotion, he's like, live just like we're supposed to party.

That's so funny. And he still saw him. He was just still singing into his reflection. Yeah, dude, that is. He's typing himself up for the table. that. I had a very similar thing. There's like this kid.

I think he was like one of the football players, but he's never, I've seen him in class once. His book bag was like empty. Just not a good student. It's not because he was black, but he happened to be black. And I remember one of the few times

I saw him in class, he just started like doing like the tap on his desk and he's like, so misunderstood. You didn't bring books to school. Yeah. I'm misunderstood. Yeah, he's like, it's like,

misunderstanding. He's like, well, fuck you mean I need a pencil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Misunderstood.

Dude, we, I actually, I was actually the opposite, the dumbest way. I, this is how fucking stupid I am as a person. I couldn't figure out the lockers when I was like

in middle school. Because it was like, you go three times one way, two times one way. Yeah, it went to the other way. Backwards. It was confusing.

Yeah, upside down. You got to have your pants down. Yeah. Yeah, it's annoying. So I would literally bring a backpack just with like seven textbooks in it. Yeah. Oh God. You're like a Marine walking around the... Well, I thought that was

so nerdy, so I just throw my backpack somewhere for like hours. I used my backpack as a locker. Like I would just kind of go with it. It's a bomb. Yeah, I just like, drop it. Yeah, I just left in a bush. It felt safe. Yeah. I left under a trash can in the cafeteria. That was so fun. It was just so funny just being on like...

Because I would be very social in the afternoon because my infatomines would wear off. But it would be so funny just showing up to school, just like so on amphetamines and like trying to look taught to girls and you're just like okay good look in the mirror good I smell like shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah hey hey hey hey what's up how's it going huh yeah yeah yeah cool cool

you uh what you do this weekend yeah it's seven in the morning yeah trying to hit on like girls in seven in the morning crazy you're trying to get I go in first period oh you do that often yeah yeah what I did that it felt good I was at like Walmart at like I think it was like 8 a yeah but I was just on so much Adderall that I like just asked out a lady working there and it didn't work shit

boyfriend, but I was just like, this is kind of crazy of me. I'm like, hey, good for you for doing the leap of faith. Yeah. I feel like past 11 a.m. is like time to start, you know, you talk to ladies and hit on him. Yeah. Before that, there's like, it's like a hunger game. It's like a safe period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not.

Hitting on girls is like hunger games. Yeah. Well, and also like, I've done on the train before and that's a that's a weird one because everybody just watches you. I had the best line. There's a guy like shitting next to you and you're like, you're beautiful. What?

I love you. I always used that when I was at the trade and this smell like shit and the girls like going like that and uh

you're like let me see your face I want to see all that I was gonna walk up be like uh I forgot I had a good line

just like uh did you just fart on here no I'm just kidding what's it like just like that are you stinky I know you're not

Michael good I think it would be funny enough that it would be like did you just fart like a class clown yeah yeah yeah

yeah dude I think my buddy got class cloud he angered me so much. Oh yeah, or it was like a random just like likable guy,

which I didn't like a, I didn't go out of my way to be funny unless it was on the news. So I was like, I didn't really care. Yeah, well, mine was my friend who was,

because I just said like, fit through, so like the student, like I was not goofy in school. I was goofy after school. Once the arrow wore off, the real me came out. Yeah.

But, wait, what was, so you, you were part of the news? Yeah, as a, as a lot of just like,

sketches on the news. And that's, uh, that's, like, just kind of associated us with like kids I'd go to cool parties and so it was like my way in. It was so opposite

because the people worked at the news were so lame. Like it was never funny. Everyone else on the news was super lame. We were like the you know the little secret. We had the the weirdest news thing I remember. You know that song Demons by Matching Dragons? Demons.

I don't know radioactive. Demons one goes, If you done, do and don't look into minds. It's where my demons hot. Yeah. Dude, there was one time, I remember this video.

I was like, we're all sitting there in class and we're watching the morning news. And there's just a video this guy with a leather jacket. He goes down to alleyway and drinks like a bottle of whiskey. And there's just like another student. They're like, we all have demons. I'm like, what PSA was this? Some of us are evil.

Yeah, yeah. Some of the students that walk in the halls with you are evil. That is so funny. In high school, I never even thought somebody would shoot the place up because I was just like, I don't know. I just like never had that. And then in college, I'd worry about it all the time. Yeah.

I got trouble for, saying I would just leave. They're like doing one of the drills and I was like, I'm not going to lie, I'm just going to leave. Because at that point it's such a numbers game. I love the idea that we're going to lock the doors and save all the kids. You got to just sacrifice a few. Yeah.

If I, if I can't trust the other end of the campus, I'm going to be like, all right, now I can walk away. Yeah, yeah. Mom, you can pick me up. Yeah, it's like, the best move is everybody just sprints and it's like cattle. It doesn't make sense. It's like, we'll all lock in one area. It's like, you think he's a

gun he's not going to be able to unlock a door. Yeah. We had one teacher who had like a good idea. He's like, we are going to stay in the room, but we will leave the door unlocked. Everybody grab a desk if he walks in. He's like, if 10 kids throw a desk at a guy, it's pretty...

It's going to be good. He's like, and if you can't pick up a desk, grab the laptop. Well, the funny thing they would do is they black out the windows because it was like, you know, they were like, yeah, because you know, they're going to do like these kind of stern pickings where they'll just shoot the cool kids and stuff like that. And I'm like, I don't think, I think they're like, there's no way. They're like, Jonathan Anders is in fifth period.

I'm going to shoot him there. Has their schedule? Is it really like OCDs? All right. Don't make my way. Do you know where the West Hall is? Just air 15th. Yeah, I'm going to get to the West Hall. I'm lost. Gosh, campus sucks. No, it's tricky for everybody.

You're going to take your first right, then it left, then another dude down the stairs. Oh, yeah, I did this on my first day, too. You're going to, yeah. Yeah, it's a, yeah, I don't know. worried because I there was like school shooter at kids but they would just like

I don't know they just have weird little fuzzy things in their backpacks and you're like yeah it's about it yeah we had like like the closest

uh I think a lot a lot of the schools in Orlando had we're like a thug kid that would just like bring a gun to school to like flex

yeah yeah he's not just gonna like no the kids I'm trying to air out the school if anything is gonna air out his ops but like

yeah yeah that's it I'm not his ops I'm not yeah that's not that's not I'm not the demographic he's trying to shoot. Yeah, that was the funniest thing we had. There was this kid who shot,

um, my buddy went fishing with him and he like shot some fish with like a gun. He's a super hood guy. And then one day they were like, we're bringing out the special needs basketball team. And then he was like on the special. We just like didn't realize this guy like some. Oh my God.

He's a gun. Yeah. Oh my God. You were like, oh damn. Because it was almost like that little Kev episode of it's always sunny where it's like, so you just can't tell if somebody is. Yeah. He's like when he's eating cart.

He was not. eating, he's watching cartoons and like eating loudly. You're like, I don't know. I just thought this is cool guy stuff. You're like taking the wrongs. Yeah, that's really funny that being friends with the guy, seeing him like shoot stuff. This guy's crazy. Yeah.

Special leads. Did you guys have gangs? I don't think we'd really had gangs. No, you didn't have gangs. We just like groups of like the, in middle school, there was like a gang. There was a dirty face gang. You know what? You know.

No, I went to Glenridge. Okay, the dirty face gang. What was their thing? They were just kids that like, soul? old weed. Yeah. These gang kids would start gangs. We had two gangs.

There was like Chalktae and... Well, I'll meet you in fifth period. Yeah. Yeah. There was Chalktae. The 88s. The 88s went to Lake Highland. Those are like pretty funny names.

Like those are like biker gang names. Yeah. Yeah. I actually actually friends with people in both these gangs. Yeah, it's good. You're playing both sides. It was just funny after high school. They were like,

I mean, they both did him as jokes. but then it like they actually got like some level of yeah shock toss so funny and it's like you best not be at lunch yeah yeah we were talking about earlier

so funny we would get rid of for dress code but then some guy would have a giant Confederate flag on his car yeah yeah yeah I I for years just like didn't think the Confederate flag was racist because I was just like I was like it means this

yeah oh you know it did happen at our school it became like a viral videos everywhere but we had was it a Black Lives Matter walkout? I think it was a Black Lives Matter walkout. And it was like one of the school sanction ones. And, you know, there's kids taking it very seriously.

And they're there. And somebody had like a pride flag on the second story of like a winter park and they dropped it and flew to the huge crowd at kids and it was on the ground. And then one of like the kids who, I think the kid did have a cat on the back of his truck. He gritted over it. Oh, my God. and it the video like blew up

it like went everywhere it was like on like news things yeah and uh he got like suspended for it for like hate speed like gritting over a pride flag like this is the craziest yeah yeah yeah

I don't know I get I kind of get the art I think the thing is like the Confederate flag does mean racism to enough people that if you fly it's like okay I get it yeah also who care like what is what is what is the point of flying it there's no reason to fly a Confederate flag.

Oh, it looks cool. But I do get the argument that, like, a symbol means something different to everybody else. So if you were told it doesn't mean racism, then it doesn't mean racism to you. But it doesn't mean it doesn't... Yeah, but a lot of those people, they're like, I'm getting a rise out of people.

Like, that's, yeah, that's the whole point of it. It's just, yeah, it's stupid. It does look cool. We got this puppet here. Is this a puppet named? What's up, motherfucker? What's up, bitch? Yeah, you know, I'm just cool in this shit.

You know, I'll be hanging out, doing my thing. I do your little podcast thing. We should give her white girl cornrows. Yeah, do her hair. No, B-sig-0. I think we're almost, oh, we got like three minutes. I tell you why, this is way better. This is a fun time.

The caffeine pill started kicking over the perfect time. Well, I think I forgot. I forgot I was podcasting. I was like, we're just hanging on the couch. Yeah, it's good, dude. It's a good conversation. I was watching, you know what sucked last night, though? We both love kick-ass, or at least we like it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you watched it four times. is the way you're here. Yeah, because I get fallen asleep and let me just rewind the Nicholas Cage fight scene where it's playing the 28 years later. Yeah, it's so cool. He's just clearing out a warehouse.

Yeah, but then I watched the second one, and boy, does that one weird. I don't think I've ever seen the second kick-ass. The first one, it's like him, and then he's banging like the hottest chicken school and she's like just gorgeous. Nicholas Cage? No, no.

I fight crime. You have to suck my head. I'll pick you up from school. That's just weird. You know, like, all. whenever they do heroes in real life they got like a little bit of a flaw to them. Yeah, that's a pretty big flaw.

Nicholas Cage's bagged. No, no. So the first one, Kickass, he's like a high school. He's begging to say they're a hot chicken to school. You're like, oh, this is so cool because he gets the hot girl or whatever. And then the second one, he's, he like, there's weird sexual tension between him and Nicholas Cage's daughter and they fall in love. But like they met when she was like 11 and he was like 16.

And then I don't know how the math goes on there, but he's like a senior in high school. She's like a, it's just weird. Yeah, the senior in middle school. Yeah, yeah. It's like Chloe Grace Moran. She just kind of looks like a kid for a while. Like, I think she had to turn like 25 before everybody. It's like it's like it.

Yeah. Is there something about if you act as a kid for so long, you'd look like a kid. You're going to be a kid face. Unless you're Hannah Montana, then you were 18 years old when you were 12. I'm kidding. Or any of those Nickelodeon actresses, really? Dude, I used to grow up quick. Yeah.

Dude, I had such a crush on Amanda Bind. That was like my. Oh, really? Oh, I thought she was so hard. Big a victorious guy. I mean, too, Victoria Justice. Yeah. Yeah, she was.

I can't say she was. When I was young, she was young, we both thought. No, yeah, that was like my, like, I was 13. I was like, why do I like this woman so much? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know. I was like, yeah. Well, my favorite was my brother one time told me a story.

My brother would just lie to me. He's like, oh, yeah, one time I hooked up with Jamie Lynn Spears. I was like, what happened? It was like, well, we were at the lake house, and she was in a trailer shooting something. I walked in totally naked. And she actually, it was when we were like tiny kids. She actually took me and like used me between her legs like a towel. Like I didn't know how sex works.

And we were like, we were like fucking like, yeah. She's like, yeah, she's kind of bumping between her legs. Yeah. Oh, sick. And I was like, damn, why doesn't stuff like this happen to me? Man, well, you have the best luck, man. I got to hang out with you more. Yeah.

I guess Jamie Williams will just use me as a towel. Yeah. Sounds awesome. Yeah. He would have so many lives. I was like that. I'd be like, damn, dude. Yeah.

It's got to be sick to be older. And then it is actually still pretty sick. I do like being, I do think it's very funny. Like, in a lot of times, like, you have no money. And it is that. But I'm like, if my 15-year-old self saw me now, he's like, dude, dude, dude, dude, you're in your fucking dick sucked. Yeah.

Like, life's got to be amazing. You drank how many beers? Yeah. You did it behind the wheel? You did what between your shifts that were? Yeah. No, yeah. That's.

Yeah. think that is a problem with like people I don't know people are very pessimistic and I'm like some things you have to love life yeah you really do he does love life or is gonna say life is what you make of it

yes yeah damn I didn't think we'd fucking end on such a positive though I'm actually pretty happy right now yeah usually I don't have negative yeah that's how that goes we're over uh yeah we're over an hour dude what do you want to promote right nice uh yeah guys uh please uh if you guys like

prank calls uh I have a prank call show it's very fun Michael should be on it coming up soon I don't know when this comes out But Michael will be on it Yeah so it's called the right caller It's only on YouTube The right caller on YouTube is very fun There's a Discord for it

If you guys like to write Prang Phone calls for us It's fun and otherwise You should check me out My name's Captain Wright It's all my socials Fuck yeah Hell yeah

Good times